#LISTEN ITS NO WONDER THIS TURNED OUT SO MUSHY I WAS LISTENING TO ROMANTIC MUSICAL SONGS

[novasintheroom]

Hey its ray-jaykub! I saw that you did requests and i was wondering if i could get head-cannons on the turtles and what they like to do with their respective s/os

OMG I love you!!! Okay I gotta calm down hooo

Leo

·         Love love loves to carry you over rooftops and sit on high points to look over the city with you. This is one of his ways to calm down and think about things without his brothers’ around to stress him out, and having you there some nights, looking at the glitter of the lights – poetry for his heart

·         Speaking of poetry – you guys will have contests for who can make the worst poems. Just something to pass off to each other between visits, something you find in your bag or in his bed sheets. Cheesy, unrhythmic, stupid, whatever. You guys have cried laughing before b/c of this. However, every once in a while he’ll slap you with a real intimate and loving poem that just makes you melt.

·         You’ve started trying to sneak up on him. It doesn’t work. He still lets you do it, just so he can turn around and grab you at the last second. Sometimes he throws you on the nearest soft surface, sometimes he gives you a big kiss, sometimes he just starts carrying you around like a sack of potatoes – depends on his mood honestly. Your determination to spook him is cute.

·         Watching or listening to True Crime stuff becomes a quick couple’s hobby for you guys. Usually it’s playing in the background as you each do chores or work on some project, but you’ll each talk about the case throughout. You’ve hit him more than once for giving away what happened or who killed who. He’s too good at figuring this kind of stuff out!

·         He loves when you sit with him when he meditates. Even if you aren’t the meditating type, if you just sit quietly by him or read, he already feels much calmer. If he’s practicing balancing moves, he’ll sometimes grab you to hoist you up in the air, “to practice strength” at the same time. You’ve learned it’s a very bad idea to squirm when he’s got you planking above his head; he will start tickling you if you don’t keep still.

Raph

·         Once he gets a good enough disguise, he loves to ride around on his newly built motorcycle with you on the city streets. It’s fun to zip through cars and people and drive out to the sparser points of the city to watch ships come in and out of the bay or go to a park outside the city to watch the lights as they all turn on at dusk.

·         Loooovvess having movie nights with you. Seriously asks for it every week. You two get comfy on the couch with like 3 blankets thrown over your laps and watch something like Jurassic Park or Mad Max and gorge on buttery popcorn and chocolate. Sometimes you’ll slip in a chick flick like Pride and Prejudice. He acts like he doesn’t like it, but you’ve caught a goofy, happy smile on him more than once at the end of the movie, and then he starts lifting your hand like Mr. Darcy and adopting more “romantic” actions and it’s just *chef’s kiss*

·         You guys will spar together. It’s kinda required once you date him; he wants you to be able to kick butt if he can’t get to you fast enough. But these sessions usually end up with you and him wrestling/tickling each other and him holding you down with a foot while he lifts weights. Get comfy princess, he ain’t moving that foot ‘til he get 100 reps.

·         He has a really good eye for fashion and makeup. He’s actually the one that sews together all of his family’s clothes, as much as possible with the scraps they find around. It’s calming to make something instead of the stigma he has of destroying stuff. He’s the first person you SnapChat with an outfit just to make sure it looks good, and he sends back honest feedback, like “why do you still have that scarf, you know it doesn’t match anything in your closet,” or “try the red sweater with that long gold necklace you have.” Everyone compliments your outfits so much because of his input

·         Likes to go swimming with you. There’s a few clear, clean pools in the sewers (Donnie approved) where you guys go just to have a good swim. There’s usually some candles lit and music playing. More often than not, you’ll end up laying on his chest while he floats on the surface and just enjoy each other’s company. At least until he gets the idea to dunk you.

Donnie

·         Sneaking into the rafters of Broadway is a regular event for you guys. He manages to disable any security they have up around your “spot,” and you get a free show with your favorite person. He’ll be quoting his favorite lines for days after, all the while talking about the next show to see. He’d so be a theater kid if he had the chance.

·         One of the main things that got you guys together in the first place was you helping him put together tech he’s working on. It still continues now, since you have a steady hand and a willing ear to listen to his theories and ideas. You’ve even inspired him a few times with your comments! It’s a casual bonding activity for you both, and he values your thoughts.

·         Spontaneous dances are a must. Sometimes he’ll grab you and dance around the room – especially if an experiment of his goes well – sometimes it’ll be goofy dances to see how badly you two can embarrass anyone looking, and other times, you guys will just slow dance before you leave, just as a way to be close before having to part.

·         You guys form your own little potted plant collection in the lair. It’s both a hobby, and a way for you to check on how he’s doing. If he’s doing well, the plants are watered and taken care of. If he’s getting sucked into things and forgetting to care for himself, the plants suffer. He tries to get an auto-watering system for them, but you shut that down quick. It’s good to do some things yourself rather than rely on technology!

·         Cupcake Saturdays are a thing. He’ll take you to a bakery, where you’ll go in and get a box of cupcakes (extra frosting). You guys will then just chow down on them on the rooftop, often with him licking a lot of the frosting off the cupcakes before eating the actual “cake” part.

Mikey

·         Such a fan of trying every new restaurant you can find in NYC. It’s become a date-night tradition every Thursday to either order or pick up some hole-in-the-wall place’s food, meet up somewhere, and Gordon Ramsay the crap out of the food. He does a mean Ramsay impression, and you’ve snorted more than one ramen noodle out of your nose from laughing so hard.

·         If you aren’t a fan of video games, you will be once you date this guy. It’s not even just watching or playing video games with him, he’s just funny when he plays! He’ll make the most stupid comments about something going on in the storyline, or mess around, even glitch out a game. He’s managed to get out of the maps of Among Us more than once. You’re convinced if he started his own YouTube gaming channel, he’d be a quick star.

·         Game nights are a must for you guys. It usually turns into a family game night with you, the turtles, Splinter, April and Casey, which Mikey just adores because he gets to see everyone he loves having fun. You two will usually team up against the others, or turn on each other to stab the other in the back. Uno and Cover Your Assets have made you guys question your loyalty to each other more than once. That Uno Reverse card, man…

·         Arts and crafts are his favorite. Anytime a holiday is coming up, Mikey gets hyped ‘cause he knows you guys are gonna start making decorations for it. You guys will usually make decorations for each other. Mikey loves this, just because he feels like a normal person by having actual Halloween decorations around the lair instead of stuff he and his bros scraped together off the streets.

·         Loves to stargaze with you in the summer time. He’ll convince Donnie to let him drive the truck out of the city to the countryside of New York, bring you with him, and set up on the roof of the truck in the middle of a field (that he totally didn’t crash through a wood fence to get to). Fireflies will fly over your faces, and he’ll joke that they’re shooting stars and make a thousand and one wishes on each of them. He won’t tell you that all of those wishes are for you and him to be together forever, but it’s not hard to guess with how mushy he gets after each one.

[rosedavid]

I love you beary much

A tyrus oneshot

Happy Valentine’s Day! I hope you all enjoy these two lovesick fools :)

...

It’s a stupid, embarrassing tradition, yet Cyrus can’t seem to bring himself to let it go. Despite its childish implication, the tradition has been around since the very first Valentine’s day he spent with Andi and Buffy. Valentine’s Day boxes were set out on desks, cards and candy being passed around to classmates. Just like everyone else, Cyrus handed out cards to all his classmates, but he had something extra special for his two new best friends: two dinosaur stuffed animals. They were his favorite animals of all time, so of course he had to gift them to Buffy and Andi.

Years later, Cyrus has kept up the tradition with encouragement from his friends. The tradition has extended to their new friends, like Jonah and Amber. Normally, he’s been getting them little stuffed trinkets, knowing that it’s unrealistic to give all of them full sized stuffed animals every year. They seem to appreciate them, at least, so Cyrus planned on doing it again the next year.

Then, he starts dating TJ.

It will be his first Valentine’s Day with an actual boyfriend. The thought that he won’t spend Valentine’s Day as single for once completely blows his mind. For once, he can’t joke around with his friends about being alone and fill their faces with ice cream while watching cheesy romantic comedies. This Valentine’s Day is the real deal.

A week before the fateful day is when Cyrus remembers that TJ has never been involved in the Valentine’s Day tradition. And suddenly, he begins to feel embarrassed about the whole thing. It’s one thing to admit to TJ that he’s slightly obsessed with dinosaurs, but it’s a completely different thing to tell TJ that he has a bunch of old stuffed animals packed under his bed that he brings out sometimes when he’s lonely or scared. Even just thinking about it makes Cyrus go red in the face.

He decides to present his dilemma to Andi and Buffy at The Spoon a few days before Valentine’s Day.

“What are you doing with Marty for Valentine’s Day?” Cyrus presses as he anxiously shoves baby taters into his mouth.

Buffy responds, “Nothing really. We’re just going to order pizza and spend a night in at his house watching epic sports fails clips.”

“Do you think TJ would want to do something like that?” he blurts out, nearly choking on a baby tater. Beside him, Andi pats his back a few times while he coughs.

“Cyrus, you’re like the best gift giver I know. If anything, we should be asking you for advice,” Andi says.

“But it’s different! This is Valentine’s Day. It’s the most romantic day of the year, and TJ is like the King of Romance.”

“The King of Romance?” Buffy drawls skeptically.

“It’s true! For our 1st month anniversary, he surprised me with a picnic at a nearby park that has swinging benches and gave me a scrapbook of pictures of the two of us! And another time, wrote me a composition on the piano. And then--”

Buffy wrinkles her nose. “We get it, TJ is sickeningly romantic. But Cyrus, no matter what you get him, he’s going to love it because it’s from you.”

“What were you planning on getting him?” Andi wonders.

“Well, I mean, I was going to get him a stuffed animal since it’s a tradition, then I was going to make him a music playlist because he loves music so much—but it’s stupid and embarrassing! I mean, TJ probably isn’t even someone who likes mushy Valentine’s Day stuff.”

“Cyrus…” Andi frowns. “Don’t doubt yourself so much. I think that sounds really sweet.”

“What if he hates it or laughs?!”

“Then I’ll punch him,” Buffy interjects.

“Buffy!”

She crosses her arms with a sigh. “Okay, don’t ever repeat this, but Cyrus—TJ is like infatuated with you. I’ve never seen someone look so lovesick before. I don’t think he’d ever make fun of you, unless maybe you got him a piece of rice with his name on it.”

