#Mostly it's because I got burnout to doing literally anything bc of work

[thepandalion]

my sideblog has 4 unanswered questions from the week (month? Oh geez time really does fly when you're struggling huh) I am having a mild panic

[sourstars]

HI LOML DORI HIHIHI i promise i saw ur ask and i was literally yk the meme emoji like O_O that was me when u sent that ask!! ive been busy bc ive actually been on my shit nd studying 4 my classes like a girl boss!! i saw u posted the writers thingy and i wanted to ask: it doesn't let me start a new line on here but numbers: 8. 14 (i hate letting ppl borrow my books bc they never give it back), 21 and 24!! sorry if its alot im just super curious bc i really like ur writing style!! - dango anon

HELLOOOOOOOyes i was hoping you’d see it eventually, i was like that meme with the kid that’s side eyeing everything while drinking his soda (??)

8. If you had to write an entire story without either action or dialogue, which would you choose and how would it go?

i would totally attempt one without dialogue, that seems so challenging and could potentially so sick istg i toooootally will not add that to my to-write list like i don’t have a million things to do already 😵‍💫

14. Do you lend your books to people? Are people scared to borrow books from you? Do you know exactly where all your “lost” books are and which specific friend from school you haven’t seen in twelve years still possesses them? Will you ever get them back?

YES I DO. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THEY ARE. i have an ex who i let borrow my anniversary edition of fahrenheit 451 which is one of my all time favs and the mf never gave it back and i KNOW he never got around to fuckin reading it either. gave him a bookmark to use w it and everything. never AGAIN >:(. on a happier note, i do let friends and peers borrow books but i have a mental blacklist of the ones never returned and i still know exactly where they are even though i’m not DIRECTLY looking for them yk??? sixth sense typa beat LOL will i ever get any back? short answer; probably not but it’s an excuse to shop

21. Could you ever quit writing? Do you ever wish you could? Why or why not?

in general, hell no LOL it’s actually helped me cope through trauma and depression so it’s one of best hobbies and i’d like to keep it around as long as possible—HOWEVERRR i do think i won’t write fanfiction forever, which is why i deleted the really short and (personally) cringy or hated works because if i’m to stop eventually i want to leave behind the ones i’m real proud of like inerrata or yearning man (could list all of my favs actually) because in writing them i literally used a piece of my soul and past to shape the lesson i wanted to have people read, whether i was the only one who got it or not. so really, maybe in the future i might ever get the urge to write an actual book but i don’t see myself quitting any time soon, just maybe the occasional break (like rn :’)) for burnout. however i am active and might post things on ao3 first or only on there sometimes like series because unless you’re already big they do NOT do well on here LOL

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

so if you’ve ever seen the show bones. i’m brennan if she was just averagely smart LOL yes i study everything to understand even if only the basics because sometimes underlying plot or details are what drives my story. researched for a week on the five stages of grief just to see how it manifested in different temperaments and environments and in another wip i studied engineering basics because it was the driving force or that fic’s reader’s struggle and upcoming. it mostly looks like slouching over my laptop with a thick ass notebooks making rushed notes and ending up drying my pens in the process LOL i do enjoy it but i do NOT enjoy the having ti but pens every month or so :’) it’s mostly the drive for knowledge for me because i already live learning in general. if given a timespan i think it takes about a week of searching before even writing out anything

writer asks!

[witch-apologist]

As an autistic person im gonna need everyone to shut the absolute fuck up about gifted kids/gifted kid burnout etc. Gifted kids were not "given more resources" across the board what you are thinking about is abled white middle to upper class kids who got more resources FROM THEIR PARENTS.

I was in gifted kid programs in middle school and high school (until I dropped out of most of it and went to mostly on level in HS) and they didnt give us jack shit to help with the extra workload or anything else. Literally all we got was 3 times the homework and standards of grading and told "You can do it" which is exactly why I had to leave the program I was in. I not only didn't have money for the tutors I would have needed to succeed but I couldn't afford my adhd meds which made it impossible for me to focus on academic work. I also couldn't go to my teachers for help because of the way those teachers made me feel and also by the time school was over I was already so mentally exhausted that I couldn't handle any more school work. I'd end up staying up till 3, 4, sometimes even 5 am trying to get my math homework done through frustration tears and barely pass.

