#Just Because Other People Make Fun Of MOGAI Labels In A Joyless And Cruel Way Does Not Mean Everyone Who Has A Bone To Pick With MOGAI

[llatimeria]

The thing is with label discourse is that i think ppl often take "this isn't a great label actually" as "the feelings you are experiencing are not real or valid" which... really isn't the case. The people begging you not to ID as quoiro or lithro (or whatever the new labels are today) probably are doing so because they empathize COMPLETELY with what the label is describing. I get the gut reaction of "They just think it's cringey!! end cringe culture!!" which is also not totally wrong, there's a lot of assholes whose critiques are as deep as a puddle, come from a place of malice or ignorance, and boil down to "lul cringe", but those guys are Not the same people with honest, empathetic critique.

it's not that stuff like "struggling to tell apart romantic feelings and platonic feelings" is an experience that Doesn't Happen or Just Happens To Everyone. I go through that exact thing all the time as A Lesbian (and I know it's not exclusive to lesbians either), and I also know it's not a feeling EVERYONE goes through (not on a regular, 'every single person that comes into your life' basis).

But... turning that into sexuality/romantic label can be really damaging to yourself, especially when you're a teenager. Working struggles like that into the fabric of your identity can be ... not great for you, especially since the feelings you have do not exist in isolation. That's what tipped me on this issue; you don't struggle with romance and platonic feelings for No Reason. It is not Just The Way You Are.

I understand the knee-jerk "Oh, so you're saying I'm NOT valid? You're saying my feelings AREN'T real? You're saying I'm causing HARM?" reaction completely. But if you ID as a non-standard or MOGAI sexuality please... Critically think about why you ID the way you do. It's important not only to know what your feelings ARE, but WHY you are having those feelings. The "Struggling to differentiate platonic and romantic feelings" I mentioned before is something I now understand is a facet of comphet I experience due to Being A Lesbian. I get feelings like that because of the underlying compulsion that I Have To Like Men. Feelings-struggling is not Just At The Core Of My Person, liking Women is, and there's just a lot of twisting and warping of that caused by lesbophobia, homophobia, misogyny in general... Yeah.

And beyond just regular sexuality struggles, a lot of MOGAI labels are actually just symptoms of having been abused, especially CSA, which makes me really nervous for a lot of reasons. Like I said before, it's turning something often self-depreciating into a facet of your identity that cannot be warped or changed. It's also, honestly, TMI a lot of the time, which can put you in a place of extreme vulnerability when young CSA/abuse victims are already extremely fucking vulnerable on the internet. I know Tumblr can be a super open and welcoming place, especially a lot of these communities made up mostly by kids who are also hurting, but if you are a child it is 100% OK to step back and say, "I don't want to tell people this feeling I have right now" or "I don't want to tell strangers about this right now" if you still want to talk privately about it with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist.