#Nic Answers Stuff

[existentialcrisistime]

today's pet hate: when it comes up in conversation that I'm allergic to cats/dogs/etc and someone goes "but you won't be to mine, their fur is hypoallergenic". like, I love animals and I don't doubt your hypoallergenic one is better for allergies but I Will still be somewhat allergic I guarantee you, pls believe me when I say I know my body

[cissyenthusiast010155]

Nic Draws Me Once More <3

@rrcenic made this stunning drawing of me <333 Thank you, Nic ♥️♥️♥️ I love it so so so much!!! I hope you have a lovely day/night, dear 💞

@rrcenic-reblogs / @nic-writes-it-all

[ryukatters]

Ty for your kind tags.

I was literally just having a come to Jesus with myself about not worrying about how my writing is received. It's just a hobby it's just fun, but sometimes you post something and no one seems to dig it and it makes you question your skills.

My style isn't everyone's cup of tea and that's fine (also it's unedited, idk why I'm so sensitive about this giant unedited monstrosity)

Anyway, thank you for taking the time to leave tags.

You soothed the worries of an anxious little fic writer.

(⁠◍⁠•⁠ᴗ⁠•⁠◍⁠)⁠❤

Your fic (and the rest of your works, really) deserve all the love in the world. Your writing literally scratched all the surfaces of my brain in the best way. I know how it feels to pour so much love into something but maybe not get the response you wanted. But just know that there will always be at least one person out there that will immensely enjoy your art

[idkshithead]

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡ 𓊆ྀི gi-hun headcanons! 𓊇ྀི

·˚ ༘ — pairing: seong gi-hun x fem!reader

—❕warnings: nsfw content, mentions of trauma and insomnia (slightly), gi-hun being a cutie pookie patootie that i actually giggled and kicked my feet while writing this. i love him sm

｡𖦹°‧ sfw!:

season 1

— 𐙚 your relationship with gi-hun is a “pretty gf, obsessed bf” typa thing. he’d do anything for you. literally. you have cramps during your period? no problem cause he’s already out buying your favorite sweets. you don’t feel good about yourself all of a sudden? no worries cause he’ll sit you on his lap reminding you of how beautiful you are, of how much he loves you (and of how much you turn him on).

— 𐙚 s1 gi-hun is def the jealous type. mostly because he knows he’s not the perfect man to date due to all his family and financial problems so every time he sees a guy approaching you, maybe even good-looking, he’ll definitely pout: either he comes closer and grasps your waist tightly to show him you’re his, or he’ll just be silent and pretend to mind his business even tho he’s hurting inside cause he’s afraid you’ll replace him.

— 𐙚 later you’ll eventually tease him and tell him about how cute it is when he acts all jealous even when he tries to deny it. loves when you ruffle his hair/pinch his cheeks/cover his face in kisses to reassure him.

— 𐙚 s1 gi-hun is the type of man who really wants to spoil you with expensive gifts to make you happy but knows he can’t because of his lack of money. tries to make it up to you with simple dates (pic-nics, late night walks/drives, cuddle sessions etc.) even tho you tell him you don’t care about gifts and that you like simple actions. he’ll keep that in mind and will eventually start giving you picked-up flowers or short handwritten letters.

— 𐙚 s1 gi-hun’s life felt so much brighter when he met you and he couldn’t tell why. your presence just made him feel warm in his chest and he would remind you every. single. day.

— 𐙚 would definitely hug you from behind while you cook and start kissing your neck. later he would pick you up and sit you on the kitchen counter and start making out/cuddle with you while he whispers how much you mean to him etc. will make you promise to never leave him.

— 𐙚 one thing you ABSOLUTELY love about gi-hun, is his hair. it’s so fluffy and soft that you wanna touch it every minute of the day. in rough days he loves to lay on your thighs while you caress his scalp, play with strands of his hair to relax him until he’ll eventually fall asleep.

— 𐙚 s1 gi-hun would let you meet his daughter almost immediately cause when he met you first, he knew you would be the one. when he sees you get along really well with her he would smile like an idiot cause he loves to see the 2 most important girls of his life talking/having fun together.

season 2

— 𐙚 hate to say this, but s2 gi-hun is a whole different person. he’s not the smiley guy he once was and stay sure that he WILL be over protective, over possessive, over everything. can you blame him tho? he got traumatized so no, you can’t. he’s just afraid you’ll get in trouble as well.

— 𐙚 s2 gi-hun will definitely check on you every. damn. minute. he can’t find you? he’ll spam call you till you answer. you don’t answer his calls cause you’re out and can’t hear your phone? h’ell put on the gps in his car and come find you.

— 𐙚 at first you argued with him many times cause it became overwhelming. you basically couldn’t even go out with your old friend cause he’ll call you every 30 minutes and stuff. you didn’t want to get mad at him cause it wasn’t his fault, he just went through a lot and was worried for you.

— 𐙚 when you got mad, tho, you felt guilty not even a second later cause he looked at you with a sad and hurt expression and said: “i’m sorry. i just over worry and can’t stay calm when you’re out alone.”

— 𐙚 you’d tell him you understand but still you’re an independent woman and can defend yourself. (you’re lying cause deep down you like it when he worries a lot about you. but not in an obsessive/unhealthy way.). you will definitely cuddle him after that.

— 𐙚 s2 gi-hun never sleeps at night cause he feels the need to look after you while you sleep. he still feels like he’s in that room, keeping watch of bastards that could attack and kill you. if he manages to fall asleep, he’ll wake up in the middle of the night due to the nightmares. in those nights, you are the one who doesn’t sleep to look after him.

— 𐙚 he still loves to hug you from behind while you do stuff but also loves when you are the one to do so. he’s not as talkative as before so while old gi-hun would whisper loving sentences to you, present gi-hun just wants to feel the moment. he would bury his face into your neck and stay silent as you caress his hair and kiss it while he rubs your back and holds you tight.

— 𐙚 s2 gi-hun likes slow mornings. while in s1 he would go out to gamble/work and you would work too, now he likes to take his time to wake up to cuddle you, kiss you. just wants to enjoy his time with you, especially in weekends.

— 𐙚 s2 gi-hun would still take you out to late night walks/drives to relieve stress from both of you. his old manners of showing you his love are still the same: simple actions/gifts, physical touch etc.

｡𖦹°‧ nsfw!:

season 1:

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 the first time you two made love was quite embarrassing for him cause he hadn’t touched a woman in years after his ex wife(that is something that every gi-hun fan thinks lol😭). he was really scared to hurt you or make you uncomfortable but once you reassure him he will make sure he’ll be the best sex you’ve ever had.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 s1 gi-hun will definitely cum really fast the first times cause he just can’t control himself with you. he doesn’t even make it on purpose but that man is able to cum in his pants by you just grinding on his lap.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 s1 gi-hun is the type of man that really doesn’t care about sex. he’s not a really “horny-guy” cause he thinks sex is not that important in a relationship but since he met you he gets hard often times and can’t control it.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 s1 gi-hun would think he’s not that good in bed but god, the way you moan his name or just moan in pleasure makes his ego reach the stars. he thinks he’s not that big but doesn’t realize that even common size (14/15cm) actually is.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 s1 gi-hun def talks you through it. would tell you how much you turn him on, would tell you how good you feel around him and would tell you how good you are for him. loves to praise you during it.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 i feel like he LOVES blowjobs. they make him feel so damn horny and he doesn’t know why himself. probably is the way your pretty, innocent eyes look at him while your lips are wrapped around his length, pleasuring him.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 gi-hun is clearly noisy. be prepared to hear him moan even if you just move your ass while sitting on his lap.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 forget about degrading names/praises. will def not call you a “whore, slut, pathetic” etc, not even if you ask him. he’s just not that kind of man and it makes him uncomfortable

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 once you’re done, even if he’s dead tired, he won’t get in bed before making sure you’re all cleaned and feeling as comfy as possible. you chuckle almost every time and tell him to just lay with you and that you’ll take a shower later.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 thinks he needs to be the big spoon cause he’s the “man of the relationship” but loves to be the small spoon as well. depends on who needs more cuddles after that. if he’s the big spoon, he’ll lay you on his chest, pull the blanket over your bodies and rub your skin, whisper loving words till you both fall asleep.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 if he’s the small spoon he’ll be the one to lay on your chest and shyly ask you to caress his head/play with his hair cause it relaxes him. you can’t help the cuteness so you just roughly grab his face and kiss him nonstop. you’ll apologize later and both end up chuckling. likes when you rub his bare back with the other hand as well. will fall asleep immediately cause your heartbeat helps him relax.

season 2:

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 s2 gi-hun would prefer blowjobs even more since he can’t sleep and is really tired most of times. he loves when you help him relax with that and loves it even more when you’re the one to initiate first cause he feels shy to just ask you to make him cum. thinks it’s inappropriate.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 s2 gi-hun loves lazy and slow sex (unless he had a really bad day), prefers when you ride him cause it’s hotter to see your breast bouncing and stuff. will grasp your waist/hips gently and guide you through it while he praises you.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 he may not be as noisy as before but will never stop praising you. he realized he loves it even more when you are the one to praise him. sentences like: “fuck, you’re so good, gi-hun” or “you make me feel so good” make him cum immediately.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 will def ask you to do that again cause he LOVES to hear how good he makes you feel and how loved you feel even when your sex is not romantic and slow.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 if you’re not in the mood he’ll immediately pull away and apologize 5 times in a second cause he doesn’t wanna make you feel uncomfortable in any way. you smile and reassure him and then promise him to do it later (if you’re in the mood ofc).

