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bereavedconcupis · 3 years

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Monsters in Monsterverse rated by fuckability:

This is a personal opinion based on my own tastes mostly so don’t kill me

Amhuluk: Associated with drowning, disease and fog. Only one of those things is sexy and I don’t care that you shaved your legs (0/10)

Bunyip: Only description is that he’s a swamp monster which means he’s probably really smelly and slimy. Not deal breakers, but might also just be Old Greg and that’s not a gamble I want to make. Also he’s Australian (1/10)

Behemoth: I’ve never wanted to fuck a mammoth before but if I had to choose one. (1.5/10)

King Kong: Maybe its just me but I really don’t trust primates. He has the benefit of being most humanoid creature on this list if you’re into that, but this is a monster fuckability list and... a big, hairier human just doesn’t do it for me. (2/10)

Typhon: Basically he’s a big lizard, and we have enough lizards. I’m sorry Typhon but being the strongest creature in greek mytho’s doesn’t make up for copying Godzilla’s thing. (2.5/10)

Quetzalcoatl: A feathered serpent actually sounds kinda dope. Might run late picking you up for your date though. (3/10)

Scylla: Sea monster spider girl with tendrils. Not a lot to go off of but still sounds like a cutie. (3.5/10)

Yamata no Orochi: While having a bunch of heads is usually pretty sexy, I feel like 8 is just excessive and may get confusing. Still decently fuckable though. (4/10)

Leviathan: Probably a big ol crocodilly, I’ve seen Dorohedoro. That’s sexy. (4.5/10)

Mokele-Mbembe: Apparently his tail is two thirds the length of its body so Im crossing my fingers and hoping that applies to other things at well. (5/10)

Methuselah: This bastard has a whole ecosystem on his back, the type of monster who could provide for his family and maintain a home. Mathuselah waters my plants and feeds my cat of course I’m fucking him. (5.5/10)

Rodan: Is a bastard, I would fuck him to teach him a lesson (6/10)

Baphomet: Goat headed demon? Sounds like a fuckin babe to me! (6.9/10)

Sekhmet: All it says is she has lion like features like a sphynx and seems to have some relation to Egyption mythology which is tight as hell. I wish there was more about her. (7/10)

Tiamat: I once saw a play with Tiamot in it and she was cute af (7.5/10)

Abaddon: There isn’t any description of what he looks like but I’m just going to take the fact it says: is a Biblical Fallen Angel, sometimes the Angel of Death as permission to find him irresistible. (8/10)

Mothra: Is obviously the prettiest monster, but would I fuck her? The answer is: I wish I could fuck her. She’s in a relationship with Godzilla though and I have way too much respect for her. (9/10)

Godzilla: He’s cute, he’s alpha, he has a wife but I actually think she’d be okay with it. (9.5/10)

King Ghidorah: 3 heads. 7 dicks. Possibly more. *smokes pipe* (10/10)

Na Kika: Octopus god, nickname Kraken? She sounds like the girl of my DREAMS (11/10)

#+ooc: out of consideration #wait no maybe I shouldn't confess to that... UHH #THIS IS TOTALLY IC I SWEAR

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smokeybrand · 3 years

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Watch the Throne

Singular Point has finally revealed it’s version of the Big G and, i must say, it is pretty f*cking amazing. I knew it was going to be dope from the leaked concept art but in action? Holy sh*t! It can give Shin a run for it’s money! The reveal got me thinking about all of the Goji over the years so i wanted to kind of explore that. I wanted to revisit some of my favorite, and not so favorite, Goji designs. Also, this blog needs more Godzilla content.

10. TriStar

I hate this Goji so much. It’s been all but disowned by the fandom and, indeed, is referred to as Zilla in official materials because it doesn’t deserve to be called God. That movie did nothing to help it’s case. However, the animated series all but redeemed the character. The character, not the design. This thing is the worst and edges out Showa strictly because it’s not Godzilla in any form. It’s a goddamn iguana pretending to be a velociraptor. Sh*t whack, son.

9. Showa

Showa makes this list based strictly on nostalgia and it’s contribution to the overall mythos. Every major addition to the franchise, be they characters or monsters, occurred during this period. I mean, they gave me MechaG and we all know how much i love that metallic beast. Hell, he might get one of these lists one day, too. As a design, though? This Goji is definitely not my favorite. More than that, there were SO many! Goji looked different in every film and not in the sense of fixes or critiques. This was the era where Toho was cutting budgets and corners so, often, the suits were damaged and never properly repaired. As such, Godzilla looks like varying degrees of sh*t thought out. Showa gets a lot of credit strictly because it was my introduction to the series, first Godzilla film i ever saw was Godzilla versus Mechagodzilla but let’s be honest; Showa Goji looked like ass. Dude was a clown and the realization of that was a hard one to accept after seeing Gojira, Return, and Shin. Like, what the f*ck, Toho?

