#Last Life was my favourite life series so I'm loving it obviously

[shadeswift99]

"I think I'm just too funny to complete this challenge"

yeah Grian, I'm sure immediately finding and sticking to your bestie Puns Georg and recreating Last Life for the entire first half of the session had absolutely NOTHING to do with it

[filmbyjy]

ONE NOTE

SYNOPSIS > When you turned 18, you heard your best friend’s favourite song. Turns out, it was just one of the various signs to finding your soulmate. However, you couldn’t bring this up to jake. Not when he was in a happy relationship with your other best friend! Would you choose heartbreak or sacrifice your happiness for the sake of keeping the friendship?

EIGHTEEN – the first petal

MASTERLIST | PREVIOUS | NEXT

a/n: please note there is a written part after these 6 pictures!! don't forget to read it because it is part of something important.

“breathe.” yvette says as she pats your back. it was suffocating. the sink was bloodied up, splatters of blood that you had coughed up in a span of 5 minutes. mae runs in with a bottle in her hands.

“here, drink up.” she quickly opens the bottle up and hands it over to you. you took the bottle and quickly drank it.

“why didn’t you tell us it was this bad. we obviously knew that jake was your soulmate but we didn’t think that your body would react this way.” yvette looks at you.

“you’d honestly think that this disease would be a mythical thing but it is very much true.” mae says. you felt the tears fall down your face. yvette wipes them for you. she looks at you with such pity and such care.

“man, fuck that bitch.” she declares. “making such a sexy girl cry? not very girl’s girl coded of her.”

“she doesn’t know. i don’t think jake would tell her. besides, he doesn’t even know i’m his soulmate.”

“well, i think she would find out either ways. she’s such a weirdo.” mae huffs. yvette nods.

“what are you going to do?” yvette asks.

“live with it.”

“but you’re going to cough out blood if you keep seeing them so loving and disgusting.”

“it’s okay. once it gets worse, i’ll just get the surgery.”

“to remove your feelings? (name), you can’t seriously be thinking of doing this.” mae sighs. “i’ve seen people decide to go through with the surgery, they aren’t like themselves. once you do it, there will also be complications in the end. you won’t live for long.”

“there is no other way. if end up dead then so be it. i can’t let jake know. he’s very much in love with aria. he would never love me.” you sobbed. yvette pulls you closer and keeps you in her arms.

“hey hey, let’s not talk about death. you’re alive and well right now. let’s live your life to the fullest and make the best out of it. you aren’t dying.” she mutters. mae grabs your hand and lightly squeezes it.

“yeah, who cares about jake and aria. you have sunghoon, your friends, your brother and us. we are there for you.”

you were thankful for the people who were close to you. you had wiped your tears and nodded. “you’re right.”

there were a series of knocks at the bathroom door. yvette rolls her eyes and opens the door. “we’re having a sentimental moment here.”

“sorry, girls. just checking in to see if (name) is okay.” jay says.

“that or are you already missing mae?” yvette folds her arms. jay awkwardly laughs a little.

“maybe but i’m more concerned for my best friend of course.” you laughed a little and sniffled. you pushed mae forward towards jay.

“take her oh my god. you find out she’s your soulmate and you can’t stop being away from her.”

jay shrugs. sunghoon steps forward and hugs you.

"I'm not dying, hoon."

"just let me hug you. you need it." he says. your smile falters a little. "you can cry, you know?"

"i already cried just now."

"and? you can cry again and I wouldn't judge."

"I know you won't, hoon."

your brother comes up to you. "okay, break it up. can I hug my sister?"

sunghoon lets you go, and leehan easily replaces him. "when did you get so big?"

"I've always been big." he says. you laughed.

"okay, but you're my baby brother."

"yes, i am." you ruffled his hair and he pulls back from the hug.

"let's go back. those two are probably wondering where we are." taesan says.

"the last i saw them they were making out-" *whack* ni-ki winces when sun whacks him.

"don't even mention that." sunoo warns.

"right, sorry noona." ni-ki pouts. you sighed a little.

"it's fine, ni-ki."

you could see jake and aria coming closer to the group. jake was mainly concerned about everyone but aria...she's just kinda following jake.

"hey, why is everyone gathering around here?" jake asks.

"oh, there was a slight mishap so (name) called the girls over. we were worried so we waited outside for them." heeseung explains.

"you could've told us."

"yeah, but you were busy making out with aria so we didn't want to bother the both of you." sunghoon says. there was a petty tone underlying as he tells jake.

"what the fuck is your problem?" jake comes up to sunghoon. sunghoon scoffs.

"nothing."

"nothing? you said that the other time and then you went on a tangent hating on my girlfriend." jake folds his arms.

sunghoon rolls his eyes. "well, I'm right either ways. you were sooooo oblivious and busy with aria that even when (name) got hurt or had an issue you didn't care."

"she's fine now, isn't she? you guys took good care of her. she's in good hands, so i trust you guys to care for her. after all, I'm just her best friend and I am busy with my girlfriend. You don't understand me because you don't have a girlfriend!" jake yells at sunghoon.

you start to cough up again. this time when you look down at your hand, not only was there blood but there was a petal. the first petal to have ever appeared. you had looked up to see everyone staring at you. jake's jaw dropped when he saw the blood in your palms.

you didn't know what else to do other than run away. sunghoon glared at jake once more before he runs after you.

this was moving too fast...

were you dying?

taglist[open]: @sumzysworld @mitmit01 @moon3verland @baribaaari @byty2k @alex-is-sleeping @viagumi @txtlyn @belovedsthings @woninluv @dreamiestay @niniissus @kyutiepeachy @yoongisbaguetteshoes @squiishymeow @jjaammm @enhaz1 @illvding @woniejjang @bee-the-loser @laurradoesloveu @ckline35 @ningx2stan @hoonlvly @clampclover @xyzyx01 @victoriasimm @eneiyri @nshmrarki @woorcve @bubblytaetae @i03jae @soobieboobiedoobiedaboobie @l1wv00n @onlyhyunjin @kyanmeai @isa942572 @lisaswifey @alisonyus @firstclassjaylee @szkstay @enhamysunshines @milanco @hsbae @zyvlxqht @lixiebokie @wth121 @enahasblog @gongiz @anuisamazing @heestrawberries @gyehyeonist @nshmurarki @heelovesmeknot @silquids

(bolded can’t be tagged)

[03jyh23]

🌏⌇atlas┆song mingi

│part of goes to waste the series based on my favourite keshi songs

│listen here

rapper!mingi x non-celebrity!reader

│synopsis: in the heart of bustling seoul, you and mingi shared a luxurious penthouse apartment. despite the grandeur, loneliness consumed you as mingi's skyrocketing fame distanced him from the loving boyfriend you once knew.

│genre: lovers to strangers, angst

│trigger warnings:  heartbreak (obviously), mature language, mention of past trauma and pain

│words: 8.9 k

│playlist: empty box an album by song mingi, tracklist: after hours, too late, killing me (english), wait, paranoid, drunk, lonely heart, empty box (english)

│reminder: what you’re about to read is purely fiction, so let’s keep it separate from reality.

!minors do not interact!

— hi there! finally, here's the next part of goes to waste series. i had to take some time off after publishing 2soon (check it if you haven't yet), which was a truly personal piece, but now i'm back! atlas is very loosely inspired by the song; it's more about the vibe the song gave me than the actual lyrics. i also changed the original synopsis quite a bit because i honestly didn't feel like sticking with the first version. same as with 2soon, i spent some time creating a playlist, and if you do decide to listen, i hope you enjoy the songs i've chosen. oh! and if you read through my small author notes, then you're lucky because i can finally reveal that both the reaper (jongho) and right here (yeosang) will be published as a mini-series (but only after finishing finding our way back)!

love, monika ♡

i’d be so grateful for a little love – a tagged reblog or comment would truly make my day!

│taglist: @skittyneos │@kyeos4ng │ @vcutparis │@hoeforalbedo

You were sitting on a bed in the bedroom you shared with Mingi in your very own luxurious penthouse apartment in the bustling center of Seoul. It hasn't been long since you moved in here, but the vastness and elegance of the place made you feel even lonelier than ever. Mingi was out, performing at a sold-out arena show, and the glaring reality was that you weren't there to support him. It wasn't that you didn't want to attend; the painful truth was that he simply forgot to invite you—his girlfriend of the last 4 years, someone who had stood by his side through thick and thin. You looked at the floor, your eyes catching the sight of your suitcases and bags packed meticulously with your belongings, ready to move out of this once cherished home. The thing was, you couldn't quite leave without seeing Mingi one last time. Your heart ached at the thought of parting without a final goodbye, and it didn't let you go. You didn't know life without Mingi, and the prospect left you shit scared. The very thought of navigating through your days without his presence was enough to send shivers down your spine. However, you couldn't pretend any longer that Mingi hasn't changed. The boy you once fell in love with, who was caring, attentive, and always made you feel like the center of his universe, seemed to have vanished. In his place was someone distant, preoccupied, and seemingly indifferent to your feelings. You tried to rationalize his behavior, blaming it on the stress of his career and the constant pressure he was under, but deep down, you knew it was more than that. The connection you once shared felt like a distant memory, and the reality of who he had become was impossible to ignore. 

It all started not even a year ago. Mingi's song went viral on the internet, and he gained a massive following in a span of three days. From being an independent artist playing in clubs for maybe a couple of hundred fans, he went straight to signing a contract with a major company, making huge checks and selling out arenas in a span of minutes. The transformation was almost surreal. One day, you were cheering him on from small, dimly lit venues where you could see the sweat on his brow and the fire in his eyes as he performed. The next, he was being whisked away to luxurious studios and high-profile meetings with industry moguls. It felt like you were living in a dream—or a nightmare, depending on the moment. Suddenly, the simplicity of your shared life was replaced by a whirlwind of glitz and glamour. Mingi's phone never stopped buzzing with calls, texts, and notifications. Invitations to exclusive parties, collaborations with big names, and interviews with top media outlets flooded in. While his career skyrocketed, your relationship seemed to plummet into an abyss of neglect and misunderstanding. As he became more entrenched in his new world, you noticed changes in him. The boy who once couldn't wait to spend a quiet night in, watching movies with you was now constantly on the go, his calendar filled with events that didn't include you. The intimate conversations you used to have, were replaced by strained, hurried phone calls and text messages that felt more like obligations than genuine connections. Despite your best efforts to be supportive and understanding, the growing distance between you became an insurmountable chasm. Mingi's success had come at a steep price, and it felt like you were the one paying for it. The man you had known and loved for years was slowly slipping away, replaced by someone who seemed more like a stranger with each passing day. 

The night was getting later, and there was still no sign of Mingi. Maybe he wasn't planning to come back today; maybe he was too busy with his new rapper friends to even care to come back. You couldn't help but feel a pang of disappointment and frustration. You glanced at your phone, hoping for a message or a missed call, but there was nothing. Well, it wouldn't be the first time he had left you waiting, feeling like an afterthought in his increasingly busy life. You tried to occupy yourself, turning on the TV and flipping through channels, but nothing could distract you. The boy who once couldn't stand to be away from you was now someone who seemed to have forgotten you existed.  

With every passing minute, the reality of your situation became clearer. Mingi might not come back tonight, tomorrow, or even the day after that. He was out there, living his life, while you were stuck in a place that no longer felt like home. You still vividly remember your first day in this apartment; it was a momentous occasion. Mingi had received his significant check from the tour ticket sales, as well as the royalties, just a week passed since, and you were moving into the luxurious space. The excitement and anticipation were palpable as you both looked forward to starting this new chapter in your lives together. You left your one-bedroom apartment with a tingle of sadness, each corner filled with cherished memories of the life you had built together. However, the excitement and anticipation of creating a new home in a spacious, luxurious penthouse overshadowed any melancholy you felt. You both dreamed of this moment, envisioning a future filled with endless possibilities and new adventures. The thought of decorating the new place, hosting friends, and building new memories brought a sense of joy and hope. It was a new chapter, a fresh start, and despite the nostalgia for your old apartment, the promise of what lay ahead made the transition feel like the beginning of something wonderful. So, you never thought you would be leaving this place like this. Heartbroken. The walls that once echoed with laughter and joy now felt cold and distant. Every corner of the penthouse, which had been a symbol of Mingi’s dreams and aspirations, now seemed to mock your pain. The spacious rooms that once brought a sense of freedom now felt like a labyrinth of sorrow. You recalled the countless evenings spent planning your future together, the whispered promises of forever, and the dreams you had woven into the very fabric of this home. Now, those dreams lay shattered, scattered like fragile pieces of glass. The weight of your decision to leave pressed heavily on your chest, making it difficult to breathe. You never imagined that the place which once brought you so much happiness would be the same place you'd have to walk away from. 