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 will feel guilty cause he feels like he’s forcing you but you remind him that if you didn’t want to, you wouldn’t cause yes you love him with your whole being, but will never do something you feel uncomfortable with. especially if it’s related to intimacy.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 most of the times it will start by you massaging his shoulders cause they’re so tense. then you would start kissing his neck, make out and it will lead to bed.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 will praise you with nicknames like: “such a good girl for me, hun.” or “you’re so tight, sweetheart.” if you call his name he would respond with: “yes m’am?” cause he’s such a gentleman and loves to respect his woman.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 s2 gi-hun also loves missionary cause he needs to look at your pretty face and all the cute and horny expressions you make when he makes you reach the stars. would definitely kiss your neck/jawline/cheeks while he praises you.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 s2 gi-hun enjoys every type of quickies. on the kitchen counter when you cook? definitely. in the shower? always. in the car after a long late night drive? sure, why not. in the dressing room when you go shopping? loves the risk.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 when you do quickies in public he’d cover your mouth with his big hand and loves the sight of it. the way you try to keep quiet, the way you close your eyes to focus on not being noisy, your flustered cheeks. it turns him on even more.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 s2 gi-hun thinks aftercare is the most important thing. probably like it even more than sex itself. he wants to be the big spoon always but when you manage to convince him to be the small one, he would act as if he could accidentally hurt you.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 you would play with his short hair and kiss his head while you tell him how good he made you feel cause he’ll ask you if you liked it. if you would tell him that something made you uncomfortable he probably won’t touch you in “that way” for weeks. to the point you’d ask him if he still loves you cause you think he got tired of you.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 will look at you with an expression that clearly says “are you okay?” and then immediately reassure you and apologize for being a jerk.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 i feel like gi-hun hates porn and wouldn’t watch them not even if he got paid. thinks they’re too unrealistic and stupid. plus, he has you so what’s the point in watching other naked women having sex? not his thing, really hates it.

— 𓆩❤︎𓆪 doesn’t feel the need to jerk off when you’re not around, he’ll just wait till you come back if he needs it. would do that only if he’s desperate af.

ੈ✩‧₊˚ — a/n: soo here are few of my headcanons for this little cutie pie. idk if some of these are similar to others or something but if so, i’m so sorry, i didn’t copy anyone nor i inspired by anyone, i made them in my head based on my hc/scenarios😭 anyway i hope you enjoy reading this🥹

[neighbourscat]

𝐁𝐀𝐄 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐀 𝐍𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓 || 𝙣𝙞𝙘𝙤𝙡𝙖𝙨 𝙫𝙖𝙣𝙨

𓈒  ˙ ꪆৎ   ꣹  ۫  𖨂 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 . .. . love islander!nicolas vans X love islander!black!fem!reader. ||

+ synopsis. this challenge wasn’t about testing loyalty. it wasn’t sabotage. it was a permission slip. a quiet little “hey .. just for tonight, try the thing you haven’t let yourself touch.” a taste. a tease. no strings. no recoupling. just one night to see what else might fit — without consequence. “look at what’s good over here.” that’s what the challenge whispered .. nic heard it. and you felt it.

𓈒  ˙ ꪆৎ   ꣹  ۫  𖨂 𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 . .. . lowercase intended! second person reading-perspective. mature language! suggestive actions! an original challenge (late into the season) is featured within! wordcount :: 1.5k!++

𓈒  ˙ ꪆৎ   ꣹  ۫  𖨂 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐋𝐄 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 . .. . teyana (lost tapes 2013), tory lanez ! || katrina (lost tapes 2017), tory lanez !

WHAT IF I WAS WITH YOU INSTEAD?

the challenge was simple. or it was supposed to be .. as the card read. no words. no eye contact. no speaking at all. just touch — one minute to make someone feel something. the twist? a girl could not touch the boy she had currently been coupled up with. she had to approach someone else. someone her body might react to. someone his body might want to remember ..

he was blindfolded.

ultra, quiet-comfort wireless headphones on. arms relaxed at his sides .. but fingers? fidgeting with the material of his denim jorts. his breathing already a little uneven.

you were girl number2. and ready to swoop in .. you approached slowly — barefoot, silent, nervous. one minute. that was all you had. one minute to let your touch say what words couldn’t .. your hands started extra light, barely grazing his forearms, then up over his shoulders.


 he tensed .. then exhaled. intensely. like his body recognized you before his brain did. you didn’t rush .. no way. you pressed your forehead to his — just for a breath. scratched your acrylics down his bare back, gave his biceps gentle squeezes, and paused when you felt him shiver.

your thumbs circled the base of his neck — the spot he always reached for when he was thinking too hard. you didn’t dare go further. didn’t need to. the moment was electric in its restraint. by the end, he had been leaning into you so carefully — like gravity had shifted just enough to make your body the center of it.

and when the blindfold came off and he had to rank who felt the most connected? .. he chose girl number2.

now, hours later, that connection was serious — undeniable — and soon to be tangled under soft white sheets.

you yanked back the blankets carefully and slid within .. like slipping into a pool that might just burn on contact; maybe dipping a finger into boiling water for whatever reason.

the sheets were extra cool, freshly changed and smelled of florals and laundry detergent. he had already been lying on his end of the mattress, one arm tucked under his head, shirtless, eyes focused somewhere near the ceiling fan like it was asking him questions he didn’t want to answer.

he was pretending not to notice how still you were .. and you were doing the exact same. it wasn’t weird. somehow, this actually felt pretty natural. and probably because this was a chapter you had been tiptoeing around since early in the show — but only now had the lights dimmed enough to read it out loud.

you and nic had been close from day one. bonding only over stupid stuff at first — shared snack preference, mutual ick-list, shower temperature, sleep pattern. there were late-night conversations in the dressing room, shared sunscreen in the mornings, legs accidentally brushing on the daybeds. he had always been flirty — that was just his nature — but with you, it had always stayed firmly in the friend zone, even when the chemistry flickered .. caught by the cameras too.

at this point, you knew him fairly well. you considered him a close friend. he made you laugh when your partner made you want to cry and scream. he once tied your bikini top for you without blinking. he chopped up fruit for you and served it on a sleek platter.

“are you nervous?” he asked, voice low.

the thought bubble you were drifting on popped, harsh and unwarned. with a square acrylic nail, you rubbed at your nose bridge and said: “not really.” a lie. you’re a liar.

nic huffed a soft laugh. not mocking. just .. knowing. “i am.”

that surprised you. and when you glanced sideways, nic had already been staring at (admiring and studying) your profile. “you?”

“yeah.” quiet for a moment right after. “i ..” his shoulders shrugged small, sheets underneath his back rustled. “i don’know. think i’m more scared of messin’this up than i would be with someone i wasn’t already close to.” and that landed in your chest.

because it was true. even if this was just for the night .. this wasn’t some random spark with another islander. it was riskier, it was realer. from now until whatever new challenge came next (the morning, really) .. he was your partner.

the sheets muffled beneath him even more, soft and low like a whisper. his shoulder dipped as he shifted, casting his chest in the faint silver light bleeding in from the hallway. you didn’t fully turn your body right away, but you saw his eyes .. moving, reading, wondering.

his free hand came to rest in the narrow space in between. not quite touching. palm open, relaxed. just there. close enough that you could reach for it if you wanted. he didn’t push. didn’t move it closer. didn’t so much as graze you.

but you felt the invitation humming between the inches.


nic’s brow were faintly furrowed — not out of frustration, but thought. like he was turning something over in his mind carefully. this was that kind of quiet where the room seemed to hold its breath. the kind where one could feel another was about to ask something they hadn’t let themselves say out loud.

his fingers twitched once, just barely.

