#Lately I've been pushing myself a lot to put social media aside and go get a job in real life.

[mihhkael]

> Flower dance

[ludwigoat909]

I feel like lately I've been overly sharing on my personal life and thoughts. While I am a generally small account, it is still kind of irresponsible for me to just trauma dump and share my ocd bs. It doesn't help that I've been getting more and more angry and started to break my own limits in terms of how I interact with people online (specifically biggots)

I ended up regretting and deleting that post with my intruisive thoughts cause while it got barely any attention aside from a few moots who supported me, I realized just dumping a very sensitive information, even if I made it clear that intruisive thoughts are not my genuine thoughts and can happen at random moments of the day, it is just not a safe thing for me to just dump it all, like at all.

The primary reason why I dumped it in the first place was because as I stated in that post, I wanted to push myself for confessing it to my therapist. Again, the way people online have treated the subject from which my ocd tend to center around a lot of times has been completely bastardise by people for the sake of attention I have been conditioned to the point that sharing these thoughts to the people I actually trust is going to get me send to the pits.

The increase of people who choose to be stupid and stand by their own stupidity doesn't help, especially with recent events such as Imane Khelif being accused of being a man just because a billionaire shared an article that used a Russian test survey (even tho Russian people are literally banned from the olympics) and somehow people still choosing to believe that even after having her birth certificate thrown in their face yet still die on the hill of their biggotry. This has left me so frustrated that I can't respond to anything beyound anger, and put of frustration I just ended up dumping it all as a "fuck you" to all these people and how I don't owe their lack of wanting to be educated on anything ever the right to call me something I'm not.

And yet while I did gain some courage, it doesn't keep me safe from the bs these people can pull out. I have to stop thinking being pissed and feeling the need to fight any potential ennemy I see and start genuinely thinking for my actual sake. At the end of the day, for as much as I blame people's action on the internet, this attitude of both anger and fear is more likely just a bi-product of my ocd.

So yeah all that to say that I'm sorry for getting way to emotional nowdays. I might take a small break from social media after this.

[ghoste-catte]

I was curious what advice would you give to someone new to writing fics? I've been wanting to get back into it but haven't seriously written something since high school. I hope this isn't an annoying question or anything!

Not an annoying question at all! I'm just a little worried that I won't have terribly good or useful advice. To be honest, I also sort of stopped writing in earnest right as I finished high school, and didn't pick it back up until my late 20s. It's certainly an adjustment! But I think the few things that really helped me get back into writing fic as a hobby and something I spend quite a bit of time on would be:

Write for yourself first, then find your other motivations. My original inspiration in getting back into fic writing was that there just were not that many fics I liked for my favorite pairing, and I wanted more of them, and I especially wanted more with the tropes and characterizations I wanted to see. I think at the very core of anything you need that internal spark that drives you. At the same time, for me at least, if I just relied on my own drive, I would not get much done; I need some external guardrails. So having people send prompts, or writing for particular events, or writing stuff for friends really helps me to get my ass in gear and finish stuff. That may not be the perfect motivator for you, and that's fine! You just gotta figure out what is.

Be open to inspiration. Anything and everything can be spun out into a story with the right tweaking. Obviously stuff like music is a classic inspiration source, but I've also pulled ideas from poetry, from memes, from Reddit threads, from YouTube videos, from rambling conversations on Discord and from real life to make fics out of. So many times, someone will post a silly Twitter screencap, and I'll think, There's a fic in this. And a lot of the time, there is! Research is a wonderful thing, but so is serendipity. If you're out there actively looking for ideas, eventually one that you like will stumble past you.

Find your community. I can genuinely say I never would have finished more than one fic if I didn't have fandom friends to talk to about even stupid headcanons, to bounce ideas off of, and to encourage me (and to encourage them in turn!). Discord has been a godsend, and some of my closest online friends are people I met in the GaaLee discord server. As I've gotten more comfortable as a writer, I've also joined general writing servers and Reddit communities and have found them immensely helpful on both a motivational level (bingos, sprints, owe-me challenges) and on a craft level (plot workshopping and writing ethics and live grammar help). It's a lot easier to think about fic ideas and hash through problem moments when I have a constant stream of fandom-related chatter coming from the little people who live in my phone! Ao3 is an amazing website, and it's great as, well, an archive, but it isn't social media by design. If you want conversation and human connection and cheerleading, you've gotta forge out and find it.

Make it a habit ... If you want to produce anything longer than a couple hundred words, you really have to set aside time for it. And writing is just like knitting or dirt biking or painting little model figurines: the more you do it, the more easily it comes. When I was first getting back into the proper swing of things, I committed myself to 30 minutes of writing per week. Just 30 minutes. I didn't even hit that goal every week, but there were tons of weeks I got on a roll and went over that amount, and by the end of the year I'd written over 200,000 words. I used to spend an hour laboriously tip-tapping out 200 words, but now I can easily blow through 1k in a 50 minute sprint. It's all about training that muscle.

