#Like I'm just watching game shows about 2011 there is no reason other than the fact that I find him absurdly charming

[unhookedcandles]

Every few years I go back and obsessively watch nothing but clips of Noel Fielding from the Big Fat Quiz. He is a fascinating specimen and I think I'm in love with him a little bit

[idridian]

what are your favourite horror movies

what a question to ask me lol. ohhhkay, strap in.

(please note that when you ask me "favourite", that means you get favourite regardless of quality. and you get no tv shows or any such things, strictly movies)

(btw i haven't actually seen that many horror films. many of the iconic franchises especially - chucky, elm street, scream, friday the 13th, texas chainsaw massacre, what have you - just never piqued my interest. maybe some day)

(also these are in no particular order)

-

1. hellraiser franchise

my working theory is that all "hellraiser" movies are bad movies, but for different reasons. the og from 1987 is a bad movie because it was made on a budget of ten pounds and a packet of crisps. hellraiser 8 is bad because its plot is about a group of teens obsessed with a hellraiser video game getting murdered at a weird sex party. these two are not the same

that being said, i love these movies very much (except for hellraiser 10. i hate hellraiser 10 and will never ever watch it ever again, thank you. no reason) and love to look at pinhead and his many cenobite buddies doing weird kinky shit <3

2. halloween movies (only 1978 and the green trilogy from 2018 onwards)

i haven't seen any of the other ones because i was introduced to the series by my very good friend miri aka @asylos, who showed me those four and no others. and i was like okay :D and just never watched the rest because i don't consume media unless prompted

i'm a basic bitch, i see a man in a jumpsuit and get gender envy, so og twink michael delights me. that being said, old man michael from the green trilogy? CHEF'S KISS. love that fucker. he's the best

3. anything del toro

a lot of his films don't really stay within the constraints of a single genre, but they definitely contain horror elements. my favourite is "the shape of water", which has its moments but is overall not that scary. the pale man from "pan's labyrinth" made quite the impression on me when i first saw the movie because while i had seen the iconic shot of him raising his hands to reveal the Palm Eyes before, i was unaware of the fact that that fucker gets up and shambles around and i was Not Okay with that

crimson peak is very pretty and i love it. for obvious reasons, i think

4. willy's wonderland

nic cage night janitor animatronic murder fight bonanza my beloved. like honestly, i watched the fnaf movie yesterday and it had zero good cleaning montages, wasn't as funny and had fewer bangers, music-wise, than willy's does. like what's the fuckin point

5. fright night 2011

this film has david tennant in it and that's why i watched it. apart from him being an absolutely show-stealing delight, the rest of the film is also a fun romp. there's vampires and stuff

6. bad samaritan

this film ALSO has david tennant in it. he's doing an american accent (a way better one than in "gracepoint", a show that you should Not watch. just watch "broadchurch" instead please, i promise you're not missing anything) and is playing a rich asshole obsessed with horses who abducts and kills women. also he throws a phone out of a car window at two separate occasions and it cracks me up

the main character is played by some actor whose name i can never remember. he's irish or something and i think he might have been in one of those pieces of media i haven't consumed. umbrella academy? was he klaus in umbrella academy? who's klaus?? is klaus FROM umbrella academy? who knows

anyway, the film is a thriller and i quite like watching it. it's tense with zero unnecessary padding, it knows what it's here for and delivers

7. the thing 1982 + 2011

another one i watched with miri. miri likes to show me horror films (and tv shows) a lot <3 we watched both the og and the new one and i quite liked them! the dog in the 82 one is really really good at his job. i highkey struggle with big groups of characters bc i can't remember names and faces for shit, so i was reeeally bad at spotting the Thing. also i liked the teeth thing from the 2011 one that was smart

8. bunny lake is missing

does this count as a horror movie? idk, but i'm putting it here

9. psycho

it's pretty good. i liked it. i think norman would have been a tumblr sexyman if such a thing had existed in the 1960s

10. the one hour long space horror segment trapped in the middle of otherwise meandering artfilm "2001: a space odyssey"

you know the one

11. alien

classic. i haven't seen any of the others apart from "aliens" because the internet said they were bad

12. the abyss

veers closer to sci-fi than horror, but i'm counting it bc it sure is tense. this is a film by james cameron about *checks smudged handwriting* some underwater diving alien nonsense or something. idk, it's been a while since i've watched it. another movie with a big group of characters i can't tell apart for shit, which is why i'm always rooting for some of them to start dying already

i watched this one because i unfortunately am doing a handshake meme with jimmy cameron labelled "hello i am obsessed with the ocean" and unlike me, he has the money to make really long epic films about it

13. the haunting 1963

this is a movie adaptation of "the haunting of hill house" by shirley jackson. it's very good! (if you're familiar with flanagan's netflix show, there are some parts of this movie that will be... quite familiar)

i watched this one with miri, followed immediately by the 1999 remake (?), which i found very strange and occasionally hilarious because of cgi that hasn't stood the test of time. also, i'd like it to be put on record that i fuckin CALLED the thing about the fireplace (somehow lol)

14. rocky horror picture show

my parents showed me this movie when i was maybe a bit too young to see it, at a point in my life where i hadn't quite figured out yet that i was various shades of queer. it sure made an Impression

many years later, i finally got around to watching the sequel, "shock treatment" (thanks to miri, of course) which is very different but also a good time, and has some bangers of its own!

-

those are all the ones i can think of (and look up in the big movie watchlist google doc miri and i use to keep track of what we've seen so far) without digging through my dvd collection, which i don't feel like doing right now because it'd be a bother.

but just for fun, a few brief honourable mentions:

the shining (i care about shelley duvall and nothing else. so glad she got to punt jack nicholson's character down a flight of stairs with a baseball bat)

black christmas (keir dullea what IS your haircut shgsjfghs)

cabin in the woods (i knew nothing going in and miri was very pleased by this fact)

house on haunted hill 1959 (skeleton lol)

young frankenstein (my parents showed me the german dub version when i was, again, a bit too young for it. iconic movie tbh)

[containatrocity]

THE PARIAH: RUSTY CRAVEN

The road outside my house is paved with good intentions. Hired a construction crew 'cause it's hell on the engine.

"I'm Rusty Craven, I'm 35 years old, and I'm the Head Forest Ranger for Huntsville. I have no children of my own, but am raising my niece Genesis Boone after the death of her parents in 2011, as we're each other's only remaining family. I was a soldier in the US military up until my return to Huntsville, and it was in the military where I became friends with Duck Romero, who was my commanding officer. I'm a born Huntsville native, but I was disowned by my family at 17 years old and sent to military school upon coming out as Gay. My husband Lee and I are well liked by the people of the town, and I am ambivalent toward the commune. My most prevalent vice is lingering on my past."

Name: Peter Russell "Rusty" Craven (Nee Boone)

Aliases: Rus, Rusty, Russ, Uncle Rusty, Ranger Craven, Pete/Petey (Not preferred), Junior (He'll kill you.)

Age: 35 (September 27th) [Libra]

Sexuality/Gender: Gay Cis Male [He/Him]

Personality: There's not a soul in Huntsville with a foul word to say about Russ Craven. A loving man with a big heart and an open-door policy for anyone who might need a shoulder to cry on, or even a warm dinner and a spare bed to sleep in, Rusty would give the shirt off his back to lighten the weight on another's shoulders. A responsible, bright man, he's easily flustered when it comes to anything romantic or sexual, coloring stark red in the face and stammering his way out of the conversation as quickly as possible. Despite his pleasant demeanor, there's a distinct sadness still lingering within him, the loss of his husband six years ago still too fresh to cope with some nights, and the knowledge that had they never returned, he may be alive haunting his quiet hours. He puts a happy face on to protect the people that matter to him, and to most of the younger kids around Huntsville, "Uncle Rusty" is less a statement of his relation to them, and more of their clear trust and affection for the man.

Occupation: Head Ranger of the Monongahela Parks and Game Forest Rangers. One of few remaining.

Affiliations: The Townsfolk of Huntsville, The US Military (veteran), Monongahela Parks and Game.

Scent Profile: Dirt and diesel, something faintly spicy, earthy, meaty like a carefully cooked, well rounded dinner. Pine and maple sap as well as a clinging sweetness from a cologne a touch more feminine than one would assume of Rusty's appearance, and cigarette smoke, a vice he falls victim to more often than he cares to admit.

Aesthetic: A crowded but clean kitchen, something that smells like home cooking away on the stove. An old tube TV quietly playing reruns of a sitcom from the 90s while you slowly drift off to sleep on the couch- the knowledge you'll wake up in your own bed, no matter how big you get. Carefully polished old leather boots starting to show their age, military fatigues worked into general day to day wear, a pride in who he once was, and who he's become. Children's detangling hair spray and multicolored hair ties and beads alongside a beard trimmer and aftershave in the bathroom, framed drawings and old photos of people long since dead dotting hallway walls.

So hum hallelujah, just off the key of reason- I thought I loved you, it was just how you looked in the light.

CHAPTER ONE: LIFE IN HUNTSVILLE POST PARADOX.

Serving now as the head of the ranger team tied to the local forest, Rusty, Duck, and their remaining skeleton crew of rangers serve largely as protection and surveillance for those out on hunting trips to provide food and supplies to the town. He spends a number of nights in the primary ranger station, tracking the movements of ghosts and radioing to other watch points- which has led to him being absent from home, for a number of overnights. With Sissy growing into her own as an adult, Rusty's found himself in a fugue state, the knowledge that he's been single for over half a decade made all the more present with his niece's interest in romance of her own becoming more pressing. He's well aware that the way he lingers on his past is unhealthy- there's no changing where he is now, Huntsville, with Lee long gone. He can put the ache to the side most days, focusing on looking after the people of the town and those who rely on him, often offering up space at the old Boone residence for Sissy's friends and anyone needing time away from their own troubles and a home-cooked meal.

He's nervous and careful, meeting new people, burned from his past and still in the grasp of a long-term loss of his faith, he desperately wants to reach out and have more friends his own age than simply Duck, and perhaps find love again, but options are slim in Huntsville, and love opens him up to sorrow once more, something he's witnessed first hand in the aftermath of Duck's wife dying. He tries his best to find comfort in the strange monotony they've managed to put together in their survival, hunting, cooking, rationing, and scraping by, but some part of him still wants to seek something better- to die lonely in his 30s had never been the plan- it just seems to be his fate, at this rate.

[thewomanwhowatchedchristmas]

Good Luck Charlie, It's Christmas! (2011) 

I'm not super familiar with the show Good Luck Charlie. I knew it existed, but it was on when I was in high school, which is not a time that I was watching Disney Channel anymore. So I'm sure this would mean more to me if I had been a fan of the show, but I can review it as a standalone Christmas movie.

Our main character is teenager Teddy Duncan (Bridgit Mendler). She is the second of the four Duncan children. The whole family is traveling to Palm Springs for Christmas and mom Amy (Leigh-Allyn Baker) is a little stressed. Oldest sibling PJ (Jason Dolley) is excited for the trip like Teddy. Third sibling Gabe (Bradley Steven Perry) is reluctant to leave his gaming system. Lastly, fourth sibling is toddler Charlie (Mia Talerico), who is just running around doing toddler stuff. Also not thrilled about the trip is their dad Bob (Eric Allan Kramer) because Amy's mom Petunia (Debra Monk) is not his biggest fan.

Teddy is scheming to convince her parents to let her go by herself on a trip for spring break with her best friend. Amy tells her that if she can get the plane ticket herself, she can go. Fast forward to the airport- the airline asks for volunteers to get travel vouchers because they overbooked the flight (which does happen all the time and I don't understand why, like they have to lose more money on vouchers than they would with a few empty seats) and Teddy volunteers to give up her ticket. Amy rushes off the plane with her so that she's not alone, leaving Bob with the other three children.

Thus begins a ridiculous adventure for Teddy and Amy to travel from Denver to Palm Springs as quickly as they can by whatever mode available to them. Through mishaps and breakdowns, they meet a string of people wearing the wrong name patch on their jumpsuit, which is I think my favorite running joke through this movie. Meanwhile, Petunia and grandpa Hank (Michael Kagan) keep locking the Duncans in time out for various reasons.

The music was very Disney channel, which makes sense as that's the channel this aired on. The acting and production was pretty good, although there are lots of Disney Channel specific tropes that pop up, like the dumb older brother, and the parents who act crazy and immature until the teenager actually acts like a teenager and then they act like a parent. I'm sure there are more, but it's been a while since I've watched a Disney Channel original series.

Overall, it wasn't terrible. There were some cringe moments for sure, but I didn't hate it. I'll give it 2.5 stars.

[justwhumpythings]

What are your fav shows, movies, books, songs?

Shows: The other day I was thinking about Daredevil S1 again and I thought 'you know, this might be my favourite show!' and then I remembered 'no you idiot, that's Good Omens' So both of them XD I also quite enjoyed Our Flag Means Death although I think I will come to love it more with later seasons. Have been rewatching some A:TLA recently too.

I tend to watch more comedy than purely fictional stuff regularly, so I like some of our classic British comedy panel shows like Would I Lie To You, QI, Taskmaster and Mock the Week (rip :'() I finally got myself to watch This Country (which I always want to call Our Country instead, I had to look up which it was XD) not too long ago and enjoyed it more than I thought I might!

