#Im so fucking tired and hurts and confused and full of pain and misery

[timetravelstudies]

can someone taker fucking care of me man -_______-

[utterlyhopeful-fics]

Shotgun Wedding

MASTERLIST

Angel Reyes x Reader

Word Count: 1.1k 

Warnings: angsty angst, language, s3 spoilers, (gif not mine!)

Marisol Reyes’s diamond sparkled underneath the grim lighting of the Mayans clubhouse. The diamond she always imagined resting on her ring finger. Y/N stared blankly at the beaming woman glued next to Angel. Y/N tried her damndest to conceal her heartache keeping a calm demeanor. As if cemented in the very place she stood, Y/N didn’t dare move a muscle at the abrupt announcement. 

Her ears rung horrendously blocking out the unwelcomed laughter and cheers. Her blood simmered rising in temperature every passing second, but Y/N swore her heart stopped beating the moment Angel wouldn’t…couldn’t look at her. Tranq’s eyes searched the room finding Y/N all too easily, a familiar sadness rested behind her eyes showcasing her inner misery.

Nails’s smile continued to irk Y/N as her fingers wrapped around an empty beer glass.

Angel’s voice boomed through the room next; “That ain’t it..we’re havin a baby!”

Hoots and hollers broke out across the room celebrating the surprising news.

Y/N froze too stunned to glance up from the wood counter she was currently staring holes in. Ezekiel’s eyes followed suit; pity filled and genuine disbelief. Didn’t seem like big bro told him either. Suddenly glass shattered forcing Y/N’s gaze downwards, blood danced down her palm moving delicately towards her wrist. Two shards embedded deeply into her hand as her eyes bulged at the growing mess.

Tranq moved quick grabbing a towel. He hesitated sizing up the shards and their removal. His lips moved but Y/N didn’t hear a thing. A minor pinch resonated from her palm glancing down at the removed bloodstained pieces. Angel chanced a glimpse towards Y/N knowing the damage had been long done.

“Y/N?”  

She merely nodded applying more pressure to the cut.

Her voice dead-panned void of any emotion; “Shit, I spaced. Sorry bout the glass.”

His brow scrunched upwards at the overtly monotonous tone. Meanwhile, Y/N busied herself wiping up the crimson liquid. Not more than five seconds later her back was to him as she rushed to the back room. Tranq tailed her closing the door behind him. Her chest heaved unable to catch her breath as she paced in circles.

“Say somethin, anything…”

Y/N stopped, her eyes pierced his gentle ones; “Did you know?”

Without hesitation, Tranq answered; “No idea.”

He sounded just as hurt as she did causing concern to spread throughout her shivering frame; “I thought you and Nails were—”

“Me too. Guess not.”

Unshed tears begged for release but Y/N fought harder. Her voice sounded broken, laced in pain; “I hate him.”

Tranq rubbed her shoulder soothingly; “I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry, Y/N.”

Her shoulders deflated; “It’s not your fault. It’s fucking mine for giving him another god damn chance.”

“Stop. They made their choice. Does it fucking suck? Hell yeah, but it’s outta our hands for good. Don’t let that shit spread.”

“Your optimism is annoying as hell.”

His hand grazed over her chin keeping her attention; ““He doesn’t deserve you; he never fucking did.”

“And she’s a total bitch for blowing you off and running back to him the second he turns her damn direction.”

“I don’t want to hurt like this anymore, T. Angel will never choose me and that’s a hard pill to swallow. But seriously? Seriously? He fucking parades her around, proposes to her, and then knocks her up?! What fresh hell did I walk into tonight?”

“You and me both.”

Her fingers carefully grazed along the liquor bottles aligning the farthest wall; “I think I’m going to miss you the most.”

Confusion clouded his thoughts; “You—you’re leaving?”

“I have to. I can’t just stay here and watch him play house. Angel’s left me no other choice.”

Tranq closed the gap between them bringing her into his chest. Her arms wrapped around him trying to memorize every possible detail.

“I still have a phone, ya know. I’ll keep you in the loop, promise.”

“You are worth finding. Worth knowing. And undoubtedly worth loving. Don’t let him take that away.”

“You, my friend, have a way with words. This isn’t goodbye.”

“Just a see you later?”