I also used to be considered "so hard to handle" that in elementary school each new teacher would have a meeting with all of my previous teachers to learn how to "best handle me" and because of ableism in my elementary school I was often treated very poorly because of my autistic traits and punished far more often akd more severely than my peers for breaking rules.

There are so many disabled ppl with gifted kid burnout bc they were really good at some academic things and then got hit with a wave of overwhelming work that they were in no way prepared to handle.

Gifted kids aren't given more resources they ARE the resource and once they're used up they're tossed away like yesterday's trash. Like I get the animosity for the praise that gifted kids got but that was exploitation. They use the kids that are good at tests to boost their own ranking but don't actually care about the students at all.

Like idk how to tell you that the disabled person talking about how much it sucked that they were worked to the bone with false promises of a better future and recognition and tried so hard to succeed it made them feel suicidal or like the people in their life wouldn't love them at all if they stopped being good at it is not some privileged person whose "just upset they aren't special anymore"

(Footnote: This is not contradicting the sentiment that Special Ed kids are treated horribly and tossed aside. That is true but can also coexist that most ppl with gifted kid burnout are disabled and were cheated and exploited by the school system.)

[omegawolverine]

I love it when people talk about things they're passionate about, tell me something cool!! Anything you want, just something you find interesting or want to talk about :D

hello anon my beloved, I am in a bad mood so you will be receiving a passionate, yet lowkey of pissy rant about why villainizing bakugou makes me wanna vomit and its NOT just because I'm a dumbass kinnie :)

tws: child abuse (emotional and physical), near death expierences, bullying, kidnapping, suffocation, lots of trauma in general tbh. if you've seen bnha then basically just keep all the general triggering plot stuff in mind incase i missed any warnings

also, note: I havent caught up on bnha in a minute, I'm at like the start of the war arc but I barely remember shit there tbh so like. probs missing new stuff. also bnha spoiler warnings lol

so, for starters, the homie bakugou has like,, a good handful of issues that come from his childhood that explain why he's an ass. he was always praised and never actually reprimanded for being a twat which led to him having a huge ego that ended up fucking him over majorly. this ego was something that his mother acknowledged him having, but literally didnt try to fix it with anything other than violence. see here:

like, instead of trying to help him, she hits and insults him, which is probably what led to his weird inferiority/superiority complex. being constantly told by others that you're outstanding and one day you'll be a top hero because you're rude and aggressive and then going home and being hit by your mother for those exact same behaviors is bound to fucking confuse a child.

so like, now that we've established that its definetly canon that his mother (parents? I think he said parents at some point but masaru doesn't seem like the type so 🤷) hits him though we don't know how much or how often (though if bakugou was as much of a little shit back then ((which as far as we've seen- he was)) then it was probably often), lets talk about how regardless of all that 1) hitting your kids as "discipline" not only doesn't work but is abusive lol like idc if it's spanking/popping them on the mouth for talking shit, slapping them across the face "on occasion", etc. shits not okay 2) hitting your kids!!!! does not work!!!!!!!! it is literally PROVEN not to work!!!!!!!! hitting a child who has done something wrong doesnt teach them to stop doing something it teaches them to be scared of you, which will cause the child to withdraw, removing part of their support system (assuming said abusive parents would even offer that up) and will most likely lead to them thinking they're a bad person, not that their actions were bad, which are two different things. so, ya know, that would clearly have an effect on a kid. like, as someone with a mother who reminds me all too much of mitsuki: I have acted like a complete shitbag and taken my anger out on people to feel better in the past because of the way my mother treated me. though it was nowhere near what bakugou did, I still know first fucking hand what a mother hitting and insulting her child will do, especially if they have no proper outlet for that (friends, a safe place to vent) which bakugou never fucking had.