I also go for more Youtube-based entertainment these days, where I can thoroughly recommend Drawfee for art, humour and chill, and the spinoff Secret Sleepover Society (mirrored from Twitch) for gaming, humour and chill.

Movies: I don't watch so often, but Megamind is always a comfort choice, or Kung Fu Panda, and while I haven't watched it for years now, Thor (2011) has a special place in my heart. Then there are other films like Lord of the Rings or The Lion King which are such perfect classics that it never even occurs to me to list them as favourites, but they are, especially LOTR.

Books: I haven't read books in years 😅 For real, I'm hard pressed to think of anything I could call a current favourite rather than just a long-ago childhood fave. I found Marie Kondo's book a good read a while back, and often will just plump for a Discworld book if asked (Going Postal, usually). Good Omens is actually far from my favourite Pratchett book sshh don't tell anyone 😉😅

Songs: God, I'm so terrible, I haven't listened to much music recently either.(There's a reason I added 'I don't consume media' to my description lol). I got this new computer last October and still haven't gotten around to adding my music library to it 😅 so I can't even use that as reference. My Youtube Mix seems to be stuck in 2012-13ish when I last listened to new charts music socially XD But I am trying to listen my way through Glass Animals latest album from February, and I always enjoy some Woodkid or Alt-J.

Thanks for the opportunity to ramble about things that only I care about! XD

[raeloganthesonic06fangirl]

As someone who only really likes Darkwing Duck casually, what's the deal with DDE?

Oooh, it's a bit of a can of worms. It's a 2011 comic "continuation" of the original cartoon storyline, which can basically be boiled down to "QuackerJack goes freaking nuclear after Negaduck ripped up Mr. Banana Brain and threw the pieces in his face, stages a coup of infrastructure power buy engaging in domestic terrorism, kidnaps his former friends and holds them against thier will, uses his best friend as a car battery, goes full Joker mode, strangles a robot with his bare hands until its scrap metal, starts presumably hearing voices more than we'd initially thought, holds an entire office floor hostage with the intent of hijacking a digital signal to enslave a significant portion of the population because he thinks video games have robbed them of thier free will so he thinks he's helping, sees some messed up stuff, is reduced to babbling helpless before ultimately deciding to off himself on his ex's doorstep, and in the original run of things, he comes back as a doll, but that's not canon anymore so the later comic revival short series just has him back to life for now real explanation other than it just happened."

More simply put, the comics is about 50% watching QuackerJack slowly and painfully lose any sense of grip he had left while acting out for someone to at least notice his suffering, but no one comes to help him, and he emotionally and mentally deteriorates rapidly at an alarming rate. Especially after making an effort to rehabilitate into normal civilian life.

A fair warning in advance, I'm about to get on a borderline rant for a second, but the final three paragraphs cool down after that. Don't take me too seriously, I'm just passionate about my faves.

Remember, this is supposed to be the same guy that made a functional time machine out of a spinning top to destroy yoyos in the medieval times because he thought it was competition.

There's two versions of the storyline: The more edgy retail release that's harder to find but is available for free reading online if you know where to look, and the "Definitively Dangerous Edition" which compiles 16 of the comic issues and the Annual special into a single omnibus, but omits the Ducktales crossover that includes him and the rest of the Fearsome being mutated into monstrosities.

But different versions, I do mean different in dialogue. The original has a more chilling atmosphere in which QuackerJack's word choice is a little more harsh and to the point, while the DDE softens the impact a bit but interesting creates a more disturbing take as he's left speaking in a slightly more childish manner (such as saying "They make things go kraka-thoooom." instead of saying "They blow up buildings." when referring to his personal bombs.)

He's also portrayed as not being able to adapt to a world that's constantly evolving, and his attempts are immediately dismissed by higher ups, and his attempts to find a better environment to thrive in are constantly thwarted for no reason other than "Screw this one guy in particular", I guess

There's emphasis placed directly on how isolated he was feeling, that his paranoia that the world was working against him was reaching a fever pitch, that his work in the QuackWerks company was under appreciated and his work was being credited to other people, and him working past work hours to show how serious he was with turning over a new leaf... It's just sad that he's described as "just snapp[ing]" under pressure.

Storywise, it's not necessarily a bad idea for a narrative, it just doesn't fit well with a universe that originally had such a loose grasp on continuity and QuackerJack especially being able to bounce back from each defeat back in the day. His words don't read like something I could imagine being spoken in the voice I've gotten used to with him. It feels like something masquerading as QuackerJack, or that someone else has taken the wheel and he's helpless to stop what's happening to him.

(And yes, for the rest of the sequence, Megavolt's subsequent appearances in the panels for this whole scene is teeth-gritted blank staring. Fun. </sarcasm>)

That's not to say that the original QuackerJack wasn't a bit of a grumpy but playful maniac to begin with, but this just feels like someone took the Joker aesthetic and ran fully with it without remembering that Toy Man (from the Superman series, look up the character, particularly the original comic one, it's very clear that he's part of QuackerJack's character influence) is an additional component.

The changes in the omnibus also affect the general storyline and some pieces are either lost in the shuffle or completely removed, such as this bit where originally, there was an acknowledgement on Darkwing's part in recognizing that QuackerJack's new behavior was very uncharacteristic and even abusive to Megavolt as QuackerJack used him as a fuel source for his car, despite knowing that taking electricity from Megavolt is painfully damaging to Megavolt. This piece was written out in the omnibus.

Again, the stories in this aren't exactly bad... In fact, these would probably be passable as decent fanfiction if they weren't something you had to pay money to collect.

On top of that, other characters are rather out of character, and even Negaduck gets this unfortunate treatment, as he's portrayed as needlessly cruel right off the bat, when in the original series, while he might have been domineering to his underlings and willing to wave weapons around in thier faces... He still was reasonably fair, such as demonstrated in "Just Us Justice Ducks", where he did intent to take all the cash, but was willing to divide control of the city evenly in four parts for each of his crew. Dude could have just taken the city as well, but he didn't, so I find it a little odd that he'd single out QuackerJack specifically to rub it in his face that he has limitations to how far he's willing to go

As much as I love QuackerJack as a favorite character to see making appearances, it's just a bit disturbing that the comics' plotline hinges entirely on his suffering and him acting out against that. If you removed QuackerJack from the plot entirely, a good 60% of the comics just collapses because it's mostly a chain reaction of QuackerJack deciding that he's sick of being a punching bag and now he's going to make everyone else cower in fear of him.

Even more disturbing is how after QuackerJack is technically MIA in the existence department, he still manages to make appearances as part of Darkwing's guilt nightmare/hallucinations, at one point even grabbing at Darkwing's cape to drag him into the proverbial pit with the rest of them.

QuackerJack is the only hand present in the hallucination here that belongs to basically a technically dead guy. QuackerJack has not been spoken about since his initial demise. That's freaking scary.

Also, the original plotline legit straight up let QuackerJack off himself.

No confirmation if he's mentally aware in that form, or just perpetually comatose until he's resurrected, but he's there, that's him, that's his body.

Also, an off note, but the 2016 comic revival that lasted 8 issues have a blink-and-you'll-miss-it part in a panel that has a news broadcast that heavily implies that QuackWerks was planning on monitizing his tragedy and release a set of toys based on his doll form, since there was chatter about interest in owning a QuackerJack doll.

He was going to have his "death" reduced to a hot Christmas collectible.

What did he ever do to tick off Taurus Bulba enough to get this level of harassment?

Oh, yeah, Taurus Bulba was also CEO of QuackWerks. Which is like a monolith of a company that took over the city for like a year or so.

For some reason, Taurus Bulba decided to make his life hell, even though they never met before this.

Anyway, I paid like $25 USD for my copy of the book, and about $16 USD for the ebook edition, mostly because it was interesting at first before I realized the underlying horror, but also so I can refer to these bits when trying to make a point.

The artwork is pretty good, tho. I have panel screenshots as my phone home and lock screen wallpapers. The ebook prints of them look crisp and make for a great layout for a phone wallpaper.

And the book is kind of a baseline important thing for my AU thing, so it's not as horrible as I'm probably making it seem. I'm just a fan, I don't have much standing in anything, and if you read it and found it a really good and thrilling ride of a comic, then more power to you, everyone likes things differently and that's why Fandoms are so fun when everyone has different opinions that are respected. 😗👍🏻

[seventhrounder]

I went thru my folder with old hockey magazines I had saved from around 2011 to 2015 and came across this one and thought it could be a fun to make a post about now in hindsight.

This is Jääkiekko magazine from May 2012, they always have a section of "99 questions with ..." and in this issue they interviewed Teräväinen.

I’ve translated the questions I found interesting under the cut! It ended up being about half of the interview. (*) are my additions.

On the cover "seuraava superjokeri" means the next super joker, he played for Helsingin Jokerit so it's a word play from that. Under, on the blue print it says: "The 17-year-old forward will become a first round draft pick in the summer. The natural goal scorer can dominate in SM-Liiga as soon as next season."

In the 2nd photo the headline and lead paragraph goes:

"A post with dents* - A year ago Teuvo Teräväinen was known only within a small number of hockey insiders. Few passers-by recognize him now either but after a flashy rookie season the Jokerit sensation is on the radar of every NHL team and is a strong contender to become a first round draft pick. Next season with Jokerit the talented second line center will be one of the main talking points in the SM-Liiga."

(*references the net Teräväinen had in his backyard and into which he practiced his shooting)

3. You've been described as a magician, top scorer, wunderkind and a prodigy. What do you think of these descriptions?

TT: Heh, those are some descriptions yeah. What can I really say? Don't really wanna comment on them much.

4. How nervous are you about the Draft?

TT: I try not to be nervous as best as I can. In a way I don't have anything to be nervous about since I don't care which team picks me or at what number I go.

6. Which is stressing you more, English interviews or physical tests?

TT: Maybe both. Bench press (laughs) and English interviews can be tough.

12. How far along have you planned your career with, for example, your parents or your agent?

TT: Haven't really planned things with others but I've thought about them myself. I try to go step by step and not jump too far ahead.

14. How does it feel to be so young with all the star players in Jokerit?

TT: How to say it? I haven't felt like I was young but a part of the team instead. The team's been very good with me and they haven't been looking down at me like: "oh he's young". It's been fun to play in an experienced team.

15. Is there a generational gap between players?

TT: You can see the age difference, older players look older but we're all childish, at least with our topics.

17. What does a 17-year-old do in the sauna nights of the team?

TT: I actually haven't been in any yet. I've always been at national team's camps or something.

19. Did you get the number you wanted?

TT: I did, yeah. I could've taken #18 but Semir (Ben-Amor) has it. But i'm happy with #86, it's good.

23. What are your strengths as a player?

TT: Offensive play and with that playing with the puck, passing, IQ, power play and skill, just the usual skill - skill with hands.

24. And weaknesses?

TT: They are to do with defensive play, strength and physicality. Battles and such but I think I took a step forward last season. That's a good thing.

25. Have you ever been "pressed into a mold" or has your playing style gotten to develop naturally?

TT: As a kid the play was mostly offensive/attacking, I didn't have to think about playing defence. Up until 15 years old, I got to attack pretty freely. Playing defence became more important when I started to play in A-juniors a couple seasons ago.

26. On a scale from 1 to 10 how determined are you?

TT: Maybe 8, feels like an 8.

32. What kind of role are you planning to take with Jokerit next season?

TT: I think a pretty big one. I try to be a top player and not just take others' example but give others example myself too. So that someone in the team can take something out of the way I do things on the ice and off the ice.

35. If you could pick anyone, who would be your car driver?

TT: Nico Manelius for sure. He's been my driver this season. I've had others too, like Riku Hahl but he's not nearly at the same level. Nico’s clearly the best.

36. What are the most important qualifications to be a good driver?

TT: The car is obviously important. Hahl's car is totally awful, he takes a lot of heat for it from the guys too. I wouldn't dare driving with him. Manelius is a steady performer, never lets you down.

38. What sports did you play as a 10-year-old?

TT: Hockey and floorball, probably football (soccer) during the summers at the time too.

42. When did you decide to focus only on hockey?

TT: So when I stopped playing other sports? Three years ago, before that floorball was kind of a side thing, I played a couple of games in the regular season and playoffs.

45. Do you follow floorball or other sports? Go to games?

TT: I don't go to games but I like to watch floorball on TV, it's an interesting sport. Sometimes I watch football too but I don't follow it much. Feels like they never score there.

47. Have you ever played with a wooden stick?

TT: As a kid I did play with a wooden stick.

49. You won the hockey players' golf tournament last summer even though there were more experienced players too. Are you good with all stick games?

TT: Well, I've been pretty good in all of them. I've played golf for a long time and still play it.

50. How is your swing?

TT: Pretty bold, kind of a hockey swing. I don't really care where the ball goes - as long as it goes far.

52. What do you think of off-ice training?

TT: Let's just say it's more stupid than being on the ice but you still gotta do it to be better on the ice.

56. Which word describes your professional relationship (with his coach, Tomek Valtonen), tranquil or colorful?

TT: Colorful of course. At times we're joking around, other times it's more serious but the relationship is really good.