The hallway light shone brightly as the door swung ajar. Picking up one foot in front of the other, Y/N stride didn’t falter instead focusing her energy straight ahead on the exit until an unwelcoming voice echoed out for her.

“Y/N, wait up!”

She began a light jog attempting to make a clean getaway. Heavy footsteps clogged about alerting her of another presence. Y/N fumbled for her keys but not before Angel Reyes caught up.

“There’s nothing left to say, Reyes. Your announcement made that crystal clear. Now go the fuck away.”

“At least gimme a minute to explain.”

“Explain what? How you told me you loved me TWO DAYS AGO and then proceeded to propose to your fuck buddy? Oh, congrats on the baby by the way. I hope you both burn in hell.”

Angel held her arm keeping her in place; Y/N fought against his grasp; “You’re a selfish, irredeemable shell of a bastard.”

“I know.”

“I love you, all of you so damn much. But I’m sick and tired of the bullshit. You’ve obviously made your decision, Gel. I gotta get out of here for a while.”

Guilt ran down his spine seeping into his stiff bones. Angel opened his mouth but no words followed. Not once in the last twelve hours had he stopped running at full speed. Now with the dust finally settling, Angel’s actions finally caught up with him.

“C’mon, don’t be like that.”

Her jaw nearly hit the ground at the audacity of this asshole; “I bet your fiancé is looking for you. Should probably head back.”

