#OF COURSE BABY ILL ALWAYS BE HERE TO HELP YOU OUT OF A RUT !

[moxfirefly]

B D J O V for Donnie, Karl and Alcina? (yes I am in love, no I dont have regrets uwu)

My 3 loves? Well why not! And pls enjoy the ficlet styles I’m going to opt for when doing dirty secrets! This is a little long so is going under the cut.

🩸🍷Alcina Dimitrescu🩸🍷

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and on the other)

A bit of an odd one here but she loves backs, like your actual back. The line of your spine, if you have those back dimples, ufff. She loves the shape of it if you’re on the more curvier side, she loves the skin, and your rolls, and any stretch marks. Just picture that elegant hand of hers ghosting over your back, nails maybe even claws.

On herself, well Alcina is aware of her assets and she’s very aware of her chest, both she’s quite proud of but she’s really proud of her figure over all.

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

There was a pretty seamstress in the village who always was brought up to the castle to help with her dresses. She was a pretty thing in Alcina’s eyes, very much her type. When your making or fixing or measuring a tailor made outfit for a 9ft+ woman well it gets tricky and a little more handsy than usual. Alcina didn’t mind, the seamstress didn’t either. It was interesting following simple commands even if they were asked upon her with nothing but grace and poise.

So as Alcina sat for the 40th time to have something around her neck marked to be fixed, she had to stand between her legs to best approach and see the mistake. Only sitting did she have the best chance at seeing her at a more eye to eye level (well as best as it could be).

She isn’t dumb, she knows curiosity, want and lust like the back of her hand. Sees the nervous swallow of the seamstress whenever hands glide across her chest. The whispered ‘pardon my lady’ when she rests a palm on Alcina’s throat and takes a needle to the neckline with all the gentleness she can muster. Of course it’s the moment to prick her finger, the quiet hiss and scent is enough to alert Alcina and without waiting for her to fuss she takes that bleeding digit and kisses it, tastes the bead of blood, all while looking straight at her. When she still sees lust there, oh does she pull her closer.

One of her maids walks in about twenty minutes later, an array of materials in her arms so she doesn’t quite catch how the Lady of the castle smooths her dress and tries not to laugh, chest heaving a little and legs closing a tad. The maid greets her with her usual honorifics before leaving the requested materials, she notices the seamstress isn’t there and arches a brow at the room. ��Lavatory” is all Alcina says before the maid makes a question. She nods but feels something isn’t right with the current picture but still leaves.

Once gone.

The seamstress crawls out from under Alcina’s skirt, mouth shiny, hair disheveled and nice set of teeth marks at her bosom.

It becomes a frequent thing after that.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

It’s not to say she needs to because she sincerely feels she has anybody at her beck and call who is willing ready and able. But on the rare occasion she indulges in some self care, it’s mostly in her luxurious tub. Feeling the warm water, her hair clean and smelling of that weeks chosen fragrance, well it gets her thinking and thinking leads desiring and if there isn’t anybody she’ll handle it. Slow, she loves drawing out her own pleasure, loves to feel that rise but stops before it’s too close. She’ll do that, edge herself a little bit more before biting down on her lip to muffle a more particular louder cry.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

Both. She lives for giving it and she loves to receive it. She is just, wow, so incredibly good at it, she’s goes about it in such erotic and passionate way and if you’re not looking like you are being possessed by the devil then she up’s her game to make sure that happens. You can squeeze her head with your thighs all you want, she’s built different lol she can handle it. Don’t yank to much on her hair though, claw at her all you want but easy on the do.

She’s had a few inexperienced lovers which she has to guide when they want to go down on her. She’s very particular of what and how she likes it, but she’s patient enough to teach you.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

I’ll do you one better, https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMRSKhUoh/

⚙️Heisenberg⚙️

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and on the other)

https://hagelpaimon.tumblr.com/post/661063110466158592/i-wonder-wonder-who-ill-pick-hesi-baby-a

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) shout out to @imthegreenfairy88 for helping me out with this one.

The first few times he indulged in this he was very adamant in keeping it to himself and to himself only (with time and reassurance he chills out) but the first time he tried doing ‘back door’ stuff on himself he was very surprised about how good it fucking felt and every so often he indulged in it. There’s an occasion where he ends up in bed with some tourist, gun to his head he doesn’t remember their name but he sure fucking remember the blow job and fingering combo that they gave him that had him seeing fucking stars. He tensed up at first was about to say something but they crooked their fingers just right and swallowed his cock at the same time and words were out the window along with thoughts.

He was so far gone that it didn’t cross his mind that when he begged for another finger, he gave himself away and if their eyes weren’t indication of how delighted they had been, feeling two more additional fingers really proved the point.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

I mean I’m saying yea, he has to get creative with it sometimes so as to not get bored, but he picks up a few things he enjoys (he is creative after all) he’s definitely ruined his fair share of pillows, loves rutting into them. He has beat off probably in any section of the factory but shower is better for clean up. He for sure has done it outside of the factory, probably relaxing on a chair and if the weather is nice enough, it’s not like anybody is gonna suddenly drop by. He likes a tight closed fist when he’s close but enjoys a teasing touch to start things off, really enjoys grabbing his balls when he does it. Very messy messy boy when he cums.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

This man blows you like his life depends on it. VERY sloppy but it’s really hot, it’s how eager he is about it and how willing he is to suffocate and or choke on it. He’s told you to sit on his face multiple times at multiple moments of the day. He loves the taste of you, loves feeling suffocated by your thighs. You know what they about big noses too 🥴🥴

As for receiving he likes to dish out what he takes. So expect some rough mouth fucking, he will make you gag, he will make you all teary eyed cause he enjoys it. He’s fine with it without to be honest, he much prefers to be balls deep in you but if you enjoy doing it then expect hip thrusting.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Not super loud, but he isn’t mute. He groans and moans but he’s also a talker so expect a lot dirty talk. His voice drops in a way when he’s fucking you that it makes your toes curl. He’s all breathy pants when he’s close. Lots and lots of cuss words.

👾Donnie💜

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and on the other)

https://hagelpaimon.tumblr.com/post/661063462078889985/b-body-part-their-favourite-body-part-of-theirs

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He likes the taste of his own cum.

He denies it, really denies it, just says it’s his way of cleaning you up after a nice romp but he really has a way of proving the opposite. Donnie has ‘finished’ on you in every way shape or form. On your stomach, back, face etc you name and each time he has cleaned you up he’s either wiped it up and sucked on his fingers or he’s just full blown licked it off of you.

And there is something so disgustingly erotic about that you haven’t or don’t want to call him out on it. You’ve gone down on his multiple times and he very eager to kiss you after your done. One time you purposefully left some on your chin and lips to see if he’d clean it up first but nah, kissed the heck out of you. His favorite is cumin in you and then going down on you. The first time he did that, it was enough to make your toes curl till they cracked and just as you were about to say something he was yanking another orgasm from you. The combined taste of his and yours release? Fuck now that was his favorite.

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

Does it and does it often. He’s not prudish about it, it’s free oxytocin and for a guy who’s convinced he’s never gonna get a shot at being with somebody physically, might as well practice some self love.

Loves visual stimulation but he’s really into audio stimuli. Likes those audios where he feels he’s there with the person or the ones where they give instructions. Donnie is really into edging and if he’s got the time and privacy he can literally edge himself for a couple of hours. Has at times managed hands free orgasms. Has made cock sleeves or basically fleshlights (ah ingenuity), can have his moments where he’s super slow and teasing about it, light strokes and all that. Can also have moments where he basically fucks his fist to the point of making some pretty obscene wet noises. If listening to audios or watching videos he really loves trying to cum at the same time as the person in the vid or audio. Has a bottle of lotion right on the desk but that shit is so cluttered with stuff that nobody has picked up on it and honestly it’s kinda funny.

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

GIVE GIVE GIVE.

Oh my lord is he OBSESSED with giving oral. It’s such a big turn on for him. He just loves how intimate it is, he loves how he’s giving you pleasure in such an intimate position. LOVES over stimulating with his mouth, loves feeling thighs trying to break his head, happy to die down the suffocated in his favorite place, loves feeling a hand at the back of his head and pushing him in further.

He’s not crazy about receiving cause he knows his size is a challenge but he’s not opposed to it, he much rather get a hand job from you.

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

Loud and not afraid about it. He enjoys the fuck out of it and is going to be vocal about it unless it’s adamant to be quiet because people are around. His churrs are really nice, deep but not as baritone as say Raph’s, but they feel and sound so good.

[keiarchived]

Can I request Hawks with a very shy darling that is always shying away from him because she’s nervous to talk to him because he’s a stranger, and maybe it’s about how he slowly gains her trust and coaxes her out to his loving arms 🥺

@yanbaere: I’m in love with you blog 🥺 yandere Hawks makes me really soft and I love him,,, can I request some yandere hawks with a shy and insecure s/o? 🥺 he would be so protective and sweet with them and would definitely harm anyone that tries to hurt them or makes them feel bad,,he just hits different when he’s a yandere 👉🏻👈🏻 I adore your blog and your writing! It’s amazing 💕💕

anon: how about a one shot of yandere! Hawks x virgin/! reader ? 👀 I imagine he would be so freaking happy he got to be his s/o’s first time but of course he probably already knew that; he’s a little rough and haz a breeding kink but nothing you can’t handle, right? >;)

Yan Hawks with a shy birdie 🥺 this low-key adorable but also flirty af so like prepare yourself ♥️ Also thank you for the support guys! ♥️

Sorry it took so long 🥺

Yandere!Hawks x Shy!F!Reader

warnings: Yandere, manipulation, possessive, obsessive, breeding kink

words: 1.4k

The moment Keigo laid his eyes on you, he knew you were different. This pure and glowing aura radiating off you is unreal, it’s not often the number two hero let other catch him by the wings. Even rarer for him to be so interested in someone but you... you’re a breath of fresh air.

It was during a Christmas party when he met you, trying to make yourself as small as possible behind your mother. Being the child of a single mother hero meant attention often find its way towards the two of you, with men and women alike wondering how she do it. Raise a kid as well as dedicate herself to being a hero, there honestly are no secrets. Your mother and you function like any other family, sure there will be times where she would come home late and you have to help out a lot more than usual. But you don’t mind, your mother have been working hard for the two of you after all.

Plus it’s not like you’re a child, you’re more than capable of taking care of yourself. Just a little shy and nervous around the edge, nothing Keigo couldn’t help you through. “Hey, glad you could make it.” The winged hero said in his usually layback tone as he greeted your mother, they had worked together on the same mission before and needless to say she is more than impressed by Hawks’ skills. The perfect son in law wouldn’t you say?

As per usual, you hide before your mother as the two heroes continued with their conversation. Catching up with each other whilst chuckles and laughs were heard but of course, Keigo’s eyes were set on you -- like how it had been in the last couple of minutes whilst talking to your mother whilst wondering how he could get you alone. It’s you he wants to talk to after all, as if lady luck is on Keigo’s side today, some other hero waved at your mother and has kindly asked her to come over, perfect. “Honey, why don’t you stay here with Hawks for a moment? I’ll be right back. You wouldn’t mind would you?” 

Oh if only she knew the danger that lurks behind his artificial smile, how this man have already laid his trap to lure you in. “Sure, of course. I don’t mind.” Keigo smiles with teeth rooting sweetness behind those word, before you could even protest, your safety shield has wander off.

There was a moment of awkward silence when you watched your mother’s figure blends into the crowd, greeting her fellow heroes but before you dig deeper into those mindless thoughts Keigo managed to snapped you out of it with a simple chuckle. Was it if ill will or kindness, you don’t know. The only thing you know is how handsome his face is upon a closer look, sandy blonde locks with a few strays among those well swoop back ones and a pair of dangerous looking golden hues to pair with. “What’s your name dove?”

“Y/N...” You were hesitant to give Keigo your name, felt as though you had just signed a contract with the devil himself and rest was history.

It took a while for you to truly open up to the winged hero but surprisingly or unsurprisingly, he was patient. Taking those small but necessary steps in order to make you comfortable, as much as he is obsessed with you, Keigo still put your comfort first above everything. Bring you small gifts that reminds you that he’s there whenever you need him, despite the hours of a day. If it’s for you, he will make it work. Date nights often resulted in spending inside and Keigo is fine with it, movie nights, game nights as long as he get to spend the time with you he is more than happy. Needless to say, your mother is supportive of the relationship with Keigo, how could she not when the perfect son in law present himself as your boyfriend?

He would never hurt you unlike all those other corrupted men, you know that right? As long as you are under his wings, nothing could harm you.

Keigo have been patient, he really have. Only doing whatever you’re comfortable with, soft kisses, caressing those cute flustered cheeks of yours, a hand tracing shapes on your thighs but it was all becoming too much. He wants you.

The thought of you crying out his name in pleasure, body quivering in needs as lewd wet sounds bounces off walls surrounding the two of you is enough to have his own cock grow hard. “Keigo...” Oh, if only you could see the expression you said his name with. So cute but yet alluring, “Princess... if you keep saying my name like that, you’re in trouble.” But you already know that don’t you? The way Keigo have been eyeing you ever since he have you cages beneath him on these soft sheets, golden shimmers with minimal lights, soft kisses soon became desperate and needy.

Your breath soon became unevening as Keigo trails those kisses further and further away from your lips, nibbling and biting hard enough to leave beautiful marks. “Wa-wait! Keigo please...” It wasn’t as if you didn’t want him to take you, in fact is the complete opposite. Everytime the winged hero left you breathless, a shameless patch of dampness gathers between your thighs. “Hm? What is it baby? I’m sorry I-“

“I’m a virgin.” Keigo’s eyes widen slightly, pretending as if he was completely clueless about the news. Sweetheart, Keigo knows every details about you and he is well informed. But the way you said it, cheeks red as his own wings and a slight pout on your lips — the less he could do is give you a reaction you wanted. “We’ll take it slow princess...”

Well at least the beginning he was.

When Keigo finally inches his cock into those throbbing tightnsss, it was surreal. The mere feeling had him tossing his head back in bliss whilst he tries to hold himself back, gritting his teeth until he was balls deep. Peppering you with kisses in order to help you ease up, adjust to the size of his cock stretching your untouched cunt open. “Fuck... you’re doing so good baby...” Keigo would coos, tugging those loose strands of hair behind your ears and away from your forehead before he finally started rutting into you. Those soft moans and whimpers only egged him on, feeling the way your nails dug at the sides and under his wings. God, it was like you wanted him to go wild, to go feral and eventually he did.

Hips snapping against your mound with long deep strokes, hard enough to leave them red even in the morning after as Keigo have you folded into a mating press. Hands gripping firmly on either sides of your ankles, drinking ever last bits of those delicious twists of pleasure from you. “Hm.. you like that?” A lazy grin stretched across his lips, “Like being breed like a bitch in heat even though I just took your virginity?” The mere thought of him being your first and last man, the one to corrupt you is enough to drive Keigo’s little edge further, drilling even deeper into your cunt to leave your body arching in bliss.

“Ke-Keigo no more-!” You have already lost count of the number of orgasm he managed to rip out of you in the last two hours, but you’re damn well sure if Keigo edges you to another, those pretty eyes of yours just might roll back and stay close. “Just one more baby, you can do it for me can’t you? You’ve been doing so well so far princess.” Keigo coos, with the same sweet smile as he pressed a soft kiss to your ankle. Just a little more until he soils you, nothing you can’t handle right?

“Gonna fill you nice and good~” The winged hero promised and he always keep his promises, at least with you. With the last deep thrust meeting your pelvis, Keigo grunts before ropes of cum painted your once virgin walls white. Panting as he collapsed atop of you slowly, letting out a blissful hum.

After a while, Keigo withdraw from you as he watched the way his own seed seeps out of you only to push those back where they belong. “Good girl, you did an amazing job baby.” He coos softly, peppering you with kisses all over.

As Keigo expected, you’re different and he’s glad to call you his own.

[nekojitachan]

Don’t Wanna Fall - Wangxian MDZS/CQL Fic

Okay, so this is what happens when I get stressed and feel the need to write; the mind latched on to this story. It’s basically canon-divergent (CQL/The Untamed for the most part), fix-it, and a/b/o (with some slight twists) and is all plotted out.  I’d figure I’d post it here and throw up the beta’d parts on AO3.

Warnings for canon-typical violence, and more notes explaining things at the bottom.

*******

Wei Wuxian felt a precious sense of contentment as he sat near his sister and ate the soup she’d made; the emotion had been missing ever since the attack on Lotus Pier, and he knew it wouldn’t last long. Soon enough the sedative that Wen Qing had given him would render Jiang Yanli unconscious, and once Song Lan took her to the safekeeping of Lan Wangji and the Jins, then—then it was time to fix Jiang Cheng.

He pushed aside all thoughts on how they’d go about ‘fixing’ his brother while he finished the bowl of pork rib and lotus soup, unwilling to spoil his meal.

As soon as he set the empty bowl on the table, Jiang Yanli was quick to refill it. “You don’t have to—”

His sister gave him a stern look, her gaze shifting down to his abdomen before she shook her head. “You need to keep up your strength, A-Xian,” she chided, her voice pitched low so she didn’t disturb their brother, who was resting on the far side of the room. “You’ve been pushing yourself too hard, looking for a way to restore A-Cheng’s golden core. That’s not good… well, you need to rest.”

Wei Wuxian opened his mouth to tell her not to worry about him, but closed it a moment later without any words spoken after another stern look. For all her gentle mothering and sweet nature, Jiang Yanli was a true force to reckon with when she believed that those she loved weren’t taking care of themselves, which seemed to be the case right now. Especially since she knew that Wei Wuxian was pregnant.

He’d managed to hide that fact from everyone else, even Wen Qing, thanks to some clever talismans (desperation truly did help when it came to inspiration) and loose robes, but Jiang Yanli had been there when he’d figured out the truth, a few weeks after his return from the enforced ‘indoctrination’ at Qishan. From the time he’d spent trapped in the cave at Dusk-Creek Mountain with Lan Zhan. Just the two of them, an alpha and an omega, prevented access to the medicines which helped control their heats and ruts (as well as prevent pregnancies for omegas), so of course Lan Zhan had gone into rut after they’d killed the Tortoise of Slaughter (fighting the thing for so long probably had played some part in that), which had then instigated Wei Wuxian’s heat and….

At least it had been his dear shijie who’d found out about the baby and not Madame Yu, who probably would have thrown him out on the street with barely any clothes on his back after whipping him half to death (it wasn’t speaking ill of the dead if it was the truth), or Uncle Fengmian, who would have guilted him into naming the father so a hasty marriage could be arranged. Which really, what good would that do? Lan Zhan had barely been cognizant (hell, Wei Wuxian had barely been conscious) when the whole thing had happened, so why should his life be ruined as well?

Not that Wei Wuxian felt like his life was ruined by any means. He and Jiang Yanli had been talking about ways to get him away from Lotus Pier so he could give birth in secrecy, maybe have a trusted wetnurse look after the baby for a couple months and then he’d ‘find’ the ‘poor orphan’ and ‘adopt them’. Perhaps not the greatest plan, but it had been a work in progress.

Then the Wens had attacked Lotus Pier, and all that mattered was surviving another day.

He finished the last of the soup and smiled at Jiang Yanli, whose expression gentled into affectionate approval. “Delicious, as always. Shijie makes the best soup.” 

She smiled as she poured them both more tea. “Don't you feel better now?” Her gaze once more flickered to his abdomen when he nodded, but she couldn’t ask him about his little ‘lotus seed’ since they weren’t alone. He knew she worried about the baby, one more burden she bore, one more thing to sap her strength when she needed to focus on her own health, so he gave her as bright a smile as he could to ease her concerns.

They sat together and drank tea, content in each other’s presence; Wei Wuxian fiddled with the beaded charm bracelet on his left wrist while he waited for the sedative in the incense burner to take effect. Soon enough, Jiang Yanli’s eyes, marred by dark circles from exhaustion and worry, drifted shut as she slumped down to rest her head on her arms folded on top of the table. He finished the last of the tea and waited for Jiang Cheng to rise from the bed where he’d pretended to sleep so they could gently carry their beloved sister outside, where a carriage waited to take her to Lanling. 

Song Lan, sword in hand, stood beside the carriage and bowed to them once Jiang Yanli was safely tucked inside. “Young masters,” he said as he bowed. 

Before Wei Wuxian could wish the man a safe journey, Jiang Cheng shoved himself forward. “We’re trusting our sister in your care. You will deliver her untouched if you value your life,” he told Song Lan with a growl in his voice.

On one hand, Wei Wuxian was happy to see the return of his brother’s spirited, alpha nature (the way he’d been before the loss of his core), but on the other… while Song Lan was an alpha and Jiang Yanli an omega, Song Lan was a respected cultivator and owed them a debt, so could be relied upon to not harm their sister. Jiang Cheng’s threat was unnecessary and a bit insulting.

Song Lan merely bowed again, his face impassive. “I swear on my life that no harm will come to Maiden Jiang while she’s entrusted in my care, from others or myself.” He paused for a moment before he asked Wei Wuxian to pass a message on to Xingchen, only to change his mind and declare the request unnecessary.. 

“Thank you.” Wei Wuxian bowed to the cultivator before he left, and Jiang Cheng did the same after a moment. 

There was an ache in his chest as he watched Jiang Yanli leave, but Wei Wuxian knew it was for the best; she wasn’t a fighter yet would insist on the three of them remaining together despite the danger they faced. No, best that she was someplace safe, especially considering what Wei Wuxian planned to do next. 

The ache was quickly replaced by anger when Jiang Cheng slighted Wen Qing as they thanked her for her care; she might be a Wen, but she had risked her life (and Wen Ning his) to provide them medical care and shelter. Wen Ning had betrayed his own clan to help them back at Lotus Pier, and so the siblings deserved their respect.

All Jiang Cheng seemed to care about was restoring his golden core.

Wei Wuxian led his brother to where Baoshan Sanren supposedly lived, a nameless mountain outside of Yiling; he took a roundabout route in order to give the Wen siblings enough time to prepare for their arrival. Jiang Cheng tried to push forward as fast as he could, but was hampered by his lack of a golden core; Wei Wuxian used his brother’s reduced stamina to rest as often as he could, his own strength impeded by his pregnancy.