57. Coaching you has been described in many words: good, bad, worse. What are they?

TT: Heh, well... I won't tell them here. He (Tomek) keeps the discipline during practices but sometimes when things haven't gone to a plan I've had to jump on an exercise bike in the middle of a practice.

58. What have been the reasons?

TT: I'll quote Tomek: "when I haven't been present".

59. Have you ever tried to turn the resistance of the bike to zero?

TT: (Laughs) Of course I have and sometimes I've even succeeded.

60. Describe your diet in three words?

TT: Greasy, healthy and good!

64. Your first name is not common for people your age. How did your parents come up with it?

TT: I actually don't even know. Maybe they didn't want a usual Ville*....

(*very common name for men of all ages in Finland)

66. Which of these is the most important: skill, unexpectedness or courage?

TT: Skill!

68. Your longest video game stint?

TT: Six hours, at least. I've played a lot of War of Duty lately.

72. The dumbest thing that has made you upset in hockey?

TT: Probably if I didn't get an assist on a goal even though I should have. Or even worse is if I score and they mark it down for someone else.

79. Have you had any concussions?

TT: I haven't had any, I've managed to always dodge them.*

(*ouch, tho it's good the recent one is his only as far as i remember)

84. In 2011 Team Finland finished in the 5th place at the U-18 tournament. Why only as 5th?

TT: Because we lost to Team Russia in the quarter final, just as well we could have won that game too.

89. You didn't get to be on the ice to accept the SM-Liiga bronze medal (because of the U-18's). When and where did you get it?

TT: I actually still haven't received it, I don't know where it is.

93. What is the population of Helsinki?

TT: There's like 5 million people in Finland so maybe around 500k in Helsinki? (to be exact 596k) Did i really get it right...?

94. Who's the mayor of Helsinki?

TT: I don't know, I barely know the president.

95. Do you think the municipalities in the capital city area should merge?

TT: Luckily I don't have to decide but they probably shouldn't.

96. What do you check first in the news paper?

TT: The sports section.

97. Your favorite tv show?

TT: Putous* was pretty good, I liked a lot of the characters. The grandma was pretty good.

(*Finnish live improvisation comedy/sketch show (there are still new seasons, the latest just finished). Every actor comes up with a humor character with a catchy phrase and one of them wins. "The grandma" is Marja Tyrni and I just got such flashbacks from typing this sentence.)

98. Last book you read?

TT: I don't read many books. The last book was a study book, a Finnish book. I wrote an essay on Tiki (Esa) Tikkanen's biography. An eventful book, great career and a lot of chirps.

99. Who should we ask the 99 questions next?

TT: Riku Hahl could have good stories, he's also seen a lot of the world.

[completemalum]

You're My Favorite Place

Or alternatively, Four Times Calum Almost Kissed Michael and One Time He Did.

Genre: Fluff, some angst

Rating: Everyone

A/N: This oneshot is basically a collection of mini stories that all kind of connect to each other. Title based off Favorite Place by All Time Low.

2006, Age 10

It was another Michael and Calum Weekend Sleepover, and Michael had woken up crying due to one of his night terrors. Calum was currently cuddling Michael with Michael's face buried into Calum's neck. It wasn't unusual for them to cuddle like this. They usually ended up forgoing their sleeping bags and sharing a bed together. Plus, they were best friends. They saw nothing wrong with sharing a bed. But for some reason, this felt...different to Calum. Calum was no strangers to Michael's night terrors and was always willing to help calm him down. But for some reason, this time he felt like he needed to protect Michael. Which was weird, as Calum was scrawnier and quieter than Michael and Michael was pretty much Calum's bodyguard. And with the way Michael's hand was bunching up Calum's shirt and his nose pressed against Calum's neck, he had a strong urge to kiss Michael. But he told himself no, boys can't kiss other boys. And boys especially can't kiss their best friends. Plus, he liked girls...right? At that moment he wasn't quite sure if he had ever had a crush on a girl. But he didn't want to spend all night contemplating if he liked girls or not. What mattered was that he was there, with Michael. He opted for a quick kiss on the top of Michael's head once he was sure Michael had fallen asleep and cuddled close to him before falling asleep himself.

2008, Age 12

Calum knew two things: 1. He had a huge crush on Michael. And 2. He was bisexual. He learned the term "bisexual" after his older sister, Mali, came out to him about her secret girlfriend. And honestly, he was very comfortable with that label and quite proud about figuring out his sexuality. But of course, Michael didn't know. He couldn't know. Calum was so scared that him telling Michael that he likes boys would scare Michael off because what if Michael somehow found out about Calum's crush on him and didn't want to be friends anymore?? Calum couldn't bear the thought of that. So he kept his thoughts to himself, occasionally sneaking glances at Michael and smiling at the way Michael stuck his tongue out in concentration whenever they played video games together.

Calum was yanked out of his thoughts when Michael announced "It's hot in here, can we go watch TV downstairs or something?"

Calum shrugged "We could go outside and play football."

"Noooo, playing football with you isn't fair, you always win!" Michael whined, flinging himself dramatically onto Calum's bed.

"Now you know how I feel playing racing games with you." Calum retorted with a grin

"Fiiiine." Michael groaned as he got off the bed. Calum grinned and followed Michael downstairs, grabbing the football by the door before stepping into the backyard. "Same goal spots as usual?" Michael asked

Calum nodded and put the football on the ground, gently kicking it with his foot. "Same goals." He grinned before taking off with the ball towards the goal.

"Hey! No fair!" Michael yelled, chasing after Calum. Calum laughed as Michael started catching up with him. But Michael, being clumsy as he was, tripped over his own foot, sending him and Calum tumbling. When they landed, Michael had Calum pinned to the ground. Michael grinned at Calum "Totally meant to do that."

The thought of leaning up and kissing Michael crossed Calum's mind, and he blushed before quickly pushing the thought out of his head. "Uh, let's go inside and grab a snack." Calum hoped Michael wouldn't notice that they only played football for like two minutes.

Luckily, he didn't notice, as he shrugged and said "Okay." Before climbing off Calum and heading inside. Calum groaned softly to himself before following Michael in. Having a secret crush on your best friend is hard.

2011, Age 15

The band 5 Seconds of Summer was officially together, and while they were just a small YouTube channel with a couple hundred subscribers, they were happy to be doing what they were doing. They were about to start band practice at Michael's house. Calum was the first person there as usual, sat in the basement where they rehearsed tuning his bass. Michael came downstairs to join Calum, nervously picking at his nails. Calum looked up and noticed Michael's anxious habit. "You only pick at your nails when you're nervous. Are you okay?" He asked gently.

Michael nodded as he joined Calum on the couch "It's just...I need to tell you something. But you can't tell anyone. Not even Luke and Ashton. I'm not ready to tell them yet." Calum nodded with concern on his face but gestured for Michael to continue. Michael took a deep breath. "I think I'm gay. I've known for a while now...I just finally came to terms with it recently and I'm still having a hard time wrapping my head around it. I just...really hope this doesn't change things between us. I don't want to lose my friend because I like boys." Calum felt his heart leap with joy. He had a chance. Maybe. Michael liked boys so it's a start at least.

He put his hand on Michael's arm "Mike...nothing could change between us. You're my best friend and it'd be dumb if I didn't want to be friends with you anymore because you like boys. I'm really happy for you, thank you for telling me." Calum saw relief wash over Michael's face and he gave Michael's arm a comforting squeeze. God, how bad he wanted to kiss Michael right then. He opened his mouth to give Michael his own confession but right then Luke and Ashton came barreling down the stairs, arguing over some new video game. Calum squeezed Michael's hand before getting off the couch and grabbing his bass. How he wished he had the courage to tell Michael how he felt.

2015, Age 19

Michael was hurt. Bad. A fire cannon had malfunctioned during one of their shows and hit Michael in the face, catching his hair on fire and burning the left side of his face. Calum had gotten burned too while trying to help Michael, but once they were at the hospital he had insisted he was fine, so they put some cream on his arm to soothe the burn and wrapped it up. Ashton was outside making phone calls and Luke went downstairs to the cafeteria to get food. Calum had told Luke that he wasn't hungry and wanted to stay with Michael. Him and Michael sat in comfortable silence for a while before Michael spoke up.

"Cal?" He asked. Calum looked up and his heart broke. Michael's lip was quivering and tears were gathering in his eyes. "What if I have a scar on my face because of this? What if people think I'm ugly?" His voice shook as tears fell from his eyes.

"Mikey..." Calum said softly, standing up to sit on the bed. He put his hand on Michael's cheek and wiped away a tear with his thumb "You could never be ugly. Not to me, at least." Michael smiled softly, leaning into Calum's touch.

"Thank you for being here with me. And holding my hand on our way here. You're the only person able to keep my grounded."

Calum smiled and intertwined his and Michael's fingers and kissed his hand "I'd do anything for you." He still hadn't confessed his feelings to Michael yet, but he had become bolder with his physical affection for Michael and he knew Michael wouldn't think anything of the hand kiss. Before either of them could say anything, Luke came back with food, causing them to part. Calum cast one more longing glance at Michael before helping Luke get the food out.

2018, Age 22

5SOS was in the process of finishing up their 3rd album, Youngblood. They only had a few songs left to record and were recording the song "Why Don't You Love Me" and Michael was singing his solo in the song. All four of them were in the studio that day, but Calum was watching Michael for most of it. But he could've sworn that Michael was staring at him for most of his solo. After Michael finished, their producer suggested they take a break to get lunch. They all started to file out of the room, but Calum gently grabbed Michael's arm to stop him. He shoved his hands in his pockets before saying "Who's the song about, Mike?"

Michael looked taken aback "I-I don't know what you mean..."

Calum scoffed "I know you better than that. Every song you write involves some aspect of your life. You dont just casually write a song like that. And I noticed you glancing over at us. So, who's the lucky guy?"

Michael dropped his head and said in a voice that Calum almost didn't hear "You."

Calum's heart stopped "What?"

Michael sighed and lifted his head "The song is about you. I've been in love with you since we were 16. I wrote this song a few years ago. I'd hoped getting my feelings out would help me get over you, but-"

Michael was interrupted by Calum lunging forward and pressing his lips to Michael's. Michael made a noise of surprise before kissing back. The kiss was desperate and filled with years of unspoken words. Calum's fingers were tangled in Michael's hair and Michael was desperately gripping Calum's shirt. Calum didn't want to pull away, but he finally did when he needed to breathe. He rested his forehead against Michael's as they both panted, trying to catch their breath. After a few minutes, Calum whispered "I've dreamt of kissing you every night for ten years." Michael smiled and rubbed Calum's sides before whispering "I love you, Hood."

[geckomoon]

Yuri!!! on ice as irl skaters (part 1???)

Its 2020 and I miss yoi so here are my personal headcanons about which irl skater the you cast skate &/or act like because why the hell not.

(photos at the bottom of the post because I couldn't get the format to work the way I wanted it to)

Yuri Katsuki ➡️ Boyang Jin (China)/Evgenia Medvedeva (Russia)

Yes, 2 people because PARALLELS.

So my reason for saying Yuri is like Boyang is because, his step sequences are always gorgeous and his jumping power, oofttttt, and that one scene where Yuri tries a jump and lands in the wall, you know the one. Boyang Jin is known for jumping super close to the boards and scaring the hell out of us all, seriously, just watch one of his skates, it's amazing and terrifying. Also Boyang is a bit of a nerd and Yuri is canonicaly pretty into video games, nuff said.

Boyang is a two-time World bronze medalist (2016–2017), the 2018 Four Continents champion, a two-time Four Continents silver medalist (2016, 2019), the 2017 Asian Winter Games silver medalist, and a five-time (2014–2017, 2019) Chinese national champion.

Evgenia however, this is more of a parallel in how her 2018/19 season went and how Yuri kinda flopped. Zhenya had a crappy start to the 18/19 season, she'd just switched coaches and mover halfway across the world, for the 1st time in her senior career she didn't make the gpf. However by the end of the season she had bounced back and won bronze at worlds and my god what a skate that fp was. Remind you of anyone huh???

Evgenia has a lot of medals (and actually made a cameo in the end credits of episode 10) She is a two-time Olympic silver medalist (2018 ladies' singles, 2018 team event), a two-time world champion (2016, 2017), a two-time European champion (2016, 2017), a two-time Grand Prix Final champion (2015, 2016), a two-time Russian national champion (2016, 2017), silver medalist at the 2018 European Figure Skating Championships and bronze medalist at the 2019 World Championships. Also, she is a huge Anime fan and has a sailor moon exhibition program and its adorable.

Victor Nikiforov ➡️ Yuzuru Hanyu (Japan)

I know a lot of people compare Yuri to Yuzu but I think Victor is a better fit.

Yuzuru has a legion of super duper dedicated fans, they are pretty scary at times. If you watch the 2018 Olympics, the ice literally was covered in Pooh bears after his skate. People love this man, and rightly so. Clearly Yuri isn't the only one who loves Victor, he's very popular in the yoi skating world and almost everyone loves and looks up to him.

His skates are almost immaculate every time. Not only is his technique amazing but his artistry is what really sets him apart from other skaters who may have higher bv on jumps etc. Not that he dosent have high bv, seriously he tries combos that are super wierd just for the bv (see the wierd 4t-3a combo thing he does idk). Plus he's dead set on doing a quad axel. See Victor's super high bv with all the quads and also the fact everyone goes nuts over how his skating is 'like no other'.

