#Lowkey suicidal Steph

[lunieloon]

IM READING THE FIRST EVER DRAFT OF SPACEAGES AGAIN WHAT DO YOU MEAN SPACEY HAD A KILL COUNT?!

[a-bad-case-of-the-stephs]

Hi hello me again- recently checked out the suicide squad issue with Arthur that you recommended to me. Very funny how the group is handled in that issue versus how they're portrayed in JLA (same writer too! Hence the reason they were likely pulled for the first issue. A funny note on the difference in tone between eras in my mind (early 90s versus early 00s)

Anyway there isn't too too much insight into Arthur beyond the fact that a) he has no qualms about hurting kids even before he learns that they're not really people. Gee I wonder why. Certainly not a pattern of behaviour he's shown before. Nosiree

And b) he says Steph is "just as messed up as him"- patently false but I imagine a comforting thought for Arthur, that Steph's vigilantism is just the product of an addled mind much the way his criminality is. And not that Steph is everything he isn't.

Also that despite his clear disregard for his wellbeing or her as a person, he still wants her to think highly of him and knows heroism is the way to do that. Whether he wants this bc he sees Steph as 'beneath him' and needing to know her place (that is to say, looking up to him) OR if deep down he knows Steph is a better person than him (as crystal says, it's "surprising that she turned out so wonderful" given the circumstances- something I'm sure Arthur is smart enough to recognise when hes not deluding himself) and wants her approval, much the same way he craves the approval of other criminals. I like the second reading a lot bc it lends credence to my own view that Arthur's abuse and even his crime is driven by insecurity about his capabilities and station in life!

And that's just everything I was able to waffle on about from about 9 panels! Neat :] reread robin 111 for the umpteenth time, reread all 3 issues of her robin stint (her initial reaction to being made robin AND the cheating thing is. Ooc and contrived respectively but AUGHHH SHE'S SO CUTESY SHE'S TRYING TO HARD SHE'S SO EXCITED TO BE ON THE TEAM AGAIN AND THEN BATMAN. HE. AUGHHH BOILING HIM LIKE A LOBSTER!!!). Robin/spoiler special is probably next, and the latter half of her batgirl...

First of all THANK YOU for getting it…. I’m always thinkng and saying things like ‘Batman should be boiled like a lobster’ and ‘Batman should be slammed into a wall at maximum velocity’ and ‘what if I exploded Batman with my mind’. Like a great guy in isolation im extremely compelled by certain aspects of his character but when im thinking abt stephanie brown (which is like all the time) hes.. he’s so.. lowkey want to kill him with a rock.

Arthur’s “just as messed up” line makes me insane. Like, as you pointed out, not true. But also for the aspects of her that are a little messed up... Whose fault is that. Who could possibly be to blame for that Arthur Brown. Who messed her up..I wonder how that came about. Strange. Guess we’ll never know.

Like Cluemaster is seemingly ascribing any potential “messed up-ness” to a genetic or maybe fate(?) based factor, oh Steph she is just as messed up as me, we’re alike she’s inevitably messed up for inevitable reasons. Instead of the much more obvious and true reason Steph might be a little fucked up: because he abused her throughout her childhood. Like Arthur is not only projecting he’s also engaging in Next level shirking of responsibility.

His whole wanting Steph to know thing is so Urghh because even if he did mean it in a good way, like even if it was his weird way of trying to show he cares about her opinion of him, Steph takes it so poorly and is understandably sent spiraling.

Abt Steph’s time as Robin that’s pretty much exactly how I feel. Like I hate how rushed the whole situation is and how despite being in Steph’s pov we don’t really get the rationalization that is there for why she’s so quick to believe the worst of Tim. Like her time as Robin isn’t written in a way that gives her the benefit of the doubt or seems all too invested in presenting an in depth understanding of her POV as valid. And then it ends and it’s shallow and then war games tries its absolute hardest to make everything Steph’s fault forever so that it’s okay that she dies.

But on the other hand…. She gets to do headstands and jump for joy and shake her fists in the air in excitement!! She’s so damn happy! She does a backflip!! She blabs to Cass about how happy she is that she’s good enough! Who could have figured that she was good enough after all! Haha what if she isn’t irreversibly bad because her of her dads actions!! lol!! Who could have guessed!!!

I’m Exploding Batman with my mind.

