#Matthew Kim icons | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

seokmthw · 1 year

Text

give me love | zhang hao

⇢ pairing: zhang hao x reader

⇢ warnings: friends to lovers, college au, slight angst, fluff, explicit language, mentions of alcohol

⇢ word count: 9.06k

⇢ synopsis: you unexpectedly meet someone at a party who was also on sober friend duty, and soon you were desperate for him to give you the same love you felt for him.

⇢ notes: this is one of my most beloved works and i thought it would be really fitting to hao! i know i said in my initial post that i wouldn't typically post lengthy fics, but this one is definitely one of my few exceptions. i hope you enjoy!

JOIN MY TAGLIST!

you certainly did not think you would be starting your sophomore year of college at a party your best friend, gyuvin, was throwing in his apartment to “start off the year right.”

yet, here you were.

you’d been long forgotten about the moment a massive influx of people showed up to gyuvin’s front door. it’s not like you really cared, though, because he was definitely the social butterfly of the two of you and you were more than fine being crammed on one of the bean bag chairs in the corner of his living room. it’s not like you didn’t want to watch people drunkenly make out on the couch in front of you, anyway. definitely not.

you’d been nursing the same drink gyuvin handed you five minutes before people began to arrive for the past hour, hoping to god you could find something interesting to look at in the liquid to keep yourself occupied, considering you had been ransacked by boredom the entire time the party had been going on.

truthfully, you wanted to either bash your head into the wall or you wanted to go back to your own apartment and crawl into your bed with your laptop and a show on the television. you would never admit that to gyuvin though, because you knew that he was happy to have you at every party he threw whether he actually spent time with you or not. you didn’t have the heart to leave until you were able to make sure he was in bed and his apartment was semi-picked up after everyone bid their - always slurred, by the way - farewells.

you could have sworn even thinking gyuvin’s name seemed to lure him to you sometimes, because the brunette was calling out your name over the music, a goofy smile on his lips and his arm slung around a boy that you’d never met before. said boy looked extremely uncomfortable as well, and you felt painfully sorry for him as the pair approached you.

“y/n!” gyuvin exclaimed, a small giggle emitting from him. you rose to your feet and practically pried your very wasted best friend off of the poor boy he was clinging onto with an apologetic smile.

“i love you!”

gyuvin crushed you in a hug that made it impossibly hard for you to breathe. you grunted in surprise, patting him on the back, “i love you too, gyu.”

he turned to face the other boy, his smile never leaving his face as he stuck his hand out and said, “this is zhang hao, he’s hanbin’s sober friend, just like you’re mine! i figured you two could sit and talk or something. you always look like you want to die whenever you’re at one of my-” he cut himself off mid-sentence, “oh! hao, this is my best friend, y/n!”

each and every syllable that left gyuvin’s mouth was almost impossible for anyone to make out, but you’d grown so accustomed to how he spoke when he was drunk that you could understand everything he was trying to say. you couldn’t help but let out a chuckle at him, slipping out of his arms enough to reach down to your drink that was shoved beside your bean bag chair. you held out the cup to gyuvin and patted him on the shoulder, telling him to search for hanbin and that you would be in the same exact spot if he needed you for anything else.

“i take it you deal with him like this a lot?” the boy finally asked, though you jumped at his words because you had pretty much forgotten he was watching that entire scene unfold in front of him.

you turned to face him, your gaze finally meeting his without a drunk gyuvin between the two of you. you only smiled, “yeah, gotta make sure he doesn’t manage to get himself arrested. or hurt. it really just depends on the night.”

“i feel that one,” he laughed, “hanbin is almost always the exact same way.”

by now you had taken your spot back on the bean bag chair, motioning for zhang hao to inhabit the open one next to it if he wanted to. he sat down next to you, both of you angled in such a way you were able to talk face to face, “i’m surprised we haven’t met yet, to be completely honest. i see hanbin at these parties every time gyuvin hosts one.”

zhang hao nodded, “me too. he drags me to every single one even if i practically beg him not to. he’s a menace.”

you laughed at his choice of words for his friend, “same, but i’m pretty much legally obligated to attend them all otherwise i’ll get my head ripped off. i get ignored the entire time anyway so i’m always stuck here hoping my phone won’t die.”

the awkward beginning of your conversation quickly faded away as you got more comfortable with each other. you learned that zhang hao was majoring in music education with the hopes of being able to work with children across korea and hopefully internationally someday. you’d informed him that you were majoring in film production and hoped to someday take part in filming and editing music videos for groups across the country.

everything flowed so easily between the two of you, from what you hoped to get out of your future careers to what you each thought was arguably the best ben & jerry’s ice cream flavor to whether or not you thought water was wet. your night was pleasantly filled with giggles and newly formed jokes, much different from your typical experience at one of gyuvin’s infamous parties.

you had been talking for so long that you almost didn’t realize how quickly the time was ticking by until the amount of people in the apartment started to lessen and before you knew it, the only people who were left were you, gyuvin, zhang hao, and hanbin. you rose from your seat, grateful to finally be able to stretch your limbs without the fear of tripping someone and getting alcohol spilled all over you. you and the brown haired boy next to you made your way over to your friends who were clinging onto each other for dear life and giggling like no tomorrow. you cleared your throat, “i think it’s time to get you to bed, gyu.”

