#Just don't let yourself fall so far into theory that you end up forgetting real individual women and leaving them behind you know? <3< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[rantingcrocodile]

One of your anons said that this is untrue “If bi women's rate of experiencing domestic abuse was biphobia instead of homophobia, bisexual women would also be victims of female partners. But we're not” by bringing up her personal case. I understand that she went through domestic violence at the hands of a woman and I’m sorry for that, but it doesn’t erase the fact that in most cases the domestic violence is not done by another woman but by a man. You have to look at what happens on a class level, to have a class analysis. Bi women are more victims of DV than other women of other sexual orientations because of the contact with men in private life (contrary to lesbians) and because their male partners are often using the same-sex attraction as a leverage for fetishisation, manipulation and abuse. But then again anon said she’s not a radfem so it makes sense she would think like that.

This is where we run the risk of being too theoretical in feminism and forgetting about real-world issues and situations to the point of fetishising women instead of fighting for our liberation. We can run class analyses all day long and critique men as a class etc etc etc, but that doesn't help the individual woman who's been abused by another woman.

It doesn't save that victim to say, "Well, okay, you were abused by a woman, but it's mostly men abusing women in general, so...?"

Class analysis is important, recognising patterns is important, it would be foolish to say that it isn't, but at the same time, there is plenty of space for understanding and support for women who are the victims of other women, too. It's not an either-or situation here.

To be a true radical feminist that understands the ideology, you have to let go of any fetishistic ideas that end up with, "But men are worse so we have to bend and twist and blame patriarchy for every woman's negative actions and minimise the harm that individual women can do to other women" and simply embrace the fact that we can safely critique other women whilst also recognising that no matter what a woman has said or done, she should be free of patriarchy and misogyny. That's the most basic level we have to work at. That's the radical feminist baseline.

I get what you're saying (although there are more bisexual women who have faced domestic abuse from lesbian partners than you might realise), but we need some more empathy here.

[marsbutterfly]

I’ll Stand By You

Note: This is a direct continuation of a previous story called Letters to You. It's also the ending of a trilogy I wrote for Hanji. I'm so happy to finally be able to share it with all of you. I hope you enjoy it and if you feel comfortable, let me know what you think!

Previous Chapter

AO3 Version! | Wattpad Version!

Summary: No matter the amount of research you've done in your life, with Hanji or by yourself, nothing could have ever prepared you for the sight that greeted you.

"What in the world is going on here?"

You look at the destroyed castle ahead of you. Fear runs through your veins as you notice the titans storming the premises.

The sun barely shining from behind the walls, you notice the damage around you is far too great for it to have just started.

By the looks of it, the cadets have been fighting for at least a couple of hours.

"But that's not possible. Titans have never shown any signs that they could walk at night!" You think to yourself as you gently tap the sides of your horse, making it go faster.

You get ready to draw your blades when you lay your eyes on the five teenagers standing on the roof. They are too far away and screaming would be pointless.

Until you notice someone jump off the roof and before you know it, bright lightning comes falling from the sky, much like when Eren transforms.

You decide to slow down for a few minutes while the 3-meter class titan takes down several of its kind before getting its hair pulled, making it hard for It to move. From afar, you hear Krista's voice:

"If you're going to die protecting this tower, forget about it! Tear it down!"

You can feel your heart skip a bit, Maybe I misheard her, you think to yourself. Is it possible that this small, big-headed titan is one of them?

From all your research and theories, you did come across the possibility of other people having the same power as Eren and Annie, but you didn't realize there could be another person in such close proximity to you with this ability.

As the teenagers now rest on the floor, surrounded by all the debris and dead titans, you switch onto your gear preparing to kill the remaining titans.

"Are you guys ok?" You ask, striking the first one. They all smile at you, the relief on their faces is undeniable. That brings a smile to your face.

"Holy shit, I have never been so happy to see you, Y/N!" Connie says before putting his hands on the back of his head, you can see a few tears coming down his cheeks as they run after Christa.

Before you have time to do anything, you see a titan in front of her, about to grab her small body with its hands. As you prepare to kill it, you see a figure fly past you and strike one blow to the titan's nape.

You smile at the black-haired girl standing on top of a pile of rocks.

"Mikasa!"

"We'll take it from here. Come on, Y/N"

You nod at her before taking off, killing at least 3 titans on the way.

.

Once the Scouts ensure that all titans are dead, you use the cloud of smoke to go check on the person who emerged from the now decomposing corpse.

Ymir lost a leg and an arm, not including all of her internal injuries. Christa is already by her side while everyone else seems to take a step further away from her.

You feel two hands grabbing your waist and someone's head resting on your shoulder. A smile appears on your lips once you smell her perfume so close to you.

"I'm so glad you came!" Hanji whispers in your ear, her voice bringing chills up and down your skin.

"Of course I did!" She turns your body around and you take the opportunity to wrap your arms around her neck, giving her a quick kiss. "You asked me to!"

She smiles at you before turning her focus to the injured girl on the floor. Steam is already coming out of her wounds before Hanji even has time to take a closer look.

As you are about to kneel by her side, you pay close attention to Christa's next words.

"My real name is Historia."

The small, blonde girl looks at you right after Ymir closes her eyes once again, you flash her a gentle smile, in a way of telling her everything will be ok before starting to move the taller girl onto the stretcher.

With Hanji and Moblit's help, you finish tying her body up in place, not only trying to prevent her injuries from getting worse, but also to give the other soldiers a sense of security. Some of them seem too scared to even be around her, even if she's not awake.

You watch as her body gets lifted from the floor and makes its way towards the top of the walls.

Before you have time to use your own gear, you feel Hanji's hand wrap around your torso and your feet suddenly aren't touching the floor anymore. You let out a startled scream as she brings you up towards the top of the wall with her own gear.

Once she places you on the floor, you feel your legs shaking slightly.

"A warning would've been nice!!!" Your body falls on the floor as you try to catch your breath, your heart pounding in your chest.

She sits next to you, moving your hair away from your face so she can get a better look at you.