“you .. did you touch anyone else .. like that tonight?” nic wasn’t accusing. he wasn’t insecure (though, he wouldn’t actually admit to being so). he was just hoping.

you shook your head; certain. “no,” sweetly. “just you.”

nic swallowed thickly. he didn’t say anything at first — he just stared at you, that familiar crease forming between his brows, like he was hearing more than your words. like he was feeling them. his gaze snapped to your mouth: “right .. okay.”

but it was not just okay.

your skin was tight with anticipation, but you couldn’t close the space. and nic wouldn’t either. all you could do was lie there .. staring at him stare at you, like there truly was a glass window drawn in between — waiting for the right amount of heat to bring it down.

“good .. it’s been, like .. eating me up inside. might’ve died if i actually shared that with someone else.” nic repositioned himself — on his backside once again, an arm folded behind his head and sunk into the pillow. and you followed suit, trying not to laugh.

still, he was trying to catch up to the fact that you chose him — with no prompt, no assignment, no pressure. “you made it hard to stay still,” he murmured suddenly. “.. so hard ..” his eyes fell shut here, remembering what once was.


 and when your pinky brushed his, he didn’t pull away. he linked it with yours. and that was it. the smallest tether. and the pinky promise of — “during the challenge,” he clarified, lips twitching with the tiniest smile. “had to dig my nails into my palms. my whole body just -“

nic cut himself off and he released another breath; deep and rough through his nose. “you’ve messed me up. i’m messed up.” a pause. “i’m so hard right now ..” without a second thought, his fingers latched around your entire hand and guided — well, he had to show you. he had to let you feel how hard you made him.

you’re just as bad .. thighs pushed tight together; the friction too poor, leaving that spot even itchier, and lightly grinding up into nothing, toes wiggling as you try to distract yourself. you couldn’t do much though, now gently massaging the huge dent of him within those basketball shorts, heat radiating through the thin fabric like it was nothing.

and he stopped your hand; fingers now curling around your wrist. not savagely, but firmly, intentional. with zero pressure applied, yet awfully possessive, he altered your body .. until your back flattened into his chest, until your spine curved to the shape of him like a perfect, unspoken fit.

nic’s arms circled low, one bracing around your stomach, the other anchoring you by your hip as he tugged you fully against his front. “holy fffuck ..” he sighed into the crook of your neck, warm breath dragging along your cocoa-scented skin, and you swore you felt him tremble.

“could get off jus’like this ..” nic muttered, faint and hoarse, his voice buried in your braids like a confession. he bucked his hips up, earning a sweet gasp from you. he moved his heavy hands from your hips to your thighs, in hopes of being even closer.

and what started from slight dry humping and nic kissing, sucking, licking at the soft skin of your neck that led to him almost cumming in his boxers, you were whispering about sucking him off but he was blushing incredibly, going absolutely insane. he was half listening, nodding and babbling back sweet nonsense.

“nic ..” and you couldn’t seem to focus on what you were supposed to be doing because now, he was jerking up even more trying to get himself to cum quicker — nails digging into your brown skin, marking crescent moons every other moment.

“hmm?” a low hum. he scooped a handful of braids aside to kiss at your already soaked neck once more. “what’s wrong ..? tell me .. please.” the same hand that flipped those braids away, slithered down and below the blankets. toying with the drawstrings of your short-shorts, nic wanted nothing more than to tear the article to bits and push himself into you; whether that be his fingers, his tongue, or his cock.

“.. tell me how you need it.”

[megismyname]

A few general statements for the fandom:

Just because you can doesn’t mean you should.

And yes this applies to personal or private information you may obtain or theorize about any of the players involved. Just because you obtained it “publicly” doesn’t mean it should be shared for the whole of the fandom. Ask yourself if this was being shared about you, would you want everyone that knows you discussing it? If not, keep it to a 4-5 person group chat.

Stop villainizing Nic and Luke for not performing on your perceived timeline.

Nicola is only 38 - she’s not in a “mid life crisis” and if I hear that one more time I’m gonna pull my hair out. Luke is not a “fuckboy” because he had one HBS and dated a younger woman for a short period of his life. Just because “guys like Luke” wouldn’t date you doesn’t mean he couldn’t love Nicola. And for real, WTF does “guys like Luke” mean? Just say that you’re projection fat phobia on Nicola when she’s not even “fat.”

Follow up - Nic and Luke are not distancing themselves from Bridgerton or from each other.

Most of y’all became fans during the WT so you were so used to constant content 24/7 and unfortunately that’s over. Luke and especially Nicola are also more high profile now compared to previous seasons. BTS posting on social media is gonna be different. It has nothing to do with their thoughts toward the show or each other. They’ve both commented multiple times how much they love Bridgerton. And they’ve both commented how much they love each other. Stop creating drama just because you need a dopamine fix.

Another follow up - social media is not real life.

Y’all I don’t know them personally but I PROMISE you that Luke reached out to Nic personally and wished her happy birthday. (Hell depending on where you fall on the theory spectrum, he was the one with her at her birthday dinner and took the picture.) I will tell you that my birthday is January 8th, the day before Nic, and I had to two Instagram story posts wishing me happy birthday. TWO. And I promise you I have a lot of friends. But you know what? All of my close friends texted or called me that day and gave me personalized greetings that weren’t for the whole world to see. And - GASP - this includes friends who have posted for me multiple past years in a row. So yes, even pattern breaking doesn’t mean anything. It’s been a week so please stop dwelling on this. And if you are still upset then I have a question for you - does it equally bother you that none of the Bridgertons publicly wished Will Tilston a Happy 18th Birthday? If not, please reevaluate the reasons behind your expectations.

Stop the public bullying and ostracizing.

The public hate needs to stop. Everyone is always accusing “shippers” of being the reason why N&L seem closed off but my opinion is that if anyone in the fandom is influencing their behavior, it’s the people continuously spewing hate. I will admit I’ve been guilty of throwing down against some of the more toxic creators in this space but I’ve always felt like I was “giving a voice to the voiceless.” What we need to do is stop attacking other creators because their opinions are different than us. And yes, I’m bringing this back to “opinion” because as I said the other day - nobody knows “fact” no matter how “obvious” you think it may be. You think Antonia and Jake are their significant others? Great. You think Nic and Luke are together? Great. Until the day that there is ever a definitive answer directly from the teams of Nic or Luke, everyone is on equal playing ground. I’m sorry if that bothers you but it’s true.

Side note to all of this: if a creator is saying stuff that makes you uncomfortable just know that when you make a post complaining about it, you were in fact perpetuating that information that makes you uncomfortable and only making the visibility larger. Just keep this in mind.

And with that, I’ll take my leave for now. Let’s all take a collective deep breath and remember that these are two real people with real lives and we’re only seeing what they choose to show us. Maybe it’s time we all pick up some extra hobbies. Start playing online games with your group chat. Fun some other methods of injecting fun in your day. It’ll make the time go by and you won’t be driving yourself crazy over this fandom. Keep your heads up y’all and just keep moving forward - it’s not that serious y’all. 💛

[ohdearlingwhathappened]

Hiiiii! I read your cozy Starscream comfort fic on Ao3 and have followed you here :3

You mentioned being open to writing prompt requests; if this one strikes your fancy, I have one for you!

Prompt:

Something comforting about a Human!Reader who lately feels overlooked because they are inclined to be quiet in a group, and their shyness means they don't speak up or assert themselves unless something is really, really important. They listen far more than they speak. And even when they do speak up in a group... it's like no one hears them often times, and they get talked over.

Starscream, Soundwave, Optimus, or Mirage, if either of those four 'bots stir your muse?

Ahhh! Thank you for your request, and I’m sorry for the wait. I haven’t had the opportunity to write for Soundwave, OP, or Mirage so I’ll do blurbs for all four, but you mentioned Screamer is one of your favorites, so I made his a little longer! I hope you enjoy!

Soundwave (G1) WC: 608

The Decepticon site of operations is lively in the face of the most recent win against the Autobots, meaning high grade is being passed around like no one’s business. As the resident human, on site to assist the Decepticons with tasks that only small hands can manage- even smaller than the minis and the cassettes can manage. Only problem is- with how tiny and squishy you are, it is important that the cons watch their step- a task they frequently forget to do, even the Leader of the Decepticons himself, who made the declaration. 

With the high grade flowing and inhibitions lowering, the pedes around you hold no caution, making it obvious your… friends(?) have forgotten your existence… again. Having had enough of nearly becoming a smear on the floor, you make your way to the side of the room and press yourself to the wall as you scooch your way to the doorway. As soon as you make your escape from the room, you slam into someone’s shin and fall back on your rear.

“Inquiry: Why are you distressed?”

Looking up, the one and only Soundwave looking down at you with his helm tilted, a reminder that you’re so small and often forgotten surges through you and forces your eyes to well up with tears. It was such an odd feeling, crying at the pedes of one of the high command officers, who you can only imagine is staring blankly at you through his visor. Instead of waiting for any answer, the mech lifts you with his thumb and index digit and carries you away from the scene. It’s hard to keep track of where he’s taking you, your blurred vision keeping you from mapping his walking patterns.

