#No idea what's happening 'cause lord knows I'm shit on computers but I'm also a barbarian drow gilf and I get to pet a dog so

[eggexisting]

I have no idea how to win fights or romance people but I just adopted a dog so life is good tbh

[yetanotherreader]

Useful—4

Genre: College AU

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Y/N Y/L/N, slight Dean x Lisa

Summary: The school’s most popular boy wants to be friends with Y/N, out of the blue. It definitely doesn’t have anything to do with her hot best friend, though.

Word Count (For the chapter): 2,627

Warnings (For the chapter): Language, self deprecative thoughts.

[For some reason, some of the tags aren’t working. I’m sorry about that.]

[[ Also I’m sorry for the no Read More thingy because it doesn’t happen on the phone app :-(]]

Useful Masterlist

Chapter 4

Chapter 3

Time flew by faster and in no time, it was the last week of the semester. Winter breaks were going to begin and you didn't know what to do with your life during the vacation. Lisa was going to be spending it with her family, Dean was going on a road trip with his friends and you had no plans whatsoever. You had no funds to go visit your family, overseas. You were saving for an apartment, and your parents understood. You were, in fact, surprised that they did without any clashes but again, maybe, living away from each other did mend your relationship with your family better. You missed them and, hopefully, they missed you too.

Right now, though, you were trying to figure out how you were going to survive the holidays, browsing the library for some books you could use for your time alone. Older times, you would have enjoyed it. Would get bored, might go into overthinking drives, beat yourself up for things of the past, but still somehow enjoyed the undisturbed two weeks. Now, it was different. Everything was. You were not used to being alone all the time anymore, there was a certain green eyed idiot who made sure to be around you as much as he could. The idiot you've started to dangerously feel for. He introduced you to Cas and Jo, and they were amazing people. Lisa had started spending time with you, too. It was funny. A few months ago, you had literally no one to talk to and now, you barely got to be alone.

"There you are! I've been looking for you."

"Well, I'm honored. Hey, Lis."

"Gotta say your sense of humor has worsened more," she said with a laugh, "Hey. So mom is going on a holiday with her fiancé for the new year. So had to cut the trip short. They invited me but I bailed out"

"I'm sorry," You knew Lisa and her mom's new boyfriend didn't get along all that well. The previous guy her mom was with, though, treated Lisa like her own, and she missed him. For some reason, they broke up and that was why Lisa  moved here for college from Michigan. Her mother's new fiance was a nice man, according to Lisa, but she just couldn't give him that place in her heart.

"Yeah. So, yeah, I'll be here a week earlier."

"That's cool. We can catch up on some movies then."

"And bars and parties and hot boys at the beach."

"Oh, Lord." You laughed, and she soon joined you.

"Hey Y/-" You heard Dean stop, abruptly before continuing, "H-Hey."

You looked up at him to see him looking at Lisa, only to realize it was her he actually greeted, "Um..hey, Dean."

He practically tore his gaze away from her to look at you, "Oh, hi, Y/N. You didn't tell me your friend was going to be here with you."

"Uh, you didn't tell me you were going to be coming here, Dean." You laughed awkwardly trying to cut the tension in the air.

"Oh, yeah, actually I was looking for you. Well, I was wondering if you-"

"Y/N, won't you introduce me to your friend?" Lisa chimed in, practically eye-fucking your best friend—and you hated to notice, it was coming right back at her.

"So, you don't know who I am, huh?" Dean smirked, flirting. You couldn't help but roll your eyes.

It was like you weren't even there while they continued to make filthy comments and it was disgusting, you audibly groaned making your way out of the library, "God, ew."

For the rest of the day, you were supposed to be busy. You had assignments to submit before the vacations started, but it seemed like you dropped your concentration somewhere on the road. You couldn't stop wondering what Lisa and Dean were doing right then. Did they kiss? Or were they planning somethi-

You shook your head, shaking away the thoughts. They were your friends, you should be happy for them if it came to something like that. What you felt for Dean was a tiny, little crush which would fade in no time. You weren't going to make things between you two awkward by acting on it. This friendship was important to you, after a long, long while you were willing to put your trust in someone. You didn't even remember the last time you ever talked to someone like you talked to Dean. He was starting to become the closest friend you'd ever had, so yeah, you were going to be happy for him no matter who he dated.

The only thing was...you weren't.

You typed furiously on the computer, trying to ignore the insecurities that were creeping inside you little by little. Dean is going to leave you too. No one will stay. Everyone leaves. Your fingers danced across the keyboard smoothly yet faster than before as you hurried to get the work done so that you could get the hell out of the premises and take a nap. Because you deserve it. You're not worth any love. You're a disgra- You typed the last words and emailed yourself the document, not bringing anything that was going on in your mind show on your face.

"Y/N!" You stopped at the familiar voice, turning around as Lisa made her way towards you, "Guess what?"

