#Ioshua | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

pepperonidk · 9 months

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Let it Snow || h.js

pairing: joshua hong x f!reader warnings: FLUFF, also this is a very christmas centered , Joshua + reader are both teachers, but it doesn't really come up often word count: 9.1k summary: what does it feel like to be loved by Joshua Hong? It feels like coming home.

a/n: MERRY CHRISTMAS!! this is the first thing I've written since I moved to Korea so y'all be nice lol. this is so self indulgent there's barely even a plot. It's just fluff.

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“So I really don’t understand why we can’t just take one car.”

You looked up from your computer to find the teacher-next-door Mr. Hong had made himself comfortable, perched on the edge of your desk with a sandwich in his hand. You couldn’t help but roll your eyes with a sigh as you turned back to the lesson plan on your screen.

“I’m just saying,” he continued as he took another bite. “We’re going to the same place, and with gas prices like this, I just think it’s the most logical solution.” You already knew he was looking at you with an eyebrow, waiting for your imminent rebuttal before he presented his own. It was always like this with him, every conversation a game of tug-of-war, and most of the time Joshua had a way of drawing you to his side. Regardless, it never stopped you from playing along.

You pushed back from your desk, swiveling the chair a bit to get a better look at him. “What about car space?” You began. “My car is too small to hold us and our luggage and gifts.” You fight to keep a poker face as Joshua beams at you with his infamous smile. Since first getting hired two years ago to be a third grade teacher you’ve heard countless coworkers and parents walk down your hallway, excitedly chattering about that exact smile. While it wasn’t uncommon to see Joshua smiling (especially for his own third grade class), it did feel special that right now, you were a private audience to it. The idea made your heart flutter.

“So glad you mentioned that,” he offered you a grape from his lunch box. “I was just thinking that my brand new, spacious, 5-seater SUV with ample trunk space and leg room needed to be taken on a road trip.” You took the grape as you mimed considering his response. Honestly, it was a good idea, but admittedly, there was also some satisfaction to be found in pretending to be reluctant.

You chewed on the inside of your cheek as you thought of another excuse before Joshua interrupted your thoughts. “Can’t think of anything else, can you?” He raised an eyebrow as you rolled your eyes in response.

“Okay, I admit,” you looked up to see Joshua’s face light up. “It’s a pretty good idea.”

“So that’s a yes?” He asked, finally hopping off your desk and offering you one last grape as the sound of students approaching reminded you that lunch time for teachers was never long enough.

“It’s a yes, Mr. Hong,” you replied, grabbing the grape from his outstretched hand just as you heard an excited squeal. Two third graders were standing at the door, with just the perfect incriminating view of your hand in Joshua’s. You quickly pulled your hand back, like a child caught with their hand in the cookie jar, not even taking the grape.

As if unfazed by their whispers, Joshua raised an eyebrow in amusement as he decided to pop the grape in his mouth before heading toward the door where the two girls continued to giggle about the scene. “I’ll see you later,” he said to you as he headed for his own classroom. “Have a good class, kids! Be nice to your teacher, it’s the holidays.”

You couldn’t fight the smile on your face as he walked out, even as your kids rushed to your table. “Did Mr. Hong finally ask you to marry him?” One excited child asked. By now, there was a small crowd gathering to find out the details.

“Marry him?” You asked in surprise. “Why would he ask me that?” You stood from your desk and motioned for them to go sit down at their desks, which they obeyed, but the giddy smiles on their faces was a sign that the conversation was not yet over.

“Because he loves you, duh,” A voice called out from the back. “All old people have to get married when they love someone.”

“Yeah,” a chorus of agreement followed. “We’ve been waiting all year for it.”

The sting of being called old by a room of 9 year olds was drowned out by the way your heart fluttered at the idea of being loved by Joshua Hong. You weren’t even dating, unfortunately, but every so often he’d make a snide flirty comment or put a hand on your back and you’d find yourself wondering, what if?

You and Joshua had first met in high school when he was your group leader for your freshman orientation. He was a senior in need of volunteer hours and although he was kind and helpful, he was more interested in talking to the other group leaders than becoming buddy-buddy with awkward freshmen. Once the school year officially started, it quickly became obvious that he and his friends were wildly popular at school, at the center of every social circle. Although you had a few friends in common, you were still on the outskirts of their circle.

It wasn’t that you were particularly invisible, but the number of times you had spoken to Joshua Hong could be counted on one hand. The first time was during orientation, when he asked your name for the sign-in sheet. You’ll never forget the butterflies you felt when you saw him smile for the first time. He spoke to you again later that day, when you were sitting beside a boy named Chan and neither of you were really talking to each other. You noted the way Chan lit up in relief at Joshua’s presence.

“Chan!” Joshua called to him before turning his attention to you. “I see you’ve met my neighbor, Chan.”

You waved awkwardly to the boy next to you. “Chan, this is…” Joshua trailed off with a sheepish smile, and a hand reaching to the back of his neck. You filled the silence with your name, feeling heat in your cheeks, embarrassed. Chan must have noticed because he introduced himself once more before realizing you already knew his name. There was a sense of relief in knowing he was just nervous too. “Go easy on him,” Joshua joked. “Chan doesn’t know how to talk to girls yet.” Before Chan could retort, Joshua had walked away, leaving you with the boy who’d become your best friend for the years to come.