Also his medal collection is absolutely mad, he is a two-time Olympic champion (2014, 2018), two-time World champion (2014, 2017), four-time Grand Prix Final champion (2013–2016), Four Continents champion (2020) and three times silver medalist (2011, 2013, 2017). Just like how Victor is canonicaly an Olympic champion and 5x world champion and probably many time euros champ.

Also, he's a sweetheart, he literally crawled behind Shoma Uno because he didn't want the attention taken away from Shoma. I love him.

Victor Nikiforov gives big Yuzuru Hanyu energy.

Yuri Plisetsky ➡️ Yulia Lipnitskaya (Russia)/Alexandra Trusova (Russia)

Again, 2 people.

It's canon that Yuri P was modeled after Yulia for the flexibility and artistic portion of his skates so I feel like I don't need to elaborate much in it however his determination and his wanting to back load with quads reminds me a lot of Sasha Trusova.

Sasha only started juniors the year after yoi came out (she had a Makkachin tissue box which was given to her by Evgenia M which is adorable) so she was not really that popular when the show was being made but she really made a statement when she became the 1st woman to land 2 quads in 1 program (4 salchow and 4 toeloop) at the age of 13 at 2018 junior worlds.

She has just started senior and this season she had 5 quads in one program and I think I cried. She now has a quad sal, toe, flip and lutz and is apparently working on a loop. On top of that she can land a 3 axel but has yet to do so in competition. Did I mention SHE'S 15 AND I'M TERRIFIED.

She currently holds the world record for the free skate (166.62 points). She is the 2020 European Bronze Medalist, the 2019 Grand Prix Final bronze medalist, the 2019 Skate Canada champion, the 2019 Rostelecom Cup champion, the 2019 CS Ondrej Nepela champion, the 2019 Russian national silver medalist, and the 2020 Russian national bronze medalist.

Her determination to win and high TES reminds me of Yurio a lot.

Phichit Chulanont ➡️ Nam Nguyen (Canada)

This one is fun.

I love Nam with all my heart, he's actually my favourite male skater and not just because of his skating. However his skating is great. He is the 2014 World Junior champion, 2019 Skate Canada silver medalist, and two-time Canadian national champion (2015, 2019). He has placed as high as fifth at the World Championships, in 2015. He's not the best skater ever, kinda like Phichit but his personality shines through so much when he skates and I love it.

My main comparison to Phichit is the fact that Nam Nguyen is a huge meme. His Instagram is one of the most hilarious things I've ever seen (@ namnamnoodle). I can't explain it with words seriously just go look at it, he makes memes using professionnally taken skating photos of himself and honestly it's just a giggle. He's almost always posting on his story and half the videos he takes end up on fan twitter and everyone freaks out.

Also he's good friends with Evgenia, thought I'd mention that seeing as who I compared her to :)).

Yeah, Phichit and Nam are memes and I adore them both.

Jean-Jacques Leroy ➡️ Nathan Chen (USA)

Jj is definitely more of a technical focused skater. He tends to put all his eggs in the '800000 quads' bucket and isn't as artistic, in my humble opinion.

Just like Nathan surprisingly, though Nate isn't as egotistical (not a dig, just an observation).

Nathan is compared to Yuzu a lot, and had actually scored higher than him a few times in competition. He is an amazing jumper and is the first skater to have landed five types of quadruple jumps in competitions: toe loop, Salchow, loop, flip and Lutz. Currently he is two-time World champion (2018, 2019), a 2018 Winter Olympic bronze medalist in the team event, the 2017 Four Continents champion, three-time Grand Prix Final champion (2017, 2018, 2019), and four-time U.S. national champion (2017, 2018, 2019, 2020).

So yeah, he's good.

However at the 2018 Olympics (he was only 18 at the time) he bombed under pressure in the team event and in the sp, only to come back with a WR free skate, but didn't medal because of his sp score,kinda like how Jj bombed at the GPF. (Ngl, I cried in school when I saw Nate bomb at the Olympics, I was so upset).

Also, Nathan is super smart and is training to be a doctor. Not related to Jj but I thought I would point it out.

Christophe Giacometti➡️ Adam Rippon (USA)/Javier Fernández (Spain)

Chris is a hard one to pin to an irl skater because he's just so... Chris.

The closest comparison I can get is Adam Rippon but dialed up to 11 because Adam is quite a bit more tame than Chris is. However he did have a point in his sp where he literally beckons the judges to him in a way that can only be described as vaguely sexual. Seeing that at the Olympics was an event I'll tell you that.

Adam was the first openly gay man to make a U.S. Winter Olympic team, and the first to win a medal at the Winter Games. (team bronze).

Plus, I'm pretty sure he owned a Chris plushie at one point or another.

However other than the obvious Chrissness, his technique and medal winning achievements most closely match up with Javier Fernández (who may I add is pretty much Yuzuru Hanyu's best friend). He is the 2018 Olympic bronze medalist, a two-time World champion (2015, 2016), a two-time World bronze medalist (2013, 2014), a seven-time European champion (2013–2019), a two-time Grand Prix Final silver medalist (2014, 2015), a three-time Rostelecom Cup champion (2014–2016), a two-time Grand Prix in France champion (2016–2017) and an eight-time Spanish national champion (2010, 2012–2018). Javi is an amazing skater but usually ended up playing 2nd fiddle to Yuzuru on the world stage, but with euros, he literally won 7 times consecutively. Anndddd, he was the flag bearer for Spain at the 2014 Olympics and I still cry about it.

Otabek Altin➡️ Denis Ten (Kazakhstan)/ Matteo Rizzo

So it's canon that Otabek was based on Denis (rip Denis) so like Yuri and Yulia I do not feel like I need to elaborate much as you can read it on the wikia page. But Otabek also reminds me of a less talkative version of Matteo Rizzo. Matteo is the 2019 European bronze medalist, 2018 NHK Trophy bronze medalist, 2019 Winter Universiade champion, and 2018 Italian national champion.

The reason he reminds me of Otabek is that they just joth exude the same level of cool and I can't explain it any further than that. That's it. Just watch him skate and you'll see.

So that's all I have for now because this post got pretty long so if this gets enough attention I'll do a part 2 :)).

[swainlake]

Hello! So now that got has ended I'm looking for some tv shows that I could watch after I'm done with my exams. Do you have any suggestions? I'm not looking for anything specific, although if you have watched some good period dramas, I'd love some recommendations. Also wanted to add how much I love your blog, it's really beautiful

tysm that’s so sweet!! i love giving recs so i’ve got a bunch that you might like under the cut; i’ve put a ♡ next to my favs

period dramas:

NEW WORLDS (2014)this one is a mini series, only 4 episodes long, but please don’t let that stop you! it’s about anti-monarchism and rebellion and forbidden love in the 1600′s & is set in both england and america. i cried more than once but the ending is so bittersweet and hopeful!! 

POLDARK (2015—)i have a love/hate relationship with this one tbh. i started watching because of the main relationship but i ended up really into it for the side relationships instead?? the actual political plot doesn’t interest me but i love the drama between the family members. also i adore the women in this show, every single female character is well-written and realistic and you’ll love them all (even if at times you hate them). the men tho? the men are pretty much collectively the worst. “what’s wrong with the women in this family?” “the men.”

SPARTACUS (2010—2013) ♡i started watching this before i ever got into game of thrones but if you like the fight scenes in got, you’ll enjoy this! great characters, great fight scenes, great friendships. this one is based on gladiators who are fighting for their freedom.

THE WHITE PRINCESS (2017) ♡okay firstly and most importantly: jodie comer stars in this so you know it’s good. it’s also got michelle fairly (catelyn stark) in it though tbh she wasn’t my favourite character in this and i didn’t find her likeable at all. it’s not very historically accurate ofc but the relationship between henry/elizabeth is honestly the perfect enemies to lovers rep & always lowkey reminds me of book!sansa/jon possibilities

PAN AM (2011—2012)this one isn’t like game of thrones at all but it’s only one season and it’s super cute and has a lot of famous actresses in it like christina ricci & margot robbie. based on the adventures of a crew of pan am stewardesses, this is a good combination of lighthearted fun and chilling cold-war drama. an old favourite. 

THE MUSKETEERS (2014—2016) ♡i’ll be gushing over this for years to come tbh it’s really just that perfect. the relationship between the musketeers is so lovely, the personification of ‘brotherhood’ really, but also the romantic relationships are really good too?? which for some reason i personally hadn’t expected. my fav couple is aramis/anne (anne is played by the actress who played roslin frey!) because the forbidden love & the respect and adoration between those two is just perfect but really every relationship (even the ones that don’t become endgame) are written very well

OUTLANDER (2014—)i haven’t watched every single episode of this one but from what i have seen it’s very good, and has some similar themes to game of thrones!! the sex scenes are epic, the main relationship is lovely, and overall its a very realistic show that features supernatural elements!

THE LAST KINGDOM (2015—) ♡i’m not going to lie: i started this series by skipping straight to 2x7 because i’d seen gifs of the relationship between aethelflaed and erik but it was so good i ended up going back and starting from the beginning! this show reminds me of ‘vikings’ more tham game of thrones but it’s not as gory and the characters aren’t all assholes. side note: if you love sansa stark as much as i do you’re gonna love aethelflaed, lady of mercia! she’s actually a real person but this show is based on a book series that looks super interesting! honestly the main character also kind of reminds me of jon snow

HARLOTS (2017—) ♡oh my gosh how do i describe this show?? the family dynamics are so! intricate! and! beautiful! honestly just stunning. everything about this show is s t u n n i n g. the costumes are colourful and vivid and honestly i’d recommend watching just for that but the storyline really does keep you hooked!! also: liv tyler and jessica brown findlay are love interests in this which is honestly a dream come true

BLACK SAILS (2015—2017)okay full disclosure; i haven’t actually seen this but i’ve heard very good things and it’s on my list!! it’s about pirates, i think there’s some queer rep (can anybody confirm??), and there’s lots of amazing women. again, allegedly. 

dramas:

THE SOCIETY (2018—)i literally watched the entire first season in a single night so it must be alright, right? basically all you need to know about this is that a town full of teenagers go on a field trip & then return to find all their parents mysteriously missing and their town closed off from the outside world. it’s basically lord of the flies but modern! with some kick-ass friendships! and amazing young women (one literally teaches herself to be a doctor can you believe?)! 

SHARP OBJECTS (2018)if you haven’t heard about this one yet idk what rock you’ve been living under but welcome back! this one is a m a z i n g but also hella chilling and the ending is such a shocker if it hasn’t been spoiled for you yet!

THE BOLD TYPE (2017—) ♡i always describe this one as ‘sex and the city for millennials’ but i’ve never watched a single sex and the city episode in my life so i honestly don’t know how accurate that is?? but it’s about a group of 20-something year old women who are best friends and work mates and they love each other so much?? the relationship between the girls is my favourite thing about the show but the show honestly tackles a lot of relevant issues; trump, age gaps, queer rep, immigration, racism, etc. i can’t recommend this enough!

CODE BLACK (2015—2018) ♡you know those episodes in greys anatomy where everything is life-or-death and you’re on edge for the whole episode? that’s basically every single episode of code black. this is hands-down one of my most rewatched shows ever. i love medical dramas and this one balances well written characters with action-packed medical miracles so honestly what’s not to like?? 

A DISCOVERY OF WITCHES (2018—)okay admittedly the only reason i watch this show is because of the main couple but i can’t help it when they’re just so gosh-darn cute!! they love each other so god damned much! i wasn’t completely sold on this straight away but by ep 3 i was HOOKED. if you like supernatural romances/dramas that are more mature than your usual cw show, this one is a good choice!

THE OA (2016—) ♡i can’t even put into words how much i adore this?? but also: it will confuse THE SHIT out of you. no matter how smart you are, this one will leave you scratching your head. basically: a group of people who’ve had near-death experiences get kidnapped and experimented on. it’s not as brutal as it sounds, in fact the show is exceptionally beautiful, but it does deal with some hard themes and the good guys don’t always win. 

12 MONKEYS (2015—2018)do you like time travel? do you like forbidden and yet totally-still-devoted-to-one-another-anyway love? then this is the show for you! this one is dark and gritty and deals pretty realistically with the concept of time travel & self-sacrifice and what people will give up to create a better world. it’s got a happy ending & you wont regret watching!

THE HAUNTING OF HILL HOUSE (2018)oh this one will make you cry. in a good way though! long story short a family grows up in a haunted house and it affects them in ways they cannot imagine. it’s hauntingly beautiful and poetic and everybody should watch it at least once imo

comedies:

THE MARVELOUS MRS MAISEL (2017—)okay so this one counts as a period drama as well but it’s about a COMEDIAN so i put it in the comedy section lol. okay so long story short, a woman is left by her husband, she’s worth 1000 of him & everybody else knows it because you seriously can’t help falling in love with this woman but ofc there’s period-typical sexism she has to face as she struggles with being a single woman, a single mother, and an up-and-coming comedian. def recommend.