theres also the fact that just talking to your kid the way mitsuki does (saying it's his fault he was kidnapped because he's weak, all while hitting him) is not??? okay?????? ive seen people arguing that this was just a joke in poor taste but like her son was KIDNAPPED and even if it was a "joke" there's literally NO WAY that would EVER?? BE FUNNY??????? she just sounds like the kind of parent who at the very least says shit without thinking that would traumatize bakugou (because being told right after being kidnapped it's your fucking fault by your mother is absolutely traumatizing) but it comes across as her being emotionally abusive.

mitsukis character as a whole comes across as a shitty mom who doesn't realize she's a shitty mom and thinks bakugou being an ass isn't at least partially her fault even though she's admitted to realizing he has always had an ego problem and doing nothing to fix it except for hitting and yelling which obviously did nothing but make him just as loud and violent as she is.

this is obviously not the entire reason why he's a dick but he was never properly taught that the shit he was doing wasn't okay and people not stopping it and/or praising him endlessly even tho he was a bully is basically the same as encouraging it, thank you very much.

moving on from that, let's talk about bakugous other traumas and how he naturally responds to them. hint: it's with either full blown panic or a fight response (verbal or physical, though usually physical. also sometimes it's the panic followed by the fight response.)

so far in bnha (keep in mind that I am not caught up, I've only read up to the beginning of the war arc and i barely remember those bits so) bakugou has...

nearly died via sludge villain (he was unable to move and was being suffocated to death- keep this in mind)

lost for the first time ever and against deku of all people (this nearly sent him into a full blown panic attack, likely because of that sexy little inferiority/superiority complex combo. think of this as like. gifted kid burnout lite. he has always been the best of the best and now suddenly he is being beaten by somebody who has always been weaker than him, which immediately makes him start thinking he was never actually that good, he's actually a fucking failure, a goddamn fraud)

won the sports festival by default (bakugou counts this as yet another failure because todoroki didnt try his best. had bakugou lost to todoroki full strength, he would've taken 2nd place with a bit of bitching, but he still wouldve taken it rather than refuse the medal as it would be a reminder that he failed. instead of accepting that like UA shouldve, the staff chained and muzzled him on live television and then had all might, his fucking idol, force the medal into his mouth. remember the sludge villain incident and how he couldnt move and was suffocating to death? yeah.)

been kidnapped because of the way he reacted to winning during the sports festival (he was aggressive and tried to refuse the medal because he felt he didnt deserve it and was then retraumatized by being chained up and muzzled. his "villainous attitude" was a fucking trauma response, do not tell me otherwise)

was then chained up once again by the LOV after being kidnapped,,, do we see the "retraumatize bkg" theme yet?

"ended all might" (he literally blames himself for all mights retirement because had he just not have been weak, all might wouldve had more time, right?)

my point with all of these is that bakugou has been severely traumatized and has then had his trauma responses (aggression, fight) used to further demonize him. not all people with trauma react the fucking same and the way the fandom just refuses to acknowledge anger as a valid form of trauma response is gross as hell.

moving away from that topic, bakugou has literally never had any actual friends, they all just used him and didn't care about him which absolutely will fuck up a kid, especially one who already has all that other shit going on. bakugou deadass never had a support system or people to help him grow as a person, let alone properly work through his fucking emotions so it's not surprising that he would take out his bullshit on the one person who tried to help him especially considering he saw dekus actions as him thinking he was weak. bakugou was raised to not seek help, he thought somebody strong shouldnt ever need it, so for somebody like deku (who bakugou percieved as weak and helpless already) to offer up help? deku must obviously think bakugou is even weaker than him, what other explanation could their possibly be!