“Hey!” Andi complains, “It was an…. interesting, gift.”

They all dissolve into giggles, and the mood loosens a bit.

“Now that that’s all settled…” Cyrus trails off with a smirk. “What are you going to get Amber for Valentine’s Day, Andi?”

Andi’s face heats up bright red as Buffy joins in on the questioning. It was definitely a mistake to tell them about her crush. 

“Amber probably has like a hundred Valentine’s, why would she want one from me?” Andi groans.

“Because she likes you!” Buffy grins. “Please, Andi, why else would she stumble over her words whenever you’re around? Amber never stumbles over her words.”

Andi shakes her head. “You two are being ridiculous. Amber doesn’t like me.”

Buffy and Cyrus glance at each other, conspiring for a split second before starting to sing. “Andi and Amber sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S—”

“Stop!” Andi gasps, struggling to cover their mouths with her hands. “What if she was working? You two are evil.”

“We could continue,” Buffy suggests, “unless you get her something for Valentine’s Day.”

Andi sighs in defeat. “Ugh, the worst part is I already made her something!”

“That’s so cute!” Cyrus gushes. “Your crafts are the best, Andi. If you made it, Amber is guaranteed to love it.”

“Thanks, but enough talk about dating and crushes. How about some tater theatre? I’ve missed it at SAVA,” Andi suggests. Buffy rolls her eyes as Cyrus immediately gets started into a harrowing story. For the afternoon, he gets his mind off of the whole TJ and Valentine’s Day situation. But his worries are far from over.

He manages to find the cutest stuffed animal that reminds him of TJ so much and buys it on a whim the next day. He even manages to finish putting together the playlist for TJ, full of some of their favorite songs as well as songs that Cyrus listened to relentlessly while pining over him (not that he’ll tell TJ that). It all seemed to be falling into place.

Then, Cyrus wakes up the morning of Valentine’s Day, and it all becomes real.

             No matter how hard he tries, his hair won’t cooperate. His favorite shirt has a big stain on it, he stubs his toe on his bedside table, and he can’t find his other shoe anywhere. By the time he gets to school, it’s a miracle that he’s still in one piece (well, mostly, because somehow one of his shoes got soaked through from stepping into a dirty puddle and turned the white material a sickly brown-gray).

             He walks into school and immediately spots TJ chatting with one of his basket-ball teammates. His heart stops as he sees him standing there, a beam spread across his face and a hand ruffling his fluffed up, blonde hair. That’s his boyfriend, and it’s Valentine’s Day, and ohmygodhe’scomingover—

             “Hey, Cy,” he greets. “Happy Valentine’s Day.” A kiss presses to his cheek.

             “H-Hey, Teej,” Cyrus stutters, fingers reaching up to linger on the spot where TJ’s lips touched him. “Happy Valentine’s Day. I uh, I got you something, but if you hate it it’s completely okay because I know it’s kind of stupid, but…”

             He continues rambling as he yanks out the flattened bag from his backpack and ungracefully shoves it in TJ’s hands. He knows the blush is overtaking his face all the way to the tips of his ears but is unable to stop it.

             TJ pulls out the stuffed, orange tabby cat with a heart collar and laughs. Cyrus flinches, because of course he laughed. It’s dumb, and he shouldn’t have gotten it. “I’m sorry, I know it’s ridiculous. I can take it back—”

             TJ brings it to his chest protectively. “No way! Missy belongs to me, now.”

             “Missy?” Cyrus giggles.

             “Well, she has to have a name! Let me give you my present now.”

             Cyrus’s hands shake as TJ shuffles around in his bag for the present. Finally, he brings out a bag that looks similar in size to Cyrus’s with a sheepish grin on his face. He almost looks just as nervous as Cyrus.

             Cyrus tenderly takes the bag, pulling back the tissue paper to reveal a soft, stuffed bear with the words “I love you beary much” stitched onto the belly. He laughs incredulously, grinning up at an equally smiling TJ.

             “I kind of overheard from Jonah that you have a tradition of giving your friends stuffed animals, so I thought that you deserved one in return.”

             Cyrus can feel his heart beating through his shirt. The smile on his face stretches impossibly wider until it hurts. He clutches the bear to his chest in a similar fashion as TJ did with his stuffed cat.

             “I think I should name him Thelonious,” Cyrus decrees, resulting in a sputtering TJ.

             “Cyrus!”

             “Don’t worry,” Cyrus placates, grabbing his hand. “I already have the perfect Thelonious in my life. I think I’ll name him Sir Bearrington.”

             TJ chuckles, squeezing Cyrus’s palm. “Maybe I should have named my cat Cyrus.”

             “Actually, I got that stuffed cat because I thought it looked startlingly similar to you. Same grumpy expression. If anything, we should name it TJ—”

             TJ cuts him off with fingers tickling into his sides. Cyrus dissolves into laughter, clutching at his stomach while he holds his bear in front of him as a protective shield. “S-Stop! I s-s-urrender!” TJ smiles, pulling back his hands.

             After Cyrus catches his breath, he suddenly remembers the playlist. “Oh, I almost forgot! I have another present for you, kind of. I’ll send it to your phone.”

             Confused, TJ slides his own phone out from his front pocket, opening the link that Cyrus sends a few seconds later. His eyes scroll over it curiously until understanding finally washes over his face. “Cyrus, this is…amazing! Thank you.”

             “Hopefully the songs are alright,” Cyrus says. “Some of them are our favorites, and others are ones that reminded me of you.”

             “You should come over tonight so we can listen to it together, if you want?” TJ suggests. “We could get some food for dinner, too.”

             Cyrus nods enthusiastically. “Yeah, that sounds great. Really great, actually.” He squeezes his bear tightly to hold in his excitement.

             With one final goodbye peck, TJ heads off to his first class. As he goes, Missy is still protectively clutched in his grasp. Cyrus holds Sir Bearrington in a similar fashion, thinking of TJ. Needless to say, the stuffed animal tradition will be continuing on for a beary long time.

[cutegirlmayra]

If It's Not To Much Trouble....

@helaknight What about a Boom! Sonamy prompt where Sonic likes Amy and teases her by flirting with other girls to tick her off because he thinks she still have feeling for him. And Amy feels Sonic is actually making fun of her and confronts Sonic to stop teasing her and walks away but Sonic grabs her arm and pulls her to him and tells her that she’s not fooling him and he wants to be in a relationship, but Amy thinks he won’t take isn’t serious so she tells him the requirements with a song and in the end he gently grabs her hands and pulls one of them to his cheek and the other to his chest meeting her know he’ll take their relationship serious and you can think of the rest.

~💙💖~

Melanie Martinez just released her new album and I would love her song High School Sweethearts to go with this song. I know you don’t cuss so you can use the clean version.

Ya? No?

—–

Ehem, -listens to the song- umm… I can do my best, but this isn’t really… ‘friendly’ for prompts lol I’ll do my very best to incorporate the song into the prompt, but it will have to be changed. I hope that’s okay! >x<

PROMPTS ARE ON SHUTDOWN! So help me, if yall give me one more amazing prompt to do without first saving it in a word doc for when the freakin’ grand reopening is SO CLOSE TO HAPPENING I will eat your prompt to where the sweet, wonderful prompt I would have written is stashed safely in my stomach! DO YOU HEAR ME!? ONLY I WILL ENJOY IT! So please, PLLEEEASSSE put all your wonderful ideas somewhere safe until I reopen everything! Thanks, you’re the best~<3

Prompt:

“Can I just be honest?”

Amy, leaning against a wooden stall in the market place, arms crossed and glaring away from Sonic’s typical pick-up line.

“I can’t tell which is the prettier twin.”

The twins giggled before waving him off, and he zipped over to another little lovely batch of girls. “S’up, girls. Names adventure.” he winked, as some giggled while most just shifted their eyes as though confused.

“He’s out of his mind!” Amy flipped her hands around in the air, “What does he think he’s doing!? It’s a waste of time! He’s not gonna cross the finish line with any of these girls, and they walk away the second he tries to even finish a flirt!”

As Amy rambled on about it, Tails just sighed and put his metal detectors headphones down to hang around his neck. “Amy, I don’t know how to say this, but I think you’re acting really jealous right now. I mean, it’s not like he’s causing any harm.”

“Oh, yeah? Just me?” Amy stood with full confidence in front of Tails, as if knowing something he didn’t.

“What?” Tails raised an eyebrow to her, before looking to see Sonic trying to put a move on Zooey. “That jerk!” he threw the metal detector down, completely animated in his shock, before rolling his eyes back up at Amy. “Ehem, he needs to be stopped.” he straightened himself up.

“Well, at least Zooey’s being faithful.” Amy sighed, seeing Zooey scoot away from Sonic as Tails began to lose his mind.

“That’s it! I’m talking with him.” Tails was about to step forward when Amy threw her arm out.

“No, this is my battle.” There was an aura of power and might, as instrumental, epic music played instantly in her wake.

“Huh?” Tails, seeing the shift of tone, suddenly looked up to Amy.

She marched over to Sonic, making people jump or scramble to get out of her way.

“You think it’s funny, don’t you? Making fun of my passion?”

Sonic stopped a moment as Zooey cowered under the counter, seeing a confrontation about to occur.

Sonic, sly as always, leaned a little and smirked at Amy. “So, you finally noticed?”

She gritted her teeth, and the aura she once had boosted vigorously to where the whole town suddenly were closing windows, doors, and even locking down their open, wooden market place.

It was like a western show down.

“You’re one to talk. You mock my only fashion sense!” Sonic raised his foot up, revealing his shiny red shoes. “These are the ONLY article of clothing I get to where, you better respect the shine, sister!”

“Oh, just keep talking.” Amy was getting more and more agitated. “Because the more you do, the more I regret ever telling you how I feel!”

“What..?” Sonic suddenly lowered the foot, confused.

Amy’s hands shook violently, her head moving down as she struggled to keep it together. “If you can’t handle a heart like mine then…” she swung her head up, refusing to be weak and vulnerable in front of him again, “If you can’t handle the loving, the smothering then… then..!!! Then I don’t need to like you anymore!” she stomped away, but the powerful roar caused Sonic’s blue quills to stand on end, the sign behind him to fall over from the powerful cry.

