#Lucifer realizes that Alex is one of Azazel's kids like Sam and but he knows how Sam felt about the demon blood

[19catsncounting]

Wild idea: Alex Jones was one of Azazel's Special Children that he made just for funsies.

Research I didn't actually have to do but did: The Special Children Activation happened between 2006-2007 and Alex was kidnapped by Celia from her family smack-dab in the middle of that. 😃

[im-like-if-a-girl]

*THE* mean-girl-dean-girl's Supernatural reboot MEGAPOST!

I'm gonna stick a little "keeping reading" here because hoooooo boy, this is a very long post.

Let's start with

Plot

Season 1

Dean kills John while they are out on a hunt in a crime of passion, but Dean doesn't remember because he blacked out. Cue Dean going to Stanford to get Sam and tell him "Dad's on a hunting trip... and he hasn't been home in a couple days."

The audience doesn't know what happened to John, but slowly figures it out with Dean and Sam as Dean slowly remembers what happened that night.

The entire first season, the boys are following the trail John left and fighting monsters as well. They find out Dean was with John, Sam realizes Dean has an unreliable memory, they have heart to hearts about their childhood and the fire, they find John's body, "how could you kill Dad?" but maybe Dean didn't kill dad, whooaaaaaa, misdirection.

It was actually good ole yeller eyes (Azazel) and he made it look like Dean killed John.

Okay, now let's move on to the first episode

Not sure how the opening would work, I would like the story of the fire to be revealed over the course of the first season, but maybe the opening scene could be a little bit of an establishing character relationships and backstory, idk, I haven't thought that far yet.

I'm thinking maybe it's like, Dean gets back to a motel room covered in blood and he listens to a voicemail on his phone from John saying he was on a hunt or something, I don't really know lol.

HOWEVER

I do know that after the intro rolls, we get a scene of Sam waking up to his alarm and "Nine to Five" by Dolly Parton starts playing.

Y'all know where this is going.

Cue a montage of Sam's normal Stanford college life (him sitting through lectures, walking through the campus with friends) spliced with scenes of Dean absolutely slaughtering a nest of vampires (or some other monsters, whatever works best.)

But

Now onto

Characters!!! (And descriptions)

Dean Winchester

Some lovely person on this site made edits of Dean with platinum blond hair and it made me feel some kind of way so we're doing that, homie's gonna have platinum blond hair

Side note about the hair, later when the brothers are running from the FBI he dyes it a dirty blond/light brown (insert jackles hair color controversy here) as a disguise.

He also gets tattoos because we were robbed.

Speaking of tattoos, concept: when Dean comes back from Hell, all of his tattoos are gone. His body is a clean slate, devoid of tattoos, scars, etc. So he gets his tattoos done all over again, which he doesn't mind because he made some bad, drunk tattoo decisions in his youth.

(And before you ask, yes, he does get one for Cas, either a bee or Cas's name in enochian, something cute.)

Dean goes to therapy after Sam gets sent to the Cage.

It's actually court mandated because he got in trouble, lol, he would never go to therapy on his own.

Along with the hair, Dean gets to be the grade A twunk we all know he is.

Sam Winchester

His hair gets longer in every scene he's in

No jk, but imagine

King of Microaggressions

Sam starts off like the sweetheart he is in season 1 but in later seasons he starts enjoying killing a little too much...

It's that demon blood, ba-by!!!

He brings up issues of morality to Dean, i.e. killing monsters who aren't hurting anyone. (Yes I know this is contradictory to my previous statement, but these two facets of Sam can and will coexist.)

Sam and Jess's relationship is explored further, meaning we'll need to start with a different inciting incident, but that's fine, I think everyone can agree fridgings are *(thumbs down)*

Sam doesn't truly know what happened the night of the fire until later, and then he understands why Dean is so protective of him.

