#If I can't have my apocalyptic series then my father will know no peace.

[clover-the-awesomest]

So glad I got to this page before I leave for a whole week. Will have this comic living in my mind rent free while I'm away~

Also how DARE YOU END THIS UPDATE HERE IMA BE SUFFERING AND GRULING AND GRIEVING THE ENTIRE TIME WAITING FOR THE NEXT UPDATE BECAUSE THIS WAS SO SWEET AND FUNNY AND I WANT MORE BUT IMA BE AWAY AND I DONT WANNA RUSH YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

IUYTRCYVUIHOJFWIBUIUEUIHODJIHUGIY*FPWVOIDYGSHIKGCSH

(dies)

Part 4!

You know I really love storylines where a father figure struggles when it comes to fathering.

But every time I thought about Casey and Leo I was like...yeah...yeah they would definitely both struggle.

Good thing there's Mikey around to convince Leo that he doesn't need to be a father so Leo can convince Casey that he's not a father.

So that they can be~totally~not~a~family~together~

Part 1

[doctorprofessorsong]

Destiel fic recs

Fresh from the oven. The secret ingredient is cinnamon. Or love. Something like that.

Note, I previously released some of these as a WIP fic rec list if they sound familiar.

"Everybody Needs the Light" by opal_bullets (Mature, 46k) @asecretvice

Set in early canon, Dean is on the road hunting by himself. Sam is at Stanford and who knows where his Dad is. After a particularly difficult hunt, Dean ends up at a small lake motel, where he sticks around to heal and if it means he gets some extra time with the attractive guy who runs the place, Castiel, well that's not so bad either. 

You have to trust me that this is a canon adjacent fic because I don't want to explain more and give away the plot. But the story is a great mixture of mysterious, sweet and angsty. If you've read the author's more well known poet Dean fic,"And this, your living kiss," you may not be surprised to hear that this fic had a certain softness and vulnerability in its treatment of Dean and Cas. I love these versions of them. The story is really well-balanced between their relationship and the complex plot. It's one that you will be thinking about long after you close the tab.

"until the end and after" by Philyra912 (Explicit, 27k)

There are soft epilogues and then there is this. It's the softest and sweetest of epilogues. One year after a post-modified-finale, Dean and Cas have built a life together. They have almost everything they have ever wanted. Can they take the final leap?

What sets this apart? It's gorgeous and emotionally potent. There are passages that can only be described as breathtaking. It will soothe your pain after the way the show ended and you will be left with at least some of the promised peace. Don't believe me? Cas describes Dean's soul in the quoted passage below [SPOILER]

“I never grow tired of hearing your voice. But prayer isn’t a phone call, Dean. It is thought and feeling and faith freely given, and it is always honest. I miss it, knowing what you’re really thinking. I miss hearing the sound of your soul in my head.” 

“What’s my soul sound like?” Dean asks through the sudden dryness of his mouth, genuinely curious. Cas’ eyes go somewhere far away, 

“Like the Impala’s engine in the middle of the night on an empty highway, with Sam asleep against the passenger door. Like the lapping of water against the dock in your most merciful dreams. Like Jimmy Page on the guitar and the cocking of your favorite gun, and the song Mary used to sing to you when she put you to bed.”

More below the cut

"IPAMIS OL OLPRIT" by emmbrancsxx0 (Explicit, 56k) @valleydean

Oh man, come with me on a journey through Dean's daddy issues. This one is cathartic and so so good. It's sort of like a Lebanon fix-it but it's more of an alternative story in which Dean has to deal with his dad and his childhood. 

Set in S14, Michael is amassing an army and searching for a weapon that will help him move forward with his apocalyptic plans. Heaven doesn't care now that Michael is minting new angels. The Winchesters are short on allies and at a loss for a plan.

That is until they discover that the weapon 1. Could take out Michael, and 2. Was previously in the custody of the Men of Letters and particularly John's father. Unfortunately, they can't recover the weapon without John's blood which requires bringing John back from the dead temporarily.