“Hold on!” Sonic shook himself free of the effect of her rejection and zoomed back to grab her arm, stopping her again. “After you told me you liked me you said there would be requirements! I can’t just jump from step seven to eleven! You have some things you have to do too!” he looked serious… something Amy hadn’t seen in him before.

“What are you talking about!? You refused to even hold my hand! Too scared to show me off in public, or even admit you-!” she bit her tongue.

“What? Choked? Biting your tongue back?” Sonic let her go, but remained in her way. “Amy, why do you think I was egging you on all this time? You wanna act like those high school sweethearts you see all around you, but that’s not who I am! They’re not your type, and you should know it!”

“Oh, yeah? And what is!” Amy pushed him back, “A jerk who thinks flirting with other girls will somehow make me step up and be honest!?”

“Yes!” Sonic seemed to release all his tension then, “That’s exactly what you’re doing! You want me to promise to love you? Then you have to be fine showing it! For one thing, you never act like you like me in front of me!” he gestured to himself, “I’m no cheater, I won’t waste your time, and I won’t screw you over! But you can’t tie me down, Amy… I can’t do all that… mushy, gushy romantic side of things! Can’t you tell these girls couldn’t even stand me!?”

“It’s true, he’s awful!”

“Thank you! … Hey!” Sonic turned to try and see what random girl’s voice had just spoken up from the hiding crowd but they all ducked their heads back down.

“I’m willing to try this thing out, but you have to be willing to play at a level I’m comfortable with. You’re the only girl I’ve ever been absolutely ridiculous for, Amy… I’m trying. But I need you to try too. For one, you weren’t comfortable with me flirting with these girls, right? Think of how I feel when you keep your real feelings hidden from me.” Sonic tried to be deep, but another girl’s voice spoke up right as he began to be vulnerable.

“To be honest, we didn’t really feel comfortable with his flirting either…”

“Alright, she gets it!” Sonic slammed a foot down and turned back, glaring at the naysayers to quit their random outbursts already. “Thank you for your input but I think we’ve all got the picture that I’m bad at this!”

“Really bad!”

“He stinks!”

“I mean, his looks are kinda all he’s got left.”

Sonic, defeated, sighed and swayed his arms down.

“…Fine, new requirements.” Amy grabbed Sonic’s brown bandana around his neck and pulled him over to her face, causing his feet to skid against the ground a moment, his feet falter from holding him steady. “If you date me… just be yourself, and I’ll… try and be my true self.” Her ears bent a little, she couldn’t look him in the eye when she said it.

He smiled, taking in her sincerity.

“There, now was that so hard-OFFPH!”

She pulled him up to her face, “But if you flirt with another woman again, I’ll rip your freakin’ face off!”

“Urk, d-duly noted…”

The crowd cheered, glad Sonic’s random flirting was over with, but then two high school sweethearts starting singing and Sonic and Amy both turned to them and shouted,

“Shut up!”

Sonic, leading Amy away from the crowd who continued to pester with how lovely-dovey the rest of them were, even Tails and Zooey being cute with their tails forming a 3-dimensional heart–finally retreated to being alone.

“What are we doing here?” Amy asked before Sonic took her hand. “S-Sonic..?” she blushed, looking confused.

“I haven’t said my confession yet.” Nervously, he smiled and put her hand to his heart. “Feel that?”

She shyly pulled a little away, but Sonic’s insist tug, and those annoyed eyes, let her know that she needed to try and little harder here too…

She conceded, letting her fingers dip into fur and feel his heart beat.

“That’s how you make me feel.”

“You just ran.” she rolled her eyes.

“No… I just started feeling…” He looked up to her, and their eyes suddenly locked in great emotion… Amy’s heart began to race too.

“Can we just be honest?” Sonic tilted his head, leaning towards her forehead and letting it touch his own as he put another arm around her shoulders… bringing her closer.

“There are no requirements.” He teased, as she found herself melting into his embrace a bit. “If you think you can be my one and only true love… then…”

He whispered, “Don’t wake up.”

Amy’s eyes burst open as she leaned up from her bed, listening to music with her headphones on and groaned, seeing it was still late at night.

“Oh man..!!!” she kicked under the covers and picked up her hammer, also having its own pillow by her side–not allowing it to get stolen again–and smashed her radio.

(Super AU, but I hope I did alright >////w///<; )

[justsomefluff]

Heyooooo I stumbled across your blog and IM IN LOVE HOLY CRAP 🥺💕 I was wondering if I could request an ateez reaction to reader confessing/them finding out that a diff member was readers bias before they started dating? 👀

A/N: Thank you so much! And so I kind of tried to twist this request so I could get both ideas in there. I hope you like it! Sorry it took me forever lmao

Summary: You confess to Ateez and they are surprised (but relieved) because they had thought another member was your bias. 

Hongjoong:

Joongiieeeeeeeeeee

Sweetheart

SO nervous to tell you he likes you

He sits you down in an empty room so the guys won’t interrupt

His hands are shaking

As soon as you sit down he’s rambling

stuttering a lot

trying his best to keep his cool but failing miserably

now you’re nervous bc you don’t know why he wanted to talk in the first place

you’re brain is like “he’s gonna tell you he doesn’t want to be your friend” or summ

so all of a sudden you’re just like “JOONGIE I LIKE YOU”

and he shuts right up

he :o

You’re so worried that you just messed up your entire friendship but you really wanted him to cut to the chase and it just popped out

Then he starts smiling

kinda creepy bc he still hasn’t said anything

when he finally snaps out of it he’s yelling

OMG OMG OMG ME TOOOOOO

and he’s squishing your cheeks and giving you Eskimo kisses aw

but then he stops and you’re blushing like crazy

and he blurts “thought you liked Mingi but ill TAKE IT”

“Well I do but like….not like that…”

He’s smiling and asking you so many questions bc he wants to know your comfort level and boundaries and everything before you guys even make it official

just a happy baby and is so excited to be with you 

Seonghwa:

Honestly with him, it’s an accident

one day you’re hanging out like normal

but you cannot stop staring (but I cant blame you)

He catches you and he blushhhhh

You smile, but he’s so dreamy you’re kind of out of it honestly

And it just comes out

“I like you, Seongie”

Whoops

Takes you a minute to register what you even said, but his eyes are huge

he’s like excusez-mhwa (lol see what I did) I thought you liked Wooyoung

And you get this weird burst of confidence, like since it’s already out there

and you repeat yourself

“I literally just said I liked you”

Then he smiles super big 

moves towards you super quick

Kisses you straight out the gate no question

When he finally pulls away you’re like 

“Does that mean you like me too?”

“yes”

“good”

and he makes quick work of telling everybody bc he’s so thrilled

Yunho:

(Can you tell im loving the ears?)

Teddy bear baby

You’re doing some platonic cuddling one day and watching a movie

Probably a scary movie

And every once in a while you hide your face in his chest bc it’s too scary

and he’s so endeared

you’re like I need someone to protect me (but he misses that very obvious flirtation)

“Lemme get jongho”

DUMBASS

and you straight up tell him no

“Why not I thought you like him”

“Want you to protect me”

Yunho just blank-face stares at you

totally not getting it

Would never imagine you could like him over jongho

poor baby doesn’t know his worth

So you just tell him like, homie, I like you come cuddle

He smiles so big “OOOhhhhhh”

Jumps back into cuddles without argument

mumbling into your hair about how much he likes you too and how long he’s been waiting to tell you and thank god you don’t like jongho and AHHHH

“shut up im still tryna watch the movie”

straight up turns the TV off 

cheeseball force-cuddles you for the rest of your life while simultaneously texting the group chat like “guess who just confessed!!!!”

the guys text back like “ey you finally did it?”

“me? no y/n”

Yeosang:

the day you resolve to tell him you like him ends up being a day where he’s super tired

so when you tell him you like him he cant even register what just happened

“what” x60

and then he figures it out and he’s like “oh ditto just thought you were crushing on Hongjoong)”

DITTO?! you totally ignore the hongjoong comment bc…. YOUR CRUSH LIKES YOU BACK 

you’re excited now and he’s trying so hard to match your energy but poor baby just cant right now

“since you’re my girlfriend now can we cuddle”

Duh, who would say no to that?

And then you’re cuddling and he’s half asleep on you and you’re so excited and fidgety

He keeps waking up to pinch you so you’ll stay still

like “SORRY IM SO FULL OF LOVE”

and he’s giggling

He is genuinely happy but he’s so sleepy

so he just squeezes you too him as hard as he can being that tired

and you eventually calm down enough to stay still

and he’s like thank god

“if you’re like this every time im trying to sleep im breaking up with you”

“ALREADY?!”

San:

Since he’s typically super high energy and hyper its really hard for you to get him to chill out long enough to confess

but when he sees that you’re really nervous he gets super worried about you bc he cute like that

and he’s fussing over you

feeling your forehead and holding your hands and offering to get you water and making you sit down

“SAN CHILL IM JUST NERVOUS BC I LIKE YOU”

big ol’ gasp

“but what about Yunho”

Boy what are you talking about

“you like him”

No, you

Really?

SAN DO YOU WANT TO BE WITH ME OR NOT

“oh for sure”

Big cheesin’

Kisses all over your face and then runs to find the guys

screaming the whole time

Mingi:

The day you tell him you’re just hanging out with the members

and you’re all watching different music videos for fun and just being excited about the stuff you love together

and one of their videos pops up in the queue and you’re LIKE SEONGHWAAAAAAAAAAA (just bc he’s your buddy and you wanna hype him”

Mingi is pouting already

obviously he loves his hyung but like hey

Mingi’s bitter “what does he have that I don’t…I have stuff he doesn’t: im taller….”

