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tss-whumper · 3 months ago

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please believe me - a sanders sides whump one-shot

summary: roman has always been a little bit more fragile than he wants to admit. he gets dizzy spells and vertigo, and struggles to walk often because of this. but when he discovers that he can use a cane to better his mobility, he's amazed and delighted...until he tells the other sides, who do not take this well.

word count: 4.3k

content warnings: internalized ableism, ableism, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, bullying, emotional abuse, concussions, dry-heaving, all of the sides except for roman, remus, and logan could be seen as unsympathetic.

Roman liked to consider himself strong. Though he knew that all of the other sides were stronger than him physically, he also knew that he had a lot of stamina and fortitude of his own. After all, he was the only side who would regularly go on adventures of his own imagining, slaying pretend dragons and running through the forest. He also knew that he was often the one asked to do strenuous tasks, because he was the only one who had the energy to go from start to finish without slackening even a little.

But lately, that energy had been burning out quicker than usual.

Roman would be walking through his imaginary forest, and then suddenly, his vision would blur. His head would hurt. His heart would pound. And he would stumble and fall, gasping to catch his breath as his heart raced. But by the time he realized what was happening, he was on the ground, and it was going away. At first, Roman thought nothing of it. Probably lack of nutrition. So he ate more. It helped a little, but not a lot. Lack of sleep? He got his beauty sleep, ten hours a night. But even when he increased to eleven hours, the dizzy spells did not stop.

The longer it went on, the worse the spells got. They would last longer, and be more severe. There would even be times where Roman had to stay on the floor for minutes at a time, just to get his heart to stop pounding and his body to stop trembling. He was always thirsty, always hungry. No matter how much he ate and drank. And he started to grow wary of going into his forest alone. What if he collapsed and couldn't get back up? Each time he fell, it grew harder and harder to pick himself up. It started to feel like his bones were becoming brittle and useless.

Until one day.

He went for a little walk after a frustrating argument with Remus, making sure to keep close to his bedroom door, just in case. But this time, when his vision blurred and he teetered to the side, he held out his arms, grappling for something to keep him upright. And his hands wrapped tightly around a branch of a tree. The dizziness was still there, and Roman could see the world around him moving. But he was still. And he knew that he was still, because the branch did not move. The branch kept him steady, and helped him figure out where to slowly and shakily move his feet to keep walking. The branch made things feel less terrifying, like he had more control over his body and the situation.

It was revolutionary.

Ever since that day, Roman started to cling to branches and trunks and whatever he could to keep himself upright. And it went from being whenever he felt dizzy to all the time, that way, it didn't take him by surprise, and he would know that he had something to hold onto if the dizziness came on in a flash, as it tended to. And Roman felt so safe and secure, and more than anything? He felt brave again.

---

"Janus, your cane is so pretty," Patton marveled one day as all the sides gather for a movie night, "You never did tell us what it's for. Is it just for decoration?"

"Not really," Janus shrugged, sitting on the couch, "It's to help keep me from putting too much weight on my weak joints. It's just easier to walk when I'm holding onto something."

Roman's eyes went round as saucers when he heard this. He stared at Janus' cane, black polished wood, with a curve on one end for Janus to hold onto, and a flat base on the other for it to keep his body steady on the ground.

"You mean you just use the cane, and it keeps you from falling down?" he blurted before he could stop himself.

Janus wrinkled his nose, clearly confused by Roman's fascination with his cane and his disability. He pulled his cane closer to himself.

"I don't fall down," he said, "But it does help with keeping me upright when I'm feeling a lot of pain."

The other sides asked their own questions about Janus' cane and his disability, but Roman couldn't hear any of it. All he could think about was that cane. It was just like the tree branch in the forest. It kept Janus grounded, it gave him something to support himself with when his body gave out. It was perfect.

Roman gracefully excused himself, rushing to his room, stumbling inside and falling to the ground as another dizzy spell hit him. But he didn't mind being splayed out on the carpet, grinning like a child in a toy store as he started to conjure up a cane. The perfect cane. It wouldn't be black like Janus'. It would be red, so Roman could always find it. And instead of having a curved area for the hand, it just went out horizontally a few inches, and the handle was a nice plush material that was nice to hold. The bottom was flat like Janus', but it was wider. Roman thought about the strong trunk of the tree, how the wider the foundation was, the stronger the tree stood. Roman made the bottom of his cane about two inches wide, so that there was plenty of sure flatness for him to lean upon.

And then, it was finished. Using the cane, Roman struggled to his feet, clutching the cane tightly. Getting up was much easier when he had something to hold onto. The world rocked and spun around him, but as he gripped the plush handle of the cane, Roman didn't feel so scared. He didn't feel like one wrong step would cause him to crash back down. Slowly, he dragged the cane forward, and then, he took a step. He did not lean heavily on the cane, but he did rest about half his weight on it. The cane was perfect for orienting himself. Letting his body know where it was in space.

It was amazing. Roman almost cried from joy. How did it take him this long to figure out such a simple solution to his problem? Now, he would never topple over from a dizzy spell again!

---

The very first day Roman walked to the kitchen with his cane, he was all smiles. He dragged it gently in front of him, the way he had in his bedroom. Now, it was decorated beautifully. Roman had gone to the forest and delicately wrapped chains of dried flowers around his cane, making for a simple but elegant decoration. Roman felt as if he was glowing from the inside out. Every step was so certain. Every step felt like flying.

"Roman, what the hell is that?"

Air deflated from Roman's chest as he heard the intense hostility in Virgil's tone.

"It's my cane," Roman said, smiling at Virgil as widely as he could, though fear danced in his eyes. "It helps me walk. I get dizzy a lot, and I've been falling over. The cane keeps me from falling."

"You fall over," Virgil repeated, very deadpan in his delivery, "I've never seen you fall over."

"Well- yeah, it mostly happens in the forest," Roman explained, "When I've been running and playing for a while. But sometimes it comes on all of a sudden. I'm glad I found the cane before it happened in front of any of you guys. It's very unbecoming of a prince to be collapsing at random!"

But Virgil did not laugh at Roman's lighthearted remark. His gray eyes narrowed and he stared at the cane for a long time.

"You know, I hate Janus," he said slowly, "You know that. I hate him more than Thomas hates carrots. But there are some lines you can't cross when making fun of him. I can't believe you'd do something like this, Roman. It's a real jackass move."

"What...?" Roman felt tears form in his eyes, "What are you talking about? What's a jackass move?"

"This! All of this!" Virgil cried out, gesturing to the cane, "Faking some dizzy thing to try and get attention? To try and make some sort of mockery of Janus' literal disability? That's not cute, Roman!"

Footsteps could be heard, and Patton and Janus entered the hallway from the kitchen. Patton was holding a mixing bowl. Janus was holding a spoon in one hand, and his cane in the other. Roman was trying his hardest not to cry, biting his lip so hard that he could feel blood dripping down his gums inside his mouth.

"What's going on in here, kiddos?" Patton asked, "It's a Saturday morning, there's no need to yell."

Then, Patton laid eyes upon Roman's cane. And Janus did too.

"It's another one of Roman's little ploys for attention," Virgil hissed, glaring murderously at the creative side, "He must have seen Janus' cane yesterday and gotten all pissy. Because the attention wasn't all on him."

"That's not true!" Roman choked out, desperate for support as he gazed imploringly at Patton, "I swear, it's not true- I- I've been getting dizzy for weeks! Before I even knew about Janus' cane, I was struggling with this- why won't you believe me??"

"If you were struggling, why didn't you tell us?" Janus asked quietly, "Everybody knows that little Princey can't keep a secret to save his life. Why now? Why this?"

"I..." Roman choked on air. "I didn't want to worry you guys. I didn't know what it was, and- I was trying to fix it on my own. I don't understand. The cane helps me walk, just like it helps you."

"Roman, honey," Patton said gently, approaching Roman and placing a hand on his shoulder, "I'm sure you do get a little dizzy from time to time. That's normal for somebody as active as you. And your diet isn't exactly the healthiest, what, with all that fruit you eat. So much sugar, and you barely eat anything at mealtimes."

"I eat plenty at mealtimes," Roman tried to reassure, "I swear it. This isn't something that can be solved by that stuff- at least, I don't think so."

"I know you want people to pay attention to you," Patton interjected, his voice gentle, but his eyes glistening with a warning, "I know you like being the center of everyone's focus, buddy. But you're a big, strong prince! You're Roman. You're supposed to be a valiant and brave prince. Don't you want to be a prince, Roman?"

"Of course I do," Roman whispered, a tear rolling down his face.

"Can you name any princes who use a cane?" Patton asked sweetly, and when Roman faltered, Patton continued, "Exactly. You're a big boy, Roman. You don't need stuff like this. Let's leave the canes to the actual disabled people, alright? It's the respectful thing to do, sweetheart."

Roman started to feel dizzy. He was not sure if it was from a dizzy spell or from the extreme overwhelm of emotions that were weighing him down. Perhaps it was both. All he knew was that he needed to get out of here. He gripped his cane and turned to go, but he found that something was keeping him there.

Virgil's hands were holding tightly onto Roman's cane, keeping him from moving it. Roman's fragile, trembling fingers were no match for Virgil's strong and certain ones.

"Please," he whispered, "Give me my cane."

"No," Virgil glowered, "You can walk ten steps to your room by yourself. I know you can. I've seen it. You're being a real dick, Roman. I just want you to drop the act, okay? I'm not asking for much."

"I need my cane, please," Roman begged, more tears dripping down his chin and his upper lip. "I feel dizzy."

"Of course you do," Janus muttered, rolling his eyes, "Of course you magically feel dizzy while we're calling you out. And here I was thinking I was Deceit."

Janus turned and walked back into the kitchen. But Patton stayed standing in the doorway, and Virgil stayed holding Roman's cane.

"I'm not backing off from this," Virgil said, "Go. Walk."

Roman realized that he was outnumbered by a long shot. Nobody pitied him. Janus was giving him the cold shoulder. Patton was staring at him with such disappointment in his eyes. And Virgil looked ready to kill him. There was nothing Roman could do. No other way to escape.

Slowly, his grip on his cane loosened. Immediately, Virgil snatched it from underneath Roman, causing the dizzy man to stumble. He caught himself, but it was clear that Roman was trembling wildly, not just out of fear, but out of fragility. His vision was going blurry, and it kept blacking out on him. His heart was pumping blood through his body so fast that Roman felt as though he might burst from the inside out.

But he had to walk. He had to escape.

Slowly, he put one foot in front of the other, even though he couldn't tell which way was truly forward. The ground seemed to zig-zag and contort. But Roman closed his eyes, hoping that the lack of vision would help him better figure out how to move in a straight line. It did not. He only felt more unsure. But when he opened his eyes again, he felt his knees give out, and before Roman could get his bearings, he had crashed down onto the bright white carpet of the hallway.

He didn't even hear the thud of his body hitting the ground. But what he did hear was the cruel, barking laughter of Virgil.

"You can't fool me, Roman!" he called out, "That's some good acting, though!"

"Roman, come on, honey," Patton goaded, "Walking is not hard for you. I've seen you do it hundreds of times. No more of this silliness, okay?"

Acting.

Silliness.

Maybe Patton and Virgil were right. Maybe Roman was faking all of this. Slowly, he tried to sit up. His head hurt so badly. A whimper escaped Roman, but he kept going. He had to keep going. He had to get away from the laughter, from the stares.

So he pressed his hands tightly onto one knee, and tried to prop the other upwards. So he could try to stand up. But as his body lifted off the ground, shaking like a fawn's, the walls and the ceiling swirled around him in such a confusing and dizzying haze that Roman fell right back down again. White hot pain burst through the wrist he fell on, and a sickening crack resounded through the hallway.

Roman waited for more laughter and taunting. He waited for more critiques, more chastising. But none came. Only a deep bellow from a voice that was typically so composed that it sounded like a computer.

"Give me the cane, Virgil."

Roman blinked blearily. He was facing away from where Patton, Virgil, and now, Logan, were standing. He could not tell if Logan was mad at him like the others were, but he could hear Logan's quiet footsteps moving towards Roman's shaking body.