The third time was at Joshua’s graduation party that Chan had begged you to accompany him to. You didn’t really know anyone there, although you recognized most of the boys from Joshua’s somewhat large friend group. You were relieved to find you and Chan’s other friends, Seungkwan and Hansol. They were sophomores from his health class, and were really easy to hang out with. The party was more fun after finding them. You didn’t run into the host of honor until you had taken a break from a riveting game of truth or dare to grab a soda from inside the house. Joshua was in the kitchen, seemingly taking a break as well, and didn’t notice you come in until you opened the fridge. When he finally turned to you with a smile, you swore you could have fallen to your knees in embarrassment. The words that came out of his mouth… devastating to say the least.

“Hey,” he began. “You’re Chan’s friend right? I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Joshua.” You hoped he couldn’t see the heat rise to your cheeks or the way your own smile faltered. Thankful that no one else was around, you took his outstretched hand in a handshake and introduced yourself to him for the third time. You didn’t really see him again after that, and honestly, that was more favorable than having to introduce yourself to him for a fourth time.

However years later, in the hallways of another school there he was again. He was a few inches taller, his taste in fashion better, but his smile was the same as it was years before. The vice principal was in the middle of showing you your classroom roster when a knock on the door caught both of your attention.

“Good afternoon, Mr. Hong,” your vice principal greeted him. Standing at the door was a blast from the past, and with him came the butterflies you thought you left behind in the musty halls of high school. “This is the new third grade teacher,” she introduced, but before she could get your name out, Joshua had beaten her to it. He remembered your name. Her eyebrow raised in interest. “Do you know each other?”

“Yeah,” you replied. “We went to high school together.” You really hoped no one noticed how warm your face suddenly felt at the surprise of not only seeing him again, but also remembering your name.

“Is that so?” She asked and Joshua nodded with a smile. “In that case, Mr. Hong, you can finish up this tour right? I have a date to get to.”

Joshua gave a salute before taking her place beside you, close enough to smell the cologne he was using. A definite step up from high school Joshua’s usual Axe body spray. “Have a good time,” he called to her as she left. “Now, let me tell you all about which kids to watch out for.”

From the beginning, Joshua had become not only a mentor of sorts, but somehow your best friend as well, and everyone knew. Or at least, they had their own ideas about what he was to you. The third graders in front of you currently were no exception.

“So is Mr. Hong going to be your husband now?” The question snapped you out of your thoughts and you dismissed it with a laugh.

“No,” you laughed, turning to write a math problem on the board. “We’re just going to visit our families together for Christmas break.” Honestly, you really didn’t need to be defending yourself to anyone, but you knew your kids were so curious, and who were you to deny them that?

The class erupted into a chorus of disappointed “aw”s and “boo”s that made you chuckle. “Okay, okay,” you attempted to settle the class. “Enough of that, we have other problems to solve,” you continued as you pointed to the question on the board.

By the end of the day, you were exhausted. After making sure all of your students were sent home safely, you walked back to your classroom and plopped into your desk chair with a sigh, thankful that it was the last day of the semester. While wrapping up a few emails on your computer, you heard a knock at the wall next to you. Two quick knocks and one just a bit later. You smiled to yourself, and responded with the same knock. You and Joshua had a secret knock, a sort of code to let each other know that the other’s presence was needed. You got up from your desk to open the door where Joshua was already waiting outside his own.

“Tired?” He asked, and you nodded back with a sigh. “It’s all that sugar. I keep telling the librarians to stop offering them candy canes before it’s time to go home.”

You laughed at his frustration. “I love those kids,” you began. “But I am so glad I won’t have to see them for three weeks.”

“Me too,” he agreed. “Unless, you know, one of them is also visiting home and happens to be in the same 10 mile radius as us.”

You groaned at the idea. “Shua, don’t even joke like that.” You stepped closer to him to playfully push him, at which he dramatically winced and reached a hand over his heart.

“It’s just so fun to annoy you,” he began. “You make this cute little face that looks like a pack of squirrels just moved into your brain.” He reached a hand to tap a finger in between where your brows had furrowed together.

You rolled your eyes at him. “It’s only funny until it’s true. Then you have a 9 year old shadow trying to follow you around everywhere.”

Joshua put his hands up in defeat. “Okay, okay. You got me there.” He let out a small sigh before continuing. “Should I come over tonight to help you pack?”

“Don’t you need to pack?” You asked him as he shook his head.

“I finished last night,” he assured you. “Figured you’d probably wait until today to start.”

“You know me so well, don’t you?” you smiled up at him as he nodded.

“I like to think so.” He smiled at you in return, although it felt much softer than his usual smiles.

Joshua arrived promptly at 6 p.m. with a knock at your door and takeout from your favorite Chinese restaurant around the corner. A quick look through the peephole showed a smiling Joshua dressed in his old and worn college hoodie, one that you’ve borrowed and worn enough times that it sparked a dating rumor at work, his duffel bag, and his plaid pajama pants. You were wearing your own matching pair. The smell of the chicken was enough to entice you to open the door. Upon entering your apartment and kicking off his beat up white sneakers and dropping his duffel, he set down the bag of food on the counter and flopped down on the couch, laying down and grabbing the remote to press play on the show you had paused.

“Hello to you too,” you chuckled. “Make yourself at home, I guess.” You grabbed a box filled with noodles and a pair of chopsticks before walking over to the couch. As if on instinct, Joshua lifted his legs, allowing you to find a spot before lowering them back over your lap.