speaking of which, there's his heaps of insecurities that he basically hid by being a twat and bullying others for most of his life. kid was so insecure he bullied deku for fucking years cause he thought deku looked down on him, thought he was better than him, etc. and that only got worse bc his idol then decided to take deku in, train him and even give him his quirk. there's probably some shit im missing but still he's got issues and always has had issues. that being said, he's actually improving and working them out now which is what makes him a really good, interesting character. it's also nice to see a character who is a dick without some tragic backstory (like his backstory is sad but its not the classic "my family was fucking slaughtered and i turned into a raging bitch who murders people" type shit) bc that rarely happens and it's like most assholes don't actually have a story like that they're just assholes lol

now lets talk improvement! lil bitch has been getting better since he got into UA and im so happy abt it!! he had a rough start what with deku suddenly having a quirk and all but like he is really improving now and it highkey shows that bakugou just mostly needed people who 1) didn't constantly praise him and actually criticized him instead 2) actually fucking punished him doing stupid shit and 3) some motherfucking friends

Since going to UA he's gotten actually feedback from teachers about his weaknesses and how to get stronger, he's lost against others, hes been told he has a shit attitude and is a dick, told he should be nicer and leave deku alone, etc etc. He hasn't gotten in trouble too much with teachers but others give him shit for what he does and aizawa has punished him too, while still acknowledging that bakugou is an amazing and dedicated student, something which no one else had done up til that point. and uh???? homie actually has friends who like,,, don't use him and also call him out when he's a dick. like specifically kirishima has done this shit and him and bakugous relationship is clearly very healthy and beneficial for the both of them. makes me feel all happy n shit, ya know

bottom line is: while it is absolutely valid to dislike or even hate bakugou because he is a massively flawed person who has been very cruel to others, villainizing him for the way he acts which in large part seems to be from a lack of guidance, a shitty mother and heavy amounts of trauma, is fucking awful. his actions cannot be fucking excused, he needs to apologize and continue to grow, but he is also a fucking teenager, who is just now being told that the way he acts is unacceptable by people who dont fucking abuse him (and I swear to god if any people who think mitsuki isnt abusive interact with this fucking post I will fullstop hardblock you, I do not fucking care) and actually treat him like a normal person instead of some prodigy child or someone who needs to be fixed.

people are free to debate my points or whatever bc I know some of this stuff is up to interpretation but like. dni if you're just here to say you hate bakugou for xyz reason or that he's irredeemable. also especially dni if you compare him to fucking endeavor yall bitches make me gag.

anyways thxs for the ask anon <33 sorry this is a kinda messy info dump lol

[rarebowgart]

Writeblr Introduction

Hi hello hey how ya doing! My name is Remington and I'm a new writeblr, I just want to share my stories somewhere other than my friends DMs asfdhakdk

I write mostly fantasy and adventure type stuff, and a lot of the things I write are coping stuffs because we got mental illnes luv x

Other Places To Find Me

my main blog is @rarewubbox (you'll find my carrd there as well if you want more info about me!)

my art blog is @c0ttonberries

my AO3 is ToTheMax

Current Wips Under Da Cut (because this got long)

No Name, Fair Game- a story about a boy named Colt-Lynx who runs away from home, meets a cute girl named DeLaney, and they go riding on a train to escape his old life. DeLaney isn't everything she claims to be, however, but Colt-Lynx doesn't seem to notice. The only people that can tell that something is off is the quartet of strange humanoids that they've acquainted themselves with on the train. Full of Drama, Fantasy, and of course the recommended amount of Gay

LOVE–LOVE- a High School Romance story between tennis players on rival teams. Lee is the charismatic yet forgetful heartthrob, and Cliff is the pessimistic yet caring stuffed animal doctor. When their schools agree to have an after-school program dedicated to preaching good sportsmanship, the teams have no choice but to get together and mingle. Lee and Cliff start to realize that they don't mind each others company, despite being supposed rivals. This is just gay high schoolers in love what else do you want from me

Infamous Weapons 101 [title might change]- This is another high school story about a group of juniors who decide the adults aren't going to do anything about their dangerous school system, which encourages burnout, coming to school sick, and- worst of all- coming to school while there's a serial killer at large. These kids have to put their personal squabbles and family drama aside, because now lies a threat that only they seem to care about dispatching, and they can only do this together. This is planned to become a webcomic to be a social commentary on the American school system and all of its fatal flaws, with a wide variety of humanoid and animal characters. There's angels, demons, furries, zombie dogs, and everything in between!