“but i’m not tired yet,” he pouted, his brows furrowed in annoyance at your sudden demand for him to leave the embrace he was currently engulfed in. you sighed, “come on, dude, it’s three in the morning and i’m tired.”

gyuvin reluctantly detangled himself from hanbin and wrapped his arms around you instead, though this time you accepted him with open arms in hopes of making your time easier. you glanced over at zhang hao, who was struggling just as much as you to even get hanbin out of the house. you couldn’t help the lighthearted laugh, “you guys can stay here tonight if you want.”

visible relief washed over zhang hao, “really?”

“yeah, i think both of them are too out of it to really notice anyway.”

you tilted your head to the side, indicating that gyuvin’s room was just down the hallway. zhang followed in behind you as you pushed the door open, revealing gyuvin’s spotless living space - which was starkly different to the rest of his house - and the plush bed that was shoved up against the wall farthest from you. gyuvin gleefully laughed, bounding toward the mattress with a wide grin as he flopped down onto the comforter and pillows.

you closed your eyes, trying like hell to grip onto the little bit of sanity you had left, and took a deep breath through your nose. gyuvin looked up from his spot on the bed, his bottom lip now jutted out and his eyes glimmering with unshed tears.

“fuck,” you muttered under breath, gaining the attention of zhang hao, who was trying to suppress the grin tugging at his lips and who was having it a lot easier than you were right now. hanbin was practically already asleep while he was standing up.

the universe was almost always kind to you when it came to gyuvin being trashed. he almost always cooperated with you when you tried to get him in bed, albeit he was clingy beyond belief, and he never, ever pitched a fight with you. being eternally grateful for that was something you hoped carried through the wind because if the world hadn’t been so kind, you would be put through hell more often than you would like to be. sometimes your gratitude wasn’t enough.

your biggest pet peeve was when gyuvin cried while he was drunk. it was almost impossible to get him to calm down and he usually wailed at the top of his lungs like a child would after falling off their bike. the look he was giving you now told you everything you needed to know about how the next twenty minutes of your time was going to play out.

you scrambled over to the boy, cupping either side of his cheeks. you were going to try your best to prevent this from happening, “what’s wrong?”

“why don’t you ever have fun at my parties?” his voice quivered.

no, you thought to yourself, please, for the love of all things good, don’t do this to me right now.

“gyu,” you started, “i do have fun at your parties. you’re just never around me enough to see me having fun because you’re with your other friends.”

his lip quivered slightly, and as he blinked, the first tears of the night began rolling down his cheeks, “then how come you always hide in a corner and sulk?”

“because i never had any friends at these parties other than you and hanbin, so i had nobody to talk to,” you see more tears stream down his cheeks. you quickly spat out, “but look! i have a friend now and he’ll be able to keep me company whenever you can’t!”

you threw your arm out toward zhang hao, who gave gyuvin a small wave and a reassuring smile, “i’ll make sure they don’t sulk anymore!”

gyuvin sniffled and wiped at his tears with the sleeve of his sweater, nodding at your words. you pushed some of his hair out of his face and wiped his tears, “are you ready to sleep now?”

“yeah,” he grumbled, pulling the covers back and crawling underneath them, his frown slowly turning into a smile, “i love you, y/n.”

“i love you too. now get some rest, okay?” you waved zhang hao over, who practically drug hanbin to the bed and tucked him in beside gyuvin. the two were asleep the moment their heads hit the pillows.

you breathed a sigh of relief and followed zhang hao back to the main part of the house, making sure to close the door quietly behind you. you could barely hear the chuckle he gave you, “that was a close one, huh?”

you began picking up some of the litter around the couch, “close is an understatement. when he cries it’s the worst.” you shoved the rest of the forgotten cups and various other garbage off to the side with your foot and pulled the couch out, revealing a thin mattress and creaky frame that you had grown accustomed to seeing as gyuvin refused to get a new one. he was attached to it, he would always say, he couldn’t bear the thought of parting with it. you gave zhang hao a look, “this is all we have for sleeping options, sadly.”

“that’s okay,” he reassured you, “it’s better than the floor at least.”

you went to the storage closet by the front door of the apartment and pulled out a pillow and a blanket for each of you, tossing zhang hao his share and making your way over to the bed. exhaustion was starting to catch up to you the more the night drug on, the heaviness you felt in all of your limbs was a telltale sign of that. you made sure to turn off the lamp in the living room before you crawled into the bed next to zhang hao, a blush creeping onto your cheeks out of embarrassment. you had never felt more grateful for the darkness that blanketed gyuvin’s apartment.

as if on cue, zhang hao remarked, “i definitely didn’t think i would be sharing a bed with someone i just met when i agreed to come to this party.”

