#ONLY REALIZED AFTER WRITING HIS FULL NAME THAT I MAY HAVE TAKEN TOM'S ON ACCIDENT

[practicedvmm13fullofpotatoes]

No one ever talks about Titch's other assistant named Phillip so. Here's me headcanons because this man that was mentioned once is just. Free real estate

Phillip "Phil" Woodman

Age: 37

For some reason I like to think that Phillip knew from the start that Derek had a thing for their boss. Like, way before Derek himself knew. How did he know? He just. Knows.

Phillip is like that one friend that constantly makes fun of you in an affectionate manner. Guy's bold enough to tease Titch just for the hell of it

He's also that one friend that tends to just see/hear things they shouldn't ever hear/see because they barely ever speak up when said thing happens

“As a..” “Lover” “Other assistant Phillip! Shut up!” NO BUT NEITHER TITCH NOR DEREK KNEW HE WAS THERE AT THE TIME (or at least, that's what I would like to imagine)

Constantly late or absent from work

Why? Because he takes care of his sick mother, dammit!!

Where's his father? Why can't he take care of his wife himself? Because he works on the sea!! (as in. works on a cruise ship as a chef)

The token straight of the guys on that farm. Still very supportive of Derek and Titch, though!!

Doesn't really like working on the farm but doesn't hate it either

Did I ever mention that he and Derek are cousins? I didn't? Well, they're cousins. I don't make the rules, okay? Derek just interacts with him in the play like they're siblings (“Phillip, I said this is delicate, all right?” just gives little sibling to big sibling energy)

[gigslist]

34+ Voiceover Roles & 3 Musician Open Calls - Work From Home - Paid

'F*cking Sober' Podcast

22 + Roles

3 Open Calls for Musicians With Their Own Music

PAID WORK FROM HOME NON UNION

Deadline : September 15, 2021 2:00 PM

Somehow9am Productions // F*cking Sober: the first 90 days Podcast

Katie Mack, coord.

:"A call for artists in recovery for the 2nd Season of The Webby Award Winning Podcast Series 'F*cking Sober: the first 90 days.' We are looking for voice over talent and musicians/music producers for 'FS: Shadai.' 'F*cking Sober' is a semi-comedic mostly non-fictional narrative podcast following Shadai’s first 90 days of getting sober. Thirty-five year old Shadai is the black, queer, strong female in advertising— so what if she keeps shots in her bra for between meetings, right? But after a shitshow holiday party, a fuzzy cop encounter, and a disaster presentation with the new big account, Dry January doesn’t seem like such a bad idea. Maybe Dry Forever is better. This is what it looks, acts, and feels like to get f*cking sober. This 8 episode serialized show features music by artists with their own story with recovery. F*cking Sober Season 1: Anita has received 15k downloads since it’s release in Nov 2020, and received a 2021 Webby Nomination for Best Limited Series, and a Webby Win for Best Writing for a Podcast. At this time we are only looking to work with artists who have a relationship/understanding of recovery. Please follow instructions for submitting and what to include in the cover letter to be considered! Thank you! Listen to Season 1 to get the vibe: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/f-cking-sober-the-first-90-days/id1538804959?i=1000499155627 And check out: www.fckingsoberpodcast.com @fckingsober90_podcast More information about Somehow9am Productions & Katie Mack (Producer): www.somehow9amproductions.com www.mackstage.com"

Roles

Shadai (Voiceover): Female, 18+WORK FROM HOMEproduction states: "Note: We are only accepting submissions from artists who have their own story in recovery, TY! 35 year old, black, queer, cis gender female attorney with a dry sense of humor, who has strong opinions and shares them sometimes, is a powerhouse and knows it all… until… until she doesn’t. Please note your experience with improv/comedy in your cover letter If you have writing experience or are interested in writing please note this in your cover letter. We will be giving writing credits to the right candidate who desires to contribute to the molding of this character."Required Media: Voice Reel

Other Characters (Voiceover): 20-70

"Note: We are only accepting submissions from artists who have their own story in recovery, TY! We are looking for diversity in every sense of the word, from all genders, to ages, to ethnicities, to lived experiences, to food preferences!! In short, we are looking to cast dope, interesting people. Looking to cast various characters through out the S2 Shadai, including but not limited to:

Dad (black, army veteran, a dad’s dad)

Mom (black, hyper critical, the opposite of Shadai)

Dana (any ethnicity, work enemy)

Coco (white, work bestie)

JewBoo aka Therapist (Jewish, confidant, motherly, with a special sense of humor)

Miriam (black, best friend and ex-lover who tells it like it is)

Galen (white, gay, best friend who is warm and caring and pushy)

15 other characters Please note any experience you may have with comedy/improv if any. Please submit your reel along with your cover letter."Required Media: Voice Reel, Cover Letter

Musicians (BIPOC Artists in Recovery) (Voiceover): 18+ music from BIPOC identifying artists.

Musicians (Queer Identifying Artist in Recovery) (Voiceover): 18+ music by Queer Artists.

Musicians (Non-BIPOC/Non-Queer Artists in Recovery) (Voiceover): 18+ music from non-BIPOC or non-Queer Identifying Artists in recovery.

"To be produced over the course of October 2021 - January 2022 Shadai’s commitment is estimated at two hrs/wk. Other characters 30mins. Musicians, all work should already exist. Please be prepared to send stems or stripped down tracks."

Compensation & Union Contract Details

Stipend: $25 - $75Production states: "Shadai (Lead Character), $550 for full season. All Other Characters: $25-$50 per episode. Musicians: $25-$75 per song per episode. Sync license contract."