"You gonna beat him with it?" Virgil sneered, "I guess I wouldn't expect anything less from Mr. Anger Issues, but maybe Roman deserves it. He's being such a bitch about this whole thing."

"Maybe he needs a little punishment," Patton agreed solemnly, "I'm not a violence guy. You know that, Logan, but- well...Roman isn't listening to us any other way."

Roman froze up for a moment. Was Logan really going to beat him with his cane? There was not a lot of strength left in Roman's body, but what little he had, he used it to curl up tightly, protecting his neck with his hands, and tucking his head between his legs. He held his breath and waited for the first strike.

But none came.

"This is ridiculous," Logan snapped, "Utterly ridiculous."

The logical side leaned down towards Roman, trying to make eye contact. Roman looked up, but everything was foggy and hazy. He could see three Logan's, but at the same time, he couldn't quite make out the details of any of them.

"I'm sorry," Roman mumbled, "'m so sorry...I didn't mean to- to make fun of anyone, honest! I just- I- I just wanted- to- to-"

"Shut up," Logan whispered to Roman, "You're a bit dilated...you hit your head on the floor, didn't you...?"

Roman didn't know what to say. He didn't know what the right answer was. He opened his mouth to try and say something, to try and plead for mercy, but when he did so, a wave of violent nausea passed through his body, and he retched, dry heaving in writhing spasms on the floor. He had not eaten yet, so nothing came out of his body except for a few globs of saliva.

"He's concussed," Logan mumbled to himself, and before Roman could figure out what was happening, he felt himself being lifted into the air by two large and soft arms. Instinctively, Roman leaned against the touch.

"Oh, please," Patton said with a little laugh, "I never knew you as somebody to coddle, Logan. Especially Roman. You've got to know he's faking. In all the years you've known him, have you ever seen him get dizzy?"

Roman whimpered as he waited for Logan to change his mind. To stop with his kindness and drop Roman onto the floor, joining in with Patton and Virgil.

But no.

"I have," Logan snapped, "I have seen it, and if either of you had a speck of intelligence, you would have seen it too. Roman's been compensating his whole life, probably before he was even aware of it. Don't you remember when we were younger? Roman would always cling to the stair rail when going up and down stairs. Ever wonder why? In the kitchen, every single time I've seen Roman in the kitchen, he's leaning against the counter and gripping onto the side of it."

"If all of this is true, then- then why haven't you ever brought it up?" Virgil snapped defensively.

"It's not my business, first of all," Logan shot back, with just as much ferocity, "And second of all, Roman's a stubborn idiot. He would never admit to having a physical problem, especially because of the torture you two are subjecting him to the second he tries to do something about it! If I'd known that you two would react like this if I had a disability, then I would never tell you anything!"

"K- kiddo, that's not what happened," Patton stammered, "You've got it all mixed up! We weren't doing anything akin to torture, that's- that's such a nasty word, and-"

"Yeah? Is it nasty?" Logan asked, "Well then, consider yourselves nasty. You really thought I would beat Roman with his own cane when he's already showing signs of a concussion? He collapsed right in front of you, and you still don't believe him? It's clear that you don't care at all. And the problem is not the disability. The problem is that it's Roman who has it. You call Roman a fake? You're the ones that are faking, pretending that you care about him. If Roman has any sense in his head, then he'll never trust either of you again after today. Though knowing him...he'll likely give you a lot more mercy than you deserve."

And with that, Logan turned on his heels and marched out of the room, carrying Roman and holding his cane tightly. Roman could not speak. He could not move. Everything was fuzzy and far away, like he was being shoved farther and farther towards the center of the world's largest teddy bear. And throughout it all, his head throbbed, each pulse stronger and more agonizing than the last.

"It's alright, Roman," Logan mumbled, setting Roman down on a surface that he recognized as his bed.

Roman blinked and let out a soft noise as he felt his soft red comforter be pulled over his trembling body, and an eye mask be put over his tear-filled eyes.

"Sleep now, Roman," Logan goaded gently, "You need rest. I'll be here with you. Don't be afraid. Just let yourself sleep."

So Roman let himself sleep. And soon, the room was silent, other than Roman's soft snoring echoing off his bedroom walls.

---

When Roman woke up, his head hurt, and so did his wrist. And the very first thing he saw when he took off the eye mask was Logan's face, staring down at him with an immensely worried gaze.

"Hi," Roman said, a bit awkwardly, "What's going on?"

"Seriously...?" Logan asked dryly, "You get your cane stolen from you, you fracture your wrist and get a concussion due to Patton and Virgil's mistreatment, and the very first thing you have to say is hi? What's going on?"

"What am I supposed to do, make a royal proclamation?" Roman quipped softly, groaning as he tried to sit up. "Why did you say all that stuff to Patton and Virgil? Now they'll be mad at you. Besides, they're right. I am faking. This stupid cane was just a way for me to get attention."

Logan glared sharply down at Roman, causing the man to shrink back against his numerous pillows.

"Don't you ever say that again," he snapped, "You are not faking. And you did not make the cane to get attention. Perhaps you were looking for positive attention when it came to the decorative aspect. But you were not using your disability as a ploy or a game. Don't let the others convince you of something that is so nauseatingly untrue."

"Don't talk to me about nausea," Roman mumbled, "I feel like I'll throw up just looking at food."

"Well, that tends to happen when you're concussed," Logan replied, "But don't worry, Remus is coming back as we speak with some medication that should ease that. But we need to talk, if you're feeling up to it. We need to do something important."

"I'm up for important," Roman said, "Anything but more sleep."

"Alright," Logan said, and he picked Roman up, soon setting him down on a strange cot-like appliance.

Roman winced as he felt straps tighten around his form, keeping him tied down to the table. And he did not remember much after that. He just remembered feeling everything tilt up and down, up and down, over and over. Like a hazy, torturous roller coaster. Throughout it, Roman wondered if this was Logan's special way of punishing him. If Logan had been waiting until Roman trusted him to harm him the way Patton and Virgil wanted him to.

But when Logan was finished, he quickly unstrapped Roman, and placed him back onto the bed, waiting a few moments for Roman to reorient himself and feel well enough to listen and speak again.

"I'm sorry about that," Logan said, "But that was a tilt table test. I was monitoring your levels while moving the table, to check a theory I have about you. And I was correct, as I tend to be."

"A theory...?" Roman mumbled blearily, "What theory...?"

"Roman, it looks as if you have postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome," Logan said, "Otherwise known as POTS. This is a medical disorder that would explain your, as you describe them, dizzy spells."

"You mean...there really is something...?" Roman asked softly, "I'm not faking it...?"

"Yes," Logan said, "There is something. But even if there wasn't something, you are not and never was faking anything, Roman. Mobility aids are nothing more or less than what they are defined as. Items that aid mobility. It does not matter the medical conditions of who uses them as long as they actually help the person in question. If you were getting dizzy spells and you found that a cane helped you in day-to-day life, then whether or not you have a medical disorder, that is a valid thing you can do."

"But Patton and Virgil said-"

"Patton and Virgil are wrong," Logan said firmly, "And so is Janus. It was abundantly clear that you were not mocking or making fun of anything. You were not playing a prank. They were merely uncomfortable with the idea of you being more fragile than they expected. They didn't want to challenge their preconceived notion that you were some...invincible, endlessly strong caricature."

"Princes are supposed to be strong," Roman murmured, his eyes dimming, "Patton's right. There isn't a single prince who uses a cane."

"You are very strong, Roman," Logan protested, "Regardless of whether or not you have a cane, your physical and mental fortitude are unmatched. Why, I don't know anybody else with so much energy, even in the morning. I don't know anybody else who has the determination to live out each day the way you do. It's...astounding. It's admirable. The cane is inconsequential. All it does is help you. The amount of help you need from an inanimate stick does not determine your strength."

"Thanks, Logan," Roman said after a long moment of bewildered silence, "That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me."

"I know we have our qualms," Logan admitted, seeming a bit embarrassed, "But nobody deserves the abuse you endured. The abuse you've been enduring. You shouldn't have to hide your struggles to be treated with respect. I won't agree with you on everything, but...I'll always believe you, Roman, if you come to me with a personal problem. I trust you."

That was the only thing that Roman had wanted to hear in the whole wide world at that moment. By the time the door opened and Remus was there with medicine, Roman was crying, and Logan's eyes were a little bit teary, and Remus was admiring Roman's cane and threatening to light it on fire, the way that siblings tend to.

"I love you both," Roman sobbed, a wide, grateful smile on his face, "Thank you so much. Thank you for believing me."

---

(hee hee. yes i have pots and i am projecting onto roman. hush. also, i will be coming out with a part two on this one if i remember to, so stay tuned for that!)

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halfhissandwich · 3 months ago

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listen, I just want logince to fight, cry, kiss and make up.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #logince #angst #I want Logan to snap specifically at Roman #they’re childhood friends to enemies to lovers

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bumb1e-vee · 8 months ago

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Virgil couldn't stand it. Though it wasn't their fault (never their fault those two were perfect). They were the perfect mix of logic and passion and Virgil just whishes he was able to be included in that love that the two of them share. It hurt, his arms ached and burned when he saw them cuddle, tears pricked at his eyes when he watched them share sweet nothings during movie nights, his heart felt like it was being squeezed in an iron fist when the two of them held hands. It hurt the worst when they sat right beside him.

He couldn't help it, after he saw the two of them together, he ran up into his room, locked the door and started sobbing on the floor, not even making it to his bed. He had gone downstairs for a snack, and when he was in the living room he saw Logan and Roman making out on the couch. It made his heart shatter (the pieces of his heart always chipped away the more he saw the two of them together like that), and his eyes prick with tears that he managed to keep at bay until he was alone in his room, skin stinging with phantom touches, not knowing the feeling of loving touch (He wishes he could be between the two of them on the couch, smothered in those sugary sweet kisses he watches them indulge in).

But Virgil knows better than that, he knows better than to wish for such things. He knows better than to know that he's worth their love (he wants to be, so desperately, he wants nothing more than to be worthy of them). Logan and Roman were the perfect match, logic and creativity, brains and passion, and who was Virgil to think he deserved a spot in love with them, he had a perpetual storm cloud hanging over his head. He'd only put a damper on the perfect happiness the two of them had.

He picked himself up off the ground and got into the shower, that way his sobs could be masked by the running water and the playlist he chose to put on. A bunch of breakup and unrequited love songs used to put salt into his wounds.

(How could he listen to anything else, his heart was screaming in pain?). Virgil sat in the shower until the water ran cold and the playlist had played out at least three times. His eyes were red rimmed and his skin was wrinkled as he pulled on a tee shirt and a pair of shorts. It was only about 5:30 at night, well before dinner, but Virgil didn't see himself going to dinner with the others. (He didn't want to face the other two and sit across from them to see them so in love). It didn't matter that much he decided. He pulled out his phone and opened tiktok, the endless doom scrolling was about to begin, and he could at the very least distract himself from the growing hole in his heart.

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monkeythefander · 5 months ago

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Here is a redraw of fem-Logince art I made back in 2021 based on the song “Little Miss Perfect” by Write Out Loud. Both versions of the art include lyrics from the song.

2024 redraw version

———————

2021 original version

#sanders sides #sanders sides fanart #roman sanders #fem roman sanders #logan sanders #femlogansanders #logince #logince fanart #logan x roman #logan sanders angst #slight angst #digital art #fanart #fem sides #roman sanders fanart #logan sanders fanart

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astrophobica · 1 year ago

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the one where patton and remus get married and nobody’s happy about it (logince)

warnings: emotional turmoil

Logan's hand stopped millimeters from pushing the venue bathroom door open. Why would he do something like that? Because on the other side he could hear someone crying.

Not normal crying, either. They were heartwrenching, bitter sobs that sounded like they were trying to be muffled, though the attempt wasn't working too well by Logan's determination. He hesitated a moment longer, then made up his mind and pushed inside.