Ah, lotus seed, he thought as he placed a hand on his barely swollen belly while Jiang Cheng’s attention was diverted, what a chaotic world you’ve chosen to be born into. Interesting times indeed. Despite all the bad things that had happened recently—the attack on Lotus Pier, the deaths of Uncle Jiang and Madame Yu, Jiang Cheng losing his golden core, war about to break out at any moment—Wei Wuxian couldn’t include his unexpected pregnancy in it. True, he’d always thought he’d be mated at least when he started to have a family, but he already cherished the child growing inside of him regardless of how it had come about. 

His little lotus seed wasn’t an accident or mistake in his mind; Jiang Yanli accepted it, and he was certain Jiang Cheng would, too, once he found out (and yelled at him for being shameless for a week or two). That was, once Jiang Cheng had a golden core and they were somewhere safe, so Wei Wuxian could tell him the truth (and make him promise not to say anything to Lan Zhan) without adding to his brother’s burdens.

They finally reached the appropriate mountain peak almost two days laters; Wei Wuxian sent his brother on his way, blindfolded and with instructions on what to say to ‘Baoshan Sanren’. Jiang Cheng appeared apprehensive yet determined; Wei Wuxian watched him fumble his way blindly along the trail for some time before he quietly followed. When he caught up to Jiang Cheng, his brother had been rendered unconscious by a disguised Wen Qing and was being held by Wen Ning.

“Let’s get this done,” Wen Qing said as she discarded a hat draped with long, dark veils. She motioned for Wei Wuxian to follow her to where a tent had been set up; inside it were two pallets and several low tables covered with medical supplies, as well as a burning brazier. 

Wei Wuxian helped Wen Ning lay Jiang Cheng onto one of the pallets then knelt on the other and watched while the Wens did a quick examination of his unconscious brother. After a few minutes, Wen Qing nodded once, which appeared to be a signal to Wen Ning to begin to remove Jiang Cheng’s upper garments.

She turned her attention to Wei Wuxian. “Are you still certain you want to go through with this, even if there’s only a 50% chance it’ll work?”

“Yes.” Nothing had changed since the last time she’d asked him that question. “It doesn’t matter to me what happens to my golden core but Jiang Cheng can’t live without one.” He saw a flicker of pain cross her face and knew she’d been affected by his brother’s apathy before being given a hope of cultivating again. “Please, go ahead with the transfer,” he begged as he bowed low to her, his thoughts filled with how he had to make things right, had to make up for not being there to protect Jiang Cheng from Wen Zhuliu in the first place.

Wen Qing made a tsk’ing sound as she rapped her knuckles on the back of his head. “Stop that, we’ve no time for your foolishness.” She gave him a narrow look once he sat up. “You know I can’t sedate you during the surgery?” At his slight nod, she held out her hand. “It’ll affect your golden core, which will lower the success rate..”

“All right.” It wasn’t ideal, but somehow he’d manage.

“Hm.” Her lips pressed into a thin line as she continued to hold out her hand; behind her, Wen Ning finished undressing Jiang Cheng then turned his attention toward them, his hands resting on top of his thighs. “I need to check your qi,” Wen Qing said, an impatient bite to the words.

Wei Wuxian hesitated; he’d been careful to not let Wen Qing lay hands on him due to his pregnancy, but it looked as if he couldn’t avoid contact any longer. He sighed as he placed his hand in hers, and tried not to flinch when her fingers pressed against his wrist.

At first, Wen Qing’s expression remained the same (slightly annoyed, which really, such a shame to see it so often on a lovely face like that), and then her dark eyes grew wide and her lips parted with what could only be astonishment. Her strong fingers bit into Wei Wuxian’s wrist for a moment, then let go so she could smack him on top of his head.

“You fool!”

“Ow! That hurt, you hit me,” Wei Wuxian whined while Wen Ning called out his sister’s name.

“You’re pregnant!” Wen Qing glared at him while Wen Ning smiled, his face bright with joy.

“Congratulations, Master Wei, that’s such good—oh!” Wen Ning ducked his head and blinked in confusion when he was smacked by his sister as well. “A-jie?”

“It’s not good news,” Wen Qing snapped, her alpha nature flaring for a moment before she let out a slow breath and controlled herself. “He should have told me he’s pregnant, because there’s no way we can do the surgery now.”

“What?” Wei Wuxian snatched at Wen Qing’s hand while he shook his head, upset at the news; what did his condition have to do with anything? “Why can’t you? I’m perfectly fine, there’s no reason you can’t—”

“Because it’ll kill the child and possibly you if I go ahead with it!” Wen Qing shook her hand free and pressed it against his lower dantian while he stared at her in shock. “There’s the fact that your body will undergo a great strain during the surgery, and then another after you lose your golden core. Even if you both survived those things… the father was a cultivator, right?” She stared at him intently as her hand drifted to rest against his curved belly. “A powerful one?” There was a knowing glint to her eyes as she spoke, yet she didn’t mention any names.

“Yes.” Wei Wuxian refused to think about Lan Zhan right then, but he could acknowledge that much.

“Yes,” Wen Qing echoed while Wen Ning stared at the both of them as if he was an owl transformed into a human. “Which means the child will be a cultivator, too. It doesn’t have a golden core of its own yet, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t benefiting from yours.” Her expression took on a bitter edge as she rocked back on her heels, her hands clasped in her lap. “I’ve seen Wen Zhuliu wield his talent. Once, he was ordered to use it against the pregnant wife of a lord who’d angered Wen Rouhan. She survived, as did the child, but the boy couldn’t cultivate. You can make decisions for yourself all you want, but I won’t be responsible for harming a child or stripping it of its future.”

Wei Wuxian wrapped his arms around his middle as he tried to digest what he’d learned. “But… but Jiang Cheng,” he said as he glanced at his unconscious brother. “What’s going to happen when he wakes up without a core?” It would be worse than before, now that he’d been given the hope of having it restored.

Wen Qing cast a worried glance at Jiang Cheng then shook her head. “Maybe we can—”

“Wha—what about me?”

Wei Wuxian and Wen Qing gaped at Wen Ning; as usual, the quiet beta had faded into the background until he’d spoken. “What about you?” Wei Wuxian asked as he toyed with the beaded bracelet on his wrist. “Do you have an idea?”

“What about giving Young Master Jiang my core?”

Wen Qing was quick to shake her head. “No, that’s out of the question, we’ll figure something else out.”

For once, Wen Ning didn’t allow himself to be cowed by his older sister. “What, A-jie? This was the only solution you and Master Wei could find, and now he can’t go through with it. You can use my core instead,” he offered as he lightly thumped himself on the chest.

“No,” Wei Wuxian said, even as a part of him wanted to accept Wen Ning’s offer, to go along with anything that would save his little brother. “I can’t let you do this.” It was too much of a sacrifice.

“Neither can I.” Wen Qing grabbed hold of Wen Ning’s shoulders and gave him a quick shake as if to make him think properly. “I know you want to help, but this… this is too much! It’s your golden core!”

“I know that,” Wen Ning said as he placed his right hand on her shoulder, his expression earnest as always. “What good has mine ever done for me?” When she made as if to argue, he shook his head. “I’m not as strong as you and the young masters, and I know I’ll never be because of… of my illness.” He pressed his left hand against his chest while Wen Qing appeared guilt-stricken by his words. “You’ve done everything you could for me, but I’ll always be like this. I’m sure young Master Jiang will take my golden core and make something useful out of it.”

“There has to be something else we can do, you can’t just give up your golden core like this!” Wen Qing sounded near tears as she argued with her brother, yet Wen Ning held firm.

“You’re the best doctor I know, probably the best there is, A-jie, and if you don’t know about it then it doesn’t exist. And you know I’m never going to achieve much with mine, so give it to Master Jiang so he can make a difference in the world. It’s what I want.”

As Wen Qing began to cry, Wei Wuxian finally found his voice. “Wen Ning… you don’t have to do this. Any debt you believe you may owe me for saving your life has been repaid.” He wanted to accept what his friend was offering, but it was too much—especially after everything the siblings had done for them in the past couple weeks.

Wen Ning shook his head, his lips curled in a gentle smile. “I want to do it, Master Wei. This way… this way a part of me will be out there fighting, will be setting right the wrongs my clan are committing.”

The fact that he spoke so clearly and fervently, without any stuttering or self-consciousness, convinced Wei Wuxian that Wen Ning meant every word. Wen Qing must have realized the same, since she sat up straight and wiped away her tears, her expression solemn as she gazed at her brother.

“Do you truly want to do this?”

“Mm!” Wen Ning nodded once.

Wen Qing closed her eyes and took a deep breath as if centering herself. “Very well, you’ll assist me while I repair Jiang Wanyin’s meridians.” She then turned to Wei Wuxian. “I’ll need your help with the second part of the surgery.”

“Yes, anything you require,” he promised, unable to believe that they were still going through with the transfer after all. When Wen Qing stood and went over to the brazier, Wei Wuxian grabbed Wen Ning by the arm. “Thank you,” he told his friend, his voice thick with emotion.

Wen Ning smiled once more. “You’re welcome, Master—”

“No, no more of that,” Wei Wuxian said as he patted Wen Ning’s arm. “We’re brother’s now, so you have to call me Wei Ying or A-Xian or gege.” He grinned when Wen Ning attempted to stutter out a denial. “How about Ying-ge?”

“Bu—but—”

“No buts!” Wei Wuxian frowned at his new little brother. “I mean it, we’re family now. Accept it.”

Wen Ning, his face mottled with red, gawked at him for several seconds before he ducked his head. “Even A-jie?”

Wei Wuxian hummed as he rubbed the side of his nose. “Well, I already have the best big sister in the world, but I suppose Shijie won’t mind if I take on another one.” He grinned when he heard Wen Qing mutter something about how she should have kept her mouth shut about his condition.

“Mm, A-jie is amazing.” Wen Ning paused for a moment before he gave Wei Wuxian a quick pat on the left shoulder. “Ying-ge.” Then he scurried over to his sister’s side while Wei Wuxian was left stunned silent at his new nickname.

Once Wen Ning was within reach, Wen Qing cradled his face between her hands and gazed into his eyes until he gave a slight nod. There was a rasp to her voice when she told him to prepare for the transfer, which disappeared when she ordered Wei Wuxian to her side so she could explain to him what she required over the next couple days. Basically, he would watch the first part of the operation to become familiar with the items Wen Qing needed, would fetch anything she asked him to, and would provide spiritual energy to her, Wen Ning and Jiang Cheng. 

He quickly agreed to everything, considering that Wen Qing was doing all the hard work and Wen Ning giving up his own golden core, leaving him to do very little (relatively speaking).

Wei Wuxian had already considered Wen Qing a brilliant doctor, having read through the medical treatises she’d written and witnessing her talent first-hand. Now, he had to agree with Wen Ning’s assertion that she was the best one alive after watching her painstakingly heal the damage Wen Zhului had wrought to his brother’s meridians so Wen Ning’s core could be transplanted into his body, her concentration and control not slipping once over the long hours. He fed them both a slight stream of energy and tried not to think of his friend’s hands in his brother’s abdomen.

He tried not to think about how very soon, those hands would be in Wen Ning’s abdomen.

When it came time to remove Wen Ning’s golden core, the young man laid down beside Jiang Cheng without any hesitation, a reassuring smile on his broad face which froze in place when his sister paralyzed him with her needles. Wei Wuxian held his friend’s hand as Wen Qing cut into his flesh, the tightness around her eyes her only sign of distress.

If Wei Wuxian thought that time had passed slowly while she had worked on Jiang Cheng, it practically crawled during the hours it took for Wen Qing to remove Wen Ning’s golden core. Only the fact that the glowing sphere didn’t disperse into nothing when she quickly shoved it into Jiang Cheng’s lower belly made the muffled moans of agony from Wen Ning bearable, put to rest the thought that such a selfless young man had suffered everything for no reason.

It took a couple more hours before Wen Qing finished with everything (and finally allowed her brother to pass out); she slumped exhausted next to Wei Wuxian, who’d practically drained himself dry feeding spiritual energy to her, Jiang Cheng and Wen Ning. “Stop that,” she mumbled when he tried to give her a little more. “Think of the baby.”

“I’m thinking I won’t be any good for anyone if something goes wrong.” He groaned as he rested against the side of the tent as well. “It worked, right?” The last time he’d checked, he felt a steady pulse of qi in Jiang Cheng; it wasn’t as strong as his old core had been, but it was there. Wei Wuxian figured that for now, it was enough for Jiang Cheng to wield a sword and fly (for short distances at least), and that his brother would work hard to make it stronger.

“Yes, it worked.” Wen Qing cast a tender look at her brother. “It had to work.”

“What happens now?”

She closed her eyes and tilted her head back as if contemplating the question; Wei Wuxian got up to pour them each a cup of tea, and smiled when Wen Qing gave him a slight nod in gratitude for the drink. “Now… I’ll monitor them for a few more hours. Once he’s stable, you can leave. When he’s healed enough, I’ll let him wake up so he can go, too.”

“What about you?” Wei Wuxian frowned when she didn’t answer. “What are the two of you going to do?”

Wen Qing gave a one-shoulder shrug. “What does it matter? You got what you wanted.”

“Because I wasn’t lying when I said you’re family now,” he said as he lowered the cup of tea. “And I want to know that my family will be safe. Don’t make your didi worry about you.” He pouted for added effect.

She turned enough to look at him, her expression inscrutable, before she shook her head, a hint of a smile on her lips. “You’re incorrigible.” 

“I’m adorable, brilliant and handsome, my shijie tells me that all the time.” He smiled when Wen Qing rolled her eyes at that statement. 

“You’re also delusional.” When he went to complain, Wen Qing held up her hand and gave him a stern look before she glanced at their sleeping brothers. “I’ll wait until A-Ning heals, which will take longer, and then we’ll return to the Supervisory Office.”

He frowned at that and rubbed his nose. “Is that wise? What if they come looking for Wen Ning for helping us?”

Wen Qing shook her head then sipped her tea; Wei Wuxian shifted so he could lift the pot and refill her cup. “Let them come. I’ll tell them I’ve already handled his punishment.”

It took Wei Wuxian a moment to realize what she meant. “You’ll tell them that you removed his golden core for helping us.” He gazed at her in admiration, for being able to turn her brother’s sacrifice into something that would protect them both.

She nodded once. “It’s a way fo both of us to escape Wen Rouhan’s wrath without him being turned into a puppet or being tortured, and should keep him from being sent to fight.”

No one needed to know that Wen Ning had done it willingly or that Wen Qing would never treat her beloved younger brother so harshly, no one but the three of them. “We’ll still keep this a secret from Jiang Cheng.” Wei Wuxian had planned to not let his brother know about the transfer of golden cores when it was supposed to be his golden core sacrificed, and saw no reason for that to change now.

Wen Qing nodded again. “That’s likely for the best,” she said, which surprised Wei Wuxian since she’d argued differently before. “He’ll probably suspect A-Ning of some ulterior motive for giving up his core.”

Wei Wuxian didn't say anything, he merely pressed his lips together at the thought of how Jiang Cheng couldn’t see past the hatred for all Wens and realize how much the two siblings had done for them. Instead, he inhaled slowly and took the empty cup from Wen Qing’s slightly trembling hand. “Get some rest,” he told her. “I’ll watch these two for a few hours and wake you if there’s any sign of trouble. Sleep a little then you can check Jiang Cheng one more time before I go.”

It looked as if she wanted to argue, but Wen Qing was too exhausted from the golden core transfer to remain awake much longer. She examined Wen Ning and Jiang Cheng briefly then finally stretched out near her brother to sleep, unconscious within a few seconds.

Wei Wuxian brewed more tea and nibbled on a handful of dried fruit one of the Wen siblings had packed (probably Wen Ning) while he forced himself to remain awake. He would check his brother and Wen Ning every now and then, to reassure himself that Jiang Cheng’s new golden core hadn’t vanished and that Wen Ning continued to recover, then tried to distract himself with plans on what to do next.

He’d leave Jiang Cheng on the mountain with the Wen siblings to continue healing and go to Yilin to wait for him at the inn they’d agreed upon earlier. Once they both were up to it, they’d travel to Lanling to reunite with Jiang Yanli and look into the rumors of Qinghe calling the clans together for war. 

Oh, and at some point Wei Wuxian would have to let his brother in on the secret about his lotus seed, but one thing at a time. He figured he’d worry about that when he was far enough along that they couldn’t fight—well, that Jiang Yanli was there to keep Jiang Cheng from throttling him then attempting to kill Lan Zhan for ‘besmirching’ his ‘honor’.

“Ah, lotus seed, it may be small but it’s a wonderful family you’ll have,” he whispered while he rubbed his belly. “Your aunt will spoil you with the best food and your uncle will fight off anyone who dares to look at you the wrong way. You certainly will be loved.” He thought about the stranger he’d met at the market in Yunmeng, right after he’d realized he was pregnant. Somehow, the woman had known about his condition when not even Madame Yu had figured it out, and had gifted him with the beaded charm bracelet he now wore on his left wrist, which she swore would provide protection to him and his child. She also had said that his child would be a powerful cultivator and that she had an old soul, the woman’s expression wistful as she talked about the unborn babe. 

Wei Wuxian wasn’t one to take such prophecies seriously, but there’d been something about the woman, a quiet yet deep thrum of power to her, a reverberation of truth to her words, and a comforting sense to the bracelet, that he accepted the gift and bowed in gratitude to her before walking away. That and… well, who didn’t want to hear that their child would grow into a powerful cultivator? Not that he had many doubts of it happening, considering that Lan Zhan was the father. 

“I do hope you’re a girl,” he said as he glanced at a sleeping Wen Qing. “Someone like mom to give those stuffy Lans fits.” He didn’t think that Lan Zhan would try to force any claim on the child if the truth came out, not when there was no mating bond between them nor marriage, but there would be less pressure on the Lan clan’s heir if Wei Wuxian bore a girl; they tended to favor men as sect leaders, not women.

“You’ll be Yunmeng Jiang, just like me.” Wei Wuxian smiled as he thought about a young woman robed in purple, her long hair held back with a red ribbon. Would she have grey eyes like him and his mother, or golden ones like Lan Zhan? Best if they were grey, he decided. He hoped she would have his mother’s smile, one of the few things he clearly remembered about her, and the sense of humor everyone said he had inherited from the woman. 

Mostly, he wished that his child never grew up like he did, starving on the streets and all alone, orphaned at a young age. He swore he’d always be there for his child, that they would never know such grief and fear.

When he felt as if he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer, Wen Qing stirred and slowly sat up. She blinked a couple times then whirled around to her brother, her hands seeking out the pulse point on his left wrist; after a moment, she sagged in relief then continued with the examination. While she did that, Wei Wuxian brewed a fresh pot of tea.

Once she had examined Jiang Cheng as well, he handed her a cup of tea. “Everything good?”

“Yes.” Her dark eyes narrowed while she sipped the hot beverage. “Did you get any rest?” When he shrugged, she set the cup aside and snatched at his wrist, only to click her tongue after a few seconds. “You’re very low on spiritual energy and nearing the limits of your body. You need to sleep.”

“I’ll get plenty, once I get to Yilin,” he promised, even going as far as to raise three fingers by his forehead. “I’ll be fine.”

“Don’t forget that you’re responsible for more than yourself now.” Wen Qing placed a hand over his growing belly and concentrated for a few seconds before she clicked her tongue again. “What the gods were thinking by making you an omega, we’ll never know,” she said as she turned away.

“That my children will be as beautiful, clever and adored as I am,” Wei Wuxian said after he stuck his tongue at her (while her back was turned, he wasn’t stupid). 

Wen Qing glanced heavenward as if beseeching the gods for patience, then shoved several things into a small bag. Once she was done, she handed it to Wuxan. “Chew on these on your way to Yilin. And be careful from now on,” she admonished, her tone harsh but eyes filled with concern, “because there’s not much else we can do for you.”

Wei Wuxian accepted the bag and gave her a deep bow. “I am eternally in you and Wen Qionglin’s debt for everything you’ve done for me and my siblings. If you need anything, you just have to ask. Anything.”

She sighed and tugged on the sleeve of his black hanfu to make him stand up straight. “I thought we were family now, there’s no need for such things.” Then she wrinkled her upturned nose. “That and it seems unnatural, seeing you act like this.”

“Aww, Qing-jie is- aiya!” Wei Wuxian stumbled backwards, away from the needles suddenly brandished in his face.

“Don’t call me that, and shouldn’t you be leaving?” Wen Qing gave him a cool look and didn’t put the needles away until he nodded.

She begrudgingly waited for him to say ‘goodbye’ to his unconscious brother then walked with him back to the trail which would lead down the mountain. Assured that JIang Cheng would be alright, as would Wen Ning, Wei Wuxian wished her ‘goodbye’ as well and went on his way. He discovered that she’d given him several small balls of herbs that tasted horrible when he chewed them, but helped push aside the exhaustion so that he made good time back to Yilin. 

Still, all he wanted was to eat a good meal, have a long, hot bath and then sleep for a day or two. He thought longingly about a few jars of wine, until he felt the charm bracelet slip along his left wrist.

“The sacrifices I make for you, lotus seed,” he said as he walked, struck by a strong pang of loss yet again for Subian; if only he had his sword, he’d already be in Yilin.

If only he had his sword, maybe things would have been different when the Wens had attacked Lotus Pier. 

Eventually, he finally arrived at the designated inn on the outskirts of Yilin; he was so tired, he hardly recalled much of the last half-day of travel. Perhaps that was the reason why Wen Chao found him so quickly, or maybe it was just a case of truly bad luck. All Wei Wuxian knew was that he’d barely sat down in the inn when Wen Chao, along with Wen Zhuliu, Wang Lingjiao and several soldiers, burst into the building.

He got up to run away, only to find Wen Zhuliu in his path; the man grabbed him by the front of his robes with his left hand, his right hand pressed against Wei Wuxian’s chest, before the bastard frowned and pulled the hand back to punch Wei Wuxian instead and send him flying through the air to land on top of a table. Exhausted and still drained of energy, both physical and spiritual, Wei Wuxian could do little more than curl his body in a manner to protect the child growing inside of it.