"I'm sorry, I wanted to surprise you." She smiles at you, you try to stay mad at her but the heat rising to your cheeks clearly proves you won't be able to.

You lean closer to her, softly brushing your lips against hers but as you are about to kiss her, you hear Christa's voice calling her name.

"We'll continue this later, I promise." You say and Hanji looks rather disappointed by the interruption but finding out what happened before the Scouts got there is the priority.

You can hear the two of them talking and the blonde girl explains how Ymir took the knife out of Connie's hand and jumped, transforming into a titan in midair.

"Ymir is an ally of humanity!"

A smirk takes over your features, Ymir is not the nicest person you know but, when it comes to the girl she loves, she would do anything to keep her safe.

You look at your favorite girl walking away by Christa's side and you decide to follow closely behind, paying attention to every word they are saying.

"Historia Reiss, as in the Royal Family Reiss?" You say before a few seconds of silence. She only nods and looks at her feet. You touch her right shoulder as Hanji touches her left, and at the same time you both say,

"Nice to meet you, Historia!" Followed by a warm and gentle smile.

.

As you get closer to Ymir's body, Historia runs and kneels by her side. You look at Moblit, who seems a bit surprised to see you, but still pays more attention to the current issue.

"She's still in a coma. She has, however, stopped bleeding and steam continues to come out of her wounds."

The three of you start to walk away, talking about which course of action will be the best but before you get too far, Hanji suddenly stops walking.

"Y/N... we don't know this for sure but we are almost certain that Bertholdt and Reiner are the Colossal and Armored Titans." She says, quietly. In a state of shock and denial, you simply let out a laugh, hoping it was just a sick joke.

"You cannot be serious right now." You take a deep breath. Hanji gets closer and places a hand on your shoulder.

"Have I ever lied to you?"

You look behind you to see Eren and the other two boys talking. You can only understand parts of what they are saying, but as soon as the red flag on the wall is ripped from its pole, everyone goes silent.

All you can hear is Reiner's confession.

"Reiner, are we doing this here? NOW?" You can hear the despair in Bertholdt's voice but also a hint of excitement. You see a silhouette pass by you and slice both boys. Reiner's arm and Bertholdt's throat.

As Mikasa is about to finish the tall, brown-haired boy off, Reiner pushes her off the wall.

You can see bright, yellow lights around them as you run back towards Eren. Armin yells telling him to run away but it's too late.

Everything happens too fast. The lightning strikes both boys and an explosion pushes you all away from them.

Your body gets flung against the boxes containing equipment and as you open your eyes, the Armored Titan and the Colossal Titan stand before you.

Reiner holds Eren in his hand as he goes down the wall and Bert slowly extends his arms grabbing Ymir and one other soldier.

The heat coming from the Colossal Titan plus the pain from your unhealed wounds are enough to turn your vision black before you can even realize it.

.

You wake up a few minutes later, the blue sky finally showing up from behind the dark gray clouds. You let out a grunt as you sit up, looking around you to access the situation.

You see the massive titan still attached to the wall and steam coming out of its body. From the looks of it, he's been sitting in this exact position for at least 20 minutes. You can't see any skin on his face, just his bones.

"Y/N!" Historia's voice enters your ears right before you hear a loud roar coming from the ground. You look at her, waiting for some kind of explanation but she looks just as confused as you.

"Was that the Armored Titan?" You try to stand up but the pain in your head forces you to lay back down. Another grunt leaves your throat as you frown in frustration.

You can hear Historia giggle softly.

"Don't break any more ribs, Y/N." You look at her, your mouth hanging wide open as you start laughing at her statement, but before you have time to go off on her, the wall starts shaking and the Colossal Titan's body starts to detach from the wall, making its way towards the ground.

As his body hits the floor, you can see the intense cloud of steam coming up and multiple soldiers screaming, you can recognize Hanji's voice as one of them.

Your heart skips a beat and you quickly get up on your feet, completely forgetting about your own pain. You see dozens of soldiers being flung in the air and among them, you notice Hanji.

As the hook of her gear detaches from the wall, her body begins to fall and you realize she's unconscious. Somehow finding enough strength, you run towards her, jumping over the bodies of other soldiers who suffered the same fate as her.

You position yourself underneath her falling body just seconds before she hits the floor. In a miraculous matter, you manage to grab Hanji without further injuring yourself or her.

You walk closer to the injured soldiers with her body in your arms, right before placing Hanji down on the spot you were once resting on.

Gently, you place her head above your jacket and remove her glasses to have a better look at her injuries, making sure your touch won't cause her any more pain.

.

Five hours go by and most soldiers are still passed out. The ones with minor injuries start waking up and getting examined by those who weren't caught in the explosion.

Eren and Ymir have been taken away by Bertholdt and Reiner but there is nothing you can do. With the horses on the other side of the wall, waiting is your only option.

"Hannes." You call the blonde man standing by your side.

As you make eye contact with him, you tilt your head towards Eren's best friends. "You should go give them something to eat." While you hand him three rations, he nods and starts walking towards the teenagers.

Mikasa wraps herself with the scarf and for a second you can see tears in her eyes. You let a sigh, feeling bad for not being able to chase after Eren.

"Y/N?" You hear Hanji's voice by your side. You quickly look at her before leaning down her face, trying to get closer to her but not enough to worsen her injuries.

"Are you alright?" You ask.

"I've been better" She lets out a weak laugh, you shake your head and smile at her. Even when she's in pain, Hanji tries to make you smile.

As you start playing with her hair, you hear Commander Erwin's voice coming from behind you.

"I'll be right back." You say as you watch her frown. Once you're standing up, you blow her a kiss as you walk towards the commander.

You quickly salute before he gives you a look and nods. He asks you and Moblit if the situation remains the same but suddenly you feel a hand wrap around your boot.

Looking down, you see Hanji crawling towards the tall, blonde man standing in front of you. As she manages to find the strength, she looks up at the three of you.

"Bring me a map." She says, before collapsing on the floor yet again.

