#Idk these are weird. I'm gonna try and nap :( I'm really cold.

[sepiasys]

I dont remember well- nvm.

B said smth and it kinda somehow caused... *ig* derealization?

He asked what he should order to eat, general question instead of what to get from a specific place.

Idk, something about it made me just. "Oh, reality. Thats a thing. It doesnt feel *real* tho." Like it feels like a fucking game or just shit from a story or some shit.

I begin to wonder if I've ever faced reality truly and fully in my life. If there will ever be a time I can see it and believe it and not end up in an existential crisis over it.

[torihakaraublog]

Obey Me! Nightbringer "Poison Hunting & Candy Making!" Pop Quiz

!WARNING SPOILERS FOR EVENT!

I knew this was gonna be a good event when I saw it a Bel/Beel focused event! Idk why but they have all been bangers so far! Maybe the script writer is biased...maybe I'm biased...anyways...

Starting off the brothers recive an invitation by a noble type person to visit his town. We decide to make a trip out of it. Visiting manga backdrops irl and trying regional food sounds amazing! And we got to take a train! I love trains! (Tho I do get motion sick sometimes)

I think keeping it to a small group also really benefited the event. Two older brothers taking there younger brothers on a trip. Mammon defaults to 'younger brother behavior' if Lucifer is around, but always steps up when he's the oldest. I also find even Levi is very open to this trio emotionally dispite their bickering.

Candy making is such a nice touch instead of just buying candy. And they went a bit through the process! (Of this devildom candy - really candy making is a bit diffrent) Bel kept falling asleep lmao but was still sleep helping.

Omg hamster Beel!! Was a bit confused why 'poison herbs' was needed. Seemed kinda dangerous.

(Beel hamster runs away and Diavolo + Barbatos catch him) I agree this is a weird set up for a shop, but it kinda ends up being beneficial to plot flow.

This was so funny xD The appearance of a mimic! Feeding it berries that made it cold then sneeze is an interesting way to deal with it lmao didn't really understand the whole lake situation 😅

Ahhh this so soooo cute, he gave us a ring TwT I gotta remember to draw it on my mc later 🤧

When they decided to mix the random things we collected and hope for the best since all the herbs weren't found I was screaming. It shouldn't work that way! Then they mixed the ring gem in...whyyy how did that work?! I'm glad I got to keep the ring tho 😊

Yay cookie making again! Bel also made us cookies in one of the first Nightbringer (the chess one). Ending with a nice hug (kiss was also an option) and nap 💙🩵

THIS IS WHY WE DON'T EAT RANDOM MUSHROOMS. (Tho the twin hug was cute...) Enjoy how Beel solved his problem himself in the end 🤣 by eating the seeds and more candy. Also less Diavolo sacrifice yourself as a taste tester and become the cat boy of your dreams! Yass King!

Overall a very fun and lighthearted event 💜

Some art I made to compare this events cookies to the chess cookies.

My art style has changed quite a bit :0

'Food' mentioned in event (missed some)

blue rose crystals

hellfire malt enzymes

shadow rice/shadow rice porridge

countercurse candy

ice crystal leaves

blue berries

tail of a shadow salamander

wings of of a death mask bat

heart of a toxic chameleon

verdant brilliance (eatable??)

candy cookies

? mushroom

scorching sunflower seeds

[zombies-aliens]

So how was my day today. Well I went to the gym at 5am but I got there at 6am and had friends waiting :/ so I felt bad for that. But they get along well so there's that, I know I probably didn't bother them since they had each other but I still don't wanna do that tomorrow. Oh yeah I'm going tomorrow btw. I should prob be sleeping rn but I have to write about my day first. Well I went to work later that same day 🙃 it wasn't so great, idk how the other two were awake and I took a nap...