... But don't make it a chore. With fanfic, you aren't doing this as a job, and you aren't ultimately doing it for anyone other than you. That means you can take breaks when you need them, you can set deadlines and then fail to meet them, you can write stuff and then decide to never post it. When you start getting burnt out, when the practice loses the joy and energy, stop. There's no 'hustle' here. In our capitalist society we're so trained to push past our limits and keep going even when it hurts us, but the hobby you do for connection and relaxation and whatever else shouldn't be like that.

Ignore metrics. Sometimes stuff isn't gonna get hits, or kudos, or comments. There are some basic 'rules' as to the stuff that does and doesn't get traction, but every time you post something it's a roll of the dice. If you're focused on watching that kudos counter tick up, you will get bummed out fast. And any writer will tell you that the stuff you think is your best work will never be the stuff that gets the most accolades. So you have to find something else to give you a sense of success. For me, it's watching my wordcount go up in my stats and those occasional comments where someone has a lot to say and that one person who always leaves me a <3 emoji (and, shout out to @egregiousderp, having someone to have long one-on-one conversations with about the stuff that never made it to page).

Don't strive for perfection. It's really easy to want your first ever fic to be a complete showstopper, the best fic fandom has ever seen, hitting all the tropes and the ideas and the characterization that you just know fandom is missing and would be everyone's top favorite if only it was written. This is a trap. No one fic can be all things. Most people who want to write an epic as their very first venture will not see the end of that epic, because they haven't put in the practice hours to make something on that scale work. That's not to say you can't start out with a big, sprawling multichap, just don't expect it to be the greatest thing since sliced bread if you're just starting out, and be okay with abandoning it for greener pastures if you get to that point. Think of the first time someone makes a vase out of clay or bakes a loaf of bread. That's never their best vase or their best bread. If they keep up with it, they'll make more and better vases and loaves. Likewise, your first fic is probably not gonna be your best fic. See it for what it is: your launchpad.

You can't edit an empty page, but you can over-edit a full one. This kind of spins off of #7, but if the words aren't there, you can't fix them. Daydreams and headcanons are fantastic (and god, how many times have I wished for a speech-to-text engine that projected my falling asleep thoughts onto a Google doc for later perusal), but they aren't fic. If you want to write fic, you've gotta get comfortable with the idea of sloppy outlines and rough first drafts. You can't build a house without a frame and you can't build a man without a skeleton (I mean, you can, I guess, but he'd be one floppy man). The nice thing about fic is that it doesn't matter if that frame is structurally unsound or the skeleton has 18 too many bones, you can clean that up in the editing process. But you can't start hanging curtains and arranging furniture in something that doesn't even have walls. That's the process. But! Also know when to set down the editor's pen and say, "Okay, this is good enough for government work", and call it done. ("Done" doesn't have to mean "posted", but it does mean, "I'm done picking at this for now, and I'm gonna go write some more stuff".) Over-editing can make stuff seem laborious and forced, and it prevents you from actually improving. To continue belaboring the house metaphor, you can spend your whole life rearranging furniture in just one room, but the end result of that is a pretty narrow existence and a room with a lot of footprints and tracks in the carpet.

Write shit down. When you have ideas, jot them down--in a notebook, in a Google Doc, in the Notes app of your phone, in pen on the back of your hand. You think you will remember that brilliant line of dialogue or sparkling snippet of narration or genius plot that came to you in a dream, but you Will Not. Write it down. Write it down. Write it down! There have been so many times when a fic was completely saved by past!me having written down my shower thoughts about what happens next in the fic, that present!me had completely forgotten about and was floundering over.

Have fun with it! Try different stuff. Try stupid stuff. Try experimental stuff. Do stuff you've never done before that you aren't sure will work. It's important to get comfortable with your niche (for example, I know I'm never going to be the sort of person who writes intricate plots of intrigue or super long 100k epics or detailed battles), but you can't find that niche unless you explore lots of different niches! Figure out what you love and what you absolutely hate, and then keep doing the stuff you love.

Okay, so that was actually TEN things, but ... I hope you still found this helpful. Feel free to send another ask if any of this was confusing or unclear. Good luck with your fic writing and, if you want, send me a link to what you've written once you've written it! I'd love to read it.

[misshollander1]

Gif credit to @parkery

Contains; small drabble of an 18 year old somehow catching Tom's eye and the thoughts he faces of finding her intruiging.

I never thought I would be in the acting scene. Especially since I hated being the center of attention. But something about being in front of a camera and playing a character made me feel somewhat safe.

I was able to be someone I always wanted to be and portray them in a way only I could and have people relate.

