#Jewish elf

[skullmoss]

i don't think solas would even consider romance with lavellan if lavellan were a city elf origin, honestly.

with each dragon age game the city elves/non-dalish elves continue to get buried in favour of the dalish elves, ignoring the actual interesting nuance between two different groups of a diaspora that had once been present in origins and da2.

[bronzewool]

The existence of golems in Dungeon Meshi implies Judaism exists in this world, and if elf girl can make her own golem, then all elves are Jewish in this world.

[seldarinesorcerer]

The task of creating a pinned introductory post has always been intimidating to me because I don't know how to make it aesthetically pleasing, and I don't know what to include, so I'll leave this here and dress it up later.

Hi! I'm Caeldan. I'm a 23 year old alterhuman, my kintype being drow or dark elf.

I'm a reconstrictionist Jew who's trying to strengthen my ties to the community after being raised pretty agnostic and/or atheist for a long time. I live alone in adulthood, so I don't frequently get to enjoy the collaborative nature of the practice.

I identify as pangender and/or genderfluid, but specifically in the way that my gender will shift to reflect those around me. I'm a man by default, but more nonbinary to those I'm more familiar with. I'm also struggling with my sexuality in that I believe I'm on the asexual and aromantic spectrum somewhere, but also possibly multisexual with a preference towards masculinity. I call myself optimistic to spare energy. I'm polyamorous as well, and I consider that a part of my identity, whereas non-monogamous is more my relationship status.

I'm undiagnosed in.... pretty much every aspect of life right now. I experience what feels like chronic pain, and I use a cane most often, though I own a rollator for worse days. I'm not sure what's going on with me, but it's an ongoing effort to find out. I'm also plural though so throwing that into the mix doesn't help. I'm actively working to navigate that too without instinctively masking everything. Masking has been making everything a lot worse, believe it or not.

This is going to be a pretty eclectic blog of stuff because I don't care enough to make sideblogs, so below will be a list of tags to help both me and you find things:

#caeldan's own : Stuff that I write. Specifically so I can find my own stuff in a sea of reblogged shit.

#reblog and #queue are self-explanatory.

If I remember other important things to add, I'll tack em in here somewhere.

I wouldn't mind asks (anon or not) threatening me to work on the post more. I need the motivation.

Thanks for reading!

[meowmeowmeowimacat]

[me-myself-and-my-fos]

okay but Bernard being the only dad on the PTA and during one meeting they’re discussing what to do for the winter holidays and that they want a Santa to come visit the kids for a breakfast with Santa

And everyone just kind of looks at Bernard and asks if he’s willing to dress up as Santa for one day, and he’s sweating trying to get out of it but he’s on the spot and can’t say no so he says yes

And he comes home from the meeting to tell me what happened and what he has to do now

And I end up laughing so hard I’m snorting and eventually get the hiccups from laughing so much and he’s just standing there kind of like

[darrengrave]

The way almost every single kid had some kind of crush on Bernard in The Santa Clause is never not funny to me...every single year the way we all remember this collective unconscious crush on this teen elf acting like an grouchy old man..... like what was that? The authority?? 😂

[picrewdealer]

BCP by Naylissah

Disability options include glasses and hearing aids

Artist's carrd

[revvethasmythh]

sam was so real for doing a chrimstas themed liveshow and apparently taking every opportunity to squirrel yiddish and references to being jewish into it. ralph bader ginsburg is even better than his jewish christmas elf from the original critmas oneshot. i love this for him (and me)

[0alix0]

Overusage of Lore

a lot of people tend to say that bioware put little to no lore into Veilguard, and i might be on a minority on this to me it's way too much and way too shallow

The entire game feels like writers just scream at you "Look at all the magical thing we have!! So we have Titans! And Evanuris! And Illuminati Those Across the See! And-- are you listening? You better listen cuz there are more! We have Shadow Dragons! We have Griffons! We--"

OMG calm down it's not a fucking Warcraft

the best thing in DA was the way it beautifully showed real life issues through the lens of medieval fantasy world.

The dalish weren't so fascinating because they had an entire language made for them and pretty tattoos. They were fascinating because they were enslaved, fought for freedom, then got their land taken away YET STILL continued to fight for survival, for their cultural identity, their children and their children's children, for freedom. Literally combination of native american's and jewish history. Because despite having one goal they all had different approach and opinion about other of their kin: city elves (those disconnected from their culture) and half-elves ("can they be considered elves?" "should they be allowed to be a part of dalish?").