As the newly welcomed squad uses the lifts to switch the horses from one side of the wall to the other, Moblit quickly hands Hanji a map of the area. She stares at it for a few seconds before pointing at one specific spot.

"It might be a long shot, but there's a giant forest here." She says. You can notice how her hands shake slightly and your heart sinks for a moment. "It's not like they can hide the Armored Titan's footprints but I think that's where they are headed."

Someone standing behind you asks why she thinks that, but you can see how it hurts her to talk. The steam from the Colossal Titan probably got into her airways and burned not only the external part of her body but as well as the inside.

"It's a gamble." You say, all eyes now turn to you. Hanji nods gently with a smirk curling up on her lips. "Even if they can still transform, the titans outside the walls are still a threat."

Erwin clears his throat before starting to explain his plan. The soldiers who were badly burned are to stay here and rest but anyone who can ride a horse was to follow him after Eren.

.

You watch as the horses gallop away, leaving behind only dust and the support of their comrades. As you turn around to talk to Moblit, you watch Hanji crawling around and struggling to move.

You arch your right eyebrow as Moblit shrugs his shoulders, both of you try to find out where she's trying to go.

"Hanji?" He asks, tilting his head.

"Get me a horse!" She blurts out before collapsing on the floor again, you notice how she's struggling to breathe so you kneel next to her, gently placing your hand on her back.

"My love, where are you trying to go?" You ask, giving her the gentlest of looks.

"To the village where they captured the titan that couldn't walk." She says, tears forming in her eyes.

You sigh before looking at Moblit and shaking your head, she's in no condition to walk, much less ride a horse.

"Do you mean Ragako?" He asks while a confused look takes over his features. He then proceeds to look up at you, who now stares at him, daggers coming from your eyes.

You shake your head repeatedly, trying to quietly tell him not to indulge her.

"I need to see it... with my own eyes!" Hanji gives you a pleading look, almost as if she's silently begging you for permission. Before you can even reply to her, Moblit speaks again.

"Don't say something so ridiculous!" He blurs out. You widen your eyes at him for this is the first time you've ever seen him speak to her in such a manner. He takes a deep breath and nods. "All right. If you have a hunch then I'll go there on my own."

Before she can argue with him, he sprints towards the edge of the wall. "You just stay here with Y/N and pass out or something!" He says before gathering with other soldiers.

Hanji grunts and her body once again lays against the floor. You look at her, feeling bad for not being able to protect her. In a second, she uses the last ounce of her strength left to lay on her back as she stares at the now bright, blue sky.

You stand up once again, determined to move her closer to another soldier, so they could apply medicine on her burns. She proceeds to look at you as she tries to find an angle where it doesn't hurt to breathe.

In an instant, you lower your body and pick her up in your arms. A loud squirm leaving her throat as she wraps her arms around your neck. Hanji smiles at you brightly before shifting her lips, inviting you for a kiss.

You happily oblige and carefully lower your body once again so your lips can meet hers. It's a quick and gentle kiss but filled with love nevertheless. You take a few steps forward before placing her down again.

The black-haired soldier comes to examine Hanji but as you are about to leave and go check to make sure Moblit was able to leave the wall safely, you feel a hand wrapping around your wrist.

"Don't leave me." Hanji says. You know it took all of her strength to ask you for this small favor. With a warm, bright smile, you sit behind her, crossing your legs and gently placing her head on your lap.

She lets out a satisfied grunt and you laugh gently, trying not to move too much as not to cause her any extra pain.

After a few minutes, the soldier hands you a small container filled with a mix of herbs, recently mushed into a paste.

You silently mouth the words "thank you" at them before changing your focus to the brunette laying on you.

Her eyes are now closed as she rests on your legs. Not wanting to startle her, you touch her shoulders as gently as possible, barely shaking her body.

As she looks at you, her lips curl into a smile.

"I'll rub some medicine on your face, ok?" You whisper into her ear as you stroke her hair. She quietly nods and closes her eyes again.

You dip two of your fingers into the paste before gently rubbing them against her face. Her features suddenly change and you know she's now being painfully reminded of the burns on her face.

Tears stream down your face onto the tip of her nose, the last you want is to inflict more pain on her but the wounds need to be treated.

"I'm so sorry" You repeat over and over again until there's nothing left on the container.

Once she opens her eyes, she fully takes in the sight of you crying over her. She quickly raises her hand, touching your cheek. You nuzzle yourself against her touch, letting out a sad smile.

"It's ok, I'm ok!" She says, trying to sound as enthusiastic as possible but right after finishing her sentence, she starts coughing.

You place your hand on the center of her back, carefully helping her stand up. Once she finds enough balance to sit on her own, you hand her a small bottle of water.

As she drinks, you use the back of your hands to dry the tears that roll down your cheeks. Hanji finally puts the bottle down and wraps her arms around your shoulders again.

The smell of her skin mixed with the herb is enough to calm you down.

You bring her body closer to you, paying attention to your movements. As your hands rub up and down her back, she places a soft kiss against your cheeks.

"Thank you for staying." You say, moving her hair so it won't come in contact with the medicine. "I know you wanted to see that titan, but your well-being comes first."

She sighs deeply, clearly annoyed but a smile still on her face. "Yeah, yeah, I know."

"There will be other titans but.." You say, trying to finish your sentence but Hanji rolls her eyes at you.

"But there's only one of me, yeah." You both burst into laughter, simply not being able to hold it in. Suddenly, you hear a voice coming from the body existing next to you.

You shift your head, making eye contact with Sasha.

"God, shut up!" That is all she says before covering her face with her hands, an attempt to stop the sun from hitting her eyes. You make eye contact with Hanji and she simply shrugs her shoulders.

"Maybe we should just give her something to eat." She whispers, trying to avoid yet another burst of anger out of the poor girl. You simply nod, using your right hand to dig through the bag standing by your side.

You place an apple on the floor and roll it away from you, aiming for Sasha's hand.

As soon as the fruit comes to a stop, her eyes go wide and you can almost see her inhale the apple.

