#IT'S ANIMATED SO MUCH FUCKING BETTER NOT JUST IN FRONT OF THAT BLANK UGLY ASS WALL

[oceanatydes]

THE NEW MARRIAGE PROPOSAL SCENE???

[whatifyoulivelikethat]

0X1=?, m | jjk

pairing(s): jungkook x reader

summary: You were one and he made you both zero. He has it all, a stable life, all that money, a wife lined up, and your body as his drug, him coming back for hit after hit. They called you a bad influence. You called yourself Jeon Jungkook's ex.

warnings: rated M (18+) for language; angst; cheating; stereotyping of tattoos; reader is verbally abused by JK's wealthy parents; JK and reader are foolish, wounded animals and act accordingly; rough hate sex (fem reader, biting / marking / scratching, f and m-receiving oral, cowgirl, penetrative sex); non-idol!BTS - exes, tattooed, rich!Jungkook x rebellious!reader, ft cameo of Kim Taehyung as JK's best friend

–

now playing – 0X1=LOVESONG (i know i love you) by txt ft. pH-1, Woodie Gochild, Seori

"I hate you."

"Join the club. Current members, me."

He narrowed his eyes and tossed his keys onto the table next to the door, kicking off his sneakers.

"We gonna fuck or what?"

You raised an eyebrow. "You tell me you hate me and then you want to fuck?"

"Stranger things have happened. I could tell you I love you."

You made a gagging noise. "Disgusting."

He pretended to be shocked. "How could you say such a thing?"

You slammed the door shut and walked past him, not saying anything. You heard him stride behind you, following to your bedroom.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Right, and I'm a dog. We done lying now?"

"You are a dog," you replied, falling onto the bed.

His head popped into view, long black hair hanging down, half of it pinned back to reveal his undercut and two dangling black earrings on his right ear.

"You fuck dogs? Nasty. I'm not into bestiality, sorry."

You narrowed your eyes at him. "Shut the fuck up, Jungkook."

Jeon Jungkook cocked an eyebrow, adjusting his black turtleneck by hooking a finger on the collar and sliding it from side to side, the small tattoos on his knuckles and fingers dancing with the action.

"Why are you stressed like a nun?"

He clicked his tongue. "Her idea of getting freaky was trying to chew my neck off. Went full piranha on me."

You snorted. "Maybe you deserve it. Would have saved me the trouble."

"Ha, ha, very funny."

He glared at you and you glared back from the bed.

"So, how was fucking my best friend?" he snapped.

You scoffed. "I didn't fuck Taehyung. I told you already."

"That's not what he said."

"So what? I've never seen his dick or had it near my pussy. If he wants to make up shit, that's his prerogative."

Jungkook didn't look like he believed you, but you weren't the one cheating on your girlfriend with your ex, so it wasn't something you cared about. He narrowed his eyes.

"Swear."

"On what?" you shot back. "Your right nut?"

"Your life."

You snorted. "Well apparently to you, that ain't worth shit."

He was reaching for the bottom of his turtleneck and pulling it up and over his head. You felt a tinge of annoyance, seeing the dark, spotted bites on his side and shoulder. He yanked the article of clothing over his head and you spied the one on his neck, a blotted, messy patch of red-purple. It was ugly on his pretty tan skin.

You could do better.

"Your girlfriend know the meaning of sexy?"

"She's not my girlfriend."

"That's not what she or your parents think."

"She and my parents can suck each other's dicks."

"Didn't know you liked dick. Guess that's why we didn't work out."

He tossed his turtleneck aside and growled, crawling onto the bed. Large, powerful, shoulders flexing, copious black tattoos covering his right arm and shoulder, a full sleeve. On the inside of his right bicep was a skull with a knife in its head.

You picked that one, a long time ago.

You looked into his eyes.

He had noticed you glancing at it.

She's ruining your life! Look at you! Tattoos all over your arm and hand! How could you get these ugly things?

Jungkook didn't say anything. He just grabbed your arm and started yanking your clothes off, just like how you grabbed his pants and started pulling them off his body, throwing them violently aside.

Don't you dare speak to our son ever again, you good-for-nothing whore. You think we wouldn't notice your poisonous influence sullying him? It took us months to find a nice, sensible girl willing to put up with your mistakes!

Hands and skin and teeth and hate, tumbling onto the covers, the taste of his flesh on your tongue and his cologne attacking your nose, his large hands gripping your soft thighs, pushing them apart, looking down into those chocolate eyes, the voices melding together, arguments, tirades, chaos, a fucking mess of you biting your tongue while Jungkook stood there and did nothing to defend you.

I hate you so fucking much, Jungkook!

And calling my parents dogs licking the shit off countryside roads is any better? The fuck is wrong with you?!

They were eating me alive in there and you said nothing! Absolutely nothing! I'd go to hell and back for you and you couldn't even say a single fucking word!

You were in hell. You came back.

And now you were in hell again.

"Damn, she must be fucking horrible at making you feel good if you keep coming to me."

Jungkook rolled his eyes and you clamped your thighs around his head, nearly a triangle choke as you dragged him along the sheets, him half-crawling to follow you, shuddering at the close proximity of your pussy to his face. When he spoke, his warm breath saturated your wetness.

"She doesn't even taste half as good as you and never fucking listens when I tell her what I like," he grumbled.

"Yeah? You tell her you like it when you shove your face into pussy?"

He scowled.

"Like I said, she doesn't taste good. I never give her head."

And he attached his lips to your heat, slurping noisily, sighing in satisfaction as you squeezed his head with your thighs, hot and slick tongue sparking your sensitive skin, fuck, yes, this is what pussy should taste like, so sweet, fuck, familiar and erotic, his hands sliding up and gripping your ass, firm and solid while staring up at you, opening his mouth and letting you see the pink, wet muscle flick and dance over your clit, ghosting it with pleasure but not giving it to you, your honey-like juices glistening on his lips and chin.

You clenched your jaw. "Get serious already. Stop fucking around."

Jungkook narrowed his eyes.

"I'm always serious with you."

His lips closed in and he made your mind go blank, soft black hair fanning out on your thigh, fast, swift, powerful licks all over your sensitive bundle of nerves, sending shocks and jolts of pleasure shooting up your spine from your core, one of your hands twisting in his hair, bunching it up, his sharp jaw cutting into your inner thighs because you were squeezing so hard, but Jungkook didn't care, always saying, do it, choke me with your thighs, if I'm gonna die, I'm gonna die eating you out, his long fingers splayed out over your ass and pushing your hips into his face, making you hump his waiting mouth and his punishing tongue, hot flames of desire taking over, your head tipping back, pulling on his long hair, moans of his name tumbling from your throat, suck harder, fuck, seeing black from the sudden blinding tension, his skillful tongue fiercely teasing your engorged clit in the overwhelming tightness, snapping the strings of sanity.

"J-Jungkook!"

The impossible high, the violent shivers, shooting into accelerated free-fall, your fingers unclasping from his hair and pushing his head into your throbbing core, his tongue shoving into your folds and moaning at the sensation of your muscles clamping around it, sucking it all out, your orgasm consumed by his greedy mouth.

Your name vibrated in your own pussy, delivered by sinning lips and hazy dark brown orbs drugged with lust.

Back then, when it was falling apart, you told Jungkook all sorts of things and he said all sorts of things back. Painful things, hateful things, pitiful things, pointless things, never having a real conversation about how deeply he hurt you.

Only later, a strange moment, seeing Jungkook at your front door, seeing it in his eyes. Something different.

He asked you if you wanted to fuck with no strings attached.

You bit back, as wounded animals do.

Why? You were such a waste of time.

Jungkook didn't know it, but his next words made you agree to this ridiculous arrangement.

Yeah, but I was your waste of time and that's all I ever wanted to be.

When he kissed you now, it was hungry and heady, drunk on your taste and you, forcing his tongue into your mouth and thrusting into your lips. Tangled bodies, tangled tongues, tangled minds, falling into the bed, his hands in your hair and yours in his, whispers of, she'll never make you feel as good as I can make you feel, your lips and tongue all over his jaw and ear, biting down on it, earrings jingling against your cheek, his moan above your head as you traveled down, marking his skin with sharp bites and thick swipes of saliva, pretty pink marks all over his torso, contrasting the bruises.

"Of course not," Jungkook panted, a shuddering groan torn out of his throat as your nails raked down his back and then glided back up, fingertips pressing into the irritated skin, soothing it. "She never fucking listens to me or my body because she's an idiot."

You traced the curves of his muscles, lips ghosting kisses, hot and soft and sharp from breath and tongue and teeth, his body becoming yours from persistent, familiar touch, his name in your mouth and on his skin, your saliva dripping over his hard, thick length, and then your mouth was on it, his taste on your tongue, in your throat, and in your memory.

Jungkook moaned your name.

With longing, pain, and love.

When's the wedding?

Next year.

Huh. Good for you.

No, it isn't, and you know it. Bet you're glad I'm going to be miserable forever.

You've made me miserable forever, so serves you right.

"Get off, I don't want to blow my load in two seconds, fuck!"

You swallowed him as deep as you could and then pushed your head down so the tip was buried into your throat, swelling and twitching at the unbearable, euphoric constriction.

"F-Fuck, please, let go, fuck... oooh, shit..."

Your tongue outlined the underside of his length, humming around his cock, rubbing the base of the head and straining to slurp at it, letting him hear you, lewd, obscene, unafraid.

If he really wanted to, he could pull out now.

Jungkook breathed your name, savoring every syllable.

You stared into dark brown eyes, black pupils expanded, watching his jaw flinch and his shoulders shake, black tattoos shivering as you slowly removed your tight mouth, popping it off his cock with a wet plop.

His normally smooth, silvery voice was trembling, the pleasure deepening it.

"God, I hate you."

Jungkook and you could say it a thousand times, a million times, for all of time, and both of you would know neither ever meant it.

I love you.

Get out, Jungkook.

But–

Get the fuck out! You think you can fuck me and tell me you love me? Like that's going to somehow negate all the previous bullshit you put me though? No. Take your clothes and your pathetic self and get out. Come crawling back to me on your knees when she reaffirms to you that I'll be the best fuck you'll ever have.

He would. He did.

Over and over.

You towered over him now, waiting for him to roll the condom down, watching his face as you sank down onto his stiff length, seeing the elation, the gratification, the absolute bliss in the way your pussy suffocated him, tight, wet, his, your head dipping down and taking his lips, yours, fitting yourself around his girth that became harder as you bottomed out, his moan feathering over your lips as you rolled your hips into his with a firm smack.

"Oh, fuck, feels so fucking good..."

He knows you're not going to fuck someone else. You have to see other people so he finally realizes how important you are to him.

That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard in my life, Taehyung.

If you don't refuse him, he won't change.

I was never important enough to him in the first place.

Those chocolate orbs watching you, his strong hands on your hips, fingers pressing into your skin and leaving crescents of his nails, matching your pace, harsh, deep slaps of skin to skin, your name on the tip of his tongue, balanced in the tightrope of all or nothing, zero or one.

They want me to take over the family business.

Having a trophy wife is important for that kinda shit.

You're the perfect trophy.

Yeah, me and my mechanical heart.

Jungkook switched your positions, rolling over and pinning you down, perfect white teeth sinking into his pink lower lip, the black mole underneath prominent against his tense jaw, fucking you into your mattress, panting, giving you his all, aching pleasure with every rough thrust, your back arching and hands on his long black hair, clutching his head and raising your hips to meet that full hardness and to hit your favorite spot, sending bursting sparks of ecstasy up your spine and into your lungs, rendering you airless.

Nothing but pleasure, nothing but need, nothing but physicality.

“Look at me,” Jungkook rasped, hoarse from breathing so hard.

You lowered your head and raised an eyebrow. His parted lips had small cuts from stress-biting them. His tan skin was as lovely as ever, dotted with small moles on his nose, cheek, neck, underneath his lip, kisses from the moon, not bothering to wear makeup to cover them. He never did, not with you, not when his time could be better utilized being all over you. Dark brows and chocolate eyes, large, sharp, expressive, beautiful, your Jungkook.

Your country, your world, your universe.

You smirked as you looked at that face. He cocked a brow, black curls falling over his eye as you lifted your hand.

“You know what would piss them off?”

You didn’t need to say who.

He clicked his tongue and slammed his hips down on you, but you only clenched around him, causing him to pause and savor the feeling. His length wrapped in your warmth, connected in the most visceral way, his breath mixing with your breath. Dark brown orbs on you, half-lidded and shadowed by his lashes and long hair.

“What?”

You pushed his hair aside and traced his right eyebrow, stroking the hairs of the tail.

“If you got a face piercing.”

Jungkook grinned, low chuckle in his throat. “Yeah?”