8. Earth

I don’t like the Godzilla trilogy. They’re terrible films. I do like the ideas presented therein. I like the idea of Ghidorah being this inter-dimensional, planet eating, energy beast. I like the idea of the Shobijin being a race of Moth people. I like the idea of Godzilla being the progenitor of every other monster in the world after twenty thousand years or whatever. I love the idea of MechaG city. There is a lo of great sh*t in there, a lot of potential, but the films just sh*t the bed upon execution. Also, they were kind of ugly as sh*t. I think they would have benefited from being classically animated rather than the cheaper, CG, modeling. That went a long way to me disliking the execution. I Was watching these things and all i could see was that new Berserk series. All of that said, it’s a great design. I love how they combined Monsterverse and Millennium. It was super awesome. And massive.

7. Shodai

i mean, how was i going to leave the very first Goji off this list? It’s the genesis, the Alpha, the beginning. Without the progenitor, we wouldn’t be talking about the dynasty. I just really love this design. As a cat who grew up in the US, i didn’t get he opportunity to see this thing, outside of toys and such, until i was an adult. We got Godzilla with all of the edits and Perry Mason. It wasn’t until decades later that we got to see the original vision of Gojira and, let me tell you, what a difference editing makes. This movie is bleak, emotional, and exhausting. It’s a true horror film and you feel that throughout. Gojira is a force of raw, unmitigated violence, destroying everything in it’s wake but also leaving a radioactive wake as it passes. It’s the gift that keeps on giving, just like the atomic bomb. I love this film and it deserves it’s place in the Criterion Collection. It’s a masterpiece of cinema and a masterclass in atmosphere.

6. GMK

GMK is how i see Godzilla in my nightmares, which is fitting because it is Nightmare Godzilla. Motherf*cker is literally the wrath of dead Japanese, killed during WWII. It’s very similar to Shodai but in a literal sense, not figurative. GMK IS the accumulated sins of the Japanese for their transgressions during WWII, not the ideal of their suffering at the hands of the atomic age. I love that juxtaposition but, more than that, GMK is straight up malevolent! Dude is here to leave a body count and it goes about that with aplomb. A lot of cats in the community wouldn’t rank Godzilla, Mothra and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out Attack very high on their list of favorite films but that Goji is the most menacing I'd seen since that first Heisei outing. Like, holy sh*t, did this thing come for the pain!

5. Monsterverse

I was burned hard by the first attempt at a US Goji as a kid. F*cking TriStar dropped the ball on that one, especially considering the mock up of other versions I've seen over the years. So, going into Godzilla 2014, i was a little sus and considering we didn’t even see a fleeting glimpse of the Big G until half the movie was over, i thought for sure we Yanks sh*t the bed again. We did not. Monsterverse Goji is one of the best Goji designs I've ever seen. I love how large it is and the fact that he got those thunder thighs. I love how he has both lungs and gills because, you know, amphibious. Love the way his dorsal plates light up individually when he fires his atomic breath. I love everything about this dude and I'm glad that Toho opted to extend the deal with Legendary. We get Monsterverse content going forward which means more of their Goji, even if these assholes keep pounding Kong down my throat. If i had to pick just one iteration, i would have to give it to King of the Monsters Goji. That dude, so far, is peak Monsterverse Godzilla for me. Plus, i mean, Burning Godzilla is just straight up chef kiss.

4. Heisei

For me, Heisei is peak Goji. It captures everything i think Godzilla should be, like, the classical interpretation. It calls back to Shodai while updating the overall form to a modern aesthetic. I believe that the very first of those films, the first version of this Goji, is the best. Godzilla Returns or, Godzilla 1984 as it’s known here in the States, is, in my opinion, the strongest of all the Heisei Goji. It captures the spirit of malevolence which Godzilla continued to have throughout this run of films. He’s never really a hero but, at best, anti-hero, and all of that can be traced back to his absolutely terrifying first appearance. Plus, i really like the multiple rows of teeth. That sh*t wigged me out as a kid. Heisei isn’t my favorite but, when i think of Godzilla, it is the first one to pop into my head.

3. Shin

I love Shin. It’s design is ridiculous and the power set seethes with originality. Everything about Hideaki AAnno’s monstrosity is just so anti-Goji but it works so brilliantly. The way it mutates and grows into this malignant stack of cancer and radiation and exposed musculature is absolutely traumatizing. It’s dead, fish eyes make sure you understand that this thing is, at best, a beast of instinct, devoid of any level of intelligence. More than that, the fact that the motherf*cker can focus it’s Atomic Breath into a whole ass plasma beam is ridiculous and the fact that it can fire it out of it’s entire body just f*cks me up. Not only is Shin Godzilla in my top three Goji films all-time, but so is it’s version of Goji, itself. That motherf*cker is just plain terrorizing.