Hanji starts laughing once again before resting her chin on your shoulder. Once she stops, both of you just stay in silence until you decide to speak.

"Thank you for the letters." You say with a smile on your face. She looks confused for a few seconds, but once she realizes you are talking about all the notes she has left for you before previous missions, the brightest of smiles appears on her face.

"You are very welcome!" She says, touching your face with her right hand. "I wrote them with so much love!"

"Can you please explain to me how Christa is.... I mean Historia is part of the royal family?"

"OOOOH YEAH!" She screams excitedly. She repositions herself, sitting on top of your thighs as her legs wrap around your back. "Get ready, because this is wild!"

.

"Holy crap." You say, trying to process all the information she just told you.

"I know, right?" Hanji says, putting her hands above her head. "It's insane!"

"Do you think she knows something we don't?" You question while staring at the sky.

"That's what we hope." Hanji says while holding your hand.

You stay in silence for a few minutes, just enjoying the fact that you are both alive. Not well, but at least alive.

As you wait for your comrades to return, you let your body go, falling backward onto the floor. You look at the sunset and raise your hand up to the sky.

"What is it, Y/N?" Hanji asks before joining you. A smile appears on your lips before you kiss her forehead.

"Even if things take a different turn now," you say, still looking up at your hand, "I'm just glad I have you here with me to deal with all of this."

"Thank you for coming." She whispers against your cheeks before turning your face with her index finger, making you look at her.

"Of course!" You say before giving her a peck on the lips and the two of you went back to staring at the sky. "I'll always be by your side!"

Even if you don't know where to go from now on, at least you will always have the certainty that Hanji will be there for you. Maybe the two of you should focus on healing before falling headfirst into a new mission.

But just for now.

[negans-lucille-tblr]

Hi Bee! Random question for you but do you get excited to post and share something new? I used to but in the past year or two I honestly don't really allow myself to be anymore. I'm excited for the writing absolutely but the actual sharing not so much. I always say I'm excited to share X to my followers but in reality I'm neutral about it. I know I don't do it so I'm not disappointed if something is received poorly but I wish I could go back to enjoying sharing again. Any advice is appreciated!

I naively always get excited to post something new, because I always hope that I've got it right like I did with His Property. Usually the first chapter does okay, but after that interaction drops majorly, and it usually just gets worse throughout until the end.

I should've learned by now that my glory days are behind me lol

Very luckily, I write very far ahead of myself when it comes to tumblr. I'm currently working on a chapter for a series that's not posting on here until the end of November. The chances are I'll have finished writing the series before I start posting it on here. So luckily, low interaction on here doesn't mean that I stop writing it and abandon the WIP.

BUT, if I didn't write as far ahead of myself, and there is a chance that I will fall behind or life will get busier, then it would be a real concern that I just wouldn't want to write any more of that fic if I thought people just didn't care. As much as we always talk about writing for ourselves, I also am terrible for self criticism and most of the time require validation to continue writing. So when a fic doesn't seem to have much interaction, I quickly lose my passion for it, and it would be very easy for me to want to stop writing it. I mean, by mid-series, I usually resent having to set up and post chapters, let alone write them too. (Kinda like what you're saying)

Also, very very luckily, I have readers like @synmorite @hoboal87 @agenthellcat @jbbarnesgirl @samwinchesterjaredjensen @stoneyggirl @writethelifeyouwant in my Members discord who have had to have their own channel set up so they can discuss and theorise my fics chapter per chapter. Like some of these girls are up at like 3am waiting for the chapter to be posted so they can jump in the channel and discuss theories. And that kind of shit is honestly what keeps me writing. Without them and the support of my members/Patrons, I don't think I'd still be writing because Tumblr is like a ghost town now.

And that's not to say I don't appreciate all my readers on here, because I really do love every single comment I get in any form. But we can't ignore that as writers we do require validation.

Anyway, I've literally rambled so fucking much, I apologise. But if you struggle to want to finish a fic because of low interaction, maybe try working on and finishing the fic before you begin posting. That way, you've written the whole thing with the excitement and enthusiasm because no one has quashed that yet, and even if you do get low interaction, you've still got a great (completed) fic for yourself to enjoy.

Also, don't forget, that tumblr is a weird place. Sometimes I release stuff I think is gonna do terribly, and it does amazing, and I release other things I think people will love and it flops. Who knows what the readers want anymore, not me, clearly LOL but you never know what you post that people might love.

Lastly, if you enjoy writing and hate posting, would you consider just not posting it? If you're still getting what you love out of being a writer by writing it, then maybe don't risk killing that buzz by posting it and watching it flop. Maybe all us writers need to learn that self-validation is enough. I know it's easier said that done, believe me.

Anyway, probably not helped, just rambled at you, I'm sorry 😩🙃

[imaginedhaven]

They don't know they're carranam yet, right?

And also, when are they going to fall in love? Before or after Aelin gets herself kidnapped?

Because she will be kidnapped, she has to get scars, and therefore somehow grow closer to Rowan.

Also I don't know what you plan to write, but I have this idea that the gang won't free Aelin from Arobbyn/Maeve/Cairn, she will run away herself 'cause she's a badass and then bird brain will find her bleeding and slowly freezing (let's say it happens in winter) to death, somehow realize she is his mate, and bring her to the palace in Rifthold/Orynth, or whatever friend palace will be available (preferably in Rifthold, because Yrene is probs gonna be there, and she's like super-magic-healer).

And last but not least, Aedion is gonna freak out when Rowan brings her like that, but when he will insist to sit and wait till his cousin wakes up and/or be there when they heal her, but Rowan will ultra territorial Fae male and say something like: "IF YoU cOmE aNy ClOsEr To mY mAte YoU'rE dEaD!" And allow only Yrene and maybe a few other healers in, at least until she wakes up. He'll obviously try, and lock the door (like in hof after her burnout) and she'll be like 'oh, hell nah' or something...

