#Literally insane that Saturday is the probably last day I'm ever going to be able to hug her

[privateerstudies]

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[iron-parkr]

Hi, y'all.

Not sure if anyone'll see this or if anyone cares tbh. That's not me trying to get pity points or anything, I just know I've been gone for a hot second. I didn't mean to disappear for so long. This little hiatus was very much unplanned and unintentional but is not permanent. I'll explain under the cut.

You don't have to read all of this but long story short, the last couple of months have been A Lot.

Content warning up ahead for vague mental health stuff, animal death, medical stuff, broken bones, and religion (if anyone needs a warning for that)

I originally probably stepped away from Tumblr for a minute by accident because I got overwhelmed by the March OC Bingo stuff on top of my school stuff and whatnot. I'm hoping to maybe retroactively fill my Bingo card, but I honestly can't make any promises. The next few weeks are really busy, but I'll get to that in a second.

A big reason I accidentally pulled away is that my family had to make the incredibly difficult decision to put my dog to sleep in April. We'd had my dog for about 11 years and he literally felt like a third brother to me. Saying goodbye to him was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. I was incredibly lucky that I was away at school and surrounded by friends on the actual day it happened, but I won't lie, it was fucking awful. My mental health was absolute shit. I got extra lucky that day because I was on a spiritual retreat that weekend and it helped guide me toward rekindling my relationship with God, which brought me a lot of peace exactly when I needed it. I'm by no means religious, even after the retreat, and I would never ever try to shove my nebulous beliefs down anyone's throat, but I personally have begun to find comfort in God again after years of struggling with faith in the wake of religious scandals and difficulties with organized religion, and I attribute that with keeping me sane after that weekend.

Reason #2: A little under two weeks ago, I had a little accident and ended up fracturing a bone in my foot and spraining my ankle (on the same leg). I was on crutches for a few days, but luckily I'm able to put weight on it in a boot, so I'm more mobile now. Overall, it's been genuinely one of the most frustrating things I've ever experienced. Not only are the broken foot and sprained ankle physically painful beyond belief, but it's just mentally and emotionally draining because I'm the type of person who hates having to ask for help and I've had to force myself to suck it up and ask for help so many times. I have no idea how long I have to wear the boot, and there's a chance I might need to do physical therapy after I'm cleared to take the boot off, it's all kind of up in the air.

Reason #3 is a bit more exciting - I'm graduating college! I finished my last semester of classes and exams this week and tomorrow (Saturday) I'll be graduating from my university summa cum laude with a 4.0 GPA in both semesters of my senior year (hopefully, still waiting on a couple grades but it's looking good) and making the Dean's List all 8 semesters of undergrad. So, yeah, the last few weeks have been hectic with senior events, finishing up classes, and getting ready for graduation. It honestly still doesn't feel real. When I was 15, in high school, I swore up and down I wasn't going to go to college because the future seemed so overwhelming and terrifying, and now I'm only a few hours away from graduating. It's just... absolutely insane and I can only hope 15 y/o me would be proud of 22 y/o me.

Even though I haven't been posting or creating any edits on Tumblr, I've continued to write this whole time. I created an OC for Dragon Ball Z because it's my current hyperfixation and I'm currently working on the first draft of her second chapter. I've also been spending a lot of time on Kate Winchester, my Supernatural OC, rewriting the chapters I'd previously written and outlining a roadmap for the portion of the story that takes place before Supernatural begins. And I finally started looking at and working on Maggie Stark's next chapter, which feels really good considering I have a better idea of how to connect the cliffhanger from Chapter 5 (which was unplanned, surprisingly enough) to the plan/roadmap I already had. As an aside, I have a feeling that I'll also end up semi-hyperfixated on HP and Aquila, Liza, and Gracie once I get down to Florida and visit HP World at Universal Studios, so that's another fun thing to keep an eye out for.

I'm hoping to ease back into posting here on Tumblr, but I can't guarantee that I'll have pretty edits and gifsets out the wazoo. The next month or so is hectic but really exciting. I'm home next week, then I'll be in Spain and Rome on a pilgrimage trip until the beginning of June. After I come home, it'll be prep time because I'm supposed to start my Disney College Program at Disney World in mid-June. The broken foot may throw a wrench in those plans, which is a definite worry, but I won't know for sure until I see the doctor next week.

All that to say, I'm sorry for disappearing. You know life, it kinda sucks sometimes. And if you made it this far, thanks for reading and caring. But I'm hoping once I'm finished with school, and then once I get settled into life as a Disney World cast member, I'll be able to be more present on here <3