#NtS | Note to Self

[umgeorge]

george russell and lewis hamilton during their press conference on media day, spain - june 20, 2024

[imaginalstudio]

the sense that you are a thinker thinking thoughts is 🥁 just a thought. Follow that thread through the narrow gate to the kingdom of God within you

[grimalkinmessor]

Oh nothing just thinking about the angst potential of a Matsulight soulmate AU where the last words your soulmate says to you are emblazoned on your skin, and the fact that Matsuda would be branded with "I know you understand, so shoot them!", labelling him as a killer from birth, while Light's would read a damning "I'll kill you!" leading him to fear anyone that could even remotely cause his death, both of them completely resigned to their soulmate hating them and abandoning the thought before they've ever even met

[ndntighnari]

Its. Hard? Coming to terms that. Despite my best efforts. Despite how much i WANT to be able to support myself. And how much i want to give 50/50 in things im part of. That i don't think I'm going to be able to. That I'm. Very likely going to always need some sort of carer, even if it's just to help me do things like clean up or cook meals. Hell on good days I'll probably just need them to remind me to do things. But the average day is just. I can't do the things i need to do for basic care let alone for things like a steady job. But because I'm... Because i force myself to do things despite how much they hurt or how distressed and confused they make me. I know im not gonna qualify. Because the system is black and white either you need constant round the clock care to survive OR you're on your own because youre "high functioning" enough for them to not bother trying to find resources for you.

Damned if you do, damned if you don't i guess.

[genderflood]

Hallelujah I am cured

[aajjks]

Desperado (m)

synopsis. There was no time for intimacy and jungkook learned the hard way.

warnings: MÄTÜRE THÈMÈS. YÄNDÊRÊ, DÄRK, mêntǐöns öf prẽgnâncy, mêntǐöns öf älmöst dy-ng dürïng chïldbïrth, obsěssïvè bëhävïöür, pössessïvênêss, jk ïs cräy cräy, cryïng, smüt (förëpläy), kïssïng, lüsty jk, he ïs jǔst hörny änd w-nts tö fück lmäo

note. I understand that this kind of a topic can be a sensitive topic for many of us, pregnancy is not something everyone is comfy reading about so viewer discretion is advised!

He never wanted you to get pregnant.

This was not supposed to happen,

Jungkook couldn’t help but glare at the tiny little sleeping human in the white crib as he sat right infront of it.

The baby’s chubby cheeks huffed as he took little breaths, a little hue of pink sprinkled over them.

how could he sleep so peacefully after ruining Jungkook’s life! Jungkook bit the inside of his cheeks in jealousy.

This tiny little brat has already taken you away from him. You were Jungkook’s only happiness but now ever since you gave birth, you are obsessed with this little devil.

You have forgotten about Jungkook completely. He who was the reason you got pregnant in the first place!

Jungkook regretted doing that… why can’t he ever control his lust when it comes to you, and now his lust was the result of the baby who was sleeping so peacefully right infront of him.

And now, here he is after so many sleepless nights to watch over the baby while you were busy showering. You are really paranoid and possessive when it comes to the child and it’s safety.

And you have made jungkook promised that he’s going to watch over the baby while you tend to your business.

Jungkook’s head hurts so much. When was the last time you guys had sex? He can’t even remember. It’s all gone now.

You have been snatched away from him and he can’t do anything! Jungkook will never understand why you wanted to have this baby anyways?!? You guys together were already perfect.

And not to forget that you both are still so young, and there was no need to hurry.

This child is a devil and you fail to see that! Having this baby almost killed you, your fragile self was not ready for it, Jungkook hated him so much, so fucking much.

But you have always so stubborn.

Your maternal side was something that Jungkook used to adore, because you were always so loving and caring towards him.

But now? Now that you were an actual mother, you completely neglect your boyfriend. Jungkook huffs in annoyance as the thoughts run through his mind.

You always wanted to become a mom.

His glare never left the baby who was soundly asleep, it was unfair that how much he looked like Jungkook, anyone could tell that that was his son.

It was undeniable. The baby even stole his face!

Jungkook hates his child so much!

Jungkook hated children, he always despised the idea of someone else coming in between you, you were always supposed to be his and only his!

Jungkook is a needy person and he knows that… he needs your love and attention like a little child, he is addicted to you, and now that his addiction isn’t being satisfied.

He is starting to lose his sanity.

“Y/N…” Jungkook whines into your warmth as he feels your fingers scratch his head, his warm breath hitting your tummy as his hands grabs wrap around it, his legs are resting onto yours as the man is on top you, laying so peacefully and your scent is calming his mind and your touch feels so good, His eyes are closed as he snuggles deeper and deeper into you.

Your hair is still wet, and you smell so fresh.

God… you smell so good, how much he’s missed this… you.

“Y/N…. I miss you so much..” You hear Jungkook speak in a broken tone, like he is so tired. “You don’t pay me any attention anymore, you don’t care for me anymore…” he cries, his head shaking to the sides, as he lifts his face up from your belly. “I need you so much… you don’t even make love to me anymore!”

He whines again, complaining as he looks into your eyes while you look at him with confusion, Jungkook stares at your face, he notices the tiredness, your eyes are absolutely tired, dark circles present. “Please love me too! You only care about him!” He groans as he nuzzles his face in your neck.

It tickles because hes breathing so heavily.

“When was the last time you touched me, do you even remember Y/N? Fuck… I ache for your touch on my body… please.” He could barely whisper, but his tone changes to a seductive one as he presses light butterfly kisses on your neck. You close your eyes as your heart clenches in guilt when you hear the desperation in his voice.

Even though he’s complaining most of the time, but he’s not completely wrong.

It is true that you have been neglecting him, heck, you love your baby so much that you have forgotten about Jungkook.