The city elf origin wasn't so memorable because every npc had a backstory with a length of bible. It was memorable because it was the most obvious analogy on racial oppression, segregation, colonialism and fetishism in the entire franchise. Because it had the guts to actually show in details the horrors of these things.

Broodmothers weren't so horrifying because it's a female mixture of jubba hutt and a fucking pudge from dota with a detailed explanation their anatomy. They were horrifying because they were paralleling a very real misogyny, mistreatment, the way how women in some countries are seen as nothing but a walking uteruses, where the only thing they're good for is to give birth

AND bioware doubled it while doing the same thing with Orzammar, cast system & Rica!

The Circles weren't so interesting because we've got dozens of pages in WoT explaining their hierarchy/fraternities. No, they were interesting because it was literally a bunch of medieval GULAGs with a function of a mental hospital, it showed what mistreatments happen there, the abuse, child abduction and enforcement of religion.... And from the side of templars it was a discussion about professional deformation, addictions and the way high ranking people abuse those to control their underlings.

..... And you know, if we were back in origins, griffons, for example, would've probably been used as a parallel on irl eco terrorism. it might've been about how Wardens despite their good nature unintentionally bonded the general association of the entire animal species to their order and abused this connection to the point when the species was beyond preservation!

and btw, then that decision in davrin's quest would actually had any meaning, instead of throwing wardens into mud (again) and turning isseya into a villain for no fkn reason.

lore is only good as long as it's used for purpose, when it has things to discuss, not just exist

i don't fucking care about titans/evanuris/and other shit because they're just a 30 pages long article in codex and WoT trying to explain magic and write DA timeline almost to a fucking mesozoic era. it's BORING. Get me emotionally invested, then i'll care

[tamamita]

Frieren (the manga and anime) is nazi propaganda and I’m hoping you’ll spread awareness so people stop mindlessly praising such a reprehensible title.

All the main characters are very pale despite the in-show world being so vast - with the author only drawing characters with one complexion and not a single character with a hint of melanin or ethnic feature is in sight no matter where Frieren travels, which I think alone hints at the author’s white supremacist values.

The demons as they exist in the show are antisemitic caricatures as they are monsters who can mimik humans for more nefarious purposes - an antisemitic trope, see: Bram Stoker’s ‘Dracula’. Additionally, they’ve been at war with every other race in the world, are individualistic creatures and are greedy and conniving in nature (also an antisemitic trope) and even sympathising with them at all gets people killed as the show presents them as inherently evil creatures who can’t mix with other races.

The name ‘Himmel’ (Frieren’s love interest) is very similar to Himmler, a prominent nazi. Additionally, much of Frieren’s character revolves around her upset about not being his tradwife due to his untimely passing which puts a bad taste in my mouth alone.

It should also be pointed out that the female character designs are clearly lolibait and evoke the ‘1000 year old elf who looks very young’ trope. These sorts of designs are very popular amongst reactionaries - and this show does have its fair share of alt-right fans - who also view the demons as stand-ins for (primarily) Jewish and black people and regularly make disgusting jokes about it, which shows the sort of audience the author decided to cater to.

Bait used to be believable

[is-the-thing-actually-jewish]

the mensch on a bench has always made me curious (and it feels somewhat suspicious) … so what’s the deal with it?

Rating: Jewish (Cultural Christianity Influenced)

"Mensch" is a Yiddish word literally meaning "guy" but in practice used to mean "a decent, upstanding, reliable human".

"Bench" is an English word referring to a long seat with room for multiple people, found worldwide and used by people of all religions.

I will freely admit that prior to researching this ask, I had assumed that Mensch on a Bench toys were a classic example of companies repackaging Christmas stuff to benefit from the Jewish market share without any real engagement with Jewish values, but the original designer and owner of the company is a Jewish man named Neal Hoffman. According to interviews with him, he had the idea when his son asked for an Elf on the Shelf and he said "No, we're Jewish, you can have a Mensch on a Bench instead" and then went home and designed one, eventually getting funding from Shark Tank to develop the business. The toy is accompanied by a children's book about Moshe the Mensch making kind choices, and there are other toys in the "Mensch" family one can purchase, including the delightful "Mitzvah Moose" whose antlers are branches of a menorah.

As always, mileage may vary greatly among Jews when it comes to how individuals feel about the brand, but it is genuinely Jewish.

[thrashkink-coven]

Genuine Red Flags in Spiritual Books, Grimoires, Occult Teachers or Mentors

Very often I see folks talking about things they consider to be red flags for beginners when entering witchy or occult spaces. Here are a few of the things that I’ve noticed over the years that will immediately make me put down a book or step away from a practitioner.