“i was just about to say the same thing,” you said, “leave it to gyuvin to cause the weirdest things to happen.”

the two of you stayed up for a while longer, talking about anything and everything. you told stories from your high school days and freshman year of college, laughing at each other’s misfortunes and bonding over some of the weirdest experiences you’d had. talking to zhang hao came so naturally to you, it almost felt as if you couldn’t stop. soon, however, sleep was starting to overcome your body.

the last thing you remember was feeling content in the warmth that radiated off the boy next to you.

ii.

“kim gyuvin, i swear to fucking god i’m gonna kill you!” you screeched, scrambling to grab your things off of the table in front of you before anything was soaked in the hot coffee he spilled.

this is most definitely not what you signed up for when you decided to drop by the library to do homework and visit gyuvin on his break at work. there was a coffee shop tucked into the corner of the library, which was where he worked, and he stopped by to bring you a dose of caffeine to help you fly through the many assignments that had bombarded you. he had lost his grip on the coffee cup and somehow managed to practically throw it at you, resulting in your most recent panic and the burning hot liquid to be seeping through the front of your t-shirt.

“y/n, will you calm down?” the boy hissed, “you’re causing people to stare. besides, it’s not even that bad.”

you scowled at him, shaking all of your loose notes in front of his face, “says the one who’s graphic design notes aren’t in jeopardy and the one who didn’t get a single drop of it on him.”

one of the librarians was kind enough to bring you some of the cleaning supplies they had stored in a closet behind the desk. you smiled at her, muttering a quick apology before you attempted to soak up as much of the coffee as you could. gyuvin couldn’t suppress the smile he was adorning and he made sure to take all of your things from the table so they didn’t get harmed by his mess either.

“i don’t think it’s very funny.”

“you’re right, my dear best friend,” gyuvin retorted, “it’s hilarious.”

by now you had finished cleaning up the table, a mound of dripping paper towels now inhabiting your hands. you hurried over to the nearest trash can and let them fall inside of it with a plop, opting to just wipe your hands on your shirt since it was already stained. there wasn’t much more damage that could be done to it anyway.

as you neared your table once more, gyuvin was beginning to walk away from it. he gave a quick hug, “i have to go, my break is over and my boss is going to kill me if i’m late clocking back in again.”

“you owe me a new coffee and a new shirt, asshole.”

“yeah, yeah, whatever. i’ll see you later, okay?” with that, gyuvin was practically sprinting back to the cafe. you couldn’t help but laugh at him; he deserved to get chewed out. he ruined a perfectly good shirt.

you sat back down in your chair, pulling your notes out once more in an attempt to get this stupid project taken care of. it had really dampened your mood when the professor announced you had to make a detailed infographic over a topic that he assigned to you, which made it that much harder because you were given one that you could care less about. to top it all off, you now had no coffee and a damp shirt.

you heaved a frustrated sigh. you could only hope that this project would go well and your day would get better than it was going, because you'd had enough embarrassment in the past ten minutes to last yourself a lifetime.

“rough day?” you could hear a person’s voice to the right side of you, which caused you to visibly jump in surprise. you turned to face the owner, only to be greeted with the beaming smile of zhang hao. you hadn’t seen him since the party a few days ago, but the two of you had texted nonstop almost every single day since he left gyuvin’s apartment with a very hungover hanbin. you returned his grin, “you don’t even know the half of it. i take it you saw all of that?”

“it was kind of hard not to. it’s not everyday someone’s yelling profanities in the middle of the library,” he admitted with a chuckle.

you turned red at his remark. if you didn’t feel an ungodly amount of embarrassment before, you sure did now, especially knowing this all unraveled right in front of your new friend. you buried your face in your hands, “i’m gonna stab gyuvin someday. mark my words.”

zhang hao’s eyes flitted to your shirt, a look of sympathy flashing across his gaze while he sat down in the chair across from you. he quickly took his hoodie off of his body, holding it out to you, “here, go change into this.”

“are you sure?” you asked, your eyes wide at his offer. he only smiled, pushing it further into your direction until you finally took it from his grasp. you thanked him before making your way to the bathroom.

you weren’t sure if it was the way he seemed to go pink when he was handing you his hoodie or if it was the fact that you had it in the first place that made your heart flutter in your chest, but irregardless, it was still happening and you weren’t sure what to make of it. sure, you’d definitely grown fond of the boy in the short few days you’d been talking to him, but you didn’t think it was enough to cause you to feel the way you did right now.

you pushed into the empty bathroom and entered the stall furthest from the door, not wanting to risk the chance of someone trying to barge in while you had your shirt off. the walls were covered in countless messages written by people over the course of the years; obscenities, phone numbers, and _+_ written in the middle of poorly drawn hearts. your university clearly didn’t check the bathrooms regularly enough, or they simply did not care about what was written on them. you wouldn’t be shocked either, if you were completely honest. it was rare enough that the university apartments even had decent heat in the winter, god forbid they’re asked to keep their bathrooms looking nice.

