#Losing isaiah

[livesinyesterday]

David Strathairn Appreciation: 

David “Feeling So Attacked Right Now” Strathairn in the 90′s

[sandsu03]

90s pics of 40 years Samuel L. Jackson, the one of my fav actor of all time ;;

[howardhawkshollywoodannex]

Jessica Lange as Margaret Lewin in Losing Isaiah (1993). This is Jess' fifth honorable mention, after Sweet Dreams, Frances, Blue Sky, and Big Fish.

[writing-whump]

Had the craziest dream that came with a whole plot and characters (that don't make that much sense in retrospect lol) but it was such a strong intense feeling. Like it was basically like the afterstory became the main story. The something big and actiony happened already, and now the characters were dealing with the consequences. Coping, healing, trying to move on with their lives. It was about this guy who used to be very powerful and saves a bunch of people/achieved great things, but now he has like chronic pain and lots of scars and is just trying to be nonchalant about the whole thing while his very loving supportive girlfriend takes care of him like it's not a burden at all...cause it really isn't, and they are just okay, in synch, relying on each other despite the limitations. Knowing their stories so well and having such respect for what they did until then...

[miwtual]

"greg's follows on twitter is the fucking writing cast for big mouth" is a horror story in and of itself

[tears-that-heal]

AMEN! 💖

[betterlifeinoverall-rethabilep]

Show Compassion

Isaiah 30:18Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion.For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!God often delays in answering prayer. We have several instances of this in the Bible. Whereby, Jacob did not get the blessing from the Angel until near the dawn of day–he had to wrestle all night for it. Actually, the poor woman…

[livesinyesterday]

David Strathairn Appreciation: 

Charles Lewin in Losing Isaiah (1995)

[andersunmenschlich]

This has inspired me to do a little math.

I'm used to being paid, on average, $10 an hour. Before my joints and lungs and so on gave out on me, I typically worked 8 hours a day. That's $80 a day.

Even before long Covid hit me, I couldn't work more than 4 days a week without collapsing. That's $320 a week.

There are 4 weeks in a month: so on average I can expect to earn $1280 a month. 12 months gives me $15,360 per year.

Federal income tax time!

This year (2023), $11,000 of that gets taxed at 10%. Divide 11,000 by 100 to get 1%, then multiply by 10—I owe the federal government $1100 so far.

Now for the remaining $4,360. That gets taxed at 12%. Divide 4360 by 100, then multiply by 12—that's $523.20. Add that to the $1100 to discover that, in total, I owe the federal government $1623.20.

State tax now.

The state taxes my total income at a rate of 1.10%. Divide 15,360 by 100 (to get 1%), then multiply by 1.1 (to get 1.10%)—I owe the state government $168.96.

Adding federal and state tax together, I discover that I owe $1792.16 in taxes.

I wonder what percentage of my total income that is? If I write it as a fraction, with my total income on bottom and my taxes on top... hmm. I need the number on the bottom to be 100.

Dividing 15,360 by 100 gives me 153.6. That means dividing 15,360 by 153.6 will give me 100.

I divide both numbers by 153.6.

Now the fraction is 11.6677083333 over 100. That means my actual tax rate, all things considered, is a bit under 12%.

This is a good thing, given that I have to pay $7800 a year in rent, plus ~$600 for electricity, $960 for internet, $360 for phone service, etc. When bills alone come to somewhere around $9720 a year, it's good to have $13,567.84 after taxes.

After bills take their bite, you've only got $3847.84.

That's about $320 a month. Better hope your grocery bill doesn't get too high!

Not to butt in on your rants but you said that finland has high taxes etc etc.

Actually checking it out I’ve realised that welfare countries like finland Sweden etc don’t pay more than a few % more per person (like 5% more of their income) than in countries like USA where there’s no welfare. Like there’s such a small difference payment wise but at least it goes to the people in welfare countries and not just into the pockets of politicians and companies

Wait, shit, really?

[howardhawkshollywoodannex]

Samuel L Jackson as attorney Kadar Lewis and Halle Berry as Khaila Richards in Losing Isaiah (1993). This is Sam's second honorable mention, after Die Hard with a Vengeance.

[zoewithabba]

Today’s sermon hit just right on point.

Spiritual warfare happens in our minds. And we cannot have a debate with the devil. Adam and Eve talked with the snake and they lost. Why? Because satan is the king of lies. We cannot defend ourselves with “well… in my opinion…” no. He is always coming up with something 90% true 10% false. So it would be so easy for us to fall for it.

Satan tried to tempt Jesus THREE TIMES in the desert even when he knew He was GOD! He knew he had nothing to do with God, he knew he would lose! Yet he tried! What makes you think you will not be tempted in the end???

The only way we can win against satan is with scripture! Just like Jesus did in the desert, when Satan tempted him He said “WRITTEN IS”. The lies can only be won with truth.

And how can we do that? DEVOURING the Scripture! I encourage you to devour the Word until it becomes your thinking.

Ex. If the enemy tells you you don’t matter, answer “"But now, this is what the Lord says— he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: ‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine.’" Isaiah 43:1”

Do not underestimate the power of the mind. We can look up at heaven and fill our thoughts with it, or let hell make us fall just as the enemy wants.

Stay strong!

[episodes-ff]

Please Please Please

Anaya

Riding home in uncomfortable silence, I glanced back to see Maya sound asleep before peering over at Terry as he drove home. Noting the frown lines and creases of anger on his face, I reached over and subtly rubbed his shoulder. Sighing deeply, he continued to drive in silence as we made it home. Watching him get the bags out of the car, I pulled Maya from her seat and shushed her fussiness with a bottle heading inside. Rocking her to sleep, I watched him unpack and put up the groceries and supplies. “Baby?” “Not right now, Anaya.”

Nodding at his sentiments, I waltzed up to the nursery and sat in the rocking chair as I continued holding the baby. Looking up as I heard his heavy footsteps, he gently lifted her from my arms before kissing her cheeks and laying her in her crib. Signaling for me to follow him, I got up and set her baby monitor before closing her room door and walking with him into our bedroom. “Terry, I’m so so-“ “Anaya! Please can you just hush right now.” He snapped sternly as I tried to control the sting of tears I felt creeping to the surface. “Come here.” He spoke quietly as I nervously followed his instruction. Standing in front of him, he looked down at me with an angry, disappointed expression before kneeling down to his knees and hugging me close. Heaving a deep sigh as I hugged him back, he pulled away and I could see the thick, salty tears cascading down his beautiful face.