Seeking talent: Nationwide (United States)

Website:http://www.fckingsoberpodcast.com

======================================

'Rain: Series III'

12 Voiceover Roles

PAID WORK FROM HOME NONUNION

Deadline: September 14, 2021 8:59 PM

JKPRising James Klim, filmmaker

Seeking voiceover talent for "Rain: Series III," a web-series, created in the video game Halo Reach on MCC via Xbox/PC. "This series will have a total of 13 episodes. I have many characters to cast, 12 specifically. If you wish to learn more about the show, you can check out my documentary series regarding the show. You can view the first episode here - www.youtube.com/watch?v=AlzPQvJS3og A little bit about me, I am a freelance filmmaker who actually got into film through making Halo videos as a kid when I was younger. You can check out some of my work here - www.jkprising.com/ I've always wanted to return to my roots & finish a series I was never able to before, but now I have the time to focus on it. This is a paid position. Rates depend on each character as some have more lines than others & vice versa. I am not the wealthiest person in the world, but I will to compensate each voice actor for their performance. My budget per character is between $100 - $300. This again, all varies per character. In this post, there is a video of what the character will look like in the series. I have also attached a single page from a random episode script from the show. The highlighted lines are what the character will say. There will also be non verbal lines highlighted, this is meant to be voiced kind of like an anime, where every movement usually has sounds. Typically, how would you make a sound if you did any of the following, head turn, turns around, surprised gasp, sighs, etc. Since this a paid gig, I am expecting a professional voice audition & if hired, continued professional audio. This means minimum to no background noise. The audio needs to be crisp."

Roles

Chloe Moody (Voiceover): Female, 18-35WORK FROM HOME29. Voice type: English/United Kingdom accent, polite, doesn't get mad often but when she does, she loses it, anxious, low self esteem, hopeful. Chloe Moody used to be a psychiatrist, but after the death of her soon to be husband, she spiraled into insanity. She met someone later on in life named Tom Rains, who looked exactly like her dead boyfriend. She became obsessed with him & tried to get with him, which sunk her further into a deep depression. She finally hit rock bottom, which causes her to seek out help from the very people she used to serve. Chloe meets a psychiatrist named Jennifer, who is able to help herself almost fully recover. Chloe eventually accidently runs back into Tom, which triggers Chloe to try one last time. After a final rejection, Chloe comes to the realization that she is not redeemable & decides to take her own life in front of Tom. Chloe's death, triggers a massive event for Tom Rains, which has massive ramifications for the series. Chloe is a major character and will appear in a couple episodes.Languages:

English

Accents:

British

Australian

Voice Styles:

Soft

Softspoken

Crazy

Compassionate

Sad

Angry

Required Media: Voice Reel

Dark Daryl (Voiceover): Male, 18-40WORK FROM HOME

32, voice type: Very dark presence, evil. sadistic, look at examples like Yami Marik from the Original Yu-Gi-Oh - www.youtube.com/watch?v=4xaa_ycud6o, manic, darkness. Dark Daryl is the darkness of his original persona, Daryl. Daryl accidentally acquired a powerful technology known as an imperium. This caused Daryl to lose himself to it at some point & was taken over by an alternate personality named, The Professor, which caused tons of damage. When Daryl came back to his senses, the damage had been done & others abandoned him, which caused him to grow angry at something that he didn't consciously do. Daryl once again loses himself to the imperium, which turns into Dark Daryl, a representation of all the anger & hatred he endured over the course of his past uncontrollable actions. Dark Daryl is very aggressive, sadistic & wants to destroy the people who wronged him in the past. Eventually, he comes face to face with Daryl & fights to stay as the one who remains in control, even if that means killing Daryl & anyone who gets in his way. Dark Daryl is a character who appears in the second half of the show, & becomes the series main villain. He will appear in many episodes.

Languages:

English

Voice Styles:

Aggressive

Angry

Evil

Commanding

Straightforward

Scary

Dangerous

Intimidating

Demonic

Required Media: Voice Reel

Nikki (Voiceover): Female, 18-35 WORK FROM HOME

25. Voice type: Energetic, passionate, caring, open-minded, loving, positive, independent, fighter. Nikki used to date Tom Rains. She didn't really have much going for her, as she had no ambition at all during that time of her life. After Tom broke up with her, this was quite the shock to Nikki. It caused her to really dive deep within herself & from that moment, she tried to learn more about herself. She discovered a love for storytelling, & so went into journalism. Nikki is now dating Jennifer & they have been together for almost a year. Nikki eventually gets wrapped up in a major conspiracy, which drags many of her friends in with her. She is in for the story of her entire career. Nikki is a major character and will appear in many episodes.

Languages:

English

Voice Styles:

Comforting

Compassionate

Caring

Amusing

Animated

Brave

Heroic

Required Media: Voice Reel

Talent works remotely with professional recording equipment.

Professional Pay: $100 - $300Pays between $100-$300 depending on character.

Nationwide (United States)

Additional Materials

Website: https://www.jkprising.com/

Nikki Audition.pdf - https://d26oc3sg82pgk3.cloudfront.net/files/media/uploads/casting_call/7f95c65b-ab53-43d3-a66b-9e59d1041acb.pdf

Dark Daryl Audition.pdf - https://d26oc3sg82pgk3.cloudfront.net/files/media/uploads/casting_call/00cfdf46-84c1-4da6-9dee-91c7bcdeed3d.pdf

Chloe Moody Audition.pdf https://d26oc3sg82pgk3.cloudfront.net/files/media/uploads/casting_call/186cbe9e-9c7e-4ce5-bcbe-2407a9dec00b.pdf

[technicolordeams]

June 7, 2020

“I'm the girl nobody knows until she commits suicide. Then suddenly everyone had a class with her.” -  Tom Leveen, Party

This has been my status on discord for about a month now. It just feels too relevant to me at these times.

I know I said I was going to update my blog back in May, but it’s taken me until now to get to doing it. Things have been hectic both with me and in the world. I am dealing with emotional trauma still (But I’m not going to talk about it on here. I do not feel safe enough to do so and I’m going to keep it to myself, my therapists, parents, and pastors at my church. Maybe two other people that I know too. Some people know that something went down with me recently but I won’t spread it around anymore. I’d rather not deal with anything... But it has caused me to have renewed trauma from when I was growing up. Surprisingly I don’t have an association with a girl I considered my best friend for seven years who turned out to be a pathological liar and manipulator. I guess I was able to get closure with that one and just be done with it. But the ones from before that... It just brings those back up. Anyways, I won’t go into any further detail about that in this blog.)