Sorry this took me a hot sec, just finished my own finals, thank u so so much for your thoughts as always peace and love

[im-not-a-l0ser]

The only thing that really bothers me is how the main characters of BSD don't correlate very well to the mcs of NPMD

I'd do Pete as Atsushi and Steph as Akutagawa.

I will say, I love Karen as Kyouyo, that'd hilarious

I swear im trying to be civil, I don't mean any offense, I'm just confused while looking at this listing. Like, Pete isn't suicidal or op or anything like that. Best you get is Chuuya saving Dazai's life despite hating him. So I don't get that cast.

Also, why is Gin Kyle.. Gin is a woman. That's like lowkey a big thing. Kyle also just isn't Gin. Gin and Akutagawa are siblings, although I suppose Kyle and Caitlyn could be siblings. Why don't you switch those, that could make more sense. If Steph isn't Akutagawa, it could be Kyle.

EDIT 2- I also like transmasc/genderfluid Gin, but I still don't think Kyle is the right candidate for them.

I weirdly like Max as Chuuya (I hate chuuya) because like... it sort of makes sense?? Might have to do Corruption Max, and/or ghost Chuuya.

Maybe a better comparison would be what songs from NPMD go best with what BSD characters, like how you said with Ruth and Poe.

Although, Grace would probably be Kunikida. Just those strict rules and constantly carrying around a book. But her being Nathaniel or Margaret would make sense.

Actually, why aren't her parents Nathaniel an Margaret? None of the hyper religious characters in NPMD coorilate to the hyper religious characters in BSD. How does that make sense

EDIT: I just realised Jerry is Nathaniel, but I don't know why Jeri isn't Margaret.

Sorry, I'm getting out of control. So sorry. I love the idea of a BSD au of NPMD, it just needs some more complex though I think. Sorry.

okay so awhile ago @zukkaoru and i made a nerdy prudes must die au for bsd and we kind of went off with it and the soundtrack is stuck in my head so look at who would be who (explanations under the cut):

kunikida - grace chasity

yosano - steph lauter

dazai - pete spankoffski

ranpo - richie lipschitz

poe - ruth fleming

chuuya - max jägerman

fukuchi - wiggly

bram - nibbly

sigma - blinky

fyodor - tinky

nikolai - pokey

gin - kyle

tachihara - jason

jouno - detective shapiro

tecchou - officer bailey

mori - mayor lauter

elise - miss tessburger

cheerleaders - higuchi (brenda), naomi (stacy), kajii (brooke)

kyouka - reese

jun’ichiro - joey's bbq monologue guy

atsushi - bbq jon/trevor

kenji - bbq angela

akutagawa - bbq mariah/caitlyn

mushitaro - corey dorris' cop (f-ing transcendent cop)

mark - dan reynolds

john - donna

hirotsu - miss mulberry

nathaniel - boy jerry

guy koyou tried running away with - mark chasity

koyou - karen chasity

margaret - bryce’s reporter

louisa - paul

lucy - emma

kunikida as grace bc he has all his ideals and he's just so... idk how to describe it in a way that doesn't sound mean bc i mean it so affectionately but he has the vibes of slowly losing his beans. also... just PICTURE him singing "dirty girl" YOOOOO and like if you ship kunichuu, then it's also kunikida freaking out bc he's thinking romantically about someone from the mafia. also he deserves to go wild <3

yosano as steph bc Vibes <333 dazai as pete (and this is not shipping yosano and dazai... they're just friends in this) bc he's smart and would 100% get all caught up in something like this also bc we're making chuuya max so like they're rivalry tehe. now i know you could argue that atsushi should be pete and akutagawa should be steph... but this stemmed from kunichuuzai, sooooo. dazai could also be steph, but we thought that yosano fit steph better than pete

ranpo as richie bc there was literally no good place for ranpo. he's too smart. but richie is also smart and it'd just be silly. maybe now ranpo can live (for a lil bit oops) the childhood he never had...