Roman Prince, brother to the groom and best man to his now-husband stood hunched over one of the pristine sinks with a tearstained face that betrayed him even as he scrambled to hide it from Logan and look casual. "Oh- hey."

"If you don't mind me asking," Logan said slowly, not moving from where he blocked the exit. "Are you alright?"

Roman snorted, though the effect was lost on his blotchy complexion. "Take a wild guess, Sherlock."

"I'll take that as a no." Logan stiffly started to raise an arm as a halfhearted offer for a hug, but lowered it gratefully as Roman just stared at him. "Would you like to talk about it to a stranger?"

The other scrubbed at his face with the heel of his palm before replying, "And why should you care?"

"There's a kind of simple grace achieved through letting problems go to people who aren't affected by it," he replied. "It seems you could use someone to tell it to."

Roman studied him for a few seconds, then sighed and looked back at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. "...I was in love with Patton," he admitted, in a voice so soft that Logan had to strain to hear it. "Oh, who am I kidding- I still am."

Oh, Logan thought.

"I imagined this as my wedding, my big day with the love of my life and a happily ever after," he said, fingers curling on the edge of the porcelain sink. "What kind of a fool was I?"

"The worst kind," Logan whispered, throat closing as he thought of sleepless nights spent on frivolous DIY science kits, of yelling facts over documentaries playing on cable, of stolen jam and pineapple anchovy pizza and blue hair dye that came out looking sickly green. "The kind of fool that loves with all his heart, loves to the point of watching them go with a smile on his face and an ache in his chest." Roman blinked, looking back over at Logan with a curious expression.

"...You wouldn't happen to be speaking from experience, would you?"

"I am." He didn't meet Roman's gaze. "Quite coincidentally, it was one of the grooms from today as well."

"Patton does have a way of making people fall for him, doesn't he?"

"Not Patton." Logan left him to connect the dots.

"...My brother?" Much to Logan's chagrin Roman started snickering, and while it was an improvement over crying he found he didn't much care for it. "You fell for Remus?"

"Stop it," Logan snapped. "I should've known better than to try and help-"

"No- wait, I didn't mean it like that, I'm sorry," Roman hastily amended, reaching after him as Logan turned to leave. "I just- I thought it was funny- we're two sides of the same coin, aren't we?"

He hesitated. "I...suppose we are."

Roman looked at him for another moment, then pulled out a pen from his breast pocket and snatched a paper towel from the dispenser. He scribbled something on it, then handed it to Logan. "My number," he elaborated, looking sheepish. "If you wanted to talk after the whole...yeah."

Logan folded the brown paper into a neat square and tucked it into his pocket with a tiny smile. "Duly noted. I'd suggest washing up a bit before going back out to deal with the wolves," he added, motioning at his cheeks.

Roman flushed in embarassment, turning back to the sink to splash water onto his face. "...Thank you."

#drabble #sanders sides #roman sanders #logan sanders #roman angst #logan angst #logince #background intruality #tss #ts sides #once again a draft from 2019

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mimssides · 1 year ago

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Anyone wants to give me a logince / roceit prompt or request? maybe even a little scenario? If possible a canon scenario. I wanna try to write a oneshot again because writing hard and I wanna write again

#sanders sides #eir writes #logince #roceit #platonic or romantic is fine #angst is great as well #hurt comfort possibly?#please interact with this post in ways that aren't liking?

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lily-janus · 2 years ago

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Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Summary: Roman goes to talk to Logan after the fight... but words might not be enough this time...

Pairing: platonic logince

Warnings: self depricating talk, feeling overlooked, crying, yelling, ANGST. Lwmme know if I missed anything.

Word count: 1,265

For @loginceweek2023 day 2- poetry comfort (used the swap card)

This is the aftermath of a one shot I wrote for last year's week: Everything Ends In Faliure. The beginning can be a bit confusing if you haven't read the previous one but the rest can stand on its own I think if you don't want to read it.

Enjoy!

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"If you ever need to talk-" Roman starts, but Logan shuts the door in his face before he can finish.

Roman frowns in confusion, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, suddenly realizing his creations were watching the entire scene. With a quick wave he puts them back in their houses and makes the beast disappear.

What was that all about… since when is Logan running around looking for something to fight? And without a weapon too? That's oddly irrational of him… something's up…

He should probably go talk to him.

He takes a deep breath, opens the door and walks outside.

As he walks to Logan's room, the events of a few minutes ago keep replaying in his mind.

"I said I'm fine okay?!"

"I thought you were supposed to be the smart one!"

He just can't shake away that look on Logan's face after he saved him… he never saw Logan like that. He almost looked… broken, hopeless… maybe even angry.

Roman swallows nervously, whatever it is that's eating at Logan, he's going to do his best to help him.

He knocks on Logan's door, and waits.

"Go away."

Roman frowns, Logan never answers his door like that, he usually even leaves it open in case someone needs his help.

"It's everyone's favorite prince!" He tries in his cheerful tone.

"What do you want?" Logan says from the other side of the door.

"Why, you to help me with my homework of course, Teach!" Roman chuckles, hoping it'll lighten the tension a bit.

He can practically hear Logan rolling his eyes. "Roman…"

Roman sighs. "I'm just worried about you, Specs, can I come in?"

The door opens a fraction to reveal Logan's annoyed face. "As I already told you, I'm fine, you can stop pretending you care now and go back to slaying your impossible beasts." He moves to shut the door again but Roman puts his hand on it to stop it from closing.

"Nice try but you're not getting rid of me that easily." He opens the door wider and strouds past Logan and into his room. "In fact, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's bothering you. So either you tell me, or say hello to your new roommate!" He sits on his bed, folding his arms over his chest in a show of stubbornness.

Logan closes the door slowly, sighing heavily and shaking his head. "You are the most stubborn, annoying and frustrating side in this entire mindscape." He pinches the bridge of his nose.

Roman grins. "I know, it's my specialty. Now, what's on your mind Nerdio? Someone giving you a hard time? Too much work? I'm all ears." He pats the space next to him on the bed invitingly.

"There's nothing 'on my mind', Roman, as I already said-"

"I think I'll move my bed right next to yours… oh! And add some glitter to the walls, and red, you definitely need more red in here…" Roman tapped his chin in mock consideration.

"Okay, fine! I'll tell you what's wrong!" Logan snapped.

Roman flinched at the unexpected aggressiveness from the otherwise composed side, suddenly regretting provoking him.

"You!" He points at Roman. "You are the problem! All of you, including Thomas! …Or maybe I'm the problem…" Logan deflates a bit. "I don't know but something feels… not good." He turns away from Roman, hugging himself tightly.

"It doesn't make any sense, I know, I've been trying to make sense of it all but… well it's not exactly working." He then chuckles emptily. "Look at me, the logical side who can't make sense of the situation… What a joke." He says bitterly.

Roman frowns in concern. "Logan… just because you're Thomas' logic doesn't mean you have to know everything, you're allowed to be confused, life is confusing."

Logan does the same, weird, empty chuckle again, "if that's so 'allowed'..." he rolls his eyes. "Why do I keep being overlooked? Why do I keep getting outshined by literally everyone else? What's even the point of offering help when it's obvious no one here wants it! What am I doing wrong?!" He slams his fist on his work table, making everything on it shake violently.

"Do I even matter to you? Do I have any value at all? Or am I just here so you can dismiss me and move on?" Logan's voice is small now, even a bit shaky, and it takes Roman a long moment to realize that:

Logan is crying…

For a moment, all was quiet except for Logan's quiet sniffling, Roman not knowing what to say.

"...C-c'mon, Teach, you know how we are, getting all emotional and arguing, it has nothing to do with you. Of course you matter and have value, we're a family remember?" Roman eventually found his words. Logan's back was still turned to him but he could see he was shaking.

Slowly, Roman got up and walked towards him. "There's nothing wrong with you, you hear me? It might feel that way… we might have made you feel that way but… it's not true, we need you, just like you are, and we'll try to listen to you more, you have my word."

Logan suddenly turned to him sharply. "You… need me? …You're not just saying that?" Logan was looking at him with hopeful eyes.

"It's gonna be okay kiddo, we love you."

"....right."

Roman shook the memory away quickly, words aren't going to be enough here… actions speak louder than words. He nodded firmly to Logan. "Yes, we do, I mean it, and I'm gonna prove it to you."

Logan wiped his tears, looking at Roman with confusion. "What does that mean?"

Roman grinned. "You'll see, follow me!" He passed Logan, grabbing his hand and leading them outside and to his room.

He rummaged around, looking for something.

"Roman… what are you doing?" Logan asked, sounding much more like his exasperated self, which Roman chose to take as a good sign.

"I know it's around here somewhere… ah-ha!" He held up the notebook triumphantly.

"A… notebook, I feel needed already." Logan raised a skeptical eyebrow, another good sign.

"The notebook." Roman correct. "This is where I wrote down all of Thomas' biggest dreams! Come on, read it!"

Frowning, Logan took the notebook and flipped through it. "This is all highly delusional and unrealistic." He said after a while.

Roman nodded. "Exactly!" He handed him a different notebook. "Now read this!"

Still looking confused, Logan took the other one and flipped through it as well. "This is where I wrote down Thomas' accomplishments over the years." He explained. "Now, compare the two." He instructed, and Logan did.

He then looked up at Roman. "You see now?" Roman asked him softly. "Thomas would have gotten nowhere without you rationalizing his biggest wishes and dreams into manageable steps, thanks to you, he was able to get where he wanted in life! If he had just listened to my great dreams and fantasies he would have just spent his days daydreaming without accomplishing anything! We need you, Logan… I need you. You help make our visions a reality."

Logan closed the notebooks, holding them close to his chest. "I… never realized…" He looked up at Roman, then suddenly dropped the notebooks and pulled him into a tight hug. "Thank you." He whispered shakily in his ear. "Thank you, thank you, thank you…" he was crying again, but as more of a release of tension than anything else.

Roman was shocked for a moment, but then smiled, hugging the logical side back, "you're welcome, Teach."

#sanders sides #logan sanders #roman sanders #Everything Ends In Failure sequal #loginceweek2023 #platonic logince #loginceweek2023 day 2-poetry #swapped to Comfort #logan angst #happy ending #tw self deprecation #tw shouting #cw crying #hurt comfort #Lily writes

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starlit-roman · 3 months ago

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What your favorite sanders sides ship says about you in my opinion

I got this idea from @sandersontheside

Logince: Your favorite episode is why do we get out of bed in the morning and you question that too. You’re a fan of those red and blue haired character anime ships, and let’s not mention how much you love enemies to lovers. I feel like you like spaghetti with a shit ton of Parmesan, and sprite or Pepsi.

Logicality: You like sweet, wholesome ships the most and have probably either written a fan fiction about, read a fan fiction, or have thought about them baking cookies together. Also for some reason I feel like you like John Mulaney

Analogical: You like angst, not a crazy amount but you like to dip your ankles in it. Speaking of dip you probably either really like ranch or bbq sauce. And your favorite squishmallow is the bat one.

Loceit: You’re either the most chaotic person I will ever meet or you’re scarily chill about everything. You like it when all sense of right and wrong leave the room and just pure chaos despite how chaotically chill Logan and Janus are. You’ve definitely committed arson, and you’re a fan of tin cans and rainbows.

Intrulogical: You’re special, with love. I bet you watch doctor who while deepthroating packets of fun dip, sweet tarts, and/or hot tamales, I don’t have much else to say (I like this ship btw)

Royality: Opposites attract isn’t a thing that even registers in your brain, and despite what I want to think you’re probably the friend who corrupts the brains of your innocent friends and tells them about god knows what. If that’s not the case though you are the innocent friend who has surrounded themselves with not very innocent people. You like pasta with cumin. You also really like blueberries, soy sauce, and bluey.

Prinxiety: You’re correct. You prefer Ryan Gosling over Ryan Reynolds and you hate honeydew. You also probably have social anxiety.

Roceit: You like longer slow burn fanfictions and not just one shots, that along with enemies to lovers and a lot of tension. You’re definitely a maximalist when it comes to your room and you love rupauls drag race.