“I’m sorry baby… you are right… I’m sorry… but I’ve been so tired ever since… Ji-Hwan came into our lives… I’ve been super focused on him- “B-But what about me yn?” he cut you off, eyebrows furrowing as he removes his head from your neck, and he is glaring at you, “I should be your first priority!” Jungkook harshly says but when he sees you getting shocked at his sudden change in demeanor.

And now he feels guilty.

so his eyes soften, and he apologizes,

“But I can’t really blame you because you are so tired… please, let me make you feel good… you look like you need it.” Jungkook gets up from your body and takes your hand and guides it towards his crotch.

You gasp as you feel it.

“See? I’ve been so needy for you that your touch got me all hard… please kiss me, can I have a kiss now? Baby don’t you think that I deserve it?” Jungkook’s eyes are dark, hey bites his lower lip, eyes filled with lust, as he leans close to your face stopping his rambling.

He looks at your body, and he notices the dress that you’re wearing. It’s cruel how much you look good in that dress, it’s so simple yet so sexy.

Your lips were only a centimetre apart, until Jungkook connected them together, your lips immediately melt into his.

Jungkook doesn’t waste a second to take your breath away by sliding his tongue inside your mouth, exploring it, his tongue hitting every corner of your mouth.

His hands grab onto your breasts as he squeezes them, moaning into your mouth, his kiss only gets more feverish as he starts to grind close to your heat.

You moan lightly at the fraction, as he presses his lips to yours harder, moaning again.

“F-Fuck… you feel so good baby… need you now..” he cries, voice all breathy and you can’t help but whine in response, your body feels so hot.

His husky voice sends shivers down your spine, he pushes you into the bed as your lips finally disconnect after what felt like hours.

Jungkook quickly takes off his shirt as he climbes on top of you, impatient and hungry.

His hand plays with the strap of your floral dress, but it’s been so long that his warm hands feel so cold and, foreign to you. “Fuck fuck fuck!” He curses in excitement as he pulles you in another kiss.

Your lips connecting together once again, Jungkook groans in desire. His strong hands grip on your shoulders so tightly that you welp in pain.

“Sorry baby can’t really contain myself… I need to be inside you so bad!” His voice was laced with lust, he was almost crying, his apology is rushed.

But as soon as his hands are between your legs, his fingers taking your panties off, you’re waiting in anticipation, And he’s almost taken them off,

I can’t believe that he’ll finally get to have sex with you after so long. His heartbeat is so loud and he is so impatient but then the luck isn’t really on his side, because you guys hear the baby monitor beep, and your senses awaken immediately in realisation.

“Jungkook get off! He’s awake, he must be hungry!” You push the man off you as you quickly get up,

Not giving a chance for Jungkook to react or even comprehend, what just happened now, he’s watching you with shock in his eyes,, you exit the room while fixing your dress before, he can call out your name.

And behind you, Jungkook cries, cussing out loudly, growling,

“FUCK MY LIFE.” with a raging boner.

[mobblespsycho100]

which one’s toshiro and whys he autistic?

[ID: full body colored illustration of toshiro from the dungeon meshi manga. /End ID]

THIS FREAKIN GUY!!!! anyway

[ID: anonymous tumblr ask: "would def love to hear ur autistic shuro thoughts". /End ID]

awesome. rant under the cut because it will be long

So before we understand why Toshiro is the way he is we must first understand two things abt him:

1. his household situation is a very traditional clan of warriors type situation. his father is very strict and he left his homeland to go to the Island and explore the dungeon to train and become a warrior to be someone suited as the family head

2. Eastern and Western cultures of respect/propriety are different, and Ryoko Kui highlights it well even in her fantasy world.

With that in mind, heres some bullet point rapid fire thoughts that consume my current state of dunmeshi brain:

Toshiro has an avoidant personality. He fears upsetting others due to his upbringing, and rarely tells others how he feels not because he thinks they would simply understand him but because he doesn't want to seem rude and imposing / cause offense to others especially since he's not in his own homeland / hes a foreigner that should respect the land's customs, not his own wishes.

Setting boundaries is hard for everyone, but especially autistic (and some other ND, like those with Avoidant Personality Disorder) people. Those with ASD, at least in my experience, don't want to be isolated from others. So they mask.

They mask what? their desires. their true selves. their opinions. their discomfort. all for the sake of pleasing others (who are often neurotypical)

With that in mind, suddenly, what Maizuru said abt him as a child makes sense. Due to his strict upbringing, Toshiro had to more or less hide his preferences and force himself to adapt to the rigid constraints of his culture and the pressure to be the next family head, this responsibility is his burden to bear and he cannot be someone who expresses his selfish desires instead of focusing on being a strong warrior and leader

"Why did he say he hate Laios and that it should've been obvious that he disliked/found Laios' treatment of him uncomfortable??" BECAUSE IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS. I'm not going to write off Laios' autism/autistic coding, but its baffling (note: definitely racism and bias for white autistic ppl) to me that a lot of ppl don't see Toshiro's perspective and straight up ignores it. This is a lack of wanting to be rude by speaking up that is based on culture difference on Toshiro's part, and straight up ignorant of his microagressions/racism and lack of self awareness on Laios' end. They were both right, they were both wrong too. This is a complicated conflict that cannot be boiled down to simple ableist/the NT vs ND divide. There's something called . intersectionality. Which brings me to the next point

Toshiro never actually hated Laios. He found him uncomfortable, yes. But he didn't /hate/ him, he was speaking out because he's had enough!!! he's done tolerating Laios' racist bullshit, and he's done following the arbitrary Eastern rules of respecting others and not being rude!!! He. Wants. Laios. To Understand. What. He. Was. Feeling. Because he just had enough!!!!! alright!!! he's at his limit hes at his breaking point, the one he loves is now probably beyond saving, and this is a good time as any to break the news to Laios that he thinks that Laios is impulsive and doesn't fully understand how his actions have consequences!!! Hes right abt this. His feelings on this is valid, just as valid as Laios'

General autistic traits I find from Toshiro: his admiration of Falin's indifference towards insects ("woah shes so brave and gentle!! just like me, fr!!!"), His lack of regard for his own needs and wants (needing to sleep and eat and drink) because he was super focused on saving Falin, His lack of like drastic expression changes, his discomfort with physical touch when it's initiated without consent (see: Laios hugging ppl extra bonus art by Ryoko Kui), his manner of like speaking short and concise, people pleasing tendencies, his like quick way of combat, rule upholder/routine following enjoyer, he seems distant from others even those he consider family not cuz of like any terrible reason but hes just. someone who enjoys his own time alone like. yeah

aannnnndd. thats abt it? i think.