1. Claiming they know every thing about every sect of spirituality / occultism or witchcraft

Simply put, there is no one person who knows the deep inner workings of every craft, of every philosophy, of every practice. The guru that claims to know everything from Reiki to Jewish Mysticism to Native American Spirituality to Voodoo to Acupuncture to Chakra Healing, Tarot, Herb Wizardy, Alchemy, etc etc etc. No. They are lying. Even the most dedicated and wise practitioners devote years into understanding a philosophy or spiritual practice. And especially in regards to closed practices, it is impossible for one person to have read and done it all. Either they are straight up lying or presenting brief skimming over texts or conversation as “years of experience and practice”. No.

2. Constantly trying to convince the reader that they are a God, deity or some inhuman creature like a cosmic elf, mermaid, or angel

Now I don’t mean to confuse this with the idea that some Luciferian or Satanic spaces may adopt that all humans are gods in their own right, or you are the god of your own existence. I’m talking specifically about books that try to convince you that you’re actually a lost race of alien who has been trapped in a human body, or has been mistaken into believing they are human. I’m not going to get into my opinions on star seeds or deity ancestry, what I will say is that very often, and I mean uncomfortably often, these ideas are intrinsically tied to supremacist or xenophobic rhetoric You do not have to be an angel to be special and cosmically significant. You don’t have to be an elf to explore herbal magic, people who push these ideas are very frequently praying on those with delusions of grandeur or other dissociative mental disorders and that’s not cool.

3. Using pseudoscience to push miracle remedies. This includes denying things that are provable to push a narrative, like the fact medication can help the mentally ill.

My dears, please fact check what you read. Please see what educated people have to say about these authors before you take everything they say at face value. As many problems and rightful distrust as there is in the medical industry, usually, if a concoction is commonly dismissed by 99% of medical professionals, it’s usually not because they’re trying to cover up the holy grail, it’s because they know it’s… probably not that good for you or simply doesn’t do what it claims.

4. Trying to convince the reader that with enough practice, willpower, and a donation of $9.99 per month, you too can obtain some incredible power that will allow you to airbend, waterbend, firebend, and basically defy all the laws of physics in general!

The point of most occultism, spirituality and witchcraft is not to defy the laws of physics or to obtain some godly power. There most certainly exists the belief in many sects of spirituality that one can influence their reality through training, but I promise you, anybody that is promoting that they can walk on water is trying to make a fool out of you

5. Inability to disagree, contest, or dissent from the opinions of the mentor, teacher, high priest(ess) or leader

This is how cults form, guys. Confirmation bias is a hell of a drug. If the presentation of different ideas or even questions are met with harsh backlash and censorship, you need to get the fuck out of there.

6. Them automatically making the assumption within a very short time of meeting you, usually presented as psychic intuition, that you are suffering and have a “deep sadness” or energy blockage in your soul that only they can fix.

I understand that damaged people often seek mediums and whatnot for help, and sometimes it genuinely brings them ease, that’s fine and good. But so often I have been approached by people online that claim that “the angels have a really important message for me that they can only give after they’ve received an epayment of just a few dollars”. These are obviously scams, but often people who have been trusted for a reading or service in the past will fabricate these stories to trap a costumer in a loop of service. Some of these claims may be genuine but I guarantee you most are not.

7. Sprinkles of Fascism

No you are not superior to other people because you’re spiritually “enlightened”. No you should not separate groups of people or decide who should and shouldn’t procreate. No mainstream society is not being being deceived by the devil, and the devil is not more prevalent in any one group of people, sex, sexuality, gender, or race. You are not the only enlightened one in a world full of lost people. Mentally ill folks are not demons and trans people aren’t energetically unaligned. You will not inherit the Earth while everyone else dies. Uuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shut the fuck up.

8. The claim that ancient societies of people were aliens. Presenting hoaxes and proven scams as evidence of a conspiracy.

This includes things like using documented hoaxes as evidence that aliens built the pyramids. I’m going to be so for real with you guys rn. This is just racism. It’s insane to think the Egyptians were smart enough to build the society they literally lived in, but nobody doubts the validity of the Roman Empire. Crazy concept but maybe Indigenous people of color aren’t savage idiots. And maybe white people aren’t the only ones capable of having societies and interesting architecture. The thing about this that annoys me the most is that… Egyptians still exist today, and the ancestry that dates back to ancient Mesopotamia and Canaan still exist today too. These were human beings, just like us. The alienation of black and brown people proves how little some people see us as normal people.