"What?" You asked, not surprised by her happy attitude. She was always so happy, it made you wonder what was wrong with you that you couldn't be.

"You never told me you were friends with that hot snack!"

"Um.. actually. I did." You said, rolling your eyes. Obviously she wasn't paying attention.

"No…" you gave her a long look, "you did?"

Exhaling heavily, you made your way to your room, "Lis, I've had a busy day. I'm really really exhausted. Can we gush over how hot Dean is later when I've had some shut eye?"

"No, I didn't stop you to tell how hot Dean is. I mean, yes he is but I wanted to tell you he invited me to the road trip he's going on with his friends." Your eyes shot up to her face, searching for any signs of it being a joke. It wasn't. Dean, actually, did ask her. They met...like...just now?

Lisa must have gotten an idea of your discomfort 'cause her eyes saucered in realization, "oh my god...I'm so sorry, Y/N! I completely forgot about you and the plans we made. I can drop going, I'm so sorry."

"No..it's..it's okay. Really. Go enjoy your holiday. I was, anyway, going to spend my time alone before we made those plans."

She looked at you, guilty, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah.." You smiled in understanding.

"I can always ask Dean to let you tag along."

You chuckled at the irony. You were his best friend, you didn't need anyone else to ask him anything for you. And you even felt a little insulted by the statement. You could do without this favour. You could definitely do without anyone 'letting you' tag along, "Braedon, really, go. I'll be fine on my own."

She went away without another word. The pit in your stomach only seemed to grow as you did your best to drag it aside. You, somehow, managed to stop the slumping of your shoulders as you walked into your room. You changed out of your jeans into your pajamas, ready to call it a day. You made yourself a peanut butter sandwich and was done with all the chores that you settled down on the bed. Switching off the lights, you pulled the warm blanket over your head. It was then that all the thoughts you'd been pushing aside started making appearances.

Your friend 'completely forgot' about you and the plans, your best friend didn't even bother remembering that he forgot about you. It was like you didn't even exist. You knew it was stupid, in fact it was really childish to think like this. Them people have gotten their own lives which DID NOT have to revolve around you. And pretty honestly, you knew no life revolved around you, not even your own. No one would give two shits if you suddenly disappeared, including you. Still, you weren't supposed to feel this way. You weren't supposed to be so much affected because of something like this. Being left out was not something that was happening for the first time to you. But this time, it hurt a little. The thought of you getting replaced bothered a little when it shouldn't. It wasn't a crime or anything. What did you ever do to make a lasting impact in someone's life anyway so that they'd want to keep you forever?

You woke up to constant pounding on your door. Groaning, you got up to open the door.

"I was about to knock the door down, sleepyhead." Dean ruffled your hair playfully as you slapped his hand away annoyed.

"I was sleeping, asshole."

"Shocker."

You looked at him, bored, for a while before widening your eyes and pulling him inside and locking the door behind, "What the hell are you doing here? If the warden saw you, she'd rip me two."

"For a second I thought you were going to kiss me," he snickered sheepishly. "I called you to inform, you didn't pick up." He made his way inside the room, putting the box of pizza and a backpack on the couch. You scrunched up your nose at the action.

"Pizza? Why?"

"Why are you surprised?"

"It was Tuesday. Did I sleep for three fuckin' days straight?!" You said, flabbergasted for a moment until you saw Dean making the most annoyed face ever.

"Y/L/N. It is still Tuesday. Wednesday, actually. And our Friday night outs are at my place, not here where your warden is ready to eat me alive."

"Your point?"

He sighed, "We didn't spend any time together today, Y/N. I saw you earlier, you didn't look well."

You frowned before the memories made their way back, "oh…

"Well that's exactly why I was trying to sleep, Winchester." You scolded, trying to not sound too cold.

"What is it?"

"What?" You turned away from him, walking to your bed, Dean following suit.

"What's wrong? And don't give me there's-nothing-wrong-i'm-okay shit. Tell me." He sat himself beside you as you crawled under the blanket to the other end.

"There's nothing wrong, I'm okay." Dean rolled his eyes as you pulled the covers over your head.

"You know I hate it when you do what I tell you not to."

"Then don't tell me what to do." Your voice came out muffled, as you replied back sharply. He sighed.

When she walked out of the library, groaning as Lisa and him flirted, Dean had noticed. He thought it was just the playful best friend reaction seeing them two flirt with each other, so he let it pass. Later that day, he went to meet Y/N and saw her working on the computer. She would look normal to anyone around there, but Dean had secretly picked up on her habit of doing her work extra smooth when she's stressed. Her shoulders were tensed and eyes sharp. Yep. She was definitely bothered. What he was about to tell her would have to wait, first he needed to know what was bothering her. He decided to talk to her after his class, but by the time his class was over, Y/N was already out of the campus.

"I never got to tell you why I came to talk to you this morning."