you peeled your shirt off, grimacing at how gross it truly felt clinging to your skin until it was completely off your body. gyuvin definitely owed you a new shirt - though you were positive he owed you a lot more than just that; your dignity, perhaps? you made the attempt to fold it as neatly as you could, but there was only so much you could do when it was in the condition it was.

you now grabbed the soft cotton sweatshirt from the hook on the door, smiling fondly before you slipped it over your head. it still had every last bit of zhang hao’s warmth inside of it, which was a nice change from the cold air hitting your wet skin. it smelled faintly of vanilla and laundry soap, just what you would have expected from zhang hao. simple scents for someone who seemed like a simple guy.

feeling much better than you did just moments prior, you smiled to yourself and left the stall. you caught a glimpse in the mirror of how the hoodie seemed to fit you nicely you before you left the bathroom and cursed yourself for blushing so easily. it’s just because i’m embarrassed, you thought.

by the time you got back to your spot, zhang hao was already hunched over a textbook, his hand scribbling notes down on the paper beside him. he only looked up when you pushed your chair back and plopped down, shoving your shirt into one of the empty pockets in your backpack, “thank you for letting me borrow this, i feel a lot better.”

zhang hao was thankful that you didn’t see him nervously swallow, “it’s no problem, anything for a friend.”

a comfortable silence fell between the two of you as you both delved back into your work. you kept finding yourself getting distracted by every little thing, whether it be someone coughing or your interest in anything but the task in front of you. soon your mind was wandering further than you hoped for it to, your project shoved to the side and your eyes trained on the same part of your laptop screen. you mentally cursed yourself out for daydreaming so much; you never meant to, it just happened. more often than you’d like to admit, but still.

little did you know, it caught the interest of zhang hao and made him smile to himself as he continued reading the words printed on the glossy pages in front of him.

a couple hours later, you found yourself in one of the dining facilities with zhang hao, the both of you scarfing down your food like it was the last meal you would ever be able to eat. studying made you guys hungry, you told yourselves, you deserved it. zhang hao was the one who suggested you grab a bite to eat after all the hard work that you guys - mostly him, that is - did within the time at the library.

“i usually have time to actually eat lunch only on mondays and wednesdays. any other time, i have to get something from the grab and go portion of the dining facilities,” the brown haired boy informed you, his cheeks puffed out from the chicken he was currently working on chewing, “so i’m glad you got coffee spilled on you today. i have a buddy to eat with.”

“that’s usually when i’m free too!” you exclaimed, a grin lighting up your face, “maybe we can make it a part of our routine to eat together?”

“yeah, i’d love that!”

iii.

you kept up with your plans that you made with your friend for the past month now. every monday and wednesday out of the week you ventured to different dining facilities scattered across campus. each time you were filled with delicious food and pleasant conversation, but you couldn’t help but feel yourself start to get anxious.

you were developing feelings for zhang hao.

they had hit you like a truck, completely uninvited, though you had been suppressing them for longer than you would ever admit to yourself. it had been at one of gyuvin’s parties when zhang hao helped you with cleaning up the mess around the house for the nth time since the semester started.

“we always find ourselves in this situation, huh?” he’d remarked, “i wouldn’t want it to be anyone else, though.”

you had to stop yourself from dropping a solo cup full of beer all over the floor in gyuvin’s kitchen. you instantly felt your cheeks heat up, turning away from him so he couldn’t see you; there was no reason for you to look like a tomato in his presence.

you mentally screamed at yourself. it was the simplest of statements, but nonetheless it ignited a whirlwind of feeling inside of you that you hadn’t been able to figure out. you wanted to slap yourself to get it out of your head that you were just friends. nothing more, nothing less. friends.

“i wouldn’t want it to be, either.”

the moment you brought it up to gyuvin, he wouldn’t let you live it down. his best friend had a crush, whether you wanted to admit it or not, and he was determined to play matchmaker. many hits to his arm and a few choice words later, the brunette was swearing he would keep his nose out of it. besides, you knew that zhang hao meant it in the most friendly way possible. there was absolutely no way that he felt the same way as you, so there was really no need to dwell on it. surely you would get over it. right?

wrong.

you were now sprawled out on the couch with your head in gyuvin’s lap, your eyes closed, as he threaded his fingers through your hair. you’d finally broke down and admitted you had a crush, but you were almost positive it would go nowhere. sighing, you said, “i don’t know what to do, gyu. i know he doesn’t feel the same, so telling him will only ruin our friendship, and i like having him in my life.”

“you don’t know what his thought process is, dummy,” gyuvin snorted, “for all you know, he could be madly in love with you.”

“i highly doubt that,” your eyes were now open and were looking up at your best friend, who seemed to be deep in thought. he was silent for a while. too silent, might you add, because the boy hardly ever knew when to shut up. sometimes it was both a blessing and curse.

finally, he said, “maybe you should suggest playing truth or dare at the party this saturday. maybe i can even force you two to join if you’re too scared.”

now it was your turn to be deep in thought. you had been venturing out a little more at gyuvin’s parties lately, though zhang hao was always by your side. it wouldn’t hurt to at least see if he wanted to play, though you knew you would be too scared to even think about asking him. you sighed in defeat, “i don’t know… it seems like a good idea, but what would we even be asked to do if we picked dare?”