Jess

She gets to live beyond the first episode

She is also trans

No, I don't feel like I have to explain myself and I won't 💜

She urges Sam to join Dean in a search for their brother, kind of gets pulled into the hunter lifestyle by association lol.

She dies on a rusty nail after fighting vampires on a routine hunt with Sam

No jk!!!

But imagine....

She's amazing and I love her and Lucifer also uses her as leverage against Sam and possesses her because I think that'd be cool.

She supports Sam 100% and also she and Dean are buddies, pals if you will.

She meets Cas Thee El and immediately she Knows, that is a homosexual.

She dies still so that we can have a Saileen Endgame but she's not dying the first episode or in a fridging. Not on my watch.

Castiel

He gets to keep his raw, light-fixture-exploding power.

I want more of that "I pulled you out of hell, I can throw you back in" energy except over dumb shit like Dean not cleaning up after himself.

He looks like a Dilf in every scene he's in, yeah, that's right, dilf with a capital D for *(GUNSHOTS)* *(gets sent to horny jail)*

Claire

She gets pink hair

And more time with Cas

And maybe a nose piercing

Feel like she should be able to kill a couple angels onscreen, punch a couple homophobes

She gets to meet Jack and teaches him swears and fun slang words.

She deserves it.

Jack

I says "that's my baby and I'm proud."

Jack starts off as a baby, but like Amara he grows up super quickly.

Like, baby to 11 year old in a couple days or less.

This is because Jack's emotional age on the show is on par with that of a 5th grader.

It's at this point when he's a young kid that he runs away from the Bunker and shenanigans ensue.

It's also at this point that Dean threatens to k*ll him.

(Still not sure if I want that in my Supernatural (threatened infanticide? In my Supernatural? It's more likely than you think) but we'll see. We'll see.)

Throughout a majority of season 13, Jack is like an 11 y.o. kid

Season 14 he's like a 16 y.o. teenager

Season 15 he's 21, you get the picture.

Listen, I love Alex Calvert a lot. He's great.

But Jack is a child and should be a child.

Kelly Kline

Kelly, baby, stay right where you are, you're perfect.

Eileen

SHE DOESN'T DIE

SHE GETS TO BE IN THE FINALE BECAUSE SHE'S AMAZING AND I LOVE HER.

BLURRY WIFE WHO? I ONLY KNOW SAILEEN ENDGAME!

She teaches Claire and Jack swears in sign-language. Castiel is not impressed.

John

J*hn W*nchester stans, DNI.

He's dead.

We only see him in flashbacks and only sometimes hear his voice in voice overs.

He's not "down the road" from Dean in Heaven, in fact he instead gets to wander around in some Purgatory like Hell for the rest of his time :)

People who get to say "fuck" on the show:

Cas (but only Once)

Jody

Bobby

Now onto other things

I want more of

Ghostfacers

(they need more screentime because I love them)

Dean/Benny

We know they had a thing.

They definitely had a thing.

Demon Dean

Again, I feel like more should've been done with this. All that build up for what, 2 episodes? was not utilized well at all.

Dean's Bisexuality

Straight Dean truthers DNI, my Supernatural is a show about love and being true to yourself

You think Supernatural is a show about 2 straight brothers fighting monsters?

Naw bitch, this is a show about the Gay Experience

He will get to have relations with men on this show.

Of course, only after John dies does he, y'know, display it. Maybe he kisses Cas on his dad's grave just to fuck John over, make him roll in grave.

We all agree John would be/is a homophobe piece of shit, right?

Okay, glad we're on the same page.

Dads

3 men and a baby with Jack is what I'm saying.

I love it when the Trio are father-figures to younger troubled characters they see themselves in, even better if it's like reluctant-but-loving father figure, oh, that trope gets me every time :'^)

Dadstiel and DadDean are my favorites, but I like it when Sam plays "Uncle Sam" to kids too lol.

"Fellas, is it gay to want a tight knit family with your husband, his son, his vessel's daughter, your brother, his wife, your cop mother figure and her wife and their adopted daughters? Asking for a friend."