You promised yourself you wouldn't wait longer than 3 AM, and as the hour approached, you picked up all your belongings and took them to the hallway. Each step felt heavier than the last, the weight of your decision sinking in deeper with every passing second. You glanced once again across the apartment, taking in the memories etched into every corner of the space that once felt like a loving home. With a heavy heart, you left your keys on the kitchen counter. As you put your shoes on, you paused for a moment, feeling the finality of your actions. You were ready to turn off the lights and walk out of the door, the silence of the apartment echoing your own sense of abandonment. Just as you reached for the switch, the doors opened with a soft creak that seemed to reverberate through the entire space. 

There stood Mingi, his face pale and eyes wide with a mixture of shock and disbelief, as if he had seen a ghost. His presence, so unexpected and surreal in that moment, made your heart skip a beat. The silence between you was deafening, filled with the weight of unspoken words and unresolved emotions. For a split second, neither of you moved, as if frozen in time. 

"What is going on?" he asked, his eyes finding your gaze as he swallowed hard. 

You took a deep breath, feeling a lump form in your throat. "I can't do this anymore," you replied, your voice trembling. 

His expression shifted from confusion to concern. "What do you mean? What are you talking about?" 

"I mean us, Mingi. I'm not even a part of your life anymore," you said, tears welling up in your eyes. "I packed my bags. I'm leaving." 

Mingi's eyes widened in shock, and he took a step closer. "Leaving? No baby, you can't just leave." 

You shook your head, feeling the weight of the decision pressing down on you. "I deserve more than this. I'm done. We're done," you said, almost out of breath, your voice trembling with a mix of anger and sorrow. 

Mingi's face contorted with emotion, his eyes pleading as he reached out to you. "Please, let's talk about this," he said, desperation lacing his voice. 

You looked at him, your heart breaking all over again. "It's too late, Mingi," you responded, trying to keep your resolve strong even as tears streamed down your face. "I'm so sick of pretending everything's alright, that you haven't changed," you continued, your frustration bubbling to the surface. 

Mingi stepped closer, his hands reaching for yours, desperation evident in his voice. "What are you talking about? I'm still the same, I’m still your boyfriend who would do anything for you." 

You took a deep breath, your voice trembling as you confronted him. "Are you even aware my birthday was a week ago and you haven't showed up to the party?" 

Mingi's face fell, a look of guilt and realization washing over him. "I... I didn't know. I'm so sorry," he stammered, but the damage was already done. 

"So no, Mingi, you are not the same. My boyfriend would show up to my birthday party, hell he would organize it himself. And you know what you did that night? You were sitting in a fucking club with your fellow rappers doing God knows what," you spat, the pain in your words cutting through the air. "My boyfriend loved me, he wanted to spend time with me, he cherished me, he would never leave without kissing me and telling me he loves me," you said, your voice cracking. "You are not him." 

Mingi's shoulders slumped, the weight of his actions finally seeming to hit him. "I messed up. I know I did, and I'm so sorry," he whispered, his voice cracking. 

‘’Sorry is not enough,’ you took a deep breath, your eyes filling with tears. "I'm so sick and tired of justifying your shitty behavior in front of my parents, our friends, and most definitely myself. Every time they ask me where you are or why you're not around, I must come up with excuses. It's exhausting, and honestly, I'm tired of lying for you." 

Mingi's eyes filled with tears, his voice breaking as he whispered, "I never wanted to let you down. I know I've been distant, but I never stopped loving you." 

You shook your head, "You don’t love me, Mingi. Actions speak louder than words, and your actions have clearly shown me where I stand in your life. When was the last time you took me out, huh? When was the last time you asked me how I was doing? When was the last time you made love to me, not just fucked me after your show, huh?" you demanded, each question hitting him like a blow. 

Mingi's face crumpled as he absorbed your words. "I didn't realize... I thought you understood how busy I've been," he mumbled, his voice tinged with regret. 

"Busy? We all have busy lives. But love means making time, no matter what," you said, wiping away your tears. "I can't keep waiting for you to remember that." 

Mingi's tears began to flow freely, his voice barely a whisper. "Please, don't go. I promise I'll change, I'll make things right," he pleaded, but you could see the doubt in his eyes. 

"Since you went viral, you haven't even taken me to your shows, to the afterparties. I don't know your new friends. Do they know about me?" you asked, your voice rising with each word. Mingi's hesitation spoke volumes, and you felt another crack in your already shattered heart. "That's what I thought," you murmured, more to yourself than to him. "If they don't know about me, then maybe you don't want them to. Maybe that's why it's easier for you to forget I exist." 

Mingi's eyes widened, realization dawning on him. "No, it's not like that," he tried to argue, but the conviction in his voice was gone. The silence between you grew heavier, filled with all the things left unsaid over the past months. 

"Tell me honestly, now. You're rapping about fucking bitches and maybe that's really what you're doing in those clubs, huh?" you spat, the accusation hanging heavily in the air. 

Mingi's face paled, his eyes wide with shock and hurt. "How could you even accuse me of that?" he asked, his voice trembling with a mixture of anger and pain. "I would never do something like that to you. You mean everything to me." he stammered, his voice barely above a whisper. He took a step closer, desperation in his eyes. "I swear, it's not what you think. Those lyrics, they're just part of the persona. They don't mean anything." 

You let out a bitter laugh, the sound echoing through the silent apartment. "Is that supposed to make me feel better? That it's all just an act? Because it doesn't. It just makes me feel like I don't even know who you are anymore," you retorted, your voice trembling with emotion. "You spend all your time with these people, living this life that I'm not a part of. How am I supposed to believe you when you say it's not real?" 

Mingi's shoulders slumped, the weight of your words pressing down on him. "I know I've made mistakes. I know I've been distant, but I never wanted to hurt you. I thought you understood how much pressure I'm under," he said, his voice cracking. 

"Being under pressure doesn't give you the right to treat me like I don't matter," you shot back, wiping away the tears from your rosy cheeks. "You used to make me feel like I was the most important person in the world. Now, I feel like I'm just another obligation, something you can push aside when it suits you." 

Mingi's eyes lit up with a sudden realization. "Please give me a moment, I know what will make you stay," he said, his voice filled with a newfound sense of urgency. Before you could respond, he turned and rushed towards the bedroom. You stood there, your heart pounding in your chest as you listened to the sounds of Mingi frantically ruffling through drawers and opening cabinets. The noise grew louder, punctuated by the occasional clatter of objects being moved aside. After what felt like an eternity, Mingi emerged from the bedroom, his face flushed and his breath heavy. Clutched tightly in his hand was a small, elegant box. He walked towards you, his eyes never leaving yours, and with shaking hands, he opened the box to reveal a stunning, custom-made Tiffany engagement ring. 

"This... this is what I was waiting for," he said, his voice trembling with emotion. "I wanted everything to be perfect before I asked you. I know I've messed up, but please, give me one more chance. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you." Tears welled up in his eyes as he held the ring out to you, his entire being pleading for forgiveness and another chance. You stared at the ring, the weight of the moment pressing down on you as you tried to process everything. Mingi took a deep breath and then, in one fluid motion, he dropped to one knee, holding the ring up towards you. His eyes were filled with desperation and hope, the tears streaming down his face reflecting the sincerity of his words. "Y/N please, marry me," he whispered, his voice breaking. "I know I've been distant, and I know I've hurt you, but I want to make it right. I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, showing you how much you mean to me. Please, give me another chance." You stood there, your heart pounding in your chest as you looked down at Mingi, the man you had loved for so long, now kneeling before you with a ring in his hand. The future you have always dreamed of was right there in front of you, and you cried harder at the sight. The ring, a symbol of the life you had envisioned together, glittered in the dim light of the penthouse. It was everything you had ever wanted, yet the weight of the disappointments and heartbreaks made it difficult to embrace. The tears streamed down your face, mixing with the raw emotions that had been building up inside you. You couldn't help but think of all the broken promises, the lonely nights, and the feeling of being forgotten. The ring was beautiful, but it couldn't erase the pain that had accumulated over time. 

Mingi kneeled there in front of you, his eyes filled with a mixture of hope and desperation, waiting for your response."Now we have enough money to book the beach venue you dreamed of," Mingi started, trying to control his own tears. "I will order you a custom dress from the designer you told me about, inspired by the Disney princess you loved since you were little," he added, his voice trembling with desperation. "And we will go to Belize for our honeymoon," he continued, his words coming out in a rush. "We will rent a whole house by the beach, just like you always wanted. Every morning, we'll wake up to the sound of the waves, and every night, we'll fall asleep under the stars. There won't be a single day when I won't prove to you how much I love you," Mingi's voice cracked, his eyes pleading. "Please, give me another chance. Please marry me. I promise I'll be the man you fell in love with, the one who would move heaven and earth just to see you smile. We’ll make new memories, beautiful ones that will overshadow all the pain I’ve put you through. I swear, I'll spend every moment making it up to you, showing you that my love is real and unwavering. So please, please say yes." The image he painted was truly everything you ever wanted, the plans you made together on countless nights, dreaming of a future filled with love and happiness. The beach venue, the custom dress, the honeymoon in Belize—all of it was exactly what you had envisioned. It was as if he had taken every whispered wish, every secret hope, and turned them into a tangible reality. His words, filled with desperation and promise, tugged at your heartstrings, making you yearn for the life you had once believed was possible. The thought of waking up to the sound of waves, falling asleep under the stars, and creating new, beautiful memories was almost too tempting to resist. In that moment, you saw a glimpse of the life you had always wanted. You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath as you tried to steady your racing heart. The weight of the moment felt almost suffocating, but you knew you had to make a choice. When you opened your eyes again, you looked at Mingi, your voice barely above a whisper, 

"I can't," you choked out, your voice barely above a whisper. The words felt like shards of glass slicing through the air. You saw the hope in Mingi's eyes flicker and fade, replaced by a look of utter devastation. His shoulders slumped as he dropped completely to the floor, the ring slipping from his grasp and falling to the floor with a loud echo. You heard him cry out in agony, and it broke your heart all over again, shattering it completely. For a moment, the silence was deafening, filled only with the sound of your ragged breaths and Mingi's soft sobs. You stood there, frozen, the weight of your decision pressing down on you like a physical force. Every fiber of your being wanted to rush to him, to take back the words and make everything alright, but you knew deep down that it was too late. 

Mingi's tears flowed freely now, his face a portrait of anguish. "Please, don't go," he pleaded, his voice raw with desperation. "I need you. I don't know what I'll do without you." 

"I'm so sorry, Mingi," you said, your voice trembling as you took a step back. "I wish things could be different, but I can't keep living like this." 

Mingi looked up at you, his eyes red and swollen with tears. "Please, don't leave me," he pleaded, his voice cracking with desperation. "I can't lose you. I'll do anything to make it right, I swear." 

You shook your head, "It's not about what you can do, Mingi. It's about what you haven't done." With a heavy heart, you turned towards the door, picking up your bags. Each step felt like a thousand, the weight of your decision making it almost unbearable to move. As you reached the door, you paused, looking back at Mingi one last time. The sight of him, broken and pleading, was almost too much to bear. "Goodbye, Mingi," you whispered, your voice barely audible. "I hope you come across something more than better, something that brings you true happiness and fulfillment. And I’m so sorry it’s not me." With those final words, you turned the knob and stepped out into the hallway, closing the door softly behind you. The echo of the door click reverberated through the empty penthouse, a stark reminder of what you were leaving behind. 

eight months later

It was a Saturday evening, and you were lying in your bed, scrolling through TV channels because apparently your best friend forgot to pay for your Netflix subscription. These past months, you were figuring your life out from the base. With your breakup, everything changed. You were now living in a small apartment, shared with two of your friends to make the rent cheaper. You hadn't saved up much while being with Mingi, mainly taking part-time jobs to be available whenever Mingi needed your help with his career—booking a venue, simply helping around with scanning tickets or delivering merch. You used to spend your days running errands and managing small tasks that kept his career afloat, and in return, he assured you that you didn't need to worry about your own income. Then, when the money came, he simply wouldn’t let you work, claiming what was his was yours, and he had more than enough. His generosity was comforting, but it also left you unprepared for the financial independence you now had to face. So apart from dealing with the heartbreak, you’ve also been struggling a bit with a reality without him. 

Now, as you lay in your small bedroom, you couldn't help but reflect on how drastically your life had shifted. The luxurious apartment you once shared with Mingi was now a distant memory, replaced by this compact space that you now called home. It was filled with laughter and companionship from your two friends, but it also served as a constant reminder of Mingi’s absence. 