As soon as he regained his footing, one of the soldiers kicked him in the back, which knocked him onto the ground. Wen Chao, the smug asshole, trod on his right hand and taunted him, asking him why didn’t he get up and where his arrogance had gone. He was told to get back up, despite the asshole standing on his foot; eventually two soldiers had to haul him upright.

“Where is Jiang Cheng?” Wen Chao demanded to know. “What, you don't want to talk? You know you can’t save him even if you remain silent. Right now, Jiang Cheng is merely a waste. He’s no better than livestock.”

Wei Wuxian listened to the useless second son of the Wen clan insult his brother and the Yunmeng Jiang clan, as he was told to beg like a dog (a dog!) and crawl on the ground if he wanted to be let go (he knew it was a lie, did Wen Chao think he was as stupid as him?). Even Wang Lingjiao started yipping away as if she was of any importance.

Of course Wei Wuxian didn’t take them up on their ‘offer’ (blatant lie), so it wasn’t any surprise when the arrogant asshole ordered his soldiers to beat him; once again, Wei Wuxian curled up in a protective manner to protect his child as much as possible. Part of him wondered how the soldiers would react if they knew they were attacking a pregnant omega, before he decided that Wen Chao probably wouldn’t care about breaking such an important taboo (and he couldn’t risk the Wens finding out that Lan Zhan was the father).

The assault eventually stopped, only for Wen Chao to threaten Wei Wuxian as if he was anything more than a pathetic bully whose only real power lay in the weapons his father loaned out to him. There was a moment of fear when he called upon Wen Zhuliu to destroy Wei Wuxian’s core, but Wei Wuxian managed to talk his way out of it before the man moved to obey. He foolishly believed that might be improving (despite Wang Lingjiao slicing into his chest with that damn brand she never seemed to be without), before he was dragged out of outside and hauled into the air.

At first he thought they might be taking him to Qishan with the intent of throwing him in the dungeons there, but eventually Wen Chao, the pompous asshole, began talking about the Burial Mounds in Yiling. Wei Wuxian’s eyes grew wide and his heart raced when it became clear what was going to happen to him, but he was too battered and drained of energy to do more than attempt to struggle. Not a moment later, mocking laughter broke out as he was flung downward, toward the darkness and source of overpowering resentful energy that was the Burial Mounds.

Pushing all panic aside, he quickly cast a talisman for wind in an attempt to slow his descent; it worked somewhat, but he still rushed toward the ground. He tried another one, which seemed to have a greater effect (there was an odd heat around his left wrist for some reason), so he then cast his binding spell, the gleaming blue thread forming on his left wrist, which he cast out as he quickly approached what looked to be large trees. Be it by luck or the blessings of the gods, it managed to latch on to one of the tall, spindly structures. A sharp pain tore through his left shoulder when the line grew taut, but his impact upon the ground was lessened to the point that he didn’t die immediately.

No, he merely passed out.

He woke to the sound of screams, of voices calling out his names and cries of vengeance, and a wall of fierce corpses standing in the near distance. Surprised that he hadn’t been devoured by the undead creatures while unconscious, he noticed two things: that there was a glowing, pale blue circle around him and that just outside of it floated the sword he’d found inside the Tortoise of Slaughter and had placed inside his quankin pouch. Confused, battered both by resentful energies and what the Wens had done to him, Wei Wuxian managed to sit up somewhat, hunched forward as he felt for the spark of life inside of him that had been steadily growing the last few months. He almost slumped face first into the ground when he realized that his unborn child had survived everything (so far, a hysterical voice whispered in his head) by some miraculous means.

He needed to get his act together and ensure his lotus seed remained alright; that meant figuring a way to get out of the Burial Mounds alive, something no one had ever done. It was a good thing the Yunmeng Jiang clan’s motto was ‘attempt the impossible’.

He took in the bleak surroundings: the bones scattered everywhere and numerous gravestones, the mist which obscured his vision after a few yards, and a lack of sunlight which made it impossible to tell the time of day. There was the oppressive miasma of resentful energy along with the endless chorus of voices calling out to him, which he did his best to block out of his head. His right hand clutched at the bracelet around his left wrist while he attempted to concentrate, his fingers quick to find the gap from two missing beads.

Had they been broken in the fall? Or during the beating back at the inn? Wei Wuxian didn’t have much time to ponder what had happened to the charm since the intensity of the voices’ shrieking increased to a painful level, as did the pressure from the resentful energy. He struggled to fight against the insidious forces, but he didn’t have much spiritual energy.

However, he remembered that the odd sword had some sort of power to it, that it seemed tied to the ghostly voices in the Dusk-Creek Mountain cave. Or maybe he’d hit his head on something during the fall, or been kicked one too many times by those Wen bastards. The thing was, he and his unborn child weren’t going anywhere unless he did something, and right then? The sword seemed the only source of power around, which meant it might be of some help.

Or it might be one huge mistake, but Wei Wuxian didn’t have many choices available as well as a history of turning mistakes into his favor (well, mostly). 

He half-crawled toward the sword and only hesitated a moment to reach past the safety of the circle (where had it come from?) for the weapon’s hilt. For a moment all was quiet, and then the screaming came back in force.

Wei Wuxian

Do you want vengeance?

Young Master Wei

Stay with us

Hurt the ones who’ve hurt you, Wei Wuxian

Wei Ying

Do you want to stay?

What about vengeance?

The voices were so loud, so constant, as were their shrieks of pain and rage. He thought some of them sounded familiar, thought they might be the dead from Lotus Pier, yet he also thought he heard Lan Zhan say his name once or twice when he dwelled on the voices calling for vengeance. By the time he reached the sword, the voices were an incoherent cacophony in his head that funneled to one thunderous question as his hands wrapped around ice-cold metal.

DO YOU WANT VENGEANCE?

For a moment, Wei Wuxian could see himself standing in the Palace of Sun and Flames, surrounded by an endless sea of Wen corpses, the heads of Wen Rouhan and his sons mounted on pikes behind him. He hungered for the vision to come true, for the Wens to pay for what they’d done to the Jiangs and the Lans… and then he felt a faint flutter in his belly and heard Wen Qing chide him to take better care of himself.

“I… I want the power to protect myself and my loved ones,” he told the voice (the sword?). “To defend them from those who would cause harm.” Who had caused harm.

VENGEANCE!

He thought of Jiang Yanli and shook his head.”I want more than that for my child!” He didn’t want someone to come after her for what he’d done, he wanted an end to the fighting. “Protection!”

Child? 

A child. Home

Family

It was faint, but some of the voices seemed to be breaking off from the sword. “Yes, a child, my child. I’ll fight anyone to keep them safe, can’t you understand that?” To give them a happy, safe life.” I want to give them peace, not eternal war,” he pleaded with the sword and the voices. “I understand revenge, I want it, too, but not at the cost of my child’s peace. Help me give my child peace.”

Vengeance

Family, they took away my family

I only wanted a husband and child of my own

Wei Ying

My child was so young

Was he getting somewhere with them? Wei Wuxian gritted his teeth together, his hands long turned numb from holding onto the sword, and offered the voices (the dead) a consoling smile. “Help me, and I’ll help you,” he promised.

*******

Somehow all my italics got messed up. Grrr.

So, the a/b/o here - it’s more lowkey than in other fics, if you can’t tell, and basically comes across as how people reproduce. People don’t put down omegas as being weak or lesser, it just means they are more fertile than betas and can bear children (and so usually have a protected status, especially when pregnant). An alpha/omega pairing will produce the most offspring, but other pairings can technically produce them as well, just with less odds of success. That means no one looks down on WWX for being an omega, though they’d chastise him (and his partner) for having a child out of wedlock and for him not taking care of himself while pregnant. That’s more to deal with the value placed on family and honor than anything.

No obvious scenting, either, at least not until one is in heat/rut, and it’s considered normal for people to take daily medicine (tea or the such) to lessen the impact of them if not put them off all-together, and to prevent unplanned pregnancies.

Also, I’m probably going to skip most honorifics except the immediate family ones. I’ve only the very beginning knowledge of Chinese. Please forgive any mistakes there along with the culture, I appreciate any corrections.

And I promise, a new chapter of Casts a Shadow up this weekend!

[falsegoodnight]

✰ say a little prayer: an outtake ✰

*a harry-centric drabble from sleeping on our problems taking place the five days after louis told harry about the baby.

(obviously: major spoilers from the fic!

a birthday present for @louislyrics <3 thank you for asking the question that sparked this!

The door shuts behind Louis with a dull thud, silence echoing as Harry stares at the wood, mouth still dropped open with his protest lingering on his lips. 

A wave of nausea rises in him, strengthened only by his disbelief, confusion, and slowly festering panic. 

Pregnant. Louis is pregnant. 

With his baby. 

The panic grows, tightening in his chest and filling his lungs. He exhales jaggedly, hands shaking as he sits down on his bed stiffly and places them on his knees, bracing himself.

He’s twenty. He’s twenty years old and he’s gone and knocked up an omega. He’s just recently been picked as captain. The season is picking up soon and he’s got classes and responsibilities and he’s knocked up an omega. 

A product of him and Louis has been planted in Louis’ stomach and will grow into a living breathing human after just nine and a half months. The white gap on his wall between his window and a poster sears into his burning eyes as he stares blankly. 

He doesn’t realize someone has entered his room until a hand lands on his shoulder, jerking him out of his tense actions. Liam’s face slowly comes into view when he glances down, a worried furrow between his brow. 

His mouth is open too, closing and widening as if pronouncing syllables and words, trying to communicate - except Harry can hardly hear a word through the thundering of his heart, deafening in his ears and making his vision go blurry. 

“Harry,” Liam says, maybe for the fifth or dozenth time, “Harry, are you okay?” 

Opening his mouth, he is unable to respond. Is he okay? Is he okay after finding out he’s going to be a father when he’s only twenty years old? 

And it’s like - Harry has always known he wants children, wants to find a nice omega and settle down and put a baby or a bunch of babies in them. He wants to have a family. He gets off on the idea, for fuck’s sake. But it’s different having it sprung on him so suddenly. It’s different because he’s not ready. Not even close. 

He’s Captain for fuck’s sake. He’s got a year to play well and play hard to up his chances of being drafted to a good team in the summer. Not to mention, an entire team not to let down. Hockey is his life - it’s been his life since he first got onto the ice at eight years old and fuck, he wants it to continue being his life for a long time. 

“H, you’re worrying me, what’s wrong?” Liam continues, sounding completely bewildered. Harry can’t blame him. He’s Harry - always cool headed, calm, and driven. Not much rattles him, though it’s safe to say this definitely has. 

“Liam,” he says slowly, voice hoarse. He forces himself to make eye contact with the fellow alpha, taking a deep shuddery breath. “Liam, I’m going to be a dad.” 

He watches as the words process and Liam’s face morphs into one of disbelief. He watches as Liam looks at him, face pale once he sees the tears in Harry’s eyes and the raw honesty on his face. He watches as he realizes it’s the truth. 

Fumbling for words, Liam sits down on the bed beside him. “Um,” he starts, giving Harry an anxious look. 

Shaking his head, Harry explains properly. He reminds Liam about Louis, the omega he hooked up with at their end-of-summer party and who helped him with his rut. He tells him that Louis wants to keep the baby. “I mean, s’his body, his choice, of course,” he says panickedly. “But he also wants to know if I want to be involved and-” He cuts off, unable to continue. 

Liam is silent for a bit. “What’re you going to do?” he asks eventually, voice soft and gentle. 

It’s still enough for Harry to break. Suddenly he’s crying into his hands, shaking because he has no fucking idea what he’s going to do. He’s twenty - he’s twenty years old and he has no fucking idea what he’s doing. 

He thinks of Louis. Sweet and beautiful Louis who’s caught his eye more than any omega he’s ever met, who his inner alpha feels an inexplicable pull towards, against his mind’s wishes. If he hadn’t been so dedicated to hockey, he wonders how things might have been between them. If this would be playing out a little differently. 

Most of all he wonders how Louis isn’t in pieces like him. He’s the same age as Harry and yet he was so sure - so certain of this new permanent fixture in his life. 

Even when he left, face crumpled and close to tears much to the torment of his inner alpha, there was no trace of regret or doubt in his face. He wants to keep the baby. He’s okay with being a mother and raising a child. 

Meanwhile Harry feels like he’s going to puke. He keeps crying, letting Liam awkwardly pat his back and murmur semi-encouraging words, struggling to handle an emotionally distressed Harry when he’s never even seen him cry before today. But Harry soaks up the little bit of comfort Liam offers, closing his eyes shut and wanting to scream because the ultrasound picture  he left on his desk is still branded across his eyelids. 

One thing’s for sure, he needs to make a decision here. But first he has to come to terms with it. 

-

Harry wakes up on Sunday morning and almost forgets the revelation of the evening before. 

He told Liam to tell their frat brothers he was feeling ill and would be eating in his room. Then he proceeded to have his dinner, which was tasteless and overall unappealing to him, while staring aimlessly at his laptop screen where Criminal Minds was playing. He remembers nothing of the two episodes he watched, putting his laptop on the nightstand and yanking his clothes off so he can sleep about three hours earlier than usual. 

Though he forgets, it comes back to him like a knife to the chest when he glances at his desk where the ultrasound is sitting, black and white little blob and all. He sucks in a breath and then exhales through his nose, heading to the door and slamming the door shut behind him.

Liam must have told the others to leave him alone because no one comes up to tell him good morning or complain about current chore assignments. He’s sure he’s radiating frustrated pheromones as he grabs some cereal and an energy drink. 

There’s a morning practice in half an hour so Harry brings his breakfast upstairs with him, eating as he gets dressed and grabs his stuff. 

He stares at the ultrasound as he gathers his gear, eyes latched onto it even when he’s stuffing everything in his duffel along with his water bottle, before turning his head and looking away. He pushes it all down. 

Striving to the door, he hesitates, glancing back at the desk. With an exhausted sigh, he walks back to the desk.

After spending the entire morning avoiding the elephant in the room, it all comes rushing back to him, a heavy weight in his lungs making it hard for him to breathe. But he makes himself look at the paper, lets himself study the small blob in the middle that will be his and Louis’ pup.

His pup. His child. 

He wonders what they’d look like. Would they look more like him or Louis? He imagines a baby in his head but its face flashes between Louis’ delicate features and his sharper ones, Louis’ big blue eyes and his green ones, Louis’ soft smile and his own. 

“Harry,” Liam says, knocking gently on the door. He’s cautious as he reminds Harry that they have to get to practice.

Harry nods, gnawing on his lip. “I’ll meet you down there,” he murmurs, not moving his eyes from the ultrasound picture. There’s traces of Louis’ scent on it, sweet ripe strawberries. So lovely and intoxicating and so much deeper now. Deeper because of the baby. He glances at Liam who hasn’t left, a concerned frown on his face. “I’m fine,” he swears, voice lowering to a whisper. 

Liam dips his head to his chest in acknowledgment and backs out of the room. 

Heart fluttering painfully, Harry realizes that he just spent five minutes thinking about his child and not panicking. 

Examining the black and white sheet carefully, he folds it gently and tucks it into his jacket pocket. It sits there like a promise through the entire day. 

-

Harry spends the next couple of days going through his normal routines and attending classes and practice completely dazed. He zones out during lectures, mind wandering to heartbeats and tiny limbs. He’s distant with his frat brothers and absent from his friends; ignoring text messages and Snapchats and cutting all interactions with everyone, except Liam, short. His mind is constantly spinning with thoughts of ultrasounds, parenting, and panic. 

How is he expected to talk to people normally when a lump the size of a boulder is clawing up his throat and fighting to spill out, his thoughts utterly consumed by something the size of a cherry. 

(A size of a cherry. That’s what the internet said when he googled information on babies at 9 weeks in the middle of Music Theory. Itty bitty. Just bigger than the pad of his thumb.)

He’s distracted in practice and everyone notices, including Coach, who pulls him aside during a practice game to tell him off for being sloppy. He’s captain for fuck’s sake and the season is just kicking off. He can’t afford to be so spaced out - he’s lectured on this point over and over, head ducked and shame curling in his stomach. 

And yet, he can’t stop himself from pulling the picture out of his pocket during class or practice or in the middle of the night when he wakes up staring at the ceiling, while his insecurities and nerves whirl around him like a never ending nightmare. 

The folds grow cracked and worn with the amount of times he opens and refolds the paper; looking, staring, and memorizing the lines of his future pup as his heart beats painfully. 

On Wednesday, three days after he found out, he calls his mom.

She answers with a, “Hey, lovey,” like she always does, chipper and happy.

Harry swallows, closing his eyes. When he speaks, his voice shakes. “Mom, I have something to tell you.” 

As if sensing the panic in his voice, her response is soft and encouraging. “You can tell me anything, darling.”

“I don’t want you to be disappointed,” he whispers. 

“You’ve never disappointed me and you never will,” she says easily, sounding confused and curious. 

It doesn’t make him feel any better. His stomach is twisting painfully when he finally works up the courage to blurt it out. “I got someone pregnant.” 

His mother’s shock is palpable, bleeding through the phone and seeping into his skin until he’s flinching, the hitch in her breathing almost deafening to his ringing ears. 

Before he knows it, his tears are brimming again. 

“Mom,” he says desperately. “Say something.” 

“Harry,” she says. “Oh my god.”

Needless to say, he starts crying again. The whole story comes tumbling out and his mother is achingly indecipherable, asking him questions about if they used protection (no, but Louis had been on birth control) and how far along Louis is (9 weeks and 4 days as far as Harry knows) and how well they know each other (“Not well at all,” he had been forced to admit). 

“Honey,” she starts, voice gentle but firm. “I’m your mother and you know I always want the best for you. But you also know I’ll never bullshit you, which is why I feel comfortable telling you that there’s a right and wrong decision to make here and I swear to God, Harry Edward Styles, that if you choose the wrong path - the coward’s path, I will come up there and -”

“Mom, I’m not abandoning him,” he interrupts, gaping. “What the fuck?”

“I know you’re not,” she scoffs. “I meant if you choose not to have a joint-custody. I know you, darling, and I know how much you’d regret it if you let one of your own flesh and blood slip through your fingers even when you’re as young as you are.”

“I…” He trails off, swallowing. “How am I supposed to raise a child when I want to be in the NHL?”

“How is this omega supposed to carry a child while attending classes and living his own life?” she counters. “I’ll tell you how. You figure it out. You work your ass off and you come up with solutions and you never give up. When it comes to family, you can move mountains if need be.” 

Harry exhales, words embedding themselves into his skin and sticking there. He nods even though she can’t see him. She’s right. She’s completely right. It’s been four days and his pup is still just an embryo but he’s already attached. He’s in too deep and there’s no way he can settle for anything less than as much as he can get. “What about weekends?” he suggests.

“Weekends,” Anne repeats. “Is that what you want?” 

He takes his time to respond, mulling it over and considering every option. Is it possible for me to do this? he thinks. Is it possible that he can live and breathe hockey and other obligations while still being a father that his pup deserves?

In the end, it’s an easy question to answer. 

“Yes,” he says, no signs of hesitance or doubt in his voice. “It’s what I want.”

“I’m glad to hear that, darling. So glad. But I also need you to understand. Being a parent will change your life forever - it’s the most satisfying and fulfilling and beautiful thing, but it’s hard. Looking after another human being is a full-time commitment and I know you want kids, but it’s different when you’re actually having them.”

“I know,” he says. He’ll need to do research and tag along to appointments and be as involved as he can. He’ll need to find time for his pup - make time for them - both before and after they’re born. “I’ll do my best.”

“And I don’t care if you and this omega are nothing but strangers,” she continues fiercely. “That child is half yours and this omega will be carrying it for the both of you these next nine months. You better be there trying to make it even a little bit easier for him every step of the way.”

He sputters. “Of course,” he says, defensive. “I would hope you’d expect better of me than that.”

“And I’d hope I raised you well enough that you’ll treat this omega as good as if he were your own omega and support him as much as possible,” she says.

“You did, I will,” he argues, brows furrowing. He thinks about Louis and how much discomfort, pain, and struggles he’ll have to endure over his pregnancy and how he knows he’ll handle it brilliantly. Because Louis is smart and determined and he’s going to be a brilliant mother. 

He knows it. 

“I love you and I’m proud of you,” his mother says after a beat, voice softening. “And I’ll be here for you whenever you need me, honey. Just a few hours away. For you and Louis.”

It’s the first time she’s said his name out loud and Harry’s heart does a funny thing at the sound. “I love you too,” he says belatedly. 

“Robin’s going to be home in a few minutes, so stay on,” she says. “I want you to be the one to tell him the news. You have to tell your sister too, but maybe in a little bit. I don’t want to overwhelm you, darling. But how long do you think is the appropriate time to wait before telling the relatives?”

Harry can’t help but smile as she rambles on but it fades as his earlier worries return. She wants to tell the relatives but Harry’s still scrambling to process, to believe. 

“Mom,” he says, voice ragged. 

“Yes, lovey?” she asks softly, sensing his distress.  

“Do you think I’ll be a good dad?” he breathes, wiping a stray tear with the back of his hand. He hears his mother’s shocked inhale before she’s crying too, telling Harry of course, darling, the best dad in the entire world. 

And Harry, through his tears and worries and anguish, believes her. He can feel it in his bones, in his mind, in his heart. He will be. For his pup, he’d be anything. 

They stay on the phone for hours. 

-

It’s Thursday afternoon, five days after he found out, and Harry’s staring at the creased and wrinkled ultrasound picture - staring at his future - when he pulls out his phone and writes out a text. 

Hey Louis...

-

this is one of quite a few drabbles i have on a list for already-posted fics and the first one i’ve actually finished (whoops) - hopefully i’ll get to the others too!! :) this was really fun for me to write and i hope it was nice to read :)

thank you @soldouthaz and chelsea for looking this over for me! <33

[90s-belladonna]

Alpha Mirio and alpha Hawks courting Fem Omega Reader head cannons, please!?

this is interesting since I headcanon both of them as passive aggressive jealous types so let’s see how it goes! also I’m still new at writing omegaverse stuff so I hope this doesn’t suck, thanks for requesting though🖤

Alpha Mirio & Alpha Hawks Courting Omega Fem!Reader:

Mirio Togata

- he’s not here to play games. he’s the type of alpha who will let you know from the very beginning that you’re the only omega he’s being doting with.