You lifted yourself up to smack your hips into him, holding onto his broad shoulders with your other arm to balance yourself, devious smirk on your lips.

“You won’t do it.”

He leaned down, putting more force into each thrust. Your grip tightening, gasping into his face, eye to eye, dragged along by Jungkook’s intensity and passion, breathing in his exhale, drinking in his fervor, blind to the wrongness, deaf to everything but the sound of bodies, wetness to hardness, and the way he said your name, like there was nothing else, nothing but you and him and ecstasy, nothing but the sensation of how hard and how full his cock felt when he was inside you, nothing but how strongly and viciously you pulsed around him, toppling over the edge, moaning his name and staring into his eyes, into the eyes of the one that made you orgasm and mean it with every fiber of your being.

“Jungkook…”

He sucked in a breath and gasped your name, cock twitching and spurting into the condom, plunging forward, kissing you hungrily and deeply, shoulders shaking in your hands, stealing your breath, muffled cries sliding into your throat from his, anguish at the force of his climax, sweeping you up with him.

It was a long kiss.

He finally broke it, heavy exhale against your lips, not lifting his head, his black hair spilling all over your face, not letting you see anything.

Mouthing words against your cheek that you could feel, but it was a silent utterance, a soundless scream into the abyss that he alone was sinking, living a life without you.

Enjoy your piranha.

Ha, ha, very funny.

She’s not gonna notice?

He hadn’t said anything, pulling his turtleneck over his head and shaking out his long black hair like a dog. You had pulled your blankets over your naked body and looked away, not wanting to see him any longer.

You’re trash, Jungkook.

Yeah, but I could buy you a Louis Vuitton bag, easy.

You’ve been hanging around your parents too much. I don’t give a shit about your money or your influence and I never did.

Everyone likes money.

Everyone likes you too. Oh, wait, except me. I guess I’m excluded from everyone.

He hadn’t said anything more. You didn’t tell him goodbye when he left.

You waited until your heart became numb again. Then you mechanically crawled out of bed and cleaned up all traces of his existence, going all the way outside to dispose of the condom and the wrapper so you wouldn’t accidentally look at them in the trash later. You put your clothes back on, one by one, and went about your day. And the next day. And the next. And the.

And.

“Are you okay?”

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine,” you would say to whoever asked. You would smile and nod.

Time went on.

You would open the door and no one was there.

You would close the door and go back inside.

You would open the door.

And Jeon Jungkook was there, with a cut on his lip and a black-purple bruise underneath his left eye.

His right eyebrow was slightly swollen, two stainless steel balls connected by a silver bar pierced into the end of his brow. His clothes were torn up, his white dress shirt dirtied and his dark wash jeans torn, brown mud caked on one knee. He looked at you, chest shuddering, wheezing for breath.

“Hah…”

He smirked, the gesture not reaching his eyes. Those dark brown orbs were desolate, numb. He wiped his lip with the back of his hand and winced.

“I think they’re mad at me.”

You raised your eyebrows.

He flicked a hand through his now short black hair and ticked his head. “They told me not to show my face in front of them ever again and that I can kiss my inheritance goodbye.”

You leaned against your doorframe. “They took the silver spoon from your mouth over an eyebrow piercing?”

Jungkook shrugged. “I guess it pissed them off when I said I wasn’t going to take it out.”

He made eye contact and you saw him trying to tell you that he had changed.

Well.

Was forced to change, now poor and cast away.

“I know you said I was a waste of time,” Jungkook sighed, heavy and remorseful. “But I was your waste of time and that was all I ever wanted to be.”

You looked into those chocolate orbs that always told you they loved you.

“They knew, huh?”

He smiled ruefully. “I didn’t try to hide it. She knew, they knew, they probably all knew where I went.”

“And what will you do when they ask you to come back?”

Jungkook stood at your doorstep and told you words that you had always wanted to hear, but he had been too afraid to say, afraid of the repercussions, confused of his own feelings, too selfish at the time to realize how much he had hurt you. Time and emptiness had taught him pain and taught him what it meant to be without.

The time taught him how it felt to be not one, but zero.

“Tell them I should have left a long time ago and stayed with you, because you always let me be whoever I wanted to be even though all I was doing was wasting your time.”

He faced you, you and your mechanical heart that he created with his silence.

“I’m sorry.”

His apology meant nothing to you, far too late.

“Now I have nothing but time.”

It never mattered. You always knew Jungkook was sorry from the moment he asked to fuck with no strings attached. It was for him and for you. For him to touch you once more, even if it was all a lie, and for you and your mechanical heart, cleaning off the rust and giving it a moment to feel. He knew. You knew.

Without each other, you were both zeros when you could have been one.

And it was all his fault.

I know you’re not here, but I love you, Jungkook.

You sighed.

Then you shrugged.

“Yeah, well, I got nothing but time too.” You tilted your head, chuckling. “And even now, I waste it on you.”

Jungkook smiled sadly. He didn’t ask to be forgiven. He didn’t ask to be invited in. He just stood at your doorstep, finally able to say the words he should have said. He didn’t ask you to love him. You already knew he loved you. He mouthed it all the time, I love you, against your cheek, after each and every rendezvous, without fail.

Now he had nothing.

But you could see he was going to give it his all this time.

You stepped away from the doorframe and turned around, waving him in.

“If you’re gonna be my waste of time, at least wash your face.”

-

continued in LO$ER=?, m | jjk

--

masterpost

[dramarising-replacement]

G1 Hoarder Revamp and the Mountain of Salt

Can we all just acknowledge how much of a total fuck up the new G1 ping system is? I feel bad because they obviously went through so much work and beta testing for this system but it’s absolutely garbage in practice. This isn’t meant as a huge roast (even though I do think the creators could do with getting knocked down a few pegs given how poorly they’ve treated people through this entire process, oops) but I hope they at least see this and see things that they can work on. Obviously, going to them and sharing this stuff in person isn’t possible since L from arcane is notorious for gossiping and overall not super trustworthy, so anon route we go. I’ll give credit where credit is due: they definitely tried to go on the right path and the coding is good in theory. The big issue here is that they tried to fix something that was not great but worked with something that is not great and barely works. Sure there are some good things about the new ping system: if it’s not busy it’s not longer than six or seven minutes to do all of it for a few dragons, which, compared to the previous method? Pretty good timing. Helps automatically tag some colorgroups without having people confused about if their dragon counts or not, and uh... probably something else. The cons far outweigh the pros though: -sheet can only be used one at a time: terrible in theory, terrible in practice, there’s no queue system either so you’re not even guaranteed to go next even if you’ve been waiting ages. This becomes a nightmare around any holiday, as we’ve seen around notn, since everyone flocks to the ping generator and then quickly abandons after seeing the mess there. This should have been something that they found a way to work with from the start, especially since the previous spreadsheet, despite how long it took to sift through if you were actually assed to do all the specifics, could still be used by multiple people. -userface issues: going into the spreadsheet and it may all just be blank, does this mean someone’s using it? Someone isn’t? If you go ahead and assume not you’re going to get warned that you overrode someone since they get the ID to your dragon, if you don’t assume then you end up waiting for ages like an idiot and someone else swoops up the opportunity. The loading bar on the side doesn’t help give that info either since it constantly reloads due to the poorly planned code. Where users have their cells selected also doesn’t help since that isn’t always accurate. There are many times where the loading bar isn’t seen going, there isn’t any visible text on the screen, no comment in the box, but it’s still in use. This isn’t viable for anyone, especially not people who don’t fully understand how the system works. If you’re going to make it for only one person’s use at a time, you need to ensure it’s easier to see what’s going on for everyone. -laggy as all get out: sure, I don’t have to go through 15 pages of different types of pings on the old G1 pinglist and shovel through all the duplicates and specifics list people, but having more than 13 dragons or even doing a bigger lair sale (or even just anything during notn) means you get to wait for the program to chug away for ages (as well as the easy chance for someone to just cut in halfway through a load and have you start all over again or wait) and hope that the three people behind you don’t get impatient or angry as you have to do three separate input sessions rather than massing them all together as you could with the previous spreadsheet. -poorly designed aesthetically: maybe this may sound petty to some, but the design of the system is pretty terrible in terms of layout and color choice. This isn’t to say it’s just ugly though; after speaking about it with people who aren’t neurotypical, have disordered thinking processes, and/or have generalized issues reading things (autism spectrum, dyslexia, semi-visually impaired, etc.) it’s pretty clear that the entire thing is not accessible whatsoever for anyone who can’t immediately decipher what anything is. Black text on bright red is not a good thing for most people beyond old MySpace edgies. If you, as someone without reading or comprehension difficulties, are having a difficult time focusing on it: maybe consider how difficult it’d be for anyone else. The way the rules or tutorial section is laid out also does not help in terms of accessibility! It’s clunky and hard to read, does not flow well, and doesn’t explain as thoroughly as you may think. If you’re someone who uses coded spreadsheets often? Yeah sure, it might be understood. If you’re not? Welp. Good luck kiddo. -very poor user help: this is on the mods or creators more than the spreadsheet itself. If someone has a problem, the first thing you should do is talk with them to find the difficulty and tackle it from there. I’ve seen, multiple times now, where either N (plague) or L (arcane) straight up tell people that they can’t help them and that they should just read the guide on the front page. Like sure, they read them, but something is tricky for them and they’re asking for help. They can read the rules and guide again but without outside help, guess what? Not gonna help them. If you just keep linking them the forum or telling them to read the first page it won’t actually help anyone! One of your jobs as the creators here is to help the community that you made it for, not just parrot that they need to read. Be better. Add that to a system which is not forgiving of any mistakes whatsoever and it becomes a terrible little cocktail. Also does not help that, despite their sugar attitude about having people test it in discord servers, the creators l and r/p (both arcane) don’t actually help people who need help using it. -wait times/queue: this ties in to an earlier point, but there’s no way to organize who goes next. Sure, it might sound strange, but when you have to wait ages to get access despite you being there ahead of anon llama/drama/dingdong/animal because they can all hop in ahead of you, it becomes frustrating. People don’t always type in that itty bitty box to say what they’re doing, and people easily erase it or write over it, or they just outright ignore it. Obviously not everyone is going to do that, but it’s way too easy for people who are greedy/entitled to step over those who are being polite and patient. -no quick ping options this is also kind of minor, but at least with the old spreadsheet you could just click in and say “okay, I just want to ping XXY general for this because I have a quick sale.” Guess what: nah. You have to go through the entire chugging process and queue and everything else just to get that snippet of information on who to ping. What once took maybe five clicks is now five minutes to thirty depending on how many people are using it. Wanna quick check if a dragon with XYZ colours you hatched is one that someone wants specifically? Nah, fuck you. You have to input all the data and wait instead of just doing what was once a super easy quick search. There is so much other shit wrong with this system and I’m honestly surprised N (plague) allowed them to do this. Sure, the old pinglist could have done with some updating, but that should have been done in the form of clearing redundant double pings, maybe a way to sort through specifics like ‘male only’ and mass copy names there. Quality of life things, not this just... total mess. I understand that L and R/P got it into their heads that they needed to fix it and that they wanted to take over the entire system themselves, but they should have kept their pride out of it for once. The sheet to input what dragons you want is also another entire nightmare. It’s frustrating to go through the google poll a dozen times to say exactly what colors/eyes/gender/pasta-shape/siesta-fiesta under the sun you want rather than have a quick way to input it by drop-downs or even just a text based option like the old one had. It’s so easy to forget what you put in or which one you want to put in this time, so easy to end up making mistakes that you don’t see, etc. It’s just not an effective system. It’s great in theory, and sure, it’s all sparkly and new, but it’s like admiring an aluminum trash can. Shiny and sparkly under the sun, still holding a whole lot of hot garbage though. I understand that some people may find it easier, and that’s great! I’ve used it for a few things and yeah, it’s okay, but I wish the old one was back given all the grief and frustration this one has caused. Obviously I’m not in the place to be like DO THIS OR DO THAT since I’m not the one making the sheet here, but I do feel like the people who use it have every right to give commentary and feedback where possible. Even moreso when the creators and team aren’t actually as welcoming as they try to appear to be. As much as it sucks, a lot of L and R/P’s (primarily L) false niceties have kind of come to the surface lately which makes this whole situation just that much more awkward. If people don’t feel like they can approach you because they know you’ll rip into them here or on the anon site immediately, maybe you shouldn’t be a main creator of something for the user base or a mod for a bigger group. Just some side-thought to all this other stuff. Big post, big rambles, I can’t bring myself to organise it though because I’m pretty fed up and tired. Take from this what you may, but basically fix your shit new G1 Hoarder peeps.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #456

“i don’t even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger, & that feels so rough”