Big part of this is definitely me relating to Shiro as an Asian (specifically chinese indonesian) person who is probably Autistic lmao. I hope this brings more insight on why Toshiro is actually one of the silliest and epiccest dunmeshi characters ever I love him

[genderflood]

This and femache are currently like...sinking in as very much how I see my own gender, this and disconnected nonbinary/ nonbinary woman; basically gender confuses me and hurts my brain but is also rly cool

Femasle Pride Flag

Femasle, femascule or femascle: an identity that embraces both femaleness and maleness, while not being one’s gender nor sex descriptor, falling out sex/gender binomial.

It could represent one’s sense of oneself. It combines femella/femelle with masle/mascle/mascule, French words for male/female. -Ap

[salti-thelatediagnosedautist]

The beginner autistic guide to common terms in our community (with extra context!).

*Disclaimer, I’m not a professional. This is just knowledge from my experience as an autistic person. Please feel free to correct anything :)

These definitions will include some of my own opinions and thoughts, especially on the more controversial terms. This is simply to help better prepare new autistic community members for conversations they become engaged in. Having all the perspective and context you can have can be very helpful when moving into new social spaces.

Autism (Or Autistic Spectrum Disorder, ASD): A neurodevelopmental disorder that is present from very early childhood. It’s mostly recognised through difficulties with social interaction and restricted and/or repetitive behaviours. The way it is referred to as “Autism Spectrum Disorder” is specifically referring to the fact that autism presents in countless ways. There are common traits and patterns, but the severity and complexity of those traits and symptoms is infinite.

NOTE: This does not mean that ‘everyone is a little bit autistic’. You are either autistic or you are not. It just means that if you have autism, it may present very differently to other autistic people you know.

Asperger’s Syndrome: Asperger’s syndrome is usually considered an older term for a ‘subtype’ of autism. The term is considered outdated by the DSM-5 and no longer used in that document. However it is still used in a lot of other countries. Now it is becoming more socially known that ‘Asperger’s syndrome’ is just a specific presentation of autism. Many autistics don’t like the use of the word ‘Asperger’s’ because of a couple reasons:

The term has a long history with NAZI’s and eugenics.

The term seems to basically mean ‘high functioning’ autistic, which simplifies the condition.

Asperger’s Syndrome is defined in a very similar way to autism, however people with “Asperger’s’ may be described as ‘gifted’ or ‘intellectual’.

It’s important to note that many people still identify themselves with the term ‘Asperger’s’. While it is good to be educated and up to date with terminology, some people have identified with this term their whole life and it’s not wrong to use the term for one-self. But either way, I do encourage you to do more research if you are comfortable.

Neurotype: Can be basically defined as the type of brain function one has. Some people consider autism a neurotype, and then neurotypical as another neurotype. However, many people claim that autism is ‘just another neurotype’. This is a harmful way of thinking about autism because autism is a disability. Labelling it as a ‘neurotype’ belittles all the struggles autistic people have that make them disabled. Autism is a spectrum and so some autistic people may not really consider themselves disabled, but many do.

Neurotypical (NT): A non-autistic person with no other mental conditions.

Allistic: A non-autistic person who can still have other mental conditions, such as depression or ADHD.

Neurodivergent (ND): Traditionally ‘Neurodivergent’ has been used to mean either autistic or ADHD. However in some contexts it is used to mean someone with any mental condition, including personality disorders or mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety.

Neurodiversity: a term used to describe the fact that there are many neurotypes in the world. It is used to imply that differences in brain development and function should be accepted as relatively normal. I think this is a good sentiment, but that some neurotypes should still be considered disabilities as well as a neurotype, so as not to diminish the struggles specific neurotypes go through.

High functioning/Low functioning: The labels of functioning are terms used to describe how independent an autistic (or other kind of disabled) person is able to be. Many autistics do NOT like the use of these terms for a couple reasons:

It tends to focus on the way an autistics disability affects the allistic people around them.

It simplifies the experience of the individual with autism to how independent they are, and is also not very descriptive for anyone trying to help the said autistic person.

High needs/Low needs: These are labels used to describe how much assistance an autistic (or other kind of disabled) person may need. It is slightly preferred by autistic people as the language is more centred to what the autistic person needs, rather than how independent they can be.

NOTE, many autistic people would argue that these terms are basically the same as high functioning and low functioning. I personally consider it to be best to just state someones highest needs or difficulties. For example “Olivia is nonverbal and highly sensitive to light and noise.”.

Masking: Masking is the act of hiding ones autistic traits to appear to be neurotypical. Masking is often a survival strategy developed by autistics to evade bullying or isolation. Masking can include suppressing the urge to stim, forcing oneself to make eye contact, learning how to ‘properly’ execute facial expressions, studying body language, etc. Masking can be an extremely vital skill for autistic people, but when an autistic person has to mask for long periods of time it can lead to negative consequences such as burn out or meltdowns. Masking can also be used in the context of other disabilities, such as ADHD.

Scripting: Scripting is a form of masking, when an autistic person pre-plans or practices responses or entire conversations. You may have a script you unconsciously follow for questions like “how are you?” Or “how is work?”, etc. It may be inspired from TV shows, movies or observing other people interact.

Burn out: Burn out is when an autistic person reaches their limit and has decreased energy for an extended period of time. Burn out may last anywhere between a couple days or a few years. Burn out is often caused by excessive masking, but can also be caused by repeated rejection, bullying or other mental conditions. Burn out is not the same as depression, but it can co-exist with depression.