Chërophobia- Chëro is a doll that came to life after being thrown into a dumpster for the millionth time. He wanders into the forest and meets a ghost, who brings him to the wonderful lightshow of Meinstro and Family's Bright-And-Wild Circus! There, he finds a home and people genuinely worth caring for, who won't chuck him in the trash. The only problem is... he's caught up in the family drama now. It turns out the ringleader of this circus he cares about has to carry her parent's burden and answer for their crimes against other circus families around town. This WIP can be summed up as "if I had a nickel for every time I met a family who ran a slaughterhouse disguised as a circus in the woods, I'd have... three nickels. Which isn't a lot but its horrifying that I've met three of them." Oh yeah did I mention the circus is a slaughterhouse? Thats kind of important. I'm writing this with a good and close friend of mine and we've been working on the story for a good long while now!

I also have a smattering of other fics and ocs so I might post about those later but here's my Main Writings!

No Better Version Of Me; a Henry Stickmin Fanfic- this is the only fic I'm putting up here bc its the only one I'm actively publishing lmao. It takes place after The Revenged ending in Henry Stickmin: Completing the Mission. I'll refrain from spoilers but there's DRAMA, ACTION, and MAYBE ROMANCE BUT NOT A LOT OF IT. I have my own separate blog for this fic here @nbvom

[CURRENTLY UNNAMED]- A boarding school far away from any neighboring society finds themselves in trouble when students and teachers alike start turning up dead on the courtyard. They'd call the police, but the phone lines are cut. They'd e-mail for help, but something is trapping their signal. Three assumed targets of this unknown killer are placed under a rudimentary bodyguard program, so now these rowdy music majors are going to have to coexist with the prim, proper and intimidatingly dark students of their Academia majors. (Everything about this is still under heavy development but I've had this idea for like literal years)

[thearchiveofaus]

The Magnus Archives | Assassination Classroom AU (version A probably)

(long post, so the rest is under the cut)

The archival staff + several other characters are part of some prestigious school’s Class 3-F, for “problem kids” and the bottom 5% of students at the school

Class 3-F always endure horrific discrimination on top of poor learning conditions and it seems this year’s class is no exception

But on the first day of the school year something mysteriously destroys around 70% of the moon, leaving it in a permanent crescent shape

Around a week later, a strange creature appears in their class proclaiming to be responsible for the moon’s destruction, and also their new class teacher

The students are then assigned by the government to kill the creature in one year, during which he will be teaching them both normal school subjects and also train them to become assassins

The unkillable teacher is Elias

(no last name given and also probably no catchy nickname)

He’s not evil or manipulative or anything, he’s genuinely polite and cheery and strict but kind to the students and really passionate about teaching them all

But he’s also really blunt and goofy and extra at times

Appearance-wise I have no idea what he looks like yet (*ﾟｰﾟ)ゞ

but I imagine he’s probably monster!Jon adjacent at least - humanoid but also clearly monstrous, maybe mothy?? wings????, EYES

His expressions do not change (maybe he has no facial features other than eyes at all) but his eyes change color depending on his mood

Normal is emerald green, smug is kinda yellow and glowy, etc.

I imagine he can move and fly really fast but not as fast as Korosensei in canon - Elias goes about mach 16-18 tops, probably

But his reflexes are mad quick it’s really hard to catch him off-guard

Maybe because he’s got multiple eyes and can see multiple directions

He’s also brilliant and can predict people pretty well after observing them enough time

Elias teaches most of the subjects all by himself

Eventually he’s joined by two other teachers tho don’t worry

Adelard Dekker is a preacher turned government agent assigned to monitor Elias and the class, while also teaching physical education and combat (unarmed, with a knife, with two knives, with various guns, etc.) and also marksmanship

Annabelle Cane is a renowned assassin who was assigned to teach foreign languages and social manipulation

