#LOL him just completely pulling the rug out from under someone is so him and i totally mean that in a ' this little bastard ' way / hj JSJS

[mad-hunts]

plotting / possible dynamic idea here: you can literally NOT tell whether barton actually likes this person or not. like, for one, he will show up to unalive them at their house one moment and then he'll be like ' HAHA no i'm just kidding ' then he'll ask if he can make them both food while saying something slightly and oddly sad. but it's also unsettling as hell bevause this is what he chooses to say ' yeah, i didn't know how to contact you and i've been wanting to have you for dinner for FOREVER, so i just decided to show up at your house ' and it's absolutely FLABBERGASTING BECAUSE? WHAT DO YOU EVEN MEAN BY THAT?? and then he proceeds to go on about how good the shepherds pie ( or whatever food it may be ) that your muse made. like ☠️ i feel like this has the potential to be both kind of funny in a bad way and frightening, so now i sort of want to do it now... thus, y'all should hmu if you're interested

[reverieblondie]

Nobel Blood

Pairing: Rolan x Fem!Tav Reader

Warnings: 18+, NSFW, Fluff and Smut with Plot, Penetrate sex, Tail rubbing?, Desk sex, Cream pie.

Summary: High society has never been your thing, and now your having to go to the Raven Ball...Maybe you will see a familiar face trying to conduct himself in a new landscape...

A/N: This might be completely self indulgent...but I liked it...

Word Count: 7,370 (I got carried away...)

“What about this one? What do you think?” 

Rolan appears from behind his changing screen in a new blue jacket with silver embroidery and buttons. The collar and cuffs are lined with silver. His pants are black and a bit tighter to his body than he is accustomed to. The boots he’s wearing are shining and new. Giving himself a once-over in the mirror in his room, he turns around, holding out his arms. 

“Be honest… Thoughts?”

A very bored-looking Cal is lying on Rolan's bed. He turns his head, looks at his brother, and gives him a once-over. 

“Like I told you about the four other outfits… You look fine. Please just pick one!” 

Rolan scoffs, “Cal, this is important. I have to look my best to make a good first impression. There will be a lot of important people there today. This could lead to some great opportunities.” 

Cal looks at Rolan, a bit worried, “Rolan, you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself. Just go and relax, maybe meet someone, make friends. You know, have fun!” 

Rolan rolls his eyes as he does his hair in his usual tight, twisted bun, “I’m not going to waste the opportunity to have fun!” 

Once he had finished with his hair, he adjusted his collar before turning to have Cal assess him once more. When he turned, he saw the prominent frown on Cal's face. He sighs, “Cal, you know how people look at us. This is a chance to change people's perceptions.” 

“The right people, you don't have to change their perceptions…” 

The room is quiet, and a silent understanding fills the space. The silence is cut by Lia busting through the doors of the master bedroom. Looking at them like they have lost their minds. 

“What are you two doing? Rolan, stop fussing and get going! You get invited to a ball and waste your time primping!” 

Rolan sighs as Lia dusts off his shoulders and places his invite in his jacket pocket. Pausing, she looks at his hair and starts to pull and loosen his usual style, making it softer looking with some strains to frame his face and the tips of his ears poking out a bit more, 

“What the hells Lia! My hair was fine!” 

“No, you always wear it so tight you want it looser, rugged.” 

“I’m going for cool and collect.” 

“Yeah, but ladies like a bit of ruggedness.” 

Rolan swats away her hands and starts to leave, 

“I'm not going there to get a date!”

Lia huffs at his leaving figure, “Hopeless���” 

Cal looks over at Lia, “Any chance he’s going to loosen up and have a good time tonight.”  

Lia takes a moment to ponder the question, “If the right person talks to him.”

-KAW!-

The sudden noise tries to break you from your slumber, but only briefly before you lol back to your dreams…magic hands…a soft warmth…a husky whisper…

-KAW KAW!-

The dream is ripped from you as your eyes are popped open; on pure instinct, you reach for your knife under your pillow, but as you look towards the noise, you pause. 

The Falcon blinks and tilts its head at you, curiously fidgeting and hopping closer to you. You pull your hand away from the blade and sigh at the familiar bird, “Hello, Rune. Do you have something for me?” 

Rune turns, revealing a message carrier just like you expected, “Clever bird,” 

Reaching over you, you scratch her neck while you retrieve the message from the red tube. The tube has an emblem very familiar to you: a golden long sword with vines and two golden roses by the sword's hilt. The paper is thick and white, wrapped with a red ribbon. Unwrapping it, you see the fancy script, and it clicks to you what is happening. 

“An invitation for the Raven Ball…and I'm guessing they are hoping for me to attend?” 

Rune kaws in what seems to be agreement; you nod at her. 

“Well, I guess I should head that way… she's bound to be waiting for me.” 

Walking up to the massive mansion lined with guards and littered with candles. The entryway is opened for the invited to shuffle in and out of the party. Just deep breaths, smile, and be pleasant…have grace, and don’t throw punches to the face; saying the rhyme in your head brings back fond memories, and you have to stifle a laugh breaking from your throat. One of your two companions notices you hiding a smirk; he notices everything, and it never fails to drive you crazy. 

“Nervous Darling?” Astarion smirks, his red eyes observing you as if he could read your mind. 

“Nope, are you?” You challenge. 

Astarion fakes a laugh and smiles, showing his long fangs flashing in the candlelight. “Never” 

Typical…

Walking through the entrance is like walking through time; these balls have always been the same. The host and the house may change, but the overcrowded rooms are filled with the rich and self-important. Deep breaths… keep taking deep breaths….

Arriving at the main hall of the home with Astarion and Shadowheart in tow, you pause with them as they marvel at the grand space. It truly is a beautiful event. Servers glide around the room with their pristine trays, serving fine wines to everyone; Astarion is quick to grab himself a glass as they walk past. The center of the room is filled with people clapping and turning, floating along to the music. Shadowheart keeps her green eyes scanning the dance floor; she is looking for someone in particular…it is the only reason she decided on attending this ball, along with your pleading. Moving your eyes around the space, the candles light the room brightly and make the gilded arches and decor glimmer in an almost magic shine. Knowing how these people love theatrics, they probably had wizards put on some spells for the grandeur of it all. 

Turning to your friends, you see they are entirely taken in by the atmosphere, though when Astarion meets your eyes, he plays his wonderment off as if this is nothing to him. As they continue to stroll about, you continue to fuss around with your dress, the corset's tightness starting to irritate you, and the flowing skirt and sleeves feeling like they're going to wrap around your legs and trip you. You curse under your breath as you have a small battle with the dress picked out for you. 

“Dress issues?” Astarion teases 

You roll your eyes, and you adjust the bodice up, but you find the action is in vain as your cleavage is still on full display. It's been years, and it makes sense the dress wouldn’t lay the same, but the high golden necklace always sat tight on your neck, forcing you to keep your head up, the exposedness of your chest and shoulders always made your cheeks flush, and the tight bodice lined with gold down to your hips always made your breath short. You did like the ruffled white skirt with the red front panel and the matching red sleeves that go from bust to cascade down your arms; it did look nice. But the part you constantly fidget with for comfort is the emblem at the center of your sweetheart neckline. It's that same one it's always been, a golden longsword with two golden roses…

“Just…adjusting…” you smirk back to hide your irritation. 

“These corsets are murder but do wonders for the figure at least?” Shadowheart chimes in 

Her silvery white hair contrasted beautifully with her lilac silk dress. The fabric looks like it drapes and flows effortlessly off her polling elegantly at the bottom, and as she moves, it reveals a long slit over her right leg. For a dress she picked out today, it looks like it could have been custom-made for her. She had fussed about the dress and her hair, wearing it in a different style than usual, but you assured her she looked terrific and would catch the eye of a certain soon-to-be duke…

Astarion places reassuring hands on yours and her shoulders. “Well, the dresses are definitely an improvement from the drab, caked-up with, grime outfits I had grown accustomed to seeing you in.” 

You both look at each other before looking at him unamused. “Thanks, Astarion…” you say in unison, not completely happy that he pointed out your dirty states on the journey you all met on. 

“Anytime Darlings~” 

Shadowheart’s eyes go back to the dancefloor, and you think for a moment that you see her getting on her tiptoes (despite being in heels) to look over some heads. 

“I think I might stroll around the room…see if I can find any…interesting company.”

You and Astarion look at each other, knowing what she truly means; translation: Shadowheart is going to look for Wyll. They are such an opposite duo, but they are just drawn to one another. Astarion always teases the names Shadow Princess and the Horned Prince when talking about them and their longing for each other. 

Shadowheart turns to see your smirking faces and she rolls her eyes before walking off. Good luck you silently wish for her… 

You watch as she makes her way through the crowd, a part of you wants to go with her to help navigate the space but you know she wants privacy for this and you don’t blame her. While you watch the floor a familiar sensation of red eyes and a fiendish smirk being placed in your direction makes you shudder. Looking up at him you see a very well-dressed Astarion looking like a vision in all black except for the wine-colored small jacket and gold and ruby necklaces hanging from his neck. When you asked about the jewels he just chuckled and left a quick poke on your nose, a way to irritate you and avoid your questions. He continues to stare and smile at the devious thoughts running rampant in his mind. 

“Yes?” 

Astarion looks away with a slight laugh, “Oh, nothing nothing…just curious if you were going to go look for anyone special tonight. Any fine suitors on the line for you to turn about with?” 

When asked only one person flashes in your mind, but you shake it off not wanting to get your hopes too high. He would probably find something like this a waste of time. 

“No, I’m planning a rather dull evening of just watching the grander, saying hi to familiar faces. No suitors eager for my hand. You?” 

Astarion looks around the room piercing his lips, “I might also be having a rather drab evening…nothing seems to catch my eye, which is too bad I was in the mood to make some trouble.” 

A slight laugh escapes your throat and Astarion looks at you with a raised brow, “Something funny?”

“Well, I just think you have changed a lot since a certain bear tagged along…come to think of it you just came back from the old shadow lands and are planning to go back…” 

Astrion narrows his eyes at you and you grin widely knowing he’s smitten. 

“Very clever…well, I will leave you to it, going to go find some more wine and maybe go rub elbows with some important-looking people…” 

“Play nice Astarion!” 

“No promises! Ta Ta!” 

With both your friends gone you're now alone in the ballroom and now it definitely feels like old times. Memories of your childhood flash through your mind as you watch. In your memory it's a younger you, biting her lip in disdain and fumbling with her dress, head sore with the elaborate braids that were decorated with trinkets and jewels. The biggest thing you remember? The feeling so isolated and unwelcomed by people meant to be your peers. You can recall two gentle hands placed on your shoulders as people just passed you by…

Shaking off the memories you look at the huddles of people near the walls engaged in conversations, “Well, better go say hi to mom and dad…” Gathering up your skirt and taking another deep breath you go on the prowl. 

It was overwhelming and Rolan had to stand to the side to recollect himself. It turns out that coming to socialize with people from the upper city was a lot more difficult than he initially expected. He was starting to wonder why the hell he came here. Yes, he had been formally invited but the people didn’t seem to know who he was or they were staring at him and whispering amongst themselves. Was this all a joke…was he just a thing to be stared at and mocked for the night's entertainment?

Looking down at his crimson hands and long nails…his tail twists around his leg as he balls his hands into tight fists. He shouldn’t have come here, he didn’t belong. Cal and Lia had been so excited about his invitation and were eager to help him get ready with high hopes of him growing his name to the city's lords and ladies. He had promised to make friends and get them invited to the next ball, but now that seems like a silly fantasy. 

Unraveling his tail and holding his head up, he decides to leave until a familiar figure catches his eye. Astarion? The pale elf has his red eyes on Rolan while keeping a smug smile on his face, instead of waving or greeting him; however, Rolan's thoughts trail to something, someone else. Scanning the room he’s hoping to catch the sight of a particular hero…

“If it isn't the Archmage of Ramaziths Tower, I figured you would see these parties as a waste of time.” 

Rolan's body immediately tenses and he turns around quickly, You smile for having spooked him. You watch as his shining eyes widen as they trail over you, his lips slightly parted and you think you hear his tail fall to the ground. From his reaction alone you're suddenly no longer lamenting having to wear the dress and in fact decide to stand a bit straighter. Once he realizes he’s staring he averts his gaze from your chest and neck, clearing his throat. 

“Tav, what…why?”

“What? Not happy to see me? 

“I- no…I mean I am! Well not happy, I mean I am happy but not super happy, but a surprised happy! Uh…pleasantly surprised….” 

His eyes meet yours and winces at himself, understanding how these parties can whine someone up you decide to ease the tension. Giggling at his rambling you gently punch his shoulder breaking the awkwardness threatening to set in. The force of the punch causes him to stumble and smile. 

“It’s good to see you, but I’m a little shocked. I figured these parties would be far too stuffy for such a great adventuring hero of the gate.” 

You shrug looking out to the party where you see Astrion watching you two, you give him a look of ‘what?’ and he shakes his head with a smirk and walks away. You turn back to Rolan, 

“Actually I’m pretty used to these stuffy parties.” 

Rolan’s brows furrow as he looks down at you confused, you do the same as you look up at him, and then it clicks. 

“Rolan, I’m from Baldur's Gate. I grew up having to go to these parties and having to take etiquette classes. My mother is a countess, from a long line of nobility and my father is a general for a regiment of the city's army.” 

Rolan's eyes widen as you nonchalantly explain your past, “Your… a lady from an important house of Baldur's Gate…and you were out slumming it in the wild? Wielding swords and blowing up goblin camps?” 

Thinking for a second you nod “Yeah, my dad used to take me camping and taught me how to fight. Mom wanted me to be a proper socialite but I didn't exactly fit in… Once I got older they told me I could go travel the swords coast, get the wildness out of me before finding a suitor, ya know?” 

Rolan shakes his head with a smile, “So you left all of this to adventure and ended up getting a tadpole in your head. That inevitably leads you back here…” 

“Hey, I had adventures before that! But I will say that one was my favorite.” 

Rolan smirks and looks down at you, “Because it made you a hero?” 

You look up at him, his gentle gaze and soft loose strands of hair cascading around his horns making your heart flutter, “Because I got to make friends, and meet you.”  

Rolan's face gets slightly darker as he thinks of something to say. With him tongue-tied you take the opportunity to tease him more by sticking your tongue at him. He rolls his eyes and turns away, you swear you see the tips of his ears a light hue of marron now. 

“Why are you here? And are Cal and Lia with you? I miss them and their tormenting of you.” You continued to tease. Though you see Rolan’s face slightly drop. 

“Well…I was the only one to receive an invitation and I didn’t realize I could bring anyone…I wish I would have, with them around I wouldn’t feel so…” Rolan shakes his head as if to shake away his thought, “I came here to meet people to get them interested in the tower's knowledge and to show that I am a worthy archmage. But I haven’t been able to talk to anyone “ 

Your heart sinks as you listen to Rolan, you remember having to go there alone at times…Rolan is always trying so hard for his family, it's quite honorable of him and one of the things that drew you to him. Thinking for a moment you try to think of a plan before it hits suddenly, “Rolan I can get you a formal introduction to someone who is very important and that I know would like to hear about the tower.” 

Rolan’s face lights up, “I would, I would be so grateful.” 

Smiling you wrap your arm around Rolan’s elbow, a part of you thought that he would recoil but he seems to welcome the gesture by straightening his posture and tightening up his arm. Your hand creases his bicep and it takes every part of you not to start teasing him about his surprisingly muscular form. Act like a proper socialite, for Rolan’s sake. 

As you two stroll about the floor you keep your eyes peeled. Though you do see some people staring at you and Rolan as you walk arm in arm, you figure people are just wanting to gawk at the hero and the new archmage. 

“Seems like we are popular sights tonight.” 

Rolan hums, “I think you are the popular sight, I’m probably more of the skeptical…” 

“Specktical?” 

Looking over to meet your eyes Rolan just gently squeezes your hand, “Never mind, uh, so who are we looking for?” 

“Her.” 

Pointing out your finger you lead Rolan’s eyes to a group of women fanning themselves as they scan their eyes like hawks around the room. They are all dressed immaculately and as the two of you approach they keep their eyes locked on you both. One of the women quickly whispers to a taller woman, the taller woman turns and Rolan has to hold back his gasp. 

She looks like you…well an older version but still stunning. Rolan feels his throat instantly dry and when he looks over to you with a panicked expression, he admittedly comprehends what's happening and he’s never felt so unprepared in his life. Feeling him tense you keep a soft smile and gently rub small circles on his hand, trying to ensure he’s calm when meeting your mother. 

In front of the intimidating woman (he sees where you get it now) you release yourself from his arm and give a curtsy. Rolan follows your lead and gives a bow. 

“Countess, I would like to formally introduce you to Archmage Rolan, Master of Ramaziths Tower. Rolan, this is the Countess, also known as my mother.” 

You feel your cheeks grow red, you're introducing a man to your mother…you never thought this would be happening, it’s very proper of you. Looking up at her face you see a soft smile, for her that’s practically beaming. So far so good. 

“I heard about the last master's passing…” she says casually. You and Rolan exchanged a glance before she continued “Can’t say I wasn’t fond of the news, he was always a poor representation of the tower. A bit of a cad.” 

Rolan’s jaw practically drops and you are quick to continue the conversation for him while he recollects himself, 

“Well, I will have to tell you Rolan is quite proficient in magic, self-taught and self-disciplined. He plans on studying and cataloging the tomes in the tower to then share the knowledge with the realms.” You praise 

“That's quite the honorable aspiration for a young man. I am sure everyone would be quite pleased to have access to its knowledge. I have been to your tower once before in my youth, the smell of the weave in the air and the majesty of all the books still leaves me with pleasant memories.” 

Meaning: ‘Invite me over to see the tower again because ladies do not invite themselves places’. You're not a bit surprised your mother is taking a fast liking to Rolan, he has a title, is respectable, and usually can hold his own in a conversation but today he seems to keep getting tongue-tied, we’ll chop that up to nerves. With a subtle nudge to his arm, you break him out of his daze where he can give her a proper answer. 

“Well, th-thank you. I think everyone should have access to knowledge if they want it. Also, you and Tav should join me at the tower for tea. I will have to prepare a bit but I would be delighted to have you two there.” 

Two of her ladies-in-waiting mutter something to each other earning them a prompt glare from the Countess. They quickly scurry away. 

“I would be delighted to just name the date. Plus I would love to hear about how you two met, knowing my daughter that story will be filled with twists and turns.” 

Rolan giggles and you look at your mom in shock as she openly teases you. You have never seen her be so casual with a stranger, well for her this is casual. You can’t help but feel a warmth in your chest, you never were one to crave approval from anyone but it does feel nice when your Mother seems to improve the boy you like. 

“I will have you know I handled myself with dignity and grace-“ 

“I watched her punch someone in the face for disrespecting my kind, it was a lasting impression, a good one,” Rolan says with a laugh and causes your mother to let out a giggle -that woman never giggles!

“Well I will have to forgive her for that, sounds like that punch was well deserved.” Your mother looks at you and you see a softness in her eyes “My tough girl.” 

The moment is soft before your mother changes the subject. Ladies must keep the conversation flowing after all.  

“Now Tav, why don’t you introduce Master Rolan to your father? I’m sure he would love to meet him.” 

With a curtsy and a bow, you two make your way to find your father. 

“Never seen you so proper…” Rolan leans down to whisper in your ears, you have to fight the tingling that threatens to show on your skin. Nothing quick like his mockery so close to you. 

You take Rolan's arm so he’s leading you through the room, “Never seen you so tongue-tied…” you mock back.

“She's intimidating… I see where you get it from…” 

“You should see when she doesn’t like someone, that’s intimidating.” 

“Any warnings about your father? Or do you plan to surprise me again?” 

“Oh but you do look so cute lost for words, I didn’t know wizards had that capability.” you coo back now blatantly flirting, very unladylike. The scandal…

Feeling bold Rolan tightens his grip on your arm where you can feel his nails against your skin, it is mind-numbing this sudden game. “And I didn't know how ravishing you look in a dress so tightly wound to you.” 

The sudden boldness of his words makes you pause, and your cheeks redden. Rolan nervously clears his throat unsure if he overstepped… he brings his eyes up for a distraction and lucky for him he finds one. 

“Tav look”, Following his gesture to the dance floor you see a heartwarming sight that distracts your thrumming heart. Wyll spins around the dance floor holding Shadowheart close to his body and he leads her through the dance. They look like a vision together, everyone seems to pause and look at them as they command the space with little effort. 

It's while you're watching them you feel a warm hand wrapping around your own. Looking up to its source you see Rolans gleaming eyes on yours taking you in slowly. You swear it’s a secret spell of his to become out of breath and feel sparks when you look at him. The feeling rushes through your veins like it has since you first met him at the grove and all the moments after. Rolan's lips part gracing you with a quick view of his sharp teeth till suddenly you feel yourself being grabbed and thrown into the air.

“And! There is my wayward daughter! Our righteous hero graced us with her presents! Ha Haaa!” 

The voice is loud and booming as the large arms wrap around you forcing your body into the air before crashing you back down to your heeled feet. Your father, as bostress as ever and completely uncaring for these parties 'etiquettes’ as always. In a lot of ways, the apple did not fall from the tree. 

Taking a moment he scans over you, it's been far too long since you saw him, and from how you ramble and rave at each other it shows. Then his eyes start to scan around you till they are meeting with Rolans, and your father smiles like a Cheshire cat. 

“Ah, and I see the rumors are true. You have a gentleman escort this evening.” 

“Actually I have two others but one is dancing with the Duke's son while the other is bound to be causing trouble.” 

“Trading in for different companies.” His eyes go to Rolan and you see him tease over your father's gaze, “Now to see if this man was worth it.” 

“Well, he is a wizard…” Your eyes go to Rolan and you two are now assessing him

“Meet plenty of spellcasters,”

You continue, “Archmage of Ramiths tower…he got the areca artillery working in the battle saving my and my friends' necks. 

“The Fire Rainer!” Your father yells, making Rolan and nearby people jump.

Before Rolan can properly process what is happening your Father is grabbing his hand in a crushing grip that Rolan returns. 

“My men, We were all in awe of your work getting those dusty turrets to work. And for helping my Tav. Good man.” he continues to shake Rolan's hand for a long moment before letting go and placing a hand on your shoulder. 

“He’s good company to keep, strong grip and with fire in his eyes.” 

You look at Rolan giving him a nod of a good job before your father is turning to both of you. With a wide grin. 

“Now! Rolan, if you walk around with my daughter you must ask her for a dance!” 

Rolan stutters over his words as you look at your father like he’s lost his mind. 

“Dad, You can’t make him dance.”

“Why not? He wishes to be near you; he must dance with you.” 

The words make you flush as you avoid Rolan's eyes, “He’s not the dancing type…” 

This causes Rolan to lift a brow, then you feel Rolan’s warm hands on yours leading you suddenly towards the dance floor. In a swift flourish, Rolan spins you and grasps his hand in yours, placing the other on your hip and smirking at your shocked expression…

“Looks like he is!” your father calls barely audible through the music. 

The transition to the dance is effortless as you two glide across the floor. Watching his glimmering eyes on yours is spurring your heart into a rush. Your body feels like it’s on fire as he effortlessly glides you through turns and claps. Eyes never leaving one another. 

“I didn’t know you knew how to dance?” 

Rolan scoffs, “Of course, I know how to dance, you don’t think I haven’t gone to parties before?”

lifting a brow, you look at him with an unamused expression, ��OK, I might have practiced…”

You laugh and let him spin you out, then catching your hand and pulling you back to him. His hands in yours, your back flushed to his chest. The dance is completely intertwining, his scent, his warmth, the purring of his chuckling laugh. You want more, your hope is for this dance to never end so you can stay in his arms.

With a twist and a sway of your hips, you smile at him as the blush rushes to his speckled cheeks, a reminder that you are experienced at these dances and you will not hesitate to spice up the moves if it means rubbing against him. It makes his heart thum as he turns you around again, his tail wrapping slightly around your dress as he steps with you till plunging you down to a dip.

A perfect dance partner, finally.

You two stay locked within each other's snare, a small feeling of leaning forward towards each other causing your mouth to water in anticipation of a kiss. Then breaking you two from the moment is roaring applause that fills the room. He lets you rise, and you two join the applause of the musicians as well.

A normal socialite would worry if people could tell how much you liked him. You don’t care, however, Rolan is magnificent, and you would scream it at the top of your lungs, but you know this is his chance to impress rich bastards and prove himself worthy of his new illustrious Title. Of course, the right people already know this, he doesn’t need to impress them.

As you look to the crowd to make your way to your dad to give him sass (and maybe a pat on the back for making that happen for you) you see Rolan Pointing to the front part of the dance floor, music starting to swell up again and your father and mother swaying to the song. Another set of perfectly matched dance partners. 