That's how it started at first. I acted in a few commercials and starred in the background during my years attending University, the small money I made being put away in order to help pay my tuition.

Next thing I knew, I had people asking who I was and if I had any social media. I was contacted by a previous person I worked with, them telling me their manager would like to work with me. I was quite young and my parents denied but I told them that if I could help make money in any way, I would take it.

So I took the job. Granted everything started off slow again, me being in the background and having small roles. It soon led to me being a supporting role and eventually, landing a role in the new Spiderman movie.

I was now eighteen years, four years younger than the male lead Tom Holland. I wasn't playing a love interest despite a few people I knew wanting one for his character.

I couldn't deny the role because, not going to lie, he is quite attractive and a total dork. But, I've always loved superheroes and it was a dream to star in one in any way I could.

I admit I was nervous, seeing as Tom's character Peter and I had quite a few scenes together and there was suppose to be some sort of interest towards one another to create some tension for the audience.

It didn't take a lot besides the director having us spend some time together to maintain a friendship so it was more believable on screen.

So here I am, an eighteen year old sitting across from Tom Holland himself and having a small lunch, each of us having prepared questions to ask one another.

"So, how long have you been attending University? How is it?" He asked, handing me a napkin.

"Thank you and uh, it's my first year. But since I got some financial aid to help me attend, I have to pay back a loan I borrowed. So far it's okay. I wish someone told me about time management because my first semester was completely horrid." I chuckled, opening the chopsticks nearby and stopping mid dip to choose a fork.

"You don't know how to use chopsticks?" He asked. I shook my head.

"I've spent hours practicing but I guess my fingers aren't meant to hold them." I sighed, twirling the noodles around my fork and stuffing it into my mouth. "Anyways, how is it being Peter? I know you get asked a lot but it's what I could come up with."

"Don't worry about it, darling. And I enjoy it. Like I've said in many interviews, I've always had a liking to Spiderman so being able to portray him makes it a dream come true." He laughs lightly

"Despite looking like a 12 year old?" I teased, raising an eyebrow slightly.

"Do people really say that? First they say I have a frog in my mouth and how I can't pronounce croissant. Now this?" He laughs a bit once more, his voice making me feel warm.

I won't lie and say I didn't have a crush on Tom. He is an amazing actor but the way he's such a dork and a goofball made me admire him and like him. I just wish he didn't call me darling because sWeEt JeSus that was attractive.

"So, besides that, is there a reason you chose acting? Is that something you're studying?" He asked, stuffing his face with the Chinese food we ordered.

"Not really. I'm majoring in psychology and thought about minoring in dance but there aren't many dance minors. I opted out for possibly minoring in English but it's not a for sure thing. But, I never acted in my life and the opportunity was given to me so I tried it."

"What do you like about it?"

"I guess being someone you're not. I understand a lot of actors contribute a bit of themselves into the roles they play but for me, I guess it's a confidence boost type of thing." I said, grabbing my water and taking a sip.

"Confidence? Explain." He asked, a small smile on his lips.

"I uh, I'm not that confident in who I am. I hate my body and who I am as a person. I'm high key a pessimist but choose to hide it and I am very easily manipulated. I guess being sexualized at a young age and being harrassed for four years made me feel even morr less of myself. So being able to play a character where I can include those struggles makes me feel like I'm not so alone. I hope that makes sense?" I said, furrowing my eyebrows and looking at him.

"Well, I can truly say you are a beautiful girl. I'm not just saying it. Everyone is beautiful in their own moments and from the moments I've seen you on camera, I can tell you radiate a light. I do see something in your eyes I haven't seen but that's what I find interesting about you. You were willing to be vulnerable to me and let me know how you feel in complete honesty, yet you hold something in those eyes of yours. They're beautiful if I may say once again despite them being the same color as mine but you get what I mean?" He said, clearing his throat and reaching for his own water.

I gave him a shy smile and nodded, the words he spoke making me happy. I have had people conpliment me and try to make me feel better about myself but the way he put things made me believe it the most.

"Aside from all...whatever this is," I smiled, reaching for a spring roll, "what is something you would want our characters to do? I've read the script and we seem to be doing these crazy things like a science experiment going wrong and it exploding in our faces, coating them in blue dust."

"I want us to do something in the rain. I could walk you home along with Ned and I guess all three of us have a heart to heart. Kind of like we did here." He smiles, looking at me and then avoiding his gaze.

"I think that would be nice. I could push you into a puddle and run away." I said smiling.

"I would tackle you then and there don't test me." He teases.

"Try me Holland."

Eventually, Tom and I got closer working on screen. I was only able to shoot during certain times due to my classes but I always made up for it, working on late work or doing homework during my lunch time or any free chances I got.

The other cast members would check in on me and bring me some snacks to keep me motivated and focused so I wouldn't be too stressed.

