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iffltd · 3 years

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MAJOR HOULIHAN : Captain Pierce? May I join you?

HAWKEYE : you’ve already joined me, gorgeous. You’re a sight for sore eyes. Where d’you come from?

MAJOR HOULIHAN : Well. I like to think of the army as my home.

HAWKEYE : Oh yeah? Yeah?

HAWKEYE : ho Jon, bring me some ketchup, will ya?

MAJOR HOULIHAN : Captain, I’ve been observing the nurses on your shift.

HAWKEYE : Yeah, I know. I saw you.

MAJOR HOULIHAN : Naturally your opinion is more informed than mine--

HAWKEYE : I think you would like to know what I think of the nurses on my team. I’ll tell ya. I think they’re fine. I think they’re just great.

they start singing: “When the lights go again all over the world....”

MAJOR HOULIHAN : But Major Burns is far from satisfied.

HAWKEYE : That doesn’t surprise me.

HAWKEYE : Frank Burns does not know his way around an operating theater. He does not know his way around a body. And if you’ll have observed anything you’ll have observed that Major Frank Burns is an idiot. He has flipped his wig. that he is out of his head, that he’s a lousy surgeon.

MAJOR HOULIHAN : On the contrary! I have observed that Major Burns is not only a good technical surgeon, he is a good military surgeon.

HAWKEYE : You finished?

MAJOR HOULIHAN : I have also noticed that nurses, as well as enlisted men, address you as “Hawkeye”.

HAWKEYE : Yeah because that’s my name. Hawkeye Pierce.

MAJOR HOULIHAN : Well, that kind of informality is inconsistent with maximum efficiency in a military organization---

HAWKEYE : Oh come off it, Major!

HAWKEYE : You put me off my fresh fried lobster, do you realize that? Now I’m gonna go back to my bed and I’m going to put away the best part of a bottle of Scotch and under normal circumstances, you being normally what I’d call a very attractive woman, I would have invited you back to share my little bed with me and you might have come. But you really put me off. I mean, you”re what we call a regular Army clown.

MAJOR HOULIHAN : I wonder how a degenerated person like that could have reached a position of responsibility in the Army Medical Corps?!

DAGO RED (Father Mulcahy) : He was drafted.

#MASH altman's movie 50th anniversary

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iffltd · 3 years

Photo

celebrating the 50th anniversary of the release of Robert Altman’s original film adaptation of the novel MASH a story about three Army doctors (a coupla years late)

Frame 1

PAINLESS: Shame Henry wasn’t here. He’d a thought it was a real radio program.

BANDINI: I thought it was a radio program--

UGLY JOHN: We should send a letter of commendation--

PAINLESS: --to the Armed Forces Radio Network--

BANDINI: Yes. Wonderful. It was the most uplifting program I’ve ever heard.

PAINLESS: It was climactic.

Frames 2 - 6

TRAPPER JOHN (to the Korean mess servers): Morning, ladies.

DUKE (to Major Houlihan): Well hiya, Hot Lips.

She swirls on him, her breakfast sloshing onto Trapper.

TRAPPER JOHN: Oh my goodness, over my--

HAWKEYE (squeezing past her): I’m sorry to touch you but I--

She storms away,,,,,

TRAPPER JOHN (affects a “fey” tone): Well what’s the matter with her today?

HAWKEYE (similarly affected): I don’t know. It must be one of those ladies’ things.

As Hot Lips pushes past those in line, Hawkeye and Trapper continue their “fey” mockery....

TRAPPER JOHN: It’s not like her to act like this--

HAWKEYE: No. I mean she’s made such a--

TRAPPER JOHN: she’s a bitch.

Hot Lips struggles beyond agitated to get out of the Mess tent.

HAWKEYE (losing the affectation): I think she’s going to have a nervous breakdown.

TRAPPER JOHN (normal tone of voice): She can’t even get out of the door.

Frame 7- 8

HAWKEYE (sits across from Major Burns with his tray): Morning, Frank. Heard from your wife?

Hawkeye whistles his trill with a kind of breathless intensity.

Frame 9

Radar greets Colonel Blake as he returns, his jeep pulling to a stop and he climbs out....

RADAR: Morning Colonel. You forgot your briefcase.

HENRY (like almost always, vaguely distracted): Yes, I left it in the jeep.

RADAR (as he retrieves the briefcase): You left it there.

HENRY (as he accepts the briefcase from Radar): Yes, I forgot it.

As Leslie emerges from her tent....

HENRY: Morning, Captain.