What was the longest time you’ve had the hiccups for? I know at LEAST over an hour. I was in agony. What type of TV shows are your favourite? Animal docs. Have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything? Bitch I still am lmao. Do you know anyone who has died in battle? No. When was the last time you went on an adventure? Bro, I could NOT tell you. I haven't had one of those in what feels like eons. What brand is your vacuum cleaner? I actually don't know. I don't pay attention. Are you good at rapping? Never tried, but I'm sure I'd be awful. I stutter too much. Name one world issue that upsets you. Just ONE????????? Well, I can name homelessness as very high on the list. How do you feel about tanning? I hate it. I can't stand the heat, so why would I deliberately go bake in it? Have you ever given a public speech? Yeah, in front of the whole 4th and 5th grade when I was innnn... one of those grades, idr which. It was for my D.A.R.E. essay. Do you read comic books? No. Do you force your way into conversations in which you are not involved? NOOOOOOOOOOO I'm way too awkward. Kiss with your eyes open or closed? Bro who tf kisses with their eyes open, that shit is creepy. Do you believe you can change someone? No. One can only change themselves. How did you react when your first pet died? I have no memory of our first pet. Have you ever drawn anime? No. Can you use a pogo stick? When I was a kid, I became a MASTER. I got one for I want to say Christmas and I was obsessed. When’s the next time you’ll see the person that you like? Idk, first he needs to get on Facebook and see I messaged him alsdkfjalkdj. He like never gets on there. Do you like bathing/showering? No. One, it's a chore, and two, it's actually painful for me, standing up so long and propping my legs up and stuff like that to clean myself properly. Have you ever considered entering a race? HEEEEEEEEEEELL no. Rihanna or Lady Gaga? Probably Gaga, idk. Who was your first good kiss with? Jason. What accessory do you want in your bedroom? I actually kinda want a TV now? What do you take the most pictures of? Flowers. What are you always in the mood for? Lately, Krispy Kreme donuts, lol. I haven't had one in a very long time, but goddamn does a hot glazed donut sound BANGIN' right now and has for days. What is something that you never turn down? Hm... how am I blanking??? What is something that you always turn down when offered? Certain foods or drinks, like tea. Name something sexy about your significant other. I don't have one'a those. What is one of your hobbies that you refuse to give up? Um, idk. As interests work, I may move away from any hobby eventually. If you could be a professional in any sport what would it be? Dance. If you could be a professional at any instrument what would it be? Violin. Would you rather be a surgeon or mortician? A mortician. That job doesn't even seem all that bad to me? I think it'd be kinda chill somehow???? I could NEVER be a surgeon. I'd be terrified of fucking something up. Have you ever been on a subway? No. Are you in love? No. Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing? *eyes emoji* Do you want to get married when you’re older? Yes. What was the last band shirt you wore? PROBABLY my Metallica shirt? But I'm unsure, ultimately. You can have a milkshake right now. What flavor do you choose? Ugh, I've been wanting a nice chocolate milkshake for a while. Have you ever given someone flowers? For Mother's Day one year, I collected some wildflowers to put in a jar for Mom. I've also given Jason roses before. I really wanted to give Sara some when I surprised her for her birthday, but I didn't want to ask her parents to drive me somewhere where I could buy her some, ha ha. What day of the week is usually your busiest day? None. My days are all the same. Do you have any concerts coming up? No, but UGH, I was so hyped a few days ago because I saw Motionless In White was going on tour next year, but of course they're going to the big city on the OTHER end of the state versus the capital, which I'm way closer to. -_- Bands ALWAYS choose Charlotte on the super rare occasion they come to NC... Do you like or hate the smell of fish? Ugh, I hate it. What’s your favorite brand of chips? Doritos, maybe? Between Mountain Dew and those... I am such a fucking gamer stereotype lmfao. Have you ever written a poem and then read it aloud? I think I had to before in school? Idr. Do you like pineapple? Love it. Does your house have a dishwasher? Yes. A dishwasher is one thing I MUST have in my own future house. I cannot stand touching dirty dishes. Do you know anyone who has a flower tattoo? Oh, absolutely. Sunflower tattoos are especially popular around here. How many different languages can you say goodbye in? English, German, and uhhh Spanish? Agree or disagree: You like Adam Sandler movies. I don't mind them. I've never understood the hate, honestly? I think he's capable of being funny. Have you ever had to get a tooth pulled? If so, what for? Only by myself when I was a kid losing my baby teeth. Have you ever dated anyone while they were in jail? Nooooo. If you’ve ever babysat, do you like it? Fuck no, I hate it. What is your favorite flavor on sunflower seeds? I don't like those. Do you get cold easily? No, but I get hot extremely easily. Do you get a lot of spiders in your house? I don't think so, no. Do you admire nature? I positively adore nature. If only we treated it better... Name one naughty thing you’ve done. Done sexual things in places I probably shouldn't have, oops. Name two of your favorite things as a child. Pokemon and Webkinz. Do you own a Pillow Pet? No. They're cute, though. My niece has one. Do you tend to solve problems with violence? Absolutely not. Have either of your parents gone to jail? No. Do you know a hoarder? Yes. Do you wax, pluck, or leave your eyebrows? I just leave 'em be, honestly. Do you have any interesting scar stories? Not really. Do you hate the texture of meatballs? No, I love me some meatballs. Do you get migraines? Very, very rarely. They fucking suck. Do you like guns? NOOOOOOO guns terrify me alsd;kjfal;sdjfk Are turtles amazing creatures? All animals are. :') How much time do you spend taking surveys? A whole lot. It's just that I'm like... always bored and the randomness of surveys can add interesting little flares to the day, I guess. Would you rather visit: The Eiffel Tower or Egyptian Pyramids? Pyramids, for sure. Would you like to work at a candy shop? No. I don't want to work directly with people. Do you have feelings for someone? It's funny; now that I've settled the extreme indecision, I've come to realize that they're very strong feelings. How you go from being indecisive to really, really liking somebody, hell if I know. Which one of your guy friends is the best looking? Uhhh Girt is like my only real guy friend, so I guess it's by default him, ha ha. I'm not particularly attracted to him, but he's not ugly by any means. Do you have anything to say to your ex bf/gf? I'm so sorry. Which band do you have the most of on your iPod/music player? Either Ozzy or Metallica. Most likely Ozzy, though. Which song describes your mood at the moment? Hm. I dunno. Which movie(s) do you quote the most? None, really. Which one of your best friend’s friends would you most likely date? None; we don't share irl friends, being many states apart, and not even that many online ones. Would you ever let anybody else drive your car? I don't have my own car. Which one of your friends will be the most successful? I'm not psychic. What store did you last shop at? Mom and I picked up a Wal-Mart order the other day. Do you think telepathy is real? Absolutely not. When did you last draw something for fun? A few days ago, I started a drawing of Maieykio for Sara. Who makes the most in your entire family? I have no idea. Do you like writing essays? I don't mind, if the topic interests me. Do you think plastic surgery is no big deal? Nah. Well, I think you can take it to an visual extreme, but that's just my opinion. Do what makes you comfortable in your own body. Do you take your trash to the dump or have it picked up? It's picked up. When you sneeze do you sneeze into your shirt or your hands? The inside of my elbow. Do you usually have sex in the morning, noon or night time? It usually happened at night. Did you ever fail your learners/drivers test? Haven't taken it yet. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? OH MY GOD NEITHER Name someone you’ve become a lot closer to recently: No one, really? Well, unless you count my change of feelings for Girt, but it's just that: a type of change. I've loved him platonically since high school, and it's like, I feel the same for him, just in a romantic way now? Does your car have a sunroof? No. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? My mom. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Nope, not how I roll. Who’s the last person you cuddled with? Sara. Unless you count my cat. Are you friends with any of your teachers on Facebook? Former teachers, yes. I feel kinda bad for 'em now... They're all the sweetest, God-fearing people, and then there's my outspoken (online) and liberal ass sharing shit that's gotta disappoint them now lmaoooo.

[iam-kenough]

Will you ever notice me? (Arthur Morgan x Original Female Character)

Chapter 15 Summary:  Dutch and his boys found a girl hidden inside wrecked shack near their camp. She introduces herself as Iris and starts leading outlaw life with Van der Linde gang, quickly developing feelings towards one, special cowboy. However there is big year gap between them and Arthur sees Iris just as a kid...And girl won’t take that!

Authors notes: I quite like this one! I warn for smut, kink and age gap! It’s just another chapter and you can find the rest of them following masterlist on my blog if you  want to read more of my  fanfiction. Hope you gonna enjoy it! Words count: 2847 - I can't sleep! - Iris groaned suddenly, turning to her back and spreaded arms - For God's sake, make it rain, or I'm gonna drown in my own sweat.

- Well - Arthur smirked, lookin' at her in weak light of oil lamp - In your tent you were undressed.

- Pervert - Iris scoffed, getting up and jumping above him, as man layed on cots edge.

- Where are ya goin' now? - he asked surprised - Yer not going to your tent, are ya?

- If I have to undress then I'm gonna do it in the best way - she exclaimed, grabbing a towel from his things - Fancy skinny dippin' with me, or you too prude? There was some advantages of living near lake. Maybe mosqitous here were insufferable, but in hot days like this one it was more that a blessing to dive into cold water. It was also beautiful to watch, as moon was reflecting on it's surface without any creases on windless nights. There was small platform leading from the shore into the water and stopping where the water was deeper.

- Catch me if you can! - Iris yelled with playful tone, running past Arthur suddenly, clapping his back on the go. She undressed herself on the go not slowing down even for momment and jumped right into the lake, splashing water everywhere.

- Ya can't swim! - Arthur said mockingly unbuttoning his union suit quickly.

- Yea, I just reminded myself - Iris catched platform with both her hands, looking at Arthur with playful smirk on her lips. Arthur noticed he's being observed and tips of his ear became red. He turned around.

- I can close my eyes if you want - Iris purred.

- Please, do - Arthur became even redder. She couldn't see that but he felt like fool already. Iris shut her eyes and she suddenly felt water splashing on her head. Arthur quickly got up to the surface and shaked his head quickly like a dog, hundreds tiny droplets falling all around.

- Well, well - Iris said - Now what, prude? His gaze averted and now all he was dreaming about were pouring more liquor into his mouth 'cause recklessness were stepping away to let place for embarasment.

- Haven't done that before, or what?

- Not with someone, okay? Iris bite her lower lip, aproaching him slowly, barely feeling bottom of the lake. She looked into his eyes and their bodies touched. Arthur shivered, not sure what to do with his hands so embraced Iris shyly.

- I'm not gonna fall apart, come on, squeeze me a little, cowboy - girl teased. Arthur did and it was amazing, her soft curves resting against his chest. He felt sudden rush of adrenaline and his hands slipped down, squeezing her butt. Iris shivered and moaned inside his ear.

- Oh god - he whispered. It was beyond what he expected to feel right know, especially it wasn't their first time alone. And yet, he couldn't help but blush like teenager.

- Iris's my name - she said. Arthur started peppering her face with kisses, then nibbled on her ear a little, one of his hands going to her neck to choke her a little. He was carresing column of it under his palm, looking Iris in the eyes. Oh, Iris knew that gaze. He wen't from shy and cuddly mode to sexy one in a glimpse of time, like always. Arthur Morgan had this kink on dominating his girl as much as possible, making her fully obedient and Iris loved to play that game, pretending to be harmless and shy.

- Will you be good girl tonight? - Arthur's voice was deep and low, coming from his guts.

- Maybe - she whispered, streching the word on her tongue.

- Better be - he whispered too but in voice that was taking no demands. Arthur's eyes darkened and it was similar gaze to what he was wearing during robberies

- Or I will get angry.

- And do what...?

- For stupid question there will be punishment - his hand went up and grabbed Iris's chin, squeezing it along with her cheeks. His thumb carresed girl's lower lip. Arthur lifted Iris with swift move and she surrounded his hips with her tights, soft and velvet skin against his rough one. She grinded herself against his cock, letting moan escape her lips.

- Just like that, babygirl - Iris moaned again as he slid two fingers inside her without any warning - Yes, go on for me, don't hold yourself back - his voice was husky, making girl tremble, and his breath was hot against her face. He smelled like cigarettes, whiskey and gunpowder. She was yelling and weepin', asking for more and squeezing him between her thights, feeling climax coming but it never did.

- Get out - he growled, pushing her away - And go lie down on the towel, babygirl.

She quickly got onto the shore, looking past her arm. It was like a deer running away from the wolf, except this deer dreamed about being hunted. Iris fell down, feeling soft towel against back. Arthur pinned her down immidiately.

He parted Iris's legs not thinking about being gentle on her for even a second and looked at her with grin plastered to his lips. She gasped as his cock was stroking her wet cunt.

- Needy, aren't we? - Arthur grabbed her neck again, this time harder and entered her quickly. She cried out, but only from surprise and rocked her lips to adjust to Arthur's size.

