#OR theyre the ex-friend i have blocked and i know from screenshots my friend sent me is saying shit like ''i know them theyre just like thi

[existentialcrisisetcetera]

Hope you’re doing alright, feel better soon

who the fuck are you and how do you know whats been going on

[ihateeveryoneincludingmyself]

i don’t think anyone I know irl has my tumblr so I’m just gonna vent here.

so in May I met this girl on tinder, and we hit it off super fast and we talked nonstop it was honestly pretty overwhelming because I didn’t remember what it was like to have someone into me. she was trying to move very quickly and I’m very emotionally unavailable so I didn’t want to get into a relationship with her.

we remained friends. super good friends. she even considered me her best friend which I didn’t even know she felt that strongly until we started to fight. thought I was just some dude she talked to when she wasn’t hanging out with her irl friends.

our first fight happened when I realized how deeply she’s into the awful college student drinking partying culture. to be clear because this is something she doesn’t fucking understand, I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DRINKING! I DRINK, EVERYBODY I KNOW DRINKS!! but every week sometimes multiple times a week she would drunk text me random stupid shit like she couldn’t even spell properly and like she doesn’t remember shit in the morning you know like, actually fucking drunk. i can’t stand how people think that’s normal or okay. if you can’t control your drinking then don’t drink. if you can control, then have a couple drinks! enjoy yourself! BUT THERES A POINT WHERE YOU ARE DESTROYING YOURSELF. okay so here’s why I’m extra sensitive about this topic. my parents were alcoholics. also did heroin n shit but yeah I wasn’t allowed to live with them. and every time I see someone fucking wasted, it reminds me of them. i remember my grandpa taking me to restaurants to visit my parents and by the time we finished eating they were drunk. couldn’t even talk to them as a little kid. I lost my childhood due to alcoholism. i know this girl is just a college student partying blah blah blah but it can lead to worse and like.... seriously who the fuck wants to talk to someone who can’t even produce sentences? when you’re that intoxicated it’s simply not healthy even if I didn’t have trauma related to alcohol I would probably still be concerned. anyways, I progressively got more angry with her. i said a lot of things I shouldn’t have . i tore her apart in response to my anger. i hate myself for the way I treated her, but GUESS WHAT? she still doesn’t listen to me. still regularly getting wasted and it fucjing pisses me off because she goes around telling people that I don’t let her DRINK. LIKE SHES MISSING THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT!! IM GOING TO COPY AND PASTE EXACTLY WHAT I SAID BEFORE I GOT INTO DETAIL ABOUT THIS: I DONT HAVE A PROBLEM WITH DRINKING! I DRINK, EVERYBODY I KNOW DRINKS!! but every week sometimes multiple times a week she would drunk text me random stupid shit like she couldn’t even spell properly and like she doesn’t remember shit in the morning you know like, actually fucking drunk. i can’t stand how people think that’s normal or okay. if you can’t control your drinking then don’t drink. if you can control, then have a couple drinks! enjoy yourself! BUT THERES A POINT WHERE YOU ARE DESTROYING YOURSELF.

anyways, now as I said she still fucking gets wasted all the time,BUT SHE DOESNT TALK TO ME. but she posts about it on her Instagram story (which I’m blocked from seeing but.... I have my ways🤷🏻), she talks to other people JUST NOT ME. THAT WASNT MY FUCKING INTENTION WITH MY SERIES OF INTERVENTIONS. I WANTED HER TO BECOME MORE RESPONSIBLE WITH ALCOHOL? AND THEN SHE CAN ENJOY A DRINK AND STILL TALK LIKE A NORMAL FUCKING HUMAN BEING. GOD IT MAKES ME SO FUCKING ANGRY TO KNOW THAT SHES STILL BEING WHAT I LIKE TO CALL A GLORIFIED ALCOHOLIC, BUT SHE JUST DOESNT DRUNK TEXT ME ANYMORE.