Moxiety: You’re a really sweet introvert and you like romance movies with happy endings. You probably like Mac Demarco and Arctic Monkeys and you like the scent of vanilla.

Moceit: (Kiss me) You really like stuffed animals and just fuzzy things in general. You’re a dog person but you like more cuddly cat-like dogs. You also like tomato soup.

Intruality: You’re super chaotic but super sweet, probably an Enfp or Entp. You like pickles and skunks and peanut butter cookies and cars 2.

Anxceit: You’re favorite social media is tumblr and you miss MySpace. You love hoodies and sweaters, your favorite season is winter, and you really like old artwork. You’re also really good at makeup, especially eye makeup

Dukexiety: You’re probably super all over the place and your rooms a mess but you know where everything is. You also really like snake plants and spiders

Dukeceit: You love the whole “He’s an idiot, but that’s my idiot” thing about this ship. If you have a roku it’s not set to the default theme and you probably like 90s-00s hiphop and you despise when your bed has crumbs in it.

Remrom: …

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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 3 months ago

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Role Reversal

Roman kept mentioning that he doesn’t like transformations and it kept reminding me of Patton turning into a giant frog and Janus disguising himself as other sides. It would be very cool and epic if you could make some Roman angst based off this concept (no pressure obviously) – anon

The song "I Am in Great Pain, Please Help Me" by Crywank reminds me so much of Roman (specifically, your brand of Roman angst). I was wondering if you had the spoons for it, to write something inspired by it? No pressure to, ofc! – anon

Perhaps something where Roman is comforting Logan and then after Roman leaves, Logan is like, “Wait, shit, I should have been comforting YOU!”. You know the scene in What Makes A Perfect Gift where Logan asks for Roman’s input and Roman looks genuinely surprised? The angst potential for Roman not thinking he’s needed at a BRAINSTORM is so slept on. I know you’ve had a lot of Roman angst asks lately so I understand if you don’t want to do it, but I definitely wanted to ask just in case! – anon

Roman angst disguised as Logan centric. Logan Sherlock fic about him trying to figure out why Thomas’s mental health is so bad. – anon

Read on Ao3

Warnings: roman being insecure, logan being insecure

Pairings: logince can be platonic or romantic you decide

Word Count: 3143

Logan feels stressed about Thomas's mental health and goes to Roman for help discussing a possible upcoming video, only for Roman to accurately guess that Logan's feeling insecure about his own role in keeping Thomas happy and healthy. Little does Logan know: there's more going on than meets the eye and it isn't until later that he realizes Roman's far more fragile than anyone could've guessed. After that, well, there's really only one course of action.

If Logan had not been paying very, very close attention, there is every possibility that he could have missed it.

He almost did; despite being entirely focused on his goal, he has to admit that it wasn't something he saw as necessarily related, and as such, dismissed initially as not relevant to solving the problem of why Thomas's mental health had been in a steady decline since the wedding. However, upon further reflection, he can conclude that not only was the sudden tightening of Roman's expression related, it was most likely the strongest indicator he's seen since he began.

"Sorry, Specs, I think my hearing cut out of a second there." Roman scratches the back of his head almost sheepishly. "Can you—can you say that one more time?"

"I believe it would be helpful for Thomas for us to do another 'low-key' video, as it were, and for you and I to work together."

"Yes, I heard that part."

"As we want to focus on recapturing some of Thomas's whimsy and zest for life—" here Roman's expression quirks towards amusement— "it would be apt for you to try and recreate some of the dreams Thomas has held onto in the past."

"Right, but not like—"

"Including transforming into those he aspired to be or the roles he aspired to fill," Logan finishes, frowning when there's that momentary tightness in Roman's smile again, "do you concur?"

"I—so I'm all for helping Thomas fall in love with his dreams again, you know, but, um…" He twists his fingers together. "I'm not sure that this is…the best way to do it?"

"You are the embodiment of Thomas's Hopes and Dreams. Who else would be better equipped to help me?"

Roman blinks as if he hadn't been expecting the comment. Which is in and of itself a little odd; Roman typically never passes up the opportunity to remind them of his standing in Thomas's psyche, nor to claim credit for half of the things Thomas does even when it's far more of a group effort. "Right, but I don't see how me turning into various things would be helpful."

"Thomas is a very visual learner. It's been proven in the past via various theater productions and other activities that he thrives in environments where he can immerse himself in what it is he's doing. By having you, his Creativity, directly mimic the dreams he wishes or wished to obtain, we draw a more substantial connection between the Thomas that he is now and the Thomas he aspires to be."

Roman's mouth works. Logan frowns.

"If you have something you want to say, Roman, by all means, speak your mind. This brainstorm won't be nearly as successful if only one of us is contributing."

"Where is this coming from, Logan?"

"I'm not quite sure what you mean."

"This." Roman gestures back and forth between them. "This sudden need to 'fix' Thomas. You've been pretty clear with the rest of us that you don't think staying 'in his head' would be helpful, not when you're working so hard on your lists that you want him to do."

"Well, it's been pretty clear those aren't working, so—"

"But they have been. You know they have been—we all celebrated when Thomas finally managed to clean his kitchen and you were right, he did feel better afterwards. Your methods were working, are working."

Logan swallows. He did feel very accomplished after the last bowl had been placed in the cupboard, and no one had been happier than he when Thomas not only made himself dinner but cleaned up afterwards, but this was different. "Thomas deserves the drive to go after what he wants as well as doing the maintenance required to sustain his current lifestyle."

Roman nods. "And what sorts of things are those?"

"Roman, I don't understand—"

"Please," he interrupts, holding up his hands, "humor me?"

"You're the one who's Hopes and Dreams," he protests feebly, "you're Creativity. I'm not going to be good at coming up with them."

"Just try. You're better at it than you think."

"O-oh." He blinks. "Thank you, Roman."

"Of course."

"Uh—well, I think Thomas has a passion for filmmaking that he hasn't fully realized in shooting the YouTube videos due to the constraints of the channel."

"Okay."

"He's been enjoying doing the modeling shoots for Instagram as well. And he has a few shows that he wants to catch up on—not a dream, I know, but something he wants to do."

"That's good, Logan. What else?"

"Does he still have the dream of being an actor? On a more professional level?"

"I believe so, yes."

"Well, there you are, then."

Roman nods. "And if we go off of your transformation idea, what—what exactly would I be transforming into?"

He furrows his brow. "Well, you would be—if you were doing—I suppose you—ah. I see your point."

"It's not that there's something Thomas isn't that we need to make him into," Roman says quietly, "we can just remind him of the things that are already inside him that he can chase and pursue."

"…that is a very valid conclusion to have reached."

"He doesn't have to work all the time—I think both you and I know the dangers of letting yourself believe you can," he says with a gentle nudge to Logan's shoulder, "he can give himself time to rest and work on things that he wants to, not things that he has to."

"And I suppose making another video would be counterproductive to this aim, as it requires a level of work that would not be outweighed by the reassurance it might provide."

"I don't know if I would've said it nearly as well as you, but yeah, pretty much."

Logan sighs, closing his notebook with an almost despondent flap. "Then I suppose I have nothing else to work on."

"Good."

He frowns at Roman. "'Good?'"

"Well, now that means you can do the things that you want to do."

"M-me? What on earth are you talking about?"

"Did we not just go over how important it is to not be consumed by work all the time?"

"Well, yes, but—"

"Did we not just talk about how it's necessary to rest and do the things you want to do from time to time?"

"I don't—"

"Did you not just say that you have nothing else to work on right now?"

"I know what you're doing," he says, meaning for it to come out accusatory and missing dreadfully, "it's not going to work."

"Me convincing you to take time for yourself and enjoy spending your time how you want to spend it isn't going to work?" Roman grins, leaning forward onto his elbows, propping his chin on his hands. "Are you sure?"

"Roman," he warns.

"What? It's not like I was the only one who came to this conclusion about Thomas a second ago, you were instrumental in figuring it out, Specs."

"Roman."

"And we all know that you're way smarter than I am, so if you're going to take your own advice—which you should, then—"

"Alright!" Roman laughs as Logan buries his face in his hands, trying not to smile too obviously at the praise or blush from how many compliments Roman's just given him, "you've made your point, you can stop now."

"I think you mean I've just reiterated your point, but that's alright." A warm hand pats his shoulder. "You're doing great, Logan. You don't have to stress out about this right now. Thomas has earned a break and so have you, okay?"

"…I suppose there are a few things I've been waiting to do that could occupy my time."

"There you go!" Roman claps his hands and gets up, affectionately ruffling Logan's hair and dodging his attempts to swat him. "Let me know how it goes, I'd love to hear about whatever you're working on."

Logan aims another swat at his shoulder and misses, watching Roman sink out. He shakes his head, unable to keep the growing smile off his face as he thinks about his own projects. Yes, there are several things he could do, he could work on refining the data for the experiment, he could read that study he's been eyeing for a few days, he could look over the manuscript he's drafting…

It isn't until he gets back to his room with a different notebook open on his desk that he pauses.

Why had Roman been upset at the suggestion of transformation?

They had agreed upon resting and doing what they wanted, letting Thomas do what he wanted. They had agreed that resting was good, pursuing one's own passions was good. What about transformations had rankled Roman so? He hadn't directly addressed it—something virtually unheard of for Roman. Perhaps it had been something to do with the act of transforming itself? But no, Roman had always been among the first to thrill at being someone else, or pretending to be someone else. What had caused such a dramatic shift?

What sorts of transformations had they done recently? There had been the whole thing with Remus—Logan suppresses a shudder as he remembers Remus's song and everything that happened in it—but Roman had been unconscious for most of it. Aside from that, it had been…

Well, Janus had been transforming into them more often than not, but that was him, mostly, not Roman. And Patton had become the giant frog, but that hadn't really affected Roman that much either. No, the last time Roman had been the one transforming, it had been…for…

Logan stands up, eyes still fixed on a point in the distance as his mind races.

Roman hadn't transformed for himself. It had always been at the whim of someone else. Roman was Hopes and Dreams—Thomas's Hopes and Dreams. Roman did things for Thomas. He was Thomas's wants. Despite how often they all called him selfish, he…he didn't really fight for the things that he wanted.

Could he name a single thing that Roman wanted that wasn't something for Thomas?

I think you and I both know the dangers of believing you can work all the time.

There's nothing that Thomas isn't that we need to make him into.

"Oh, Roman," he whispers into the quiet room, "when did you get so good at hiding?"

He doesn't want to know the answer, but his mind is already coming up with a helpful list of every time he can remember where Roman let himself get pushed to the side, overruled, scolded, overlooked, for the sake of someone else. He thinks about the times where Roman had been obviously uncomfortable with what they wanted him to do, and then did it anyway. He thinks about how long it's been since he's actually heard Roman say what he wanted, not what Thomas wanted, not what Patton or Janus or even he wanted.

How long has it been since someone wanted Roman for Roman?

He looks back down at his desk and pulls out a different notebook. He's underestimated Roman. He won't go into this upcoming conversation unprepared.

***

He knocks on Roman's door as softly as he can, waiting for the quiet come in to push it open. Roman looks up from his—

Oh.

Oh, no.

"Oh, Roman," he murmurs before he can stop himself, crouching next to Roman's slumped figure and carding a hand through his hair, "I'm so sorry."

"N-no, I'm sorry, 'm sorry, I can—" he scrubs a hand harshly across his face— "it's fine. What, um, what do you—"

Another sob interrupts him before he can finish asking if Logan needs anything, which only makes his chest ache all the more. He eases himself down next to Roman's buckled legs and wraps a comforting arm around his shoulders, pulling him close enough to wipe a thumb across his cheek.

"Shh," he says when Roman tries to speak again, "don't stress yourself. I'm not here for anything other than this, little one."

The pet name rolls off his tongue before he can stop it, but at the slightly wounded noise that leaves Roman's lips, he resolves to use them as often as he can. He scratches his nails lightly against his scalp, shushing him again when he tries to stifle another sob.

"I'm here because I realized I'd hurt you earlier," he continues, still speaking gently, "and I did not attempt to comfort you in any way. No, no—don't pull away from me, dear. Shh, don't fret, don't fret, I'm not upset—look at me, Roman, do I look upset?"