The breakup had not only shattered your heart but also forced you to reevaluate your priorities and rebuild your life from scratch. Every day was a struggle to find your footing, to rediscover who you were without Mingi, and to carve out a path for yourself. Despite the challenges, you were slowly learning to embrace this new reality, one step at a time. 

After a long search, you finally stumbled upon a music award show where a band you liked was performing, and you found yourself intrigued. A few other performances passed; the MC announced they would reveal the winner for the Album of the Year in the rap category. Despite trying to ignore all updates about Mingi, you knew he had released a new album earlier this year, so seeing him being nominated didn’t surprise you. You couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions as his name was mentioned. You saw him through your TV screen, his hair now cut short and dyed a vibrant pink, a stark contrast to his previous look. His nose was pierced, and you must admit it made him look even hotter. He was wearing a sleek black blazer with nothing underneath, the simplicity of his outfit highlighting his confidence. He looked absolutely gorgeous, his features as handsome as ever, capturing your attention completely. You couldn’t help but smile, a wave of nostalgia and admiration washing over you. Your heart began to beat faster with the excitement and joy of seeing him again. 

And of course, Mingi won. You didn’t know exactly why, but you couldn’t help yourself—you clapped your hands enthusiastically. You were so incredibly proud of him and his achievement. With a wide smile on his face, he stood up from his seat, took a deep breath, and confidently hopped on stage. He walked over to the microphone, adjusted it to his height, and paused for a moment to gather his thoughts. "Thank you, everyone," Mingi began, his voice steady but filled with emotion. "This album means the world to me, and it wouldn't have been possible without the incredible team behind me and the fans who have supported me through everything." He paused, taking a deep breath before continuing. "I want to dedicate this award to someone very special to me, someone who was with me since my early days." Mingi's words hung in the air, and you felt a lump form in your throat. You knew he was talking about you. The memories of your time together, the sacrifices you made, and the dreams you shared all came rushing back. Despite the pain and heartbreak, a part of you was deeply touched by his acknowledgment. He continued, "I know I've made mistakes, and I've hurt the only person I have ever loved. But this album represents a journey of growth and redemption. It's about learning from those mistakes and becoming a better person." The audience applauded, but your mind was elsewhere, lost in the whirlwind of emotions Mingi's speech had stirred within you. You couldn't help but wonder if he truly had changed, if he had finally realized the impact of his actions. As the applause died down, Mingi took a step back, holding the award close to his chest. He looked directly into the camera, his eyes seemingly searching for yours through the screen. "You know," Mingi continues, "this special person told me that since I gained popularity, I’ve been only rapping about fucking bitches, and she hated that." Mingi smiled and looked at the award in his hands. "So, with this album, I came back to my roots, to lyrics that truly mattered and reflect who I am." As the applause echoed around him, Mingi took a deep breath, feeling the weight of his words and the emotions they carried. He remembered the countless nights he spent writing, the struggles he faced, and the moments of doubt. "I don’t know where she’s at now, what she’s doing," he paused, running a hand through his hair, his eyes filled with regret "I wanted to be a man and respect her decision to leave me, so I never reached out." His voice cracked, the weight of his words sinking in "Because the truth is she deserves way better than me." He swallowed hard, his eyes glistening with unshed tears "I don’t even know if this will reach her, but if it does, I just want her to know that I still, very much love her." A tear finally escaped, rolling down his cheek "And that life without her is shit." He took a deep breath, his voice barely a whisper. He glanced around, seeing familiar faces of fellow artists and friends who knew his story then he looked straight at the camera. "So, to my ex, to the one I prayed to end up with, thank you for breaking my heart. This one is for you." He raised his award and bowed. As he left the stage, you couldn't help but feel a surge of mixed emotions. The love you once shared was still there, buried beneath the pain and heartbreak, but his words made you wonder if there might still be a chance for redemption and healing. You sat there, stunned and overwhelmed, tears streaming down your face. The raw emotion in Mingi's speech had reopened old wounds, but it also made you question if there was a possibility for a new beginning. 

Too caught up in your thoughts, you didn't notice when the cameras started to broadcast live from backstage. An elegant reporter, dressed in a chic green dress, stood waiting with a microphone in hand. Her eyes sparkled with anticipation as she spotted Mingi approaching, clutching his award tightly. She greeted him with a warm smile and a nod, gesturing for him to join her on a plush, cream-colored couch set up for the interview. As Mingi took his seat next to her, the reporter's smile widened. "Congratulations, Mingi, on your incredible win tonight!" she began, her voice smooth and professional. "How does it feel to take home the Album of the Year award?" 

Mingi took a deep breath, trying to steady his emotions. "It feels surreal," he admitted, his voice slightly hoarse from the whirlwind of emotions he had experienced on stage. "This album was a labor of love and a journey of self-discovery. Winning this award means the world to me." 

The reporter nodded; her expression empathetic. "You've mentioned that this album, Empty Box, holds a lot of personal significance. Can you tell us more about the inspiration behind it?" 

"The title of the album, Empty Box, symbolizes a metaphorical space where I have placed all the love I couldn’t give, oh god I hate to call her that but, to my ex-girlfriend." Mingi's eyes welled up with tears, and he swallowed hard. "It encompasses not just the love, but also our unfulfilled dreams, the cherished memories we created together, and the mistakes we made along the way." He paused, taking a moment to gather his thoughts, his emotions visibly overwhelming him. This album reflects my journey, regrets, and lessons I've learned. Each song is a chapter of that story, a piece of my heart that I hope resonates with those who listen." He took a deep breath, his voice cracking as he continued, "I wanted to create something that speaks to the pain of losing someone you love, the guilt of not being able to give them what they deserve, and the hope that maybe, just maybe, we can all find a way to heal from our past mistakes." Mingi's eyes were filled with a mix of sorrow and determination as he spoke, his words carrying the weight of his emotions. He looked directly into the camera, his eyes searching for a connection with those who might be watching. "To anyone out there who feels like they've messed up, like they've lost their way, I want you to know that you're not alone. We all make mistakes, we all have regrets, but that doesn't mean we can't find a way to move forward. This album is my way of reaching out, of saying that it's okay to feel broken, it's okay to struggle, but it's also okay to hope for a better tomorrow." 

The reporter nodded, her eyes reflecting the depth of Mingi's words. "Thank you for sharing such a personal journey with us, Mingi. Your honesty and vulnerability are truly inspiring." She paused for a moment, letting his words resonate with the audience. "What's next for you? Are there any upcoming projects or plans you'd like to share?" 

Mingi took a deep breath, a small smile breaking through his tear-streaked face. "Right now, I just want to take some time to reflect and reconnect with myself. But I promise, there's more music to come, and I hope to continue growing both as an artist and as a person." 

The reporter's eyes sparkled with curiosity as she leaned in slightly. "Is this album some type of closure for you? Are you ready to go out there and find love again? I bet there's plenty of girls, or guys who would die to have a chance with you." 

Mingi took a moment to reflect, his eyes distant. "In many ways, this album has been therapeutic for me. It's allowed me to process my emotions and come to terms with my past. As for finding love again, I think it's important for me to focus on healing and personal growth first. Love is a beautiful thing, but it requires a strong foundation." 

The reporter nodded, her smile warm and understanding. "Thank you for your honesty, Mingi. Your journey is truly inspiring, and I'm sure your fans appreciate your openness." 

Mingi smiled back, a glimmer of hope in his eyes. "Thank you. I'm grateful for the support." With that, the interview concluded, and Mingi stood up, shaking the reporter's hand before walking away. As the camera panned out, you turned off the TV, your mind racing with thoughts and emotions. And you knew you needed to see him again. You've been staying strong since you left him, but now, the wall crashed down and you couldn't stop your racing heart, you couldn't prioritize your mind screaming at you not to do it. The memories of your time together flooded back with an overwhelming force, each one more vivid than the last. The late-night conversations, the shared dreams, the laughter, and even the fights—they all played in your mind like an old movie reel. Despite the pain and the heartbreak, you couldn't deny the love you still felt for him, a love that had been buried but never truly extinguished. Your emotions were a tangled mess, a mix of longing, fear, hope, and regret. You thought about the life you once envisioned with him, the future that seemed so bright and full of promise. Would it still be possible? Could you find a way to rebuild what was broken, to heal the wounds that had festered for so long? As you sat there, your heart pounding in your chest, you knew that you couldn't ignore these feelings. It was as if something was pushing you towards him, giving you a nudge to take a step towards reconciliation. The thought of seeing him again both terrified and excited you, but you knew that you had to follow your heart. With trembling hands, you picked up your phone and stared at the screen, your mind racing with a thousand thoughts. Should you call him? Text him? Show up at his door? You took a deep breath, trying to steady your nerves, and made your decision. You were going to see him. 

You run to your closet, your heart racing with anticipation and anxiety. You put on a hoodie as the autumn air was getting colder, layered a denim jacket on top for extra warmth, and decided to go. Living on the opposite side of the city now, getting to Mingi's place would take more than an hour, but you didn't mind the long journey. As you left your room, one of your roommates looked at you, her eyes filled with curiosity. 

"So, I guess you heard the speech?" she asked, a knowing smile playing on her lips. You could feel the pride welling up inside you, making you even more determined to reach Mingi and share your feelings with him. 

"Yeah, I did," you replied, your voice trembling with emotion. "I need to see him." 

"Honey, I know you want to, but don't forget why you left him in the first place," she said gently, her eyes filled with concern. "You were heartbroken and exhausted. It took so much strength for you to walk away and start rebuilding your life." She paused, her expression softening. "I understand that his speech stirred up a lot of emotions, but please, think carefully about this. Remember all the nights you cried yourself to sleep, all the broken promises. Just don't lose sight of why you made the decision to leave. You deserve to be happy and to find someone who truly values and respects you." 

You nodded, taking her words to heart. "I know, and I won't forget. But I need to know if things can be different now. It's just, I am so proud of him, and I just wish he knew that" you whispered to your roommate, your voice filled with a mix of hope and determination. Your roommate, who had been silently listening, came closer, her eyes reflecting concern and empathy. "I know we've been through so much, and the pain was unbearable at times. But seeing him up there, pouring his heart out, made me realize that a part of me still cares deeply for him. I can't ignore these feelings. I spent so many nights crying myself to sleep, feeling hurt and abandoned, but maybe he's changed. Maybe he's truly learned from his mistakes. I need to see for myself if there's a chance for us to rebuild what we once had, to heal together and find a way back to each other." 

Your friend reached out, gently squeezing your hand, her touch offering a silent reassurance. Her eyes softened as she spoke, "I understand why you feel this way. It's not easy to let go of someone you love, especially when there's still a part of you that believes in him. But you need to be sure that he's really changed, that he's willing to put in the effort to make things right this time." 

You nodded, feeling a lump form in your throat. "I just wish he understood that despite everything, I don't hold any grudges. I want him to know that I forgive him and that I'm willing to give him another chance if he's ready to make things right." Your voice trembled slightly, the weight of your emotions making it difficult to speak. 

Your roommate gave you a warm, encouraging smile. "You have a big heart, and it's clear that you still care about him deeply. Just make sure you protect yourself too. If he's really changed, he'll show you through his actions, not just words. Take it one step at a time and trust your instincts. You deserve to be happy, and if giving him another chance feels right to you, then follow your heart." Her words offered a sense of comfort and clarity, helping to ease the turmoil inside you. You took a deep breath, feeling a renewed sense of hope. 

"Thank you," you said, your voice filled with gratitude. "I need to do this for myself, to know if there's still a chance for us." With that, you hugged your best friend and stepped out into the autumn night. 

The journey to Mingi's place felt like an eternity, each passing moment filled with a mixture of anticipation and fear. As the bus drew closer to his building, you couldn't help but feel a surge of doubt. What if this was a mistake? What if you were setting yourself up for more heartache? But the memory of Mingi's heartfelt speech and the love you still felt for him pushed you forward. 

When you finally arrived, you stood outside his door, taking a deep breath to steady your nerves. With a trembling hand, you knocked, the sound echoing through the hallway. To your surprise, the door is opened by an elderly man, dressed in an elegant suit. His eyes widen in surprise as he sees you standing there. "Good evening, sir," you say hesitantly, trying to mask your confusion. "I’m sorry for the late visit but I'm here to see Mingi. Is he already back?" The man's expression shifts from surprise to bewilderment. 

"I'm sorry," he replies, his voice carrying a hint of confusion. "But I believe you have the wrong address. Nobody by the name of Mingi lives here." He looks at you sympathetically, as if trying to help you figure out your mistake. 

