#Idk when or if I'll open them as an actual YCH

[sunnys-side-upside-down]

DAKOTA!!!

[taski-guru]

Somewhere over the Reindeer

..Blue birds fly

̶A̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶r̶e̶a̶m̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶d̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶O̶h̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶,̶ ̶o̶h̶ ̶w̶h̶y̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶'̶t̶ ̶I̶.̶.̶ ̶I̶,̶I̶!̶

Alright, I am finishing another YCH, but first quick clumsy silly sketch and news exchange, I think I need to share time by time something with other people, like my psychotherapist advised (she meant that not only talking to friends but being open to other type of communications, quick talk with mutuals / watchers and so on)

I am not used to it, but this year holds for me many new things, heh? Mostly bad ones thou/ For example, what do you think about my sona with short hair? I personally think I look now even more alike my dad, lol. In his early 20s

Also got injured recently or rather, I was hit by a kitchen unit that I didn't hang on the wall properly. I'm not badly hurt, but I have a bruise on my temple and above my eye because of the angle hit. It could have been worse, so I'm not worried. Better me than poor Rendezvous anyway, sadly other acquaintances can't help me due to their daily job. My friends would help me, but they all are aboard now(. Breaks my heart to see they also suffer to see me like this(

It's even funny (if it can be funny) how often I suffer with my eye, a few years ago I had a huge chalazion that tormented me a lot. And a few years ago I had vestibular neuritis, after which my facial muscles remained immobile for a long time and one of my eyes would not open properly. Thanks god I can at least see now after the hit.

I often had health troubles earlier (diabetes related) but now I also lost access to my old insulin and to all decent insulin in general, I tried two types so far and it's obvious that my body refuse to functioning well with it, previous year was bad, but current one scares me, I got surgery and another one is ahead in a year or two (a polyp reduction) I'm afraid there's a connection (with change of insulin type) that my body has started growing tumors, but thank God they're benign ones. Still scary( Hope it won't get worse.

I am tired of hospital visits this year.

Most of these visits were also lonely ones since the only close friend suddenly started treated me in only two mods /snap on me/ being supper irritated or ignoring me like 80% of the time almost whole year. I still don't know what happens, most likely they have their own huge problems they don't want share with me, but idk. Being a jerk is being a jerk regardless your circumstances, as an old close friend I was hoping... not for much really, but at least for a some freedom of rudeness or a few words of support while I am in trouble.

I'll never know what happened, I think

thou I understand there is my fault too, uh( In many things. Only once I called them out for their harsh words and they did not take it well. Thou I don't know what to do, I am tired of tolerating rudeness over and over again this year. Maybe I should have stood up for myself when it's only started but I was scared that they are depressed and a serious talk will only get them angrier / sadder. Did not know what to do really.

They avoiding me now without even clear declaration of ending of relationships that lasted a half of our lives. Feels real bad how cheap our friendship turned out to be then and how many promises they made in the past in which I sadly believed. Can't say more since it's already is oversharing actually. Maybe if their sickly friend is such a trouble that not even worse of waste a few seconds for texting "hang in there" or "do you need help" or something than it's better to put it all at end. I will most likely getting more and more sick over the years if I will not return to my original insulin, so( But I am trying not to get bitter. Will try to hold onto best of our times in the past and be grateful for what we had before this terrible year. Did you have similar situations - what was your friends problems or excuses to act like this?

I believe one of the main reasons is emotional immaturity, when you are avoiding to sort out tensions and problems that sadly can be in any relationship - than it's collecting and grow until it explodes and then such persons play a card that said "I am tired from conflicts, I ignored them all the time before and I can't see connection with the situation we are getting into - can we avoiding sorting out conflicts further, I am already feel bad and you are to blame to make me feel even more bad for making solve this problem I am a part of! I am a victim now because when you said my actions offended you - you offended me, so I will dramatically sulk now"

That does not mean that friend of mine act like that I just described the behavior I saw on other immature people (all 20 and even 25+ thou -_- )

Such persons not only not understanding needs of others, but also they usually don't understand their owns so it's a very huge problem really what is even way beyond just to act childishly time by time, it's almost similar to some personalities disorders.

Not pretending being emotionally mature myself, but.. well.

Well sorry if this too much I actually just wanted to talk I think - if you want to share something as well, don't be shy Thank you for reading this. I am not used of sharing so many things with watchers but.. well let's see how it will work

I am also planing to share how my process of PTSD healing is going, will draw comics even then

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