#OH SHIT I HAVEN'T TAKEN MY MEDS TODAY EITHER

[danieyells]

ANYWAY FOR MY BIRTHDAY @jinkamuraisqueen HAS GIVEN ME THE POWERS OF A GOD

(it was not actually for my birthday but it happened to be on my birthday so for me it's for my birthday)

i am losing any productivity i had hoped to have today to this! I have to make doctor's appointments!!! And clean my room!!!!! But instead I am playing with dolls!

I didn't even edit this one much he already had a crazy expression.

OKAY. OKAY. I'M GONNA BE PRODUCTIVE NOW. THANK YOU AGAIN ASH YOU A REAL ONE

[mothlegs]

yelling abt meeting i had with my psych nurse today, mostly talks about selfharm so be warned

Learns of The Day:

my nurse is stupid

my nurse does not know things

my nurse is not to be trusted (should already know this)

i selfharm more than i thought

my mom was with, beloved mother who is able to speak for me and translate the things i say. my nurse isn't great at english and i'm mildly shit at my native language (thanks dropping out of school to live on the internet) so there are Some language barriers, and i'm generally also just shit as saying what i want to say, especially with people i don't know well

so! my mom did most of the talking and she did great, much progress, thank you mother

i already forgot how the topic came up, but she starts asking about selfharm? and i'm like. genuinely i do not know how often i remember very little about it. and my mom then says it's At Least weekly because she sees on my arms??? and i'm like. wot i had no idea. and then she mentions scratches and bruises and i internally go ohhh right yeah scratches is a near daily thing huh. idk about bruises though, i don't remember that much either. but idk i feel kinda stupid for not realising cause i'm very Self-Harm Is Many Things And Not All Are Physically Visible kinda stuff cause it's important to me non-scarring forms of selfharm arent minimised or looked over. yet i completely looked over when it happens with myself

but then nurse asks about what i use to hurt myself??? and i'm like. =_= why? and she just keeps asking and not really giving an answer, saying something about how it helps her to know how i'm doing which? complete bullshit lol? and eventually i get her to say that yeah maybe they would try to take my tools. so i just like. yeah i'm not telling you lol get fucked

when we get home my mom's talking to my grandma about it and she said she felt like she almost had to defend my self-harm to my nurse and like say it's ok??? genuinely love to my mom i appreciate her so much, and she's self-harmed too when she was younger so she Gets It she actually understands it and what i need. she also mentioned how it would do no good, and how she has done really dangerous things to hurt herself like using things she found on the sidewalk- i wouldn't go that dangerous but i Have done dangerous things that risked getting pieces into wounds so like. yeah. my mom is good ok

ALSO JUST. i luckily have never had my tools taken but i thought they'd taken them once and i had a major breakdown. as in major major breakdown, and the second i found them i was ok. so like. lmfao y'all ain't trying to help me fucking bullshit

so anyways i'm not getting meds but she's gonna ask the doctor (who is stupid and i hate her) about re-evaluating me Again after i'd ALREADY BEEN TOLD I WOULD BE RE-EVALUATED god shit like this keeps happening. one person will tell me i'll get a thing and then i will be patient but eventually ask about it and then a new person will say they have to ask someone if i can have the thing and then that takes literal months. happened with therapy too and i still haven't heard anything about it

oh and my mom told me to write a thing explaining my plurality cause i can't really explain it to my nurse, very complicated and i struggled to explain it in private to my mom too so definitely wouldn't be able to with my nurse. i still don't know how accepting my mom is? but she gets some of it, i think

OH GOD AND MY NURSE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT DISSOCIATION IS. SHE LITERALLY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT DISSOCIATION IS. WHAT i'm going to have to explain dissociation and dpdr and ifs to her jfc she is literally working at a psychiatric facility, there is a psych ward where she works, psychiatric evaluations are made there, AND SHE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT DISSOCIATION IS ???

so yeah she stupid don't know shit never to be trusted

rest of my day was good though i got a slushie at the mall and we bought makeup?? i dont know how that really happened but i guess i might learn to do eye makeup now. maybe

[lemmylemons]

Today is not my fucking day, I'm about to lose my shit and cry.

I found out the week before last week I think, I forget, it still hurts, that I'm not getting transferred to that other school and am stuck with being bullied by my classmates.

My 2 pairs of fucking headphones broke. My cat ripped the cord on the wired ones and the god damn wireless ones are either fucking broken of stupid cause music comes out of the left but the right one won't do shit, but the buttons still work on the right one

I'm still really sick and have a huge thumping headache and feel sick to my stomach

Haven't taken my meds in forever cause I keep forgetting about it

I'm super stressed and have burnout

And oh finally

I was having a good day yesterday, but now I can't shake my dark thoughts and can't keep myself from breaking down every few fucking minutes.