9. The promotion of practices that are directly harmful. Self mutilation, disorderly eating, or rituals that can induce psychosis or states of mania.

Guess what you actually don’t have to sit on a mountain naked and eat nothing but sunlight to be enlightened. You can definitely do religious or devotional things like fasting within a healthy degree, but I so so often see people promoting things that will very obviously lead to mania and hallucinations just by design. Starving yourself for two weeks while constantly blasting mantras and doing a bunch of psychedelics isn’t enlightenment… it’s a manic episode. While some devotees may feel comfortable offering blood to deities, this should always be in very small ways, a needle poke, not self mutilation.

10. Trying to do business with minors or promote occult topics to children specifically

Just no. I really dislike the idea of selling spells or promoting deity communication to kids still in grade school. They’re trying to manipulate a young mind into believing their dogma or spending their parent’s money. If a parent wants to share their craft with their child, that’s cool, but people who specifically target a younger audience are suspect to me. This isn’t to say spirituality isn’t for kids, it’s just that content that is created for kids is often created to be surface level and profitable in the algorithm.

11. Shitting on New Age Spirituality

Yeah I said it. This to me feels very much like a let’s hate on anything women, especially young women enjoy. Let’s delegitimize their experiences and paint them all as ditzy girls just clanging their crystals together.

There are some things that New Age Spiritualists do that I’m not a fan of, all of the things in this list. However, that doesn’t make this form of spirituality and witchcraft any less legitimate just because it’s somewhat trendy right now. Go fucking howl at the moon and have bon fires with your besties while you do tarot and talk about angel numbers, I don’t give a fuck.

New Age spiritualists aren’t inherently doing anything wrong or different than what ancient cultures have been doing for centuries, it’s just trendy and profitable now. But anything that young women enjoy will inevitably be exploited by the capitalist machine and that is not their fault. Wicca is still a legitimate form of spirituality and witches are not inherently doing anything wrong by being young women. So much of the criticism against NAS is literally just misogyny.

“I’m not into new age spirituality I’m a REAL witch”

omg please shut up

[lovelytsunoda]

sleigh ride // lance stroll

summary: christmas has never been his holiday. but she adores it, and he wants to make this christmas one that she won't forget.

pairing: lance stroll x fiancee!reader

warnings: marriage proposals, fluffy lance, it's super duper cheesy, lance quotes emily henry's "beach read", where can i get a lance

the snow fell down on niagara falls in scattered flurries, the waterfalls the town used as their namesake almost frozen solid in motion as they spilled into lake ontario. the sun was setting, with niagara-on-the-lake doused in an orange-pink glow as the couple ran out of the b'n'b, giggling hand in hand.

"lance, where are we going?" she giggled, mitten-clad hand clutched in her boyfriend's as he pulled her along the snowy sidewalk.

"just trust me, but you'll need to close your eyes." lance stroll insisted, turning to face her, pressing his warm lips to her rapidly cooling forehead. "we're almost there."

"if you say so." she chortled, closing her eyes and following lance as he guided her, gentle flakes falling against her knitted hat.

the breeze was cold, cutting through the many layers that they both wore as lance urged her forwards. her mind was swimming with all the possibilities lance could have come up with, but she couldn't settle on any.

christmas had never been his thing. he was raised jewish, and she had celebrated hannukah with his family before, so why would he celebrate christmas anyways? the answer was simple: because she enjoyed it. he could convince himself to embrace a little more of the christmas spirit than normal when she was around, when she insisted on putting that stunning tree in their living room, or buying elf ears for their dog.

"okay, you can open your eyes now."

she opened her eyes, instantly covering her mouth to stop the delighted scream from coming out and scaring the horses. sitting in front of her were two stunning black mares, towing a snow-white sleigh, decorated with white glitter and snowflakes, a plush throw blanket thrown over the bench in the back.