“Babyyy.” I cooed with worry as I wiped his cheeks. “I’m sorry for losing my cool in front of you and Maya. That should have never happened. I… I just saw how uncomfortable you were and I pictured him doing something to you and her and I just fucking lost it. I snapped…” He voice cracked while he ranted helplessly. I nodded and caressed his shoulders taking in his words. “I don’t ever wanna imagine something happening to you two especially after what I went through with him.” He cried as I nodded tearing up thinking about his cousin Mike. “Get up, baby.” Standing to his feet, I sat him on the bed and wiped his eyes before kissing his frowned lips. “I understand your worries, baby. Trust and believe me I do. But me and baby girl are right here and we’re not going anywhere. Ok?” Nodding, he sighed a breath of relief as he held me closer to him hugging my hips. “I’m really sorry about earlier, mama.” “There’s nothing to be sorry about, papa. Can I get a smile? Hmm?” I asked poking his dimpled cheeks earning his bright smile. “I love you so much, Anaya. You have no idea.” He spoke truthfully as his eyes explored my soul. “Can I get a hint?” I hummed trailing my hands up to his face as I bit my lip.

Meeting my lust filled gaze, he held my cheek and smiled softly before guiding me to straddle his awaiting lap. “I think I can make that happen.” He husked trailing his lips down my neck as chills shot up my spine. Gasping as his warm breath touched my ear, I smoothly wound my hips while his big hands held me closer. “Just like that, Mama. You got me so hard.” “Yes, baby.” Using his thumbs and fingertips to gently trace my back, the goosebumps rose up my spine as he sucked and nipped at my neck leaving passion marks in his wake. Swiftly removing my shirt, we resumed our heated exchange before he moved me onto my back. “So beautiful, mama.” He complimented as I melted under his lips. Gripping and squeezing my left breast, his kisses traveled lower until he met my right and began sucking feverishly. Being trapped in this heavenly moment I couldn’t do anything but moan his name as he showed me care. After giving my left the same attention, he licked and kissed the rest of his way down until he met with my awaiting pussy. Removing my shorts, he sucked in a sharp breath admiring my thong-clad peach. “So fucking pretty, baby.” “It’s all yours, Daddy.” Sliding the material off, I waited with panted breaths as he rubbed slow circles around my now swollen clit. “Fuck, baby.” “Hmmm, are you sure you need that?” He questioned teasing me as I grew more impatient. “Yes baby, I need it. Please please please.” I begged, a whimpering mess as he continued toying with my love. Giving me a loving gaze as he bit his lip, he locked eyes with me as he gave my mound slow and long licks. “Ohhhh, Terry!”

Terry

“Fuuuuuck just like that, girl. You taking this dick so good, mama.” I groaned as I stroked her deeply. Tugging her hair as I continued delivering powerful back shots, I bit my lip focusing on not cumming too quick as I sloshed around in her insides. “Baeeeeeee.” She whined gripping the sheets as I massaged her hips. “You feel so fucking good, baby.” She cried arching as much as she could to allow more access. “Shit, mama. Don’t move.” I panted as I held her in place and drove faster into her. Snapping my hips into her backside, she yelped deliciously as her juices continued running down both our thighs. “This pussy so fucking wet and creamy. Fuck, why you tryna make me cum so fast, baby? You like when Daddy cum fast in yo pussy?” I hissed smacking her ass as she trembled under me. “Daddyyyyy.” “Mmmm. Yes, baby?” “Fuuuuuck, I’m gonna cum!” “Let it out, baby. Gimme that sweet ass cum, mama.” I husked taking hold of her hips and pounding harder as she moaned releasing all over me. “Ohhhhhhhh, fuck fuck fuuuuck!”

Not letting up on her, I let her ride out her orgasm as I felt mine soon following behind. “Wait, baby.” She panted sliding off of me as I looked up in confusion. “Lay down.” Following her lead, I laid on my back and placed my hands behind my head as I watched her movements. Kissing my lips hungrily, she smiled biting my lip as I smacked her ass earning her giggles. Reaching down between us, she gripped my shaft and massaged it against her wetness causing a flustered moan to part my lips. “Damn, Naya.” Leaning down to suck and kiss on my neck, she rolled her hips allowing her warmth to wrap around me in sweet bliss. “Shiiiiiit.”

Sliding her down more until our hips met, my eyes rolled back as she started riding me like a pro. Clenching her walls around me, my hand reached up to fondle her neck while she positioned her hands on my shoulders. Making sure she was in a stable spot, she started throwing ass like rent was due as I lost my mind under her. “Shit, I’m boutta cum, baby. You ready for Daddy to cum inside this pussy?” “Yesssss, cum with me, Daddy.” She cooed gyrating faster. Pulling her down to me, I held her close as I let go shooting ribbons of cum inside her love. “Ohhh my god.” I whimpered tangling my hand in her scalp as she continued rocking her hips and milking me dry. “That’s it, baby. Fill me up just like that.” She hummed in my ear as she rubbed my chest. Finally letting it all out, I sighed deeply as my toes curled.

Admiring her beauty, I smiled at her as she bit her lip caressing my chin. “Let’s have another baby.” “What?” “You heard me. Let’s have another baby.” I smiled softly as she laughed. “You really serious, baby?” “Yea, I’m serious girl. Have my baby.” I sang hugging her. “Your baby in there sleeping, Terry.” “I know, but let’s give her a little best friend.” I coaxed rubbing her body and kissing her neck as she giggled. “You are something entirely else.” “You didn’t say no though.” I said sucking another hicky onto her shoulder. “So you gone have my son son?” Rolling her eyes, she pinned my hands against the headboard and kissed me deeply before trailing her lips down my chest. “You’re very annoying you know that?” “Wh-what are you doing?” “You want a son, we’re gonna have you your son, Mr. Richmond.” She purred getting closer to my manhood and I shivered. “Wait, bae, I’m uh, I’m a little sensitive right now. You think we can get some rest first?” I said leaning up on my elbows as she continued snaking down my body. “Who needs rest? We got work to do, Daddy.” “Anaya?” “Terry.” She countered staring at me as my heart raced watching her reach down and grip me in her hand. “Anaya? W-wait, wait… Ohhhh shit.” I panted and cowered as she slowly licked my overstimulated tip. This woman gone be the death of me I swear.