So I’ll try to summarize things a bit... But I’ve never been good at keeping things short. xD 

First off, in November of 2019 I started having really bad pains in my stomach. Just... horrific pain. (Before this started, I was working getting a job with the aid of a job coach.) I landed in the ER a total of 4 times, could have been 5 but that fit wasn’t as bad and went away after a couple hours. But in December after my 3rd ER visit to get pain relief and more testing... and some morphine (sorry but this stuff was good. But I know limitations and wasn’t going to the ER for it. It was strictly to ease the pain so I could rest) I had a couple tests done... I FINALLY got an x-ray of my stomach and it showed I had a slightly inflamed gallbladder. Before this, the nurse that was working with me and my parents just believed I was having constipation and I was being too sedentary. That miffed me big time. I remember coming home one day from shopping for groceries and such that my mom was just telling me off about how I need to exercise more... (I have a fear that is ingrained in my head over exercising. Thanks Children’s ED center.) I just went to my room, no lights, didn’t take my jacket off at all, just curled up on my bed and cried as quietly as I could even though I wanted to wail. I was sick of people not believing me when things aren’t going right with my body and I have been mistreated for many things. I didn’t want to hear this from my parents. There was something wrong and I needed help. I did end up getting a HIDA scan after meeting with a surgeon who said the x-ray wasn’t enough proof that there was something wrong and didn’t want to do anything drastic that possibly won’t help me. But I got the HIDA scan which confirmed that there was something wrong with my gallbladder and on my birthday (Horray horray. Legit though I was so happy) I was approved for surgery to get it removed. The surgeon cut my gallbladder open and found A LOT of small gallstones. He was kind of shocked. Over all of this... I lost probably 10lbs? max? Either way, enough to be concerning to me. Now I’m using this experience to get my parents to actually freaking listen to me when I say I’m having problems and that it needs addressed as quickly as possible and quit dragging your damn feet and believe ME.

Also from the surgery, they had to put a breathing tube down my throat. But something happened and has caused me to have chronic coughing fits where I couldn’t even breathe without coughing. And because of my phobia of throwing up, I didn’t want to eat so I started to restrict for a while. Lots of testing was done to figure out what was wrong there... I got an asthma test and it showed that I had a breathing abnormality but the ENT doctor the day before gave me steroids to help. Said it wouldn’t affect my asthma test the next day. It did. :) Had to wait until May to get retested and another test done. The steroids did help for a while... But getting to that point I had been seeing my regular doctor and he gave me a stronger cough medicine that gave me auditory hallucinations... That was terrifying. So I quit that. Was put on another cough medicine that had a controlled substance in it to suppress my cough. It helped... but not enough. In the end since I didn’t want to wait until May to get tested, my doctor got me an inhaler. It actually has helped a lot. I still cough, but it’s not to the gagging/can’t breathe point anymore. I was very scared and stressed and made my dad take me to get lots of tests. Even speech therapist. Due to the covid-19 threat though, I have been heavily isolating myself at home and my asthma test that I was supposed to get last month got canceled/put off to a later date. So I’m stuck paying for an inhaler at full price because insurance is a dick. Anyways that’s that...

In April, I got a puppy. I finally got a dog that I had been thinking about for months and praying for... His name is Echo and he is a yellow lab. The first couple weeks were absolute hell. He would get up at random hours of the night and needs constant supervision. He’s almost 4 months now, but he’s still very much a puppy. He knows sit, stand, down, looks at me if I call his name with a treat in my hand so he’s recognizing his name... And sometimes off when he will listen. I have plenty of bite marks on my hands and stuff xD I had to have an extreme learning curve on how to take care of him. He doesn’t have accidents in the house as much as before, he will usually indicate he needs to go potty by sniffing around and pacing or going to the door and looking at me like, ‘human. I must defecate.’ xD And he’s got quite the attitude. Which I don’t mind as long as he’s not ripping my clothes or biting me or jumping at me. Dad has stepped in to help me during the mornings take care of him since I’m not sleeping well. Which has helped me out a lot. He’s doubled in size already and I’m so happy with how he’s acting for the most part. The past couple days this past week we’ve learned how the hose works and how to have fun in it since it’s so hot outside. (Also learned I’m allergic to grass. Yay.) But there were several days where I was so stressed and scared that I couldn’t keep up with him and take care of him and I’d have to give him away... But I already invested so much money in him and time and have already fallen in love with him, I won’t give him up. Right now he’s sleeping under my desk as I write this post. Lots of the time though I have to force myself to pretend to be happy and praise him and play with him and teach him what to do and what not to... And it’s emotionally exhausting. Especially this past week.

I had a couple triggers the past two weeks. One was a possible fractured toe from jamming it super hard into the corner of my desk... Another I was woken to Echo making a horrific gagging noise that scared the shit out of me. Then I’ve been working with a grief counselor this past month in addition to regular therapy (obviously over video chat because of infection chances...) for extra support. Thankfully it’s pro bono so I don’t have to pay anything and neither does any of my insurances. But while working on a section in my WRAP plan (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) there was a part where I just started shutting down and falling apart. The Crisis Plan. “This is what I look like when I’m well:” That is where everything started falling apart. It has been like 7 months since I have felt well at all. I can identify what it looks like when things get too bad to handle on my own for the most part... but when I was asked about if my behavior endangers or has negative effects on me or others I want my supporters to... I locked up. I realized I do not really have anyone who I can go to for any sort of help. My therapist is the only one I can go to really about anything, but I can’t get the amount of help that I need from just her. She has told me that if there was no virus threat and that I was in a different city, she would recommend me to go to a mental health program there... That’s how bad I’ve gotten. 

In December my suicidal thoughts have sprung back up and I have withdrawn slowly and then faster from everyone. My parents don’t know how to handle me when I’m dealing with emotional distress... They are not very knowledgeable about mental illnesses and are pretty cold to emotional reactions. Sometimes mean. I love them very much yes and I know they would do whatever they could to help me... but when I need support from them specifically, things just go downhill. And I no longer have people I consider friends online anymore. I don’t feel safe to call anyone that right now. A girl from my church who was also in the Bible study I was attending before covid hit has been trying to reach out to me. Her and another lady at church are the only ones really actually reaching out to me. My pastor only stepped back into the picture after I posted asking for prayer for me since I called the suicide hotline the night before. And the things he has said to me already have been rather infuriating. Which makes me feel resentful towards the church I’m attending. That and the fact that nobody else actually reaches out to me at all. I know life has been thrown upside down and many have their own families with small children and such... It just feels very two-faced sometimes. I know that’s my distorted thinking kicking in as well... But it’s there and nobody’s around to disprove it. I am very grateful for the one girl who has been trying hard to reach out to me and encourage and just be there, but I know she knows little about the world and the crap in it and has experienced much if it first hand so far. But God bless her she really does try and care. My therapist has talked with my pastor after I signed a release form for her to do so and my parents have also talked to him about me last week. I have yet to hear from him since then though. They are busy though I know trying to figure out how to deal with this covid crap and how to manage the church so people who can’t go physically can still be sort of included...But I just don’t know if I want to go for a while. 