"Oh, you came to talk to me? Didn't think I was so lucky." Was that what it was all about? Was she... jealous? But why would she be jealous? She was so darn confusing, it frustrated him sometimes.

"You need to talk to me, Y/N. What's going on?" He said, pulling her blanket to him before she pulled it back.

"Nothing is going on Dean, really. It's nothing. I'm just tired is all."

"And grumpy?"

"And grumpy."

"I need you to know no one is going to take your place, sweetheart." He felt her stiffen just a bit, not enough to be noticed but enough to be noticed by him.

"Stop thinking you're that important to me, Winchester. You're not." He flinched. He knew Y/N didn't mean that, it was just her defence mechanism with some extra sass but it still painfully tug his heart a little bit. She made a lot such comments, mostly playfully, with that serious face but playfully. Maybe it wasn't the comment but the fact that she was hurt that was bothering him? He wouldn't know. One thing he knew, though, was whatever was bothering her, he needed to make her smile. Maybe she noticed his sudden pause because she immediately spoke up, "Sorry. It came out harsher than I intended."

"S'okay. So you're not gonna tell me what's bothering you?"

"Nothing is bothering me Winchester."

"Whatever you say, Y/L/N." He gave up. It bothered him that she had still not opened up to him even when they'd been 'best friends' for so long. Every time he thought she would, she would close off and change the topic. She still was the mystery girl he met at the beginning of the college, a mystery he didn't know how to figure out "So, you coming?"

"Where?"

"The road trip?

"So Lisa did that after all."

"Lisa did what?"

"Nothing. And well, I've got some work so I can't come."

"Yeah I know what work you got. Come on, Y/N. Be easy on yourself sometimes. It's gonna be fun."

"But-"

"Great. So it's a 2 weeks long trip. Pack accordingly and now we have that pizza." He stood up before she could protest and got the pizza.

"How many times are you going to watch this show, Dean? Don't you get bored?" You said taking your third slice.

"As many times as I please, babe. It's Dr. Sexy M.D, it never gets boring." He said casually, thankfully missing the pink that dusted your cheeks at the nickname in the dark.

After a couple more episodes, you were starting to doze off, and so was Dean, "Alright, let's sleep. We have classes tomorrow.

"There's no morning class. Just one more epi." He said, clutching the remote in his hands, like a child, "please?"

"No." He pouted at your response, defeated.

"Okie." He said letting out a small yawn. Sleepy Dean was always adorable, "So it's settled that you're coming with us?"

She paused for a moment before shrugging slightly.

"I guess...yes," he smiled cheekily as she said that, "but, why did you want me there all of a sudden?"

"Because I want you there? It's gonna be fun. I've heard girls need their girl-friends on these tours for some 'girl-company' thing. I invited Lisa, so-"

He stopped abruptly as she stood up and made her way out of the room, "I'll go and throw these boxes, you change in here."

"- that you could get some company." He whispered mostly to himself. What the hell just happened? He shook his head, too sleepy to think about it right now and stripped out of his clothes into his pajamas.

Obviously. There it was. The reason he wanted you there, it's all here. It's because he didn't want Lisa to be alone around people she didn't know. You stood by the sink and chuckled to yourself, feeling a sting in the back of your eyes. Wow.

"Same old easily replaceable Y/N." You whispered.

-------

Chapter 5

A/N: alright. I know I know. I'm a terrible author who do not care about her readers but it's not that. I'm really, genuinely sorry. Life's been really rollercoastery and I've been dealing with stuffs lately. I promise I'll be better next time. And if you could take out a minute of your day and pray for me and a lot of people who need it, please, I'll be really grateful. They say prayers are powerful and I think I can do with them a bit.

Also, please don't do something wrong with yourself. You're worth every effort you make for a better life. Each minute of your life counts, just make sure you keep yourself and others as happy as you can. Be kind to you and others, I'm rooting for you. ❤️

And show some kindness to the animals too, they deserve it. ❤️

.

.

Tags for useful:

 @fandoms-fiend @mrsdeanfuckingwinchester @itsjaybro16 @mml232 @blablatiti @stilltoomuchafangirl @bat-shark-repellant @bluebell-24 @shortwinchester @always-money-in-the-banana-stand @ima-be-a-mongoose @soullessbabee @infinityspacesuniverse @vicmc624 @roonyxx @fandoms-fiend @slythermyg

[nightfayre]

I just LOVE your Pacific Rim AU fic. You write so well! Really! I sent some of the anons that have been highlited here and im so glad you liked them so I'm kinda fan girling a little!!! *0* Also: What do you think the boys want to be in the future? (like, profession wise). And Q2: Do you have, like, a method for writing??

oh jesus, asks like these always make me want to cry! thank you so, so much!! it makes me insanely happy & grateful to hear that people are enjoying F&F, and i’m so excited to continue the story!! thank you!

and as for your questions:

