#On these 'dates' both people are typically trying to prove themselves to be worthy partners - especially in the case of trying to coax

[bumblingbabooshka]

AAAHHHH ok so i’m that person who asked for your tumblr in an ao3 comment because i wanted to share fanart and i DONT HAVE ANY YET UNFORTUNATELY but i maybe will soon…

anyways i. have been scrolling through your blog for the past hour and i, am so in love with your tuvok/t’pel family headcanons and shit… our brains work the SAME WAY and i’m going insane and i love your stuff so much..

anyways.. that was sort of a very disjointed ask but the brain worms!! they are working!! and i’m gonna try to work on some fanart for your wonderful fics today…. have a good rest of your day/night hehe 💚

AAAAA IT'S YOU~!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH~!!! Your comments always make me smile and I'm so glad someone else also has an interest in this ship (well, people like - believe in this ship since they're canonically married but I mean like actually interested in content for them) As I've said feel NO pressure to make any fanart or anything, just leaving such nice comments is more than enough~!! Here's a headcanon for your trouble: (I always think people who submit asks are brave bc it personally makes me nervous) T'Pel is more adventurous than Tuvok and more willing to try out things that are alien to her so their first date was a double date with Mark and Janeway at Mark’s behest (Tuvok initially began to refuse because Vulcans don't typically go on 'dates' unless trying to court one another for marriage but T'Pel agreed). Picturing Tuvok becoming competitive about a game that gives you prizes and T'Pel, face impassive, carrying the largest teddy bear they have (bigger than her) "For the children," they intone. Sorry, one more headcanon: Before Tuvok left to become part of Starfleet again T'Pel privately kissed him on the lips because she didn't want his ""first"" kiss to be taken by an alien during some sort of Starfleet shenanigans (of which she is familiar)

[parvulous-writings]

Alex Law x Reader // SFW alphabet

Warnings: Very vague mentions of violence? If you squint?

Summary: SFW alphabet for Alex Law, from Shallow Grave. 

Notes: My asks box is currently open and empty! Please check out the pinned post for characters I write for! :) Enjoy! 

Not my gif

A - Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Alex never really shows affection in the conventional or typical sense. He’s not particularly one for PDA, such as hugs in front of others or kisses in public. He’ll lay with you on the couch though, and of course sleeps by your side- in your bed or in his. There are a few instances when he’ll be affectionate in front of others- like if either of you are really upset, or if you’re watching a movie with Juliet and David. 

B - Best Friend (What would they be like as a best friend? Where does the friendship start?)

Alex can be a little bit annoying sometimes.Well, not sometimes. Most of the time. He tries to be nice, in his own Alex-y way. He would take the mickey out of you and joke around a lot, but despite this he would always be there to be a shoulder to lean on or just someone that listens to you. 

C - Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

He would never admit it to anyone else, but Alex actually really likes cuddles. Just curling up with you late at night, on the couch or in bed, in the dark, where you can run your hands through his hair and get away from the world. That’s his favourite type of cuddle. D - Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking, cleaning, ect?)

Alex is actually a pretty good cook! He’s alright a cleaning and keeping things in order, but his cooking is definitely the top of his domestic skills. He never was one to seek someone to settle down with, more the type of person to flit from partner to partner, sticking around for a little while before disappearing again. But he thinks that maybe things could be a little different with you, though he hasn’t ever brought it up to you. E - Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Unfortunately he would most likely be incredibly blunt about it all. Every last detail. Why he no longer wishes to stay with you, his next steps going forward. If he’s feeling sappy enough he may offer you an apology, but you might not want to count on it, I’m afraid.  F - Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? Do they wanna get married?) He is... Unsure towards commitment, to be brutally honest about it. He is quite fond of the idea of you sticking around though, so at least that something in your favour, right?

G - Gentle (How gentle are they both physically and emotionally?) In more domestic environments likes date nights in the flat,he can be physically gentler than normal- he can be a little bit of a rough-houser so to speak, in everyday situations. On the emotional level, he tries to be gentle when he needs to be- during soft moments, or moments of tense arguments (when he isn’t losing his temper) but apart from that... He’s just Alex. H - Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it, and what are they like?) Like with cuddles, he really likes them. They’re quick, easy and show a fair bit of affection. If anything, you receive far more hugs than cuddles. It’s just a lot easier for the pair of you, since you’re both usually stuck around David and Juliet, and they don’t want to see constant PDA between the pair of you.  His hugs are usually warm, and show you all the love he can’t put into words.  I - I Love You (How fast do they say the “love” word?) Not quickly. Not quickly at all. To Alex, the L word means commitment, and that isn’t something he is entirely willing to jump into. It may take him a number of months before he finally admits the sheer amount of sentiment he holds for you.  J - Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What are they like when jealous?) Alex can get incredibly jealous. And when he gets jealous, he gets moody, angry and pissed off. Surprisingly quickly, in fact. He also gets rather.. Paradoxical. In public, he’ll be possessive and over-protective, whilst behind closed doors he;ll be distant and rather snappy. 

K - Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?) He adores being kissed, and giving kisses. His kisses are usually sloppy yet warm, endearing yet messy. He’ll often kiss you on the cheek or the temple. He’ll occasionally accidentally kiss your ear if he’s in a rush, though. If his feeling more risky, he’ll kiss your wrist or your neck, as a little hint hint. His favourite places to be kissed are under his jaw or the crook of his neck. 

L - Little Ones (How are they around kids?) He hates kids. He hates them with a passion. In his own words, he’d “pay to have them put down”. That’s all that can be said about this, really. 

M - Morning (What are mornings like with them?

Mornings can be pretty hit and miss- it usually depends on if he wakes up in a good mood. He’ll get you some breakfast- usually consisting of toast or cereal, with the rare show of eggs and bacon- and you’ll lounge around with him watching tv.

N - Nights (How are nights spent with them?)

Nights are usually really calm with Alex. He’ll cook dinner, talk with you about your day, and curl up with you on the couch to watch whatever is on tv, be it a movie like Evil Dead, or his favourite show, which he’ll often natter along with.  O - Open (When do they open up about themselves?)

Not often. If he ever opens up to you, it’ll be in the early hours of the morning, when the pair of you are close to sleep, and he thinks that you’ll soon fall into slumber and forget what he told you. 

P - Patience (How easily angered are they?) Usually, he’s fairly patient. But if he experiences to many inconveniences in one day, he will lose his cool. From this aspect, I suppose that he has about average patience, in this regard. 

Q - Quizzes (How much do they remember about you?) Alex doesn’t always remember a lot. I would say it’s not his fault, however it is. If you’re not actively doing something together, most of the things  that you say to him go in one ear and out the other. He doesn’t always mean for this to happen, he just gets so distracted, usually with the tv and crisps.  R - Remember (Favorite memory with you?) Well there’s two, actually.  The first is your first official date, which you spent at a local pub one Friday evening. Since neither of you had work the next day, you both got a little tipsy. Though some memories of the evening were blurry, he remembers your laugh, and how wonderful it was to him.  The second is a more domestic one, from a rainy day in October. You were watching Evil Dead together in the lead up to Halloween, and you both sat there making little jokes and quoting the film. He thought it was really sweet.  S - Security (How protective are they?) He’s fairly protective. Bearing in mind you’re both around David as the man slowly starts to lose his mind, he does grow more protective of you over time, not wanting David to lay a hand on you at all. He can be pretty protective, and he confronted David when he drilled god knows how many holes into the ceilings of every room in the flat. T - Try (How much effort do they put in?) It varies. Some days he can be very much a lazy slob, hardly talking to you beyond one word answers. Other days he’ll be here there and everywhere trying to please you and make you happy, to prove himself worthy of your affection. So overall, about average effort.  U - Ugly (What are their bad habits?) Apparently drinking your cereal milk out of the bowl is a bad habit, so there’s that. Also he frequently forgets to clean his hair out of the bath drain- though that is like one of the only chores he actually has to do.  V - Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?) Eh, so-so. He’s concerned with his hair- I mean, look how glossy it is! But apart from that, he wears fairly fashionable clothes, and only averagely concerned with his appearance, like most men.  W - Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?) Yes. Not that he would outwardly admit it, but yes. He wanders around the flat like a lost puppy trying to look for you if you’re away for more than a few days. The other two find it highly annoying. He doesn’t pay them any mind, though.    X - Xtra (Random HC) I don’t want to say that this man is a grown toddler at times... But this man is a grown toddler at times. And a bit of a drama queen. Okay maybe a lot of a drama queen. Y - Yuck (Things they don’t like either in general or a partner?) Buzzkills. If he’s around someone who he sees to be a buzzkill, or ruins his fun at all, he sees it as a total mood killer and gets quite grumpy. And by quite I mean very. He gets very grumpy around people who ruin his fun. Z - Zzz (Sleep habits)

He is a rather deep sleeper. He sleeps about nine hours on average, and snores a little bit. He also talks in his sleep sometimes, usually when he’s having a night terror. He also lays spread eagle in the bed, sometimes kicking you, other times smothering you in a hug, it’s a roulette sleeping next to Mister Alex Law.