The words held a finality Angel wasn’t sure he was ready to embrace. His mind screamed at him to be honest, to tell Y/N she was the reason he got outta bed every day. But then Nails told him she was pregnant and the rest of the world became a blur. Angel never actually expected to lose Y/N. Now his reality had shifted, altered on its very axis and there wasn’t a goddamn thing he could do about it. The car door creaked open and shut in record time. Blurred headlights were all that remained as the distance grew further and further between them. Crickets chirped far too loudly as the silence set in. It was time for Angel to let Y/N go even if his heart resisted.

 ~~~~~~~

Tags:  @twistnet  @angelreyesgirl89 @carlaangel86 @imagineredwood @gemini0410 @mayans-mc @reaperwalking @prospectfandom @emmaveale123 @peaky-marvel @kind-wolf @scorpio4dayzzz @starrynite7114 @penny4yourthot @thegirlwhowritesfics @star017 @threeminutesoflife @woahitslucyylu  @summertimesadnesswithadashofsass @blessedboo @lady-pswrld  @bigcreatorwombatdreamer @angelreyesgirl89 @cocotheclown @trulysuccubus @janeexo​ @soaronmywings  @sarai-ibn-la-ahad @hermankopusortizorsumshite​ @fvckthisbxtchup​ @noz4a2​ @blowmymbackout​ @leathercladmenfics​  @-im-fantastic-​   @bellisperennis0​  @mrsmarvelous1995​ @bigcreatorwombatdreamer​ @cassandras-nest​ @drabbles-mc​   @est1887​  

[straighttohellbuddy]

World building is the best tbh. I’m forever world building and now I have several worlds to play in and my neurodivergent brain cannot stay still enough to focus on one lmao. SLOWBURN ROMANCES ARE MY LITERAL JAM LIKE PLS!!! I LOVE THEM!! Also!!!! Concepts!!!! Pls share!!!! I love learning about the worlds of my fave fics and I can hands down say right now that this fic will literally shoot to the top of my list of favourites which means you’ll occupy the top three spots. Sorry to hear that ur feeling rough, so am sending u the biggest hug. I’m not okay but I’m taking care of myself today so that I will be 🧡-🐈‍⬛

alsjfsldkjf i have too many worlds TBH, literally one of the best parts of my 2020 was writing for the classic rock fandom and writing one of my good friend’s ocs alongside mine, like there’s so many different worlds that our two characters have now, i’m like 26k deep into a high school au that i need to get back to at some point, and then i wrote a oneshot abt the high school au but they’re adults, and then there’s also the original timeline, and then there’s the present day in the original timeline where they have kids and i probably care too much about people who aren’t real...... hahaha

OKAY OKAY OKAY HERE WE GO I’LL GIVE KIND OF AN OVERVIEW OF THE ALBUMS AND A FEW SONGS BUT IF U WANT ME TO GO IN DEPTH ON ANY OTHER SONG JUST ASK!!!

yes i have a playlist for each, if you wanna hear how i interpret the vibes of the songs. if you interpret them differently, thats awesome!! i’d love to hear y’all’s opinions on them!!

testing one two - the first ep they release, the song titles are mostly themed (fast forward, press play, pause, rewind), but are mostly things y/n has been working on for a while but never got around to finishing, things they are rather proud of. i see you shiver with... is the first song they wrote specifically for the album, and it’s the last song on the EP because it’s a Rocky Horror reference; i see you shiver with...

a n t i c i p a t i o n - first full album!! the vibe is Hopeful But Hesitant it has all the songs from the ep, plus some new ones!! collabs with youtube musicians troye and dodie, and y/n’s label sets up a collab that turns into a genuine friendship. the breakout dance hit is what else is there to say ft. Troye Sivan, which is about not knowing what to make content about when it feels like you’ve already told the world everything. it featured the prechorus and hook

You, know, ev-ery-thing about me / gave it all for free / my life in HD / So, let’s dance, let me see your hips sway / we’re gonna be okay / what else is there to say?

So say that you love me, say that you love me, say that you love me / let’s die hand in hand. / I’ll tell you I love you, tell you I love you, tell you I love you / supply and demand. 

personally, i also conceptually enjoy srs bsns which is a really upbeat song about how they don’t care if people don’t take them seriously because they know in their heart that what they’re doing is good

hyperfocus - 2nd EP, a pretty substantial departure from their usual style, but also happens to quietly be Corpse’s favourite, and is actually y/n’s most polarising, because it has both the Grammy award winning HEARTBURN and the o brother where art thou which was written partially as a joke to capture a fond moment of them and 5SOS dicking around together in a hotel. written while on tour wit 5SOS, im writing the reader as having ADHD (because I have ADHD and i can do what i want), and the backstory is that they’d changed the medication/dosage they were taking, and as it’s their first full tour, they were under a lot of stress and were in a weird place mentally and emotionally, and hyperfocus is the result of that. i’m going through some stuff has HUGE agoraphobic vibes. 

HEARTBURN has the same vibes as Florence + The Machines’ Howl. It’s about being a demon without saying that or directly implying that unless you know demons real well. This is when the pressure for them to confirm their identity got real bad, and it was their way of working through those emotions.

tear in existence in the shape of a person / when i’m seeing clearly i can’t see myself / world can’t swallow what it can’t get it’s teeth into / got everything i wanted but i ain’t got my health

Got heart-burn--- / I’ll tear me apart / I’ll tear you apart / I’ll tear me apart. 

