#Markus: Hmmm? Huuh? It's uhhh national dog day?

[rk1kheadcanons]

I really like oblivious Connor and trying too hard Markus, like he's been flirting for months and poor Connor has no idea

This was it.

This was the last straw.

Markus had tried everything. EVERYTHING. No book lay unturned. No dating website went unsearched. No source of advice went unasked. He’d even talked to Leo. LEO of all people. The man who fucked a hot pocket right after putting it in the microwave! Who had Markus tell the nurses that his injury was the result of a freak lava accident. The sheer idiocy of it all had almost caused him to deviate.

That’s how desperate Markus was.

Compliments on Connor’s clothes and looks; met with a bemused smile.

Gifts; met with gifts in return, with a little post it note attached wishing Markus a happy “insert obscure holiday here”. Yes, getting a “Happy Sloth Appreciation Day” note along with a hoodie with the aforementioned animal printed in the center was adorable. Did it get Markus anywhere closer past that ever widening gap of friendship? Absolutely not.

Pick up lines. Oh. You can just forget about pick up lines. Leave them at home, locked away, never to be used or mentioned again.

“Hey Connor. My name's Microsoft. Can I crash at your place tonight?”

Far from eliciting any kind of shy smile or flustered reaction, Connor immediately went on alert. All of the files he had been holding dropped to the ground as he took Markus by the shoulders. “What? You have a virus! How is that possible!? My scans aren’t detecting any malware!”

“U-uh,” Markus said, instead of I now see how this was a very stupid way to try and get your attention in a romantic fashion.

“Are you still crashing!? Talk to me Markus!”

An embarrassing visit to the android technician later and a now incorrect assumption that Markus was so old he ran on Windows Vista, and Markus was no closer to getting a date than he was since he started this venture.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, Markus thought as he brought his lighter closer to the array of fireworks at his feet. He was currently at the park that he knew Connor often took walks on. He had everything planned out. He was going to set off these here fireworks, see? Which would come perfectly into Connor’s view (because he’d timed everything perfectly). And Connor would see, in a beautiful display of colors and patterns, a message. That message would say: Connor (RK800-51), would you like to go on a date with me, Markus (RK200 aka revolution guy)? A romantic date, not a friendship date.

Clear, concise, and to the point. Much like the hard headed android of his affections was.

And he was about to set this perfect plan in motion when: 

“Hello Markus-”

“AH!” Markus jumped a foot in the air but thankfully kept hold of the lighter. He whirled around, and there was Connor, bedecked in a sweatpants and a yellow tank top that was just tight enough to accentuate his figure and the collar low enough that the cut of his collar bone was exposed and ready for uhhhh what was happing again????

“ -kus? Markus? Are you alright? You haven’t crashed again have you - ”

“NOPE! Nooo. No crashing. I’m - I’m just fine.”

“You’re sur - ”

“YUP! Everything is in...working order.” Markus sighed, running his hand over his head as embarrassment flooded his systems. He just haaaad to use the one pick up line that made him seem like a geriatric. Good job Markus you’re really killing it here.

Connor tilted his head in that adorable way of his, very clearly marking the vast amount of fireworks behind Markus, in the not so adorable this is probably illegal (in retrospect) to have in a public park kind of way. “So ah...what are you up to over here?”

“Nothing I...” Markus took a breath. He didn’t want to dig himself into another Microsoft hole again, so he thought it best to take the L and just not bother explaining this whole mess at all. Let it not be said that Markus didn’t learn from his past mistakes.

Instead, Markus dropped to one knee, took Connor’s hand in his, and said with all the sincerity he could must; “Connor, would you go on a date with me?”

“Yes.”

“As in - wait.” Markus did a double take. No. It couldn’t be that easy. “Did you say yes?”

Connor smiled beatifically. “I did.”

“As in...romantically, right?”

“Of course.” Connor’s brow furrowed in confusion. “Are there other kinds of dates?”

“Nope! NOOPE! This is it.” Markus felt a little bad about not explaining the intricacies of dating, but he was so happy that for once his words weren’t being misinterpreted there was no way in rA9 or Kamski’s hell they were going to backslide back into that territory. He’d tell Connor about the nuances later.

After all, a desperate man does not look a gift horse in the mouth, as they say.