You know what dude my day has been so weird at work. I really don't have it in me to talk atm. Nothing really bad happened, it was a pretty average day, but something was weird and maybe it was because I was so sleepy. But it wasn't just that my attitude and thoughts were bad :/ I had just bad thoughts today that my friends don't really like me, they're just pretending, shit like that. And you know, that really effects me and I think of scenarios of how id respond if something were to go wrong in the friendship. Which I hope doesn't. It was creating a tension in myself for no reason. But part of me feels like it's true. I hate being disliked by people I want to be friends with, but I'm scared to say that I want to be friends because get unsure about if they're really my friends or if I'm something else to them. And I'm the stupid one. That's not ideal for me obviously. My day wasn't so bad for what happened in the physical world but in my own private inner world. There was trouble in paradise today. I hope tomorrow is better. I hope they both like me. But I could go on about how they both known each other probably way longer than I have and I'm the new friend of the group so I'm kinda feeling like the outcast in a way ESPECIALLY AT THE GYM HOLY SHIT. And honestly that's what Kickstarted my bad attitude, it's bc even tho my friend is married with kids, her and the guy get along pretty damn well, even she called him baby at the end after a hug, and I didn't get a hug. So I felt kinda I guess cold. Like I get no love. I mean hey it's fine I try to remember I'm not entitled to anything. I probably said that in another post but yeah it's the same thing I try to remember that to humble myself and not act like a kid who didn't get to play and have fun but the others could. I felt like an outcast in all honesty. And she's still inclusive with me like she says hi and still said bye to me but idk man, and she even texted to see if I'm good to drive home, but I fucking hate how shit I felt seeing and hearing that. I just want that intimacy as well you know? I haven't had that in so many years. Physical intimacy, and it doesn't have to be sexual neither. It doesn't have to be with my married friend neither.. but is this the best it's gonna get for me? I'm just gonna be someone's third wheel all the time? It sorta pisses me off bc like I don't wanna see that shit it ruins my mood but they don't get why it does tho. It's cus I've been lonely for so fucking long. And that set off a reaction in me like holding a mirror to me and it's just me, or maybe a guy friend, but there's never a girl by my side I can call mine and she can call me hers. It's just. Me. I'm sad man. I'm actually getting sad now. I just want a girlfriend to feel the love everyone's feeling all the time. But not just any random girl of course. But yeah. That's been my life for a long time. It's depressing and lonely. I think what I like about having a girlfriend is that, im her favorite. She liked me so so much that we are a couple now and that's the proof. She chose me and I chose her. We both like each other and don't take it for granted. But with me and my friends it's just so cold and empty. We're friends but idk why. Just because we hang out in the same place for 8 hours? Like my friend I went to the rave with said he enjoys my company but dude... wdym? Name 2 conversations we've had that were good? You can't. Name a time where I made you laugh? You can't. Name a time where- man what's my last name man do you even know my birthday? I don't know his neither. Like why are we friends it's so shallow 😅 this shit isn't even funny to me. I'm just confused. It makes more sense with the girl, but not with him. He's a cool dude sure, but... idk. And I'm gonna see these two tomorrow. I don't get how I'm the only one that questions but I'm probably the only one experiencing this. Nah you wouldn't get it. Cause it's always just me isn't it.

[blueempty]

It was super nice out today

I'm finally bordering on fully healed from my illness. I think after not eating for two days my stomach is kinda unsure how hungry I am throughout the day so I might've overeaten today but I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm just worried about tomorrow cuz I'm supposed to go into work to make up for the 4 days I missed and idk how long I'm gonna be there or what I'm doing but I wont have food readily available unless I bring it

I got really lucky the night I got sick cuz basically what happened was I grabbed PDQ on the way into work, ate it for lunch, then somewhere around like 8pm started feeling off, and then around 10:30 I was so cold my fingers were going numb. But the lucky thing was that I was in sort of the middle step of a test that would've kept me there till like 1 or 2am, so I was able to throw my samples in the fridge and bail

But anyway the positive thing is I'm better now. I felt pretty productive yesterday cuz I did a bunch of stuff around the apartment and took a really good nap. Today was slightly less productive but the humidity was low and it was cool out so I let the outside air cycle through the apartment while I took a low quality but comfy nap out near the bird. And before that me and my friend beat Barony for the first time. By doing it as a Skeleton I unlocked the ability to use the Conjurer class for the other monster races, and while Insectoid Conjurer turned out way worse than I even thought, Vampire Conjurer kinda whips ass and I'm having a really good time with it. Finding good team composition is really hard when youre both playing monsters though so I may just be normal and play a human next time we do multiplayer

But ye, I'm gonna try to finish my current patch Signalis run soon and I wanna see how fast I can 100% Mario Wonder again just off memory. Thats my main two projects rn I guess. It feels weird losing 4 days to like hungry fever dream status but I'll get a handle on everything soon. It always lowkey feels nice when I get to act unemployed though I gotta say

Marigolds are bouncing back also. Apparently fall is the season where they die but theyre looking better since ive been misting them every day

Peace and Long Life

[ambreiiigns]

HIII AGAIN i'm back in your inbox 🥰🥰 sorry i've had SUCH a brain sleepy few days 😔😔 got an evil cold BUT i'm feeling a lot better nowww

dw you didn't spoil anything for those films!!! 💖💖 still VERY looking forward to watching both, they look so so fun

YEAHHH i'm gonna have to like. make a list of good youtubers for all things disturbing at some point (i haven't found that many for movies specifically BUT i've found a few good ones for like. internet stuff, PSAs + adverts (of course) etc.) and when i do, you will be getting that list first 💕💕💕

SO. i watched the first hellraiser. i also did postpone seeing that movie for a long time bc it seemed a bit sci-fi-y and in general i don't vibe with sci-fi BUT. it is definitely an entertaining watch so i'd recommend it on that front! it did make me laugh a good few times too thanks to my deeply stupid sense of humour combined with some of the sfx (one scene in particular comes to mind but i will not spoil it dw<3)

OH DAMN Ginger Snaps and House of Wax are two films on my to-watch list in fact!! 👀👀👀 also i keep seeing Pearl EVERYWHERE so let me know if that one's worth watching, i have wondered about it 👁👁

and MAN i need to fix my film schedule too, this year i was planning to sit down and watch at least one film a week, but that schedule's already gone off track 😔😔 may try and get it back on track today because if i have time i'm hoping to watch Tusk!!