1. oof, this is a hard one. the one thing i know for certain is that He Tian wants nothing to do with his family or their business. he’s been through enough trauma and heartache — especially as a kid — and those broken bonds will not be easily repaired. and while i believe that He Cheng will always be there for him, i don’t see He Tian working in close relation with his brother, either. in some of the chapters Old Xian has released where the boys are older, He Tian is always dressed in attire that suggests he works some kind of office job. however i just can’t imagine someone like He Tian confined to a cubicle for 7-8 hours. the most plausible/reasonable answer i can provide is that He Tian works with some kind of surveillance/security company. he’s never been one for “minding his own business,” and so i think this line of work would suit his power-hungry and nosy personality. he’d be able to work in a profession that is practically the opposite of his family’s business, and maybe that’d help ease his mind as well. in general, i think the opportunity for He Tian to not only work in an office environment but also in the field would suit him perfectly.

as for Guan Shan… oh lord. let’s just imagine that this poor boy has finally shaken off most of his family’s debts and can start focusing on a stable career rather than jumping back and forth between part-time jobs. i can definitely see Guan Shan as a gym trainer and/or weights instructor — especially for kids and teens. it’s obvious that Guan Shan has an athletic streak in him and he’s also been in his fair share of fights due to bullying & the family-related feuds that he got into as a kid. despite the everlasting scowl on his face, i’m positive that Guan Shan wouldn’t want any kid to go through the same shit he did. but since he can’t control the fate of others, at least he can make them strong enough to deal with whatever comes their way. i can clearly imagine Guan Shan offering lessons to middle schoolers, high schoolers, and young adults. plus, the exercise would work wonders for Guan Shan himself, too. all that simmering anger has to be dealt with somehow, and i think Guan Shan would find more value in putting his talents towards a good cause rather than letting himself waste away.

now, Jian Yi. with all the time and education he lost when he was kidnapped in high school, i don’t see Jian Yi working in a career field that demands a higher education. don’t get me wrong — Jian Yi is not stupid and he certainly has an inkling of street smartness in him when drastic times call for drastic measures. however, the world continues to move forward even if you were kidnapped and trapped on a deserted island. so, with all that considered, i see Jian Yi as a small business owner. of course, it would take many years and a lot of hard work and discipline, but the idea of Jian Yi managing a cozy coffee shop or a family-friendly restaurant is too appealing to ignore. he would be a favorite among his regular costumers, and the competition of bigger companies wouldn’t be too daunting for him. honestly, i think he would have a blast as a business owner because now he gets to make all the rules instead of having his life dictated for him.

Zheng Xi, surprisingly, is the easiest one for me to decide. with everything that happened to Jian Yi and what followed in the aftermath — including Zheng Xi’s overwhelming feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, powerlessness — i can 100% see Zheng Xi working in law enforcement. the trauma of Jian Yi’s disappearance will initially crush poor Zheng Xi, but i believe that he’s strong enough to get back up again and work hard to make sure this doesn’t happen to anyone else without there being an answer for it. of course, additionally, he would also have the authority and support to protect Jian Yi and his other loved ones. Zheng Xi is protective, strong, intelligent, strict, and caring — he will work wonders in law enforcement. of course, he’d look great in the uniform too :)

2. and now your second question! i will put my answer to this question under the cut because this post has already gotten, uhm, tragically long. but read on if you want to see my answer!

this is going to sound a bit weird, but i write the best when i have an enormous bottle of water at hand. it helps me focus and refrain from getting distracted by other things around me. also, it forces me to take breaks when i desperately need to go to the bathroom, lol. getting a healthy amount of sleep also prevents my eyes from getting too tired whilst staring at a computer screen, and a blanket is always around my shoulders to help me feel more comfortable in my stiff chair.

otherwise, for my actual writing style — that’s harder to describe. i guess i try to have an even mix of vernacular and embellished language. it’s hard to explain, but i suppose that i’m always striving to allow the characters’ voices and personalities to shine through in my writing. i never write in first-person but i want it to feel as if it were in that perspective because it allows my audience to feel more connected to the story and better understand why the characters act/think the way they do. however, this often makes my chapters/stories a lot longer than planned because i strive to capture the essence of the boys’ thoughts and actions. it’s painful but it’s really a lot of fun, because one moment i can have a three-bullet list of what i want to accomplish plot-wise in a chapter — and the next moment i’m 10 pages in and have only accomplished the first bullet point…

with 19 Days, all four boys have a distinct voice/personality that makes it so much easier when i’m writing F&F. although they will eventually and literally be in each other’s minds, i want the audience to already have a general idea of how the individual boys think and feel without the aid of the Ghost Drift. it will make it all the more dramatic when two different personalities/mindsets collide (cough cough tianshan cough cough) because the audience will already know what to expect of a character’s personality. idk; i hope that makes sense to you?

TLDR; i start with a bullet list of plot points for each chapter, i keep writing and writing and writing until my fingers start to cramp, and then i’m still never satisfied with what i produce. it’s a hard life…

anyway, this was a long f-cking post but i hope i answered your questions!! and thank you so much for sending me your headcanons — all of them are so amazing and heartwarming!! thank you!!

