#MY PAIN IS UNBERABLE AND MY DAY IS SORROWFUL

[kuroheishi]

// It's been a while since I have made my usual rambles about Yu and Guren BUT HERE I AM. I have written half of an essay on Twitter the other day after reading again a couple of chapters and I gotta scream about these two in every single existing platform I use.

I basically find it extremely painful but in a good way to write and explore more of the bond between Yu and Guren.

Analysing their bond is on another level compared to when I think about Yu and Mika's relationship;

Whatever love that Yu feels for Mika, it has always been straightforward, any emotion Yu has for Mika has always been transparent.

Yu knows that Mika loves him unconditionally, that he doesn't want anything back from him. Their bond is unbreakable and the purest thing that has ever happened in his life.

With Guren instead it's a whole other level of sorrow and I live for it;

Guren is for Yu the second most important figure in his life, his literal saviour and person he looks up the most to, the one who dragged him out of the mud when he wanted to give up completely on his life. Guren has seen the worst of him and always picked him up from that unberable darkness.

He made a massive impact on the person that Yu is today.

His feelings for Guren are extremely clear despite everything; he is fully aware that Guren did not save him out of affection, that he wants something back from Yu and that his love in a sense comes with a heavy burden and price.

But Yu loves him despite all of that.

The same way Guren was never meant to get attached to Yuichiro but ended up developing feelings for him like a father would to his kid. He saw that extreme pain and more than anyone knew what it meant to have to drag yourself every day to survive, to find even breathing the hardest thing to do when everything feels like it's pointless and painful. The guilt he feels towards that kid, for what he has put him through for his own personal goals.

I LIVE FOR THIS COMPLICATED BOND.

Also adding to this; I've read a lot how people getting upset about Yuichiro's obsession with Mika, how he is not coherent by calling the others his family but turning even against Guren when Mika is put in some kind of danger by them.

Firstly I genuinely believe Yu was just shocked by the sudden news of Guren basically declaring Yuichiro has to give up on the most important person in his life.

But hey, Yu is totally aware that anything Guren does has a motive and goal. That he wouldn't say something like that lightly and that if he goes all the way to ask Yu to leave behind HIS family there must be a very big good reason.

By running away with Mika, Yu is just stalling to find out what the hell is happening and he doesn't want to be pulled anymore by strings he can't control.

He doesn't know who he is and who Mika is, why they've been used and still are, why Guren has to take such a drastic decision.

Yu just wants to figure out the best outcome possible without having to lose anything and anyone anymore.