2. Millennium

Look, i know i said that when i thing of Goji, i see Heisei but Millennium’s design is hard to not put this high. It was the first Goji to radically redesign the King since, i would say, Showa? I mean, it still looks the part but those dorsal plates, that face, and that mouth absolutely scream originality. The shape of his chest ad the slimming of it’s overall form, gives Goji a sense of improved mobility and we see that in films like Godzilla vs. Megaguirus. No longer is he this lumber nuclear disaster. Instead, he’s this fast paced, agile, atomic apocalypse that slips whole ass Black Holes. I love the look of Millennium and my favorite is definitely the first one intrigued in Godzilla 2000. It took me by complete surprise and has had a pretty safe, nostalgia driven, spot in my heart.

1. Ultima

Listen, i adore this design SO much. I know this guy is the newest to take the stage and placing him at the one spot on my list might be a little sus but, for me, it’s peak Goji. I think Ultima has achieved this level of rarefied air specifically because it’s the newest version of our malevolent King. Ultima is every Godzilla ever created, rolled into one. He has the dorsal plates of Millennium, the build of Heisei, the forms of Shin, the size of Showa, The face of Shodai, the destructive power of Earth, and the forms of Shin. Ultima earns the name as it is, quite literally, the best parts of every Goji in Toho history. Plus, look at that dude. That design is straight up monstrous! It’s aggressive, visceral, and cannibalistic. It’s real hard not to put this one at the top of my list.

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detranix · 5 years

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Godzilla King of the Monsters thoughts (SPOILERS)

Sorry for the disorganized lol, just writing this down as my Immediate thoughts.

The movie as a whole is actually pretty enjoyable. Obviously there are some rough parts, but given that nobody will ever really be satisfied, that’s fine. The monster action is definitely a highlight, as is Ghidorah for me, personally. Honestly, this is one of my favorite incarnations of him, and he is treated very well and built as a very intimidating threat. The regeneration ability is disgustingly cool and really shows off his extraterrestrial origins.

Mothra could have done a little bit more, but it was still nice to have her around for what time she could have been. The twin reference was really nice, as was hearing her theme once again. Also the fact that she actually managed to win a fight (almost) without dying was nice.

Rodan being reduced to just kind of Ghidorah’s lackey was a little disappointing, but he does come across as a pretty cool threat. I do really wish we could have gotten a 3 vs 1 fight against Ghidorah, but Rodan surviving was a nice touch.

The movie REALLY liked to just kill everyone off. Serizawa was fairly expected, but Graham’s death sorta felt… random? It gave me some Mako vibes, unfortunately. Also Emma’s sacrifice seemed a little extra on top of Serizawa, but the fact of what she did really wasn’t going to let her come out unscathed. The characters were fairly alright. It was a bit of a nice change of pace from the 2014 and their mostly uninteresting cast, but it does feel a little crowded. Alan Jonah is okay as a villain, but he doesn’t really feel all that memorable, hopefully he shows up in Godzilla vs Kong to flesh him out more. Him having possession of Titan DNA gave me flashbacks to Tokyo SOS.

Seeing that San Francisco was just abandoned was actually a nice bit of world-building, a change of pace from seeing Tokyo destroyed and immediately rebuilt in the other films. The whole prospect of Titans bringing life to where they roam was pretty cool, and I’ll admit I got a minor thought of Biollante as a possibility down the line.

The other Titans have fairly cool designs, and it was cool to see a MUTO in the crowd at the end too. The Behemoth (I think that was the mammoth?) was actually a pretty dope design in its simplicity. Seeing how the people coexist with them as akin to natural disasters in the credits was pretty cool.

Also, Skull Island in the process to become Monster Island? That’s pretty dope. I am still wondering what the Ghidorah head post-credit scene leads to. Given that it was affected by the Oxygen Destroyer, I’m leaning into some sort of mishmash version of Destroyah or hopefully an original creation. Even though its 100% Bagan, without a shadow of a doubt.

#godzilla #godzilla king of the monsters #king of the monsters #spoilers #godzilla spoilers #godzilla king of the monsters spoilers

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smokeybrandreviews · 4 years

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Smokey brand Select: Heavy is the Head

There is a criminal lacking amount of material about Godzilla on this blog. I feel ashamed that i have so haphazardly neglected the Big G. I've spoken about this before, but Godzilla means a great deal to me. I didn’t have the warmest of experiences during my childhood so i cherished the ones that weren’t horrifying. I’m melancholy for a reason and a lot of that can be traced back to my unkind environments as a kid. Godzilla is tied to many of those good memories i was able to glean off the darker circumstance of my halcyon days. I’ve seen every movie and own about half of them. It occurs to me that there are, like thirty of these things and, with the release of the what might be the final Monsterverse movie on the horizon, Godzilla vs. Kong, i wanted to take a look at the entire catalog. I wanted to revisit the films and choose what i believe to be the best in the franchise.