[modesty-blaise]

Since I'm curious, what caused you to become very possessive of your gifs? Not out of rudeness but curious, since no matter what you do a lot of them show up in the gif function on Tumblr which automatically credits you at the bottom of the gif.

Hey. Tbh, at first I didn’t wanna bother with yet another anon but since I see no ill intent behind this, I decided to go and answer it. Unfortunately, half-way through I realised my reply is turning into incredibly long semi-bitter rant and expands well beyond calling out just one person in Psychonauts fandom (and yes, this is related to Psychonauts fandom – you do know that these anons are not really that anonymous, right?) so… buckle up! All that beneath “read more”.

I’ve been on this hellsite for like…7-8 years? Maybe more? Can’t really tell cause I moved blogs and my old blog now consists of only 4 posts I’ve made close to leaving so I honestly have no idea how much time I’ve spend here before moving. Anyway, during those few years I’ve spent on my first blog I’ve met a lot of creative gifmakers who enjoyed sharing their love for fandoms they were in. I’d like to point out that this was waaaaay before tumblr created that insert-gif option so, back in the day, the only way to add gifs to your post was to: 1. make them yourself 2. take them from someone else. And a lot of people were taking them from someone else which resulted in many gifmakers giving up on making gifs and leaving fandoms and/or even leaving tumblr – and I’ve had many of my friends give up on what they love and have their games/shows/movies/whatnot ruined for them cause people would not stop stealing from them. And many of my friends eventually left tumblr cause they couldn’t deal with it anymore.

Tumblr adding insert-gif option, in my opinion, honestly, just made it worse for gifmakers. Cause now people had the opportunity to use gifs for their posts, with or without creators’ permission/knowledge, but it was alright and it was perfectly fine cause creators were credited. There’s their name at the bottom. It’s alright. Like… it doesn’t matter if they’re actually okay with people using something they’ve put hours into making or if they’re not – tumblr gives them credit so they SHOULD be okay with it. Simple as that.

Well, we’re all different and some people are not okay with that. I’m not okay with that. It took me weeks to figure out how to use photoshop correctly. Took me countless hours of looking through different tutorials and basically trial-and-error-ing my way through the process. Whenever I make gifs, it takes me hours to record videos and then hours trying to achieve that 3mb limit on gifs (thank lord these days we’re beyond 1mb limit). After all that effort I put into creating gifs for games that I love and enjoy, someone is going to make 2 clicks and have that same gif added to their post, without even asking. So how is that okay?

Back to your question. Yes, “no matter what you do a lot of them show up in the gif function on Tumblr”, that is true and that is something I was aware of when I saw you-know-who announcing they would be starting 30 days Psychonauts challenge. So, hating to see my gifs used against my will, and not wanting to start any unnecessary drama and threaten people in advance with reporting them if they do use them, I’ve made my blog as private as I could. It was only accessible through the dashboard, it was not showing in ANY search engines inside and outside tumblr, and my gifs were impossible to find through insert-gif function – I’ve made sure. I did all that cause I just knew that during those 30 days, someone would use my gifs and I would get mad and I desperately wanted to avoid that (hence going extreme). And you know what happened? You know what creator of this challenge (who prevously already reposted my gifs) did? *drums* They used my shit anyway. :3 They just uploaded it from their computer, where they’ve saved it earlier.

And like… a lot of people see pretty pic and decide to save it - I mean, we all do that. Heck, even I have a folder full of shit I saw online and liked it – but i’m not uploading it online cause I haven’t made it. It’s not mine to share.

But some people are not like that.

Some people see fanart of something they like and they want to share their opinion on it – and instead of making their own post, maybe drawing the fanart themselves, they decide to use someone else’s art for their post. Do they know who made it? Do they have creator’s permission to share it? If the answer is NO, then they should be a decent human being and not do that to creators. Oh, they shared it anyway but now people in fandom are calling them out BUT this actually happened on accident? They know who the creator is but, somehow, they accidentally forgot to credit them? OK, well, it’s possible, shit happens, but they better make sure it doesn’t happen again.

Then sometime later these same people decide they want to make a post appreciating their fav character and they want to include pics cause duh, you can’t have character appreciation post without pics, right? Now they have several options: they can get their own screenshots, make their own gifs, maybe draw something… or they can just take someone else’s creation. Do they know who made it? Well there’s my fuckin name on it, and since they’ve stretched it from 245 to 500px, it’s really hard to miss, plus it’s not like there are that many people making Psychonauts gifs. Do they have permission to share it? Hmmm, nope, didn’t ask me. Is this also an accident? Could be. I mean, I’ve seen stranger things happen, so accidentally forgetting to credit content creators twice… kinda suspicious but still possible. Who am I to say?