Tags (Based on interactions, if you’d like to be added or removed let me know): @violetmuses @believeinthefireflies95 @brisunique @kaylaahisthebestest- @madxlov3 @armandosbabymama @casualsludgeshoetoad @mauvecherie-writes @nahimjustfeelingit-writes @theereina @kumkaniudaku @geneziesm @megamindsecretlair @simpledopeme @goldenjasssy @vivaalenaa @playgurlxoxo @ghettogirly @luuvprincess @perfectlyimperfectme @tbmotw @comfortzonequeen @melanin-honeyy @strawberrymoon45 @luckygirlszn @kindofaintrovert @secretlifeoofmarpessa @cmbmjbfan @summwerella @qdancer22

[thecosmicangel]

Everything that you believe in only works because you believe in it, you have given it the power to become real.

Religion , crystals , tarot, divination, affirmation, placebo effect or any tool, practice, method & set of beliefs only work & are true because you have given it the power to be so. Prayers are answered because you stood strong in your faith (believe/assumption)that it will be answered (you persisted in your faith). The power that they all have in common is the power you have given it. The power doesn’t come from the outside it comes from within. The power is in our subconscious mind.

YOU & ONLY YOU create your reality & destiny , you have the power to change your destiny at any moment because infinite realities/ parallel realities exist in the quantum field. The biggest illusion has been that power/god is outside of us when it has always been within each one of us. So please don’t ever stop believing in your power, and the capacity you have to have whatever you desire.

The same divine intelligence/ power that created you and me plus everything else also resides WITHIN YOU & by default you hold the same power. By believing in your godly power you believe in God, the all, divine intelligence whatever name you want to call it.

All religious texts, spiritual teachings, philosophers, esoteric & occult teachings are all saying/implying the same thing over and over again in different ways, we are reminded we hold the power, create our realities and are the gods of our reality. The message is there but only “the ones who have eyes to see and ears to hear” will receive the message. It is everywhere in movies, tv shows, religious scripture, spiritual teachings, and books.

Now I’ll give you a few examples of how it is written & spoken of everywhere. Followed by my interpretation of it.

Side note : The Bible is not meant to be taken literally, but to be understood at a metaphysical level.

Genesis means "origin, creation, generation". The book of Genesis is about creation and the birth of all things in existence.

"And God said, let their be light, and there was light" Genesis 1:3

God affirmed and it was so.

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him” -Genesis 1:27

We are God, we are a reflection of god , we hold the same power as God, God/Divine intelligence is In us all. We are all God experiencing itself through different ways.

Jesus says "The kingdom of God is within you" Luke 17:21

God can be found within you as it has always been within you. If we are made in the image of God then we don't need any other validation but our own self. Everything you want comes from you not outside of you.

Jesus says " Varily I say unto you, except ye be converted and become as little children ye shall not enter the kingdom of heaven" Matthew 18:3

In other words dare to dream & have a big imagination just as children have. Create & imagine whatever you desire, no dream is too big or impossible if you dare to dream it in imagination. Use your creative child like imagination to create your heaven on earth. Your imagination is the kingdom of heaven. Don’t ever lose your imagination. Don’t rely on logic or the 3D to create, if you can see it in your minds eye then it is very real & possible.

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”

“For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”

Matthew 7-8

If you want it, decide & assume you have it and you will receive it. It is as simple as that.

“so is my word that goes out from my mouth:It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.” - Isaiah 55:11

Everything that you assume will become manifest, you must not have any doubts that it will not be so, because it is already done. Know that everything you want is already yours, simply affirm it to be yours

“Thy Kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth, as it is in Heaven.” -Matthew 6:10

Similar to the saying “As within, so without, as above, so below.” Everything & everyone is a mirror/ reflection of your mind & what you assume to be true. The world is a mirror of your assumptions.

"Power resides where men believe it resides. It's a trick. A shadow on the wall. And a very small man can cast a very large shadow. " - Varys from Game of Thrones

There is 7 Hermitic Principles. The first principle is the principle of mentalism.

" The all is mind; the universe is mental"

In other words everything in existence, our outer world is all a mental construct. It is a hologram projected out based on subconscious programming. Everything we see is first created in our mind by programming of our subconscious & imagination. The world is a mirror of our assumptions. What we believe to be true is projected out into the outer world. If you want to see change in the 3D then you must first make the change within.

Now do you see how everything points back to YOU? How things are made possible by you & you only?! Do you understand the power of your mind?? Do you get that the 3D is a reflection of your inner mind (3D reflects the 4D). Do you understand that you are the only validation you need? Do you understand that imagination is real and not the 3D?? Do you understand that everything that exists and can possible exists is true and real? It all exists in some reality, there is infinite realities. Do you see how things have the power to be when you give it your awareness? Do you see how you are a reflection of God working & experiencing itself & creation through you= you are the operant power & god of your reality?!!!

xoxo, the cosmic angel ⭐️🪽

[exactlycleverpirate]

Timeline from Xavier's Perspective Part 2

EDIT: Updated with some new information and some adjustments.

(Includes spoilers for basically everything, including all myths.)

This is an update of my earlier post. See Part 1 here.

Timeline from Xavier's perspective (Part 2/Earth):

Timejump.

?1248 (“It’s been 800 years!”)? Sometime in a past life, Rafayel and MC were lovers. (Is this when MC was trapped on the Island of Songs in a hut by herself, doomed to someday drown and Rafayel comes, gives her his heart and saves her?) Then she is cursed and turned into a Sea Witch in the Abyssal Rift. She has no memory of Rafayel or being human. Rafayel exchanges his scale, eternal blood, and a shell with his voice in order to turn MC human and restore her memories. Then he turns to sea foam. (Fragrant Dream.) (This could all be an actual dream or allusion that never happen or hasn't happened yet. However, this could be when Rafayel gifted MC one of his scales and formed the bond between them.)