“Don’t mind if I do,” Joshua teased back. “Can you pass me the popcorn?”

“Here,” you rolled your eyes as you handed him the bowl of popcorn. “I thought you were coming over to help me pack?”

Joshua popped a handful of kernels into his mouth before replying which made you grimace. “I’m emotional support.”

“What would I even need emotional support for?” you questioned. “We’re only packing for a few dsays. I’ll just bring a few outfits and –”

You were interrupted by the sound of Joshua clearing his throat and swinging his legs off of your lap so he could sit upright and face you. “Remember last year, you said the same thing and still forgot to bring an outfit for that charity gala your parents throw every year?”

You nodded in defeat and let out a groan as you stood to go to your bedroom closet, to find a dress. You pulled two out, your trusty black dress that you’ve worn to a few of your parents’ galas and a newer red dress that you’d been saving for just the right occasion. After walking back outside, you held them both up for Joshua, who had now moved on from the popcorn and began eating at your noodles. “Which one should I bring?” you asked. “I know I wear this one every year, but I love it and then there’s also this –”

“Definitely the red one,” Joshua interrupted you, nearly choking on a mouthful of tofu to get his sentence out. “No more questions.” You couldn’t tell if his face was red from nearly choking on tofu or the idea of seeing you in the dress.

You shrugged and nodded as you slid the material off the hanger and unceremoniously dropped it into your suitcase, along with all the other outfits that were already packed. For the next half hour, it was relatively quiet in your apartment. The sound of Home Alone seemed to be the only break from the silence aside from the quiet chuckle Joshua would let out throughout the movie. These were your favorite moments with Joshua. School days were busy and loud, so much running around that when you did see him, it was in breathless “hey”s and rushed waves in the hallways. But in the warm glow of the fairy lights that adorned your living room wall and the stillness of it all, Joshua looked ethereal. If you had told yourself at 14 that the boy who barely even knew your name would not only be your friend, but even have a drawer of his own clothes at your apartment, you probably would laugh.

“What’s got you laughing?” Joshua asked, turning his head towards you. You didn’t even realize that you had chuckled aloud.

“Just…thinking, I suppose,” you answered him.

“Is that so?” He asked, moving to sit up and leaning forward on his knees in exaggerated interest. “Better share with the class, then.”

You thought about asking if he remembers the first time you met him, but decided to save it for another day. The quiet peace you had built up in this moment was much too delicate for an awkward question like that. So instead you told him you remembered a stupid Tik Tok that Chan had sent you earlier that day and Joshua’s face lit up in excitement.

He grabbed his phone and sat down next to you, knees touching yours. “Why don’t we give him a call?” He suggested. “He doesn’t even know I’m coming home this Christmas. I told him I was thinking of going overseas for the break.” He pulled up his number and hit the video call button and Chan answered almost immediately. Joshua held the phone to make sure you’re both in frame as he greeted him. “Hey Chan!”

“My two favorite teachers,” Chan smiled. “What’s up?” The sound of a dog barking and multiple people engaged in conversation in the back gave the hint that Chan was already back home with his family.

“I have something to tell you,” Joshua whispered conspiratorially. He leaned forward toward the camera, but before he could get a word out –

“You guys are getting married,” Chan blurted out excitedly and Joshua nearly dropped his phone. Why does everyone jump to that idea first, you thought to yourself.

Joshua was flabbergasted. “What? No that’s not–”

“You’re finally dating, aren’t you?” Chan guesses again, wagging an accusatory finger at Joshua. “I’ve always known–”

“No,” Joshua stopped him. It wasn’t often that you saw him turn so bright red, so you relished the moment. “We– I– I’m coming home for the holidays, is what I was trying to tell you.”

“Oh,” Chan dragged out awkwardly. “Why didn’t you just lead with that?”

“You literally didn’t even give me a chance,” Joshua was exasperated. He passed the phone to you while he stood up to grab a drink and put away the leftover food.

You greeted Chan again. “Channie, I miss you.”

Joshua called out to you from the kitchen. “Ouch, how come you’re never that excited to see me?”

“She sees you every single day,” Chan answered instead. “Let me have my best friend back.”

“Aw,” you began. “Don’t worry Chan, you’re still my best friend.”

“And what am I?” Joshua pouted as he returned from the kitchen.

“A leech at most,” you teased, causing Chan to chuckle. “You showed up just to watch my movies and eat all my snacks.” Joshua rolled his eyes but resumed his original position beside you anyway. He could never really be annoyed at you.

“So when are you guys going to head over here?” Chan asked. “Most of the guys are already here and are already planning to do something after the gala.”

“We’re headed out first thing tomorrow morning,” Joshua answered. “We’re only staying for the week.”

“Make sure you pack your warmest clothes,” Chan advised. “It’s supposed to be colder than usual this week.” You mimed a salute to Chan and Joshua nodded in response. “Okay, I’ll see you both tomorrow then!” Chan exclaimed before saying a quick goodbye, accidentally cutting himself off in the process.

Joshua set his phone down and you could still see the echoes of pink on his cheeks from Chan’s remark earlier. “I’m uh…” he began, getting up from his spot and still avoiding looking you in the eyes. “I’m gonna go get ready for bed. Is your extra blanket still in the hall closet?”

“Yeah,” you responded. “Wake me up later?”

He smiled at you from the bathroom door. “Of course,” he assured you. “Good night.”