After a few moments, your tears have slowed enough for you to wipe them away, just in time to see Soundwave briefly stop before a door and have him open it with a couple of buttons on the wall. Walking in, you notice Frenzy and Rumble in a halfhearted argument, Lazerbeak perched on the edge of the rather large berth, and Ravage curled up in the middle who, upon hearing Soundwave’s return, lifts his head to regard him. The Commander approaches his berth, Ravage moving temporarily before curling up in his master’s lap, once he made sure you were comfortable. Rumble and Frenzy grinning, their previous conversation dropped at the prospect of a recharge of a new entertainment source, run and climb their way onto the berth on either side of Soundwave, and on his shoulder, Lazerbeak finds his new perch.

“Ooo, is the human going to tell us about human stuff?” Frenzy’s grin doesn’t waver as he leans in toward you. Normally, the cassettes are much too wrapped up in either infighting or Soundwave’s orders, so they don’t really talk to you much, unless you’re needed for something.

“They will speak if they want. Or they can recharge.” Soundwave, as per usual, speaks plainly- it would be easy to misunderstand his tone for uncaring curtness, if you didn’t know him and the care for his cassettes better. 

Rumble and Frenzy both look to you, hopeful, and even Ravage, with his head in your lap, looks up to you in mild interest. It was a nice change of pace in comparison to the giants who would often forget you were even there. It briefly occurred to you to thank Soundwave later for not only helping you get away from the so-called party, but giving you some well-needed attention. You smile gently to the cons looking to you and clear your throat,

“Um… well, what would you like to know?”

Optimus (TFP) Gender-neutral reader WC: 692

“I’m not sure if that’ll work, Ratchet.” Arcee peeks around the medic’s frame, looking at the plans for intercepting a possible shipment of energon the Decepticons were planning on transporting, if their movement patterns indicated anything. You look at the computer from your spot on the raised platform, trying to make sense of the plan Ratchet had input.

“Maybe if-” You spoke up, albeit softly, trying to find a compromise, though you’re promptly cut off by the previously mentioned mech.

“And I’m not sure when I asked for your opinion, Arcee. Shouldn’t you be looking over your ward?” Ratchet snaps back, tired and obviously agitated by the state of the Autobot’s own energon storage. 

“Ratchet, that seems a little-” You try again.

“I’m just saying. It’s not like you’re on the field much- there are better ways to plan an interception of Decepticon forces.” The blue and pink femme argues, tensions rising as her optical ridges furrow and a servo finds its way to her hip. 

“Don’t forget who-”

You don’t stay around long enough to hear whatever snide comment the older bot was going to spit at Arcee, tired of feeling ignored and make your way down the hall, wanting to be anywhere other than the main silo of the base. Passing by Optimus, you don’t say anything, not wanting the feeling of anyone else not acknowledging your existence to sting you yet again today.

“My friend, you seem disheartened.” Optimus’ deep voice reverberates through the hall, less of a question and more of a statement, not giving you the chance to pretend you didn’t hear him. You turn around and grant him a half smile, before it drops and you avert your gaze.

“Oh, it’s nothing to worry about, Optimus. You might want to lend Ratchet and Arcee a servo- they’re caught up in a bit of a feud about the next mission.” Tapering off at the end, Optimus briefly glances towards the main part of the Autobot headquarters, where he can faintly hear the aforementioned pair squabbling about details he would hear about and consider later.

“Those two have been fighting this war for many stellar cycles and will come to a solution. For now, I believe I have something much more pressing to focus on.” Taking a knee, the leader of the Autobots holds down a servo for you to step onto. Once you have taken a seat and braced yourself against one of his digits, Optimus stands and holds you close to his chassis for further stability and begins walking back to his habsuite. “You do not have to tell me what is troubling you, but you are free to do so.”

It takes you a moment- you feel silly singing your woes to someone who has been fighting in a civil war for longer than you can conceive, but the feelings simply bubble up, “I feel small… smaller than I am, I mean. I can’t imagine the stress and exhaustion everyone faces from fighting for so long, but it feels like no one sees me. And if they do, they can’t bring themselves to care.” You curl up in Optimus’ hand and take a shaky breath through your welling tears, “I must sound so selfish- you all have so much more important things to do than worry about the feelings of some human.”

“One of our human friends.” Optimus chimes in, drawing your eyes away from boring holes into your knees to his optics, “It is true that we are anxious for the end of this war, but know this, you are our friend, and we care so deeply for you. You matter just as much as any other autobot, Cybertronian or human. I can assure you, I am not the only one who holds this belief.”

Before you say anything, the mech stops in front of his door, punching in his code and sitting you on a desk that must have been built for his size and he sits himself on his berth. He gives you a rare, gentle smile that fills so many with hope.

“Would you like to tell me about your day?”

Mirage (ROTB) Gender-neutral reader    WC: 533

“Woah, woah, woah! What’s got you down in the dumps?” Mirage looks through your apartment window, forcing a yelp from your throat. You leap up from your bed and rush to the window, motioning for him to get down. 

“What are you doing?! Get down before someone sees you!”

It’s pitch black out, wherever the street light doesn’t touch, but you still worry about the possibility of Mirage being seen, like he was when you met him as he was standing outside of Noah’s apartment- which then basically sucked you into this crazy adventure of saving the world from other space robots. You had stayed behind with Bumblebee to watch over him until a sudden surge in the energon brought him back, so you unfortunately missed all of the action of the final battle.

“Nice try, but no avoiding the question. Besides, no one’s walkin’ around at like… 2:50 am.” Despite his counter, Mirage lets go of the fires escape’s railing, his new frame rattling and resulting in a resounding thud and more than a couple of cracks in the pavement below. One of his servos comes into view for you to jump on, “Come on, small fry, I wanna go for a ride while the streets are as empty as they’ll get.”

“Why not get Noah to go with you? He too busy?” Your questioning would lead the bot to believe you wouldn’t be joining him for a spin, if he didn’t feel you carefully climb aboard. He lowers you to his eye level and shoots you one of his contagious smiles.

“Naaah. I felt like a you and me kind of night. I want to hear about what you’re up to, now that I’m not locked up in that garage anymore.” For further emphasis, he stretches his arms out wide and groans in relief. It had been a few months since Peru, and while you had visited Mirage while Noah had been fixing him up, it definitely wasn’t the same as him being out and in his element.

He doesn’t wait for any further response and transforms, quickly making his way down the road, no particular destination in mind, knowing him. The city passes you by quickly, Mirage not giving a second thought to any speed limit signs he sees, remembering he considers them suggestions, not law. Snapping you out of your thoughts, Mirage clears his throat, “Well? The tread on my tires isn’t getting any thicker- what’s my favorite human been up to?”

“Your favorite, huh?” Whether or not he really meant it, the thought brings a smile to your face. 

“Well, duh. I got out of that garage, and the first thing I did was come see you, so spill the oil- gimme drama.”

“...You won’t believe what Elena told me happened at the museum the other day-”

The rest of the evening was spent driving the backroads outside of the city, telling Mirage anything and everything. Mirage listens aptly, responding when needed, and takes pleasure in knowing he’s distracted you from whatever was dragging you down. You’re part of his home team, and he’s not just going to stand by while you fall victim to your thoughts.

Starscream (TFP) Gender-neutral   WC:1431

“Starscream! I have something to-” Running towards the seeker, his back plate remains facing you as he keeps his focus on Megatron. He normally turns to you, happy to see what his little human has to tell him. Your smile faltering after recognizing he has no plans to turn toward you, “Starscream? Are you ok?”

Megatron glances briefly towards you, but doesn’t say anything to neither you nor his second in command, likely due to the fact that they were waiting for Soundwave to return with more information before choosing any action, so your presence isn’t much of an interruption. Trying to hold onto the hope he just has yet to hear or notice you, you give his heel strut a tap, remembering how he had once told you he keeps special attention to that area for you. You furrow your brow at the confirmation of him ignoring you, your voice lowering in volume, “Starscream, what’s going on?”

“Starscream, I suggest you see to your… pet, before it becomes too much of a distraction.” Megatron growls at him, not bothering to glance back down at you.

“Of course, Lord Megatron. It was just leaving.” He still didn’t look down to you, keeping his optics glued to his leader.

It?

Without further ado, you quickly leave the room, not having any desire to stay where you are not wanted. Storming down the hall, you aren’t sure where you’re heading, but the plan was getting out, even if just for a few hours. There was no leaving the Decepticons- especially not with everything you’ve overheard, been told, and seen- you’d be hunted down in less than a day. 