LESLIE: Morning, sir.

HENRY: I hope you didn’t have to-- (hands the briefcase back to Radar) --here take care of this-- (back to Leslie) I hope you didn’t have to bother with those shirts. It wasn’t necessary.

LESLIE: Too late, sir. It’s a done thing.

HENRY: Well, thank-you.

Sgt. Vollmer rushes up to Colonel Blake, salutes him....

VOLLMER: Colonel, sir. How was your visit, sir?

HENRY: Great. The General wasn’t there.

VOLLMER: Listen, about last night sir, there was just nothing I could do about it. Sir.

HENRY: Nothing?

VOLLMER: Nothing.

HENRY: Well, it couldn’t have been helped.

VOLLMER: Thank you, sir.

As Leslie gives him a dirty look, Vollmer skee-daddles with his good luck....

Henry notices something in the Mess, turns there with Radar and Leslie....

HENRY: What’s that?

HENRY: Frank Burns and Hawkeye Pierce. Very encouraging.

HAWKEYE: A bunch of the boys asked me to ask you, Frank, what Hot Lips was like in the sack.

HAWKEYE: Y’know, was she--

FRANK: Mind your own business.

HAWKEYE: No, Frank. Y’know, is she better than self-abuse?

DUKE: What’s that all about? He gonna get some pointers or something?

TRAPPER JOHN: No, Hawkeye’s gonna sign him up to make a personal appearance tour in all the camps in Korea.

DUKE: ‘Sthat a fact....

HENRY: Wonder what they’re saying. Can you make it out?

HAWKEYE: Does that big ass a hers move around a lot Frank or does it just sort of lie there flaccid?

HAWKEYE: What would you say about that?

RADAR: Hawkeye’s questioning the Major on a point of anatomy.

HENRY: Very good -- exchanging ideas.

HAWKEYE: Would you say that she’s a moaner, Frank?

HENRY: What is Burns saying?

RADAR: Major Burns isn’t saying much of anything. sir. I think he’s formulating the answer.

HAWKEYE: Seriously, Frank.I mean, does she go UhhhUhhhhUhhh.... Or does she just lie there quiet and not do anything at all?

FRANK: Keep your filthy mouth to yourself!

HAWKEYE: Or does she go UH-UH-UH-UH--

Frank lunges across the table, throttles Hawkeye!

HAWKEYE: GET HIM OFF ME! GET HIM OFF ME!

DUKE: What’s goin’ on, Frank? That lesson one?

HAWKEYE: FRANK BURNS HAS GONE NUTS!

HAWKEYE: I’m wearing glasses, for God’ssake!

TRAPPER JOHN: Watch out for goodies, Hawkeye -- that man’s a sex maniac. I don’t think Hot Lips satisfied him. Don’t let him kiss you, Hawkeye!

DUKE: Frank, we love ya!

OVER P.A.: Radio Tokyo PLAYS “Sometimes You Have to Say Sayonara”

DUKE: Colonel, fair’s fair. If I nail Hot Lips and punch Hawkeye can I go home?

SCORCH: Hawkeye!

HAWKEYE: Yeah, be there in a minute.

SCORCH: Hawkeye!

HAWKEYE: Shit.

HAWKEYE: Okay. Hey, Seidman, get another guy. We gotta take this into the O.R. just on the stretcher.

(to soldier whose neck bleeds like crazy)

Hold on. You’re gonna be just fine, fella.

(to Scorch)

Okay, I can’t move my hand. Come on.

TRAPPER JOHN (off-screen at another O.R. table to Hot Lips): Have you got the cutdowns, darling?

HAWKEYE (to soldier): You’re gonna go to sleep. You’re gonna be just fine.

TRAPPER JOHN: Hot Lips, let me have one of your sterile knives, please.

HAWKEYE (to Scorch): I’m gonna need two vascular clamps.

SCORCH: All right.

HAWKEYE: And an arterial suture. As soon as you give me the clamp, I want you to be ready to gown and glove me. All right?

HAWKEYE: Ready? Okay.

SCORCH: Yeah.

HAWKEYE: Here we go. It’s gonna spurt a bit.

UGLY JOHN (works anesthestesia): You got it?

HAWKEYE: Aye, aye, baby.

HAWKEYE: Clamp.

SCORCH: Yeah.

HAWKEYE: Okay. Gown.

As Scorch quickly fits him....

HAWKEYE: Gloves. Y’got that arterial suture ready?

SCORCH: Yeah.

HAWKEYE: Okay.