The thurts were rythmical, with every one there came moan, grunt and slap of Arthur's thighs against Iris's hips. Iris shut her eyes and her head went blank, no thought important enough to steal moments highlight.

- Oh no no, open them, baby...I wanna watch you fall apart - he purred and slipped thumb inside her mouth, smirking with contentment when she sucked on it.

Brunette opened her eyes and they were glimmering. Iris loved the thrill when Arthur was dark and intimidating during sex and tears in her eyes were causen by pleasure and adrenaline. He loved to watch her like this and he wiped tears away with his calloused thumb. His breath was speeding up with every minute.

- A-Arthur - his name slipped away from her tongue, as she was trembling under his touch and his gaze. He turned her around suddenly and with brutality. He spanked her and squeezed her ass right after, reentering her cunt again. Arthur pushed her face to the ground, leaving her hips high in the air and continued fucking her hard.

- What do you want now, hmm? - he growled like an animal - Tell me and I'm gonna do it, you earned it for yourself.

- L-let me come, please-

- Beg for it, yeah, just like that - Arthur squeezer her boob and pinched on the nipple a little causing her legs started to shake. Iris's moan was louder than any other before, when she came, her walls tightening around his cock in very pleasant motion. But he had other plans than just that. He pushed her on the back again and with cock in his hand, Arthur spilled the load on Iris's body, mainly cleavage and face. He smirked, looking down on his deed.

- Just like this, you little bitch - Arthur snarled, giving her gentle slap on the cheek - Tell me something you know I wanna hear.

- T-thank you, Mr Morgan, it was amazing - Iris's voice was quiet and shaky as she needed to calm down now, going back onto the earth, 'cause he just fucker her to the moon and back.

Arthur smirked ugly, proud with himself and kissed girl on the forehead. It was good to be back.

Arthur Morgan was shy when it came to woman, especially the woman he didn't know well. Although, his relationship with Iris was going fast and he wasn't waiting for long to show his true colors, which was being dominant, cold and sarcastic in addition to soft highlights. One could say he conquered Iris and now it was obvious for Arthur she's gonna stay by his side. It could sound bad, but it was hitting Iris just right, when instead of goofy cuddling everyday, he rather smack her ass and call her a brat. Everyone had their kinks and those two were a perfect match. It wasn't Arthur couldn't been caught off his guard, especially when he was hugged unexpectantly, or when he heard something sweet from Iris's mouth, who he was adoring more than anything deeply inside. However Arthur liked it rough and if anyone wanted to hear he loves them, they had to earn it. But being with Iris reminded Arthur one thing - he tried to be a family man in the past, but with his rough lifestyle and bad manners he would never fit in. Iris was a sparkle in the dark showing him that direction he chosed was indeed the one what thrilled him the most. He'd rather rob and kill with her by his side instead of settling down, forcing himself to do so. And with her Arthur could be forever young. Iris was taking steps slowly, placing feet after feet in the grass. She was hunting. Her target stood right in front of her, showing it's back completly, not expecting an ambush. She jumped onto it.

- Jesus, you frickin' brat - Arthur hissed, turned his torso around and slapped back of Iris's head. She giggled.

- What's up - girl said, wrapping her hands around him - I heard you go huntin'.

- That's what I am after now - he said.

- Can I go with you? - she blushed briefly, hanging onto his arm now.

- I don't know, I wasn't planning to take traitors who sneak on me. Iris pecked his cheek and looked at him with a playful smirk, holding her hands behind back. Arthur shaked his head and then he felt his satchel became lighter the moment she pulled away.

- Did you just pickpocket me? - he looked at her and his gaze darkened. Iris just loved to trigger him.

- Maybe - she said in innocent manner, showing him his journal and when he tried to grab it, she backed off again.

- I don't have time for that - he scoffed - Give it back.

- Sure, just gonna sneak a little peek, you've been so much into sketching lately I wonder what's occupying you so much - girl purred and started to backing off slowly as Arthur was approaching her.

- Don't make me bend you and slap you, honey - he hummed in inpatient voice.

- Maybe I wanna be slapped? Or better, spanked.

- You'll get none of that then. It will be surpsise, not sure you'd like it. Give it back if you're smart girl.

- No way! - she giggled and without any thinking she climbed up the tree he tried to pin her to. She was clearly a cat in some ways, was Arthur thinking.

- Come on! - he growled with impatience, throwing her stormy gaze.

- What we got there...- Iris hummed - Ooo! There was whole bunch of pages where Arthur captured her naked. The were different angles and some of drawings were naughtier than girl would expect. Arthur was blushing furiously, hiding face under brim of a hat. Then he grabbed her ankle and make her fall, not even thinking about catching Iris. If she wanted it rough, she's gonna get it the worst way.

- Ouch! - she landed very unladylike on her ass - That wasn't nice at all!

- You weren't nice - Arthur tore journal from girl's hand and hid it, this time assuring himself satchel is closed properly.

- Come on, that's me you drew anyway! And why would you even bother to do that? - she clinged onto his arm again, bating her eyes innocently.

- Feelin' daring today, aren't we? - he shook her off, reaching for his bow and attached it to horse cargo. Arthur lowered his hat even more so she wouldn't see his face, because it showed greater weakness now.

- You still haven't said if I can go with you! - she started brushing his horse to help before going, as Iris hoped, with him.

- Can you? - Arthur sent her a snap on the nose.

- I mean I would if you need me... - she blushed herself briefly and took his hat away, putting it on her head. Now Arthur's rosy cheeks was exposed and he scoffed, looking away to pretend his examining repeater in his hands.

- You will do. 'Fcourse if you gonna stop babbling this much, woman. The weather was good, nothing too windy since it wouldn't help them to sneak properly. Sun was kissing Iris's face and she hummed a song with joy, throwing small looks towards Arthur, who seemed to ignoring her completely, looking after any broken branches or pawprints.

- Jesus, would you shut up - he finally hissed with impatient tone - I won't catch shit with you singin'.

- You're right, sorry - Iris said without any sign of being actually sorry, and started fidgeting on her bow.

They were walking around and it didn't make any sense for Iris but suddenly Arthur made gesture, stopping her and he put finger up to her lips and one gaze was enough to understand. In front of them appeared enormous deer and it's fur was amazing, almost golden, when the antlers, Iris thought, were bigger than her. She looked at animal in awe.

- Do you like it? - Arthur whispered to her ear with seductive tone - I could give you the pelt so you would make our bed more warm with it, hm? What about that?

It was one of most lovely things he would offer her so far and Iris nodded with excitement. Arthur smirked, grabbing her face by chin and squeezing it. Then he got up without making any sound and sent an arrow directly into deer's head, 'causing an animal to howl in agony. Iris gasped, it was living creature after all and sometimes it made her sad to kill deers. Iris was caressing pelt Arthur skinned from this amazing deer. It was a little bit dirty with blood but she didn't mind, nothing a bit of cold water couldn't fix. Arthur on the other hand was all gore, as he threw animal on his horse's back with visible difficulty. He was panting and wiped hands from blood against his jeans.

- We could sell antlers, too. There are people who fancy things like that as decorations - Iris said with small voice, her doe eyes shy as their gazes met.

- Really? - Arthur looked at her with playful smirk on his lips. He got cocky when was looking at Iris, who simply admired him without any hesitation, still being amazed with soft pelt. Man told himself that he did great job, giving unusual gift to her little lover.

- And it's gonna feed us for ages. You did amazing, darlin' - there was warmth and pride in those words as she caressed his forearm slowly.

- Tell me more - Arthur closed gap between them her and grabbed into his arms, throwing her onto his horse like she was just ragdoll. Then he got on too.

- Your shots are always the best ones...will you teach me someday? - Iris continued to sugarcoat him.

- Not till I'll know my time is coming to an end, you wouldn't need me anymore - he scoffed and Iris blushed, caressing his ribs as she was looping her arms around Arthur's body. His heart was beating strongly and girl could hear it's vibrations.

- I'll always need you, Arthur - she replied with honesty and that made him grin widely, like a boy who just got his first kiss. She couldn't see it thought, as her head was resting against Arthur's back. They were going slowly, it was hard for Arthur's horse enough just with them in the saddle, not talking about deer that rested on the back.

- And yet you weren't good girl today. Wanna tell me why? - he cooed with great dose of mockery in words.

- I wanted to fool around with you for a bit, I know that maybe you don't get the idea, but sometimes I can't tell if you are angry, sad or if it's just your face, so I just try to cheer you up, Sweetpea.

- Fool around, eh? - Arthur smirked, getting all cocky.

- I'm sorry if you did not like that - she said and shrinked behind his back being intimidated by his roughness a tad bit.

- Being sorry won't save ya tonight from me, darlin' - Arthur chuckled darkly, but caressed Iris's hand a little bit. She squeezed him tightly, purring like a cat. Arthur just loved the way he was making Iris feel, and the only better thing was how this girl made his stone heart go soft.

[elichatterarchive]

Dave stumbles into the lab one night, crimson eyes half closed against the lamplight Dirk works by. ‘Saw the door was open. What’re you doing?’

Dirk doesn’t look up, face inches from the wiring that he’s tinkering with. ‘Working.’ 

‘Is that what we’re calling it? Looks to me like you’re obsessing,’ Dave tells him. 

Dirk is almost knocked out by the realisation that he is, in fact, obsessing, and that his younger-older brother is most definitely about to save his ass.

‘Fuck,’ he breathes, quiet in the murky dark. When Dave flicks the lightswitch, Dirk has to glare behind his shades, teeth clenched for the duration of his adjustment. ‘What time is it?’ He grimaces a little harder. ‘What a dumb fucking question. We’re -’

‘-On a meteor, drifting through space,’ Dave finishes, pulling up a chair and sweeping a few pieces of metal out of the way, like they mean nothing (like Dirk hasn’t spent the better part of two days trying to make them mean something). ‘It’s half past go-the-fuck-to-sleep o’clock, dude. It’s a quarter to ‘you look like shit’. It’s-’

‘Bro,’ Dirk says, in a tone that isn’t quite as stoic as usual, and Dave clams up. They have a sweet little groove going at the moment -- ever since they talked things out, they’ve been twisting in tandem, a machine so fuckin’ sick it doesn’t even need oiling. They’re the rhyming words of the sickest bar this side of the apocalypse. They’re either end of a metronome. They’re Striders, for fuck’s sake. 

Dave leans his head on the crook of his elbow, flat on the workbench. He (poorly) stifles a yawn. ‘Seriously, man. How long have you been holed up in here? You’re, like, drenched in shit. It’s nasty as hell. Not in a good way, either, like some mechanic working tirelessly to save his spaceship from the endless caverns of a dead planet. Like, you just look bad.’ 

Dirk takes a look at his grease-stained hands, curses the callouses on them to the old husk of Dave’s Earth and back. ‘A day or two.’

Dave whistles, low. ‘Shit.’

‘It’s not that bad. When I made him the stupid scrumbot, I was up working for almost a week. It was-’

The expression on Dave’s face cuts him off long before his own brain has the sense to. Shit, indeed. He says as much.

‘You’re making Jake something?’

He hadn’t specified, but Dirk supposes he doesn’t need to. The bent and singed scraps in front of him look very ugly in the light. ‘I’m trying to, I think. I keep running out of steam, which is very fucking stupid. You’d think I would know what to do when faced with a room full of robotic parts and pretty much all the fucking time in the world, but, you know something, Dave? I’m stumped. Completely and utterly goddamn stumped. Stumped out of my fucking brains.’ 

There’s a quiet that feels very heavy. Dirk doesn’t look up, and Dave doesn’t move for a long while.

‘You want me to appearify you a coffee?’ Dave asks eventually, and he blinks his huge red eyes like he’s actually bothered about the answer, and Dirk feels very much like he can’t breathe on this meteor anymore, like space is compressing him into a tiny little ball, like all his worst traits are surviving the squash. Fuck. Fuck, this sucks. He’s suddenly very thankful for his shades. 

‘Yeah. Yeah, thanks.’

Dave gets up, pats Dirk’s shoulder a little awkwardly (like he’s worried that Dirk’s going to bite him, or something) (but that’s fair, honestly), and vanishes to acquire two cups of extremely shitty coffee. Good. Every appendage Dirk happens to be able to feel at the moment is shaking at a different frequency. He’s a radio turned to a station of static, buzzing away in his own brain. Almost against his own will, Dirk rests his head against the worktable and closes his eyes. 

When he dozes, he dreams that, somewhere on Derse, a fire is engulfing a forest. He panics until he realises that he is holding a match. 

--

The next morning, Dirk’s coffee is undrinkable. Literally. The film atop the drink has solidified into a kind of gelatinous mass, and Dirk has to kind of fight it out of the cup in order to rinse it out. It’s annoying, and not how he wants to be spending his time, but it makes for an easy life, and he’s found himself craving a little bit of simplicity recently. 