“Woah-ho-ho! Where are you headed off to?” Breakdown, despite standing to the side to allow you to pass without the possibility of disaster occurring. The blue mech and his partner have been a nice comfort and support system ever since Starscream first brought you onto The Nemesis, often shielding you from Megatron’s ire when Starscream wasn’t around. 

“I’m finding a way off this ship, since I’ve obviously worn out my novelty.” You sniffle, refusing to shed a tear over someone you thought cared about you. 

“...How about I take you to the lab, so you can tell Knockout and me about what happened.” Breakdown smiled down at you, letting it grow when you nod and allow him to lift you up and onto his shoulder. And before long, you were sitting in front of Knockout and Breakdown explaining what happened on the bridge. 

“-and then he goes, ‘it was just leaving’. He called me an it.” Whispering, you were sitting on one of the medical tables while both mechs lean against a parallel table. You fiddle with the hem of your shirt, finally looking up to gauge their reactions. There stood Knockout with his mouth slightly agape, and Breakdown’s frown was deeply set in his faceplate.

“That slimy, scrawny-”

“Now now, Breakdown. I think there’s a lesson we can teach our superior.” Knockout, being broken out of his aghast stupor, rested a servo on his partner’s shoulder and smirks. He returns his attention to you and raises an optical ridge, “How does that sound?”

“Depends on what you mean, I guess.”

“Well, I deduced that you likely ran from the room after you were disrespected, am I right?” As you nod, he continues, “Right, so the last time Starscream saw you, you were in quite the distressed state. My idea is to let him believe that you left and let the slagger squirm in a panic.”

“He won’t. He didn’t even look at me earlier. Why would he care now?” The hem that you’ve been playing with during this conversation now scrunched in your fingers, hating the thought you’ve been discarded with so little thought.

A digit lifts your chin, forcing you to face the medic and his assistant, who smile down at you, “Trust me, dear. Starscream will care, he’s just an aft.

*        *        *        *        *        *

“Starscream, sir.” Breakdown hastily walks onto the bridge, mentally noting the lack of Megatron. 

“Breakdown… what is it?” Starscream turns to face the destructive warrior, face obviously in no mood for foolishness.

“The human-”

“What’s happened?” Starscream’s optics widen, panic already setting in.

“They’re gone, sir.”

“What do you mean, they’re gone?! They are to remain on this ship at all times, unless they are accompanied by myself!” Starscream grabs Breakdown by the edge of his chassis plating and pulls him forward to better snarl in his face. 

“They said something about being done with their stay here and made their way to one of the storage bays with the airlocks.” Breakdown shrugs, not showing any care for the mech who is beginning to dig his talons into his frame. Knockout wouldn’t be happy about his partner’s scratched paint and plating, but that would be a problem to deal with later. 

“Why would you not stop them, you incompetent-” Starscream pauses, unlatching himself from the larger mech. His optics narrow and he sneers, “They haven’t left this ship, and I’m willing to bet my next share of energon that they’re in that lab. Get out of my way!”

Shoving his way past Breakdown, he passes through the doorway and changes to his alt mode to faster get to the doctor’s lab, Breakdown quickly following behind him. Reaching the lab in record time, Starscream slams his fisted servo into the doorframe as the metal door swishes open, revealing Knockout gently speaking with you about how everything is going to get worked out one way or the other.

“What is the meaning behind trying to fool me into believing my star has left this ship?!” 

“I don’t know, screamer. Why do you make your star feel ignored and unwelcome?” Knockout stands to his full height and crosses his arms.

“Know your place, doctor.” His voice is low and holds promise for consequences, if your friend continues to display disrespect.

“I know my place, Starscream. Do you?”

“Why you-”

“Would you both stop it?!” You yell, startling everyone in the room. It isn’t common for you to raise your voice, always preferring to stand down, listen, and stay calm. But this was just all too much. 

The room was quiet, everyone not knowing what quite to do next, all mechs looking between themselves, then turning their optics to you. Another moment passes and Starscream turns to Knockout, much more calmly than before, “Knockout, I would like some time alone with them… please.”

The flashy Decepticon makes sure you’re ok before taking his leave, with Breakdown close behind.

“My star-”

“I’m not your anything. I am not some object or a pet, as Megatron so quaintly put it.” You snip, putting on the show of having no desire to hear what he has to say, despite wanting nothing more for him to give you a good reason for his behavior earlier and for him to apologize. “And you didn’t- … you - do I really matter so little to you?”

“Of course not. My star, you are the most important being in my life. But it is becoming increasingly difficult as Megatron’s fury and impatience grows. He anticipates my betrayal at every turn and has, on more than one occasion, threatened your life because of this.” Starscream gently scoops your figure up and presses his derma to the crown of your head, “I am sorry I have hurt you in my attempts to protect you, but I cannot fathom surviving this torturous world without you. Please… forgive me, my brightest star.”

“You’re such an idiot, Starlight.” You bring your arms up to cling to his face plate and lightly cry into his chin. You didn’t expect the weight that was lifted off your shoulders at his confession, but you were so grateful for the fact that it was just Starscream making a foolish decision.

“I would have to agree with you in this instance.” Starscream’s small, airy chuckle blows past your hair, and he presses yet another kiss to your forehead. “Will you forgive me, my dear?”

“I’ll forgive you just this once, but don’t ever make such a decision without telling me again.”

“You have my word. Now, why were you so excited earlier?”

“Well I…”

You spent the next few cycles regaling him about what the vehicons were up to and how silly Steve was behaving, knowing their idea wasn’t going to work. You love being able to talk to Starscream, knowing you were one of the only people he would give his full attention to. You love your mech. Your silly, silly mech.

[threeacttragedy]

Entry 2 – The One About the Likes

As you will soon figure out, I will be bouncing around from topic to topic. It will all be Lukola-related, of course, but the information and speculation I discuss may not be in any particular order. However, I will add in dates of reference to help organize your thoughts.

In my first post, I mentioned our three fan-types. Because this is only my second entry, I will touch on them again.

The Sincerely Ignorant are those that follow blindly. We all know a Sincerely Ignorant. If you’re the type of person who spirals uncontrollably at the hint of bad news, I’m sorry to tell you this, you’re likely a Sincerely Ignorant. But, don’t run! I want to help calm you the fuck down.

The Conscientiously Stupid are the people who push a narrative without considering other evidence being provided to them. We’re all Conscientiously Stupid from time to time, but this category – at least in my blog – is typically reserved for the Jakholes, the A-Holes, the Anti-Lukes, and now apparently the Anti-Nics. That’s not to say Lukolas are not also Conscientiously Stupid. We are human after all.

The Fact Finders are those that collect information and share it. They may speculate on it, but they do not manipulate it. We simply argue our case and provide the evidence in support of our arguments.

Now jumping into what I wanted to discuss today –

The likes.

The motherfucking likes on Instagram.

My disclaimer today: I am only discussing the likes between Nicola and Luke in this post; however, I will use a third party to put things into perspective. This is intentional. The “adjacent” (I hate that word, by the way) likes are a separate post all on their own – but I’ll summarize it for you because, on the surface (speculation aside), it’s quite black and white. Jake likes Nicola’s posts; Nicola likes Jake’s posts; Antonia likes Luke’s posts; Luke likes Antonia’s posts. Let the meltdowns begin.

Done?

Okay. Back to the likes between Nicola and Luke…

It’s the same old song and dance.

Every.

Single.

Time.

Nicola post to her grid.

Jake likes it within a small timeframe.

Luke – maybe he likes it, maybe he doesn’t.

The Conscientiously Stupid attack and the Sincerely Ignorant spiral. And the Fact Finders take a deep breath and prepare themselves to walk the Sincerely Ignorant back on board the USS Lukola. I’m mean, it’s exhausting for everyone.

Do Luke’s likes really matter? No, in most instances, they don’t.

Do Jake’s likes really matter? Same as above! No, in most instances, they don’t.

Let’s take Nicola’s BFF JVN for example. He usually likes Nicola’s posts, right? In fact, some days, he’s just as fast as Jake. And, what about Dylan Brady? Talk about a friend who puts an instant-like on Nicola’s posts! And, another thing – both JVN and Dylan have been known to repost Nicola’s stuff to their own stories. However, no one cares about that or considers any of these “side characters” because they’re not Luke or Jake. I get it. But, let’s consider a few things.

First, JVN has liked most of Nicola’s posts except for the “NY Rats” one [which I will not speculate about right now]. But, let’s use the “NY Rats” post as a reference point. Nicola posted that October 17. Did you know that JVN has posted 14 times on his own grid since then? And, did you know that Nicola has only liked two of those 14? Holy shit, they must despise each other, right? Or, is it more likely that (a) Nicola is busy or (b) so close to JVN she doesn’t feel the need to like every single one of his posts? Now, I want you to answer this question with all honesty: Based on this information, do you have any concerns about Nicola’s relationship with JVN? If you answered yes, why?