Offering his elbow to you again, you curtsy at Rolan's gesture and let him lead you off the floor. A perfect gentleman, If your mother is watching she is beaming with pride (though she will talk to you about that hip swaying later). Off the floor, your dry throat hits you,

“ I'm going to get a drink, do you want anything?”

“Oh I can-“

“Rolan I can grab drinks, I’m still a hero of the Gate, not a delicate flower.” You tease him.

“A glass of wine sounds great then,” 

“I will be a quick second, wait here” With that you gather your skirt and shuffle away. Both of you trying to hide your dorky grins for one another. 

Then a stray voice catches Rolan off guard, “Dancing with a noble…but don’t forget you're just hellspawn trash…” 

Roland’s eyes widen, and he turns around quickly, but he is met with nothing but a crowd of people wrapped in their own world. One that some are not willing to invite him to. He watches them so clearly, trying not to stare, others staring, and sharing whispers. Then his eyes meet yours.

Golden eyes that you can always catch in any crowd. They shine his brilliance and never fail to make your heartbeat rush. Anyone would be lucky to have him look their way and right now that’s you, drinks in hand, you pick up your speed to get to him faster, but then his starburst eyes shut in something that resembles pain and then he’s gone…Rushing out of the room away from you.

Pausing you watch him leave, your heart sinking to your stomach. Swallowing down the feeling you place the cups on the nearest waiter's tray and run after him.

The hallways are dark as you follow after him. It only gets darker and darker, till you see him dipping into a side room, shutting the door behind him. It takes a bit of self-control on your part, not to rip the door off its hinges as you open it, but the site makes you slow down.

His tail twisted tightly to his leg, hands in his hair, and talking quickly in infernal. Gently you close the door behind you, and with a click lock giving you two privacy in the dark office. Rolan's shoulders tense at the sound of the lock, he can’t bear to look and see your disappointment. You carefully approach as he braces his hands down on the desk. His body so tight you think he will snap two.

“Rolan, wh-what happened?” 

Turning his head, his golden eyes shine through the darkness. And they see you perfectly. Face contorted in worry as you gently approach. Your face is the one he knows, the one he saw shining in the sunlight of the Grove, the face that saved him from shadows in the cursed land, the one who held his bruised face so gently promising Lorroakan would never hurt him again… the hero of the gate…his hero.

Then his eyes tail down, his Tav, the hero, dressed in the finest fabrics, a lady of Noble Birth, someone too good for someone like him.

In your eyes, you see him for what he truly is, a strong dreamer, someone who you would walk through the Hells for. A man so dedicated to the ones he loves, you want to love and care for him till your last breath.

“I don’t belong here…I am a joke…a monster for everyone to gawk at.” He finally confesses. 

Your eyes grow wide and all you feel is anger, “Did someone say something to you…do something?! Who? I swear I will-“ 

Before you can, march back into the ballroom and demand reconciliation with blood, you feel warmth wrapping around your shoulders and around your ankle. Rolan's warmth envelops you in his arms, holding you tightly to his chest. Clinging to his forearms you lean into him letting yourself calm.

“You're better than any of them…” you whisper

“Is that what you think?” he mutters in response

“Rolan it’s what I know, you're extraordinary.” 

Rolan’s arms tighten around you making you never want to leave his caress, but you still turn to look at him. placing a hand on his face, he’s perfect in your eyes…

“We are different…” he almost pouts

“I like our differences.” 

Rolan’s hands slip down to your waist. 

“Won’t they slander you, and your family's name?” 

“Not the people who matter to me…” your words like a promise

You lean into him rising to your toes to be only a touch away from his lips. You feel his breath fan across yours, and a rush of desire floods your body and mind.

“They will say I tainted you…” his hands caressing your face so gently

“They can go fuck themselves” 

The smile you two share is perfect, right before he presses his lips to yours. His lips caressed yours, setting your body a flame, his nails digging into the sides of your dress, and as you felt their points, you gasped and let him trail his lips sloppily on your jaw to your neck. Your mind melted at every rush of his lips, becoming more breathless as the pleasure of this moment crashed over you then pooling into an aching need in your lower stomach. All the blood and the thoughts rush to your swelling bud, leaving your mind in a haze of lust.

Rolan’s tongue licks down at your clavicle while his hands move to cup your breast. You can’t help but shake as he presses kisses and sucks marks to the tops of them. Rolan’s lips find yours again in hunger this time as his tongue seeks to taste more of you. Eargery you met his passion with your own tasting, his wine-laced tongue burning against yours. Undoing the buttons of his jacket you strip it off him in a rush. Once it’s off and tossed to the floor he breaks the kiss and whimpers against your lips, his chest vibrating under your fingertips in a purr. 

Turning you quickly, your thighs meet the side of the desk as his lips continue to caress your neck, removing your necklace to nip on your most sensitive spots, all you can do is moan and chant a series of ‘yeses’ and sweet mews of his name. He hums as he spoils himself, touching all over your form. 

“More, Rolan…I want to feel more,” your pant 

“Here?” The question is raspy and sends shivers through you to your sex. 

“Yes.” 

Rolan responds by peppering kisses all over you as he quickly gathers your skirt around your hips. Bending over you feel your face burn as you hear is breath hitch, 

“F-fuck…” he whispers 

You're already bare opting for no underwear, a destination you made on a meer whim but are happy with now. A whimper escapes him as he views you slick and puffy cunt for him, in a deep dialect he mutters something you can not understand that causes your slit to quiver. he no longer has patience his want takes control and you hear his frantic hands undoing his belt. 

The moment is eager and full of hunger, the want between you two building to this moment of passion. Rolan has your skirts gathered in a fist as he pushes his burning erection through you making your head spin. The moment is raw and hungry as he hisses from your walls so tight and soft around him, fuck, nobody told him how…soft humans were…

The feeling of the stretch is eye-watering as a lewd moan erupts from your throat, then the feeling of every ridge sliding and reshaping your velvet insides. The curve of his cock brings his sharp tip to find your sensitive spot, nudging and coating it in his burning precum, your toes curl in your heels as your vision blurs, tightening your grip on the oak desk. It's hot, intense, and the best pleasure you have ever felt. 

Rolan whimpers and moans as he pushes into your heat further. His face comes down to bury himself into your neck grunting in what sounds more like a whine. Sweat is sheening both of you now in this heated moment your only reprieve of coolness is his panting breath on your neck. Then his hand comes down to yours bracing you and he intervenes his fingers with yours before he gives a final thrust, his blazing tip now nudging on the deepest parts of you. Your slit is taut and your insides flutter against him as you get accustomed to his rigged girth. 

“Gods, you feel amazing. Practically sucking me in…” his rich voice rasps into your ear making you shudder. 

Taking a second to breathe in the scent of your sweaty neck and your cascading hair; further getting drunk off you. He rolls his hips back, and the drag of his ridges on your gummy walls is an unimaginable pleasure making you arch in a scream to your god. 

Pulling to the tip it’s only a second of emptiness before his hips are snapping back into you forcing all the air from your lungs. Continuing to thrust into you back and forth at a constant pace, you mew and grip his hand so tightly. Your arousal drips down his cock and your thighs as it's fucked out of you, desperate to coat his cock. 

“Their mighty hero…sweating and dripping for me. You're my girl…you have always been…”  

You can’t even think coherent thoughts only able to respond by arching your back further. The room is drowned in your cock drunk moans and his deep growling as your pussy continues to get ravished by him. Hot waves start to build up in your stomach leaving tingles in their wake as you approach your ecstasy. Rolan feels your trembling against his cock making him angle it in deeper. He’s right in his sentiment…you are his…as he is yours…the bond you share led to this moment of passion—the ultimate satisfaction of the want you have for each other. 

It's bliss and you rock your hips to meet his thrust, a chuckle escapes him before you feel the rough dragging being rewarded to your clit. It's warm and soft with lines of ridges dragging against you. It only dawns on you as you feel its spaded tip you realize he’s grinding his tail against your sticky sex. Both sensations make spots blur your vision as drool begins to pool in your agape mouth.  

In a silent scream, your orgasm crashes over you as all your essences coats him dripping down to fall on his boots and pooling to the floor. Rolan guides you through your high not stopping his thrust while your sex desperately grips him. A ring of creamy arousal forms where you both connect. The sight and feel of your overstimulated pussy fluttering is enough to cause his hips to still and his cock to throb shooting blissfully hot cum in thick spurts, filling you to the brim. The growl is guttural and vibrates through him as he comes down from his high.

Rolan presses his forehead to your shoulder blades as he stays within you for a moment longer letting his ridges smooth as his cock softens till finally pulling out. You can feel the mix of both releases leaking down your legs uncomfortably resisting the urge to beg him to finger it back in. 

“Wait one moment,” he says quickly with a soothing rub to your waist as you hear him digging around for his discarded jacket. 

Then very gently you feel a soft cotton cloth whipping you down to clean you. Soft ‘shhs’ and coos leave his lips and he is careful over your spet sex. He takes his time, then once you're cleaned and your dress is back down you face his back as he cleans himself, looking over his shoulder with a smile as he retucks himself. Leaning back against the desk you relish in watching him rebutton himself up so elegantly. 

His golden eyes stay on you as he gently caresses your sweaty face. Before he leaves he will snap his figures with a spell to clean you two of any lewd residue, but for now, he wants to relish your afterglow. You two stay in silent bliss and his eyes roam over your face, your fingers gently playing with the loose strains of his hair. He’s the first to speak up, 

“I want to court you properly.” 

Your eyes grow wide, and so does your smile, your heart racing, and sparks burst into your stomach. 

“If you were planning to court me, we have already messed up. You're not supposed to have sex beforehand.” 

“I don’t care; I’m not of noble blood, so I will do this my way.” there's that confidence.

Rolan pulls you in for a slow kiss that causes your heart to flip and your head to cloud in a pleasant fog. 

“Good,” you whisper 

Rolan backs up slightly and bows, causing you to giggle as he reaches for your hand. Placing your hand in his, you gently squeeze it as he brings it to his lips, kissing your knuckles softly like a suitor would any proper lady.

[milf-murdock]

Well, I’m about to hop out of the bath, and unfortunately I did have to stop just before things got ~juicy 😔 but here’s a lil WIP to hold ya over

Kate Laswell x Wife!Reader

Warnings: gross men being creepy, but Laswell comes to your rescue 😘 canonical swearing, and just a lil nsfw (I might keep writing if there’s an audience for it lol) I do owe you some Top Laswell, anon

Truth be told, you hated coming to base. It was all so rough and rugged, a veritable Good Ole Boys Club that smelled like cigars and gunpowder. You keep your head held high as your step across the gravelly terrain, the small heel of your shoes adding a slight wobble to your step. You catch the eye of a couple of soldiers and ignore their thirsty gazes as they stop to gawk. Picking up the pace, you hurry to your destination: the bar. Just past the far edges of the base, it was obvious the foul-smelling, secluded establishment was less intended for civilian patrons and catered more to offering a place for military officials to take the edge off. You hated this place even more than you hated the base itself, but you know Kate loves a beer right after a job, and John had texted you to meet them here, which could only mean one thing—Kate was back.

The pungent smell of stale beer and cigarettes floods your nostrils as you open the heavy door. It takes a second for your eyes to adjust to the dim lighting, but you find your way to the bar. Once again, you keep your head held high, pointedly ignoring the men who don’t even try to pretend they’re not checking you out.

You adjust the hem of your skirt as you take a seat on the bar stool, anything to keep your hands busy. It’s only a matter of moments before a slurred voice comes from behind you, and your shoulders stiffen.

“Well what’s a pretty thing like you doing in a place like this?”

Despite your better judgement, you glance over your shoulder to see a tall, older man in uniform. You can smell the beer on his breath, and you don’t even bother to hide your grimace.

“I’m waiting for someone,” you respond curtly, turning back around.

“Hey now, don’t be like that. Just give me a smile and I’ll be on my way.”

You ignore him, busying your hands with a stray thread at the edge of your skirt, tugging to pull it loose.

You hear a scoff from behind you before you feel a rough hand on your shoulder. “I’m talking to you, bitch,” he growls.

Your breath catches in your throat, completely frozen under his touch.

And in the next second, you hear another voice—a female voice, low and full of a threatening malice.

“I suggest you take your fucking hand off my wife.”

Relief floods your body, your eyes fluttering close as the weight lifts from your shoulder.

“Shit, I- I didn’t—“ the man stammers, hands raised as he takes a step back.

Laswell steps closer. “And if you ever call my wife a bitch again, you will find yourself on the fucking street with nothing but a dishonorable discharge to your pathetic name. Is that understood?”

Without a word, the man turned to flee the bar, not even passing a glance to his group of encouragers, who all found themselves instantly fascinated by their pint glasses in hand.

“Katie!” You exclaim, leaping from the bar stool to throw your arms around her neck. Her laugh fills your ears, and it sounds like rays of pure sunshine.

“Hi, bun,” her voice is low in your ear as she holds you close. “Told you I’d be back before you know it.”

You squeeze her even tighter, standing on your tiptoes to match her height. “Every minute apart from you feels like an eternity, Kate.” You can’t stop the slight break in your voice as tears well up. “I’m so happy you’re home.”

Kate pulls back just enough to press a fierce kiss to your lips. Your mouth parts in surprise at the passion; typically Kate’s kisses are on the more reserved side in public. Kate uses your parted lips as an opportunity to slide her tongue into your mouth, immediately taking dominance. You melt like putty in her hands, falling into the kiss. All too soon, Kate breaks the kiss, leaving you breathless and your lips swollen.

She smiles down at you with a tenderness only reserved for her wife, one hand coming up to brush your cheek. “Let me take you home, bunny.”

You struggle to put together a coherent thought after that damned kiss. “But don’t you want—you usually like, uh,” you blink furiously, trying to think past the rising need taking over your body. “Beer?” You finish lamely, feeling the flush in your cheeks as your gaze bounces between Kate’s lips and her bedroom eyes.

Kate chuckles, leaning in close to whisper in your ear. “Fuck the beer, sweetheart. I have better plans.” A shiver races down your spine and you can feel the wetness pool between your legs.

Kate pulls back just a bit, her lips hovering above your own. “Does that sound ~good?” She’s teasing you, her sweet breath fans over your face, and you can’t help but imagine that breath elsewhere. Your cunt clenches, and you bite your bottom lip, holding back an audible moan as you nod your head eagerly.

Kate has you eating out of the palm of her hand. And she fucking loves it.

“After you, my love,” she coos as she steps aside and lets you lead the way back to the car. You stumble across the bar, looking for all intents and purposes like you were the one to overindulge, though you hadn’t had a sip of alcohol. But Kate knows how you get when she’s gone for long periods of time. She knows how you get when the need is absolutely eating you whole, that fire of desire coursing through your veins. It turns you into a puddle, nothing more than a weeping mess entirely at her mercy. Kate clenches just thinking about it as she watches your ass sway in that perfect fucking dress she knows you wore just for her.

[morganbritton132]

Can just picture Eddie posting videos from back in the 80’s and everyone going so wild thirsting for Steve that Eddie starts feeling some type of way even though that’s his husband lol

Eddie has never been insecure about his relationship.

Don’t get him wrong though.

It is annoying when you’re closeted in your hometown and have to watch girl after girl shoot their shot with your boyfriend. It is irritating when you take your boyfriend to his first gay club and every five minutes someone tries to interrupt you dancing with him to try to grind on your boyfriend. It is borderline rude when you’re married and on a date, and your waiter tries to slip your husband her phone number.

Eddie gets it – Steve is too hot for his own good – but he isn’t insecure.

He bagged Hawkins’ most eligible bachelor right after the worst week of his entire goddamn existence. Steve had a front row seat to a lot of his lowest of lows and still made out with him. Eddie had been happy to just fool around with his old high school crush but then Steve had to go pull the rug out front under him and get disowned for telling his parents that he was in love with him.

So, yeah.

There are always people thirsting after Steve but Steve Harrington wears his love so completely and openly in every ounce of his being that Eddie has never had any doubt who it’s directed towards. He is not insecure.

However.

Some of these people need to calm the fuck down.

Eddie posts a clip of Steve and Dustin bickering at each other from an old home video that he must’ve borrowed from Jonathan and forgot to give back. It from before Eddie’s time with the party.

The greater context of the video is that someone was throwing a going away party for Dustin before he left for summer camp, but it’s very clear that Steve did not know this when he walks into the house. He very clearly showed up post-workout.

In the clip, Steve is complaining about Dustin not telling him about the party and Dustin is telling him that he did tell him (“That’s not true. I told you to come here at six and bring me my flashlight. What else would I have meant?”). Eddie captioned it something like, “Some things never change.”

It’s a pretty innocuous video about two brothers giving each other a hard time but then if you read the comments, you will feel the need to go to church and repent. All the comments are about Steve’s spandex-y workout shorts. All the stitches are people trying to enhance screenshots of the video to see the outline of Steve’s dick, and really it’s – “Jesus H. Christ.”

Eddie ends up deleting the video because, “He’s seventeen in it, sickos.”

[bestworstcase]

In vol10, how do you think they’ll play the specific ramifications of what Yatsuhashi did to Jax at the end of before the dawn?

The book left me with the impression that Jax would be a shell of his former self. In the animatic we get a glimpse of Gill and Jax but the gist of that interaction is a smile they share. Likely this is meant to suggest their bond is stronger after the events of before the dawn; but in this case I’m more interested in the possibilities/impacts Yatsuhashi’s mind wipe may have on a main vol10 antagonist’s mental state; and how that may effect the story and its themes.

I don’t love the idea of sweeping this “wound” Yatsuhashi inflicted on Jax under the rug with a hard reset. Kind of want it to matter for these characters, y’know?

Maybe Jax is a little spacy and this time he’s going along with what he thinks Gill wants because he vaguely remembers her as his one anchor and doesn’t exactly remember why he wanted this so much in the first place? (I knew someone who had dementia and he wouldn’t always admit that he didn’t know what was going on and he just went with it; but he was so scared and confused all the time.) Jax is following Gill now.

Maybe instead Jax has brief moments of clarity where he is exactly the person he was before Yatsuhashi domed him but then most of the time he’s dissociative, glassy eyed, and barely there; and Gill’s pulling him along trying to jolt him back to who he used to be. All while hiding his condition from their followers.

I’m not married to any one manifestation/interpretation but I am interested in this being a further exploration of the unraveling of the Self and self-actualization. What are your thoughts?

we-ell as is often the case (lol) im pretty far out of step with most of the fandom here because i am and have always been really skeptical of the face value reading of that scene. like “yatsu completely erased jax’s memory and the book ends with jax in a vegetative state” never made sense to me to begin with –

that is an outcome yatsu spend the entire story worrying about because he’s scared of his own semblance to the point of hating it whenever he has to use it, so i’m inclined to take any “oh god what have i done!?” freak outs in that vein, in the heat of the moment while there’s a battle happening and yatsu was just fighting for his life with a guy determinedly trying to turn his memories into porridge, with a large grain of salt.

in addition:

yatsu and jax have counter-semblances; yatsu can completely negate the effect of jax’s semblance on somebodies mind by literally just jostling them – erasing the most recent couple seconds of their memory. he doesn’t even need to target the false memories specifically, just touching their mind with his semblance is sufficient to negate jax’s.

because of this, yatsu is naturally resistant to jax’s semblance.

doesn’t it follow logically that jax might likewise have a natural resistance to yatsu’s? oil doesn’t mix with water any better than water mixes with oil.

furthermore,

The boy shook his head. “No, no—he’s fine. The meditation exercises Yatsuhashi taught him seem to be helping his memory.” Velvet nodded. She had a suspicion it was more than just the mediation exercises that were helping Edward. No one knew for sure what Yatsuhashi had done with his Semblance when he’d tried to heal Edward’s mind … even Yatsuhashi wasn’t sure. His ability was to erase memories, but it was possible that there was more to Yatsu’s Semblance than that. It was something Glynda had emphasized in their second-year classes at Beacon: Semblances can grow as people do. It was reasonable to assume that he might have been able to nudge Edward’s mind enough to give him better recall and help reverse his degenerative mental disease. But Yatsu had always focused more on controlling his power than testing its limits and seeing what else he could do. He hated messing with people’s minds.

edward caspian is an elderly man living with some type of dementia whose mind yatsu tried to heal with his semblance, and evidently he succeeded to some degree. and the narrative framing contrasts this fact—that yatsu can heal damaged minds—explicitly with yatsu’s fear and dislike of his semblance in a way that suggests his fear is not necessarily rational. it’s rooted in a traumatic childhood incident where he did cause very real harm by accident, yes, but because of that trauma, yatsu focused very narrowly on restricting and controlling his semblance and consequently thinks of it as strictly a horrible, dangerous curse with no potential for anything good.

(he is, in this way, very like qrow.)

now! the specific circumstances of the struggle between jax and yatsu are, i think, worth taking into consideration here. jax is trying to pull yatsu under control again by twisting his memories; yatsu counters by trying to make jax forget an unspecified (but likely quite brief) amount of time in order to neutralize jax’s semblance.

(i think the motivation is very important: regardless of whether yatsu did or didn’t push his semblance harder than he meant to, he was pushing it toward the goal of eliminating the threat posed by jax’s semblance, under the kind of stakes we’ve seen incite changes in semblances for other characters, and this is in the context of the narrative already being pretty unsubtle about setting up for yatsu’s semblance to evolve in some way.)

this occurs at a point during the battle in which it is now clear to everyone that the crown has been defeated. jax is injured (“A bullet pierced his left arm. He cried out and saw blood. He felt the burning pain.”)

moments ago used his semblance on his twin sister to force her to keep giving him aura, believing she would otherwise leave him to die. the reason yatsu wins this struggle is gill funnels her own aura from jax to yatsu at a critical moment, and then tells yatsu that 1. she was never under jax’s control at all, and 2. she did all of this, including betraying him, because he’s her brother and she loves him and she knew she and he would both die if she didn’t stop him.

in every other instance, when yatsu jostles someone out of jax’s control, they’re disoriented and hazy for a little while afterward. so jax has that on top of having just been shot and his sister betraying him but also revealing that his long-held self-hating belief that the only reason she stuck with him and gave him the aura he needed to live was because his semblance compelled her obedience was completely untrue because his semblance doesn’t work on her at all, and he’s just suffered a crushing martial defeat in the cause he staked his whole life on.

of course he’s just laying there sobbing silently in stupefied shock!! i just don’t think that jax having what is a completely understandable emotional reaction to, waves hands, all that as seen through the eyes of a boy who’s terrified of his own semblance is a cut and dry case of tabula rasa.

what i think might have happened is that yatsu did something to jax’s semblance. think about it like this: on top of being the kind of high stakes crisis that could easily have caused yatsu’s semblance to evolve on its own, the pivotal moment occurred when gill took the aura that was powering jax’s semblance and gave it to yatsu instead.

jax’s semblance can:

twist real memories

implant false memories

yatsu’s semblance can:

repair memory damage

erase real memories

we know, from what’s going on with oscar and ozma, that mingling two people’s auras over a long period of time results in a convergence between the two consciousnesses; and we know, from jaune’s discovery of his semblance, that a similar but far more limited phenomenon occurs when two auras are mixed temporarily—jaune is able to amplify weiss’ aura for her while she is unconscious. and we know from qrow and clover that even without any aura-mixing, two people with similar-but-opposite semblances can incite growth in each other’s semblances by way of shifting perceptions and challenging beliefs about what is possible—qrow gains more control over his semblance by learning to see it from clover’s point of view.

so what happens if you mix the auras of two people with similar-but-opposite semblances while those two people are actively semblance-wrestling? well,

i’d think that the likeliest outcome is for the semblance receiving aura to change in a way that reflects or imitates the semblance it’s receiving from, and perhaps vice-versa.

and if you think about what jax’s semblance does and what yatsu’s semblance does and the way yatsu’s negates jax’s—what do you get if you add memory-twisting to a semblance that can both erase memory and heal damage to the mind’s ability to remember, and refract the memory-twisting through the prism of a character who finds the very idea of messing with someone’s mind repulsive? well, my answer would be that you change the memory-twisting into something that seeks to heal instead of seeking to control… like, say, untwisting cognitive distortions to cause the target to see something clearly. for example.

alternately: what happens if you give yatsu jax’s ability to use his semblance on many people all at once, while yatsu is striving to block jax’s semblance? maybe breaking every binding jax had all at once, rather than (as before) having to jog every victim’s memory one at a time.

or maybe you inflict that horror and fear of messing people’s minds on jax, essentially reflecting his semblance back at him in a way that causes him to feel how yatsu feels about these powers—even if only fleetingly.

or—well, we know it’s possible to steal somebody’s semblance, and the basic essence of yatsu’s is about erasure. might it be possible to erase a semblance? wipe the semblance itself back to whatever inchoate protean state a semblance has before it manifests for the first time? push it back down into the unconscious again?

now that we’ve gotten clear confirmation that jax isn’t, like, in a vegetative state, i think it’s pretty likely that either,

yatsu really did wipe way more of jax’s memory than intended and has since used the healing side of his semblance to repair most if not all of the damage, even at the risk of making jax dangerous again, because his conscience (rightly!) compelled him to do so – a thematically salient narrative direction vis-a-vis salem and, ultimately, also the god of light, or

yatsu made an incorrect assumption and what actually happened is more along the lines of similar semblances ricocheting in an unpredictable way – which opens doors for a lot of dynamic things to do with jax as a character and potentially allows for his semblance to be more/less of a danger now depending upon the needs of the vacuo arc.

so there’s some narrative advantages in either direction. i do tend to think that the relationship between the asturias twins will be different and specifically more balanced than in the book, less because of semblance-induced changes to jax’s psyche than because he knows now that he not only can’t but doesn’t need to compel her to not abandon him. there’s a layer of fear/resentment in the way jax views her in the book that is pretty effectively shattered at the end and her betrayal was explicitly predicated on gill facing the choice to save herself by letting him die, and her not being able to do it.

all that said i think it would be fun if jax didn’t really remember much of the battle, because those are the minutes that yatsu was specifically trying to erase, so he remembers gill not leaving him to die and those revelations but also has to trust her account of how the battle turned so decisively against them prior and you get the push-pull between the new revelations and his older resentment and distrust of her motives.