ooh then another fight.... I was venting to an NOW EX FRIEND FUCK THAT BITCH SHE BOILS MY BLOOD JUST THINKING ABOUT HER of mine ..... AND THIS MOTHERFUCKER GOD I FUCKING HATE HER FOR WHAT SHE DID.... DECIDED TO SNITCH ON ME AND MESSAGE THE GIRL AND TELL HER THAT I WAS VENTING. AND SHE MISINTERPRETED AS ME “TALKING SHIT” WHEN I NEVER EVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT HER IN A NEGATIVE LIGHT. SOME PPL SAID “SHES TOXIC” I ALWAYS FUCKING DEFENDED HER BECAUSE EVEN THOUGH WE WERE FIGHTING I STILL ADORED HER. so yeah that put even more tension on our friendship. AND I DROPPED THE SNITCH GIRL RIGHT AWAY, I WILL NEVER FUCKING FORGIVE HER BECAUSE MY FRIENDSHIP WITH THE GIRL COULDVE BEEN SAVED IF IT WASNT FOR HER. FUCK HER. I FUCKING HATE HER SO MUCH AND NOW THEYRE FRIENDS AND COMMENT ON EACHOTHERS POSTS AND IT PISSES ME OFF SO MUCH.

anyways, like I mentioned I said a lot of terrible things to her. i was really fucking angry and I said some terrible things which I deeply regret and I tried apologizing and making it up but now already our friendship was messed up.

also, she eventually ended up getting a boyfriend and like, if I said I wasn’t a little jealous I’d be lying but I was the one who rejected her in the first place so 😳😳it’s whatever. but she told her boyfriend everything about me and this guy now hates my guts LOL . ever since she started dating the guy she talked to me less and less.

and during a short period of time when we weren’t fighting I introduced her to a friend of mine and now they talk a lot and she likes him more so YES IM FUCKING JEALOUS AND I FUCKING HATE MYSELF.

but this friend of mine she started talking to leads me to my breaking point. so you know she’s been distant because apparently every time we talk it’s a fight but I’m like BUT WHY?? and this next fight will show exactly how ITS NOT ALL MY FAULT, SHES TO FUCKING BLAME AS WELL!!

so she’s been ignoring me for a couple days after a PETTY FIGHT THAT I FELT WAS LITERALLY NOTHING JUST A SILLY LITTLE FIGHT THAT IDC ABOUT. basically she got mad because I was bullying that friend of mine about his league of legends stats 🤣 literally a fucking video game that she doesn’t like and she’s mad at me for TEASING MY FRIEND.

so I got kinda sad.... like why is she ignoring me??

she eventually responded after I sent her a looong paragraph with some identifying info so I’m not gonna show it. BUT HERES WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT HOW SHE ISNT GONNA TALK TO ME WHILE SHES GETTING DRUNK !!

okay the next screenshot has more identifying details so I’m not gonna share but basically she LIED TO ME SAYING SHE HAD NO SERVICE FOR 3 WHOLE DAYS BLAH BLAH BLAH WHILE I COULD GET PROOF THAT SHE WAS TEXTING MY FRIEND LIKE EVERY CHANCE SHE GOT . HE TOLD ME THEY STILL TALKED AND SHE WAS PURPOSELY IGNORING ME BC IM TOO STRESSFUL FOR WHATEVER. BUT SHE FUCKING LIED ABOUT IT

so basically, here’s how it’s not just my fault . yes, getting angry is my fault I could be a little less harsh. im working on it. BUT THIS GIRL HAS BEEN IGNORING ME FOR DAYS AND THEN LIES TO ME?? COME ON ISNT THAT A VALID REASON TO BE UPSET

anyways this is the last thing I sent her before deactivating my Instagram (I have her number too but we rarely talk on there). but the fact that she said we aren’t friends anymore.... broke my fucking heart. I broke down in tears. I had to stop myself from hurting myself or saying something dumb. so I ended it there.