Meltdown: A meltdown is when an autistic person experiences what might look like a ‘tantrum’. The person may be very angry, yelling, punching or hitting things (or themselves). They may be aggressively stimming or humming to themselves. A meltdown, internally, feels as if you are completely filled with negative energy, as if you might burst. It can feel like extreme irritation, or anger, or shame. Meltdowns can be caused by any number of stressful situations. For an autistic person this can be having a lot of social events, their routine being disrupted, having to eat foods they don’t like, being overstimulated, or even just negative social interactions.

Shutdown: A shutdown is very similar to a meltdown, in how it can be caused. For me personally, I tend to have a shutdown if I am not in a safe place to have a meltdown. From the outside it looks very similar to dissociation, and it can co-exist with dissociation. It typically feels like you are shutting down, turning off. You emotions were about to burst and then you just went numb. You may be unable to move, or go non-verbal. You may be crying quietly or you may simply just very suddenly feel the need to go home.

NOTE: Meltdowns and shutdowns can appear to feel like a panic attack, but they are different. Panic attacks come from intense feelings of dread or doom. Meltdowns and shutdowns come from repeated, or intense, stressful situations for an autistic.

Hypersensitive: Hypersensitivity is when the brain processes sensory input (such as touch, taste and smell) as much more intense than a neurotypical person would. This can mean that a slight cold breeze may feel painfully cold. Or looking outside a window can hurt ones eyes because it feels too bright. Or having to wear specific textures to stay calm.

Hyposensitive: Hyposensitivity is the opposite of hypersensitivity. It is when your brain inteprets sensory input as much less intense than a neurotypical would. Ways this can present in an autistic person include not realising when they hurt themselves, having a high pain tolerance, being unaware of temperature changes, etc. You may also not recognise your bodies hunger cues, dehydration or need for sleep.

NOTE: An autistic person can experience both hypersensitivity and hyposensitivity. It can also fluctuate day-to-day.

Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD): SPD is basically the term for experiencing lots of variation in your sensory input. It is similar to Auditory processing disorder. Which is where your hearing is technically fine (you aren’t any form of deaf), but you have trouble distinguishing what specific sounds are, or listening to one, important sound, in an area with lots of different noises (for example, being unable to understand what someone is saying next to you, because the TV is on.)

Overstimulation: This is when an autistic person has been experiencing too many different sensations at once, or for an extended period of time. This may be caused by too many noises happening at once. Or even just one annoying sound repeating for a long time. It can also be triggered by touch, taste, sight and smell.

Executive function/dysfunction: Executive function is the term used to describe how the brain initiates tasks. For neurodivergent folk, our executive function is often dysfunctional. This means we can often find it difficult to start new tasks. A way you may experience it is when you are sitting down, you may be screaming internally that you need to go and get some food, but your body seems unwilling to co-operate. Having executive dysfunction does not mean you are lazy, or do not want to do the task, it means you may be unable  to do the task.

Autistic intertia: Autistic inertia is related to executive dysfunction, because it is a term that helps describe how autistic people struggle to switch or initiate tasks. “ An autistic at rest remains at rest, and an autistic in motion remains in motion”.

Special interest/Hyperfixation: A special interest is a extremely long term interest/obsession with a particular topic. An example might be being really into pokemon. Learning all the different types of pokemon, playing all the games and collecting heaps of merch. A hyperfixation is a more short-lived interest that can be destructive in it’s severity (for example, it might get so extreme that it’s the only thing you can think about, to the point where you neglect your needs). Special interests are less likely to be destructive. But hyperfixations can be healthy and normal too.

Stimming: Stimming or self stimulation is the act of doing repetitive movements to help self regulate. Stimming can look like spinning, chewing, flapping hands, dancing, foot tapping, pen clicking, touch soft fabrics, using weighted blankets, lighting candles, eating crunchy snacks, etc. All of these forms of movement or repetitive sensory input can help us regulate our emotions better, prevent a meltdown or shutdown, or focus on a task easier.

NOTE: Echolalia is another term you may hear. It is a form of stimming in which an autistic person repeats sounds/phrases over and over.

ADHD: Attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder is a neurodevelopmental disorder like autism, but it affects the brain in different ways. It often presents as having difficulties with paying attention, regulating emotions and hyperactivity (or, alternatively, it can present as being inattentive).

Savant or Savant syndrome: A condition when someone with some type of significant mental disability is an expert/’savant’ in a particular field, to the point of surpassing neurotypical experts. An example might be having photographic memory, or being able to learn languages extremely easily, or being an extraordinary mathematician. Autistic people often don’t like to hear the term ‘savant’ as we are often only valued by ‘society’ if we are savants. And if we are not, then we are often treated as lesser. This is kind of a form of eugenics.

Eugenics: Eugenics is a philosophy or belief that we can selectively breed humans to ‘improve’ humanity. Or create the ‘perfect race’. This was an idealogy practiced by Adolf Hitler during WWII, which lead to the holocaust. Eugenics is often a subtly underlying philosophy behind many statements that, on face value, seem relatively harmless. For example - “autism is the next step in evolution” is currently a popular statement. However, this implies that every other neurotype is not an improvement, which therefore implies that being autistic is superior. This would be considered a form of eugenics. Eugenics is considered a horrible philosophy because it encourages people to look down on others and dehumanise anyone not like themselves.

Co-morbidity: A co-morbidity is the term used for a condition that is regularly seen in conjunction with another condition. For example, autism and ADHD are often seen together. However, it can also be used to simply describe someone who has more than one condition (physical or mental).

AuDHDer: Someone with autism and ADHD. Just a shortened way to refer to people with both disabilities.

Selective mutism/Situational mutism: When an autistic person (or other neurotype) experiences periods of being unable to speak or communicate. This can often occur in stressful situations, like before tests or during doctors appointments. It is officially referred to as ‘selective mutism’ but many are trying to change it to ‘situational mutism’ as the individual does not willingly choose when they go non-verbal.

