#NatM Hourglass

[arttsuka]

Congratulations you did it

Your constant night at the museum posting convinced me to finally watch the movie

I now understand why you draw Jedediah and Octavius so often I really like them they are so cute and tiny AND CUTE definitely not me having cuteness aggression again

now I'm finally able to consume your gorgeous art with context <3

Sorry 😭 welcome to the fandom

Here's a drawing for you

[surrealcervidae]

Condemn him to the infirmary hourglass ⚡️⚡️

Original image 👇

[yourlegacysnotyourstosee]

DRAW OCTAVIUS WITH THE CANONICAL GREY STREAKS IN HIS HAIR YOU COWARDS!!!!!!!!

[persaephoneblog]

Sandfall

A Night at the Museum (2: Battle of the Smithsonian) fic (because it's just an unnecessarily long rewrite of the hourglass scene we all KNOW could have been gayer)

Word count: 3,320

Genre: Jedediah/Octavius, Hurt/Comfort

Chapter 1/5

- -

The only reason he starts waxing poetic (well, as poetic as he gets) is because he knows he’s going to get out. It’s a joke to dissipate the tension on Octavius’ face, to make him roll his eyes and maybe even chuckle, before he figures out a way to break the glass. Jedediah guesses that Gigantor didn’t want to throw the hourglass to the floor or smash it with his flashlight in case the glass hit Jed, but Octavius, who is way smarter anyway, is here now, so it’s going to be fine. He’s got a sword and a squirrel (?) and the sand is barely even up to Jed’s neck.

He’s got puh-lenty of time.

“—and it’s gonna make you cry,” Jed says, hoping for that eye roll, a chuckle, even the stoic and magnetic I’m-a-Roman-general stare Octavius is known for that Jed looooves to be the object of after he says or does something fun (stupid).

He kind of gets that last one. When Octavius looks away from the structure of the hourglass he’d been studying and looks straight at Jedediah, it’s the most serious expression Jed’s ever seen him wear. It’s not the thoughtful, half-lidded gaze full of dry humor that Jed has come to love. In fact, it’s almost the opposite. The lines in his face are taut, especially around the eyes, and the thoughts he can see racing behind them aren’t of the calm and collected variety like normal. The cowboy realizes, after a millisecond, that actually, Octavius looks pissed. 

“There’s no time for your Western melodrama,” Octavius says, with a fury and an intensity that Jed doesn’t think he’s ever heard from the general. The tone hits Jed harder than the sand still pooling around his shoulders, burying him far deeper than the heavy granules have managed to so far.

Although, those are getting pretty close. The sand is pooling a little . . . faster than he expected.  “I ain’t bein’ dramatic, I’m bein’ heroic.” Jedediah isn’t proud of the way the last part almost sounds like a pout.

“Of all the—” Octavius is in the middle of taking off his cape and removing his sword from its holster—er, scabbard. He uses the cape to cover his hands before taking the sword by the blade, aiming the hilt towards the glass and adjusting his stance so that it’s wider and more grounded. Then he bangs the hilt against the glass as hard as he can without warning Jedediah, who is buried so deep in the sand that he couldn’t have braced himself any more for impact if he tried, but still, it’s sudden. He opens his mouth to tell Octavius to warn a feller next time, but the Roman cuts him off.  

“Shut up—”

BANG

“I don’t want to hear—”

BANG

“Anything else that isn’t—”

BANG

“Thank you, Octavius—”

BANG

“I’m sorry, Octavius—”

BANG

“I’ll do my best to fucking live, Octavius—”

C R A CK

The uncharacteristic swear, the crack, and Jed’s exclamation of “Whoa!” happen all at the same time, drowning out and amplifying each other simultaneously. The crack isn’t big enough that it’s created an opening for Jed—it’s barely a hairline, not even wide enough for any sand to pour out to buy him some more time—but it’s a start, and Octavius, emboldened, resumes hitting it.

Jedediah sputters. “What in tarnation, who says I ain’t—”

“You!”

The fury and the intensity are back, merging into a one-word tornado that buries Jed again.

Octavius adjusts his hold on the sword. “To think that you’re trying to deliver a soliloquy right now—”

“What’s a soleeo-key?”

BANG

“You insufferable—”

BANG

“What’s a soleeo-key?” Jedediah asks, again, louder this time, as if that’s really the most important thing to ask right now.  

Octavius ignores the question a second time. “It’s unbelievable, you have no regard for—”

BANG

“I’m just tryin’ to lighten the mood!” Jed says, also growing angrier because what in the devil’s spittoon is this.