Garth

Biggest flaw of Supernatural was underutilizing Garth.

I will never not be bitter that Garth was only in like, 7 episodes out of the whole 15 season series.

Every episode with Garth gets immediately 5 times better.

I love Garth.

Follow ups on characters who had entire episodes featured around them and then just... vanished???

This is mostly about Jesse, the magic kid whose imagination ruled an entire town like, his daddy was a demon and nothing came of that kid??? Only one episode about him?? No follow up???

KID CAN MANIPULATE REALITY AND WE'RE NOT GONNA GET A FOLLOW UP ON THAT?????

Uh, there was that one episode with Ennis the guy whose girlfriend was killed by a monster? I think?? Who we never see again, that was weird.

Tamara from season 3, episode 1.

And of course-

Cassie

She was so cool, and then we never saw her again :////

She gets to be a badass.

Religious imagery

As a former Catholic school student who has become for the most part, disillusioned with religion, religious imagery in TV shows like Supernatural make my brain go "brrrrrr."

Fun episodes!!!

Like, after season 6 or so, there's a drop in funny episodes

I'm talking Changing Channels, The French Mistake type stuff. (Scoobynatural is an outlier and should not be counted.)

So anyway

In my version we would have more fun episodes

I'm thinking

GENDER-SWAP EPISODE, BABY!!

(why they didn't do that in the original, we'll never know.)

An episode where Dean gets to wear eyeliner

That's it, end of post.

I want less

Racism

Yeah I feel like this is self explanatory, nearly every reoccurring character in SPN is white, and black side characters normally die in the episode they first appear in, or they'll be featured as a villain (Uriel, Raphael, Billie, etc)

Also there's a lot of... uh... asian fetishism featured in the show (what with "Busty Asian Beauties) that's really gross, also Kevin was a bit of a stereotype...

Also also it's super yucky how they kill the gods from other religions like???? Uh??? That's super disrespectful, let's not do that????

I know Supernatural is like, inherently racist because monsters are a separate race that are seen as some dangerous "other" that must be eradicated by hunters in a form of genocide-

Okay we won't get into that but

Still

Stop killing all your POC

Fridgings/Unecessary murders of female characters

I know Supernatural starts with a fridging, so this will be a hard thing to remedy, but

One death that really pissed me off was the death of Charlie

Yeah, that was pointless and we're not doing that. Charlie gets to live and be an awesome aunt to Jack.

And also Claire

Charlie Bradbury Superiority

Charlie and Garth get to meet because they're nerd/geek solidarity.

British Men of Letters

I fucking hate these guys

They're "litcherally" the worst.

The worst part is that the actors they have playing the British AREN'T. EVEN. BRITISH.

And you can tell

Uh, and that's all for now, I'll add more later.

tag list for people who liked my "if this post gets one like I'll post my SPN reboot masterpost" post.

@darianyunidi @sarasidlesaid @crazybananaalpaca @playfulpanthress @ultfreakme @fififeelsmellow @heller-char @luna8eaton @princessmeganfire @insanebot109 @queenofnightsnow @mongoose-underthehouse

Thank you for the support, hope the wait was worth it.

[shirtlesssammy]

Who We Are: Recap

Then:

Mary’s gone all British Manchurian Candidate

Now:

The cold open starts very ominously with one dead hunter and Mary Winchester slowly washing blood from her hands.

Ketch then texts who’s next on her kill list: Jody Mills. I think not, show. I think fucking not.

At the bunker, the boys try brainstorming different ways to bust out of their soon-to-be tomb. Toni is (un)helpfully shooting down every conceivable option. “I say we kill her,” Dean justly suggests. More air for our heroes! Toni indicates she’s the only person that can help their mother since she programmed her in the first place. Also, there’s only one way out of the bunker: the manual override located outside the bunker. Sam decides it’s time to nerd out and hit the books in the library. There’s got to be a reversal spell somewhere in the lore!