“you’re overthinking this,” gyuvin stated, giving your forehead a harsh flick.

“okay, mr. i can never make up my fucking mind about anything,” you countered, though you knew he was right, “can i trust you with this?”

gyuvin held his hand over his heart, mock offense clear due to his wide eyes and parted lips, “how dare you think i would do something irrational. shame on you.”

“i’m serious, gyu.”

his joking demeanor soon abided and now his face held a serious, more concerned look, “of course you can trust me. i��m not going to make you guys do anything like seven minutes in heaven or something stupid.”

you hoped you were making the right decision.

iv.

to say you felt like you were going to throw up was an understatement. saturday had rolled around far too quickly for your liking and you desperately wanted to go back to the beginning of the week. maybe you were making the wrong decision. maybe playing truth or dare was the worst idea you could ever make.

“hello? earth to y/n?” coming to your senses, you’d realized that people had begun to show up little by little, hanbin and zhang hao being some of the first to arrive. you felt your heart flip in your chest the moment you made eye contact with him, but managed to keep yourself composed.

you offered a small laugh, “sorry, i must have been daydreaming again.”

the group surrounding you chimed in with their own laughs, but you felt even more scared now that zhang hao was standing right in front of you. there was no turning back now, you supposed.

gyuvin was able to read you like a book, because the next thing you knew, he was shoving a red solo cup into your hand as well as zhang hao’s and sending you away without much thought. you took your spots on your usual bean bag chairs in the corner, looking over to see gyuvin letting even more people into his house upon hearing their knocks.

“you think he’s ever going to stop throwing these parties someday?” zhang hao inquired, snagging your attention from the door that was far too interesting to you.

you chuckled, “doubt it. he lives and breathes for these parties. it’s a way for him to de-stress.”

before you knew it, you were falling into your normal conversation with him once more. the reason you were so anxious faded into the back of your mind the moment zhang hao started showing you pictures and videos of his dog. things were always so comfortable with him. you cursed him for causing you to feel as if nothing else really mattered whenever you were around him.

the music thumping almost completely drowned out the rest of the chaos going on in other various parts of the house. you’d finished your drink for once - though you blamed that solely on the fact that he smiled at you and you forgot how to function - and you were feeling relatively good about the night.

gyuvin finally bounded over to you, and much to your surprise, he wasn’t totally trashed, “guys, come on, we’re playing truth or dare! it’s about time you actually play a game, yeah?”

you swallowed harshly, turning to gauge zhang hao’s reaction. he merely shrugged, rising from his spot and offering you his hand. you took it, hope to god that he wasn’t able to feel the insane amount of sweat you had accumulated within the few short moments of all of this. gyuvin was surprised to see zhang hao give in so easily, as were you.

you followed gyuvin into his spare room, which he used for an office, and sat down in the few open spots left in the circle. you were able to recognize a few people you went shared classes with, like seok matthew and park gunwook, as well as a few other unfamiliar faces. you felt relief to feel gyuvin sit down next to you and see hanbin make his way into the room as well.

the circle was rather large and you hoped you wouldn’t manage to embarrass yourself in front of everyone. gyuvin was quick to get the game started, asking you a harmless truth question to start out with. the game continued on, not getting too interesting within the first few rounds. the most anyone had to do was take their shirt off, which you honestly expected considering you were at a party and people had alcohol coursing through their veins.

“truth or dare, hao?” gunwook asked, now beginning what felt like the millionth round of the game. hao sat there for a moment, contemplating his options before finally stating, “dare.”

gunwook looked over at you and smirked. mischief lurked behind his dark eyes, his plump lips parting to say, “i dare you to kiss y/n.”

the lump residing in your throat made itself known within mere seconds of the words being spoken. gyuvin tensed up next to you, indicating that this is definitely not how he expected the game to go. you were frozen, at a standstill, really. zhang hao’s eyes met with your own and you could tell he was having an inner debate.

“i mean, we’re just friends, right? no harm, no foul?”

you could feel your heart sink in your chest. just friends. nothing more, nothing less. it wasn’t like you expected anything less from the universe, so you just decided to give in. you nodded, “right.”

you knew gyuvin was going to chew you out for this. you knew that you were going to beat yourself up every single day for it. but did that stop you from letting him come over to your side of the circle, squatting in front of you, and pressing his lips against yours? absolutely not.

kissing him was almost indescribable. it was the first time you had kissed someone and actually felt something. you leaned lightly into him, having to suppress a sad whine when he pulled away just as quickly as he kissed you. he gave you a small, close-lipped smile before he settled back down in his spot next to hanbin once more.

you swore you could feel yourself breaking.

gyuvin was able to rub small circles in your back without anyone noticing. it was the thing he always did when he knew you were upset, whether you showed it visibly or not. he could feel the sadness radiating off of you in waves and he hated it. he hated it because he internally blamed himself for this. he was the reason why you were hurting. if he hadn’t suggested this, you wouldn’t be feeling what he knew you were.

