#It won't be till much later that it'll burn because. /shes not here/ but the hint of quick thought remains and

[backpackingspace]

Do we think odysseus's thoughts are almost stuck in quick thought from how often Athena popped up into his head? Because I absolutely do

[starlightshadowsworld]

The truly heart breaking part of the Casey raised by Shredder AU.

Is that history repeats itself in Raph and Casey.

Raph has vouched for Casey since the beginning.

To Raph their is no distinction between his brothers and Casey.

Because Casey is his brother too.

They are family.

Even when the reveal of Casey's true parentage comes to light.

Raph still vouches for him.

He's hurt, he wishes Casey could have told him but he gets why.

He even jokes like what does make us cousins?

Casey revealed himself to protect him.

To protect Raph and the others.

He knew they could turn on him and he did so anyway because Casey would rather they lived to hate him than die loving him.

And that means so much to Raph.

Casey could have died for them.

Multiple times.

He has fought with them.

He has laughed with them and he has been their friend, their brother and fellow warrior.

Raph knows that what they have is real.

He has never questioned it.

... And than Leo gets hurt....

Super Shredder is here and Leo almost dies.

Splinter is dead.

Casey reaches out to help.

And Raph slaps his hand away like he's been burned.

For the first time Raph questions if Casey ever was his friend.

He's hurt, he's traumatised, he's terrified and angry.

He's so so afraid and it comes out in rage.

Raph can't fight the Shredder so he takes it all out on his son.

And... Casey doesn't fight back.

If anything that makes Raph angrier.

Raph yells, he screams.

Casey cries and pleads.

Both of their fathers are on the ground and yet its like they've turned back time and are standing here.

And just like than, something breaks between the son of Splinter and the son of Saki.

Raph turns away from Casey and he doesn't look back.

He picks up his brothers and he gets in April's dad's van.

He doesn't even notice that April won't even look at him.

It doesn't register in him till months later when Leo's awake and asks where Casey is.... That his family is missing more than one person.

And he thinks good riddance, this is his fault anyway.

Doesn't even know who he is.

Raph ignores the way his heart sinks, the tears in his eyes and the picture by his bed of them both smiling.

... He lost more than one brother that night and he doesn't think he can get him back.

And Casey... Casey is all alone, running a clan he was never meant to lead. Trying to cure his father and sister.

Buried Splinter alone.

Trying to fix Irma who was destroyed.

The only friend he has is April and she had to go keep the others safe.

The Krang turned on them, the city is over run with mutants.

But their safe... And isn't that all he wanted?

"Raph please!"

"It's Raphael!... Only my family calls me Raph."

"I am your family, please I never meant for any of this to happen. You have to trust me!"

"Trust you?! My dad is dead because of you! My brother might die! And if he does it'll be all your fault Jones! Oh wait that's not even your real name is it?"

"Raph...Raphael please, this was all an accident, a mistake. My dad he wasn't, he wouldn't... The Krang they did this!"

"No you know what was a mistake, me ever thinking we were friends."

"Raph-"

Steps closer and gets a sai at his neck

"... You come near me or my family again and I'll end you."

Casey is all alone.

And if you ask him, he deserves it.

[thatforgottenbasilisk]

Jonathan Sims Is Dead In The End

Chapter 6: Asch et al (1951) (AO3)

chapter summary:

The Asch conformity experiments (1951) were on how likely people were to conform to something that they know is incorrect. Participants were given a simple line-measuring task, and asked to determine which of the lines out of a series of options was the same length as a sample line.

The groups were composed of one participant, who said their answer aloud after most of the other people that they believed to be participants as well, but were actually confederates for the researchers. In the beginning, all said the correct answer aloud, until all confederates chose the incorrect answer; often, the real participant would choose the incorrect answer as well, in order to fit in with the rest of the group.

Sasha's standing in line at her usual coffeeshop on Wednesday morning, staring very intensely at the menu they've got written above the coffee machines. She's looking nowhere near the barista who's got a dark burn crawling up his neck, one that she Knows was the result of barely escaping something to do with the Desolation.

She hadn't seen anyone else with a Statement on Monday after work, nor had she seen anyone like that yesterday, so of course she's going to be subjected to it for an extended period of time today. She doesn't remember seeing him later on, when the hunger had first set in, but she supposes it's more likely than not that he'd simply quit before she would have had any idea that he had a Statement to give. The turnover rate at customer-facing jobs is much higher than at other sorts of places, so he'd probably just been lucky and dodged her when she'd been at her worst, last time around.

She doesn't want to change breakfast places, though, because she's been going here since before she was transferred out of Artifact Storage, but she might go back to eating frozen foods at home in the mornings for a while until she's sure she won't see him again, won't be tempted to take his Statement.

She's only got one person ahead of her, it's fine, she can manage for just a few more minutes while she gives her order and then stares at her phone for the rest of the time. The cashier takes the order of whoever's in front of her, and he pays in cash; she's waiting anxiously for her turn, hoping to just get it over with so she won't have to keep studiously ignoring the man.