Well initially she was aiming to assassinate Elias herself and didn’t care about teaching, but after seeing his dedication to teaching them she decides to stick around

If a student is willing she can also teach them the art of deception, seduction, and/or intimidation as a way to reach a target

Class 3-F is in the school basement, in the area not occupied by the boiler and pipes and other basement stuff

It’s dimly lit and musty, there’s only a classroom and a small and usually understocked science lab, one tiny office (shared between Elias, Adelard, and Annabelle), and a grubby ass unisex bathroom down there

Elias quickly gets fed up with it and digs some big tunnels for them

It’s dark as fuck and kinda spooky but it’s easy to get used to

And Elias put so much shit in the tunnels

There’s literally a sport’s field and marathon track in one of the tunnels so the students can have PE where no one can see?? he tried to add a sunroof to another tunnel??? underground library??? Elias what the fuck

The tunnels do lead to exits above ground in various places, mostly back alleys and stuff, but the students get to class through the main school building mostly

And now for some of the students

Jon was initially aloof and cold to everybody and didn’t trust Elias at all

But then he tries suicide-bombing Elias and he almost succeeds, and he gets both praised for catching Elias off-guard and also scolded for putting himself in danger and after that he warms up to Elias a lot

He’s also really observant and makes notes on Elias’s weaknesses and eventually he warms up to his classmates too

Martin was actually sent down bc he was caught working part-time at a cafe to support himself and his mum (side jobs are against school rules actually)

He’s really sweet and supportive and friendly to everybody but at the start of the story he kinda lacks much of a backbone

Then it turns out he’s got a talent for lying and tricking people and he eventually grows stronger and even gathers the courage to confront his mum

(It doesn’t exactly go well and Martin stays with the Stoker family after that, but he’s far happier)

Speaking of which, Tim’s noticed his little bro Danny acting kinda strange and has let his grades drop to worry over Danny, which led Tim to Class 3-F

Everyone expected him to excel in social manipulation, even maybe taking up seduction, but he far prefers training in marksmanship and has even learned to set up bombs

There’s two Sasha Jameses in the class by coincidence; they’re not blood related (one’s got long brown hair, the other has short red hair; brunette!Sasha is also not white, and ginger!Sasha is taller) but they can work with each other remarkably well

Brunette!Sasha’s actually really smart, but struggled through burnout during the previous year and her grades plummeted, sending her to Class 3-F

Ginger!Sasha’s talent leans closer to disguise and deception as opposed to observation

Melanie and Gerry were both suspended for the first couple weeks, for attacking several students and trashing Mr. Leitner’s office respectively, but they quickly come back in once they’ve done their time

They’re both familiar with Jon; Melanie and him get along like bickering siblings, while Gerry was close to him in first year but they eventually drifted apart

Melanie excels in knife combat especially, and she utterly hates Elias at first and actively targets him

Until eventually Elias protects her from a particularly rash assassination attempt, which earned him her trust, though she’s still mean to him at times

Gerry, on the other hand, is good at both short-ranged and long-ranged combat, and also at making traps

Actually, let’s just say Gerry’s really well-rounded in general; he’s good at a lot of subjects, but doesn’t excel at any in particular

Michael and Helen are both transfer students designed specifically to work together to assassinate Elias; they were intended to be transferred in together, but in the end Michael was sent over first and Helen came later on

Michael is a literal killing machine - a box of guns with the face of a human boy on a screen, meant to provide firepower while Helen attacked from up close

At first he had no programmed personality and only knew attacking, until Elias reprogrammed him and gave him a personality and additional abilities

He installed his program onto everyone’s phones and loves messing with them all, but is really helpful when it’s needed

Helen is considered the superior assassin to Michael, and was meant to cover the short-ranged combat

It turns out that she was actually given this gene thing similar to Elias, giving her similar-ish abilities to her (she’s faster, but doesn’t have the eyes and instead has claws and stretchy limbs(?? maybe))

Eventually Elias convinces her to let the thing go and be a normal student learning with the others