- walks you to class every day, even if you two aren’t in the same course he’ll risk being late to his own class for you

- offers to walk you to your dorm after classes, even if you two are in the same building he just doesn’t want any other alphas getting any ideas

- will ask Tamaki, another omega, about tips to approaching you properly without making you uncomfortable, since he understands that omegas tend to be wary of alphas due to their aggressive nature

- Will inconspicuously try to scent you so others stay away from you when he can’t be around you “you look cold (Name) , here have my jacket.”

- ^ he’s not good at being sneaky so you 100% know what’s up but you let him do it anyway since it’s kind of endearing on your end

- Will growl at other alphas who look your way when you aren’t looking / paying attention

- will often bring you a single rose to class in the morning, maybe a hot chocolate or tea if it’s especially cold or if you’re sick

- will always ask for your consent when it comes to things like holding your hand or wrapping his arm around you since he knows omegas can be distrusting of alphas who try to make skin to skin contact with them

- will write you tiny love notes and stick them in your locker or underneath your dorm room door

- will passive aggressively threaten anyone who gives you even the slightest bit of a hard time whether it be going way too hard on you during training or giving you a glare he deems rude

- will stand outside your dorm room and protect you while you’re in heat, even if you don’t ask him, he just worries ya know!

- will ask Nejire to help calm you during your heat with her beta scent

- will constantly compliment you whether it be on academics, looks, personality, or any achievements you reach

- once you feel absolutely safe with him he’ll offer you his clothes for your nest when you’re about to go into heat, yeah he can sense it before you even know

- ^ he’ll also actually offer to scent you now that you’re comfortable with him

- if he’s going through his rut he’ll let you know that that’s why he’s being distant so he doesn’t accidentally hurt you, which you’ll find pretty sweet on his part

- he won’t ask you out until he’s absolutely 100% sure you return his feelings because he may seem tough but he’s a soft & sensitive baby boi

- when you finally agree to be his mate he’ll pick you up and spin you around while in a tight bear hug, then he’ll whisper sweet nothings in your ear. He’s real sweet and cheesy!

Keigo Takami

- the type of alpha to try and play it cool by trying to make you jealous and flirting with other omegas in front of you

- ^ when he realizes you either don’t care or lost interest in him he’ll cut the fuck boi crap and make sure you know you’re the only omega he actually cares about and that he’ll work twice as hard for your affection

- on the other hand if he sees any alpha try to flirt with you or you even entertaining the possibility of another alpha courting you he’ll shut that shit down immediately. “isn’t she the cutest little omega? Too bad she’s mine. So, you should get going.”

- always shows up to your work around lunch time and offers to take you out / eat with you

- will memorize your schedule and offer to walk you home after work (if you walk)

- If you drive he’ll ask that you let him fly over your car to make sure no despicable alphas are following you with ill intentions

- will ask you out on dates at least once a week

- Will bring you your favorite type of ice cream // sweet treat every morning before work so you know he cares

- will ask you to let him scent you with absolutely no shame. “you should let me scent you. you know so other alphas know to stay away” “we’re not together hawks.” “it’s Keigo to you hot stuff, and maybe I just want to keep you safe, also maybe we should... you know... be together.” “as if.”

- ^it’s obvious you like him too. but you like giving him a hard time for being such an asshole towards the beginning of his courting of you. (If you didn’t actually like him he would have left you alone since he’s not the pushy type)

- will glare down any alpha who even comes near you or even looks your way, he doesn’t care if you notice either, he just needs the whole world to know that you’ll be his

- will text you random compliments through out the day like ‘you look stunning today’ and dumb bs like ‘you should let me mark you ahaha just kidding.... unless?’

- oh he’s a meme king if you’re going through a heat and you’re trying to avoid him he’ll text you ‘oh no don’t go into heat you’re so sexy aha’ which will make you laugh so hard you’ll almost forget for a second that you’re skin feels like it’s burning, which is his goal since he doesn’t like that you’re in constant pain

- He’ll offer you a bunch of his shirts and blankets to build your nest, if you say no he’ll discreetly sneak them in since he knows you want them but you’re just to stubborn to give him a win because of his early on fuck boy behavior.

- He’ll ask to guard you and your home while you’re in heat just to make sure you’re safe from other alphas, he’ll take rut suppressants to make sure he himself won’t try anything.

- on the other hand if he’s going through his rut he’ll make sure to give you his flight jacket and a hoodie of his a day before really going into it because when he’s in a rut he shuts the whole world out without letting anyone know what’s going on, including you, so he wants you to have his scent on you while he’s away.

- when you finally agree to be his mate he’ll be the happiest little bird ever and will give you many smooches and cuddles, he’s a clingy one so be careful.

☆ Master List

☆ Headcanons

[lovelyshawnn]

ill take care of you

Alpha!Y/N x Omega! Shawn

a/n: hey yall this is my first werewolf imagine so pls bare w me!! in all the werewolf! shawn imagines ive read, its always shawn thats the alpha so i thought id switch it up a bit lol *SMUT WARNING *

I rubbed my hands together, trying to conduct some heat within the palms of my hands. Even though I am a werewolf and that should mean I’m basically warm all the time, I still had a hard time defrosting my fingers in the middle of my living room. Shawn, who was the complete opposite of me, reached his warm hands out and rubbed them against mine, blowing some of his hot breath on to it while my fingers slowly regained feeling. This even colder than usual weather could only mean one thing: winter was approaching. And with winter approaching, that meant my heat was also approaching. As a female alpha, my heat would hit me 10x harder than average werewolf. Which is exactly why I called a pack meeting today at our usual spot in my living room. I quietly thanked Shawn before returning my attention to the rest of my pack.

“So,” I stated clearly as I stood in front of the group, “I’m sure you all know what this cold weather means.” Knowing looks were exchanged within the pack.

“That means I’m going to be at the cabin all next week. Brian, you’re going to be in charge while I’m gone.” The beta’s face instantly lit up at the sound of his name, a look of surprise and confusion plastered his face.

“Me? Doesn’t Shawn usually take your spot?” Brian questioned.

I cleared my throat and answered sternly, “Shawn is coming with me.”

A look of realisation flashed by his face, as his eyes travelled to his best friend who was standing there awkwardly with his hands in his pockets. “Bro...nice!” Brian whispered his sexual innuendos to Shawn, giving him a fist bump and a pat on his back as the rest of the pack roared with laughter and clapping. I rolled my eyes at the sight. Everyone in the pack assumed Shawn would be the dominante one in the relationship considering he was about a foot taller than me and built purely from muscle. But little did they know, Shawn was always a whiney little mess when he was underneath my finger tips. And with an alpha’s heat in sync with her omega’s rut, there was no way he was going to last a week in that cabin with me.

“Yeah yeah, whatever Brian. Just try not to get anyone killed while I’m gone,” I said with an assertive but joking tone, “Pack meeting adjourned. We leave tomorrow and I still haven’t started packing.”

“Aye aye Captain!” Brian said with a sarcastic cheery attitude before leaving the house with the rest of the pack trailing behind him. I watched them through the window, making sure each one got into their cars safely before making my way up into my room with Shawn hot on my heels. His huge smile spread across his face as he pulled out my duffel bag from my closet before plopping himself on the bed and making himself comfy.

I eyed him suspiciously, “Why are you so excited to help me pack?”

“I’m glad you asked!” he perked up immediately before heading to my drawers. He opened one of the drawers before picking out a black lacy matching underwear and bra set, holding the delicate and dainty fabric between his hands. “I’m thinking you should bring these,” he replied with a devilish smirk and a wink that made me weak at the knees.

I laughed and rolled my eyes before snatching the fabric from his fingers, “You sure you can handle that, baby boy?”

His demeanor instantly changed as he heard the pet name that he adored hearing in bed. “Y-yes. Of course,” He nervously chuckled as I took a few steps closer to him, pressing my body against his. His throat felt dry all of a sudden as he stood with a clear view of my breasts in my v neck shirt.

“Oh, I don’t know, Shawn.... remember what happened the last time I wore this?” I said, biting my lip to hold back my smirk. Shawn’s face immediately blushed a bright red from the memory, his eyes instantly shutting close as he cringed.

“You almost came in me and got me pregnant with your pups, baby.” I said in a hushed tone as I trailed my fingers up and down his chest. I leaned closer to him, standing on my tippy toes to plant kisses all over his neck before whispering into his ear, “Only this time, I don’t think I want to stop you.”

Shawn’s eyes immediately widened, his hard on aching from the tight jeans he was wearing. In the few months that we’ve been dating, he had never experienced sex with me during my heat, and even though he mentally prepared himself to be able to handle the intesity, my last statement basically erased all of his hard work. His head immediately tilted back, mouth open in pleasure as I palmed him through his jeans. He was overwhelmed with my smell, even stronger than all those times before because of my heat approaching. He let out a quiet groan, grasping at my wrist as my hands worked faster. “Baby, I-“

Thats when I removed my hand completely, backing away from him and walking across the room to my closet before lifting up hanger with a black shirt on it. “So I was thinking of bringing this shirt to match with my jeans?”

He stood there gobsmacked, chest heaving as I clearly left him high and dry. He rolled his eyes, grabbing a nearby pillow and tossing it at my face playfully, “You’re such a goddamn tease. Pack the pink shirt instead, it matches better.”

I laughed at him trying to adjust the growing tent in his tight pants. “Me? A tease? Never.”

Shawn flopped back onto his bed and rolled his eyes playfully. “You’re gonna be the death of me, honey,”

I carefully folded the pink shirt Shawn was referring to before placing it into my duffle bag and making my way to him. I leaned over his body, giving him a quick peck on the nose, “Don’t worry baby, I’ll take care of you. Just wait one more night.”

Shawn nodded, completely understanding. It was too dangerous for you two to go at it right now, especially with my nosey ass neighbors who would definitely file noise complaints. Shawn was actually really excited to be spending the week with me at the cabin, which was far out and isolated in the woods. He’d been there a couple times but always with the pack, never alone with me. He couldn’t stop thinking about how he could finally take you wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted on every surface in the house. He had his thoughts especially on that white marble countertop in the cabin’s kitchen, wondering what I’d look like bent over it while he was making love to you. “You okay?” My sultry voice called out to Shawn, who looked zoned out and deep in thought.

“Never better,” Shawn replied, shaking his head to rid his dirty thoughts before helping me out with packing to distract himself from his growing erection.

~

“Hey Bri!” I chirped, picking up the phonecall from my packmate and putting it on speakerphone as I drove.“Hey Y/N! Hows it going so far? Have you guys made it to the cabin yet?” Brian’s voice sounded from the phone.

“Yuup, just pulled up right now,” I replied with one hand on the steering wheel of my blacked out Jeep and one hand on the phone. Shawn was sitting on the passenger side, his hand resting on my thigh and rubbing circles on it with his thumb the whole ride here. To say I was excited was an understatement. His seemingly innocent actions were enough to get me hot and bothered, wanting him to inch his fingers up just a little higher. That was probably why I drove 20 mph over the speed limit to get to our destination faster.

“Great! You guys got everything you need? Food, clothes, protection?” Brian said through the phone. I instantly blushed, looking over to Shawn who surely heard the whole thing. He looked at me with wide eyes, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh, fuck off, Bri,” I rolled my eyes even though he couldn’t see me, “Tell the others we got here safe, okay?”

“Yup! Have fun, lovebirds,” He replied before ending the call. He was so going to get whats coming to him during the next pack training. By the time I ended the call, Shawn was already grabbing our things and heading inside the cabin. I followed him inside and immediately made a beeline to the kitchen to look for some snacks.

I heard the loud thumps of Shawn’s footsteps before seeing his body emerge from the hallway. “Babe?”

I looked up from the bag of chips I was currently devouring, “yeah?”

Shawn walked towards me until he was right in front of me, placing one of his hands on my waist while the other flew to the back of his neck, rubbing nervously. “I... sort of, uhm, forgot the condoms?” he said.

I chuckled at how he looked so cute when he was nervous. “Thats okay,” I said while looking at him through my lashes, “We don’t need it.”

“You know I like feeling all of you inside me,” I said, fingers sliding beneath his sweatpants and briefs before palming him in my hand. His breath hitched and I instantly heard his heart beat pick up, pounding in my ears. His smell was always so damn intoxicated when he was aroused, a strong mix of musk.

“Fuck, please,” he whined while throwing his head back in pleasure, his hips lightly thrusting against my hand. “What do you want, baby boy? Use your words,” I said with a slight smirk before I attached my lips to his neck, sucking soft bruises that would heal quickly anyways.

“I want your mouth, please,” He panted. I gave his lips one last peck before I turned his body so that his backside was leaning against the counter. I dropped down to my knees, taking off both his briefs and sweats in one swift motion before circling my tongue around his tip.

At the feeling of that, he immediately let out a moan and threw his head back again, fingers immediately finding the back of my head. I pushed his hand away, “Touch me and I’ll stop.”

Shawn lightly pouted, but didn’t want this feeling to ever stop, so he gripped the edge of the counter behind him until his knuckles turned white. I licked a stripe from the base of his cock to the tip before circling it one last time and finally taking him into my mouth. I bobbed my head slowly, making sure to not to give him too much too soon.

He whimpered as he desperately tried to stop himself from grabbing my hair to pick up the pace. His thighs tensed under my fingertips as he held himself back from thrusting into my mouth. I smiled, lips still wrapped around him. “Good boy,” I praised him, knowing how much he enjoyed that, before sinking my mouth onto him and taking every inch until it hit the back of my throat.

He let out an animalistic growl, eyes starting to shine a golden brown as he couldn’t control how good it felt. Watching how his chest rose while his cheeks became a bright shade of pink, I moaned with his dick still in my mouth, sending vibrations through him. I released him with a pop before standing up on my feet again when Shawn instantly grabbed my hips and pulled me closer to him, kissing me passionately before turning me over and bending me across the counter.

He lifted my skirt and pushed my panties to the side before trailing his finger up and down my slit, gathering the wetness before pushing his digit inside. He pumped in and out a couple times, moans tumbling out of my mouth. He withdrew his fingers and rubbed the wetness all over his dick before sliding in his cock effortless. He hissed at the feeling of my tight pussy around him. “Mm, you feel so good baby,” I moaned out.

My praise only egged him on more, his thrusts quickening. My fingers found my bundle of nerves, bringing me closer to my orgasm. “Shawn, I’m gonna-“

At the sound of my voice, Shawn quickly pulled out, leaving me high and dry. I growled at the loss of contact, eyes flashing red momentarily at him. “I’ll take care of you,” Shawn let out quickly before I could get any angrier, “Ride me. Please”

The sound of his whimper made me smirk, making me instantly hop off the counter and taking his hand before dragging him to the bedroom. Pushing him onto the bed, back against the headboard, I made my way up and sat myself on his lap, lowering myself onto his cock. I gasped at his girth, one hand flying to his hair with a firm grip and the other scratching down his chest. Shawn moaned at the heavenly feeling of my claws dragging down his skin.

I began kissing on his neck, sucking harsher than I could control. But Shawn wasn’t complaining. He obviously loved the extra attention on him, which was evident in the way he was a total mess under my touch. There was a feeling in the pit of his stomach, an urge to sink his teeth into my neck. He sucked and nipped at my neck, leaving behind a hickey so deep that not even my werewolf healing abilities could fix. At the feeling of his harsh teeth breaking my delicate skin, I felt a feeling of white hot pain for a split second, before my body flooded with electricity. The pleasure was almost too much for me to bare. “Honey...,” He trailed off as he threw his head back. I understood the cue, rocking my hips harder as I felt my own orgasm coming on.

I felt myself tightening around him as he reached out to me, fingers rubbing my clit in tight circles. “Give me your cum, baby,” I whispered into his ear, nibbling on his earlobe. Shawn’s thrusts faltered, eyes wide as he took in what I just said. He couldn’t tell if it was what I really wanted or if it was just my heat talking, but he seemed to lose all self control as he locked eyes with me. “Fuck!” Shawn yelled, reaching his orgasm just as I reached mine, his hot load squirting in me.

We sat there post-high, chests heaving as we came down from our orgasms. “Did I...” Shawn asked, eyes hooded and barely open in his state of exhaust.

“Mark me?” I finished, reaching up to trail my fingers on the pink bite mark on my neck, “Guess so.”

He instantly grinned, smile taking up his whole face ad he pulled me into his chest and engulfing me into a hug. I giggled at his goofiness, noticing how our heart beats were completely in sync. “You’re mine now,” he whispered as he peppered kisses on the little scar where my neck met my shoulder.

“I’ve always been yours, babe.”

[deliasbabe]

The Distance Between You & I- Harriet x Matt

Words: 2,361

Warnings: Unplanned Pregnancy, Light Angst, Language

 It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Hannah Harriet Hayes always had a plan, a strict plan, especially when it came to starting a family. She had run through the scenario many times. It was Matt’s, of course; it had always been Matt’s. There was never a scenario where it wasn’t Matt’s, even when the two were broken up yet again, even when she was with another man. It was always Matt’s. The two of them would be perched on the tub, happily married, together, waiting for the second line to appear with bated breath. They would be overjoyed, after all, they always wanted kids. Matt would grin and hug her tightly, swinging her around in that way he always did when he was excited. The cast would be ecstatic and supportive when they broke the news, and Matt would make a sly joke about how there was no way their child was going to grow up to be a “jesus freak”, causing Harriet to smack his arm playfully. The two would bicker back and forth like they always did, the playful banter that had become the hallmark of their relationship, their very own love language. Harriet had a plan, he was supposed to be there, they were supposed to be in love, but people plan and god laughs, and boy, was he laughing now.

It wasn’t like the two hadn’t tried to make it work, they really did. But one bad pull quote from a terrible interview was enough to put them on the rocks, and soon they were shipwrecked. The banter turned to bickering, which turned to some not so subtle jabs, and then an all-out brawl in Matt’s office. Matt was the one who pulled the plug, after they had gone six rounds in the span of three hours. Then, Harriet collected her belongings from his house and the two barely even spoke, dancing around each other in cast meetings and rehearsals. All it took was one date with Luke and a few too many drinks at an after party for the two to end up having drunk, angry sex in the tech room, and then it was like it never even happened. Matt didn’t speak another word about it, the two never talked, he just gave the cold shoulder like he so often did, and the two did the dance that had become all too familiar, tiptoeing around residual feelings and unspoken words.

Harriet had tried to move on, but six weeks later something just wasn’t right. What she thought was the stomach flu turned out to be something else entirely, and there she sat, taking a pregnancy test in Jordan’s bathroom, alone, listening to the executive soothe a crying Rebecca back to sleep. Harriet had always been meticulous about taking her birth control. She didn’t like surprises and she certainly didn’t like being blindsided. Being unwed and knocked up would certainly put a stain on her good Christian reputation. But after the blowout, she really didn’t see the point. It wasn’t like she was having sex, even when she was with Luke the two never really seemed to be together, and truthfully Harriet always had one foot out the door. It just wasn’t right, he wasn’t him, and Harriet would be a fool if she denied the fact that she knew her person would always be Matt. So, when the second line came through clear as day, it had to be Matt’s.

Jordan could barely keep the grin off her face when Harriet broke the news. Rebecca wasn’t even six months old, the two babies would only be about a year apart, a built in best friend. Still, she was there with tissues when Harriet cried, offering reassuring words. No matter what has happened, you two are a team. You’ve always been a team. Her words were true, despite the numerous breakups and fights and religious differences they still remained each other’s biggest supporters. Harriet was still the only person who could draw Matt out of a writing rut, and Matt continued to throw her the ball every chance he could, not only bringing the show’s ratings up to rival SNL but cementing Harriet’s A-list status in Hollywood. The two worked well together, and right then that was the only thing that was keeping Harriet from losing her damn mind.

Still, the two could barely keep a relationship going for longer than six months. They spent more time pining for each other than they did in each other’s arms, and that was enough to make her heave into the bowl once again. What if they weren’t in love? What if they were both just in love with the idea of being in love? It seemed like they were made for each other, that once in a lifetime kind of love that you saw in movies, the kind that was filled with passion and excitement, the kind where your partner made you want to kiss them and rip out your own hair at the roots. That dizzy, intoxicating love. But intoxication was still toxic, no matter how right it felt in the moment, you still had to deal with the hangover, the blaring reminder that it was truly harmful in the long run. Harriet tried, but she never seemed to learn her lesson, and now they had much more to deal with than just a couple of broken hearts.

She went home early that day, feigning some vague illness in order to ward of suspicion. She just needed time to think, to figure things out. Knowing Matt would be there regardless should have been a huge relief, but all it did was turn her stomach into knots. They were always so hot and cold, so off and on. When they were on, it was great, but it seemed like it only took one small thing, one miscommunication and they were at each other’s throats, hurling insults like it was their favorite sport, not caring the damage they did. They were childish and immature, maybe a little overdramatic. Harriet had spent a majority of her childhood trying to diffuse the tension between her own parents, and she would die before she did that to her own child. But did she have a choice?

Why the hell can’t you two get it together?

The issue was, Harriet did believe they could make it work, if only they had the willpower to stop with these stupid games. They were both at fault, both too stubborn to see their own errors. Harriet hated that she still held hope, that she still was lost in that fairytale land of commitment and honesty. A part of her believed that this, this baby, their baby, could be the missing link, the thing that finally forced them to grow the hell up and put away their own selfish need to always be right. But that wasn’t fair to put on a child, none of this was fair to put on a child. A child should have a happy home, with parents who can at least be civil with each other, and Harriet wasn’t even sure they would be able to do that.

It didn’t help that Matt hadn’t stopped texting her from the moment she left. Are you ok? Do you need me to take you to the doctor? Do you need anything? Her brain was telling her to ignore it, that all it was doing was clouding her judgement. She had been swaying back and forth between making it work and cutting the relationship off completely all day, and each concerned text just made her want to leap into his arms and stay there forever. She had to be rational, she had to think this through, because it wasn’t just about her anymore.

