#JB and michelle did and they'll allude to their childhood “hardships” but they'll never straight up admit “My parents made a bad choice”

[spurgie-cousin]

I’m sorry, Austin wrecked his truck and Joy felt that she still had to CALL HER DAD to ask if it was ok to go to him because she would have been unchaperoned??? And then she didn’t go? So Jim Bob must have said “no?” So was Austin trapped in his wrecked truck getting assistance from the person who caused the accident while Joy continued driving to meet with Jim Bob? Girl that would have been an “act now, ask forgiveness later”, “Jesus would have helped a person in need and not waited for a chaperone” type of situation.

Also maybe it’s just me speaking from a secular, over the age of 30, “my every decision is not influenced by someone with authority over me” perspective, but if the roles were reversed and teenage me had just wrecked and called my boyfriend-soon-to-be-fiance and he said said “I’m gonna drive ahead to wait for my dad and we’ll both come back”, I’d probably have rethink the relationship. (My parents alone would have raised HELL at my bf and his dad on my behalf) Because how are you just going to leave me alone in my wrecked car for an unknown amount of time because your dad didn’t give you permission to come back alone? They both mention how he could have died, so it had to have been a serious accident? Could have come back to a lifeless body but thank heavens you brought a chaperone with you so the corpse of your betrothed doesn’t cause you to stumble? I don’t really want to be hard on Joy like that because she was 18/19 and probably in a state of panic and in need of help but damn and yikes.

Also hella curious to know who the shithead brother was and I cannot fucking believe that he’d look back at his own sobbing daughter, who grateful that her future fiance is alive and have the balls to side with her brother and tell her “let go of him”. Although he sided with the oldest son all of those years so I guess I can’t be too surprised he continues choosing his sons over his daughters.

I cannot fucking fathom how any of the rest of his older children remain in contact with him.

I think all of that speaks to how important it was for the kids to follow the Duggar "rules", especially the girls when it came to the opposite sex. The girls can insinuate that they followed those courtship rules just out of "respect" all they want, but if that were the case, I don't think Joy would've thought twice about going to see that her soon-to-be-husband was ok after a literal car wreck. If it were all just about "respect", you'd think there would be understanding on her parents' end during a freakin life or death emergency, but even then Joy was still concerned enough to make sure it was ok with her dad. Which to me means there would've been consequences for her otherwise. Not only that, but it was considered serious enough that a younger sibling felt like they needed to call her out on it (and like you mentioned, Jim Bob apparently agreed).

I just get so frustrated at the way the adult Duggar kids talk about their parents, especially in situations like this where they're literally sitting down to talk about religious questioning, trauma, struggles, etc. They always address the consequence of being raised by JB and Michelle, like having nowhere to really go for religious questioning, without addressing the cause: their parents' choices and actions. There is rarely any accountability given to JB and Michelle and that drives me up a wall.

I think they do that because unfortunately, JB is still that morality cop in their brain, and it's just easier to not talk about it. I hope it's something they've all at least addressed in counseling (even Christian-based counseling), but I have a feeling deconstructing that part of their lives would put a real crack in their foundations, which would have ripple effects in every single area of their lives. And to be fair, that is daunting for anyone, and it is a reason a lot of people stay indoctrinated, but god I wish just one of them ONE TIME would say "You know what, this sucked, this wasn't great for me, and I wish my parents would've had more empathy for me as a person at this moment" y'know?

Edit: Jill Dillard is better about this and has at least called her dad's financial abuse out, that is true. I will say though, it does still seem really hard for her to be candid about other areas of her life and upbringing even when she tries (like in the Duggar doc series), and I think that's because JB still has some relationship/influence over her. I genuinely think the only way any of them could be 100% open and honest is cutting him off.