But yeah. While I have been dealing with the loss of my entire online friend group and then being harassed on facebook and only seeing horrible news about covid and people insulting different people and politicians and crap on there... I disabled it for a while. I posted that I was going to do that several hours before I did and told people to message me if they wanted to keep contact with me somehow... Maybe two people did. Granted I had only 69 people on my friends list and a good chunk were family members from the Philippines and don’t usually speak english... I do feel better about not being on it though. The first couple days when I woke up I’d automatically go to fb to look at my notifications and silly stories that I’d get recommended, but after that I felt complete relief. I did get into a bit of an argument about two weeks or so before I decided to do this with a childhood friend I had... She just irritated me... Making it sound like she shouldn’t be forced to stay in like people higher in risk of infection/death because she was healthy and yada yada... Not going to argue on here. I just realized fb is just a toxic social media outlet and I didn’t want to be a part of it. I’m especially glad I got off of it while I did before the rioting happened. I would rather not have my timeline flooded with it. 

Oh yeah, we did get rioting here where I live. Actually 10min away from where I live. That was scary the first couple nights. First night I was home alone with Echo when it started going down while my parents were at work. Thankfully though, our mayor put in a curfew and my parents’ work was closed down at exactly 5pm for EVERYONE. Including employees. Dad had to work on barricading one entrance way in case of looting. Sent me pictures of what he had to do... it was surreal. Not only do we need to be afraid of covid but now hostile people. (Note: I do NOT condone what those police officers did. They are getting punished heavily I assume. If anything, we shouldn’t have been rioting but instead having a vigil in honor for the man killed. Protesting is fine too. But when it becomes violent... I don’t agree with it. That’s just me though. Anyways enough political crap. I don’t want to discuss it on here.) The past two nights the mayor put up a curfew again for two days but two hours later than before (8pm) just to be on the safe side. My parents’ work has gone back to normal hours today. I did go out yesterday to get some groceries and medicine I needed. My car’s A/C has died. That was two hours of hell. 

But yeah...uhm... The depression has increased this past week. Actually... a couple weeks before that. I had a meltdown over Echo chewing through the wire of my drawing tablet... I had it still hooked up even though I can’t draw anymore (Long story... recent bunch of trauma related reasons) because of trauma and also lazy to get in the back of my computer to unplug it. And sort of hope that I might pick it back up again... But that destroyed me that night. I wasn’t mad at him for doing it. He’s a baby he doesn’t know anything. It was my fault for not paying attention and taking a bit more care with those wires. Dad was able to fix it though. But I can’t look at it. That same night I received a text from a friend I made in treatment that I love to death... Telling me that she had just got home from being hospitalized and then placed in a psych ward after trying to commit suicide. I think I broke then. Ever since then, I haven’t been able to process very much emotion... Sleep has become very bad... I fell asleep in my chair a few nights ago. Last week was the first time I’ve been able to have any sort of reaction to emotion aside from a heavy depression... I need a big trigger to happen so that I can finally release these emotions inside because it just won’t come, but I feel it waiting behind a thick glass wall in my head. I’ve even started watching movies and shows that would scare me normally and would avoid just from reading the premise or a trailer. I don’t really get much feeling from it (aside from the one night I watched the new Carrie movie and I had to take Echo out at night and it was foggy and very spooky). 

I think I’ll leave this here now and be done for a bit... I’ve written quite a lot and I’m sure very few people know of it’s existence and will look. But at least I’ve finally gotten some of it out... somewhere... Hopefully Echo will let me take a nap in a little bit. I would like to talk about my eating disorder at some point and how I’ve been since I got out of the treatment facilities in 2018 and maybe some other things. Been watching a bunch of videos of different mental illnesses because I’ve been running into a lot of people with them and I want to be able to at least know what’s it about and how to be a better person towards them and also not offend anyone so nobody goes off on me again.

[smallhist-blog]

El Corrido de Isadore Gonzalez

Buried in one of Bristol’s cemeteries lies an incongruous resident. Here, in the Mild Mild West, is the unlikely grave of a young Mexican cowboy, Isadore Gonzalez, tragically killed and laid to rest in the summer of 1903.  This is Isadore’s story; of how he came to be in Bristol, of his untimely death and how his last resting place was found again.

Ceremonies of the Horseman

It can be pretty hard these days to go down a genuinely untrodden path, an adventure of your own.  Tom Russell, the peerless cowboy folklorist and singer, handed mine to me on a plate.  His excellent essays for the Ranch and Reata magazine, collected in his book ‘Ceremonies of the Horseman’, are full of Russell’s own adventures into the lore of the old and new West (the Wild version, of course).  

Russell has spent years on the road in Europe, playing in every town, even marrying a Swiss along the way.  He is well placed then to essay on the influence of the West in Europe.  It is here that I first meet Isadore.  

A young Mexican vaquero (cowboy) in Buffalo Bill’s Wild West show, Isadore met his sad end during a performance of the show, though it seems few in the crowd realised what they had seen.  The incident is remembered in Charles Eldridge Griffin’s book ‘Four years on the road with Buffalo Bill’:

“The first fatal accident occurred at Bristol, July 23. Isadore Gonzalez, one of the Mexican riders, was thrown from his horse and instantly killed. He was buried at Bristol. It is just as well, perhaps, that the general public do not realize the danger that forever attends the participants of the Wild West performances. Every time they enter the arena, especially in the bucking horse act, they practically take their lives in their hands.”

Charles Eldridge Griffin, 1908

It is typical of Russell’s writing to have re-discovered this small, yet vivid historical moment.  Even more so perhaps to recognise the humanity of it.  I can’t pass up the challenge:

And where in Bristol might we find the grave of the Mexican Vaquero and roughrider, Isadore Gonzalez?  There should be a corrido written for him.