The cashier dismisses the man in front of her, then turns to the man with the burn and goes, "Yo! Isaac! I'm taking ten, you got till?"

To her horror, the man with a burn waves off the cashier and moves to the till next to hers. She tells herself to suck it up, it's just a damn coffee order, it'll take two minutes! Two minutes of not taking a Statement, that's it! Doesn't matter that the three that she's had in the last two days have felt staler than ever because she's read them already, doesn't matter that Beholding's practically clawing at the back of her mind begging her to take it, she can't. She won't. She refuses to be like that again, become the thing she was, the thing that led to the end of everything as anyone knew it.

She says her coffee order too fast for the man- Isaac- to catch it, so she has to repeat it twice over. It's just a damned latte and a bagel, but she's so desperate to get away from the situation that she's managed to fuck up saying even that. She takes out her card with a trembling hand, staring down at the card slot, making sure she doesn't look up. Finally, the transaction is over, and she feels like a complete mess of a person but at least she felt no fear coming from the new cashier.

The coffee and bagel don't take too long, and she walks out of there like she's trying to politely run- which, to her credit, she is. She walks the rest of the way to the Institute, passing the metro exit she'd climbed up yesterday and the day before. She eats the bagel on the way, trying not to drop too many crumbs, not wanting to attract pigeons to get trampled underfoot in London morning foot traffic, and finishes it just as she gets to the doors.

The paper that the bag came in goes straight into the bin just as the clock above Rosie's desk ticks to 9:00, and she ducks quickly past with a wave as she practically dives through the door to the Archives.

She's got a plan for today. She couldn't enact it yesterday, still too early in the week, but today she can make an attempt. She'll have to act fake casual, which she practiced all of yesterday to mixed success, given that Tim was clearly still jumpy around her, but she also doesn't have much of a clue why that originated in the first place, so. Mixed success.

She goes into her office with a soft greeting to everyone else in the Archives, keeping with her "night-owl" sort of attitude that she'd had at this point in the timeline- it wouldn't do for her to "suddenly" get very used to being an insomniac and act awake at all hours of the day. She puts her bag down and starts poking through some papers from that box Elias had pushed at her on Monday, grabbing a few fake statements that she'll spend until lunch disproving.

She puts her purse in the way of the door, a temporary doorstop for until she gets a chance to go out and buy some general office supplies. She'd been using the communal ones in Research for far longer than she's proud to admit, and borrowed enough pens from Tim that she probably owes him a decent debt already.

Speaking of Tim... he's still uneasy around her. He's somehow managed to shift himself and his desk so that he constantly has a clear view of her in her office, without seeming at all odd to the others. She hasn't got any idea why he would be doing this, what she managed to do wrong in just a moment or two on Monday and continued to do wrong since, but she hopes there'll be a way to fix it. Their communal spiral into suspicious paranoia about one person hadn't gone well last time, she highly suspects that it won't go well this time, especially if she's the object of suspicion this time.

All of this is why, come lunch, she waits until all of the assistants are in the breakroom before going in herself, and clears her throat to get Tim and Martin's attention. She waits for Martin to nudge Jon, and for him to take his headphones off, before she tries out what she's been planning since Monday evening.

"I know that Tim, Jon, and I have already known each other for a while, and I don't want you to feel like you're being excluded or anything, Martin, so... do you all want to go out for drinks on Friday night? I'm hoping this isn't going to seem like a- a sort of 'boss' thing, because I just want us to be friends down here. It's a small department, so there's no reason for me to be stuffy and uptight about things like this, and we could all benefit from getting to know each other a bit more now we don't have any other coworkers, so... yeah?"

Contrary to how she's saying it, she'd actually worked on the phrasing of this request for much of last night, making sure it sounds just casual and unsure enough to be nonthreatening for Martin, as well as to convince Tim and Jon that she actually does want to go out instead of making it a 'team-building' thing like their old Department Head at Research had done sometimes.

Martin doesn't hesitate for long before nodding his assent, because he'd always been that kind of social person who wants to be invited somewhere but won't make his own events- anxious and extroverted at the same time, she remembers when she'd been like that, when she'd first started out and hadn't known anyone. Tim is quick to agree, too, just after Martin does, and the quick, near-unnoticeable glances he throws between the two of them betray that it's intentional. He's probably trying to ensure that Martin doesn't end up alone with her, judging by his hushed conversation with Jon on Monday.

Jon waits a little longer to agree, as well, and Sasha smiles to herself. She knows that it's probably going to be awkward, at first, but she wants things to be different from last time. She wants there to be a trust between them that wasn't there last time, she wants that spiral into paranoia that most of them had had to be damn near impossible this time around.

