#Imagine not having the courage to read all the shitty fictions you wrote during the pandemic couldn't be me hiding

[handercover]

You'll never catch me dead sharing my AUs or ideas, so today I will be sharing them, someone needs to start paying rent around here they can't live rent free in my brain

Heavy reminder that canon? Never heard of emm I'm that kind of person that has one single idea of a character, turns it morally grey because the world isn't black and white, and runs with it so yeah

-Cursed/Merman AU where Tom, as a punishment for the Chamber of Secrets debacle, is turned into a merman and forced to live in the black lake until he's less of a shit head

-Quidditch rivals AU Tom vs Y/N Who accidentally became players after fighting each other during flying lessons

-Morally questionable angel/demon AU where Tom is regrettably bound to a human Y/N for reasons and they're somehow friendly (?)

-The AU where Tom finds out the shitty family dynamics on both sides and hates everyone equally before eventually finding someone not that bad

Now some older cringe worthy awards specifically calling out older stories I wrote B)

-Imagine a Tom going through the Triwizard tournament AU, yeah I wrote about that lmao

-Soulmate AU but broken by time, insert abandonment issues and anger for some spice

-The 'Hey look at what I found I'm gonna keep this cat' but it's just Y/N adopting Tom and despite his shit keeping the damn cat until he loves you (bonus if you ignore the snake thing and make Tom a feline animagus I'm dying)

-Old fashioned AU where Tom actually grows up with a father and everytime someone says shit he goes the Muggle way and beats people up

Not gonna lie all they have in common is the EXTREMELY slow pace because I'm sure this guy would need a lot of time to process stuff and my blatant favouritism for monsters and such - but also breaking Riddle down and building him back up as a character eventually

One of my characters from a story I'm writing is the 'good guy' - but they're actually a bad person and that leads to lotsa of emotional damage because life isn't interesting if you don't inflict pain upon your characters (but also there's two sides of a coin and I like duality, but also the in-between between that) so to say I like playing with these themes is the understatement of the century

Aight philosophical moment gone I'm off to sleep bye

[madamrogersstorytelling]

Madamrogers Storytelling

Hello, lovelies,

What a way to start a post, eh? I just wanted to stop by and explain a little bit. Explain what? Why I actually made this blog and what I’m gonna do with it. Thank you already for reading and following this little blog if you pushed the magical button looking like a chess piece! You made me very happy.

This is going to be a long post so I’ll put it under the tag.

I’ve written stories (fiction and non-fiction) since I was 8 years old and it has been my passion ever since. Nowadays it’s more of a rule than an exception that I might be writing or at least thinking about a story when you see me. Becoming an author has been my dream since the beginning. This road has been bumpy, more than not may I say, but I never have stopped. I found my passion as that little girl who hardly had any idea of a world around her and I’m still that little girl inside my head as a 20-year-old. During these past 12 years I’ve faced a lot of good and bad stuff, and writing has always been there helping me to get through all that. I know that other writers here can relate to the feeling of escaping from all the bad things and thoughts and just diving into the magical world of your stories. 

I admit: I’m an escapist. 

What I also admit: I’m sweating. Like, literally sweating right now. During these 12 years I’ve also neglected the possibility to actually post my writings anywhere simply because it has made me feel anxious. I don’t know why but pressing that little button called ‘post’ has always given me chills. I’ve done it a few times in the past but never got the routine like some people seem to have. I look at the people posting their fics here or to AO3 or to the Finnish fanfiction forum I read quite often, and I think to myself that damn... these people have something I can only dream of. Posting my writing has made me scared. I’ve let people read my stories, though; my friends have read them, my mother and some other family members have read them, my Finnish teacher(s) have read them. And they have always said the same thing: these are good, post them somewhere, at least send them to the people who read novels and comment them.

The thing is I know I’m not a shitty writer. I kinda like my style, but I cannot say I like every story I’ve written. That’s normal, every writer writes complete shit sometimes and has to delete parts which had 5,000 words. Sucks, right? I’ve done that. I’ve deleted miles of my writing just because it has been total shit. I regret it sometimes. I could’ve edited it; it could’ve become something worth living. But no.

The other thing is: I’ve always written in Finnish. It’s my native language, it has felt the safest. I’ve been able to express myself the way I’ve wanted, twist the words and structure as much as I like, tried different styles and dynamics. It has been fun, and I’ve found my own style during these little experiments. I started to study English at school in 3rd grade. I always liked it, watched movies and read books eagerly to learn more and more. I was quite good. My teachers told me my writing was smooth and I have this noticeable style, courage to try new things. Well, okay, fine... I decided to try. I wrote a fanfic in English. It died before it was even two pages long. I lost faith. I left it there and continued my other writings. 

Back in the summer of 2016 I got inspired by some of my writer friends around here and one of them pushed me to try; I translated one of my Marvel fanfics from Finnish to English and posted it with shaking hands. I tagged some people I thought might like it, and people actually liked it. So much that I decided to write a sequel, in English since the beginning this time. It surprised me that it wasn’t that hard after all. People liked it as well. But I lost my faith again. Continued to write in Finnish and pushed English aside. A lot later I started to write a The Walking Dead fanfic me and my friend had planned - in English. At the same time I wrote some small drabbles, too. The fic died, I never continued those drabbles. And while feeling like I had betrayed my friend I wrote the fic for, I also found the reason why everything died in my arms: I didn’t think I was good enough. I didn’t think people could understand my writing, my English. 

I let it be and started to work with this thought. It took a lot of time from me to finally accept it. I’ve always been a perfectionist, punished myself more than cheered. Didn’t help this time, either. I’ve always wanted to keep up, wanted to succeed and do well, but I also have this habit of pushing myself too far, and it revenges itself. At one point I decided to leave this thought, let it live in the back of my head (which never shuts up, there are always too many thoughts swirling around) and I focused on those projects I had fallen in love with, held dear and wanted to finish. 

Then came this spring, it was the hardest for me so far for so many reasons. I lost words. I wasn’t able to write at all. All the stories were there inside my head, swirled around and knocked on the door to the part of my head from which I could set them free. With a pencil or a computer, doesn’t really matter. But they never got to that part. I was stuck. And it ate me alive because I had always been able to survive from everything because of writing. Now I started to think that why the hell to even try when even words leave me. I struggled and struggled, cried probably more than ever because of writing – I was so desperate. In the beginning of July I finally got them back. And that was also the moment of realizing many things; one of them was that if I really want it, why not to at least try. No matter how scared it makes me – hell, the trick is not minding that it hurts. I’m not ready to fall back into that pit where I hardly even know who I am; it was even more painful without words. There was one certain moment I realized I still have the ability to be strong. I’m not ready to give up anymore. They go head first to the tree, right? Why am I not doing that? I should. I have nothing to lose.

That’s why I’m writing this now. That’s the reason why I made this blog. I’m going to push myself; to write in English, to post what I wrote. It’s going to be hard and I cannot promise anything but I will try. Kick me if you see me giving up or disappearing totally because that’s not what I should be doing. I’m going to the tree and my head is going first. The description says that my requests are open. They are; you can request something, whatever. I’m sorry if I don’t write it or if it takes time, I’m still new to this whole “I’m writing stories in different language than my own and posting them” thing but maybe I will become a part of it.

Hopefully.

Forgive me already.

I want to thank you for reading this post. I most likely love you already for using your time on that. I really do love you for that. Feel free to throw an ask, I’m more than happy to talk about anything, everything. Share things, tell me your thoughts and tips and everything, I’m here to talk and write and whatever you want me to do (I won’t swim, though; climbing to that tree is totally enough).

With love,

Jenna aka madamrogers

Also, a shout out to all these people, they’ve been helpful (most likely without even knowing it themselves) during these past few weeks I’ve spent thinking and thinking and finally deciding.

@accio-rogers, for always loving me and my writings, no matter how shitty I think they are (or I am).

@sielustaja, for telling me my English is totally good enough and always finding the right words.

@chrisevans-imagines, for helping me back in the day and always encouraging me.

@jennareedus, for being awesome as you are and always cheering me up with your fics.

@padfootagain, for your beautiful writing and the tips; especially for noticing me and my agony and tagging me in this post (Carole’s writing tips are perfect, you should read them all).

@whostheblondegirl, for being the first reblogging my first fic ever with so kind and encouraging words, you literally made me cry out of happiness.

@theartofimagining13, for writing those inspiring and beautiful stories, putting something from your soul in every single one of them.

@madamsmaug, for always believing in me, no matter what.

@filismaiden, for writing in your amazing English, inspiring me to try (because why to care about typos) and always sharing my agony.

And also these people for being here and sharing something they’ve created. We should feel special. @that-bwitch @emilyevanston  @loricameback @myriadimagines @banditthewriter and lots and lots more of people I’ve forgotten now – but know that I love and thank you.

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