[sheewolf85]

My 39-Day Writing Challenge

So I’m challenging myself to write a little something every day from now until the end of May. So although most challenges are 30 days, mine will be 39 days. 

Why don’t I just wait until the beginning of May so I can do a typical 30 day challenge? Because I don’t want to.  And because I’m strangely lax and strict about this at the same time.  I don’t care about starting at a random time (It’s a Monday, so we’re good), but god forbid if I don’t work it so I end on the last day of the month.  *shudders*

I looked through a couple of challenge posts, OTP prompt posts, and wrote a few prompts of my own to come up with my list.  I like both the fuller scenario prompts and the short sentence prompts, so I have a good amount of both types.

My goal with these is to write something between a drabble and a flash fiction, so between 100 and 1000 words for each prompt.  I will do my best to NOT go over 1000 words, but my brain has a bad habit of saying too much and trying to set up a backstory when there really doesn’t need to be.

Anyhow, here are my prompts. I’m kind of excited about this :)

1. Getting lost somewhere 

2. Which person gets a call at 3am from their friend/lover/companion asking to be picked up from a bar because they’re too drunk to drive?

3. Patching each other up

4. Imagine your OTP shoveling snow. Person A does all the work while Person B keeps trying to start a snowball fight.

5. Scar worship

6. Imagine Person A has a special nickname or term of endearment for Person B.  They have never called Person B this name in front of other people, as they haven’t gone public with their relationship yet. But one night, at a party or event where lots of their friends and peers are present, Person A slips and calls Person B the special name by accident.  Person B blushes and hides their face when they realize that everybody has heard, but Person A grabs Person B by the hand and boldly announces to everyone that they are together.  Everybody present applauds and hollers their congratulations as Person A pulls Person B into a passionate kiss.

7. Making fun of one another

8. Imagine Person A hands Person B a letter confessing their feelings in beautiful, clean handwriting, written in gold ink with their best calligraphy pen…and Person B never learned how to read cursive.   OR….Better Yet….Person B is amazed and wants to return the gesture. Their handwriting is literal chicken scratch.  And it’s written on the inside of a candy wrapper.

9. Hugging

10. Before impending death, Person A is about to say “I love you”, but Person B cuts them off saying “I know”, because letting them finish would mean accepting the possibility of never seeing them again.

11. Geeking out over something

12. Imagine Person A of your OTP coming home in the middle of winter to a cozy Person B snug on the couch.  When Person A gives Person B a hug, Person B screams that they are cold.  Person A then touches Person B all over their body with cold hands. Play fighting ensues until they are both warm.

13. One of them is sick

14. Imagine Person A lightly tracing “I love you” over and over again on Person B’s back (or somewhere on their bony body), getting ready to sleep.  Person B moves closer and wraps their arms around Person A, whispering softly, “I love you, too.” Bonus if that’s the first time Person A has ever declared their love for Person B.

15. Shopping together

16. Imagine Person B of your OTP is caught in the act of smelling Person A’s shirt by Person A. To appear not like a creep, Person B blames the good smell on the detergent and asks where they can get some.

17. Dealing with children

18. Person B is desperate to avoid getting sucked back into dating their ex. On a whim, they ask Person A to please go on a fake date with them just to prove to their ex that they’ve moved on. Person A agrees (they secretly have a big crush on Person B).  The date actually turns out really nice.

19. Interacting with family members

20. Moving in together

21. Person A is in a bad mood and is mumbling a list of things they don’t like about themself under their breath.  Person B notices and chimes in with a way longer list of things they like/love about Person A.

22. Doing chores around the house

23. Imagine Person A has to move away for an indefinite length of time, leaving Person B. Person A tries desperately to give Person B a worthy goodbye, but Person B doesn’t bother picking up the phone/answering the door/whatever.

24. At a coffee shop

25. Who would fall asleep on the other’s shoulder? And would the other bring them to bed or fall asleep with them without waking them up?