But there was one day where I was not understanding what was being said and it frustrated me to the point I slammed the book and cried into my hands, the stress overwhelming me.

I didn't hear the knock or the door being opened to my small portable but I did hear the swish of plastic bags.

I looked up and was face to face with Harrison, one of Tom's best mate.

"I'm sorry to disturb you. Tom told me to bring you some lunch but I guess I'll leave you be." He spoke, clearly embarrassed.

"Nono. Don't worry about it Harrison. I was just taking a small break from my work seeing as I couldn't understand it." I sniffled, wiping my nose and eyes.

"Maybe I can help? What is it?" He asked, setting the bag down near my books and taking a seat near me.

"It's physics." I sighed and he made a face.

"Why would you hurt your brain like that?" He asked, making me laugh.

"I thought it would be easy. It somewhat is but this topic is hard and I'm not understanding. I guess I'll email my professor for some more help if needed." I sighed, rubbing my face.

"Alright. I'm sorry I couldn't be much of help. But Tom made sure he got you your favorite, Chinese." He smiled, reaching for the bag and unboxing the takeout.

"That's really sweet of him. You guys didn't have to do that." I said, setting the box on my lap.

"Well he wouldn't shut up about it. He kept interrupting and asking if you had eaten and it took Zendaya to say she took you some breakfast and that was it." Harrison spoke.

"Mm well... When you go back to him. Tell him I appreciate his kindness. Also, thank you for delivering it. I haven't seen you around much as usual." I sighed, rubbing my left eye from any tears.

"Yeah. I've been running some errands of my own, listening to Tom gush on and on-"

My phone rang and I gave Harrison an apologetic smile, answering it.

"Hi Tom. No, I got the takeout. I appreciate it. Yeah no, he's here." He continued to speak until asking for Harrison, me looking and handing him my phone. "It's for you."

Harrison took it and spoke to Tom, casting glances my way every few seconds.

I set my takeout onto the side and regrabbed my Physics book, Harrison putting his hand out and stopping me before ending the call and handing my phone back.

"A scene with you, Ned and Peter is being shot soon so you're going to need to get ready." Harrison told me. I nodded and thanked him once more, waving goodbye as he left.

"Are you serious?" I asked, seeing the set design.

"Yeah! I talked Jacob into helping me get this scene and our director liked the idea enough to have us shoot it. He called for improvisation to see how it looks." Tom said, stuffing his hands in his pockets and smiling at me.

"This is so cool what the fuck." I said, earning a laugh from Tom.

We shot the scene and did as much improv as we could, Tom keeping his word and tackling me in the rain when I pushed him into a puddle and splashed Jacob, a huge 'come on!' escaping his lips.

"Cut! Great scene. Let's try it one more time and great job tackling her Tom. Make sure not to bruise her! And Jacob, great reaction!"

Jacob shook his head and laughed, handing me a towel to dry my hair off.

"I'm going to need a blowdryer or something." I sighed, the towel being worked on my hair.

"Why's that?" Jacob asked.

"It begins to curl. Like how it is now." I said, holding up a loose curl.

"I think it looks pretty." Tom spoke, ruffling the towel over his own curls.

"Thank you." I said, earning a wink from him and an eye roll from Jacob.

Filming was coming to an end and my screentime was becoming less and less which meant I was hardly on set.

But that didn't stop Tom from messaging me during his breaks to see if I wanted to get lunch or hang out with him and the cast.

I was walking to the lounge on set after one of my classes when I overheard my name being spoken.

I furrowed my eyebrows and listened, hearing Tom and Jacob speaking.

"She's eighteen isn't she?" Jacob spoke.

"She is. But I don't see that as a problem." Tom answered.

"What about the backlash? She's four years younger than you and people will find it weird."

"Oh please. There are women and men dating others more than half their age. Something about her intruiges me. I-I enjoy being around her. I can't explain the feeling being around her." He sighed.

"It's obvious you like her. We've all discussed it and even our director knows. Why else would he approve of that rain scene knowing it might not make the cut? He wanted to see the chemistry behind you both." Jacob explained.

"I do adore her and something about her is just ugh. I don't want to creep her out and feel like I'm preying on her. I'm not. I do like her Jacob." He admitted, silence following a bit after.

I was obviously shocked to hear the news because one, Tom Holland said he liked me,two, he said he liked me and three, he said he liked me.

But I knew where he was coming from. People would be quick to think he was being a creep and his fans would be hurt they weren't the ones catching his eye.

But I also wasn't so sure how I would be as a girlfriend. I have never dated and felt that if things wouldn't work out, I would be the reason why.

I don't know how to love myself and I feel like my anxieties and insecurities would get in the way after a while of hiding them so much.

I shook my head continued quickly to my destination, hoping they never saw me and knew I was listening in.

I eventually reached the limit and had to stop here! The rest is in my drafts so let me know if you would like a part two!