Your heart sank, and you felt a wave of confusion wash over you. "But this was his address," you murmured, feeling lost. 

The elderly man gave you a kind smile, "I moved in here few months ago, maybe he was a previous owner of this apartment?" 

Your heart sank even further as you realized that Mingi had moved. "Thank you," you said softly, turning away from the door, feeling a mix of disappointment and confusion. As you walked back to the bus stop, the doubt began to creep in again. Maybe meeting with him would be a mistake? The universe seemed to be throwing obstacles in your path, as if trying to tell you something. Perhaps it was a sign that some things are better left in the past, that moving forward meant leaving certain chapters closed. You couldn't help but think about all the reasons you left in the first place, the pain and the heartbreak that led you to this very moment. Was it worth reopening old wounds for a chance that things might be different? As you boarded the bus, you decided to give it one last shot, you took your phone out. You scrolled through your contacts and found Mingi's number, your finger hovering over the call button. Taking a deep breath, you pressed it and held the phone to your ear, your heart pounding as it began to ring. After a few moments, you heard a familiar message on the other end, "The number you have dialed no longer exists." 

The automated message echoed in your ear, a stark reminder of the distance that now separated you from Mingi. You pulled the phone away, staring at the screen in disbelief. How could it be? You had been so certain that reaching out to him was the right thing to do, but now, it felt like the universe was conspiring against you. You tried calling again, but the same message played, confirming that Mingi's number had indeed been disconnected. A sense of finality washed over you, making the reality of the situation sink in even deeper. It felt as if a door had been firmly closed, leaving you standing on the outside, unable to reach the person you once held so dear. As you sat back on the bus, the city lights blurring past the window, you couldn't help but feel a mix of emotions. Disappointment, sadness, and a lingering sense of what could have been. The memories of your time together replayed in your mind, each one a bittersweet reminder of the love you had lost. Deep down, you knew that this might be the universe's way of telling you to let go, to move forward with your life. With a heavy heart, you put your phone away and leaned back in your seat, taking a deep breath. As the bus continued its route, you gazed out at the city, the lights flickering like distant stars.  

six months later

You just started your shift; the day was going to be long and tiring. With holidays fast approaching, people were buzzing to buy new goods. You were working as a manager in one of the luxury shopping centers, a position that demanded a great deal of patience and resilience. The opulence of the surroundings was a stark contrast to the stress that came with the job. The elegant displays and high-end brands attracted a clientele that was demanding and often indifferent to the staff's efforts. Managing a team in such an environment was no small feat. You had to ensure that everything ran smoothly, from inventory management to customer service. The rich customers, with their endless requests and high expectations, often tested the limits of your endurance. They seemed to suck the life out of you, leaving you drained by the end of the day. Yet, you couldn't afford to show any signs of fatigue. Your role required you to maintain a calm and composed demeanor, addressing complaints with a smile and ensuring that every shopper left satisfied. The holiday season only amplified the challenges. The influx of customers meant longer hours and heightened pressure. Each day felt like a marathon, with waves of shoppers flooding in, eager to make their purchases. The store was a hive of activity, with sales associates rushing to assist customers, restock shelves, and manage transactions. Amidst the chaos, you had to keep a watchful eye, ready to step in whenever issues arose. 

You were on your way to the staff area to take a break for lunch, feeling exhausted from the busy morning shift. The holiday rush had turned the shopping center into a whirlwind of activity, and you were grateful for a brief break. Just as you were about to reach the staff area, one of your co-workers called out your name. You rolled your eyes, already anticipating another request or issue that needed your immediate attention. With a deep breath, you turned to face her, trying to mask your frustration with a polite smile. 

"I'm really sorry to bother you, but we have a situation that requires your expertise. There's a particularly demanding customer, and the supervisor has tried everything but just can't seem to handle it. She asked me to find you because we really need your help with this. Would you mind stepping in to assist? I know you're on your way to lunch, but it would mean a lot to us." 

You sighed internally, knowing that this was part of the job. "Alright, lead the way," you replied, forcing a reassuring smile. Following your co-worker, you mentally prepared yourself for yet another challenging interaction, hoping that it wouldn't take too long so you could finally enjoy your much-needed break. 

She led you to one of the private dressing rooms. From a distance, you could hear a female voice demanding something from her, you supposed, boyfriend. "Oh baby, what do you think about this one?" you heard as you approached the door. Your heart skipped a beat when you recognized the voice that responded—it was Mingi. You stopped in your tracks, your mind racing. The reality of seeing him again, and with someone new, hit you like a ton of bricks. But you took a deep breath, steadied yourself, and pushed forward, opening the door to the dressing room. Inside, you saw Mingi standing next to a woman who was examining herself in the mirror, holding up an elegant dress. The room was filled with an awkward tension as Mingi's eyes met yours. For a moment, time seemed to stand still, the memories of your past flooding back with a vivid intensity. 

Mingi's expression shifted from surprise to a mix of emotions—confusion, regret, and perhaps a hint of longing. The woman, oblivious to the charged atmosphere, continued to admire herself in the mirror, adjusting the dress and waiting for Mingi's opinion. 

You felt like the air was taken out of your lungs. He was here, standing before you, after so much time had passed. Memories of your time together flooded back, each one more vivid and overwhelming than the last. You had to swallow hard and clench your fist to keep the act up, to maintain your composure in front of him and his new girlfriend. The mix of emotions inside you—shock, longing, regret—threatened to break through, but you knew you had to stay professional. This was your job, your life now, and you couldn't let the past disrupt it. "Excuse me madam, I’m a manager here," you said, your voice steady despite the turmoil inside. "Is there anything I can assist you with?" 

"Oh yes, we've been looking forward to buying the limited-edition shoes from the new collection," she said, her eyes lighting up with excitement. 

You took a deep breath at her words, trying to maintain your professionalism. "I'm really sorry to inform you about this, as my coworker already told you, madam, the shoes I believe you are referring to are only available for special order." 

Her enthusiasm faltered slightly, replaced by a look of disappointment. "Special order? Is there any way we can place one now?" 

"Unfortunately, the special-order period for those shoes has already ended," you explained gently. "They were available for a limited time, and we are currently out of stock. However, we do have a selection of other exclusive items that might interest you." 

You caught Mingi's eyes boring into you, his face pale and expression frozen. He stood still, as if rooted to the spot, and he seemed to not even breathe. The intensity of his gaze sent a wave of emotions crashing over you, each one more overwhelming than the last. You felt your eyes watering, a rush of emotions threatening to spill over. You blinked quickly, trying to get rid of the tears and maintain your composure. This was neither the time nor the place to let your feelings show, but the sight of him, so close yet so distant, made it nearly impossible to hold back the tide of emotions. 

The girl in front of you sighed, clearly disheartened by the news. Mingi, sensing her disappointment, placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "It's all right," he said softly. "Let's take a look at what else they have. I'm sure you can find something you'll love." 

She turned to you with a sharp expression, her tone shifting to one of impatience. "Do you even know who my boyfriend is?’’ 

You swallowed hard, forcing a polite smile despite the tension. "Yes, madam, I'm well aware. Please allow me to show you some other exclusive items that might catch your interest."  

"Baby, won't you do something about it?" She once again turned to Mingi, her voice carrying a hint of frustration, but his eyes never left yours, the unspoken words hanging heavily in the air between you. 

Mingi shifted uncomfortably, his eyes meeting his girlfriend for a brief moment before he turned to you again. "I'll see what I can do," he said softly, trying to soothe her. 

You took a deep breath, gathering your professionalism. "As I mentioned earlier, the special-order period has ended, and we are out of stock for the limited-edition shoes. However, if you'd like, I can take your contact information and notify you if any new limited editions become available in the future." 

The woman sighed, clearly not satisfied, but nodded reluctantly. "Fine, let's do that then." She handed you her information, and you quickly jotted it down, aware of Mingi's gaze still lingering on you. 

"Thank you for your understanding," you said, handing back her details. "Is there anything else I can assist you with today?" 

She shook her head, her disappointment evident. "No, that's all. Come on, baby, let's go." As they turned to leave, Mingi hesitated for a moment, his eyes locking with yours one last time. You could see the unspoken words and the regret in his gaze, you silently hoped he would say something, anything. You gave him a small, professional nod, and without a word, he turned away, following his girlfriend out of the dressing room. Once they were gone, you let out a breath you hadn't realized you were holding. 

You realized that the man you loved was no more. Instead, you met with someone who wore his face, who had his voice. Someone who was a stranger. The warmth that once radiated from his eyes was now replaced by an unfamiliar coldness. It was as if time had reshaped him into a different person, one that you could no longer recognize. The memories of your past seemed like a cruel illusion, a reminder of what once was and what could never be again. You realized with a heavy heart that the essence of the man you fell in love with had faded, leaving behind a mere shadow of who he used to be. 

Don't talk to strangers, they say, or you might fall in love. And when that love fades, those familiar faces turn into strangers once more. The irony of it all stung deeply. The very person who once knew you inside and out had become an enigma, a puzzle with pieces that no longer fit. As you watched him walk away, hand in hand with someone new, you couldn't help but feel a profound sense of loss. The man you once knew, the man you once loved, was gone. And in his place stood a stranger who bore his likeness but none of the familiarity. 

The journey of love had taken you full circle, bringing you back to a place of solitude and reflection. The lessons learned were etched deeply into your soul, a testament to the transient nature of relationships. You couldn't help but wonder if you would ever recognize that familiar face again, or if he would forever remain a stranger, a fleeting memory in the tapestry of your life. 

[vivwritesfics]

Waiting For The Sun

Chapter Three

Rhett Abbott has been hearing his soulmate in his head for ten years. She's the sweetest thing, nicknamed Muffin after her love of baking. Rhett doesn't know who Muffin is, doesn't know where she is, but hearing her voice always makes his day better. But then Trevor Tillerson is killed and Rhett's life is thrown into chaos. Through it all, Muffin in there for her soulmate. She wants nothing more than to find him, even through the chaos.

Soulmate AU

a/n: sorry this took so long!! but also, happy birthday to my favourite cowboy!!

Warnings: violence, abusive parenting, smut-ish

Series Masterlist

How is your date going? She didn't know if she sounded bitter when she asked, but she hoped that she didn't.

His laugh sounded in her head and she immediately grew embarrassed. You sound jealous, Muffin.

Muffin. He'd come up with the nickname just a few weeks ago, when she'd stress baked her way through her exams. They were just seventeen, and she swore she had never felt this level of stress in her life. It was cute and it suited her. He hadn't called her anything else since.

She scoffed out loud and hoped that he couldn't hear it. Me? Jealous? No way, she muttered in his head. She'd never stop him from going out and living his life, even if he was her soulmate.

He must have known this girl he was on a date with wasn't his soulmate, but he was young and his Muffin didn't mind. This was him discovering himself in a way that she would never be allowed to.

How is the movie? She asked as she continued on with her chores.

He couldn't have been from the same State as her, she decided when he first told her that he was going to the movies. If he was from the same State as her, he would have been outside like he was. Granted, he wouldn't have been hanging laundry fresh from the machine out to dry like she was. Wouldn't have been folding already dry laundry like she was.

Truthfully, she was too scared to head back inside. Her father's bad moods had become more and more frequent since her older sister had run off with her soulmate.

Just three days after their connection had started, they found each other. It didn't seem fair, not when she'd been trying to find her soulmate for the last three years.

It had been three months since her sister had left, three months since she'd disappeared, leaving only a note.

Her father had been so angry. It was supposed to be a joyous occasion, Esther finally finding her soulmate. But her father had shouted, had worked himself into a rage until he was throwing glasses against the wall and letting them shatter.

His mood had improved in the three months since, but not by a lot. It didn't take a lot for him to fly off the handle. Chewing too loud or the morning prayer not being to his liking. That was enough to set him off, to have her doing chores in the garden instead of in the house.

It's good, I think, he answered as she slowly folded the sheets.

You think?

He hummed. Yep, I think.

She paused on her sheet folding as her bright, bubbly laugh filled his head. Aren't you watching the movie?

Trying to, he answered. But, uh, I'm getting a handjob right now.

With her fathers shirt in her hands, she stopped, brows furrowed in confusion. A what?

A handjob, Mufifn.

She rolled her eyes and began folding the shirt. Yeah, I'm gonna need you to elaborate on that, cowboy.

There was a good moment before he responded. Oh my God, Muffin. You really don't know? Do you at least know about sex?

Normally, she would have chided him for the 'Oh my God', comment. But she was far too embarrassed for that. Yes, I know what sex is, she replied quickly as she placed the shirt on the basket in such a way that it had creases forming.