Dave doesn’t mention the previous night, even though it must have been real fucking annoying to force that moronic machine to make two cups of sludge and carry them back before they grew skin only to find the second party snoring like a particularly old walrus, anime glasses askew. Dirk feels a surge of something strong for his fellow Strider, though he doesn’t label it just yet. Neither of them are ready for something like that.

Roxy greets him with a smile he feels somewhere in his hippocampus, sharp and hot. He nods back, has to keep himself from scanning the rest of the faces in the room. Instead, he sits by his friend, steals the first edible thing he sees on her plate and stuffs it into his mouth before she can snatch it back from him. With Roxy, things are certainly more painless than they could be (that is to say, he’s still trying to teach himself to look Jane in the eye. That is to say, Jake is not one of the faces in the room). He can sit shoulder to shoulder with her and across from Rose and know that he’s going to do better today. 

From the doorway, Dave, who’s ushering the Mayor forward by their tiny shoulders, offers an expression that edges on unreadable. Dirk reads it, considers, gives it a five star review on Troll Goodreads and places an order for the sequel. Instead of a totally kickass and not-money-grabbing version two of a brotherly half-smile, the Mayor skitters over and delivers a dusty bottle of orange soda. 

As Dirk twists off the cap, Jake and John join the group. His hands are too occupied to go white knuckled. He’s too busy thinking about building public transport for Can Town to choke on his first mouthful of Fanta. That’s progress.

It’s when he’s ready to go that the paranoia kicks in -- Jake has robbed him of his indifferent exit. If he gets up and leaves now, it’ll seem like he can’t wait to get out of any room Jake has entered. If he hangs around, it’ll look like he’s desperate to linger, like some sort of English-specific creep that gets his rocks off by lurking in the shadows and watching Jake do things. Dirk’s throat starts to close up, the way it does when he doesn’t know what to do. 

He has to stress that this isn’t about Jake, or the fact that he still loves Jake (and probably always will), it’s about the feeling he’s getting in his head -- his entire head, behind his nose and between his teeth and curling through his eye sockets -- the feeling of being pulled apart, losing his grip on something. It’s the feeling he gets when he stops paying attention to his dreamself, but tenfold, twentyfold, fuckzillionfold; he’s somewhere between two places, stuck fast, anchorless. 

He is, in fact, totally fucked. 

Okay, that’s an exaggeration. He’s just unsure. It’s a new feeling, and one he’s not fond of at that. 

He stands up. No eyes follow him. His shoulders don’t relax. 

Dirk finds himself en route to the lab. 

--

‘You still in here, Bro?’

‘Yeah. Hey.’ 

Dave pushes open the lab door with a little more uncertainty this time. Dirk doesn’t blame him. It must look to Dave like he’d regressed straight back to making mindfuck-bots after the heart-to-heart that never was.

‘What’re you doing?’

‘Finishing something up. Check this out.’

Dave sits obediently (that rubs Dirk the wrong way, but there’s time for that later), blank expression the perfect canvas on which Dirk gets to throw his latest creation. 

‘It only took me a few hours,’ he hears himself saying, as if he needs to justify doing something he enjoys, ‘so it’s not perfect, but I think it’s pretty cool.’ 

‘Just show me,’ Dave says, and Dirk nods. Right. Showing. 

The small tin train blows a harmless puff of warm air before it starts to worm its way around the track, weaving, silver and snakelike, along the bends Dirk had carved from the shards and scraps of his last effort. 

Dave can’t help but grin as he watches the carriages roll by. ‘Dude, sick.’

Dirk shakes his head. ‘Look in the windows, bro.’ 

‘You’re kidding me,’ Dave breathes, pushing himself out of his seat and kneeling hurriedly by the still-moving train. ‘Shit. Awesome. You even got John’s vacant fuckin’ expression. Wow, who’s that kid sat next to John? He’s hot as Hell, dude. Smokin’ as all the irons after a blacksmith pulls them from the fire with his fuckin’ catcher’s mitt bare ass hands. Hey, who’s that? Must be the cool kid’s ecto-brother. They got similar badass shades on. They’re taking this train to Biznasty City, population three, Mayor one.’ 

‘No, dude, they’re coming from Biznasty City. This is the train to-’

Dave’s mouth drops open, a soft little ‘o’ of surprise. ‘Can Town,’ he breathes, and Dirk nods.

‘You know it.’

‘This is awesome, Bro.’ Dave hovers for a second, and Dirk knows (almost instinctively) that this is where good brothers would hug, but they both seem to baulk at the last second, like wary horses sensing a storm. It’s alright. There’ll be plenty of time for that later.

Dave grins, effectively waving away the awkward air. ‘You should show everyone else. We’ll move it to Can Town to show the Mayor. The little dude’s gonna straignt up fucking flip.’ 

Dirk nods, lets his brain bounce against his skill a few times. He feels like a car ornament. ‘Yeah. That was the plan.’

‘You should show him.’

‘I know. I will.’

‘In the morning?’

‘Yeah. I think so.’

Dave nods. Now they look like matching car ornaments. ‘Cool. You should get some sleep, Bro. You still kinda look like shit.’

They smile, quiet, tentative. 

‘See ya,’ Dirk says to the back of Dave’s head, and stops the train with a flick of a switch. Once the wheels stop turning, he takes up Dave’s position, squints through the tiny windows at the figurines sat inside the carriage. It’s the best replica he could manage, pieced together from fragments of pictures and logical guesses. The mechanics of the room itself don’t matter all that much. 

What matters is the miniature figurine of himself, sat serenely next to the figurine of a grinning Jake E.nglish. 

For some reason, Jake’s smile had been easy to recall, but almost impossible to recreate. 

The figurines don’t have history. The figurines aren’t even looking at each other. The figurines are vague, yet unconfusing, and, even if they are confusing, Dirk is going to be right here to clarify. Dirk is going to be the one to spread his hands in surrender, ask truce? and act like he could handle a refusal.

His finger lingers on the light switch. 

It’s not nearly enough, but it’s a start. 

Dirk turns off the light, takes himself to bed, and wakes up on Derse to the sound of rain.

[modestmuses-a]

5, 6, 11, 18, 21, 23, 26, 30, 34, 35, 43, 50 - ekko

//CAS I ALREADY DON’T SHUT UP ABOUT THIS BOY AS IT IS.  WHY WOULD YOU ENCOURAGE ME AND SUBJECT MY FOLLOWERS TO THIS??  i’m gonna have to fuckin readmore this for length because Christ…

Unusual Headcanons | accepting

5. How many blankets / pillows do they like to have on their bed?

One of each.  When it’s exceptionally warm out, you can nix the blanket.  Although, “blanket” is kind of a strong word for it.  It’s really more of a threadbare rag at this point.  When it gets cold out, he does think, “Hm, I better replace this,” but then he immediately forgets about it upon waking up and getting on with his day.

6. What do they normally dream about?  Nightmares or nonsense?

Thanks to time travel fucking with his circadian rhythm, it’s very rare for Ekko to get any more than three or four hours of sleep at a time.  More on that here.

But his terrible non-existent sleeping patterns, coupled with a whole host of repressed negative emotions that he hasn’t properly worked through because he doesn’t want to burden anyone with his problems, mean his nightmares are frequent and severe.  Usually of the ridiculously gory variety.  His nightmares typically end with him dying in some over-the-top, Final-Destination-esque way.

(Speaking of, my favorite death from those movies is from the third one, where the girl stumbles backwards into a nail gun and takes several nails through the back of her skull right out the front of her face.)

If you were to watch them, like, as a horror movie, some of them might be laughable.  (If you’re into that sort of thing.)  And indeed, he does try to laugh some of them off, although whether it’s genuine laughter or him trying to put on a brave face and again refusing to acknowledge that he’s got Issues is up for debate.

11. Bar soap or liquid?  Do they like loofahs?

Bar soap.  No loofahs.

18. Do they prefer cats or dogs?  Or neither?

Ekko doesn’t really have a preference!  He’ll drop scraps down to stray animals when he has the scraps to spare, and he’s made a number of furry friends of both species this way.  Sometimes, you’ll just see random animals tailing him as he walks through the city, ‘cause they’re hoping to get more food out of him.  He feels guilty when he doesn’t have anything to give them.

21. Did they have any fears growing up that they’ve since conquered?

Ekko used to be afraid of trees when he was younger and would always hold his breath when he walked by the cultivair.  This is because he heard a story about a man who accidentally inhaled a tree seed and ended up growing a tree in his lung.  He now knows that it’s ridiculous to be afraid of trees for that reason since the odds of it happening to him are infinitesimally small, but he’ll still tell people the story of Ol’ Tree Lung whenever they pass the cultivair, regardless of how many times his present company has heard it before.  Most of his friends are sick to death of Ol’ Tree Lung by now.

23. How do they show fear?  Sweating, shaking, blankness, anger, etc?

Ekko shakes something fierce when he gets scared.  He also starts stammering and messing up sentences on account of his brain working much faster than his mouth.  He’ll start a sentence and not finish it.  Tries to restart the sentence slightly different this time and doesn’t finish that one either.  Starts a sentence, cuts it off, starts a different sentence about a completely different thought, loses track of that one, too.

desperately tries not to cry

26. What are they most passionate about?  What could they debate about for hours?

Ekko is passionate about… eating the rich.  When are we bringing back the guillotine again?? kfhdgkdf

No, but seriously, Ekko is pretty adamant about “Capitalism sucks” and believes that the best use of wealth is providing for those less fortunate than you.  He doesn’t have a lot, but he’s always using what he does have to help the Lost Children and his parents first and himself second.  He sees people living these lives of luxury, and it makes him sick ‘cause he’s just like… *gestures @ starving orphans* “Y’all wanna like… maybe do something about this sometime?”

He believes that no one should have that much money for any reason because they should be putting it towards making society a better place instead of just… sitting on it.  There is a reason I associate Billy Talent with him (and why “Man Alive!” is his main verse tag) and it’s because they have a lot of songs that just absolutely shit all over capitalism.  I made a playlist for Ekko, and the first four songs on it are Billy Talent criticizing capitalism for the flawed, soul-sucking system that it is.  (Three of the four are from the Dead Silence album.)

Anyway, Billy Talent tangent aside since I can’t control myself…

On April Fool’s, there were a couple IC posts of rich characters saying, “Rich people don’t have rights!” but then claiming to be exceptions to the rule.  Like, one of them said, “I have rights ‘cause I didn’t choose to be rich.  I was just born into a rich family.”

And let me tell you, I had to physically restrain Ekko ‘cause he was p i s s e d.  He was in time-out that day, haha!  “Oh, I’m so sorry, it must be so hard for you to have been born into a life of privilege,” he fumes to himself in the little corner I’ve trapped him in.  “NONE OF YOU ARE EXCEPTIONS TO THE RULE!  NONE OF YOU HAVE RIGHTS!  AND WHEN THE REVOLUTION COMES, YOU’RE GOING TO THE GUILLOTINE WITH THE REST OF ‘EM!”

Me, desperately trying to calm him down like, “No, no, shh, look at the date!  It’s probably just a joke!”

He’s like, “IT FUCKING BETTER BE.”

Tl;dr: Nothing gets Ekko riled quite like rich people being shitty and annoying.

I was also going to mention that Ekko’s passionate about maintaining hope and will argue the importance of not giving up and not letting bad situations turn you into a bad person, but this answer is already hella long, so here’s a brief passing mention of it lmao

30. Is there something about their personality they want to change?

Ekko is… angry deep down.  Or maybe not even so deep down.  Maybe right there, just under his skin.  And he wishes he wasn’t.

He often questions his own goodness, wondering if he’s not just Fake Nice to conceal the wretched thing he actually is.  If you skim the top layer of sweetness off of him, you’re left with this horrid, bitter, hateful little beast.  Or that’s what he thinks sometimes, anyway.

Whether it’s justified or it isn’t, anger is such an ugly emotion, and he’s worried it’s going to cause him to hurt someone he cares about someday.

I often worry about my portrayal of Ekko and how damn inconsistent it is sometimes ‘cause in one thread, he’s this sweet helpful angel who wants to do his best, and in another thread, he’s more bitter than the blackest coffee, but like.  This be why.  He’s a good person.  Just deep down, he’s angry about A Lot, but even deeper down, he’s an even better person.  He feels like his anger is the thing standing between him and being the best person he can be, and he wishes he could get rid of it, but alas, it seems to be stuck to him.

I mean, maybe it wouldn’t be if he ever bothered to resolve any of his Issues, but y’know.  Helping others comes first, so :’)  He’ll worry about helping himself when he’s dead.