SANTA CLARITA DIET (2017—2019)drew barrymore is a zombie!! who lives a normal life but also eats people!! it’s only weird for the first couple of eps. the family dynamics are snarky and witty and they manage to make gore funny?? honestly this entire show is legit laugh-out-loud darkly hilarious.

[thefloatingstone]

Heya! I was just wondering, why don't you like magical-girl horror games/tv shows? (This isn't meant to be confrontational at all, I'm just wondering! :3)

Hey anon! :D no worries! This didn’t come across as confrontational at all!

This is gonna be largely more anecdotal than factual, and the factual parts will come from other people’s posts more than what I’ve made myself, and whose opinions on this I found as explaining emotions I’d felt myself for a while, without knowing how to articulate it.

(Under the cut because this is gonna be a lot of words. And gifs because of course I put gifs in things)

So I’ve been a Sailor Moon fan since I was about 13. (this is not the reason WHY I dislike grimdark Magical Girl Shows but its a good place to start). the Sailor Moon R movie was the very first DVD I ever bought and the first thing I ever saw of the show (I had seen anime before and had a good idea what it was but this was my first experience with Magical girls and Sailor Moon). And I remember very clearly how enthralled 13 year old me was at this story. About these girls a year older than I was, fighting this bad guy from outer space who badly injured Usagi’s boyfriend. And that no matter HOW MUCH Usagi reached out to the bad guy to try and understand him, just how much he RESISTED her friendship. I remember the scene where he grabs the Silver Crystal on her chest and tries to rip it off little me actively thought “holy shit! This guy just WILL NOT STOP!! How on earth can he be stopped if he just KEEPS COMING???”

But of course, in the end, Sailor Moon is able to reach him. She is able to offer understanding for his sadness, and when he finally realises her sincerity, he is “defeated” BUT. More Importantly. He is the one who ends up saving Sailor Moon’s life at the end as a last goodbye gift to Mamoru, the boy he was in love with and who Sailor Moon loves as well. Before he leaves forever.

So a thing here. Not ONCE while watching the film the first time, did I EVER think to myself “Just stab him, Sailor Moon!” or “Stop trying to reach him and just kill him!!”. Like, NONE of those thoughts came to mind. I was fully invested in seeing Sailor Moon stop the bad guy, not by stabbing or killing him, but by REACHING HIM.

So anyway. We move on and for a while as a teenager I went through that dumb phase where I thought every magical girl show was a “Sailor Moon Rip off” and that they must all be bad because of it! In part it was true, as Sailor Moon was the first Magical Girl show that had girls use magic to fight bad guys, rather than become Jpop idols or adults or anything along those lines. However, Just because something takes cues from a genre changer doesn’t make it bad… right?

So, as I grow up I start to understand Magical Girl shows. I get what they are. They are, at their core, about young girls (usually between 12 - 16) transforming into a magical alter ego to fight bad guys and protect or save a love interest as well as their friends (mentored by a small animal friend). And this idea just seemed like… so obvious to me? But I had the luxury of growing up with this idea. That girls could fight bad guys without being tom boys or masculine or “hot and sexy”. I had the Powerpuff Girls growing up after all. Girls could be heroes while still being girls and liking girl things and wanting to have boyfriends and loving their families and wanting to protect their friends! And magical girl shows are always about getting more and more powerfull, so that by the END of the show, you face the biggest meanest bad guy of all! And then you beat him in the end. And it takes great sacrifice and you lose things and even people you love, and you have to give up so much. But in the end you win! and the biggest bad guy is dead. And you get to live your life full of hope and happiness as you’ve granted the people of earth and your friends a safe and happy life. You have protected that which you love. And it was hard, but by believing in yourself and your friendship you did it! And now, even if something bad happens again, you are powerful enough to face it.

And then, in 2011, along came Madoka Magica.

I was recommended Madoka Magica by a guy who runs (to this day) an anime store in the city I lived. Saying it was a Magical Girl show with a darker edge to it. And told me “watch until episode 3, and you’ll know if you’d like it or not”.

Having watched Revolutionary Girl Utena by now, I was excited by what I considered a “Trap” anime. An anime that leads you to believe its one thing, and then after a few episode throws the curtain back and goes “HAHA FOOLED YOU!! THIS IS ACTUALLY SO MUCH MORE THAN IT SEEMED!”Utena did this as well. And Utena was and is my favourite anime. (tied by Sailor Moon.)

So I watched Madoka Magica and I liked it a lot!! I watched all 12 episodes, and it was hard, but by the time I got to the end, I felt rewarded for sticking through all the really terrible things that happened to the characters. I described it to other people as “It’s going to make you feel terrible and if you’re able to stick with it, it will reward you by the end!”. Some people saw the end of the show as rather hopeless, or stagnant, but I saw it as an empowering message. That even if someone tells you something is impossible, you should try anyway! Because you are more powerful than they realise! And THAT, I felt, is why all the suffering was important. Because it needed to challenge just HOW TERRIBLE being a magical girl is, and just what a bad idea it is, and even if you become one you can’t change anything. But then Madoka at the end plays the system against itself, and fixes things for every girl throughout history forever. And yes there are still bad times and friends still die, but she took away the dark core of the situation.

Also, Utena had given me a taste for genre deconstruction by this point.

So yay! a great show with a really unique take on the idea of “Magical Girl!” Awesome! There was nothing else like it!

….aaaaand then…. Madoka became super super popular. And that’s when the trouble started.

I found out a few months ago, that Madoka Magica’s writer and creator, Gen Urobuchi, (a man) created Madoka Magica with a very specific idea in mind; That women having goals and wishes are dangerous and lead to suffering. That girls should not have ideals and ambition. Because it will only hurt and punish them. And he wanted to show that in Madoka Magica by showing how, if no girl in the show had ever made a wish, none of the bad things in the show would have happened at all. He has stated this in multiple interviews.

Madoka Magica, however, was an anime, and had several people working on the show, not just one guy. So how much was altered and changed to circumvent his intentions I don’t know. But even if his opinions could devalue the show as a message of empowerment, it can’t change the fact that I WAS empowered by it.

But as I said, then Madoka Magica became OBSCENELY popular. But like… that was not the problem. What the problem was was… “an anime, written by a man, about cute magical girls suffering horribly, became popular with a male audience”.

And due to the insane level of popularity, this lead to copycat shows. And these shows did not copy Madoka Magica’s deconstruction of the genre, they did not copy the art style, they did not copy the deeper look at Magical Girls as a concept. They copied the idea of “Grown Men making shows about cute really moe looking girls suffer horribly for a male audience”.

And during this surge of Madoka copycats, I watched “Yuki Yuuna is a hero” and I HATED it.

Yuki Yuuna is a story about a group of girls who are given the opportunity to become magical girls and help make the world a better place. They are already all part of an after school club called “the hero club” where they do things like volunteer work, or babysitting, or helping out at libraries etc etc. So the idea of becoming REAL heroes and saving the world?? Of course they absolutely want to do that!!

So they get essentially tricked into this situation where they fight giant monsters who come to destroy the world, and they each have a “final move” they can use to destroy these monsters. However, after a difficult battle which had all of them use their biggest move at least once to protect each other and save the world, they all find themselves slightly injured and, weirdly, a part of their body stops working. One girl becomes mute, another loses sight in her one eye, another hearing in her one ear etc etc.

The show goes on to explain that, in becoming magical girls, what these girls have really become, are sacrifices to the gods to protect the earth. And each time they use the gods’ power, they sacrifice a physical part of themselves to use the power of the gods.

So these girls essentially get slowly MAIMED throughout the series, because they wanted to make the world a better place! They didn’t even get wishes like in Madoka! they LITERALLY just wanted to save the world. And they were punished for it.

And just in case it wasn’t clear who this show was for, ALL their transformation sequences are accompanied by aggresive fanservice shots.

of these 14 year old girls.

And that’s where the entire idea of “Grimdark Magical Girl” show fell apart for me as a concept. And I didn’t bother checking out any more.

And what did we get after this?

Magical Girl Raising Project. a show where a group of CHILDREN who want to become magical girls have to Battle Royale each other to fucking death until the last child standing

And now the recent Magical Girl Site. A Magical girl show that includes Domestic abuse, vicious school bullying, self harm etc etc.

Even Re:Creators, a show I LIKE had this with their ONE magical girl character, Mamika. I am extremely pissed off that Re:Creators decided that Mamika, the magical girl, is the character that had to be killed horribly so that her death could motivate OTHER characters into action.

The only reason I am able to swallow this in Re:Creators, despite being angry about it, is that before she died, Mamika was shown to possibly be the strongest character in the whole show. To the level of being completely OP. And the fact that she died because she tried to reach the main bad guy, knowing full well she most likely would not survive, but she wanted to try anyway.

It still makes me mad, but at least it does take the sting away SOMEWHAT. Especially since Re:Creators is not a magical girl show. And its entire point is to dissect all its characters by removing them from their own anime and video games and forcing them into a reality where they have to face things they would not normally have to worry about in their safer, more genre-based universes.

“Dark Magical Girl” or as I like to refer to it as; “Grimdark magical girl” shows are now the most popular versions of the magical girl genre.

a genre that STARTED as manga written by women for girls to read and feel empowered by. They have now been turned into a genre for teenaged to adult men to enjoy cute moe girls in horriffic torture porn. (see. Because torture makes it MATURE and ADULT).

They are no longer shows spreading messages to young girls about believing in themselves and their friends and their own power, but are instead torture porn for men.

There is an excellent post by a tumblr user called @timemachineyeah which I link to all the time regarding this topic which I will do so again here;

https://thefloatingstone.tumblr.com/post/165077370034/i-cant-remember-if-youve-posted-about-this#notes

And in the OP’s words (emphasis mine):

“[…]That’s not subversive. That’s our whole fucking lives. That’s what we get everywhere else. Nothing a girl does can be right. We’re bad to have ambitions and to want things. Even the “nice” things we do are dismissed with ulterior motives as soon as someone decides they’re done with us.

And I fucking hate people calling it “so profound” and whatever, when it’s ultimately torture porn and the message isn’t even deep.

And more than that, I hate that it’s success has spawned a series of knockoffs, so that now moe torture porn grimdark magical girls has become the most common iteration of the genre. So we had the incredibly ableist (OMFG WORST SHOW EVER MADE) Yuki Yuuna is a Hero, and we’re getting the “Magical Girls have to CULL EACH OTHER in a grim CHILDREN-LED FIGHT TO THE DEATH” of Magical Girl Raising Project and like I’m so fucking done with these grown ass men making shows for other grown ass men shitting all over girls’ power fantasies and thinking that shitting all over girls’ power fantasies is something new and subversive and not a reassertion of the status quo.“

Does that mean I think men can’t make magical girl shows? Of course men can make Magical girl shows! Revolutionary Girl Utena is an ENTIRE show about the patriarchy and its destruction of girls and the role of women in society and the eventual triumph of our female heroes OVER PATRIARCHAL BULLSHIT ITSELF” and it was created by a man!!

Namely Kunihiko Ikuhara!

And not only did he make Revolutionary Girl Utena, but he is large responsible for not only making Sailor Uranus and Sailor Neptune a couple in the original anime, but for largely fleshing out their motivations and drive in the anime, making season S of Sailor Moon PROFOUNDLY better than the exact same arc in the manga!

But this is not what is happening here. Heck, I have a suspicion one of these grimdark shows might have originally been written by a woman.

What’s happening here is not about who the creator of these shows are, it is who these shows are INTENDED for. And what their intent as a show is. And yes. a lot of Magical girl shows have the intent of selling merchandise. Let’s not pretend PreCure or Jewel Pet are trying to become feminist icons or anything. But even if their intent is merely to sell toys, they STILL have the function of telling girls to have hopes and dreams, fight to protect their friends, and that it is OK TO DO SO WHILE STILL BEING A GIRL. Something American tv wasn’t doing at the time! Instead all girl characters from America who were “tough” were all tomboys who hated pink and refused to wear dresses, a la Spinelli in the cartoon “Recess”.

It was not until Sailor Moon showed up girls were taught you don’t HAVE to be a brutish loud angry tough girl to believe in your own power.

But now the magical girl genre’s most popular shows are not about girls being powerful and having dreams and protecting the earth.

It’s about how much our cute moe looking protagonists can suffer. For having the audacity to want to having power to protect others.

[deeahhnuh]

2018!!

I've done this year-in-review thing since 2007! 2007-2012 are over on my old LiveJournal, and 2013-on are right here on my Tumblr. :)

2019 is coming. What?!?!?

Happy almost New Year, Tumblr! :)

What did you do in 2018 that you'd never done before?

Huh... I don't think I actually did anything too different this year! Well, this review is off to a great start, lol!

Did you keep your New Years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

As usual, no real official resolutions - I like having little goals as the year goes along!

Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes!! My cousin had a precious baby girl!!

Did anyone close to you die?

My grandmother - Ma - passed away in late November. It's difficult to articulate, mostly because I just can't quite comprehend it yet, how much I will miss her. Ma was the biggest, warmest presence in our family. All of my memories have at least some trace of Ma in them!

One memory that I've recalled a lot lately is of the times we played my Barbie board game, sometime in the late '90s. There were so many wonderful times, but those Barbie game nights with just us girls - Ma, my mom (her daughter), and me - were magical. I would set the game up on the dining room table at BaBa (my grandfather) and Ma's house and we would play and talk and laugh! Ma was in her early 70s then, but her peals of laughter and her face lit up with smiles gave me a glimpse into what she must have been like as a teenager.