What follows is a pretty fun series of cases, some heavy repression and reversion from Dean who is terrified of his father's reaction to his angel Cas and his son Jack, and a whole lot of working through issues. You get established Destiel fluff and angst (and old married couple bickering), Sammy/John tension, and great dramatic beats for Mary too. My description makes it sound heavy and there are certainly heavy scenes and moments, but there is also humor and romance. Plus, some BAMF angel Cas. 

"Profoundly Different" by amireal and tiamatv (Explicit, 190k)

You ever stop in like chapter 3 of a 17 chapter story just to go yell at people to read it? This is one of those. Set in Season 4, this fic asks what would happen if Cas was given the Anna arc? The result is an immensely satisfying alternative story with a decisive happy ending.

This fix contains multitudes. You get rawer, punchier Dean and Sam. The brothers struggling to find common ground and trust each other. Struggling with each other's perspective. You get so much paternal, grumpy, pitch perfect Bobby. You get the highs and lows of the Ruby/Demon blood/Lilith arc. It's the best of S4. 

What changes is Cas and the Deancas relationship. Cas in this story saved Dean from Hell and then became human. I won't dig too deeply into the spoilers there, but the end result is two fold: 1. Cas is just slightly more like later seasons Cas. He has more context for humans. 2. The profound bond is central and leads to an earlier and stronger intimacy. It's a really phenomenal fic and you should definitely read it.

"Take Your Human Charge To Work Day" by FallenAngelOfThursday (Mature, 33k) @pointyearedelvishprincling

Something's up with Cas. Dean has noticed a shift in their relationship and he has no idea why. So he asks Cas to take him along on a mission he picked up on Angel Radio. Cas needs space, but he can't bring himself to deny Dean. Even if Dean's longing and repression, coming through loud and clear to the angel through prayer, are making life rough. And even if the mission would be a lot quicker and a lot smoother solo.

This fic has all the pining, all the poor communication, and all the repression. It also has all the intricate rituals to touch each other and heavily features Dean's love of dressing up his angel in little outfits (hee). I love them, your honor.

"The Return Policy" by aileenrose (Explicit, 10k)

This is one of those fics that I wish was an entire series. It's canon adjacent but an AU, if that makes sense. 

When a cute but dubious federal agent comes to the Rare Books and Special Collections Reading Room of the Library of Congress, Reference Librarian Cas finds himself intrigued. The mysterious man seems to be researching something more than the birds that he claims are of interest. What follows is a combination of case fic, intense Destiel, and third party perspective all rolled into one. It's entertaining and cute and will leave you wanting more.

 

"You Ran Off With It All" by omittedcastiel (Explicit, 10k) @omittedcastiel

Dean's attempts to bring Cas back from the Empty cause him to dredge up previously repressed memories of Purgatory. Thee DeanBenny fic plus some really touching Deancas goodness. It's hot and sad and sweet and ends up exactly where you wanna go. What makes this particular moving is the examination of faith and devotion. It's really beautiful.

"Shut Up and Dance, Dean Winchester" by Ailuromatron  (Teen, 8k) 

If you are looking for a quick little fic that is light and fluffy, this is your jam. Sam, Dean and Cas unwind after a case in Austin. Sam ships it hard in this one (and also is completely over the two idiots he has to share his space with). Dean is Working Through Some Things™️ okay? Setting it in Austin already makes it fun, but what makes this one a gem is the author's descriptive writing. 

Everybody Loves A Parade (Except Dean Winchester) by jujubiest (Teen, 2k) 

Why is this so cute. It's so cute, y'all. A short little fic where Dean runs a bar along the Pride parade route. He is selectively out but somewhat prickly about it all until a kid named Jack wanders in.

Also available in podfic.