And obviously you hear his mumbling 

and you just give him kissy on his cheek

He’s so surprised

then he shows up in the music video and you flip out even more just to prove you like him

and he gets the message and does that laugh

WAHAHAHA

ya know the one

and he grabs you and your back is pressed to his chest and he’s kissing the top of your head repeatedly

the guys finally yell at you to stop or leave like aint nobody tryna see that

so you guys take their advice and scoot for Date #1

Wooyoung:

you didn’t actually tell wooyoung that you liked him

you were telling your friend over the phone and he overheard you

nosy fool

but as soon as he hears you gushing he stops to listen

fully thinking that you’re talking about San

but then he hears his name and he screams “ME?!”

and runs to scoop you up and spins you so fast you drop your phone

then he picks it up and tells your friend byebye

gives you smooches all over your face not realizing that you’re literally dying of embarrassment 

he literally just heard you whining about how bad you wanna kiss him and being super mushy and gross 

Wooyoung does not care, he’s just relieved that you like him too

“we’re dating now”

kisses you on the lips for a little then he’s like “CAN I TELL EVERYONE”

and you still haven’t said anything bc you’re so shocked and embarrassed

but he doesn’t wait for you to answer he just runs out while you stand there with wide eyes and swollen lips 

Jongho:

Jongho is really shy around you already

And he thinks that you like Yeosang so he is always careful

doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable and he’s so respectful always

so when you sit super close to him one day he’s so stiff

and doesn’t want to move away bc he likes you and also doesn’t want you to be offended

but also doesnt want to do anything wrong

You sigh and you look at him

he melts

“Jonho can I tell you something”

uhoh

immediately assumes he did something wrong and tries to scoot away

but you grab his hand and he stays

“I like you”

He exhales so loud, he was holding his breath and he didn’t even know

he smiles and tells you he likes you too

but since there’s other people in the room he refuses to do anything

like he’s a romantic and he wants your first moments as an official couple to be only yours

so he takes you to another room and kisses you super soft

just so loving as soon as you tell him

cant wait to spend time with you as more than just friends 

[bnhaworld]

One Last Petal // Denki Kaminari x Fem!Reader (Hanahaki AU)

Hanahaki:  Hanahaki Disease (花吐き病 (Japanese); 하나하키병 (Korean); 花吐病 (Chinese)) is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love. It ends when the beloved returns their feelings (romantic love only; strong friendship is not enough), or when the victim dies. It can be cured through surgical removal, but when the infection is removed, the victim's romantic feelings for their love also disappear. (Fanlore.org)

Note: I used to version of Hanahaki where you lose all feelings when it is surgically removed, not just romantic feelings.

Word Count: 5.8k+

In which Denki comes down with Hanahaki.

Your hands first fell into Denki’s at the ripe age of eight. You met him in school, and almost instantly, you both became attached to each other at the hip. You grew up side-by-side, each of you growing slowly into the body of a teenager. Each year only brought you closer to him. As you each matured, so did you friendship. 

 He always knew exactly what to say to you, and exactly what made you giggle and snicker with that musical laugh he loved to watch bubble passed your mouth. Of course, your relationship was purely platonic. There was no reason behind why your heart sped up when he scooped you up in his arms or when he held you against his chest while tears spilled down your cheeks in a sloppy way.

As you both rolled into different high schools, he began talking to you about other girls. He was constantly going back and forth, going on dates with girls left and right. At first, it bothered you immensely that he was indecisive and bouncing between girls like he was at a buffet choosing what to eat. After some time, though, you came to find that it wasn’t a big deal. He was simply going through a phase. Soon enough, he’d get over it and your friendship would re-blossom. Right?

One night, he showed up outside your front door, with bright eyes and darkened cheeks, a huge smile spanning across his lips. You couldn’t help but smile back as he scooped you up in his arms and gave you a swift twirl before placing you back before him. His eyes were near twinkling as he let out a sigh, holding his head between in his hands.

“I feel like I’ve met the one, (Y/N)..” He murmured softly, shutting his eyes as though he were trying to relive his passed moments. You felt your stomach churn at his words. Maybe the food you had eaten earlier was simply poking around. You had no reason to be worried, right?

You sat on the stairs before your house, motioning for Denki to plop down beside you. He placed a hand on his forehead and dropped beside you, his head falling onto your shoulder like a puzzle piece that was just meant to be there. Your cheeks darkened slightly, but it was something you chalked up to the warm winds softly flowing passed you. There, you asked him who he had met.

He went on to describe someone who sounded like they were practically the opposite of you. He spoke in such an animated fashion, his hands flying around the air as he accentuated his words with such fervent energy, his cheeks never once being alleviated from the gentle dusting of blush. The whole time, you listened carefully, your eyes sparkling as you watched the way his face lit up like a lovesick puppy. He spoke about her like it was the first time he had ever experienced being near a pretty girl. 

Something was different about this time, though. There was something more present in the way he spoke about the way her hair perfectly framed her face and the way he described the sound of her laugh. You couldn’t quite put your finger on it, though. You only felt as though you were going to throw up at any time.

“Denki, you’re making me sick with all that mushy grossness.” You pretended to gag, holding your shirt in your hands. He looked a bit disappointed at your reaction. He scooped your hands into his and gazed into your eyes, his golden orbs shimmering directly at you. You felt your cheeks heat up, and you averted your gaze near instantly.

“I’m serious, (Y/N). I really like her.” He spoke in a grave tone. It was one of the very few times you had ever heard such a serious tone in his voice, that you found your heart fall onto the sidewalk beside you.

“I’m sure she’ll like you back, Denki. Just talk to her, yeah?” You smiled up at him, hoping he wouldn’t see passed your facade. His seriousness fell beside your heart and was promptly replaced with a gracious grin.

“Why wouldn’t she? I’m great!” He pulled his sleeves back and pretended to flex, wiggling his eyebrows at you. You broke out into a fit of laughter that he soon joined, his arm clutching onto yours as he tried to steady himself and calm his growing laughter. 

Your laugh died down slowly as you stared at him, taking in the sound of his melodic laugh and how his open smile reached his gorgeous, sparkling orbs. Looking into his eyes, you wondered if he had plucked the very stars in the sky and placed them between the swirls of his sun-colored eyes. You knew the feeling bubbling up in your heart ache as you watched him settle down from his pure fit. You instantly heaved your eyes away from him and focused them along the falling sun in the horizon. With a final dreamy sigh, he placed his head back onto the space on your shoulder meant just for him. He watched the sun with you, silence wafting through the air. To him, the air was normal. But to you, you felt your shoulders caving in and your eyes growing dull.

Once the sun had quietly been whisked away, Denki stood up and prepared his leave. It was the moon’s shift, and it was his signal to head home for the night. He gave you one last squeeze before parting away from you and disappearing into the darkness of the streets. 

You pressed a pair of hands on your forehead, staring down at the gray concrete lining the ground, willing an answer to carve itself out before you. After a few minutes, you decided your answer wouldn’t present itself. You headed inside.

You shared brief moments with Denki. It seemed as though your time with him was lessening ever since he had brought up this new girl in his life. Most of his time with you was spent with you squeezing in a pair of words between his endless rambles about this girl you had yet to meet. 

He described the way she grabbed his shoulder whenever he made her laugh, and the way her eyes lit up when he came around. As you thought about the way she acted, you only found yourself realizing you acted the same way with him. His speech seemed to go on for hopeless hours, with you holding on to every word. Why wouldn’t he see you that way?

You quickly shook your head, as though urging the thought to make like a butterfly and find its way through the air and away from your mind.

As you listened to him talk, you found yourself recalling the many years you had spent beside him, supporting him with everything you had and him doing the same for you. He had never once allowed a tear to slip past his hands as he constantly was there to wipe them away. Denki never let you be in pain. There were countless times where he’d defend you and protect you from the things that brought you pain. As you watched him talk, now, you were sure that you had to set your feelings aside and make sure he was happy.

“Hey Denki?” You spoke up. Almost instantly, his puppy dog eyes turned toward you, the excited smile that spanned across his lips never quite losing its joy. “I’m happy you found someone you love.”

His cheeks turned red, but it only seemed to fuel his glee. He looked down at his lap, smiling down as though thinking of a fond memory.

“I’m happy too.”

Eventually, the sun dismissed itself from the seen, taking your personal source of light away with it. You waved at Denki’s retreating form, taking in the newly formed bounce to his every step. You couldn’t help but grow a smile on your own. 

You were happy for him. You truly were. Despite the fact that you wanted to be the reason behind that smile you were so blessed to take part in, you knew better than to hold back the way your best friend felt. After all, he was your best friend before he was anything else.

The sound of his yelling was what woke you up the following morning. You groggily fixed yourself up as much as you felt like and headed downstairs, yawning the whole way down.

You opened the door, ready to greet Denki. You nearly toppled over as he tossed himself around you and began giggling like a mad lunatic. You felt a tad uneasy, feeling as though you knew where this laughter was coming from.

“She said she’ll go on a date with me!” He beamed happily at you. Your eyes widened as you stared at him. Your heart suddenly felt as though thousands of hands were pulling down, your stomach becoming a mosh pit for all sorts of pain and doubts.

“Th-That’s great, Denki..” You murmured, peering off to the side. 

He opened his mouth to speak, and almost instantly, he began to hunch over. You swiftly rushed over to him, holding onto him and patting his back as he struggled to choke out the strange lump climbing its way out of his throat. His hand was above his mouth, the skin around his mouth growing pale and white. In one final gag, he spat out what had been choking him.

A small bundle of wet, pink petals appeared in the palm of his hand. He lifted the other hand to wipe away the saliva dripping from his panting lips. He stared down at the petals, scrunching up his face like a confused baby discovering something for the first time. He quickly rubbed the petals off on his jeans, the petals falling apart between his fingers until they calmly floated to the floor.

“That was fucking weird.” He murmured softly, lifting up his hands to get a quick glance at the pink stain on his palm. He shoved said hand into the slit of his pocket and returned his excited glance to you.

Something about the short experience felt vaguely familiar. Everything in you screamed that this was much more severe than just a few stray petals somehow exiting Denki through his mouth. You ignored the feeling and chose to join Denki in his excessive celebration of his achievement. 

He left after describing the movie and restaurant he intended to take her to. You stopped listening after a few words, your focus entirely hooked onto the petals slowly being whisked away by the gentle breeze. He was taking her to the theatre tonight. You bid him a quick hug of luck before he disappeared.

You found yourself wandering toward you computer mindlessly, your brain looping the image of Denki hacking out a slew of pastel flower petals.

You popped open Google and searched up the symptom. Your result appeared behind the screen. Pixels upon pixels describing a disease in which you could lose everything just for loving someone who didn’t love you back. Your eyes nervously flicked back and forth between the words. Any other explanation was physically impossible- there was no way he didn’t suffer from the Hanahaki disease. Wordlessly, you shut off your computer and headed away for the night, the same video constantly replaying in your head.

The week after his date, Denki came over once more, moist petals peeking out of his pockets, and a few stray ones scattered across his attire. His head was drooping, and the space beneath his eyes were grimly outlined in a plum-like shade. His cheeks were reddened and tears never seemed to quit parting from his broken-looking optics. He looked as though all the life of his love had been drained away in such a violent fashion that he was suffering from an emotional whiplash.