[rowlight]

read this post for more context if you'd like, then come back here

lawmane in canon timeline is genuinely abhorrent, so let's talk about it (and as an aside, yeah, toxic ships can be fine. that's not the problem. the fact is that this seems like it's well over the line being a passably toxic ship in fiction. because this ship is almost never treated as even remotely toxic, and instead, any negative elements are swept under the rug to make way for silly emo funtime adventures, almost never bothering to even so much as ACKNOWLEDGE any of this. it's treated like nothing at all happened, and in so doing, is condoning some really disturbing shit, especially in a setting with a power imbalance this horrendously steep.)

L's torture of misa was fucking life ruining. let us get that straight. what he did was beyond anything light has ever done to traumatize misa. in any world where misa is not objectified to the point of being legitimately brainless, that is permanently and irrevocably scarring for life. at most, only 48 hours of sensory deprivation can have lasting, permanent influences on your cognitive ability and mental health. and those are usually in situations where the participants can actually, you know, fucking move! can see! but 52 motherfucking days? with how misa was held? fucking 52? oh fucking boy. the brain damage from that would be obscene.

and hell, even if he hadn't tortured her in such a way, even if he just put her in the same confinement as light, even if that time was somehow reduced to just a few weeks or a few days or whatever, that's still absurd. in what world is a man who locks you up, when you have zero control or influence or power over him whatsoever to combat this, when you feel nothing from this incarceration but fear and a longing for death, someone you could ever be in a relationship with? in what world is that okay? unless we're doing a full rewrite of death note here, unless you objectify misa so thoroughly that she becomes nothing more than an item to be placed into a seriously horrifying dynamic, when is that ever okay?

not to mention that she already had preexisting trauma from past stalkers, almost being murdered herself. (and her parents being murdered! gosh!) that would have made this all the more terrifying. L was no more than a fucking stalker to her, and even in the hell he placed her in, would he appeal a single of her pleas to move, to just fucking feel anything, to have even a second's release from being devoid of all stimuli? would he allow her fucking anything, any comfort at all, from being forced to stand and hold her head up high as a metal blindfold braced her head tight, as belts pulled taught to draw up the rags around her crotch? no. he's a fucking genius, right? could he not have figured out something harmless that could have been of literally any consolation to the fact that she was nothing but literal scum of the earth to him, of absolutely no interest beyond what she could offer the investigation, and that he was nothing but the devil himself to her? lol no, his ass could not give less of a shit.

oh yeah, sure, he had his reasons! the investigation, "duhhhh!" he's the world's greatest detective, after all, and "sacrifices must be made!" but none of that changes that he still fucking did the shit that he did, he still tortured her for an excruciating amount of time in one of the worst ways fucking conceivable, and that cannot be changed. that is not something that can be moved past. him having reasons to deprive her of her of her very will to live, once so rich and filled with her hope in a future with light that she gave up half her once-increased lifespan for him, are not excuses!—and, even then, could he have simply said one kind word to her that wasn't barking for her to reveal information that, for a good deal of time, was completely outside of her knowledge? that wasn't fucking forcing her to stay alive after an active suicide attempt?

get that in your head. she tried to fucking kill herself. and L had to get someone in there to manhandle her so she physically could not end her own life. and without the sweet relief of death, what hope even fucking was there?

did L give a shit about any of this? no, he's an immature bitch, just like light. and sure, he has arguable reasons for being that way, but does that mean he's gonna change at the drop of a hat, that he's suddenly going to just adore her and be a great boyfriend or whatever, and that you should be defending him at every opportunity just to somehow make this pairing okay? also no. did he ever give a shit about her? fuck no. even in whatever baffling universe where he somehow decided to try his goddamn best to be a good partner, any relationship those two could ever have would be irrevocably scarred and toxic.

remember that misa has literally zero fucking power over him; she is in his absolute control at every single point, and he will torture her to the brink of suicide only to toy with her life in his hands, even as she begs and please for him to just put her out of her misery. she is genuinely nothing but a doll to him, completely devoid of any dignity or respect or fucking anything that would give her a thread of autonomy in even a platonic relationship. and even if that utterly obscene and disgusting power imbalance shifted, what's done is fucking done, and what was done was fucking horrific. sure, light traumatized her. L ruined her fucking existence. and to both of them, she is absolutely nothing beyond an object, a plaything to be tossed around and manipulated and fucking tortured until she breaks—but oh, she's not allowed to break! she was written by vapid misogynist, legendary piece of shit, and overall horrendous writer tsugumi ohba, whose work we should be thinking critically about at every turn!

the only way she is even ever friendly with L in canon is because she is indeed dehumanized to the point of being nothing but an object for the male gaze, and for ohba to project his stupid "endearing perv" trope onto L that he uses for his self-insert character in bakuman!

so should you give a shit about any of this? the fact that misa must be turned into nothing but an objectively brainless entity—to do nothing but serve the whims of the men around her—for lawmane to ever be "feasible" within any timeline where this shit happens? is justification of absolutely horrific torture, being driven to suicide and being forcibly kept alive, one of the most egregious + constant power imbalances conceivable, and necessary female objectification worth the silly emo x goth model ship headcanons? answer that one yourself.

larger post on this coming soon maybe???? thank you for your help @niightniines and @undergoing-mitosis featured in the screenshots here and others in my server

ending this post w the fact that i don't hold personal animosity for anybody who ships this, ESPECIALLY if you're a minor. understand that we (me and nines) are speaking to the fandom as a whole when we discuss these issues. this is not a personal attack on any one lawmane shipper.

[fagbearentertainment]

Hey mx. transgender swag tell us about ur welcome home thoughts

Anon you have open the floodgates and I don’t think I’ll be able to stop it

I HAVE to talk about my theory right now or I’m going to fucking EXPLODE

Under the cut for length reasons

Ok so theory is I do not think Wally is evil, before you start throwing audio snippets at me let me explain

Now I could just be falling for the facade he’s putting up but to me in the hidden tapes he doesn’t sound evil or malicious, he sounds desperate.

I, personally, believe that he’s self aware. Not self aware as in “kids cartoon who talk to the audience like they’re another character” I mean self aware as in “knows he’s a puppet being controlled in a tv show and can’t talk to his friends about it bc they don’t.” He knows the audience exists and he wants to communicate with them by any means necessary.

Like imagine being Wally in this case, going from everything he had with the talk shows and filming and everyone knowing his name to being lost media next to no one remembers existing. The guys starved for the interaction he craves, he’s the protagonist of a children’s tv show that’s been cancelled for over 40 years!!! He NEEDS an audience, he NEEDS people to know his name

There’s also a tape of Home saying something in Morse code I wanna talk about, I can’t translate it myself but I’ve seen a few things people think it’s saying. It’s likely either saying some variation of “help” or “hello.” Either way I can tie that into my theory, with it either showing Home is also self aware and knows we exist or it’s asking someone (likely us given that it’s a hidden tape like Wally’s but it could be talking to Barnaby since they’re shown to be close) to help it, possibly to help it help Wally.

I’d say it’s very likely Home knows Wally isn’t doing well, with his constant zoning out and possible self isolation, and really wants to help him if “help/help me” is the correct translation.

Idk I could be completely wrong but it just seems like Welcome Home isn’t gonna go the “Wally is PURE EVIL and KILLED EVERYONE for no reason!!! Look at the scary blood!!!” route, i feel like we’re being set up to think Wally is evil for the rug to be pulled out from under our feet and show a different side to things.

Also I just wanna say, this it isn’t related to the theory at all but I’m being completely serious when I say Wally is autistic. I think I could actually spend an hour talking about why I think he’s autistic.

Now that I think about it me seeing him as autistic, and being autistic myself, might actually be why I don’t think he’s fully evil bc everyone else points out the things like his robotic like way of talking or constant staring or zoning out in the hidden videos as proof that he’s possessed or evil or whatever but to me that’s him having autism. Like yeah some of it’s meant to be creepy but those things are also autism things ya know?

Ok that’s all for now it’s almost 3am, I’ve been typing for like an hour lol, and I’m eepy

[butmakeitgayblog]

I can’t believe I’m saying this but I do kind of understand what Harry Styles was saying about gay sex scenes because sex scenes with men are always so ROUGH 😭 With het and MLM scenes I typically have trouble believing that they actually have any feelings for each other beyond Horny because the whole time I’m just like damn dude are you even trying to make it good for them cause it’s not all about you!!!

And then like you said we get a hard cut to two girls doing nothing more than laying in bed holding the covers over their titties and I feel infinitely more chemistry and love between them than basically any sex scene with a man 😂 Have men in the industry not got the memo that sex doesn’t always have to be getting railed until you can’t walk but rather there are many ways to have sex and it can in fact often be a loving and dare I say cute experience??? If there’s gonna be a sex scene I want it to show something about the characters and their relationship, how they treat and care for each other (or not 😬) not… whatever tf the scene in TLFOAH was. Wasn’t sexy, didn’t contribute anything, super out of place… ugh

Well, respectfully idk about all that. I mean I think there have been sex scenes involving men that are perfectly lovely and loving in their depiction, it's just unfortunate that those don't tend to be the stories Hollywood dork ass loser execs want to portray 😒 they all want rough sex and violence and exploitation

And really I don't even necessarily blame the actors. I mean yes it's their performance, but I assume they're mostly being directed on how to shoot these scenes. I believe most, if not all, sex scenes these days have choreographers that break every movement and touch down beat by beat to try and do away with any variables that could mess up a shot or give opportunities to less savory actors trying to pull shit in scenes that make stuff weird.

And that's where my bitching and complaining comes in! Lol because now they have no excuse. There's no excuse for the bullshit that gets peddled and is so obviously made salacious on purpose rather than loving.

Like this scene for example.

It could have actually been worth a damn. A sex scene could have worked here, if they had not been thinking "hmmm ho how can we make this as sexy as possible so whoever's boyfriend that's being made to watch this with will get their dick hard", and actually used it as a vehicle for the plot and for character development. I would've been completely for it. If they had slowed down and taken a few beats to show him being sweet with her, show him lovingly kissing her, maybe a few smiles or intense looks while they slowly undressed each other, moments where he stops just to look into her eyes and build that connection. Have the rhythm of the sex be slow and sweet, as though he's giving her tenderness and caring that she hadn't had before - that she's so obviously been searching for in all her pain and trauma and abandonment. That would've been amazing! BECAUSE THEN! You jump forward to the beach scene only a few moments later, and you see that veneer crack. You see the beginnings of his ugliness and his abuse start to emerge.

How much more impactful would that have been?

That stark contrast. That immediate shift that would've felt like the rug was yanked right out from under the viewer and Alice both.

To move between these scenes of seeing her falling into him, thinking '*sigh* Finally. Finally, here's someone who cares about me. Here's someone who will be soft with me. Here's someone who will protect me, help me heal, give me the love that's been stolen from me over and over again in my life. Here's my safety.'

And then... you see him change.

That would've totally been so effective and speak to the characters and the blossoming of their relationship, and how someone can be so blinded by emotions that they don't see the danger signs right in front of them. It would've built such a more solid foundation for why Alice would make excuses and exceptions for him and his behavior, because we'd know that she'd already have this love story written in her head fROM THE SEX SCENE

But no.

Nope.

Uh uh.

Gratuitous boinking always wins and I just

[the-au-collector]

Yeah I'm reluctant to believe the most likely to die theories as well, if only because I've seen so many writers try to pull the rug out from under you by killing someone that you don't expect to die. I don't think that changes Warriors being most likely to, but it gives me some hope that he might not die just out of the sheer fact that he's the most likely option and thus, we'd be expecting it lol.

I've also heard the Four is Wind's ancestor theory! That would most definitely bump him up to definitely not dying if that's the case.

I'm honestly so interested to see what Jojo does with Hyrule's blood curse. There's so many ways to go with it. I also completely forgot he had one of his dolls still, so he's safe from at least one death lol

Yeah if there's ever a pregnancy reveal, Time's fucked.

I'm hoping for your revival theory too. It gives us more surprises and it leaves us less heartbroken then killing one of them forever.

Also the thought of Wars revealing "hey I knew Marin" to Legend on his deathbed hurts 😭

So, in Part 2 of Masks, if you translate the Sheikah text from the Slate, it says "Someone will die." So, what does this mean? If we go by loophole logic or what I sometimes call PJO logic for prophecies, it has been fulfilled by Twilight's experience, or can be fulfilled by someone dying, and then being revived by other means, such as a doll, fairy, Mipha's Grace, or a different revival method.

The problem arises when we consider that we don't know on which logic this prophecy runs on. Can it be escaped by a loophole? Or is it infallible? Does the death have to be permanent?

If the death does have to be permanent, then it's most likely to be a side character, because, most of the chain has some reason to survive. The issue with prophecies like this is you never know when they've been fulfilled.

Time: Twilight is living proof he lives for a bit longer after this.

Hyrule: According to the guidebook, he has the "gift of tongues", and is destined to be a great king. So, he could potentially die of the guidebook isn't considered canon. It would also add the blood curse plot point.

Wild: TotK.

Legend: If we go by game logic, there are actually two Legends, and one is the descendant of the other, although they've been combined into one character for the sake of the comic. There's also the possibility Hyrule is his descendant. So, overall, like Hyrule, he has a reason to live, but it depends on what Jojo considers canon.

Sky: The whole royal bloodline.

Four: Temple of the Four Sword in ALttP. It's a sad ending, and although it could potentially occur on this adventure, it's highly unlikely.

Wind: Founding of the second Kingdom of Hyrule with Tetra, and it's doubtful that out of all of them, the kid will die, one of the adults is more likely.

Twilight: I saw somebody consider that the wolf in Hyrule Warriors ridden by Midna is an older Twilight, although it's not canon, if it was it would provide reason for him to live. For actual reasons though, there's also the "Wild is Twilight's descendant" theory, and he's already got the near-death trauma, so it's unlikely for him to be killed off again after he just survived this.

Warriors: I haven't played much of Hyrule Warriors, so I can't say much about him, so anyone more knowledgable than me can help with this one. I'd say that with him and Legend's sort of rivalry though, it is likely that he may have a near-death experience so that they get a moment, and make up after that, and then he tells Legend about Marin, because she appears in his game, which would be nice in my opinion.

So, all of them have reasons to survive (although some are less credible than others, and I haven't found Warriors yet). So, who could die, if not any of them? Dink. What if Dink was the one prophesied to die? If they defeat him, he'll probably die, and the Sheikah Slate just says "someone", not someone in the group. (Loophole logic). What if the whole thing was a red herring to scare us, and it's just letting us know the big bad will die in the end?

Although, that could potentially be anticlimactic, and a bit boring. So, let's say it isn't Dink. We don't really have anyone else except the postman, and Epona. And Epona better not die. The postman doesn't really seem like a likely candidate for death either. So, I'd say Dink will die, there'll be a temporary death and then a revival, or another character will be introduced and killed off.

[nyxthejinx]

I just saw your posts about the reader being diluc’s younger sibling and I was wondering how the reunion would turn out. I imagine that by the time they meet again years later that the reader has through the ranks of the fatui. Not exactly harbinger level (idk) but like its clear that they are important to the other harbingers and the tsaritsa. And they come back with signora during the beginning of the game to get venti’s gnosis and probably has a verbal smackdown with diluc (who is remorseful for their last interaction after getting years of self reflection and realizing he was at fault for almost killing them and ruining their relationship with each other). They probably fought each other when they first reunited (reader doing shady fatui stuff and diluc as the dark knight hero) and they manage to knock each others masks off and the reader retreats after theirs gets knocked off. I feel like diluc would probably apologize (not exactly forgive or be the same sibling dynamics but to civil again) and the reader basically isn’t having it and puts emphasis on how diluc cut them off back then and how now their roles are reversed leaving a stunned diluc behind. Not to mention their grudge with kaeya who didn’t even check on them after he left and basically let them get taken by the fatui.

YOO I kinda ran out of writer juice for today BUT before I forget, everything you said makes so much sense. It wouldn't be a tearful reunion, nor a completely violent one. (I apologise if it doesn't turn out great or anything like that I'm sleepy :') F)

If Diluc was still willing to talk with the Kaeya via mail, I can only imagine he'll regret the shit out of his actions as time goes by.

And while he goes thru existential crisis for abandoning a 13 y/o in a puddle of mud, just because they were protecting the secret of someone they loved, reader sharpens their hate for him.

What they don't expect though is to tear up from nostalgia after he knocks off their mask.

The harbingers, being fond of them in their own way, make sure to talk reader into cutting their bonds with their brothers once and for all. Since they hurt them and stuff. It's kinda manipulative BUT they have "good" intentions (and are right lmao).

Meanwhile Diluc feels twice the piece of shit because the first thing he does after three years of absolutely zero news about their sibling is to make them cry LOL.

He tries desperately to find something, anything about his sibling after that. He knows they're fatui, and yet despite his endless networks he can't find them. Hell he even asks kaeya for help, who gladly obliges him because he feels thrice the piece of shit and needs to apologise as well (with love <3)

In the end reader willingly goes to angle's share, while signora does her stuff with venti and the traveller. It somehow end up in a heated discussion between the three of them (though I doubt they'd force the subject if reader rejected their apologies) and bam: reader, fed up with their pathetic bullshit, pulls the collar of their uniform down and shows the scars Diluc left behind.

"How many times I tried to forget you, both of you. But this damn thing won't leave me alone. Here, are you happy now? Do you get why I can't sweep it all under the rug?"

And before it escalates further they leave, while Diluc and Kaeya just want to dig up a hole and die in here from the sheer amount of shame and regret.

Yes I'm feeling angsty today how could you tell? 😃

[dangermousie]

Hello !

I was wondering whether you could rate and tell us of your top 5 favourite webnovels/cnovels of all time ?! (Sorry if this has already been answered lol😅)

Thank you, stay safe and have a nice day🖤

Awww, thank you and that is such a lovely ask!!!

From n1 to n5, here they are (they happen to be all danmei.)

1. The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2ha) - my n1 forever and ever.

Taxian Jun, the horrific cultivation emperor of the world who razed cities and destroyed sects, is surrounded on his mountain. The righteous sects are terrified to confront him but tired of living, Taxian Jun consumes poison and dies by suicide at the age of 32. And opens his eyes as 16 year old Mo Ran, Mo Ran long before he became Taxian Jun, Mo Ran who is excited at a chance to save the one person he loved and lost. Oh, and to deal with his loathed shizun, the unapproachable and strict Chu Wanning, his past life’s biggest enemy.

I have no idea if it’s objectively the best on this list but it hits every trope I love, its bleak worldview (the world will change only incrementally but that’s enough, average person will not appreciate the sacrifice but it’s still worthwhile, and love is worth everything) mirrors mine, and the sheer complexity of the plot and cascade of plot twists each of which is insane and yet completely logical, is amazing (this is a rare novel where it’s even more fun to reread than read for the first time because you keep seeing all the hints and trail crumbs laid out that you did not see the first time.)

And the characters!!! I mean, this novel has multiple universes/timelines, a side trip to the Underworld AND the demon realm, a plot more twisted than a store’s worth of pretzels and yet the thing that hits me the most are the characters. Mo Ran is my favorite web novel character of all time and I love Chu Wanning so. All the secondary characters are wonderfully written (and some of them made me bawl) and they are all complex. My opinion of all of them changed many times over; the novel doesn’t make it easy to love some of them but then you do and it’s so worthwhile! That slow change is one of the delights of the novel - I started out disliking the unpleasant, superior Chu Wanning and cruel, callow Mo Ran and then I loved them so so hard and cried for them so so hard and was in awe of their heroism and sacrifice and selflessness and capacity to love.

Oh, and the fact that this novel does something almost impossible - it has its protagonist start out as so clearly irredeemable and then slowly and painfully and thoroughly redeems him (without ever letting the reader forget what it is he needs redemption for.)

Also, for a novel that made me cry so hard I felt ill, this book is just so damn funny with the most sarcastic sense of humor imaginable (the serious angst doesn’t even kick in until 90+ chapters!)

Anyway I should stop or I will write a dissertation. But this is the one web novel that I would put in my top 5 not just web novels but any novels in any shape or form. The plentiful trigger warnings are there for a reason so stay away if they are an issue, but if not, if anyone hasn’t read it yet, what are you doing with your life?!

2. Stains of Filth (Yuwu) - another novel by the author of 2ha. Clearly she just pushes all my buttons every time. This one is much shorter and has a plot that is twisty but less twisty than 2ha. Still, all that means is that intensity and the pain are more concentrated.

Aristocratic Mo Xi and former slave Gu Mang were both legendary generals of the empire and lovers. But Gu Mang betrayed the country and switched to the enemy. Now he is back as a peace offering by that country and Mo Xi has to deal with the fact that his feelings are as strong as ever.

This novel!!! So much pain and intensity!!! So many amazing plot twists and supporting characters. The same bleak world view, the same unjust society, the same protagonists doing right things despite the cost. Mo Xi’s intensity and inability to let go (he’s imprinted on Gu Mang and that’s it) is romantic, bone-shakingly intense, and tragic all at once. And oh Gu Mang! So many times I just wanted to reach into the book physically to protect him. The novel deals with unjust societies, memory versus personality, what it’s like to be good in a bad universe etc. And it both made me sob and giggle, repeatedly, and sold me on literally death-defying (but not honor-defying!) love.

Oh, and special shout out to the fact that like 2ha, you may start out hating some characters and end up a rabid fangirl (cough Murong Lian!)

3. Qiang Jin Jiu - a dense political tome that takes a while to get going but then it’s a runaway train.

In a fictional dynasty, Shen Zechuan, the only remaining son of a disgraced aristocratic family and Xiao Chiye, the younger son of a family of generals guarding the border join forces (and then something else) to get power and pull down the dysfunctional system.

This is so elegant and smart (a rare web novel I’d recommend to anyone who just loves solid period fiction) and you probably need a notebook to keep track of the politics and military strategy. These characters are very very smart not just because the author says so.

As to the characters, there is a large cast and I love many of them, but for me the novel is made by Shen Zechuan and Xiao Chiye. SZC is gorgeous and delicate and icy and can kill you before you have time to blink. Saddled with the sins of the family he had no pleasant interaction with, he claws his way out of hell (seeing the sinkhole he was trapped in, literally as well) to take down those who wronged him but also to amass power so all the tragedy and corruption won’t happen again and the whole rotten system comes crashing down. XCY is a military genius who is trapped as a hostage in the capital because the court doesn’t trust his family. He longs to return to the plains of home and to take his rightful place. The two men start out as bitter enemies, then reluctant and sniping allies, then as friends and eventually as one of the most gorgeous, tender, swoony OTPs.

Anyway this is one is a bona fide masterpiece, equal parts smart and emotionally intense.

4. Wu Chang Jie - are you an emotional vampire? I am and this novel is a banquet.

In a highly fantastical setting, we meet our protagonists - the sunny Xie Bian and the intense and surly Fan Wushe. Xie Bian is a human who assists his master in conveying souls to the underworld and making sure no mishaps happen. Bian is concentrated sunshine in human form and to meet him is to love him. When the novel opens, his drunk master brings back another human to be his shidi and assist with duties - said human is uncommunicative, intense and surly Wushe. Bian is excited to have a shidi but little does he know that a story dealing with the horrors of past lifetime is about to start.

Anyway, why WCJ? So many reasons. It has such a dark bleak worldview - this world is a horrifying system where powerful cannibalize each other’s cores for an impossible chance to ascend, where gods have sealed off their realm and all that’s left is neverending human misery and hell (the only way you’d see a deity is if they’d been sent down to suffer over and over and over), where even reincarnation doesn’t fix things and bad acts are often unpunished. And the novel then asks - is it worth being a good person in such a world? More, is it worth being a good person in such a world when nothing good has ever happened to you and you have been repeatedly betrayed due to your goodness? And the answer, on Bian’s part, is an uncompromising yes.