Roman's eyes, still filled with tears, roam frantically over his face. Logan keeps his expression as soft and open as he can, letting the concern write itself plainly over the furrow in his brow. After another moment, Roman sniffles and he's already reaching for the tissue box he can see perched haphazardly on the end of the desk. He takes it with a grateful mumble and blows his nose with a honk.

"You were right. You don't need to change to be worth something, or to be fixed. You don't need to become something you're not—oh, darling, hush, now," he says when Roman's eyes grow wide with distress, "I'm not angry, I'm not—oh, you poor thing."

For Roman had begun to sob in earnest, trying in equal parts to pull away from Logan's embrace and push himself near into his chest. Logan slides an arm under his legs and pulls them into his lap, tucking Roman's face into the crook of his neck and kissing the crown of his head. There's a moment where Roman tenses and he fears he might pull away, but then he all but collapses into him and buries his nose in Logan's shirt.

"There you go, little one, shh, it's alright. You can cry, crying is good. You're alright, you're safe, I'm right here." He runs his hand up and down Roman's back. "Shh, shh, that's it…that's it, my dear."

"Sorry—'m so sorry—"

"Shh-shh-shh, no apologies from you, not about this. You're overwhelmed and overworked, it's perfectly alright for you to be emotional right now. You can let it out, I don't mind at all. In fact, I'm here to help."

"Help?"

"Mm. You took great pains to comfort me earlier, even when I did not ask, and you," and here he gives Roman a little shake, "have not let anyone comfort you in quite a long time. So yes, I am here to comfort you, to help, and if that means letting you cry in my lap for as long as you need, then that is what I shall do."

"It's so hard," comes the sniffling whisper from under his chin, "I keep—I keep trying to be what they want but they don't know what they want and then it's my fault and I can't—they keep changing and wanting me to change and I can't—"

"Shh, shh…hush, my dear, it's alright. That's right, just let me hold you…"

They spend a great deal of time like that, curled up on the floor. Logan keeps carding his hand through Roman's hair, soothing away the more violent of sobs with gentle touches up and down his back or patting his chest. How long has Roman been holding this in? How long has it been since their prince has let himself fall apart without remorse? And how long has it been since they took pains enough to notice?

He pulls himself from his own thoughts when Roman's head turns, bumping slightly against his chin. He tilts his head to press a kiss to his temple, leaning back just enough to see the blotchy face come into view. Taking another tissue, he carefully dabs up the last of the tears he can see, holding it so Roman can blow his nose again.

"…thanks, Logan."

"Of course, my dear." He raises an eyebrow at the little shudder that goes through him. "No?"

"N-no, yes. Yes. Very much yes. Sorry."

"None of that now, my dear. Do you feel any better?"

"A little bit."

"That's excellent. Shall we sit here for a little longer, or do you want to move somewhere a little more comfortable?"

"C-can we just stay here for a little longer?"

"Of course we can." He runs his thumb over Roman's cheek again. "I am truly sorry it took me so long to figure out what was going on, little one. But I'm here now."

Roman averts his gaze and once again Logan is struck by how different Roman is right now; no longer does he see their fiery prince who so eloquently made him take his own advice mere hours ago, instead he sees a shell of a Side who shies away from a gentle touch like a dog too scared to eat. The comparison alone is enough to coax him to lean forward and kiss his cheek, cuddling him against his chest.

"I'm here now," he repeats, "let me look after you."

"You will?"

"Yes, Roman, I will. I'm right here—" he pulls him a little closer— "I've got you, little one, you're alright."

"I don't know what to do."

"Right now?"

"…anymore."

Logan's heart clenches in his chest and he forces the ache away, running his thumb over his cheek once more. "Well, what do you want to do right now?"

"I want to stay here."

"Then we shall stay here. And when you're ready to figure out what you want to do next," he says, adjusting them until they're both comfortable as can be, "I will be here to help."

General Taglist: @frxgprince@potereregina@gattonero17@iamhereforthegayshit@thefingergunsgirl@awkwardandanxiousfander@creative-lampd-liberties@djpurple3@winterswrandomness@sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes@iminyourfandom@bullet-tothefeels@full-of-roman-angst-trash @ask-elsalvador @ramdomthingsfrommymind@demoniccheese83@pattonsandershugs@el-does-photography@princeanxious@firefinch-ember@fandomssaremysoul@im-an-anxious-wreck@crazy-multifandomfangirl @punk-academian-witch@enby-ralsei@unicornssunflowersandstuff@wildhorsewolf @thetruthaboutthesun @stubbornness-and-spite @princedarkandstormv @your-local-fookin-deadmeme @angels-and-dreams@averykedavra @a-ghostlight-for-roman @treasurechestininterweb @cricketanne @queerly-fluid-fan @compactdiscdraws@cecil-but-gayer@i-am-overly-complicated@annytheseal@alias290@tranquil-space-ninja @arxticandy @mychemically-imbalanced-romance@whyiask@crows-ace @emilythezeldafan@frida0043 @ieatspinalcords @snowyfires@cyanide-violence@oonagh2@xxpanic-at-the-everywherexx@rabbitsartcorner @percy-07734@triflingassailantofmyemotions @virgil-sanders-the-gay-emo@cerulean-watermelon@puffed-up-bees@meltheromanstan@joyrose-fandomer@insanitori@mavenmush@justablah65@10paradox10@uhhh-hi-there-i-am-nervous@cutebisexualmess@bella-bugatti-frogetti-baguetti@ultrageekygirl@raven1508

#dragonbabbles #fic #sanders sides #roman sanders #roman angst #roman sanders angst #logan sanders

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thatgenderlessentity · 2 years ago

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Janus- *to Logan* Roman and Patton are risking their lives to save you. Not because you're logic, but because you're their friend.

Source: She-ra

#sanders sides #sanders sides incorrect quotes #ts janus #janus sanders #ts logan #logan sanders #ts roman #ts patton #source: she ra #platonic loceit #platonic logince #platonic logicality #logan angst

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part-time-zombie · 5 months ago

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Does It Matter?

pairings: logince (platonic, can be read as romantic)

summary: it had become normal to logan and roman to argue. this time though, roman took it too far and logan took it to heart. now he's not leaving his room and roman looks for a way to make things right.

tags/warnings: hurt/comfort, so much angst, logan is really not doing alright yall, dont worry roman wants to help, self isolation, depression, brief suicide ideation, basically a vent fic, patton and virgil are there for a little bit, angst with a hopeful ending

word count: 6519

Logan didn’t really feel like talking anymore. Well, he wanted to, he really did. He would give anything to engage with any of the other sides like he used to, but he knew why it wasn’t going to work out for him. He tried many times to include himself with them in the same lighthearted way that he used to when everything was so much simpler, but nothing worked.

They never listened to him.

Everything Logan said went unheard, completely disregarded in favor of what the others had to say every time. He felt he should be used to it by now, it shouldn’t bother him anymore. It had been going on for years with nothing changing or improving at all, and Logan wished he could have just gone numb to the experience. He wished it didn’t upset him, but it did.

He just wanted to be heard, to be seen. If not by Thomas, then by someone. By anyone.

As much as he wanted that, he knew he’d never have it. Every interaction he had with the other sides only worked to further prove that fact, as lately he could hardly get a single word in before someone else interrupted and ignored him.

It was exhausting and frustrating, and Logan couldn’t take much more of it. He didn’t see the point in continuing to involve himself with them if he was just going to be let down every time.

And yet he still continued all the same. After all, what would he be without his work?

If only the others could see that. If only Roman would.

Logan had… complicated opinions about Roman. He valued his work highly, and respected his contributions just as greatly as he did any other side, but there was something else there that made things different, more confusing. Maybe it was the flamboyant yet charming demeanor Roman held about himself, or the way he always managed to bring a lightness and ease to any conversation. It might have been how self-absorbed and selfish he could be, the way his arrogance and dogmatic pursuit for the spotlight blinded him to the wants and needs of everyone else. There were a lot of things that made Roman so difficult to understand, but Logan did like to think that he was getting along with him at least somewhat better, every now and then.

He just wished Roman would accept his usefulness and recognize that were it not for Logan directing and guiding his whimsical ideals, nothing in Thomas’ life would work out. If they could just see eye to eye on something, maybe they wouldn’t argue so often.

They did manage to work together on occasion, despite their many differences and disagreements. Thomas had actually said that the two of them were a good team once, some time ago. Logan was tempted to agree about that.

Maybe not right now, though. This time, things had gotten out of hand.

He and Roman had been pulled into another discussion about planning and video ideas. It was a topic they had debated many times now, with Roman rambling on about all kinds of fantastical and whimsical concepts that Logan always tried to organize and schedule in a way that would be most effective and efficient. They rarely reached a consensus on this topic, and it didn’t look like they would find any agreement today either, not with how they were arguing.

The tension only increased, leaving no room for Logan to say a single word. Yet again Roman refused to listen to him, only this time he wouldn’t even let him talk at all. Accusations and insults were constantly being thrown and Logan was struggling to get Roman to pay attention to what he was saying. He could feel his chest grow tight as an unpleasant pressure threatened to spill out at any second. Why wouldn’t he just listen?

Logan tried again to talk and make his point. “If you would please just- “

"No one cares, Logan!” Roman shouted. “Stop making this about you, it doesn’t matter!”

The words washed over him like ice. “No one cares”. Not about his work, not about his role, and certainly not about him. He had suspected as such for a while now, but to hear Roman say it, to have audible proof confirming what he had always dreaded, it made his stomach turn.

Roman kept talking, throwing a few more insulting nicknames and rants his way, but Logan wasn’t registering any of them. He didn’t care, none of them did. He didn’t matter to them.

Logan felt his chest tighten, his vision growing hazy. He could practically feel his blood rushing red-hot through his veins. He was burning and drowning all at once, desperate for Roman to understand the impact of what he had just said.

He wanted to scream until his voice went hoarse from the abuse. He wanted to grab Roman by his sash and shout everything that he had held back for so long, to finally force his frustrations down his throat until he choked on the realization of what he was feeling.

He wouldn’t, though. No matter how much Logan wished it, nothing would make him understand. Roman would never sympathize or say that he was sorry. After all, he didn’t care.

Watering a plastic plant would yield better results.

That realization forced a hollow laugh out of him. Going by the look on Roman's face, he was just as surprised about this as Logan was. The situation was definitely not funny.

And yet, it was.

“…You good, Logan?”

If he could think past the haze in his head, Logan might have answered Roman. It was hard to focus on how he was feeling, or even if he was feeling, but even then, why would Roman care?

“It doesn’t matter.”

Logan quickly sank out, not bothering to continue their conversation. He didn’t care anyway.

Logan shut down completely after that incident, and he had stopped talking to everyone. In fact, he stopped showing up in general. It had been several days if not a week, and he still hadn’t done so much as leave his room. It didn’t matter how much Thomas or any of the sides tried to summon him, he refused to appear for anything. It’s not like Thomas needed him around every moment of the day. Then again, Logan hardly felt like he was needed at all lately.

Besides, unlike when Virgil ducked out, Logan's functions would continue to impact and influence Thomas regardless of whether or not he involved himself. He didn’t have to show up at all now. He wasn’t needed, and he certainly wasn’t wanted. Not by Thomas, not by anyone.

A distant part of him hoped they would come looking for him, that they would all follow him to his room and ask him to come back just like they did when Virgil had ducked out. It was selfish, cruelly so, but he still wished that he meant enough for them to miss him.

They didn’t.

After weeks of hiding away in his room without a word, Logan was starting to get used to the isolation. It was almost comforting, in a strange way. He no longer had to endure the constant arguing and insults, the endless slew of problems and crises that never wanted to be solved. He could focus on his scheduling and his projects without interruption.

As nice as it was, Logan couldn’t help but somewhat miss the noise. He didn’t want to admit it, but he secretly enjoyed the movie nights and the banter, even some of the puns and songs. He missed the sound of laughter, even if it was directed at him most of the time.