She wants to integrate all of her assistants into this group, into trusting each other and her, so that one suspicious event- or even a series of them- doesn't put one in isolation from the others, doesn't lead everyone into thinking that they're going to be the next Jane Prentiss, no matter how true it ended up being. The suspicion and hostility, though as subtle as they could manage, hadn't done Jon any favors last time, and she doubts that it will again. The events that followed, the consistent isolation of everyone by the end hadn't done Tim or Martin any favors either.

She smiles, a nice, normal smile, and says, "Great!" before grabbing her own lunch and bringing it to her office.

She won't force herself on them now, not when Tim and Jon know that she's a workaholic and Tim clearly started looking more and more nervous the longer she'd been in there. She knows, once the door to the breakroom closes, that he's probably whispering his suspicion of her to the others, but she hopes to be able to fix whatever she'd done on Friday, and she doubts he's being specific on why she isn't to be trusted, anyway, if Monday was any indication.

She goes back to the fake statement she'd been pointing out inconsistencies in earlier, and hopes that maybe, just maybe, this'll be the start of a happier ending.

[xo-alie-xo]

PORTWELL LONG GAME OR RINA SLOWBURN.

You can only choose one poison.🍷

Listen up my Wildcats.🐱

We all ship each character with happiness. No matter how much you love to hate them, a majority of us simply adores the characters and want the best for them. Then comes relationships and it's okay to ship our favorites.⛴

I'm a diehard Rina shipper and I know in my heart that they are series endgame. The set up, the natural chemistry, their mutual understanding, the surprises and angst literally put me on chokehold. So I'm 100% a Rina shipper till the end. I'm here for the slowburn and their development rather than one shots. They are worth the pain. 😭❤

Let me start with Ricky Bowen now.

Ricky shouldn't to be with Gina because he's hurting her mentality. He's not insensitive on purpose. Like when he tried to stop Big Red from telling her his message to Nina because he KNOWS it'll hurt her.

If you think, that Ricky didn't understand clearly when Gina confessed, think again. He shushed her. Kept their thing a secret from everyone. He knows he feels some type of way and she feels something too. But this boy is so used to safeguarding his childhood norms and has very little adaptability. Hence, he pretended to ignore everything between them because his home stability was falling apart and he clinged on to Nina, his constant childhood love.

He's a traumatised 16-17 year old boy that needs to heal and grow. This episode was heartbreaking because he had to accept that he had to let Nina go because their once upon a time fairytale had become toxic.

People change. I'm not the same person I was when I was 16 lmao. Being together as childhood lovers means growing together and accepting each other's growth. Which Ricky couldn't. He clutched to the idea of Nini. Even his love confession. It was sooo sweet but all he did was focus on their history.

This boy needs time to heal and maybe seek professional therapy. It would be so DAMN HISTORIC if Disney decides to take psychological issues seriously and show how he's dealing with his anxiety, pills and psychotherapy. He needs to breathe before he can be with any girl for that matter. He's hurting and isn't trying to hurt anyone on purpose. Including Gina.

Him asking her for advice on Nini was a dumb, insensitive move. But he's trying to find a way to build some supportive friendship that they shared in early season one.

As for now, this boy needs to get his own grip on life and heal.

As for our Queen Gina

In Gina's confession, she focuses on their future. She basically said, "I wouldn't quit on a possible future of us being together despite obstacles. Because I never quit. But moving away isn't in my control." Ricky deep down knows this, encouraged her to say it, teary eyed, despite right after getting back together with Nini. Gina is his future. She went to his new house. And I also have this feeling that when she was given a chance to stay, she stayed partly because of Ricky. She left a chance to be with her mom because she prioritised their relationship. Because she never quits. 💪🏼

But she came back and found out Ricky has gotten back together with Nini.😭 What she doesn't know is Ricky got together with Nina before her confession, and after Gina kept dodging his messages. She's hurt and questions why she returned because she isn't particularly close to anyone. Hence, she was so silent at the after party. She thinks it'll be fine, "she'll live", and finds other reasons to find permanence. Her arc this season has been settling down in East High, despite the pain of losing and being 'betrayed' by Ricky, she finds other reasons to stay. 🏡

This kind of contrasts her with Nina. Nina left her dream school and came to Salt Lake because she missed her established home, and not just because of Ricky. Nina returned and was loved and embraced by Ricky Bowen.💕 Gina came back to a semi new place called Salt Lake because of her promise of a future to Ricky. But she got stabbed and she bled. 💔🗡

Think about her situation. She feels confused, alone, heartbroken, out of place and seperated from her mom. She's broken and hurting too. And she doesn't need more from Ricky's accidental or intentional 'sick burns'. That's the one line where he was such a jerk and I can't defend him here. 😠

Here comes the Caswells.

Her second family. A place of healthy stability. A home that accepted her. Ashlyn, her roomie and her confidante. EJ, the misunderstood boy who saw her value and bought her plane ticket.

Let's get to EJ.