Tom Russell, 2016

The sad death of a vaquero - Bristol, July 1903

‘Buffalo Bill’ Cody was met with heavy rain as his Wild West show rolled into Bristol, July 1903.  For a performance built on incredible physical feats and conducted on show grounds and commons, this was surely a concern.  Bill, the business man, must have wondered if the weather would affect the crowds.  They had turned out in their tens of thousands in Wales the week before and indeed had done the last time it came to Bristol, years earlier.  Bill, the old horseman, on the other hand must have wondered if his cast would be able to hit the heights of performance for which they had become renowned.

The superstitions of Bill’s performers may well have been roused at the shows first outing of the tour, when Bill himself had fallen and injured his ankle.  A man of impressive energy and constitution, the show of course went on.  The crowds had once again turned out, the incident  put to the back of the minds of the performers and crew.  The crowds had certainly not been deterred in Bristol, despite the weather, with over 15,000 attending each night for a total of over 60,000 overall.

By the final night of the Bristol shows, Thursday 23rd July 1903, the ground condition was no doubt a danger.  The show had run four nights on an already sodden field,  a little way off the ancient Gloucester Road.   The less experienced performers must surely have been turning their minds to the next stop on tour and hopeful of a better end to the British summer.

During the ‘Emigrant Train’ performance, late on in the show, an accident befell one of the younger performers.  As the performance closed, Isadore Gonzalez, while riding slowly and seemingly with little risk, was thrown to the ground as his horse turned and was caught in the mud.  

Although Isadore was carried away by his colleagues, unconscious, it seems that the crowd either had not seen the incident or if they had they had assumed it was part of the act.  The show went on.

Backstage, Isadore was attended to by his colleagues and a doctor from the audience.  Although not travelling at speed, Isadore had fallen onto his head and his colleagues, all skilled and experienced horseman, would have feared the worst.  As Isadore lay unconscious, the doctor must also have realised the extent of the injury suffered and directed that Isadore be taken to the Bristol Infirmary.  Being young and no doubt very fit, Isadore fought on for much of the following day, eventually succumbing to his injury without ever regaining consciousness.

The patient was unusual and the circumstances of death uncommon; an inquest was as inevitable as it was quickly convened.  A verdict was reached before the show left town, stating that Isadore had died as a result of his fall.  Presumably someone had remained with him during his final hours to share the young riders details. 

He was 26 years old, from Monterrey, Mexico.

Finding Isadore

Britain has a remarkable wealth of historical archive papers, many of which have been digitised.  The General Register Office is the official archive of all things birth, marriage and death.  The records, I’m relieved to discover, extend long before July 1903 and, inevitably, there are few death certificates in the name of Gonzalez that year and only one registered in Bristol:

Aside from largely confirming Eldridge’s account (apart from his claim that Isadore was killed instantly) the death certificate provides some fascinating insight .  His tragically young age of 26, the confirmation that this brave young man had fought on long into the following day and that he hailed from Monterey (sic), Mexico.  That someone must have communicated these details give me hope that he had at least a friend nearby in his final hours, but this we will never know.  His name, at least, is recorded accurately.

I turn my attention to the newspaper records and again fortune is on my side.  There exists an incredible archive of fully digitised newspaper clippings from the period, all of which fully searchable within the actual text.  The show is well covered, both locally and farther afield, dismissing my initial fears that the death would not have been deemed newsworthy.  Perhaps the most compelling and complete is that carried by the Swindon Advertiser, a week later, 31st July 1903, below.

The report confirms and makes sense of the key details and inconsistencies of both Eldridge’s account and the death certificate.  Here we learn that Andrew Beltnap, another cast member, has spoken of Isadore, confirming his age and role. Perhaps it is Beltnap that had accompanied Isadore to the Bristol Infirmary and provided the information we later see on the Death Certificate.  

Another report, describing the accident as the ‘only hitch’ of the performance tells us a little more.  Isadore was performing in the ‘Emigrant Train’ section of the show when he fell, his horse apparently disturbed by the gun fire.  We also learn that the doctor’s name was Griffiths and he had attempted to save Isadore after his fall.  More on his story later.

Swindon Advertiser, 31st July 1903

Western Daily Press, 24th July 1903

I am conscious by now that I know much of the incident yet little of his final resting place, the challenge that started this whole effort.  After a frustrated search I stumble across the wonderful Bristol and Avon Family History Society.  A remarkable Memorial Index, populated by volunteers, offers an invaluable resource to those seeking their family histories.  A treasure trove of vital human experience and connectivity, we would surely be poorer without these local endeavours.  I wonder how many families they must have reconnected.

My initial instinct was that Isadore was likely Catholic, the predominant religion of Mexico to this day.  There is really only one Catholic cemetery of note in Bristol, the Holy Souls Catholic burial ground.  Searching the Memorial Index returns a hit for Gonzalez, 1903 and of course I am already sure that there was only one death of that name and period.

Isadore’s name is recorded incorrectly but I have little doubt that this must be him.  The Index records no other information but of course I am delighted with this breakthrough.  I make contact with the Index administrators in the hope they have a paper record that gives more detail.  In the meantime and knowing full well that it would be a needle in a haystack to find an actual gravestone, if one indeed exists at all, I spend a couple of hours scouring the graves.

Holy Souls is a crumbling mass of overgrown graves, silent chapel walls, memorials and dramatic statues.  The sky is full of rolling clouds and ominous looking corvids.  It’s difficult not to reflect on the human condition in such places, the desire to mark lives with supposedly everlasting stone monuments is hugely emotive.  In one moment I want to laugh at the futility of placing ‘permanent’ stone markets that are already destroyed by vegetation, the next I'm standing next to a child’s grave, adorned with toys and flowers and it makes perfect sense.

Holy Souls is a smaller, more austere cemetery in comparison to its Anglican neighbour, Arnos Vale, itself a huge, sprawling cemetery of decaying mausoleums and spectacular gravestones.  Holy Souls is far more austere, the flourishes all the more dramatic for that.

Of course I fail; many of the graves are illegible, either having succumbed to the weather or to the undergrowth.  I had fully expected this but it felt right to try all the same.  Taking some advice from a friend raised Catholic I light a candle for Isadore and am immediately saddened that I’m likely to be the first person to do so in over a hundred years.

By now I have come to feel an affection and familial protection for him.  The pervading feeling is sadness for this talented young man, buried so far from home.  Also of gratefulness that first Eldridge and then Russell had taken the time to record the incident.