"The Shawnee Trail" by emmbrancsxx0 (Explicit, 166k) @valleydean

Two recommendations for @valleydean fics in one list? Yes and I'm not sorry because they are both amazing. This one is a Western AU and Baby Jack masterpiece. It manages to seamlessly blend canon and old Western aesthetics. I wish I had the author's skill for descriptive writing. The fic has a phenomenal sense of place and is unquestionably a labor of love. Additionally, I love the way Dean and Cas interact in this fic. Both so totally gone for one another, neither of them seeing that the same is true in the other. The love story is simultaneously an established relationship and a beautiful slowburn with a helping of angst (with a beautifully happy ending).

Ok, River, but what's it actually about? When secretive newcomer Kelly Kline dies in childbirth, local doctor Cas Novak is left with a newborn, a child he promised to deliver to grandparents far away. Accompanied by his maybe sort of boyfriend/roommate/friend with benefits/it's complicated, Dean, and his brother Sam, they set off to deliver the child to more appropriate caregivers. But things don't go as planned. 

 

"In this Louisiana bar" by fleeceframe (General Audiences, 8k) @tasteslikevelvet

S1 Dean is grabbing a drink in a bar (while my beloved Tigers play wooo) when a mysterious stranger in a trenchcoat walks in. A fic that asks the question: what would it be like if S10 Cas and S1 Dean met. It's really just a night where they interact. A character study (as opposed to something super plotty), but that is the appeal. Dean is so lonely. Cas is so devastated watching Dean lose pieces of himself. There is something really special about watching the two come together. It's really touching. A bit of a love letter to both characters.

(When I'm still alive underneath this shroud) Rain by Chaoticdean @bichaoticdean (Teen, 4k)

This is a beautiful and emotional little post-show (finale denying, we love to see it) fic. Partly hurt/comfort and partly just soft feels, Dean and Cas look at their dangerous life and ask: what's next? It's sweet and moving and has a certain deft emotional vulnerability that cuts deep. 

Didn't find what you were looking for? Check out my prior fic rec lists.

Destiel fic recs

More Destiel fic recs

And even more Destiel fic recs

[mtab2260]

Okay, I desperately need to rant about Apocalyptic Natasha Romanoff in this episode of What-If and I've decided to do it here over Reddit. Screw me.

First off...

Holy Fucking Shit! That was bloody AMAZING!

Second, I'm basically going to be explaining my excitement and jumping on the ceiling about each scene she was in, but also pointing out a few things as well.

(This feels like a Guardians of the Galaxy reference. No?)

I absolutely love this line because it says so much. In the main timeline, Steve had no clue about her Russian Vodka Family (as I've seen someone call it). In that timeline, I don't think she told anyone, not even Clint. But in Peggy's timeline, that Natasha clearly had to have opened up to Peggy which just shows how close those two had become during the year following the Battle of New York. Natasha Romanoff isn't an open person with anyone, in any timeline— even with Clint, the person she literally sacrificed herself for so he could live.

That says a million words I can't explain.

I also love the fact that the filter on Apocolypse Ultron World is dreary and it dulled out all the colour, and the sun's missing too. But in this shot, you can see hints of the sun shining through. It represents the hope Natasha saw when she saw them. The colour on Peggy's face and hair pop out. It automatically feels less dark and hopeless.

Also, I don't care what anyone might say this line is what sold Natasha that Peggy was an ally and that something was going on that she didn't yet understand. At the mention of Alexei, she just knew.

However... I must point out there are a few inaccuracies with this line. Actually, this entire line doesn't work.

Not really.

As because, up until ghosty Red-Skull said it on Vormir, Natasha had no clue what her birth father's name was and Peggy getting the serum instead of Steve wouldn't change that. So if she didn't know, there's no way she could tell Peggy.

And for the second part of that line... up until the events of Black Widow (the movie), Natasha was still lying to herself that their family in Ohio wasn't real— that it was just a mission and they were all just roles, nothing more.