But you don't know about pleasure.

She didn't answer as she folded the shirt and placed it in the basket. C'mon, Muffin, came his voice in her head. There's no need to feel embarrassed.

I'm not embarrassed, she insisted, but her voice was shaking and it was so obviously a lie. I know about... sex, okay? My sister told me about it. She picked up her laundry basket from the floor and took it back into the house.

Muffin, sex and pleasure aren't the same thing, he replied. Well, as best he could while getting a handjob. They're normally entwined, but they're not the same.

She sucked in a breath and placed the laundry basket down. Can you tell me about it? About pleasure?

He let out that usual hum, the one she'd grown to know so well after three years. Anything for you, Muffin.

***

It had been a rough night for her. Her sleep had been restless, filled with anxiety that she couldn't quite place. On nights like this, her brain took her back to that evening, when her soulmate taught her about pleasure. She hadn't been brave enough to touch herself, then, but it had made her curious.

You there, Cowboy? She tried as she got herself ready for church that morning.

She hadn't expected a reply, certainly not at this time in the morning. But then a gruff mornin', Muffin filled her head.

She couldn't hide her surprise, not from him. What're you doing awake? She asked as she pulled her shoes onto her feet.

Haven't slept yet, Muffin. As soon as he'd said it, tiredness flooded her body. She didn't know who he was, but she could feel his exhaustion. That wasn't fair now, was it? Are you heading to church?

She gave a nod, one he obviously couldn't see. Yeah, she answered. As soon as I'm back, will you tell me why you haven't slept?

Yeah, he answered far too quickly. Yeah, I will.

He didn't speak to her while she was at church. She was appreciative as she listened to the pastor's sermon. She couldn't concentrate on church, though.

It was just like that time her soulmate kept her awake to talk her through things. It was his birthday, his twenty-first, and he insisted on giving her an orgasm, however he could. Her mind had strayed at church the morning after, and she couldn't meet the pastor's eyes.

Her mind was straying this morning, too.

He'd been awake nearly twenty-four hours. Why wasn't he dead on his feet? You still awake? She tried as she followed her parents out of the church and into their car.

Yeah, Muffin. Are you done at church?

She hummed as they began driving home. Are you gonna tell me why you're still awake?

His laugh filled her head as her father drove them towards their house. Past the Tillerson ranch, past the Abbott ranch, past Rhett Abbott on his horse. He tipped his hat towards her as she gave him a small wave.

But her soulmate had fallen silent. Not on his own volition, mind you. As desperately as he tried to answer her, he couldn't. Fuck! He eventually shouted, voice so loud in her mind. I can't fucking tell you, Muffin.

It's okay, Cowboy, she replied, trying to sooth him. That bad, huh?

I don't want you to hate me.

The car stopped and she hopped out. I'm not gonna hate you, cowboy. I'm sure it can't be that bad.

He couldn't respond to that.

Her mind strayed to him as she got on with her morning. As she cleaned the kitchen and made lunch for her parents, she was thinking about him.

But then her mind moved to finding him. How was she ever meant to do that when she was stuck here, in Wabang? She had no way to get out into the world and try to find the man made for her. No money, no skills.

I'm gonna ask my father if I can get a job, she said, trying to contact her soulmate for the first time in hours. They didn't have to speak every minute of every day. The silence was nice, knowing he was always there.

That's huge, Muffin, he replied. Gonna try for your local grocery store?

She shrugged her shoulders as she swept the decking outside. Maybe. I think it's about time I have some financial freedom, you know?

The moment she heard her father coming through the front door, her heartbeat was erratic. She propped the broom up against the fence that enclosed the decking and headed back inside.

"Hello papa," she called as she grabbed his usual beer from the fridge and poured it into his beer mug for him. As quickly as she could she marched to the living room and passed it to him.

Her father was already in his usual armchair. He took the beer from her hands and sipped it as he looked at his youngest daughter. He didn't say anything, but he didn't much talk anymore. He hadn't since Esther disappeared.

"Papa," she began as she sat on the sofa to his right. She was just sitting on the edge of it, back straight, too nervous to let herself sit comfortable. "I want to get a job."

"No," her father immediately said. "Not happening."

Her face dropped and she looked down at her lap. "Papa, pl-"

"I said no."

"But-"

Suddenly, his beer mug was flying at the wall just to the left of her. The noise that left her lips was full of fear, but she didn't dare move. "I said no, and my word is final," he said and settled back into his armchair, as if nothing ever happened.

Grabbing him another drink in a new beer mug. She cleaned up the mess of shattered glass behind the sofa and wiped up the liquid from the floor.

How did it go? Her soulmate asked as she swept up the broken glass.

She dumped the glass into the bin and wiped under her eyes. I don't wanna talk about it, she replied as she headed back outside to finish sweeping the deck.

Oh, Muffin. I'm gonna get you out of there.

She didn't cry about it, not when it wouldn't have done any good. Her father had been this way for the last seven years, ever since Esther left. He'd gotten them to scratch out Esther's face from every picture in the house, erasing any memory of her. All of the things she'd left behind had been discarded or burned in the yard.

She wasn't allowed to cry when her sister was erased from her life.

There was a knock at the door. She placed her broom against the fence and rushed through the house, to the front door. As she walked past her father, he didn't move, taking a long sip of his beer as she pulled the front door open.

One of her blonde haired neighbours stood at the front door. "Hey, Billy," she said as she wiped her hands on her skirt.

"Hey," Billy replied and pulled his hat from his head. She couldn't quite place the expression he was wearing, but something was definitely wrong. "Have you seen Trevor around?"

There was a time where she'd considered that one of the Tillerson boys might have been her soulmate. It was a haunting thought, and one that left her mind the moment it had entered. Billy was the best of a bad bunch, but she didn't didn't want him as her soulmate.

"Trevor? No," she said and leaned against the doorframe. "Is he okay?"

Billy shrugged his shoulders. "I dunno. I hope so," he mumbled, eyes on the floor. And then, when his eyes met her own and he looked up at her, wearing puppy dog eyes. "I think something bad happened to him."

"Like what?" She couldn't stop herself from asking. There was something like guilt on her face when she met Billy's eyes again.

But he still answered. "I think Rhett Abbott killed him."

Rhett Abbott. She didn't know much about the man. Even though they'd grown up together, they'd had few interactions. She knew Rhett had a few run ins with the law, had seen Sheriff Joy (back before she became acting sheriff) bringing him back to the Abbott ranch in the pack of the police car a couple of times.

But Rhett wasn't a murderer, was he? He'd been sweet, if a little flirty, every time they passed. Tipping his hat or wearing that smile that looked as though he didn't know it was charming.

She looked back at her father, let her gaze linger on him for no longer that two seconds, before she turned back to Billy. "Do you want some help looking for him?"

The smile that crossed his face was wide and far too happy. "Yeah, I'd appreciate that."

Rhett Taglist: @finnydraws

@writtingrose

@nurse-sainz

@biancathecool

@xoxabs88xox

@afriendlyneighborhoodhufflepuff

Series Taglist: @nessjo

@butterflykale1doscope

@eternallyvenus

@daughterofapollo-7

@babybluemissy

[pedripics]

Pedri via Residency - May 28, 2024

What is something you still want to accomplish in life? - " A lot of things. I am still very young or do you already want to kill me?"

Favourite teammate at Barça? - "I am close with the group in general but Ferran"

Do you play any instruments? or would you like to learn how to play one? - "Better not for the sake of the rest of the people. I like to listen to music but not much else" Favourite series or movie? - "Mi reno de peluche and the one about chapo guzman; favourite favourite is Prison Break and La que se avecina"

Do you know anything about Armenia? - "not too much, to be honest… but recently a very nice driver took me to a shooting was from there. His name was Ara"

Favourite moment of the season? - "It wasn't the best season. On a personal level, I would say the brace."

How do you deal with criticism? - "I try to stay out of it, although it's not always possible, of course... you have to try and keep going and keep believing in yourself"

How do you feel about being able to play for Spain after such a long time? - "Very happy. I haven't been able to play for Spain for a long time. Hopefully we will have great EUROs and also a great 24/25 season with Barça"

How did you feel after the brace? - "crazyyyyy"

"I always try to stop and sign, because I remember when I asked for signatures as a kid"

Plans for the summer? - "I hope to go on vacation, but in a month and a half… that will mean that we go far in the euro with the national team"

Have you eaten German food before? - "Yesss... a member of my marketing team is German and he made us German food a long time ago, with sausages and so on"

How is your English? - "I still have to improve a lot. Give me a few months and I will answer in English"

Do you miss doing anything in your daily life? - "I can't complain. I like to live in peace"

Would you like to go to China? - "Of course, yes. Althpugh in the season there is not really time for anything and during holidays I prefer to stay close and rest. Let's see if we ever have a tour in China"

How many trophies have you won? - "With Barça, La Liga, Copa and Supercopa"

Do you feel ready for the EUROs? - "Siiii"

5 UCL Trophies or a World Cup? - "I don't want to choose. I would like to win it all"

Would you like to play against Portugal in the EUROs final? - "Sure. As long as we play in the final, I don't care against who it is"

Pele or Maradona? - "Maradona... Because he played for Barça and my father told me about him when I was younger. I remember the day he died very well because it was my 18th birthday"

Have you been to New York? - "Yes"

Favourite team to play against? - "Obviously Barça" (he did NOT understand that question lmaooo back to duolingo it is)

Visit Uruguay? You have a lot of fans here - "Ronald also told me once... We'll have to listen to him, because otherwise he gets angry"

How was it going to the Spanish GP in 2022? Are you going this year? - "It was a crazy experience. I don't think I can go this year because it clashes with the EUROs"

Do you like going to concerts? - "I haven't been to many, honestly... I have yet to go to one of Quevedo's. And last year they invited me from Spotify to see Coldplay in Barcelona but in the end I didn't go and I regretted it a little. Teammates went and they love it" (who tf turns down coldplay tickets??? 😭)

Your dad is a great person. - "The best"

How do you feel about receiving so much love? - "Very proud and privileged"

Do you want to score for Spain during the EUROs? - "Clarooo. Let's see if I can make it happen, because I haven't scored for Spain yet"

Red or blue? - "Azulgrana"

Do you like to cook? - "I'm not very good at cooking... My brother and mother are much better"

Pedri or Pedro? - "Pedri... Pedro sounds strange to me. From a young age they already called me Pedri, because there was another boy in the team whose name was Pedro and it was to differentiate us... and everyone calls me Pedri"

What do you think of Alexia, Aitana and Marta? - "They are top footballers!"

Is it difficult to have a 'normal' life? - "It's not easy, but mine doesn't change that much because I really like to be quiet and at home"

Only fish or only meat? - "I prefer meat... but for nutrition, fish"

When you were a kid did you make trouble in class? - "I was more of a quite kid"

Who do you think will win the Golden Boy award? - "Well, I hope a Barça teammate. Lamine, and if not Cubarsi"

What inspires you to perform at such a high level on the field? - "I do what I like the most"

What do you think of your season at Barça this year? - "I was saying this the other day. It hasn't been an easy season and I hope the next one will be much better in every single way and we will win titles"

Have you ever wished to have a sister? - "My mother always wanted to have a daughter, but in the end she had to settle for Fer and me hahaha"

How do you feel for the EUROs? - "Very good. Better and better"

Blue or Black? - "Blue"

[whats-she-gonna-post-next]

So I just finished binding Trust Life by the absolutely amazing @chaiandsage (Hello, I am ready to be perceived now, I hope that I have done your story even the slightest bit of justice) and I just wanted to make a post both showing it off, and going through what I learned doing this bind because I did a few new things here and want to talk about it.

Also I'm not going to subject you all to this, so most everything but the final product here is going to be below the cut.

(Also so sorry that the photos aren't the best. I am... Very bad at photography, lmao)

Ok, so let's start off with some of the cool things I learned during this bind. Or, maybe not necessarily cool, but they are things I learned and I think that learning is cool!

First off, I learned how to download and add fonts to Microsoft Word, which while not interesting, does open up a whole world of fonts for future binds. Is it a little late in the game to have found this? Probably. But it is what it is. I actually downloaded a pretty good chunk of different ones, but the fonts I actually used were MF Love Dings for the heart motif dividers, which was a new download, and then a few standard fonts - Edwardian Script ITC for the title pages, Baskerville Old Face for the chapter headers, Book Antiqua for the chapter titles, and good old Garamond for the actual text of the novel.

Here is the divider and the title fonts. I just think they are neat.