i tried to hard to fix what we once had. yes, I’m at fault for being a dick and not being able to control my anger. but she’s at some fault for giving me valid reasons to be upset. i tried to hard to fix our friendship. but the more I try the more angry I get. she isn’t going to listen to me. she doesn’t even care about me anymore. it’s over.

ive been pretty suicidal lately. a few months ago I started cutting myself again after years and I hate myself for it. i pushed everybody away. she was the last person I regularly talked to. maybe now I can take a break from the fighting, try to get to a better place mentally, and try to get back in touch with some of my other friends, or make new friends.

idk I’m still very upset but this long ass vent that no one is gonna read helped a lot. this all happened over a few months and today was where I ended it. time to start a new chapter I guess

[tamiddyinyourcity]

8:59am, Thursday, December 12th of 2019.

Life doesn't always work out the way you want it to.

No matter how much things seem like theyre going great, they can easily backtrack in an absolute instant overnight.

Like how yknow, I expected to be waking up this morning in the arms of the guy I liked, with the clouds moving slowly outside of his window, and feeling glad that I "met someone like him".

And instead, I woke up with a bloody pad, (thank fucking god that I am not pregnant,) some mild eye bags, aaaaand a bunch of screenshots of petty messages I sent him and his best friend. (Do I even wanna look at twitter? I acted a fool on there....)

......and not sure if I'm gonna have followers there or not since most of his friends in Santa Cruz had followed me, but....

Whatever, dude.

Standing in my decision; he chose what he chose when he already knew that was fucked up.

Ladies, gentlemen, and all of my nonbinary friends:

Would you willingly stay in a relationship with someone who:

Openly had friends who hated you for shit that happened 3 months ago when you were not even dating your man

And the reason they hate you is literally a reason your (now ex) boyfriend had liked you? (i.e. blocked them after a fight, but then sent them a meme related to a discussion we had before blocking..... yeah i know that its weird, but months passed, we discussed why it happened, etc....)

And when you make an effort to try and befriend them, since like a rational girlfriend, you want to make a good impression on people.... and show them you're not the same person from 3 months before.

Just for his "best friend" to get mad at HIM for letting you text him, for talking to you about friendly conversations, etc.... (HOW IS THAT YOUR PLACE, REALLY?)

And then when you just straight up ask your boyfriend why his supposed platonic best friend hates me so much, he just goes "I need to respect our friendship confidentiality with them!"

.... I sure hope you answered "no".

I basically just realized.... he was prioritizing her over me. Which was fine if it was a situation where I was actually wrong, or if it were serious....

But no, he's prioritizing her in a much creepier way.

Since to put it bluntly, if this guy really saw me as a serious girlfriend, he would stand up for me no matter the circumstance.

And it says a lot if with her, its "Oh yeah, I'll let you talk shit about Tamiddy, not bother to even put in an effort to get to know her when given a chance, and STILL hold resentment over something that happened months ago".

And then when I'm blatantly showing discomfort at "hey, i really wanted to befriend her, i dont understand why she doesnt like me after this long despite never meeting me?", then its OOOOH YOURE BEING INTRUSIVE AND NOT RESPECT MY "FRIENDSHIP" CONFIDENTIALITY!

What kind of bitch ass shit is that?

He's really not any sort of a man.

I already should have dumped his ass the second I heard him say, "Well, I'll still be hanging out with her wherever and whenever I want", at the basic boundary of "I'd at least like to meet the girl, especially if she doesnt like or know me, but you're alone with her in your bedroom past Midnight?...."

I just am not here for that shit.

I did like Patrick, I did. I even thought we were getting much better at communicating at talking to eachother through things.

Its not like I'm absolutely ecstatic to lose someone I saw as a buddy. "Lets go to Zoo Lights", "I wanna take you to a fancy dinner", "Let's go to the lake and walk around at night", and all these other supposedly cute date ideas I had....

Trust me, even despite the words of confidence from my friends, I still.... feel at least a LITTLE bad.

Plus I was insulting the fuck out of him on twitter, to really seal the deal on the whole "you chose what you chose and cant get mad that i dont appreciate blatant disrespect in my relationships" type shit.