26. At the movies during a bad movie

27. Imagine OTP sleeping together. Not sexual, just sleeping.  Person A wakes up first and contemplates waking Person B up with a kiss.  Person A leans in only to hesitate centimeters away from embarrassment.  Person B opens their eyes and says, “Well, if you won’t do it, I will.”

28. At a local park

29. Person A has been kicked out of their house by their parents/abusive partner for whatever reason.  They call all of their friends, but nobody picks up. It’s the middle of the night; they’re probably all sleeping.  With no choice, Person A finally calls Person B, someone they don’t know that well but met earlier that month and has seen (in a group of friends) a few times.  Person B welcomes them into their home with open arms.

30. In a cave with bioluminescence

31. In the dead of winter, during a bad snowstorm, Person B thought it would be a great idea to accept a dare and spend a short amount of time outside with the bare minimum of clothing.  Now freezing, Person A has taken it upon themselves to make sure Person B doesn’t freeze to death.

32. Stargazing 

33. Imagine Person A of your OTP just found out they’re pregnant.  Now imagine them coming up with a creative way to tell Person B. Bonus if Person B misunderstands hilariously.

34. At a magic show

35. Imagine your OPT constantly making doe eyes at each other but always denying it whenever someone calls them out.

36. Hospital visits

37. OTP is decorating for some holiday.  Person A is up on a ladder hanging something from the ceiling when either ladder falls, or they slip or something.  Person B panics but saves Person A at the last second when they catch Person A.

38. At the beach at night (Bioluminescence!)

39. Competing

[divinelydivorced]

Familiarity and Heartbreak

Normally when struggling with a certain area of my life, it feels like a lonely process.   When single, all I see are happy couples.  When broke, it seems everyone else is making large purchases. At home with no plans, Facebook is flooded with images of people out having fun together.  Some of you are ready to jump in with “it’s all about perspective” and “things aren’t always the way they appear.” But that’s not what this post is about.  Because as of late, a new phenomenon is occurring.  Instead of being the lone struggler, it seems I’m the driver on the “I Can’t Move On” tour bus, and it’s packed with riders.

Right after my recent break-up, I mentally prepared myself for the emotional rollercoaster of witnessing other people in love.  Yes, there has been a friend or two with a budding new relationship and spring has brought couples who love PDA out to demonstrate their affection round the clock. But, there have actually been far more run-ins with women experiencing similar relationship struggles, asking themselves the age-old question, “What is wrong with me?”

I’m not talking about our self-analyzation of why we aren’t enough, why we are single, or why we can’t seem to hold on to a guy.  Not at all. We are literally asking: What. Is. Wrong. With. Me.  In fact, it’s more of a statement than a question.  My inbox, texts, phone conversations, and even face-to-face run-ins have been filled with women, myself included, who have found they are actually addicted to self-destructive relationships.

We simply cannot walk away.  One typical scenario is being in a relationship that is “okay.”  He feels the same and starts distancing himself.  Unable to ignore the elephant in the room, you propose a break-up, which he too eagerly agrees to.  Instead of patting yourself on the back for ending a relationship you were only half invested in and knew wasn’t going anywhere, you become obsessed with why he was okay with letting you walk away.  I’ve done this myself so many times.  My friends will point out things like, “But he wasn’t Christian and you’ve always said that’s important” or “Sure, he was nice, but you didn’t enjoy doing the same things.”  These are quite valid and could even be added to the list I’ve already made of reasons the break-up was a good idea.  But I can’t see past the fact that he, simply put, didn’t want me, and so I set out to prove him wrong.  This often involves a series of phone calls, texts, and even a suggestion of getting together under the guise of, “we can still be friends,” all of which ends up leaving me deserted and alone.  

Other times the situation is far more severe. It can involve abuse, on the extreme level, or less terrifying, he can simply treat you poorly.  So many friends of mine and I have stayed in relationships with men who are unbelievably mean.  It’s like we see it logically but can’t get the memo to our heart.  Part of the problem is we are too kind, refuse to give up on someone, believing he will change.  The other part is that the mean is balanced with fun and niceness, so before you can fully absorb the harsh reality, you’re sucked back in.  Too many of us women stay way past when we should have left.  We’ve become the girl who always takes his crap or worse, when he moves on, become the girl on the side he keeps around to use.  Even though he is the one who should feel bad, we are the ones that come running back like puppies, begging to be loved.  It’s sickening, I know.  But it’s how many of us are wired and, what’s worse, is it’s become uncontrollable.