poe as ruth bc he would KILL "just for once" look me in the face and tell me i'm wrong

chuuya as max bc gravity powers and dead!max's powers are similar, chuuya has the anger issues to be max, plus he and kunikida would get to sing "dirty girl" together. i also feel like "literal monster" could be a song in reference to chuuya and i feel like (in a kind of self-deprecating way), chuuya would sing that about himself

we made the decay of angels the lords in black bc it FIT!!! fukuchi as wiggly bc leader, bram as nibby bc... vampire... mouth..., sigma as blinky bc they've got eyes on the casino and know everything about all the staff and customers and such, fyodor as tinky bc tinky is prolly the most sadistic one, and nikolai as pokey bc nikolai is most likely to cause a musical apocalypse

gin as kyle and tachihara as jason is just so silly~ and hirotsu as miss mulberry bc he's trying his best to wrangle a bunch of depressed teenagers all the time. higuchi, naomi, and kajii are the cheerleaders (we invented a third one specifically for kajii) bc we think they'd be good cheerleaders lol

jouno as shapiro bc VIBES and wants to uphold the law and tecchou as bailey would just be SO FUNNY and they would just annoy each other soooooo much! we made mushitaro corey dorris' cop bc it would be funny

mori as the mayor is great bc yosano is steph... and that's just depressing ya know? and then elise as tessburger for obvious reasons

we just thought mark and john would be a funny dan and donna tbh. margaret as bryce's reporter specifically so she can blame nathaniel hawthorne. nathaniel as boy jerry bc ViRgiNiTy RoCkS

jun'ichiro as joey's bbq guy bc let's be real... jun'ichiro is an AMAZING actor. kenji HAD to be in th ebbq monologues bc cows. then akutagawa is a theatre kid i know this he told me personally (or he would be if he wasn't in the mafia and had a family and went to school). atsushi is kind of there just so we can hear him say, "my barbecue" the way jon does lol

[carmenlire]

So I just got off the phone with my mom. She was telling me some gossip and apparently a distant family friend's son died and they think it could be suicide or an accidental overdose. I said that's awful and my mom was like "well, there are rumours that he came out as gay a few weeks ago and his family recently got into church."

I said, still when it's your kid then they should be more important. My mom explained, "not if you're religious. If you're religious then it would break your heart if your child told you they were gay because you think they're going to hell, you think it's the devil."

At this point, I'm just dead inside and I tried to be objective, saying "you should love your kid no matter what though." And my mom said, "i know you think it's too antiquated of an outlook but if you read the bible, being gay is an abomination. Marriage is between a man and a woman. As a mother, it would just break your heart if your child told you they were gay because you think they're ruined."

My mom is religious. This convo was a lowkey way to see how she would react and, well, didn't she tell me.

[dont-be-so-shy]

sorting the bats into hogwarts houses + explanations

The Bats I’ll be talking about here are Alfred, Bruce, Dick, Jason, Tim, Damian, Duke, Kate, Selina, Barbara, Steph, Cass, and Helena. 

Note: Keep in mind that I tried to push any and all cliches out of my mind and worked through this logically. 

Gryffindor: Bruce, Kate, Steph, and Cass. 

Hufflepuff: Dick and Duke. 

Ravenclaw: Alfred and Barbara. 

Slytherin: Jason, Tim, Damian, Selina, and Helena. 

Reasoning below the cut. 

For the houses and sorting itself I’ll be using the rules four good traits, one bad, and that one tumblr post that blew up: 

Gryffindors are brave, chivalrous, determined, stubborn, and arrogant. Also, they do not give a fuck about any rules. 

Hufflepuffs are just, loyal, patient, hard workers, but will not speak up to avoid causing conflict. Also, they do not believe in acceptable casualties and will level the playing field. 

Ravenclaws are intelligent, witty, wise, always willing to learn, and judgmental. Also, they hate all rules, believing they will only hold you back. 

Slytherins are clever, resourceful, determined, ambitious, and cruel. Also, they do not give a fuck about anybody’s rules but their own. 

Alfred Pennyworth is brave, chivalrous, stubborn, loyal, patient, a hard worker, doesn’t like conflict, intelligent, witty, wise, clever, resourceful, and determined. That leans towards Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw equally. However, I think he’s a Ravenclaw because he doesn’t give a fuck about anybody’s rules, not even Bruce’s. A case could be argued that he’s a Hufflepuff because he’s incredibly justice-inclined, but I’ll stick with Ravenclaw for now. 

Bruce Wayne is brave, chivalrous, determined, stubborn, arrogant, just, loyal, patient, a hard worker, intelligent, judgmental, clever, resourceful, determined, ambitious, and cruel. That leans solidly towards Gryffindor and it goes along with what that one tumblr dude says about Gryffindors: that they only care about black and white justice and don’t give a fuck about any rules. 