Alexithymia: Alexithymia is typically described as the inability to define and/or describe ones emotions. So you may often feel a type of discomfort, but not be able to label what it is. Not being able to distinguish between anger and irritability. Or not knowing if you feel sad or confused. It can make seeking professional help for many conditions really difficult, as you are unable to put your experience into words. It can also be similar to hyposensitivity in the way that it makes it difficult to understand what you body is feeling.

Dyspraxia: Dyspraxia is a disorder that affects co-ordination, movement and balance. It can make things such as sports, driving, cooking and writing difficult. It is fairly common in autistic people.

Prosopagnosia: The inability to recognise/remember faces. It is more common in autistic people.

Synesthesia: Synesthesia is when one form of sensory input is sometimes also experienced as another. For example, someone with this condition may see colours when they hear someones name. They may hear a song and get a taste in their mouth. This is also more common in autistic people.

FINAL NOTE: Autism is a spectrum and you may not experience all of these different terms, or you may not experience them in the way I described them. That does not mean you aren’t autistic. This is not a diagnostic tool. This is simply a guide to learning the terms you may often hear when discussing autism.

[betterthanburrow]

Cowboy Girl’s Luck - Instagram AU

(Bengals Quarterback! Joe Burrow x Podcast Host! OC)

liked by yourinstagram and 270,152 more users

Bengals: Full of hit tracks 😏

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username1: y’all can’t leave Dallas without the WIN!

username2: i’ll be at the AT&T Stadium for the game!

username3: kickoff at 4:25pm?! … it’s going to be a long football game on Sunday 😳

username4: WHO DEY NATION! LET’S GO BENGALS!

username5: “world in our hands” but the bengals have more loses than wins so far this season 😵‍💫

↳ username6: there’s only been 1 football game so far this season (since we don’t found the pre-season).

liked by 555,009 users

yourinstagram: a new episode of Note To Self featuring a very special guest will be available to listen and watch on any platform wherever you get your podcasts this Sunday at 10am CST ✨🍀

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username1: NEW PODCAST EPISODE ON SUNDAY?!

username2: it’s been a long time since there was an unannounced guest on the podcast… this better be a good special guest surprise!

dearmediastudio: we’re excited for the new podcast episode with a VERY special guest 😉

username3: i can’t wait until Sunday… i need to know who the special guest is NOW!

username4: EVERYONE IN THE COMMENTS! GO LOOK AT @.JOEYB_9’s INSTAGRAM STORY!

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Burrow_Updates: it looks like Joe will be the special guest of Y/FN Y/LN’s next podcast episode which will be available to listen and watch this Sunday!

(Joe Burrow’s Instagram Story from today)

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username1: a Bengals football game and a Podcast episode with Joey B on Sunday?! … it’s going to be a busy Sunday!

username2: OMG?! i’m excited for the podcast episode!

username3: i’ve been wanting Joe to go on the NTS podcast for YEARS!!!

↳ username4: Y/N hasn’t been doing her podcast for years… but i understand the excitement!

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DallasCowboys: 🔒 IN FOR #GAMEDAY

#CINvsDAL | @.att | #DallasCowboys

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demarcusware: The time is now 👊🏿👊🏿

username1: this should be an easy win!

username2: i hope it’s better than last Sunday 🙄

↳ username3: it won’t be… being a Dallas fan is pain!

yourinstagram: let’s go cowboys 🤠💙

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NoteToSelfPodcast: The Newest Episode of Note To Self is available to now on all platforms whenever you can listen and watch Podcasts ✨🗒️

thank you to @.joeyb_9 for being our guest for our special 50th episode of the Note To Self Podcast!

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username1: THIS PODCAST EPISODE WAS SO GOOD! it was nice to learn more about Joe Burrow, especially since he has a very private life outside of football.

username2: was it just me… or did anyone notice Joe and Y/N flirting with each other throughout the episode 👀

↳ username3: YES I NOTICED IT TOO! they definitely started to flirt with each other as they got more comfortable throughout the episode

↳ username2: THANK GOD someone noticed it… i didn’t want to sound like i was crazy 😵‍💫

↳ username4: when Joe complimented Y/N and then called her out for blushing and she kept denying it but you could see the redness on her cheeks to the point where she hid her face and then Joe asked her to uncover her face so he could see her… I DIED!

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joeyb_9: cowboy rodeo training 🏈

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username1: today will be my first time watching a Bengals game LIVE at the stadium!

username2: in Burrow we trust!

yourinstagram: good luck Quarterback!

↳ joeyb_9: i don’t need luck from a cowboy’s girl… but thank you.

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yourinstagram: Cowboys’ Girl at Heart 💙

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username1: Bengals fans aren’t going to be happy 💀

username2: HOW DO YOU RELEASE A PODCAST EPISODE INTERVIEWING THE BENGALS QB AND THEN GO TO THE THE BENGALS VS THE COWBOYS FOOTBALL GAME AND NOT ROOT FOR THE BENGALS TO WIN??

joeyb_9: hmm… i see how it is 🙄

↳ yourinstagram: maybe you did need that Cowboy Girl’s Luck after all!

username3: as a Bengals fan… can we blame Y/N for the lost of the game instead of the head coach?!

username4: when joe asked which team going to be rooting for to win today’s game and all Y/N could do was laugh… i knew we couldn’t trust her 💀

Author’s Note:

if you have a request for an Instagram AU, please send the IG AU request to my Inbox and i’ll get the requested Instagram AU published as fast as i can!

thank you all for the love and support! 🤍

[imaginalstudio]

the self is a finite experience. the Self is infinite container/substrate within which all experience emerges from, of and is contained by.

[storkmuffin]

Having a new hyperfixation occur after I've realized I'm on the autism spectrum is so different compared to before, so noting it here.