10. The Return of Godzilla

This was probably the first Godzilla movie i ever saw in my entire life. The second is actually on this list a ways down but this one left a massive impression on me. It was gorgeous, lavishly produced, and completely different than the film i had just watched. Not in the sense of tone, they both are on the darker side of the Goji spectrum, but this is the first time i witnessed the “death” of a Godzilla and it f*cked me right up. I remember weeping about that for days. Imagine my surprise, years later, when i found out that Godzilla 1985 was the start of an entire era of Goji films. This thing is actually a direct sequel to the 1954 Gojira film, ignoring everything in the Showa era. As such, it takes a ton of cues from that film, not only the tone, but visually as well. This Goji is like an updated version of that Goji and it really shows. I initially saw this film in the re-cut, Americanized, version Godzilla 1985. It was fine. I was a kid so i didn’t even know about the way the US butchers foreign film yet. As an adult, i made it a point to watch the original Japanese version and i can say, hands down, that version is the superior watch. I’d say check both out, Godzilla 1985 and Return of Godzilla if you’re a Goji fan but Return is definitely the better of the two.

9. Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla

This is the first appearance of Kiryu, the third Mechagodzilla. You’ll notice that Mechagoji makes a ton of appearances on this list. That’s because it’s films are some of the best in the entire franchise, hands down. Plus, it’s my all-time favorite Goji villain. This particular version was our introduction into the loose continuity of the entire Millennium era. This saw Goji in a ton of one-shot type and experimental narratives. The only two story lines actually connected were this film and it’s direct sequel, Tokyo S.O.S. I chose this one over it’s follow-up because of the raw emotion i felt seeing the best design of Mechagoji ever captured on film, for the first time. Kiryu is a masterpiece and i loved every second it was onscreen. The narrative is an interesting one, too. It’s not top-tier but, for the Millennium series, it’s pretty ambitious. Objectively, Tokyo S.O.S might be the better film, but this one made a great first impression. If you see one, you have to see the other. They’re kind of a set.

8. Godzilla: Final Wars

Oh, Final Wars. Your ambition is only matched by your absurdity. Look, final Wars is Endgame before other was an Endgame. It’s the cap to the entire Godzilla franchise to that point, kind of like how Destroy All Monsters was supposed to close out the Showa era. We saw how well that worked, just like this “conclusion.” This thing is unapologetic fan service, rife with the campiest of performances. I mean, the Xilliens in this are a direct reference to the original, would-be world conquerors from Planet X, first introduced in 1965. I love that sh*t! It’s chock full of Aliens, Mutants, Monsters, and more! Almost every Goji villain gets a cameo, including the first US attempt at a Goji adaption, Zilla. Gigan got an updated design that was just gorgeous, King Ghidorah gets a promotion to Kaiser, and Monster X is introduced as it’s own thing. That initial design was absolutely filthy and immediately made my top five Goji villain designs. Speaking of designs, Final Wars Goji is my favorite version of the King, Slim, mean, and breathtakingly regal in statue, it was dope seeing this suit in action, even if it was the only time.

7. Godzilla: King of the Monsters

I’m a huge fan of the new Monsterverse being woven together by Legendary over here in the States. So far, I’ve enjoyed every release, even Kong: Skull Island. I don’t like King Kong. Never have. It’s a rather offensive allegory when you think about but that’ a discussion for another day. This is about the latest release of Legendary’s universe; King of the Monsters. Like Final Wars and Destroy All Monsters before it, this film is kind of a celebration of the Goji franchise as a whole but with a Yankee twist. For the first time, we get to see what classic Toho monster look like, filtered through a modern Hollywood lens and, let me tell you, it is a sight to behold. I was already on board for the Godzilla reveal a few years before but Mothra and Rodan killed it. Those designs were amazing, particularly Mothra. She seemed like a proper threat and not some mascot. I loved it. That said, and this might be blasphemy among the fandom, but the Monsterverse version of King Ghidorah is the best goddamn version of the monster ever captured on film. This motherf*cker is smarmy, conceited, arrogant, and just plain awesome. The design, the personalities, the cruelty; It’s everything a challenger to the Throne had to have and Legendary nailed it. The movie, itself, is kind of weak in the narrative department, mostly as a knee-jerk reaction to the heavily human story of the initial Godzilla release, but the monster action is premium.