2018 Xavier checks out a book in the library that MC will check out 30 years later. (An 

1834 AD Xavier, Jeremiah, Isaiah, Noah (Likely actually Jeremiah, due to translation error), and others stranded on Earth. (This timing comes from a promotional video where Xavier says he has been on Earth for 214 years.) (Part of a team called the Backtrackers. Were on a Backtrack mission when something went wrong in the Deepspace tunnel.)

Appointment)

2021 Zayne born Sept 5th.

2024 (...probably) Rafayel born March 6th

2025 The year Xavier claims he was born, on Oct 16th.

2026-2027 MC born. (This age comes from chapter 5.1. The letter she gets from Grandma says she was 7-8 when they started experimenting on her, and she was adopted by Grandma after the Chronorift Catastrophe in 2034.)

Child Rafayel likes escaping to explore the ocean. On one or more of these excursions, he sees a lantern festival and puts out their lanterns. (Ocean At Night)

2032 Xavier joins Arthur's police team. (Anecdote 2)

2033 That winter, Noah (Likely actually Jeremiah, due to translation error) contacts Xavier for information to make a new identity. Noah mentions wanting to be an ordinary person in this timeline and that he fell in love. Xavier fakes his death as a police officer and encounters a lost little girl with a bunny plushie. Fights Isaiah in Linkon city in a fight that makes the whole city go dark. He disguises this by making it look like there is a meteor shower. (Anecdote 2)

2034 Deepspace tunnel appears and Chronorift Catastrophe (timespace anomaly in Linkon city). MC is 7-8, taken in by Grandma. Caleb is also adopted by Grandma. 12 year old Zayne loses control of his Evol at the end of summer and has a nightmare about the Grim Reaper for the first time. Rafayel would be 10 at this time. Xavier appears as Lumiere for the first time, kills the first Wanderer in the Chronorift Catastrophe and saves MC. On December 31st, Lemurian ruins are discovered, after a tsunami southeast of Linkon city, when a rift opens up and reveals it. Her grandma participates in experiments to fuse a human heart and a protocore. At some point, MC's heart is fused with an Aether core. Onichynus and Dr. Noah are both somehow linked to these experiments. Her first heart doctor is Dr. Noah.

At some point in MC and Rafayel's childhood, Rafayel visits the surface world but gets trapped on the beach on his return trip (on Ebb Day?) (Perhaps during her field trip to Hat Island?) She saves him and they make a pinkie promise. Rafayel says if she doesn't return, he will chase her to the ends of the earth. (Nightly Stroll)

Child Rafayel is given a Whale Call as a means of protection, in case something happens on one of his escapes from Lemuria. However, he never uses it, because he never escapes again after this, and sometime later he buries it in the Lemurian city. (Whalefall Lament)

Child Rafayel is tricked and his people slaughtered. Some survivors go into hiding living on land among humans, including his Aunt Talia and K. (Anecdote 3)

Sometime before 2038, MC goes on a field trip to Hat Island (possibly when she meets Rafayel?).

2035 Zayne (age 14) begins medical school at Skywalk University, spends 6 years in med school program. (It normally takes 8.) (From his biography on the hospital wall.)

2043 Zayne (age 22) graduates from medical school. Goes on a mission to the Arctic where he is forced to mercy kill his mission leader who is being consumed by some sort of ice (Anecdote 2). Begins work at Linkon Central Hospital. (From his biography on the hospital wall.)

Rafayel's Anecdote 3 immediately precedes Anecdote 2 (See 2044-2047). Rafayel is singing in the opera and seeking revenge overseas in Verona under the name Mo. He is being investigated by a private detective named Louis. He is not painting at this time. His Aunt Talia is also in Verona. He attends a Seamoon Ceremony for a fellow Lemurian survivor, K. Lemurians are hiding amongst humanity, but being hunted, tortured, harvested for their scales and blood and killed. Rafayel then moves to Linkon city and resumes painting again. He has a photo of MC in his pocket. (Anecdote 3).

Sometime between 2043-2045 MC (17-18) begins attending University of Linkon. (School year usually begins in September.)

2043-2047 Rafayel's Anecdote 2 takes place sometime in this timeframe while MC is at University of Lincoln. That summer, his painting Illusion projects him into the spotlight as a popular artist. In late summer, he becomes a lecturer at University of Linkon. He receives information on her from someone at the Nest. He believes there are “predators'' surrounding her, some of whom may be trying to use her to trap him, so he is wary about approaching her. He burns the photos and information the man who investigated her collects about her. He describes his feelings toward her as painful and addictive, thinking he is ready to spend the rest of his days with her, but also wants to settle the score between them. (Anecdote 2). Thomas becomes Rafayel’s agent. (Anecdote 1).

2045 Xavier meets Arthur at his tombstone. (Anecdote 2)

2046 Zayne makes a groundbreaking discovery about the effects of the Evol gene on heart development. (From the AKSO hospital article about him). He receives the Starcatcher and Linde Awards. (From his biography on the hospital wall.)

2047-2048 MC graduates. (School year usually ends June-July)

2048 Pregame: Zayne becomes chief surgeon. Zayne becomes MC's doctor 6 months before the story begins (in July of 2048, making 6 months prior the month of January) (Dr. Dean/Noah was her doctor before him). Also 6 months before the story begins, Raymond begins exhibiting symptoms of mental confusion and other abnormal behavior. At the start of the year, (per Main Story chpt 2.6) Rafayel returns to the country from overseas. He is known for spending six months painting in his studio, then traveling the world for inspiration/materials for the other 6 months. The month before the main story, Rafayel's art broke the record for the highest selling art at Lizio Auctions. Raymond buys a painting from Rafayel's gallery.

2048 Story begins Wednesday, July 1st (most likely), with MC being initiated as a Hunter in the Hunter's Association. MC is about 21-22, and her Evol has to do with Resonance, Anhaunsen Class. Rafayel is 24, Fire Evol. Zayne is 27, Ice Evol. Xavier claims to be 23, Light Evol. Traceback II is approaching the event horizon and entering the black hole.