At first, I wasn't too keen on seeing Portwell's development. But then that video chat where they talk about the possibility of her staying and him convincing her. Had me sold for a solid brother-sister relationship. Few episodes later, when Gina's pain seemed to be oblivious to everyone, he was the only one who asked her how she was, and saw her glow. The comfort she must've felt.

Not that she needs a man's validation, but she must be feeling like a second choice and feeling a little insecure because of Ricky. But EJ lifts her up and I genuinely saw her smile. This boy has her back whenever. The man she can lean on and truly sees how special she is. She no longer feels alone now that she has his entire fam and other friends. She genuinely feels a place of belonging and happiness when she's the apple of his eye. Notice how happy she is? How happy this boy is? She's going through her own issues and she has found ground with EJ.

I was very doubtful when they started hinting at a romantic direction. Because EJ would be used as plot device again for a girl to get to Ricky.😤 This man doesn't deserve to be second best to anyone, just like Gina.😑 That's why I'm still hesitant on shipping them at least temporarily. EJ needs to be something even more special to Gina. They need to show each other how special and treasured they are to each other despite feeling like rejects. They are each other's source of comfort.

I'm sure they can keep EJ at East High for the next season. Whether it's the drama club, or the AV club or going to a local college. So he will be there for Gina. I don't know how they can work out a relationship with much distance as Rini's fell out when she moved away. So, if EJ leaves again, it'll again shake up Gina. Her being worried whether he'll date college girls, second thoughts, etc. I don't want them to go through that. And if they do move on to romantic Portwell, make sure it's not plot device for Rina. So you can either have Portwell endgame or Rina Endgame.

Basically I want Gina to be treated so right that she understands she doesn't need Ricky. And when he does ask her out, and he makes her feel like a second choice or a rebound, she says NO. Because EJ has helped regain her self assurance. Eventually I want Gina to confide in EJ about her and Ricky. EJ is jealous but also angry about how Ricky has been hurting her. And becomes damn protective of his 'babe'. Ricky gets jealous of their relationship, restarting Ricky and EJ's old rivalry. But this time, it's not because Gina is his girlfriend, but because she's EJ's best friend who he has a crush on and wants what's best for her.

If it's meant to be Rina endgame

EJ- RICKY, YOU IDIOT! You have no clue how to treat her right. You don't put her first. You mislead her. Get the hell away from her! She's too powerful and beautiful, she doesn't deserve your scraps. I know how she feels for you. I wish I were you. I would treat her like a queen. I don't mind even waiting years till she's ready. She deserves that. You're so lucky you have even a small chance that I may never have. So get your act together, prove you're worth it to win her over. All I want is for her to be happy. Even if it's with someone else. And maybe then I'll stop threatening you to stay away from her.😠

Ricky- .....I don't know what I'm more scared of. Change, or losing the girl I fell for or YOU. Okay, losing her but you're a close second.😬

If it's Portwell endgame.

Ricky- I messed up. Make sure you don't mess up with her. You'll regret it forever.

EJ- I'd rather get hit by thousand basketballs than ever hurt her. I'll be her plus one and her best friend until she's ready to be with me. I know she's ready now too. But I want her to know I'm willing to wait till she graduates before we make it official. I'm in it for the long game.

As for their age gap. I'm 100% sure Portwell won't kiss this season. If they do, it'll be next when Sofia turns 18. They are professional actors who are cast because they are the perfect fit for the role and are expected to carry out the storyline. But I suppose fearing some outbursts, they might delay Sofia kissing anyone till next season. It's so weird because Olivia was maybe 17 when Matt was 21-22 when they kissed in season one. But no one had a problem with that. But for this, they do. Remember, they are professional actors. They are acting! Sometimes, actors are over 10 years apart (but above 18) and act as romantic partners.

As for their characters, they are only two years apart. That's hardly any difference once you're over the age of 18. Age of consent is 16. But adults above 18 are only allowed to have sex with adults above 18. So, age isn't a problem here because EJ is a gentleman and is genuinely interested in her and isn't trying to get in her pants. So age isn't the issue when it comes to dating. It's the maturity. Gina is very mature and gives very sound advice. But I can see EJ being patient enough till she turns 18 just to kiss her because he loves her. 😚

As for the Ashlyn remark, "You look like a kid to me rn". He was JOKING.😂 Don't take things out of context. I tell my cousin sister that all the time. But she's three years younger than me and a grown adult. I don't see her as a kid but it's just a cousin teasing her younger cousin that's she's a little immature. I'm Matt's age and I'm very mature for my age and since I was a teenager, I always matched up with boys a little older than me. Now that I'm in my early 20s, I've dated boys even close to 30. So age is just a number.

EJ dating Gina and giving her quick kisses is fine. But to have a strong sexual element in their relationship (including making out), he'll have to wait till she's 18+. And I'm sure for that he'll wait till she's ready even past her early 20s. Age is really just a number and we can't help who we fall in love with. Trust me, I've been there.😂 So I can see EJ feeling conflicted about his feelings that are clear at this point.