34. Are they the jealous type?  What are they most likely to be jealous of?

Hmm, I wouldn’t say Ekko is much of the jealous type, no.  Like, his anger towards rich folks isn’t because he’s jealous of their lifestyle or wants what they have.  It’s because he wants them to be decent fucking people for once.  It doesn’t make sense to a lot of people, but he’s content stomping around in the gutters.  He does wish things were easier on his parents, but he can’t complain about the life of freedom he’s been allowed to lead up to this point.

He doesn’t really get jealous of other people’s relationships either.  Like, I mentioned in a reply to Draven that in the Academy verse, Ekko has a crush on Ahri.  (But only in the Academy verse.)  But like, he doesn’t really get jealous when she dates other guys.  In fact, he expects it.  He hasn’t said anything about his crush on Ahri (although it’s probably a bit obvious), and he’s never going to because he doesn’t expect anything to come of it.  He lowkey doesn’t want anything to come of it because he feels like it’ll just make the dynamics in their friend group weird.  So, really, he’s got no problem with her dating whoever she wants.

35. Are they possessive over their things?  Or over other people?  Both?

The only thing Ekko is especially possessive of is the Zero Drive, for obvious reasons.  It’d be just… the worst to have that fall into the wrong hands.  Time travel is a huge responsibility, Ekko says as he abuses the shit out of it to skip class and get infinite Halloween candy.  Can you imagine what would happen if any of the shadier characters in LoL had the ability to time travel??

He isn’t particularly possessive over the rest of his things, though, and he’ll frequently give stuff up to people he feels could use it more.

As for people… I wouldn’t call him possessive, so much as protective.  He might seem a bit possessive of his friends at times, but it’s only because he’s trying to keep them out of trouble.  Whenever he tells people, “I don’t want you hanging out with so-and-so,” it’s not because he’s being possessive, it’s because so-and-so has Bad Vibes written all over them.

In the modern/K/DA verse, he’s friends with Akali before she gets famous.  She ran away from the dojo and lived on the streets for a while, and it was there that she met Ekko, and honestly, he probably did a lot more than he realizes to keep her out of trouble.  Who knows what kind of bullshit her dumb ass would have gotten into if she hadn’t been trying to set as good of an example for Ekko as she could?

Anyway, modern verse Ekko despises modern verse Shen.  Akali gets back in touch with Shen, and Ekko is extremely vocal about how terrible he finds this whole idea.

And it’s not that he’s possessive of Akali.  In fact, it’s quite the opposite.  When she needed to leave him to join K/DA, he let her go ‘cause he understood that was her big dream and it wouldn’t have been fair to keep her there.  She was destined for better things, and he wanted to see her get off the streets.

But it’s just that… he’s heard stories about the way she was treated at the dojo, so when she tells him she got back in touch with Shen, he gets pissed and tells her that she can’t expect him to support her ripping open old wounds.  He’s just scared that Shen’s going to hurt her again, so when she tries to introduce the two of them to each other, Ekko’s cold towards Shen at best and openly hostile towards him at worst.  He might be inclined to strangle the guy if Akali didn’t have herself situated between them in a somewhat fruitless effort to ease the tension.

43. Do they like living alone or with another person / other people?

Ahaha, Ekko is a huge people-person, actually!  I think he’d just die if he had to live alone.  A big reason he spends so much time away from home and out on the streets is because his parents are never home, and the house feels too empty without them.  He’ll roll back home in the evening, when his parents are getting off work, to enjoy their company for a bit before they both pass out, but unless somebody else is there, he doesn’t want to be either.

If he had to live alone, there wouldn’t be any point in him having a house or anything ‘cause he’d literally never stay there.  He’d always be out chasing adventure and other people’s company.

50. Where do they see themselves in 2 / 5 / 10 years?

God, this is hard because the thing is that Ekko is terrible at making plans for the future, especially long-term plans.  Thinking about the future causes him major stress, especially when he thinks of possibilities that might involve him relinquishing some of his freedom, which is a lot.  Like, he has no desire to go to school or join the workforce - at least not in any sort of traditional way - or any of that, and the fact that he’s not going to be 16 forever is just something that he prefers not to think about!

Anyway, let’s take a crack at it, nonetheless…

In two years, Ekko hopes to have worked up the courage to tell his parents he doesn’t want to go to the academy in Piltover.  Listen… he’s working on it.  But like, he thinks at least part of the reason they work so hard is because they’re trying to put money back to send him to school, and… he’s really torn about it.  He’d feel guilty if they kept working to send him to school without knowing he doesn’t want to go, but he’d also feel guilty if he told them he doesn’t want to go and crushed all their hopes and dreams.  So, really, it is a lose-lose.

But hey, two years is plenty of time to work up the courage, right?

In five years, Ekko’s unsure of whether he’ll still be living with his parents or not.  He knows that he wants to get them into a nicer house, and as such, he’ll likely have to find some way to make money other than thievery.  So, he might consider commercializing an invention or two.

He knows his parents are fond of Piltover for whatever reason, and he would reluctantly let them go there, if they wanted.  That’s why he isn’t sure if he’ll still be living with them or not because if they do choose to go to Piltover, he’s absolutely staying behind in Zaun.  He wants them to be happy, but he’s not going to abandon Zaun like that.  Plus, he can still come visit sometimes, so it’s like… whatever.

He would also like to make a little more progress on the Z-Drive by this point, maybe getting it to the point where he can go back days instead of only minutes.  Just in case.  You never know when that thing you did three days ago is gonna come back around to bite you in the ass.

In ten years, he’ll be 26 and probably (sadly) a bit old to be running around doing dumb teenager things.  Still, he can’t see himself abandoning the Lost Children.  They’ll still need someone, you know?  A large part of his mission with the Lost Children has become keeping them out of trouble, more or less.  The bad kind of trouble, anyway.  Keeping them away from chem-punks and out of the factories and away from drugs and potentially dangerous augmentations, so on and so forth.

He’d like to keep doing that, keep helping kids stay out of bad situations.  Maybe start some sort of home for them, where they can come get a bed and a warm meal.  Or something like a school, but where they’re allowed to study what they want and hone the skills they think will be most useful to them, instead of some arbitrary curriculum they’re not even interested in.  Maybe a bit ambitious for only ten years, but… he hopes to at least be on his way to that sort of thing by then.

He wants to see Zaun be a better place, and children are the future, and he doesn’t want to see any of them fall through the cracks.  If there’s any hope for Zaun to get better - and he believes there is - it starts with its children being happy and safe.

So, his plans are currently:

Tell his parents he doesn’t want to go to the academy.

Get his parents somewhere nicer ‘cause they deserve it.

Improve time travel maybe.

Find a way to get as many children out of harm’s way as humanly possible.

And that’s basically it.

[theinternetinterviewed]

Crazy Mike, A Love Sprinkler Who Lives In His Vhouse [Van/House]

Interviewing Crazy Mike is like watching an episode of Planet Earth — — the one about birds in New Guinea who have no predators and spend all their time singing, dressing up, and building color-coordinated homes. Most of Planet Earth is about animals that have survival claws and competition brains so to see an animal that has zero of those concerns…it’s amazing what they do with their time.

If you don’t know Crazy Mike: he is a vlogger, lives in a van and travels around America, and is an ex-stuntman. Crazy Mike was doing a stunt on the set of the movie Ghost Rider 2 where he was supposed to drive a motorcycle up a ramp and into a lake but instead flew over and broke many bones. Before reading this interview, watch his video BULLSH*T and the rest of who Crazy Mike is will be made clear.

A: Oh my God. Is this Crazy Mike?

M: This is Mr. Crazy Mike.

A: Holy motherfucking God. How are you doing?

M: I was trying to FaceTime you. I guess you don’t have a FaceTime option?

A: No. I only have an Android. Is FaceTime on there? I don’t use it too much.

M: Sorry to hear that. iPhones are better.

A: They are. I’ve just had an Android since high school and haven’t switched off.

M: That’s the same thing I say about the iPhone. I just don’t want to switch.

A: Real talk.

M: *laughs* Let’s have a real talk. What is this about? Can you give me a rundown?

A: I like interviewing people. I’m an interview junkie. I love reading interviews. I stumbled on your YouTube channel a month ago, binge watched everything, and think you’re a dope motherfucker. M: Thank you, man. I noticed you’re from New Jersey, dude. I grew up there.

A: Hell yea.

M: I have…I had a 732 area code and everything. 732 is my whole town.

A: I’m from Middlesex County.

M: My family lives in Monmouth County.

A: I was looking at some of your old clips and I didn’t recognize any of the spots but I recognized the trees.

M: Those are some Jersey trees. Thanks for reaching out.

A: It’s a pleasure. I just wanted to give you fifty bucks but then I figured, “Hey, I’ll interview him too so there’s a little activity.”

M: Yeah. I like to actually do things for money. I don’t like to just get money. I used to. People would be like, “Let me send you 20 bucks.” I’m like, “Yo, let me make you a piece of jewelry or something.” I want to always do something. I’m about that life. SLAWAA all the way. [Sprinkle Love And Work Across America.]

A: My first question for you, well, it’s actually a statement and question, is: You are an excellent filmmaker. And in your lifetime you’ve edited many different videos. If all of those videos were played one after the other, how long would the film be?

M: Are you trying to watch it?

A: *laughs* I’m curious. If you calculated everything, would it be 10 hours? 30 hours?

M: I would say more like 10 years. I have a lot man. I’ve been doing this since I was right out of school with the VCRs back in the day probably before you were born. How old are you?

A: I’m 26.

M: Oh, you remember VCRs. You remember the Myspace days. I started around that era and have been doing it since. I pop out an edit a week so I’m going to say, realistically, you’d have to sit down for 3 years non-stop. You’d have to pee and shit and eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner while watching my work.

A: *Laughs* What got you into shooting your own videos? How old were you?

M: I stole my Dad’s video camera and played around with it with my friends. I was in third grade at the time, 9 years old. At this auction, I got a VHS tape called Crusty Demons of Dirt which is like dirt bikes, action-packed, ya know, dirt bike tricks and it’s an hour of that and it inspired the fuck out of me. When I watched it, I was like, “Damn. I want to make that.” A year later, I started filming random shit and then four years later I started getting featured in that Crusty Demon series. From there, I took off.

A: Do you remember your first editing software? Windows Movie Maker?

M: Well it was VCRs so putting two VCRs together was my editing software. I would film on a tape and connect it to another VCR and hit play and record and play and record, back and forth, to make a tape that I sold in high school. I was a freshman selling my VHS tapes called Dead Troopers.

A: It was stunts and skits?

M: Yea. A mix between Jackass and Girls Gone Wild and the X Games.

A: I don’t think most people realize how much fun editing is. Would you talk about the fun of editing for a minute?

M: Editing is really fun when you enjoy what you’re editing, the footage, and you enjoy telling a story. It’s really fun. I love it. I absolutely love it. But when someone gives me a bunch of wedding footage and tells me to edit their wedding, it’s not that fun. The whole creation process is when you shoot the footage, it’s your footage, and you get to work with that footage. A lot of the times I have the edit already envisioned in my head when I shoot something. I’m talking about natural transitions. I’ll crank the camera a certain way because I know my next clip will be cranked that way. *pause* It’s like a tattoo artist. If the tattoo artist has a blank canvas to work with they enjoy it a lot more than doing a cover-up of someone’s ugly ass armadillo tattoo on their chest.

A: I hate ugly armadillo tattoos.

M: The guy in Jackass had an ugly armadillo tattoo on his arm. Dave England. That’s why I came up with the ugly armadillo just now.

A: *laughs* Have you ever met the Jackass guys?

M: I probably met about half of them. I never did any work with them. I used to work with Don Vito when we were doing We Play Crazy. Any time we had a big event, Bam’s Uncle came out and he was pretty hot at the time so my whole thing was, “Buy a DVD and get a picture with Don Vito.” All of these kids bought these DVDs and got their photo taken.

A: A couple of YouTube videos ago, you had a call with someone in Bam Margera’s camp about video editing work? Did that pan out?

M: Chad Ginsburg, the singer of CKY reached out to me and told me, “Bam Margera is looking for an editor.” I called and never got a phone call back. So, he either got a new editor or hit the booze.

A: That son of a gun.

M: *laughs*

A: Are there days where you shut the camera off and think, “Yes! I caught gold today.” Do you get that feeling?

M: Totally. All the time. Sometimes I shut the camera off and I don’t know that I have gold until later on. I do this new thing called “unknowingly knowing” where I have the camera on and don’t know it’s recording. I capture great shit off of it. Real moments, man. Anytime you shove a camera in someone’s face — most of the time they’re not really themselves because they know they’re being filmed. But when they don’t know it’s beautiful. I find it more beautiful that way.

A: The truth of the moment. Can you give me an example of something you caught on film but only realized later on?