the game continued on and you were able to put on a front better than you expected. your laughs even seemed believable. but if you were being honest with yourself, you wanted nothing more to crawl into your bed and cry for the rest of the night.

which, you were able to do, except the crying part. the moment your head hit your pillows after the long night you had, you just didn’t have it in you to cry. instead, you spent the entire week wallowing in your own self-pity. you’d given zhang hao the excuse of feeling under the weather to avoid even being in his presence at all. you needed to figure yourself and your feelings out.

that proved to be a lot more difficult than it sounded, though.

even though you were in bed, either trying to grasp the little motivation you had left to do your assignments or stuffing your face with ice cream - it was a good coping mechanism, you told yourself - your mind was still riddled with thoughts of that night. with how right it felt to have his lips against yours, or how badly you wanted him to swoop back in for another kiss the moment he pulled away. you hated being like this, you really did, but for some reason you just couldn’t get yourself out of your funk.

“how long has it been since you talked to him?” gyuvin asked through the speaker of your phone, which was laying flat on your chest as you stared up at the ceiling above your bed.

you sighed, reluctant to answer his question, “if you mean in person, at the party on saturday. over text, then on monday. i made up an excuse to get out of lunch with him this week.”

you were greeted with radio silence on gyuvin’s end. if that was anything to go by, it certainly was never a good sign. it meant he was either scheming something or he was about to start yelling at you, though you weren’t sure which of the two was worse.

“gyu?” you finally decided to break said silence, hoping he would respond, but there was absolutely no movement or sound from his end. not even the soft whirr of his fan could be heard, which gave away the fact that he muted his mic.

it was uncommon for gyuvin to burst into your apartment like he owned the place, but it still caught you off guard every single time. your bedroom door swung open, your best friend standing between the frame for a moment before he charged to your bed and ripped all of the blankets from your body. you let out a yelp of surprise, scrambling to move away from his death grip as quickly as you could.

“what the fuck!”

“you,” gyuvin gripped onto your shoulders tightly, forcing you to look him in the eyes, “are going to get your ass into the shower and make yourself look presentable. and then you’re going to see if zhang hao wants to get dinner tonight. i’m sick of seeing you wallow in self-pity.”

he earned a groan of annoyance from you, “i don’t exactly want to see him, gyuvin. I’m worried things are going to be awkward between us.”

“you still care about him, don’t you?”

“yes.”

“you were also the one to tell me you enjoyed having him in your life, correct?”

“i forgot about that, but yes.”

“then you’re going to dinner and you’re going to continue to be friends with him,” gyuvin stated matter-of-factly. he was practically dragging you out of bed at this point, shoving your body toward your bathroom.

you softly sighed. you supposed he was right, but you would never admit that. zhang hao was still important to you and you’d rather be friendzoned by him a million times than lose him entirely. you flipped the bathroom light on, only to almost turn it off after seeing your reflection. you did look pretty bad, so maybe dressing up a bit and finally seeing zhang hao would make you feel a little better.

“where’s your phone?”

you squinted at gyuvin, “why do you need it?”

“because i’m going to cover for you and make the plans while you’re in the bath.”

you told him where it was and shut the bathroom door as he left, quickly discarding your clothes and stepping into your shower. the water felt nice running over your body, all of your worries and concerns washing away with it. maybe this was the better option, staying friends with zhang hao. everything still stung, but you were willing to deal with it. you had been giving the boy the cold shoulder as of late and you felt extremely guilty about it because it was you being selfish above everything else. he didn’t even know he upset you, so it wasn’t exactly fair for you to hold a grudge against him.

you quickly finished your shower, wrapped in nothing but a towel around your body and your head, walking into your room with a content sigh. gyuvin was sat cross-legged on his bed, presumably playing a game on his phone as you picked up your own to check the damage he may have caused in your conversation with zhang hao.

[you] hey, sorry for not texting much this week. i was feeling super sick but i’m better now! do you wanna get dinner or something and catch up?

[hao] i thought you were mad at me, to be honest. it’s a relief to know you weren’t. dinner sounds good though! does 6:30 work?

[you] yep, sounds good! maybe we can order pizza at my place and watch a movie?

[hao] sure! i can’t wait :)

“thank you, gyu,” you said, “i really don’t know what i would do without you.”

“i know. now get ready, okay? i’m gonna head out and let you do your thing.”

he gave you a hug and left your apartment a lot less violently than he came in, which caused a small chuckle to slip past your lips. you had only an hour or so until zhang hao was supposed to come over, so you opted for a pair of skinny jeans and a t-shirt adorning your college’s logo across the front of it. you looked at least a little more put together than you did not even an hour prior, so you were happy with the turn out, even if it was a bit minimal.

the minutes until zhang hao’s arrival ticked by painfully slow, even after you occupied yourself with ordering the pizza and pulling up the movie he had texted you about that he wanted to watch. soon, however, there was a light knock on your door and you were sent into a mini heart attack from the sudden break in silence.

you padded to the door, greeting the boy with a bright smile. you had to admit, seeing him in the flesh felt a lot better than you expected. however, the moment he pulled your body into a hug, you could feel the gears turning in your head. you pushed them away the best you could, “i’m glad you were able to come!”