You rushed toward him as quick as your quivering legs would take you, and you wrapped your arms around him, gulping down to dilute the guilt building in your heart. You knew his experience wasn’t on you, but you couldn’t help but take part in his wailing pain.

He gripped at the back of your shirt, lowering his head to bury it in your shoulder. With each gut-wrenching sob, his grip on your shirt would tighten, every release warranting a quick loosening before his inhalation would quickly make his fists clenched around the fabric once more.

Just as his breathing seem to relax, he began to hack and twitch over your shoulder. You clutched on to him, already aware of the petals falling behind you. Once the last, ripped petal floated onto the ground, he pulled away, lowering his eyes.

“She doesn’t love me.” He murmured softly, sniffling quietly. “I went to the doctor. These damned petals..” 

He dunked his hands into his pockets and retrieved the entire pile of petals, tossing them to the ground with anger and stomping his foot against them, a broken grunt slipping passed his trembling lips with every step against the floor. All you could do was watch. You wanted to avert your eyes, but you couldn’t. Especially not since you knew what he was going to tell you.

“I’m gonna get surgery next month, (Y/N).” A sad smile settled on his lips. “They’re removing the flowers from.. from my lungs. It’s hanahaki. It has me.”

Your eyes softened as he stepped toward you once more. You didn’t have a single word to tell him. You only knew it was your turn to burying your face in the comfort of his shoulder, sobs slipping passed your lips as he gently stroked your hair. His own tears were falling onto your locks, but it was the least of you worries.

“It’s okay, (Y/N), I’ll be okay!” He pulled away, hands never breaking away from your shoulders. “I’m still gonna care about you.”

You stared up at him. You wanted to believe him, to trust his words, but it felt like he was reassuring himself rather than offering you support for your growing fear. He silently pulled you back into him, his breaths becoming more steady as he thought about all he would lose.

He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead and ruffled your hair before leaving. Your stomach bubbled and your cheeks brightened at the action, but you ignored the way your breath seemed to leave your throat.

“You’ll always be my best friend.”

The words replayed in your mind. It was with that small action, and the sudden news that you made you realize that the feeling you had been avoiding all this time was now blatantly there.

You gripped at you knees, suddenly feeling the air rush out of you. As you were coughing and inhaling any oxygen that could slip passed the thing blocking off your air, you felt yourself panic. You didn’t want to admit it. You had spent years happily avoiding it, years being able to distract yourself with the attention of other people. 

There was no longer a doubt in your mind as you coughed out a single, yellow petal into the palm of your hand, its ends sticking to your skin. You felt tears begin to drip down your cheek.

You were in love with your best friend. And Denki didn’t love you back.

The day of the surgery came. You had spent all those weeks tossing petals into trash cans and burying them wherever you could. The longer you spent with Denki, enjoying his last moments of happiness, the more golden petals you croaked out.

Denki’s family allowed you to be there. His entire family was well aware of your friendship. Though they never admit it, they were sure that the feelings that were tearing him apart were for you. When they found out it wasn’t they could only offer their wordless comfort. You had grown incredibly close to his family and vice versa. It was only natural that after years of time at his home, his family would come to love you.

You sat in the waiting room, impatiently bouncing your legs and fiddling with your fingers. The surgery would take 3 hours but for every excruciating moment, you found yourself saying goodbye to the endless stream of memories that you had shared with the bright boy.

You were going to miss his captivating smile, and the allure of his mesmerizing yellow eyes. You were going to miss the warmth of his arms and the comforting words that so easily were formed in your presence. Your mind wandered to the final kiss he had given you a month earlier.

Almost instantly, you began to cough and shake, hands gripped onto the rail of the seat as you bent over.

Several petals slapped onto the ground, a few ripping apart as they brushed passed your teeth. You stared down at the petals. You had been completely unaffected by the petals. You were so used to the few moments where the sparkling bits of sunflower would fall from you. 

But in front of you, was Denki’s family.

His family was staring at you, eyes widened. His mother’s eyes began to water at its corners as she stared at the petals on the ground. She looked as though she wanted to apologize to you, but the words could not form themselves on her lips.

It was evident who your petals were falling for, by the golden pattern that decorated each petal that fell from you. You turned away from each person, unable to look each in the eye. Once you looked back, Denki’s mother had placed herself before you and quietly pulled you into her arms, shaking as she gently stroked your back.

“I’m so sorry, (Y/N). I’m so sorry..” She repeated the words over and over again. She was in mourning over her son, and now she had to deal with watching you break apart, as well. You quietly hugged her back, letting out a near silent sob. The air was the thick with the gravity of the situation.

Eventually, you had fallen asleep. You weren’t quite sure when you had come to fall asleep, your heavy head leaning on Denki’s mother. You slowly lifted up your head, eyes wide as the the doctor you recognized to be Denki’s surgeon slowly came out of the room. You gently, yet quickly tugged her arm, giving her a chaste shake. She immediately awoke.

Denki was okay. He was still under anesthetics, and it seemed as though the procedure went well. He would be out in the morning. 

Without his feelings.

You chose to ignore such a feeble thought. Right now, you wanted to focus on Denki and the fact that he had come out well and alive. 

You looked up at the blonde woman, pleading with your eyes that you could be the first to see him. She reluctantly obliged, motioning for you to go ahead of her. With a rushed thanks, you swiftly entered the room.

Almost instantly, your eyes landed on Denki. His eyes were open, stray lines wrinkling the crescent slanted beneath his gray orbs. His hair seemed flat, as though someone had placed a darkening filter over his usually ecstatic hair. His skin seemed paler, especially around his arms which looked like twigs compared to their usual volume. A permanent straight line was in place of where is usually large smile would be. He looked at you with a bored expression, eyes occasionally flicking toward the monitor surveying his heart beat.

You happily sat beside him, scooping his hand in yours. It was cold to the touch, the skin dry and uneven. Your brows knitted together at the strange sensation but with a calming breath, you resumed your personal glee at seeing him being alive and well.

“Hey Denki!” You beamed at him, secretly hoping that your faux happiness was strong enough to convince him to smile right back at you. 

He slowly drew his hand away from you and placed it on his own chest, his gaze growing focused on the white wall. 

“Hi.” His voice sounded dull, and devoid. He wouldn’t look at you. It even seemed as though his very voice was meant for anyone but you. You winced without a word.

“How.. do you feel?” You asked shyly, trying you best to make conversation. His eyes moved once more, this time toward the IV bag rhythmically letting droplets sift through the syringe and into Denki’s wrists. He shrugged, eyes following the drops from where they began to where they came into his arm.

You wanted to slap him. You wanted to be angry at him, to be frustrated for him not emanating the very electricity he was born with. Anger felt so much less painful than being sad, and yet, you could only find the tender touch of sadness gripping at your arms and restraining you from even daring to bring any more harm to the poor boy who had suffered in silence for all this time.

“You don’t know?” You asked, gulping away the growing lump in your throat. His broke, gray eyes suddenly flicked towards you, taking note of your entire body before they landed softly on yours.

“I’m okay. I guess. I don’t really feel anything.” He explained in a soft tone. “I’m okay. I think that’s good..” 

You only nodded at him, giving his hand a squeeze. You stared at him, waiting for any kind of response. But his hand never even attempted to grab yours back.

Quietly, you bid him farewell and allowed his mother to take your place. You pushed passed her, ignoring her question about your own welfare and finding the fastest way to get home. 

You couldn’t help it. You couldn’t stand to see him gone. That boy laying solemnly in the hospital bed wasn’t the Denki you loved. He was some random stranger taking his turn in his body and ruining it. His stars were ripped from his eyes and the color you had grown to admire was darkened and near gone from his eyes.

It hurt you more than you’d like to admit.

You went home practically running, petals occasionally slipping out of your throat. By this point, the petals had grown to be nothing but a minor inconvenience. Only the occasional petal would cause you to lurch and hack, but most of the time it was only young sunflower blades that would breeze away from you. You completely ignored the way the petals’ color was fading, a lackluster gray taking place of the color you loved.

Your walking began to slow as you eyed your house. With every step you took, another ounce of determination began to work away at the broken feelings you felt hammering at your heart. You were going to help Denki to feel again, whether it was the last thing you did or not.

“We’re trying the zoo, today, Denki.” You held onto Denki’s hand showing him the next location on the list tucked away in the midst of your notebook. He read the words blankly before looking back at you. 

Over the past three months, you had been taking Denki everywhere. You would take him to places you used to be, places you wanted to go to and simply places you’d never been to. 

He seemed more active these days. His eyes were beginning to glow a bit, yellow swirls mingling with the gray color you had grown to detest. The black streak in hair now looked more prominent against his brightening locks. You had even gotten him to smile once, though it was at you tripping. It was one of the best moments you’d experienced.

It hurt. 

You looked at Denki, watching as he pondered the park you were currently in. It was the same park you had grown up in. The tree in the very center had his name carved in it, with half of yours.. he had given up halfway, his little hands growing red from all the gripping on the kitchen knife he had stolen for the sole purpose of engraving your friendship forever.

The sun was caught midway its descent, its bright light leading a gentle ripple of vivid scenery to stretch across the span of atmosphere. You sat beside the husk of the boy you had grown to love so much, your head placed against his shoulder. You placed your hand on his lap, your palm facing upwards in hopes he’d take ahold of it.

You sat in the silence of the park. It was growing colder in the air, so the park was nearly deserted, save for the couple sharing a moment by the swingset. You couldn’t help but watch them. The way the girl giggled as the boy swooped in to capture her lips with his, her hands coming up to pull him into her. 

You instantly glanced at Denki. He seemed to keep his eyes in the same area, the yellow swirls in his eyes becoming more accentuated. Your eyes widened near instantly as a subtle smile stretched across his face. His hands reached for yours, and he placed his hand in yours, tangling his fingers between yours. 

You looked up at him, and you felt your heart begin to pump. You wondered if he could feel the way your pulse quickened at the simple action. You could practically hear the way your heart pumped in your ears, and your heart began to ache as it tried to keep up with your breathing.

It was a subtle, brief action. It was amazing how crazy you felt yourself become, though, you could easily credit to the lack of affection you had received from his part compared to the constant ardor you displayed for him. 

You turned toward the couple for a quick glance, watching as they exited the park hand-in-hand. For a brief moment, you imagined it was Denki. 