The spell they try only works for a second. The boys decide to Shawshank (bingo square!) the bitch, and start fruitlessly hammering away at the bunker wall. With the realization that they don’t have enough time, they share a nice brotherly moment. We learn that Sam still needs to forgive himself. And Dean has started to accept himself.

Dean’s little friend busts open the joint and they restore power to the bunker.

Mary shows up at Jody’s.

Once out of the bunker, the boys start calling hunters en masse, warning them about the BMoL. Sam can’t get a hold of Jody, so they rush to her home. They find her and Alex ok, and Mary all tied up (bingo square!). Jody Fucking Mills.

Jody briefly consoles Dean, and Mary taunts them. “Aw, you want to play mother to my son? He’s all yours.” Jody reassures Dean that this Mary isn’t him mom. “What’s the matter Dean? Am I too different from the Mary you know, or too much the same?”

Sam brings in a handcuffed Toni to reverse the spellwork, but it seems that Lady Bevell lied. There is no reversal. Toni then makes it clear that the BMoL will not stop until they are dead. The boys decide to fight.

Sam Fucking Winchester Alert

Hunters gather to hammer out a plan to stop the BMoL. Long (not)forgotten hunters Walt and Roy show up. Things are...awkward. Dean had promised to kill them the next time he sees them, but since it’s all hands on deck, he gives them a pass. Sam then gives a rousing speech, and it was a glory to watch. “We know hunting isn’t just about killing. It’s about doing what’s right, even when it’s hard. So we go by our gut. Right? We play by our own rules.” It’s time to take the fight to them.

I saw this as a very nice step for Sam. He’s a leader in his own right. Dean defers to him in this moment. It’s all good.

The hunters get ready to roll. Dean, and his messed up leg, opts to stay behind. Anyway, Sam’s ready for this. AWWWWW. Dean’s going to save their mom. Jody and Alex have a moment where Jody confirms that Alex is heading to a safehouse with Donna, and Alex tells Jody to “kick it in the ass.” AWWWW. Then Dean and Sam hug and exchange “bitch” and “jerk”. AWWWW.

At the moonbase, Professor Umbridge Dr. Hess gives final orders to the BMoL that everyone is fair game in “phase two”. There are no restrictions.

The hunter army races through the night towards Moonbase. Meanwhile, Ketch pulls aside a BMoL tech to find out where Mary is located. She's in Lebanon, Kansas. The Men of Letters prepare for war.

In the bunker, Dean cuffs Mary to a chair. Toni assures Dean that she can be trusted to help him insofar as she wants to be set free eventually to see her son. Her loyalty for the BMoL dropped like a hot potato when Ketch left her to die. Toni attaches her makeshift Vulcan mind meld machine to Dean and Mary, then tranquilizes both of them to shove them forcibly into a hypnotic state.

Dean wakes in an arm chair in his childhood home. The world is memory-fuzzy and a little dreamlike because baby Sam appears out of the blue in his crib in the living room. Dean smiles fondly at his brother when his mother approaches to dote over wee Sammy. (Parallels!) She heads into the kitchen, calls four year old Dean to the table for lunch, and busies herself at the counter. “Mom,” the real Dean says to her seemingly unhearing ear. “Mom...”

At Moonbase Jody rams her truck through the compound's fence, triggering alarms. Outside the hunter army takes down the BMoL soldiers one by one. (As an aside, doesn't Jody have access to some fuckin' body armor? Come on.)

The hunters make it inside, setting explosive charges to break down doors, throwing smoke bombs, and taking out hardened, assault-rifle-armed soldiers. Jody is a fucking badass. This...makes me very happy.

In Mary’s head, Dean walks right up to her and begs her to hear him, to look at him. He grabs her arm and he can move her, jostle her. Dean realizes she's ignoring him in order to deliberately lose herself in the dream world. She pulls out a freshly baked pie for memory!Dean. In this dream she is the perfect mother. “I only want good things for you, Dean. I'll never let anything bad ever happen to you.”