Now if these people then decide to make a post appreciating their fav ship and they want to add a cute pic of the loving couple – yup, you guessed it! They can either create something or take something. Again: they know who did? They asked for permission? Got the permission? No?!?! But they posted it anyway?!?! :o Could it really be, that after being called out publicly, after being told that reposting is bad (something that’s very easy to understand), after even having tumblr staff intervene and remove stolen shit from their blog, after all that - could it really still be an accident?

Nah, man.

They just don’t give a shit.

Cause if they did, they’d stop with that crap first time they were called out.

(and if you think Psychonauts fandom is their only fandom and that they’re not doing this crap in other fandoms too - hoooo, boy, do I have some bad news for you! Do you know how many stolen and butchered HP fanart is on their blog? Hobbit stuff? They seem to be one of the most accident-prone users on tumblr. And honestly - it’s a real miracle their blog’s not been terminated.)

Back to what I was talking about - I’m not okay with people using my gifs and I’ve made it very clear. I literally do not give a shit if I’m credited or not, I’ve made it very clear that I don’t want my gifs used without my permission. If you like them and want them on your blog, there’s a fuckin reblog button. It’s sole purpose is to allow you to share other people’s creations. Or shitposts, cause lord knows we all love those.

So that’s why when someone spends hours going through my Psychonauts tag and goes as far as to send me “I love your gifs” anonymous message, but the very next day makes stim moodboard post including one of my gifs, now cut and resized to fit 3x3 format they’re going with, I get mad. And that’s why when someone uses one of my gifs to promote their RP blog, butchering it to fit their aesthetics, and later when confronted going as far as blaming their good friend on it cause god! they’ve had no idea it wasn’t theirs, I get mad. (makes you wonder though: if they friend has such skills, why not making them gifs themselves?)

Like…. I’ve had my gifs stolen plenty of times. I’ve had them stolen for roleplaying, for headers, for imagines, just for notes… I’ve had them stolen by people claiming to run official fan sites (that’s a real wild story but I won’t get into that now)… I’ve seen them on pinterest, weheartit, FB, all those random gif sites… and I’ve seen EVERY. POSSIBLE. EXCUSE. ranging from: “well i found it on google so why should i credit you” “lol dunno who made this but its pretty so im posting it” “ive had it on my computer for years so i don’t remember where i got it from” “i dont know how to make gifs so im using weheartit as a source” “credit to whoever made this” (that’s my fav) to “its just a gif so who gives a shit” (it’s not – it’s hours of creator’s time and lots of love that you’re now shitting on so thanks) and “i have an /illness/ and getting notes makes me feel better so dont u dare blame me for stealing” (I don’t remember exact excuse but it was something along those lines and like… how do you even respond to something that without looking like an asshole?).

And sometimes it really is just an accident. Sometimes people really do forget to credit you and/or ask you for permission. And I’ve had my fair share of those accidents. People in Psychonauts fandom have been using my gifs for various crap but, when approached, they’ve removed it and apologised. And it’s something I really appreciate. (if they actually bother reading this and they recognise themselves: i’m really grateful and thank you for not being an ass)

But you know what I don’t appreciate? People making a call out posts about me, asking about my gifs when they know very well they’re the main reasons why I’m not making those gifs anymore, at the same time failing to address any of the issues I have with them and instead rather explaining to others what happened BUT explaining only the parts that make me look like a villain cause how I even dare be mad about them stealing? How I even dare call them out on it? That is so ridiculous and criminal of me, and it’s so so sooooo bad that they need to call me out. I deserve to be called out by the very same person who’s been stealing my shit.

And their explanation is…well… it’s something.

They were sympathetic and polite? When did this happen? Did I completely missed that part? Please someone fuckin enlighten me with such post/message where they expressed their sympathy and politeness and I’ll apologise right this second.

I told them to “literally fuck off”? Yeah, that did happen, I admit that. Did they bother explaining why I told them to fuck off in the first place? Did they say they were caught stealing from me and had tumblr stuff remove my shit from their blog? Did they get into details of how they demanded the proof of my so very wild and obviously false claims but then when I showed it, they just deleted that “how dare u call me out cause I would never do such thing” post? No, they didn’t and geee, I really wonder why.

Instead, what did they choose to address? Out of all the things I’ve said. Hm? What did they choose? Me telling them to fuck off. Me dropping the F-bomb on them, rudely rejecting their obvious kindness and politeness. Nothing else.

Back to what I was talking about before I got derailed again: no, I’m not mad cause this person used my gifs without crediting me. I mean – I am, but that’s not my main issue with them (and they know it). My main issue is that this is someone who will continuously lie and steal and still deny any of it, even when there’s plenty of proof (and you can always count on me to show up with proof tbh), and then go as far as to publicly ask about my gifs and try to call me out. Like me getting mad that something I’ve put hours of work into, and something I’ve made cause I love the game and I want to share my love and appreciation for it, is now being shared against my will and my knowledge - like me getting mad over something like that is so unreasonable that they need to make an entire post about it while pretending they have absolutely no idea why I’m even mad and why we have issues.