Your cheeks darkened as you imagined yourself, hand in hand with Denki, subtle sparks causing tingles to move in and out of your fingers. You thought about the way he would laugh at the subtle feeling, and the way your face would scrunch up. Your mind told you he would call you adorable, his once golden eyes shimmering once more with the glee it had. The same shine you had fallen in love with.

The reaction came almost instantly.

You immediately stood from yourself, prying your hand away from Denki and clasping it down on your knees as you keeled over. You felt yourself panic. Before you could try and escape from Denki and the imminent explanation, they came.

The endless stream of gray petals fell to the ground, each once falling on top of the last until they formed a huge pile of petals on the ground. You stared down at the petals, saliva dripping down your chin. Your eyes widened as you stared at the pattern. 

There were gray petals mixed along with sparkling, yellow ones. A few even had a mixture of two, the two colors mingling amongst each other in swirls and twirls. Your eyes shot up to Denki once the sudden change in color registered.

His hair shone bright, despite the fact that the moon was out and reflecting off his suddenly golden eyes. His very skin seemed to glow, his arms seeming more full than you could remember. Everything about him suddenly became the most beautiful combination of colors. 

Your eyes teared up as you stared at him. You weren’t sure what to make of it. His jaw was tightened, eyes hovering over his hands and touching his face as he made sure he was truly present. He broke his glance away and peered at you, then at the pile of petals slowly being blown away by the subtle night breeze.

“(Y/N).” He murmured, looking away from you. The petals had regained their color with Denki, and it was blatantly true that he still didn’t have it in him to love you in the way you had come to love him.

You couldn’t care less if he still didn’t love you. He was in front of you and in color. You launched yourself toward him, throwing your arms around his neck and nuzzling into him the way you had dreamt so long of doing. He only held you as you cried, soft tears of his own staining your shirt.

“You’re back..!” You whispered softly, running your hands over his hair in disbelief. He only nodded on your shoulder.

“I’m back, (Y/N)..!”

You walked Denki home that night, holding his hand and refusing to let it go for any reason. You stood outside as you heard his family rejoicing at the sight of their boy in color. You smiled softly, walking slowly away from the house. 

You looked down at your phone, the words Thank you spanning across your screen. You sent Denki’s mom a smiley face with a million hearts. No amount of words or emoticons would describe the feeling of Denki’s return. 

As you walked home, you coughed up a single petal. It was golden in color and seemed to shine and sparkle no matter which angle the light hit it from. You shoved it in your pocket and continued on your path home, happily swinging your arms to an unknown rhythm.

You never coughed up another petal after that day. It was strange, really. You would find yourself coughing here and there, and feeling as though a petal would descend from your lips, but perhaps you were imagining it.

Denki was hanging out with you in any free time he could. Every moment spent with him was electrifying, with laughter bubbling through the air and a lot of unnoticed touches.

You were strolling toward the park, hand-in-hand with Denki as you reached the same park where you had always gone to, growing up. Your intertwined hands were swinging back and forth as you intently listened to Denki ramble about how the students at school reacted to him showing up with color. Your eyes were lit up, and you felt a smile so strong, it hurt your cheeks.

“..It was crazy, (Y/N)! You had to have seen it, I could’ve sworn that even the teachers were crying!” He exclaimed, begging for you to believe him. “Still, it’s crazy..”

He sighed softly as he dragged you over to the tree where your names.. well his name was carved onto.

He slid down the bark of the tree, plopping down on the ground. You cocked your head at him. He immediately started making grabby hands at you, pouting up at you. You giggled and turn away from him, cheeks burning as you plopped down between his legs, leaning back against his chest. He placed his arms around you and his head atop yours, another sigh melodically flowing passed his lips.

“I’m an idiot, (Y/N).” He whispered into your hair. 

Your heart was pumping faster than you felt it ever had. You had no idea what had suddenly come over him. The sudden show of affection, and the more interest he showed in you. You found yourself wondering if he truly was back to normal or if somehow, coming back made him addicted to feelings.

“Why do you think that, Denki?” You replied, eyes locked onto the hands holding you against him and the feeling of his steady breathing on your head.

“Because you’re like..” You felt his head move away from you. “.. right here.”

You snickered softly, leaning forward a tad so you could turn around and look it him. You nearly felt your heart jump at him and claim him for itself. 

His cheeks were a bright red, and his eyes refused to come anywhere near you. He was trying to look everywhere but you, and yet, you felt him watching you from the corner of his eyes. 

You quickly reached over and grabbed him by the face, turning his now squished up face toward you before plopping your hand right back on his knee.

“Yeah? We’re.. friends, Denki. I always planned on being there for you. Why would it be different now?” 

He let out a groan of frustration, burying his head into your back. You felt his lips moving as he tried to speak, but his voice came out completely muffled. After letting him speak for a little while, you finally gave in and pulled yourself away.

“I didn’t catch any of that.” You were grinning ear to ear. You were sure that he couldn’t get any cuter than this.

“I said..” He reached back, lightly scratching his back and averting his eyes toward the sky. “(Y/N), you’ve always been there for me. I don’t know how I haven’t seen it until now, but you’re so perfect.” You felt like every breath you took would be your last as your heart began to punch away at your rib cage in a quickening manner. You let out a soft hum, leaning back against him once more so he wouldn’t see the way your cheeks warmed.

He only leaned forward, placing his head on your shoulder so your cheek was pressed against his as he began to speak again.

“You were there for me through everything. I didn’t even realize how much you liked me. Like, ever. Now here I am, trying to tell you that I need you, and I can’t even figure out how to put my words together. You literally helped me come back to life and I couldn’t even tell you that I loved you.”

Your breath hitched in your throat and your heart nearly halted in place. You had spent years fawning over the sparky boy who usually wouldn’t even give you the time of day, and now here he was, professing his suddenly found love for you.

“What did you say?” You asked, your voice coming out a whole lot quieter than you intended it to be.

 He lifted you up, a soft giggle loosening your stuck breath as he turned you toward him. His eyes wandered over your face before they settled onto your eyes, twinkling with even stronger stars than you had ever witnessed him hold.

“I said I love you.” His grin reached his eyes and it was at that moment that he knew.

He pressed his lips against yours in an instant, and it was as if the world was being held still just for the two of you. He was holding you against him. The dream you had spent so many nights lamenting was real, and you were living in it. Every moment his lips moved against yours, you felt another firework burst within your heart, reminding you that that this was very real.

And as your eyes opened and locked onto his in the most natural way, as though your eyes meant for him and him alone. He pressed his forehead against yours, his eyes bright and full of adoration that you reflected back into his own golden eyes. 

With a smile on your face, and warmth in your heart, you leaned in a little closer.

“I love you too, Denki.”

[thesinglesjukebox]

KING PRINCESS - PUSSY IS GOD [6.42] Sound of 1950 becomes Sound of 2019...

Katherine St Asaph: If you aim for "Like a Prayer," you best not miss. King Princess's take on going down in prayer is significantly more chill than Madonna's -- almost everything is. But it's as ebullient, with crushed-out lyrics (the title omits the "your"; this is no polemic) and a beat that, unlike "1950," sounds like it was made after 1950. Extra point for how "their best wasn't good enough" could either be a swoon of admiration or a boast about the people you beat out. [7]

Tobi Tella: If "1950," King Princess's debut single, was proof that we've finally reached the point that queer love can get schmaltzy, beautiful romantic ballads into the mainstream now, this song proves that we've reached a point where the same can be said for raunchy sex songs. The titular line may come off to some as sophomoric, but the way she casually drops it makes it clear that it's not asking for attention -- it's just how she feels. The chill vibe amplifies this feeling in the song; she doesn't care what you think, this is about her and her girl. Basically, King Princess is the coolest fucking person ever and I want to be her. [7]

Julian Axelrod: For most of her short career, King Princess has operated in a decidedly minor key. She belts her songs of heartbreak and persecution like they're about to rip her in two. But "Pussy is God" is different: more refinement than reinvention, its DayGlo gay flow a blinding testament to the life-changing wonder of a good fuck. When that last "Oochie Wally" sample air-bombs the billowing synths beneath it, it feels like a rebirth -- not an entirely new artist, but a new side of one we've already grown to love. [7]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: A lovey bit of word salad that makes just enough weird choices (the slap bass! the "Oochie Wally" sample?) to come off as charmingly amateurish rather than lazy in its vibe and core lyrical conceit. The use of "pussy" is still a bit too cute; I'm not saying that every usage should be as explicit as Fever Ray's but here it doesn't seem to do anything but exist, a lyrical flag-staking out that doesn't go anywhere interesting. On the whole, I'm agnostic. [5]

Claire Biddles: Essentialist pussy-centric feminism is garbage and this song is golden. How joyous and funny to hear a genderqueer person singing about their (credited as a co-writer!) nonbinary girlfriend's pussy as a way into a just-sweet-enough love song. Like fellow queer pop prince(ss) Troye Sivan, King Princess flattens the hierarchies of love and sex; perpetually discovering one through the other. "Pussy is God" is a wry joke cracked open to reveal its core of tenderness -- which is King Princess's whole appeal. [9]

Nicholas Donohoue: Last year I worked at the local county clerk's office as a temporary worker for running elections, primarily with numerous 40-year-old moms. Occasionally we, as a group, would have to do a long laborious process, so we would all treat ourselves to music. Another temporary worker was assigned to make the playlist and purposefully put in songs that moms would object to on a lyrical basis but are so clearly bangers that no one would notice. This song would have fit so snugly into that playlist, and that makes me happy. [8]

Alfred Soto: In a year that ended with more women elected to Congress than ever and Noname proclaiming that "my pussy wrote a thesis on colonialism," the positivity behind King Princess's track would be marvelous in itself without the stop-start dynamics, keyboard hooks, clapping, and the Princess's own regal vocal performance. [8]

Crystal Leww: Centering pussies in your feminism is something you grow out of. [4]

Thomas Inskeep: I like the production on this slice of weirdo alt-pop, which brings to mind a more pop-obsessed St. Vincent. [6]

Jonathan Bradley: I think I liked "1950" on first listen; by the 100th, I felt its mushy chords were turning my skin to soap. After a few days with "Pussy is God," I feel its alkaline wash having the same effect, its soft edges leeching away my ability to care. I wonder if this contemporary age of enervation is inuring my ability to care for King Princess's charms -- her open desire, her pastel funk, her empathetic phrasing -- and maybe one day I will be able to listen to this and not ache for something to happen. [5]