Another thing I learned was how to make book cloth! I found these squares of white cotton fabric at a dollar tree and decided to give it a go. The way I did mine was by painting them first (a task in and of itself, and as you can see on the cover, did not turn out super even, but I love them nonetheless) and then I glued down a layer of tissue paper to give it a little stiffness and make it stick to the chipboard easier, it was a super cool process and I look forward to trying it again in the future now that I have done it once and have a better idea of how I can improve in the future

And now onto some of the other cooler parts of the process!

So I had a lot of fun doing the formatting, it's my favourite part of any binding process, I cannot tell you how many fics I have formated that I have yet to print out and actually bind because I enjoy the process so much (the answer is actually 5 that are completely formatted and ready to go, 3 that I am actively in the middle of formatting, 4 projects completed - including this one, which... may technically count as 3, granted 2 of them were gifts for other people - and 3 that I am planning on doing that I haven't gotten to start on yet. Oh, and a 5 part series that I have printed out but haven't actually bound yet. I have a problem, lmao.) As I mentioned, I downloaded a few fonts for this but it just ended up looking so good in the end. Here is what some of the inner formatting looks like (I did just take the screenshots from word, I thought it was easier than getting the pages in the book)

Something else! This was the first time I actually broke a single fic into multiple parts, and I do not regret it. Each section is fairly large on its own, so it would have been a monster all together. I gave them basically the same title pages and such, just used the main stories summary for all of them and copy pasted everything - work smarter, not harder - and kept the same format for the chapters and such. There were 2 obvious spots (at least imo) for breaking things up, those being at the end of chapter 24, and then again at the end of 57, if you know, you know. However, that made the divide be 24 chapter, 33 chapter, 9 chapters. I was a little worried about how that divide to affect the look of the books, but I was pleasantly surprised how well it worked out. Book 2 there is quite obviously the largest part (it's basically double the length of book 1) but book 3 was surprisingly long for being only 9 chapters and I think they look fairly cohesive together. I didn't realize how long the last nine chapters themselves were. The first and third ones are actually about the same size together as book two, which is pretty cool!

When it came time to put together the actual books, I stuck with my tried and true french link stitch, as I find it to be a sturdy stitch, and then used green, yellow, and red card stock for the end pages, I felt it thematic.

I'm super excited to have this as a physical book now, thank again to chaiandsage for allowing me to bind this amazing story and just for writing it in the first place! I read it like twice in the span of a month, and I swear I have read chapter 57 and 58 themselves way too many times to count. Not even going to mention the amount of times I read the last 6 chapters because I just love a good happy ending.

But yeah, I'm really happy how this bind turned out, I still have to put an actual cover in these - which I plan on doing, I have a friend who is going to help me with the cover design when they are free, so there will be an update at some point.

[watchingblsnowandforever]

My updated GMMTV 2024 lineup in order of my preference: (these are only the QLs. Most of the het shows fall under my Indifferent category. If I feel like it, I'll watch them.)

The Heart Killers. Pretty sure this is #1 on most of y'alls lists and for good reason too. My reasons? Pretty simple. I love action, mafia and romcom and this is all in one. And also FirstKhao and JoongDunk so-

Peaceful Property. After TayNew outdid themselves in the beautiful soft little thing that was Cherry Magic Thailand (anyone wanna join my Cherry Magic Th propaganda?), I can't wait for this series. Also: if they give me besties, it'll be a hard pill to swallow but I'll be fine, but if they give me bromance, I'll commit homicide.

Pluto the series. A GL? With NamtanFilm? I'm in.

Revamp. Previously: The Vampire Project. Love me some vampires <3. Also, BounPrem.

Sweeth Tooth, Good Dentist. The plot sounds super fluffy and cheesy, so of course I'm in. And no way I'm missing Mark Pakin first lead. (Also, as a dessert-loving person who had many teeth-related problems as a kid, the premise just sounds too relatable. Except the falling in love part with your dentist obviously.) But... JittiRain. I have complicated feelings for her works.

ThamePo/My Heart Skips A Beat. It seems soft and sweet, though it does have the secret/forbidden relationship overtones.

Ossan's Love. I found the trailer hilarious, but trailers, especially pilot trailers lie. Also, I'm not hearing the greatest things about the original, but I haven't watched it so I will reserve judgement. If I like it I'll like it I guess.

Us the series. You might ask how a GL ended up so low in my list. Personally, it's a bit jarring to see BLs have this safe space/bubble for their gay bois, but GLs are proclaiming love between women as "taboo" off the bat. I also saw this in 23.5, and yeah okay I get it, wlw is seen in a much harsher eye sometimes, but in 23.5 all Ongsa did was go on repeating "But we're both girls..." without explaining the why and resolving it properly. For now, I will not think too much into it, and worry about it when the time comes.

Perfect 10 liners. What put me off in the trailer itself is the clear discrimination based on looks/physical appearances. It also seems like at this point they're just trying to give each pairing some screen time this year but have run out of plots, and are thus shoving pairings into series like it's the metro/tube/subway/whatever you call it in your country during rush hour. Will I like it? We'll see. After New Siwaj gave me the masterpiece that is We Are, and crushed my doubts like mosquitoes, I'm willing to give Perfect 10 Liners a good strong chance. The premise still bothers me a bit, but I'm keeping an open mind.

Finished Airing:

We Are. It's absolutely great for my tastes and I get to detox once every week. Love it. Has absolutely no plot but has loads of fluff, and it's something I didn't know I needed in my life until I had it. It's one of my favourite BLs ever, and it's definitely going on my comfort shows and re-watch list. It will forever live on in my memory. I definitely keep coming back to this. Very high on my list and my #1 comfort show.

Only Boo. I kinda like it, but I have zero idea where they plan to go with the current storyline. Fluffy and cute, I'll keep watching, but it probably won't end up high on my favourites list. I'm behind on a couple of episodes (I'll catch up before ep. 12, no worries) and I was right. I do like it. It's something new, and I'd like GMM to explore this more, but it's not ending up very high on my favourites list.

Wandee Goodday. My favourite fake boyfriends with benefits! I'm behind a couple episodes with this too (sorry, my brain has been a little too obsessed with We Are T~T) but overall, I really like it. It's P'Golf, so I never had any doubts, but I do worry a little about the angst. It's bearable till now, so fingers crossed. I really like it! College has reopened, so I'm behind on the last two episodes, but I'm hoping I'll be able to complete it by this week. Final update: I've finished Wandee Goodday! All around, it's a very good BL. It dared to explore, and I'm impressed. Top 20 BLs.

Currently Airing:

My Love Mix Up! Thailand. I'm still skeptical, not gonna lie. But it's GemFourth. And I didn't feel much about the first few eps of MSP either, and look what happened with that. I still don't know how hard the original will clash with Thai BL's specific style, but I'm willing to take the chance. Please don't disappoint me. I like where this is going. They are so cute and lovely, and that high school vibe is evident. All I need now is for ep 11 curse to not happen. (From what happened in MSP, I think there will be some sort of conflict in the last ep, but as long as I don't have to wait one whole week for it to get resolved, I'm okay with it.)

The Trainee. Well, it's OffGun's usual tsundere seme/innocent uke. Office romance though- that's new. I guess they finally graduated from university 😭😂 I don't feel anything about it right now, but let's see what happens when it starts airing. Rating changed. It's only been four episodes (and I missed today, that is ep 4, because I have college early tomorrow) but I like where this is going. I think it's going to be the typical 5-7 romance ep pattern, but as long as they don't bring back the ep 11 curse, it's all good.

[biasbuck]

BiAsBuck’s ficrec Fridays

Happy Finale Friday everyone! Back again with another round of the fic I've been reading this week. You can find previous rec lists here.

A reminder I'm putting my fingers in my ears and ignoring discourse here for all buddie/bucktommy/buddietommy configurations, though these last two weeks I've been pretty down bad in my messy and hurting Eddie Diaz feels and it's manifested in the form of pining fics.

I'm always on the lookout for more henren fic to read, so please send recs my way!

31 May 2024

7x10 coda by @ghosthunterbuck was the Eddie pov fic that was exactly what I needed to read after the finale. Obviously spoilery for the episode so I'm not going to go too into detail here as to the what, but for the why - I think it perfectly captures Eddie's head space going forward, his emotional journey, canon compliant relationships, and the family dynamics at play. The last line got me good.

i love you like a dog with a bird at your door (and sequel) by @shitouttabuck (and this gorgeous fanart by @midbam too) absolutely stole my heart. A slowburn buddie fic, set post-season six. In which Buck reflects on his childhood in how he demonstrates and feels love with dogged devotion, and his love for the Diaz family. Through the ups and downs of life together at work and at home, and with some A+ 'moving in to take care of each other' vibes. I just loved getting swept away in the sweetness of this fic, it really warmed my heart. PLUS just...incredible deft, light handed and excellent use of metaphor that encapsulates Buck so so well.

love on the brain by @lizzybizzyzzz yes yessssss sexy henren fic!!! In which Karen oh so casually asks if Hen's going to pose for the firefighter calendar, Hen bluescreens for a bit, but then ropes in Athena to help out with a surprise. Set pre-6x06 (and the follow up delves into it and takes an angstier turn), this was just delightfully fun and I loved Hen stepping a little out of her comfort zone to show off for her wife. Those poses *fans self* where do I get me a Hen calendar?

meditating on your lips by @coldbam look I can't possibly summarise this one better than the actual summary. Buck comes out, and Eddie has some interesting dreams:

“I take it the date went well then? Cleared some things up for you.”

“You can say that again, Hen. Not only am I now a proud bisexual man, it turns out I’m excellent at sucking dick!”

Eddie chokes on his coffee.

No notes. (And then I proceeded to read all of coldbam's backlist and had a DELIGHTFUL TIME. Gardening fic! Phone sex! Athena/Eddie friendship. Pining!!!!! What fun!)

I'll Scrawl it on Every Wall I See by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels is from a few years back and was my favouritist of tropes, Buddie secretly writing to each other anonymous penpals, simultaneously falling in love, but all threaded through on the concept that they never clicked as work besties as they did in the show. I loved the balance of canon and reinterpreting the series through this lens. Deeply sweet and romantic and fun, and also heartwrenching.

drive you into a corner (and kiss you without a sound) by @hauntsorchards in which Eddie joins the 118 and can't seem to stop kissing Buck when he does something heroic, delightful or goofy. But it doesn't mean anything, right? In which the entire firehouse deserves a raise for putting up with them.

looking for an ocean breeze/so i can fill my mind with ease by newtkelly was the bucktommy fic ALL over my dash earlier this week and for good reason. Look I love a pun based fic prompt, and “Can I top you off?” was the perfect wedding scene one. It captured Tommy's sardonic humour so well, as well as exploring some of Buck's potential hang ups. And also now we know what we know...works very well on a kink exploration level. A sexy and fun 7x06 coda.

be you in time (it's easy) by @mycenaae my favourite fic exploring Tommy's reaction to seeing Captain Gerrard on the guestlist as a post 7x09 coda. Excellent bucktommy dynamics, as well as my very favourite thing...the Tommy and Hen and Chim groupchat. Please let this become a thing show, because it's perfect.

don't just stand there by @smallandalmosthonest AND FINALLY my favourite buddietommy WIP posted it's final chapter this week. Here's my summary from before: In which Eddie interruptus and Buck is maybe kinda sorta okay with that actually. A+ accidental exhibitionism kink discovery, with fantastic dialogue characterisation and just really really fun established bucktommy and buddie dynamics all wrapped into one. The final chapter is chefs kiss on flipping the narrative perspective and tying everything (and everyone) together!

Happy hiatus - treat each other kindly, and bang it out in fic form if you have to! If you need me I'll be over here revelling in Eddie going through it fic (oh Eddie indeed.)

[dramallamas]

(Some of) My favourite BE quotes:

"You feel bad for being alive? No. Life is hell, you fool. Thats why you must life every day of your life with everything you've got. Breathe, eat, and smile. And you don't get to decide to live or die. You must live your life to the fullest [...] and that's the punishment you and I must endure as long as we're alive." - Nam Sangbae

I love this because it acknowledges life is shit but no matter what you should push forward. You are in control of nobody’s life but your own so live all moments to the fullest! Nam Sangbae was such a good chief.