Like.... you can't allow a girl I don't know to dictate what I can and cannot talk about honestly with you in a relationship, while also not stopping that bitch from talking HEAVY shit about me.... for whatever reason.

Relationships involve maturity, honesty, and a healthy communication.

Not "oh my best friend talked shit about you today, but since i honor her right to talk shit more than your right to feel trusted in a relationship with me and my close friends, im not saying all the shit she said".

And the audacity to say its none of my business... its none of HER business. Bitch was literally stalking my twitter a month ago for something to gossip to Patrick about, and suddenly, she gets mad when *I* am told things about her by Patrick, (obviously as his fucking girlfriend who i assumed he somewhat trusted and respected,) and despite me turning a negative into a positive and trying to go talk to her and potentially befriend her......

Here this bitch go, complaining EVEN ABOUT THAT TO HIM!

It was 100% my place to see that there was no place for me in a relationship like that, and to leave.

He already fucked up when he let a guy spit on me and call me a f*ggot the day before, and he was on thin ice as well for telling me about checking out other girls at his shitty job.

For the reasons of "hes a pussy, and stupid", i just communicated and whatnot....

But clearly he doesnt wanna try.

And yeah dumbass, im not gonna go on a midnight stroll with you across the city, as you're holding my hand and telling you that you respect your friend's boundaries and feelings more than my own.

.....then she can go fuck you then, if thats the case lol.

Who really thinks id still date them when they decided to let a 3rd, uninvolved, person into my love life and shit on my life?

Hell no.

Thats not the vibe, honey! Not at all. Nope. Cry. I do not give a single shit! Not at fault. Not at all. I knew my intuition was so strong, and honestly? Good for me for stopping the date and asking to get taken home. The way he cried out, "She's been my best friend for YEARS, TAMIA", had a little *too* much vigor to it......

If he really liked me, then he wouldn't have to question whether or not he should be honest with me, or allow his "best friend" to shade on me..... A real relationship wouldnt even have that as a CONVERSATION, even!

"I'm gonna be disrespecting her if I tell her stuff she asked me to be confidential about, but disrespecting you, if I dont tell you about what she said about not liking you!"

And now there's extra disrespect, considering you just compared me to another bitch in a way that seemed "morally conflicting", as if it wasnt obvious you chose her as the person you actually preferred to support....

As well as.... choosing to side with the person who you admitted, "I don't even know why she doesn't like you"..... instead of the person blatantly making an EFFORT to be a positive person in you and your friend's lives.

Anyway..... imma just get all the feelings out for today, even if it makes me look crazy to others i barely even know.

....hell, if he really wanted to date me, he would have communicated at all.

Told me what was going on with his friend.

Actually talked to me about working through things.

Anything.

But no.

He chose, "send a petty text at 2am to the girl who obviously hates that I'm blatantly disregarding her as my girlfriend".

......yikes.

Alexa, play Stupid by Ashnikko.

Cool! Time to set goals for my next relationship, if ever.....

Admittedly annoyed, I was gonna give him AirPods for his birthday, but luckily my gut instinct felt iffy about him.... sucks, wanted a New Years Eve kiss.

Still a potential! Now with someone who would punch a guy for even looking at me funny, and not... pussy out in every given circumstance.

Relationship standards:

Communication. We did okay with it, but they said it all without needing to say much to me last night.

Actually standing up for me. Allowing me to get spit on was already bad enlugh, but letting me get talked shit about? Then calling me the disrespectful and stupid one, for not wanting to be talked shit about????? Thanks Patrick, what a real upstanding person you are. That would be like if I had a designated person in my life talking shit about you; and instead of respecting you and trying to find ways to be friends, I called you intrusive, and told you to go fuck yourself.

Can last more than 6 minutes tops in a round. I forgot how having more than one orgasm during sex had felt... he only just started to get better at it too, but he chose what he chose and needs to realize his disrespectful actions have actual consequences to them.