SCREAM gets rereleased as a remixed single featuring Fall Out Boy the following year. It won the MTV music award for best collaboration in 2018. 

In the time between hyperfocus and working on it, Y/N releases several singles, including a cover of Tell Him by The Exciters to be featured in To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before. They also take time to sort out their health, do a little bit more YT stuff, and travel internationally to do festivals. 

working on it - is kind of a middle ground between their original stuff, and hyperfocus, like pop-punk meets horror-pop meets whatever you’d classify halsey as. the first three songs were mostly written before the fic starts, so before they’re getting back to YT, but the last three, nightmare scenario, designed to hurt (touch me), and not scared were all written after they’d started hanging out with sykkuno and corpse. 

in-universe, imposter syndrome was originally something else, along the same lines of tired that they’re hiding that they’re a demon, but after meeting corpse nd sykkuno and having people who know, and lowkey being influenced by corpse’s music, the song changes directions, and YO OKAY YO::

I literally am so fucking flattered, my darling friend @bingusmode​ wrote lyrics for imposter syndrome and I’ve been yELLING about them ever since i’ve read them!! (also bunnie is fantastic and lovely in general 10/10)

if you thought you saw me 

i’d think about it twice

cuz while i know i’m naughty

everybody thinks i’m nice

cutest giggles get me

places that i long to be

but it’s not long before

everybody hates me

when you figure out i’m fucked up

you’ll probably think that can’t be right

but babe my image runs to save me

cuz i’m ugly day and night

nothing good about me

not the angel that i seem

cuz i’m a piece of shit

and i’ll ruin your fuckin dreams

i’m an impostor babe

you better run for your life

cuz there’s a bloodlust runnin through me

and you’re dripping off my knife

there’s no one here to save you

cuz you ate up all my lies

so beg me while you can

and draft up all your goodbyes 

if any of y’all are inspired by anything i put out, feel free to take it and run!! you have my blessing!! i am so overwhelmingly flattered by people who like my stuff enough to create because of it, directly or indirectly! lyrics, art, songs, anything!! legit! I love you!!

okay so designed to hurt (touch me) has big House of Memories by Panic! At The Disco vibes, and YES it’s about Corpse. YES it sends mixed messages. YES it has greek myth imagery and YES that imagery is confusing. not sure if any of these sets of lyrics actually go after each other but also idk??

will my fall from grace be graceful / as each move i see you make? / propped up on pedestals side by side / beneath our feet they shake / i’m the only one to hear you ask  / “What have they done to me?” / My boy, your wax throne is sun-drenched / you’ll fall in the name of your legacy.

eyes like yours watched rome burn / while hands like mine lit the pyre / we both heard me say we’d go down in flames / now you’re turning me into a liar / since you smile like that, like you can’t feel the sting / and we both know i can’t feel the fire

been telling myself i’m designed to hurt / but, baby, aren’t we a sight? /

check your reflection, your angles, apollo / you’re icarus in the right light /

we’re on the edge, i’m not scared to fall / we’ll take refuge in the night /

been telling yourself you’re designed to hurt / but, baby, doesn’t this feel right?

also, albumtouralbumtour is a reference to Bohemian Rhapsody.

OKAY AND FINALLY

n o s t a l g i a - the album the reader’s working on during the fic.

literally as i was writing this, bunnie sent through some FIRE lyrics for how the light gets in, (@bingusmode) i am going to be thinking about these on REPEAT for the next MONTH BRUV

little bit of darkness, treat me like a toy 

i got my hopes up and got them destroyed

bitter taste of regret sitting heavy on my tongue

can’t believe i let you convince me that you were the one

sitting here in silence, fabric running thin

petals burning in my lungs and stealing oxygen

embers from a cigarette falling to the floor

god i can’t take anymore

so i stumble to the window and pull the shades

and the moon pours in like you threw a grenade

i can’t understand why

i keep trying

cuz i never seem to win

but having any hope is how the light gets in 

from there, moment before impact ft. Billie Eilish is a club anthem along the lines of bad guy or COPYCAT, bass heavy with a drop that’s out of this world.

powdered pain, i’m in your veins / i’m the sting, the drip, the thing / you’re craving, but you hate to see me misbehaving / i heard my breakdown got you high / it’s true, but baby i can’t lie / i never got that rush, that burn / that makes you feel alive, i had to learn / to pick the slippery slope down which i fell / plan my pitstops on the way to hell / to pick my padding before i spiral / so if i break it’ll be in style

watch my misdirect, now freeze, / notice you can’t see the forest for the trees / you’re so desperate for my demise / but baby, i’ll make you watch me rise.

this is the moment before impact

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i know you hope i’m not okay / you get off on my audio misery

controlled chaos, crash land / take a breath, trust the plan / i need you to know i want it this way / my breakdown won me a grammy

and this is the moment before impact

ur my favourite - interlude ft. sykkuno is probably one of my favourites, it’s just really soft, just a snippet of a conversation between the reader and sykkuno, maybe one of them told a joke and they both just sound real happy and sweet. its nice. it’s a nice moment.