ANYWAY hope you're having a great day!!!!💖💖💖🥰🥰🥰

nooo it's ok i'm glad you're feeling better 😭😭😭 i hope you did sleepy and rest zzzzz in fact i'll take a nap after i answer this zzzzz

>:)) yesssss list list list

ARRRGH NOW I WANNA KNOW WHAT SCENE SOOOO BADDDD UGHHH OK. hellraiser added to my list. i wonder how many of them are worth watching but i'll cave in and watch At Least the first one sometime soon hopefully

GINGER SNAPS AND HOUSE OF WAX AUSGGEHHHGHHHHH..... THE POWER THEY HAVE i'm so SO excited for you to watch them whenever you do i feel like you'd really enjoy them ahh pearl is absolutely insane. def on that hereditary/midsommar train of thought lmao but it's REALLY good i really love love love it the performances.... insane...... i Easily liked it so so much more than x it was outstanding to me frfr it's giving martin 1977 w the character study over plot situation it's sort of giving texas chainsaw firefly trilogy In A Weird Way it's bright and colorful visually almost cartoonishly so it's giving re-animator IDK it makes me think of a lot of Classics it feels familiar it feels like it fits in w those so well for such a recent movy and i do love to see it. i cannot express it enough. go girl

GOD DID YOU WATCH TUSK AFTER ALL?!?!?!?!??? INSANE FUCKING MOVIE IF YOU DID WHAT DID YOU THINK OF IT!!!!

manifesting a great day for you too 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

[theshinsun]

A-Z for honesty hour because I'm an asshole. :D

A - If I’m in love.

...yes. I never thought I would be again, I thought I’d been too hurt and jaded to feel this way again, but against all odds, I’m back to being 17 in full force.

B - Who the last person I talked to on the phone was.

The only one who ever calls me is my mother. And customers at work.

C - How long it’s been since I’ve kissed.

damn, almost a year now… not since my last relationship ended back in October-ish. even then, it was mostly casual pecks idk if we ever seriously made out tbh.

D - If I have a preference for boys or girls.

already answered (twice) but I'll keep going… I've got a definite preference of guys over girls, but I'm also a bi disaster and sometimes it doesn't make a lot of sense why this person is instantly attractive to me while that person isn't. certain aspects of femininity do appeal to me, but weirdly other aspects seem to be a turn-off and I can't always put my finger on what or why. ...that caveat does not apply to masculinity though, even if it's traditionally "masculine" features on a feminine-presenting individual I am 100% down every time.

E - How many holes I have in my ears.

two and a half? I got a third piercing at some point halfway up the lobe but it got infected and scarred over I think. the holes I do have are also stretched (I'm up to 0G now) and I've been meaning to get some more.

F - Give me any options, like ‘hot or cold?’

wasn't given any options, so I guess I'll go with hot or cold lol. I prefer hot, I'm one of those weirdos who loves summer because of the heat and I'll usually take a hot food/drink over a cold one.

G - The last person I said ‘I love you’ to.

my mom, over the phone just now.

H - The last person I hugged.

my roommate. we're not always super touchy-feely with each other but I've been feeling kind of down and she noticed.

I - The last time I felt jealous, and why.

I'm not usually a very jealous person, but the last time I really felt that way… I'd recently broken up with my ex, and they were sitting on someone else's lap and I… felt things. part of the reason I realized I may have made a mistake.

J - Are you insecure. What about?

K - What my full name is

already answered, my first and middle are Jacob Brooks, I'm not putting my last name out there sorry I don't trust like that.

L - If I have siblings.

already answered, I've got two, an older brother and a younger sister.

M - If I forgive betrayal.

I mean, I forgive but I don't forget, ya know? like I'll accept an apology if it's sincere and welcome the person back and never bring it up again, but I'm probably gonna be cautious around them in the future, and not trust them as readily as I would have before.  

N - If you want to know how I treat my friends.

if I call someone my friend it means I really feel close with them, and I treat my friends basically like my family. I try to always be honest and supportive of them, bc I love and appreciate them and just want them to be happy. 

O - If I like my school.

I love my school. the campus is beautiful, the teachers are fantastic, and I just love being there and learning and growing in my classes. I'm really sad this semester is probably going to be mostly online because I really feel like I belong in those studios and on that campus and I miss it.

P - What kind of music I like.

already answered, and it mostly boiled down to all over the fuckin place, so this time… band recommendations, here we go. no you have no say in this.

here, have a clump of random favorite bands off the top of my head: mother mother, bad suns, nothing but thieves, hozier, shearwater, the neighbourhood, steam powered giraffe, rainbow kitten surprise, the oh hellos, gregory alan isakov, caravan palace, mystery skulls, khai dreams, autoheart, muse, silversun pickups, thousand foot krutch, two door cinema club, twenty one pilots, blue october, jukebox the ghost

Q - What the last party I went to was, and when the next will be.