Dick Grayson is brave, determined, stubborn, just, loyal, patient, a hard worker, avoids conflict, intelligent, witty, wise, clever, resourceful, and determined. That leans towards Hufflepuff. Dick also doesn’t believe in acceptable casualties. Remember his Year of Bad Mental Health Issues that ended in the destruction of Blüdhaven? Blockbuster was trying to kill him and died and he still grieved. Also, all of his friends? So yes, Hufflepuff. 

Jason Todd is brave, chivalrous, determined, stubborn, arrogant, just, loyal, a hard worker, intelligent, witty, always willing to learn, judgmental, clever, resourceful, determined, and cruel. That is solidly Gryffindor with a side of Slytherin but I’m actually going with Slytherin. No, not because of any cliches, but because I don’t actually think he’s that stubborn or arrogant but he is ambitious. He has his own rules and sense of justice that he will not break for anyone, even Bruce. Therefore, he’s strongly Slytherin. 

Tim Drake is brave, determined, stubborn, just, loyal, patient, a hard worker, avoids conflict, intelligent, always willing to learn, clever, resourceful, determined, and ambitious. (Surprisingly little Ravenclaw traits here.) But anyways, I think Tim is either a Hufflepuff or a Slytherin. I know, I know. But hear me out. During the first year or so he was Robin, Bruce was lowkey (or maybe not so lowkey) suicidal and one-minded. Tim tried to help him through it but he didn’t actually say anything about it. Do you think Bruce would’ve taken that well? He’s also not that cruel. He cares about people and doesn’t taunt people with their insecurities like Jason and Damian have been known to do. But Slytherins are the one who don’t give a fuck about anybody’s rules but their own. Therefore I think it’s honestly your choice, but if I were to choose, I’d go with Slytherin. 

Damian Wayne is brave, chivalrous, determined, stubborn, arrogant, loyal, intelligent, judgmental, clever, resourceful, ambitious, and cruel. That means Gryffindor and Slytherin are tied. But I would go with Slytherin. Damian isn’t that chivalrous and is cruel. He also doesn’t really operate on justice, instead on expectations. 

Duke Thomas is brave, determined, loyal, patient, a hard worker, intelligent, witty, wise, clever, and resourceful. That is leaning towards Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. I would go with Hufflepuff. He does care about rules, be they his own or the rules Bruce might impose on him. Even when he breaks them, he does give a fuck. Also, I don’t think he’d be very into acceptable casualties like Tim might. But if you think he’s a Ravenclaw, it’s plausible. 

Kate Kane is brave, determined, stubborn, arrogant, just, loyal, a hard worker, intelligent, witty, judgmental, resourceful, ambitious, and cruel. That is a Gryffindor right there. She has broken Bruce’s no killing rule once and possibly more than once. She’s basically a stone cold badass but she does believe in justice and rehabilitation. 

Selina Kyle is brave, stubborn, a hard worker, intelligent, witty, wise, clever, resourceful, and ambitious. There’s a tie between Ravenclaw and Slytherin here. But I’d go with Slytherin because she does have her own rules even if they’re not Bruce’s. 

Barbara Gordon is brave, determined, stubborn, arrogant, loyal, patient, a hard worker, avoids conflict, intelligent, witty, wise, always willing to learn, clever, resourceful, and ambitious. Barbara is a three-tie between Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw. But I think she’d be a Ravenclaw. Barbara seems like the type to believe in acceptable casualties as long as it’s not those she’s attached to and she’s also not a total embodiment of chivalry or arrogance. 

Stephanie Brown is brave, determined, stubborn, arrogant, loyal, a hard worker, witty, judgmental, clever, and resourceful. That’s Gryffindor. She leans towards Ravenclaw but I think her not giving a fuck about any rules seems accurate. 

Cassandra Cain is brave, chivalrous, determined, stubborn, arrogant, just, loyal, a hard worker, intelligent, always willing to learn, clever, and resourceful. Gryffindor wins. Cass doesn’t really give a fuck about any rules ever but she follows Bruce’s mostly because she also agrees with them. Trust me, he does one stupid thing, she’s breaking his rules. 

Helena Bertinelli is brave, determined, stubborn, just, a hard worker, intelligent, judgmental, clever, resourceful, ambitious, and cruel. She’s a real Slytherin. (Not an insult.) She does kill and she does have a bias against mobs but she doesn’t really care. She has her own code and doesn’t follow anyone else’s. 