And I have every fucking right to be mad. 3 times is not an accident. 2 times to the same person is not an accident. They know it. But yeah, playing stupid is their defense so it’s not like I expected them to actually address their actions this time either.

And you know what? Just because I swear a lot doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Doesn’t mean there’s no solid ground for my claims. People on tumblr have always been and always will be stealing shit. Sometimes they will credit you, often they will not, and that’s just how it is, doesn’t matter if you’re okay with it or not. But that doesn’t mean I’m just gonna sit quiet and accept someone’s shitty behaviour. Especially when it’s directed at me.

TLDR: giving credit =/= having permission

but my previous posts leading to this ask were not about that

you knew that already

[sonicmega]

Hm... I'm enthralled now. How did you come to do voice acting? Was it a sort of, spur of the moment? Or was it more so like a passion you wanted to pursue after highschool/college? I've also begun to wonder. What do you specifically do to change the timbre of your voice? I assume its different for every voice actor out there and, given your experience, you've most likely developed a method no? Lastly, how do you land jobs? Do you need a specific talent or is it more so fitting the voice color?

January 2007 

I discover that voice acting is a thing. My time spent on Neopets noticeably dwindles for the moment.

(Also none of these are specific moments that I think made or broke my career, I am just offering all relevant moments in time)

Feb/Mar 2007 

A man by the name of Deven “Mac” notices my frequent postings on Newgrounds - my fervent spamming, more like - and informs me about Voice Acting Club. Kira Buckland, 10 years younger, is finishing up school soon and has begun plans for moving out of Alaska to pursue life in Cali

March 2007 - 2008

Amateur Voice Acting AHOY! I audition for a shitload of projects, mostly fandubs. Mostly Newgrounds. my voice is terrible but my enthusiasm and energy is unyielding. Mac helps me with basic tenets of voiceover techniques and I also exhibit some pretty shitty behaviors (delaying submitting lines for weeks because I’m nervous about ‘doing them wrong’).

September 2008 

I get accepted into Western Michigan on a scholarship. I decide to major in Film/Video/Media studies because it’s 'the most similar to what I want to do’ (Voiceover) and decide to put more personal interests in as minors (Journalism, Japanese, Psychology).

The actual curriculum itself did jack shit for my career but it’s what I did during my time there that matters more.

2008-2012

Four years of college. I make friends within my interest groups but nearly all of my time is spent either in class or in my dorm room on my PC. OMGPOP is king of my time until Maplestory releases the Evan class.

More importantly, it was also the formative years of my freelance career.

I sign up for Voice123 membership. It goes horribly. Low ratings nearly all the time. I take on an audiobook job and deliver over-estimate by 7 goddamn months. Client is PISSED.A site called VoiceBunny also crops up; more suited for quick one-off jobs that don’t need 'the perfect voice’, just a suitable one. Extremely reliant on being at your computer at a moment’s notice.

I have no social life.

This meshes well.

Within college, I am constantly involved in things related to acting/voiceover.

- On-campus Sexual Health Peer Education group (skits and lectures) all 4 years of attendance. This also gave me opportunities to record voiceover for segments needing 'voice of god’- local radioplay group All Ears Theater (2 productions every 2-3 months, included a formal audition process and live performances in front of audiences for later broadcast via radio/web)- Audio Production class (as part of my Major) quick-learns me basic editing techniques, directly translates to my ability to do quickfire editing and turnaround now as a freelancer.- Continuing to do auditions for stuff for Voice Acting club. This is probably the most similar to many ‘Tumblr phase’ performers on here.Over time, constant exposure + guidance from peers/my mentor helps me to hone my skills. I still tend to 'loud-act’ things, IE using an unnecessarily loud/forceful voice for simple business narration,but I’m beginning to understand the intricacies of different styles (Commercial vs. Promo vs. character, etc)

January 2009

During winter break, on a ski trip with family, I learn about Anime Expo’s AX Idol competition. I tell my dad the one thing I want for my birthday present is funding to help go to this convention and compete. He obliges.

Summer 2009

I go to Anime Expo and compete in AX Idol for voiceover.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oUQpkyfVYog

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G-PwvyeM1jw

Things go well.

Fall 2009 - sometime 2011

Things DO NOT GO WELL. My victory at AX causes me to feel like I know what I am doing, leads to an almost 2 year stint of godawful delivery choices as I 'phone in’ performances like they’re just going to be good on foundation. My mentor is frustrated with me and at least one peer of mine actively thinks I don’t deserve the kinds of opportunities I’ve had over how hard he himself has worked.

2012

I graduate from college, determine that the only way I’m going to make progress is by forcing myself into the community where the industry exists. If I’m going to get workshops and studio auditions and actual non-online work, I need to be where the work is.