I wrote another theory about your fic a while back (it was also helleshly long, about how he arobbyn kidnapos her and hurts her real bad so ro-ro realizes she's his mate...), you answered it btw, and said you were happy I put so much thought into it. I was on anon last time, but not anymore!

Ps. Plz don't forget the questions at the very beginning, I didn't plan for it to be so long!

I love you and I love your theories! This seriously made my day.

They do know at this point that they’re carranam. They figured it out at the very tail end of Chapter 7 (or Chapter 8 I guess if you’re reading on AO3 because they’re super dumb about prologues!) They haven’t dwelled on it for long, because they both realize that them being carranam is SUPER complicated by the whole blood oath thing and they don’t really want to talk about how he’s currently sworn to another queen who may or may not see the value in letting them be together.

As far as love... well, right now they’re both still using the carranam bond as a way to deny that what they feel could possibly be more. They’ll figure it out, don’t worry! I don’t want to spoil too much, but one of them at the very least will work it out before we leave Rifthold.

Before we get to the end of this there will DEFINITELY be freaking out about Aelin by both Aedion and Rowan at different intervals. Aelin is ABSOLUTELY a badass and can definitely take care of herself. I haven’t 100% decided on how much longer in terms of timeframe this fic will go, but since we started not long before Beltane and we’re coming up on Midsummer now I have a feeling we’ll wind up wrapping things up around Samhain, if not before.

About the only thing I can confirm safely as a solid “unfortunately not!” is Yrene’s presence. I don’t feel like I have a good enough grasp on her character to bring her into any sort of prominent role just yet! Will Aelin need a healer? That... that’s classified. Lol.

I am so glad you felt safe enough to de-anon yourself for this one, and I am thrilled that you think enough about my little story to have such long and detailed theories!

[theravenclawlover]

Monster

Parings: James “Bucky” Barnes x Reader.

Warnings: +18 Mentions of torture, mature language, future smut, mentions of death, slight depression, mentions of kidnapping.  

Word Count: 2,066.

Summary: You are one of the youngest members of the Avengers, and you love it. Out of the blue an impossible mission is assigned to you alongside Natasha Romanoff, and it was sure to change your life. Lies, and betrayal from the closest people in your life; they never told you who you really were.

Chapter Number: 2.

Chapter Tittle: The Mission.

A/N: Hey! I’m back with another update for this series as you can see! I’ve been so busy with life, it’s a little tiring. Who would’ve thought that online courses could be so homework heavy... Nevertheless, I made some time to twink this thing up and some other chapter, so my prediction is that maybe later or tomorrow there’s going to be another chapter up! Thank you for being so patient with me, it means a lot! Now for those who read my Harry Potter fics, I know I still owe you lot a smutty Weasley Twins fic, and I promise I’ll post it by the end of the month or beginnigs of next, I haven’t been able to finish it for some reason. Also, I think I’ll try to start drafting chapters for my “Welcome to the Industry of Porn.” It’s been almost a year since I last updated that one. Okay, I’ll stop! Enjoy my fellow readers! 

After getting things ready, Nat and you found yourselves in her car; Natasha on the wheel. She kept on glancing at you, not real expression set but it was kind of annoying you. At first it didn't bother you and didn't really mind it, but it had been an hour since her eyeing had begun, so the annoyance was bound to sprout from you any minute.

"What?" you said a little snappy, it couldn't be ignored any longer. It was just rude to stare.

"What?" echoed Natasha with feigned confusion.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" You exclaimed while turning to face her as much as you could with the seatbelt on.

"Like what?" She didn't turn like you had, but you were able to see the change of her expression from your seat, she just gave you a confused look at your words.

"Nat, you haven't stop looking at me! It might sound crazy, but you've looked worried ever since Steve mentioned this "Bucky" person." You couldn't stop from raising your voice a little. She was agitating you and you knew you probably were overreacting at the whole situation.

She let out a sigh before answering, "Y/n, we have been sent to bring the Winter Soldier by no means of force. He has memory problems because HYDRA thought it was a great idea to mess with his brain. So, I'm sorry If I can't take my mind out of it! Also, I'm not looking at you with worry, I was just wondering why you seem so calm." At the last words she'd turned to face you, having reached a red light.

"I never thought that I would witness what I believe is a mini freak out from you. Also, I had my breakdown in my room when we were getting ready. He's scary for what I've read in his report. Remember Washington? Stupid question, of course you do. Dude, I cried when you and Steve were on the run. Trust me, I'm fucking scared, but I'm trying to stay calm. I have a theory that he can smell fear. So, I'm practicing my 'I'm cool with a brainwashed assassin in the room' face," you exclaimed with the tiniest grin on your face. Joking about the matter seem to help with your anxiousness, and the exasperation from before now gone.

"To be honest with you, I'm rather impressed that you look better than I do right now," she said after stopping the car in front of a big old building that looked like it was about to fall, "we're here."

"Shit." It was really happening. All you had to do was peacefully bring a brainwashed dude with you back to the base. Should be easy. Piece of cake, right?

"Let's do this, " said Nat getting out of the car, her façade of tough—not really a façade, she was tough—assassin had 'activated' once more.

You both stepped through the rough looking doors, according to the last report on him, he was in last the floor going up. You were shaking a little when you had finally made your way up. Nat made her way toward the door with quiet steps. Once the two of you were in front of the room neither of you knew what to do next. Do we just knock, or we burst in like the badass women we fucking are? you thought to yourself, a little grin trying to break on your face. You didn't get to dwell on it for too long because Nat had knocked on the door, her face showed the clear regret of that action. She had just acted without thinking of the consequences of her actions—how odd.

There was a noise coming from inside, you could hear hesitant footsteps coming towards the door, you knew he was going to open the door anytime soon, but you didn't know what to do so you just stood there. The movements from inside suddenly stopped, you saw the shadow of someone right in front of the door from its order side. A second later, that someone opened the door, and lord did the sight made you blush.

The door opened to show a shirtless man, long hair covering his face. He looked as if he had just taken a shower, he hadn't been expecting anyone—I mean, who would? The building was mostly empty, except for the homeless that looked for shelter. You knew you were staring but you couldn't remove you gaze from his massive, muscular form, and that glistening arm.