"lance, this is incredible!"

lance beamed, glowing under the streetlamps as he pulled open the metal gate door. "milady." he giggled, reaching for her gloved hand to help her into the sleigh.

she curled into him on the bench, lance fluffing the blanket out behind and over their bodies before the well-dressed man sat in the driver's seat of the sleigh flashed them a smile, and the horses began their slow trot down the cobblestones.

she slipped her gloves off, taking lance's cold hand in hers as she played with his fingers, head resting comfortably on his shoulder. her breath crystallized in the air, snowflakes falling into the sleigh and promptly melting on the winter mats on the ground.

lance himself was fidgety, the tiffany and co. box burning a hole in the pocket of his parka. he was so anxious about asking that he'd almost done it that morning, over coffee and croissants at breakfast.

but she deserved more than that. she deserved something meaningful, something special (not that there was anything wrong with a little bit of privacy and keeping it lowkey, he just wanted to have a great proposal story to pass down to their kids. after y/n told him that her father proposed to her mother by saying 'we need to talk', he vowed that his proposal would be special).

she turned her head, pressing a frosty kiss to his warm skin. "i love you, lance."

he smiled, burying his nose in the top of her knitted hat. " i love you more, pretty girl. i've got another surprise for you, if you're up for it."

she looked up at him, hair falling in front of her face, skin pink from the cold as she smiled back at him. "what kind of surprise?"

"you'll see. it's just around this corner, love."

the sleigh pulled up to a small gazebo, cords of string lights wrapped around the weathered wooden beams to light up the small space, now that the sun was behind the clouds, the last dregs of daylight hovering in the space between night and day.

lance got to his feet, opening the sleigh gate before the driver could even get down from his perch. with her long fleece scarf hanging down to her knees, she daintily descended from the sleigh, hand in hand with her boyfriend as he led her towards the gazebo.

the snow beneath their feet was dusted with deep purple rose petals, some small tea light candles on the steps. as they got closer to the gazebo, she could see the small lightbox letters, lit up in a warm, soft yellow as they got closer, spelling out two words.

marry me.

"oh, lance." she breathed, at a loss for words as she anxiously wringed her hands.

she could hear the wooden boards creaking behind her as lance sunk down to one knee, reaching into his pocket for the turquoise box. he rested the box on his knee, frozen hands shaking as he pulled it open.

"i really should have thought this through a little better. i'm cold as shit." he giggled nervously. "but i know christmas means a lot to you, and i wanted to make this as special as i could."

she gasped, hands coming up to cover her mouth as she saw the ring: a single princess-cut diamond resting on a silver band, two small pink gemstones holding the center gem in place.

"y/n, i'm head over heels for you, and i always have been. every morning i wake up next to you, and i think, this could all go away. the racing, the money, the fame, all of it. but as long as i had you by my side, i wouldn't care. as long as i had you, i'd be happy. because you make me so happy, y/n. you remind me of all the good in the world, all the reasons to keep going. in the words of emily henry, yes, i've read your romance books, 'when i watch you sleep, i feel overwhelmed that you exist'. man, she got that right. i feel overwhelmed with love, and with care. and some days, i wonder why you chose me when you could have had any man you wanted. y/n y/'l/n. pretty girl. love of my life." lance sniffled, wiping at the tear that was threatening to fall into his stubble. "will you marry me?"

"yes!" she shouted, her voice echoing across the clearing as she started to giggle. "yes, of course i'll marry you." her eyes started to sting, tears pricking the corners of her vision, so overcome with love for man on his knees in front of her.

she sunk to her knees as well, the frost on the gazebo cold against the knees on her jeans. she clasped lance's hands in her own, pulling him in for a gentle kiss before he slipped the ring onto her finger, foreheads resting against each other.

"thank you so much for saying yes. i can't think of a day in the foreseeable future that i don't want to spend with you by my side."

"oh, lance." she laughed through her tears of joy. "don't make me cry."

"i'm not trying to, my love." he laughed, tears pricking at his eyes. "god, i just love you so much."

"i love you more." she laughed, tucking her arms around him, pulling him in for a hug before glancing down at the sterling silver on her finger.

lance kissed her hairline, holding her close and breathing in her scent.

if this was every day for the rest of his life, then he was wondering why he'd waited so long to ask.

TAGS:

@libraryofloveletters @magnummagnussen @lorarri @httpiastri @cartierre @sidcrosbyspuck @scuderiamh @oconso @thatsdemko @silversainz

[spideyslag]

Steve was supposed to be Santa for the Stark Industries families Christmas party. He volunteered, does every year, and honestly, it just makes sense for Captain fucking America to be Santa.

This year, however, shit happened and Steve got called off on a mission last minute. Bucky, ever the Saint (in Steve’s and… no one else’s opinion. Maybe one other persons opinion) said he’d fill in. Their measurements are roughly close enough for him to fit the suit.

Tony wasn’t thrilled about the development, but, well, he was in a bind and Bucky was wiling and able and he had it on good authority from Sam that the centennial was, shockingly, really good with kids, actually.

Of corse, because Bucky’s life is a fucking joke, Peter had volunteered to be Steve’s elf like he did the last few years, too. His naturally delightful disposition and lean, short, stature just made it make sense. And Peter was just a sweetheart like that.