Georgie is in a regular class (3-C), but she’s friends with both Jon and Melanie and regularly defends them both from harassment by other students

There’s also the top five students in each of the core school subjects, all of them in Class 3-A, consisting of Agnes, Jude, Nikola, Manuela, and Jane

(I really cannot think of anything to say about them though ;-;)

Elias’s backstory probably matches Korosensei’s really

World’s deadliest assassin/the God of Death (that’s his literal moniker) is betrayed by his student and captured, then experimented on by some mad scientist

The scientist manning the experiment is Jonah Magnus

Gertrude Robinson was one of his right-hands (who also taught for Class 3-F during the day), but she instead grew fond of Elias and talked to him

And when Elias destroyed the lab in his escape after the moon blew up (because of an experiment rat on the moon surface, it really wasn’t his fault - you might as well read assassination classroom it’s really good and explained in more detail) Gertrude was killed in the ensuing chaos

She made Elias promise to teach the students of Class 3-F for her with her dying breath, and Elias chose to make good of that promise

(I’m also thinking maybe the God of Death doesn’t have a birthname but the disciple’s name was Elias, and the God of Death decides to use that as his own name too)

(that’s all i can think of for now ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ)

[gohyuck]

ive heard his music!! i love lofi but i don’t vibe w him as much but he’s still v good,, also national merit finalist is SO hard to get imo so congrats!!! and honestly i originally planned to go to out of state bc tx unis can be very,, meh it’s just not the vibe but HONESTLY tho UT > like i always knew if i had to go to any school in state it’d probably UT cus a&m doesn’t have too much diversity + the vibe imo and rice is too $$ and lowkey,, very,, nerdy,, or maybe that’s just me LOL (1/3)-💌

austin is honestly one of the better cities in tx and the only other city i would even consider would be htx. honestly i can’t wait to explore everything there,, like the food omg so i def agree. i believe that ur smart but the gifted kid burnout is so real and i’m terrified of it LOL i try to balance my social life and school life (work hard play hard) but usually i overestimate myself and burn out and that’s not fun,, but phys c is literal hell so i commend u for even taking it akjsjsjd-💌

yoooo it says 1/3 in the first ask but I only got 2 asks so idk if you only sent 2 or if tumblr ate one 💀and I wanted to go out of state too but it’s too expensive and when I visited UT I honestly fell in love with the vibes so I don’t regret anything! And yeah A&M having less diversity is the main reason I didn’t apply there and I didn’t apply to Rice because it’s not as good as UT is for my major! 💀💀i cant stand htx because of the humidity but I like Austin a lot because of the music (and ofc the food as you said) and just... something about the city feels young I guess? Idk. And SAME I try to balance my social life with my academic life but my academic life just always overtakes in the end... and tbh phys c is rough but I’d rather not take it in Uni that sounds terrible so I’m glad I got it mostly over with now. Aside from psych what other subjects do you like or might considering minoring in or taking elective courses in?

[beaversatemygrandma]

Bluh less than a week left of being here. I was able to hang out with two people this month and because everybody is working idk if i’ll be able to see anyone else at all. So that sucks. Haven’t seen them in a while anyways so it’s okay i guess. Not like anyone checked in through the pandemic except like maybe three of them.

I’ll make new ones after i move and get a new job and now that i’m vaxxed i guess. ;-; And then the ordeal of packing and moving. The most stressful part. I’ve moved literally five times in my life and every time I’ve hated every second of making the whole change. Can’t get used to it. Never have. Ugh.