First, knowing that this is just how my type of brain works makes me not condemn myself about doing the hyperfixating - which means I've been lowkey self-shaming myself about this all my life. I want that time & energy back.

Second, apparently all the advice about focusing on one thing at a time for productivity blah blah DOESN'T APPLY TO ME AT ALL. Having the thing I'm hyperfixated on 'on' in the background while I do the stuff at my job that I find particularly onerous and anxiety-inducing makes me do the thing efficiently with minimal suffering. That's not supposed to happen with NT minds, right? Having pretty boys joking at each other in rehearsals for their music videos on a postage-stamp size image on my phone by my elbow and audible in my left ear at low volume helped me calmly put together the approval-grant document that I usually suffer over AND SEND IT which used to be a whole second day of suffering for me.

Third, on my commute drive home yesterday I had a surge of well being that I actually registered as a 'surge of good mood' arising from the back of my head to my forehead, for no reason. Is this how neurotypical people feel most of the time?? Is this what it's like to get high?? I've never done any drugs ever, mostly because I never had the social skills to be invited to do something illicit but partly also because I always knew I was hanging on by a thin thread of social acceptability (read: masking) so the thought of taking something that would make me lose control over my thoughts was not appetizing in any way. Keeping up with the consensus perception of reality was challenging enough, since I didn't share it.

[brightlotusmoon]

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/KodXpREkrkmu7sZ5/

Neurotypicality Research Inc (NRI)

“Communication tip: I teach all my neurotypical students this two-part self check process to figure out if they've communicated clearly.

NTs, ask yourself:

1) What was the main thing I wanted that person to know/do after talking to me?

2) Did I say it out loud?”

Neurotypicality Research Inc

“If you didn't say it out loud, you probably weren't clear. That's OK, clear communication is really difficult for neurotypicals and it takes practice to get it right. Try again!”

Neurotypicality Research Inc

“Note: This is sort of a joke because I don't actually have students and I probably wouldn't be this condescending to them if I did, BUT 1) this is an actual helpful thing people can do and 2) this is way nicer than how many teachers address many ND students, just sayin.”

[hermitw]

Tengen, Kenjaku, + Sukuna - relationships and history (my guess at them, at least)

Sukuna's eye piece resembles a tree. It seems to move on its own, like it's breathing or something - Tengen's head does this as well.

In the exchange event arc, Kenjaku says that you can think of Tengen like a tree.

This might draw on a relationship between Sukuna and Tengen.

Sukuna doesn't seem to know much about his mother - maybe she was starving, she was pregnant with twins but Sukuna ate the sibling (which might have begun the cannibal rumor - we never see him eat anyone but his own mummy. When Sukuna did try other foods (popcorn and soda) they didn't even include meat. Anyway, it seems more like Sukuna absorbed his twin in the womb, they sort of fused together, and he came out with extra arms and 2 faces. (this is a post for another time, but I suspect that Sukuna has dissociative identity disorder, which is caused by childhood trauma. I'm only mentioning this because maybe sukuna had both souls, but I'm not theorizing in the 2 souls thing - if anyone else goes that route, I'd love to read it though.

Sukuna was an unwanted child, a cursed child, one that should have never been born (this is how he describes himself, and I'm certain he learned that from the way adults spoke of and treated him).

Tengen only smiled when Yuuji asked “why do you look like that?” coupled with Tengen saying “I'm more like a granny” and Kenjaku thinking that Tengen is starting to resemble Sukuna (and at first I thought sukuna was eating Tengen's true body, not his own mummy, so the resemblance is rly there - and Sukuna seemed surprised to see a mummy, which made me think that wasn't his own body. Because the clothing etc tells us that Sukuna committed to self-mummification, a Buddhist ritual that was eventually outlawed as suicide.) and I've come to think that Tengen is Sukuna's grandmother.

What about Kenjaku? The way Sukuna (and Uraume) acts around him screams trauma. We know that Kenjaku is a long-term plotting manipulator, master of coercive control. It really seems like Kenjaku and Tengen had some relationship… I wonder if Kenjaku was a bad influence on her. If the way he used the dead bodies of other people to inhabit himself normalized such disrespect of autonomy, or if Kenjaku insinuated that erasing (as Yaga put it) the star plasma vessels (middle school girls, as far as we know) was the only way to preserve Tengen's humanity as she ages.

There's also the fact that cursed energy, spirits, sorcerers, are only so prevalent and strong in Japan compared to the rest of the world because of Tengen's barrier - which is very suspicious, making the fact that Tengen strengthens the barriers utterly meaningless to me.

Is kenjaku a relative of Sukuna? I'm not sure. But in the end of this post I noted some possible references to Marilyn Manson (it's been 10 years since I've read his autobiography, interviews etc) in Sukuna's character - most heavily supported by Gege choosing Sa(i)nt as his song (side note, Manson has claimed to have DID). Anyway, the most disturbing part of that book to me was his grandfather's basement. He and his cousin used to pretend to be spies, and sneak into their grandfather's private room, and he still has nightmares about it (pretty sure I do too). I won't go into it here bc I'm not interested in throwing up. And I don't remember whether he feared his grandfather, but I'm pretty sure that punishment methods (which have now been classified as torture, i think) were mentioned - I think from both grandparents idk. Anyway, Sukuna said that Kenjaku does the grossest things (genuinely between Manson’s grandfather and Kenjaku, I can't tell who is more disgusting) which hints that this is no surprise, consistent with his behavior 1,000 years in the past.

Edit to add another thing that is... In the manga, Sukuna double jumps in mid-air, and we never get an explanation for that. In the first episode, Yuuji jumps 4 stories before eating the finger (his athleticism is usually close to the world record iirc, so this is too much imo). There's also Yuki Tsukumo's gravity CT (I think that she and Todo are also kenjaku's kids, but none of them are aware of it, not even him). Anyway. The point here is that maybe this is a sign of Sukuna being Kenjaku's child in some way, as well.

Back to Kenjaku - what the hell is his domain's effect?