They might not be a perfect fit, but they make each other sooo happy. They deserve a lot more than a short lived fling.😟 They are either endgame or Rina is. You can't have both as a Rina unless you're an EJ hater who wants him to exist as plot device. Nope! He's sooo much more precious than that.

But Jack on the other hand....I'm okay if he's the one to make Ricky or EJ jealous. Because he's just been introduced and it's okay if a character is used, but only once, for someone else to realize their feelings. 💁🏽‍♀️

In short.

Ricky needs help and needs to be on his own. No girlfriends allowed.🙅🏽‍♀️🚫

Needs to give both Gina and Nina space for them to grow on their own too.🌳

Ricky needs to understand the core of his problems and become more adaptable via therapy. Maybe the psychologist will point out his unresolved feelings for Gina, or he will conclude it himself. And in comes Ricky-pining-for-Gina season three.

Ricky needs to fully get over Nina before he moves on to anyone. Same for Gina if Portwell were to happen. No one deserves to be second choice.

Gina isn't Ricky's cushion. She's a living person with strong feelings for him and shouldn't be subjected to share his pain. She already struggles with her own issues.

Ricky needs to stay single till he wins back Gina and prove he's worth it. He needs to show even if another girl wants him, he'll never quit on Gina ever again. Even if he has to watch her be with someone else. *cough parallels*.

It's either romantic Rina then Portwell endgame OR Portwell flirty besties but Rina endgame. You and I can choose only one because my boy EJ shouldn't be used as plot device for a girl to leave for Ricky ever again.

Portwell's age difference can be practically solved and isn't much of an issue unless they get hot and heavy before Gina turns 18 which is impossible considering this is Disney. 🤣🤣

Jack and Gina will be plot device material and purely so sentimental to us OG Andi Mack fans. More than any ship, this is what I'm looking for. Sort of an Andi Mack crack ship for season 3a. It's gonna be soooo funny. 😍😂

I respect everyone's ship. I see what you're seeing. And I'm not going to invalidate your ship. But unless it's done right, I won't jump from the Rina ship. I liked Rini. I like Portwell. I like AU Juffy crackship haha.😂 But as for me, I'm still holding on to Rina slowburn.

Preparing myself for the pain. 😭🔥

(But if I had to pair two characters without Disney getting in the way, it would be Gini. The power duo. Undeniable chemistry. They can be written so well because of their layered relationship and contrasting personalities.🤩 The classic rivals to friends to lovers. But that's a talk for another day lmao.)

Thanks for reading my opinion, Wildcat!🐱❤

[estrxlar]

The Ghost Of You

05 - I’m drained

Chapters songs:

Pope is a rockstar; SALES

I don't know you; The Marías

Coax & Botany; Gus Dapperton

—

- Y. L. Perspective

       'Shit, I'm late.' I told myself, while a hand searched every corner in my school bag for my phone. Yet, it was nowhere to be found. Without my phone, I couldn't tell Suga that I was a little behind time. I told him I'd meet him in the gym around the end of his practice, but it was now 20 minutes after, and I couldn't be more stressed about my phone missing.

       "Y/n, I'm sure he'll come looking for you right after," Giki says, putting her hands around her love handles, leaning against the wall. "If you two made plans to walk home, then he won't bail. He doesn't seem the type to do that. And besides, he knows where to find you, doesn't he?—"

        I shut down any idea she gave that would help me calm down. "It's not just that! I need my phone, I can't go home without it. Fuck, this always happens!" I pull my hands out of the bag, and run them through my hair, looking around for a solution. "Dude, what the hell do I do?! He hasn't gotten here yet, and I really don't want Suga being angry at me!"

       "Now why would I be angry at you?!"

      Someone calls out from the doorway, catching both Giki and I's attention. There stood Koushi, with a cheeky smile plastered on his face, and one hand held up. "Missing something?" He said, as my phone stood between two of his fingers.

       At the sight, I sigh, in relief, happy at least one of my issues was solved. "Thank you, so much," I say, as he smiles down at me, passing it. Honestly, I couldn't be more thankful for him; if it wasn't awkward, I could've even hugged him.

      Gathering my things, I throw on my bag, and I'm able to become poised, instead of seeming like a mad man. "That's my queue. See you later, Giki. You have a ride home, right?"

      She nods. After our goodbye, I leave the band room, then begin my walk with Suga. My hands ran down my blazer, hoping that it would warm them up a bit. Tonight was chilly, possibly the coldest night of the week. But that was okay, because cold, rainy nights were what I lived for; nothing felt better than sleeping during them. The only thing I was worried about was if I'd get home in time before the storm starts.

      "Why are you so stressed out? You didn't seem this way during lunch. Is something bothering you?" Suga asks in his calming voice, interrupting my thoughts. Though, it wouldn't be bad to let them run freely from my mouth. The only thing I worried about was that I'd break down if I were to talk about everything that was on my mind.