Now let’s consider this next part, which is in the same vein as the above. Did you know that Nicola has liked most of Luke’s grid posts? Did you know that out of the last 14 posts made by Nicola to her grid, Luke has only liked eight? That’s barely over half (but, hey, better than Nicola’s average with JVN!). If you go back even further, you’ll find this is Luke’s modus operandi. He doesn’t like every goddamn post Nicola throws up.  Even throughout the World Tour, he wasn’t liking all of Nicola’s posts. Did this bother you then? Is it possible Luke is (a) not that into social media, (b) busy, or (c) so close to Nicola he doesn’t feel the need to like every single one of her posts? Let me ask you the same question I asked above: Based on this information, do you have any concerns about Luke’s relationship with Nicola? If you answered yes, why?

Okay, I’m going to assume some people are bothered by this Luke-Like bit so let’s keep discussing it for a moment.

Did you know that since January 1, 2024, Nicola has made nine IG grid posts that relate to a political viewpoint? Did you know that Luke has only liked one of those nine posts? In fact, I was quite shocked that Luke liked Nicola’s October 15 post of her Time100 speech (if you haven’t watched her speech, it’s on her IG grid). In my opinion, Luke liking this post is far more significant than Luke liking, say, her third grid post about her Time cover. He’s seemingly agreeing with her political stance.

This was a change in modus operandi. A small change, indeed, but interesting.

[sleepyhouse2art]

here are some crayon drawings from the hospital. they are bad but its hard for me to draw with a tiny blunt crayon. i barely got to draw and i really missed it so i thought id share these and talk about my time away

was restrained for four days and shot up with haldol. was let up only to call my husband which i think is illegal because it was too many hours. the er wouldnt give me my meds so i think i went through withdrawal cause my anti only has an 18 hour half life you know? i didnt eat for six days altogether. there was a nice cook who sometimes made me special vegan things but being there was hard so my nerves were shot and i couldnt really eat much. after four days i was finally transferred to the psychiatric hospital.

this is my therapist. shes been my therapist for five years and we like each other but when she told me to go to the hospital she promised id go to a nicer one and the crisis van took me to the wrong one. she wouldnt call or talk to me or answer my husbands texts. i was very mad at her. i dont think ill bring it up to her on wed. i just want to vent i think. i know she takes good care of me.

a drawing of myself

a little guy, a tiny prayer. i missed smoking! i blasted so many cigs when i got home lol. i didnt use the nic patch cause those make me super sick so i muscled it pretty good

my handwriting translated because its kind of hard to read sorry:

a window which you cant see thru

i miss hearing music

infected

if you freak out they put you in a little room with a picture of a palm tree on the ceiling. they also give you drugs

this is jocelyn. they left her unshowered for a month and left her sitting in her period blood for three days. it stunk up the whole unit and people laughed at her and a very aggressive fat girl said it smelled like shark coochie. she was very very sick. she was too scared of the orderlies because they were so mean but my friend melissa coaxed her into letting her change her pants and pad. i pray god will protect her and watch over her.

little experiential details:

the windows were pasted over with this blurry stuff so you couldnt see a thing. no music. the tv was always on mute for some reason. the er and the hospital didnt treat my cuts so they got really infected, all yellow and hot, and i got a fever for three days which i worried would keep me in there for longer. when i arrived i had to strip naked in front of a man and a woman, which has happened to me before. they notated all my scars and tattoos. the man was very gentle though. he wore a kippah and was always nice to me. we are mispocheh.

the hospital was hard. i was often denied water and the bathroom for a long time for some reason. i drank out of my sink from my hands like an animal. the orderlies were universally mean and snapped at us to get our attention like we were dogs. the nurses and doctors and admin knew our names but there were forty of us on the unit so the orderlies would just scan our wristbands when they needed to know who we were and referred to us by our room number. the orderlies liked to talk shit about us to each other within earshot. this big fat lady with giant spider fake eyelashes who was always glammed out said about me (and i was better so i know i was not hearing things) "that creepy bitch. she got them big ass dark circles and them big eyes and she tiny like a bug. always peeking her head out the door." lol. one of the friends i made had a very serious physical illness, i think it was called mcas she said, a mast cell disorder, and they wouldnt give her her medication and she got very sick and they all said it was somatic and talked about her behind her back.

i made friends with:

my very best friend melissa who would talk with me for hours. she had mast cell like i said and was denied treatment cause they said it was all in her head. she had a horrible scarring breakup after a divorce and asked a cop to shoot her. she was a singer songwriter. she told me its not my fault my brain is different and that i was so compassionate to our friends and i should show that compassion to myself. she told me i was a good person and i cried a little, but i had to nut up because if they see you cry you stay there longer because it means youre sick.

a guatemalan/italian car detailer who loves cars and her cats. she was followed at 80 mph by a cop and arrested and put on a hold and sent to the hospital, where they told her she was paranoid and put her on antis. she was very short and very sweet and she would try fruitlessly to sort all the crazy mismatched shitty crayons.

an autistic trans woman with a beautiful name who was my bestie. we made each other laugh so much. we were blue band team because we had dietary restrictions so always went to the front of the cafeteria line. she was so funny. she would hold herself when she laughed like it hurt. she told me crazy stories about her vampire sugar daddy who had a mansion in italy and two girl bulldogs who kissed her. they drank pints of each others blood and also cow blood she said. i tried to defend her because she kind of couldnt and people were mean and called her a man because she has a beard and laughed at her. im normally a very passive person but i couldnt let that happen. she was trying to go to a nice group home and was excited but her guardian totally blacked out on her and wouldnt answer her calls or let her go. i worry for her. she was lactose intolerant and ate cheese all the time anyway and it gave her bubble guts. she tried to be vegan with me one day because she said i was her role model which was so sweet. she liked to pour mixed coca cola and ginger ale in her salad with ice and eat it that way.

a very autistic man who was timid and scared and very gentle. a very aggressive man was screaming in the dayroom and throwing things and crushing cups of water and he got terrified so me and my friend held his hands even tho we werent supposed to touch. he likes to build model trains. he had an apartment and a job but his sister was trying to put him in a group home.

a man with a big scar on his head who they were trying to send to the state hospital even tho he wasnt sick. they said he had schiz like i have but i dont think he did. he gave me one of his shirts because i was always cold and let me keep it. i brought it home. it is a new york shirt. he says new york sucks now. i told him i was being discharged and he said i was the wards little princess.

a former banker and 30 year dope addict who had cool tattoos to cover his tracks. he was from the west coast like i am and had been all over this country. he gave me his sweatshirt because i was freezing all the time. he was gentle and kind and the meds made him sleep sitting up. he was the only person ive ever met who knew who sugar pie desanto was. she is one of my favorite singers. i will post my fav song of hers tonight or tomorrow.

a pretty twenty year old girl with bpd. she was a new mom to a six week old baby with a beautiful name and she was already pregnant again. her baby daddy was a useless cruel moid trash man who lived with her but didnt pay for anything or take care of the beautifully named baby. she had an ed since she was 12 like me. we both were trying to stop purging and didnt do it at all while we were there. i wish her so well.

an artist who had schiz like me. he was lightskinned and very tall and shy and sweet. i think he had a crush on me lol because he seemed very disappointed when i said i was married. we talked about god and time travel and belief. he was lds and im a jew so we talked to each other.

my roommate who had schiz too. they put her on a first gen because she screamed for three days and then she slept constantly. we would wake up at five and talk for an hour and have so much fun and she would go back to sleep. she let me shower in the morning and she showered at night. she said i was very funny. i made her laugh which made me feel good because she was so sad normally. shed been to the hospital a lot like me too.

a big girl with bpd who was very nice and i was nice to her but we had a weird relationship. the first thing i ever heard her say was at the med window and she said she didnt eat voluntarily. it was weird because shed focus intently on me from her table in the cafeteria and watch me do my food rituals and eat what i could or would. she looked at my body a lot. we liked to talk about our cats together but it was just really weird.

other people i met:

this bipolar guy who was really manic. he said he was a songwriter and he would scream sing and do that trill thing. he was really aggressive and scared people and menaced the women and afab people. he said he wrote songs but they all looked like this:

he made me sign it for support lol

this very mean fat girl who i said good morning to and she said how are you and i said good, you doing okay? and she flipped out on me and was like what the fuck you mean am i okay and said watch yourself you stupid bitch i dont play that. so i was always kind of scared shed hit me. she was really rotten to my trans girl friend i talked about. it was rotten. i didnt like her at all.