But, I will say, maybe in that universe she and Peggy had a talk about it and Peggy make it clear she was a bloody numpty for thinking that and it was real regardless of the reason they were brought together. That could've happened in that universe. It's been made clear that those two traded stories with each other as her Nat knew about Steve, yet, main-timeline Nat didn't know about Peggy until she saw him staring at her photo. So who really knows.

But regardless, I still let out a jump of joy at this line because the What If series is letting the Russian Vodka Family be real!

Not that it wasn't real, but you get what I mean— anyways, onward!

This scene... oh my gawd... bloody-hell it's fucking terrific!

I cannot say how fucking overjoyed I am that when it came down to it, fucking Natasha Romanoff and bloody Clint Barton saved the entire bloody-fucking multiverse!

The (and I quote some random asshole) "Useless Avengers", saved everything ever known while also being the only survivors in an entire universe.

Let that sink in.

IT'S FUCKING AWESOME!

Like...

Holy Shit That's Awesome!

(I need more adjectives)

That's Bloody Insane.

I don't care how tacky they may be, I fricken loved these slow-mo arrow shots. And with the mirroring of Clint's (albeit fucking stupid) sacrifice coming full circle and to a close is outstanding.

Which brings me to my next point, that's kinda also this point too.

This point is part II we'll call it.

I

Am

So

Fucking

Happy

They

Didn't

Forget

About

What

Clint

Meant

To

Nat

And

Also

Just

Plainly

Forget

About

Clint

'Cause that would've sucked. I would've sued Marvel if that happened.

This scene. These two shots.

For someone who hides behind fake smiles and witty remarks, these shots show exactly what she's thinking at that moment and it's amazing. You can literally see the absolute peace on Nat's face that they did it, they ended Ultron, she avenged Clint's death, she avenged everyone's death, it was over. And hey look, Yelena, they didn't even need one of the big ones to do it!

But also look, see what I said about the filter— Natasha's hair actually looks fiery red instead of vibrant brown. Also, SUN!

Moving on...

I don't really have much to say about this line, but I fucking loved it, and serves the dude right.

She Has A Very Valid Point.

The pure amazement and life in Natasha's eyes and face is everything.

She saw everything she ever knew nuked and murdered because a robot spent five seconds on the internet and yet here she was now in a clusterfuck war full of life. Life that was at war with each other. But an alive war nonetheless and that's all she cares about at that moment.

Natasha and Clint being best buds part threeeeeeee........

On come on we all know what was going through Natasha's mind at this moment.

PAYBACK BIATCH!

Seriously I just love this short little bit. And the fact that Loki took over the world in a week, yet, this Natasha took him out with a kick and a small poke says things.

It's awesome.

As heartwarming as this scene was, I was hoping for more and truthfully it's a load of bullshit.

I don't care whatever the fuck Nick Fury has seen in his days, he did not know about the multiverse and if he wasn't happy as hell to see her on that Helicarrier then he was suspicious as hell as to who was this Natasha Romanoff imposter was. I'm sorry, I refuse to believe otherwise. No one's first thought after they've seen an alive version of someone they buried in the ground is—

"Oh, you must be Natasha just not my Natasha. Yeah, that makes sense."

Yeah, no.

Also... might I again remind you EVERYONE ON HER PLANET WAS FUCKING NUKED TO DEATH?! Did everyone seem to forget about this?

The first time we've seen Natasha Romanoff cry (almost cry) was Fury's death in The Winter Soldier. That's proof enough for how much Fury meant to her.

So the first person in like over a year (probably) she sees that she recognizes (besides Thor) who she also knew for a fact was dead— her reaction should've been more than a smirk. Especially if it was someone she cried over when they died. The line the two Natasha's share after Peggy's "I've got the shield. You've got the sword." line proves that different universes don't change a person's personality. So her seeing Fury again should've been a helluva lot more emotional for her, hell, for the both of them.

It probably should've gone something more like...