6. Godzilla vs. Biollante

Among the fandom, this is considered the very best Godzilla movie in the entire franchise. I wouldn’t go that far but i can’t deny the objective quality saturating this film. It gets right what so many of these movies get wrong; The human story line. That aspect of the story, rather than feeling like something tacked on for perspective, is integral to the overall narrative. It’s rare for that to occur and this film was the first time experienced it, myself. This is easily the best film in the Showa era but it took some time for it to be seen as such by the entire fandom. Initially, people hated this movie. They hated Biollante and wanted to see old monster with new tech. They got their wish and those films are kind of bogus. Heisei closed out strong with Space Godzilla and Destroyah, but that was after a series of mediocre retreads. Toho should have followed their instincts and moved forward with the new look they pushed with Biollante. She was dope and deserved better initially. and, yes, Biollante is female. That’s part of that integral human story i spoke of before.

5. Terror of Mechagodzilla

The second appearance of Mechagodzilla was one for the history books. The bionic monster was just a ferocious, just as menacing, as his initial outing but even moreso here. Terror is less heavy that the first time we saw Mechagoji, but it’s still got a ton of blood on it’s hands. This thing skews closer to the darker Showa outing but never really gives you pause like those other films do. No, it;s true to the narrative established a year before and tends to be an exercise in violence the whole way through. I really like this film and it has one of the best stories in the Showa era. It's not as tight as it’s predecessor, which is on this list, but it does a spectacular job with what it has.

4. Godzilla

So this is the first of several adaptions of the the initial Godzilla encounter. This particular one, is the first appearance of the Big G in the Monsterverse. The 2014 Godzilla film is derided for having next to no Godzilla in it, but that didn’t bother me too much. Of course you want all Goji, all the time but that makes for a lousy film. King of the Monsters did that and it is vastly inferior, narrative wise, to this flick. This film, while Godzilla-starved, does accomplish that rare thing Biollante was able to pull off and so few others in the franchise seem to do; Make the human narrative relevant. This sh*t does that exceptionally, even if they kill off the best character in the entire goddamn movie, almost immediately. Still, after Bryan Cranston bites the dust, i was still on board. A lot of this movie feels like a test run for what comes later but what a Beta it turned out to be. As a film, Godzilla is amazing. I loved the narrative, the characters, and even the monster action, what little there was initial. I really hate the MUTO. They’re kind of corny looking, a little generic, but the best designed of all the US Titans. All of the US Titans are gross looking. All of them. Great movie though!

3. Gojira

The first appearance of Godzilla and the most harrowing tale in the entire franchise. The name Godzilla is actually a misnomer. Goji’s original name was Gojira, which basically means “whale ape’ but this was mispronounced by Americans as Godzilla, thus the moniker we use today. Gojira is the correct, Japanese name, for the King of Monsters but people, worldwide, recognize Godzilla more so it’s been accepted as the proper name. Now that that little tidbit is out of the way, let’s get into the many, MANY, different cuts of this film. Similarly to Return of Godzilla, this one was recut, had scenes added with a well known US actor, dubbed, and released under the title Godzilla: King of Monsters! I’ve seen both versions and there each have their merits but the aggressive bleak tone and tragic narrative of Gojira make for a truly emotional viewing experience. Godzilla isn’t a monster in this movie, he’s literally the physical personification of that devastation inflicted upon Japan, by the atomic bomb. This film is Japan mourning the death of their great country. This is Japan reflecting on their sins. It’s an incredibly raw, violently bleak, take on such content, easily held in the same vein as Schindler’s List. That’s not hyperbole either, this film hits the same as that one. The US cut is good as a film but lacks a lot of that genuine Japanese energy. Gojira does not and of the tow, this one is far superior. both version are absolutely required viewing if you’re trying to get into Godzilla.

2. Shin Godzilla

I love Shin Godzilla. I was mad hyped when Toho announced they were going to release a proper Goji film after some years and even more on board when i heard that Hideaki Anno was going to be in charge of it. Dude is the principal architect of my all-time favorite anime, Neon Genesis Evangelion, so i knew there was going to be a brilliance to this flick not seen in the entire franchise. The take on Godzilla being a manifestation of how crippling bureaucracy and tradition clot the Japanese culture was not lost on me. This is another one of the Goji flicks that puts precedence on the human story and it does that so goddamn well, i was stunned. Look, i loved film and, as a film, this thing is outstanding. I get that it can come across as plodding and slow paced, but you have to understand, it’s showing you, real time, what it’s like to move through the Japanese government. All of that red tape, all of that inaction, is a noose around Japan’s neck and you get a real understanding of that. Not only does this thing have great direction and exceptional performances for a Japanese product, that Shin Goji design is absolutely horrifying. It’s wholly original, brilliantly executed, and easily my second favorite in the entire franchise. I love this movie and everything it represents. Shin Godzilla is absolutely required viewing for the Goji fan.

1. Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla

I alluded to this before, but Mechagoji is my favorite Godzilla villain of all-time. This film is why. Terror was the second Godzilla movie i had ever seen. It was the first VHS i ever bought with my own money. I remember, vividly, the emotions i felt watching this mechanical monstrosity decimate both King Shiisa and Godzilla. Mechagodzilla was a legitimate powerhouse and it demonstrated that with every assault on Tokyo. I mean, he shows up, and damn near rips Anguirus’ face right the hell off! We saw blood, so much blood, spew from Goji’s best friend and it was truly heartbreaking. Angie just scuttled away in defeat, inflicting almost no damage to the violent impostor and, from there, it was just a massive show of power. Unlimited power. Narrative wise, it’s actually one of the best, most coherent stories in the entire franchise. In my opinion, it could give Biollante a run for it’s money but most would place is a step behind. Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla is my favorite Goji film and required viewing for any fan of the series.

Honorable Mentions: Godzilla vs. Mothra, Godzilla vs Gigan, Ghidorah, the Three Headed Monster, Godzilla vs. Hedorah, Godzilla vs. Space Godzilla, Godzilla vs. Destroyah, Godzilla, Mothra, and King Ghidorah: Giant Monsters All-Out attack, Godzilla: Tokyo S.O.S, Godzilla Raids Again

#Smokey brand Select #Godzilla #Gojira

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smokeybrand · 4 years

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Smokey brand Select: Heavy is the Head

10. The Return of Godzilla

9. Godzilla Against Mechagodzilla

8. Godzilla: Final Wars

7. Godzilla: King of the Monsters

6. Godzilla vs. Biollante

5. Terror of Mechagodzilla

4. Godzilla

3. Gojira

2. Shin Godzilla

1. Godzilla vs. Mechagodzilla

#Smokey brand Select #Godzilla

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smokeybrandreviews · 5 years

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Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Coronation

First review of June, and it’s not even a real review. It’s just gonna be me fanboying for a little bit. Anyway, Godzilla: King of the Monsters was f*cking amazing! Absolutely outstanding! I can’t review this movie without bias. I love the Godzilla franchise. It’s one arm of my childhood trilogy; Transformers, Godzilla, and Spider-Man. It takes a lot of terrible for me to dislike anything in these franchises (or just Michael Bay) so you have to take this rant as more fanboy gushing than a legitimate critique. As such, this won’t follow my usual format. Instead, here’s a bunch of stuff i noticed while watching this incredibly epic flick.

The scale of this movie was absurd. In my review of Aladdin yesterday, i mentioned the choice on how to shoot that film, shrunk the scale. Goji is almost a diametric opposite to that! This thing is massive in expanse. It feels like those old timey, 1930s sagas. This is Ben-Hur with a three-headed, space dragon and the King of the Monsters.

The Oxygen Destroyer ended up killing Serizawa! That sh*t was dope! There was this whole homage to it and i loved every second. Ken Watanabe, as always, steals every scene he’s in. Unfortunately, this was his last rodeo in the Monsterverse. Still, he went out like a boss.

Everyone of the Titans SOUNDED accurate. I was surprised when Ghidorah did his little rattle screech. It made my fanboy heart skip a beat!

The human cast of this thing, while decent to great, is superfluous overall. They don’t do anything and you’re never invested in any of them. They are tools used for exposition dumps and that kind of sucks. It’s like, in the 5 years since this last one, no one could figure out how to make the actual people, people. I mean, their performances were good but what they HAD to performs, was barely a script.

Like, most Goji flicks are just framing devices for violent, monster destruction but the best ones have that human element is spades. Goji vs. Mothra, Goji vs Biollante, Goji 1954, the first part of Goji 2014 until Bryan Cranston got killed in one of the most notorious bait-and-switches in cinematic history, and Shin Godzilla. KOTM did not have that.

What it did have was some of the most visceral, brutal, violent monster battles, yet. America might not know how to adapt nuance and subtlety when they remake foreign films but, what we DO get right is the destruction. we good at violence, and this delivers that in spades.

Vera Farmiga’s plan is very Thanos-esque but real stupid.

The second they said Monster Zero was off the books, i knew Vera was the traitor. Literally no one else did until she f*cking called them and told them. These are scientist and intellectuals but no one could do that math, apparently.

Where the f*ck was Kong?