She paced back and forth, wringing her hands as she tried to muster up the courage to reply. She couldn’t put this off, someone was bound to notice sooner rather than later, and Harri had never been a very good liar. She maybe had until the end of the night before Jordan spilled the beans to Danny, and that was being generous. She had to tell him tonight, she just didn’t know if she could. It wasn’t like Matt was a bad guy, he was a great guy, that’s what made all of this so infuriating. Sure, he was a complete jackass sometimes. But when it came down to it he was a really good guy, the best guy, the kind you could depend on, and that made it all so much scarier, because Harriet knew he would be there. But it was too late to worry about that, so with shakey hands, she sent the text.

I need you to come over tonight. We need to talk.

Then, she panicked, not wanting him to read too much into it and rush over.

About the show.

Matt, of course, had a wise ass remark on the tip of his tongue the second she opened the door. “Harri, I told you, you don’t need to rework your Nancy Grace impression. Her voice hasn’t changed in 20 years.” Matt said as he walked through the door. He always liked to act like his coming over was a hassle, yet he responded to her beck and call without hesitation. As much as he tried to keep up his macho persona, he was totally and completely whipped, and they both knew it. He never would say no to her, he never could say no to her. When she needed him, he was there, he would always be there.

Harriet threw him a look, “I didn’t call you over here to talk about Nancy Grace, genius.”

Matt gave a knowing smirk, “I knew that. I just thought we should get the theatrics out of the way before we get into the real reason.” Matt watched Harriet worry her bottom lip between her teeth, knowing her well enough to sense that whatever she called him over for was important. “What, is this about the note I gave earlier? Look, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you in front of Simon and Tom but you know I can’t give you special treatment. The guys have already started calling me a pansy ass.”

“It’s not about the note.” Harriet said quickly, looking up at Matt with wide, scared eyes. This was supposed to be simple, easy, and it would be if Matt would just stop talking. She felt tears prickle behind her eyes, silently cursing herself and the damn hormones that had already seemed to have her in their grasp. She was confident five minutes ago, but staring at the object of her affections was enough to make her go weak in the knees and have the panic completely consume her. As soon as a tear escaped and she moved to wipe it away Matt was all over her, he hated to see her cry. A gentle hand on her shoulder and she was done for, burrowing into his arms and crying into his chest as he tangled his hand in her hair and held her tightly.

“Harri, what is it? You’re scaring me.” Matt said, his macho persona quickly dissolving, his eyes filling will concern once she looked up at him with smudged makeup and running mascara, “You know you can talk to me.”

“I’m pregnant.” Harriet blurted, sucking in a sharp breath before burrowing back into his chest, scared to see his reaction.

It was silent, too silent, unnerving. Harriet braced to defend herself, to tell him that she hadn’t gotten into this mess by herself, that they both were equally responsible for this shit show, but then Matt laughed, “Maybe there is a god.” And oh, if looks could kill, the daggers Harriet was shooting out of her chocolate brown irises would have slit his throat, but he just grinned down at her, and suddenly, she didn’t know if the tears running down her face were from joy or frustration, or maybe the wind had shifted direction. He grabbed her by the shoulders, studying her face for a moment with his brows furrowed, “Why are you crying? Harri… this is great!”

“Why am I crying?” Harriet asked indignantly, huffing as she wiped the snot that was dripping down her top lip with the back of her hand. “I’m crying because we’ve barely spoken in months! We aren’t married, we aren’t even together and…” Harriet ranted, only to be cut off by Matt’s lips on hers, instantly melting under his touch. 

He was good, too good. He always knew just what to say and do to make Harriet’s head spin and send the butterflies in her stomach swirling about. He pulled back, holding her face between his hands softly, forcing her to look him in the eye. “Harriet, I’m here. I’m yours. I’ve always been yours.” He said earnestly, waiting for her to nod before breaking into a grin, “I’m going to be a dad!” Before Harriet could even blink, he looped his strong arms around her waist and swung her around, not stopping until he could hear her soft giggles, “God, I love you.”

“I love you too.” Harriet said, giving a soft smile as she wiped at her wet cheeks.

“Why are you still crying? We’re going to have a baby!” Matt practically yelled, his excitement so palpable Harriet wondered how his cheeks hadn’t started to hurt.

“I know, I know. I don’t even know why I’m crying. I was just… scared.” Harriet admitted, ducking her head. The fear still lingered in the back of her mind, but it wasn’t the right moment for that, not when everything seemed so good.

“That I would be upset?” Matt asked, the hurt behind his eyes obvious.

“No! No… I knew that you weren’t going to be upset.” Harriet said quickly, “I just thought you would have made at least one wise ass comment by now about not knowing if it was yours.”

“It’s mine.” Matt said confidently, a condescending grin plastered on his face, “I know it’s mine.”

Harriet playfully smacked his arm with a grimace, ���You’re so damn cocky.”

[drkcnry67]

ttile: my alpha, my omega

pairing: John x Reader

fluff 2020 sq: age gap

kink 2020 sq: daddy kink

Abo 2019 sq: older alpha/younger omega

rating: 18+

tags: WARNING: THIS IS NOT FOR MINORS!!!! THIS WILL GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES!!! DO NOT PROCEED AT ALL!!!!! I REPEAT NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18… TURN BACK AROUND DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200, DO NOT HIT THAT KEEP READING THING… DO NOT PROCEED… THIS STORY CONTAINS VAGINAL PENETRATION, ORAL FEMALE RECEIVING, HARDCORE SEXUAL CONTENT, FEMALE HEAT, MALE RUT, ALPHA CLAIMING OMEGA, FIRST TIME SHOWER SEX, ALPHA KNOTTING OMEGA… YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!

summery: not telling

word count (optional)

kink 2020 masterlist  fluff 2020 masterlist   ABO 2019 Masterlist

Many centuries ago, in a land now known to the world as Russia.. lives a legend where monsters of myth and story roam… to the west side we travel for our story today where we meet YN a young omega who is unaware yet of her full potential…

YN a young single omega who lives with her aunt who has always let her be her own person… but this her 21st birthday was when she now had to go and find her Alpha… she was now on a journey that sooner rather than later would cross her path…

John a handsome rugged alpha whose passion in the 4th week after his 35th birthday would soon lead him to a city called Bucharest to seek out his omega who would be on a journey of her own to find her alpha…

~today~

you were walking through the streets it was another day, another day of go to various places and check on the small businesses you were involved in… your own aunt had refered you into some small business transactions that you were now in charge of…

walking through the center of town, your nose caught a strong scent, you began to follow it… you were not paying attention as always you were listening to everything around you… 

 As you grew so did your abilities, your strength, your speed, your smell, your hearing, your sight… but you sure as hell did not see this one coming… for just a few feet away from you was someone new to town, someone who neither of you knew at the time would soon both parties would be very very very INTIMATE with one another. 

You were close to the fountain in the center of town, john who was not paying attention either was sitting on the edge of the fountain watching and listening to the bustle of the city… You were the one who was stupid enough to not be able to sense this one… 

for you tripped over a stone and fell knocking both you and John into the fountain… this was how you both met… not the greatest way to meet someone but certainly a unique way of doing things… 

john was first to come up for air… he noticed you struggling so he reached out and grabbed you by the hand and pulled you out of the water… some people who worked at the business your family had you in charge of had witnessed the entire thing, they came over with blankets awaiting orders or at least one of them was…

the other was your cousin, Castiel… your cousin was standing there laughing, this earned a low growl from John as he helped wrap you in the blanket… then he wrapped himself in one… 

John: “are you alright?”

YN: “ill be fine, but i should be asking you that… its my fault your all wet in the first place… i should have…”

you stopped speaking when your nose picked up the scent that now sat beside you… this man, this man was an alpha, your alpha… 

John however was having a similar reaction, this was the start the start of something beautiful… 

Castiel and his collegue come up to you as your cousin begins being a 1st class dumbass… 

Castiel: “oh cuz you tumbled cause you werent paying attention, what a clutz… how the hell are you still alive with you being so clumbsy?”

you had to show some restraint… you had to try and assert some authority…

YN: “you there shadowing my cousin, is the nearby apartment owned by the family still open…?”

collegue 1: “yes ma’am would you like it stalked with food and clothes for you and your friend here?”

YN: “yes and get my cousin a mouth muzzle he needs to learn when to speak and when not to speak…” 

 You hissed that last word.. this made john realize how badly he wanted you right then right there.. he could feel the feistiness coming off of you.. this sent him straight into a rut… 

 You however were already entering heat, you could feel johns hands round your own and the fact that you kinda knocked him into the fountain wasnt much better… both of you were not mad about the incident… But you now had started shivering, John gently picked you up into his arms you began to lead the way… 

the apartment nearby was prepped and ready when you and John arrived… John set you down on your feet…

John: “leave us we will let you know if we need anything…”

the poor collegue left in a haste… John went to lock the door as he took off his wet jacket and hung it by the door… you stripped off your sweater and tossed it on the heater… 

John: “cute place… i dont suppose you are a single omega, are you?”

you nod as you kinda do a hair shake but shiver in the process… 

John: “you should shower to warm up… go on i might join you in a few moments… just gonna see if there are towels…”

you nod not caring… you slunk to the bathroom and start the shower before stripping off your wet clothes… you get into the shower and the hot water starts to warm you up as you just stand there not caring that John might join you, not caring that it was the middle of the day..

John outside the bathroom was taking off his wet clothing and making sure his head was clear and that he was fully mentally composed before heading into the bathroom where he knew you were behind the curtain…

you knew he was just outside the curtain, so you turned around and smiled quietly to yourself… John came into the shower and stood behind you… eyeing you up and down he felt something come over him… his senses going haywire… 

John: “fear not i wont hurt you sweet omega… why dont you let go of all the embarrassment from earlier and let loose with me?”

YN: “but dont you have to claim me before we “let loose” as you so put it…”

John: “are you okay if i claim you right here right now? i know you feel the same way about me as i do about you…”

YN: “claim me John i do feel the same way.. and i have a bad heat right now ive had it since before i knocked us into the fountain… help me daddy…”

John at that moment placed an arm around your waist, you placed your arm on interlocking fingers, his teeth changed into fangs he let off a low growl before spinning around so he was under the water as he sunk his fangs deep into your shoulder…

the feeling of being claimed made a loud shrill of moaning sound escape your lips... Blood flowed from the wound down between you and John just the feeling that you had been claimed was amazing... 

Then John released the bite, he spun you around and lifted you up placing you on his massive cock... He trusted hard into your virginity... He was getting as much pleasure from this as you were... The release came in waves, fast never slowing waves... 

John had you against the wall as he thrust into you again, his cock already rock hard again... your pussy throbbing for more, your moans turning soft to loud in seconds... the kissing was constant... the thrusts grew more and more frequent with each passing moment... 

with now being claimed every single rut and heat that you both had been feeling in the last week came on and on and on... escaping the shower after your recent release before it hit again you both got out of the shower and dried off...

John: “im gonna fuck you into the middle of next week...”

YN: “but the age gap the pack...”

John: “do we really care about that?”

YN: “no daddy of course not...”

John: “by the way keep calling me daddy and ill give you my knot alot sooner than we may plan to...”

YN: “yes daddy...”

John threw you onto the bed and climbed on top of you kissing you he was hard again, you felt him slide into you a moan released from your lips. the feeling of being fucked by your alpha had your mind going ten thousand miles a minute... 

Johns mind was dragging him through the dirt... both of you would have to face the pack leaders sooner or later... yea there are alphas but there is a council that guards every single decision made within each pack... 

one of those leaders happened to be your uncle... that leader had spies everywhere... he knew what was happening in that apartment right then... he was planning his attack... 

several hours later you and John were laying there waiting for John’s knot to take effect... covered by the thinnest sheet on the bed you were just happy to be in the arms of someone who cares deeply for you...

John: “when the knot finishes being released, we need to connect with our packs and face the trials of their thoughts on us...”

You knew he was right but you snuggled in closer, his beard tickling the back of your neck... thats when you both heard it the footsteps and running outside the door... 

John: “alright baby girl stay calm just move with me we cant let the knot escape your body...”

the door flung wide open John was pounding you into the bed as your uncle and his men walked inside...

Nazam: “excuse me what the hell is going on?”

YN: “be with you in a moment uncle...”

you and John finished and then snuggled back into a spoon this time with a thicker blanket over the naughty bits...

YN: “uncle, what an unplesent surprise what brings you and your lackys here?”

nazam: “dont play dumb with me... i can smell the blood, this man claimed you didnt he?”

John spoke at that moment keeping his arm around your waist...

John: “yes i did, my name is John winchester im the alpha for the north eastern pack... i came this way to find my omega... and i found her in the form of your niece... now like my omega here asked, What brings you here?”

Nazam: “well well well, let me see here ah yes im here to invite you both to the trials of rites tonight... there is still 8 hours for you both to prepare... now dont you dare take it lightly and if you think about skipping town we will deny the trial of rites by which instead you both will be exiled hunted and killed... that is all...”

YN: “leave this apartment uncle... we know our rights and legally im claimed by John he and i cant be seperated... and if need be i will fight you uncle...”

Nazam stands tall and eyes you with John...

Nazam: “i suppose you will stand by her side...”

John: “yes and i intend to marry your niece with or without the blessing of the packs... this is the life we both want and its together forever... i hope this knot that im releasing into your niece gets her pregnant the council’s laws prevent execution or seperation of the couple upon findout of pregnancy... now leave good day sir...”

nazam leaves his henchmen follow, your cousin’s friends come in and fix the door... you and John are left alone once more with eachother and your thoughts... 

John: “were you serious about fighting your uncle?”

YN: “were you serious about marrying me?”

John: “i guess we both have plans and together we shall conquer it all... now lets rest a bit before tonight so we both have strength to deal with what is to come...”

You smile as John still having you on his cock so his knot can finish flips you around so you both facing eachother as you both begin to nod off..

John: “yo lacky thats outside the door...”

Collegue 1: “yes sir...”

John: “wake us up in 7 hours we are going for a snooze..”

Collegue 1: “as you wish sir...”

the lacky left you felt John holding you close to his strong form as you drifted off into a sleep full of happy thoughts... John fell asleep shortly after you did... both of you dreaming of a life where no threats stood in the way of your better lives...

~thats all for now~

[legion1993]

my alpha, my omega

ttile: my alpha, my omega

pairing: John x Reader

fluff 2020 sq: age gap

kink 2020 sq: daddy kink

Abo 2019 sq: older alpha/younger omega

rating: 18+

tags: WARNING: THIS IS NOT FOR MINORS!!!! THIS WILL GIVE YOU NIGHTMARES!!! DO NOT PROCEED AT ALL!!!!! I REPEAT NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18… TURN BACK AROUND DO NOT PASS GO, DO NOT COLLECT $200, DO NOT HIT THAT KEEP READING THING… DO NOT PROCEED… THIS STORY CONTAINS VAGINAL PENETRATION, ORAL FEMALE RECEIVING, HARDCORE SEXUAL CONTENT, FEMALE HEAT, MALE RUT, ALPHA CLAIMING OMEGA, FIRST TIME SHOWER SEX, ALPHA KNOTTING OMEGA… YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!!!

summery: not telling

word count (optional)

kink 2020 masterlist  fluff 2020 masterlist   ABO 2019 Masterlist

Many centuries ago, in a land now known to the world as Russia.. lives a legend where monsters of myth and story roam… to the west side we travel for our story today where we meet YN a young omega who is unaware yet of her full potential…

YN a young single omega who lives with her aunt who has always let her be her own person… but this her 21st birthday was when she now had to go and find her Alpha… she was now on a journey that sooner rather than later would cross her path…

John a handsome rugged alpha whose passion in the 4th week after his 35th birthday would soon lead him to a city called Bucharest to seek out his omega who would be on a journey of her own to find her alpha…

~today~

you were walking through the streets it was another day, another day of go to various places and check on the small businesses you were involved in… your own aunt had refered you into some small business transactions that you were now in charge of…

walking through the center of town, your nose caught a strong scent, you began to follow it… you were not paying attention as always you were listening to everything around you… 

 As you grew so did your abilities, your strength, your speed, your smell, your hearing, your sight… but you sure as hell did not see this one coming… for just a few feet away from you was someone new to town, someone who neither of you knew at the time would soon both parties would be very very very INTIMATE with one another. 

You were close to the fountain in the center of town, john who was not paying attention either was sitting on the edge of the fountain watching and listening to the bustle of the city… You were the one who was stupid enough to not be able to sense this one… 

for you tripped over a stone and fell knocking both you and John into the fountain… this was how you both met… not the greatest way to meet someone but certainly a unique way of doing things… 

john was first to come up for air… he noticed you struggling so he reached out and grabbed you by the hand and pulled you out of the water… some people who worked at the business your family had you in charge of had witnessed the entire thing, they came over with blankets awaiting orders or at least one of them was…

the other was your cousin, Castiel… your cousin was standing there laughing, this earned a low growl from John as he helped wrap you in the blanket… then he wrapped himself in one… 

John: “are you alright?”

YN: “ill be fine, but i should be asking you that… its my fault your all wet in the first place… i should have…”

you stopped speaking when your nose picked up the scent that now sat beside you… this man, this man was an alpha, your alpha… 

John however was having a similar reaction, this was the start the start of something beautiful… 

Castiel and his collegue come up to you as your cousin begins being a 1st class dumbass… 

Castiel: “oh cuz you tumbled cause you werent paying attention, what a clutz… how the hell are you still alive with you being so clumbsy?”

you had to show some restraint… you had to try and assert some authority…

YN: “you there shadowing my cousin, is the nearby apartment owned by the family still open…?”

collegue 1: “yes ma’am would you like it stalked with food and clothes for you and your friend here?”

YN: “yes and get my cousin a mouth muzzle he needs to learn when to speak and when not to speak…” 

 You hissed that last word.. this made john realize how badly he wanted you right then right there.. he could feel the feistiness coming off of you.. this sent him straight into a rut… 

 You however were already entering heat, you could feel johns hands round your own and the fact that you kinda knocked him into the fountain wasnt much better… both of you were not mad about the incident… But you now had started shivering, John gently picked you up into his arms you began to lead the way… 

the apartment nearby was prepped and ready when you and John arrived… John set you down on your feet…

John: “leave us we will let you know if we need anything…”

the poor collegue left in a haste… John went to lock the door as he took off his wet jacket and hung it by the door… you stripped off your sweater and tossed it on the heater… 

John: “cute place… i dont suppose you are a single omega, are you?”

you nod as you kinda do a hair shake but shiver in the process… 

John: “you should shower to warm up… go on i might join you in a few moments… just gonna see if there are towels…”

you nod not caring… you slunk to the bathroom and start the shower before stripping off your wet clothes… you get into the shower and the hot water starts to warm you up as you just stand there not caring that John might join you, not caring that it was the middle of the day..

John outside the bathroom was taking off his wet clothing and making sure his head was clear and that he was fully mentally composed before heading into the bathroom where he knew you were behind the curtain…

you knew he was just outside the curtain, so you turned around and smiled quietly to yourself… John came into the shower and stood behind you… eyeing you up and down he felt something come over him… his senses going haywire… 

John: “fear not i wont hurt you sweet omega… why dont you let go of all the embarrassment from earlier and let loose with me?”

YN: “but dont you have to claim me before we “let loose” as you so put it…”

John: “are you okay if i claim you right here right now? i know you feel the same way about me as i do about you…”

YN: “claim me John i do feel the same way.. and i have a bad heat right now ive had it since before i knocked us into the fountain… help me daddy…”

John at that moment placed an arm around your waist, you placed your arm on interlocking fingers, his teeth changed into fangs he let off a low growl before spinning around so he was under the water as he sunk his fangs deep into your shoulder…

the feeling of being claimed made a loud shrill of moaning sound escape your lips... Blood flowed from the wound down between you and John just the feeling that you had been claimed was amazing... 

Then John released the bite, he spun you around and lifted you up placing you on his massive cock... He trusted hard into your virginity... He was getting as much pleasure from this as you were... The release came in waves, fast never slowing waves... 

John had you against the wall as he thrust into you again, his cock already rock hard again... your pussy throbbing for more, your moans turning soft to loud in seconds... the kissing was constant... the thrusts grew more and more frequent with each passing moment... 

with now being claimed every single rut and heat that you both had been feeling in the last week came on and on and on... escaping the shower after your recent release before it hit again you both got out of the shower and dried off...

John: “im gonna fuck you into the middle of next week...”

YN: “but the age gap the pack...”

John: “do we really care about that?”

YN: “no daddy of course not...”

John: “by the way keep calling me daddy and ill give you my knot alot sooner than we may plan to...”

YN: “yes daddy...”

John threw you onto the bed and climbed on top of you kissing you he was hard again, you felt him slide into you a moan released from your lips. the feeling of being fucked by your alpha had your mind going ten thousand miles a minute... 

Johns mind was dragging him through the dirt... both of you would have to face the pack leaders sooner or later... yea there are alphas but there is a council that guards every single decision made within each pack... 

one of those leaders happened to be your uncle... that leader had spies everywhere... he knew what was happening in that apartment right then... he was planning his attack... 

several hours later you and John were laying there waiting for John’s knot to take effect... covered by the thinnest sheet on the bed you were just happy to be in the arms of someone who cares deeply for you...

John: “when the knot finishes being released, we need to connect with our packs and face the trials of their thoughts on us...”

You knew he was right but you snuggled in closer, his beard tickling the back of your neck... thats when you both heard it the footsteps and running outside the door... 

John: “alright baby girl stay calm just move with me we cant let the knot escape your body...”

the door flung wide open John was pounding you into the bed as your uncle and his men walked inside...

Nazam: “excuse me what the hell is going on?”

YN: “be with you in a moment uncle...”

you and John finished and then snuggled back into a spoon this time with a thicker blanket over the naughty bits...

YN: “uncle, what an unplesent surprise what brings you and your lackys here?”

nazam: “dont play dumb with me... i can smell the blood, this man claimed you didnt he?”

John spoke at that moment keeping his arm around your waist...