Of corse, for Bucky this was an incredibly amusing turn of events.

“Oh my god. You look ridiculous. You’re my elf?”

“I’m Steve’s elf. And you’re one to talk.”

Peter tried not to snicker at Bucky’s appearance.

“What, this isn’t doing it for you?”.

Fake white beard, coke bottle glasses, fat red suit. “I’ve never been more turned on in my life” he deadpanned.

“And here I said we’d never try role play”.

“Bucky!” Peter hissed.

“Okay doll, okay, I’ll be good, I’ll be good.”

“Good. Dont want to get yourself on your own naughty list this close to Christmas, do you?”

“Peter. we are both Jewish.” Bucky chuckled.

“Okay. Let me rephrase. You don’t want to be on my naughty list.”

“Well, that depends on what my punishment will be” Bucky purred.

“Okay you are without question the world’s horniest Santa. Let’s go. We’re gonna be late.”

“You’ve got it doll”.

Later that night, no one is surprised by the photo Clint sends the group chat of one Santa kissing one of his elves with a beer bottle in his hand.

Couldn’t have changed first? How the fuck am I explaining this to my kids?

This is like the fucked up gay version of i saw mommy kissing Santa Claus Sam teased

why were your kids still at the party at 2 am? Came buckys quick response.

Fair enough. Dare I ask why you’re still up at 4 am if you and Peter left at 3?

‘🤐’ was Peter’s answer before taking Bucky’s phone out of hand, and demanding he come back to bed.

[itsa-me-lily]

Okay, it's here, holy shit I did it. Here is the Simon x Thimble Christmas Fic that I dragged out kicking and screaming.

Here is the MPS AU master playlist

Here is Simon & Thimble playlist

Content warnings;

Not really any I can think of? I make a joke involving ham. If anyone finds an issue let me know.

Christmas, a time of year where everything sparkled a little brighter, the world a little kinder, and the perfect way to show someone you cared was with a gift. At least that's what all the commercials said. You could admit it was little pessimistic to view the holiday but well, capitalism did that to a person.

As a kid it was certainly a more magical time, though your mom had more to do with it than anything else. You could appreciate the amount of effort she put into making sure you started the day excited for the possibilities and ended it content with the spoils of a year of good behavior.

Even as adults your mom tried to make sure that the day was good. What was probably the best part was that you could make sure the day was just as good for her as it was for you. Plus there was an extra adult to rope into being your helpful elf. Well there was supposed to be.

You knew Simon didn't have a choice for when he was sent out on missions, but he did seem to draw the universal short straw for being sent out a week before Christmas with no return date in sight. Not that he had been complaining at the time. You were almost convinced he was happy to go given the conversation you had had days prior to him leaving.

"So what do you do for Christmas?"

You'd of thought that you'd asked the man this in a dead language the way he had stared at you as he held greens for the boys to nibble and pull at during floor time. It was a reasonable question and you knew it.

"Don't look at me like that. My mom wants to know if we're going over to hers for Christmas or Christmas Eve. We want to make sure that we're not stepping on toes."

The look on his face either meant he was confused or constipated, and the weekly meals you brought to base was suppose to be helping with the second thing.

When it was clear that you weren't going to retract your question, Simon huffed, looking down at Baker who had gladly made himself comfortable in Simon's lap, and was trying to wriggle into his sweatshirt.

"I don't."

"You don't..."

"Do Christmas."

There were many times where your statements had left your husband to blink at you in response, this was one that had the tables turned.

"You don't do Christmas?"

"Yup."

"Any particular reason as to why?"

It really wasn't an issue if Simon did or didn't celebrate Christmas, you just didn't want to do something that'd insult his family heritage or something.

"Just don't."

Well that answered so much.

"So you've never celebrated Christmas?"

Simon Riley could be Jewish for all you knew, though that would make the times you a gave him a ham sandwich awkward.

Simon was silent for a few minutes, as if he was weighing his words as he idly scratching under Baker's chin.

"It's been a long time since I've celebrated it."

You had wanted to ask what he had meant by that, had wanted to ask so badly, but something had stopped you. He hadn't sounded sad exactly when he had said it, but more like he was remembering something sad.

You restacked the boys cups in silence, letting Jiji and Tombo go to town on them as they searched for the treats you hid in random levels. You didn't want to push too hard but you also didn't just want to leave the guy alone when you went to your mothers.

"So...would you be willing to go to my mom's with me? For Christmas."