means something is also for sykkuno!! it’s about how good-strange it is to be open and honest with friends, and how they usually aren’t but they’re glad they can be open and honest with him!!

meanwhile, i don’t think about u - interlude ft. CORPSE is a phonecall between corpse & the reader right after they announce they’re going to feature on acting like that, where corpse asks if they do this sort of thing to spite him, to which the reader responds ‘do i consider you when i’m making decisions about my career? no, corpse, actually i don’t think about you at all’ which then directly contrasts the song that ends the album, which is (how it feels to be) beautiful fireworks, which is essentially ‘i know how hard it is to exist like this, to be the centre of attention, to give off light and bring people joy, even when you’re in pain. i’m here for you. i love you.’

okay, i swear im done now, i’ll get back to writing the fic! (also i cannot BELIVE i managed to figure out how to embed those playlists but im so happy) edit: it didn’t actually work when i posted the ask, so anyways im sorry but y’all are abt to be spammed with playlists because i care too much abt this fic

[lich-kid]

somehow, there is enough room in one body for four souls.

or, alternatively, how darkiplier discovered he could fuse with the other egos. more specifically, that he could fuse with the host, and that he liked it.

well, the host supposed, it really was his own fault. he had brought it up during dinner, a joke, that any of them could handle being in the same body for more than a minute, and most of the other egos thought it was hilarious. google and the doctor were mildly interested, but rather assumed it wasn’t possible. not everything the fans thought of worked, something bim found out when he tried to seduce the other egos, a fan-popular choice of his abilities. let’s just say that he had to spend a few nights in med bay after that.

and besides, no one had ever heard of such a thing as fusion before. as previously established, the host was the only one who regularly used the internet, besides the doctor who would never have wasted his time browsing it for fanfiction. regardless, it was just a joke.

at least that was what he had meant, of course, but one ego in particular had taken interest in the idea.

it was late when he heard the three neat knocks on his door, late enough that the host had already changed into his sleepwear and jumped at the sudden sound breaking the silence. anxious, he threw on his coat to hide his chest and called out to the door, almost tired enough to fall asleep right then and there.

“dr iplier, if that is you, the host requests that you check in in morning-”

the door swung open, a chill running up his spine and effectively cutting him off mid-sentence. of course, he should’ve guess from the knocks. darkiplier.

“don’t worry, host, the doctor isn’t here to bother you, i promise. i simply wanted to discuss what you.... brought up earlier. an interesting idea, fusion, isn’t it?”

pulling his coat tighter around himself, the host nodded, sitting down on the edge of his bed and waving one hand in the general direction of his desk, where he knew there’d be a chair dark could pull up.

“the host... supposes so, sir. was there something about the topic in particular that interests dark? if he wished for a longer discussion, the host would be happy to talk in the morning..”

the monochromatic ego chuckled, ignoring the chair in the corner that he typically chose, and sat instead on the bed, close enough to the host to make him nervous but not close enough that they were touching.

“why, host, i didn’t take you for a human. you’ve got enough energy just to talk, im sure. now, i’d like your honest opinion. do you think fusion between two of us, two egis, is possible?”

the host instinctively shifted away from the cold ego, fidgeting his hands beneath his coat as he tried to answer as honestly as he could.

“the host believes it is possible, but should not be attempted. even fanmade fusions result in characters... far too powerful for any other egos to handle. it would be a violation of the relative safety we enjoy here, although perhaps fusions between the weaker, smaller egos could prove safe..”

his voice trailed off into the silence, suddenly deafeningly loud as he remembered who he was talking to. if you could describe any of the egos as power-hungry, darkiplier would the one.

and speak of the devil, and the devil shall appear. snaking a cold arm around the host’s shoulders, dark leaned in, breath cool against the host’s skin.

“well, i believe it’s worth an experiment, my friend. after all, you can make no gains without risk, yes? im sure you’ll agree with me.”

shivering at how low the other’s voice went, charming but layered over steel, the host reluctantly nodded. all he could do was hope that it was simply another fruitless fan idea, as had been countless before.

“excellent. please, you lead. after all, youre the only one around here who does his research, aren’t you?”

with a quiet sigh, the host stood, holding one hand out to darkiplier, the other still holding his coat shut. gently pulling him from the bed, the host paused, hesitating, before that cold hand gave his a firm squeeze.

“don’t lose courage now, dear host. i promise you will not be punished if this doesn’t work.”

well, there was no more room to stall. and there was always a chance it wouldn’t work, right? the blind man began slowly, his feet trying to remember how to waltz as he went along, and the snicker from the other meant that he understood. for a few seconds, they danced, waltzing around the host’s small room, although it wasn’t quiet perfect as he still had one hand holding onto his coat, absolutely unwilling to let go. he hadn’t managed to pass in front of the others for the worst one of all to discover his secret, although it was only with the help of the doctor that he managed to get this far.