M: I’ve been keeping my camera on my dashboard so when people come up… for instance, I had a cop yesterday knock on my window and wake me up. I call it “unknowingly knowing.” I know I put [the camera] there and hit record but after a while I forget it’s there. I don’t sit and pay it attention. I’m paying attention to, “Oh. I have a cop in my face. Let me keep my focus on him.” The camera just rolls. Those are the moments where I capture the truth of the moment.

A: Can you tell me the psychological difference between when someone is acting differently on camera and what’s happening when they’re relaxing?

M: The difference is flexing. You got someone with a camera and it’s like, “Yeah I’m going to flex for YouTube. AHH YEAA LETS GET CRAZY.” And then when I put the camera down, they’ll be like, “This is a nice day.” And then whatever happens happens without a flex to it. Which are still beautiful moments. But a lot of people don’t realize [they’re flexing]. I’m even speaking of myself. The only reason I know so much about this is because I speak in terms of my experience. I know how to emphasize the moment. When I see a camera it’s like, camera up — Hollywood time, “BAM. YO, WHATSUP. THIS IS CRAZY MIKE, BABY, ARE YOU READY FOR THE NEW VIDEO? YOOOO.”

A: *laughs*

M: Crazy Mike is always overemphasizing the real Mike. My Crazy Mike way of introducing myself is, “YOOO. It’s Crazy Mike.” My Mike way of introducing myself is, “Hey. How you doing? My name is Mike. Nice to meet you.”

A: It’s interesting that some people don’t realize they’re acting different. They’re unconsciously doing it.

M: There’s also that category of people who, when you put a camera in front of their face, they go completely still. They’re like, “Oh, what’s up.” [boring voice]. It goes both ways.

A: How funny is it when you’re watching your footage and you see the exact moment when a person looks directly at the camera and realizes it’s there?

M: Those are hilarious. I got this old guy [working in a toll booth] that I was chatting with and he’s being cool with me and telling me, “Oh yeah, if you don’t have a real license plate on there then just don’t pay the tolls.” I’m filming him talking the whole time. He even said something like, “you could get me in trouble…” so when he realized the camera was there all of a sudden the conversation stopped. I knew in the moment, “Damn he must have just seen the camera.” Sure enough, I was looking back at that footage and it’s clear as day. He stopped talking to me and put his head down and covered his name tag. He did some, “Yo, yo, you got me. I just said you can go through tolls. Shit. I’m going to lose my job.”

A: Tell me about your toll road jokes. Where did they start?

M: My toll road jokes? Well, they’re not really jokes. It’s far from funny actually. Tolls, I hate tolls so much. I’ve driven through so many. They’re ridiculous. The idea of it, the fact that you have to stop and pay dollars — it’s like $25 to get into New York City. Random roads in Pennsylvania are $20. If I’m paying to drive on the road… it sounds crazy. I’ll pay for registration, for insurance but why do I have to pay to drive on the road? Whoever created that idea, “Let’s charge people to drive on the road,” I think is completely fucked in the head. I’m super against it. I don’t complain about it too much anymore because I realized this thing on Google Maps that avoids tolls so I’m the guy who will drive three hours out of the way to avoid paying the toll. But the good thing is, I’d always be nice to the people at the toll booth. It was never their fault. My thing was, I would give them the money and act like, “What? I pay you money, huh?” I’d act surprised. I knew I had to but I acted surprised. But I’m telling the truth when I’m acting, like, “What the fuck? That’s crazy.” I give them the money, tell them have a nice day, and then say, “Fuck the government,” right after it. Most of the time, 7 out of 10 people will laugh with me or say, “Fuck the government too. It sucks.”

A: We talked earlier about how I live in Jersey. You live in Jersey. That is one similarity. I smoke weed. You smoke weed. That’s another similarity. But there’s a big difference I’m curious about. You have a medical marijuana card, which is gold in New Jersey. How did you get that?

M: I just went to the doctor. Everybody has an issue. It can be something small like appetite, or depression, anxiety — whatever you want to say. Just go to the doctor and give the doctor money and the doctor is guaranteed to write you a script for medical marijuana. You get two ounces per month in New Jersey.

A: Do you have to go to a funny doctor?

M: You have to go to a doctor who does medical marijuana. There’s a list of doctors on this website…NJ… New Jersey Medical Marijuana program…so NJMMP, I think it’s called. It’s a list of all New Jersey doctors that have access to the medical marijuana industry. You can’t go to a random physician and say, “I’m seeking that.” You have to go to a marijuana doctor. Tell them what [issue] you have and say that friends have suggested… “I was wondering… if it would be a good idea….” You can even say it helps you out to simplify what you’re trying to do… “Yeah, when I smoke it helps my social anxiety…I’m just saying.” A doctor will write you a script within an hour.

A: Share your thoughts on weed, your general thoughts on how awesome it is.

M: It cures the soul. It’s a blessing. It helps everything. Can you abuse it? Yes. You can also abuse water. I don’t think you need to smoke as much as some people do. I’ve been there before where I smoke and smoke and smoke and smoke and I didn’t find it enjoyable. I found my enjoyment by taking breaks. When I come back to it, it makes me appreciate it more. Now I don’t travel with it. I usually only have a gram at a time so I can eat it if I get pulled over because some States arrest you for it. Most of the time when I smoke is when I do these house calls all over the country. Whoever is there or happens to have weed, I’ll smoke with them. Which is not everyday. I’ll go three days without visiting anyone. I’ll go three days living in the woods or in a truck stop where I don’t know anybody. But on that fourth day, when I do smoke, I appreciate it so much more. It opens me up like, “Wow.”

A: “I only carry as much as I can eat.” That’s hilarious and makes so much sense.

M: After spending six months in jail, I had to change it up.

A: How did that time change your philosophy? Did you get a new perspective on things in jail?

M: Totally. I have a folder full of writing I did in jail. Jail, I look back on and think, man, maybe I needed to be there — complete solitude, no technology. When you’re by yourself for that long you learn about yourself. You have no outside distractions. Not that I wanted to do that but I was forced to do it and I took it the best way I could. I wrote a whole bunch of stuff, whatever idea I was having, whatever happened to me that day. I have hundreds of pieces of paper. My plan was when I did finally get out I would turn it into visual stories. And I did it already with some. It’s kind of how Trippy Talks came about, when I just talk. I do a voiceover. I write whatever I want to talk about and I do a voiceover and mix it with clips. That whole style of editing came from jail because when I was in jail, all I did was write. I wrote before but never as much as I did in jail. I have all these writings and I was like, “Damn. These are pretty beautiful and I want to share my thoughts. What is the best way to do it?” For me, it’s making them into visual stories.

A: In your Quarterly Report you gave a Trippy Talk and in your Risk of Living video and also in your My (kinda) Serious job Application. How important is it for a person to have a philosophy?

M: Philosophy is your beliefs in something. I think it’s important and yet it’s not important. You don’t have to believe anything. You can just be. I don’t think it’s necessary to have a philosophy on something. Having a philosophy though brings enjoyment out of life by the way you think, so, my way of thinking has brought me enjoyment in my life. I make videos the way I make videos, to share that, to hopefully get other people to get enjoyment the way I get enjoyment. But is it necessary to have a philosophy? Absolutely not. You don’t have to believe anything. That’s the truth of the matter.

A: Word, word.

M: But you have to believe you’re going to die one day because it’s true.

A: Why is that a necessary belief? Of all the beliefs possible?

M: That’s one thing everybody has in common — me, you, and the rest of this world. Our mothers, brothers, fathers, sisters, friends, and dogs…we all go away one day. We’re born and we die. As far as what happens in the middle, you can believe whatever you want. The beautiful thing about it is we have a choice. We can choose to focus on whatever we want to focus on and it determines a human being — their way of thinking. If I sat and watched the news all day and focused on the war and Donald Trump…fuck, my life would suck. It would be full of politics, bullshit. But if I focus on the arts of life, the creativeness of life, then life becomes creative. My life becomes what I want it to. You choose who you follow on Instagram. If you follow a girl who talks negative all the time, that’s what you’re going to see on your Instagram every time it pops up. “Oh life sucks. When is it going to end?” Every day that’s going to be on your news feed. You make the choice, which is a beautiful thing. You choose what you believe.

A: There are messages that you often put on your videos, for example, free thinking is welcome — can you tell me more about those messages?

M: Free thinking is welcome is… I welcome hate, positive comments, whatever you think, hey, say it. It’s cool. I don’t delete comments. I let them be. I guess I used to think I could control that but at the end of the day I’m controlling someone’s thinking and I don’t want to do that. I make what I make, maybe, to alter their thinking. But I allow them to say whatever they want to say. It’s a free country. Well, almost free. We have freedom of speech. We can say whatever we feel. Sometimes it might get us in trouble, sometimes in might not, but I promote that. Everything I say, not everyone is going to agree with it and I’m well aware of that. Especially when I talk about things like the military, religion — topics people are uptight about. There is going to be a lot of disagreement. So, I say share your thoughts. Why do you think a certain way? I don’t really appreciate the comment…*adjusts* I don’t respect the comments where it’s like, “You’re an idiot.” Tell me why I’m an idiot. Tell me why you think the way you think or why you think I’m wrong but tell me why. I encourage that. If you hit me with a legitimate response, okay, maybe I have something to think over now. Maybe I just learned something.

A: Speaking of the people who do agree with you, your community, how dope is it to have that many people around the country who will hook you up with a bed or a meal?

M: It’s pretty cool. I am blessed. It’s funny because sometimes I…I like my days off when I don’t really see anybody. My days off are when I’m chilling in nature by myself. I like to be alone. I’m never lonely. But I’m alone a lot. There is a difference. I like the parties and I like the friends and the social interactions, sure, but I also love my alone time. There have been so many times where I have to say, “Yeah, I’ll be in town…” Or maybe I won’t even post my location and I won’t see anybody by choice. But going back to your question, the fact that I have a support system up in here is a beautiful thing. I don’t think I’ll ever go hungry. I just have to post on Snapchat where I’m at. Every city I’m in, so far, there has been someone who says, “Yo, come over, hang out.” My house calls are usually a shower, a bed, and I’m taken care of. A lot of the time they’re like, “I don’t want you to leave. Stay around for weeks.” I’m a love sprinkler. I sprinkle a little bit.

A: If given the chance, would you write a book?

M: Totally. I love writing.

A: Not only a life story book but the way you perceive things, your feelings about things.

M: 100%. I would. My writing is…I kind of already do that but I don’t write words on paper. I write into a visual story.

A: You need a speech-to-text app. It’ll turn what you say automatically into words.

M: I do that with my phone if I’m driving and I have a thought. I’ll punch in my microphone and talk. Later I’ll go back and … what is that word called? Edit *laughs* What do you call it? Edit that shit!

A: *laughs* You’re an editor aren’t you?

M: Edit that shit! Like a finalized edit…proofread that was the word I was thinking of. Yeah I love it, man. I love books.

A: When is Hella Crazy 5 coming out?

M: Ahh…man..you know… I don’t think I’m going to bring it back. There has been…life is full of change. There’s been a change. First of all, DVDs aren’t anything anymore. Seeing a DVD is kind of like, “What the fuck is that?” Kids these days would be like, “If that’s not on my cell phone, I don’t want that.” I still love stunts. I’ll forever love stunts. I do them when I have the chance. But to make a whole project about it just isn’t my style. I’m now more into… I like the vlogging life. I like bits. I still always have the love for it but its not what I promote 100% anymore.

A: If your vhouse [house/van] life ends, would you ever make a full length documentary? Or do you strictly see your adventure as 10 minute long videos?

M: Maybe a 20 minute piece. I have so much footage from my YouTube that I can collect and collect and put it together to make something beautiful. Again, I just go off feelings. I don’t plan to make projects. I don’t know what videos I’m doing the next day. It just happens. All of my Trippy Talks are just feelings I have at that time. I don’t force myself to write or make a video. I don’t have trouble with it, like, “What sort of topic should I focus on now?” It just comes to me. It bursts out of me in a natural way. BAM. I go with the day. I won’t plan for that but, will it happen? Judging off of past experiences, yeah, when I end a big trip for a tour, I’ll make a compilation. My quarterly reports are kind of like that. My Snapchat Adventure I did on Snapchat, I traveled for a hundred days, that was planned. After a hundred days, I would stop traveling. I had all this footage and I was going to make a movie. I’ve done it before. Will it happen again? I don’t know. We will see how that cookie crumbles.

A: Where did you get love sprinkling from? Where did you get the idea?

M: Just me, man. I was trying to figure out what I do. I was a love sprinkler. I sprinkle love everywhere. Not physically with glitter. The glitter came later. I thought, “Man, I’m a love sprinkler.” I’m going everywhere like, “Yo, I just want to spread love and good vibes to everybody.” I make people happy just by chilling so I called it love sprinkling. Then I was in Walmart one day and saw glitter and was like, “That would be cool if I could actually love sprinkle people.” I took the glitter and started sprinkling it on people’s heads and they became so happy from it so I stuck with her. I’m still doing it three years later.