"Good afternoon," said Natasha, breaking the silence. He didn't say anything he just kept looking at both of you trying to figure out who you two were, and most likely wondering why you had disturbed his peace and quiet. After her words, more silence came—awkward silence.

"We are here to help you out, we know who you are," Natasha proceeded to say without introductions. Wrong move. The calm face he'd had was now replace with a cold expression. Before either of you could muster words out, he'd closed the door and hurried back inside.

"Shit! Shouldn't have done that!" Natasha grabbed her gun kicking the door trying to stop him. You did the same thing, grabbed your gun and try to stop him before he disappeared once again. You knew it had been hard to get a hold on a ghost like the Winter Soldier, so you couldn't afford to mess the mission up.

Once inside, he had put out on a shirt and was ready to jump from the window. Nat shouted a 'stop' but he didn't listen, he jumped from the window. You ran to the window to see him landing flawlessly on the ground. Before running off, he turned his head, and you swore he winked your way. Without another glance, he ran and vanished from your view when he took the first turn to the left.

"Crap! The fucker ran away again! He was ready," said an angered Natasha, now standing by your side.

"That was so fast. Who gets dressed that fast?, and that bag must've been packed already," you said looking around for any type of intel you could find. You needed to know where he has heading next, that could help with the foul mood Fury was surely going to be in.

"I don't know, but what I do know is that we are in big trouble when we get back," said Natasha with a sigh escaping her lips. With one quick look around, you gave up and headed back to the car, your murder by your boss awaiting you.

                                                        °°°°°

"Sir, he just ran back inside and jumped from the window and disappeared." For the umpteenth time you told what had happened to Fury. When the two of you got to the new secret facility of S.H.I.E.L.D.—or what was left of it—you were to give your mission report to Fury. Steve was there, listening on how bad the mission had gone; he looked worried, but you had a feeling that it was because his friend was in the world off the radar rather than worried about either Nat or you being yelled at by Fury. You felt guilty, Natasha and you had messed up the chance for him to see this 'Bucky,' but at the same time you were slightly annoyed at his uncharacteristic coldness at your failure.

Fury was mad that you two had failed the mission, but he had known that someone like him was no easy target, but that doesn't mean that he let you off without some type of punishment. You knew that S.H.I.E.L.D wasn't the same organization that once was, now it was just a little group left since the incident with HYDRA. Fury told you after he had—somewhat—calm down that Natasha and you were to be in the tracking team. Meaning that you were to sit down in front of a computer until you got wind of him.

You got back to your room but not before spending the rest of the afternoon working for the new coordinates of where he could have run to hide. You opened the door to your room; once in, you kicked your shoes off and walked towards where your bed was, putting your gun and badge on the nightstand. You were exhausted to even remain awake while walking around to get things done. You went to the bathroom to take the most relaxing shower. The warm water felt so good against your tired body and your thoughts ran wild, with no care. At first it was just how bad you had mess up the mission and the guilt that came with that, but then you could only focus on him. Those piercing blue eyes that seem to take you away from reality... You shook your head trying to forget about those eyes, but you found yourself going back to them. They seem to bring you a sense of comfort that you couldn't explain. You quickly finished your shower, trying to rid yourself from thoughts of him. Once out, you grabbed your panties and the biggest, baggiest t-shirt you owned, and with no trouble you fell asleep.

                                                         °°°°°

You were in a room that seem too familiar for some reason, there was a glass window in front of you. You walked towards it; it showed another room. Your eyes landed in the person that was in the middle of the room, it was him. He was shirtless inside a capsule, he looked troubled while he slept. There were people waking him up, and when they did, they sat him on a chair not far from the capsule he had been. There were doctors around him with clipboards, and big machines were being situated around the blue-eyed man. You looked around, besides the doctors there were people in green outfits—officers. Then you looked to your other side and saw one of the doctors coming to the room you were in, he walked towards to what looked like a control panel. You saw him pressing some buttons, and the big machines in the other room started moving.

Your eyes moved to find his, he was already staring right at you; he couldn't see you, though, the glass didn't allow it. One of the doctors near him grabbed something and put it in his mouth, him never questioning what. He kept looking straight ahead, you felt as if he could really see you through the glass, it made you shiver unconsciously. One of the doctors now gave a signal towards the glass, and so, the man on your side of the glass pressed one button and the machine got closer to the man sitting on the chair. Before you could guess what was going on, he was screaming. You didn't want to see, your heart ached at the way his eyes shut abruptly, how his knuckles were now white from gripping the chair. You couldn't look away and you weren't even able to flinch at his screams. You didn't know how long it went like that, but all the screaming was soon replaced with a shrilling silence. As soon as he was still, dead-looking, some officers were now helping him up and taking him somewhere else. Everyone started to leave, doctors and officers alike—loud-ish chatter amongst them. There was one person who didn't move, and he was looking at you. The man smiled and made his way towards you, he seemed familiar and nice.

"What you just saw, Y/n, was how we made our best weapon stay emotionless, and strong. That is why he is valuable to us; he doesn't show emotions towards his victims." The man was now kneeling in front of you, "now, honey, we better get you to your room. Tomorrow is going to be another day full of training."

"Yes, sir," you said. Your voice sounded so young, probably less than ten years old. He picked you up, and you wrapped your tiny arms around his neck. It took forever to get to what you guessed was your room. Once inside and you were changed into your pajamas, he helped you get in bed, tucking you in.

"Have sweet dreams, my little princess," said the man that was looking at you with loving eyes.

You gave him a soft, sleepy smile before yawning while muttering softly, "goodnight, papa."  

Tag list:

@boredtotearz100 @john-benderr @cnco-ravenclaw-46

[thatyanderecritic]

reading over your posts about ideal MCs and i've always noticed a lot of the (blank slate) MCs in stories w/ yanderes in them tend to just fall under the generic nice personality... not that it's a bad thing (personally i'll take a nice mc over a total bitch) but i feel like there's so much wasted potential because they don't go thru character development unless it's stockholm syndrome/mindbreak... pretty frustrating

Late night rants with Kai

Hey there anon, Kai here.