"Natasha...?" A very familiar voice behind her breathed. It wasn't one she's heard for over a year but she recognized it immediately. She froze— which was not a thing she did, ever, but it was only truly hitting her now that not everyone she knew was dead anymore. That the Steve Rogers over there was, in fact, alive. That the Nick Fury behind her was alive. That hundreds, millions, billions of other people were alive.

Natasha turned around slowly like her limbs were stuck in the gallons of maple syrup Cooper put on his pancakes.

"Fury—" She choked, honestly too overwhelmed to say anything else coherent. The tears in her eyes stung as she didn't let them fall.

Nick's one eye narrowed, he was pissed. "Who the hell are you?" He questioned, voice threatening. "I know you ain't Natasha Romanoff 'cause she's dead. So who are you?"

She was sure she just stared at his face probably for a full minute but she didn't really care. It was really nice to see and hear another face and voice.

Nat took a much-needed breath. "I know your Natasha is gone, the giant baby-man cape dude said so. I'm not her. I'm from somewhere else. But I am Natasha Romanoff... and it is really good to see you, Nick..."

Ah, shit the tears fell.

But maybe it was worth it as his eye widened and some form of recognition or some sliver of understanding set in. It was honestly hard to tell through her blurry eyes.

"You're aware none of that makes any sense, right?" He asked, voice much gentler now. Fury looked over her outfit and very dirty/beat-up appearance. "And I take it wherever you're from didn't have showers either? Because I can smell you from here." His nose wrinkled as he smirked.

She knew he was trying not to gag.

Natasha choked out a wet laugh. "Not for like a year, they kinda got all nuked from a psychopathic robot."

She was pretty sure that was the first time she'd ever seen Nick Fury actually shocked.

Okay, yeah so basically something like that.

And the reason I kept saying over a year is because Clint lost an arm and was honestly ready to die. He did die. After a year of being almost the only person on an entire planet and losing Laura and the kids, he hit his breaking point. In the five years of the blip he definitely became close to his breaking point, probably was about to hit it before Nat showed up, and that was with half the universe gone and he was alone without Nat. It could honestly be longer than a year, it probably was much longer, but then I started thinking about food and how much food would actually be safe to eat— or actually there. It was a matter of time really until both starved to death honestly.

And the shower thing, it's honestly impressive anyone could stand near here and not pass out. Like seriously if everyone is dead, I doubt any showers still worked— let alone be standing.

Anyways, I do have a couple problems with this episode despite how much I loved it.

Going back to the "EVERYONE ON HER PLANET WAS FUCKING NUKED TO DEATH?! Did everyone seem to forget about this?" part I mentioned earlier.

It seems no one outside of Nat actually seemed to acknowledge that everyone was dead. That Natasha, previous to their arrival, was the only living thing in that universe and that was it. You would think even Peggy would show some care or sympathy or some consoling words to her so-called BFF. If not that at least recognize the truly apocalyptic scene around her and look at it with disbelieving eyes. For someone who has so much compassion, she seems to have none in this case. Or at least she didn't outwardly show it. Which is completely fine. But it just bothered me no one seemed to really think about it all.

Another thing:

This isn't really towards the episode per-say but I'm just really fucking pissed about it.

It's great— no sorry— it's absolutely amazing that Apocalyptic Natasha is now in a universe that was thriving with life. It's awesome and she deserves it.

HOWEVER....

Are you fucking serious that out of all the universes that Natasha died in, you put her in a one that ALSO has a STILL DEAD Clint Barton???

SERIOUSLY?!??!?

I've said this what, three, four times now— Natasha Romanoff and Clint Barton are more cursed than FitzSimmons. Because at least FitzSimmons always find their way back to each other in the end, Nat and Clint always just find the other fucking dead.

I swear, how the other doesn't have PTSD from heights now is a bloody miracle.

Anywho:

That's my entire rant on this week's episode. If you actually read this all, one, I'm so sorry for wasting your time, two, wow— congrats.

Also, I really need to see someone make a fic about Apocalyptic Nat seeing Laura and the kids for the first time again, and also for Coulson too.