       But it wasn't like I was uncomfortable talking with Suga, so why not. "It's nothing, really. I think I've just recently been on the edge about everything. It's like, if some teeny thing goes wrong, I become a complete mess. But it's probably just because I'm still processing the fact that everything is happening so fast." I explain, rubbing my left temple while closing my eyes.

      "I get it. That's how I feel, too. But I can't imagine how it must be for someone as busy as you. But if you wanna talk about it, I'm all ears."

      I feel his eyes on me, as well as his hand on my shoulder. It laid comfortably, lightly squeezing it. At the action, I immediately open my eyes, nervous as to any movements, and hear almost my heartbeat through my ears. Honestly, I cursed myself for feeling so giddy inside just because he was being friendly, but I also cursed myself for thinking it meant something. That's what having low self-esteem means, thinking he likes me because he's nice. "Yeah, it's okay. Besides, I think all I need right now is to get home and rest. Maybe that would help me a bit— you know?" My voice cracks at the end, and the pressure of tears building up in my nasal passage, which came before a good cry.

        'No, because I KNOW I'm not about to cry in front of Sugawara. That would be the worst situation.' I thought to myself, feeling my eyes burn. No way in hell I would do that purposefully. That would look as if I'm seeking attention like a lost puppy, which is exactly what I didn't want to seem like.

       But sadly, a sniff from my nose reveals me completely, making him turn my shoulders towards him. His eyes looked worried, seeking reassurance I was ready to cry. "Hey, what's wrong? Are you okay?"

     'There's the magic word.'

     Now, a few tears escaped my eyes, quickly being cleaned away by my sleeve. But after a few seconds, it felt pretty pointless to try and hide them. "I— I'm sorry. I've just been keeping it all in till right now—God, this is really awkward." I say, giggling in nervousness on the last part, before placing both hands over my face and look down. The clouds growled above us, giving me a sense that they were about to pour as well.

     "That's okay. I didn't mean to go over boundaries with your personal life— I'm sorry." He says, now putting both of his hot hands on my shoulders. "It's okay to feel overwhelmed sometimes, and it's okay to let your feelings out. But it's not okay to bottle up your emotions. I would know, wouldn't I?"

      I nod, swabbing more tears before looking towards him. "Yeah, I know. I just don't really talk about it, especially now that my schedule is packed and all." I say, clearing my throat. As much as I hate to say it, Suga was right; nobody knew what keeping your feelings inside felt like the way he did.

      And so, I kept crying, and stood in front of him for a good minute, just letting it out. He wasn't sure what to do at first, but then he put his arm around me, then another, and trapped me in a hug.

      My head laid against his chest, and his hands wrapped around my neck, while he laid his head over mine. Although I felt truly humiliated and like a complete child, I guess a hug from a friend couldn't hurt. Honestly, I'd expected myself to break down sometime soon; Undergoing so many things can be stressful. Moving to a different country soon, graduating in only a year, and trying to drift from close friends was hard. The only thing is that I didn't expect to cry in front of someone I wasn't completely close with.

      "What's going on, Y/n? If you don't mind me asking." To my surprise, his hand gently runs through my hair to comfort me and hums in worry. "I hope you know you can talk to me."

     As much as I appreciated Sugawara trying to make me feel better, I still felt completely inhibited. But as much as a hated this moment, I just needed to let my feelings out. And now, I couldn't control when or where I'd do it, I just needed it to happen. Silently sniffing, a response later to his question. "I'm just realizing so many things are happening, and I'm feeling overwhelmed about it. But I'll get over it, don't worry." My stiff body pulls away slowly, and I hastily pick myself back up from my breakdown.

     "Oh.. well, I understand that. You know I've got a lot on my shoulders, and I've had a lot of time spent in that corner of panic. I guess your third year comes with many burdens, doesn't it? But it'll be okay, Y/n. Your feelings are completely valid, don't feel bad or ashamed about them. And besides that, you should appreciate yourself for getting yourself through them, okay?" His hand strokes my jaw, raising it to meet his bright eyes, while an unavoidable smile of his appears. "You're gonna be okay."

     As predicted, I felt a tad better than I had before. It seemed Suga found the exact words I had needed today, ones that no one ever told me. I wasn't so used to people comforting me this way in person, therefore making me uneasy when having this conversation with him. But I was glad that I did because now the knot between the two of us untied if only a little.

      I nod, looking down towards my shoes again, as his hand leaves my face and travels back into his sweat pants pocket. "Yeah, I know. Thanks, by the way, "I mumble, before sniffing once more, and turning towards the direction we were walking in before I had started crying like an idiot. "I know I'm not supposed to apologize, but still, I'm sorry for making this awkward. Usually, I'm not the one to embarrass myself in front of somebody like this."

      "Oh, don't fret. I've had my share of embarrassment, and probably the one with more shame than ever between the two of us," Sugawara replies, clearing his throat. "And I should be the one to give you an apology, It wasn't my place to be nosy and make you cry."