I'm not a partier at All, but I did have a bunch of friends over for the 4th (okay I say a bunch but it was like four people from our usual less-socially distant circle). I have no idea when the next get-together will be, it's kinda hard to plan those kinds of things lately.

R - For me to tell 10 of my curiosities.

the phrasing of this question is weird but I'm gonna assume it means things I'm curious about? let's go with that.

travel. I haven't ever been out of the country and I'd like to see other parts of the world at least at some point in my life.

tattoos. both getting them and learning to do them, it's a niche branch of art that I'm just fascinated by and I might like to do it as a career if I knew more about it.

same thing with being a florist. I'm really drawn to it as a concept and I'm super curious how it works, but I have no idea what kind of… qualifications and whatnot I'd need for that.

 surfing. I'm surrounded by the lifestyle and now kind of own a surfboard, I just want to know what the appeal is.

this may be a bit tmi, but I'm really curious what it's like to have a dick. I don't suppose I'll strictly ever know, but I still really want to… probably one of the biggest things to clue me in that I'm definitely trans is the literal penis envy ngl. 

I've always kind of had a fascination with the ocean, and I'd love to go like, scuba diving or something someday, to see it up close and personal.

I think everyone has the impulse thought of shaving their head at some point. maybe someday I will I don't quite have the balls to do it now.

I've gone this long in my life and never wielded a sword? a travesty. I don't pretend to have the grace to actually know how to use one, but I've like, never even held a real one and the idea interests me a lot.

this one might be slightly morbid curiosity, but I don't think I've ever been like, properly drunk or high before, like I've been tipsy but I've never been wasted, you know? the idea kind of scares me and I don't think I'm going to go out and remedy it, but it's still there, and even if I know it's not a good idea, I do still wonder what that's like.

same vein, maybe even a little darker, but I've got at least a little morbid curiosity about like, death and real danger. again, not planning to act on it At All, but the thought is still lurking in the back of my mind like what if…? you asked for honesty.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

S - 2 habits.

bit of a new habit, but I have a whole ritual of disinfecting groceries when I bring them home, and then disinfecting the door knobs and counters. I don't know if it'll persist after the pandemic is over, but it's already ingrained in me and I don't feel comfortable if I skip it or do  it differently.

I apologize for things that aren't my fault. it's such an instinct at this point to say "sorry" when I'm uncomfortable or anxious that it doesn't even register anymore, even when people tell me not to be sorry, I'm still gonna say it, sorry.

T - 5 things I love unconditionally.

already answered so here's 5 more

my family. if I haven't got my family I haven't got anything, we've got each others' backs and I won't turn on them for anything

my friends. same deal, I owe so much to my friends, I love them, and that won't change no matter what they decide to do or be.

sleep. I love sleep so much, even if it's just an involuntary nap, though for someone who loves it so much I sure don't get enough of it

spotify. I know it has problems, I know there are probably more streamlined/cheaper music streaming services out there, but at this point, I've sunk too much of my time and energy into this one and I'll never give it up

my ocs. I don't talk about them very much on this platform, but I have them, they're my children, and I love them even if they're assholes and never easy to write/draw. 

U - How many texts I send daily.

already answered, the number varies, and sometimes swings drastically between like, 5 and 35 on any given day.

V - 3 big dreams.

graduate art school. it's gonna be a serious undertaking and probably take several more years and a lot of loans at this point, but I'm still determined to get there someday.

someday I want to write a book. I know I've said that before on a different prompt, but it wouldn't be a list of dreams without including this one that I've held onto since childhood. 

this one's kind of vague, but someday… I want to not be afraid anymore. like I want to finally be in a state of mental/financial security so I can live my life without the fear of what's coming next. 

W - An idol.

it's probably really basic to list a youtuber, but I've still gotta go with Chase Ross. the guy was an inspiration and a major source of information and support for me early-on in my transition, and even watching him now I still want to approach life with the pure positive energy and confidence that he has. 

X - If I’ve done something I regret very much.

yes. a couple things, really… some of which I don't think I'll ever be able to make up for.

Y - If I like my town and why.

my current town? yeah, it's got its problems but it's also beautiful and full of life and art and unique energy and I miss the days before the Corona End Times when I could actually go out and enjoy it.

Z - Ask any question you want.

??? I did not receive any specification for this one, and given that I didn't skip even the duplicate answers and this is ridiculously long, this one I'm gonna SKIP.

[thataspdfeel]

I'm curious, what are you most attracted to in your partners? Is it similar traits in all of them or different ones like their sense of humour etc.? Sorry if this is a weird question but you've said before you like when people ask about them so I thought I would.

i was so excited to get this and then forgot to answer it :/ im an idiot

also gonna put this under a cut cause this is gonna be hella long cause im a fucking romantic dork

god though i could wax poetic. they’re all so lovely. like they have traits in common but also are unique. they all have brown eyes but theyre unique. like my husband has these eyes that remind me of warm chocolate. like a chocolate fountain kind of warm chocolate. dark and smooth but reflect the light. my wife’s have tinges of gold in the irises like flecks of gold leaf. and theres a dark ring around the pupil and one around the edge of the iris. theyre fucking magical

my boyfriend’s eyes are almost black and very deep. darker than the night sky and full of warmth and mischief. but its like theyre never ending, like he can see the innermost parts of whoever he’s looking at, like your soul is written on your forehead

lmao i love eyes can you tell

they all have these goddamned sinful eyelashes and my boyfriend’s are the longest. theyre as dark as his eyes and when he’s embarrassed, he gets all shy and they brush against his cheekbones like how dare you sir. how dare you be beautiful even when youre embarrassed. i look like a fucking tomato. rude

my husband’s look gold at the tips with the way the light catches them. like yknow how fake eyelashes have purple or red at the tips? like that except gold. like what??? the fuck??? rude

they all have very soft hair though my boyfriend’s is the longest. i cant wait to get with him irl again cause i wanna braid it. he’s got a bony face and it frames it so well. it’s so dark brown its almost black and it’s fun to see him try to sweep it out of his face cause he refuses to tie it up

my husband has these wild curls. we were looking up how to take care of them and that’s how we found out hes ethnically jewish. (which makes sense considering he’s german) they get so thick and heavy and they’re so soft and lovely to nap in. which i do on a semi regular basis. its so soft and lovely and i love when he grows it out. he just doesn’t look right with shorter hair. and he has this beard that grows funny, makes him look like jedidiah if yknow what i mean. he has such a baby face without it and he loves beard scritches it’s so cute how happy he gets

bluh im bouncing all over the place i just??? love them?????? so??????????? much???????????????? there’s so much to talk about!!!

so i guess i’ll just try and make a list of the things i love about them

husband:

cheerful, bubbly, very sunny personality. the human incarnation of a very excited dog (which can be A Lot sometimes)

extremely kind. would give you the shirt off his back. often laments that he stopped carrying cash years ago every time he sees somebody who could use some despite the fact that we’re always broke

a proper southern gentleman??? like im fat so im used to people not holding doors open for me fucking ever and being really goddamned rude in general. he ALWAYS holds doors open for me, opens the car door for me both to get in and out of the car, and gets pouty if i try and carry my own bag. it’s so sweet??? ive literally never had that before and even after three and a half years, it’s still so charming

he will do literally anything the fuck i ask. he’ll say no and im like oh ok and he’ll tease like “finally! i said no! and got away with it!” just to make me giggle and then does it anyway

on this note, he also always cooks as much as absolutely possible. even though his spine gives him problems, he does his best to keep me off my leg

he’s always so concerned about my well being. like if there’s not a disability cart at the front of a store, he makes me sit down while he goes and chases one down. if im stiffer than usual due to a cold front, he’ll remind me to take pain meds every four hours

he’s trying to learn japanese because he knows i dont have anybody to practice with here in the states. just for me and not any other reason

adores animals. even if he finds a dog annoying, he’ll still fawn over it and give it as many pets as it wants and won't ever snap at it even if anybody else would. he’s got these large hands and he’s kind of clumsy but this goes away around animals. he’s just so careful and gentle like i never ever worry

drags me out of my introverted cave because he knows social interaction is also good

has introduced me to some of my favorite books and video games because he’s verious conscious about what somebody likes and works to be like “hey, i think youd like this” and is almost always correct??? amazing

has 0 sense of style but doesnt mind somebody who knows better keeping him from absolute disaster

dude is a damned good cook. ive gained like at least a solid 25 pounds since he moved in and started cooking regularly

SPEAKING OF COOKING, we met on the tail end of my anorexia when i was doing my best to recover and still slipping up. he never made me feel bad about it but always encouraged me to eat. he eats SO much (think shaggy rogers) that i always felt comfortable eating in front of him. he always reminds me to eat and asks if ive eaten that day. honestly, i wouldnt be at this level of recovery if it hadnt been for him

is amazing at caling me down holy fuck

wife:

met her first, of the three of them, ironically so ive known her the longest but been with her the shortest. we dated a few months in hs but there was a chick she wanted to date like right there (and i was in japan) so i was like oh go for it. well, they broke up and we got back together and it’s been lovely ever since

she has this snorting laugh that’s adorable to listen to and it makes me feel more comfortable laughing (because i think i sound like a damn goose)

SHE HAS SO MANY GODDAMNED FRECKLES ON HER CUTE LITTLE FACE THEY’RE ADORABLE AND AMAZING AND VERY FUN TO KISS BECAUSE SHE SQUIRMS

she has a goddamned button nose for chrissakes

and these really wide hips too like i felt bad about my hips years ago cause theyre p wide but shes adorable and has wide hips too. she kinda made me love them (even though hers are better)

she’s genderfluid so i get to be gay all across the gender spectrum (im agender) and she’s so beautiful and handsome and v amazing

we were both homestuck fans at the height of it (like we still are) but her cosplays are just really well done??? shes so talented

OH MY GOD SHE MAKES THIE CHICKEN SOUP WITH HOMEMADE NOODLES I WOULD SLAP AN OLD LADY FOR

i dont know about the rest of her cooking (sadly) due to limited time around each other but i cant fucking wait tbh. her cookies kill me tho i love them

an amazing fashion sense. im a dumpster compared to her

an amazing writer and artist and i die every time she sends me something like my soul fucking ascends

she loved me BEFORE meds which i think is amazing. like what a lovely human being yknow? im a dick without meds and she loved me anyway and i love that about her

she speaks german and she makes it sound beautiful and i cry

her singing voice is so angelic and it kills me when she sings because everybody should hear this lovely person sing

she is hyper empathetic and it makes her so lovely and kind and wonderful. she completely understands how i feel about things and why even when no one else does and is very good at de-escalating me when im upset

we’ve just known each other for something like 7 years now? like i dated her post my abusive ex and she lit up my whole world with happiness at being treated well. then her ex was abusive and just... we get each other? in a way where her husband and my other two partners dont. its a pain the others dont understand so we go to each other during these times of pain in a way we cant with other people. it’s a very special connection

she’s a goddamned goof and i love it

my boyfriend:

motherfucker is so skinny which is the opposite of me and for some reason it works?? idk like it worries me but it’s also unique. love it

we dated almost my whole senior year of hs but he broke up with me because he thought he didnt have the same depth of emotion as i did for him and didnt want to “hold me back” from somebody better. like??? can you imagine?????? how fucking kind

recently started dating again like it took him fourish years for him to realize SHIT I MADE A MISTAKE so he’s a little slow but he’s so very thoughtful

he’s a goof in a different way than the other two. dad jokes. never ending fucking dad jokes. and goddamned puns. he never stops. dont tell him i love them because then he’ll never let me tease him again (i pretend like its The Worst)

so. fucking. dramatic. always flips his hair in the sassiest way possible. its super gay (he’s bi)

he doesnt do a whole lot of romance or saying WHY he feels certain ways. he feels like it cheapens the emotion. but, on the rare occassion he doesnt let this bother him, his poetry he sends me about how he feels makes me fucking cry. it’s so beautiful. i love it

he works watering at a plant nursery and complains about how the bees always use him as a landing strip. it’s adorable

he’s so resourceful?? this is best seen when playing minecraft cause he makes some damn cool structures in some really nice places. i love playing it with him just to see what he builds and how (especially since im a boring, lets make this house a square kinda ho)

he’s so camera shy??? no selfies no skype at all. he’s so bashful and it’s super cute i love it

got me into DnD like yes thank you for this enjoyable nerdery

the sole reason i passed math in hs. like not only is he smart but hes also really good at explaining things to people? definitely a talent for teaching people things

he was my best friend for the longest time like all three of them are my best friend but he was the only one who was my best friend FIRST and then romance blossomed

like im demiromantic so i need a strong connection to fall in love like it was a solid few months of dating my husband before i began to love him. i knew my wife for awhile and got close so same general story. but my boyfriend and i were more friends to lovers and i love that about him

his dad is half italian so he talks with his hands and it’s so overdramatic that he hits people with them on a semi regular basis just gesturing. he once accidentally knocked my glasses all the way across a room cause i had walked behind him and he made a sweeping gesture. hilarious

one time, i had food poisoning and the pain was so bad, i had to crawl under his kitchen table until my mother came to take me to the base clinic. he sat with my head in his lap and brushed my hair out of my face and cooed gently at me to try and soothe me. it was so sweet and ive never forgotten about it

motherfucker, with the help of my sister, dragged me into homestuck

he’s so damn shy about affection that holdling his hand in public makes him blush. it’s even worse if i steal a kiss. fucking adorable

things all three have in common that i love:

good in bed. it sounds silly but this is important to me because while i dont necessarily need sex to form a close relationship to fall in love, it definitely helps

idk how this happened, i really dont, but somehow everything i like lines up nicely with everything they like??? and if im not into something, they can find it with each other and vise versa. lmao wtf how did this happen to line up idk

kind, generous, sweet, and helpful although all three show these qualities in different ways despite having them in common

love me??? like honestly it sounds so silly that id love that they love me but im such a flawed, terrible human being that it leaves me in deep awe that not only does one person love me but three??? how??? amazing people to find something in me to love and to keep on loving despite all my problems. beautiful

creative, smart, and inventive each in their own right. they fucking astound me and take my breath away

beautiful cuddlers (not being sarcastic, promise)

husband is a goddamned heater but boyfriend is a living block of ice. then wife is one of those who’s in between but she steals your heat and then hours later gives it back which is the worse option of the three. like it starts out all nice but then you end up surprised hours later because youre fucking dying of heatstroke