Back home and feeling more determined to narrow the search, I make contact with the Clifton Diocese.  Their records are administered by a Reverend Harding and it is a colleague of his, Gill Hogarth that responds. Gill is wonderfully interested and shares my hopes to see Isadore properly remembered.  I get the impression that the Diocese is delighted to have provided a final resting place for its unique guest.  In a remarkable coincidence of human stories, Gill shares that Reverend Harding’s own father recalled the show to him as a child.  I learn that Gill herself is conducting research into the military graves at the site, something that must be incredibly emotive and rewarding.  

I am not a Catholic and have had little engagement with the Catholic community, but in this brief exchange I am touched by the sheer humanity of their warm response.  They are genuinely pleased to learn of their unlikely resident.  Wherever Isadore is buried in the Holy Souls cemetery it’s an unexpected relief to find that he’s in the care of such good people.

Gill promises to explore the Diocese archives for more detail.  A waiting game follows.  Inevitably busy lives and well hidden records require patience.  

Sadly, when the answer comes, it turns out that some of the Diocese records are damaged.  By coincidence they return their findings within an hour of the Memorial Index response, confirming some of the details already discovered and, tantalisingly, what appears to be a plot reference number, A63:

The Diocese confirm that this matches their records but that the reference means that Isadore lies in an unmarked, commoners grave.  These are located in the central “Peace Garden”, a circular area with no grave markers seen in the image below.  This makes good sense as every other inch of the cemetery is covered with larger grave markers and slabs.  

Accepting this as the likeliest truth I know deep down that this is as close as I can get.  I am pleased that I had taken the time to light a candle there in my first, aimless search and return once more to repeat the act.

See central, circular area in the below image - the location of the ‘common’ burials at Holy Souls Cemetery and the likely resting place of Isadore Gonzalez.

A picture of Isadore

The Buffalo Bill Centre of the West, in Cody, Wyoming, holds an incredible archive of photographs and news clippings of the show’s tour to Europe.  From the ships that carried the cast to articles concerning every last detail, of the logistics, it’s a gift to this story.  I share what I’ve learned with the Centre and am met with kind enthusiasm for my amateurish investigation.

I learn that Isadore was likely recruited by one of the shows leading stars, Vicente Oropeza.  Oropeza was one of Bill’s most trusted associates and longest serving cast members.  I suspect his rope skills would astonish us even today.  

Tantalisingly, the Centre also points me to images that we can be sure include Isadore.  This comes as a shock; I had not considered for a second that I might be able to see Isadore’s face.  The most compelling of the images they share is the all-cast line up photograph taken at the beginning of the tour.  Isadore is one of the gentleman in splendid sombreros to the right of centre (as you look at the image).  It is almost certainly impossible to identify which of these five men is Isadore, but all the same its an emotive image:

With thanks to the Buffalo Bill Centre of the West - original image link here

The image inspires me to cast the net a little wider, to the brilliant, highly recommended thesis of Pablo Rangel:  ‘Racialized Nationality: Mexicans, Vaqueros, and U.S. Nationalism in Buffalo Bill's Wild West’ (2013) (link here).  There is too much to even begin to parse in this short essay but Rangel’s work gives both a fascinating insight into the lives of the vaqueros as well as the experience of Mexicans in 19th and early 20th century America.  It’s hard not to reflect on today's news cycle.  

He and I exchange emails and I’m delighted to meet someone who clearly cares so much about the vaqueros.  He seems genuinely touched to learn of Isadore’s story and that someone has cared enough to find out more. He and I resolve to visit his grave together and I hope that one day we can.

Epilogue

The genuine warmth and will to help remember someone who died in relative obscurity, over 100 years ago is humbling.  From the Catholic community, to the Centre of the West, to Academics to cowboy singers.  

I hope yet still to make contact with Isadore’s ‘home’ Diocese in Monterrey, who I’m sure will remember him as he may have wished.  I hope to also show Tom Russell himself the graveyard and that the Corrido gets written.  I’d love to hear it.

And where next for this choose your own adventure?  It happens that Dr Griffiths, the man who stepped out of the crowd to help Isadore, has his own story worth telling.  He is buried somewhere in the adjacent Arnos Vale cemetery, close to the young man he tried to save all those years ago.

In the meantime Isadore is one of ours too; a son of Mexico, a son of Bristol.  A candle will be lit every 23rd July for this talented young man, who died such a long way from home.

[thebookrat]

Today's post (likely, a controversial one) comes from Jennieke Cohen, whose debut novel, Dangerous Alliance, comes out this December. She's taken on the Herculean task of ranking Austen's men, not by who's the swooniest, or the handsomest, or the best at the quadrille, but by who best suits our modern sensabilities. Take a read through her reasoning below, and then let us know how much you agree or disagree and why, in the comments!

Greetings, Austenites!! I’m delighted to be taking part in Austen In August this year! Thanks, Misty, for having me and for letting me take on the question that Austen fans have debated for two hundred years: Who are Jane Austen’s best male characters??? No doubt EVERYONE has their own personal strong feelings on this subject, but I want to talk about who the best men are if we judge their personalities by 2019 standards. In this challenging, mixed-up, postmodern world of ours, I really think we ought to have some standards for judging the people we swoon over, so let’s pretend Austen’s men are magically transported into our time (and that they understand how everything works so they’re not wandering about staring at our modern conveniences as though they were magical) and see how they measure up. Here goes!

Henry Tilney (Northanger Abbey). He’s friendly, good at making conversation, likes to dance, has a sense of humor, and he actually thinks about other people’s feelings! Oh, yeah, and thanks to his sister, he understands how to buy muslin, so he’d be happy to help you on a shopping trip if you think that’d be fun. And best of all, even after realizing you’re naive and flawed, he’ll still defy his father to be with you. Not sure how you top that?!

Colonel Brandon (Sense and Sensibility). Yeah, he’s not flashy, but he’s the kind of upright guy who’ll take care of your kid if something happens to you, fight a jerk for your honor, and do whatever he can in your hour of need (including getting a friend of yours a job even if he’s never met them). And, he’ll even give you space when he thinks you need it. If those aren’t praiseworthy qualities, I’m not sure what are!