That was Ma!! ❤️ She was always up for having fun, for reminiscing about funny memories, for enjoying life. Ma was there for every big event and for all the quiet moments, too. I feel incredibly fortunate to have had Ma for so long into my life. I love her, and I miss her.

What countries did you visit?

None! I really need to get out more, lol!

What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?

Of course there are things I'd like to have, do, and learn in the next year - but I'm happy to say I didn't really lack anything in 2018! :)

What date(s) from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The end of November and beginning of December were marked by sadness and loss, but also with connection and love - my family really helped (and continue to help) one another through a hard time. I feel closer than ever to my fam. ❤️

What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Been a Registration Assistant for two years now, and I love it!! Less real-lifey, and actually very goofy - I hit (and passed) 10,000 scrobbles for the year. I haven't hit that kind of high number for a while, so... Achievement!

What was your biggest failure?

Didn't do anything too stupid this year, haha!

Did you suffer illness or injury?

No, yay!

What was the best thing you bought?

I love fragrances, so my fave purchase this year is, of course, a perfume! Calvin Klein Euphoria Amber Gold just smells soooo gooood. It's rich and sweet, kinda syrupy - really beautiful.

Whose behavior merited celebration?

My family. The mama, the dad, the bro - they are so awesome. We're always there for each other - I love them more than words can say!!! ❤️

Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

No one really! I've been pretty even-tempered all year, haha!

Where did most of your money go?

Probably perfume, lol! But music is right up there, too. Maybe movies as well! Basically, entertainment!

What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Kylie's new album, Golden!! Actually, a few other music faves had new releases too, and I was hyped about them all - Richard Ashcroft (Natural Rebel), Florence + The Machine (High As Hope), Lykke Li (so sad so sexy), Emika (Falling in Love With Sadness), Sarah Brightman (Hymn), and Arctic Monkeys (Tranquility Base Hotel & Casino). Great music, all year long!

What song will always remind you of 2018?

List time!

"Dancing" by Kylie Minogue. Of course! My queen returned with a lovely album this year (see above!), but this seemingly simple first single had to grow on me. I say "seemingly simple" because at first listen, it is! Guitar, stripped-down beat - where's the glitter? It's in Kylie's voice, in how she declares with gusto: "When I go out, I wanna go out dancin'!" A quietly bombastic grower.

"Breathe" by Jax Jones. Catchy and bouncy!

"One Kiss" by Calvin Harris feat. Dua Lipa. Breezy fun!

"In My Mind" by Dynoro & Gigi D'Agostino. Hypnotic!

Compared to this time last year (2017), are you:

Doing really well, kinda like last year! :)

What do you wish you'd done more of?

Quoting last year's year in review: "wish I'd listened to more new albums, and not just compilations." But I loves my dance music comps so much! :O I really think I'll try to listen to more new music in the new year.

What do you wish you'd done less of?

Not to be too serious business, but doubting myself. I worry I'm not doing enough, or not doing it right, or could have done it better. I guess a little self doubt keeps you on your toes - keeps you challenging yourself - but I'm happy that as I've gotten older and a tad wiser, and gained more confidence in myself, these worries have lessened. So this year, I did doubt myself, but not as much as last year, or the year before. Here's to an even more confident 2019! ;)

How did you spend Christmas?

Fam, ham, and fun! :)

What was the most embarrassing thing that happened to you in 2018?

I managed to not embarrass myself all year, haha!

How many one-night stands?

None, lol

What was your favorite TV program?

Forever a fan of goofy cartoons!

Real Housewives! All of 'em are wonderful trash TV. :) (Gif source!)

And for no good reason I watched every season of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! on Hulu. Cracks me right up!!

How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?

Put-together and polished, I like to think!

What kept you sane?

Lots of music, movies, and TV. Always up for some entertainment!

Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?

Nah!

What was the best book you read in 2018?

Ooh, just got a New Year's Resolution for 2019 - read a book, lol.

What was your greatest musical discovery?

I rediscovered some old faves! "Love Today" by Mika has forever been pure joy, "You Can Dance" by Bryan Ferry can't be any smoother, "Spirits" by Jamie Woon stays majestic, "212" by Azealia Banks still slaps, "Reagan's Skeleton" by Yeasayer continues to be massive, and "Watch Out For This (Bumaye)" by Major Lazer is always a banger.

What did you want and get?

Lots of good things - I'm very fortunate!!

What did you want and not get?

Nothing! Like I said, fortunate. ❤️

What was your favorite film of this year?

I didn't see many movies released this year, but I did really like Ant-Man and the Wasp!

And A Quiet Place!

I also saw Midnight in Paris (2011) after years of meaning to - it's such a lovely film!

What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

32! Little fun things - used CD shopping (a fave thing to do), movies, good meal...!

What three things would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Can't ask for more!!

Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

I've never watched American Horror Story because it seems pretty spoopy and I'm a wimp, but I was going around the channels and that guy who plays the Antichrist lol - Cody Fern - caught my eye. He fine!

What political issue stirred you the most?

There's something new stirring every day, ugh!

Who did you miss?

Ma. ❤️

What is a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018?

Family matters - not the TV show, although that's good too! I already knew this, but I really really felt it so much this year. ❤️

What quote can be used to sum up your year?

"When I go out, I wanna go out dancin'!" No matter what's going on, I want to try and have a good time and enjoy things! Here's to a 2019 full of goin' out and dancing! :)

[xtruss]

‘Lahore Attack Taught Me a Lot About My Character and Values’: Kumar Sangakkara

— Andrew Miller | UK editor, ESPNcricinfo

Kumar Sangakkara speaks in Lahore at the start of MCC's tour

Pakistan's emergence from international purgatory is slowly but surely coming to fruition. In recent years the growth of the PSL, and the willingness of its overseas stars to put themselves forward for the knock-out stages in Karachi and Lahore, has helped to accelerate a process that culminated, late last year, in Sri Lanka's arrival for the first Tests on Pakistan soil in more than a decade.

Bangladesh too have decided the time is nigh to get the show back on the road, with the second Test of their two-part tour due to take place in Karachi in April, after last week's innings win at Rawalpindi was lit up by a hat-trick for Pakistan's latest teenage sensation Naseem Shah.

But for sheer symbolism, few matches will resonate more than the one taking place under the Gadaffi Stadium floodlights on Friday, when Kumar Sangakkara leads his MCC side in a T20 contest against Lahore Qalanders. In doing so, he will return to the scene of the most shocking atrocity to be visited on an international sporting team since the Munich Olympics in 1972.

The events of March 3, 2009 are all too well known to cricket's tight-knit global community. As the Sri Lanka team bus approached the stadium for what should have been the third morning of the second Test against Pakistan, they were ambushed by 12 gunmen on the Liberty Roundabout, sprayed with bullets and subjected to rocket and grenade assaults, in an attack that left six policemen and two civilians dead, as well as the driver of the minibus carrying the match officials.

Heroically, the Sri Lankans' bus driver, Mehar Mohammad Khalil, kept their vehicle moving towards the stadium compound despite having his tyres shot from beneath him, but amid the chaos, seven of the team suffered shrapnel and gunshot wounds - most seriously, Tharanga Paranavitana and Thilan Samaraweera, who only the previous day had completed his second double century in a fortnight.

Sangakkara himself had a shockingly near miss. As he related in his MCC Spirit of Cricket lecture in 2011, in the very moment that he turned his head to attend to Samaraweera, he felt the wind of a bullet fizz past his ear and strike his seat. The last time he and his team-mates departed the Gadaffi Stadium, it was as evacuees in a military helicopter. His return, more than a decade later, provides closure on the one hand, and hope on the other.

Meher Muhammad Khalil drove the Sri Lanka team to safety during the 2009 terror attack

"I don't think I need any flashbacks, because I remember that day and those moments so very clearly," Sangakkara told ESPNcricinfo, on the day of the team's arrival in Pakistan. "It's not something I relive or wallow in. But it's an experience you should never forget, because it gives you perspective in terms of life and sport, and you learn a lot about your own values and characters, and those of others.

"I have no reservations about talking about it, it's not something that upsets me, but these sorts of experiences can only strengthen you. Today I consider yourself very fortunate to be able to come back here to Lahore, and at the same time remember the sacrifice of all those who lost their lives that day."

The emotions among the Sri Lankans ran understandably wild in the immediate aftermath of the attack, though as Sangakkara recalled, their innate resilience shone through first and foremost, along with a certain grim humour too. Within minutes, Ajantha Mendis, himself injured in the attack, was reaching for his poker chips and setting up a card school, while Sangakkara's own thoughts somehow kept coming back to Paranavitana's terrible first taste of international cricket - a golden duck on debut, and now hospitalised with a bullet in his chest.

"I think everyone deals with it in their own personal way," Sangakkara said. "But at the same time, what really unites us is that you face adversity and you face challenge, and you have to get past it, and you've got to do that successfully. It's about moving forwards and upwards and being part of cricket. Being Sri Lankan you learn those lessons quite well, because throughout our civil war, cricket was a unique vibe.

"We speak about the attack at various times," he added. "We even have a laugh about it, in terms of what we went through, because it helps sometimes to look at it with a bit of humour, even though there was a tragic loss of life, and other serious injuries within that incident.

"And I think for us also, it's brought home the fact that being a cricketer on the international stage, you are not immune to real-life situations and the experiences of other people that you might not otherwise connect with. It's really a strengthening experience for us, a humbling one as well, and it puts a lot of things in perspective."

Sri Lankan players prepare to board a Pakistani military helicopter

That said, Sangakkara had no reason to think he'd ever come back to Lahore after the attack, certainly once it became clear that international cricket would not be returning to Pakistan before his retirement in 2015. But as MCC president - an office that speaks, in his words, of "stewardship and legacy" - he felt a compunction to lead a side back to the country to help to spread the word that one of the game's "powerhouses" is open for business once again.

"There is history and tradition galore at MCC but to actually use that to benefit the game, not just in the UK and within the club framework, but beyond that, internationally, will edify the philosophy of MCC," Sangakkara said. "We feel we have a role, not just as the guardians of the spirit and laws, but of the game itself. We leave a legacy of trust and support in all the countries that we tour."

The 12-man squad, which will be coached by Ajmal Shahzad and also features the likes of Ravi Bopara, Ross Whiteley and Roelof van der Merwe, is due to play four fixtures in the space of six days - three of them in the leafy environs of Aitcheson College, the so-called "Eton of Pakistan", which counts Imran Khan among its most illustrious old boys.

Most of the trip, in fact, will be a far cry from the hustle and hype of a full international tour, and Sangakkara was at pains to point out that MCC's presence was not about pointing fingers at any Test nations that might still be having doubts about committing fully to a return to Pakistan - least of all the next scheduled visitors South Africa, who are due to tour the country next month, pending security clearance.

"Our message is very simple," said Sangakkara. "We are here because we are confident that we will have a great tour. There's been a huge effort by Wasim Khan [managing director] at the PCB, and the government, to get us here, and once we are able to show that this tour has gone off successfully, that message will resonate beyond Pakistan, and go a long way towards strengthening the purpose of other sides who are making the decision to come back.

"These things take time. You have to build confidence by sending the right message, then you need the right protocols and the right arrangements in place. But it's great to see it all gathering momentum. More and more teams are talking about it, and more teams are coming back."

As for Sangakkara's own return, his first 24 hours back in Pakistan have turned out to be improbably relaxing.

"I did spend some time thinking what it would feel like, coming back to Lahore, going to the ground and staying at the Pearl Continental Hotel," he said. "But the reception at the airport was brilliant, everyone was so passionate about us coming here. It really made us relax, getting into the bus. It feels lovely to be back, and I'm glad I made the decision to come back to Lahore and be part of this tour.

"It's about reigniting the passion and the spark of inspiration for young Pakistani boys and girls, who want to be able to watch their heroes, playing at home in front of them in the flesh. The best in the world, competing and winning and doing great things.

"There's no greater legacy can be left behind than that, and for MCC to be part of that effort to bring international cricket back to Pakistan, I think we can all be quite proud."

[onemanzerosquad]

New York Blackbeard Diary Pt. 3

Day 11.......Woke up.....Started my day getting breakfast then headed to my neurologist office to get my form from my job in regards to my restrictions. After, went to the library to print out documents in regards to a situation that led to someone purchasing something from a PayPal. Pretty much someone hacked into my PayPal and purchase a monthly subscription to watch a show smh. As I was heading to work, I thought about all of my problems and have decided to take care of all the problems. Feels like time is not on my side in my opinion and I can no longer deal with the bullshit no longer. As take care of the problems head on, I have no problem dealing with consequence even if my body limitations is at risk cause. I'm alone in this and that's no one fault cause everyone has their own problem to fix.

On on to the side story......2012.......