“host, as much as i enjoy our time together, i think the dance must be proper for this to work. your other hand, please.”

without waiting for a response, the ego deftly removed the host’s fingers from the coat and intertwined them with his own, keeping them locked in place.

frozen, the host kept moving in rhythm, too mortified to even react to the cold eyes he felt glancing him over. but, hand in hand, in a few seconds, there were other things he had to deal with.

such as everything fading to a white, and losing feeling in his hands and then the floor beneath his feet, and the static that absolutely deafened him before he collapsed to the floor, hands covering his ears in desperation.

and he realized that “he” was wrong. no, rather, it was..... “we?”

“fascinating,” they said. it sounded like two voices speaking at once, and the host found himself feeling incredible.

for the first time in his existence, he felt.... complete.

but he quickly realized he wasn’t the only one feeling that way, there were.... three other souls that were here. a part of him, now, as if they had been there all along.

“this is...... we feel.... we feel whole.”

their voice shook with emotions that hadn’t been felt for years. suddenly, the host understood why dark sometimes was more angry, feminine, sometimes softer, more masculine, and sometimes, he didn’t seem human at all. he understood.

“lets.... properly try this out.”

they stood, brushing themselves off as they surveyed their surroundings. and yes, they could see but...... even the very dim light of the host’s only lamp, it... it hurt. so it seemed their eyes were sensitive, but they could see, which was more than the host could have asked for. only now did they feel the slow, steady drip of hot blood down their face. a nosebleed that showed no signs of stopping, and a taste of rust in their mouth that didn’t seem out of place didn’t bother them at all.

the room itself was an absolute mess. the bed was knocked sideways, pushed against the wall, the blanket singed and really, it looked like a bomb went off right under their feet.

slowly but surely, a grin crept across their face. they had never felt such power. flicking one finger almost lazily at the bed, they watched it crumpled in on itself like a piece of paper.

“lets meet some folks, see what we can really do.”

and yeah, it’s a little weird to talk to yourself out loud, but.... there was four different people in there, so it just kind of felt right. although damien and celine.... it was almost like they didn’t exist. seeing as they could barely coexist as three in one body, now they were pushed so far from consciousness they couldn’t even hope to touch it. the house, or dark, and the host were truly in control now. they were in sync in a way they had never experienced and it was exhilarating.

the ego they encountered in the hallway on the way to his bedroom was bim. actually, he more or less ran smack into them as they stepped out of the host’s room, knocking him flat on his ass as he failed to keep his balance.

“host, i didn’t..... holy fuck.”

trimmer broke off, gaping at the nine-foot-tall being standing in front of him, watching with amusement as he struggled to surpass his confusion.

“wh... who..... what are you? how did you get in here? d... did you do something to host?”

a terrifying chuckle slipped from their grin, growing into a full laugh as he started to crawl backwards to get away from whatever the fuck was before him. they cracked their neck, a familiar gesture as they slowly but surely took one step, and then another in his direction.

“oh.... you poor mosquito. we should put you out of your misery, shouldnt we? its only right. your existence itself is suffering and we are a god. we are...  the vessel.”

bim yelped as they leaned down and delicately took hold of his ankle with two long, blackened claws and held him up, struggling, in front of their quietly giggling face. as he tried to cocoon himself in his purple aura, however, their face went from emotion to emotion so rapidly, you wouldn’t even have noticed.

“no... he doesn’t deserve this. we... we shouldn’t hurt our friends. we aren’t... a god.”

“yes... we... ARE.”

the last word devolved into a snarl, the vessel taking the poor show host in their other hand and squeezing, trying to crush him. a the same time, they started to shake, tremors wracking them until it was so violent that their aura, a smokelike substance so dark red it almost looked black, enveloped them so completely that you couldn’t even see through it, thick as milk.

bim, in the chaos, was dropped to the ground, gasping for breath and clawing at his chest, eyes unseeing with pain.

which means that he didn’t see the vessel unfuse.

the host was thrown back into his room, hitting the wall with a crack, going limp against the ground like a doll. darkiplier, on the other hand, was thrown so far down the hall that all you coudl see of him was his aura, writhing and convulsing around him, protecting him from the worst of the damage.

it was bing who found the three of them and called the doctor.

the host had broken spine, darkiplier had only minor cuts and bruises. bim had 5 snapped ribs and a third of his spine was crushed.

after that, the host isolated himself even more, and bim avoided darkiplier like the plague, only if the plague and the apocalypse had babies and they all wanted to tear his throat out.

darkiplier..... darkiplier couldn’t stop thinking about how it felt to be whole. what it felt like... to feel alive and absolutely fucking unstoppable.