“me too, lunch has been pretty lonely this week without you,” zhang hao replied, pulling away from the hug and giving you one of his beautiful smiles. butterflies went off in your stomach.

guilt now riddled your entire body. the thought of zhang hao having to eat alone on your designated days of the week made you feel a pang of sadness, especially since you were the one to cancel your plans. you really just needed to get over yourself; in the long run, your crush on him didn’t matter as much as seeing him smile did.

the pizza was delivered shortly after his arrival, and the two you dug in, filling your bellies and your cheeks more than you probably should have. he filled you in on what his crazy psychology professor had done during the week and you were able to easily lie and say you spent most of your time sleeping. things were finally feeling normal with him and you were hoping it would stay that way, that your feelings would be kept at bay. however, there was a voice in the back of your mind that was nagging at you to say something to him, anything.

you sighed softly, “hey, can we talk, you know, about truth or dare game?” not exactly what you wanted to say, but it was definitely too late to take it back.

zhang hao was quiet, turning his head to face you with a look you couldn’t quite read. you were just now taking note of how pretty his eyes were and how his hair was styled a bit differently than it normally was, a sliver of his forehead on display. he looked insanely good today, not that he didn’t everyday, but you were definitely swooning more than you wanted to admit. you blinked, slowly, finally ripping your gaze away from his.

“yeah, about that,” he started, “i just wanted to apologize for it. i wasn’t really thinking and didn’t realize it would take such a toll on you. i should have asked first.”

“It’s not that i was uncomfortable, i was just mainly worried about how our friendship would be affected,” you replied, your words holding the truth to them. you knew you would like his answer, but you got it anyway.

“nothing has to change or be awkward, yeah? we can just put it past us and carry on as friends like normal.”

your week of sulking and your talk with gyuvin had prepared you for accepting that, so it was easy to nod your head and say, “that sounds perfect.”

but little did you know, zhang hao was freaking out just as much as you were.

he’d beat himself up for even spitting out the words “just friends” saturday night, and he surely was for emphasizing it again. he took every word that hanbin lashed out on him, trying his best not to fight, because he knew he deserved it. he basically friendzoned himself before you could and it clung onto his every waking thought when he left gyuvin’s apartment that night.

a million thoughts raced across his mind, much like yours; did he mess up your friendship forever? did you even want to talk to him anymore? how were you feeling after everything unraveled?

after your conversation, he had no doubt in his mind that you didn’t hold any ill feelings toward him. sitting next to you on your floor, eyes trained on the television, he couldn’t help but feel like an even bigger idiot. surely he was overthinking everything because you certainly seemed fine. you acted as you normally did, cracking jokes left and right and listening intently to his every word when he was telling you a story.

he still felt the same fluttering in his chest that he’d had from the very first time he met you. he sighed, deciding to focus his attention back on the movie instead of dwelling on something he knew was definitely not true now.

the moment your head lulled to the side and landed on his shoulder, your eyes closed and soft breathing the only sounds he was able to hear from you, he nearly melted. he hoped that this isn’t something he would think about for the next week straight, but he knew deep in his heart that he would.

because when it came to you, he couldn’t seem to get his mind to shut off.

who was zhang hao?

he was the other sober friend you made at gyuvin’s start of the year party. he was your lunch date every monday and wednesday in various locations of campus depending on how the two of you were feeling. he was someone you found yourself turning to when you were having a bad week and gyuvin was unable to be there for you. he was the friend that made sure you took frequent breaks into the hours you put in studying for tests and working on projects. he was a friend you would cherish for the rest of your life.

and he was the friend you had undoubtedly fallen in love with.

you’d accepted your fate of unrequited love a long time ago. long after you admitted your crush on him to yourself and gyuvin. long after you knew you would be friendzoned for the rest of your time knowing him. you were okay with loving him in silence. it made you feel a lot better that he at least loved you enough as a friend.

the two of you spent a lot more time together as the semester passed by and soon finals week was rolling around. your stress levels were high and you were grumpier than you ever wanted to be, especially to poor gyuvin. he always tried his best to distract you from your work long enough to make your sour mood lessen, which you were eternally grateful for, but sometimes the boy got on your nerves.

it wasn’t like he meant to, and you appreciated him all the more for at least attempting his luck, but he really just didn’t know when to shut his mouth while you were in the middle of trying to perfect some of the fonts and layout of information on yet another infographic you had to complete for your graphic design class as your final project. you eventually asked him to, for the love of god, shut up, and he sealed his lips for the rest of the night.

you were nearing the end of finals week and gyuvin was expected to pull a double three days out of the week at work to cater to the caffeine deprived students going to the cafe to drown their sorrows in espresso and cold brew, so he was out of commission once you turned in your last assignment for the semester.