John: “yes i did, my name is John winchester im the alpha for the north eastern pack... i came this way to find my omega... and i found her in the form of your niece... now like my omega here asked, What brings you here?”

Nazam: “well well well, let me see here ah yes im here to invite you both to the trials of rites tonight... there is still 8 hours for you both to prepare... now dont you dare take it lightly and if you think about skipping town we will deny the trial of rites by which instead you both will be exiled hunted and killed... that is all...”

YN: “leave this apartment uncle... we know our rights and legally im claimed by John he and i cant be seperated... and if need be i will fight you uncle...”

Nazam stands tall and eyes you with John...

Nazam: “i suppose you will stand by her side...”

John: “yes and i intend to marry your niece with or without the blessing of the packs... this is the life we both want and its together forever... i hope this knot that im releasing into your niece gets her pregnant the council’s laws prevent execution or seperation of the couple upon findout of pregnancy... now leave good day sir...”

nazam leaves his henchmen follow, your cousin’s friends come in and fix the door... you and John are left alone once more with eachother and your thoughts... 

John: “were you serious about fighting your uncle?”

YN: “were you serious about marrying me?”

John: “i guess we both have plans and together we shall conquer it all... now lets rest a bit before tonight so we both have strength to deal with what is to come...”

You smile as John still having you on his cock so his knot can finish flips you around so you both facing eachother as you both begin to nod off..

John: “yo lacky thats outside the door...”

Collegue 1: “yes sir...”

John: “wake us up in 7 hours we are going for a snooze..”

Collegue 1: “as you wish sir...”

the lacky left you felt John holding you close to his strong form as you drifted off into a sleep full of happy thoughts... John fell asleep shortly after you did... both of you dreaming of a life where no threats stood in the way of your better lives...

~thats all for now~

[the--blackdahlia]

Music to Crash Your Car To (Vince x Reader)

Title: Music to Crash Your Car To

Summary: (Y/n) goes with Vince to get booze for the party.

Warnings: Language, car crash, drunk driving, no happy ending (telling you guys, you might need a tissue for this one.)

“Babe, come on, I need your help getting more booze,” Vince laughed, pulling (Y/n) to her feet.

“I thought Razzle was going with you,” (Y/n) laughed. They both had been drinking for the night, just (Y/n) had mainly stuck to small glasses of wine, and not many at that. Vince seemed to love his beer and whiskey, and every time (Y/n) had looked up at him, he had had a glass in his hand that night.

“He found himself a cute girl. Come on (Y/n), please.” Vince pouted and gave her to biggest eyes he could. She sighed and pushed herself to her feet.

“Okay, okay,” (Y/n) smiled at Vince and kissed him gently.

“Ewwww!” Tommy teased. “You two are so nasty!”

“It’s our house dumbass,” Vince shook his head. The realization hit (Y/n).

“That’s right. Shouldn’t one of us stay here and keep Tommy from blowing up the house?” (Y/n) told Vince. Vince looked around and spied his guitarist laying like a vampire on the couch; arms crossed over his chest and looking like the undead.

“Mick!” Vince called out. Mick opened one eye to look at the singer. “Keep Tommy from blowing shit up!”

“Got it,” Mick grumbled. “Fucking teenagers.” He closed his eyes again and sat up with his arms still crossed over his chest. (Y/n) giggled and leaned against Vince. He wrapped an arm around her waist and led her out to his car.

“You know I love you right,” Vince told her as they made their way to the car. (Y/n) smiled happily. The band's music was insanely popular, their two albums selling out and enjoyed by the masses; the boys were finding love, making money, and having the fun they were denied as kids; and her and Vince were starting to settle down. He had asked her to marry him months before they moved into the house.

And they were expecting their first child. (Y/n) had just found out that morning and Vince had been busy planning the party and getting ready. She hadn’t had time to tell him yet. But she thought maybe the drive would be good.

“I love you too Vince,” She answered softly. He opened her door for her before getting in on his side and peeled out of the driveway, taking the curves at high speeds as they made their way to the liquor store just a few blocks away. Vince ran in while (Y/n) stayed in the car, looking up at the moon. She missed seeing the stars, but she had lived in LA since she was 13 and the only stars they had lived in billion dollar houses in the hills. At the rate Vince was going, she thought they’d be in those houses soon. But she really wanted to move away from LA, to someplace in the country where you could see the stars at night and everything was quiet. She put a hand on her belly and smiled softly.

“I got some good stuff!” Vince called out, holding up his bags to show (Y/n). “Everyone’s gonna love it.”

“It’s free booze. Of course they’ll love it,” (Y/n) laughed. Vince threw the bags into the back and kissed her before heading back towards the house. He decided to take the scenic route back home. It was a wonderful night. It wasn’t too hot or too cold. There was no rain or even cloud cover.

“Hey Vince,” (Y/n) said a bit into the trip. “I’ve got something to tell you.”

“Oh, hey, it’s our song!” Vince said, looking down at the radio to turn it up. (Y/n) smiled and shook her head until she looked up.

“VINCE LOOK OUT!” She screamed. Vince looked up at the headlights coming right at them. He looked up at the road and overcorrected, slamming into another car at high speed. (Y/n) had been wearing a seatbelt, but the impact caused her arm to smack the button and she bounced around the car, an arm thrown over her stomach in an ill attempt to protect everything.

The car came to a rest, Vince’s head resting on the steering wheel and (y/n) slumped forward in her seat. Vince started to come to, hearing the sound of a horn. Who was honking at him? He wasn’t even doing anything. He slowly sat back in his seat and the horn didn’t stop. But dizziness overtook him and he wanted to puke. He managed to turn his head over to where (Y/n) was resting.

“Babe,” Vince said before a cough tore through his lungs. “(Y/n) you okay?” She didn’t answer him. He reached over and took her hand as the sirens started to be heard. “(Y/n) wake up. We’ve got a trip to Mexico coming up. And you were going to tell me something. What were you going to tell me?” She still didn’t answer. “Baby?” A light shone in the car then.

“Son, can you hear me?” A cop said.

“My fiancée isn’t waking up!” Vince cried. “Please help her!”

****

“It shouldn’t take this long to get booze,” Tommy groaned. “And (Y/n) doesn’t like to leave the house unattended with people in it. Said it makes her a bad hostess or something.” There was a lull in the music and the sound of sirens speeding past the house could be heard. Tommy looked over at Mick. Sirens weren’t that uncommon, but when the lead singer and his fiancée had yet to return from a beer run, it made everyone a little nervous.

“I’ll be back,” Tommy told Mick before he got up and headed to the door.

“Where are you going?” Mick asked.

“I just wanna see what’s going on,” Tommy explained as he heard another round of sirens. He quickly left the house and got on his motorcycle, heading towards where he heard the sirens going. Once he came to the scene, he saw tons of flashing lights, and he saw a familiar blonde sitting on the curb with his hands cuffed behind him.

He looked towards the other car and saw a man and woman being helped. He looked to one of the ambulances and he saw (Y/n) laying on it, beat to hell, eyes closed, and someone doing CPR on her. Tommy leaned over and puked into the grass then. He finally got off his bike and headed towards Vince, it finally starting to register that he was handcuffed.

“Vince?” Tommy called out. “What’s going on?” Vince looked up at Tommy, his eyes puffy and red from crying.

“T-Tommy…” Vince whispered. A cop stopped Tommy in his tracks.

“Sorry, you can’t come any closer,” The cop told him.

“That’s my bandmate over there and one of my best friends in the ambulance!” Tommy yelled.

“Sir, you have to calm down or you’ll be joining your bandmate in the back of the police car.” The cop growled. Tommy watched then as Vince was hauled to his feet and thrown into the back of a cop car.

“Can you at least tell me what hospital (Y/n) is going to?” Tommy asked. The cop looked down at his notes.

“Cedar-Sinai,” The cop told him. Tommy nodded and headed back to his bike as the ambulance took off and Vince sat in the back of the cop car, watching helplessly.

****

Tommy walked back into Vince’s house, hearing the party still going on. He made his way to the stereo system that Vince and (Y/n) had set up and killed the music, causing everyone to look at him. Mick sat on the edge of his seat.

“Everybody get the fuck out!” Tommy yelled. “Now! Get the fuck out!” Everyone looked at each other. “Are you fucking stupid? Get out!” Everyone started filling out then, leaving Razzle, Tommy, and Mick the only people in the house.

“Tommy?” Mick asked. “What’s going on?”

“Vince and (Y/n) were in an accident,” Tommy told him, feeling the bile in the back of his throat again. “Vince was being put into a cop car and (Y/n) was being put into an ambulance. I need to get over to Cedar-Sinai. I have to call Nikki. I…” Tommy was starting to breathe heavy. Razzle rubbed his back to help him calm down.

“We’ll go to the hospital and figure this out,” He told him. Mick nodded in agreement. The two drummers and the guitarist piled in Mick’s car, heading towards the hospital where they had taken (Y/n). Mick checked them in at the desk and were sent to a waiting room. Since (Y/n) parents had separated and left California, she had put the band as her contact for the hospital.

“Tommy, sit down,” Mick snapped. Tommy was pacing a rut in the floor, nervous as hell. Razzle was bouncing his leg and Mick was the only one trying to hold it together.

“I can’t,” Tommy told him. “(Y/n)’s been in there forever!”

“T-Bone, please sit down. You’re making my motion sickness come out,” Razzle told him. He was shaking. He had been so close to getting in the car with Vince. If that cute girl hadn’t found him and convinced him to do a line and drink with her, he would’ve been. Instead, (Y/n) was in his place.

“Family of (Y/f/n) (Y/l/n)?” A doctor came out, his scrubs disheveled and he looked upset. Tommy, Razzle, and Mick looked at each other before nodding slowly. “I’m Dr. Goshen. We did everything we could but...I’m afraid that Ms. (Y/l/n) and her baby have passed.”

“B-baby?” Tommy asked.

“Oh my god. She was pregnant?” Razzle asked. The doctor nodded. (Y/n) had found out about her pregnancy at a doctors appointment prior to the accident, and had only told one person, waiting for the right moment to tell Vince that he was going to be a dad.

But it was all gone.

“Shit Tommy!” Mick called out as Tommy’s knees buckled as he went to the floor. He had met (Y/n) through Nikki, who had met her at a gig when he was still with London. In fact, it was the same concert where Tommy had first seen Nikki play, months before he had the courage to talk to him and they started their band. He had always seen (Y/n) like a little sister. They had had a serious talk when her and Vince started dating at the beginning of ‘83, but she loved the blond singer and he completely worshipped her.

“Sir, are you okay?” The doctor asked. Tommy stared ahead. The last time he had seen (Y/n), she was laying on a gurney in an ambulance and looked like she had been dragged through the worst shit imaginable. She wasn’t even smiling, or anything like that. Hell, she might have been dead when he saw her. He motioned for a trash can as he started to puke again.

“God, does Vince know yet?” Mick asked, but nobody answered.

****

“Let me out!” Vince called from his jail cell. “Where’s (Y/n)? I have to go see her!”

“Sit down and shut up,” A deputy hissed at him.

“No! (Y/n) was in the car with me! They took her to the hospital! She’s my fiancée and I have to make sure she’s okay!” Vince yelled. The deputy looked at the fax he had just gotten. He looked up at Vince and glared.

“Your fiancée and her unborn child are dead,” The deputy told him. “Because of your actions.” Vince froze. (Y/n) was pregnant. (Y/n) was dead. The baby was dead. Vince sat down on the bench in the cell and stared at the wall.

“N-no,” He whispered before the tears started up again. “NO!” He held his head in his hands. (Y/n), the love of his life, was gone. Because of him.

What had he done?

****

Nikki awoke the next morning and was told that Vince had died. Nikki’s heart clenched in his chest. How was (Y/n) taking it? Was she okay? What about the band? What were they all going to do? Those questions were circling in his mind, especially after (Y/n) had told him she was pregnant, and asked him how she should tell Vince.

Nikki had always been protective of (Y/n). And if he wasn’t always full of Jack, drugs, and self-hate, he would’ve been with her instead of Vince. When the singer had announced that him and (Y/n) had been out on several dates, it took all of Nikki’s strength to not deck him. The way (Y/n)’s eyes lit up when Vince smiled at her helped calm him down, because if (Y/n) was happy, then Nikki could be too.

It was hours later when Mick called, finally reaching out to Nikki.

“You’re a hard prick to track down,” Mick growled.

“Been busy,” Nikki told him, look at the needle and baggie laying on the bedside table of the hotel.

“Well, since you’ve been busy, have you heard the news?” Mick asked.

“Vince is dead. I know.” Nikki sighed. Mick was quiet on the other end for a moment.

“Vince isn’t dead,” Mick told him. “(Y/n) is.”

“W-what?” Nikki asked. “That’s impossible. Everyone said Vince died.”

“No. (Y/n) went with him and the car accident killed her. And Nikki...she was pregnant.” Mick told him.

“I...I’ll have to call you back,” Nikki told him before hanging up, not even hearing the guitarist tell him to wait. Nikki sat there for a minute before he started throwing things, smashing what he could. It wasn’t fair? (Y/n) had her whole life ahead of her. She wanted to help write music. She was about to be a mother. Why had this happened to her?

In the middle of the trashed hotel room, Nikki sat on the floor. He was out of smack for the time being, but he could get more. But he had a notebook in hand, staring at the words of a song he had been working on for her.

A song she would never get to hear.

Forever Tags:  @anathewierdo @dekahg @marvel-af-imagines @feelmyroarrrr @nanie5 @imboredsueme @gemini0410 @aiaranradnay @babypink224221 @mogaruke @xxwarhawk @sandlee44 @shatteredabby @caswinchester2000 @supernaturalwincestsblog @lauravic @mrsambroserollinsacklesmgk @teller258316

Motley Crue Tags: @primal-screamer @waywardprincess666 @twistnet @saint-of-los-angeles @vader-kai @motleyfuckingcruee @sharon6713 @kawennote09 @2dead2function @nikkisixxwiththebass @flamencodiva

[holylulusworld]

Helpless little Omega – Part 5

Summary: Reader was always a tough Beta. Suddenly waking up as an Omega isn’t what she wanted. But with an Alpha at her side which is treating her like a weak child her life gets even worse.

Pairing: Alpha!Dean x OmegaReader, Alpha!Sam

Warnings: language, fluff, angst, ABO dynamics, sad reader, angry reader, break-up, abusive relationship, possessive, jealous Dean

Helpless little Omega ABO Masterlist  

Kissing down your neck Dean purrs while you move your hand through his hair.

“The water gets cold.” He rasps.

Humming you kiss his lips softly. Helping you out of the bathtub Dean wraps a fluffy towel around you. Carefully drying his Omega he purrs at the closeness.

“Wait in my room. I’ll bring you food and your favorite tea.”

“Okay.”

Wearing only an old flannel you sit on Dean’s bed. Sniffing at his pillows you smile.

“Here your sandwich and your tea.” Dean says handling you your food.

After eating your food your rest your head on your Alphas chest. Gently stroking your back Dean starts purring.

“Will I always feel so lost without you?” You ask.

“No, the bond is fresh. Of course you’ll miss me, but it will get easier. Except during your heats and my ruts.”

“This is all so odd. I never felt so drawn to someone.”

“I know, Y/N. I’ll help you finding your place, finding a way to live as an Omega.” Dean whispers softly kissing your cheek.

“Can I go on hunts with you?”

“No. I need you to be safe. Please stay here, at least for the next months until you get used to being an Omega. I know you can defend yourself, but please take a bit time.”

Disappointed you want to argue with your Alpha. You want to tell him you’re not weak, you didn’t change, but he’s right you need to get used to be an Omega.

Maybe after some time he’ll see you’re still a hunter.

“Okay, I’ll wait until I’m used to be an Omega.”

Locking eyes with your Alpha you can see that he’ll never allow you to go on hunts again.

You’ve got no clue why he’s so obsessed to protect you, to keep you away from hunts.

“Can I at least come with you and Sam until I’m used to feel so lost without you?”

“I don’t know if this is a good idea. Other Alphas could…”

“But I’m claimed, means other Alphas would stay away.”

“No, some Alphas ignore a claiming mark. Please stay here.”

“Dean I would never let another Alpha touch me…only you.”

“I said you stay here and you stay here!” He yells now and you flinch at his outburst.

Eyes widen you carefully watch your Alpha. Clenching his jaw he looks at you.

“Okay…” You whisper.

Turning your back toward Dean you try to push the tears away. He really treats you like a weak little girl. You’re still a hunter, nothing has changed. Maybe you should talk with Sam? He’s an Alpha too.

“I’m sorry ‘mega…I was loud again, but I need to protect what’s mine.” Dean purrs pressing his hot body against yours he starts kissing his claiming mark.

“I need sleep Alpha. Can we sleep now?” You whisper still scared he’ll yell at you again.

Tomorrow you’ll call Rowena again even if you loose Dean you won’t live as an Omega any longer…you had hoped his behavior was only the urge to protect his Omega, but now you’ve got the feeling he wants to lock you in his room and never let you out of the bunker again.

You’ll give him one last chance. Maybe Sam can talk to Dean, making clear he can’t treat you like he owns you…

----

Talking to Sam in the library you hope he can help you making Dean see he’s treating you like a child.

“I can try to talk to him, maybe it’s because your bond is so fresh. You two need to learn to trust each other. I know it’s even more difficult for you. Let me help.”

“Thank you Sammy.” You say smiling hugging the kind Alpha tight.

Returning into Dean’s room you want to change your clothes. Hearing your Alpha growl you meet his gaze. He looks like a predator. Is he already in rut?

“Are you alright Dean? Is it your rut?” You ask worried. Taking a step toward your Alpha you try to touch him.

“You smell like him!” He yells.

“Like…what?”

“Sam you smell like him!”

“Oh, I hugged him to say thank you. Maybe that’s why I smell like Sammy.”

“You said you would never let any other Alpha touch you.” Dean warns.

“I didn’t let him touch me, not that way. I just hugged him. I’m sorry, didn’t know I would smell like him. This is all so confusing.”

“Nothing is confusing! He touched you!” Your Alpha grunts clenching his fists. “Going to show him you’re mine!”

“Alpha, please. He didn’t touch me! It was my fault. I hugged him but not that way, just like a friend. Please I didn’t know.”

“You are my Omega!”

“Dean, I’m sorry. Please, I didn’t do anything to betray you. You know Sam is like a brother for me. I always loved you.”

“I don’t believe you! He touched you.”

Taking a deep breathe you try to calm yourself down. Biting your lip you move toward your Alpha. Trying to touch his hand you see his darkened eyes.

“Alpha, please I’m only yours. He didn’t touch me like you.”

Grabbing your arms harshly he presses you against the wall. Licking at your claiming mark he grazes his teeth over the skin. Biting down he claims you again. “Mine!” He growls with bloody lips before licking the small wound.

Whimpering you can almost feel the anger radiating in Dean’s body. Scared like the first time you lock eyes with him.

“You’re hurting me.” You sob.

Letting go of your arms he smashes his fist into the wall next to your head. Flinching away you walk backwards to get away from the angry Alpha.

“Please I didn’t do anything wrong. You scare me.”

“You are mine. You’ll never leave this room again.” He yells.

Making your decision you lock eyes with him, rising to your full height, straighten your back you shake your head. “No.”

“What?”

“I said no, I won’t stay. You hurt me again. I called Rowena, she can break the spell. I’m going to be a Beta again. You’ll never treat me like you own me again! I thought you would see that I love you but I’m only a toy for you.”

“You won’t leave me! You’re my Omega, no way you leave me. Please don’t go…I can be a better Alpha.”

“No, you won’t hurt or scare me ever again. You treat me like a weak child or like you own me. I can’t be with you like that…”

Storming out of Dean’s room you get your leave the bunker to meet up with Rowena. Being a Beta again is the only way to escape this bond…

Forever Tags

@donnaintx​​, @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22 , @curly-haired-disaster, @sister-winchesters99​, @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @strayrosesbloom , @thewinchesterco , @hobby27, @kittycatlover18,  @hawaiianohana15, @gh0stgurl​​ , @marvelfansworld​​ , @sandlee44​

Dean/Jensen Forever Tags

@mirandaaustin93, @spnfamily-thewinchesters, @love-my-not-natural-babies​​, @supernatural-bellawinchester​, @hawaiianohana15, @butifulsoul125​

Helpless little Omega Tags

@anjiep24​​

[fiti-vation]

Hey ☺️ Been a follower for a while and I find what you post so incredibly helpful; I’ve always felt intimidated by both exercise and how to eat the right way for who I am so that I end up not doing anything usually even though I feel almost desperate to. I’m a pescatarian but rarely eat fish (so practically a veggie) and I struggle with how to get enough protein and iron. I take multivits with iron most days but still have very low energy. Any advice on easy protein/iron? Thank you so much!🙏🏼

Aww thank you very much for the kind words and support love!

There’s a lot of advice out there on how to incorporate more protein into your diet, and if I’m being honest, it can sometimes feel like too much to think about. Whether you’re paleo, vegan, or counting macros, everybody needs protein. My motto when it comes to getting enough protein is to focus on the essential. Instead of focusing on protein focus on getting enough of the amino acids your body cannot make by itself!

A bit of nutrition science (I’ll simplify everything down below): Protein is an important nutrient required for the building, maintenance, and repair of tissues in the body. Proteins are made out of smaller molecules called amino acids, which are linked together like beads on a string. The linked amino acids form long protein chains, which are then folded into complex shapes.Some of these amino acids can be produced by the body, while we must get others from the diet. The ones we cannot produce and must get from our foods are called the “essential” amino acids.

English please 💁🏽‍♀️: Here’s the simplified version of what I just said: Amino acids are the building blocks of protein and they can be synthesized by the body or ingested from food. There are 20 different amino acids (some sources list 22) in the food we eat, but our body can only make 11 of them. The nine essential amino acids, which cannot be produced by the body, must be obtained from the diet. If you scroll through my blog, you’ll notice I’ve often elaborated on this topic before.

A variety of grains, legumes, and vegetables can provide all of the essential amino acids our bodies require. However, keep in mind that since grains, legumes, and vegetables are incomplete sources of protein you’ll have to combine these foods (protein combining (or protein complementing) – more on that later. The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics posits that protein from a variety of plant foods eaten during the course of a day supplies enough of all essential amino acids when caloric requirements are met.