But it didn’t matter. If they didn’t want him around then he would just live with the memory of the time he had with them, back when they were all still a family.

Virgil was getting worried. He usually worried about everything, but this was different. He hadn’t seen Logan in weeks, neither had any of the other sides or even Thomas. Normally he’d get it, sometimes people just needed some alone time. Hell, Virgil understood that very well, but the problem was that Logan had never expressed a need to be left alone before. As long as Virgil had known him, Logan had always been on top of things. He was always so self-assured and confident about everything, and even if something got to him, he always bounced back quickly. For him to duck out for so long without warning or explanation was definitely note-worthy in Virgil's book.

That was why, despite Patton asking him to respect Logan's privacy and Roman's insistence on leaving him alone, Virgil still bit back his nervousness and knocked on the logical sides door.

He didn’t hear anything, and part of him kind of saw that coming. That part of Virgil was currently freaking out while the rest of him was trying to figure out what to do.

"Logan? You there?”

No response.

Virgil ignored the shake in his hands and the tightness on his chest as he tried to continue.

“Look, I get that you probably want to be alone right now, and believe me, I’ve been there, but you’ve been gone for a while now and I’m kind of starting to get worried.”

He laughed to himself, despite the fear that was starting to choke him from the inside out. “I know, what else is new. I’m sure I’m probably overthinking this, but I just want to make sure you’re doing okay. I haven’t seen you in a while now, and I just wanted to check in on you.”

It could have just been Virgil's imagination, but he swore he heard a muffled something from behind the door. He couldn’t make out exactly what it was, but he took it as a sign enough that he was welcome to keep talking.

“Look, I know I’m not really good with this kind of thing, but I do want you to know that I miss having you around. I really like hanging out with you, and I get that you probably don’t want to talk to me or anyone, but I just hope you can come back downstairs and join us for a movie night soon.”

Virgil waited another moment, praying that he’d hear something or that Logan would open the door and talk to him again, even if it was just to tell him that he was overthinking and to stop worrying about nothing. As long as it meant Logan was talking to him.

He didn’t hear anything, especially not Logan's voice.

Virgil sighed to himself, letting his worry turn into despair. “Alright, I guess I’ll leave you alone now. It’s just- I miss you, y’know? You can always talk to me if you need to, okay? I promise, I’ll listen. I will. I just don’t want you feeling like you’re alone.”

After allowing himself one final second of pause on the off chance that Logan might still say something, he finally turned to leave, the silence behind him deafening.

Patton didn’t like to admit it when things were getting bad. If something was wrong, then it meant that he or someone else was struggling and Thomas might be hurting as a result.

He knew that it never happened on purpose. No one went out of their way to hurt Thomas, especially not by letting themselves suffer in the process. Still, knowing that someone was hurting and that they couldn’t or wouldn’t talk about it always bothered him. He had been working hard to stop hiding his own sad feelings, and he wanted everyone else to know that they ought to do the same. Patton had gotten used to the others coming to him when they needed to; he made it clear to everyone that his room and arms were always open if someone needed comfort or support.

By now he had had his share of Roman mourning lost opportunities or ranting about imperfect ideas, and of Virgil working himself up over a small misunderstanding until he needed to calm down with a supportive dad hug, even if he said he thought they were embarrassing.

In all his years, however, Logan had never gone to him.

It made a bit of sense; Logan was always so cool and collected. There was nothing Patton felt he couldn’t figure out, but that didn’t mean he was incapable of seeking out comfort every now and then. Even if the others didn’t see it, Patton could tell when something was weighing on him. It was subtle, but he saw it in the way his shoulders sagged how his voice lacked any enthusiasm.

Whatever had been bothering Logan, it had been going on for quite a while now, and Patton tried over and over again to cheer him up. He’d tell his funniest jokes, put on Logan's favorite shows, and give out reminders that he would always be there for everyone, and that he would listen if anyone needed to talk about something.

Logan never took the hint. He would insist he was fine, or tell Patton not to assume things, but it always ended with him refusing to admit he wasn’t doing well.

Now he had been cooped up in his room for weeks, and Patton didn’t want to admit it, but it was officially a problem to be handled.

At first he was willing to give Logan his space and let him take some time to be alone for a little while. He knew that the last thing he would have wanted was Patton's cheery, cheesy self smothering him with a whole bunch of mushy feelings Logan never liked dealing with.

After Virgil tried and failed to get through to him, though, Patton figured it had gotten bad enough for him to step in. So, with a plate of cookies in hand and a hopefully convincing smile on his face, Patton knocked gingerly on Logan's door.

And was only met with silence.

Patton paused, shifting slightly where he stood, before knocking again, this time louder.

“Hey, Logan! How’re you holding up?” he called, trying to keep his voice cheery.

No response.

“Um, okay, well I know you’re probably not feeling too good right now, but I was hoping I could cheer you up a little bit! I brought some cookies, and if you wanted we could just, I don’t know, hang out for a little bit. It could be just us two, if you like.”

Patton almost heard a slight shuffling from behind the door, and he pressured on.

“Listen, it’s okay if you’re feeling kinda bad right now. I’ve been there myself. It’s just, I hope you know that you can always come to me if you need to. You can talk to any of us about whatever’s bothering you, okay? We’re all here for you, and we’re all worrying about you, kiddo.”

This time he heard a much clearer noise in response. A cough, or some sort of dry chuckle, like someone who didn’t want to be caught laughing at an unfunny joke.

“Logan? You okay?”

Nothing, not even the same sound as before.

Patton tried not to let his voice betray the creeping grief and fear he was feeling. “Okay, well I guess I’ll just leave you alone for now, then. I’ll uh, I’ll leave the cookies out here by the door, just in case you might want them later. They might help you feel better.”

Patton set the tray down, ensuring no one would be able to trip on it accidentally before making his way back downstairs, wishing he knew how to help.

Logan felt awful. Actually, he hardly felt at all anymore, but what little he did still feel was far from enjoyable. He had stopped keeping track of how long he had been in his room, and the days were blending together as he rotted in his self-imposed prison.

He initially thought it would be good to take a break from the others, to spend some time alone and let them deal with their problems without him. After so much time in isolation, though, he started to become aware of this ache in his chest, sinking over his heart. Every day it got worse, and he worried that it would one day consume him entirely until there was nothing left but the pain.

Maybe that wouldn’t be a bad thing. After all, Thomas was functioning just fine without him, and the others didn’t seem to mind his absence all that much. Maybe it was for the best that he faded away in his room, letting himself be forgotten. He was sure that there would be less problems to manage without him constantly bringing up his pointless wants and needs.

So what if he wanted to help Thomas? So what if that was the only purpose he’s ever known? If no one else needed him there, if he didn’t matter as a side, then maybe he just shouldn’t try to help out anymore. No one appreciated his efforts, anyway.

Virgil was the first to check in on him. He sounded concerned, and for a moment Logan was almost touched. Almost. He didn’t know what was wrong, or what to do, and Logan felt himself burning at that fact. How could Virgil have no idea what happened? He had endured years of Roman's bullying before his attention shifted to Logan. If anyone would know how this felt, it ought to be him. He wanted to say just that, but that would mean admitting that he was more affected by it than he should be. It would show them all just how weak he really was.

Virgil left him alone after that, and Logan didn’t know if he was grateful or resentful for it.

Patton came shortly after. He was sympathetic, if not fully understanding, and tried to make an effort to comfort him. Logan was tempted to talk to him, or to open the door and finally let him see, but then Patton lied to him. He said they all cared about him, and that they would all listen to him. Logan couldn’t help but laugh. If either of those statements were ever true, he wouldn’t be hiding in his room right now. Sure, maybe Virgil would listen, or Patton might care, but to say that all of them thought he mattered? He couldn’t think of a more ridiculous claim.

After Patton gave up too, he stopped expecting anyone else to visit. Who else would care to?

If he were human, he’d probably be dead by now. It had been several weeks, probably over a month, and he hadn’t left his room or even spoken at all. He hadn’t bothered to eat or drink anything either, spending most of his days either sleeping or going over his older projects. He’d have certainly starved to death by this point, but it’s not like food really meant anything to him. He wasn’t real, sustenance was pretty much optional for him.

He couldn’t even die.

Well, he could, technically. He exists because Thomas decides he will. Logan's life is tied to him inextricably. If Thomas died, so would he. Or, if Thomas decided he didn’t want or need him as a side anymore, he would simply stop existing entirely.

Logic would still continue to function of course, that aspect was as constant and continuing as the passage of time. Logan merely existed as a face to the function. Thomas wanted to give himself a literal “Voice of Reason”, and as such created Logan as a representation of his own logic.

But what if Thomas didn't want that anymore? What if he decided, much like the others have by now, that Logan wasn't really important? All he'd have to do is decide Logan wasn't a side anymore and then poof! He'd no longer exist.

That thought should worry him. It should terrify him to think that his current absence could prompt Thomas to unmake him entirely, but instead he felt a calming wave of acceptance.

It didn’t matter if he was here or not, or if he really existed.

No one cared, no one would miss him.

Roman had never seen Logan as upset as he was that day. Sure, he had seen him stressed and frustrated before, but the pain he saw on his face was unlike anything he had ever thought the other side was even capable of experiencing. Logan had thrown a few rude comments and even lost his temper on occasion, but nothing like this. Logan had never reacted like that before, not to anything. He had been so hurt that he was now refusing to talk to anyone, not even leaving his room. Roman didn’t understand, they had always butted heads in the past and exchanged plenty of insults, so what had prompted such a strong response this time? What went wrong between them?

Everything had carried on like normal before it happened, despite Roman feeling rather worse for wear. He was desperate for a chance to prove himself as still worthy of his princely role and the urge to come up with a perfect idea was becoming overbearing. It seemed like every suggestion he brought up was being shut down by Logan all day, and the pressure was mounting.

That was when the argument exploded. It all became too much and he finally snapped at Logan, far too frustrated to focus on reasoning with him. He knew starting a fight when they’re both already at their wits end would only make things worse, but at that point all Roman wanted was for Logan to just cut him some slack. He relied on Logan's approval more than anyone’s; if his goals and dreams had any chance of coming to fruition then he needed logic to see some merit in what he had to offer. His opinion made the difference between a good idea and wishful thinking.

That fact meant everything to him, and in that moment it was the last thing on his mind. He just wanted to make something worthwhile again, and he needed Logan to hear him out. Hearing every one of his ideas get repeatedly shut down had struck a nerve, and he acted in anger when he should have tried to reason with him. Roman only meant to make him listen and those hurtful words had slipped out before he could think about it.

He was definitely thinking about it now.

Roman could hardly sleep. He hadn’t seen Logan at all after their fight, with him not even having left his room for months now. Roman wanted to knock on his door and talk things out, but the stubborn silence the others were met with earlier was evidence enough that Logan wasn’t interested in hearing him out at all.

The events of that day played out over and over in his head, hurting worse each time. He didn’t mean for it to go that far, but now Logan was hurt and he didn’t know how to make it better.

How could he apologize to Logan when he couldn’t even talk to him? Both Virgil and Patton had tried to check in on him, but to no avail. Logan had stopped talking to all of them.

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t a little bit pleased at first. Without Logan shutting down every idea he came up with, it was a lot easier for Roman's suggestions to be considered. Of course, Logan had been there for a reason. Now that he wasn’t here to keep everyone else on track, plans were becoming near impossible and arguments came up more frequently.

Honestly, life without Logan was a nightmare. One that Roman was eager to wake up from.

Now he stood outside of Logan's door, building up the courage to knock.

He had been up all night trying to come up with the perfect way to apologize. Flowers, speeches, groveling, gifts, even a whole performance that somehow managed to include all of the above. As extravagant and theatrical as his plans were, none of them felt authentic enough. They were all performative and grand, but he doubted they would come off as genuine.

He needed to speak from the heart, first and foremost. Whatever he says, it has to be real.

He only hoped Logan would be willing to listen to whatever he ended up saying.

Roman took a deep breath and knocked lightly on the door, waiting patiently for a response that he already knew he wouldn’t receive.

Sure enough, all that answered was silence.