I'm making the case here for age regression. Tengen only became fetus Tengen after being removed from Kenjaku (you could say this is for convenient transport to Sukuna, but I don't know). Often, responses to trauma, awareness that a relationship was even abusive, only set in after spending time away from the abuser. And then regression can set in, like suddenly missing social skills, going nonverbal, feeling a total loss of personhood etc. Given the metaphor for SA that I find in another character (if you caught up on the posts mentioned from the earlier link, you already know what I'm talking about - the yap (part 1 part 2) that goes way deeper into the references of trauma, especially sexual abuse, infringement on autonomy, prevalent in jjk, involving more characters. With that in mind, I feel supported that Kenjaku's thing is age regression). When Tengen and Kenjaku were together (whatever kind of relationship that was - what I mean is, when they were in close proximity, at least) kenjaku might have prevented Tengen from aging (in the evolution sense. I also wonder if Kenjaku's age regression thing could prevent himself from aging, as well - despite being a thousand year old brain, he certainly lacks emotional maturity, indifferent at best to the suffering he causes). I imagine that if Tengen and Kenjaku separated, then Tengen would continue a cycle of abuse, or just enact the same sort of behavior that Kenjaku didn't think twice about, to preserve herself. Maybe there were other ways to go about this - like a pact??? The most obvious answer here.

There's also the way that Tengen, the star plasma vessels, and the six eyes are all tied by fate (ngl I'm still wondering what this could mean so please elaborate if you have any ideas).

[nozunhinged]

After a year of essentially getting payed for kicking people in the butt to do their job (or as professionals like to call it: "project manager") which is basically a culmination of everything my autistic self is NOT capable of, I gathered a few learnings about a desk job environment that may also be helpful to someone else. Because I would've been grateful if I had this advice when I started working and not 10 years and 20 jobs later.

(also no NT bashing intended here, these are just my observations okay)

1. Neurotypicals tend to forget stuff...a lot

That doesn't just go for their tasks (ehem) but also anything else from small talks to compliments and even fights or heated arguments. They deal with the situation and move on (I'm so jealous of that ngl) while probably every neurodivergent spends a lot of time processing which can be extremely exhausting. So I learned that when I'm at work I try to go "neurotypical mode", which means dealing with the task at hand and immediately move on without giving it a second thought. Of course I mess up shit in the process, but funnily enough if you just correct it with a sorry, that mistake is ALSO immediately forgotten! It's hard in the beginning but gets easier with time.

2. Imagine you are a tiny ant in a huge colony

What tremendously helped me dealing with social interactions is to shift the focus away from my overwhelming anxiety but on what this interaction is to the other person. And to them, I'm just one ant of many ants this person talks to today. To me it may have been the one single talk for the whole day, but I try to pretend that I also did this 100 times already like they did probably. And now that we know that people forget a lot and don't have elephant brains like us, it's a lot easier for me to accept slip-ups in my script or saying dumb things (or very often, just saying nothing because my brain had a blackout). I always imagine they think "well that was funny" and then they forget. And if they forget, I can too.

3. I hate to admit it but...even with the hardest things, practice makes perfect

Hear me out. I'm the first person to choose the mail or contact form if I have the choice. But at work, I mostly don't. And the first few months I caused a lot of trouble because I struggled very hard to call people. But now that I need to call people at least 10 times a day, even the necessary private phone calls got way easier. Theres no shame in having a hundred scripts for different scenarios. I still always practice every word I say before I call, but it's much much quicker and less stressful now. And I also always use the same 5 phrases like a call center and that's also fine. No one will notice, I promise.

4. Set your boundaries...no one will ask you why

That's probably the hardest one and I needed a lot (and I mean A LOT) of therapy to get to this point but: you don't have to explain yourself. Never ever, in any situation. The more you explain, the more questions will be asked. There's a huge difference between "no I can't do this" to "I don't think I can maybe I can find a way but there is reason xyz why it's impossible" — every explanation gives your coworkers and higher ups an in. When you say a simple "no" in a neutral tone, in 90% of cases the answer will be "noted". Same goes for emails. Never explain, just keep the information brief. No explanations. Polite formalities if necessary but thats it.

For days off I repeat: Never explain why you need it. You say "I need a day off". If they ask why, say you just need it. And even if they try to rope you into a discussion, stand your ground and by any means don't get tricked into giving an explanation. And if they deny you your day off and try to threaten with losing your job or whatever shit, take that one L and don't take the day but immediately try to get out of that hellhole and apply for other jobs in secret.

But let me tell you, they won't fire you over shit like this, they need you as much as you need them. And we often tend to forget that (as in, they use that tactic to keep us in place). My old employer literally went bankrupt because they laid off too many people. It will fuck them up in the long run. You always, always have something to contribute. They just don't want you to know.

That shit is so hard, the first few times I literally had to hide in the bathroom and cry to deal with the aftermath. I still fall back into explain-mode sometimes. But if you stand your ground most of the time, they will think "well they must have thought long and hard about it and have a good reason". It's so weird, I know.

5. Your 80% is neurotypicals 150%

We often have to deal with comments like "but how will you be able to put up with this workload" "you know you have to work as hard as the others right" "you're not as resilient" Blabla. Reality is, the average employee doesn't work nearly as hard as you do. They just sell it better. Go drink that coffee with your desk neighbour. Have that Smalltalk by the vending machine. Visit Josh from accounting and ask dumb questions. It's fucking exhausting but it will make them feel like you are trying hard. I know it sounds counterintuitive but it really works. Because when you try hard the neurodivergent way — aka work your ass off to prove that you fit in until you burn out— you will just get more work that you can't get done because you are yknow, burned out. But then the expectations have already been set. It's a vicious cycle.