(to Ugly John)

Ugly, move outta the way ‘cause I’m looking around over there.

(as he gets to work)

Baby, we’re gonna see some stitchin’ like you never saw before!

P.A. OVERLAPPING into next scene: Attention. Attention. This is from Colonel Blake’s office.

OVER P.A.: The American Medical association has just declared marijuana a dangerous drug. Despite claims by some physicians that it is no more dangerous than alcohol, that is no longer found to be the case.

LIEUTENANT DISH (to Trapper): Oh really? When did you get them. (with stethoscope) Let me try it on you.

Father Mulcahy ENTERS.

DUKE: Hey! Dago Reddo! Just in time for cocktails.

DAGO RED: No. No, I can’t, really. Hawkeye. Hawkeye? Can I speak to you?

HAWKEYE: Yeah, sure.

DAGO RED: No. Outside.

HAWKEYE: What?

DAGO RED: I have to talk to you outside.

HAWKEYE: You all right?

(a familiar little dog rushes up to him)

Hiya, pup-pup.

DAGO RED: Sorry to drag you away from the gang in there--

HAWKEYE: What?

DAGO RED: This will only take a moment. There’s a problem with Walt Waldowski.

HAWKEYE: Painless?

DAGO RED: Painless.

HAWKEYE: Y’got a toothache? He’s a good dentist.

Dago Red: No, no, no, it’s not my problem. See, it’s his problem.

HWKEYE: What do you mean? What is it?

DAGO RED: Well, what is it.... That’s-- It’s difficult to talk about, you see, because I learned about his problem in confession.

HAWKEYE: And you can’t....

DAGO RED: I can’t divulge--

HAWKEYE: Can you give me a hint?

DAGO RED: But I--

HAWKEYE: Just an idea--

DAGO RED: Well, no. But I can tell you how serious it is.

DAGO RED: He and the boys were playing poker and one of the boys turned to him and asked for a ruling on one of the hands and Walt said, he said, “What does it matter? It’s only a game.”

HAWKEYE: Painless said “what does it matter? It’s only a game”? Poker, only a game?

DAGO RED: Yeah.

Hawkeye whistles -- only this time with amazement.

DAGO RED: Yeah. That’s what I thought.

HAWKEYE: i guess I better go see a man about a tooth.

DAGO RED: Thank you. See I didn’t know what I--

HAWKEYE (as he leaves): C’mon pup-pup.

DAGO RED: You see there are some....

DAGO RED: There are some things absolution just....

#MASH #50th anniversary of original movie MASH #Robert Altman #Donald Sutherland #elliott gould #tom skerritt #sally kellerman #robert duvall #Gary Burghoff #Roger Bowen #Indus Arthur #David Arkin\#Rene Auberjonois #Jo Ann Pflug #Dawn Daemon

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iffltd · 3 years

Photo

celebrating the 50th anniversary of the release of Robert Altman’s original film adaptation of the novel MASH a story about three Army doctors (a coupla years late)

Frame 1

PAINLESS: Shame Henry wasn’t here. He’d a thought it was a real radio program.

BANDINI: I thought it was a radio program--

UGLY JOHN: We should send a letter of commendation--

PAINLESS: --to the Armed Forces Radio Network--

BANDINI: Yes. Wonderful. It was the most uplifting program I’ve ever heard.

PAINLESS: It was climactic.

Frames 2 - 6

TRAPPER JOHN (to the Korean mess servers): Morning, ladies.

DUKE (to Major Houlihan): Well hiya, Hot Lips.

She swirls on him, her breakfast sloshing onto Trapper.

TRAPPER JOHN: Oh my goodness, over my--

HAWKEYE (squeezing past her): I’m sorry to touch you but I--

She storms away,,,,,

TRAPPER JOHN (affects a “fey” tone): Well what’s the matter with her today?

HAWKEYE (similarly affected): I don’t know. It must be one of those ladies’ things.

As Hot Lips pushes past those in line, Hawkeye and Trapper continue their “fey” mockery....

TRAPPER JOHN: It’s not like her to act like this--

HAWKEYE: No. I mean she’s made such a--

TRAPPER JOHN: she’s a bitch.

Hot Lips struggles beyond agitated to get out of the Mess tent.

HAWKEYE (losing the affectation): I think she’s going to have a nervous breakdown.

TRAPPER JOHN (normal tone of voice): She can’t even get out of the door.

Frame 7- 8

HAWKEYE (sits across from Major Burns with his tray): Morning, Frank. Heard from your wife?