Spaking of the Kaiju, the Titans, these new designs are GLORIOUS! I hated the Muto, they were corny and disappointed immediately but, at the same time, American adaptation of foreign property. It was always going to suck. But these new Kaiju? Nice. I don’t know what any of their names are, but them things is pretty legit.

The Big Four (Mecha-Goji is still absent, much to my dismay but soon. maybe. Hopefully?) on loan from Toho, though, they got the glamor treatment! Ghidorah, Rodan, and Mothra were all expertly updated to make sense. Specifically Mothra. I always though she was mad lame because, i mean, have you seen Mothra? Not in this one. No, that American penchant for murder really made her presence threatening. Even when she was a larva, she was horrifying.

The Hollow Earth route is mad corny but it makes sense. I think Middle Earth is a decent reason for why no one knew these thing were a thing. There’s a lot there to deconstruct if cats moving forward want to. By that, i mean if Toho wants to. Please, Toho, WANT TO??!

Millie Bobby Brown was interesting to see outside of Stranger Things. She has talent, for sure, but i think she needs to pick better vehicles for herself. This is a major franchise that will probably open the same amount of doors that Finn got with the first IT, which is good because she was crazy limited in what she was allowed to do within the confines of this script. She had a number of spotlight, emotional, scenes but they all felt forced and inorganic. Hopefully, she’ll get offers that will allow her to properly act out of this.

There are two distinct songs that are integral to the Goji mythos and they get a bit of that glamor treatment as well. I lost my sh*t when they started playing. The guy next to me was a huge Goji fan, too, and when that heavy brass started croaking,he literally started crying. I know them feels, bro. I know them feels...

F*cking Burning Godzilla, man! Everyone said nah but this was Burning Goji, right down to the nuclear meltdown.

I don’t know how you follow this. There’s no way Kong is anywhere near the threat Ghidorah was. Like, Space Goji and Destroyah are the only two kaiju that can be considered equal to the fallen King and Toho hasn’t given the green light on either. I suppose they will after this thing makes some loot but we’ll see.

Godzilla: King of the Monsters is f*cking awesome! If you’re a fan of Goji, you’ll love this. If you’re a fan of tokosatsu, you’ll love this film/ If you’re a fan of big budget disaster films, sci-fi cataclysms, or massive summer blockbusters, you’ll love this film. If you’re looking for an Oscar worthy performance from any of the actors or a heartfelt drama, pass on this one. I loved it and, of course, give it the highest of my recommendations but i understand that this is a little bit of a niche genre. Do yourself a favor and give it a chance. I think it’s a pretty strong SFX extravaganza.

#Godzilla: King of the Monsters #Godzilla #Goji #Gojira #Smokey brand Movie Reviews

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smokeybrand · 5 years

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Smokey brand Movie Reviews: Coronation

Everyone of the Titans SOUNDED accurate. I was surprised when Ghidorah did his little rattle screech. It made my fanboy heart skip a beat!

Vera Farmiga’s plan is very Thanos-esque but real stupid.

Where the f*ck was Kong?

F*cking Burning Godzilla, man! Everyone said nah but this was Burning Goji, right down to the nuclear meltdown.

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smokeybrandreviews · 6 years

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Anticipation

Tokyo Comic con is underway and it’s dropping gems left and right, specifically stuff about Godzilla: King of Monsters. There are some designs from the Figuarts designs and, holy sh*t! My hype is real! Dat Mothra! Dem concept arts. But dat Ghidorah, tho! I can’t wait until next year! Which kind of made me realize that next year is 30 days away. Like, this year is almost over. An entire year of movies, has come and gone. There were some surprises and some let-downs but, overall, i had a great time. So, with my little kaiju fanboy heart a flutter, i want to look forward to next year and all the films i plan to check out then.

1. Glass

F*cking Glass, man! Look, Unbreakable was my favorite Shamalamamanlan film until Spit happened. To find out that they are part of the same universe and The Beats will square of against Dunn due to the machination of Mr. Glass? Are you f*cking serious? I also adore the fact that Sarah Paulson is in this thing. I genuinely just love Sarah Paulson. My hype for this movie is at maximum and it is easily my most anticipated film of next year.

2. Godzilla: King of the Monsters

I am massive Godzilla fan. I have been since i was a youngster. Godzilla, Spider-Man, and Transformers are the holy trinity of my childhood and, as a an adult, i still worship at the alter of Kaiju. After seeing those Figurarts leaks from Tokyo Comic Con, i cannot wait for this flick to drop! I’ve heard mixed reviews from the rough cut screening but i don’t even care! Ghidorah looks fan-f*cking-tastic!

3. Spider-Man: Far From Home

As mentioned above, Spider-Man is one of the tent poles of my childhood. I love Pete and try to consume any media he happens to grace. Generally speaking, i always have a great time with it. I particularly enjoyed last year’s Homecoming. I think Tom Holland captures the spirit of Peter Parker perfectly and i look forward to his next adventure with batted breath.