The moment seemed to only have room for the sound of tossed plastic cups and weighted silence. You hadn't realized you were holding your breath until Simon had spoken, almost hesitantly.

"Your mum do a good roast?"

"Only the best."

"...Guess I'd be willing to go for that."

You couldn't help but grin then, the breath you were holding coming out in a rush of blooming contentment. Little steps.

Yet here you were, Christmas Eve, standing outside your mother's house as you dialed your husband's cell phone number, knowing he probably wouldn't pick up. You were right, he didn't.

You couldn't help but chuckle at hearing the voicemail set up he had, something that said to state what you wanted and hang up. It was short, curt, and completely him.

"Simon Riley you're missing all the fun. We got a turkey with all the sides and fixings that'll feed us for weeks. Plus there's matching sweaters-"

Beep

Wow this man really did expect people to keep it short. With a sigh you redialed his number, leaning against the side of the house even as a chill seeped into your sweater.

"Simon. Leave your message and hang up."

"Like I was saying, there's matching sweaters. Had to search a little for one in your size but don't worry we weren't going to have you miss out it. Even got-"

Beep

"Even got you a stocking. It's a paper one for now, but I decorated it myself. Put Si-si up on top in sparkly black glitter glue. Figured you'd appreciate the-"

Beep

"The color choice."

You thought about what you wanted to say next, long enough that the voice mail timer ended, hanging up the call. With a deep sigh you looked up at the sky, admiring the few stars you could see as you hit the redial button.

"Simon. Leave your message and hang up."

"Would have been nice to have you here. But maybe next year...Merry Christmas Simon."

You let the call end for the final time, just as snow was starting to fall. You admired it in the glow of your mother's door light, wondering when Simon would be back to get your series of messages.

January. Simon wasn't back until the tail end of January and he didn't know how he felt about it. Sure Price had apologized for pulling them all so close to the holidays, but honestly, at the time Simon hadn't minded.

No you hadn't forced him to agree to go to your mums, but he could still tell that you hadn't wanted to just leave him behind during Christmas. Not that he would have minded.

For years Christmas had been this black hole of things he didn't think about. Didn't think about the few decent ones from his childhood. Didn't think about the first Christmas that Tommy had been clean and sober for. Especially didn't think about the last Christmas with any of them, or the present for Joseph he had held onto for years after being unable to give it to him.

So no, he hadn't been disappointed when the call came in for deployment. But listening to your voicemails now...he could say that it probably wouldn't have been awful to go. He was going to burn the supposed Si-Si stocking, and there was no way in hell he'd ever wear a Christmas sweater.

What he was now though, was worried. The team had managed to come in early enough that he had been ready to get home for a late morning nap. Or would have been. If you hadn't had objected otherwise.

Simon: Back. ETA Soon. Thimble: Don't come home yet.

Simon: Why?

Thimble: Because.

Simon: Because why?

Thimble: Because I said so.

Simon: What did you do?

Thimble: What's with all the questions? Just fucking wait till I tell you to come back.

Simon was half convinced that you had murdered a man and was trying to get rid of the body. Given his occupation he would have assumed that you'd be eager for his assistance. He had history of getting bloodstains out.

Still what was the saying? Happy wife happy life? If you wanted Simon to stay away until you called him back he could do that. The breakroom couch wasn't as comfortable as the one you had picked out for the house, but Simon was used to sleeping anywhere. After managing to get a few fitful hours of sleep and several productive hours of paperwork he finally got his text to come home. Time to see what it was you had been up to.

Simon...hadn't been prepared for it to be this. He had been expecting a range from you having bought out an entire craft store, to having suddenly adopted fifteen more pigs, to straight up illegal activity. But there was no sudden influx of crafts, pigs, or bloodstains. Instead when he walked into your home it was...Christmas. Or as close to Christmas as one could get four weeks after the fact.

There was a tiny plastic tree standing proudly on the coffee table, and five stockings hanging up under the TV. He half expected to see the infamous paper stocking, a sore thumb in the crowd. But instead there were five identical ones, save for the names embroidered onto each one. Yours, Jiji, Tombo, Baker, and his.

A kitchen timer was the only thing that drew his gaze away from the family of stockings. He turned his head in time to see you pull a turkey from the oven, the heat making your face flush. The kitchen told quite the story. The sink was full of dishes, even with the dishwasher chugging away, but the counter space was full of dishes.

Besides the turkey Simon could see stuffing and roasted potatoes, Yorkshire puddings and brussels sprouts. Hell it looked like you even made a little dish of mushy peas, even though he knew you didn't like them. At least Simon waited for you to set the turkey on the stove top before questioning everything.