See Love and Deepspace: the Story So Far Part 1.

Sometime in the future, after the destruction of Linkon but before the destruction of Earth, Grim Reaper Zayne lives, killing humans turned Wanderer and dreaming of a life as a doctor with the woman he loves. (Anecdote 3)

Part 1 and 2 in this timeline continue in a loop perpetually?

[miyuhpapayuh]

butterflies.

After their close friends and family received the news about them being invited to the most anticipated event of the creative world, Mya, Isaiah and the rest of the group began planning for their awaited, highly anticipated trip.

The pair have also gotten closer over the last couple of weeks. Going out to dinner after work, drinks on the weekend, and her new favorite, sharing ice cream at Maggie's diner.

“Ooh!” 

Currently sifting through the dresses that her mama had sent her, she lands on a red hot number with a slit up the thigh.

“I don’t know what event mama thinks I’m goin’ to, but…” she trails off, laughing to herself.

Pulling it off the hanger, she lays it across her bed and begins to tug at the bottom of her shirt when her music abruptly cuts off, followed by the ringing of her phone.

Peering over at it on her dresser, she smiles. “Oh, boy.”

Answering the call, she watches his handsome face come into view. His wide smile showcases itself, almost mirroring hers.

“I’m starting to think you’re watching me,” she jokes, keeping the top of her head in view as she reaches for the dress.

“Why?” he asks.

“Because you always call me when I’m in the middle of something,” she laughs.

“What’s so important, this time?” he mocks as she laughs.

“My mom sent me a bunch of dresses to try on for this damn ball, and I’m about to lose my mind, because I can’t decide on one,”  she sighs.

“You need some help decidin’?” he asks, his chin in his palm as he stares at the partial view of her face and the ceiling.

“Uh…sure! Give me a second.” She moves away from the camera and begins to pull her shirt over her head, grabbing the dress and sliding into it.

“You cut my favorite song off this time. I just want you to know”, she grumbles, fidgeting with the dress.

“And what song was that?”

“I Think About Lovin’ You by Earth, Wind and Fire.”

“Hm. Don’t think I’ve ever heard it.”

“No worries. We’ll fix that,” she says, before picking her phone up from the dresser.

“Okay, you’ve fattened me up over the past couple of weeks, so don’t be too harsh.”

He chuckles. “I would never do such a thing.”

“Okay,” sitting it back down in an upright position, she pulls her hair away from her face and poses, “how do I look?”

“Wow,” his eyes wander over her curves, committing them to memory..

“You look so good.”

Her brows raise, the butterflies in her stomach doing somersaults.

“Really?”

“Absolutely,” he nods enthusiastically, making her cheese wide.

“Can I get a spin?” He asks, poking his lip out.

“I'll oblige you, this time.” She winks, taking her time twirling like a doll on display, giggling at his whistles.

“Damn girl,” he shakes his head.

“Alright, alright, let me go try on another one!” She says, moving out of frame to silently squeal and slip into another dress.

☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.☆:☆: .☽ .☆: .☽ · 。ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆

After an hour and a half of making the object of her affection blush, Mya decides to have lunch with her mother at their favorite spot, Shoney’s.

As the chimes on the door ring, her mother looks up from her coffee and motions her over.

“Hey, baby.” She greets her daughter with a kiss on the cheek as she files into the booth seat, removing her jacket.

“Hey, ma. Man, it’s chilly out there today.”

“That’s why I texted you about a jacket even though you swear you don’t get cold.”

“Well, if I tell you that you’re right about me being cold, you’ll just gloat about it until you die so, no. I’m not cold.” She blinks.

“You are your father’s child.”

“That’s what the birth certificate says, yes.”

“Anyways, I brought you here to talk about all of your success, thus far. I’m very proud of you. How do you feel?”

A genuine smile spreads across her lips.

“Thank you! I’m so happy, honestly. I knew Savannah believed in me, but I won’t lie and say that I knew this was coming!”

“The Gold Ball is definitely a once in a lifetime experience, but you deserve it! You’ve been working hard for the past three years at Abstraction. It’s about time that your hard work paid off.” Her mother stresses.

“Yeah, I’ve heard that a couple of times. I believe it, I’m just still processing it all.”

“Well, good. Now, do I get to hear about this boy that’s got you all giggly, yet?”

 Mya sighs, knowing it was coming.

“All of a sudden, I’m hungry. I’ll be right back.” She gets up from the table and heads towards the buffet line to fill her empty stomach.

With her mother being the relentless soul that god put her on earth to be, she heads over and behind making her own plate, all the while poking for information.

“Oh, come on! I’ve been patient with you, Nicole.”

“Ma, not the middle name. Don’t be dramatic.”

“I’m not being dramatic. You’re holding out on me.”

“I just wanna eat, ma. Let me eat and then I’ll tell you. Okay?”

“Fine.”

Twenty minutes, an entire rundown and a full stomach later…

“He sounds like a good ol’ southern gentleman. Is he cute?”

“Ma,” Mya grabs her phone off the table and goes to his contact picture. “Cute isn’t an accurate description.”

Sharing the phone, her mother’s brows lift. “Oh, wow. He’s one beautiful man.”

“I know!” She agrees with her eyes closed, making her laugh.

“So, you really like this one?”

“I’m starting to, yeah! Besides him being pretty, he’s such a sweetheart and he’s a computer nerd like myself. What more could a girl ask for?”

“Babies.” She answers.

Mya almost chokes on air.

“Huh?!”

“What?? I’m not getting any younger.. neither are you.”

“I’m only twenty-seven. I’ve got time, and your first candidate for me shouldn’t be a man that I’ve only known for about a month! Relax a little, please.”

“Is he going to the seminar, as well?” She asks, completely ignoring her daughter.

“Yes.” She purses her lips together, not letting it slip that he was also invited to the Gold Ball, knowing her mother would just get amped up all over again.

“Well, you’ll have some eye candy while you listen to those white people tell you about success.” She snorts.

“And you said my father was harsh on white people,” Mya laughs. “I think you took it over, ma.”

“Your father is a fool.”

“That’s a conversation for another day.”

☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.☆:☆: .☽ .☆: .☽ · 。ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆

“You guys!”

Taylor kisses Mercedes’ and Mya’s cheek before sitting in the available seat, slinging her jacket over the back of the chair.

“Usually, I’d say you’re being dramatic with the kisses and shit, but it has been a minute.” Mercedes comments, sipping on his long island iced tea.

“It really has! I missed y’all.” Mya chimes in.

“Mhm. You been all hugged up with strong arms. I might even be a little jealous.” Mercedes says, making Mya’s cheeks flush red.

“Jealous? I thought you and Mark were kickin’ it?”

Taylor snorts. “Mark was just that. He couldn’t even protect ya girl!”

“I missed something??” Mya asks, both of them nodding at her, quickly.

“Chy, how ‘bout we went to the movies, last weekend and this big mountain of a man gets in ol’ boy’s face, tryna check him on some I’m more of a man than you are type of shit and Mark just stood there. Now, you know me! I was like you ain’t gon check him?? He lookin’ at me like it was my fault, cause then they start goin’ at it and that big bitch started callin’ me out my name and the motherfucker still just stood there! Lookin’ like he was about to fuckin’ cry. So I left.”

Mya’s jaw was on the floor.

“You gotta be kidding me! Has he tried to contact you?”

“Several times!” Taylor laughs.

“It’s not funny, Tay! That shit was embarrassing.” Mercedes grumbles. “But, yeah, so I’m single again. Maybe, for a while longer cause that was just too much for me.”

“Man, I’m sorry I missed that. I’m sure you could’ve used an extra shoulder to lean on,” Mya frowns. “Maybe, an extra crowbar.” She cracks.

“Girl, you’re fine, I want you to enjoy all you can of ol’ thick neck. When do we officially get to meet him, by the way?”

“As soon as you can call him by his name.”

“We know his name, girl. Mister muscles!”

“You play too damn much, Cedes. But, uh… how about this weekend? We can all go out for drinks or something.” Mya suggests.

“Ooh! There’s a new spot, uptown!” Taylor snaps her fingers, trying to pull the name of the place out of thin air, “Flavor! It’s so cute. They got great food, an open bar,” she nudges Mercedes, “and a lil common area, if you wanna dance a little.”

“Sounds like the spot!”

“I’m down.”

“What time? Seven sound good?” Mya asks.

“Yeah, that should be fine.”

“I’m so excited to harass your man.” Mercedes rubs her hands together like Birdman.

“Two things. One, he’s not my man,”

“Yet,” they both chime in, cracking up.

“And, two!! Don’t embarrass me, please.”

“We would never,” Taylor smiles.

“Oh, boy.” She shakes her head.

“No, but seriously, how are things with him?”

“He’s so dreamy, you guys.” She gushes. “These last few weeks have been some of the best. We just sit and talk or we’ll go dancing or we’ll take a walk in the park or we go out to eat— did I mention that he’s fine!?”

“We’ve seen his hunky ass, girl!” Taylor nods. “That’s so cute! You deserve it, honestly.”

“Yeah, those duds you were runnin’ with, back in the day couldn’t even hold a candle to Isaiah.” She smirks.

“It’s so refreshing to hear you not call him swole arms.” She playfully rolls her eyes. “And thanks, girl. Them whores weren’t good for anything besides a dick drop off.” The trio crack up.

“Hell, at least they could do that right!”

“That, they did.” She snorts, the memories flooding back to her brain, making her shiver a little. “Whew!”

“You stupid, man.” Mercedes pokes her in her side. “But, you just tell swole arms that we don’t play bout our Mya paya, okay?”

“Got it.”

☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.☆:☆: .☽ .☆: .☽ · 。ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆

Sitting across from one another in the dimly lit ice cream shoppe, the pair share a double scoop of vanilla and good conversation.

“They’re gonna tear me up, aren’t they?” He asks.

“I told them to behave, but Mercedes takes that as a challenge.” She shakes her head, eating a spoonful.

He laughs.

“Well, they’re just making sure you’re in good hands.”

“And, am I in good hands?” She questions.

“Like Allstate.” He says, making her giggle.

“I knew it was corny, but I like making you laugh.” He smiles.

“It was cute,” she laughs, eating another spoonful. “Like you.”

“Damn, that’s a bump down from pretty.” He frowns, pretends to be hurt.

“Aw,” she sits her spoon down and rubs the back of his hand. “You are pretty, 'saiah!”

“Mhm.” He plays with her fingers. “Not as pretty as you.”

“I don’t know,” their fingers intertwine, “I think you have me beat.”

“No, no. I’m only this pretty with some scruff on my face. You’d change your mind if you saw me without it.”

“Shut up,” she laughs, “you mean your beard?”

“It barely qualifies, since it's growing back in.”

“C’mere lemme get a better look.” She motions him towards her, so she can take a closer look at his handsome face.

She chances, softly gripping his chin, and turning his face in her hand to better inspect him.

“Looks good to me.”

“Yeah? Come a little closer.”

She obliges, chewing on her lip. Their faces are just a few inches away from each other. Squinting, she nods, grazing his “scruff” with her thumb.

“Still looks good to me.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,”

Grasping her chin with his free hand, he closes the space between them, kissing her like he’d been wanting to all day.

Melting into the kiss, their lips mold together as if they were long lost lovers.

Pulling away, he licks his lips. His hand still cupping her chin, her eyes reopening to find him already looking at her.

It was her turn to be flustered.

“What was that for?”

“I’ve wanted to all day. Thought it was the right time.”

“Hm… your timing is impeccable.”

“Yeah?” His brows raise.

“Mhm.” She smirks.

“Another pat on the back for me?”

“Shut up,” she laughs.

☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.☆:☆: .☽ .☆: .☽ · 。ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆

Sprawled out on his couch, the pair sit up under one another, watching a movie.

“Are you comfortable?” He asks, his hand is at the base of her neck, strumming soothing circles with his fingertips. She’s nestled comfortably between his legs while his heartbeat drums a lullaby against her ear.

“This TV’s gonna be watching me in a minute,” she says, her eyes getting lower and lower. His low chuckle vibrates through her before she continues. “I saw my mama today, by the way. We talked about you.”

His ears perk up at the new information.

“Oh did you, now? What y’all say?”