"Don't blame yourself. I know how it goes from my experience. Don't even start. If you don't get out of it quickly, every breath you take, every moment of your life, becomes a nightmare. I live my life not knowing if I'm myself or someone else. Life just goes on. What is that? Nothing. You shouldn't even set foot in this hell." - Park Jeongje

It’s very easy to get caught in a vicious spiral of self blame especially when it’s not your fault. Quickly acknowledge that it isn’t your fault, don’t blame yourself for things out of your control <3

"Are you ok?" - HJW

"These days, I'm realizing that trust is such a fickle thing." - LDS

"Trust is an emotional matter. Once truth pushes its way in, it can be broken at any time." - HJW

"Is that so?" - LDS

"That's why I don't think it's important whether or not you trust him at this point. If you want to trust him, you should." - HJW

"Because when truth pushes its way in, the trust will be broken anyway?" - LDS

"I'm saying this because I don't think you're ready yet." - HJW

"Does that mean you're worried about me, Inspector Han?" - LDS

"That's ridiculous. I'm leaving." - HJW

"Drop me off on your way home!" - LDS

"I don't want to." - HJW

Several parts here. First is the debate of trust and obvious foreshadowing. Juwon is right in that trust is emotional and can easily be broken, and it can cause any bond to shatter. And despite it’s Juwon advising Dongsik, this comes true for Juwon. The last bit of trust or love he ever had for his father snapped when he realised the truth of Oct 14-15, 2000.

Second, as a jwds fan this is the start of their denial of feelings (where they worry and care for each other but deny it straight after) and yes Juwon does drive Dongsik home in the end.

"I do not trust you. I do not trust Han Kihwan. I don't even trust myself. I trust no-one. So I don't care if you trust me or not. Thats none of my concern." - HJW

Back onto trust! Juwon obviously has issues (we been knew) and trust is one of them. Not trusting Dongsik is understandable until the later episodes of the series (14/15/16) and obviously with the way his dad treats him it isn’t surprising he doesn’t trust Kihwan.

But what I am interested in is how he doesn’t trust himself. Until this point, he’s gotten a lot of things wrong, which he probably wasn’t used to before going to Manyang. Everything had kind of thrown him through a loop to the point that he can’t go with his own hunches anymore. To then say it’s none of his concern is probably a lie in this regard. Perhaps the trust between him and Dongsik/Kihwan is less of a concern (even though he gains and wants Dongsik’s trust eventually) but to not trust himself must be difficult for him.

"Don't you regret it?" - HJW

[…] 

"Wouldn't regret be a luxury for me? I think the question is wrong. I think you want to ask me whether I'd do the same if I could go back in time, right?" - LDS

"Would you do the same?" - HJW

"Yes. I would." - LDS

The thing Juwon is asking about is whether or not he would change what happened with Minjeong and her fingers if he knew what would happen.

This whole quote is very interesting to me because my interpretation of Dongsik is someone who shields his emotions and lies/fake smiles easily to protect himself from more hurt. But even though it would be easy to say all if this is a lie to Juwon, I think Dongsik is telling the truth. He does miss Minjeong terribly and wish she was rather alive than dead and probably did beat himself up about not being able to save her. But if he never placed her fingers outside Jinmuks place, the case about the serial killer and Yuyeon would never have been busted open and reinvestigated and nothing would’ve ever been solved and it would forever be a cold case. So he would do it again.

“I’ll be a monster, take Han Kihwan with me, and dive into hell when he's reached the peak. […] If I don't do it... No. If you think I can't do it, feel free to release the recording file. You can't... No more. Please don't do it. I will... I will go to hell." - HJW

The iconic quote. I-CON-IC. I could analyse and talk about this for days I kid you not, not just as a jwds fan. Han Juwon willing to give up all he has known for Dongsik and the truth. Truth does break bonds, and here it did so with his father, but it also made his bond with Dongsik stronger. He’s stuttering around his words, crying in the rain as he kneels before Dongsik begging him to let him do this as his way of atonement. He wants to sacrifice himself over and over for Dongsik.

It’s also interesting because Monster is the korean title, 괴물, and we start believing that the monster is Dongsik and Juwon is well, innocent and human. But by this point it is flipped. Juwon wants to be the monster and Dongsik to be innocent and human. Their change in perspective and character growth really shines here, especially Juwon’s.

"[…] You said having a successful live wasn't that important. Being healthy, eating well, sleeping well, and not hurting other people was the best life we could ask for. That's what you told me. He can't get hurt more than this, right? He can't ruin himself like me. Wait just a little longer. I'II catch him no matter what." - LDS

At first these are his mothers words from Dongsik’s past when people compared him to Yuyeon. And she’s right. Life is shit so being happy with the little and basic things is the best we can ask for and as long as we have that we’re ok. The rest is up to us to carve for ourselves.

Dongsik then applies it to Juwon, explaining how despite everything, Juwon has always been hurt by others and Dongsik doesn’t want to be part of it. He wants Juwon to be happy and have a better life than he did. He just needs Juwon to wait a little longer to get him there.

When he says I’ll catch him, I interpret it as a double meaning. The obvious is catching Kihwan to end both his and Juwon’s suffering. But when I first heard it I assumed the him was Juwon and that Dongsik will catch him if he falls or gets hurt in the process of arrest his father.

[raindrops-on-concrete]

Some Fic Recs

I've been reading a lot of fanfiction lately and also organizing my Ao3 bookmarks into collections, so I thought I might as well share some recommendations on here.

Mo Dao Zu Shi/The Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation:

if you ever feel alone, don’t - a fun texting fic about the juniors trying to get WangXian together

save a sword, ride a socialist - very unhinged modern au fake dating WangXian, but also very fun and mostly lighthearted

on the unfortunate termination of your betrothal - approx. 15 years post-canon Jin Ling/Lan Sizhui that somehow end up in some sort of situationship after Lan Sizhui's fiancée calls off the wedding; it's very tender and just a lot of emotions

Gremlin Twitter Boyfriend - a lovely multivoice cast podfic, modern au fake dating WangXian, just very funny and lighthearted

Dream SMP/SBI:

How to Smile with Bloody Teeth - bedrock bros fluff where Tommy is the blood god and Techno is his last devout believer; it also has two sequels, one about Phil and on about Wilbur; a lot of very fun dramatic irony in the entire series

It's Not Arson, It's Team-building - tntduo modern au where they're both counselors at a summer camp and Wilbur is very melancholy because it's his last summer as a counselor

six fly amongst bloody stars - Aria Cinabun's lesser known space au, I believe, where Tommy, Tubbo, Ranboo, Purpled, Drista and Lani are a crew of space vigilantes that accept a job to kidnap senator Nihachu in order to save a planet which makes them the number one most wanted criminals in the galaxy

take this compass, follow it home - a sbi foster fic that deals with neurodivergency and self-worth issues; it's not sad but defintely heavy at times

[Podfic] CLASSIFIEDS. - a multivoice podfic, SCP au sbi told through incident reports and files on supernatural beings that are being held at the SCP foundation

Stray Kids RPF:

the book of us: electricity - Seungjin highschool au, they meet by chance on twitter during Seungmin's second to last year of highschool; just a very real down-to-earth story about teenagers, not knowing what the future holds and about not living the teenage dream; it also has a very eloquent writing style imo

pathos prairie - Minsung modern au, slice-of-life, in which Han has OCD and struggles with internalized homophobia, very down-to-earth, has a reoccurring them of the number 3 which ties in with the OCD plot, has its tender moments but also gets quite heavy

Merlin:

The Student Prince - modern university au with magic Merthur, where Merlin is the most powerful wizard of his generation and supposed to protect Arthur, but Arthur is also his roommate and really fucking annoying (I linked the podfic bc it's very lovely, but you can obviously also read it)

FayJay's Merlin fics are generally very good, if you want to check them out after the Student Prince

feel free to also check out my collections for more recs or shoot me a message, I have lots of more fics to rec that I haven't bookmarked yet (bc alas I'm super bad at bookmarking, I usually forget):

1 Fics that rewired my brain | Archive of Our Own - some of my favourite fics of all time that I consider to be masterpieces in their own right

2 Rain's Favourite Fics | Archive of Our Own - all my bookmarks sorted into subcollections by ship or fandom

4 Rain's Podfic Collection | Archive of Our Own - most of the podfics I've listened to, but unfiltered, so doesn't necessarily mean that I enjoyed them

[nocompromise-noregrets]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers (except me because obvs I have done it). Spread the self-love 💜

aaaa, thank you so much! Thank you also, and apologies for how long it's taken me to do this, to @mirkwood-hr-department, @scary-grace, @erathene and @verecunda who have also sent me this one over the last couple of months. I'm afraid I took fright because I currently have uh 415 works on AO3 and I kind of don't know where to start. I am also terrible at picking favourites, and particularly terrible at picking a short list thereof. So I am going to cheat and give you some links to series instead, and I am not going to limit myself to five because that way lies far too much stress and anxiety XD

My Heart Is An Empty Vessel - well, obviously that had to be on the list, it's the fic that got me into the Barduil fandom and the longest I've ever finished, not to mention it's sparked a whole 'verse spanning at least three Ages of Middle-earth. :D Almost all of my canon-'verse fics take place in this 'verse, as it happens, and one of these days I will collect them into a series but it is not this day, mainly because it's an enormous task. Maybe when I retire... XDDDDD

All I Want Is You - the one that got me through the third and fourth (I think) lockdowns, the daft Christmas-movie modern AU that morphed into something rather bigger and gave me a chance to exorcise some of my work-related demons.

the hardest choice to make - because it's me finally tackling my favourite characters making their Choice between mortality and immortality. I love the Twins inordinately, more than any other character, and I think I have more very fixed headcanons for them than for any other - I've been putting this one off, or rather they have, but they've finally started talking and I'm hoping to piece the rest of it together gradually sooner or later.

a kiss in the cold and dark (I should have kissed you that summer) and its associated series - because it took on a life of its own and is also letting me channel a lot of my teenage memories :D

paint the sky and burn the stars - because, again, it took on a life of its own and pretty much wrote itself, and unlike a lot of my other stuff, it's self-contained. I don't think there will ever be a sequel, but that's all right; the story is complete as it is.

stained glass heart - another one that pretty much wrote itself, I loved the imagery in @piyo-13's art so much and it just all fell into place.

dancing in the dark - because I'm having so much fun with my old rocker bi widower dads :D another place to channel memories of my younger days, this.

A Little Piece of the Sea - one of my longest-running series, I started writing this 20-odd years ago, and then picked it back up when I came back into the fandom. Legolas/Imrahil my beloved underappreciated rare pair canoe!

I Will Be With You Always - last year's TRSB piece written for @seagull-energy's beautiful art, I finally managed to pin down my Arwen feelings in this rather reflective piece about her last moments on Cerin Amroth, where her life has come full circle at last.

breathe freely - the utterly out of character hanahaki twincest fic the premise for which came to me in a dream XD look I have problematic OTPs, I am old and have been here a very long time it is pretty much a given :D (the twincest is not the bit that's out of character)

Do You Remember The First Time? - the Twins/Rúmil two-parter that got rather out of hand and also gave me the headcanon about the Twins standing in alphabetical order as you look at them XD

It's Always Been You - the other problematic pairings one, featuring the Rúmil/Orophin story that had been sitting in my notes for nearly 20 years until I got back into the fandom with a vengeance in the summer of 2020, and the foundations of the Rivendell and Lothlórien bits of my canon-'verse set stories...

death is certain, life is not - the TRSB fic that ate me alive this summer, inspired by @erathene's glorious art, in which Tilda finally strides into centre stage and refuses to stop talking (I am already working on the sequel because I ran out of time to include most of what I wanted to squeeze in). Technically part of Empty Vessel-'verse but deserves an honourable mention here!

A Quiet Understanding - and finally, because if I don't wrap it up here I'll be going all day, the first longfic/chaptered fic I ever wrote, in the King Arthur (2004) fandom, about Gawain and Galahad and how their lives unfold both before and after the Battle of Badon Hill.

(and that's not mentioning the rare fandom stuff like A Knight's Tale, That Thing You Do!, Fisherman's Friends, Call The Midwife, The Alienist and The Palace, all of which I adore unreasonably, but I think I've rambled on quite enough here XD )

Thank you so much to everyone who asked me for this one, and I'm so sorry it took me so long to work out an answer! I haven't the spoons for askboxes, and I have to admit that the choose-x-people-to-ask games always feel a bit exclusive to me because what about the people who never quite make it onto that finite list, the people who nobody ever remembers to ask - and my memory is terrible and I will always inadvertently forget people. So, instead, I would like to invite anyone who sees this and wants to do it - don't wait to be asked, just rec yourselves! Let us know the works of yours you love the most! <3333333

[aevallare]

I fell out of love with Sarah J Maas books a while back, but watching her descent into madness and watching the fanbase build, then turn toxic, has been the most interesting thing to me. I guess you could say I grew as a reader alongside her as a writer, but keep in mind, I’m old now.