“Good morning, sunshine,” you heard a voice cut through your dreams. Joshua was sitting beside you in bed, shaking you gently. The room was still dark and you wondered if you slept any more than four hours. “It’s 5 a.m.,” Joshua told you, as if he knew what you were thinking. “It’s early, but I wanted to beat the traffic.”

You rubbed your eyes as you sat up. Joshua was already dressed. Well, dressed for a road trip. He was still wearing the same hoodie from last night, but traded his plaid pajamas for a pair of black sweatpants, and a white baseball cap sat on his hair that was growing out much too fast. “Good morning,” you yawned. You reached up to brush the bangs that were sticking out from under his hat away from his eyes. He chuckled softly, and you were glad that any awkwardness he might have felt last night was gone.

“I already put your suitcase in the car,” he announced as he watched you get up and head to the restroom to change and get ready for the day. “Everything is ready. Well, except you.”

You popped your head out of the restroom to roll your eyes on him before returning. He walked out of the hallway and headed toward the kitchen. “I’ll make us some coffee,” he called loud enough for you to hear.

When you were finally out of the bathroom, dressed similarly to Joshua in a sweater and sweatpants, you were greeted to the smell of coffee and your favorite pastries from the bakery downstairs. Joshua was sitting at the counter, sipping from his favorite of your mugs – a misshapen Snoopy mug that you had found on one of your many thrift shop trips together. The sight was all too familiar to you and made it much too easy to pretend that this was what it looked like to be in love with and loved by the man across from you.

“You ready?” he asked, handing you your pastries, still in the bag and still warm, and the coffee that he had put into one of your travel mugs. You took one sip and savored the ratio of sugar and cream that Joshua had perfected when it came to you, and nodded at him in reply. After going through your mental checklist of last minute things to turn off and unplug, the two of you finally made it out the door.

“Do you still have that playlist we made last year on that work trip?” You asked as you entered Joshua’s car which was still cold after spending the night in the guest parking spot at your complex.

Joshua handed you his phone which he had plugged into the car. “Duh, it should be pinned,” he said as he fiddled with the many buttons on his car dashboard. You almost sighed as you felt the growing warmth of his heated seats. I’d marry him right now for his car, you thought to yourself as you put the playlist on and handed Joshua the phone. He plotted the address of your childhood home and you two were set for the next few hours.

Not long after leaving the apartment, the sky began to slip out of its indigo hues and into a cozy blend of pinks and oranges that could fool anyone into thinking it wasn’t freezing outside. The sun was beginning to rise over the horizon, casting a warm glow onto Joshua’s face and as he reached up to grab his sunglasses, he caught your gaze.

“Take a picture,” he teased. “It’ll last longer.” He had his sunglasses on, but it didn’t do much to hide that he was looking at you through his peripheral. You pulled out your phone.

“I will, actually,” you started taking pictures, capturing Joshua’s laughter. He’s so pretty like this, you thought to yourself as you continued to take candid shots of him. “These are definitely instagram worthy,” you told him.

“Send them to me later,” he requested.

“Mmmm… you’ll have to earn them,” you smiled and tucked your phone away. You pulled your sweatshirt sleeves down over your palms as you began to yawn.

“You can nap, you know?” Joshua assured, taking a quick glance at you. “We still have a ways to go.”

You shook your head. “I don’t want you to drive alone,” you told him. “Plus, it’s too bright out anyway.”

Joshua let out a sigh before reaching up to pull off his cap which he then placed on your head instead, pulling the front down to cover your eyes from the brunt of the sunlight. “You should really find better excuses if you’re gonna keep arguing with me,” he joked. “Now sleep, I’ll wake you if I need anything.”

“Oh Joshy,” you started. “When will you learn that I never give in easily?” Despite your arguments, you were already drifting off.

“Trust me,” you heard him say softly. “I know it all too well.”

When you finally woke up, it took your eyes a bit to adjust to the brightness of the day. You reached up to pull down the hat over your eyes, only to find that in its place was the weight of Joshua’s head on top of yours and you had accidentally slapped him right in the face.

“Well good morning to you too,” Joshua yawned, leaning off of you. “We’re here by the way.”

“Why didn’t you wake me?” You leaned back toward your seat and away from the center console where you and Joshua’s arms were practically entwined.

“I felt bad that you only had like 3 hours of sleep, and I guess I dozed off waiting for you to wake up.” He shrugged as if it was the most casual and normal thing to do. It most definitely was not normal. Scanning your surroundings, you saw that you were parked in front of your home. “Are you ready?” Joshua asked.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” you replied with a sigh.

The two of you walked out of the car with your luggage in hand, only for Joshua to do a double take in front of your parents’ driveway. “That’s so funny,” Joshua chuckled to himself. “That looks like my mom’s car.”

It was indeed Joshua’s mom’s car.

Apparently, both of your moms had become best friends in the last year, after Joshua’s mom volunteered to help out with the gala last Christmas. The next few hours were filled with countless childhood stories being shared about you and Joshua, leaving you both flustered and embarrassed. It turned out that before Joshua Hong was a high school heartthrob, he was a goofy little boy who dressed up as Shrek every single halloween without fail.

Eventually, when both women had exhausted their memories, they shooed the two of you away to the living room so they could finalize details for tomorrow night’s gala. There wasn’t anything good on TV, so you and Joshua mostly sat together, quietly scrolling through your phones. When Joshua’s mom came in, neither of you even noticed until she remarked, “Don’t you two look cozy?”