This week alone there were three women, plus myself, who talked about how either “he” texted again, after months of not hearing from him, and we are trying to resist the urge to respond, or how we ourselves had broken down and initiated conversation by texting him, despite having promised to never to do so again.  Each of us said, “I knew I shouldn’t and kept telling myself not to, but I knew in the end I was going to do it, so I just did.”  We’ve tried everything to distract ourselves: yoga, exercise, eating, going out with friends, dating again, praying, reading, etc, etc, etc.  If there’s something to be done, we’ve done it…and still end up contacting him.  It’s like a bad version of Cinderella.  “If you do the laundry, scrub the floors, feed the chickens, and find a dress, you can come to the ball to meet your prince…who will never love you enough and you’ll become obsessed over for eternity, unable to commit to a satisfying, stable relationship.”  We keep busy but then reward ourselves with the self-fulfilling prophesy of unhappiness.

What’s more frustrating is while I can’t pull my act together, I see many women (and men) who easily stick to a zero-tolerance policy for rudeness or unkindness from a partner.  How do they do that?  It makes women like me feel as if God forgot to turn on a certain switch. A friend told me this week, “I knew not to call.  He was out of my life finally.  But I just couldn’t help it.  What is wrong with me?”

The answer is “nothing” and “everything” at the same time.  In the last two weeks, I’ve done research on this very topic and what I found was both astonishing and reassuring.  As always it seems, it comes down to childhood.  Those of us that experienced some sort of abandonment or disapproval, particularly from a man, carry this around with us well into adulthood.  It doesn’t have to have come from a father. One source pointed out it could stem from a brother, cousin, teacher, someone you had a crush on.  The possibilities are endless.  When many women say, “But I had a great relationship with my dad,” you can often probe a little more and find out that “oh, yeah…there was a boy who teased me a lot in grade school.”  Some of us, because of how we are wired, cling to that insecurity so deeply that it becomes engrained in us to a point where we no longer notice it.

As a result, we spent much of our adulthood trying to resolve that issue.  In plain terms, we will continue to date men who we know will treat us poorly or reject us, simply because we are trying to “solve the problem” from when we were younger. “If I can get this guy to like me, then that means my dad was wrong about me.”  We become obsessed with this objective.

One source says, as a result, we are often drawn to the same situation over and over.  This is when you’ll hear someone say “I keep dating the same type of person” or “how did I end up here again?”  We are biologically drawn to familiarity.  Even if what is familiar is negative, it is what we’ve known and thus where we feel most secure.  If you had a safe, loving, validating childhood, none of this will make sense to you. But if your youth was more unstable, a lot of this is likely starting to make some sense.

So, knowing that, what do we do?  I don’t know, outside of a lot of self-exploration and therapy.  Again, if this isn’t you, you can go on and on about how it is a simple change.  But that’s like telling an alcoholic all they have to do is stop drinking.  Simple on paper, but the follow-through is a much longer journey.  With each friend I spoke to this week, I had nothing to say because I had no answers and still don’t.

All I can come up with is that knowing is half the battle.  Being aware of our destructive tendencies will hopefully be the first step towards resetting our mindset.  In addition, this is when it is so important to have accountability partners.  Looking back on many of my relationships, there were so many early signs it wasn’t a good idea.  The book I mentioned in an earlier post, “Wired for Dating,” highly encourages a vetting team.  While we tend to not introduce dates to our friends until well after deciding this person is sticking around, the author argues we should do the opposite.  Before we get so far in that we ignore the signs and don’t want to hear anything that will distract us from the honeymoon phase, we need to bring in reinforcements.  Often our friends and family will pick up on traits we don’t quite notice.  It doesn’t need to be a formal event, but just have a wide variety of people you’d like to have a new prospect meet.  Engage together, and then follow up with your vetting team to get their honest thoughts.  It won’t always catch everything, but it could likely prevent you more often than not from going down a dangerous road.

Your accountability partners should also be people you can call, admit your flaws, and love you regardless.  I don’t need people telling me to not call my ex-I already know that.  What I need is someone to hold me, listen, and reassure me I’m worthy of love, because ultimately that is what we are lacking.

If I find a magic solution or build a time machine to travel back and fix my past, I’ll let you know.  In the meantime, if you’re struggling with the above, you’re not alone, you’re not broken, you’re just wired differently.  

Hey, maybe I should make an app, where women can call or text any time of day when they need reassurance and stopped from contacting a boy!  I’d be my own best customer.