Ah yes, the other reason to love this novel - the protagonists and their fucked up fucked up relationship. Bian (who was Prince Ziheng in the past life) is so genuinely good. But he is that rare thing - good but not saintly, noble but not cloying. So much of the novel is his getting taken apart over and over and barely able to put himself back together every time but his soul is still as amazing as ever.

And then there is Wushe (who was Prince Zixiao in past life, Ziheng’s not-bio-related brother.) Wushe is not a good person. He is a monster. And he loves Bian/Ziheng more than his life and his soul and the entire world but he’s also the one who hurt him more than anyone else ever could and did it over and over. His love survived a literal century of torture in the worst kind of hell and refused the usual memory loss of new life. But it also humiliated and broke Ziheng down to his constituent parts.

One of the things that is so fascinating to me about this novel is the question of what can be forgiven/what should be forgiven/what kind of expiation is enough/can you ever love someone who you loved so much and then he hurt you so badly and is now repentant? And it never sweeps trauma under the rug or hand waves it away but deals with it head on.

If you want healthy relationships, you should stay far away from this novel but if intense insane ones with a feral barely human one capable of destroying the world leashed by love and guilt to the sane deeply good one is your bag, come right in.

There is also the world building and the fact that yes, the big fall out between Ziheng x Zixiao is based on not knowing all the facts but it’s not “why can’t you talk?! This is dumb!” But is totally in keeping with both events and their characters. It’s reasonable for Ziheng to do what he does and for Zixiao to misunderstand and decide Ziheng is now his biggest enemy (but still one he’s fixated on) and for Ziheng to never be able to clarify.

Anyway, once again this is trigger warning central so please heed those, but if they are no issue, this one is wonderful.

5. OK, this is hard and switches between Sha Po Lang, Heaven Official’s Blessing and The Golden Stage depending on my mood. So what the hell, I am gonna write about all of them.

Sha Po Lang - so smart and so much clever world building. There is enough politicking to satisfy a Qiang Jin Jiu fan, it’s steampunk, and our two protagonists - Gu Yun, the empire’s most powerful general, who’s loyal to the empire despite being badly wronged by it, and Chang Geng, a cursed prince with barbarian blood and horrifying childhood - are wonderful separately and together. This is a huge slow burn but it’s totally worth it! They fall in love with each other’s hearts and brains and ability as much as anything. (Yes, this is the one with the yifu thing. Gu Yun is made Chang Geng’s foster father when he rescues him and brings him back to the capital as a way to keep CG safe in imperial strife. They are 12 and 19 at the time so clearly it’s never a parental relationship.)

Heaven Official’s Blessing (TCGF) - I love it’s sprawling narrative and cast, I love its inventive setting and picaresque story. It’s hilarious and can make me cry. But the novel’s place on this list is due to Xie Lian who is part Kenshin part drama WWX part pure goodness wrapped in heartbreak and trauma wrapped in sunshine.

The Golden Stage - two smart and principled (yes, they both have principles different though they may be) men navigate their arranged marriage, their past friendship and their past break up, become a super couple (one of the healthiest danmei couples I’ve ever read and proves healthy doesn’t have to be boring), save the country and bring down the emperor or two and just generally this is my rainy day book.

I guess I didn’t write as much for the three n5 candidates as I did for 1-4 but my brain is beginning to curdle so...

[itstheendofthegoddamnworld]

Aarakocra Boyfriend: Enzo

This is for 2,000 of you lovely people following me. Thank you all so much! <3 This took more than a week to write, all thanks to writer’s block and burnout, so I’m thankful that I somehow managed to get this out lol. 

Also, may or may not have gotten inspiration from Revali-- anyway, enjoy!

Part 2

Relationship: male monster x female reader

Burning Heart

Fresh snow. Fresh snow that had fallen a hundred-foot deep, cleansing the land for eternity.

"The last time I saw snow this deep, I was just a little boy, still clutched to my mother, unaware of how big the world was." Your companion marvelled. "My father was smart enough to never go further up north—he reminded me. I did not gain his intellect."

Calder was a man who came from the nearby town of Ravensfell, a few days out from Briar, but he had been more of a cold type when it came to first-time introductions. Eventually, you got to open up more of him, little by little. His olive skin, chiselled features and rugged beard made him every female's focus, but the poor man was either too oblivious or polite to acknowledge their flirtations. You couldn't help but laugh at the failed interactions. Poor man, too preoccupied in his own toil.

He became a well-appreciated acquaintance for you on your long travels from town to town, east to west then south to north, but his company was all good experience. After all, he was the best sellsword for the job, merely a guard for you whilst you continued your researches; the sight you needed when you turned your back.

Your team's campaign had led you and your small faction to head further up north, to a small village of Oakendenn full of proud and efficient warriors, the bird folk that had carried the same customs for centuries, evoking both fear and wonder into those who bumped into them. Granted, their seclusion from the world had been brought down quickly when travellers and researchers intent on learning about them came rushing at the chance, ruining their solitude for good.

Stepping foot into their quaint town was certainly a spectacle, having to meet your guide to finding such remains high up in the mountains of Fallde Slopes– if the slopes didn't kill you, the snowstorms could freeze the group within hours if they didn't take the right precautions or clothing.

"You say there is a guide who will help us?" The small dirk in your hand was smooth and unused, still brand new as the day you had gotten it. You were situated in the town itself, in a cramped yet warm inn that was all opened up to the elements, trying to remain unaware of the cold stares of the innkeepers.

"He's one of the finest warriors, apparently. Familiar to the lands and every speck of snow that litters this land," Calder's laugh was hearty. "Must pity us for our lack of feathers and wings."

"The Aarakocras are fierce, brutal they are with fighting as they are as with foreigners." If there was one thing you learnt, it was that not all the people you ran into would be so welcoming. "Careful you don't offend them. We need their apparent aid."

Calder grumbled something as he tended to the flames of the room, poking them occasionally. "Sooner to be done with this job and we can get out of their feathers, huh?"

"That's it, just think of it like that. And soon, you can be back to the warmth of the south."

"Thank the Gods," Calder smiled sadly. "I don't think I could spend another day away from my little Zerlina." You remembered the girl when you were riding out: a sad, tearful girl the spitting image of her father, tight dark hair so wild and knotted. You had remembered the night before the trip you had brushed them out gently for her the way your mother used to do for you. Just to help Calder out.

The poor man is a good father overall. Even if he doesn't see it.

"She'll be so happy to see you again, Calder. She misses her father dearly." You reassured quietly, watching the man again. He was worn and beaten, littered with scars and thick, burly arms. He longed for home too.

"I hope so too." He stretched, saying his goodnights to you and the others before heading to his cot to sleep. You followed, heading to your own bed before you couldn't find sleep, wishing you had someone to wait for you too.

Even when you remained aloof, you still tried to remain somewhat friendly to strangers, even to the guide who had gone out of his way into helping you. But they certainly what you had been expected.

"It seems I have to be a tour guide for your pesky expedition, hmm?"

The smile from nerves of introducing yourself to him had fallen from your face after hearing the words so sourly come from him. It didn't take much for you to build up the walls high again.

Your hand faltered, just in reach for him to shake, awkwardly pulling away. "So, you're the Enzo we were expecting?"

The first thing you noticed about him was how vivid his feathers were: the brightest compared to his countrymen. Many of reds, oranges and yellows, like red sands of the far south of your home; beaten and threaded like a thousand coppers. It made the winter sun far in the north much more lively. By far the prettiest of the others. You admitted, but only could you wish his personality was as lovely as his appearance.

Another thing you noticed about him was his wings: they were separate from his body, large and tucked behind his back, his hands similar to any humans but with long and curled nails for fingers. His bird body was dressed in what looked like traditional garbs: leather and a basic tunic and pants, his taloned feet poking out and tapping against the ground.

"Your boss was the one who called for me, asking if someone capable of knowing their way around these parts, clearly, you humans don't know much about us Aarakocras," he jeered, eyes a lovely golden colour even when they were staring intimidatingly down at you. "So, you're the one they call the Doctor?"

Clearly too prideful, I've noticed. You scoffed. All too stubborn like the snowstorms. "That is correct."

"So I've noticed," Enzo crossed his arms around his broad chest, the amusement was pooled in those eyes as if he was in on the funniest joke around. "Clearly all of your studies have gone to a degree than in common sense."

You pondered whether it would've been ideal to punch the bird square in the face, or whether provoking him would end with your untimely demise.

Instead, you squared your shoulders, straightening your posture as you pointed just behind him. "You see Fallde Slopes over there? Its hills have been receding in the last 100 years, meaning any day now, your village could be woken up buried under layers and layers of snow. The snow stops here, meaning you and your people could be facing the demolition of this region and its inhabitants." You crossed your arms too, copying him. "I'm just trying to help unless you think my studies had gone elsewhere?"

Enzo scoffed, a puff of feathers that ruffled up. "Let's just resume to what we're good at, hmm?"

-

If travelling anywhere had taught you anything, it was that you shouldn't trust any higher-ups, believing everything will be smooth sailing.

The reports and samples scattered across the slopes, dancing dangerously too low to the cliff edges, some succumbing more than others, and those in your group scrambled to save them. Enzo remained arrogant as ever, doing little to help and rather smugly watching the ordeal, complaining often that your group were "walking too slow" and "we were running out of time for sunlight".

You were situated in the corner, silently taking note of what was around of little life preserved, before the beating of wings perked your ears. Snow crunched delicately when the Aarakocra stooped beside you, watching with soundless intent.

"So, this is what you do?" He grazed at a small patch of dirt you had brought up beneath the heavy snow. "Looking at dirt and grass?"

"All of this hold important information for us to understand how the landscape is changing," Enzo couldn't help but to have his attention piqued when he heard how almost automatic your response was, informing rather than belittling him. When you looked up to meet his eyes, it was hard to gauge his reaction: head tilted, seemingly drawn in from how far leant to you he was beside you.

He quickly dismissed it, pulling back from the noticeable closeness, and the burning feeling in your chest fluttered too quickly for your liking. "Whatever keeps us alive, I suppose."

Another presence came over to the two of you, heavier than of the Aarakocra. "You think you could help me with this?" Calder was looking over at Enzo, who, also was staring with narrowed eyes at the bearded man.

"Yeah sure," you gave an awkward glance to both men, realising something was piercing the silent air. "Is something going on?"

"No," Enzo, puffed his chest out, giving Calder little regard as he turned his head. "You go off with your dog, I'm needed elsewhere."

You watched him walk away before turning back to Calder, head tilted. "I'm going to pretend nothing happened there."

"Agreed," Calder affirmed, pointing you towards the deeper parts of the woods where the treelines met and increased in sizes and numbers. "I think I might've found something."

"Lead the way." You gestured for him to take the lead, directing you through the trees. The snow was freshest in these parts, untouched and light, airy. A wonderland was discovered in a small corner forgotten from the world. Beautiful. You marvelled. I will never get bored of seeing this.

"What's wrong, Calder?" He stopped you when the two of you reached the middle of the area, overwatching the large view, the mountains dipped and the view from the top pointed directing to the Oakendenn, situated right in the opening of the valley. "It's right in target," Calder addressed, thick eyebrows knitted. "And that means a direct hit for the snow to collapse in on it all."

"We could have a day, week or years before this region is completely smothered." You noted wretchedly. All these reports, research and hypothesis, yet you felt like it all went to no use. It seemed like everything was too late, that hard work going down the drain. "I wish we could've done more."

"And we have, do not fret," Calder reassured, patting your shoulder that you needed from a comforting friend. "And we will do so much more. Let's head back to the others, keep all together."

Right, but still, I feel useless. You dusted the remaining snow off your warm clothes, trying to remind yourself of the crunching snow below, your foot sinking with every few steps. Like everyone relies on you all the time. The only sounds that were heard were the distinct soft crunches of the two of you heading back, before one wretched and horrid resounded, echoing along with the trees, some birds fleeing from their branches of homes.

You looked back to Calder, who looked back in confusion, listening closely to the cracking of the earth as if it had split open. Your right felt for a second as if it was sinking lower, taking your body with you as all your body weight brought you down so suddenly, snow following too, making your body crash into it with force as you waded chest-deep through it.

Your voice was sudden and nervous, watching the ledge you once stood at grow taller and taller above you, a weightless feeling take over your body, the scream of your name as unknown darkness settled around you before you could hit the ground.

-

The first time you had seen snow, you had been seven, marvelling in wonder with friends at how magical it all seemed. Never did you worry about the eternal cold, of it encasing your entire body and leaving you worthless and alone. You always had the warmth to rely on: warm blankets and hot cocoa and fire to share stories around. The cold was sore and biting, an eternity of nothingness but yourself.

You didn't know how long you had been trapped in darkness: how long you had gone unnoticed or remembered. Maybe this was it... just oblivion and emptiness. You tried to invasion your limbs, your fingers trying to tread through the snow like it was water; too thick to even pass through, but trying and trying to feel your fingers and toes wiggle again.

You clawed and clawed slowly until the darkness lightened and that bleakness turned to hope. You kicked your body out as you breached the surface, coughing and spluttering weakly, an invasion of pure cold and ice felt trapped in your throat.

You laid there with your head against a block of solid ice and snow, trying to steady your breathing, the cold and winds were never-ending, never giving your body a break as all felt numb.

I'm going to die out here. You thought. Will my story be told again? You wanted to laugh, to call for help, but your throat was stinging from its frostiness.

There was a distant, soft sound of tree branches moving and swaying, how the dead leaves swayed and moved with long, drawn moans, wings of small birds flying off from the abrupt noises. The flapping of wings never ceased, ringing in your ears, reminding you didn't have wings yourself to fly off from this nightmare. It was only when you could open your eyes was when you saw the blurred large figure descend in front of you, all feathers and intimidating, you wished to cry out in pain for your misery, but once your eyes focused, did you noticed something familiar about it all.

A rush of feathers, brown and red, as pretty as coppers.

"So, there you are." Enzo's voice was merely a whisper among the howling winds, flapping slowly to the snowy plains in front of you, his body inches from you towering easily over your small frame. You made no noise or voiced your frustration for his words, weakly looking up at him as best as you could.

The blowing winds cast a glow behind his silhouette, watching the Aarakocra bend to kneel in front of you. "Hey," his voice surprised you, a feathered hand on your shoulder, shaking you with almost impatience. "Don't die on me, you hear?"

"Shut up," the words came weakly from you, luring you to sleep, his figure blurring again until you saw three of him, vision dotted. "Enzo..."

"Hush." He wasted no time in collecting you in his arms, cuddling you close to him as he carried you. What shocked you most was how incredibly warm he was, unaffected by the vast cold. You instinctively snuggled closer into his chest, shutting your eyes and shuddering. "Let's get you out of here."

You didn't respond, feeling how there was a surge of air moving around you both, your body growing lighter and head more lightheaded as he flapped his wings, the winds more biting against your exposed face and neck.

The harsh winds or the cold went straight to your head, pulling you in and out of consciousness, wrapped tightly in the arms that allowed you to feel a sense of safety to slip beyond the darkness, to rest your eyes for a moment.

-

There was an aching drive for warmth that slowly spread through you, taking over your body, making you want to drink it in greedily. When your eyes opened once more to a flickering flame, dancing and roaring, filling its beauty in the room. Just opposite you in the small room, knelt Enzo, tending to something he was pouring into a bowl.

"Where are we?" Your voice felt worse with wear, hoarse and not tended to. Enzo flinched, his feathers bright and shimmering against the colour of the flames, making him seem like a risen phoenix, an enigma in your eyes.

In his hands, the bowl was passed to you, his own in hand as he watched you gauge your reaction, before answering, "A cave I found, a few days out from Oakendenn."

"And the others? And Calder-"

"For the love of the Gods, can you for once think about yourself?" His words weren't snappy or aloof, more full of weary and strain. He laughed tiredly. "Honestly, little doctor, do you think before you go out so recklessly?"

Your cheeks rouged at the little nickname, ignoring it for the time being until it would nag the part of your brain for answers. "All in the name of science."

"Yes, well there won't be any science if you're frozen to death." He hesitated momentarily, before slipping a warm blanket around your shoulders, securing it carefully. "You're still a valuable asset."

To who exactly though? You questioned, silently snuggling into the blanket further. There was a strong smell of mint that was strong in your nostrils, pleasant and warm, luring you to tranquillity. It smelt a lot like him somehow, and your heartbeat raced with bashfulness.

You watched from your peripheral, the Aarakocra shuffling to sit beside you properly, his gaze never seeming to leave yours. “You’re doing an awful lot for me, Enzo.” For someone who dislikes me, and I, supposedly too.

But even that seemed like a lie. Enzo scoffed, his laugh light and airy like the frozen air. “Seems to me someone is just enjoying the company.” He shuffled closer to you, awkwardly throwing an arm around you for further comfort. “If you manage to not become a human popsicle, maybe—just maybe, will I show you around my hometown.”

Not only had his soft words thrown you off, but the feeling of his arm around you seemed not to be of great surprise. “What do you mean?” You scrambled for the right words.

“I’ve dealt with a lot of humans in my time, taking them up and down these mountains,” he said. “Not one of them had wildly gone down one of the slopes. You think that can go so smoothly with me and my reputation?”

“Your reputation, huh?” You laughed, spluttering into it when it tickled the back of your throat harshly. Enzo had placed a cup of water on your lips hastily, eyeing you with fake disdain you hoped. “You have a great reputation for the ladies or something?”

“Hmph, if that’s what humans like to think of it, then no.” He snorted, his eyes shifting. In this low, dim light, they seemed to be practically glowing. “Gods, that sounds terrible.”

There was a laugh shared between the two of you for a moment, onlooking the fire soundlessly, an unexpectedly calm atmosphere settling. You sighed, resting against his shoulder, resting your head into the bed of warm feathers, the smell of mint intense. “I’ll take that promise if you’re keeping with it.”

Enzo laughed warmly, shutting his eyes, the body growing slack as he hummed quietly to himself. “That’s good to hear.”

-

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[joannasteez]

𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍: 𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐀 𝐁𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐊

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: EZ Reyes x GradStudent!Reader

𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄𝐒: Dedicated to my fav @appropriate-writers-name because she deserves>

𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆: Mature Themes.

Credits to the gif maker always @hvitserkk

Based on this post

Trying my hand at writing a headcanon... hopefully this isn’t long winded but if it is.... I don’t think that’s an issue right? The more EZ the better lol!

Also... thanks for 500 followers💋

☠︎

Nocturne No.1 in B Flat Minor rides on the air that flows around you like a whisper, the soft piano lead melody slipping over your ears in a delicate manner that calms the atmosphere of the room. It’s perfect music to write to.

But it doesn’t stop the cramping in your fingers, the ache dull because your muscles have gone numb and taut but you can’t stop writing, for God sakes as your mind runs and rambles you have to keep going or run the risk of losing your train of thought.

There are books and articles everywhere, scattered along the sheets in a manner that is dysfunctional to the point of perfection. The mess makes sense to you of course but it’s dysfunctional nevertheless, a tangible representation of the clutter your mind is in at the moment.

Whoever thought of Grad School as an idea can go to hell.

Who ever thought of 15 page papers can go to hell as well.

Just as the music breaks for a moment and a half, the intensity of the piano suspended for the tiniest second of eternity, and in that suspension of sound, your stomach grumbles obnoxiously. A ripple in your abdomen and a dryness on your tongue.

But what’s food when there’s work to be done right?

There’s a jangling sound at the door and for a second your fight or flight takes hold, reducing your flesh to goosebumps, your heart sinking at the possibility of someone attempting to break in..... and then you realize, if they have a key, then you’ve given it to them.

You know exactly who it is, heavy footed steps thumping against your floorboards.

“I gave you that key for emergencies”.

Ezekiel’s in the doorway of your room, a bag of something savory in his hands.

“It is an emergency if I haven’t seen or heard from you in three weeks”.

Your face scrunches, trying to recall where the time went... It hasn’t been that long has it? It couldn’t have been.

“Yes three weeks.... I counted”, he grumbles. Resting the food on your dresser and coming to the side of the bed.

He kisses you, lips chasing yours with a hunger that is unyielding, the build of his body nearly forcing yours to lay against the sheets, and it almost does, till a paper crinkles and you remember what you were doing. You push him away.

“I’m sorry baby but bad timing, I have to finish this”.

He huffs, neediness rising in him to such a point that it tingles all over his body. Not having you in ear or eye shot for three weeks was more torturous than he wanted to admit. He wanted to lay up under you, feel your kiss, hear your voice; the whispers, the whimpers, the moans, the laughs, the sweet rasp of it from the morning, the sultry form it took when he’d had you spread and ready for him, the sweet melody of it when you sang doing random things around the apartment. He just wanted to hear you, feel you, have your fingers delicately trace his chest in the relaxing way that you do at night. Fuck he missed you.

“You can’t take a break?”

Your eyes cut to him “No I can’t”.

“The papers probably not due till next month”, he accuses.

And he’s right, but your inspiration for this course hasn’t struck you the way it has now in months, all your thoughts and ideas need to be written now, and not burned to flames by the mood EZ is about stir up which you’ll no doubt fall into if you don’t put a stop to it before it starts. He’s got that way about him, it’s uncanny, but sneaky nonetheless.

He starts out with an innocent kiss to your lips, chasing and prying them open with his tongue, and in between these he’s whispering things that make you fall deeper into his little trap, that husky tone dripping into your ears and making your body pliant against the bed.

Something like, “I love your lips hermosa”, “they’re so soft”, “they feel so fucking good against mine”.

You moan in response, like a reflex, the functions of your body laden with the urge, the need to fulfill desire. Your mind can’t keep up and by the time it does he’s got you so far gone. Right where he wants you.

He’s a good trouble you can’t afford to indulge into right now.

EZ gets rid of his kutte and the t-shirt lying beneath.

Fuck! Ok maybe a little indulgence wouldn’t hurt.... right?

Your finger points at him in a way to warn him, “30 minutes, that’s it”.

“An hour”, he argues back. 30 min is BS and you it.

“Fine”.

He’s all cheesy now, rushing the papers and your laptop away neatly enough before he’s laying at your side, attacking your lips with a satisfied groan, the thick rugged feeling of his hands running over your thighs, purposely overwhelming himself with the feel of you to sate the teeming desire he feels but it isn’t working. He needs more. He’s lavishing your mouth with slick tongue kisses, those stocky fingers running warm strokes over the inside of your thighs, pinching and pulling the flesh as he nears the thin cover of your panties.

Three weeks out of action and away from him has you breathless, your body sensitive and fast to respond.

He’s at your ear now, tugging at the shell of it with sharp teeth. “I fucking missed you baby girl”.

You moan at the name, voice airy. “I missed you too”.

He’s got your legs wide in swift motions and with the pulling sensation of his eyes, he’s drawing you into him to be fully consumed. Your stuck in them, falling deeper and becoming less conscious of where you are. Anything that isn’t him no longer exist. You’re completely done for.

Has it been mentioned yet that Ezekiel is a tease?, a man with the ability to manipulate your nerve endings to such a degree that they are now permanently susceptible to his every whim? Well if not mentioned before, let this truth be known now as he demonstrates it, the loneness of his thumb giving your slick slit slow rubs once your underwear are out of the way. His lips twitching up to a sly grin as he watches you squirm.

He’ll deliver you to your release slowly first, present you to the highest peak of bliss with measured thrums of his thumb, the pad of it delivering lazy circles to the wet flesh of your clit. He’ll draw it out of you, root up those pretty, wispy sounds that he likes first because they make his heart swell with pride. Only he can have you like this, writhing against the sheets in delirium.

You roll your hips, desperate for friction, his eyes trialing to the slick pink of your opening. The lewd slip of his finger against you puts a sinful spark in his eye, tongue peaking out to wet his lip as he watches you drag your hips lazily. “Fuck that shit is pretty”, he groans, laying a little slap to you that has you gasping for air, your fingers rushing up under your shirt to pull at the hard peaks of your chest. When you respond with the deep grind of your hips he does it again, laying another teasing slap to your bundle nerves making you whimper. Your head falling against the pillows as your spine arches.

Your voice is ragged as it leaves. “Don’t tease Ezekiel, I can’t take it”.

His eyes go to your fast, and they’re dilated. Completely blown. “Yes you can. You take whatever I give you, you hear me?”

When you don’t answer right away, he gives your clit another slap, a little harder this time, and it has you answering in a quick succession of yes’s.

He delves a finger into you, curving the digit as it glides out, eyes peeled again to the way you’re taking in the tanned finger. The feel of you is constricting, desperate for him not to leave. When he reaches to add another you arch high off the bed, the hook of them reaching that deep place in you that makes the darkness behind your lids go all white and splotchy. He loves the response, he lives for it, for you. “That’s it mi amor, you’re squeezing my fingers so tight. My pretty girl is being so good for me yeah?”