The new year started and I was in a long distance relationship. Unfortunately, It didnt last long. Obviously, communication was the cause of the problems. From there I was talking to girls got into a relationship but that didnt even last too. Then I saw her. Now I'm not gonna write her government name. So I'm gonna name her HopelessRomantic. Unlike every women I've been with physically, I actually found her online. I didn't expect her to give me a chance but she did. At first, we were back and forth breaking up and making up. Then mid year, she broke up with thru a inbox smh. She was right tho, I wasn't doing anything with my life and she felt I had no ambition. It's crazy because before she broke up with me, I wanted to let her know that I finally got a job lol. During that time til September, I was dating and talking to other women but at the same time trying to get back with HopelessRomantic. Then at one point, HopelessRomantic was going through a tough time. So I took an opportunity to help her out. I was making sure she was okay. Then one day there was a BWA (beach) reunion show and since I told HopelessRomatic about my backyard wrestling career, I invited her to the show. That day was interested as I got to see some of the guys even my first love and by the night, I brought her home and "Netflix and chill" happened lol. It was our first time doing something after 9 months of us knowing eachother. From that moment on we were back together but this time she trusted me and gave me another chance of love again. On to other things,in that year I started wrestling officially in BWA (Bronx). I had a chance to wrestle in RCW but I decided not to go. I knew I wasn't going to be comfortable there and plus the only people I would mostly trust would be the DIW wrestlers that I meant in 2011. Everyone else ehhhhh (the white boys weren't really there lol). BWA (Bronx) hands down was the best time of my backyard wrestling career. Holy Convictions Tag Team with Genocide, 4 aces, matches with Loco, Dixon, Dom The Don, my epic match against Gencocide that open everyone's eyes, and the match of the event of SuperShowDown (their Wrestlenania), against Joker. I had a epic time in the BWA (Bronx). Now back to HopelessRomantic. Our relationship was great. Our families liked us together, I got to see her often, I was working, the sex was great lol, and she even motivated me to actually go to college. The original plan was to go study Criminal Justice. Then December hit and after the hurricane, I came from chilling with a friend and HopelessRomantic send me a message on Facebook breaking up with me. There wasn't a particular reason. She wrote like an essay but it had nothing to do with me. I can only assume she wasn't interested anymore. So the year was heading to its end. So I decided to live it up with Black, Red, Green, and Blue Label with some 40s. Regardless of the break up, I still had good year.

Day 12.......Woke up and started my day with a cup of coffee. Went to my job to pick my check check my app to see how much since I started last week and today was pay week and apparently I got no pay listed on this week. So I can only assume my next check will make up for last week or something. Money is always with no value hard to get by but hey whatever. So went on my morning and TD Bank to fax the people apart of my dispute case and unfortunately the bank printing machine doesn't work doesn't work. So another Negative Nancy in the poison air of New York City. After work, I saw my Autismo crew (J God, Weirdo, and Porn Plug). Chopped it up a little bit and by the way F**K WWE 2K!!!!!

On on to the side story......2013......

2013 new year.....still working on and off. Surprisely, me and HopelessRomantic kept in contact regardless of the breakup. One day I brought her over just to chill. She got cozy which didn't bother cause she was single as was I. From what I remember, we were talking and it led to her being emotional and she was crying. So held her tight then boom......we had sex......The next day we were talking and I kinda express to her I wanted to get back together but she didn't want that. I actually cried but accepted and got over it. Probably like a month later, she got into a relationship with someone else which sucked even more. Other than that I signed up for a program that dealt with Digital Media and did well in the program. I was still working but not as much. My birthday but on that day I was sick (for about a week). After I healed, I started this new job that my guy Dirty Sandchez aka Eyevrows from Getaway hook me up with. It was an maintenance job. Did the job and all. July 4th hit and partying up drinking doing my thing. I woke up and got a call from HopelessRomantic letting me know that her Aunt passed. All I had was tears cause her aunt meant a lot The last time I talk to her was Mother's Day so the pain was more. I was mad and I played Dante's Inferno with anger. From morning til night, I beat the game. The one thing I notice alot that day was I had double vision that whole day. I would think that would be gone by the morning but it wasn't. After hanging out with my boy. I started to fall easily and constantly told I looked crossed eyed. By August my left leg felt like I or sprained it. August I finally hit the switch and started college. I was studying Mental Health/Domestic Violence Counseling. First semester went well. All As and 1 B. I even had my own little crew.

SIDE NOTE: One person in that crew ending up being my girlfriend (2016)

During the first semester I was still dealing with my health problems. Things got worse. My hands were so numb that I couldn't write. My double vision was there everyday and I had a hard time walking on my left leg. After going to the emergency room doing MRIs and Catscans and testing my strength with a group of neurologists and constantly hearing that I'm so young (I was 22), I saw a neurologist and he told me that I have Multiple Sclerosis.......

Day 13........Woke up, got ready, and speed walked to the bus stop to get to work. Unfortunately, I got a little late due to the bipolarness of the bus coming on schedule. When. I got to work, I couldn't punch in due to the app I punch in on couldn't connect to the server. After work, I went to see a friend that I haven't seen in quite some time and that was pretty much my day.

On on to the side story......2014.......

2014 came. I finally got my finally treatment after waiting for months for insurance reasons smh. I had to take it every week. I continued college by taking free classes inthe winter semester which was apart of Fall semester. As a result passed both classes with an A. From there my GPA was 3.6. With my education background with a learning disability, D equalivent grades, being in special ed classes, and receiving services due to my learning disability, for a guy with a incurable health condition that pretty much messes with your body depending on the central nervous system state, it was remarkable for something like that to happen. Spring semester hit and once again did my thing in classes, went on dates, and followed the routine of being on grind. Then the summer semester hit and I was offered to take a short summer class and I took it of course since it was free. That morning of first day of the class, I wanted to do the impossible and walked from my home to school (Albemarle and East 19 to Manhattan Beach). It took about 3 hours. Got to class on time and kind sat around or whatever. Some other people got inthe class and informed the professor that they were in the other classroom. For some odd reason I was more aware of a woman saying that then the others. Crazy cause that same woman ended up being my girlfriend by the end of September. We ain't saying government names. So her name for this post is Hermione (she likes Harry Potter). She had tattoos, smart, and she was honest for what I feel most of the time. Eventually the relationship didn't last and ended the same way.......a message. Her reasons made sense I guess (went too fast). Honestly I don't believe time should be a determining factor for a relationship to happen. If you feeling this person then give it a shot but that's just my opinion. Also, in 2014, I officially ended my backyard wrestling career against my friend, my brother, and my on screenplay rival Rodney Banks. It was the perfect ending to the legend that was called Heavy D.

Day 14.......Woke up. Gather some clothes and did some laundry. Sat outside for a little bit and headed back to the shelter and took a power nap. Woke up about 3 and watch One Piece Episode 901. I'm already current with the manga. So I'm basically watching what I already read. That was pretty much my Sunday. Plus I need all the rest for the upcoming days of this week. I gotta say, I'm slowly getting myself together to the point that people inthe shelter are noticing me more as hardworking individual. I'm always on the move and that's being notice and respected by people in the shelter.

On on to the tragic side story......2015

2015 started off okay. Winter semester was a success. I saw Hermione. But I didnt really give her attention after the break up but after we talked, we became friends and that was it nothing more. Spring semester came and I did my thing again and lived the college life but got a job. So now I'm get on my grind and officially had no time for much. Summer was here and my mother was working getting her passport to go back to Jamaica and see her family after years. One time I came from work and as usual expected my mother to be home since she doesn't like to be out late. She nevered came home which was extremely alarming. Call the police and I was informed that she was in the hospital in the city. Got to the hospital and use the phone to locate and she was in the 3rd floor ICU. I didn't know what ICU meant at that time but I knew it was something bad. Got to the ICU and saw my mother........Hospital covered with a bandage on her head as if someone bash a metal bat on her head. Come to find out, she had a seizure and fell on head in the street very hard. I was in tears. All I can remember was that the last time I saw her she told me that she was heading out. My mind was wtf like this ain't real. Called everyone I can call and every got the news that my mother was inthe hospital. She eventually got transfer to a rehab center in Far Rockaway Queens. Things seem to be okay. Then I come home from a hard day at home and I get phone call from a friend informing me that something happened and my younger brother didn't sound okay on the phone. Went to the hospital my mother was sent to. Her eyes was closed. Next couple of days saw her as the machine was helping her breath not responding or reacting inthe room. The doctor spoke to me and younger brother and pretty much said there a very little chance they can help. By October 12th. My younger brother called me and informed me that our mother died........

Day 15......Woke up.....Had to skip gym again. I had to get my mail and sent some emails. After, I went straight to work. After work, I happen to see a face I haven't seen in quite some time and we actually introduce our names after knowing each other for years. It's kind of cool knowing someone and finally just engaging in a conversation (just regularly). Then mailed my my money order to this One Shot Deal that I owe money to unfortunately. While on my way back to the shelter, I started thinking.....now knowing that just about everyone knows that I have Multiple Sclerosis......Hawk's Eye will be on me and my refusals from any assistance will make things a little more tough and edgier. So at this point, I have to be smart on everything I do. But I'm sure I'll get through this someway.

On on to 2016.......

2016 was here. After a hard 2015, I was able to keep the home, still work, made sure my health was good and survived a hard semester. I made the impossible possible. On the other hand, things were different. I started living somewhat a independent free life. I went to school, work, and party on the weekends. I was even going to the strip clubs and bars just living it up with my people. Eventually, I had this feeling like I needed to be what I was and I felt it was time to look for love again and I found it. No government names revealed. So her name was SoReal lol. I knew her since I started college (2013). We kept in contact and eventually we got together in July. It was love again. I haven't felt this type of love since my first relationship. She was smart, hardworking, and very determined to finish college. I was in love. When she felt she needed me, I was ready to help. We went on multiple dates. We talked all the time and we expressed that we loved each other. Other than love, I GRADUATED FROM KINGSBORO WITH AN ASSOCIATES!!!!! By September, I was city bound at City College. By the fall semester thing weren't good between me and SoReal. She distanced herself from me and with that I got less focus on school. Our relationship was so back and forth. When December hit, I got a letter from the landlord informing me that I must pay 3500 dollars in two weeks or I get evicted. So rent is not really being paid by my roommate, I'm barely getting thru college, and my relationship is a mess. As a result, I was still in relationship surprisingly, I pass my classes (barely), and I had to ask for assistance from this service called the One Shot Deal (where your whole rent is paid off but you got to pay back the money that was covered. 2017......would finally bring me to the limit.....

Not everything was meant to be......

Jikai........One Last Time. The Past From The Last View 2017 The Fall Of A Headliner

Mad King Recharging Arc

[blazinginbus1]

#1: (Finding out about Larry anon again. Although I don't know if my other messages actually sent so if you didn't get it just tell me). I'm still bummed out about Larry. I genuinely thought Larry was a made-up ship that fans were obsessively delusional over and I made the mistake of watching their videos and I'm so sad, as terrible as it sounds, to see how close they were. There's a difference between regular bromances, like Ziam, or Lirry, (I wouldn't consider Zouis a bromance because they

never really play up their relationship. Actually they don’t show much of it to the public eye) and Larry. In 2011 to early 2013, they seemed REALLY close. Always touching, always staring, always having sexual innuendos. Sure, maybe that seems like nothing because the other guys do that, but there’s a difference. You can tell when the other guys do it (including Louis and Harry to other people, not each other) that they have the intention of playing around and not meaning anything. Like when Harry went over to Zayn with his candy thong and Zayn bit in right next to his crotch? A joke. 100% funny joke that they honestly would not even think about later or just think anything of it. The guys groping each other, Liam tackling Zayn on stage, the guys saying they’d date each other, kissing each other on cheeks? Hot, but a joke. Nothing serious, nothing actually holding any real meaning behind it other than the fact that it’s funny for guys to be gay with each other for some strange reason. And I just, maybe because I just love Zayn/Louis so much, but I never really took Larry seriously until watching all these non-edited moments of them and literally the majority of them were just private moments. They literally never had any platonic moments. Every moment would be used as a sexual innuendo opportunity, or little tiny winks or touches behind the table or small whispers of sexual flirtation. I just don’t get it? There’s so much I can’t even understand. There’s so many things that can’t be marked as a coincidence. And trust me, I know Larries can be extreme and sometimes make everything about Larry (though that’s usually after 2013 to now). But in 2012, I just can’t wrap my head around it. I don’t like it. Why were they so close? Why did they genuinely flirt, and I actually mean it, actual flirtation (most times actually private and not drawn attention to). Am I missing something? They were so close and suddenly they just stopped? I don’t get it? Either the fans made them uncomfortable with their whole pushing and obsessiveness which explains why they didn’t really interact at all for the next three years (unless they did act like regular and people are over-exaggerating) and they were still close off-camera or they just grew up and honestly just weren’t that close anymore? I have to ask, since I’m assuming you’ve been in the fandom for a while. Did Larry hang out a lot off work together like Zouis in later years? Or was it just in interviews and concerts that they seemed close and they actually weren’t as close as people make them out to be? Which would mean they all were fairly equal in closeness and Larry were just playing in interviews and when there were no cameras around, they weren’t actually that close? have to admit though, when Zayn and Louis were asked if they were in a relationship together, they put their arms around each other’s shoulders and had no problems saying that they were not together. No hesitations, no struggles, nothing. When Louis is questioned, he always says “fans /genuinely/ believe we’re in a relationship, and he always seems walk around the question and struggles? I don’t like the idea of them being together. don’t know. It just bums me out. But were they together? Ever? Or was it just for fun and they really have no interest in each other? I just feel strange because there honestly seemed to be something there in the beginning. But I like Zouis :/ 

I’m so sorry I haven’t responded back to you sooner, babes. However, I did receive your other messages. I’ve just been a little off my game lately, so do forgive me. I’m sorry you’ve been hit with some conflicting thoughts regarding the dynamics of Zayn, Louis, and Harry’s relationships. I really cant tell you what to think one way or another, gorgeous. It’s ultimately your call how you assess it. Just bear in mind there’s a lot more to a friendship than the stuff we see at the surface, so be conscious of that. We only see a fraction of them and how they interact, so I don’t think we could get a really fair assessment of their relationships in their entirety with the little we see or know.