      "Don't worry about it, I was bound to weep like a baby any time soon." A small chuckle leaves my mouth, lightning the heavy mood I'd created. "So, Suga, what makes you think you're more shameful than me?"

    He too, laughs a bit, before answering my question. "Well, for starters, I've cried in front of Daichi, one of the most indestructible people I know. Not only was that embarrassing, but it was because I was too weak to face my problems. And second off, as you know, I don't handle them properly. Not at all."

     "I don't know. Mind explaining to me?" I ask him, observing his reaction to my question. Thankfully, he wasn't too uncomfortable about it, but he was still hesitant to say much.

    He sighs, running his fingers through his silver hair, and clarifies to me briefly. "N-nothing. I just used to have a bad perspective of everything; not trying, careless about other people, and dull. Really, really dull. I've made a lot of mistakes throughout last year, and ones that you can't fix easily. But I'm not like that anymore, at least I hope I'm not."

A part of me mourns for Suga. I knew exactly what that feeling was like, except it was around my first year of high school. For him, this only happened recently. "Well, I would know that. You don't seem very inconsiderate, more like a gentle guy." I say as we get ready to cross the road to our neighborhood.

"I hope so."

As we walk across the small road, I still feel a small portion of myself regretting ever crying in front of Suga. Yes, it wasn't that big of a deal and I would probably get ever it tomorrow, but that could have changed his perspective of me forever. I wouldn't want to seem like a little cry baby like I was before, if it seemed that way, he might have thought I haven't had any growth.

    The rest of our walk is neutral, and none of our conversations include whatever unpleasant situation happened, thankfully. But throughout it, I couldn't help but think thoroughly through the information Suga had told me. I know he went through some shit bad, but I didn't know he was so down that way. I'd see him in hallways looking gloom and gummy, and rumor had it he was sleeping around to deal with it.

      'Poor Koushi.'

      Finally, the two of us reach my street, and my pace starts to pick up, as I turn behind me to say my thanks to him. "Thanks again, Suga. You know, for keeping me company and all."

     The silver-haired boy smiles, looking up at me with his large hazel eyes. As he nods, his position slowly turns around, and he begins to walk away with his head down once again, making his way home. I for one, jog the rest of the way to my house.

     It wasn't much— just a two-story that looked a tad more modern than the others around us. It had rectangular windows with a black windowpane and a tall dark oak door with small rectangular windows trailing down. Its brick was stained a light, dusty brown, which complemented the rest of the house nicely. The roofs were black as well, giving off an industrial theme. But besides that, the house was built like the rest that sat next to us.

    I walked towards the oversized doors, fitting a key into the lock above the handle. It twists, making a 'click!' sound, and I walk past the entrance, closing the door behind me. It's nothing much— only as modern inside as it is outside. My mother had no struggle with making enough money to keep her house nicely decorated, even if she barely use it.

Honestly, being home made me sad sometimes. At school or friends' houses, I could be alongside someone. Even if we were doing nothing, I would still appreciate their company. But here at home, there was nobody, just like always.

It had only been this way after they'd both found jobs and began working so hard. Up until I was around five, there were distant memories of the three of us— me, my mom, my dad— living in a small apartment downtown, where a one-bedroom in the middle of high crime was all my parents could afford. But once they got their job, it was all nannies and more money. It wasn't later after that they got divorced after discovering that they didn't need each other anymore. Yes, I was proud my parents got back onto their feet after such dark times, but not if it meant that their kids had to raise themselves. Me being an only child, I grew up around teenage girls being paid 50$ an hour yet glued to their phones, while I would play with shit I probably shouldn't have. But it wasn't like it mattered, right? Soon I'd be able to leave Japan and start a new life, instead of being trapped under my parents' absent wing.

"Hey, Astra," I mumble to the small house pet, reaching my hand out to touch her while I slid my shoes off, placing them into the basket that held many others. Then I take off my blazer, hanging it up on the black metal coat rack, and stretch out my hands and arms. The cat under me escapes from my grasp, running into the kitchen for dinner.

Astra was one of the only things that helped me de-attach from reality for a second, and remember that it'll all be okay. That, and guitar. The only thing with playing guitar when you're stressed is that the anger only builds up if you can't get a note right. With Astra, she was a simple white cat who lounged around all day, and may I say a great cuddle buddy. But besides that, she was something I'd had with me for my entire childhood; she's always been my comfort corner.

      The cat circles around my legs as I pour kibble into her small bowl while looking up at me, and down at the bowl. After I stand back up, she begins her meal, and I still stay starving. Lunch at school isn't very enjoyable, and my bento didn't have much today, so I guess I had to make my food tonight.

      And so, disappointed, I open the fridge to scan what I could shove down my throat before bed. 'There's nothing but vegetables and expired yogurt once again. Gee, I've gotta go grocery shopping sometime soon.' My brain thinks when I suddenly find a small blue container sitting against the inside of my fridge, with a yellow note on it.