The crack hasn’t grown, so Octavius repositions his stance into one with an even lower center of gravity, breathing hard to catch his breath. “It is not the time,” he says, quietly, and it’s so much worse than all the other things he’s said put together.

But Jed won’t shut up yet. “It is the time,” he says, trying not to think about how he has to turn his chin up to keep the sand from getting in his mouth and how difficult it is to breathe all of a sudden. Is it the sand or something else that’s constricting his lungs so bad? “I ain’t worried, I’ve got full faith in ya, but listen, I’m just tryin’ to letcha know—”  

And then his whole world is stars.

The hourglass is struck with such force from the side that the mound of heavy sand shifts, taking Jedediah with it and slamming him against another, uncracked pane of glass. The sand crushes Jedediah with the power and mass of a fully collected drift, knocking the wind out of him and ruining any attempts to catch his breath by immediately burying him in an avalanche.  

This was not part of the plan. This was not part of the plan. They were in the middle of a battlefield where someone could have accidentally struck the hourglass at any time but this was still not part of the plan.

He can’t breathe, he actually can’t breathe now, it’s in his eyes and his mouth and it’s c r u s h i n g—

And then he miraculously isn’t being crushed anymore, he’s being tossed again, cushioned and buffeted by the sand in equal measure. Jed is in so much pain and he doesn’t even know how that’s possible. Can he get bruises? Did the magic that brought him to life also mean he could die via things that normally killed the living? Teddy had been ripped in half but he had been fine, so why was Jed suffering so much? It was an instinctual knowledge that Jed would suffocate if the hourglass filled up, so he must have lungs of some kind, but he hadn’t really thought about it, because he was supposed to be out by now, and apparently he doesn’t really think about things before it’s too late—

The sand shifts again, and the edges of his vision are going black with technicolor—bright hazy lights are worming their way in from the edges even though his eyes are closed tight against the sand, and it’s much worse than everything actually going black, because it’s new and bright and painful and it’s interfering with his sense of placement. Is he upside down? On his back? On his side? He doesn’t know. He just knows it hurts, and he isn’t sure when the last time he took a breath was. Maybe years ago at this point.

And, shit, that may have been his last one.

--

The rest of the chapter (and fic) is on my AO3!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/54205204/chapters/137257378

[ghoulishtomato]

Jedtavius in Battle of the Smithsonian

Oct is either thinking, "'We DoN't HaVe TiMe FoR rOmAn MeLoDrAmA' bitch what is this then", or, "Oh yay, I can finally bounce my own melodrama off of someone else, yippeee!!"

Considering how the scene went, tho, I guess he went with the latter HAHA

[sw33t-oubliette]

i think we all need to put larry through the horrors more . ENOUGH jedtavius angst that woman had to save her friends from literally fucking dying right in front of her multiple times

[caterpillarinacave]

NATM as Pictures I Found On Pinterest: Battle of the Smithsonian Edition

(Part 2/?)

Larry whenever Kahmunrah is talking to him:

Jedediah:

Larry with his flashlight:

Octavius when Jed when gets tossed in the hourglass and now he’s facing the most dreaded of creatures (the Squirrel) :

Kahmunrah with all the stuff he raided from the museum:

Larry and Amelia:

Kahmunrah the entire movie:

All the Air and Space Museum exhibits flying in whatever they can:

Custer and the Neanderthals in the crate:

Kahmunrah:

Dexter after stealing the tablet and almost condemning them all to death:

The Natural History Museum exhibits in the shipping crate:

The Miniatures in the final battle:

Sacagawea and Attila listening to Custer’s “plan”:

“Brundun” @ Larry about touching the ancient Egyptian artifact he expressly should not touch (he’s gonna touch it):

[sir-buddy]

Day 3 of NatM week! This one was definitely my quickest one so far since I didn't have much time to work on it.

Prompt: Hourglass

[drunken-devotion]

that one scene of octavius saving jedediah from the hourglass in natm 2 has been engrained in my mind since i was like, 7 years old???

seriously i think about it ALL the time

[night-at-the-musian]

check out this clip of the hourglass scene by anatmedits on tiktok! the audio was removed for its use of marina's bubblegum bitch (UMG recently pulled all its music from the site), but i had a version saved!

octavius's actor is likely not emanuele ruzza, his VA for natm 4; but he put his entire pussy into the role. fun fact, this dub specifically uses the roman accent of italian for octavius!

jed's actor is also likely not his actor for natm 4, chrisian iansante; though he has dubbed owen wilson's work before! specifically shangai noon!