“Said you're cute, you better treat me right and then something about grandchildren.” The end makes Isaiah sputter out a cough, and she barely conceals her laughter. “I’m not sure, I kinda tuned her out at that point.”

“Well, she doesn't have to worry about me treating you right, I'd be an idiot not to,” he says, tickling her neck, making her immediately scrunch up.

“Stop!,” she squeals, reaching back to smack his hand, “she also said she’d like to meet you. I politely told her to slow her roll.”

“I don’t know, mama. I think I’d like to meet the lovely woman that raised my favorite girl.” Her cheeks heat up, and she’s grateful she isn’t facing him.

She faux muses for a moment before responding. “Well in that case, I may be able to get something arranged.”

The conversation makes Isaiah aware that he needs to spend some time with his own mother. He makes a mental note to call her come morning.

The rest of their evening is spent with more playful teasing between binging reruns of Living Single.

☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ.☆:☆: .☽ .☆: .☽ · 。ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆

Isaiah makes good on his promise to call his mama that following morning as soon as he settled in at work. They made plans to meet up with each other that same day during his lunch break.

“I’ll miss you, swole arms. We’ve been having lunch together for months now.” Mya jokes before they part ways for the hour.

“Wait, what—” he stops mid thought before answering his own question. “Mercedes and Taylor, huh?”

“Mercedes and Taylor,” she confirms with a laugh.

“You know I haven’t officially met those girls, and I don’t think I like ‘em too much,” he teases with a laugh.

“They’re harmless for  the most part. Anyway, have fun with your mama. I know she misses her boy.”

“Thanks, Mya.” He catches her off guard by stealing a quick kiss to her lips while there are no eyes on them. 

By the time she can get her bearings, he’s gone, and she has to flush the blush away from her cheeks before anyone could grill her about it.

A five minute ride later, and Isaiah is seated across from his mother at Lorraine’s, a soul food staple in the neighborhood.

They’re catching up over fried catfish, greens, and yams.

“Honey, I thought the Lord was gonna come down on his gold chariot and snatch us up before I got to see my baby,” she teases.

He can’t help laughing at his mother’s dramatics. “I know it’s been a minute since we’ve seen each other, mama. I’m sorry.” He puts his free hand over hers, having genuinely missed her.

“Oh baby, it’s alright. I know you’re at that big, fancy company living out all your dreams and making your mama proud. I couldn’t ask for more from you.”

Emotions he didn’t plan on feeling on a Friday afternoon caused his throat to become tight. He cleared it, gently squeezing her hand. “Yeah,” he agrees softly, so his voice doesn’t betray him.

“So,” she starts, switching topics, “tell me more about this girl you were going on about earlier. Mya, right?”

“Yes, ma’am.” He smiles with his whole face.

“Hmm. The way those eyes lit up like Christmas when I said her name just now tells me she’s special, ain’t she?”

“You can definitely say that.”

“Special enough for a couple grandchildren? You know I just hit 35 and the clock ain’t tickin’ backwards.”

He’s so stuck by that “grandchildren” word, he completely misses that she subtracted roughly 15 years from her actual age.

“Boy, close your mouth before you catch a fly. I’m just messing with you. A little bit.”

“Mama, you are entirely too much. Let me get to know her first, maybe learn more than her favorite flower, before you start talking about kids.”

“Fine,” she says, rolling her eyes jokingly. “But tell me what you do know about her.”

“Well,” he takes a moment to gather his thoughts together, “she’s so pretty, mama. I tell her that all the time. Maybe too much, but she doesn’t seem to mind. She’s really sweet. I mean, give you a cavity kind of sweet,” he pauses, chuckling at how corny that sounded, even to his own ears. “She makes me laugh.”

“Honey, you laugh at everything.” He’s interrupted by his mother’s gentle observation. 

“I know that, lady. But with her, it’s a deep, from the gut kinda laugh, ya know?”

She acknowledges her son with a nod, silently encouraging him to go on.

“And she’s really talented. Like, an out of the box type of talented. And ambitious. Crazy ambitious. All the time, she tells me the things she wants outta life, and I’m watching her get it in real time. I love that.” 

“Well, she’s already a country mile ahead of that last one, I tell ya that. What was her name again, Jezebel?”

He almost loses the sip of lemonade he took.

“It was Janaé, mama.”

“Ain’t that what I said? Anyway, that thang had your nose open like 7/11. I was starting to worry about you, boy.”

“Well, I like to pride myself on making better decisions now, mama.”

“Thank the Lord for small wonders,” she continued to tease him.

“I’m starting to question whether or not you love me, old lady.”

“Oh cut it out. I’m just teasing. You know I love my baby,” she says while pinching his cheek.

“Come on now, ma.” He gently removes her hand from his face, chuckling.

She sighs, looking at how happy her son looked at the moment. She debates whether or not she should relay the piece of information that could prove devastating for his progress.

“What’s on your mind, mama?” he asks before she can decide.

“ I wanna talk to you about something.”

“Is everything okay?” He sits up in his seat, concern already etching its way into his features.

“Everything’s fine. Don’t you worry.” She takes a moment to carefully choose her words. “It’s about your father.”

As soon as the sentence leaves her lips, all trace of emotion falls from his face as he sits back and downs the last of his drink.

“Hm. He finally die?” he asks coolly.

She knows she shouldn’t have been taken aback by such a response, but she found the sharp turn of his mood to be slightly jarring, even now.

“No, that’s not it.”

“Evil never really does die, I guess,” he says with a shrug.

“So what is it?” His gaze stays focused on the view outside of the large window, a technique learned in therapy to keep himself grounded.

“He’s been asking about you. Asking to see you. I wanted to give you a head’s up beforehand.”

“A head’s up?” he bites back a laugh. “I'm not gonna kill the man.”

Not that he’s never considered it.

March-ish, 2006, Dallas

A fourteen-year-old Isaiah polishes off the last of his breakfast, placing his dishes in the sink before heading off to Lincoln Jr. High. His mother isn’t there to see him off once again, having had to work her fourth double this week at Halifax Memorial Hospital, while his father had never seen him off, not once.

Third period English rolls around, and he receives a recent term paper face down. A big, red D is at the top right hand corner with a note saying “See me after class”. He sighs, rolling his eyes to the ceiling.