this man who always touched me and bumped up against me in the cafeteria line and touched my hurt arms through my sleeves. he always tried to hold my friends hand. he was always asking me to play dominos and uno which i dont know how to play and i didnt want to play with him. i wasnt delusional anymore so i am very sure the constant serial killer staring he did at me was real. i was scared of him but didnt tell staff because i worried they would think it was my paranoia and i wasnt getting better.

all the orderlies were mean to me and treated us like legit animals and i hated them. all i did was keep my head down and apologize to them constantly for walking by then and asking for water and the bathroom and asking questions. i came home and asked my husband for water and a cig like i was still there which made him sad. i very much appreciate my big old nice house but everything feels like a beautiful luxury with which i must be careful. i know i wasnt hospitalized for long this time but this always happens to me when i am, idk why. guess it comes with the territory. a lot of julian from my kirche street pharmacy comics and art comes from me but in a much more extreme and tragic fashion. i relate to him a lot tbh. maybe other people with mental illness can relate to him too.

i still have big yellow bruises from er staff and orderlies grabbing me by the arms really hard. my cuts are all healed but i think theyll scar badly which sucks cause its summer. isnt the solstice on the 20th or something right? ive been thinking of taking pictures of my arms so maybe people can relate and feel less bad about theirs. i only started at 27 when i really started getting very sick and they are a mess and im really embarrassed but i feel comfortable showing you guys cause you know me. also i have sick dumb stick and pokes lol

ok this is really long i am so sorry its probably really boring and whiny and uninteresting but i guess this is my blog so you signed up for this ha ha 💀

thank you for all the love and care and support you have shown me. i scripted ten pages of hard core drugs in the hospital so now i just have drawing to do and i will resume my work tonight cause i really missed it. just have to uh decipher my fucking crayon bullshit lol. so look out!!

ok i love you see you later. btw if anyone is ever struggling my messages and asks are always open and dont feel weird about talking to me. honestly im a pretty open book and i love talking to people and relating and making new friends. i know this is corny but i just want people to know im someone whos always around ♥️✌️unless I'm in the fucking hospital LOL

[sturniolo04]

Wisdom Teeth M.S.

Bf!Matt x Gf!Fem!Reader

A/N: If you don't like the preadded name in my stories, you can either add your own name or not read it; it's up to you :)

"Good Morning vlog"

I said to my vlog camera that was in my hands

"Today...well"

i trailed off looking at my boyfriend in the drivers seat of the car then pointing the camera towards him

"what are we doing today babe"

I ask as he looked at me with a stupid face

"Getting my fucking wisdom teeth removed"

He cursed under his breath

" WATCH YOUR MOUTH MATTHEW"

i shouted slapping his arm playfully him chuckling at my actions

"Anyway..."

I started

"I don't know why I have to get them removed its dumb"

"Anyway We also have Nicolas Sturniolo here to drive home because I know I have to take of this big baby when he gets out"

I said pointing over to Nick then Matt

"Did it hurt Nick"

Matt Asked Nick

"No you'll be out your won't feel anything"

he encouraged

"you ready"

i said as i turned the camera off of the two then back to me

"LETS GO"

Nick exclaimed

"see Nick is excited"

"yeah because isn't having unnecessary teeth removed against his will"

he rejected getting out of the car along with us too

"Youll be fine"

i said grabbing his hand as he came around to the other side of the car. We checked in and waited patiently for his name to be called

"Matthew Sturniolo"

"Okay wish Matt luck"

i said pointing the camera towards Matt leaving then turning it back to me and Nick

"how do you think he will act afterwards"

Nick questions looking at the viewfinder

"With him i honestly don't know but we will find out so yeah"

i said finally turning off the camera to enjoy the company of Nic while we waited

smiling as i saw the doctor door open and comes a drugged Matt Sturniolo talking about well being a giraffe

"Babe babe guess what"

he exclaimed falling slightly in my arms

"What"

"I am a giraffe"

"oh"

i said playing along

"and they kidnapped me and took me away from my habitat"

" Babe"

I giggled at his drugged state him looking at me finally

"why do i see three of you"

he questioned losing his balance a little

"oh babe come on let's go"

"we going back home"

i answered

"yes"

"yay back to the wild"

"no baby back home to your bed"

"your kidnapping me now what is wrong with these people"

I chuckled again at his reply we headed to the car and he and i got in the back of the car and i turned my camera back on

"so guys look whos here"

i said pointing the camera at my boyfriend

" you have anything to say to them Matt"

"yes as a matter of fact i do let me"

he said grabbing the camera out of my hands holding it to where they could only see his mouth

"they kidnapped me guys i am really suppose to be in the wild"

he stated into the camera

"tell them why "

i said wanting them to really hear what the story was

" because i am a mother fucking giraffe"

he stated again me taking the camera out of his hands as he started complain about not being able to feel his face

"well you have to bleep all those words out"

Nick said from the drivers seat of the car

"i know"

i sighed looking into the viewfinder then over to my boyfriend

"how you doing Matty b"

I asked

"i cant fucking feel my face"

he said touching his cheeks then his lips and then things took a hilarious turn

"I feel like a puffer fish"

he cried out tears streaming down his face

"Matt nooo your not"

i said laughing lightly but feeling bad at the same time

"i want a burger"

"no you cant have that"

"why"

he whined

"dentist said to have soft foods you want mash potatoes"

i asked as he fake gags

" okay what do you want"

" A burger"

"expect that"

"why not"

"Because"

i said finally closing the conversation as we pulled up to the Sturniolo house walking in i grabbed all of Matt's stuff of the car while Chris and Nick helped Matt to his room as i pulled out my camera again to film my outro..

"Well we made it back home and chris and nick helped Matt in and yeah so that is the of this lovely video um if you liked it click the thumbs up and then subscribe to my channel and yeah definitely like this video because i have a feeling Matt's is going to try to tell me not to post it so yeah but i will see you next time"

i said finally turning off my camera completely heading upstairs to cuddle with my boyfriend who i thought was sleep

"come cuddle"

he said as i was taking off my shoes

"okay okay i am coming silly"

i said sliding in the covers with him as he wrapped his arm around my waist ending our day peacefully falling asleep.

taglist

@mintsturniolo @wh0resstuff @dirtylittleheart333 @emely9274

@stayingstromboli @spicymuffins03 @ksturnz @chaoswithus @ivysturnss @courta13 @sturniolo-szn2 @chrepsi @lyingonchris @tezzzzzzzz @zenithsturniolo

[rrcenic]

hey about those hazbin requests

lucifer maybe? his design looks neat

THE ABSOLUTE PATHETIC MALEWIFE!!! he needs a big strong man <33 thank you so much for the request :3

[lukolabrainrot]

Calm theory Anon here 🩷🩷🩷

Guys today has been a glorious day filled with so many gems. From Luke photo shoot to the tik tok to Nic commenting. So many great things happening. I want to touch on a couple things. First thing Luke's new found confidence when speaking. His body language and his tone showed me he was so much more confident in his speech and thoughts. That happens when you're confident in yourself. Before if we think back he would wait for Nic to speak and agree with whatever she said. I'm not saying he never spoke what he felt. But the man was holding part of himself back. He was comfortable letting Nic take charge in interviews. Now his tone is strong and his answers are well thought out. That only comes with inner growth which happens by a lot of self reflection. Our boy Lukey did the work he needed to grow. And I'm here for this Luke which just makes him hotter in my opinion. Now I wanted to touch on Luke and Nic presence online with each other. Do I believe more going on positively then we think? Yes. I think they are together. Do I know for sure? Nope I (unlike cough others cough) will never say something as fact when I'm not apart of either of their inner circles. But one thing I'm going to keep stressing is these photos are a moment in time that was capture correct. As you know a moment is fleeting and we can't really tell any type of story using moments right. So do we know what is happening BTS? Nope we have no clue but we do know from their own mouths that they have a special relationship. Do we see that online? Nope and until they come out officially as a couple we won't. We will get the likes and comments if we are lucky because let's be honest the way the fandom has treated them both we don't deserve that. They are not going to be lovey Dovey online. They just aren't. They won't until they announce that they are a couple. Now one thing we have to remember is Luke and Nic are their own people. Luke has his own projects and goals outside of Nicola. Nicola has her own goals and projects outside of luke. They have both worked their asses off to get where they are in life. But because they blew up on the same show and as a couple it's so easy for fans to link them as one. They have to show they are individuals. So yes we will get content where Luke doesn't mention Nic and times Nic doesn't mentioning Luke. This is normal and healthy. They are their own person. Also I have to remind people Nic has Luke number she knows him. She can call him and congratulate him in person. So that comment she left wasn't in my opinion just for him. It was for the Lukola fans and to show her support. She doesn't have to like or comment on his stuff. It was to show the haters that they are good. That's what they want us to know at this time.

Exactly, agreed!