Protein Requirements

A lot of people consume protein without knowing their daily protein requirement.  Before you start to incorporate more protein into your diet it’s very important to have an idea of how much you should consume daily. Obviously, this will depend on many factors such as your weight, your fitness goals, how active you are, and your age. That said, however, in the athletic world, there is no greater debate than how much protein you require on a daily basis. There are a number of varying recommendations and calculations when it comes to how much protein you should be consuming. On closer inspection, the daily intake of protein depends on age and activity level. For example, weight trainers and teenagers require more protein than a sedentary individual.There are a few calculations that can be used in terms of protein recommendations.

The RDA increases by 30 grams per day during pregnancy and 20 grams per day during lactation. During growth, different amounts are needed. For example, 2.2 grams of protein are needed per kilogram of body weight each day in the first six months of life, and 2.0 grams per kilogram for the next six months.

Many nutritional experts feel the RDA for protein is far too low and is only suitable for sedentary adults. For those who are active, insulin sensitive, overweight or seeking weight loss or are in their teenage years, the amount of protein should be higher. If this is the case, you will likely need to increase your protein intake from the RDA’s recommendation of 0.8 g/kg to 1.2-1.8 g/kg. The calculation would be:

1. Weight in pounds divided by 2.2 = weight in kg2. Weight in kg x 0.8-1.8 gm/kg = protein gm

If you are pregnant, recovering from an illness, stuck in a metabolic rut, under stress or work out intensely, I recommend using a number between 1 and 1.8. The calculation would be:

Example: 150 lb female who is a regular exerciser and lifts weights150 lbs/2.2 = 68kg68kg x 1.5 = 102 gm protein/day

Protein Quality

Once you’ve determined from which foods you can get your essential amino acids and also your required daily protein intake – you can begin to incorporate more protein into your diet according to your needs. As I’ve mentioned earlier grains, legumes, and vegetables are incomplete sources of protein, so you’ll have to combine foods to get all of your essential amino acids!  Protein complementation is essential if you decide not to eat any animal-based products. It simply means ‘putting together 2 or more sources of protein together to make sure you get the 9 essential amino acids’. And remember although there are only 9 essential amino acids, the body uses 20 amino acids to make its proteins, so make sure you eat enough! Complementary proteins do not need to be eaten together, so long as the day’s meals supply them all.

Vegetables are quite often low in the Amino Acids Methionine and Isoleucine. These are important for heart health, muscle recovery and blood sugar regulation. So, if you tried to survive on veggies alone you probably wouldn’t be doing all that well.

You could try a diet of grains (which seem to make up the majority of most people’s diet… but don’t necessarily include them in their raw form unfortunately). As I’ve discussed above, grains are low in Lysine, but also in Threonine and Tryptophan. These three-control bone development, hormone production, sleep and regulate moods. So, if you lived off grains alone you’d be a tired, cranky, hormonal mess probably with Osteoporosis!

Onto Nuts and Seeds, which are deficient in Lysine and Isoleucine which have been previously mentioned for their involvement in bone development, muscle recovery and blood sugar regulation. Likewise, with Legumes which are low in Methionine and Tryptophan for heart health, sleep and mood regulation.

So, as you can see you can’t live off any one of these categories alone, however, if you combine the correct foods and have a good variety you won’t be missing out at all! If you want to ensure you have a Complete amount of protein with every meal, consider combining the following…

So simply pick the base of your meal and add one of the two options and you’ll be laughing. Note that, combining at each meal isn’t necessary! Alternatively, if that doesn’t suit the meal you’re trying to make, just make sure you eat a good variety of all four by the end of the day and your diet will be full of Complete protein by the end of the day. 

Also keep in mind that even if you don’t have time to meal prep to combine foods, we have a 30-foot-long digestive tract and foods transit through it in somewhere between 14 – 30 hours. This means that proteins will be combined in the small intestines all day. As long as you eat a variety of plant foods, such as nuts, seeds, whole grains, legumes (beans, peas, lentils), and greens, your protein needs can be easily met.

Here are some common meal items that naturally complement each others’ proteins/ Some ideas for foods which you can put together to combine protein:

Beans and rice or tortillas

Peanut butter sandwich/Peanut butter on bread 

Baked beans toast

Poached egg and toast

Macaroni and cheese

Tofu with rice (or any grain)

Taco/tortilla & beans

Black Bean Burritos

Hummus with pita bread

Grilled cheese sandwich

Peanut Butter Spaghetti

Yogurt with nuts

Noodle stir-fry with peanut or sesame seed sauce

Lentil soup or dairy-based soup with bread

Whole grain cereal with milk

Pizza

Lasagna

Tacos filled with beans or lentils

Quinoa salad with black beans and feta

Corn, beans and squash are the three sacred crops of the indigenous peoples of North America. The Iroquois called them ‘The Three Sisters.” When combined in equal amounts, they provide 100% of the essential amino acids – rivaling animal foods. Additionally, quinoa, and soy are nearly complete vegetable proteins on their own.

Other tips

Before I end this, here are a few more tips that I personally use to make my life easier when it comes to incorporating protein:

1. Invest in a good BCAA supplement, my favourite BCAA supplement is ALLMAX Nutrition, Aminocore – the key lime pie flavour! -  I haven’t tried the other flavour yet but I will. You can make delicious lemonades during hot summer days. You can also make BCAA popsickles. I drink BCCA every day before and after my workouts. P.S. it’s available at Walmart

2. Also invest in some quality vegan protein! Protein shakes are an amazing way to achieve your daily protein intake requirements. As I’ve mentioned before protein shakes aren’t disgusting – but it’s the way one makes his protein shake that makes it disgusting. I hate mixing protein shakes with just water – it’s just yuck, I don’t know how people can just drink protein powder with water 🤢🤮 (my opinion though – don’t @ me please 🙃). You gotta add some life to the protein shake!!! I once made a protein shake with:

Vanilla protein powder (25g protein)

Strawberries

Coconut water

Almond milk

I also did:

Fruit blast Tropical powder blend (21 g of protein)

Coconut water

Almond milk 

Baby spinach + Pineapple & Mango

3. If your feeling fancy, make delicious smoked salmon bagel sandwiches. It’s easy to prepare and a real delight for your tummy.  I bought some smoked salmon for $2.49 the other day at GT Boutique (aka Giant Tiger). I don’t think GT exists in the States so try Walmart. Here are the instructions:

4. You can make a variety of mouthwatering salads packed with proteins. Here are 2 of my favourite salads that are super easy to make.

5. Here are a few non-meat protein sources:

You can also take a look at these posts from my blog for more ideas:

Plant protein energy kit [X]

Protein shakes [X]

48 delicious protein shake recipes [X]

10 vegetarian ways to eat your daily protein [X]

10 ways to add protein to your breakfast [X]

8 Must-Have Veggies for Building Muscles [X]

No meat muscle: 4 Rules for building lean mass on a vegetarian diet [X]

7 unique sources of protein [X]

Top sources of plant based protein [X]

Hope this was helpful and you enjoyed,Stephanie 😊

[halfofxerxes]

Okay so a WHOLE LOT of trigger warnings apply here as this is a Xerxes drabble, it is HIGHLY EXPLICIT (it is POORLY WRITTEN but they are doing the sex the whole time), slavery, exhibitionism, a little bit of exploitation, and illness. THERE IS PROBABLY MORE BUT DAMMIT LINDA GET ME PICTURES OF SPOODERMAN

Van was feeling decidedly undesirable. The thick, nasty feeling of dirt and filth under his nails was driving him crazy, almost as bad as the sound of people nearby having a good time. He just… Couldn't dig out this deal fast enough. One of his friends comes over, bending over to rub his crotch against Van's ass in a teasing manner, kissing the back of his neck.

“You're going to miss the paaarty.” He warns Van, “All the nice men will be spent and tired.”

“Don't get on me unless you expect to finish what you started.” Van grumbles, turning around to pounce in him, bracelets jingling as they play.

“Someone might think you're hiding out here because you're afraid you'll choke.” Here this dumbass decided to mime sucking a dick.

Van laughs, leaning down to kiss him soundly.

“Here, maybe I do need a little to get ready, can you help?” Van smiles sweetly, only for his friend to shake his head.

“I'm needed back out there, if you want it I have to do it where people can see. And it has to be hot, none of your shy hugs like nothing is happening. You're cute, but you're going to get old you know? No one is going to want shy old men, and you're not that great of scholar.”

“Bold words for a guy who can't read. I can teach you, you know, you don't have to do this for the rest of your life.”

“Why fight it? You can read and you came back to dance. And to fuck.”

“Oh- Fine, you go ahead and get ready, I'll be out for you to make a show of, so stay close.” Van turns back to scrubbing his hands, trying to get his head clear.

It was a favorite thing for them to play at, though Van always liked a little more seclusion when he could get it, but to come out walking as if he were a strange free man, only to get sweeped up in a haphazard dance with his friend was a thrill.

Being bended over one of the show railings at the end of the dance, the hem of his robe thrown clear to show off his shapely ass and genitals was always a favorite, those who payed attention to him whistling their approval, the pink hue of his not yet erect penis showing brightly as the blue folds fall away. His friend was rubbing Van's testes and thighs gently as he spread his legs apart.

The tease doesn't even slip into him right away, instead having Van rub him up first, getting him nearly throbbing before he makes a show of shoving into Van, not even hitting the right spot.

“Come on, how hard can this be?” Van asks, trying his best to force the stiff penis to hit, starting to feel a little desperate.

“You gotta want it, or I'm going to mess up your pretty back.” His friend is undoing the robe Van's wearing, clearly enjoying himself.

“Please! No one is even looking at us anymore, just rub it!” He starts to stand up, his friend pushing forward to trap his hips against the bar, Van's penis fully engorged and on display.

“I told you it's gotta be hot, try some of those dance moves.”

Rolling his eyes, Van starts to roll and twist, feeling his partner move with him. There was a reason for this, of course. Van was notorious for sitting there and taking it instead of making it look fun, even when he was enjoying himself. He was, as they say, boring as soon as he got stuck.

Now that there was some action going on, the eyes were back on them, which is all his friend had wanted in the first place.

“That's it, there we go.” His friend was saying, finally hitting that sweet spot.

Van starts moving against him in earnest now, reaching down to grab his own cock, only for his friend to grab it away after a few strokes, something else they had talked about doing.

“You know I hate doing that,” Van says softly, turning to catch his lips, “It feels weird.”

“If it didn't I wouldn't pull your hand away.” His friend replies, “Are you ready to finish, or are you wanting to wait?”

“...mmm…” It wasn't meant to be a response, Van's body was going into the warm, comfortable place that he liked better than the finish, and his friend slows down his thrusts to keep him there, even while he's pretending to paw at his genitals.

“One of these days you'll learn to ask me for this.” His friend teases, “You know I won't say no this, but it's hard to put on a show when you're falling asleep.”

“Oh but where's the fun in that?” Van asks, kissing him again, and again, “You'll always know right where to hold me.”

“I'm still a slave, my dearest featherbrain.” His friend replies, “I'll be dead one day, all of us slaves will, long before your feet even come back to earth.”

“Don't be ominous, it's not hot.” Van teases, but the words worry him. “Besides, people are starting to lose interest.”

“Alright, alright. Fuckin’ bossy today, here I come get you to party and all you want to do is fuck one guy and go to sleep.”

“Said as if you're not that guy.” Van snarks, “Besides I said get me started, not bore me to death. If I fall asleep that's on you.”

His friend mocks his tone of voice, bending him over again, punctuation each sound with a neat little thrust, giggling as Van squeaks.

“This is why you dance I guess.” He whispers into Van's ear, “Clearly you don't have any talent for this work. I'm going to get you to drip, you fine with that?”

Van nods, and his friend starts rubbing his penis with his open hand, only lightly grabbing it to rub his thumb at the tip, carefully tracing the sensitive flesh. Van can't help the shivers running through him, each one causing him to press against his friend's thick hardness, the sweet sensation coursing through him only to be offset by the feeling from his friend's hand.

“There we go, you're doing great.” His friend whispers, pulling him up halfway so people can see Van's throbbing, wet erection, his slick hand going to rub at Van's balls “If you're done, you know we can stop whenever.”

“Here,” Van sashays his hips, pulling down his friend's face to kiss his cheek, before whispering in his ear. “Just tell me we can get some juice together if you can spend yourself on me.”

“You know I really should go to paying guests.” His friend replies, “But I guess this group of guests is enjoying us well enough.”

Van glances out, seeing several people with their hands in their robes, the soft moment ranging from furious to leisurely. There's even a lady who has her skirt up and presenting them with the way she's touching herself.

“Hey look,” Van says, nudging his friend, “That's the closest I've seen a woman's thing.”

“Yeah, you get used to it.” His friend replies, reaching a hand in to pull at his nipples, “I had one try to sit right under me when I was showing and ended up getting the white stuff all over her thing. She seemed pretty happy about it and put her fingers inside herself until she came.”

“What, semen?” Van asks, and he feels his friend shrug rather than sees it.

“You know, the white stuff. Don't give me that look, I'll describe it to you, if you want.”

“No, no no, I'm fine.” Van assures him, “I know what you mean. Did she try to wipe it off?”

“No, which is why I remembered it.” His rhythm is slowing down as he thinks, Van putting on a little bit more of a show, reaching down to hold the hand at his crotch, making it seem as if he's starting to approach the edge.

His friend pats his chest in thanks, working though the thought he had.

“You know,” He says finally, “It was like she was sticking it in her thing. I dunno why.”

“Mm.” Van replies, deciding not to tell him. He keeps a sharp eye on the masturbating woman though, ready to bolt if she tried to get a baby from him.

“Do you think it's fine?” His friend asks, sounding a little anxious, “I've never had a woman that close and it was kind of intimidating.”

“It's probably fine, but you might want to tell the master if she comes back and tries it again. He might want her to pay more.”

“Oh! That's right, I don't even think of that.” He sounds relieved, and he picks up his pace again.

Van places their hands on his belly, his friend gladly pulling him closer to him, pulling him and the cloth around him to show off the scar on the side, Van pulling smoothly as if he's trying to fight this. There's a palpable excitement to that, a low groan from the onlookers at Van's pretty struggles.

“You sure?” His friend asks, “How far?”

“Lets wrestle for a bit.” Van replies. “Try to keep on top of me.”

“In you?” His friend checks, getting a nod. “Okay.”

His friend acts as if he's getting rough with Van, biting at his neck and bury himself too deep for comfort, though it was mostly Van pushing forward sharply and him with his pelvis held back.

They would sometimes have this kind of sex in reality, but Van hated doing it on stage, no matter what anyone said to him, or who he did it with. That kind of violence was only for himself, with people he knew would stop and let him stop.

He pulls off to the side, his friend rolling with him, their playing from earlier catching up to them, his friend doing all the pouncing now. His friend forces him to all fours, and he wiggles his ass against him like a dog wagging his tail. The groan produced isn't fake, nor is the way his friend is rubbing up against that sweet spot, one hand around his waist, the other pulling at Van's hair.

There seemed to be a limit to how much the slaves could take until they started going for climax at any cost, Van knew he had that when he was topping as well. It was always a little disturbing being on either end of it, feeling like a beast rutting.

“Come on,” He says softly, “Hey. Let's stand up.”

His friend doesn't hear him at first, but after a moment, he blinks, pulling them up, this time pushing Van against the bar for the finally, showing everyone how violently his cock was twitching with every touch, how he couldn't help but pull a leg up as the head of his erection was fondled, all the while kissing at the neck of the man who had 'subdued’ him.

“I'm gunna do it.” His friend whispers, “Are you?”

“Just a bit longer, please.” Van whispers back, “Pet that spot.”

“Bossy.” His friend teases, though takes a deep breath, carefully guiding himself to hold against Van. “But hurry, I can't keep it long.”

Van nods, pressing back against him, having to keep moving as his body bucks against him. His friend presses him into the railing, both of them ready to burst at any second.

It starts with a cracking sensation at the top of his head, a liquid feeling down the curve of his back, and then all at once the world around them is flashing white and black, a pulsing taking him back over and over.

They're standing, gripping the bar, painting and messy. Van doesn't look out to the crowd, all he ever wanted was behind him the whole time. He turns, kissing him deeply, murmuring soft things to him.

“Bossy.” His friend says, kissing him back, “Lets get some juice.”

They find a place to sit, laying in each other's arms with their cups, watching the shadows of the palm trees.

“Say.” Van says, sitting up, “If I ever get a house, would you want me to bring you there? I could free you and give you a name and--”

“Van.” His friend sounds really upset, sitting up slowly. “Van, you can't. Maybe the name, though you know I can't remember new things very well.”

“Why can't I? I earn money, I'm free, I can do what I like.”

“...I don't want to tell you this, but…” He undoes his sash fully, showing off brown, ugly welts of skin. “Your master looked at me, he says that it's gunna kill me, whatever it is. Our master took us-- me to many doctors and he's upset that I cost him so much. I have to earn it back before I die, and you can't waste your money on my debt.”

Van is trying his hardest not to cry, his hands shaking on the cup.

“You should have told me sooner.” He says finally, looking up at him, “Is he gunna do… that thing?”

“Only if I can't work anymore.” His friend says softly, “But you know I'm the best, so he's going to hold off until the absolutely last day.”

“You are the best.” Van says, hugging him tightly, “Better than the best. Look, I'll talk with the master, both mine and yours, and I'll be there with you when you go, no matter what.”

“I'd like that.” He says after a moment. “...Do you want to give me a name anyway?”

Van thinks about it for a moment, blinking slowly.

“Percy.” He says finally. “It's short for Persistence.”

His friend has to take a moment to consider it, before nodding.

“I like it.” Percy says, a slow, happy smile making its way onto his face. “But what makes it short for anything?”

[sinceileftyoublog]

Whitney Rose Interview: The Story Thief

BY JORDAN MAINZER

In our interview conducted a couple months ago and since on Twitter, Austin-via-Canada country singer-songwriter Whitney Rose has joked about the ill timing of an album called We Still Go To Rodeos, released on her own artist/management-run label MCG Recordings back in April. The joke’s on us, though: As is par for the course for Rose, throughout the record, she uses the symbol of the rodeo, and first-person narratives of interpersonal devotion and depression, as metaphors for and tributes to the twists and turns of the human condition rather than literal autobiography. A woman ruins her life for a man on rollicking, jangly opener “Just Circumstance”; a different woman ruins a man’s car after he cheats on her on “Believe Me, Angela”. Someone ironically uses the excuse of a breakup to finally get a king-sized bed on “Through The Cracks”. There are songs devoted to life’s simple pleasures--companionship and sex on the breezy “Home With You”, snow cones on the harmonica-laden, swaying title track. We’re not going anywhere, but we need stories more than ever.

Read my interview with Rose below, during which we talk about the writing and recording of the record, Forensic Files, live streams, and how she saved a baby blue jay during quarantine.

Since I Left You: Do you feel especially fortunate to have been able to release We Still Go To Rodeos, given the current economic climate, on your own label?

Whitney Rose: Yeah, absolutely. The biggest reason for that is I didn’t have to have a conversation with anybody. It was completely up to me. I have friends on record labels who for various reasons ended up having to have very long discussions slash arguments figuring out whether or not to release it on the date and when to release it. We don’t know when we’re gonna have the green light to get back on the road, which all of my musician friends are dying to do, myself included. Not knowing how long this is gonna go on, and why not give people new music right now? Hopefully, let it marinate, and it’s not too old by the time we’re able to get back on the road again. At this point, because this is so unprecedented, I have no idea whether it was a good decision or a bad decision, but I don’t regret it.

SILY: From a listener standpoint, I feel like people are pretty happy to get any kind of new art, whether music or shows or books or films. Not even just as a way to spend time, but if something has something to say, it can definitely be comforting to people right now.

WR: That was my hope. I hope my new record was able to do that for some folks.

SILY: In terms of the songs themselves, throughout the whole album, you seem to be singing from a number of different times in your life or to or about different people, if not from different points of view. Does the album follow a concrete narrative? Are songs about specific people?

WR: The record as a whole is a narrative, but I make fun of myself and call myself a story thief. I’m really close with my family, and I’m really lucky to have a lot of close friends who tell me things about their lives, and I definitely steal their stories. I do enjoy writing in the third person, but writing in first person comes more naturally to me. I draw from my own experiences, too. I tell my own stories. But even if I’m telling someone else’s story, I prefer to tell it in the first person. In terms of there being an overall [narrative], I like to think it’s cohesive enough, but it’s definitely not telling one story.

SILY: Do you find that people often assume you’re singing autobiographically?

WR: 100%, as soon as you say the word “I.” I would even go so far as to say [singing autobiographically is] not usually the case. Sometimes, it is, but definitely, people make that assumption.

SILY: The first track, for instance, is inspired by the different stories you’ve watched on Forensic Files.

WR: Not only that, but I don’t know if you’ve seen Orange Is The New Black, but I got really interested in the criminal justice system, specifically for females. It’s pretty incredible the stuff that goes on. Obviously, not only the female experience...the criminal justice system is pretty fucked.

It’s amazing, because I don’t know how much you travel, but I travel a fair bit, and [Forensic Files] is one of the only constants. I can count on it being on HLN when I get home from a gig or when I get to a hotel after a 15-hour drive. The narrator’s voice has become somewhat of a lullaby for me. Sometimes, I put it on and I’m asleep within 30 seconds. It’s that calming. It’s one of those constants you can depend on.

SILY: Do you think you’ve watched every episode?

WR: I don’t know about that, because they always go on loops. But I can tell you I’ve seen some episodes 4 times. I tend to exaggerate, and I’m trying to do that less, but I would not be surprised if I’ve seen 500 episodes of Forensic Files...but I don’t know how many episodes there are. I should be on Wikipedia right now [looking it up.]

SILY: My girlfriend and I are at the point where we can’t go on Netflix or anywhere it’s streaming and find an episode we haven’t seen. For a long period of time, it was exactly that: something to fall asleep to.

