#Jon's conflict in accepting Stannis was about his own issues regarding feeling unwanted at WF as a bastard and burning the Godswoods

[jackoshadows]

Why did Jon refuse Stannis’ offer in ADwD?

Much has been made about Jon Snow’s statement that ‘Winterfell belongs to my sister Sansa’.  When this is basically Jon using Westeros law to stop Stannis’ constant demand that he take over as Lord of WF - he probably would have stated the name of whomever is legally next in line to shut Stannis up on the topic. He was being diplomatic here by not telling Stannis the real reason. Keep in mind that this conversation between Jon and Stannis takes place in ADwD, after Jon has already made the decision in ASoS to stay at the wall as a NW brother and not take up Stannis’ offer.

For those who are interested in reading about why Jon refused Winterfell from Stannis, there is Jon’s last chapter in A Storm of Swords. It’s a great chapter and embodies GRRM’s - ‘A human heart in conflict with itself’.

Here’s Jon’s thought process from Jon XII, ASoS:

He sat on the bench and buried his head in his hands. Why am I so angry? he asked himself, but it was a stupid question. Lord of Winterfell. I could be the Lord of Winterfell. My father’s heir.

Here he remembers his loving father Ned - he could be Ned’s heir.

But someone he dislikes intensely intrudes on that happy thought!

It was not Lord Eddard’s face he saw floating before him, though; it was Lady Catelyn’s. With her deep blue eyes and hard cold mouth, she looked a bit like Stannis. Iron, he thought, but brittle. She was looking at him the way she used to look at him at Winterfell, whenever he had bested Robb at swords or sums or most anything. Who are you? that look had always seemed to say. This is not your place. Why are you here?

It’s Catelyn making him feel unwelcome and unwanted at Winterfell that makes him hesitate.

While he is soaking in a tub he once again thinks of Winterfell:

The warmth took some of the ache from his muscles and made him think of Winterfell’s muddy pools, steaming and bubbling in the godswood. Winterfell, he thought. Theon left it burned and broken, but I could restore it. Surely his father would have wanted that, and Robb as well. They would never have wanted the castle left in ruins.

Here he thinks that Ned and Robb would have wanted him to restore Winterfell. But...

You can’t be the Lord of Winterfell, you’re bastard-born, he heard Robb say again. And the stone kings were growling at him with granite tongues. You do not belong here. This is not your place. When Jon closed his eyes he saw the heart tree, with its pale limbs, red leaves, and solemn face. The weirwood was the heart of Winterfell, Lord Eddard always said . . . but to save the castle Jon would have to tear that heart up by its ancient roots, and feed it to the red woman’s hungry fire god. I have no right, he thought. Winterfell belongs to the old gods.

He is once again reminded of his bastardy. The stone kings of his dreams telling him that he does not belong. And then the Weirwoods…. and here we come to the crux of the problem.  To become Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North under Stannis, Jon would have to tear up and burn the Godswood.

While he is thinking all this, there is an election going to happen soon and Jon hears his brothers talking. Soon it could be that Janos Slynt becomes Lord commander. And Slynt hates Jon. So would it not be better for Jon to take up Stannis’ offer?

Thorne and Marsh will sway him, Yarwyck will support Lord Janos, and Lord Janos will be chosen Lord Commander. And what does that leave me, if not Winterfell?

He entertains the possibility of him actually have a life and a family...

Ygritte wanted me to be a wildling. Stannis wants me to be the Lord of Winterfell. But what do I want? Would I sooner be hanged for a turncloak by Lord Janos, or forswear my vows, marry Val, and become the Lord of Winterfell? It seemed an easy choice when he thought of it in those terms . . . though if Ygritte had still been alive, it might have been even easier. Val was a stranger to him.

And then finally we basically see all of Jon’s wishes and ambitions and what he really wants:

I would need to steal her (Val) if I wanted her love, but she might give me children. I might someday hold a son of my own blood in my arms. A son was something Jon Snow had never dared dream of, since he decided to live his life on the Wall. I could name him Robb. Val would want to keep her sister’s son, but we could foster him at Winterfell, and Gilly’s boy as well. Sam would never need to tell his lie. We’d find a place for Gilly too, and Sam could come visit her once a year or so. Mance’s son and Craster’s would grow up brothers, as I once did with Robb.

He wanted it, Jon knew then. He wanted it as much as he had ever wanted anything. I have always wanted it, he thought, guiltily. May the gods forgive me.

Note that thus far, the current known living heir to Winterfell has not made a single appearance in Jon’s thoughts, while he is debating the pros and cons of accepting Stannis’ offer and becoming lord of Winterfell. Not one thought spared to Sansa. No - ‘ah well, Sansa is still alive and I could not possibly take her place’. Nothing. Jon does not seem to give her place in all this ANY consideration. Nada. Nil. Zero. His thoughts involve Ned, Robb, Catelyn, Janos, Old Gods, Ygritte, Val and even Sam and Gilly. But no Sansa. 

So Jon finally admits that he wants WF, that he wants to take up Stannis’ offer, and is seriously considering leaving the wall with Stannis’ pardon and become Lord of WF and start a family with Val. What stops him here?

Ghost finally turns up!

“Gods, wolf, where have you been?” Jon said when Ghost stopped worrying at his forearm. “I thought you’d died on me, like Robb and Ygritte and all the rest. I’ve had no sense of you, not since I climbed the Wall, not even in dreams.” The direwolf had no answer, but he licked Jon’s face with a tongue like a wet rasp, and his eyes caught the last light and shone like two great red suns. Red eyes, Jon realized, but not like Melisandre’s. He had a weirwood’s eyes. Red eyes, red mouth, white fur. Blood and bone, like a heart tree. He belongs to the old gods, this one. And he alone of all the direwolves was white. Six pups they’d found in the late summer snows, him and Robb; five that were grey and black and brown, for the five Starks, and one white, as white as Snow.

He had his answer then

And there we have it. Jon Snow was going to stay Jon Snow.  Jon’s love for Ghost, his uniqueness,  the weirwood eyes reminding Jon of the Godswood, the heart trees and the Old Gods - that there was no way he was going to burn them down to take up Stannis offer.

He decides to stay at the wall and goes back to the election and luckily for him (And thanks to Sam) he ends up winning the election and not losing his head to Slynt.

So no. He did not refuse Winterfell for Sansa. Sansa played no role in his decision to refuse Winterfell. That’s just legalese Jon’s throwing at Stannis to justify his decision.

But here’s the thing – Robb’s will. And Robb does not demand that Jon has to burn down the Godswood.  A most beloved brother wanting Jon to be KITN? Hell yeah! I think the more wolfish, newly resurrected Jon is going to be all about that KITN promotion – after he goes to WF with the Wildlings and kicks some Bolton ass. We know via GRRM’s season 4 GOT script notes that we are going to be seeing Direwolves (plural) Vs Ramsay’s dogs in this battle. It’s very likely we will be seeing Shaggydog/Rickon making an appearance via Manderly and Nymeria and her wolf pack are possibly making their way there and then there is Ghost. And if Jon does become KITN as the eldest living Stark, I think both Arya and Rickon will be supportive of that decision.

Whether Sansa under LF’s influence will be supportive of Jon as KITN? That remains to be seen. As per the show, it would seem not.  She was a character created for conflict among the Starks. But considering that the last 4 seasons of the show has been D&D fanfiction, I am not entirely sure how her character will react in the books.