“I’m always good for you”, you purr. Your hips grinding as he gives you hard hitting thrust.

He moans at your answer. Gearing up to add to your pleasure. “Can you take another finger mama? Can I give you another?”

You nearly sob. “Please”.

The fit is tight, a slight ache of pressure at the fullness but you’re floating now. Completely gone as he works you up to that blissful peak.

“Look at me”, he calls but you don’t hear him. Hips rolling on auto pilot.

With the idle hand he’s had laying at the side, he reaches to grab your face, placing a number of teasing and gentle wet kisses to your lips as those fingers stroke you deep. The juxtaposition is jarring to your body, something in your belly fluttering before it spreads through your skin.

You’re so close.

He’s holding your eyes with his again, giving your hairline soft sweet caresses as he stares into you deep, searching for your soul to claim as a personal possession and all the while those fingers are tormenting you with lewd thrust, the wetness of them making obscene noises that fly into the air, the impact of them causing tears to slip from your eyes to your cheeks. Your eyes are glassy as he fails to stop delivering you to that release, a new droplet falling when he guides his thumb back to that glistening nub.

“Oh my God”, you whimper. The knot in your belly threatening to burst.

As the tension builds the tears flow, your body overwhelmed to such an inexplicable degree, and all the while he maintains eye contact with you. Irrevocably enthralled in the way you’re responding to the things he’s doing to you. Your body loves him just as much as your heart does, responds to him just as much as your mind does. He’s got you delirious off his three fingers but you’ve got him wrapped around just one of yours.

“Come for me hermosa”, he rasped.

And you do, convulsing against the bed. His body beside yours, guiding you through the amazing mess of your release.

[slightlymore]

no, thank you

part of the Pride Universe

jaemin x fem reader

others: haechan (mentioned in jaemin's thoughts but not present in the real plot)

genre: smut with plot, roommates au, mentions of university (jaemin is a med student), angst, fluff, very +18 tho

warnings: very! rough! smut! (brat taming, oral, masturbation, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, denial, slight degradation, restriction, manhandling, bath tub is one of the locations), short mentions of mlm (jaemin x haechan fwb in the past), yn comes off rude in the beginning but it's necessary for character development, yn has an anxiety attack, angsty 

words: 11.3K

this is kinda good if I say so myself, yall have to read 👁️ if you don't like mlm or memberxmember I promise it's just a short bit of fluff/angst connecting it to Cute~ and that's all lol, the plot is very jaeminxreader centered 

Jaemin has been told that he can't say no to people. Yes, he will come to the party. Yes, he can help with the moving out. Yes, he can help you with Anatomy. Yes, that kind of anatomy as well. 

The only time Jaemin would say no is when people would ask if he’s busy or tired. No, I’m fine. No, everything is alright. 

"Do you ever sleep, Jaemin?" Haechan asked once. 

His soft and sleepy voice made Jaemin smile. He wrapped the boy’s waist even tighter, tugging Haechan’s body against his. 

“Of course I do.” Haechan chuckled. “When?” “When you’re not here”, the other whispered. “Lies. You’re studying when I’m not here. Look at what kind of service I’m doing. Fucking you so that you can just lie in bed and fall asleep.” Jaemin smiled again and ghosted Haechan’s forehead with his lips ready to place a kiss on the other’s warm skin. He stopped himself before doing so. “Yeah, thank you for your service.”

But since Haechan started to date some guy, there was no one to force him into bed and make Jaemin rest. 

The boy would drift off to unconsciousness for a little while every night, head pressed into his med school books, mind full of notions and caffeine. He would stay like that for an indefinite amount of time, not enough to fully fall asleep but enough to being shaken to the core when he would wake up, batting his eyelashes as his unfocused gaze tried to make sense of his surroundings. Then he would get up slowly from his uncomfortable chair and drag his feet to the kitchen to make his nth cup of coffee for the night.

Jaemin has never had a roommate and it was probably because of Haechan. Said boy wouldn’t have cared less if someone was in the other room, listening to their moans, but Jaemin didn’t like that. Instead, he loved it when Haechan would pull up to his doorstep unannounced, eyes either wide with tears or tight with lust. Because the choice was Jaemin. It was always Jaemin. Haechan needed him and Jaemin loved it. He couldn’t have other distractions. No flatmates knocking on the door and complaining. Just him and Haechan, on his bed, on the couch, on the kitchen counters, against the entrance door, on the floor, in the shower. Jaemin didn’t know, but it wasn’t just him doing Haechan a favour, maybe quite the opposite. Because Jaemin has been also told that he doesn’t ask for help. He doesn’t let people know about his needs, or whatever. But Haechan was aware of that. It took Jaemin a little while to notice it, especially since the other was already gone, but more often than not, Haechan would just show up for no apparent reason. “Nothing happened,” he would say, “I was just horny.” But Haechan would come for him. Because that’s how Haechan was. He could see people very well and he could see Jaemin when he needed something, or when he was exhausted and needed a simple hug, or when he didn’t sleep in days or having eaten nothing more than a single cup of instant noodles. They were friends with benefits but the benefits sometimes were just lying beside each other and talk, or order in some food while watching a movie. Sometimes they would just kiss for a long time, during nights where Haechan felt weaker, and those were Jaemin’s favourite nights. “You should sleep now,” the older would whisper against his lips and Jaemin would reply with a short-breathed yeah, in a second, before letting his tongue inside the other’s mouth slowly for another hour or so. Some people might have said that Jaemin was in love, but the boy had no idea himself whether that was the case or not and he didn’t want to think about that. Jaemin didn’t like thinking at all. But he loved it when others did and he loved to think about their thoughts instead of his own. He wanted to know people’s reasons and why they behaved in a certain manner so that he could understand himself without actively trying to.

“So, what do you think?” Jaemin was standing proud in the middle of his spot-free living room, hands on his hips, like a housewife expecting compliments from her housewive friends. 

“Could be better,” you mumbled, biting your nails, barely looking around.

When you found Jaemin’s pretty written paper renting a room on the university notice board, you did assume he was a girl. 

“What could be better?” he smiled at you. 

You stared back, sensing sarcasm but upon seeing the boy’s genuine expression you realized how naive he was. 

“I don’t know. The roommate maybe?” you rolled your eyes and walked towards your assigned room, dragging your suitcase carelessly on the nice wooden floor. “I’m staying, by the way,” you yelled after closing your door with your foot with a loud bang.

____

You have been told a lot of stuff during your life. Selfish, rude, uncaring, insensitive. 

It would make you angry. 

You would yell back that it’s not true making people step back and add some more adjectives that you wouldn’t want to use while describing yourself in class. 

You fought that back a lot, crying secretly under your covers, terrorized of being alone by yourself, afraid of being alone with such a bad person. 

You fought and fought until one day you just stared back at those people. 

So what? you found yourself thinking. Perhaps I am. Yeah. I am selfish and I don’t give a shit. So what about that? What are you all going to do? 

And when you ignored people, they started to ignore you as well. 

And slowly, everyone knew that no, you would not help them with their homework, no, you didn’t want to go to their stupid party, no, you didn’t give a shit about their new college charity event. 

And you didn’t give a single fuck about Jaemin’s rules.

“So, you can actually do whatever you want, really. The only things I ask of you is-,” he tried to speak to you the first morning of you living together.

You turned your music loudly on purpose the previous night as you settled in. You wanted to see the boy come knocking on your door and finally throw away his polite mask as everyone does around you after a few minutes of knowing you. Because you’re rude and it’s better for them to just know that from the start. 

The thing you hated the most was people giving you a little hope, that maybe you’re likeable and they wouldn’t turn their backs on you. Yet, you’ve quickly realized that it is impossible. Not with you. Not since you’re such a horrible person.

“Yeah, I don’t care,” you replied, one of Jaemin’s red apples between your teeth, a little juice glistening on your lips after you bit down. They were prettily on display in the middle of the kitchen island with a little vase of fresh flowers kept them company on the right.

The boy looked at your mouth for a second before locking eyes with you. “Okay,” he simply replied grabbing an apple himself. “I’m glad you like apples. I was afraid they would go to waste-,” but he didn’t complete the sentence, one hand suspended in the air, eyes wide as you let the piece of apple you were munching on fall on the ground as well as the fruit you were holding. 

“These apples are actually disgusting,” you commented then you both listened to the sound the apple made as it rolled into the living room and stopped as it met the soft rug.

That was it. 

It wasn’t your fault that this boy had more patience than your previous flatmates and you had to go stronger on him. 

Kick me out? Are you going to kick me out now? Come on. Kick me out.

But Jaemin didn’t look mad. 

After the initial confusion, he just put his apple back on top of the others and grabbed a paper towel. He knelt in front of you as you stood there with crossed arms and picked up your half munched bite of fruit and threw it away. Then he walked the few steps separating the kitchen island to the living room and picked up the apple as well, giving it the same journey towards the trash. 

You scoffed. 

Jaemin still didn’t say anything and grabbed a pan out of the cabinets. “I’m making pancakes,” he announced calmly. “I don’t like pancakes,” you acted like a kid but the feeling gripping at your throat was something new and you didn’t know how to behave. 

This Jaemin guy made you angrier than other people. 

Jaemin turned around to face you. “What do you like, Y/N?” 

You stared back for a few seconds at his neutral and unbothered face, then shoulder bumped him as you walked away. Grabbing your backpack from the ground you just slammed the entrance door on your way out.

You knew you were annoying. You also hated yourself just like everyone hated you. But you couldn’t help it. It has happened before. You let yourself believe that maybe you were kind and sweet, that you had a caring heart, that people would like you.  Yet, soon after, they would finally realize that you weren’t like that at all. That you were a monster trying to put on an act. So you liked the idea of people seeing the worst you could be first, so they could just leave if they couldn’t handle it. 

And no one could. Yet this Jaemin dude didn't budge.

You came home late that day and you noticed the way Jaemin turned off his music as he heard you enter your room. 

God, you hated him. 

And the morning after he was already in the kitchen, hair wet on his forehead, a white towel around his neck. 

He smiled like an angel. 

"Eggs and bacon?" 

You ignored him. 

And the morning after again. "Fruit?" Door slam. 

And another morning again. "Maybe cappuccino and croissants?" he wondered. Again. 

"Porridge?" "Okay! Okay. Fuck. Okay", you finally replied. 

It was the weekend and you had no excuse to dramatically leave the apartment as you did the previous days when you had to go to class. You were standing in the same spot in front of the kitchen island as the first day when you made a fool out of yourself by spitting out a piece of an apple. 

"I'm fine with whatever,” you added quietly. "Toast?" Jaemin raised his eyes from underneath his fringe before his hand could throw the locks back revealing the forehead. 

You shrugged. 

He smiled excitedly and got busy around the cabinets, the scent of his aftershave intimidating you. 

Walking around him silently you sat up on the kitchen stools, placing your hands on the marble and looked down, uneasy. It was alright if Jaemin was kind now then would start hate you afterwards. You could rest for a little bit, right? You could just put down your shield and breathe. It’s not like you would become friends if the made you breakfast. 

"How did the week go? You guys have many exams?" Jaemin's voice slightly startled you. 

Looking up you saw that he was already looking at you, two white plates in front of him with two pieces of hot toast. You stared back for a second then looked at the way his hands spread jam on the bread. 

"It was alright," you found yourself speaking. 

How was yours? You probably should have asked. But you didn't care and you were afraid to randomly engage in more than a few words long conversations. 

"Here," Jaemin placed the food in front of you then he licked his thumb. Thank you, you should have said. But Jaemin didn't look bothered. 

After a few moments of silence during which you couldn't bring yourself to start eating, Jaemin sighed like a British person would while slapping their knees when announcing they should go. 

"Alright. I'll eat in my room. I have a lot of stuff to do,” he announced and left with the plate. You stared at his back as he lazily dragged his feet towards the corridor and when you heard his door close you finally tasted the toast.

_____

A scared cat. An angry and scared cat.

This was the first thing Jaemin thought when he saw you. 

Honestly, he almost lost it on the first day but kept it in together when he saw the way your hands trembled while being confronted. Then all of his anger died. 

No, I don't care, you told him yet you didn't turn up your music loudly again after the first night and you never bothered him. It was almost as if you weren't even there. 

What a nicely crafted facade, Jaemin would think, hands behind his head, a pencil between his lips, an open manual on his chest, eyes directed towards an indefinite point on his ceiling. 

It was very late at night. His phone buzzed once and the boy stared at the "apartment empty, wanna come?" text. 

Yeah, he could use some of that. 

And he would have been at his friend's place by now if a weird noise wouldn't have stopped him from putting on his shoes. 

It was coming from your room, a small choked sound, barely audible that Jaemin wouldn't have heard it in other circumstances. He walked the corridor slowly until gently stopping in front of you door, a slight blush covering his cheeks. Could it be-? 

But no. 

Jaemin heard a fair share of whimpering girls before and you definitely weren't enjoying yourself. So he knocked, suddenly worried. "Y/N?" You didn't reply, only a little whimper being caught by Jaemin's ears. "Y/N, is everything alright?" He waited, face almost pressed on the cool wood. Another choking sound and "I'm coming in, now,” he announced and you couldn't stop him. 

Sat on your bed, wet cheeks from crying and irregular breaths, you looked up like a scared deer, sliding back when Jaemin walked towards you. "Shh, it's alright," he whispered with a calm voice, hands in front of himself as he sat down in front of you. 

"Don't touch me. Go away," you flinched, hiding your face from his gaze. 

Jaemin had a reassuring face when he spoke again. "I won't touch you if you don’t want me to."

"Go away. Leave me alone," you repeated with a feeble voice, arms pulling your knees to your chest. 

Jaemin looked at you for a few moments, your baby blue pyjama and irregular breath, then he gently sat down on the bed in front of you and crossed his legs. 

"Do you take medicine?" he asked softly. You shook your head. "Okay. Then, will you look at me?" You sobbed and furtively raised your eyes to meet his for a short moment before looking away. "It's alright. You're doing great." Jaemin's voice was low, articulating every word slowly and he didn't move. "It's scary, I know. But there's no danger now. I'm protecting you." His eyes were trained on your face and you finally let yourself stare back fully. 

"Imitate me," he spoke again, breathing in and out slowly. A little sob escaped your lips before you could do the same. 

"Good. You're doing amazing. Slowly," he cooed and you did just that for an indeterminate amount of times, the silence engulfig you both until you looked down and saw your fingers wrapped around Jaemin's hands. 

You let them go surprised but your palms liked how soothing touching another human’s skin felt. 

His was soft and warm, and you concentrated on the way the heat spread to your cold hands, holding them again timidly. 

Then you let yourself fall on the pillows, eyes looking up at the ceiling, the sobs getting more time between each other. 

Jaemin remained still for a moment, as if unsure what to do, then he slowly moved to the side, walking on all fours until resting on the bed beside you. 

A little stronger whine shook your frame again though and he slightly rolled over, rising on his elbow the other hand above your body. 

"I'm-- going to touch your diaphragm. Is this alright?" 

You bit your lower lip then nodded. 

"Okay, breathe in again, keep it for one second, then release slowly."

You inhaled, staring at Jaemin's big eyes as if looking for approval. His hand ghosted your stomach until finally resting on your body right underneath your bust. 

"That's right," he spoke softly. "Now, again.” 

You repeated the exercise, feeling Jaemin's warm palm through the clothes every time your rib cage expanded. 

"Again," he breathed in with you, keeping it, then releasing it. 

After a while your mind felt like white, blood fully oxygenated, Jaemin’s non-invading and calming presence actually making you feel better.

Yet your heartbeat couldn't stop beating and Jaemin could feel it. 

"Again," his low voice made your arms skin shiver with goosebumps, your breathing getting irregular instead of steady. 

"Focus on my hand and your breath," he said but his gaze falling on your slightly open lips wasn't helping you focus at all. 

He blinked and looked up into your eyes again. 

It was even worse. "Jaemin, I'm fine now.” 

The boy blinked a few times and retrieved his hand slowly. 

Your breath calmed down and Jaemin took it for a good sign since he returned to his side of the bed. 

It became silent so suddenly that you could hear Jaemin swallow. 

Thank you? Thank you for being here? Or, thank you for helping me out. Sorry for slapping your hand away? Is this what you should have said, right?

“Then, I’ll be going now,” his soft voice disrupted the silence and your bed creaked in the darkness as he presumably got up. 

No, wait, wait. 

"Why do I become like this at night?" you whispered instead. 

Jaemin’s silhouette against your dark blue windows moved around and lied on the bed again, this time on his stomach, bust raised on his elbows, eyes probably on the shadows of your face. 

"It's because the front part of your brain gets quieter and gives space to the other parts of your brain where feelings are."

"Why do you always have a good answer to everything?" 

You heard Jaemin's breath form a light chuckle. 

"Many people told me that before."

"Okay, right."

"No, wait, I meant that- I'm not bragging, sorry--it came out very weirdly." 

You smiled, the dark and sudden sleepiness making you care less about keeping up your cold image. 

"You want to be a psychiatrist?" "I don't know."

You turned on your side, hands pressed under your face, knees buckled until almost touching his hips. "Why is that?" 

Jaemin sighed. "I don't know if I'm good at helping people." 

The laugh you let out took both of you by surprise. "Are you joking?" 

The boy exhumed perplexed energy even if you couldn’t see him properly. 

"You're a human matt with weird gigantic patience. You'll help people alright." "A human mat?" Jaemin raised his eyebrow at you but you still noticed the amused twinkle in his eyes. "Yeah, you have no self-esteem,” you went on. "I have self-esteem," the other protested. "If you did, you wouldn’t let people treat you like that."

Jaemin let the clock on your wall fill the silence with its ticks for a little while. 

"Like what?" he whispered. 

You rolled on your back, unable to look at him anymore. "Like how I treat you." 

"So you're aware of that." 

"So you're aware of that as well but choose to ignore it instead of fighting back?" 

Jaemin rolled on his back as well, hand rising to his forehead and ruffling his fringe. 

You stared at the way the strands fell back exposing his forehead then you looked at his furrowed eyebrows and finally at his lips when he opened them to speak. "What's the point in fighting back?" 

A car roared outside your open window, giving you more time to collect your thoughts. 

"What's the point in being stupidly kind like that?" you finally spoke up. Your voice was a little whisper as if you secretly wanted Jaemin to not hear you. But he did. 

"So I can live by my principles." "And are you happy?" 

Ah. 

Shit. 

Jaemin was at a loss of words. 

"Isn't it better to just be yourself and do whatever the fuck you want?" you went on. "Like you?" he finally spoke up. "Yeah." "But you're not doing what you want.”

It was your turn to have no words to choose from. 

"You're not yourself, are you?" he asked. "I am," but your voice didn't seem convincing even to your ears. "People are not going to like you more if you behave as you do," you added. "And what should I do to make people like me?" Jaemin inquired. "Nothing. Just be yourself."

Jaemin sat up slowly and briefly looked out of the window. 

"Then you should follow this advice as well. Stop putting on this act."

You didn't sleep the whole night after Jaemin slowly exited your room.

_____

The next day you already left when Jaemin got up and walked to the kitchen. 

He heard you leave actually. He couldn't sleep the whole night either. 

Are you happy? Are you yourself?

No. After turning and rolling on his bed Jaemin got to the conclusion that he wasn't happy or himself at all. 

Not all the time at least. 

Because most of the times he did care about people, but he could also point out times when he did too much for no reason, getting back nothing but a bittersweet taste on his tongue. 

When he came back home after class, an intense sweet fragrance welcomed him first as he stepped inside. With the back turned at him and wearing his black apron, you were frantically looking for something in the kitchen cabinets. 

Jaemin indulged in looking at you for a little while, a fizzy feeling inside his chest, small happiness created by moments like finding money in an old jacket, a little surprise you didn’t need but that made your day better. 

How would it feel to behave like you? Would Jaemin be able to do it? 

At first, Jaemin wondered why you were like that, but after the previous night, he hit his head with an imaginary palm, feeling stupid for not realizing it earlier. 

You were just like him. 

Hiding something in front of people. 

He cleared his throat and smiled when you jolted with a little scream. “For fuck’s sake.” 

Yeah, you were hiding the little girl he saw crying on her bed and he was hiding the needy little boy that so desperately wanted to be loved. 

“I’m sorry for startling you,” he let his bag fall on the floor as he sat on the kitchen stools in front of you. “Are those cookies?” he indicated the oven with his chin. 

You adjusted your clothes as if suddenly realizing how embarrassing it was to wear an apron. 

“Why ask obvious questions?” 

Jaemin’s smile widened until showing his teeth and you felt like either fight him or run away from his eyes. What a weirdo, you thought. It was almost as if he was enjoying your moodiness. 

“Are you looking for something?” he asked again. You crossed your arms on your chest and Jaemin thought that seizing you in the act of being domestic was something that highly embarrassed you. 

He loved it. 

“No.” The boy rested his head on one arm, tilting his head to the side, already knowing what you were trying to do before. “Shall we decorate the cookies together? I can make the icing. The colouring is in the other cabinet.” 

You turned around and stared at the only place you didn’t look before. “I wasn’t trying to decorate them,” you lied. 

Jaemin lifted his hands as if innocent. “Never said that,” then smiled as you rolled your eyes. 

“Do you have plans tonight?” he walked around you to retrieve the decorations and you felt your breath hitch when he had to press himself on your back. “Because the cookies have to cool down first,” Jaemin explained. 

You didn’t reply and untied your apron, suddenly regretting your decision to remain in the kitchen instead of hiding in your room. 

“Watch a movie with me, please?” 

The “no” was already on the tip of your tongue but then you heard the “please” and your eyes moved to Jaemin’s face by themselves. His hands were pressing into the isle, shoulders raised as if he was trying to lift himself, the evident nervousness in his expression making you feel at a loss of words. 

You didn’t expect Jaemin to be shy. Why was he shy? To ask you to watch a movie with him? That made him shy? 

“Okay.” 

His eyes widened. “Okay?”

You almost laughed at how surprised he was and you had to admit that seeing him run around the kitchen to get to the living room was pretty adorable. 

A little sigh, as if a warning, left your lungs when you walked towards the couch. You were probably doing a mistake, but Jaemin - God - Jaemin was so kind. 

Watching his back as he was sat down on his knees in front of the tv, so eager to spend some time with you, even if it was fake, even if he didn’t really care, made your heart swell up. No one has behaved like that before. Maybe it was alright. 

“Okay, but I choose the movie,” you extended the hand and Jaemin got up, placing the remote controller on your palm. His smile never left his lips as you shuffled the options. “What about this?” Jaemin read the description with squinty eyes. "Oh, I don't like happy endings." You looked at him. "Why is that?" 

The boy remained quiet for a moment. 

"I think it's because you relate a lot to a sad story and it describes your life so well that you get mesmerized in it. You finally feel understood. Others are going through the same struggles. But then they get a happy ending and- you don't.”

Jaemin’s fingers played with one of the threads of his shorts and you blinked at his unexpected words. 

“It becomes a reminder of how your life could go if you were lucky like them. But you're not. That's when you can't relate anymore and it becomes even sadder. Instead of being a sort of relief, the happy ending is another punch in the gut, since I'll never be able to experience something like that,” he smiled after the last phrase as if he had just said that the best colour to decorate the cookies was blue. 

Suddenly it felt as if the reality was altered. 

Jaemin's face was a concentrated mask, trying to read other movies descriptions and you desperately wanted to touch it with your fingertips. 

But you touched the back of his hand instead and Jaemin looked down at his thigh before looking up. 

You didn’t know what expression you had on but the boy was so good at understanding people that you could have had a blank face and he would have known what you were feeling. 

He smiled warmly at you and held your hand, squeezing it a little bit. 

“I’m fine.” “It’s alright to be weak,” you almost talked on top of him. “Or to have desires.” 

Jaemin opened his mouth and closed it a few times like a fish and you both jolted when the ding of the oven told that the cookies were baked. 

The boy reluctantly let your hand go when you got up and walked towards the kitchen. 

The smell was incredible and despite the weird saddened energy of the room, you both smiled at each other when locking eyes.

_____

Jaemin got used to your love language very quickly. 

After cookies, came breakfast, and after that, it was the turn of a small gadget you found at the flea market. 

“It’s so ugly that the first person I thought of was you.”

You still kept the insulting wall but Jaemin loved that part of you as well. 

He ate your gratitude made of sweets and desserts, and looked at it in bed, rolling the little bald man made of wood on his palm. 

A night Jaemin would think a lot about, was when you were hammered, bodies spread on the living room floor, eyes closed, soft music in the background to make the ambience less awkward. But you didn’t care about awkwardness as soon enough, the only thing your dizzy heads could think of was nothing at all. 

With a wavering hand, Jaemin felt around him, searching for the bottle of “you’ve never tasted such good cognac before, I’m sure” cognac that Haechan sent him.

 And the “Oh, perhaps I’m getting engaged :P”.

Jaemin stared at the note for a long time then stared at the bottle of amber liquid, his hands gripping it hard. 

You took it from his hands before he could unreasonably smash it on the ground. 

“Are you okay?”

The bottle was put down on the kitchen counter and Jaemin looked at it first then at your concerned eyes, as you’ve started to do more often lately. 

Jaemin didn’t know what expression he had on but whatever it was, it made you take a few steps towards him when he didn’t reply. 

“Yeah,” he breathed out after a little while, trying to put on his normal smile. But when you wrapped his waist with your arms he didn’t stop the tears falling silently on his cheeks. 

He did not sob, nor wail. Jaemin just stood there, arms unable to hug you back. And when you dragged him by the hand, the bottle under your arm, making him sit down on the floor, he just obliged. 

“Let’s drink to that.” 

And Jaemin didn’t know if you meant his broken heart or Haechan’s happiness but he nodded and took a sip of the sweet drink. The bottle travelled back and forth between you until you couldn’t sit up anymore. 

Lying down, the sun setting, the same few songs playing on a loop since no one had the energy to change the playlist, Jaemin couldn’t find the bottle anymore so he just grabbed your hand instead. 

You didn’t say anything and intertwined your fingers with his, mind circling the spot Jaemin’s thumb was circling on your skin. 

"I feel like people love me for how I make them feel.”

The boy’s voice was hoarse and it made your chest tingle. 

You listened, squeezing his hand as to invite him to go on. 

“I know everything about them. I know how to make them feel good. I listen and I love. I love a lot.” 

“You do.”

Jaemin swallowed hard. 

You didn’t have to look to know that his cheeks were wet again. 

“I tried to be perfect. So I could be loved back.”

“You don’t have to do that. You just got an example of that not working very well anyway.”

A sniff. 

“I know. But the little amount I still get now, would it be there if I didn’t try as hard as I’m trying right now? Would people care about me if I wasn't perfect? Would they love me if I didn't do what they need me to? Honestly, I'm terrified to find out.” 

You sighed and let his hand go, rolling on your stomach and lifting your bust on our forearms to be able to look at Jaemin. 

The boy opened his reddened eyes and tilted his head to the side to meet your gaze. 

“If you try so hard and still get so little, you don’t need that love.” 

Jaemin blinked once, listening to your soothing voice, the evening breeze lightly swooshing his hair spread around his head. 

“As you said, they probably still love you for how you make them feel and not for how you are,” and Jaemin visibly flinched at the hard truth. “But,” you grabbed his hand again, not wanting to let him despair, “there are also people that love you because of who you are, even if you confuse them with those that love you for what you do. And I’m sure Haechan is one of them, it just didn’t go well.” “It didn’t have to go well. It has never been something that could go. It’s just my fault that-” but you shushed him pulling at his hand as to make him stop talking. “You can still admit that he hurt you. He didn’t do it on purpose but it’s not your fault either. And it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about you. Sometimes you can try very hard and people would still not care in the same way that you do, and it’s alright. It’s not you. It’s them.” 

Jaemin kept his eyes closed as you talked, his chest rising with deep breaths and you placed a hand on it just like he did to you before. 

“Do you like me?” 

His question took you by surprise. 

“You can say no. I’m sorry, I’m putting a lot of pressure on you right now-” “I do.” 

The boy opened his eyes, staring at you from underneath his long lashes. “Why?” 

You stared down at your intertwined fingers. The truth was that you also liked him for how he made you feel. He never snapped, he accepted you, he tried hard to get to you and it was something that you’ve never experienced before. But what does that also mean about him? 

“Because you’re a beautiful human being.” 

Jaemin’s eyes widened imperceptibly. 

“You’re kind and patient and so sweet. And I know that it looks as if I’m saying only the stuff that has to do with me, like, you’re kind with me, and patient with me and sweet with me. But honestly, I would have liked you even if you were like that with other people and not with me.”

You looked up at his face and bit your lower lip. “Also, would you not like me if I understood you the way you understand others? Would that be only loving the way I make you feel? Would that be a bad thing?” “It’s a bad thing only if you were kind to me only to be loved back when in reality you’re not.” “Yeah. And you’re not doing that, are you? You think you’re not deserving of love without trying to be kind but you’re naturally like that, Jaemin. You’re just unhealthily pushing yourself sometimes. It’s not like you’d stop being kind if you stopped trying. Because you’re already kind. And people will love you the same.”  

The boy didn’t add anything to that. 

He pulled you by the hand until you softly landed on his chest and wrapped your body with his arms. 

You could feel his quick heartbeat under your chest and he probably could feel yours. His warm breath caressed your forehead until you fell asleep. 

_____

The day after, Jaemin was the usual boy. 

His teeth were the first thing you saw when you woke up with a groan.  “Good morning.” 

You furrowed your eyebrows when your eyes focus on the background. “What the hell am I doing in your bed?” 

Jaemin giggled and tugged your body against his, making you realize that he has been hugging you the whole time. 

“Let me go!” you tried to escape but Jaemin didn’t budge. 

“We’re just cuddling,” his muffled voice on the sweatshirt you were wearing sounded whiny and sleepy. 

“Why are we cuddling? What the fuck happened last night?” 

Your body stiffened when Jaemin threw a leg on your hips like a koala. 

“Nothing. We got drunk and cried, then we fell asleep on the floor.” 

You waited. 

“And then I woke up and took ourselves on my bed where we cuddled some more until falling asleep again.” 

You waited some more. 

“There’s something you’re not telling me, Jaemin.” The boy raised his face from your shoulder to show you his innocent puppy eyes. “Like what?” “Like why I have nothing on besides your hoodie.” 

Jaemin’s face lit up in a bright smile and he hid his face into you again as if shy. 

“You were thirsty and drank water from the tap.” 

“And?” you were losing all of your patience while your cheeks heated up. 

“And your clothes got all wet.”

“Jaemin, for fuck’s sake, talk normally. Did you undress me?” 

The boy shook his head. “You took them off by yourself,” he paused. “While trying to give me a lap dance.” 

You choked on air and tried to cover your face with your hands, but Jaemin’s koala arms prevented you from doing so. 

What the fuck. What the actual fuck. 

“But you just took your clothes off and fell on me. Nothing happened. I forced you to wear my hoodie. Then you wanted to cuddle and we fell asleep as you kept saying how pretty my eyelashes are.” 

Oh my God. 

“And that’s it?” you asked with a little voice. 

Jaemin looked at you again and his face was so close that you felt as if on fire, the thought of being naked in front of him and doing stuff you couldn’t remember at all. 

“Yeah, unfortunately.” 

You hit him on the forehead and as he giggled, hands pressing on the spot, you could free yourself and run away in your room.

It was something you would have never imagined, the feeling between your legs.

 You breathed in and out, trying to calm yourself, but your skin still remembered where Jaemin’s hands were placed just seconds ago. And his breath on your neck. And your eyes couldn’t get rid of his sunlit chocolate eyes. 

Oh, fuck. 

This shouldn’t have happened. 

You didn’t predict this happening at all and it made you go crazy just like the heat spreading through your body as your hand slipped down your stomach. You didn’t think. Your mind was blank and your fingers moved on their own, teeth biting your lower lip, knees buckling until your frame slipped on the door and meeting the floor. Legs open and back pressed onto the hard wood, you closed your eyes and gasped, hoping that Jaemin’s hangover ears could not hear you.

_____

Jaemin loved how things started to go between you. Bad mannered and moody, you still snapped at him but didn’t run away when he would laugh and pull you into his arms. 

Perhaps Jaemin was making a mistake. The same mistake all over again. 

Perhaps he was giving and giving, thinking the other party felt the same, but he didn’t care anymore. That’s how he was. He wasn’t trying. He felt like hugging you and kissing your forehead just to hear your scream, loving the little smile blooming on your lips when you thought he wasn’t looking. 

He bathed into your silent affection and soon your affection became something else he wouldn’t have expected. 

“I think you should stay at home.” 

Jaemin adjusted his raincoat with furrowed eyebrows. You were standing near the wall of the corridor and watched him about to go out in the pouring rain. 

“Jaemin. There’s a storm outside. Your friend can just call a tow truck or something.” 

The boy has been in a rare bad mood for a little while that day and when he heard that his friend got a flat tire his mood didn’t get any better. And now, with you looking at him as if he was doing something wrong when his conscience was telling him it was the right choice made him unreasonable angry. Because he knew that he should probably listen to you. 

“I know.” 

You huffed. “Then tell him to go fuck himself and stay home.” Jaemin let his shoe fall down on the floor annoyed. “Why do you care so much suddenly?” and while saying it he was already regretting it but was unable to stop. “You’ve hated me since day one and now you care about my well-being?” 

You tightened your lips. “I don’t hate you. I thought-- you understood.” 

Your vulnerability made Jaemin close his eyes for a second. “Fuck, I do. I always do. I understand everyone and I hate it.” 

Sudden lighting made his face spectral and you took a step back. 

“Just stop being a human mat and stop doing stuff you don’t want to do. We’ve talked about this before, haven’t we?” 

If the boy was cooling down, that phrase took it all out of the window. 

“You think it’s easy? Why don’t you stop saying no to everything and start being kinder then? We’ve talked about that as well. You can’t do it either.” 

“I bet I can go one day with saying yes to everything but you can’t go a day by saying no or doing what you want instead of what other people want,” you dared him. 

Jaemin scoffed. “Yeah, sure. I would want to see that.” 

You crossed your arms on your chest determined. “Okay. Starting from this moment I’m going to say yes. What about you? Are you going to refuse people and do what you want? I don’t think so.” 

Jaemin stared at you for a split second and his expression became one you’ve never seen him wear before. With a fluid movement, he filled the space between you until your faces were a breath away from each other. “I want to fuck you. How about that?” 

You almost gasped as you stared at his dark eyes, the storm outside the window giving him an even more dangerous aura. 

Gulping down, your mind started to run and search for an appropriate answer, but it wasn’t necessary as your lips betrayed you by forming a quiet “okay, deal.”

Jaemin’s pupils trembled as if he was surprised himself, yet his hands were quick, stripping him of his raincoat, letting it fall to his feet. 

“The safe word is,” he whispered slowly, “forest.”

You swallowed again, feeling your throat suddenly dry, then you chuckled trying to mask your nervousness. 

“Okay, but forest? Really? That’s very stupid-,” but you couldn't complete your shaky sentence as you found yourself dragged towards the bedroom and knocked on the bed in a second, ass up in the air with Jaemin’s hands on it. “Stupid?” he asked irritated. “Start fucking counting.”   You shivered even though your blood felt like boiling. Not in a thousand years, you would have expected Jaemin to manhandle you like that. 

Spank. 

A little yelp, more because of the surprise than the actual pain since your thick jeans didn’t really allow for much friction, escaped your lips. “One.” Your voice was trembling. “Good girl,” Jaemin’s voice was almost a deep whisper. 

Spank. 

“T-two,” you stuttered as Jaemin increased the force. 

Spank. 

You whined. “Three.” “God, I’ve wanted to do this the first time you left your dirty stuff in the sink and refused to clean up.”

Spank. 

“F-four. So you’re actually able to feel human emotions such as anger, huh?” you chuckled breathlessly. 

Spank. You moaned and your panties started to get too wet and hot for your liking. 

No five could come out of your lips as Jaemin grabbed your arms and rolled you over on your back. His eyes were full of fire and you felt your core tingle as he got on the bed as well, kneeling between your open legs, resting his weight on his hands pressed on each side of your head. “I’m going to stuff you up so hard. Let’s see if you’ll be able to talk back again, princess.” You were about to chuckle, pretending that his words didn’t affect you, but you lost it at the pet name. A little gasp left your lips in the form of a single breath and Jaemin got even closer as if catching it. “Oh, you like it? You want to be called like that?” he teased you. You gulped nervously and nodded. “Then I won’t do it,” he whispered, mouths almost touching. You raised your head to connect his lips with yours but Jaemin pulled away with a laugh until you couldn’t reach him anymore. Then he got closer again when you rested your head down. “Wanna kiss me?” his voice caressed your ears just the way one of his hands started to draw little circles down your neck. You turned your head to the side, giving him more space. “Hm?” he asked while the tip of his tongue traced the outline of your ear. You shivered at the sensation. “Yeah, wanna kiss you,” you replied, remembering the dare, even though, you realized with deep shame, you would have answered positively anyways. Jaemin’s soft chuckle added to the sensation growing between your legs and you would have rubbed them together if Jaemin’s bust weren’t there, so close to your core yet so far away. “Ask me nicely,” he ordered. You bit your lower lip and looked up at him, trying to flirt back, maybe making Jaemin weak the way he was making you feel. But the boy’s smile never flattered. “Do you not want to kiss me?” you fluttered your eyelashes. Jaemin shook his head. “No.” “I want to kiss you so badly though,” you tried again. “Sounds like a you problem.” “Okay, so you’re not actually able to feel human emotions,” you dropped the sugary tone. “This is pretty human in my book,” he lowered his hips grinding on you, his hard cock making you jolt even through the layers of clothes. “I have to do what I want right? Then I want to fuck you until there’s no trace of that attitude left, but on my terms,” and you would have replied if Jaemin didn’t rise on his knees again, looking at you sprawled in front of him like a full meal and if his hands didn’t go to your waistband, unbuttoning your pants and roughly dragging them down. Your legs fell on the bed like dead weight after the jeans were thrown somewhere in the room. Jaemin got between them again but not to do what you hoped he would. Instead, he reached on the shelves behind you and you recognized the sound before seeing the object: a pair of shiny metal handcuffs. Your eyes widened at the sight and Jaemin chuckled. “You want me to tie you up?” you tried to joke, knowing damn well that they weren’t for his wrists. Jaemin ignored your useless question and handcuffed you, tugging at the chain connecting your hands, making you whine as he hooked it to a nail above your head. You looked up, blaming yourself for not noticing it sooner and shivered at the sudden realization that Jaemin had probably done it very often. A little fear of what he might do to you crept in the back of your mind but instead of spreading panic through your body, it spread a wave of pleasure, collecting itself in a single pulsating point between your legs. “Tell me the truth. It’s the first time you’re not the one tied to the bed, right?” you teased him. “No, but it does look like it’s your first time, isn’t it, love?” his eyes were sweet and kind, the usual look Jaemin would give you in the morning or before going to bed, yet it changed in a second as he calmly slipped his fingers on your hips, getting under your panties and dragging them down your thighs. He twirled them around his finger a few times, the tip of his tongue moisturizing his dry lips as he drank in the view of your spread legs. “You’re not taking off this?” you tried to drift his attention to your face instead, shimming your bust as to indicate what you were talking about, suddenly very shy of you being so exposed to him and definitely not used to the look on his face. But Jaemin didn’t budge. He still stared where he wanted, as if almost caressing you with his gaze as he replied. “It would be a shame. That’s my hoodie, isn’t it? Tell me,” he got closer, hovering over you, finally looking at you in the eyes, making you regret that he wasn’t looking away as before, “does it still have my perfume on? Were you thinking about me today just as you touched yourself that time while wearing it?” he purred and chuckled at your shocked expression. “This apartment has very thin walls, angel. But if it makes you feel better, I’ll tell you my little secret as well, yeah?” You nodded breathlessly. “I was fucking my fist to your pretty moans as well, thinking about your sweet lips wrapped around my cock,” he rubbed his thumb on your lower lip, making you open your mouth as if about to kiss you, then smirked. “What about you? Were you thinking about this-” he let his hand fall from your face down your body until reaching between your legs, touching your wet core with two fingers, dragging them up and down slowly. You jolted, inhaling sharply at the feeling, eyes unable to stay open. “-or maybe this?” his voice was a whisper as his fingertips circled your clit, snapping a whine out of you. His shiny necklace was dangling in front of your face, then it laid on your chest as he got closer and pressed his lips on your neck, sucking your skin in, playing with it with his tongue. “Was it perhaps this?” he spoke again as he easily slipped his middle finger inside of you. The wet sounds of him pumping your pussy made you even more aroused and it probably had the same effect on Jaemin since a little low growl roared in his chest. He slipped another finger in. “Do you hear it? So wet and all for me,” his hot breath ghosted your ear. “Jaemin, please,” you mumbled, the building up sensation keeping you on the edge but not enough to grow to what your gut needed. Jaemin raised his bust and sat down on his heels with a cocky smile, looking at the way his fingers disappeared inside you, glistening with your juices. “You’re in no position to ask for anything, angel,” he reminded you calmly. “But I appreciate the please. Now, let’s learn to say thank you as well, shall we?” You whined, rocking your hips against his hand, urging him to go faster. The boy raised an eyebrow at your eagerness and let himself down on his elbows between your legs. “Do you want to feel my tongue?” “Yes, yes, please,” you replied, all of your pride out of the window. “Like this?” he licked your inner thigh. You protested and it only made Jaemin more amused. “Sorry, like this?” he drew a line on one of your lips, so close yet so far. “Jaemin, I’ll fucking make you pay,” you spoke through your teeth and Jaemin clicked his tongue as if disappointed, retrieving his fingers from you and leaving you all empty. “No, no, no,” you wailed, eyes wide staring at him. “What was that? Did I hear some-” he cupped his ear with one hand in a playful act, “-attitude?” “Shit, Jaemin, you said you’re going to fuck the attitude out of me, yet here you are, not doing anything to me.” Jaemin’s smile disappeared in a second leaving space for a dark expression. Usually, he would have continued to smile, but this Jaemin was a different person. “Oh, be careful what you wish for, angel,” he whispered and dove into your core, not leaving you a single second to breathe in properly. You moaned hard feeling his quick tongue, curling your toes and tugging at the handcuffs keeping your arms painfully above your head. “Oh oh- fuck me,” and he did it, lapping at your wetness, fingers shoved back inside of you, quick to find your sweet spot thanks to your increasing moans guiding his movements. His name on your whiny lips probably made him insane since he started to move even quicker, so quick to make you arch your back, not stopping even when you started to uncontrollably shake, coming all over his tongue. Your legs tried to get together but Jaemin didn’t agree with that, slapping your thighs away his with free hand and diving back in, sucking on your clit as if nothing happened. You cried out and mumbled something about stopping but Jaemin didn’t accept anything besides the safe word. Deaf to your protests, he ravaged you until hearing your loud whimpers again, this time shaking so hard that the bed frame moved with you, your wrists hurting as you tugged at the handcuffs again. Only then Jaemin lifted himself on his knees again, breathless, your juices wetting his lips and chin, a thin layer of sweat matting his fringe to the forehead. “How are we feeling, baby?” he grabbed the collar of his t-shirt and undressed himself, revealing one of the best bodies you’ve seen in real life. Unable to speak, still coming down from your high, you just stared at him, fucked numb, and he still didn’t even put his cock to good use yet. “Good,” Jaemin seemed satisfied as he caressed his abs, going down to the waistband of his grey sweats with a slow movement. He teased you like that for a second, loving the way your eyes were trained on his hard one. “You want it?” he asked with a smirk, palming it and outlining its form. “Yes,” you managed to say. Jaemin clicked his tongue. “You’re back to speaking now. Better do something about it,” he commented and took off his bottoms alongside his boxers. In a single movement, your legs were around his waist and the tip of his cock was tasting your entrance. Jaemin moved it up and down with his hand, spreading your abundant juices on it, making you almost whimper with expectation before finally filling you up slowly with a deep grunt. And you felt every centimetre of it, stretching you out, making the air leave your lungs in the same moment until you felt it hit far inside where no cock has possibly touched before. “Shit-” Jaemin whispered as you moaned, slowly making more space inside your tight walls by swiftly rolling his hips. He didn’t need to keep the pace low for a long time though as you quickly adjusted to his girth, high pitched pleasure whimpers leaving your rough throat instead of pained ones. Jaemin swore again, thrusting every time faster, grabbing your legs and putting them on his shoulders, hitting it from a better angle. "Louder, baby. I want to hear your moans." You bit your lower lip, the remnants of your brattiness lingering on your tongue. "Then make me moan, Jaemin-," and in that second you realized that you've fucked up. Jaemin descended in a breath, making your thighs touch your chest, one of his hands deeply pressed into the pillow, the other tightened around your throat. He was quick. Oh, he was so quick you felt like you were about to go blind. "Like this? Huh?" the creak of the bed and the slapping of the skin almost covering his teeth spoken questions. When you came you felt your eyes roll back and Jaemin finally let you inhale, oxygenating your fucked out brain. Little pleas slipped your trembling lips, imitating your shaking muscles. But Jaemin didn't stop until you felt his hot cum spurting deep inside of you, making you clench hard around him, finally hearing his choked moans as well. His hips moved and moved until you begged. “Jaemin, Jaem- I can’t, I can’t take this anymore." “You know what to say, angel. A single word and I’ll stop,” he reminded you. You bit your lower lip, staring at him in the eyes. “Oh, so you like it that much, huh? Like - a - little - slut," he accompanied each of his last four words with a deep thrust. "Your tight little pussy can’t take it anymore but you still want it, isn’t that right, princess? You like to be used like this, just as I please. You’re filled up so much that it’s dripping out, baby. Would you let me use your other pretty holes as well?” “Fuck, Jaemin, you’re driving me crazy,” you whined, a few warm tears collecting to the sides of your eyes. “Oh, my baby is crying because it’s that good? Do you love it? You want more of my cock, right?” he cooed sweetly. “Yes, yes, please,” you squirmed underneath him. “No,” he shook his head amused slipping out of your hot pussy, slapping your clit with his tip. You jolted and tugged at the handcuffs. Jaemin smiled and jerked his cock between your legs. "Oh, fuck," his voice darkened as his fingers wrapped his glistening cock, fucking himself while looking at your abused pussy. He was so hot, with strands of wet hair to hide his eyes, open red lips to let out deep grunts and his abs flinching when his thumb would press into the tip of his cock that a little whine escaped your lips. "Give it to me." Jaemin looked up at your begging face with a smirk, hand not slowing down at all. "Where do you want it?" You let your tongue out and you could visibly see the moment during which Jaemin forced a moan down his throat. In a second your arms were down and you sighed relieved as he silently unlocked the handcuffs. But you didn't live that pleasurable moment for long that your bruised wrists were grabbed again to make you stand up on your knees in front of him. Jaemin looked at your face for a short while, almost tenderly, eyes darting from your eyes to your lips, before he gripped your head and forced your on all fours, his other hand keeping his cock aligned to your face. You whimpered at the sudden movement but opened your mouth, looking up at Jaemin, waiting for him to do whatever he wanted to you. And he did just that. A choked moan vibrated up his length as he thrust on your tongue, making you taste yourself and his cum at once. Jaemin hummed once then whined, stopping the air inside his nose as if choking before releasing it with through his open mouth and it was so sexy that you desired to listen to his sounds forever. And they got louder as you bobbed your head, his hands loosely gripping your face before palming your shoulders and back, going further until reaching your ass and grabbing it, kneading your soft flesh, shoving himself even further inside your throat. Overstimulated, it took him less time to cum the second time and you loved it how briefly at your mercy he was when you let his cock out, a little string of saliva connecting your tongue to his tip, jerking him off until feeling his seed paint your face. "So fucking hot, fuck-," he groaned, staring down at your expression until you milked him all up. 

Both breathless you just looked at each other until a little smile broke on your lips. He followed suit and chuckled, one trembling hand searching for his t-shirt to clean you up. 

"Wait," he said when you sat up,  putting one finger to your cheek and sucking it clean. 

"Delicious," you raised one eyebrow. "Yeah, I bet," Jaemin replied sarcastic one hand sliding on your jaw while the other cleaned up your cheeks. You closed your eyes with a smile and waited for him to be done, not expecting the little peck he places on your lips. 

When you opened your eyes surprised, Jaemin continued to pat your skin as if nothing happened. 

"What was that?" you inquired. 

The boy blinked at you innocently. "You had something on your lips."

Your smile grew. "And it's all off now? I think there's some left. Wanna check?" 

Jaemin let the t-shirt go on the side in that instant and kissed you deeply, almost making you fall on your back. It was soft and careful, yet so intense that if you wouldn't have felt so spent it would have turned you on again. And maybe you still could go on for a while because when Jaemin tilted your head to the side and circled your tongue with his, you could have sworn that the heat between your legs came back stronger than ever. 

"Wait here," he whispered on your skin and got up, letting you admire the back view until he disappeared outside the room. 

With a deep sigh, you let yourself fall on the bed again, stretching your sore muscles, the realization that you've just had some mad sex slowly creeping in. 

When Jaemin came back you were almost drifting to sleep, lulled by the sound of the rain. 

"Come." A little whine rolled out of your lips as you opened your eyes again. Jaemin smiled looking at you for a few moments before sliding his arms under your knees and waist. 

"Jaemin, wait, no-," you jolted awake but not being able to do anything besides wrapping your arms around his neck. "You can't carry me-," but he shushed you and in a few moments you were already in the bathroom, the hot water still filling the bathtub. 

