#Ki'ri

[nxnazenxksblog]

Never Enough.

Summary: In which Lo’ak is born as Sylwanin instead. Sylwanin goes through the process of being shunned by her family after Neteyam’s death.

Sylwanin never realized how much blood a body can hold until her hands were drenched in it.

It would have hurt less if it was her blood that she was covered in but it was Neteyam's. Her Neteyam, her big brother, her protector for as long as she could remember. And now he was dead. Because of her. Sylwanin was feeling overwhelmed with guilt and grief as she tried to make sense of what had happened.

A week had passed since they had sent Neteyam's dead body back to Eywa.

Sylwanin couldn't shake off the feeling of emptiness that seemed to engulf her heart. The reality of the situation never seemed to fully register in her mind as she struggled with thoughts of what could have been done differently. She couldn't help but feel like she had failed her brother in his time of need.

It was her fault. Her fault that Neteyam had died. Her fault that she was still alive when he wasn't. Her fault that her family was suffering. She couldn't get that night out of her mind. The gut-wrenching screams of her mother as she watched the life drain out of her firstborn's eyes.The complete look of defeat on her father's face. The horror in Tuk's eyes and the quiet sobs of Ki'ri. Her fucking fault.

She hadn't realized how much Neteyam meant to her until he was gone. She had always felt like the black sheep of the family but she never felt unwanted when she had her older brother by her side. Now, her life felt like a bottomless void. She couldn't escape the suffocating feeling of guilt and remorse that had taken residence in her mind.

Neytiri would look away from her when she saw her. Jake would do his best to avoid her existence and the moment he did look at her, she could see the contempt and sadness in her eyes. Ki'ri wouldn't speak to her. Tuk was the only one who tried to be there but her family didn't let the little girl spend more than fifteen minutes alone with her. Sylwanin felt like no matter how much she apologized, it would never be enough to make up for the loss of Neteyam.

Now that Sylwanin realized it, it was always Neteyam.

She was never the daddy's girl. Jake never called her sweetheart or baby girl like he called Ki'ri and Tuk. He didn't have the softness for her that he had for his other two daughters. Neytiri would always be busy with her duties as the future Tsahik, helping Ki'ri with her connection to Eywa and raising Tuk to ever focus on her. Ki'ri was her sister, her friend but even she preferred Spider over her. Sylwanin couldn't help but feel like she was the extra one in her family, that she didn't belong.

But Neteyam made her feel like she mattered. He would always make time for her, no matter how busy he was with his warrior training or out on patrols. He would listen to her, encourage her and defend her, and take the blame for her recklessness. Sylwanin's relationship with Neteyam went beyond just being siblings; he was her protector, confidant, and best friend.

"Are you a daddy's girl or a mommy's girl?"

Tarsem had once asked her that question during one of their late-night conversations, and Sylwanin had scoffed at it. She was only 11 at that time but the answer was very clear.

"I'm a Neteyam's girl"

And now Neteyam was dead. All because Sylwanin couldn't listen. Sylwanin didn't realize she was having a panic attack. She felt a lump forming in her throat, making it hard to breathe. She tried to calm herself down, but the guilt was overwhelming As Sylwanin grapples with the overwhelming guilt and remorse over her brother Neteyam's death, she finds herself struggling to cope with the loss and the strained relationships within her family.

Strong arms wrap around her and she is pulled into someone's chest. Neteyam is the first thought that comes to her mind but Neteyam is dead. "Calm" A gentle but hoarse voice whispers. Aonung. It was Aonung. "Calm" he whispered again, drawing circles on her back. After a few minutes, Sylwanin's breathing starts to slow down and her heart rate begins to ease. Aonung didn't rush her. He stayed silent, holding her tight. "It's alright. Take your time," he whispered, and Sylwanin felt a sense of comfort wash over her.

Sylwanin thought that despite their initial differences and arguments, Aonung in a sense is like Neteyam. Both the eldest children of the Olo'eyktan shared a responsibility to protect their younger siblings and the clan. The difference was that Tsireya was an angel and Sylwanin was the murderer of her older brother. "My mother says that death is not the end of life. It's simply a transition to another realm. We must honor our departed loved ones by remembering them, their teachings, and how they lived. In this way, they live on in our hearts and memories." Aonung smiled at her as she pulled away.

Sylwanin stayed quiet. They wouldn't understand. Not even if she talked about it a hundred times, they wouldn't understand. They wouldn't understand the ache in her heart. The hollow soul inside her. They would never understand.

[retrocognizantrecreant]

Qu'inlan Ne'hajad'ir Es'sa'taree Ki'inda'ri Qu'assa'Vos

kˈuːˈɪnˈlˈæn | nˈe͡ɪ'hˈɔːjˈɔːdˈɪ͡ɹ | ˈɛs'sˈɔːtɹˈiː | kˈiːˈɪndˈɑː'ɹˈiː | kˈuː' ɐsˈɔː' vˈo͡ʊs

Reason or meaning of name:

Qu'inlan: The stylized character for "Qu" also "Ku" in Kiffar is used in names as a royal prefix, but more literally means 'of the People' or 'the People's', the character for 'in' is numerical for second, and the suffix 'an' is awaits, so Qu'inlan is a mutable title designating where he was in terms of ascending the throne, before the death of his brother he was Qu'nilan, after the death of his mother he became Qu'ian officially.

Had his brother ascended the throne and provided an heir, Qu'inlan would have become T'in'té or second removed.

Ne'hajad'ir: Ne is a gender marker, Hajad is for the Time of the Great Sorrow, and 'ir' is numerical for seven, this is more of a name for census purposes, he was a male born on the seventh day of the Great Sorrow,

Note: this is also mutable, had he changed his gender identity the prefix would have changed in reflection.

Es'sa'taree: This is a phrasal tmesis that gives Quinlan a headache on the best of days, and breaks up ten different ways and translates well in none of them. It works out to being one who has the Force with psychometry, but it's more cultural and ethnocentric than that. Es'taree works out to blessed or chosen one way and cursed the other.

Ki'inda'ri: another tmesis, Ki'ri translates most closely to 'our beloved' and inda is a type of bird found on Kiffu and most often seen during the time of the Great Sorrow, quite literally second 'in' bird 'da'. While he was not given this name formally at birth, this is his name, this is what his family and friends knew him as on Kiffu.

Qu'assa'Vos: Vos is the family name, Qu'assa is the indicator that they are the current ruling lineage. The root, 'assa' means in service, so quite literally Qu'assa is "the people's servant."

All together it is something like: Clan Vos' Beloved Bird, in expected service of the People, born blessed/cursed male, the seventh day of the Time of the Great Sorrow.

Character’s nickname(s): Quin, Ki'ri, Da'ri, Inda

Reason for nickname(s): He only started going by Quin after he moved to the Temple, he doesn't know where it came from or who started it. He didn't plan on sticking around long enough to worry about correcting anyone on the fact that Quinlan is less a name and more a title (and an inaccurate one at that) and that Quin is a terrilble bastardization of how anyone should pronounce it Qu'in to begin with. At this point it's just been too long to bother with. He didn't say anything before, so he won't now.

The others are 'Our Beloved', 'Beloved Bird,' and 'Bird' respectively. He was most often Inda to friends, Da'ri to those closest to him, and Ki'ri very affectionately, mostly by family. The suffix of ri makes it immediately more affectionate and intimate. He wouldn't expect to hear Da'ri or Ki'ri from anyone outside of his immediate family, a partner after marriage, and a very select few who knew him as a young child and called him that then. In fact, he would be mortified if anyone called him either outside of those people.