#Jin pls don't let her disappear | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dead-end-street · 4 years ago

Note

For the angst: Hwanghan? Perhaps "I love you" from Si Mok 😬? (But its also Extremely Okay if its not too angsty pls don't hurt my son too much 🥺) Thanks either way, your writing is lovely!

(Read on ao3)

In the many years and months that she’d known him, Yeo-jin never expected things to end up this way. They stood staring at each other, orange, yellow, and red leaves falling around them. The crisp October air was colder than she’d expected and even in the bright sunshine, she shivered slightly now that they’d stopped walking.

She was visiting him in Wonju for the weekend as she had every few weekends for the past year and a half. He’d tried insisting that he visit her in Seoul more often but she found that she preferred making the trip to see him. The hour and a half drive drive cleared her mind and she enjoyed being away from the craziness of the capital. At first their visits centered around work, discussing theories and motives, or analysing evidence together to get a different perspective. But gradually they began to take day trips to explore the countryside and one time even ventured to Sogeumsan Mountain Suspension Bridge and played tourist for the day. They’d always been friends but now they finally did things together that didn’t revolve around their work. To anyone watching from the outside, the word ‘couple’ wouldn’t be too much of a stretch to describe them.

If Si-mok ever wanted to cross that line, she wouldn’t protest, however she’d mostly given up on that fantasy a long time ago. He still spoke to her politely but never suggested they drop honorifics completely and speak more casually. It didn’t really bother her because she could still tell he was more casual with her than anyone else in his life by his tone and actions. The way he poured her drink. The way he gently touched her elbow to let her know he was there and he understood how she felt. The way he sat silently gazing at her across the table at dinner sometimes. The way his fist clenched when anyone so much as looked at her sideways. There were a thousand tiny moments like that and she was content to let them just linger in her dreams if it meant she could still laugh and stroll arm-in-arm with him on a chilly autumn day like this.

They paused for a moment for him to take a few pictures of the path ahead of them littered with fallen leaves. She’d gotten him an older refurbished camera on a whim last Christmas in an effort to help him find a hobby other than reading. To both their surprise, he actually enjoyed it as it was still mostly a solitary activity but on days like this when he was snapping photos of nature, she beamed proudly knowing her gift would always be well used. Hearing some dogs barking behind them, she turned to see a pair of corgis chasing each other. She laughed as they tackled each other and ran through the leaves. Out of the corner of her eye she felt someone watching her and turned back to catch him taking pictures of her.

“What are you doing?” she asked, grinning and pretending to reach for the camera. It was roll film anyway so she’d have to wait until he developed it to see what he’d taken, but he still pulled away, playing along with her. A small mischievous smile was on his lips, his eyes practically sparkling. Even though his smiles were less rare now, she still savoured each one like it was the first time.

Just as quickly as his smile had appeared, it disappeared again. She was used to it but there was something else in his expression she couldn’t read.

“I think,” he began, then closed his mouth. He was momentarily distracted by a little boy being chased by his parents. He was laughing and shrieking at the top of his lungs in a way only toddlers could do.

“Yes?” Yeo-jin prompted.

“I love you.”

The phrase hung between them and floated away on the cold breeze. She shivered but didn’t break eye contact. She’d thought of this moment hundreds of times over the years but now she was speechless.

“I’m telling you this because I think you love me too.”

She wanted to run around flailing her arms and scream like the toddler they’d just seen. Her heart was pounding so hard.

He continued, “I’m telling you because, even though I think I love you, I can’t be sure.” He stepped closer and placed the lens cover back on his camera. “I can only mimic the actions, but I can’t feel it and I don’t want to give you false hope.”

Her face suddenly felt hot and her eyes stung. She didn’t understand what was happening. Was he telling her he loved her but also letting her down nicely?

“I’ve read a lot about relationships and love but I don’t think I can truly experience it, let alone give it back.”

“I don’t…” she felt like she’d been punched in the gut. “I don’t understand what you’re trying to tell me.”

“I’m trying to tell you that you should let go of me. I think you’ve loved me for a while and maybe I do too, somewhere deep down, but I’ll never be sure and I wouldn’t want you to have to live with that doubt. You deserve someone who can show you love in all the ways that matter. You deserve someone who would do all those ridiculous, romantic things you love in those dramas you watch.” He paused briefly to tilt his head to look at her then added, “I could never give that to you.”

Hot tears were now falling freely from her eyes. She scrubbed at her face, annoyed at herself for crying.

“I don’t need all those things. I just need you,” she whispered because her voice seemed to have stopped working.

“That’s a naive statement to make. It may feel like it doesn’t matter now but I know you and you’ll want more, and you shouldn’t feel bad about that. You deserve all parts of love.”

Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath trying to steady herself. When she opened her eyes, he was already walking back to the car. Watching his retreating form surrounded by the colourful leaves she felt something break in her chest and she involuntarily let out a sob. How could this be happening?

The car ride back to his place was torture. She kept thinking of things to say to him as a rebuttal to his previous statements, but she was afraid she’d start crying again. By the time they pulled up next to her car she was past her shock and somehow moved onto anger. She grabbed her things, tossed them into her car and drove away, barely saying goodbye to him. Halfway into her drive back to Seoul, she was back to crying listening to a sad music playlist. When she was 10 minutes from her apartment she got a call from him, which she ignored and he didn’t leave a voicemail.

She went to bed that night feeling numb. While she felt that most of what he’d said was wrong, one line stuck with her and she hated it. ‘You’ll want more, and you shouldn’t feel bad about that.’ She wanted to believe that it didn’t matter to her but she couldn’t pretend that she hadn’t imagined falling in love with someone who would treat her in a certain way and make her feel like she was special and cherished. Part of her knew most of that was a fantasy but another part still craved it and if she was being honest, Si-mok would never be like that. At least not in the way she'd imagined.

She turned on her side to reach for her phone to check the time. She had a text from him that just read, “I’m sorry for upsetting you. I hope you made it home safely.”

She fell into a dreamless sleep that night while hugging her phone and when she woke up in the morning, her pillow was damp from her tears.

---

Prompt List - Ask Box now closed since I’ve received quite a few already.

#secret forest 2 #tvn secret forest #tvn stranger #hwanghan #mokjin #si mok x yeo jin #secret forest #my fic #prompts #kdrama #I'M SO SORRY ANON #YOU WANTED IT NOT SUPER ANGSTY AND MY HAND SLIPPED #LOOOOL PLS DON'T HATE ME #Anonymous #otp: no one can replace you

28 notes · View notes