He put you down and held your waist when you realized your legs were still wobbly and helped you step inside the soapy water. When he followed suit, placing himself behind you and pulling you towards him, you felt your cheeks on fire. 

"You alright?" he whispered, hands already trained on your body, massaging your body softly. 

You nodded and inhaled sharply as he traced your bust with two fingers, going down between your legs. "Jaemin-," your thighs closed around his wrist while your face pressed on his bicep to your left. 

His soft chuckle brushed against your temple. "I'm not doing anything. Just cleaning you out," he had the courage to say. When you arched your back he retrieved his hand and grabbed a soft loofah. With gentle and careful strokes, he passed it on your skin starting from the chest and shoulders then going down on your torso, giving a little bit too much attention to your breasts. Too turned on but also embarrassed about him washing you up, you could just stare at the way the bubbly water dripped on your skin and when he ordered you to turn around, you couldn't bear to look at him in the eyes. Hands on our ankles, as you rested your back to the other side of the tub, he worked your legs up slowly, enjoying the view and your shy expression maybe too much. 

"You're so beautiful," he commented in a low, playful tone and you felt like asking him to get you off for the nth time that night. 

Perhaps it showed on your face or maybe he could read minds, but when he reached your inner thighs, he let he loofah float and touched you with his fingers, pulling you towards him until you straddled his lap. 

"The bet is off now. You can insult me just like before," he smirked while his fingers made their way between your aching folds. 

The breath you inhaled was shaky and you had to press your forehead against his, your hands restless on his wet shoulders. 

"I wasn't like that because of the bet," you confessed and Jaemin's pupils visibly trembled while his lips curved in a little smile. "And I'm not like this now because of it either."

A low sound vibrated in Jaemin's chest before he whispered against your open mouth. 

"So you saying that you're actually a good girl?" 

You nodded, unable to speak as the boy's fingers picked up the pace on your clit. 

"I know," he placed a peck on the corner of your mouth, "you're such a good girl," a peck on your jaw, "especially for me" a peck on your neck. 

You exhaled with a whine and let your head fall back, digging your nails into his skin, finally being able to touch him as you've wanted to do before. Jaemin took the opportunity to let his lips descend to your nipples, sucking them inside the warmth of his mouth, twirling the buds with his wet tongue until it was unbearable for you to not moan his name uncontrollably. 

Your body was all mush when you came again with an almost scream, pulling his head against your chest until his fingertips left your throbbing clit and traced your thigh, going around it and palming your ass. When you finally unclenched your arms from around his neck, he looked up from between the swell of your breasts with a soft giggle. 

"Sorry," you mumbled but he shook his head, a kind of adoration in his eyes that you've never seen before. 

"I loved it-," he started but stopped abruptly afterwards, as if not wanting to let the words aching on his tongue to roll freely. 

You sat down deeper on his thighs until your eyes were at the same level. 

"And?" you touched his chest slowly, fingers still trembling from the high. 

He swallowed, mind running at an incredibly high speed reflected in his suddenly troubled eyes. 

"And I think that-- fuck, I might love you as well." 

Oh. 

It made your whole body shake again. 

Jaemin noticed and you wondered what kind of expression you had on to make him look so worried all of a sudden. 

"Is it too much? Too soon?" he cupped your face with one hand.  

You couldn't look him in the eyes. "I don't know-- I just-" 

Jaemin shushed you. "It's alright. You don't have to do or say anything."

You shook your head and raised your gaze. "I just- I really want to let myself go and believe it."

The boy stayed silent for a moment as if wondering what his next words should be and you hated it. Nights and nights of talking freely with him made you understand how refreshing it was to be yourself and not walk on eggshells around people. And you knew that Jaemin felt the same. Seeing him now, delicate fingers on your skin as if afraid to break you, made your heart ache.  

"You care too much, Jaemin. Don't worry about me like this. We've talked about it."

Jaemin briefly licked his lower lip. "How can I not care about you when no one has cared about you before?" 

And you choked on the amount of tears that suddenly made your vision blurry.  

The boy pulled you towards him and you rested your forehead on his shoulder. "I know," he talked with a shaky voice, "I know I'm too kind and all that stuff and everything you've said is true, I need to change for my own sake, but-," his arms held you even more tightly, "not when it comes to you. I want to be like that with you. And I'm going to change, yes, I'll say no and refuse to do things people ask of me if this is what you want."

His words didn't make your sobs slow down but you raised your face and touched his cheeks. 

"Then I want you to care about yourself the way you care about me, Jaemin." 

"I care about myself now, because you care about me." 

You chuckled. "That's still doing stuff for other people." Jaemin smiled and stroked your under eye with his thumbs. "It's not for other people. It's for you. Because I love you, Y/N." 

You bit your lower lip as a new tide of tears announced their way. 

“I never said I care about you though,” your lower lip trembled after you let it go. “You don’t have to say it.” “I hate you.” “Yeah,” he kissed your lips. “And I don’t like cuddles and I don’t like breakfast.” “Yeah,” he kissed you again. 

And again. 

Until you didn’t let him go anymore and he was sure of being loved back. 

[miraculouscontent]

where do i even begin

The focus in this episode is all over the place and also on none of the right things.

Let’s just start with the obvious: they didn’t even bother showing Alya's reaction to Marinette being Ladybug. We got nothing. Marinette revealing her identity to Alya is supposed to be a big deal, but the episode brushes it under the rug and even seems to lowkey blame Marinette for not telling Alya sooner, to the point where it outright lies and has Alya claim that Marinette’s secret was responsible for all of Alya’s Lady Wifi appearances.

It’s not like I’m surprised anymore when the show blames Marinette for like--anything, but the fact that this season seems to brag about its continuity by being on a firm timeline and then keeps going against continuity is really irritating.

And speaking of continuity, the Adrien pictures are back on the wall with absolutely no reason given. Narratively speaking, the show put them there so Alya would see them and think of bringing up Adrien to get Marinette to take a break, but the show can’t just do that if it wants to imply that it has continuity. Worse still is that this is the episode featuring “Charm Bug” (does her form have a name? I just call it Charm Bug and continue to do so), meaning that “Gang of Secrets” (where there were no Adrien pictures) has to take place before this and “Furious Fu” (where there are also no Adrien pictures) has to take place after.

At this point, they might as well just confirm that “destiny” is a real force and the ladybug miraculous is messing with Marinette’s room and twisting her emotions to make the love square endgame because--yeah, that’s all it is at this point.

The other thing is that Alya shoos Marinette away from her guardian duties so Marinette can go comfort Kagami (let’s be honest, the best part of the episode was Alya being like, “but what about Adrien?” and Marinette was basically like, “what about Adrien?”), which sounds great, but then it all goes back to Adrien, because of course it does.

Not only that, but the episode mocks Marinette for worrying about Kagami. Not only does Alya doubt Marinette’s concern, but Kagami isn’t at all affected by the break-up and isn’t even touched by Marinette’s worry.

The thing is, I get where Marinette’s coming from, because this is the Kagami who told Ladybug in “Heart Hunter” that she (Kagami) and Adrien were perfect for each other to the point where Kagami prioritized her potentially getting together with Adrien over her friendship with Marinette. Also keep in mind that Marinette is Kagami’s only friend, and it makes total sense that Marinette would expect Kagami to be devastated by the break-up.

But because it’s Miraculous, the show makes Marinette look like an idiot for being concerned for Kagami, as if saying, “Silly Marinette! Kagami’s not like you! Kagami is a strong independent woman!! You’re just so over-emotional and you were ridiculous for being sad about your own break-up! You should be more like her!”

I also don’t like it because it presents Kagami as this character who really does feel nothing due to the show not letting her. She was angry at Adrien, obviously, but she was also immensely upset and it made sense when she put so much effort in trying to get him to return her affections.

Buuuut no. Kagami is just annoyed by Marinette’s efforts to try and get her back together with Adrien (it’s not that her anger isn’t warranted, but that’s all they let her feel instead of any genuine sadness over the break-up).

And of course, there’s no mention about Marinette literally trying to help get Kagami back together with Adrien and how selfless that is on Marinette’s part. Obviously I don’t agree with Marinette disregarding Kagami’s feelings (I do hate though how the episode refused to have Kagami explain why Adrien upset her, which would help Marinette understand because she seems to think there’s a misunderstanding/Kagami doubting herself), but the episode refuses to acknowledge Marinette’s good intentions because it’s Marinette and because she’s supporting Adrimi and not the love square, so they’ll make her look as bad as possible. This led to the fandom talking about Marinette and her oBsEsSiOn with Adrien instead of saying UM HI YEAH MARINETTE IS DOING A “HEART HUNTER” 2.0??

(The show also does this consistently, by the way.)

Another thing the show won’t acknowledge is that what Marinette does with Kagami is extremely similar to what Alya does with Marinette. Alya has ignored Marinette’s agency, physically pushed her towards Adrien, and locked her in a room with Adrien no matter how many times Marinette has told her no and that she doesn’t want that.

But because it’s Marinette and because what she’s shipping is Adrimi (i.e: a ship that interferes with the love square), the episode absolutely tears her apart for it. If Alya’s meddling was treated the same way - where she’d be constantly put in the wrong and punished for it - I wouldn’t say a word about this, but we know that’s not the case from “Reflekdoll” (where Reflekta targeted Marinette and Rose of all people) and “The Puppeteer 2″ (hey, remember when Alya did all of that and then it was the museum staff who did nothing wrong who got the worst of Puppeteer’s wrath?).

And this isn’t even taking into consideration that, once again, Marinette has learned something from someone else because they were never called out or punished or learned (originally being Adrien/Bustier where she “learned” to trust Chloe and see where that got her???), and then she’s the one who gets the heat for it.

Might I also add how insulting it is that the episode before this had Marinette saying that she “didn’t want to focus on love,” and then immediately afterwards, Alya is pushing for Adrienette and the episode itself won’t let anyone shut up about Adrien?

Like, this is the episode where Marinette does guardian stuff, gets an upgrade in Charm Bug, and yet the episode hyperfocuses on Aaaaaadrien. He doesn’t even do anything; he’s just a black hole that inhales all available attention and magically pulls all the characters towards his general location.

Then the episode keeps breaking its own continuity as an excuse to make things more about Adrien and also more about the love square, like saying that Marinette carries her disguises everywhere when it’s really just an excuse for Marinette to conveniently have the umbrella so that they can recreate the umbrella scene (by the way, the line from Marinette about “recreating Kagami’s moment where she fell in love with Adrien” is both incredibly forced and incredibly obvious because we’ve never even seen how Kagami fell for Adrien).

And when you already know how the show goes, it all becomes so predictable, which is a huge problem. By the time you hear Marinette say that she “didn’t want to focus on love” last episode, you already know what’s going happen. This episode reaffirms Marinette’s crush on Adrien, which is weird because it’s not as if there was ever any doubt in the first place? The show didn’t even try to convince its audience that Marinette was actually trying to move on, which gives the scene no impact when it happens. We already know that Marinette isn’t really in denial (she’s not stupid) and is very likely saying that she’s not in love with Adrien because admitting it hasn’t gotten her anywhere and she’s repeating something to herself is an attempt to make it true (which is a common coping mechanism for people with self-esteem issues/anxiety), so the scene is just for shipping fuel.

We’ve seen future episodes that show that Marinette hasn’t made any actual progress, hence being another piece of evidence towards my theory that the show does it on purpose to get the Adrienette fans to freak out when anything happens even if it’s reversed in the end. It’s particularly frustrating because it denies Marinette of agency yet again, with her saying something and the show then going lol okay but what if--

It’s gross, and made more so by Kagami watching Marinette and Adrien from a distance and saying that they’re “made for each other.” I’ve talked many times before about how the show is too lazy to have actual chemistry between the love square so they’ll just have characters say that they’re meant to beeeeee, so I won’t go into that, but really, actually think about what Kagami’s saying here.

This is the guy that, in her eyes, abandoned her repeatedly on dates and lied in order to get away from her. She stated outright that Adrien had disappointed her to the point where all of her feelings for Adrien seemed to have completely disappeared and she didn’t even want to be friends with him anymore (at least for now).

Yet, the show had Kagami not only say that line, but told Marinette directly that Adrien was perfect for her. This means either one of two things, neither being good:

- the show intentionally had Marinette do all this so that Kagami would feel embarrassed for Adrien and thus fix all of Adrimi’s relationship problems without Adrien having to do any work to earn her trust back (notice how Adrien in this episode is an “extra good boy” this time around, probably even more than they usually try - keyword: try - to portray him)

- Kagami’s opinion on Adrien hasn’t changed at all and she’s essentially saying that Marinette belongs with this guy who has hurt Kagami, betrayed her trust, and will probably do the same to Marinette

And obviously the show doesn’t think about any of that. It just wants to push for the love square. The only reason there was any focus on Kagami at all was to have a reason to get Marinette to go to Kagami, for Kagami to get angry at Marinette because - as we all know - Marinette “has to mess up and learn in every episode,” so there’d be a reason to go to where Adrien was, and so Kagami could become the next local shipper for the love square.

Marinette didn’t even get to figure out the magical charms by herself; Rena Rouge gave her the answer. It was like the show saw her doing guardian work and shoved her out the door because the only thing she’s good for is being part of the love square. Alya gets seconds of time shown with her looking over the grimoire to figure out the trick, which makes the whole thing underwhelming and rushed when Rena comes up and tells Ladybug that it’s essentially “just been about her” the whole time, meaning it’s just the show yet again being like “see, Marinette? If you’d just figured this out bEfORe...” (note that the episode never tells Marinette that she’s unnecessarily guilting/blaming herself)

But yeah, despite the episode not giving Adrien anything to do, characters talk about him constantly, Marinette somehow doesn’t get the spotlight she needs despite getting a power-up form, and the episode feels the need to constantly railroad Marinette exactly where it wanted to go, not for her, but for the love square, which has always been about not her. It’s already bad when the episode itself is bad, but when it has so much to throw in and delivers on absolutely none of it, it just makes it all the more painful.

[tharros-auris-black-asimi]

Lay All Your Love on Me (Chapter 6)

Pairing: Soft!Dark!Lee Bodecker x Female Reader

Summary: After moving to Knockemstiff, Ohio with your troubled parents, you find solace in the local Seven-Eleven. There, you bump into the Alpha sheriff, Lee Bodecker.

And then you keep bumping into him. There’s just something about that chubby Alpha that keeps drawing you in. Now there’s something going on with the new preacher of the church that you attend. Everything’s a mess.

But you’re an unbonded Omega. Life can turn to shit anyway.

Chapter Warnings: ABO dynamics, age gap (Reader is nineteen while Lee is in his late twenties/early thirties), religious themes, scenting, explicit language. This chapter has loss of virginity, the Pepsi cup scene, car sex, and possessive behavior. Some gun training for Lee.

Word Count: 7,385 words

Author's Note: I literally spent like 10 minutes having a complete and utter frigging meltdown to try and get the "read more" line under here, but I couldn't do it so... sucks to be me, I guess. This is literally going to haunt me for the rest of the day so... yeah. Have fun reading guys.

Additional Notes: So... while having my meltdown, I didn't realize I didn't add a fucking title so that shit's also on me. Call it rushing, lol.

A couple of nights later, back in Knockemstiff with Lee and you…

Footsteps. The front door opening and closing.

That was what slowly woke you up from your nap from where you had been sleeping in Lee’s room. The older Alpha said you could sleep in any room- he had two guest bedrooms after all. He didn’t mind where you were deciding to sleep. But your Omega, oh your Omega. She had whispered to you after Lee told you that he’d be going out for a bit and after he had kissed you on the top of your head, told you he’d be coming back. Then he left. She had told you to head into Lee’s room.

And you had.

The first thing that had struck you was how it just much smelled so much like Lee. It screamed Lee.

His scent was everywhere. The only thing that filled your nose, surrounded you, made you feel like you were wrapped up in a warm blanket was the scent of chocolate and bourbon.

The first thing that you had done was take a shower. Pull some of Lee’s clothes on you, because you didn’t have anything else. Anything to get your father’s scent off of you.

Besides, now with your marked gland, you felt like it was on fire earlier when you had spotted Lee’s clothes. Almost like you and your Omega, you and your designation needed to smell like your Alpha.

Our Alpha, your Omega had whispered in your ear.

Our Alpha now.

It was almost surreal.

You slowly rose up from Lee’s bed, still sleepy. You almost didn’t want to open your eyes. You could hear the familiar footsteps of Lee walking through and down the hallway towards his room.

The door creaked open.

Lee wasn’t surprised to see you in his bed. You were still very sleepy, even debating if you should go back to sleep. You really were tired of all that you had done earlier. Cleaning his house, from top to bottom. You had asked your Bondmate earlier if you could clean. Lee was someone who needed everything to be clean. A fickle Alpha. He had started cleaning more ever since he had met you. Beer cans and bottles had been thrown out. Floors mopped. Rugs cleaned. Countertops too. Walls had been dusted. If Lee hadn’t known any better, he might’ve even second-guessed that this wasn’t even his house.

But nope.

It was his house.

He almost felt like his home was more his home than ever, with you and your mom in his house.

“How’re you doin’, Mega?” His voice was gentle as he made his way towards his bed. You let out a yawn. “M’ tired,” your voice was thick with sleep. Through sleepy eyes, you sorta registered Lee taking off his uniform, sort of hearing him climb into bed. You felt him wrap his arms around you, the scent of chocolate and bourbon filling your nose. You even felt his skin against the fabric of your nightgown. His tongue flattened against your gland, and you melted.

Your nose nuzzled against his neck. Against his gland. A low purr rumbling through your chest. Your Omega was slowly waking up, purring at the sight of her Alpha.

Alpha. Alpha ours.

Through the murky, cotton candy headspace that made your head spin, you could feel one of Lee’s hands travel down, all the way down. Your breath hitched.

“Daddy…” your voice was still thick with sleep. A low buzzing noise echoing in your head.

“S’ alright, Mega. You keep those eyes closed. Just relax. Daddy’s gonna take care a ya. Be a good girl for daddy. Can ya do that, babydoll? Be a good babydoll for daddy?”

Nods.

Nods were coming from you as you started to slip back into that fuzzy, warm headspace. “Yeah… yeah, daddy…” was all that came from you. Lee was slipping his fingers inside you, spreading your pussy open. A low whine filled the room when you felt one of his thick fingers slip in. Making a slick noise echo in the empty room.

You nearly choked on Lee’s fingers when he slipped them in your mouth without warning.

“Keep your voice down. Ya mama’s sleepin’ in the next room, don’t cha remember? Or do ya wanna wake ya mama with how loud my Mega’ gets for me?”

You began to shake your head.

To not prove his point, you kept his fingers in your mouth. Biting down on his fingers as another finger slipped into your wet pussy. Your daddy groaning deeply in your ear, almost rumbling. His pace had started slow. But slowly, the rhythm became faster. The sounds of wet slick noisily echoing in the quiet bedroom.

Drool was coming out of your mouth. Dribbling out at the sides of your mouth. Down your daddy’s thick fingers. You were trying oh so hard to not make noise. Lips wrapped around his fingers, sucking as your pussy grinded onto the palm of your Alpha’s hand, creating more friction. The palm of his head brushed against your clit, giving you even more stimulation. All the while his fingers were trying to find your g-spot. Retracting his fingers out of your slopping cunt, you sucked on his fingers harder, trying to tell him not to stop. Your eyes even watered.

A shake of your head told him that you didn’t want him to stop.

Your body shuddered when Lee let out a dark chuckle. It spread all the way down your spine. Your back might’ve even started to arch up.

You bit down on his fingers hard when his fingers slammed back into you without warning. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head. Lee’s fingers plunged in deeper and deeper in your pussy, more slick trickling down his hand, to his arm. Your hips were moving up and down, bouncing on his fingers. When his fingers brushed right up against your g-spot, you were cumming. You swore you saw something in your vision. Your pussy didn’t stop throbbing, you didn’t stop moving your hips, or grinding down onto the palm of his hand until you had ridden out your orgasm. Only when Lee pulled out his fingers from your mouth did you stop.

“Such a needy little baby,” Lee’s voice was rough against your ear, making your pussy throb around his fingers that were still inside you. “Always need ya holes filled, don’t cha?”

All you could do was nod.

“Want it, Lee.” Your voice was slightly slurred together due to the amount of saliva that was still in your mouth. And because his fingers were still shoved in your mouth. “Want your cock daddy. M’ please. M’ ready.” To prove your own point, you even bucked your hips against his. Feeling that skin-on-skin contact. You could feel his hard cock against your pussy. Your dripping slick dripping onto his pelvis. You could tell he was hard.

And it wasn’t like you were speaking right through your teeth.

Your slick was running everywhere.

Your gland was on fire.

At least it felt like it.

You didn’t dare touch it, because you just so fucking turned on. His scent was enveloping you. Telling you that he wanted this, too.

One of his hands fell to your shoulder, gripping it.

“Ya sure? This whatcha want? My lil Omega wants to be full, huh? Wants to be full with her Alpha?” Lee’s breath tickled the side of your neck, making you shudder deeply. Your Omega was gleeful. You imagined her bouncing around in her cage in delight.

Your Omega couldn’t put into words, how good she was feeling in this moment.

Gleeful probably couldn’t describe the feeling either.

But finally.

Finally.

She was going to witness her Alpha take her.

“Turn over. On your stomach.”

Unlike most times that you had been with Lee, it was different this time when he spoke. He wasn’t just talking to you. He wasn’t just talking to you, speaking to you gently. Like he always did. There was a note of tenderness in his voice when he spoke to you. Like you were a fragile porcelain doll that needed to be treated with the utmost care. You heard a slick popping noise, and a soft little whine filled the room when your pussy clenched around nothing. Your eyes might’ve even watered a bit too at the realization.

“I told ya, Babydoll. No noises.”

There it was again.

Lee was talking to you. But he wasn’t being gentle. It made your back straighten up. Your Omega preen.

Because when Lee Bodecker was talking like that… using his Tone… well, how could you not listen?

Your whines quieted. Now, now, you were awake. Your mind was sharp. Your Omega was sighing in the most utter bliss.

Finally. Finally, she would be getting what she demanded. This Alpha, her Alpha, the Alpha that had bitten her neck, the Alpha that brought her home, that her Alpha would be the one to lay claim to her body. To fuck it. To breed it. She already wore his mark on her neck with pride. Having his pups… it would complete it. She would get her Pack with her Alpha. The Alpha that she had chosen herself. On her terms. No one else’s. No one had forced her to choose this Alpha. She had done it herself.

Oh boy, did that give her pleasure. Her pleasure was heightened when your fists gripped his bedsheets, hearing Lee’s sharp intake of breath. All he could smell was you. The scent of freshly baked cookies wafted up to his nose. It was nothing compared to his tummy pressing down gently on your back, making your back arch up.

Your breath caught in your throat when you felt the tip of his cock poking against, slipping inside your slippery pussy lips, coating it with your slick. Making it all wet. You felt the burning feeling erupt in your belly as your vaginal walls stretched out for his cock.

Inch by inch, he rocked against you. His hands holding your shoulders down onto the mattress firmly. You were breathing against the pillow, eyes glassed over in pure bliss.

“Daddy,” your voice was muffled because of the pillow, “more.”

Through the past couple of nights, you had asked. Over and over. At first, Lee had laughed a bit, saying things like “are ya sure,” or “don’t wanna hurt cha, babydoll. I don’t think ya can handle it.”

Words and phrases that made your Omega stir. Albeit a little angrily.

Now though, she was happy. Practically bouncing around carefree in her cage in the confines of your mind.

Lee’s hand traveled down, all the way down to your clit. Rubbing your clit with one hand as his other hand rose up, to slip into the collar of your dress, down to cup a breast. His thumb grazing over a nipple until it was hard as a pebble. Your pillow muffled the noises of pleasure. Your back arched. Your hips moved slightly.

Every rock of his hips against your backside made you gasp. Every rub against your clit made you squirm. Feeling the pressure building up in your belly. But you were remaining cautious.

All because you didn’t want to wake up your mother next door.

The things you did for your Alpha.

It was when he was halfway in did he hear the whimpers.

“Daddy, ‘s too much, can’t- can’t take it-” you were sobbing into the pillow.

“C’mon babydoll. M’ only halfway in and you’re already whimperin’ so sweet. You’re daddy’s good girl. You can take it. You’re my good girl, aren’t cha babydoll?” Lee’s voice was gruff. But it was pouring into your ears like honey. The pain of his cock stretching you open was the number one thing you could feel. His hands, gripping your hips. Grinding his cock into your pussy. His rubbing at your clit became harder, quicker. Your whimpers were beginning to rise again as you felt your impending orgasm coming.

“Lee,” your voice was muffled by your pillow, “please, m’ gonna- m’ gonna-”

“I know Mega,” he grunted in your ear, making you nearly choke, “s’ okay. Let go babydoll.”

A muffled cry filled the room.

Lee chose that moment to fully sink in, break that final barrier that was keeping him back. A deep, choked noise came from you at the strange sensation. Tears even sprung in your eyes at the feeling. For a moment, Lee could feel it. Your pain. A hand rose up from your breast to your hair, to tug it gently. “It’s okay,” his voice gentle, almost soothing your tears, “just relax. It’ll be okay.”

In and out. In and out. Taking deep breaths. Lee saw your body moving up and down as you tried to get used to him fully inside of you. You felt like a freaking stuffed turkey at Thanksgiving. Never had you ever been filled this good, this deep before.

It was kind of an unusual feeling. After a couple of more deep breaths, and Lee saw through the dark, your form beginning to relax. He took the initiative to move.

His thrusts were slow. Gentle. He was out of you, an inch, two inches at the max. He never truly left you.

The pain was something you weren’t used to. Your vaginal walls clenched around his dick tightly. It made Lee’s eyes roll into the back of his head. The more he thrusted in you, the more the pain lessened. It began to hurt a little less. Soft kisses were placed down from the back of your neck, down your spine. It made your back arch up.

“Daddy,” your voice was muffled from the pillow, “more, more, more.” Your hips adjusted. Your ass even wiggled.

“Took me so well, Mega. Such a good Omega.” His praise was hushed in your ear. Your Omega, oh your Omega. She couldn’t be any happier. She was still happily bouncing around in glee.

Alpha calls us a good Omega. We’re a good Omega.

There was a part of Lee. A part of Lee who wanted nothing more than to just take and take and take in between your thighs, even if you cried out for him to stop. That part of him that just wanted it. A part of him that would never be satisfied.

Like now.

He could hear that inner voice, telling him, urging him on. To take this Omega that was underneath him that was purring so sweet. And he wanted to. Oh dear god, heavens above, hand on the Bible, god’s green motherfucking earth, did he want to. He wanted to.

But that restraint.

He needed to be restrained.

Almost like he was playing a game of tug-of-war with himself.

He could lose control just as easily and wake up your mother and his neighbors.

However, he didn’t.

Until…

“Daddy,” your voice was breathy and muffled. Your ass wiggling against his front. Your head went up, enough to gulp in some air. “Harder. More.”

A sharp thrust made your face smack right back into the bed. You heard the popping of buttons. Suddenly, Lee was shoving your nightgown up, bunching it together at your waist. His teeth sank into your gland. Your second orgasm of the night rushed through you like a wire being cut. You came so hard around his dick, your walls clenching down on him, gripping his cock so tightly that Lee almost cursed out loud.

“Bite me Omega,” Lee breathed out against your neck. When you eventually turned your head up, your mind was still foggy. Mind still swimming, you kinda saw Lee putting his neck out down towards you. Your fingertips brushed over his Mating Gland. When you lowered your head down, your tongue flattening down against the corded muscle, you felt his hips stuttering against yours.

And then your teeth sank in.

Breaking the skin.

When your teeth pierced, broke the skin, Lee felt the bond complete.

You tasted blood. The taste of copper on your mouth. You had been so surprised.

It was as if someone had snapped a rubber band on Lee. You felt the bond complete. Like you had been made whole.

Lee had come so hard that his body jerked. You whimpered, out loud when you felt it. He spilled his seed, coating the insides of your cunt.

Deep, hollowing breaths slowly filled the room as Lee slumped beside you. Feeling that skin-on-skin contact.

Your voice was thick when he heard it.

“Welcome home, daddy.”

A couple of days later…

Being mated was weird.

You were mated.

Fully mated.

You had Lee’s mark. He had yours. You were his Omega now.

Officially.

It was… strange.

You had noticed Lee’s mark on you for a few weeks before you had lost your virginity to him. Completely gave yourself over to him. Mind, body, and soul. Popped your cherry. You knew that you weren’t his first.

But something that Lee never told you was, well, he had never been with a virgin before. Cause sure, he had been a virgin once. Inexperienced. Not like how he was now. And before you had shown up in his life, all he knew were prostitutes.

That weird fog that had surrounded Lee until he had come home to you in the early mornings was gone. Everyone knew and could see the difference in the sheriff. Lee was happier. Less grumpy. Ate fewer sweets and smoked less. There seemed to be an ease to him now. Not quite a pep in his step. Oh no. He would never admit to that shit.

But his mark on his Mating Gland on his neck, oh he showed that proudly. Your bite on his neck. He showed the hell outta that. Proudly. He was so proud. He finally had a Bondmate. You were his Bondmate. He was your Bondmate. It was as if everything had come full circle. For once, he felt complete. Oddly happier than he had for the first time in a long time.

However, all of that good mood soured when he went to go into the cells, to check up on your father.

He had been in such a good mood before he had realized that he still needed to check up on your father.

The report.

Right.

Right, right, right.

The stupid report.

A scowl came onto Lee’s lips as he remembered.

With a sigh, he got from his chair. Grabbing his leather jacket that had been hanging on his chair, slipping it over him.

It still smelled like you.

A small little smile spread over his lips at that. He could smell your lingering scent of freshly made chocolate chip cookies. Somewhere in him, his Alpha rumbled at the reminder at he’d always be carrying a piece of you at work.

Down to the beasts he went.

Much later that morning, at the Bodecker residence, with you…

Your mother was out.

Gone to see and greet the neighbors in the neighborhood.

You highly suspected that your mother wanted to make fun with everyone since you hadn’t.

It wasn’t that you didn’t like your new neighbors. It was just that you could hear the things that they had said about you. You knew that if anyone spoke an ill word against you… well, they’d have your Daddy to deal with. Your Alpha would set them straight. But that wasn’t what bothered you. You didn’t need Lee to put them in their place.

It was just… these past couple of days. It seemed to be going by fast for you. Too fast. You had been recently bonded, yes. But with everything… would you be okay? How were you just hanging on by now? Were you hanging by a thread? Was that all that you were doing now?

Cause it wasn’t like you didn’t love Lee.

You did.

Your love for him wasn’t something you could show like normal people. You weren’t like one of those babes that you would see at dance halls with their girlfriends, all giggly. That wasn’t you anymore.

No.

No.

No.

You were different now.

You were a Bondmate now.

Now… now you had more responsibilities. But you couldn’t help but wonder. If you grew old with him and got ugly, would he still want you? Someone like you? If you had pups with him and got fat, would he still want you?

Those thoughts polluted your mind and distracted you to the point of crying. You had been so busy crying in your shared room that you hadn’t even noticed Lee coming through the front door. The front door locked behind him as Lee walked down the hall towards his room, still fuming.

The visit to your father hadn’t gone well. He had finished writing up the report, however. So at least he could take out his anger on something. His anger loosened when he heard the sounds of crying.

You were crying.

His footsteps came quicker.

By the time he got the door opened, it was too late.

“Mega?” Lee sounded very worried.

“Daddy,” your voice was raspy as you managed to turn your head to look at him. Tears were streaming down your face. Not to mention, the makeup that you had applied earlier this morning had been ruined.

Absolutely ruined.

Mascara had been running down in dark streaks on your cheeks. Your lipstick was still on though. Perfectly painted. But your bottom lip was quivering. Trembling as sobs wracked your body. Your hands were gripping your dress. On your knees, kneeling in front of him looking like an absolute trainwreck.

“What’s wrong, Omega?” Lee asked you again as he walked in front of you, getting down on his knees to pull you close to him. All that succeeded into was you crying even harder. “It’s all my fault,” you sobbed, “s all my fault. I’m a terrible Omega. I’m a terrible Bondmate. Why do you want me? You should just let go. Put me back. Put me back in the cells, please. Just put me back.”

Lee was gobsmacked.

Oh no.

No, no, no.

Noooo.

No.

Nope.

He was not about to do that. You were still blabbering though. He needed to bring you back.

“Mega.”

No answer.

“Omega.”

Still no answer.

He even spoke your name.

And nope.

“Babydoll.”

You had stopped moving. Your jerky movements coming to stop. You froze like a deer in headlights.

He hadn’t wanted to use his Tone. He really hadn’t. But looking at your face, seeing the tears and the smeared mascara all over your cheeks, it was what had to be done. You had stopped being in hysterics, but you were still shaking like a leaf. It ate him on the inside, what was happening in front of him.

“Eyes on me.”

Up went your eyes. They were still shiny. Wet.

“Who did this to you, huh? Who made you cry, angel baby?” His words flowed into your ears like thick syrup. Making your brain feel all fuzzy. Your tummy warm. Like you were almost drunk. “M’ daddy… he called me a… called me a harlot when we was in the kitchen before we both got arrested… don’t wanna… don’t wanna be ugly for you… wanna be pretty… wanna be pretty for ya, daddy…” you still weren’t crying, but you were feeling the emotions kicking in again. Very high.

Lee clutched you harder. Running his tongue against your mating gland, before sinking his teeth into that corded muscle, making you gasp against him. Your cry being muffled from your head being buried in his shoulder. Your body jolted at the sensation, your hands coming up to grab and tug at his dark hair.

He licked his canine teeth. Tasting your blood. The taste of copper filling his mouth. But he didn’t care. You shook in his arms before you managed to gauze your head back up.

“Daddy?”

Never had your voice ever been this soft before.

And then he was picking you up. Bridal style. Hoisting you over, your arms wrapped around his neck.

“Daddy? Where are we goin’?” You asked him again. Lee’s lips conformed into a line. His gears in his mind turning. He was thinking, as he always was.

“Out.”

Out, according to Lee was making sure you had thoroughly washed your face, blew your nose, smoothed down your dress, put on a jacket, and after Lee had come back down from the basement holding a shotgun, you two were back in his cruiser and driving out to god knows where.

The car ride had been silent all the way through.

But you could tell from your mate, from the way his scent was twisting and changing, that something was lingering under the surface. Like a darkness slowly creeping. Bubbling up to the surface.

You watched the streets. Watched the people. You two even drove through the downtown area. Although it was small, you still watched. You could smell food through the cracked, open, rolled-down window. It reminded you of Emma’s house back in Coal Creek, with Arvin, Lenora, and your mother. Your chest grew heavy. You missed them. Were they okay? Were they alright?

You made a mental note to visit them soon. After all, next week was your visit.

Just then, the car stopped. You heard Lee turn off the engine. You turned your gaze towards him.

“C’mon Mega.”

Following him deep into the woods, you were looking around. The sun hadn’t set yet, and all you could hear were the chirping of birds. You could hear the leaves crunching underneath your kitten heels. You were thinking, maybe, just maybe, you should’ve switched out your clothes. You also noticed Lee was holding a bag that was full of something.

Clunk. Clunk. Clunk.

Those sounded like beer cans. Were those beer cans?

“Lee… what’re we doing here?”

You saw Lee walking up to you, handing you the shotgun. You were confused. If anything, you were convinced that Lee was scouting for something. So he wasn’t using it. Why was he giving it to you, then?

“Target practice, babydoll. I was thinkin’ earlier this mornin’, with everything that’s happened with ya daddy…” he didn’t miss the look that you gave him. That look of pure, almost horrifying fear at the mention of him. It made his veins hot and the urge to strangle your father was back. That greedy part of him that was telling him to just get it over with, to just kill again so all of your problems could be solved was slowly returning.

Focus.

He needed to focus. Still looking at you, he continued to speak. “I know you did a number on him with ya cast-iron skillet and m’ proud of that for ya, Mega. My strong Omega.” He didn’t miss the way your cheeks colored at the praise either. A smirk was curling its way onto his lips. He couldn’t help it. At this rate, he would be half-hard. “But ya ain’t always gonna have a cast-iron skillet lyin’ around. I would teach ya how ta use a knife, but I’m not as good with knives as the deputies are. One of em specializes in usin’ knives and shit. So all I can teach ya are how to use a shotgun.”

You were nodding.

It made sense.

Still, you felt like you needed to ask…

“So… do you have a collection of guns I don’t know bout?” A wry smile was on your face. Lee chuckled. It was a deep one, one he could feel in his belly. You noticed how his belly shook when he laughed.

There was the Lee you knew.

“A sheriff never reveals his secrets, babydoll.” was all that Lee replied to you with. Handing you the shotgun, Lee began to pull some of the old beer cans out. Watching him set it up as your gaze lowered down to the shotgun. The barrel was long. Probably as long as your arm. Maybe even a bit longer. There was something behind the trigger. You didn’t know what it was. You at least knew where the trigger was, at least.

“What’s this, Lee?”

You were gesturing to the thing behind the trigger.

“Recoil pad,” Lee answered you, finishing up setting up the last beer can a couple of feet away from you. “Helps ya shoot more accurately.”

A nod came from you. Saying that you got it.

“Okay… so here’s what I want you to do… you hold it like this,” Lee helped you grip the shotgun, placing your hand that you were going to use to pull the trigger along the side of the stock wrist. Making your cheek brush up against your cheek. Your eyes at the same level of the barrel. Index finer placed directly on the trigger, Lee gently told you to wrap the rest of your hand on the wrist.

“Not too tight… not too loose either… good job Mega.”

Your Omega preened at the praise once again. Happily bouncing around in glee. It was the happiest the bitch had been in weeks. You couldn’t blame her all that much. If it was you in her shoes, then fuck you’d be so fucking happy too. So could you really blame her?

Not really.

“Okay… shoulders bared… keep your feet apart… mhmm. I want you to look at those cans. You see those cans, Mega? Good. I want cha to shoot at em.”

You gave him another nod.

“Aim for the center. Pull the trigger and then shoot.”

Arm upright. The butt of the gun lodged in your shoulder pocket. Nicely tucked. Your eyes forward.

“Lee… what happens if I can’t pull the trigger?” Your voice came out a little shaky.

“Then just think of your dad.”

When your finger pulled the trigger, the first thing you heard was the ringing in your ears. The smell of gunpowder filling your nose. The gunpowder even exploded and some scattered onto the collar of your dress.

The first shot landed smack-dab right in the center, knocking the beer can back. Then Lee told you to move, adjust your footing.

“Shoot again.”

Another shot rang out. The sounds of the beer can clanking back rung in your ears.

And then you did it again.

Another beer can smacking backward with a thunk.

“Three more beer cans left. You got four more bullets in there. We’ll pick em up after you’re done, okay?” Lee’s voice brought you back. Taking in a deep breath and exhaling, you gave him a nod.

“Okay.”

“Good. Keep going.”

Another nod.

One more shot rang out.

You heard the thunk of the beer can flying back.

Turning your head, eyes narrowing, you aimed.

Bang.

Another clunk.

Two down, one more to go.

The last shot rang out and you heard one last clang.

Slowly lowering the gun, you asked him, “How’d I do?”

You felt a warm pair of arms wrap around you from behind. A gentle rumble erupted from Lee’s chest. Unlike the first time you met, this rumble wasn’t to calm down frantic Omegas.

This one was different.

This one was for Mates.

Your head lolled to the side, leaning into his neck with a dreamy sigh.

“Perfect, babydoll.” Your mate said. “You were perfect.”

The entire mood shifted when you two had gotten back into the car.

Loud slurps of you drinking your slushie were heard. Lee’s own empty cup sat on the dashboard. Happily slurping away at your cherry and blueberry mixture, you didn’t notice Lee’s jaw clench.

Only when you finished your slushie, putting it on the dashboard, did you see Lee’s controlled look. A frown made its way onto your features.

“Lee?”

Your voice was gentle. It almost made the dark, violent thoughts running through his head okay. He almost felt like he wasn’t sinking into that dark place for a second.

“Yeah, Omega?”

The two of you were at the next town over. Your head perched on his shoulder, you still looked at him. Frowning. When Lee looked at you and saw that frown, well, he started to frown too.

He didn’t like that frown on your face.

“Are you okay? Do you need me to calm you down? You want me to touch you?” You asked him. Lee swallowed. You could see his Adam’s apple bob. “You don’t have to,” he replied quietly. Undeterred, you shook your head. Your hand traveled down. There was a popping noise. A hiss came from Lee when your hand sank into his pants, fisting his cock with your hand.

“Shit, babydoll,” hissed Lee, his eyes rolling into the back of his head with a deep guttural groan. It sounded almost like a deep rumble from his chest.

“You- you don’t… you don’t have to,” he grunted. Again, you shook your head.

“I don’t have to. But I want to.”

Lee swore he nearly came in his pants at that. A little whimper left him when you pulled your hand out of his pants, both of your hands coming down to undo his belt. Unzipping his fly. He watched you do one of the filthiest things he ever saw in his life. You spit into your hand, a slick echoing through the cruiser. A deep growl came from Lee’s chest. His growl turned into a moan when your spit-covered hand gripped his cock again. All slicked up to take his dick. This time, you weren’t fearful or scared. Timid if you had done something wrong.

No.

This time, when you stroked him, you did it with a clear mind and you probably looked like you had your war face on. Up and down went your hand. All the way from his shaft down the tip of his cock that was red and smeared with pre-cum. You slowly built a rhythm, all the while your pussy throbbed. Your panties growing damper with each stroke of his dick.

Lee couldn’t help himself. Moans, grunts, and whimpers slowly filled the cruiser. A shuddering breath even left him when you squeezed his cock a little. His lips trembled.

“Jesus… shit…” was all that left him.

“I’m your Omega, daddy. It’s my job to balance you out, you know? You don’t need to hide shit from me, okay Lee? I can handle it.” Your words flowed into his ears.

Lee allowed that to sink in.

Shallow, then deep breaths came from him.

He couldn’t almost believe it.

Was this the universe’s way of telling him that they weren’t going to punish him anymore? That he could actually breathe for once? That he actually had someone who understood him? Him and his whole entire goddamn motherfucking package of shit that he carried with him on a day-to-day basis?

He really fucking hoped so.

“O-Okay.” His words might’ve come out a little staggered, a little breathy. Like he needed to believe it himself. A harsh pump made him hiss.

But up and down your hands went. Pumping his dick with the palm of your hand.

“Okay. Glad we get each other, Daddy.”

Pump. Pump. Pump.

“Daddy… you got somethin’? For ya jizz? Or else I’ma just catch it all with my hands…” you trailed off. Not that you weren’t unhappy with catching all of his jizz in your hands. In fact, it was quite the opposite. You were really thinking about that other night in his office, where you had caught all of his cum in your hands. Just the thought made the burning heat in between your legs freaking worse.

Terrible.

He was terrible.

You were probably turning out to be like a fiend now.

“Uh-huh… yeah… think I…” he was cut off with his own grunt, “I got something… in here…” There was shuffling as Lee tried his best to bend down a little. Fumbling around, you heard him grab something.

“Alright, I- shit,” Lee swore. You couldn’t help the smile that was creeping on your face.

“You got it?” Your tone was full of amusement.

“Yeah,” grunted Lee. Humming, you continued your merry task of giving your Alpha a hand job.

Beads of sweat were rolling down Lee’s temples. You could feel his balls tightening, signaling that he was getting close. “C’mon Lee. Daddy. It’s okay. Let go.”

He came with a grunt. Ejaculate spilling all over your hand and into whatever he had found.

Panting, “You got it all in the cup?”

Cup?

“Y-Yeah… and all over my hand too… whatcha wanna do with the cup?” You asked him. “We can throw it out later,” Lee replied back to him. Frowning. Thinking about it. A thought crossed your mind. “Or… I can drink it? I don’t wanna… waste it.”

Something inside Lee snapped. All of a sudden, your back smacked against the door. It made you gasp.

“Lee!”

You sounded very scandalized. Your mate paid no mind, shoving the skirt of your dress up, his hands, his huge hands finding your panties underneath all of your skirts, pulling and tugging them to the side until they ripped. A hand gripping his half-hard erection, he thrust into you without warning.

You cried out at the sensation. Your head falling back against the window. You saw him take off his leather jacket, shrugging it off to the floor, and then his shirt followed. He managed to shove his pants and boxer briefs down to the floor, kicking them off.

His hands came to grip your still-clothed shoulders. Almost immediately, he started pounding into you.

You had been so taken aback that all you could do was take it. Take all that he was giving you. Not that it didn’t feel good. It felt really, really good. Cries of pleasure filling up the cruiser were heard pretty quickly. Lee’s balls smacking against your clit with every single time he bottomed out of you.

Lee swore he could almost feel as if he was in some sort of heaven. Your nonvirgin body squeezed him for everything he was worth. Slick and his seed smeared on your inner thighs, making them all sticky. His thrusts were so powerful that they were sending your head back against the window. Not necessarily smacking it, but you just couldn’t move.

You came screaming.

Yes, screaming.

Your orgasm had rushed over you so quickly you barely realized it had come. Lee hissed and grunted when he felt your walls milking the hell out of him. He still could remember when he took you last night. How tight you had been. Your vaginal walls had gripped his dick so fucking hard that he swore he was in heaven. Like he had fallen into a piece of heaven. It would be worth it just so Lee could get a taste of what the angels would sing about. He knew his soul was damned and that he’d probably be heading straight into hell, and without a doubt, you’d probably be going down with him. But he’d risk it all, just to stay in this piece of heaven for as long as he could.

He continued to thrust into you. Pound into you. Wet, squishing noises coming from your pussy as he took you. His cock was nearly splitting your vagina in half by how hard he was taking you. At this rate, your second orgasm would be coming quicker than you thought.

Which, you were.

Your mouth dropped open in a silent moan as your second orgasm piggybacked off of your first one, your legs trembling and shaking as you came around his dick again. Lee fucked you through it, swearing in your ear. Praising you. Calling you his good Omega.

His wet mouth dipped down to your mating gland. And his teeth sank into your neck, biting you again.

And then he came. You sobbed out.

You were asleep.

Lee knew your mother was asleep too because he had just checked up on her an hour ago. Your nightgown clung to your body, the nearly transparent fabric falling over your body like a sleeve. From where Lee was stroking your nipples with his thumb, he could feel your nipples harden underneath the pads of his fingertips. The only light that surrounded his room was the dim light of his night lamp.

Soft breathing came from you as you breathed through your nose. Your chest rising up and down as you slept.

For once in his life, Lee was oddly at peace.

Everything was quiet.

It was as if he could breathe again. Like there were no toxic things in his life. Your lovely, sweet scent of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, with a slight undertone of his own scent of chocolate and bourbon, filled the air.

His.

You were his now.

Suddenly, he heard a car pulling into his driveway. It made him stop what he was doing. His Alpha stirred, sensing that something was happening. Being dressed in only a pair of boxers, he had to slip on a pair of pants and a loose shirt that barely had any of his scent left, due to you rubbing it into his bedsheets.

He really needed to invest in nest bedding now that you were his Omega.

And then he heard knocking.

To make matters worse, you had begun to stir. Soft noises came from you.

“… addy… what’s happenin’?” your voice was full of sleep. Your eyes still weren’t open yet. A soft groan came from you as the knocking on his front door became louder. Another groan came from you.

“Daddy… tell em to go away… tell em to shut up… I need my sleep…”

And he was really thinking along those same lines too.

Something just wasn’t right in his gut as he unlocked his door. Beginning to walk into the hallway, where your mother’s door was still closed. Still probably asleep. You had mentioned to him once or twice that your mother could sleep like the dead. If World War Three were to ever break out, your mother could probably sleep right through it and still be a-okay.

“… Lee! I know you’re home Big Brother!”

Sandy.

That was Sandy.

But what the hell was his sister doing here? So early in the morning too?

“C’mon! Open the door, Lee!” A man’s voice barked out. Lee knew that was Sandy’s husband, his brother-in-law, Carl.

Carl.

A deep burning of anger and hatred bubbled up to the surface.

However, Lee walked to the front door. Knowing that soft footsteps were following him.

You.

You had gotten up when Sandy had shouted, quickly padding down the hall to catch up with your Alpha. Your hand intertwined with his.

The sounds of the front door being unlocked were heard.

The door swung open.

Sandy Bodecker saw her big brother, and a young woman who looked barely looked like she would be roughly nineteen or her early twenties, in nothing but a nightgown, looking into the familiar eyes that her Alpha had. Sandy also noticed that she had a bite on her Mating Gland on her neck. She noticed that Lee had a bite mark on his Mating Gland too.

Realization came over her.

This was her Big Brother’s Omega.

Lee was mated now.

Your gaze went from the young woman who smelled like an Omega, just like you. You noticed that she had the same eyes as Lee. This was probably his sister.

But the man beside her.

This man…

There was an unsettling feeling in your gut. Something was telling you to not trust this man. Even though it was still dark, you could see his mousy brown hair and brown eyes. But something churned in your gut.

And when he spoke, you nearly almost vomited.

“Lee. Care to introduce us?” Carl Henderson said, a grin stretching over his face. The Beta man was looking at you, his scent of something that smelled like cabbages filling your nose. It made you remember that disgusting, spoiled cabbage soup you had smelled once when you used to live in Michigan. You began to feel a headache coming on.

You didn’t trust this Beta.

Not at all.

Your Omega was in her cage, looking at this Beta in pure horror.

Something terrible was about to happen.

Taglist: @greeneyedblondie44, @bxnnywriting