Vikram Joseph: A lovestruck, R&B-influenced shuffle, slick and well-produced, but, other than the tender reappropriation of the word "pussy," bereft of any sort of tension or surprise. Maybe that's the point in the context of the kind of romantic fulfillment Mikaela Straus is feeling, but it leaves the song feeling pleasant at best, hollow at worst. [5]

Joshua Minsoo Kim: King Princess is no stranger to employing religious imagery to describe her queer experiences, but it comes to the forefront with "Pussy is God." While there's a winking coyness with how "praying" alludes to cunnilingus, this is otherwise a straightforward love song that unabashedly celebrates sexual intimacy. It feels complete, though, because of how much she gushes about her lover. The pre-chorus's downscale melody evokes infatuation in all its delight; you can feel it suffused in the softly sung, "I've been looking for something I want, and baby it's you." The delivery of certain words -- "I think you're so cute when you get high," "you're better off with me," the occasional "oh" or "ah" or "um" -- projects a sense of elation that's all-consuming and irrevocable. King Princess is in love and there's nothing you or anyone can do to stop it. That "Pussy is God" was co-written by girlfriend Amandla Stenberg only makes this all the sweeter. [6]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox ]

[adaysnotes]

02012021

Throughout our lives, there will be countless memories that we will have attached songs to. The song was playing when you had your first kiss (there wasn’t any). Or that song you wallowed in when you experienced your first heartbreak (that was With Him by Babyface). That string instrumental cover of that ballad that you chose to play on your wedding day is probably in that list too.

But once in a while, there comes along a song that takes you back to a very specific point in time. And it’s not a romantic, mushy, cuddly moment -- I have those for another category. But for these types though, they just take you back. They take you back so much, so good, so well, you can smell the place, the moment. You remember it as if you were dreaming.

Dave Matthews Band’s Crash Into Me is one of those songs for me.

Everytime I hear Crash Into Me, I feel the year 2012 in my bones again.

It was around the last weeks of July. I had just resigned from my first job back then, and thoroughly enjoying my freshly reclaimed liberty from the corporate world before I embark on another job-hunting odyssey. 

A handful of my closest friends from college had flown to Boracay that Friday to attend the wedding of one of our friends that weekend. As luck would have it, there was a typhoon hitting the country that same time. On the day of our departure from Manila, our Caticlan flight would be delayed for four hours... and rerouted to Kalibo. We set foot in our rooms around 6:30PM, six hours later than our ETA.

I could still feel the cold whenever I listen to that song. I would still remember the very strong wind blowing during the wedding rites that afternoon, and the light rain prompting a common sigh of exasperation. Everyone had been praying for good weather for the wedding... and for themselves. I get it. It’s hard to leave an island on time when a low-pressure area is looming over you. The evening before, it had rained hard. It had rained so hard that we left to go to Two Seasons for the pre-wedding family and friends gathering dry, and we arrived there soaking wet.

I could remember looking for a smoking area in the venue with my friends right before the reception, and then having a smoke together with some professional DotA players who we admired back when we were still hooked on that computer game (they happen to be friends of the groom). Then suddenly, the power went out on the entire venue. You can hear the wind whistle. I can even recall now the giddiness that my friends and I had being in the midst of a power outage in a very nice venue in a place far from home. Somehow, for a quick second there, we were taken back to those brownouts we had in Los Banos not too long ago.

Sometime during the reception after the generator had momentarily restored the power, I hear Crash Into Me being played in the venue. It was an acoustic cover, with a very relaxing timber to it, and I told myself to search and download this exact rendition online. 

Just as I made that mental note, my friend (the bride) walks around, exchanging pleasantries with family, friends, and guests. She moves towards the group and we hug her, wishing her best wishes. I told her how the entire wedding was lovely, even down to the choice of music as well (if I remember it right, one of the songs in her march was a cover of Joshua Radin’s Today).

The bride says she agrees with me, that even she she was surprised at how wonderful the playlist was. I leaned over to tell her that I found it really awesome that an obscure yet moving cover of Crash Into Me managed to find its way in the mixtape CD (clearly, that wasn’t Dave Matthews Band).

She said, “It’s Johnoy Danao. He’s so good, right?”

It was my turn to display my concurrence, nodding my head in obvious agreement. I remember even telling her in Filipino, “The voice... the voice is so cold! So striking.”

“Yeah, I know! It’s Johnoy Danao.”

“Andun siya o, (there he is)” she added.

She points not-too-well-lit area by the side of the stage. To a bearded guy on the side, playing the guitar. Apparently, to a certain Johnoy Danao.

All that time, I thought all the music that was playing in the reception was from a CD.

[astudyinfreewill]

One of Adam's firsts? Something he didn't have the chance to do as a kid because his dad thought it was a waste of time or money? Adam's first petting zoo/Aquarium? Adam's first amusement park? Adam's first, uh, airplane ride/vacay out of Virginia?

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to,” Ronan says, cautiously. Ronan is hardly ever cautious, which makes Adam feel even worse.

“It’s fine,” he replies flatly, drying his palms on his jeans. Ronan, as always hyper-aware of Adam’s hands, gives him a skeptical look.

“I can see that. Listen, it’s not too late to cancel.” 

Adam can tell both that Ronan doesn’t want to cancel, and that he would in a heartbeat.

“It is too late to cancel,” he says stubbornly. “We would lose the money.”

“I’m not exactly terrified, Parrish.”

Adam throws him a withering glance. “Some of us don’t have the ability to just dream up checks.”

Ronan shrugs. It’s not real, this sparring, Adam knows that, even though only a year and some change ago it would have devolved into an absolutely real and ugly fight. The calculated insolence in the set of Ronan’s shoulders means he’s putting on an act, pushing Adam’s buttons with the spoilt Aglionby prince attitude, in an effort to distract him from his nerves. Adam is a little awed – both at Ronan’s strange brand of thoughtfulness and at their ability to read each other so well. He guesses dating for a year will do that.

A year. He can hardly believe it. And yet they’ve lasted this long, in spite of demons, hit men, and the various obstacles of long-distance relationships. And that’s why they’re here, at an airport, waiting to board a flight to Paris for their first anniversary. Paris, of all places. That’s something else Adam can’t believe.

It was Ronan’s idea, because for all his barbs and sharp edges, he’s a hopeless romantic at heart, even if he’d deny it to his last breath. They’d been lying in bed, limbs tangled as sweat dried on their bodies, Adam’s fingers tracing the hooks and claws of Ronan’s tattoo, Ronan’s face buried in the crook of Adam’s neck.

“You’re a menace,” Ronan had said, non-sequitur.

“Oh?” Adam smiled.

“Yeah. You are. You make me absolutely fucking stupid.”

“Stupid how?” Adam asked, lips teasing the shell of Ronan’s ear, enjoying the resulting shudder.

“Stupid like—I want to do all sorts of mushy stuff for you. Buy you flowers and shit.” Neither of them bothered to mention that for all the times they’d woken up to a bed full of dreamt petals in every color of the rainbow, Ronan might as well have bought him a whole flower shop. “Write you songs. Take you to stupid Paris and kiss you on the stupid fucking Eiffel tower.”

Ronan’s face was resolutely buried in Adam’s neck, but it was easy to tell he was blushing furiously, his cheek hot against Adam’s throat. Adam’s heart was doing funny things in his chest.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I know. It’s a damn cliché. I said it was stupid.”

Adam didn’t think it was stupid. His life had been so bleak until he’d found them – Ronan and Gansey and Blue and Cabeswater and Persephone and Opal and magic – so utterly devoid of poetry, that romantic clichés had never really been an option. Between school, work, and avoiding his father, he didn’t have time to worry about much else aside from his next meal or stealing an extra hour of sleep. And yet there was part of him – the part of him that had sent Blue flowers, the part of him that had made Cabeswater play music for Ronan – that deeply longed for romance. But possibly even more overwhelming was the idea that Ronan wanted to give him that kind of stuff – that he thought Adam was worth being romantic over.

He ran through a few quick calculations in his mind, unable to completely shut off his rational side even with his heart beating unsteadily against his ribs. He had time off from school, and a part-time job at the library that paid well. It could work.

“We could go to Paris,” he said, trying for offhanded and missing by half a mile.

Slowly, Ronan lifted his head to look at him. “Are you messing with me?”

“I’m not!” Adam protested. “I’ve never been to Paris.” Which Ronan knew, because, well – Adam had never been out of Virginia, period.

“I thought you were terrified of flying,” Ronan pointed out.

“I’m not terrified,” Adam argued, his ears going slightly warm. “I just don’t like it.”

“Yeah, well, that’s kind of the point. I don’t want us to celebrate our first year together by doing something that you’re not going to enjoy. You don’t have to go along with it just because I want to.”

Adam shot him an unimpressed look. “And based on what you know of me, how likely am I to do something I don’t want to do just to please other people?”

Ronan laughed and kissed him. “Not very, you beautiful bastard.”

“Exactly.”

Ronan shook his head, still smiling in a slightly awed way. “Are you sure?”

Adam’s mind conjured up images of beautiful buildings he’d only seen in movies, of old monuments and new discoveries and adventure; he thought of walking with Ronan along the riverfront of the Seine at night, and kissing him in the soft glow of old streetlights.

“I’m sure.”

And he was. Present Adam, however, thinks Past Adam is a sentimental idiot and loathes him deeply. He dries his hands on his jeans again, leg jiggling nervously.

“Look, Parrish. It’s going to be fine. I’m going to hold your gross sweaty hand and everything.”

“Oh, wow, Lynch, that’s so generous of you. I mean, especially considering how much you hate holding my hand under normal circumstances,” Adam retorts dryly.

Ronan has the good grace to concede the point, but Adam is too nervous to even feel smug about it.

“Last chance to turn back, Parrish.”

“No,” Adam insists. “I really want to go.” And he does, despite how miserable he feels now. “Besides, Gansey would never forgive us. He dragged Blue and Henry there all the way from Iceland just so we could hang out on Saturday.”

Ronan rolls his eyes, but the mention of Gansey seems to remind him of something. “Hey, you know this is not going to be as bad as the helicopter, right?”

“…No?” Adam hates how small his voice sounds, but really, how would he know? He’s never been on a plane before.