so we have two heatstroke, drowning in sweat options and then losing your limbs. it makes trying to set the thermostat a fucking nightmare

they all love to read and honestly? i couldnt be with anyone who doesnt like a good book

can hold lively, in depth discussions about things

hubby tends to lean more towards “would it be immoral to fuck a succubus” type morality questions and superhero dissection type things

wife is all over the place and can carry on a conversation about goddamned teapots if she so chose. no idea how she does it

boyfriend likes to entertain more morbid thoughts and psychology but also likes to analyze things. like homestuck. we still fucking dissect homestuck

very intelligent. blows my dumb ass out of the water. beautiful

like gaming various amounts and various kinds of games. hubs likes any and all. boyfriend likes dnd, monster hunter, minecraft etc kinds of things, not really one for cards or board games. wife prefers to craft but will occasionally engage in board games or cards, less so in video games but tends to stick to pokemon. it’s nice

they’re all very physically beautiful though in different ways. hubby is barrel chested and german with very strong arms and big hands, a bright and sunny smile. wife is small and round with tiny, artist hands and a sweet, pixie face. boyfriend is thin, long, and gaunt with pale skin and dark hair (kind of like damien from dream daddy tbh)

i could go on but ive been making this post for like well over two hours now and i figured maybe i should stop. it’s long as hell and idk if anybody else would have read this whole thing but basically i fucking adore my partners??? so much??? and there are so many things about them to love???

i just love them so much and could go on and on for hours about why i love each of them and how lovely they are and how they make me feel

ksdjrfgh im so sorry this is so long theres just so much to talk about //sweats

[kassidydianek2]

End of august, it was still warm outside, you could still go to the lake like it was still the summer, then it would get cold towards end of the night, feeling the breeze on my face, I never thought I would feel free or in control again. One night, you messaged me pretty late, i’d say close to 1 am, you unblocked me to tell me that you found some more stuff I left at your house. I was very confused why you through all that, just to tell me that when you could’ve gave it to your sister like you did last time. I told you I didn’t want it, I was proud of myself. Couple weeks later, you message me to tell me you found of my favorite hoodies, I got sent home early from work that day. You said I could come by and get it from you. You also asked me if I wanted to smoke a bowl with you, I said yes. I was so freaking scared, it was about a month since the last time we talked in person. It was awkward, go figure right. I tried to make small conversations and you wouldn’t really respond, or look at me. I was really hurt, really fucking hurt. We’ve been civil since then, talking every once in a while, i’d buy bud from you and shit like that. Couple days ago, it was a late late Friday night/Saturday morning, you asked me what I was doing, I wasn’t doing anything, I was kinda happy you thought about me. you asked if we could cruise, so we did, you were drunk. You talked more often this time, then you had to be fucking drunk and black out like you always do. I tried to wake you up for two hours, I was literally sitting there screaming at you, pissed, I wanted to cry. Idk why but I was so mad at you. I touched your hair because I was moving your head to wake you up, and the feeling I got brought back so many memories, I couldn’t hold myself. I finally go to skylars, and ask skylar to bring you inside, it was already 6:30 almost 7 in the morning. You message me around 11;30 that same day, apologizing you fell asleep. Said I could come over and smoke a bowl with you, I said okay, you asked if I could bring you coffee, I asked how many creams & sugars ( just like I use to always buy you coffee,) I already knew the answer because I remember the way you use to make your coffee. I get there, we are sitting in your room, it’s kinda awkward but not bad. Jade is in there, (his dog) i’m so freaking happy to see jade. We have casual conversations for a while, then I am sitting on the floor, and you said “ you don’t have to sit on the floor, you can sit up on here” (his futon), I said “no its okay” and I barely look at you, you notice. It’s quiet for awhile, we are still smoking a bowl. We get done smoking, you ask me if I wanted a cigarette, I noticed it wasn’t menthols, you use to always get menthols I was confused. We’re smoking a cig, every once in a while, we would look at each other, and just smile, but I knew mine and your smile was so fake. We’re onto the second bowl, you’re laying there, I see you out of the corner of my eye you’re looking at me while i’m taking a hit, and you go “nice glasses,” it kinda made me smile, because you noticed something, idk it was weird. We get done smoking, I really wanted to stay longer & hang out, but I didn’t know if you wanted me to. I tell you, “i’m gonna go home and take a nap,’ you said under you breath, “god dammit,’ I was confused, I ask what? you just laugh and say nothing, I was so fucking confused. I tell to have a good day and be safe, and I turn around, you say, “you have a good day too,” and I said “i’lll try.” I’m walking slowly to the door, and you go “hey, nice butt” and smiled, I go “thanks’ and laugh and leave. I couldn’t stop thinking about that comment. I go home, we’re messaging each other. you tell me I have a nice ass again and to send nude, you also said you weren’t kidding but I knew you weren’t. you told me to come over later that night, and I said I will if I get drunk enough, (I was gonna either way), you message me around 9 pm, and I'm in Wichita, you’re blowing up my facebook, I don’t have a phone. I finally go to bens house and drop him off around 11, and I finally message you back. You said to come over, I didn’t want to take my car, I knew I was gonna stay. I almost didn’t go, but I said fuck it. (I wish I never did.) Around 12:15 in the morning, i’m walking to your house, man I am so sore, I ran, it was so scary. I get there, you were waiting outside, nothing’s really awkward. We go inside, skylar deshun and david are sitting in the living room, you load up a bowl, we are sitting there, just chillin. You’re talking to your friends, i’m listening and watching you, I start to realize you are very fucking drunk, and it really disappointed me but I knew it was coming. While I was sitting there, I get to realize that you’re not the same person. You’ve changed so much, and I wish I could say you turned good, but you’re worse. I still fucking love you though, everytime I look at your face, it gives me chills because I know you are deep down a good person, with such an amazing soul but fucked up. Few minutes later, you finally get up and go to your room, down the hallway you turn around and look at me, and smile telling me to come here. We’re in your room, we look at each other for a few seconds, next thing you know we are making out hardcore, we’re having sex. You were so mean during it, so mean. Right as soon as you put your dick in my vagina, you said “ atleast you’re loose,” I was pissed. i couldn’t believe it. (side track; guys can be really drunk and not be able to cum.) You were obviously drunk, you were getting mad that you couldn’t cum, you kept yelling at me saying ‘god dammit.“ Yes I like kinky, rough sex, but you got a lil rough with me, you would grab my hips and flip me over hard as you can, and you grab me so hard. It’s been around 2 hours of us nonstop sex because you can’t fucking CUM!!!! I’m really fucking tired, and dry not in the mood for it, you kept asking me to do anal and I said no. then you said “ I just really want my fucking dick inside you.” and got on top of me, and shoved your dick in my vagina, dry af and I was hurting so freaking bad. We finally stop, and we’re cuddling like we used to. i’m laying there, and I am literally exhausted, hurt I couldn’t even explain my feelings. I finally fall asleep, you wake up in the middle night, you’re touching me again, tryin to have sex again, I try to stop you, and you finally stop. it’s 6 in the morning, you wake me up and we have sex again. You had to get ready for work, you took a shower and came back in. I smelled your shampoo you used, and it broke me little bit. I’m laying under the covers naked while you’re getting ready for work, then skylar comes in tells you that your boss is here. Few moments later, you wake me up and said “uhm i’ll message you later.” I was shocked that’s all you said. You left, I was way too tired, to walk back home, t was around 7 am, I fall back asleep, I slept pretty good and woke up around 12;30 in the afternoon, for a moment there I forgot I was at your house. I wake up, realize i’m in you room, instantly got sad. So many memories came crashing through my head. I finally put my clothes back on, and leave skylars. Skylar, deshun and Amanda were in the living room when I was walking through, and it was soooo awkward. I’m walking home, and all I can think about is you, and why the fuck I let myself get walked over like I always fucking do. I feel like i’m never gonna learn, but I sure hope I do.