The bell rings, and his classmates file out, but he lags behind.

“Come sit down.” Miss Braxton motions to the empty seat nearest her desk.

He follows her instruction and plops down into the seat.

“Care to explain this unfocused, uninspired, half-attempt of an essay you decided to turn in?” she says while looking over the rim of her glasses.

He replies with a shrug of his shoulders and a barely audible “I don’t know.”

“Listen, I expect this kind of work from some of my students, but not you, Isaiah. I’ve seen what you’re capable of, and this,” she picks up the paper, waving it slightly for emphasis before continuing, “is nowhere near close. Remember, I’ve been your teacher since you were little, in the first grade always asking me for a new book to read. I see you doing big things and this lackadaisical attitude you’ve taken on isn’t going to get you there.”

A silence falls over the room as her words take a moment to run through his head.

“Um, imma be late for fourth period, so I gotta go,” he says, wanting to run far away from this conversation.

“You’re free to go. Don’t forget what I’ve said, okay?”

He nods, booking it for the door.

Harshly, he wipes at the tears just making their way down his face. He curses himself for his feelings.

“Well, if it ain’t my favorite punk ass bitch. Doing what he does best. Fuckin’ cryin’.” He’s greeted by the school bully, Darius, a thorn in his side for almost a year now.

“Your daddy ain’t teach you how to be a man yet? Oh I forgot, you don’t even know who the fuck he is. Just you and your mama. I see why you’re such a bitch.”

“Darius, don’t fuck with me today,” he warns, trying to get past the boy.

“Or what?? You gon’ run and tell mommy on me? I’m so scared. Fuck outta here,” the bully retorts, blocking his path and pushing the smaller boy in the center of his chest.

Without much thought, Isaiah cocks his hand back and clocks Darius directly in his eye. The blows don’t stop once he’s down though. He continues to rain blow after blow to his face while he’s crouched over his fallen form shouting profanities the entire while.

It takes two grown male teachers to finally pry him off the boy. He needs to be damn near dragged to the principal’s office.

His mother is less than pleased when she’s called out of work due to her son practically mauling the school bully.

Little did she know, that was only the beginning…

He sighs, coming back to the present moment.

“I didn’t think you would, son. I just thought it might be helpful to know,” she responds, to which he simply nods.

“Listen, whatever you decide to do, baby, mama’s got your back.” 

She places her hand over his and squeezes, which causes him to look back at her. He softens immediately, seeing his mother’s eyes shine with nothing but love and concern for him.

“I know.”

“Good.”

He uses the drive back to the office to compose himself into the man that his coworkers recognize.

Mya notices something off when he walks back into the office. To the untrained eye, he looks fine, but there’s a look in eye that she can name, being all too familiar with it herself.

After a meeting she could barely pay attention to,  she’s at the end of her workday, still consumed by what could be wrong with her normally cheerful coworker.

Deciding not to press him about it, she instead extends an offer to spend the evening with her.

“Hey,” she gently catches his attention as he’s walking toward the large, glass double doors.

He turns, giving her a smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes.

“Hey Mya. What’s up?”

She shifts her weight, almost feeling nervous. 

“Yeah, I just wanted to ask you if you wanted to come over to my house...if you could use the company. I know I could.”

He doesn’t answer right away, and she feels her heart start to sink. 

Seconds later, though, she’s gifted a smile much more genuine than earlier and she visibly relaxes.

“I’d love that.”

Extending his arm to her, she accepts, linking them together as they walk out of the building.

 A smooth playlist curated by Mya plays in the background as the pair lounges on her porch swing.

She’s upright while Isaiah's head is in her lap.

There are no words spoken between the two of them, but the silence is comfortable. 

She uses her slippered foot to softly rock them.

His eyes are closed while she runs her fingers through his soft coils.

Her gaze, however, is focused on the group of little brown girls across the street who are out playing jump rope.

The clack of their beaded hair, coupled with their laughter brings about a feeling of warmth.

“What is it that makes a man not want to be a father?”

Her eyes darted down toward the man in her lap, whose eyes are still closed.

Her fingers continue their relaxing pattern across his scalp, unsure of how to answer that.

He continues, “It’s like they don’t know or don’t fuckin’ care about the broken pieces they leave behind when they do that. And you know what the cold part about it is?”

She remains silent, knowing the answer is coming.

“He’s not even responsible for fixing the shit. Making sure I never turned out like him was 100 percent up to me. Tell me that’s not fucked up.”

He goes quiet for a moment, but she doesn’t feel compelled to break it.

She’s stunned by this new piece of him that he’s shared with her with no provocation from her.

“My father wants to see me. Wants to talk,” he finally reveals after several more moments of silence.

“How do you feel about it?” She asks cautiously.

There’s a pause before he responds, “I don’t know.”

“Well… until you know how you feel about it, I wouldn't make any final decisions. Process it first, you know?”

A sort of huffing sigh leaves him, before silence takes back over.

The slight, late October breeze blows over them, lightly tousling her hair across her face.

She removes the random strands, still maintaining her rocking with her foot.

“How would you handle this situation?” Isaiah asks, his eyes now open and looking up at her.

Not answering right away, her rocking stops. Instead it turns into a steady bounce with the opposite foot, as she tries to conjure up words for a moment such as that.

“I wouldn’t know. I haven’t talked to my father in years. Guess I’d have to process it, too.” She laughs, but it’s far from humorous.

Her eyes stay trained on the pastel numbered boxes from the hopscotch game the girls had played earlier, keeping her emotions at bay.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to make this about me.”

“You didn’t. It’s okay.” He sits up, his softened gaze on her reddened face.

“I guess we’re more alike than we realized.” He offers a laugh, which she returns. Yet, her slight frown gives her away.

“I’m sorry you have to go through this. It ain’t right.” She shakes her head.

“It’s not your fault, don’t be sorry. I’m just glad you listened. That was tough to share.”

“I understand.” She finally looks in his direction.

The lingering emptiness in their eyes mirror one another, making them feel far too vulnerable.

“Can I take you up on that hot toddy you were talking about?” He asks.

She laughs, holding out her hand for him to take.

“I thought you’d never ask.”