Hawkeye whistles his trill with a kind of breathless intensity.

Frame 9

Radar greets Colonel Blake as he returns, his jeep pulling to a stop and he climbs out....

RADAR: Morning Colonel. You forgot your briefcase.

HENRY (like almost always, vaguely distracted): Yes, I left it in the jeep.

RADAR (as he retrieves the briefcase): You left it there.

HENRY (as he accepts the briefcase from Radar): Yes, I forgot it.

As Leslie emerges from her tent....

HENRY: Morning, Captain.

LESLIE: Morning, sir.

HENRY: I hope you didn’t have to-- (hands the briefcase back to Radar) --here take care of this-- (back to Leslie) I hope you didn’t have to bother with those shirts. It wasn’t necessary.

LESLIE: Too late, sir. It’s a done thing.

HENRY: Well, thank-you.

Sgt. Vollmer rushes up to Colonel Blake, salutes him....

VOLLMER: Colonel, sir. How was your visit, sir?

HENRY: Great. The General wasn’t there.

VOLLMER: Listen, about last night sir, there was just nothing I could do about it. Sir.

HENRY: Nothing?

VOLLMER: Nothing.

HENRY: Well, it couldn’t have been helped.

VOLLMER: Thank you, sir.

As Leslie gives him a dirty look, Vollmer skee-daddles with his good luck....

Henry notices something in the Mess, turns there with Radar and Leslie....

HENRY: What’s that?

HENRY: Frank Burns and Hawkeye Pierce. Very encouraging.

HAWKEYE: A bunch of the boys asked me to ask you, Frank, what Hot Lips was like in the sack.

HAWKEYE: Y’know, was she--

FRANK: Mind your own business.

HAWKEYE: No, Frank. Y’know, is she better than self-abuse?

DUKE: What’s that all about? He gonna get some pointers or something?

TRAPPER JOHN: No, Hawkeye’s gonna sign him up to make a personal appearance tour in all the camps in Korea.

DUKE: ‘Sthat a fact....

HENRY: Wonder what they’re saying. Can you make it out?

HAWKEYE: Does that big ass a hers move around a lot Frank or does it just sort of lie there flaccid?

HAWKEYE: What would you say about that?

RADAR: Hawkeye’s questioning the Major on a point of anatomy.

HENRY: Very good -- exchanging ideas.

HAWKEYE: Would you say that she’s a moaner, Frank?

HENRY: What is Burns saying?

RADAR: Major Burns isn’t saying much of anything. sir. I think he’s formulating the answer.

HAWKEYE: Seriously, Frank.I mean, does she go UhhhUhhhhUhhh.... Or does she just lie there quiet and not do anything at all?

FRANK: Keep your filthy mouth to yourself!

HAWKEYE: Or does she go UH-UH-UH-UH--

Frank lunges across the table, throttles Hawkeye!

HAWKEYE: GET HIM OFF ME! GET HIM OFF ME!

DUKE: What’s goin’ on, Frank? That lesson one?

HAWKEYE: FRANK BURNS HAS GONE NUTS!

HAWKEYE: I’m wearing glasses, for God’ssake!

TRAPPER JOHN: Watch out for goodies, Hawkeye -- that man’s a sex maniac. I don’t think Hot Lips satisfied him. Don’t let him kiss you, Hawkeye!

DUKE: Frank, we love ya!

OVER P.A.: Radio Tokyo PLAYS “Sometimes You Have to Say Sayonara”

DUKE: Colonel, fair’s fair. If I nail Hot Lips and punch Hawkeye can I go home?

SCORCH: Hawkeye!

HAWKEYE: Yeah, be there in a minute.

SCORCH: Hawkeye!

HAWKEYE: Shit.

HAWKEYE: Okay. Hey, Seidman, get another guy. We gotta take this into the O.R. just on the stretcher.

(to soldier whose neck bleeds like crazy)

Hold on. You’re gonna be just fine, fella.

(to Scorch)

Okay, I can’t move my hand. Come on.

TRAPPER JOHN (off-screen at another O.R. table to Hot Lips): Have you got the cutdowns, darling?

HAWKEYE (to soldier): You’re gonna go to sleep. You’re gonna be just fine.

TRAPPER JOHN: Hot Lips, let me have one of your sterile knives, please.

HAWKEYE (to Scorch): I’m gonna need two vascular clamps.

SCORCH: All right.

HAWKEYE: And an arterial suture. As soon as you give me the clamp, I want you to be ready to gown and glove me. All right?