-5.13.17

[blueempty]

It was super nice out today

I'm finally bordering on fully healed from my illness. I think after not eating for two days my stomach is kinda unsure how hungry I am throughout the day so I might've overeaten today but I'm sure it'll be fine. I'm just worried about tomorrow cuz I'm supposed to go into work to make up for the 4 days I missed and idk how long I'm gonna be there or what I'm doing but I wont have food readily available unless I bring it

I got really lucky the night I got sick cuz basically what happened was I grabbed PDQ on the way into work, ate it for lunch, then somewhere around like 8pm started feeling off, and then around 10:30 I was so cold my fingers were going numb. But the lucky thing was that I was in sort of the middle step of a test that would've kept me there till like 1 or 2am, so I was able to throw my samples in the fridge and bail

But anyway the positive thing is I'm better now. I felt pretty productive yesterday cuz I did a bunch of stuff around the apartment and took a really good nap. Today was slightly less productive but the humidity was low and it was cool out so I let the outside air cycle through the apartment while I took a low quality but comfy nap out near the bird. And before that me and my friend beat Barony for the first time. By doing it as a Skeleton I unlocked the ability to use the Conjurer class for the other monster races, and while Insectoid Conjurer turned out way worse than I even thought, Vampire Conjurer kinda whips ass and I'm having a really good time with it. Finding good team composition is really hard when youre both playing monsters though so I may just be normal and play a human next time we do multiplayer

But ye, I'm gonna try to finish my current patch Signalis run soon and I wanna see how fast I can 100% Mario Wonder again just off memory. Thats my main two projects rn I guess. It feels weird losing 4 days to like hungry fever dream status but I'll get a handle on everything soon. It always lowkey feels nice when I get to act unemployed though I gotta say

Marigolds are bouncing back also. Apparently fall is the season where they die but theyre looking better since ive been misting them every day

Peace and Long Life