WR: Absolutely. And I only watch it on Netflix when I’ve been trying to sleep for an hour or two and I can’t. It’s that thing that will put me to sleep when it’s important for me to go to sleep. We always need rest when we’re on the road. But at home, when I can’t fall asleep, I go straight to Netflix and put on Forensic Files. It usually works pretty quickly.

SILY: The track “Believe Me Angela”, I’ve read that you started out wanting to write a revenge tale, but it ended up being one where the two women at the bad end of infidelity find solidarity with one another. The song is structured the same way: You think it’s gonna go one way, but on the final verse, the narrator talks it over with her friends and keys the guy’s car instead of the other girl’s. Was that trick intentional, or did it just happen that way?

WR: It absolutely just happened. But not easily, because--[sighs]--I don’t know, that day--you know some days, you’re not angry or enraged about anything, but you’re a little more spunky than normal. I was just in this really awful mood and felt like writing an angry song and calling someone out on their shit. So I thought, “Okay, I’ll write a cheating/revenge tune.” I sat down, and was writing it but I was not feeling it. The more I wrote, the less angry I got. I started feeling compassion for the characters. I got derailed, and it happened.

SILY: Does writing songs in general have that almost therapeutic quality to you?

WR: Absolutely. Even just strumming a guitar. It’s effectively my medication. Even if it’s just three chords over and over and over again for half an hour to an hour. I find it really really soothing. Usually, when I do that, I start thinking of melodies, and that’s how a lot of my song ideas come to me.

SILY: In terms of your lyrical delivery, the one that stands out most to me is “In A Rut”, especially the way you say the title really quickly. Did you do it that way to have it fit within the tempo?

WR: It’s funny; when I wrote that song, it’s probably the best example of what I just described, playing the same three chords over and over again. In this particular instance, I had just come off the road, and I wasn’t feeling the best. This isn’t how I approach every song--I don’t just write when I’m angry, I swear. But it actually started out a lot slower, and picking up my guitar for the first time in a few days, which doesn’t usually happen. Usually, even if for a few minutes, I play every day. But I was in a weird mindset, and I started playing these chords and singing these three words. It was a lot slower. But when we were in the studio, I thought it should be a little bit more of a rocker. I didn’t want to be sad, but a little more frustrated. The most effective way I could do that was try it as a rocker. My band on this album is amazing. They could have done anything--that could have been a ballad and they would have done an incredible job. But when I heard them playing that at a faster tempo, I fell in love with it. We just moved forward with it. We didn’t even go back to the country shuffle.

SILY: It’s almost an anthem, the way it turned out.

WR: Thank you! It’s really fun to play live. It’s one of the only tunes I got to play live with my band before this happened. I always have a lot of fun with it.

SILY: Your band is pretty steady throughout the whole record, but I do love that there’s an overall palate that occasionally introduces something new, like the banjo on “I’d Rather Be Alone” and the harmonica on the title track.

WR: Every musician on the record is so versatile. They can play any style. That’s one of the biggest reasons why they were hired. Matt Hubbard and Rich Brotherton, when they came to the studio, they were involved in the base tracks, with Lisa Pankratz on drums and [Dave Leroy Biller] on guitar and [Brad Fordham] on bass. It was all pretty much within the same week. When the piano and extra guitar player came in, they had a truck full of instruments. When we were helping them load in, we were like, “Holy shit! How many instruments do you have in here?” They didn’t know what we were looking for. Playing around with the extra instruments was so much fun. I’m sure that’s super nerdy. But Matt Hubard on harmonica on the title track, Rich Brotherton on banjo and acoustic guitar on “I’d Rather Be Alone”. Matt Hubbard on the Wurlitzer. Watching Gurf Morlix do his thing on two or three tracks was incredible. One of my favorite guitar players, Nichol Robertson, who is based in Toronto--timing didn’t work out for him to come down here, so I sent him a couple tracks, and he sent back some amazing stuff, like the outro for “I’d Rather Be Alone”. 

When I write, I write alone, so I have to imagine how it’s going to sound in my head. I’m just a strummer. I’m by no means a good guitar player. I enjoy it, and obviously I play guitar a lot, but by no means am I a maestro. Seeing people care about these little songs I’ve written, and having them listen to me and listen to what I want, and having it become a musical conversation. They are maestros, and they know so much more about that world than I do. Seeing what they bring to the table. I wish I could be in the studio all of the time. It’s such a learning experience. It’s so inspiring. The only thing it hasn’t inspired me to do at this point is actually get really good at an instrument.

SILY: The line on “I’d Rather Be Alone” that gives it its title seems to be prescient right now: “I’d rather be alone than lonely.”

WR: There are a lot of things on this record that aren’t the best timing. Everybody in the world right now just wants to be out in public. “I’d Rather Be Alone” is socially responsible, but what people really want is to be able to go out to dinner with their friends, go to a park, go out for coffee, go to a beach, go to a pool. That one is telling a story of a friend of mine who basically said half of the line. I was listening intently, trying to be a good friend and listener, but I couldn’t wait to get off the phone and write that song. [laughs]

SILY: The line on “Through The Cracks” about finally getting a king size bed after becoming alone again differentiates being alone and being lonely, too. You can be lonely, but not be alone. And part of aloneness can be these things that give you comfort.

WR: There is such a difference between alone and lonely, and a lot of people don’t realize that. I don’t think it’s groundbreaking or anything, but it could be helpful for people who hate being alone to have a better understanding of people in their lives who don’t need people around, to the point where they’re uncomfortable having people around. It’s something you can realize within yourself. “I’m alone right now, but holy shit, I’m not lonely, I’m actually really happy.” Vice versa, “I’m lonely right now, but I’m not alone, so what does that say about me.” Understanding people in your life who are different than you.

SILY: What’s the story behind the cover art?

WR: It’s kind of embarrassing, actually. I wanted to do something really simple. In the past, my artwork hasn’t been glamorous, but this time, I wanted to do something a little more natural and simple. My fella and I just went out for a drive one day. He took that photo, and I saw it, and I thought, “Let’s use this. That’s the album art.” My friend Tom Ionescu put the borders on. We worked together to maintain that simplicity with the fonts and how everything appears. I wanted something not really flashy. I have one hand behind my head. It was free. Why not?

SILY: Have you done any live streams?

WR: I haven’t, and it’s not for any reason except it’s gonna be the first time that these songs are for the most part being presented, and I want to present them properly. If I were to live stream just me and my guitar, I feel like it would be sending kids off to preschool but not putting any clothes on them. It doesn’t feel right. I’ve even recorded myself doing a live stream, and I’m not happy with where it is. Also, one of the times I did a test of a live stream, I knocked over my microphone. I couldn’t stop giggling. It feels really, really weird. To execute it really well is really, really difficult. The space in between songs is dead air unless you have something really clever to say. But I don’t want to say anything. I just want to play my songs. Basically, I’m just waiting out the really strict quarantine, and when I have all of the gear and cameras to have my band over to my house and practice distancing and do a live stream that way, instead of doing it just on my own. The best that I can go for with just me and my guitar is endearing, and I want better than that.

Even if it was a different record that I put out, it might make sense for me to do some solo live streaming, but for this record, I’m gonna wait until I can have my band.

[Editor’s note: Since this interview was conducted, Rose has been featured on two SiriusXM channels.]

SILY: In the meantime, is anything else coming up for you? Are you finding yourself writing?

WR: Yeah. I’ve been writing, and I’ve been practicing, and I’ve been doing what everyone else has been doing. And just like everyone else, some days, you wake up really inspired, and you read, and you exercise for a while, and I’ve been practicing French, so I’ll do 4 or 5 French lessons, and make a really nice meal. And then the next day, I’ll be like, “Oh, yeah, I’m gonna watch 5 episodes of The Office.” It ebbs and flows. The other day, a friend of mine said, “This is a really weird time. As long as you’re getting by, great. You don’t have to master that third language. Great if you do, but if you can just get through this, that’s enough.” I really appreciated her saying that. It really spoke to me. I’m sure there are a lot of people out there who feel the pressure to keep being productive. I’m not coming down on that mentality at all because it’s ideal. But for me, I’ll readily admit that it’s not sustainable. 

SILY: Is there anything you’ve been listening to, watching, or reading during quarantine or before that’s caught your attention, inspired you, or comforted you?

WR: I love the new [Lucinda Williams] record. She released it on the same day as [I released mine]. Two days after she released it, I listened to it 4 times. Right now, I’m reading Becoming by Michelle Obama. I can’t wait to watch the Netflix special. I’m almost done with that book. We rescued a baby blue jay, which took up about a week. The baby fell out of his nest in my yard, and the nest was too high to put him back. He was about to get eaten by a feral cat, so we took him inside. The next morning, we were gonna take him to animal rescue, but we saw his parents in the yard, so we ended up making a makeshift nest for him. By the end of that first day, his parents were coming to visit him and feeding him every 20 minutes. About a week after that, he flew away with his parents and I think one or two siblings as well. That was great. That took up some time.

SILY: Do you have any pets?

WR: I do not, no. I love animals, but with my old lifestyle, spending so much time on the road, it wasn’t really feasible. For a few months of the year, I’d have to find alternate care for a pet. It hasn’t felt right since I started touring full-time. Right now, I would even kill to have Ace back. I’m glad he flew away, and it had a happy ending, but I loved having him around.

We Still Go To Rodeos by Whitney Rose

[berevityandquiet]

gorrión

ao3 link here

Summary:

"And what are you proposing, Mr. McCree?"

"I propose I could get you to holler with my mouth alone."

"Oh? And how do you think you are going to accomplish that?"

"Here. Lemme show you."

i totally didn't forget to post this here, of COURSE not. 

“You're so...gross.”

There's a wicked glint in Genji's eye, feral and wild; he's got both legs spread, one hand threading through the soft hair on his crotch, the other teasing his wet slit.

McCree sits between those legs on bated breath, his fingers tensing on Genji's thighs. The flesh is...surprisingly supple, dimpling under Jesse's grip. There will be bruises in the morning – Genji wants them.

“Are you really so greedy you'll eat anything you can get your mouth on? Really Jesse.” Genji plays up the exasperation, the quaver in his voice belaying any ill-borne feelings, “I feed you enough, are you really not satisfied?”

“Naw.” Jesse licks his lips, teasing the tip of his tongue on his canines, “Not when yer walkin' around like this, all wet 'n ready for me.”

Genji laughs cooly, “Who said it was for you? Is it not a little presumptuous, to think I would let anyone so vulgar touch me.”

He wants him to. He wants Jesse to touch him, he wants Jesse all over him, inside him, rocking him to his core and breaking him down so well. But what is the kill without a hunt?

“Cariño,” Jesse breathes, “C'mon baby, lemme just-”

Genji leans forward and presses a finger against Jesse's temple, just as Jesse's about to lean his head down.

“You can do better than that.” Genji's finger walks down Jesse's face, bopping him on the nose, “Beg me like a good boy and maybe I will consider it.”

McCree huffs a laugh – Genji loves how husky his voice gets.

“Gorrión, por favor me amor.” He growls, rutting slowly against the bed. His breath is hot against Genji's slit, pink tongue just at the tip of his lips, “Permítame comen tu chocha.”

“You sweet talker.” A pearl of slick rolls against Genji's slit, down the fat lips – Jesse catches it on the tip of his finger, rubbing the rough pad against the pillowy flesh. Genji groans, throwing his head back, gulping down air.

“I'll make you feel so good, gorrión.”

“You always do.” Genji tilts his hips upward in permission, looking down at Jesse with hazy eyes.

Jesse can't help but laugh as presses his mouth against that perfect pussy. The first taste is like ambrosia, a perfect mix of bitter and sweet. Genji sighs, gripping the pillows with shaking hands.

McCree rolls his tongue in one, long swipe, trying to gather as much of Genji's slick as he can. He pulls back, a string of pre connecting him from Genji, his tongue lolling from his mouth like a dog.

“You are disgusting” Genji's hand shoots out and grips the back of Jesse's head, guiding him back down, “Mutt.”

“Your mutt,” Jesse rolls his tongue against Genji's cunt, mouthing at the delicious labia, pulling with this teeth. His mouth fits perfectly, like he was made for this – his tongue laps in strokes before dipping inside of the wet folds, into Genji's hole. He's so hot inside, perfectly tight around Jesse's tongue, “And don't you forget it.”

Genji squirms, huffing, hips jolting with every lick, every slurp – Jesse's nose is directly against his cock only hitting it sparingly. His hands clutch the sheets – he's going to cum on Jesse's tongue or he's not going to cum at all.

Jesse's grip slacks for a second as he takes a moment to sit back and breathe, lapping lazily at his treat, looking up at Genji like a dog waiting for a biscuit.

“Don't stop – why are you stopping?!” Genji could cry – Jesse always stops halfway through, a wicked little trick of his.

“'cause I like listenin' to you whine.” Jesse chuckles honestly, blowing against Genji's erect cock, “It's cute – hella cute. If I could, I'd record it and listen to it all day.”

“Jesse.” Genji whimpers, thighs starting to shake

“Patience – we got all night to get there. Why rush?”

“Fuck patience, I need you now!”

This time Jesse laughs outright, deep and loud, gripping Genji's thighs tighter and sitting up, practically bending Genji in half.

“Ya sing so well for me, gorrión.”

Jesse pounces, hot mouth on Genji in an instant. His tongue sinks in deep, licking at the velvet walls, his thumb pressing against Genji's cock. Genji shrieks, toes flexing in the air as Jesse eats him with a vengeance, with the hunger of a staving man.

“Oh Oh!” Genji's hands flail, looking for purchase – he opts to grab onto the headboard, “Right there! Right- right there, oh Jesse”

Jesse snarls, vibrating inside Genji – his tongue hits deep, wriggling and hot, so fucking hot. Genji shrieks, trying to will his hips from thrusting (they don't), his toes curling and twisting in the air.

“There, there there, there!!” He screams Jesse's name as he cums, splattering over Jesse's face. McCree laps at the source, sucking and licking and purring until it borders just shy of painful.

Genji gulps air like he's drowning, head against the pillows, sweat cooling on his forehead. Jesse finally pulls his mouth away, lapping Genji's thigh softly, his eyes trained on the flutter under Genji's eyelids.

“Toldja I'd make you holler just with my mouth.”

“You did. And you won -” He sits up easily, one hand cupping Jesse's cheek tenderly. Jesse grins, puffing as Genji moves them so he's between Jesse's legs.

 “And so here is your reward.”

[psychotherapyconsultants]

10 Famous People with Depression, Bipolar Disorder or Both

Whenever I hit a depression rut, where I feel disabled by the illness and therefore pathetic for being brought to my knees by a bunch of thoughts, it helps me to review celebrities — esteemed politicians, actors, musicians, comedians, astronauts, writers, and athletes — that I admire from both the past and present who have also wrestled the demons of depression and bipolar disorder. I feel less alone knowing that this infuriating condition doesn’t discriminate, and that I’m fighting alongside some of the world’s most talented and accomplished people.

Here are a few of the luminaries that have, over the course of their lives, shed some of the stigma of mental illness with their stories and who serve as inspiring role models for those of us in the trenches.

1. Ashley Judd

While visiting her sister, country singer Wynonna Judd, at a treatment center in 2006, counselors suggested that the actress and political activist check herself in, too. So Ashley Judd did just that and spent 47 days in a Texas treatment facility for depression and emotional problems. In a Today interview, she told Matt Lauer:

I was absolutely certifiably crazy, and now I get to have a solution. And for those who are codependent or suffer from depression, there is a solution.

In her memoir, All That Is Bitter and Sweet, Judd describes the abuse and neglect in her turbulent upbringing that led, in part, to her emotional pain and breakdown — and also the hope she feels by focusing on humanitarian work around the world.

2. Catherine Zeta-Jones

Academy Award winning actress Catherine Zeta-Jones never wanted to become a poster child for bipolar II disorder after she went public with her illness in April 2011, but she has nevertheless become a beautiful face behind the disorder. I, for one, am relieved the world can make a connection between one of the most talented and glamorous movie stars and a misunderstood illness.

I found it especially reassuring when she checked into a 30-day program in April 2013 to treat her disorder. The fact that a star can give herself permission to withdraw from the world in order to heal helps me feel less shame when I have to take a time-out for self-care myself.

3. Abraham Lincoln

Award-winning author Joshua Wolf Shenk did a masterful job of exposing the inner demons of the 16th president of the United States in his book Lincoln’s Melancholy: How Depression Challenged a President and Fueled His Greatness. I go back and read certain chapters whenever I need to be reminded that this curse can render gifts if we have the strength and perseverance to tame it, as Lincoln did. Shenk writes:

With Lincoln we have a man whose depression spurred him, painfully, to examine the core of his soul; whose hard work to stay alive helped him develop crucial skills and capacities, even as his depression lingered hauntingly; and whose inimitable character took great strength from the piercing insights of depression, the creative responses to it, and a spirit of humble determination forged over decades of deep suffering and earnest longing.

4. J.K. Rowling

When the author of the runaway bestselling Harry Potter series was a struggling writer in her twenties — a single mother and newly divorced — she suffered from severe depression and contemplated suicide. She sought help through cognitive behavioral therapy, and after nine months, the suicidal thoughts disappeared.

“I have never been remotely ashamed of having been depressed,” she said in an interview on Suicide.org. “Never. What’s there to be ashamed of? I went through a really tough time and I am quite proud that I got out of that.” Today she doesn’t hesitate to talk about her depression in order to fight the stigma associated with mental illness.

5. Jared Padalecki

Supernatural star Jared Padalecki openly talks about his struggles with depression and feels so passionately about supporting people battling emotional demons that he initiated Always Keep Fighting, his T-shirt campaign through Represent.com to benefit the nonprofit organization To Write Love on Her Arms (TWLOHA), which supports people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury, and suicide.

During filming of the third season of Supernatural, Padalecki broke down in his trailer after shooting an episode. A doctor soon diagnosed him with clinical depression; he was 25 at the time. Padalecki recently told Variety:

I, for a long time, have been passionate about people dealing with mental illness and struggling with depression, or addiction, or having suicidal thoughts and, strangely enough, it’s almost like the life I live as well. These characters that we play on Supernatural, Sam and Dean, are always dealing with something greater than themselves, and I’ve sort of learned from the two of them that they get through it with each other, and with help and with support.

6. Brooke Shields

Brooke Shields had just released her book Down Came the Rain in 2005 about her bout with postpartum depression when I plunged into a severe depression and was hospitalized. A friend sent the book to me, and I’ll always remember the relief I felt when I read the back cover copy — feeling as though this actress-model was giving me permission to feel the pain: “Sitting on my bed, I let out a deep, slow, guttural wail,” she writes. “I wasn’t simply emotional or weepy … This was something quite different. This was sadness of a shockingly different magnitude. It felt as if it would never go away.”

She also wrote a brave op-ed piece for The New York Times following Tom Cruise’s infamous rant with Matt Lauer on NBC’s Today about psychiatry, lambasting Shields and others for taking antidepressants. “Once we admit that postpartum is a serious medical condition,” she writes, “then the treatment becomes more available and socially acceptable. With a doctor’s care, I have since tapered off the medication, but without it, I wouldn’t have become the loving parent I am today.”

7. Winston Churchill

British Prime Minister Winston Churchill referred to his depression as his “black dog”: recurrent episodes of darkness that permeated his life, influencing his career and political leadership. Some people surmise that it was Churchill’s depression that ultimately allowed him to assess the threat of Germany. British psychiatrist Anthony Storr writes:

Only a man who knew what it was to discern a gleam of hope in a hopeless situation, whose courage was beyond reason and whose aggressive spirit burned at its fiercest when he was hemmed in and surrounded by enemies, could have given emotional reality to the words of defiance which rallied and sustained us in the menacing summer of 1940.

He was born into a family of mental illness, and his daughter Diana committed suicide in 1962. Still, he managed to lead the United Kingdom as prime minister from 1940 to 1945 and again from 1951 to 1955, to thrive as a writer and historian, winning the Nobel Prize in Literature, and to be the first person to be made an honorary citizen of the United States.

8. Art Buchwald

He was one of the most successful newspaper columnists of his time, the recipient of a Pulitzer Prize, and a comic genius. But I appreciated Art Buchwald most as one of the three “Blues Brothers” (with Pulitzer Prize winner William Styron and former 60 Minutes reporter and cohost Mike Wallace), who spoke and wrote publicly about his bouts with depression and bipolar disorder.

Buchwald was hospitalized for clinical depression in 1963 and for manic depression in 1987. He was suicidal both times, and credited prescription drugs, therapy, and the hospital staff for saving his life. Had the nurses not been there to “rock him like a baby” during his harrowing dark night, he said he believed he might not have survived to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

9. Amanda Beard

Amanda Beard seemed to have the perfect life: four Olympic medals by age 18 and a promising modeling career. But in a People interview, she confessed that when she went home, “it was just darkness.” Her self-loathing led to bulimia, cutting herself, and depression. In September 2005, Beard began taking antidepressants and seeing a therapist. “It’s not like I went to therapy and — poof! better,” she said in the interview.

Today she’s off her medication, and she hasn’t cut herself since 2008. I admire that she’s real about the enduring struggle. “Even today I have my issues,” she says, “The key is saying, ‘Let’s enjoy this — life is short.’”

10. Jane Pauley

Jane Pauley, the former host of Today and Dateline NBC, was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in 2001 and wrote about her illness in her 2004 memoir, Skywriting: A Life Out of the Blue. During a leave from the network, she was admitted to a psychiatric clinic and treated, but no one at the time knew about her struggles. Now she is outspoken about living with bipolar disorder and depression and raises awareness about mental illness.

In a 2004 Today interview, Pauley explained that her diagnosis was a shock and a relief. She believes it surfaced due to a combination of antidepressants and steroids she took for a case of hives. About taking lithium, she said to Matt Lauer:

It just is stabilizing. It allows me to be who I am. A mood disorder is dangerous. You’ve got to get those dramatic highs and lows stabilized. It’s dangerous if you don’t.

Join Project Hope & Beyond, the new depression community.

Originally posted on Sanity Break at Everyday Health.

from World of Psychology https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2017/04/20/10-famous-people-with-depression-bipolar-disorder-or-both/