Summer 2012, 2 months after graduation

I move from Michigan to California

I have enough savings to cover about a year of rent if everything goes horribly horribly wrong (including losing every single freelance client I’d slowly built relationships with during college), but it’s obvious I need to find work to continue to stay out here.

I take a Graveyard shift job at Stanley security. It sucks my fucking soul out.

Meanwhile by day, I am still doing my freelance thing. I let BangZoom know I am now local. I work with my mentor on piecing together a demo both from good bits I’d done before and fresh content written for the demo, something I can show off to clients that is good enough to be worth listening to but that I can admit “I am new to the area and aiming to get my foot in the door for more professional work so that I can update my portfolio accordingly”

2012-2014

The Workshop Grind

Workshops with BangZoom, with Crispin Freeman, with VoiceTrax West, etc.

Through character archetype classes, I begin to understand where my inherent strengths lie (I already had an idea from my freelance side, but now I was able to confirm those strengths by having actual professionals go “You made great choices”)

BangZoom, meanwhile, SLOWLY works me up the chain of trust. I get called in for unpaid walla sessions just to see if I can meet appointments on time and follow directions.

Then unnamed 1-time characters in a crowd.

Then unnamed characters you can hear.

Then a recurring unnamed character.

Then at some point I get audition sides for something called Sword Art Online, for Kirito and Diabel. I initially only plan on auditioning for Kirito (dem Protagonist dweams) but have a last-minute Skype Workshop with Crispin about my auditions and get feedback from him.

He recommends I still try out for Diabel because it plays into my strengths and “why the hell not?”

I do.

2013-2014

Pretty much my ONLY studio work is coming from BangZoom, and it’s not frequent. I quit my job at Stanley only because I had some extra savings now and wanted to force myself to 'git gud’ instead of letting a safety net of money keep me from pursuing more.

But slowly, SLOWLY, through BangZoom auditions and the occasional booking, web strings begin to attach.

Out of personal interest, I do a brief stint as a QA tester for NIS America. This also happens around the time BangZoom is casting for DanganRonpa and Fairy Fencer F. My employment didn’t affect my audition chances, but it did solidify NISA’s knowledge of me as a voiceover artist.

I do some work for Ys: Memories of Celceta for a company called XSEED. Nothing comes of it until almost 3 years later, when a new localization lead named Brittany recalls my performance from Ys and says “I think he could be a really good fit for this dude named Rean Schwarzer”.

I land work on Killer Instinct through BangZoom. The director of that LOVES my performance, proceeds to slowly bring me back now and again for recurring roles on stuff like Gundam IBO and other projects.

Back to XSEED.I land my lead role in Trails of Cold Steel. Recording is at PCB Productions, who now knows I exist.

Everyone has a good time, I send my samples/demos to PCB (now updated further), they begin sending me THEIR audition sides as well.

At one point, a director for PCB I know well is collaborating with a studio called Cup of Tea on Akiba’s Beat. Kira has been working with Cup of Tea for YEARS but I had never had an opportunity to get in touch with them before now.

Director puts me in touch with Cup of Tea, who now knows I exist. Session goes decently, I tell them I am very interested in pursuing future work/auditions and would like to share my demos with them. They accept.For sake of time I will leave that thread where it is because I imagine you can understand what the underlying theme is.

Just a sporadic but progressive timeline of preparedness + Opportunity allowing me to expand my options.

Back to Workshop Side:

I continue actively pursuing workshops for other companies, especially VoiceTrax west. I sign up for “meet the pros” evenigns where I have a chance to perform + get feedback.

The workshop actively disclaimers that there is no expectation of getting work + it is intended to be a learning experience, but I go in with the mindset of “I’m going to leave them WANTING to work with me”.

With a much more thorough understanding of my strengths by now, I tend to do a formula of picking 1-2 characters I know I can do well, and one that is within my range but is relatively challenging. Worst case scenario I still leave a good impression, best case I completely surprise myself (and the host) and leave a lasting one.

This works out well. Said method greatly interests a representative from Mattel and one from Disney Parks (not the animation side, just the theme park side). I thank them for their time, ask if I can share demos with them/get their contact email, contact them and express interest in receiving audition opportunities.

Through one of these same workshops, I also meet my future agency, SBV Talent’s lead person Mary Ellen Lord. I do the same thing. Mary proceeds to circumvent SBV’s entire policy of “Referrals Only” representation to ask me to come to their offices to record an official application demo.Note that none of these workshop outcomes, or the workshops themselves, were things pointed to me by studios I was working for. This section was all self-driven/pursued (and also required me to be local).Since then, I’ve been continuing the routine of doing freelance work from home, sending out auditions for studio-hosted projects when the sides are provided to me, and generally working with my mentor when I have questions about approaching a certain character. Either because of personal growth or recent portfolio additions (or both), my success rate with booking new roles has kind of shot up; I’m hoping this trend continues for the foreseeable future.