Roman knocked again, this time louder. “Logan? It’s me. Can we talk? Please?”

Still nothing.

“Look, I know I upset you, and I swear I didn’t mean to, but I just wanted to talk about what happened. I wanted to make sure you’re okay, and to let you know that I’m sorry. Can you please just open the door so I can see you? I want to apologize, and I want to do it the right way. I want to make this right between us. I just need to see how you’re doing. I’m worried about you, we all are.”

Silence followed again and Roman was almost ready to admit defeat, until he heard the sudden and swift click of the door unlocking.

He grasped the door handle, turning it gently as the door opened for him. Not willing to let this opportunity get away from him, he quickly entered the room.

Only to stop dead in his tracks once he crossed the threshold.

Logan's room was completely desolated. The walls had completely lost their rich blue color and were now faded to a dull grey, the only thing breaking up the blank expanse being a myriad of cracks and chips in the paint. Dust covered every surface, and scraps of paper lay scattered like apathetic autumn leaves. Logan's bed was disheveled and unkempt, and clothes were haphazardly strewn about the room in a horrendously uncharacteristic manner. What little light the room still had in it was dim, and the air was impossibly cold.

God, this was worse than he thought.

Roman squinted his eyes through the dark and finally found Logan, sitting on the floor with his back against the wall on the far side of the room. Even with the darkness and distance, Roman could still tell that he was worse for wear. His tie was discarded completely, his shirt unbuttoned and untucked. The dark circles under his eyes rivalled Virgil's makeup, and the eyes themselves looked tired and vacant. His pale and faded form almost made him look like a ghost, and he didn’t seem to acknowledge Roman at all as he continued to stare blankly forward.

“Logan?”

All he got in response was a nod, Logan's eyes never meeting Roman's.

“Can I come over there?”

A shrug this time, but it was enough for Roman to take it as a yes. He slowly moved to him, the sound of papers crunching beneath his shoes now thunderous in the otherwise silent room. He stopped and kneeled an arms length away from him, keeping his eyes level with Logan's.

He still didn’t look at him, focusing instead on the clock.

“Can you look at me, or even just say something?”

Logan only clenched his jaw in response, not reacting otherwise.

Roman summoned a jar of Crofters, holding it out in front of him. Logan looked down at it, a small spark of something flashing in his eyes for a moment, only for it to fade as quickly as it came. He looked away with a sigh, not even bothering to grab the jar.

“Aren’t you hungry? How long has it been since you’ve eaten?”

Another shrug.

“Have you slept at all?”

Logan didn’t react to the question, still looking off to the side. If Roman were to guess, he’s either been sleeping far too much or not at all. Hopefully not the latter.

Roman sighed, moving to sit down beside him. He tried not to focus on how Logan subtly flinched as a result, or on how it tugged at something in his chest.

“Logan, I’m sorry. I truly am. What happened earlier, what I said to you then, I didn’t mean it. I never meant to hurt you like that, I swear.” Roman paused for a moment, hoping Logan would respond or at least look at him, but he didn’t. His eyes were downcast, looking absently at his hands, but he didn’t react to what Roman had said.

“Please, I know I’ve hurt you. I didn’t mean to, but I did. I want to make it better, but I don’t know how. I don’t know what I can do to show you how much I care about you.”

Logan let out a scoff at that, his jaw clenching again as his hands balled into fists. He definitely heard what Roman was saying, but he sure as hell didn’t believe a word of it. Still, any reaction is better than none at all, as far as Roman was concerned. At least he was listening.

“Logan, I’ve treated you terribly for far too long, I see that now. I should have known how badly you were hurting. I should have done or said something or just stopped tormenting you like that, but I didn’t, and I’m so sorry for that. I shouldn’t have hurt you the way that I did, and I shouldn’t have let you believe that I didn’t care about you.”

Logan started to release some of the tension he was holding. Not much, but it was a start. Roman ducked his head as he tried to focus on what he was going to say. He had to get this right.

“I never thought I’d say this, but I miss having you around. Really, I do. We all miss you so much and it kills me to see you like this. I just wish you’d come back downstairs and be with us again, it’s not the same without you there with us. I want you back, please. We all do.”

“Falsehood.”

Roman's head shot back up to look at Logan. His arms were now wrapped almost protectively around himself, and his knees were tucked up to his chest. He looked so small like this, but his eyes had sharpened with an anger that was only exaggerated in the roughness of his voice.

“You don’t miss me,” he started, tone hoarse and raspy from disuse. “You don’t want me. You don’t even need me. No one does.” Logan turned his head, finally looking at Roman. “Leave.”

Roman could only stare back in shock. What had he done? Logan wasn’t just hurt; he was completely and utterly broken. How could Roman have messed up so severely without even realizing it? How could he have let this happen? He needed to fix this, here and now.

“I can’t, Logan. I won’t just leave you like this. God, how could I have failed you so badly? I never wanted this for you, I swear. This is the last thing I wanted.”

Logan rolled his eyes, looking back away. The anger was still there, but it had started to dim.

“We do need you, Logan. Life without you is a complete disaster, and I’m so sorry that this is what it took for us to realize it. Without you here, we can hardly get anything done. Sure, at first I thought it would be nice. Thomas was listening to my suggestions a lot more and I really needed that. But none of them are working. Without any plans or direction, all of my ideas are going up in smoke. We aren’t mapping things out right, we keep overlooking things and missing stuff we need to focus on. I can hardly remember the last time Thomas remembered to cook an actual meal for himself. And the others are an absolute mess right now. We fight all the time, and we can’t agree on anything. Patton is a wreck without you here, and Virgil has convinced himself that you’re dead.”

Or working on it, Roman thought to himself.

“Please, you are so important to Thomas, to all of us. Especially to me.”

Logan looked back up at him now, a look of uncertainty on his face.

“I need you to help me make my dreams a reality. I need you to keep me on track when I start to overdo things. I need you because without you, I can’t do anything.”

Logan started to relax the tight ball he had wrapped himself into, but not by much.

“And as much as I need you, I also just plain miss you. I miss our jokes, I miss talking over movies with you, I miss seeing you laugh and smile. I haven’t heard you laugh in years now, and you really do have such a wonderful smile. Even just watching you dig into Crofters with all the zeal of a multi-headed hydra at a buffet is something I wish I could see again.” Roman continued.

Logan's eyes drifted back over to the discarded jar of jam, that same spark from earlier flitting over his face for a moment. Roman swore he heard his stomach growl.

“Please just come back to us, Logan. I know I messed this up, but I swear to you that I will do whatever I can to make sure it never happens again.”

Logan sighed, tilting his head back against the wall as he let his eyes slip shut. “I don’t know how to feel again,” he whispered. “I stopped trying for so long, I can’t remember what it’s like.”

Something tugged at Roman's heart again, but he powered through as best as he could.

“You can talk it out with me. Whatever you’re thinking or feeling, I’ll listen. I promise.”

Logan swallowed slightly, letting out a shaky breath. There was a moment of silence, and Roman worried he had shut back down again. Instead, Logan took another deep breath.

“It’s exhausting,” he mumbled, voice still strained. “I try so hard to be heard, to be seen, and no one notices or cares. It’s hard to see the point in continuing anymore, when all it ever gets me is more neglect and ridicule.” He looked over at Roman, eyes shining with tears. “What’s the point in existing when none of it matters? When I don’t even matter?”

“You do,” Roman blurted out. “You mean so much to me, to all of us. Without you, we’re lost. Thomas needs you so much, and we all want you back with us. You matter. You always have, and you always will. I’m so sorry we let you think you didn’t.”

The tears Logan struggled to hold back finally fell from his eyes, and Roman felt his heart breaking all over again. Logan screwed his eyes shut, running a hand over his face to try and stop crying, but it did little to stop the torrent that finally spilled from the breaking dam in his mind.

“I don’t mean to- I mean, this just isn’t… please don’t say anything,” he choked out past the tears, not looking at him. “This isn’t like me.”

Roman obediently stayed quiet, letting Logan ride the wave of his emotional breakdown. Turns out he was mistaken before; this is the most hurt he had ever seen him. How many years of pain had he buried for it to have built up like this? How much of it was Roman's fault?

Eventually Logan stopped crying, the shaking breaths slowing down to small gasps as the tears finally ran out. He looked embarrassed now, almost ashamed of how he had acted.

“Can you not tell the others about this?” he pleaded, eyes downcast. “I can’t stand the idea of them knowing that any of this happened, or that I had reacted like that.”

Roman could only nod, unsure of what he could say that would help Logan feel better.

There was a brief period of silence before Logan spoke again, his voice barely a whisper.

“Will things ever get better? Will I stop being like this one day?”

Roman forced back the tears that threatened to spill free at any moment, shifting his stance until he was kneeling beside him. “There’s nothing you need to be or stop being as long as you’re still you, and things will always get better. We’ll work this out together,” he said, offering his hand.

Logan eyed it for a moment, before slowly taking hold of it. Roman smiled, standing back up and gently guiding Logan to his feet. Logan swayed slightly, holding onto Roman to gain his balance.

“What do you say we get out of this room for a little while?” Roman offered. “We don’t have to go downstairs or talk to anyone else if you don’t want to, but I think a change of scenery is in order. That and there’s something in the Imagination I think you’d like to see.”

Logan looked skeptical but gave him a nod, and Roman quickly sank them both out of the room. With the two of them now standing in an open field in the Imagination, Roman willed the sky to change, swiftly casting the land into the soft darkness of the night sky.

All at once the sky burst to life. Stars and planets lit up the expanse in dazzling color and light, with nebulas and galaxies impossibly visible and beautifully vivid. It was a moving piece of art, and some of Roman's proudest work in his own opinion.

Logan gasped beside him, eyes widened in surprise and delight at the view above him. Roman saw a ghost of a smile starting to form, and he felt himself beam at the small victory.

“It’s incredible,” Logan exhaled, eyes not leaving the night sky. “Thank you.” His voice still bore a hint of roughness from his time spent alone, but Roman could make out a spark of emotion working its way out. Despite it all, he still fell in love with the stars.

“I can’t lasso the moon for you, but I’ll show you the universe very night, if you want.”

Logan glanced away from the stars for a moment to look at Roman, the spark slowly starting to fan itself into a faint flame. “I think I’d like that.”

Logan gave him a small but genuine smile, still holding his hand like it was the only thing keeping him standing. Maybe it was, but Roman didn’t mind at all. He was going to guide his friend back to life one way or another, and if Logan was going to hold onto him the whole time, then he wasn’t going to complain one bit. Feeling Logan's hand in his own helped to remind him that in spite of everything, his friend was still beside him.

That simple fact mattered more to Roman than anything else.

@britt-ish123 @lio-the-chaotic-nonbeanie-weenie @rougeside4 @nico-the-overlord @oatmeal-stans-the-trash-rat @keitaisghost @can-i-take-a-stab @new-zee-land

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfiction #sanders sides fanfic #my fic

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halfhissandwich · 8 months ago

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This is what your favorite sanders sides ship says about you. (This isn’t serious, lol)

Karrot Kings: Your priority is keeping things wholesome, uncontroversial and most likely canon.

Thomas x any side: You will NOT explain how it works, you just make the fanart and have fun with it.

Nico x any side: You like Karrot Kings, but a bit less healthy.

DRLAMP: You will scramble to explain that Roman and Remus are platonic. It’s okay, buddy, we know.

Logicality: You’ve been in the fandom for a long time.

Logince: Your ideal relationship dynamic is not enemies to lovers. It’s enemies AND lovers.

Analogical: Your ideal relationship dynamic is two people with common sense being put up with everyone else’s nonsense.

Loceit: The same joke as analogical, plus alcohol.

Intrulogical: You’re a firm believer in the power of triggering your boyfriend’s anger issues for funsies.

Royality; Your ideal relationship dynamic is best friends to lovers engaged in wacky hijinks.

Moxiety: You want good things for Virgil.

Moceit; Your ideal relationship dynamic is two dads realizing that instead of fighting for custody, they could just get married.