Mr. Bingley (Pride and Prejudice). It might seem a bit controversial to put Bingley so high on this list, but he’s another friendly type who isn’t fake and likes to get along with everyone. He’ll throw a party just so he can spend time with you, won’t try to make life complicated, and be generous to your family members (even the annoying ones). Does his good nature mean he’s sometimes too easily influenced by his friends and family? Sure, but that doesn’t mean he won’t eventually learn to listen to his own inner monologue and make decisions for himself.

Captain Wentworth (Persuasion). Can he hold a grudge for a long time? Maaaybe, but he’ll still make sure to get his family to drive you home if he sees you’re tired, talk up your abilities to others, and buy you your own car so you have some freedom. And really folks, he writes the best love letters! “I have loved none but you.” Swoon!

Edmund Bertram (Mansfield Park). You might make the argument that Edmund is a bit boring when the landscape of Austen’s men includes Tilney and Darcy and Wentworth, but he’s kind and compassionate, so he’ll cheer you up when you’re feeling forlorn, find books you’ll like, and come up with some exercises to keep your mind off your sad situation. He’s also generally accepting of others (though sometimes of people you might not approve of). If it turns out he’s a little too ready to accept and/or be influenced by some people, he’ll eventually see them for who they really are, and, hey, nobody’s perfect!

Mr. Knightley (Emma). Knightley’s another stand-up guy who’s generous, kind, will try to get along with everyone, and will treat your friends and family well. Will he take an interest in improving your character? Probably yes, if he’s known you since childhood, and he may seem a bit judgy, but hey, most of his judgements turn out to be pretty accurate (and helpful…if you listen to them).

Mr. Darcy (Pride and Prejudice). Full disclosure: I love Mr. Darcy as much as anyone, but he’s brooding, quiet, and just might think he’s better than you because your social standing doesn’t match his. Are these super desirable traits in 2019? Not so much. Thus, his ranking here. But Darcy is honest (though that might anger you if you’re anything like Elizabeth Bennet), he’ll go to great lengths to fix his mistakes when he realizes he’s made them, and he’ll be really nice and accommodating to your relatives if you show up on his doorstep unannounced. You may have to put up with some mood swings, but he’s honorable and caring—if you have the patience to peel back some of his layers.

Edward Ferrars (Sense and Sensibility). He’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but he’s not mercenary or class-conscious. He’s also really honorable, though probably not in a way you’ll understand. He’ll love your family, though he can rarely come to visit, and you may find yourself wondering why he just can’t tell you that thing that’s clearly on the tip of his tongue. Guess that’s why he’s at the bottom of the list. 🤷

So there you have it! My ranking of best Austen male personalities for 2019. Do you agree? Did I leave someone out? I’ve pointedly ignored the male antagonists for what I think are obvious reasons—if they were morally disagreeable two hundred years ago, I think there’s little hope for them today, but you may feel differently. Let the discussion commence! 😉 ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Jennieke Cohen (JEN-ih-kuh CO-en) is used to people mispronouncing her name and tries to spare her fictional characters the same problem. Jennieke is the author of the Jane Austen-inspired YA historical novel DANGEROUS ALLIANCE, which will be releasing December 3, 2019 from HarperTeen. She studied English history at Cambridge University and has a master’s degree in professional writing from the University of Southern California. When not writing or researching little-known corners of history, you'll find her singing opera arias and show tunes, over-analyzing old movies, or discovering the best foodie spots in her native Northern California. Read more on Jennieke’s website www.JenniekeCohen.com or find her on Twitter or Instagram @Jennieke_Cohen

ABOUT THE BOOK:

The Gentleman’s Guide to Vice and Virtue meets Jane Austen in this witty, winking historical romance with a dash of mystery! Lady Victoria Aston has everything she could want: an older sister happily wed, the future of her family estate secure, and ample opportunity to while her time away in the fields around her home. But now Vicky must marry—or find herself and her family destitute. Armed only with the wisdom she has gained from her beloved novels by Jane Austen, she enters society’s treacherous season. Sadly, Miss Austen has little to say about Vicky’s exact circumstances: whether the roguish Mr. Carmichael is indeed a scoundrel, if her former best friend, Tom Sherborne, is out for her dowry or for her heart, or even how to fend off the attentions of the foppish Mr. Silby, he of the unfortunate fashion sensibility. Most unfortunately of all, Vicky’s books are silent on the topic of the mysterious accidents cropping up around her…ones that could prevent her from surviving until her wedding day.

Click here to return to the master list of Austen in August posts!

via The Book Rat

[thevalkirias]

The Great Gatsby and Daisy Buchanan’s personal tragedy

In his short life F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote over one hundred short stories in order to survive and a few novels in order to respond to his deeper artistic aspirations. Whenever a new novel of his was published, he also released, more or less at the same time, a collection of short stories with similar themes. Along with The Great Gatsby came All the Sad Young Men and, not by chance, the latter is very close to the former. Nick Carraway, Gatsby’s narrator, is clearly one of these sad men: melancholic and reflective, watching from the sidelines, profoundly aware of his life passing by and of his own detachment from it. The Gatsby which lends his name to the title of the book is not really a sad man, but he is tragic: obsessively chasing a past he cannot get back, he tries everything, but in the end is destroyed by his dream. A dream that seems to include building a life with Daisy Buchanan, a character that many consider the main antagonist in his story. Daisy, however, gets her own share of tragedy, which we usually ignore.

The narrative of The Great Gatsby makes it easy to hate Daisy and read her as empty, amoral, inhuman, a destroyer or even a “bitch”, as pointed out by academic research¹. This happens mainly because Nick, through whom we access the whole story, is very partial to his neighbor and friend. He makes it clear when he says, on page two, that in the end Gatsby was good, or when he states that Gatsby was “worth the whole damn bunch put together”. Nick is someone divided, “simultaneously enchanted and repelled” by his neighbors’ world of riches and superficiality, as he puts it himself. As stated by Tony Tanner in his introduction to the novel, Nick is a “spectator in search of star”, and that is what Gatsby represents for him. That is the reason why Nick describes Gatsby as the kind of person with whom you will maybe bump into four or five times in your life. Beyond that, he chooses to ignore, throughout the whole novel, that Gatsby is a criminal whose businesses are possibly built with the use of violence – because Nick, as Tanner points out very well, prefers not to know; Gatsby tries to tell him, Nick avoids the subject.