'Brought you your favorite. See you tomorrow morning. I'll drop you off at school- father.' My heartbeat comes to a halt at the words 'father'. Was he really here? Possibly for long? I hadn't seen him since about eight months ago, because as always, his job is more important than his daughter. Still— I wasn't completely comfortable with knowing he was here in Miyagi Prefecture, probably in a late business meeting. No way in hell he would ever come to see me volunteering. It must have been a job trip and I was on the way there. Besides, I wasn't sure if mother was okay with me seeing him so suddenly. But knowing them, they probably arranged for this to happen.

     Was dad back in town?

—

Hey guys. I'm sorry I'm taking so long to update my chapters, I've just been super stressed out and kind of working myself a little too hard on many things. As always I love you all very much, and please don't forget to vote!!

- estrxlar

[skellysdomain]

I wrote a small little thing about all of my OCs from Destiny and how they feel phantom pain!

Pain is something each and every guardian has to deal with. Be it missing limbs, phantom pain, scars, broken circuits, or alien modifications, each guardian has suffered fighting for the Last City. Fighting is what some of them know best, and for others, it is a chore. For all, it is a duty they must undertake in order to keep the peace for those who can’t. Rogue guardians shun this duty, for it is not something they ever wanted. But, they have already been marked by their battle, their War. 

-Exos-

Many of the older Exos are downed for days at a time because of rampant circuitry sending shocks throughout their whole body. Their mechanical bodies remember the damage better than organic bodies and they are riddled with pain. 

Grim isn't often seen as much since the pain of the Red War has him cooped up in his home in the City. During his bad days, his wires and machinery relive how his leg was torn from his hip joint, how his chest was crushed into a metal clump during the siege and the searing burn of electricity as everything tried to keep up with his dying mind.

Samis doesn't--can't--feel it much anymore. His body remembers some, but he won't forget others, no matter how many times his mind starts over and over and over. His head aches and his audio input rings from a shot to the forehead, but he can't remember who took it.

Charm, for all her lives, doesn't have many aches. A small twinge here and there, but nothing debilitating. At times, her hand will tense up into a fist and lock for hours, a small point in the center of her palm stinging unpleasantly. Ever since the reset, she doesn’t know where her prosthetic hand came from, but it comes with its own set of hurt to deal with. Her hand twitches and shudders from old circuitry, but nothing else aches.

Jackal will bear through any pain she has, with extra energy to boot. Her one challenge is from the Red War. During a mission, her side begins to lock up and that's how she knows it'll start. If she's lucky, she can make it back to safety before the shocks start. 

-Humans-

Vandren's arm goes numb with pain when he sees any sign of a war beast, when its jaw crunched shut on his bones till they were nearly powder. He'll fumble and shake with his hand on the bad days, and crumble on the worst days. Weeks and months of hard work will catch up to him and he'll double over in pain at a phantom blade cleaving his chest in two while Oryx himself glared down at him. Facing two gods was a tremendous deed, but it left scars harsher than any death.

Crow avoids death like a deer running from a wolf. It'll catch up to her one day, but until then, they sneak their way through their missions with ease. Not to say they've never died, but a glowing mark on her torso that gets worse if she even takes a step towards the Hive.

Nafir can still feel the claw sinking into the meat of his cheek, scraping down his jaw in three excruciating trials and piercing into his eye. The right eyelid twinges every time he blinks. He has to cancel meetings because tears of burning pain won’t stop falling and he needs to stay composed.

-Awoken-

Taph's shoulder aches from countless slams and charges, bones grinding together painfully like it was the first time she charged. Her body is a damaged shield, full of cracks and nicks and dents from her unwavering defense. Taking a bullet will always mean feeling it later, but she can't bring herself to stop protecting who she loves.

Noxia will crumple into herself during dark times, a paralyzing tingle shooting up her spine before her legs go numb. A lucky melee from a Hive Knight slamming down right on her back downed her like a pathetic bug. It never hurts agonizingly, but the helplessness aches just as much. 

Every single Guardian knows the pain of battle. They are born in warzones, they are swallowed up by fighting. They clash with hostile enemies, and the mark of War is upon them. They were born and bred for war, that’s all they knew. They find other ways to be useful, to find other purposes, and that is never a bad thing. In the end, their duty will be to fight the Darkness. But for now, they can enjoy doing the things that they love or what is passionate for them.

I Headcanon that...

Guardians feel a form or phantom pain. For the injuries that don’t exist anymore. Sometimes guardians wake up clutching their arm screaming remembering a time they had lost it in combat. Feeling a sharp pain in your knees and a numbness in your feet from when they got cut off by a Fallen. Having your whole body burn from that fusion rifle blast in the crucible.

Guardians experience this most commonly when falling asleep or waking up. Sometimes it happens when they’re just hyper aware of their body. Remembering all the “scars.”

It never gets easier, you never get used to it.