[ineffablevenus]

NATM week day 3: hourglass ⏳

everyone’s favorite tiny dramatic gays 🫶 i drew this in like 3 seconds because i wanted it to be done on time (im a very slow artist) (in more ways than one) but hey at least i actually contributed

(do not repost or use for ai)

[r-ya-fruity]

NatM day 3 prompt: Moonlight!

Due to it being Valentine’s Day I decided to redraw the scene where they hold hands as they almost die. I was gonna do the hourglass prompt as well but I can’t draw an hourglass to save my life, lmao

[idkwhatthisisbutheresdcandstuff]

For Natm week I think todays prompt is hourglass? I felt this was fitting

[rivstyx]

Hey! Could I please ask for a NatM fic recommendation? I don't like oneshots or pwp so Idk where to start tbh

YES of course you can my dear anon! it sounds like you're looking for longer, more plotty stories, so here are some fics that may fit that description:

The Barn Raising by PoetryInMotion (7,463 words)

The Old West's barn has been demolished by a fetch-related accident. When they get a new one, the Western denizens throw a good old-fashioned barn-raising party. Jedediah decides to invite Octavius (and both secretly hope that they can kindle a romance between the do-si-do and the two-step).

some classic fluff. if you grew up a yeehaw like me, you'll love the little touches of Western culture; if not, you can still appreciate how damn cute this fic is

Down Then Left by mournwiththemoon (36,024 words, incomplete)

Octavius is balls deep in the closet and a mild midlife crisis. Jedediah just wants to fix the elevator. AKA the corporate loser x mechanical engineer AU that literally nobody asked for.

modern AU that i'm obsessed with. octavius is a sad divorced sandbag, jed is an obnoxious wannabe country singer, and i love them both with all my heart

He Loves Me Not by orphan_account (25,820 words)

Jed stumbles across a stack of unsent/unfinished love letters from Octavius to an unknown person in the museum. Jed sets out to find out who. Not because he’s jealous. No, not all.

big romcom vibes. it's not miscommunication, but it's not not miscommunication

if this was a cowboy movie (i'd give you my boots) by Liviapenn (10,180 words)

There are secret articles in our treaties with the gods, of more importance than all the rest, which the historian can never know.' -- Henry David Thoreau. This hour I tell things in confidence, I might not tell everybody, but I will tell you. -- Walt Whitman, "Song of Myself"

ok this one only sort of fits the bill, but i love it too much not to rec it. it follows jed and octavius as they walk back from the car wreck in movie 1 and tell each other stories about their pasts

living beyond your years (acting out all their fears) by Riv_Styx (16,447 words)

“Go,” Octavius repeated. “Run. I am with you.” Jedediah did the one thing he never thought he was capable of doing. The thing he would have sooner died than chosen of his own accord. He ran. Secret of the Tomb AU. Octavius doesn't make it out of Pompeii; angry and grieving, Jedediah goes home alone. Meanwhile, for Octavius, his whole world changes overnight. The new museum is thriving on the magic of the tablet, but it's not where he belongs. It's going to be a long way home.

oh look a familiar name!

my heart will stop in joy by HungryOnMain (12,433 words, incomplete)

A temporary exhibit, on display at the AMNH for a limited time, brings forth a vengeful force from the past. Terrible, painful memories bubble up from the depths of the minds of everyone on display. They can be taken, and joy restored - for a price.

dark, fucked up, and utterly addicting. i eagerly await every serving. this one says "hey, forget kahmunrah - what else could tablet magic possibly do in the wrong hands?"

Any Weather (series) by EwokRae22 (151,470 words)

On a lucky break from McPhee, Larry brings the exhibits on a winter vacation north of New York. He has everything prepared, or at least that’s what he tells himself. Because nothing can stop Jedediah and Octavius’s useless and oh-so-tiny longing for each other, not even the snow.

a fandom classic! the series follows jed and octavius through some wild adventures and features some genuinely heart-wrenching twists

Cacoethes (series) by Anonymous (25,927 words)

A deeper look into Jedediah and Octavius's experiences during Battle of the Smithsonian, and a look at what could have happened after the end.

take the hourglass scene from natm 2 and turn the homosexuality up to eleven, and you've got cacoethes - though the rest of the works in the series are definitely worth the read!

hope this helps! :D

[lemonwisp]

I got the book versions of the first two NATM movies and I found a mistake in one of the picture in it.

There is no bottom half of the hourglass, it’s just not there. No jed, no sand, no glass. Anyway I thought that was funny

[sw33t-oubliette]

ENOUGH jedidiah hourglass shit we need more larry hourglass shit .something about how the time she lost funneled into jedidiah's half . something about how shes the top half of the hourglass and jedidiah's the bottom half . IDK MAN