“No,” Ronan smiles, “it’s much more stable. And nowhere near as loud. Plus, you won’t have to worry about Gansey’s sister kidnapping you or something.”

Adam scoffs at the ridiculous (but still admittedly flattering) notion of Helen’s interest in him, but he feels relief edge its way in, easing the knots in his stomach. Before he has time to start worrying again, they’re boarding.

Ronan, true to his word as ever, holds his hand as they taxi down the runway (“Nothing’s happening yet, Ronan.” “Shhh. I’m being supportive,” Ronan grins, pulling Adam’s hand into his lap). He doesn’t even complain when Adam nearly crushes his fingers as the engines fire up and they hurtle towards the sky.

Adam actually knows a lot about the mechanics of planes, because he likes knowing how things work. He’d gone on an extra research binge after they’d booked their tickets, thinking that understanding the hows and whys of aircrafts and flight would ease his anxiety, except he’d only ended up making himself more aware of all the ways things could wrong.

But then.

Then he looks out of the window, and just like that, he stops thinking of science and engines, of lift and thrust and gravity, and for a blessed, magical moment, all he feels is wonder.

He stares at the tiny buildings and trees underneath, at the clouds close enough to touch. The world is gradually fading away below them, and sure, Adam will never like being suspended mid-air – he’s an earthly creature, made of touch and practicality, likes having his feet on the ground and his hands busy – but right now, as the plane gently rocks up and to the side, he feels as light as a cloud himself.

Because he’s flying, and Ronan is holding his hand; because he never ever has to go back to the trailer park, because he saved himself; because Ronan loves him, and Adam finally believes himself worthy enough of it to love him back, and they’re going to Paris.

Adam is flying, and he’s not afraid.

[nofomoartworld]

Hyperallergic: Arcade Fire Gives Up on Life

To learn how crushingly the new Arcade Fire album has disappointed fans, critics, and providers of online content, one need only glance at their Metacritic page. To fully comprehend why requires several listens, each more dumbfounding than the last. Anyone who associates the band with uplift will find the new Everything Now, out since July, an enervating thing: a sniveling black hole of negativity, littered with ostensible protest songs aiming to critique societal problems from a soapbox ten million miles above their fanbase. “Infinite Content,” for example, jolts over a straightforward punkish beat as lead rock hero Win Butler repeats the same line over and over: “Infinite content/infinite content/we’re infinitely content.” Get it? “Content” meaning posts on social media, but he’s making a pun on “content” the adjective! He’s calling out the emptiness of our technology-addicted lives! He doesn’t think we’re infinitely content at all–he thinks the internet lulls us into a false sense of security! The next song, a slower, sweeter country-tinged jangler, is also called “Infinite_Content”, with the same exact lyric, except they’ve added an underscore to the title. Get it? Computers!

These songs baffle the critical faculties. To state point blank that “Infinite Content” and “Infinite_Content” aren’t clever is to belabor the self-evident. Likewise, calling Everything Now a failed stab at profundity feels as productive as feigning shock that the current president said something vile and semiliterate in the media yesterday. How exactly the band wound up here is the relevant question.

I won’t mimic the consensus and call Arcade Fire a great band undone by sanctimony when they’ve been bombastic and heavy-handed since day one. Since their beloved debut, Funeral (2004), they’ve specialized in spacious, grandly beautiful rock anthems, undercut by specific deflationary moments of bathos that could easily have been excised. Funeral’s “Wake Up,” widely considered their greatest and most moving song, soars over rhythmic power chords, acoustic classical instruments from violin to accordion, and a massive, wordless football chant of a chorus. The effect rouses — right up to when Butler, pumping his figurative fist, ends a verse by screaming “I guess we’ll just have to adjuuuuuuuust” as if expecting cheers from all the young adults in the audience who’ve felt growing pains, whereupon the mushy qualifiers (“I guess”) and the weak verb (“adjust”) collapse under the weight of the anthemic moment. Often they powered through anyway. Their second album, the scary, deeply felt Neon Bible (2007), infamously recorded in an abandoned church, uses the consequently murky sound to simulate a humming, ominous “Ocean of Noise.” Guitars and pianos and booming organ and, by metaphorical extension, the entire world, all crash down apocalyptically around them, lending physical reality to the political urgency of their songwriting. The Suburbs (2010), a relaxed, rhapsodic variant on the same classically textured arena-rock blend, is pretty enough, at least to compensate for an overlong running time and the band’s labored attempt to make a definitive statement on maturity, adolescence, and the decline of tradition in the modern world. But ever since Pitchfork anointed them voices of a generation — articulating the existential anxieties of kids who grow up, move to the city, and struggle with adulthood and their place on the traditionalism/modernity axis — they’ve always felt the weight of the world more heavily on their shoulders than any band deserves or should presume. Condescending social commentary by a large, communitarian band of Canadian art-rockers will inspire nobody in 2017. Music that once swept and thundered has turned tighter, harsher, and more unpleasant. Songwriting that once voiced progressive resolution now howls with conservative despair.

To students of rock history, Everything Now and its predecessor, Reflektor (2013), will sound awfully familiar: didn’t U2 already make these albums in the ‘90s? Arcade Fire’s career arc resembles U2’s exactly: insufferably earnest arena-rock band starts out sincere, anthemic, grandiose before tiring of their own reputation and deciding to embrace electronics, irony, and such. My, how history repeats itself. It must embarrass fans across the global indie-rock community that U2 did it better; few bands anywhere have matched the sonically warped, chemically tainted, wacky garish neon fury of “The Fly” and “Staring at the Sun.” Reflektor and Everything Now, meanwhile, stand as definitive proof that those who don’t know what irony is shouldn’t dabble in it. While rock-conventional song structures still dominate, both records abound with glittery synthesizer, honking horns, jaggedy postpunk beats, dancier tempos and textures, really, anything to prove they’re not some stodgy old rock band, they’re cool. They display no aesthetic commitment to these musical usages themselves, flaunting them instead as tokens of edge, an association that works only when being a stodgy old rock band is the backdrop.

Despite many flatfooted attempts at disco and the unfortunate choice to follow a song called “Hey Eurydice” with “Hey Orpheus,” Reflektor occasionally sparkles, primarily on the soaring guitars of “Normal Person” and the xylophone-backed nursery rhymes of “Here Comes the Night Time.” On Everything Now the musical blend curdles utterly. The glowing keyboards, dinky flutes, angry rhythm guitar parts, assembled sound effects, and the like are incorporated poorly, failing to mesh with the grander rock structures that subsume them, sticking out like otiose clip-on accessories. The resulting music is awkward, pinched, and ugly. “Signs of Life,” whose death-march bassline is repeated exactly by an abrasive horn section, epitomizes a cramped strain that is now the band’s operative mode. “Creature Comfort” is perhaps definitive: the song’s cheerfully affectless guitar riff plus synth squelch, combined with Butler’s declamatory talk-singing, aim to evoke classic dancepop, New Order’s “Temptation” maybe. The talk-singing more closely resembles an eager parody of a) white singers trying to sound rhythmically astute; b) Bono’s vocal delivery on “Hawkmoon 269”; c) Arcade Fire’s prior output.

That’s to say nothing of the lyrics. “Creature Comfort” is an anti-suicide plea ambiguous enough not to specify whether the band’s own “first record” saved a fan from suicide or drove her to it. There’s no empathy; the person in question is treated like a cautionary tale to wring one’s hands over. I count two songs on Everything Now that haven’t completely given up on life: “Peter Pan,” whose plinked keyboards and funkoid bassline are sparse enough to let the song’s emotion breathe, and the penultimate “We Don’t Deserve Love,” whose climactic descending guitar hook suits both the queasy synth noodling in the verse and the quiet pathos of a romantic anthem that, after an album’s worth of vitriol, aims to establish love as humanity’s redeeming factor. As for the vitriol, it’s disheartening. Once they wrote compassionately and from experience, especially on The Suburbs; their grand proclamations about alienation and adulthood were delivered by narrators implied to have lived through such processes. The songs on Everything Now diagnose the evils of millennials — kids these days! — from the voice of an older man who knows everything. Few things are more tedious than a band lecturing their fanbase on the fanbase’s moral failings and the necessity for everyone to act more like the band. Which song is the most insulting, you ask? Is it the title track, whose blandly suburban mall keyboards accompany a rant against information overload and the media-literate? Is it “Chemistry,” a rhythmically wooden reggae-inflected blues-rocker that lists cliched pickup lines as if revealing something deep and horrifying about gender relations? I vote for “Signs of Life,” a lament for the supposedly repetitious, joyless ritual that is party culture: “Spend your life waiting in line/you find it hard to define/but you do it every time/then you do it again/looking for signs of life/looking for signs every night/but there’s no signs of life/so we do it again.”

Ah — the futility of hedonism! The misery of affluence! Cool kids who pretend to have fun because everyone else does, but secretly feel empty inside! Where have we heard this before? From Halsey, from Lorde, from Frank Ocean, from Drake, from the Weeknd, from the fucking Chainsmokers. With Everything Now, Arcade Fire joins the vast litany of artists who’ve taken it upon themselves to explain Why Modern Kids Suffer and Why Millennials are Ruining Society. That they exempt themselves from their social critique, unlike the aforementioned artists, proves only that exclusionary indie elitism is alive and well. Listening to Neon Bible in the wake of Everything Now perturbs; one wonders if their urge to hide under the covers from the “ocean of violence” outside really targeted Bush, or if the chaotic entanglements of modern life just offended their regressive notions of purity. Their earlier albums surged with positive energy, while Everything Now is the bad album that previous good albums made inevitable. A collapse from idealism into cynicism should surprise nobody. Those who believe in false if rousing ideals can inspire, as Arcade Fire has in the past, and that they’ve gradually become bitter over 13 years after being disappointed in such ideals doesn’t mean they no longer believe in them. On the contrary, they hate the world for not living up to how it should be. Idealism, cynicism, these are not opposites — it just depends on whether the sentimental idiot in question is in a good or bad mood.

Tellingly, their famously energetic live show transcends the negativity of the record. Playing to a festival crowd at Lollapalooza this year, they jumped around, traded instruments, conjured uplift from despair, and generally made joyous, triumphant, cathartic noise. Behold — a welcome sign that they still believe in humanity. I hope their next album, also, yields such evidence.

Everything Now (2017) and Reflektor (2015) are available from Amazon and other online retailers.

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