You were laying down with your legs swung over Joshua’s lap and a blanket on top of both of you. You were cozy, but your cheeks flushed at the teasing tone of her remark. You sat up and scooched an appropriate distance away from Joshua who laughed quietly. His cheeks weren’t red at all. “Oh, don’t mind me,” his mom dismissed, grabbing a vase from the coffee table and retreating out of the living room. “As you were, lovebirds.” From the kitchen, you could hear them in a fit of stifled laughter.

You looked at Joshua who was fighting his own laughter as he waited for you to resume your position close to him. He could tell you were hesitating and cut through your thoughts. “It’s warmer under the blanket,” he coaxed you back to him.

When the doorbell rang and Chan’s voice cut through to the living room, you and Joshua both looked at each other with a sigh of relief. Boredom was creeping in quickly, and Chan offered the promise of something to do to break from the monotony of being in your childhood home. The two of you stood up to meet him at the door and offered for him to come into the house.

“No, that’s okay,” he dismissed. “I was on my way to meet the guys when I saw your car and thought I’d come and see if the two of you wanted to come along.” You were already slipping on your shoes and coat before he said anything else.

“Whatever you’re doing, I’m in,” you agreed, tying your scarf around your neck. Joshua was doing the same already.

“I haven’t even –” Chan tried to continue, but the two of you were already pushing past him, waving goodbye to your moms.

“I call shotgun,” you called out as you walked toward Chan’s car. Joshua pouted but stood at the back passenger’s door anyway.

It wasn’t until Chan was already in the car that you finally asked where he was taking you. “The guys wanted to meet up at the parking lot of the high school,” he explained.

“As a teacher,” Joshua began, leaning forward between you and Chan’s seats. “I don’t condone loitering on school grounds after hours. As a former high school delinquent myself though, I just hope Hansol brought snacks.”

“As fun as that sounds,” Chan chuckled. “I think Seungcheol and Seungkwan wanted to play soccer on the field.”

Sure enough, when you arrived at your old school, you could hear the boys yelling from the field before you even got out of the car. It was a familiar sight, and a wave of nostalgia came over you as you and Chan trailed behind Joshua on your way to the field.

“Remember when you would beg me and Seungkwan to watch our soccer practices?” Chan nudged you.

You rolled your eyes back at him. “I was really interested in soccer, okay?” you defended. You were lying and Chan definitely knew it. You only used to come to his games and practices to watch Joshua play. In your years of high school, however, you never actually learned anything more about the sport.

“Right,” Chan said. “Name a soccer position. Any soccer position. Besides the goalie.”

“Uh,” you hesitated. “Okay fine, I had ulterior motives, but shut up.” Your face suddenly felt hot and you hoped that Joshua didn’t hear your conversation. Chan laughed as he watched you walk away from him.

When you arrived on the field, it seemed that most of the other dozen or so members of Joshua and Chan’s friend group were already engrossed in the middle of a game. You slipped into the bleachers beside Jeonghan, who was snacking on a banana. Jeonghan was Joshua’s partner in crime in high school. Because of your shared literature class, you had spoken to him a bit more than Joshua or his other friends in high school. He gave you a slight nod in acknowledgement before offering you one as well.

“Hey, long time no see,” he greeted you. “Did you and Josh just get here?”

“Yeah,” you replied, accepting the banana. “About an hour ago. No soccer for you today?”

“Not today,” he shook his head. “I hurt my ankle at work, so I guess I’m up here with you today.”

“I can’t promise I’ll be as entertaining as whatever’s happening down there,” You gestured down to the field where the boys had briefly paused to attempt a weird trending dance Joshua had learned from his students.

“I’m sure you will be,” Jeonghan said with a smirk.

“That almost sounded threatening, Jeonghan.”

“Nah,” Jeonghan wrapped an arm around you. “I just have a few questions for you, and I’m sure your answers will be entertaining. For me, anyway.”

You immediately knew where this was headed. Jeonghan was the only other person, besides Chan, Hansol, and Seungkwan that knew of your crush on Joshua. The only difference was that he had somehow figured it out on his own, rather than you admitting it to him. He confronted you on a day like this, at one of the soccer practices. He plopped down beside you during their break and asked bluntly, “So when are you gonna tell ol’ twinkly eyes you like him?”

You had sworn Jeonghan to secrecy, which he of course agreed to. “Why would I tell him myself, when I can be in on the secret instead?” he had said. Even in all of the times you’ve seen him since that day, he’s kept his word. Now here you are yet again on the bleachers about to answer the same question.

Knowing you didn’t have much of a choice, you let out a sigh. “Go ahead.”

“Great,” Jeonghan beamed. “First one, when are you gonna tell ol’ twinkly eyes you like him?” You threw your head back at his question. How does he remember that? You thought to yourself.

“Never, most likely,” you answered. Jeonghan shook his head in disappointment. “What?”

“That’s such a boring answer,” Jeonghan chastised. “Why don’t you tell him?”

“Because I like being his friend,” you shrugged. “What we have right now is nice.”

Jeonghan snorted a laugh. “Seriously?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked loudly, causing Joshua to turn up at you from the field in concern. You smiled and waved to him, appeasing him as he turned back to the game.

Jeonghan put his hands on your shoulders, squeezing as if massaging you. “Relax,” he shushed. “It’s just… you guys are basically in a relationship already.”

“No we’re not,” you argued.

“Oh please,” Jeonghan scoffed. “Half the time Joshua picks up my facetime calls, he’s in your apartment or you’re in his. He has a drawer full of shirts that he’s set aside for you at his place, and I’m sure you have one at yours. Do you know how many times he’s left a night out early so he can come see you instead? And if he doesn’t leave, he’s ordering a meal to your place to make sure you have something to eat. It’s a relationship, you’re just both too scared to say it.”

For once, you were speechless, and for the second time, Jeonghan had hit the nail right on the head. What were you and Joshua? Just friends don’t do the things you do… but also, if he wanted to be something more, why wouldn’t he just ask? And if he didn’t ask… well should you even be doing these things anymore?

“You know I’m teasing you, right?” Jeonghan continued, seeing the way your skin began to pale in panic. “Well mostly. I do think you guys are just a semantic definition away from dating, but you don’t have to say anything to him if you’re not ready.” You let out a sigh. “Thanks, Hannie.”

“No problem,” he said. “Just think about it okay?” It looked like the boys were wrapping up their game, and Jeonghan chuckled as he watched Joshua immediately search for your eyes as he grabbed a bottle of water.

Jeonghan leaned over in a whisper. “I’ve never seen him look at someone like that. I call him starry eyes for a reason.” Before you could reply, he stood to meet the other boys while Joshua came bounding up the bleachers to replace him.

“You okay?” he asked as you nodded your head in reply. “Are you sure? Jeonghan can be a bit much.”

“Yeah,” you chuckled. “You ready to go?”

“Well,” he began, eyes trailing to the boys who were all grabbing their stuff. “The guys wanna go get waffles at the diner, but if you’re down, we can walk there together. I know a bit of a shortcut.” You nodded and the two of you said your goodbyes to the group.

Instead of walking back to the parking lot, Joshua led you down a small alleyway between the gymnasium and the soccer field. The gap was narrow and dark, especially with the sun beginning to set, and Joshua reached behind him to grab your hand. If you hadn’t just spoken with Jeonghan, you would have felt butterflies, but instead you just felt a bit guilty.

“Joshua,” you called out. “This feels sketchy.”

“Oh, it definitely is,” he replied, and you could hear the smile in his voice. “This is how I used to sneak off campus way back in the day.” It wasn’t long until you were finally in a clearing, and you paused to catch your breath. Small spaces were not fun.

“You know,” you began. “I had heard you skipped class but I never really believed it.”

“It’s such a shame we weren’t best friends back then,” Joshua laughed. “I could’ve been a bad influence on you so much earlier on.”

“I can’t believe the district trusts you to educate our future leaders,” you teased.

“I’m reformed,” Joshua defended.

“Sure,” you rolled your eyes. As you continued walking, you found yourself speaking before you realized what you were asking. “Do you think we could’ve been friends in high school the way we are now?”

“No,” Joshua replied quickly. “I’m a firm believer that things happen when they’re supposed to happen. Plus, you were too good for me.” He looked over at you with a gentle smile. It wasn’t really the answer you expected to hear, but how can you feel hurt when he smiles at you like that?

“Oh,” you uttered. “Too good for you?” you felt yourself blush at his words.

“Yeah,” he confirmed. “You were kind, smart, and cute. I was smart too, but a bit of a slacker, as you can see.” Cute? He called you cute, you thought to yourself.

“Well what about now?” The two of you had stopped at a small park. You weren’t too far from the restaurant, but it was obvious you were both holding onto the opportunity to be away from the chaotic energy that tends to follow a group of 13 boys.

“Well,” Joshua began, leading you to sit beside in the swing next to his. “You’re still smart and kind, and I’m less of a slacker.”

“What about cute?” you asked, expecting him to tease you. “Am I still that?”

Joshua shook his head before looking at you with a kind of softness you hadn’t seen before. It was as if you were something delicate he was holding in his hands and he was afraid that you would shatter with any pressure. “You’re beautiful,” he breathed out the words in a whisper. If the breeze had picked up any more, his words would have been carried away with it.

For a second, you couldn’t say anything. Joshua had complimented you many times before but it was always in silly comments or in teasing jokes. This, however, was none of the above. It felt like a confession, almost, like something he’d been wanting to say for much too long. It just felt different, but the good kind of different. The kind that feels like a door is opening, slowly.

The sun was setting behind him, coating his face in swathes of warmth and you couldn’t help but think the same about him. You had seen him in the sunrise and now with the sunset, and you thought to yourself, If only I could start and end every day with him like this. And so, you decided, it was time to reach for something new, even if it came with the risk of losing what you had now. Hoping for a Christmas miracle, you finally whispered back to him.

“Joshua,” you began. Even in the disappearing daylight, Joshua’s eyes twinkled away, anticipating what you had to say. “I think I… I think I–”

The sound of a car honking turned both of your attention to the source – Jeonghan’s car filled with too many people who were all waving at the two of you. “Hurry up, lovebirds! We’re starving,” Mingyu called from the passenger’s side as they sped away.

The moment was gone, but as you looked at Joshua, he gazed at you with the same fondness as before. He stood up and offered a hand out to you, helping you up. “Let’s…” he began with a sigh. “Let’s try this again tomorrow, okay?”

Your hand still in his, he gave it a squeeze before letting it go.