Most disappointed about probably not being able to do one thing with the one person who kept in contact no matter what after we stopped working together. And ya know that whole shockingly mutual crush. Anyways we were going to go to the springs before i left if they got a day off in time where there weren’t any previous plans and now that it’s less than a week before i go, i guess it’ll have to wait until i visit FL again a while from now. Tho I did run past a hypothetical future situation and it was actually considered. Like after their kinda shitty roommate moves out and I’m done with my business in NC, I’ll likely move in with them. I think it would be a nice situation to have. We know we get along more than well enough, we’ve been basically fighting against work an unlucky situations for time together which rarely happens, but when it does it’s always great, when their roommate doesn’t guilt them out of leaving the house... Also i finally had the full conversation about the gender things we’ve both been going through and, im so happy for them, they’ve already gotten hormone therapy set up and it’s been settled, we definitely are both nb which is neat. Wasn’t expecting that out of when we first met. I just secretly hope their voice doesn’t change too much, it’s not terribly deep or anything, just sounds so nice. Soft and literally makes me melt. ...ahhhh im gonna send a text and see if there really is no time this week. Maybe see if i can at least sneak in one last random adventure or something if we can’t do the day trip.

Geez i don’t wanna leave people behind but i think already accidentally did when i needed like five months of no interactions to recover from the burnout that was the last two years of high school topped off with three years of working a shit deadend job where i was underpaid, underappreciated and depressed as shit trying to pay rent and barely being able to afford food. I’m mostly okay now. Yeah, i need to treat this anxiety and adhd like last year, and finally take classes and go back to school and idk get a damn car. I just wish there was more to do here and i was able to stick around more. But now that I’ve got enough money sitting in the savings to get that car, pay off those medical debts (still bitter because it was $900 for NOTHING but just existing in the ER, it’s down to 700 but STILL.) and probably take some classes at a community college (this will wipe out that whole $10k but still. It’s possible.) I’m gonna get stuck with taking care of a 12yo (the eldest daughter complex is gonna come back but at least it won’t be like it was with my mom and taking care of her dad and dealing with the fucked up parts of her side of the family, I think it’ll just be split between me and my grandma when my dad isn’t around) nbd tho that kid needs a sibling around. And then likely downloading tinder again and being that person looking for people to hang out with and show me the area bc i haven’t been there since i was 8. Going back to the hometown i don’t even know my way around lol. Could be fun, might find other people who are similar in the city. It’s a real city with places that are hopefully not filled to the brim with rednecks. Its NC, so i can’t really guarantee it for myself, but still much less seeing as it’s a big city. Could be fun. Could be fun. Just not emotionally prepared for New. 

Six days and counting. Oh boy.

[hamildoodles]

I drew alot today, mostly fullbodies (which im not used to drawing) and im burnt out hah, I cant sleep so i made chamomile tea while i scowl at the imperfections in my drawings; Anyways, Do you ever suffer burn outs? (drawing alot and then being unmotivated enough to draw, or nothing turning out right bc you overworked yourself)

holy cannoli lemme tell you (first of all fullbodies can be so taxing so pat yourself on the back cos you deserve it) but I go through what you do all the time. I’ve had to literally stop myself from taking pictures, tweaking them, and reuploading them again because I tend to be very maniática if like the nose is off to far to one side or one of the eyes is just like a pixel bigger than the other but now I just sort of force myself to try and find the things I LIKE about my work instead of focusing on the bad things?

It’s hard but there’s always going to be at least one reason you like a picture, so focus on that more instead of what you see as imperfections (you ever hear of wabi-sabi)

as for burnouts – I do, actually. Before I got into Hamilton, I had stopped drawing for a long, long time. (I’m talking like I did maybe 5 - 6 pictures in like 4 months. You see how much I draw now so imagine that) I just didn’t have any motivation, I had ideas but never motivation, and when I had motivation, the ideas left me.

The advice I’ve got for that is just…. don’t feel like you have to draw anything? (I mean unless you got commissions or deadlines) and if you feel the urge to draw just pick up a pen sTART WRITING and start drawing? It doesn’t even have to be anything in particular. Sometimes I just start with like a head and whoever it becomes, it becomes.

The key is literally, don’t force yourself. If you WANNA draw and you can’t figure out what you wanna draw, or you can’t, just do it when you really feel the urge or something inspires you. (Music usually does for me) 

wow have a mile long answer but I have a lot of feelings about what you said cos I’ve literally been you. I am you. I will always be you. Except I can’t drink hot tea. ):