She started out as one of us, an online poster. I’m about to show my age here but she wrote Queen of glass, which would later become throne of glass series, on fictionpress in the mid 2000s. She definitely would have been a watpad girlie. I remember her responding and engaging with those of us who followed her and really taking feedback to heart. She was so excited when her book, eventually, got picked up and was especially keen on it being available on the kindle store. She would release novellas for kindle exclusives and was so proud it. I remember her so exited to write for DC comics at one point. She even made a little YouTube video with cat ears on asking us to read it. (she fumbled that so hard btw)

When the first few TOG books first came out remember there being no fanbase, no fan art, no online discussions on theories. Ghost town. As someone who had followed since the beginning it was just nice to see someone get flowers for their hard work. She still engaged with her followers, she loved specific fan artists and spreading their work on socials, and eventually started having her favourite fan artists make art for the physical copies of her books. Still a woman of the people. Still taking notes.

THEN ACOTAR, and something shifted in the wind. It’s odd to see a woman so keen on the YA genre just decide one day…. Nah I’m good. I think that’s the appeal. She was writing YA for the people who were beginning to age out of YA at the time. Since then the books exploded, and in my opinion, dropped in quality with every release. I can’t say when it was but at one point she just… removed her self. Stopped getting involved in discussions and engaging with people. Which professionally, smart move. Creatively though, keep in mind this woman THRIVED on online feedback at one point.

Ironically Sarah has since built her self a new reputation in the last 12 years of publishing. With hit after hit She’s a gatekeeper and a hater, who is mean to new and upcoming authors, won’t play well others, and won’t take an editors advice to save her life. I hear editors flat out refuse to work with her now which is so ironic.

I was once so happy to see her get popular, but now it’s just embarrassing to be associated with her new fans. Fans who bully an actress and fat shame her while gushing about their “kind of” feminist “icon” love interest… it’s not the group I want to be associated with anymore.

Anyway thanks for coming to the ted talk of a former SJM fan.

Love your work! Keep being you!

i admit, i'm not very dialed in to SJM as a sort of... institution. in my experience, this attitude toward editing is very common, especially in people who found success in the past. i don't edit on anywhere near this scale, but it's just so. who do you think helped you put the good in it. obviously this is your baby but i want your baby to blossom into a beautiful adult someday. please listen to me. please.

more power to her for success and clearly it's working for her. i'm throwing stones from the sewer up at mount olympus. i don't begrudge anyone liking her books. they're just not for me.

[raayllum]

25 for the fic ask? <3

25. a fic you read this year you would recommend to everyone

Ah okay I actually do have some recommendations!

Obviously I'm loving @jelzorz's sorpeli series of oneshots, the most recent foray featuring Viren coming back into Soren's life in his late 20s/early 30s and I cannot wait for the next chapter/installment. If you like Soren, Opeli, or rare pairs, I'd readily recommend

I also, finally, this year got around to reading @zuppizup's amazing Rayllum canon divergence Purgatory (by which I mean I binged like 30 chapters in 2 days and then have eagerly awaited the remaining ones) in which Rayla fails her assassination mission and is unknowingly a prisoner in the castle for a couple of years until Callum and Ezran discover and free her. For something much lighter, I also really enjoyed the oneshot Cold Feet in which Rayllum deal (or don't deal) with royal wedding expectations

I also made my way through all of, at long last, @numptypylon's canon compliant fics for arc 1 of TDP, AKA Upside Downtime (from Rayla's pov) and Downtime in Wartime (from Callum's POV, which just hit different lemme tell you)

I really enjoyed arms unfolding by @little-red-alchemist-of-doom for a 5x02 missing scene inn fic with all the sweetness and dorkiness and unspoken pining, and @blutopaz15 has put out some likewise excellent inn adjacent fluff that I'd recommend for anyone who wants something less SFW

Other notable oneshots for me were:

worth the fall for the son and perfect bound (both stand alone oneshots) by @kradogsrats because they contextualize Viren and incorporate worldbuilding details in wonderfully angsty, realistic ways and I always love a good Kpp'Ar fic

last but not least was familiar as a ghost's by @mahpotatoequeen for some great back end / post s5 Ezran centric angst and hurt/comfort, in which our favourite little guy both processes and doesn't process all his own big complicated feelings regarding all that's transpired, and the trio + Soren bond in it, especially the broyals', is so sweet. Give Ezran more hugs!!

send me a fanfic end of year ask! :)

[senualothbrok]

Thinking of you and sending happy, hopeful, bright vibes over to you💕 (you can always message me if you want to chat)

How did you get into writing? You have such a beautiful style, I love to hear author's 'origin stories'.

What are some of your favourite books?

Aaaand what's something about you we may not know? 🌻♥️✨

💜🫂 Thank you lovely. I appreciate that so much. I am sending you the same, and the same offer obviously.

As for your juicy questions...

How did I get into writing?

I'm so honoured that you like my style. That is such high praise coming from a poet like yourself! 🥹 When I was a kid I loved reading and words and stories. My first "career ambition" was expressed at 9, I wanted to be an author! And when I was a teenager, I occasionally wrote stories, and I wrote loads of fanfic from 15-17 (it was a lifeline for me at that time too!). But I had really low self esteem so it was a struggle to maintain creativity alongside the self doubt and perfectionism, and trying to be A High Achiever and all the rest of it. So I lost the habit of writing. I did write some poems when I was in my early twenties, and blogged a fair bit, but didn't have the presence of mind to write stories. Life got in the way. I forgot that I have a writer's soul.

And then in 2021 I did a creative writing course, and started writing a novel on and off. I then got BG3 brainrot last year, the novel fell to the wayside (lol) because of fanfic, and now I'm here!

My novel is 2/3 of the way through, and I hope to one day finish it and get it published! I would like to be a full time writer eventually 💜

What are some of your favourite books?

Oh boy I love this question so much!!! This is a curated list.

* Circe by Madeline Miller

* The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller

She is my greatest influence. I hope to write like her one day! Every word she writes is poetry. So much wisdom and pain and beauty, so much economy in her writing. Her books have transformed me. I just love her work so much.

* The Greenlanders by Jane Smiley

I love the Icelandic sagas and this book basically reads like a real saga from the Viking age. It's incredible. Like something unearthed from the ancient depths.

*The Hours by Michael Cunningham

When I first read this book I felt like it illuminated a fundamental universal truth and cracked my soul open. I need to re-read it...

Some book series:

* A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin

* The Witcher by Andrzei Sapowski

* The Southern Reach Trilogy by Jeff Vandermeer

All amazing, immersive, meticulous, expertly written. The first two are well known and beloved in fandom. The Southern Reach Trilogy is super weird and fucks with your head - Lovecraftian.

I am also a big fan of Sylvia Plath's poetry.

I'm sure there are more works I'm forgetting but I could go on and on!

Something about me you may not know

Umm I lose track of what I've shared online and what I haven't 🤣 um I guess I used to be an avid kickboxer/boxer! That's probably something semi exciting!

Thank you again my dear for letting me talk about myself and what I love. I feel more "real" and seen. 🫂💜 I'm so grateful.

Hope you're having a good day xxx

[billpottsismygf]

And I've finished Dead Boy Detectives! I'm sad it's over, especially as it's been really nice taking my time with the episodes rather than bingeing the whole thing. So much happened in this episode, but I'll try to keep it brief.

Crystal's revelation about her parents was devastating and so well played. The same goes for her memories more generally. I loved her chat with Jenny - who finally knows everything - about it being best to know your own life, even the bad parts. Kassius Nelson did such a great job portraying the range of emotions Crystal goes through in this one.

Esther! She's so much fun and I love how big a part she had here. Obviously, she's terrible and her downfall was very satisfying, but I just enjoy having her on screen so I will be sad if there's another series and she's not in it. Her showdown with Crystal was good, and I loved the neat twist that it's Lilith herself who brings her down. Although they don't explicitly say it, I like the detail that it's a "harmless memory", but this is still an image of Lilith and she can be contacted through any image of her.

I also really loved resolution with the higher authority from the afterlife. I reckon the Night Nurse will come round, since she did in fact come to like them before they (well, Niko) got one over on her in the last episode. I wonder how this will affect the jobs they take on now, as they'll presumably have an incentive to investigate cases more likely to lead to ghosts moving on.

Now, Niko. I love her so much. Her and Edwin's friendship is one of my favourite things about the whole show, and yet again I loved their little rooftop talk. The way her death happened feels simultaneously quite cruel and ineffective. In that, I was in a weird limbo where I didn't get emotional over her death because I knew she had that charm, but was worried it was going to just end without confirmation that the charm had done anything, especially since the sprites were gone. Mick's line about the good you do coming around being said by the lady from the afterlife gave me hope and, indeed, we did get that final shot, but I'm left feeling frustrated more than anything.

What does it mean for her to have survived? Her body is being shipped back to Japan. Will she be a ghost? Fully alive again? Something else entirely? Will she be able to keep living her life, maybe finishing school and finally talk to her mother? Or will she be like the dead boys, only able to communicate with particular people and otherwise barred from normal life? I know these are questions we are meant to ponder through the medium of the cliffhanger, but again it's this weird limbo of sadness. It doesn't feel emotionally satisfying.

Ah well, apart from a couple of bumps along the way, I've really enjoyed this show. I've streamed it a couple of times through while doing other things as well, which I hate that I feel the need to do, but we can only hope that it will get a second series. I have no faith in Netflix that it will get renewed, so I'm prepared for disappointment, but I will definitely be very sad if my pessimism turns out to be accurate.

Small things

Crystal had literally lost her marbles.

I'm still iffy on the unrequited love confession between Edwin and Charles, so I don't know what I think about Edwin saying it's made them better friends than before.

I loved Edwin's farewell conversation and cheek kiss with the Cat King.

Monty got to help them in their mission! Now where is he?

[mysterylilycheeta]

Hi, it’s me @acourtofquestions (I really need to find a way to merge blogs or something lol😂)

So, PERCY JACKSON & THE OLYMPIANS!!!

(Trying to think of what to ask first because this series has so much & is so good😆… I’m just gonna spam list lol🤣 answer as many or few as you feel like :-)🩵

Who’s your favorite character?

Who’s your least favorite character?

Of our 3 first questers who’s the fav: Percy, Annabeth, or Grover?

Favorite god/goddess (or even mythological creature or just mythology reference)?

What’s your favorite ship?

What’s your favorite friendship?

Which Cabin would you be/want to be in? (Sometimes it’s two different answers) or even not a cabin since there’s all the other creatures, nymphs, etc.

What would your goblet be full of?/sacrificial food of delicious snackiness?😂

Favorite book?

Thoughts on the spin off series? / do you have a favorite?

Thoughts on the show?

Dare I ask… thoughts on the movies?😬 (risky/polarizing/potentially-“triggering” question I know😅😂)

Personal/favorite theory? & or unpopular opinion

Anything you want to answer, add, or fandom about :-)

Heyy, I know you have two blogs, you don't have to stress about it every time, XD. So here we go, answering your questions

1. Favourite is obviously Percy, I mean, he is best boy

2. Zeus, Hera, Octavian, most of the gods- the list goes on

3. It's still Percy, our golden trip is awesome but Percy holds a special place

4. Honestly, I really liked Poseidon and the theme with the prophecies, loved seeing them play out.

5. Percabeth, definitely

6. I've got so many, I love all the friendships from the og 7 of the HoO series. Can't choose a favourite there

7. Definitely Poseidon's cabin, being Percy's roommate would be wild and completely awesome. Imagine the chaos and drama

8. My goblet would be full of Pani puris or sandwiches( they give me life)

9. I don't really have a favourite, I love all of them. But, I'd say The Last Olympian, The Blood of Olympus and The House of Hades really hit it home for me

10. I have only read HoO and I loved it. Personally, the only flaw I found in it compared to the og series was that it had less Percy POV chapters. I needed more of my boy's sass😭. Also, I'm never reading the trials of Apollo because I cannot handle.my baby Jason dying😭😭😭😭I won't ever forgive Rick for this😭😭

So far, I'm really liking the show, I'm not one for nitpicking details and it's been a long time since I read the series so I don't remember much of it rn. I just love seeing my babies on the screen, that's it.

11. I have not touched the movies with a 10 foot pole, I realised it early on that this is one of those crimes we do not commit as part of the fandom😂

12. Unpopular opinion might be that HoO is also pretty interesting and Jason is a great character. He's realistic and very very lovable and doesn't even deserve any of the hate he gets. Personally, I actually didn't like Hazel as much as the other characters.

Oof, that was a long list, I waited till I had some time on my hand so I could answer every question in more than 3 words😂. Anyways, thank you so much for the ask, I loved answering all your questions😁😁😁