The next day, you woke up to the sight of blinding sun bouncing off the snow blanketed streets. It was refreshing to be able to wake up well past noon in your childhood bedroom to the sound of your parents listening to Christmas music downstairs. It all felt so familiar, just like you never left.

However, what did shock you, was finding Joshua at the kitchen counter, helping your parents make Christmas cookies. He was still in his pajamas and his hair was still messy, but he was laughing along as your dad butchered all the words to “Frosty the Snowman.” No one had noticed you coming down the stairs, and you appreciated the chance to observe the scene quietly. Joshua just seemed to fit in every aspect of your life so perfectly, and it almost made you regret the years you had spent pining from a distance. But Joshua was right, things happen when they’re meant to.

Finally deciding to make your presence known, you walked to the fridge to grab a glass of orange juice before sitting at the counter, across from where Joshua was adding the finishing touches to a gingerbread man.

“Morning,” you greeted him. “I see my parents have taken you hostage.”

Joshua laughed as your dad responded. “Not true, he chose to come here with his mother, so the labor was implied.” You looked around, Joshua’s mom was nowhere in sight.

“Where is Mrs. Hong anyway?” you asked.

“She went to the gala venue to start with the decorations,” Joshua answered. “Told me to be productive here.”

“Why didn’t anyone wake me?” you questioned. “I could have helped.”

Your parents and Joshua all shared a laugh. “Oh honey,” Joshua cooed. “We tried.” You blushed at the nickname. He dusted his hands off against the apron he was wearing before pulling his phone out to show you the evidence. He had taken a video of him trying to wake you up.

The video showed you sprawled across the bed like a starfish, and as Joshua tried to shake you to wake you up, you swatted his hand away. Even though he wasn’t in the frame, you could hear the smile in his voice. He would never let you forget that he had this video. You hid your face in embarrassment.

“Anyway,” your mom said. “We’re just wrapping up, so you two can go ahead and get ready.”

“I didn’t bring any of my stuff with me so I’ll head home,” Joshua explained as he untied his apron. “I’ll swing by around 6 to come get you?” he asked.

“That’s perfect,” you smiled at him as he nodded and helped your mom place the last of the cookies into a box, ready to be taken to the venue. “What about you guys?” you asked your parents.

“We’re going to the venue now,” your mom explained. “We’ll be getting ready there after setting everything up.” You watched from the counter as your dad and Joshua picked up all of the boxes of desserts and carefully walked to the door to load them in the car. You called out a goodbye to them as you went back up to your room to get ready.

When the doorbell finally rang, it was 5:50 p.m. and you were still not ready. Your makeup was halfway done and your hair was still in a mess of rollers on top of your head. “You’re early,” you exclaimed as you opened the door to an elegantly dressed, hair perfectly coiffed, cologne scented Joshua. “Wow, you look…”

He smirked at you as he held out a flower that he was holding. A single white blossom. “Handsome? Hot? Like heaven on legs? An angel?” he teased.

“Beautiful,” you finished. Joshua looked surprised and with his hair slicked back, you could see the tips of his ears turn a shade of red.

“That’s my line,” he recovered.

“Not yet, I’m not,” you laughed, shaking your head as you let him into the house. He stepped in, but stopped in front of you.

“You always are,” he said again in that same tone from last night. The kind that made you go weak in the knees and made you wish time would pause for just a little bit, long enough for you to memorize the freckles on his face and find constellations in his eyes. Then he smiled, and you remembered how you looked, not even close to ready, but he still smiled at you like that, and you let yourself think, this what it looks like when Joshua Hong loves you.

You almost left the house just like that. It wouldn’t matter how you actually dressed, because you felt beautiful. But, who would you be if you weren’t constantly trying to beat Joshua Hong at his own games? So you snapped out of your haze and finished getting ready, and the look he gave you as you finally came back down the stairs indeed felt like a victory.

“Cat got your tongue, Hong?” you teased. Now in your heels, you were nearly eye level with him. His cheeks had turned pink and instead of replying, he shook his head and laughed.

“I suddenly feel underdressed,” he joked, offering you the flower he had earlier. Before you could reach out to grab it, however, he reached out and tucked it behind your ear. “I know it’ll fall out, but I couldn’t find a corsage or anything.”

“A corsage?” you questioned. “Are you taking me to the prom, Joshua?”

“Just humor me,” he offered his elbow out to you. “It’s what I should’ve done in high school.”

The gala was in full swing when the two of you finally arrived. A band was playing jazzy renditions of Christmas carols, couples were on the dance floor, and everyone was dressed to the nines in shades of red, green, and gold. Joshua’s friends were split into two tables near the back, but before the two of you headed towards them, Joshua pulled you away to the buffet table.

“Hungry?” you asked Joshua with a teasing smile.

“Not really,” he admitted but grabbed a cookie anyway. “I just wanted you to myself for a little bit longer.”

“Oh? Why’s that?” you questioned.

“I just know that as soon as we walk over there,” Joshua pointed to the table where the boys were all gathered around Chan, Seungcheol, and Mingyu having a water bottle flipping contest. “Either Jeonghan or Chan is gonna steal you away and I won’t be able to see you until the night is over.” He took a bite of his cookie.

“And what a loss that would be,” you joked. You grabbed a cup of punch and a cookie as well. “Did you make this one? It looks very Joshy.”

