#Lokeira's is long i know but he's my emotional support character diufiesds

[rotten-games]

In honor of TDOV can you give us insight to the trans ROs experiences with being trans?

I’m late for this because it was a work day yesterday but I’ll answer it anyway because time is an illusion.

Warning for discussion of gender dysphoria

Lokeira: Lokeira didn’t actually realise he was trans until after he left home (at, maybe 19). It wasn’t that he was stifled--though that could very well have been the case in many respects--there were one or two other trans people that he grew up with, however, he never really identified with their experiences perhaps because from the day he was born he was told he had to be a very specific way just due to circumstances wildly outside of his control (This is not agab-related, but poetic cinema and all that). Due to this, he never really had the time or space to really acknowledge that he felt different than what everyone told him he was, or even explore that difference. All he ever really knew regarding who he was in himself was that there was a very deep discomfort that seemed to follow him wherever he went; it wasn’t with any specific parts of him, it was all of him to the extent that he had trouble determining sometimes if who he looked at in the mirror was really him.

Then he left home, cut contact with his family and siblings, and all the people who said he had to be a certain way. He was happier for it, all things considered, but that discomfort still lingered whenever he gave himself even a moment to think too hard about it. Honestly the ‘oh’ moment for Lokeira was a case of someone ‘mistaking’ him for a man and realising he liked it. Obviously it took some serious self-reflection to come to the conclusion that maybe he was a man after all, but eventually he accepted it and basically used all the coin he’d saved up from his job to fund his transition.

That being said, he has no plans of doing anything past hormones and top surgery. The dysphoria was mostly in regards to how people saw him and, well, his chest. To some extent, that discomfort still lingers in some ways; the scars on his chest are a reminder of just why he had to do it, and his voice is constantly cracking like the bastard it is, but knowing himself like he does relieves a lot of the pressure he felt growing up, even if it’s only one aspect of his life.

Ettia: For a very long time, centuries, in fact, Ettia was very unhappy. She had known she was trans for a long time, a very long time before she did anything to go through with a transition. Of course, for a God, that would have been as easy as simply shifting her appearance to better reflect her identity, Wykk would have helped her with all the intricacies if she’d only asked, but one thing stopped her for a long time.

The people.

Oh, Golding had gone through the process of ensuring the holy scriptures and everyone within the faith knew he was a man, but Ettia--or Arior--wasn’t certain she was so strong. She loved her people, she loved the mortals more than her sibling Gods could ever fathom, and some suspect she loved them more than her own brother, but being her true self was something that scared her endlessly. There would be pushback. She knew that just as well as Golding did, but she knew, eventually, she wouldn’t be able to hide herself away.

So, after some very sharp words with Adeliah, she appeared to a few select, incredibly important mortals to set the record straight. It took years for the religion to completely acknowledge her as a woman, but bit by bit her old name was replaced and forgotten by time, and Arior was born anew. Or so the scriptures say.

Korrin: Korrin’s experiences may have been a bit different; they realised they were non-binary during the process of Mikah’s own transition. It wasn’t a huge, life-shattering realisation--in retrospect it made sense--and they didn’t even really talk about it for some time since they were, and are, comfortable with all manner of pronouns, however, it soon became clear that wasn’t going to be something they could maintain. They told Mikah first, and with their permission he told everyone else.

Korrin loves who they are--at least in regards to the transness of themself. They love being trans and they love being non-binary, and don’t see a reason to stifle it to make other (cis) people comfortable. They wear what they want to better reflect who they are and they don’t particularly care if it clashes or makes them look a certain way. They know who they are and they’re the type who won’t let anyone change that for anything, though people have certainly tried.

Spotter: Spotter was one of those people who knew they were some description of trans since they were incredibly young. Of course, they didn’t always have the words for it, nor did they always know they were non-binary. They always had horrible dysphoria that tended to come and go; some days they’d barely be able to get out of bed, while others they were all but distant worries, which often confused them and made them question whether they were truly ‘trans enough’.

Truthfully, Spotter fluctuated between she/her and he/him pronouns for quite a few years, at first thinking they must have been binary trans until they realised maybe they didn’t have to be either. This realisation didn’t come up on its own, some kid in the gang they were in questioned who they were and, really, all Spotter could say was, “I don’t know. Neither, I guess.” It was partially a joke at the time. Until it wasn’t.

Spotter has always sort of wanted to go on hormones, though any other procedure after that is still uncertain for them. It’s not due to a lack of want, but more due to a lack of funds and uncertainty about whether or not that will actually change anything about the way they see themself.