HAWKEYE: Ready? Okay.

SCORCH: Yeah.

HAWKEYE: Here we go. It’s gonna spurt a bit.

UGLY JOHN (works anesthestesia): You got it?

HAWKEYE: Aye, aye, baby.

HAWKEYE: Clamp.

SCORCH: Yeah.

HAWKEYE: Okay. Gown.

As Scorch quickly fits him....

HAWKEYE: Gloves. Y’got that arterial suture ready?

SCORCH: Yeah.

HAWKEYE: Okay.

(to Ugly John)

Ugly, move outta the way ‘cause I’m looking around over there.

(as he gets to work)

Baby, we’re gonna see some stitchin’ like you never saw before!

P.A. OVERLAPPING into next scene: Attention. Attention. This is from Colonel Blake’s office.

LIEUTENANT DISH (to Trapper): Oh really? When did you get them. (with stethoscope) Let me try it on you.

Father Mulcahy ENTERS.

DUKE: Hey! Dago Reddo! Just in time for cocktails.

DAGO RED: No. No, I can’t, really. Hawkeye. Hawkeye? Can I speak to you?

HAWKEYE: Yeah, sure.

DAGO RED: No. Outside.

HAWKEYE: What?

DAGO RED: I have to talk to you outside.

HAWKEYE: You all right?

(a familiar little dog rushes up to him)

Hiya, pup-pup.

DAGO RED: Sorry to drag you away from the gang in there--

HAWKEYE: What?

DAGO RED: This will only take a moment. There’s a problem with Walt Waldowski.

HAWKEYE: Painless?

DAGO RED: Painless.

HAWKEYE: Y’got a toothache? He’s a good dentist.

Dago Red: No, no, no, it’s not my problem. See, it’s his problem.

HWKEYE: What do you mean? What is it?

DAGO RED: Well, what is it.... That’s-- It’s difficult to talk about, you see, because I learned about his problem in confession.

HAWKEYE: And you can’t....

DAGO RED: I can’t divulge--

HAWKEYE: Can you give me a hint?

DAGO RED: But I--

HAWKEYE: Just an idea--

DAGO RED: Well, no. But I can tell you how serious it is.

DAGO RED: He and the boys were playing poker and one of the boys turned to him and asked for a ruling on one of the hands and Walt said, he said, “What does it matter? It’s only a game.”

HAWKEYE: Painless said “what does it matter? It’s only a game”? Poker, only a game?

DAGO RED: Yeah.

Hawkeye whistles -- only this time with amazement.

DAGO RED: Yeah. That’s what I thought.

HAWKEYE: i guess I better go see a man about a tooth.

DAGO RED: Thank you. See I didn’t know what I--

HAWKEYE (as he leaves): C’mon pup-pup.

DAGO RED: You see there are some....

DAGO RED: There are some things absolution just....

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iffltd · 3 years

Photo

celebrating the 50th anniversary (1 year late) of Robert Altman’s original film, MASH (1970; 20th Century Fox) - part 5 of the film in selected shots and memorable moments

#MASH (1970) directed by Robert Altman #MASH movie 1970 50th anniversary series #MASH original film in selected shots and moments part 5

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iffltd · 4 years

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celebrating the 50th anniversary of the release of one of my 3 favorite movies of all time:

MASH (1970)

from the top

1) a proud part of my personal collection of original one-sheets, the original poster used in 2 New York City theaters for its premiere 2) Dr. Richard Hornberger outside his tent, “The Swamp,” at the 8055th U.S. Mobile Army Surgical Hospital in Korea, 1952, 3 miles from the front line 3) Dr. Hornberger fictionalized his experiences in the novel, MASH, co-written with under the joint pseudonym Richard Hooker 4) black-listed screenwriter Ring Lardner Jr. was given the book in “galley” form to provide a review and was subsequently hired by producer Ingo Preminger Jr. to adapt it for the screen 5) original cover and title page of Lardner’s next to final draft 6) Robert Altman who had made documentaries, television action dramas and 2 features was the last in a long line of directors approached to take on the project and he did so enthusiastically as it was both similar in theme to a WW I “anti-war” comedy-drama about combat pilots he’d been developing called “The Chicken and the Hawk” and, though based on a novel about war-time Korea, it was clearly a way to set a film “in” Vietnam 7) - 11) behind the scenes, Robert Altman uses Lardner’s screenplay as a blueprint and taking off point for a film that he makes truly his own (pictured as well: actors Donald Sutherland, Elliott Gould and Sally Kellerman)