4. IT: Chapter Two

Yo, i did not expect IT to be that good! Easily one of my favorite films from last year. Bill Skarsgard was f*cking horrifying but the chemistry the kids had is what really sold that film. The adult cast for Part II is a f*cking masterpiece and there are whispers the kids are coming back, too. This thing should be dope. I hope it’s dope. God, i hope it’s dope...

5. Avengers: Endgame

It’s rare that films keep me on my toes. Ive seen enough of them to know the tropes and cliches. Infinity War destroyed all of that. It destroyed me. I have no idea where we go from here and i am going into this next phase of Marvel, completely blind.

6. Under The Silver Lake

My requisite A24 outing. I don’t know much about this flick but my favorite studio never slacks so my confidence this flick will be amazing is pretty high.

7. John Wick 3: Parabellum

John Wick has been a real surprise. I passed on the first in theaters but rectified that folly with Chapter 2. These films have been f*cking incredible and i look forward to, not only Chapter 3, but the expanded universe, too. The Continental series is just SO enticing! Almost as enticing as the final chapter in John Wick’s story.

8. Captain Marvel

Carol Danvers is my chick! She’s my fifth favorite Marvel character after Spider-Man, Doctor Doom, Illyanna Rasputin, and Venom. Brie Larson is one of my favorite actresses working. Plus, anything with Sam Jackson is gold in my book. Still, i am little worried about this thing’s reception with the masses. While Carol is Marvel’s nuclear option, her mythos is a little lax. I don’t know that Captain Marvel has enough to carry a full movie but i trust Feige. Dude knows what he’s doing.

9. Pet Sematary

I didn’t particularly care for the first Pet Sematary. I thought it was corny. But that trailer for this new one? Man, f*ck that thing! That sh*t looks genuinely terrifying. It looks like someone took a lesson from IT and made a proper Stephen King adaption. This one might be a sleeper hit for me.

10. Jacob’s Ladder

I’m a huge fan of the original Jacob’s Ladder. Tim Robbins was spectacular in that flick and the imagery was intense. So intense, in fact, it was a major inspiration for the Silent Hill franchise. Those games are crazy f*cked up, particularly the first four, so seeing what they can do with modern tech is more than interest piquing.

11. Terminator 6

I’m a sucker for a terminator movie. I am. I’ve seen all of them, even that cinematic abortion, Genisys. With the return of Arnold, Linda, and Cameron, i have expectations for this thing. They’re not high but i’m confident it won’t suck crazy hard.

12. Zombieland Too

I didn’t even know this was coming out next year. I heard there was a sequel but i had no idea it was ready to drop so soon. I adored the first Zombieland. I don’t really know where you go from there but i look forward to finding out.

13. Pokemon Detective Pikachu

This is on the list strictly for the Deadpool 3 fodder. That sh*t is about to be amazing!

14. Captive State

I saw a preview for this in front of some Youtube video and was kind of enthralled. Admittedly, i looks real Battle: Los Angeles, but the premise kind of speaks to me. I’m a sucker for that science fiction life so i think this might work out in the end. r it’ll be as sh*tty as Kin. This one is my gamble. I hope i don’t crap out.

15. Alita: Battle Angel

Last year, this was my most anticipated film. Since it got pushed back, it slipped down the line a bit. After the first trailer, all the way back to the top. after that last trailer, all the way to the bottom. Look, i adore GUNNM tremendously. Gally’s adventures have had a special place in my heart since those old-timey OVAs. While i’m confident that this thing won’t crash and burn like Ghost in the Shell, i’m still a little apprehensive about where this thing can land.

This thing ended up longer than last year, mostly because i couldn’t stop at just ten. There’s just so much coming out next year. Hell, i even have a pretty healthy list of honorable mentions: Episode IX, Joker, Dark Phoenix, New Mutants, What Men Want, Charlie’s Angels, Sonic the Hedgehog, Artemis Fowl, Kingsman: The Great Game, Hellboy, Shazam!, MIB, Happy Death Day 2U, and Eli. I’m crazy excited to see what surprises pop up. Suspiria came out of left field this year and took top honors in my top-ten list. Next year is looking pretty chunky in cinema!

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smokeybrand · 6 years

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Anticipation

1. Glass

2. Godzilla: King of the Monsters

3. Spider-Man: Far From Home

4. IT: Chapter Two

5. Avengers 4

6. Under The Silver Lake

My requisite A24 outing. I don’t know much about this flick but my favorite studio never slacks so my confidence this flick will be amazing is pretty high.

7. John Wick 3: Parabellum