“Yes I did,” he nodded. “And yes, it would be a loss. Save me a dance?” He held his hand up, raising his pinky to yours for a pinky promise.

“Always,” you affirmed, crossing your pinky with his.

Sure enough, as soon as you sat down at your seat, Jeonghan and Chan both were pulling you right back up. Joshua shot you a knowing look and mouthed “Told you,” as you were dragged toward the dance floor.

The band began to play an upbeat Christmas song, loud and brassy. Jeonghan twirled you around as he spoke, loudly for you to hear over the music. “Took you long enough,” he joked.

“What do you mean?” you asked with a laugh.

“We were placing bets on how long Joshua would try to keep you away from us,” Chan answered, doing some dance that did not fit the vibe of the song. It was quite endearing how well the boys knew each other.

“Did you finally get to talk to him?” Jeonghan asked. The middle of the dance floor was a very odd place to be having this conversation, but yet so fitting for the two boys with you.

“Well we were kind of getting to it last night,” you confessed. “Until we were rudely interrupted by a gaggle of impatient and hungry men.”

“Oh we thought you guys were already making out,” Chan announced. By now he was just going through decades of trendy dance moves. He was on the mashed potato now.

“What? No,” you were thankful that it was a bit dark in the ballroom, they couldn’t see the blush on your face. “We were just talking.”

“Lame,” Jeonghan booed, dragging the word out and giving you a thumbs down.

“I thought you wanted me to talk to him,” you questioned.

“Yeah, talk about something juicy,” he retorted. “If you didn’t confess, and there was no kissing, you were just being lame and I don’t care.”

“Well how am I supposed to talk to him if I’m dancing with you fools?” You rolled your eyes. The tempo began to slow as the band began the Christmas Waltz.

“Oh, perfect,” Chan mused as he and Jeonghan shared a mischievous look. Before you could stop them, they had already run back to the table and grabbed a confused looking Joshua who was halfway to taking a bite of his cookie. Once they returned, they shoved him towards you, and he nearly fell to the floor on top of you, but caught his momentum by resting his hands on your shoulders.

You took a step back in recoil, blinking in surprise. Joshua repositioned himself so one hand was at your waist, drawing you in, and his other hand held yours against his chest. “Hey,” he smiled.

“Hey,” you breathed out. He was close enough to you that you could smell the cinnamon in his cologne.

“I guess I was wrong about those two,” Joshua laughed. “Remind me to thank them later.”

“Will do,” you laughed. “But, maybe don’t thank them too much. We have an audience.” You nodded towards the table where at least half of the boys had their phones out, taking videos of the two of you and giving a thumbs up. You leaned your forehead against Joshua’s shoulder in attempt to hide from the attention.

“Ignore them,” he chuckled, giving your hand a squeeze. “This is one of my favorite Christmas songs,” he announced and began singing along quietly. You tried not to wince at the way his breath tickled against your ear in a private serenade.

It’s that time of year,

When the world falls in love.

You pulled back to look at him, his eyes reflecting the light from the disco ball and his face lit up in the dim glow of the strings of Christmas lights. You found yourself leaning in before you could find a reason not to. When your lips finally met his, it felt like coming home. Like the ending of a melody you’ve been chasing your whole life, the answer to a question you’ve been asking since you met him. He was smiling when you pulled away.

“I love you,” he said so easily as if he'd been saying it to you his whole life.

Your mouth opened, as if to say something, but no words came out. Joshua smiled softly down at you. “There is absolutely no way you can argue your way out of this one,” he teased.

“I wasn’t going to argue,” you defended yourself. “I was just… you beat me to it.”

“Well,” he leaned down to press a kiss against your temple. “You’ll have plenty of chances to beat me to it from now on.”

From the side of your vision, you could see Jeonghan, Chan and the others silently cheering the two of you on. Joshua rolled his eyes at them before leaning back in to kiss you. “Might as well give them something to cheer for,” he breathed against your lips.

This, you thought, this whole time, I have known exactly what it feels like to love Joshua Hong. Loving him feels like coming home.

It wasn’t until the day after, when the boys were back at the field playing soccer that you finally got to ask Joshua the one question you’d been dying to ask him since your first day of work with him. He decided to sit out from the game and watch from the bleachers with you instead.

Your arm was looped through his and your head was resting on his shoulder. Your entwined hands were resting on his knee and it was comfortable.

“Oh hey,” you cut through the silence. “Do you remember the first time we met?”

“Duh,” Joshua replied. “We met at my graduation party, where Chan brought you as his date. Look where that got him though.” He laughed and you could feel it. When you sat up and pulled your arm out of his, he looked at you in concern.

“That’s not where we met,” you bit your lip as you broke the news to him.

“What do you mean?” Joshua argued. “I remember it clear as day. Chan told me he was bringing a girl from school, and I made fun of him for it. Then you walked into the kitchen looking for a soda, and that’s when we met.”

“No…” you began. “We met at my freshman orientation.” Joshua looked confused as you continued. “You were my orientation leader, and you introduced me to Chan.”

Joshua’s face paled in embarrassment and he buried his head in your shoulder with a groan. You patted his back, and couldn’t help the small chuckle that escaped your lips.

“I don’t even remember meeting my own girlfriend,” he groaned in disappointment.

“It’s fine, Shua,” you assured him. “You made up for it anyway.”

“How?” he questioned, finally looking up at you with a pout.

“When you remembered my name that day you walked into my classroom.”