you decided to shoot zhang hao a text and ask how things were going on his end, and once he replied and said that he was finally free from the chains of hell, you suggested hitting up your favorite convenience store to get snacks and celebrate a successful semester. he was at the front door of your apartment within mere minutes.

the clothes that adorned his body were nothing special. just a pair of black sweatpants, the same gray hoodie he let you borrow when gyuvin spilled coffee all over you, and a white baseball cap to hide his hair - which you knew him well enough to know that it was a mess. though it was a simple look, it was something that was wholeheartedly zhang hao.

the two of you practically ran out to his car out of excitement, feeling relief wash over you at the realization that you didn’t have to worry about more assignments for a good month and a half. you were the first to check out with your things and you told zhang hao you would be waiting outside for him whenever he was done.

he came out with nearly two plastic bags full of his favorite snacks and drinks five minutes later, only to see you standing on the edge of the sidewalk with your eyes staring out into the vacant parking lot, your head spinning a million miles a minute.

“y/n?” zhang hao murmured softly, his fingers reaching out to touch your arm gently, “is everything okay?”

“yeah, my mind is just wandering again, you know how i can get sometimes,” you replied, finally tearing your gaze away from the peeling sticker on one the gas pumps. you looked up at him with a tired smile.

he peered down at you with a soft grin curling on the end of his lips. your stomach twisted at the sight, more so than it had before he showed up to your apartment. the more time you spent with him, the more your feelings for him felt amplified by a thousand.

he always had that effect on you.

“what were you thinking about? you ought to let me take a trip on one of your little mind adventures sometime,” his words were careful as his eyes searched yours, “but only if you want to, of course.”

a small silence clung to the chilly air of the night, the cheap tube lights above your heads flickering and caressing his facial features in the most beautiful way you could ever imagine. you decided to throw caution to the wind and be honest with him. you didn’t feel like yourself the entire time you were speaking.

“i was thinking about you, hao,” you muttered, poking his arm playfully all while still managing to keep your gaze locked with his.

he appeared taken aback by your sudden statement, confusion blooming across his features as he inquired, “thinking… good things about me? or did i do something wrong?”

you felt panic rise in your throat, hurriedly saying, “god, no, it’s nothing bad i promise. i would tell you if that were the case.”

zhang hao nodded, his lips swiping over his chapped lips in an attempt to distract himself from the confusion he felt at his words. nice going, idiot, you thought to yourself, now you really screwed this up. you sighed, scratching the back of your neck awkwardly as you looked down at your feet, taking the time to kick a loose rock before you finally questioned, “we’re good friends, right?”

you didn’t dare look up to see his answer to your question because you already knew he was nodding his head in reply, enforcing the friendzone for the final time he needed to in order for you to truly lose hope. your heart felt incredibly heavy at his response even if you knew that would be the answer. however, you didn’t expect the next few sentences he said next, “if you want us to be friends, of course. if not, that’s okay too.”

you really, really needed to stop ruining things. there was an obvious shift in his tone and you finally looked up to gauge his expression, but it was unreadable. it seemed he was fighting something with himself, but the frustrated sigh he let out didn’t give you much time to think about it, “that wasn’t meant to come out the way it did, i’m sorry.”

you cocked your head to the side in confusion, letting him continue to talk as he parted his lips, “i really do want to be considerate of your feelings and i want to stay friends with you in any way possible, but i’m not sure if i can keep this bottled up anymore.” you felt anxiety instantly begin to bubble in your stomach as he shuffled his feet nervously in front of him.

“i like you,y/n. i have since the very first night we met and had to share the horrible pull out couch at gyuvin’s apartment, and i’m sorry. you obviously don’t have to reciprocate my feelings, it’s just that i wanted to get this off my chest and felt like now was the right time. i don’t know why, but it did.”

you stood in shock, the snack bag in your hand almost falling from your grasp. you felt as if you were floating on cloud nine, your far fetched dreams of zhang hao liking you back singing in your ears as his words rang over and over again in your mind. you couldn’t help the bright smile that creeped onto your lips, your eyes sparkling brighter than the prettiest stars zhang hao had ever seen.

“i... like you too?” your words moved slower than you ever expected them to, but they felt good to finally say out loud, “i’ve had too many mental breakdowns on gyuvin over it because i was so afraid of ruining the relationship we already had, so that’s why i didn’t say anything.”

zhang hao’s entire face lit up, and the silent second in between your confessions slipped effortlessly into small bits of laughter before the boy was pulling your body close to his, your arms instinctively wrapping around his waist and his chin rested comfortably on top of your head, “here i was getting all worked up over this for absolutely nothing,” he chuckled, “i’m so glad you feel the same, though.”

“me too,” you replied with a content sigh.

it hadn’t been the dramatic kind of confession you’d see in a movie. it was just zhang hao and his warm heart and kind words in the middle of a chilly, stressful night. it was more than enough to make you feel a euphoria you never had, and not too much to make you sick of the feeling.

however, you were sure that it was enough to make you love him just a little bit more.

514 notes · View notes