[childrenoflight-darkness-nothing]

ppst approved by our fearless leader

caretaker jimmy?

whumpee stephan?

we get this dynamic a lot

mostly i feel in the form of panic attacks. either water or nightmare or claustrophobia or overstimulation based

but seldom to we actually hurt stephan

let's actually hurt him

Stephan

you think he's the level headed think things through mom friend

no

this is a ruse

he is a mom friend

but Jace is his best friend

he is just as reckless and self sacrificing as ey are

Does not in fact give two shits if he lives or dies

The renegades will never fail to have a hero to volunteer for a risky suicidal mission. they've got volunteers to spare

Plus

He's a EMT

he has medical training

Good as Jalev or Skye

so he gets hurt on a mission? He's fine

let's get everyone else sorted then he'll go home

pop some aspirin get a drink

he'll take care of it himself

pass out in bed for a few hours

rinse and repeat as needed till he's good

let's hope he doesn't have early shift the next morning

this is fine. he get's himself sorted out well enough

the wounds will heal nasty but they'll heal

and no one suspects him of being the Strong Reckless I'm Fine Wound Hiding Type

he flies under the radar

Until

He moves in with Jimmy

or jimmy moves in with him

however that goes

And Stephan doesn't get away with things like hiding grievous wounds anymore

this post quickly derailed into just Thoughts that have little to do with the original plot

hold on

Whats better than self sacrifice? self sacrifice for a loved one!

Steph and Jimmy on a mission together

I think... early dating

Not a pining scenario

An you idiot why would you do that scenario

Taking a blow a bullet a knife whatever

covering jimmy right before an explosion

doesn't matter

Choose your cake flavour and eat it too

All that matters is that Stephan is hurt

Severely hurt

Cake? Let's add sprinkles!

They Can't Get Back To Base

having to hole up in a safe house

or finding some lowkey tucked away place to hang low in for a few days while waiting for an extraction team or until Stephan's well enough to travel

There's only one bed

There might not even be a bed

Stephan hurt and wounded and it's just him and jimmy and the few supplies they have on them and whatever they can scrounge for/make out of their surroundings

And Jimmy's fighting PTSD flashes from even being on a mission in the first place

And also stephans dying

Maybe he's not dying but

its still bad

And Jimmy's not Adair or Cyrus or Avanda

Jimmy doesn't know how to help him

And why did Stephan jump in front of him

And Stephan fighting through the pain and his injuries to keep himself awake and alert to at the very least walk Jimmy through everything he needs to do

But it's a struggle

And his vision keeps fading in and out

And his teeth are gritted so hard together he has to hiss his words

And his hands are shaking

And he can't think

And honestly he's more worried about making sure Jimmy's alright. Both physically and mentally. Then trying to work through whatever's wrong with him

[stephissalty]

1975, black nail polish, plants, overalls, and space :)

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

I LIKE THIS QUESTION OKAY. on this past saturday, i had a hUGE audition for an honour band. i’d been practicing for this audition since october. and i made the band!!!! my band directors are really proud of me, i’m proud of me, my saxophone teacher is proud of me, and i am just really happy and haven’t fully comprehended how i got in i’m just!!!!!???!!!

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

i don’t have an official bucket list, per se, but regarding the next like three years (basically til i start uni): i would like to graduate high school with a 4.0 gpa. i would like to make first chair in band for saxophone. i am also hoping to get into a uni in boston and live there. another extra thing is to finally get stable, mental-health-wise. 

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

am i boring if i say my best friend and because i lowkey highkey have a massive crush on her????

for a legit reason, because i guess that’s something that’s just sorta on my ‘bucket list’ that i didn’t add up there ^. i want to stargaze with someone i love and it’d be cool to have at least one of those cheesy love story moments… 

i’m not holding my breath.

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

i’d put a lot of it to different organisations like planned parenthood, humane society, trevor project, and other organisations that have to do with suicide prevention, helping lgbt kids, and women’s health. also i’d give to mental health organisations and for research on mental healthcare.

another bit of it would def go towards college, as tuition costs for the uni’s i’m looking at are…  yikes.

and the rest i’d spend on the people i love and keep put away for emergencies and towards making sure my family (even tho i have no desire to have kids, my future partner hopefully) has a good life and gets to have all of the opportunities they can.

space: do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organised/not organised?

not really? when i was really into art and drawing, i did. but it never gets used now. i don’t have a deskspace that’s mine, i just use the family’s office if i need to do a lot of homework.

thanks for the asks!!!!!!

-steph