"What's all this about?

You shrugged, stuffing your hands into the back pocket of your jeans.

"Dinner?"

"It's Christmas dinner."

"I know."

"Why?"

Simon hadn't meant to put you on the spot but he was just so confused as to why you'd go through the effort of cooking a Christmas dinner now.

"You missed the one at my mom's."

"So this is for me?"

"Yeah, it is."

That...threw Simon for a loop. It hadn't been that big of a deal to him. It wasn't the first Christmas dinner he'd miss. He didn't doubt that it wouldn't be the last. But you still went through the effort to give him something. He wanted to question further but the words wouldn't come to him. Instead he just stood there in a vortex of feelings that were caught in his chest at realizing you went through all the effort to give Simon a Christmas that he missed.

While Simon was caught in his inner turmoil, you bustled around, setting a plate in his hands and telling him to have as much as he wanted, that you had even made the peas for him incase he didn't like the other veg. He could only follow the orders given to him, taking his time to look at every dish. It wasn't all pretty. He was pretty sure you fucked up the Yorkshires, and some brussels seemed crispier than the others, but sitting down and tasting it all? It was good. Better than he deserved. But he didn't argue, he sat and ate his fill, ate more than that actually, while you told him about everything he had missed.

He insisted on cleaning up afterwards, saying that if you made everything he could at least put away the left overs. He should have been suspicious at how willing you were to let him because by the time he was done you were standing there wearing the tackiest red and white Christmas sweater that could have ever been made. And you were holding an identical one in what appeared to be his size.

"No."

"Come on."

"No."

"But it's Christmas."

"Actually it's January."

"We gotta match for the Christmas photo!"

"We are not having a Christmas photo."

"But I found little sweaters for the kids! We were all going to match!"

Simon looked past you to the couch and could indeed see your three boys on the couch in what looked like little red and white Christmas shrugs. You were completely serious about this. There was no way he was going to wear an ugly Christmas sweater for some ridiculous Christmas photo. Damnit, Simon had his pride and his dignity!

And yet pride and dignity stood no chance to your pleading face because Simon found himself sitting on the couch, wearing the tacky ugly Christmas sweater, and trying to wrangle two furry potatoes who had realized that they did in fact have sentience. At least Tombo was being a good boy. Couldn't say the same for Jiji and Baker. The first was trying to jump to freedom to continue to presumably sample the coffee table, while the later was trying to burrow under the hem of his sweater to presumably get into it. And you? You were giggling as you were setting up the tripod and your phone to get the damn photo.

After the third time of turning Baker around while keeping Jiji contained, it seemed you finally got it right because you were rushing from the coffee table to the couch as the timer counted down.

You hadn't selected the right timer because honestly the photo was a mess. You had your head thrown back in a laugh, leaning into Simon from the force of you jumping onto the couch. Simon wasn't looking at the camera, but instead was focused solely on you. Jiji was a blur that was landing in your lap. Baker was showing his whole ass because he apparently was determined to get into the damn sweater. Tombo was the only one who seemed to actually be looking at the camera like a good boy.

It had to be one of the most chaotic Christmas photos Simon had ever seen.

He chose a simple black frame for the copy of it that sat on his desk.

Edit;

IT'S DONE! Felt like it took every ounce of try and two days to get this decent. Everyone say thank you to @nightunite because talking about this with her gave birth to the Christmas photo. If you have any ideas or asks feel free to let me know!

I hope everyone has a safe and good holiday season regardless of what you celebrate or don't.

Also this is the boy's sweaters

[dalishious]

Hi Lydia-Marc! I hope it's okay that I'm sending this ask, sorry if it's a bit absurd.

I don't understand why people are suddenly going so hard on the idea that solas is an elf supremacist (most recently, I saw someone say that his real-world comparison would be a zionist) again.

Because of all the influx of shitty takes, I just wanted to thank you for how you engage with dragon age and solas! It's really nice to see someone critically engaging with solas because he's just such an interesting character with so many layers to him. So thank you! I hope you're well!

I can only assume whoever said this is just saying it because they know zionism is bad but don't know what it actually is. Zionism is a colonial movement that supports building an ethno-national state for Jewish people on top of Palestine, by any means necessary. [X] But in the world of Thedas, Solas is not a colonizer, he is the colonized!

Seriously, though. The word zionist should be confiscated from from fandom spaces immediately if people are just going to start using it to describe any character they don't like. It's a real life threat to real life people, not a word to play pretend with.