Isn't always saying "I don't have any moneyyyyy", despite eating 1 dollar canned chili, and not paying for his own gas, rent, or food........

Talks like they have more than one singular friend in their life; this man had no fucking sense of self, understanding of basic jokes or comedy, and was just too pretentious to keep on talking to.

Sigh.

Now I can just say, thank fuck that relationship has died, and I can go back to being a bad bitch and saying what I want, without a scrawny dude getting insecure or pessimistic about everything... fucks sake.

Alright.

Gonna run errands for today:

Put money in the bank, since you know that I got it.

Buy a fuckton of pads for the hellstorm coming my way.

Buy a wig, so I can look and feel the best that I possibly can...

And I'll just start transitioning into a normal life without Patrick.

I'll find someone new. It's not gonna be as flawless as I'm making it seem, I'll probably cry at least once today.... or in a week or whatever. It'll hit me when I least expect it.

"I wanna go out toni-- ah shit, I gotta take the bus there..."

"Let's check out this movi-- aaaaaa crap.... fine, going solo is fine, itll just be a self care day instead".

It'll happen.... I don't miss him honestly, only in small ways.

Like, the way he smiled was always cute, even if sometimes it looked like he was uncomfortably biting his bottom lip instead of actually smiling.

The cuddling was okay, but I already know that good relationships and sex are everywhere, and cant be too emotional about some stupid shit like that. "UWU HE HELD ME SO NICE", bitch, arms are everywhere, its not hard to cuddle.

Hell, even a narcissistic nazi would probably know to cuddle.

.....why am I trying to egg myself into somehow having feelings for this person again?

They sealed the deal. I cant come back from that. Plus cursing out his bitch ass "friend" probably also makes it easier for both of us to realize that continuing this relationship would be a terrible ass idea.

........I'm not sure how to feel exactly, but I know that he fucked up, and i had to fuck him up as well, or else I'd go back to him and look foolish.

We all know hes not leaving his shitty friend behind or gonna stand up to them to actually have them learn to not be a dickhead in terms of talking about me, and from the way they said I was in the wrong for...... not wanting to date someone that allows blatant disrespect towards me.

.....it doesnt matter how much I thought stuff went well, hes still pathetic, and I wasnt about to date someone like that.

A doormat, an asshole, an enabler.

....I'm just disappointed, if anything.

But, eh.

I'll just say this....

Was it wrong of me to curse out that bitch? Maybe ever so slightly, but, i dont care about her any more. (Since apparently its HER place to dictate what can happen in my relationship, and be mad over shit from 3 months ago, but not MY place to actually have healthy communication with my man, who's supposed to see me as just important in his life as well... and his stupid ass really just agreed with her, too. Aight, imma head out. 👌.)

Admittedly, I could've waited until a day passed or whatever, but....

No point in talking it out. If anything, all that he did and said, said enough about how he lacked value and faith in our relationship.

And me telling his geek ass art friend that she overstepped WAY over the fucking line was deserved, really.

He can say its "dumb shit i shoukdnt have been mad about" all day if he so pleases. If it makes him sleep at night, and if it makes his bed any less empty, or his phone any less dry....

Did you get the Validation, Patrick?

Did you get the Healthy Communication from the bitch that had cursed you out for having the audacity to talk to a mutual friend, who you also date, about things happening in your life?

Did you get the pussy, man? :)

Nah. All he got was his ass screenshotted and posted on my instagrams, blocked, and told off.

All over some bitch that decided it was 100% her business, and right, to judge me over things that happened way before me and him had an actual relationship.

....sigh.

I hope he actually does cry, homie needs that emotional connection in his life forreal.

And thats all I should say for now.

If you're reading this and you're my ex....

You made your bed, now lie in it.

Don't hate me for some shit you pulled, lol. So yeah, guess all i can do is listen to my favorite songs, then do some good for myself if this loser clearly just couldn't. Seriously. :)

God bless and amen. Peace out, yalls. :)