“I hate you,” Dean tells her. (Fuuuuuuck my heart.) “You lied to me. I was a kid. You promised to keep me safe and then you make a deal with Azazel.” (Me: I mean, technically it was the other way around.) Mary still has her back turned but it's clear now that she's listening to Dean pour his heart out to her. He tells her about how her deal to save John's life reverberated through his and Sam's lives. She left them alone with their shell of a father. Dean admits that he had to be brother, and father, and mother to Sam. The weight of Dean's lost childhood presses on this conversation. “That wasn't fair.” Dean tells Mary the sorry story of Sam and the depths of his failure to protect his brother. And it's her fault. “I hate you,” Dean says with eyes red with tears, his voice breaking. “And I love you.” (Jensen Fucking Ackles, everyone.) He tells her that he understands. He's made ugly deals, too. Dean forgives her and promises a fresh start if only she'll fight her way out. (@mittensmorgul made a very good point about this moment/what could have been) He begs her to look at him. “Mom, I need you to see me,” he begs.

And at last, she turns, looks up, and SEES her son. They greet each other in a perfect parallel to the first episode of the season. (For my feelings on the matter, read the poetry excerpt at the end of this recap.)

(Also, my god I need to take a break with a cool washcloth on my face this was so good.)

And then suddenly Dean gets ripped from her mind and wakes to find a dead Toni and Ketch standing over him. Dean and Ketch brutally fight each other. “When you left us alone in the bunker,” Dean tells him, “I knew you were psycho but I didn't think you were stupid.” (THANK YOU for addressing this) Ketch corners Dean with a gun, aims it. And then there's a shot from behind. Mary shot Ketch in the shoulder of his gun arm. I'm gonna say she shattered bone or something to incapacitate him so well? Usually a shoulder wound in a TV show is just a laughably mild flesh wound. “I knew you were a killer,” Ketch says, intending to prod at their sense of mercy. “You both are.”

“You're right,” Dean says for the first time ever without a trace of self-loathing. Mary shoots Ketch in the head. Listen, Ketch. Sticks and stones will break your bones but guns will totally kill you.

At Moonbase Hess escapes into a biosensor-locked room. Jody and Sam break into the office. Hess tries to convince Sam that they need the BMoL. She tosses over a folder of Lucifer photos and Sam agonizingly processes the fact that the devil is running around the planet yet again. Sam won't take the deal, though. He shoots the computer which has been live streaming their little exchange to London. As Hess reaches for her gun, Jody dispatches her with a single, perfect shot to the head.

They blow Moonbase sky high.

At the bunker Dean and Mary pick themselves back up. Mary acknowledges that everything that has happened then – and now – stems from her deal with Azazel. (I’m not sure I agree because that’s a lot of shitty decisions to pile onto her one shitty decision. But it works for the emotional healing that needs to happen.) She apologizes to Dean for being distant, cold. Working with the BMoL was her way of trying to make things right, but at a distance because being with Dean and Sam hurt too much.

“Everything that's happened since has made us who we are,” Dean tells her, “And who we are? We kick ass. We save the world.” Aw, look at self-accepting Dean Bean! (See. The. Poetry.)

Mary's still scared that Sam won't forgive her, so cue Sam coming in (slinking into the bunker quiet as a cat, apparently). He pulls her in for a hug because he's Sam Fucking Winchester. It's group hug time.

I’d like to end with a quote from T.S. Eliot’s “Little Gidding”:

We shall not cease from exploration

And the end of all our exploring

Will be to arrive where we started

And know the place for the first time.

I Can’t Read All These Quotes Through My Tears:

Straight Shawshank this bitch.

Goggles.

Once I was in I just followed 'cause it was easy. Easier than leading.

Big, beautiful, and dumb.

I'll take a jacked up Dean Winchester over any other ten hunters any day.