I’m on board with you on preferring nice MCs over bitchy one any day. Though I do want to say that “nice” isn’t a personality trait. It’s an alignment, values, and ideals. But not a personality trait, per-say. A majority of people would agree that being “nice” is better than being “evil”. That’s why most self insert/blank MCs are just a generic “nice” MC. It’s far easier to put yourself in the shoes of someone who’s “nice” than bitchy. The reason why you feel like there’s wasted potential is because there is wasted potential. There’s a hyper-focus to make a generic MC that writers forget... or should I say purposely leave out actual personality. You kinda need one if you want a character to go through character development. 

Another theory as to why most MCs are a generic nice is simply because the “ideal woman” is a virgin mary/saint. Let’s look at (Japanese) isekai MCs for a moment. Notice how all these female MCs transmigrated to another world end up either as A) a mother B) a maid C) a fake/real wife (to a man in power) D) a holy maiden to support the troops E) a cook (note I don’t say chief). Very womanly job occupations focusing on nurturing and caring for others. We can’t even point to sexist society since most of the time there’s gender equality in these worlds. So why is this the case? It’s because subconsciously or on purpose people model the ideal female on the virgin mary: a woman who’s a mother, a loving wife, and a virgin (IE innocent, pure, ect.).When you hear these traits, do you not imagine the generic MC? Hell, you’re probably picturing a bunch of other female characters too. And if you want some historical context, just look at how women were raised about... what, right before the 2000′s? Mothers, loving wives, and remain virgin for your spouse. Habits die hard, huh?

Regardless of theory, generic MCs are expected to react like a “normal” woman. A woman disgusted by blood, horrified by death, and faints over the smallest thing. Cause, you know, that’s how “nice” people react (sarcasm). And if that MC doesn’t act like the rest, then she must be a bitch. There’s literally no in between here. Either you get the boring but nice MC or the overly bitchy MC... cause you know, women only have two modes: Virgin Mary or Lilith.  

Which brings me back to my point that “nice” isn’t a personality trait and you can have character development on something that doesn’t have a personality to develop. You can literally slap “nice” on any personality trait combo and you can have an actual character. Deadass, you can have someone with shady morals, a little bitchy, and crude sense of humor but still be considered nice because they value human life or something. Just... give the MC a personality... “nice” and clumsy doesn’t cut it. 

Partly on tangent, I noticed that nearly all female MCs would have an F (feeling) trait in their MBTI personality. 

Look at this and tell me that female MCs don’t fit any of these types. For god sake, one of the titles for these personality type is literally “protagonist”. And when you think that there’s eight other personality types an author can use, it makes you cry a little. You know what personality type is rare for a female MC? INTP and INTJ, literally Julie and mine personality types. Must be why we gripe about female MCs all the time. Funny enough, most villains or side characters are T’s (thinking). Who knew logic was the enemy of all, fuck us huh?

Anyways, I went on a rant there. I hope you enjoyed the salt anon. Even though I said all that, we know damn well authors won’t change unless we’re the one writing. Let’s just eat our dog food together. 

[sanoiro]

I was watching 3x09-10 today with my husband (he's trying to catch up and watch the finale when it airs 😊) and he has this theory (sorry if it was discussed before, I couldn't find it). What if Pierce (the first murderer) really is trying to make Lucifer kill a human (as you said on a post the other day) and turn him into the first angel murderer. Maybe he knows something we don't about the repercussions of that? Idk... Just a thought.

First of all, I love your husband! 

Now, this might be a long post I have no idea yet but I read you Ask when I was just about to go to bed and something just stuck with me although I forced myself to sleep instead of replying you. Good thing I did because now I’m feeling like I can analyse anything you tell me to. 

Okay, so long ago I had posted Lucifer’s line from S2 where he said that judgment day is only a couple of years away. 

So I always thought what if Lucifer and Chloe had something to do with it? If we think about it Mum almost caused the end of the word. Last night I also wrote a post where I was thinking that perhaps the 3x16 line on the jock the princess and the nerd corresponded to Dan, Charlotte and Ella because as far as I see it, everyone will have an important task in their hands and some may even fall because of that. I’m mentioning the above because I made a weird connection last night… Can Lucifer by killing a human start an apocalypse? I’m not sure and I doubt we will get there but there is something that I overlooked as it didn’t make much sense at the beginning. The Z prophesy said that the magma of the Earth is blocked and if the magma was not released soon we would have a big magma apocalypse. 

This may sound a bit overstretched but… What is holding Lucifer’s Devil face back or worse his eyes? Why do they glow amber and only two times this season? Was the dagger the only way to let out his light-bringing power? I always believed that his red glowing eyes since S1 were a sign of that power within him. As you may have guessed I’’m wondering on whether Marcus is trying to manipulate something inside of Lucifer. His purpose might have never been to die… Perhaps a revenge then towards God’s favourite son? 

I still don’t buy the favourite was Amenadiel and I presume that Marcus knows that. I have mentioned the following question before that the metal book in S2 was written by whom exactly?  It was written in Sumerian according to Amenadiel and remember what Lucifer said in 3x16 regarding Abel? 

Lucifer: Whilst this is all very illuminating, Maze, how do we find Abel? Keep an ear out for someone babbling in Sumerian? - Lucifer 3x16Lucifer: So whatever language this is- Amenadiel: It’s Sumerian. Unlike some of us who had everything handed to him, I actually spent my youth studying. - Lucifer 2x17

Again who wrote the book that dates back to Abel’s murder according to the timeline Lucifer gives us? Or better yet who was still alive to write it? Cain. At least that’s what I see here. 

If all the above are true what does that tell us about Marcus so far?