Admittedly, I don’t often discuss Louis and Harry’s relationship too often on here, simply because it attracts a certain kind of attention I’m not necessarily interested in bringing on to my blog. Just to clarify, I’m not into tinhatting, simply put. Any discussions I make about the boys, I speak in metaphoricals and from a place of figuratives rather than solid fact. And I’m sure you do too. I value Louis and Harry’s friendship, as anyone would, but I think the innocence and harmlessness in it has far surpassed its boundaries. They used to be great in public, and didn’t often think too much of policing themselves, so you did see cheeky moments where they joked around and had their fun, not thinking it would be microanalyzed the way it had. They literally were roommates at one point. So of course there was an air of comfort there; there’s no denying that.

However, *I* myself have never really conformed with the idea that Louis and Harry’s interaction were somehow deeper than any of the others. I think it should be known that videos like the ones you’ve mentioned often rely on a little bit of a manipulation tactic in telling you to focus so intently on that *one* particular subject matter or that *one* particular moment, and disregard anything else other ships do similarly that would ‘disprove‘ it, so to speak. Its like putting on horse blinders, and telling you to focus on what they want you to see right ahead; don’t bother looking off the right where so-and-so are doing something as cheeky. They’ve all made comments, they’ve all had their moments of cheekiness with one another, and they’ve all built personal relationships outside of what would be considered work obligations, but there’s an odd double-standard that I myself don’t quite understand. When so-and-so do something, its almost instantly written off as ‘a joke’ or ‘a bromatic moment’, but Louis and Harry doing it is automatically branded as something more? Like I said, darling, I don’t get it. And I’m sorry I don’t have a better answer for you, but that’s just me.

Obviously I cant see the ‘Larry” that others may see, but then again, plenty of people cant see, or choose not to, see the Zouis I see either. Louis and Harry had far less to worry about being interactive and friendly in their younger days because back then, it was still being treated more as a joke, or a figurative thing, a nice concept. But somewhere along the way, the lines got blurred and things got far less innocent and playful, prominently in how the fans reacted to it. Things had to change because at that point, Larry’s interactions didn't just have an impact on them. In fans heralding Larry moments, their real partners—of whom they've publicly declared they were dating—often got harassed. Family, friends, partners, staff. I’d venture to say Louis and Harry didn't think this would be the adverse reaction to them joking with one another.

This is all over the place and I left it on a really open, ambiguous note with no right answer to tell you, because I don't think there is a solid answer here. Feel how you want to about the ships you want. I don't see Larry in a profoundly deeper way that some may want me to, but that's just my outlook and I cant explain why. Louis’ relationship with Zayn is different than Louis’ relationship with Harry, which is different than Harry’s relationship with Niall, and so on. All are valued in such unique ways, and all boys have personal connections and a certain love for one another. That’s just how they are. They were uninhibited, they were shamelessly endeared by one another, and as a dear friend of mine on here says (shoutout @alligatornyc), they're practically made in a lab. Because their big ot5 love fest is so unexplainable, but works so incredibly well. I'm sorry this answer is shit, babes, but I appreciate you sharing your thoughts. Continue loving Zouis. Continue appreciating Larry. Hell, maybe even check out some Narry, if that tickles your fancy. But don't feel like you need to place one ship over another; they're all different, but equally as meaningful.

[cryinghole-blog]

Xav: I'll talk to you on Steam but won't join tipchat again

Chinye: whats wrong

Xav: I dunno

Xav: I'm yelling a lot

Xav: Keep on changing what I want to do

Xav: Keep on fidgeting

Xav: So I'll talk after this shower

Chinye: ok

Chinye: i hope u feel better

Chinye: is something about tipchat bothering u?

Chinye: something i said?

Xav: No, it's me

Xav: I got upset in the shower. When I'm calmed down I'll tell you

Chinye: can i help?

Xav: I just need to unload on you

Xav: Sorry in advanced

Chinye: ok

Xav: Just here's the jist

Xav: I'm lazy

Chinye: lazy?

Chinye: i dont really get that impression with you

Chinye: did you forget to do something?

Xav: okay im back on

Xav: this might take a while

Xav: because i just have a horrible feeling in my gut

Xav: but the main reason why i am in my current life circumstance is that I'm lazy

Xav: 2010, first year of high school

Xav: everything was okay besides friend

Xav: 2011

Xav: i couldn't develop a study strategy

Xav: because I didn't feel like it

Xav: and pushed away the worries by either talking to people, playing games, watching things, etc.

Xav: this manifested

Xav: i started to not ask for help

Xav: because I didn't want to

Xav: and it was so much effort

Xav: this started spilling into everything

Xav: in life

Xav: today

Xav: i didn't eat breakfast

Xav: because i didn't want to

Xav: i didn't walk peggy

Xav: because i didn't want to

Xav: didn't do washing, the dishes, clean up

Xav: didn't go outside

Xav: it goes into video games

Xav: i can have more fun in Granblue if I looked up what I should do next and grind

Xav: but I'm lazy

Xav: and don't want to put in effort

Xav: so I just whine about my current situation

Xav: i would put more effort into trying to rebuild friendships

Xav: but I'm lazy

Xav: t would require too much effort

Xav: and make me anxious

Xav: and runin mty day

Xav: so I resort to staying inside

Xav: I was in the shwower

Xav: I was too lazy to get out

Xav: i just let the water envelop me

Xav: Like a wet and slippery cocoon

Xav: I don't try to develop new hobbies

Xav: Because that requires me to fail first to improve

Chinye: you sound like me

Xav: and I don't want to do that

Xav: I am too lazy to get up

Chinye: thats exactly how i am

Xav: too lazy to get dressed

Xav: too lazy to look for a job

Xav: too lazy to seek help from free government services

Xav: too lazy to tell mum and dad my real inner problems

Xav: too lazy to even start a conversation with my surviving friends

Xav: too lazy to become alive

Xav: too lazy to defend myself

Xav: i just take each blow

Xav: too lazy to do these stretches which will stop me feeling pain

Xav: too lazy to stop any of this happening

Xav: too lazy to believe in myself

Chinye: do you have anything that motivates you

Xav: i dunno

Xav: i just wanna go to sleep

Xav: because im too lazy to figure out what to do for the rest of the day

Xav: Too lazy to even try to find someone to fuck the pain away

Xav: I'm too lazy to find out if I even like dick

Xav: I've just masturbated to some dumb doujins online

Xav: had one boyfriend

Xav: who hadn't even transitioned yt

Xav: and i label myself as bi/pan

Xav: too lazy to get to the root of the problem

Xav: too lazy to get better at video games

Xav: doesn't that just make your skin crawl?

Xav: i want to do all these things

Xav: but this little thing in my head just makes me this walking zombie

Chinye: it doesnt really make it crawl but it makes me lock up a bit

Chinye: because i have exactly the same problem

Chinye: no motivation to do anything

Chinye: too lazy to fix my problems

Xav: i can feel my energy leak out

Chinye: I dont know what to say about it

Xav: all the positivity

Chinye: cause like im exactly the same

Xav: i want to cut off my limbs

Chinye: I wish there was a magic fix

Chinye: :(

Xav: and im too lazy to stop talking and think about your feelings

Chinye: you dont need to stop

Xav: i just keep on going

Xav: and impede negativity onto you

Chinye: negativity doesn't bother me

Chinye: I can handle it

Xav: even though i know how you feel because i've been in your spot so many times

Chinye: I just am thinking about it

Chinye: I dont know how to solve problems i have myself

Chinye: its good to know im not alone though

Xav: i'm too lazy to tell people what they say makes me feel horrible but i bottle it up and struggle to help them but all i can do is hit these plastic objects

Chinye: I thought other people just had motivation to do things

Chinye: and that things were just harder for me

Xav: which then sends an impulse to wiring then goes through all of these devices

Xav: to someone else

Chinye: Do i make you feel bad?

Chinye: with anything i say?

Chinye: I can stop dumping emotional stuff on you

Xav: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3mWotngJBcc

Xav: i can't stop talking to you though

Xav: because then you will have to talk to someone else

Xav: and gothrough the same process

Chinye: I can keep it in

Chinye: and deal with it myself

Chinye: like should've done in the first place

Xav: you;'ll hurt yourself in the

Xav: process

Chinye: i'm sorry i've been dumping stuff on you

Chinye: I wont anymore

Xav: no

Chinye: thanks for all the help so far though

Xav: i want to be strong

Xav: i want to be strong for you

Xav: but i'm just so squishy

Xav: and take everything to heart

Chinye: i told you before

Chinye: i can handle it myself

Xav: i dont want you to be in pain

Chinye: i just got weak

Chinye: and let it fall on someone else

Chinye: dont worry about it anymore

Xav: i failed

Chinye: how?

Chinye: we're still gonna hang out

Chinye: and talk

Chinye: just not about sad stuff

Chinye: unless you need help

Chinye: maybe it'd be good to get some sleep though

Chinye: you said you were tired

Chinye: and i dont want you ot be upset

Xav: i donm't know

Xav: do we even have anything else to talk about?

Chinye: ofc we do

Chinye: are u joking

Chinye: i think were really good friend

Chinye: s

Chinye: we can talk about games

Chinye: and shows

Chinye: and things going on in discord

Xav: every day i just feel weaker and weaker

Xav: yesterday was fine

Xav: i don';t know why

Xav: everything felt different

Xav: but just

Xav: thinking of anything

Chinye: its my fault

Xav: makes me collapse

Chinye: you have been dealing with other peoples problems

Xav: no

Chinye: in addition to your own

Chinye: ofc its gonna be hard

Xav: please no

Chinye: ???

Xav: i don't wnat it ot be like this

Chinye: what to be like what

Chinye: im confused sorry

Xav: i dunno

Chinye: oh ok well

Chinye: if you wanna play games

Chinye: or anything

Chinye: let me know

Chinye: get some rest tho

Chinye: noob

Xav: i want to be stronger for you

Xav: for everyone

Chinye: then get there

Chinye: prepare yourself

Chinye: but that doesnt mean you gotta deal with everything at once

Xav: i want this feeling in my chest to go away

Chinye: sleep

Xav: it's 4:30 pm

Chinye: its the best way to get rid of feeling like that

Xav: it will ruin my day

Chinye: listen to music?

Chinye: im not sure

Xav: none of my music is particularly good at making me feel better

Chinye: you could finish koboyashi

Xav: i watch it with friends

Chinye: watch an anime from my list

Chinye: anything 8 and above is good

Xav: im too lazy to do anything new

Chinye: have you seen no.6?

Chinye: its shonnen ai

Chinye: but its really lite

Chinye: and good

Chinye: im thinking about going to sleep

Chinye: im really tired

Chinye: despite sleeping a bunch

Xav: okay

Chinye: not sure yet

Xav: dont ruin your sleep schedule this weekend

Xav: i want you to go to work on monday

Chinye: thanks dad

Chinye: :P

Xav: sorry, just can't think of anything funny atm

Chinye: lol you dont have to

Chinye: go eat a sanger

Chinye: or whatever u called them

Xav: i just feel frail and stale

Chinye: stale?

Chinye: you are a really nice person

Chinye: and i really think you brighten people around you

Chinye: a mood booster

Xav: it;s not enough

Chinye: its some though

Chinye: better than being someone who brings others down

Chinye: if everyone was like that

Chinye: things would be great

Xav: i;m going to be a pig and order food now

Chinye: wish i did that

Chinye: the sub i had when i woke up was gross

Chinye: lol

Xav: hoping mum won't look at the credit card bill

Xav: she was suggesting i make something for myself

Xav: but im just so weak

Xav: i didn't even make that sandwich i said i was going to make

Chinye: want me to paypal u money

Xav: no

Chinye: so u can order food

Chinye: and u just pay me back somehow

Xav: somehow will be in 2 years

Xav: maybe more

Chinye: it doesnt have to be with money n

Chinye: nerd

Xav: i've given you all i have

Chinye: what would food even cost

Chinye: like $20?

Xav: this place's minimum order is $20

Xav: the HSP was 13.50

Chinye: just let me know if u want me to

Chinye: and i'll paypal u it

Xav: i got a milkshake but it was shit

Chinye: you dont even have to give back

Xav: i can't let you do that

Chinye: i dont want you to get yelled at

Xav: Mum doesn't yell

Chinye: sorry

Chinye: shamed at

Xav: i can deal with it

Chinye: you dont have to if u let me help

Chinye: but ok

Chinye: its up to you

Xav: i just can't sorry

Chinye: ok...