Intruality: Your ideal relationship dynamic is “hi daddy x oh my god how did you get in my house”

Prinxiety: You enjoy the dynamic of two boyfriends talking crap about their enemies.

Roceit: You like the idea of prinxiety, but you like angst even more.

Remrom: You think that since they’re all the same person anyway, it’s not as weird if they call each other brother. It’s still weird. Go take a shower and reflect.

Anxceit: Your ideal relationship dynamic is stalking your ex.

Dukexiety: Your ideal relationship dynamic is stalking.

Dukeceit: Your ideal relationship dynamic is best friends to lovers engaged in wacky hijinks, but like in an Disney villain way.

Loyality (L x P x Ro): You wanted to ship all the light sides, or you shipped Royality and wanted them to annoy Logan.

Analogince (L x V x Ro): You’re a firm believer in the power of two boyfriends with common sense babysitting their boyfriend who lacks common sense.

Royaliceit (Ro x P x J): You don’t understand why all the ship wars exist when Janus has two hands. Technically six.

Intruloceit (Re x L x J): You want Logan to join the dark sides.

Intruloceitxiety (Re x V x J x L): You want Logan to join the dark sides, but you want him to hesitate.

Intrumoceit (Re x J x P); You like the idea of Intruloceit, but you like Patton even more.

Intruanxceit (Re x V x J): You either wanted to ship the dark sides or you’re just… really sad.

Royalixiety (P x V x Ro): Your interest in shipping Loyality is outweighed by you wanting good things for Virgil.

Logicaliceit (J x P x L): You REALLY want good things for Patton.

(Might add to this later by request lol)

#sanders sides #patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #janus sanders #remus sanders #sanders sides ships

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prodigal-explorer · 10 months ago

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my roleplay information/application!

hey guyssss, so like i'm kinda desperate for rp partners so i'm just gonna try my luck here and see if any of y'all are interested in rping with me! feel free to read through this information and message me if you are interested!! as long as you meet my requirements, i would love to rp with you!!

basic information

i am 18 (19 in a few weeks) and i'm okay rping with any age, but i will not rp anything relating to nsfw with a minor. not even implied nsfw, it's just very uncomfortable. but if you're 18+, i'll rp anything on this list with you!

i only rp semi-lit/descriptive. this means at least five sentences, detailed responses that aren't just surface level. it's hard to respond to stuff that's lazy, so please please please just put in the effort if you want high quality responses in return!

the fandoms i roleplay are sanders sides, undertale, your turn to die, and omori. i dabble in oc rp, but it's not very common for me since i don't really have many ocs that i like enough to rp with.

my favorite types of roleplay are heavy angst and whump. i love really dark concepts, and it's rare that i won't do something that's dark and angsty. i struggle with concepts that are just fluff because i prefer rps with a lot of conflict and struggle.

my only triggers are constant discussion about body type/comparing body types and descriptive talk of medical needles. other than that i will do literally anything lol.

i am filipino-american, audhd, physically disabled, and i love to incorporate these aspects of my identity into the characters i play. if you don't like that, we probably won't make very good rp partners.

i hate hate HATE poking. please don't remind me of the rp after ten minutes of me not responding. please don't remind me of the rp after ten HOURS of me not responding. i know it exists, i just need time to reply. if you nag me about responding, i probably will wait even longer to reply because it's intimidating.

i love to chat oorp! feel free to leave a silly message, even if it has nothing to do with rp!

scroll all the way to the bottom of the post if you want to see writing examples!! below are just specific tidbits of information pertaining to each fandom i rp!

sanders sides specific information

the main side i love to play is roman. i will always want to play roman in every single tss rp, he's just me, he's my number one homie, my favorite character of all time.

i can also play any of the other sides, but my characterization for them is not as solid as roman.

i don't really like patton in roleplays unless he's a minor character or an antagonist/villain. i am very good at playing patton as a villain, but i don't really like playing him in any other context. i have so many aus where patton is a villain or antagonist, so if that's your jam, you've come to the right place!

i will do mindscape or human aus, i love both!

i am okay with ocs but i will not do canon side x female oc. it just makes me very uncomfortable to ship sides with female characters.

some of my favorite ships are roceit, prinxiety, logince, anaroceit, analogical, intrulogical, and loceit.

the only ships i WILL NOT do are moxiety, royality, moceit, logicality, intruality, and remrom. every other ship, i'm completely okay with.

i love rping as remy or emile picani!!

i have SO MANY IDEAS for this fandom. like literally hundreds of aus. so please message me if you want to rp anything with angst, or drama, or anything like that because i have SO MUCH.

undertale specific information

so fun fact i'm actually kind of bad at undertale rp.

it's not that i'm awful i just don't have a lot of experience, but i'm working on it!

the main characters i like to play are papyrus, undyne, alphys, toriel, asgore, and gaster.

i can also play asriel/flowey, sans, frisk, mettaton, grillby, and chara if necessary.

i am totally fine with ocs, bring them on!

i don't really like rps with the au sans stuff? nothing against it, i just don't really know much about it and in the nicest way possible i don't really care. i prefer to stick with canon and prequel/sequel aus instead of aus that change up the characters' personalities and stuff.

my favorite undertale au of all time is handplates i have so many thoughts about it and i would love to rp it!

i love angsty rps but undertale is actually one of the only fandoms where i love to rp fluff for it. undertale is just such a goofy game and i love emulating that style of humor in rp!

ships i enjoy are soriel, papyton, alphyne, sansby, and whatever the ship name for alphys x gaster is?

the only undertale ships i WILL NOT rp are anything involving the child characters (frisk, chara, asriel, monster kid), and anything that ships undyne with a guy. i'm also not a huge fan of asgore x toriel but i'll do it if you really want me to!

your turn to die specific information

i am so new to rping in this fandom but i really want to anyway!! trust, i know all the lore, i just need some solid experience!

my favorite characters to play are jou, reko, nao, gin, kai, shin, hiyori, and sara.

i will play q-taro, mishima, or alice if necessary!

i am very bad at keiji, i don't think i can play him well.

i love canon and au roleplays equally! i would love to do either way!

i like pretty much all the ships, it would be easier to list ships i don't like.

i don't like any ships that involve the little kids (kanna, gin, hinako), any ships with a huge age gap (especially sara x keiji), and shin x hiyori. it's just...no.

omori specific information

i am very new to the fandom, so please have mercy on me if i get something wrong lol!

my favorite characters to play are kel, hero, aubrey, and mari!

i can play sunny if necessary.

i will not play basil. i actually don't like basil being present in roleplays, he's just a character i personally dislike. i'm fine with him showing up occasionally as a minor character, but i just don't like him being a big part of roleplays.

i will roleplay canon and aus! i love both! but bear in mind i am a bit more hesitant to rp ships in canon, but in aus i have zero reservations!

my favorite ships are anything involving sunny, kel, and aubrey being together, but my number one otp is hero x mari!

the only ships i WILL NOT do are ships that have basil in them, especially basil x sunny or basil x kel. they just don't sit right with me personally.

i don't really know much about the minor characters of the game...i might need a bit of guidance if you want to use a character that isn't a part of the main six! but i am completely fine with it as long as you're okay with me being a bit clueless.

writing samples!!!

The streets were soft, the dusty sidewalks concealed by powdery snow that made Brooklyn look like a wedding. Roman stepped lightly, wondering how high he would have to hold himself to keep his foot from sinking in the snow, ruining the shiny white blanket that protected his bare feet from the cruel asphalt.

His book remained tucked under his jacket, as if it needed protection from the biting wind. Roman didn’t think it was possible for something that carried such beautiful notions and ideas to be unfeeling, so he acted as though there was a beating heart somewhere between the pages. Nobody had ever told him there wasn’t one, so what was the harm in believing if it made the sky feel brighter, and the air feel warmer, and the world feel more connected?

When he came back to the small, tucked-away alley that he and his brothers were currently living in, he was happy to see a little fire that he could warm himself beside while he opened his new book, aching to see what was inside.

"Protect...me?"

Roman was unfamiliar. He was always used to protecting other people. He was tall, graceful and beautiful. Couldn't really throw a punch, but he had a way with his words that could get him absolutely anything he wanted. Including peace. He was used to standing between bullies and victims, seducing with his sweet smile and long eyelashes. Making anybody feel like they've been blessed just looking at him. With his parents always gone, and nobody to hold him during nightmares, Roman had gotten used to holding himself. But now, he just wanted to be protected so badly. He wanted to be truly loved by somebody besides himself.

"Okay..." he whispered, "Okay."

"Oh! Do you guys want to go to that restaurant across the street?" Patton asked, "We performed so well tonight, I think we all deserve a treat! Virgil, you hit that syncopation perfectly, and Janus, that riff was amazing! The crowd went wild for us! Drinks will be on me, as long as you all promise not to drink too much. I'll be the designated driver too. What do you say??"

Of course, this invitation was not extended to Logan. Patton didn't even notice Logan in the area, assuming that he was off sweeping the stage or packing up the van. Patton was the one who decided what everybody did, and he usually gave Logan the grease-work like that. He didn't really care very much about Logan, just because Logan wasn't as close to the group. There wasn't that bond of performing show after show, having fans that requested autographs, being followed and gushed over by paparazzi.

Since Logan was never onstage, nobody knew the face or identity of the man who wrote the songs that all these fans were so crazy about. And Patton sort of preferred it that way. He didn't really like the idea of Logan being a face of their band. Unlike Janus and Virgil, Patton wasn't sure how the public eye would recieve Logan. The man wasn't remotely ugly, but he was rather plain-looking. He tended to blend into the background of the rooms he occupied. He wasn't the type of look one would expect to be in a hugely successful band.

All the others had their "niche". Patton was the sweetheart, the nice one, the innocent one. Virgil was the quiet, brooding, mysterious one. And Janus was the charmer, able to seduce anyone with a wink and a smile. What was Logan? He didn't talk very much, he wasn't particularly nice, brooding, or seductive. Patton didn't like that Logan didn't exactly have an archetype. He didn't quite fit in.

Roman tilted his head with a polite smile and an appropriate amount of interest as Logan disclosed his name. It was nothing familiar to him, but he did think it was a beautiful-sounding name. He always loved when people's first and last names started with the same letter. It felt like a name out of a fairy-tale when it had that feature.

Listening to what Logan was saying, Roman couldn't help but go red, very embarrassed. He was bad at English, but he certainly wasn't stupid. He could tell that Logan was euphemizing heavily in order to preserve Roman's feelings, which made Roman both embarrassed that Logan felt the need to do this, and honored that Logan cared so much about how he felt. It was a really sweet gesture, honestly.

"You write music too?" he asked, very curious. "I would love to sing a song by you wrote. You will...pay me? Money?"

Roman wondered if Logan was offering him a job, or just wanting to have a jam session as friends and colleagues. He would be happy with either option, but he wanted to manage his expectations there and then, so there would be less awkwardness from false assumptions.

Roman looked at it and smiled as he read through the lyrics, his eyes carefully scanning from left to right as he ingested each lyric. His smile only grew.

"It is okay," he said, "I like messy handwriting. It means...it means your brain moves fast, and your hand must hurry to follow. I like this song. I think...I want to sing it. Do you want me to sing here? In front of everyone?"

Roman would definitely be willing to give Logan's song some publicity. And he adored the thrill of singing a song for the first time in front of a whole crowd of people. Roman wasn't the type to get stage fright. The more risky a performance was, the more excited he was to try and execute it. Roman had a bit of a shame deficiency, such was obvious with him singing those lyrics he wrote out loud multiple times.

His eyes were shining with enthusiasm, but also, with gratitude. He was thankful to Logan for the opportunity he had to bring this song to life, this brand new song that no one had ever heard before. The idea that its first breath of auditory life would be coming from Roman's own voice was so romantic that it almost made Roman want to sing it right there and then so he wouldn't have to wait anymore.

#roleplay #sanders sides roleplay #undertale roleplay #yttd roleplay #omori roleplay #sanders sides rp #undertale rp #yttd rp #omori rp #sanders sides #thomas sanders #tss #sanders sides fandom #undertale fandom #yttd fandom #omori fandom

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