So start slow. Introduce yourself to literally anyone (cringe I know) and if you think you're going too slow, go even slower. Ask a million questions even if you know the answer. And if you don't know, still ask. Ask every little dumb thing. I promise, it's okay. You're still working harder than anyone else, just different. But they don't need to know that. If you're done with a task in an hour that you should need 4 hours for, chill for the remaining three hours. You need it, because that one hour cost you a lot of energy! But watch out if an employee walks past, open that spreadsheet back up. And if you needed 8 hours for a 4 hour task, great! Another office day in the books, time to go home!

6. Speaking of different

I know all of these tips are basically sending all of us to masking hell but the sad reality is that this world is still made by and for neurotypical people and it's essential for our survival to manage all these invisible rules we don't understand. But I am convinced that masking can be a powerful tool if we use it to our advantage. I used all my observation skills to come up with these social play cards (my therapist suggested I literally make cards and we wrote them together, I loved them so much for encouraging that) when I started working in my company and now I have a kind of "standing" (don't ask me it's weird and I don't get it) that allows me to ask for more and more accommodations which I desperately need. I have exact time slots for availability which are getting respected, I successfully set a limit on meetings per week and I even get to turn off slack without anyone questioning if I'm working. Which in turn makes me more capable in doing my job and everyone is happy. Basically the opposite of a vicious cycle. Because turns out I'm actually good at annoying the shit out of people to deliver their work, who would've thunk. They're like "oh I better do my shit before noz comes for my ass" and it's glorious.

7. Being disliked is actually an advantage

I know, I know. Avoiding conflict is the neurodivergents bread and butter. Being liked by everyone is too, because we already feel so ostracized we try anything in our power to make up for it. But you know, if people don't like you at work, they will do their best to avoid you. If your direct colleagues don't like you, they will also do their best to keep your joint tasks at minimum level and as efficient as possible. Don't get me wrong — They will gossip, they will turn against you, they will try to make your work life harder than it already is. That needs to be endured, unfortunately. But keep doing you. You will be fine, I promise. If they hate you, you are doing something right. Being the villain is kinda fun, actually.

8. Your colleagues are not your friends

I fell for that trap so many times and still do. The second you get into a friendly relationship with any coworker, the power dynamics will shift. You will get more lenient with helping out, going out of your way with things and that will spread like a wildfire. Because when push comes to shove, they will drop you like a hot potato. Always, always keep everyone at a healthy distance. No matter how nice and lovely they are. Same goes for — no especially for — higher ups. They are most definitely not your friends. And the company is not a family. If you don't get payed for it, don't do it.

And last but not least....

You are worthy. You are capable. You are a smart, wonderful and shining individual and don't let a dumb desk job environment convince you otherwise. They are all just bullshit jobs and everyone tries to sell it as something super important. It's not. It's just a way to make ends meet. We all have something to contribute, no matter how small or niche and this corporate bullshit is not the standard you need to abide to. Keep doing you. You are doing great, I promise.

[icechippies]

WIP Wednesday

I'm working on a part two for A Bad Upgrade (The crystal pepsi angst fic) The first chapter is a sick fic taking place in 1994 where Peter V is trying to fix The Jon to go back to running on water or at least some other soda that isn't discontinued. There will then be a time skip to 2012 where they run out of their stock of crystal pepsi so that will probably be a sort of death fic but I hope to focus more on what happens after as time goes on (Note to self that Zer0 was performing from 2008-2012 as well). The last bit will be in 2016 because a crystal Pepsi re-release happened then and they bring him back and there is a happy ending

anyway, here's a bit of the WIP

The Spine carefully poked his head through the doorframe and looked around, being careful not to surprise The Jon in case he was in stasis. His little brother was lying flat on the workbench next to the wall which was covered with sticky notes and other pieces of paper, some were The Jon’s own drawings but most were from the other robots, silly things to make him laugh or heartfelt “we miss you, get better soon” sort of messages to remind him they cared. He was wearing pants but no shirt so that there was easier access to his maintenance door. On the other side of the room was a blackboard with various crossed out soda types, at the bottom was “Grape Fanta” circled and in big letters and next to it a schedule of set times for The Jon to refill his boiler, thankfully the next refill was not for another hour and a half or so.

“How is he, QWERTY?” He asked the screen suspended from the ceiling.

“S1CK & T1R3D :( H3 L0ST H15 F@NT@ THR33 T1M35 ALR3@DY.”

“He’s been purging his boiler?”

“@FF1RM@T1V3. 1 TH1NK P3T3R W1LL 5CR@P TH3 T35T TMRW.”

The Spine sighed, “Thanks QWERTY.” and debated letting The Jon rest or getting him sitting up so his boiler would heat evenly. He decided on the latter.

The workbench was kept clean but it was covered in dents, from fits of anger or frustration. The Spine hoped that the sick robot was amiable today. The Jon didn’t hit as hard in anger as even Upgrade would for fun but that didn’t make it much less of an unpleasant experience to be around him while he was in that sort of mood. He knew that The Jon didn’t really mean the cruel things he could say, when he would swing back to a low or even just back to his normal self he would sob out his apologies, he knew the things he said and did were awful but at the time it always felt so real and logical to The Jon.

“Hey, buddy.” The Spine gently shook his shoulder, he could hear the quiet whirring of small non-vital mechanical systems powering back on.

“The Spine!” He gave an exhausted smile, “I forgot it was your day.”

“It’s good to see you too,” He smiled back genuinely, “Come on, let’s sit you up. Sorry to wake you.”

“It’s ok. I think I’m tired of sleeping anyway.”

The Spine didn’t bother correcting him on the difference between sleep and stasis, he was just happy that the gold robot was in good, though tired, spirits.

“How was the park today?” 

The Spine told him all about it as best he could, he wasn’t quite as good a story teller as Rabbit but he could hold his own. He told his little brother about how they had a decent sized crowd today and that Rabbit told such a funny joke about squirrels that Upgrade shut down and they had to kick her in the shins to start her back up and about how one lady even put a twenty dollar bill in their box. He left out no small detail, knowing that The Jon longed for nothing more than to be out playing music and joking with them again.