Today was a great day for Lukola fans imo, and I'm still riding the high!

And I found it particularly interesting that a certain subsection had to come in LOUD with their bs today in the more positive Lukola spaces. Could everything we got today been so L/N coded that it made this subsection anxious... hmmmm, I wonder 🤔

[biancasaidstfu]

“The Bridgerton star, 38 spotted out with her boyfriend Jake Dunn”

WILD .

First of all boyfriend? Since when? Didn’t know people mag, DM & Nic were all besties, and second of all why mention her age and not Jake’s age? Hmm that interview of Nic calling out ageism comes to mind.

And last note, funny how Luke is never ever spotted ever by DM, or is it? Funny how DM have not been off of her back since she directly called DM out on the press tour, FUNNY THAT.

I wish Nic would just shut this shit down now she’s had fun with the pics please put the record straight 😒

They remain quiet for a reason.

It's just another way to pull focus to something else. Plus with the Netflix stuff being announced today that was able to pull focus from the pics as well.

So it's like a big game of 'look over here!' currently.

Although, I tend to agree with you but that's more out of impatience for a yes or no answer. Hopefully we get a yes soon.

[just-nc-tea]

I WAS WONDERING if u knew any other authors who writes long fics or similar to you? I JUST FINISHED YOUR HYUNG LINE SERIES AND theres an empty feeling in my heart i dont know what to do now… absolutely amazing your works are. i feel like theres something missing 😔 is there any authors you could recommend while waiting for sunghoons fic??

(no need to answer if this comes across as insensitive.. TT i just cant really find much authors who does really long fics and im super into those, just to keep busy while waiting for more of your works!)

I do!!! I have a whole blog to recommend fanfics and other authors! It's @littlefluu

I try to regurlary update my masterlists and am working on member specific masterlists! If you find any new good works, pleas let me know and send it to me though an anon ask or a dm or sth! I am also always on the hunt for new fics :) I do particularly enjoy these authors:

★ @thatfeelinwhenyou (insane. just. insane. I can't wait for the new chapter of safe & sound, it's so welll written I get so immered it's crazy) ★ @jakesimfromstatefarm (works of art. I am very excited to read addies upcoming work 'fine line') ★ @zreamy (THE WAY ZO WRITES??? AMAZING!!! IT lowkey feels a bit like how I feel when reading Jenny Hans books? I feel like watching a movie with that nice coming of age sound track and the warm yellow filter. I would love to read her stuff as a published book ngl) ★ @whjluv (I was so addicted to 'the love ride' and as soon as I find the time I will endulge myself by reading 'the right thing') ★ @jjunbug (holy shit. just. holy shit. in the best way possible. My poor heart was beating SO fast when I read 'dollmaker') ★ @asahicore (emma has so many bangers that I have to add to my master list. I swear her stuff is so good ugh) ★ @jaylver ( I LOVE the 'no competition' & the 'no brakes' series oh my lord. No competition actually inspired 'the hockey diaries') ★ @gyuuberryy (oh my god the 'royally yours' series? b a n g e r amongst so many other brilliant works) ★ @pprodsuga / @paarksunghoon (she switched accounts but her writing is still as good. Like REALLY good!!) ★ @jaeminvore (omg I've been reading Nics works for a few years now for both nct and enhypen and I cant tell you how often I have reread 'Volleyball for Dummies (In Love Edition)' 'Deuce' and 'My (Accidental) Demon Roommate' )

Please leave feedback on the authors work if you enjoyed them!

Lots of love Patty ♡

[rapunzellovesbooks]

The way I just want to hug Luke Newton and apologize on behalf of the entire Polin fandom for the shit he had to go through over a f*** picture taken without his consent. Like, I get it was the crazies, but still. Being part of the Taylor Swift fandom and seeing how she disappeared for a damn year over a leaked video taken without her consent and taken out of context villainising her... I know it must have hurt. And we can say it was months ago and that he knows who his true fans are, but still, that stuff would affect anyone, specially someone as sensitive as he is. I usually mind my own business and do not ship real people, heck, I usually do not even go online and "protect" celebrities. I tend to just focus on the happy and celebrate the characters they play but something about that June 13th and the look on his face... it haunts me to this day. And I just feel very very bad for him still.

I am deeply aware of the fact that I know nothing about his life, not really. I only know about his feelings for Polin and Nicola, because he has spoken about them. I have access to the same amount of information as the rest of the world, the pictures and videos of their WT and behind the scenes, the interviews he has done. I do not know anyone in his life and I should not have to. Neither do I know Nicola. And hey, maybe it never happens. Maybe they are happy with someone else (I doubt it, but this is just a feeling I have) and their relationship remains unique and the millions of questions we have never get answered. My point is, I got into this fandom because seeing their bond brought me joy. I don´t think them having other people in their lives diminishes that, which is why the hate he got over one picture never sat right with me. I do not get how it affects someone´s viewing experience of a show. I do not understand why we are so focused on labelling people´s relationships, as if it is as easy as saying a pencil is pink or green. It makes me happy seeing their videos and waiting for crumbs. I have fun hoping that what I truly see as more than platonic feelings will come to fruition.

I write this because the world is in shambles right now. And the last thing anyone needs is to add more negativity to it. So, I hope that we can, in the Lukola fandom, be kind and focus on the good. I do not give a shit about paparazzi photos or whatever the "adjacents" or however you want to call them do. In fact, I have not once looked at A´s or JD´s SM, nor do I want to. They are human beings, but not the human beings I care about. Even if they are involved in Luke and Nic´s lives, I will never send them hate or bad mouth them. I have no idea what they are to them. All I know is what L and N have said about each other. And it has always been good. So, that is where I will be.

And, yes, I truly believe they will be together. And I will be happy with anything that suggests it so, cause this is supposed to be fun and joyful. I, unlike other people, do not label people as gf or bf UNLESS it comes directly from the people involved. And if anyone ever confirms or launches anything, I will still be here. Cause that is what shipping is. Not hate, not negativity, not putting other people down, not invading someone´s privacy, not thinking that a moment in time is forever (people break up all the time, there is no way to know if someone is still with someone if there was never a "launch" or whatever you want to call it).

It would make both Luke and Nicola sad to see that a connection that is supposed to bring people joy is putting people against each other. I know we were so well fed with content over so many months that now we hold onto every detail we have not dissected yet. I get it. I also miss them. But that is the way it is supposed to be. We are not supposed to know everything. We are just supposed to be grateful and happy for when something good related to them happens. That is all and that is my hope for this fandom.

Spread joy and leave the rest out of it. Spiralling only makes people dizzy. Let us "get some vision, bro" like Luke said.

Thank you for reading and, remember, be kind to one another.

[megismyname]

I've been curious why you haven't been doing your 'lives' lately, and really kinda wanting them. The few that you had, brought me a sense of comfort. But tonight, I ventured onto another person's live, and saw that they were having to constantly dodge comments from trolls.

I don't know if everyone feels this way, but I feel we are in a good place right now. We have been given beautiful, chess playing, crumbs recently from Nicola and her 'Team'. Even with the minor setbacks, everything is still good.

So just want to say that I get why you haven't been doing your lives, is because you don't want to let the negative spoil the positive message we've been given.

Hi there!

Short answer: I've been having a phase of being "over" Tiktok.

Longer answer: I am not a person who holds their tongue very well. I speak my mind and I tell people what I think about them when they are in the wrong. There are quite a few "larger" creators in this fandom who were taking it upon themselves to "educate" the fandom and become the moral police. Now to be fair, I am now blocked by most of them so my life is pretty blissful but it doesn't mean their toxic ramifications do not trickle down.

I find it very important to let you know that I am not afraid of trolls or toxic people and I will not cower to them. These are insecure people on the internet who are typically hiding behind the face of a celebrity - around here that's usually Nic - and that empowers them to speak the way they do. I guarantee if you met them on the street, they wouldn't say 75% of the stuff to your face.

Now I also need to say that I needed a break from TT lives because the fandom was exhausting me. This is not aimed at you Anon as I don't even know who you are. I am not a spiral-er because frankly there is nothing to spiral about. In the end, none of this affects my life personally. And as for those background characters, I don't give two craps about them. But there are a lot of you out there who just can't stop yourselves and my inbox was OVERFLOWING with people who needed their hands held and reassurance. After multiple N&J sightings in October, I just couldn't do it anymore. It is not my job to hold everyone's hand through this or tell you what to think and feel and I'm sorry if that offends anyone. We are all adults and we all need to find a way to manage our emotions and if you're going to break down over every little thing then you might need to step back and take a break.

That being said, I do plan on doing a live again one day soon as I know there are alot people who just want to be on there and laugh at silly shit and I'm always down for that. I just needed the fandom to break through a lot of this bullshit first.