- He knows more about divinity and mystical objects than Lucifer, Amenadiel and even Mum. -He knew about the medallion of life and perhaps he has possed himself with it in order to acquire that knowledge as the page of the medallion was at the left side of the book and the flaming sword at the right side. -He knows about Lucifer’s light-brining power. -He knows who the favourite son is… 

But let’s go a bit further. 

Marcus in 3x12 - All About Her, told Lucifer that when he found out that a human had made the Devil bleed so he had to check and that he had high hopes because that would help him find a way to die. I believe that all, meaning wanting to die that is not true. Or at least not entirely true. (Half truths Lucifer 1x04 - I don’t lie but I don’t say the whole truth either.)

Marcus knows that Lucifer bled early on as that was the scene the production went within the flashbacks shown in 3x12. Not 1x13, not 2x13 but 1x04! Meaning that he could have been in Los Angeles immediately when that happened but he didn’t. 

So we get to S2 where Azrael’s blade comes to L.A. and even if Marcus never found out about Uriel (doubtful) he knew about the blade by the episode 2x08 - Trip To Stubby Town. If he wrote the book or was around for millennia he knows that the blade can not only kill him but also vanish his soul once and for all. 

Marcus claimed he experienced no guilt for what he had done so he wouldn’t go to Hell but that would leave only Heaven as an option. Thinking about it, an internal life in Heaven is it really a good thing for him after so many millennia? Wouldn’t be wise to just kill yourself with the blade and be over with it? 

Let’s not forget that Dad probably has a saying even in the afterlife so why would Cain ever subject himself to go to the same place where his torturer is? It doesn’t make any sense… But how about taking revenge on the favourite son of Dad? That is a high possibility but why now? Because Lucifer has something to lose and can suffer. Additionally, his light-bringing powers might be something that can be used against God? Who knows…Okay, so around 2x13 if Marcus knows about it, the Devil dies for a human… Did the hospital had any footage? No idea some do but they require a special order to be turned on. 

Now see this… in a very weird way, Earl Johnson in 2x16 was committed for giving away all his money and because he had been delusional a few months ago (02/03/2017) by his wife…

If you go back a few episodes you will realise that this happened around the time Azrael’s blade was on the move (2x06-2x08) or when Chloe was poisoned (2x11-2x13). So was Earl Johnson planted somehow? I mean why would a guy from Odessa, Texas end up being committed at a ward in California? I may be going a bit too far but what if Marcus was manipulating things since S2 and wanted Lucifer to start a new war against his Dad along with Mum?

Now in 2x18 Mum is gone, the blade is gone but in less than 2-3 hours later Marcus has someone Devilnap Lucifer. Miraculously Lucifer ends up with wings so that makes me wonder if the light-bringing power can be harvested somehow and reused… 

Too far? Okay, think of this. Marcus had 2 seasons to act and he does it when A) Mum is gone, B) the blade is gone, C) Amenadiel’s powers may be returning but not really, D) Maze is out of Lucifer’s house and E) Marcus has proof that Lucifer can summon the light-bringing power. 

All the above get us to S3. 

How did Marcus or the Sinnerman brainwash that guy in 3x02 into thinking he had killed Lucifer’s kidnapper because of his girlfriend? Why do we always forget that? Sometimes I wonder if the original Heart Break Killer was manipulated by the 1950s Marcus… 

Moving forward we get to 3x04  - What Would Lucifer Do?, where Marcus is shot but was he really trying to test his mortality around Chloe? That was a bit too rushed and it doesn’t make much sense… It seems almost as if Marcus wanted some time off to set up a new game… 

3x05 - Charlotte comes back and perhaps Marcus steps away as he wants to see the lasting effects of Mum and how a Hell damned soul is reacting back to her earth body… I do wonder if Charlotte acted as a live experiment for him in a way. 

3x06 and 3x07 are the standalones but Lucifer and Chloe are coming closer something that perhaps does not fit Marcus plan whatever that is. He needs Lucifer in pain. Like Linda said in S2, Lucifer had to feel his pain and indeed in that way, he ignited the blade so… - I believe this has been mentioned before at least once on a basic level? - 

3x08 - Marcus returns and all of sudden in 3x09 The Sinnerman starts to slaughter Lucifer’s old favour recipients. The mafia boy was a recent deal but the woman with the hair products was a few years old deal/favour. I remind you that only Marcus has the archived files on the celestials. 

In 3x10 we get several enigmatic clues and the first arc finishes with Marcus shooting Sinnerman. Now the weirdest part for me was that Sinnerman had kept their photo together photo in a pristine condition with him… Why? It will be answered for sure but… Sometimes I wondered if Marcus could have children for some purpose or if there is something more in there…

The next episodes 3x11 aside, seem like a big joke something like getting the Devil a colour book and let him have some fun. They do hold a deeper meaning but what interests me more is 3x16 for one more reason. Marcus knows that his brother by returning to Hell will fall again into the punishment loop. 

What had me thinking was why didn’t Marcus ask from Lucifer to bring back his brother after Abel was run over? How cruel can you be to let your brother, who you claim to care about at the end of the episode, return to Hell? If that’s not sadistic I don’t know what is. 

Everything I have written so far, of course, do not answer your question if we do not take them as one unit with unseen yet existing connections. 

Marcus is using Lucifer. Chloe has a gift there is no question about it but as Sinnerman said, it has to be you aka Lucifer. We might not know the motivation and the real reason behind Marcus’ actions so far and we might find it out only when the scene is aired but what we should remember is that no matter how precious is Chloe, Lucifer is the object of interest here… 

Which makes me think this. Lucifer is supposed to punish the guilty so was Cain’s mark under Lucifer’s influence? Just a random idea here though…

So your husband is partly right in my opinion. Marcus is forcing people to spin around themselves and do things they would never do… Killing a human as you remember is an Angel 101, no-no. Also, do remember Gaudium… taking a pleasure out of the idea of the committed sin and by reliving that sin and not the sin itself…

I know that this post has been a bit all over the place and I apologise for that. It’s just you gave me an opportunity to go back to S1 and rethink certain coincidences or what we assumed they were at the time. Thank you both!