Even so, Nick himself recognizes that what Gatsby wanted – not only Daisy, but the Daisy from five years before, a Daisy who could reassure him that her life away from him had never happened and that she had never loved Tom Buchanan – was too much to ask from her. Nick understands that Daisy would never live up to Gatsby’s dreams, “not through her own fault, but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion”. The problem with Gatsby is that he is unable to see Daisy as a person, one that is as real as he is. The novel, by the way, makes it clear that the monetary aspect of the whole thing fascinates him as much as the girl does. It amazes him to see the house where she lived, as it does to realize that that was her reality. Nick perceives and mentions the strange enchantment of Daisy’s voice, which he is unable to interpret. Gatsby is the one who offers an explanation, saying that her voice is “full of money”. Realizing that many other men desired her, “increased her value in [Gatsby’s] eyes”, which sound oddly commercial. Leland Person Jr.’s statement² about Gatsby having an “increasingly depersonalized vision of her” comes to mind, and this is simply another piece of evidence.

It is a lot easier to have sympathy for Gatsby than for Daisy. For starters, Gatsby is the self-made man that goes from poverty to wealth on his own, and not because he was born in that world – like Daisy herself or her husband Tom Buchanan – and it is not without reason that this is a famous archetype: because it captivates us. The narrative helps us with this. I find it particularly horrible that Gatsby is murdered in his expensive marble pool after he, more than once, unsuccessfully tries to invite Nick to go for a swim, always reminding him that he hadn’t used the pool yet. Meanwhile, Daisy is fickle and seems not to have any idea about what she wants; she is also profoundly selfish, always thinking exclusively about her own feelings. But the novel allows us to look a little deeper.

If the 1920s saw the emergence of the “flapper” – a name given to and reclaimed by the women who defied social conventions, like Zelda Fitzgerald herself –, their behavior was still considered shocking by society at large, and it was not the norm. Expectations surrounding women were still the same: marriage and motherhood. Zelda discusses the subject in “Eulogy on the Flapper”, one of her essays, mentioning the “fundamental and inevitable disillusionments” that would come eventually. The flapper lived the way she lived, she says, because she was well aware of this inevitable future and it was because she did what she did that she was able to “live happily ever afterwards” once her role was fulfilled.

At one point in the book, Nick attempts to recount Daisy’s story. Though he hears it from Gatsby, it seems to be taken directly from her letters to him, and this is as close as we get to her version of what happened. At this moment we learn that Daisy had asked Gatsby to get back to her soon because she “was feeling the pressure of the world outside” and that she “wanted her life shaped now, immediately—and the decision must be made by some force—of love, of money, of unquestionable practicality—that was close at hand”. That was when Tom Buchanan – her husband, her daughter’s father, the man she chooses to be with in the end – appeared.

Except it’s a little more complicated than that. As John Callahan very aptly points out³, there is an essential scene in the novel, in which the Buchanans, Nick and Gatsby are in a hotel room at the Plaza, and this is the moment when the truth about Daisy and Gatsby’s affair comes up. In this scene, the two men discuss Daisy as if she were a valuable possession. It’s interesting to notice her silence while the two debate whether she loves them or not. All she does is ask them to stop arguing and if they could all please, please, please leave that room. It is precisely in this scene that Nick realizes that Gatsby’s dream is over, because it was probably in this scene that Daisy herself realized that her romantic aspirations were dead. Between Gatsby and her husband there was no longer such a difference in her eyes, and it isn’t surprising that she chooses Tom, who could at least offer her the security she wanted so badly.

Another essential event is Myrtle Wilson’s death in an accident caused by the car Daisy was driving with Gatsby by her side. He takes the blame and ends up being killed for it – another moment that proves his martyrdom. Daisy seems not to care at all about the dead woman (either way, we could never know), and she does not have to face the consequences of what she did; at the end of the day goes back home and back to her husband (an understandable choice if we consider the traumas of the day, but Nick disagrees). Gatsby, however, does not care about Myrtle either, and Nick himself makes a point of mentioning that it seemed like the only thing that mattered to him was Daisy’s reaction, and it was too bad if anyone was in her way.

None if it means that Daisy Buchanan wasn’t an incredibly flawed character, or that we should approve of her actions throughout the story. Nevertheless, I wonder why we turn Jay Gatsby into a tragic and romantic hero and find it easier to ignore his enormous flaws than Daisy’s. We are able to extend a much bigger amount of sympathy towards him, we try to understand his motivations and we feel the weight of his process of dream and disillusion.

It’s true that Gatsby is murdered in the end, while Daisy survives, and he in a way gives his life for her, though he did not know he was doing that. But Daisy survives to be a “beautiful little fool”, as she summarizes her true role in life to Nick in her first appearance: “the best thing a girl can be in this world”, she says. She survives to live with a man who cheats on her systemically, who is unpleasant to absolutely everyone, including her. Daisy doesn’t choose Tom, she chooses self-preservation after realizing her romantic dreams are over, and her future seems absolutely horrible.

At the end of the novel, Nick reminds us of how tragic Gatsby was from the beginning –as he admired the green light at the Buchanan’s dock, his dream was long behind been (after all, as Nick had always insisted and Gatsby refused to accept, you can’t repeat the past). But in the famous final paragraphs of the novel (“so we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past”), Nick stops saying “I” and starts saying “we”. Gatsby’s story is universalized, and that’s why I find it impossible not to wonder why Daisy should not be included in this boat. If she beats on against the current, it is to live with her own disillusion.

Fitzgerald told us about all the sad young men, but the sad young women were there too.

¹ Person Jr, Leland S. “Herstory” and Daisy Buchanan. American Literature, Vol. 50, No. 2, May 1978. ² Person Jr, 1978. ³ Callahan, John F. F. Scott Fitzgerald's Evolving American Dream: The "Pursuit of Happiness" in Gatsby, Tender Is the Night, and The Last Tycoon. Twentieth Century Literature, Vol. 42, No. 3, Autmun 1996.

About the author

FERNANDA

Officially a translator and proofreader, Fernanda has a special love for literature and for this writing thing. A loyal follower of the uncool lifestyle, she doesn’t believe in guilty pleasures nor in the concept of liking something ironically.

This piece was originally published in Portuguese on January 18th, 2017 as "O Grande Gatsby e a tragédia pessoal de Daisy Buchanan". Translated by the author.