A: How many people in total have you love sprinkled?

M: I do about five a day. So, so many, thousands…thousands…

A: Tell me some things about Jersey, about being born and growing up here.

M: Well, you live there. You can answer that question.

A:I know but I want to hear your answer, if you have any vibes to share.

M: I love New Jersey but I love everywhere I go. I make the best of it. I didn’t like it after a while. I was always like, “Man, I just want to get out of here.” I wanted to get out of living with my family because I don’t like living anywhere for long periods of time which is what I learned about myself. The best thing about traveling is brain stimulation. *pause* I didn’t like [New Jersey] but then again I didn’t have any true reason not to like it. That was just me wanting to move around. That’s what it came down to. But I think it’s pretty cool, man. I have no regrets. Well, my only regret is that I probably would have dropped out of high school sooner. Or dropped out of High School period. I never even dropped out. I actually graduated. But it served no purpose to my life. So I’d probably bring that back and drop out of High School but as far as where I lived — I think it was pretty awesome. I lived five minutes away from Six Flags Great Adventure. Kind of cool. I grew up in the township called Millstone Township. It’s right by Six Flags. It was cool, man. It was cool growing up. We had a lot of farms to fuck around on. We didn’t have Township police. We got away with a lot of the shit we did. It’s definitely a cool State, bro. I got a tattoo of it on my back. I’ve got a heart with everything I love.

A: Sometimes when people ask you where your from, you’ll say something funny like from my mom’s vagina. Why is that?

M: Because it’s a question I get asked all the time. Sometimes I just have to say something stupid because after saying the same thing over and over again it gets tiring. Like anything, I switch it up and catch people off guard that way.

A: You listen to Alan Watts. Can you tell me about him?

M: Oh, I’m on 27%. I can get off the charger now. I was sitting by my charger the whole time. My phone was on 2% when I called you.

A: Bro. Damn.

M: But now I’m good. I’m going to open the door around here. It’s hot as a mother fucker.

A:Where are you right now?

M: I’m in a truck stop headed towards Bakersfield, California. Yea, Alan Watts is a… he’s helped me so much. I listen to his lectures. Alan Watts has a stylistic way of speaking and getting down to the truth. He’s one of my inspirations and he’s shaped the way I think. If I could put him, Terence McKenna, Joe Rogan — if I could put the three of these guys in a blender… WHIRRRRRRR… out would pop a Crazy-Mike-thinking smoothie.

A: *laughs*

M: And damn it tastes good!

A: For the readers of this interview who don’t know who Alan Watts is, can you give a summary?

M: He’s a philosopher who is about the right now in life. He speaks a lot about religion, a lot of his lectures are complex to the point where I don’t even really know what the fuck he’s talking about a lot of the time. Especially when he goes into his religion. Some topics are more blunt than others. He has a really cool voice, a chill voice so a lot of times I would just listen to him at night before I go to sleep. His voice alone would be warming to my heart. And to my mind.

A: Between the We Play Crazy days and now, when did you discover Allan Watts?

M: I discovered him when I first bought this van that I’m living in right now and I started doing van life on my Snapchat adventures. I had all this time to be on the road and listen to music and observe other people’s creations. I get a lot of snapbacks and somebody was like, “Yo, man you should listen to this Alan Watts guy.” I guess I was already doing things [Alan Watts] was talking about so somebody thought I would like him and I fucking loved him. I played him and went, “Wow. This guy is fucking smart. He knows what’s up.” Then I started listening to him lecture after lecture. I’ve heard them all. I’ve read a couple of his books. I’m still a big fan. Just yesterday I was playing his shit.

A: My final stuff is: Can you give three tips to anyone contemplating van life? Three things they should know.

M: Be okay with small spaces. Be okay with parking in public lots. And you might get kicked out. You have to be okay with that. The third thing is: enjoy the ride. Enjoy the fuckin’ ride, dog, cause, let me tell you, it is free.

A: During your bicycle trip through Vietnam, you learned a lot about social skills through body language because you didn’t speak a common language. I found that fascinating. Can you give some remarks about social skills?

M: Social skills are built off experience. Some of the fucking best social skills out there I’ve noticed are from homeless people on a street asking for money. They have so much interaction throughout the day with people. So you learn how to talk to people. That’s all practice. I think our world is afraid to talk to people that they don’t know. They shy away. But every person you back away from is another person you lost. I think I have excellent social skills now. I talk to fifty people a day.

A: My final question is, how can I get my hands on Hella Crazy 3 and Hella Crazy 4 and, more importantly, Crazy Mike Is Dead?

M: Crazy Mike Is Dead… what I’ll do is I’ll send you a link after we hang up, a private link. Hella Crazy 3 and 4, I don’t know. They’re kind of lost in the market. My brother might have some. They might even be online. I wouldn’t be able to get you that.

A: I’ll keep searching.

M: Maybe *pause* Oh, no. I was going to say you can get 1 and 2 on Amazon. I have a distribution deal.

A: Yeah. They just came in the mail. I just got them.

M: Oh nice! Yeah it’s crazy. I don’t even get paid from that anymore. *laughs*

A: Son of a gun.

M: I’ll send you Crazy Mike Is Dead. It’s pretty cool. It’s powerful. It was the first film where I completely opened up on and I was crying and shit. But, yeah, Hella Crazy 3 and 4, I’ll have to say keep hunting because your hunt is my hunt.

A: Thank you for this interview, Crazy Mike. This was a nice time.

M: You’re very welcome, kind sir.

A: I’ll send you a link to this when I write it all up.

M: Cool, man.

A: Have a good day.

M: God bless your soul.

God bless you too, Mike. God bless your bliss. I support your movement of one and appreciate you leading by example for those of us who watch. Do continue telling visual stories. I wonder how we, those who don’t live on the road and have to pay rent, can benefit from your philosophy. We can at least be entertained by your videos. We can learn your openness towards people, your willingness to let surprises happen. I know, actually. Those Mike-thinking smoothies, we can try those. If you blended a batch, they would be best-sellers in the merch store. Do you think you could set that up? I’d like mine with love sprinkles.

Interview conducted 5-2-19.

[b0blegum]

t h y s í a - [#2]

Author: b0blegum

Pairing: Shin Ho Seok x Reader

Rating: NC-17 (violence, words)

Genre: Action / Crime / Thriller / Romance

Status: On Going

Part: #1 - #2 - #3 - #4 - …

Summary

θυσία

/thoo·see'·ah/

Origin: Ancient Greek

Meaning: An act of slaughtering an animal or person or surrendering a possession as an offering to God or to a divine or supernatural figure.

"Hey, wake up, babe." A soft voice gently touched you to wake up from your deep sleep. The voice was too familiar for you that made you open your eyes in just a second.

"Minhyuk?" You asked, quickly sat up from bed. "You're... Alive?" Your palms automatically feeling his cheeks, his warm pale skins, making sure it's really your boyfriend.

"I am alive, (y/n). It's really me." Lips curved on his face as he put down your hands and hold it gently. Tears started rolling down your cheeks, relieved that your dearest boyfriend was sitting on your bedside. "But, now, we have to go."

"Go?" You asked. His smile dissapeared, eyes looking serious.

"We need to go, now, (y/n)." He repeated. You looked blank. Not understanding what he meant.

"(Y/n), wake up! We need to go!"

Your eyes flew open. It was all white, the ceiling, that was right there when you opened your eyes. There wasn't a tall good-looking guy named Minhyuk in front of you, it was only a ceiling.

"(Y/n)!" Someone called you. His voice was rather too familiar, but it wasn't the voice of your boyfriend.

It took you almost five seconds to finally realised that yoy meeting your boyfriend was only a dream.

"Hey! Wake up! Come on, we need to get out of here quick." That voice snapped you. Head turning to the source of voice. You found that blonde muscular guy busy shoving things into his backpack. His face looked worried and scared.

"What is going on?" You stood up lazily. Your head was spinning as you forced yourself to get up.

"We don't have much time. We should go now. Come on!" He grabbed your hand and led you downstairs. Your eyes were wandering around the place you've been sleeping in.

It was dark and abandoned. It looked like an unfinished building's construction. You didn't have any idea on where it was, but one thing you were sure of, was that this located in the outskirt.

"Get in. Quick." He left you standing in front of the car door as he sprinted to his side, throwing his backpack in then himself.

You were still not sure of what was going on. You just woke up from a dream of meeting your late boyfriend and suddenly a guy that kidnapped you took you somewhere you didn't even know.

"You're not going to give me any pills anymore?" You asked as he started to drive his classic car.

"No." He answered shortly. His arm resting behind your headrest, head turning back to reverse the car.

"Why?" He pushed the gas pedal and drifted off through the tall grass that surrounded the area.

"You could die." He said. Turning the car to the legal road.

"Then why? I thought you wanted to kill m–" A stinging pain at the back of your head cut you mid sentence. He turned his face to you and you could feel something warm at the back of your head.

"Killing you wasn't on my list." He said shortly, as his hand caressing the back of your head while his eyes were still focused on the road, driving in full speed. "I'm sorry to make you went through all the pains."

"Who are you actually?" Your eyes shut tight, holding back the pain.

"I'm… Hoseok."

"I don't need your name." You snapped. "What are you to my late boyfriend? Why did you have to kill him? Why did you kidnap me? Why did yo–" This time, a heavy feeling of nausea stroke you that made you spontaneously covered your mouth with your palm and hold your stomach.

"Fuck." He cursed, messing his hair. "I'm really sorry to make you this way." He said, almost a whisper. "But i can't answer any of your questions. I'm sorry."

The pain was getting worse and worse. It felt like your stomach was being squeezed hardly and someone was beating the back of your head with something sharp.

"Please..." You tried to scream, but you're now too weak, so it sounded more like a moan.

"We can't pull over. Those jerks would catch us and we both would be killed." He looked at you again and brushed of the sweats that were already covering your face.

"I can...t." You cried out all the pain. This was something that was too much for you to handle. You've never felt something as torturing as this before.

"This... This is the effect if you stop taking the pills." His voice was almost shaking as he saw you squirming on your seat.

"Please, give me the pill. This is... This is torturing me..." You whispered.

"I can't. You can't take any more pills. I gave you ten and that is the biggest number a human could take."

"But... It hurts!" You cried, squeezing your head.

He ignored you then drove even faster. He didn't talk to you anymore and let you just screamed the pain off until you were to weak to do nothing but to seat there, head lulled to your shoulder, eyes closed tight and mouth murmuring things like 'it hurts' and 'please stop' every second.

Hoseok slowly decreased the speed as you both were getting closer to the neon sign at the side of the road. He pulled over quickly and parked the car.

"Wait a bit more. We're staying a night and i promise to make you feel better." He said before slamming the door closed.

You kept murmuring something that you didn't even understand until he was back and carried you out to somewhere you didn't know.

You heard the door being slammed rudely before your skin touched a soft and cold cloth.

"Min...hyuk..." You grabbed Hoseok’s arm just before he left you lying on the bed. His eyes widened by you calling him the name of your boyfriend. "It... Hurts."

Hoseok let go of your hand away and brushing your hair that was covering your face. "Please, bear with it just a bit more." He moved closer to your face, caressing your cheek and about to give you a kiss on your forehead before he pulled himself, holding back not to kiss you.

He shook his head, feeling disgusted by himself then he walked away.

"Please... Stay." You begged.

Warm water ran down his body. Touching every edge of it, missing not even one tiny spot dry. His arms resting on the tiled wall, supporting his weight as he looked down with closed eyes. He breathed heavy breaths as he gritted his teeth, regretting what he had done.

"Fuck!" He punched the tiled wall with his knuckle couple of times, enough to leave bruises on them.

He dried himself, shaking all the waters off of his hair and put on a loose white tee and a short.

The tiny room was quiet. There were only your heavy breath filling in the room and the sound of his regret.

He carefully dragging the wooden chair closer to your bed and sat on it. His eyes glued to you. He takes your hand gently and buried it inside his, kissing the back of your hand softly before putting it back down.

"(Y/n), I'm really... Sorry." He looked down. Slowly tears started ponding in his eyes and teardrops started to roll down his cheek.

The sun was rising. Its ray of light carefully touched your eyelids, saying hello to you and to woke you up from your peaceful sleep.

With a groan, you opened your eyes slowly and found a guy sleeping beside you with his back facing you. Without you even realised, your eyes felt watery. You were imagining that it was supposed to be your boyfriend's back that greeted you in the morning instead of someone's that killed your boyfriend and kidnapped you.

You gritted your teeth with anger. That'd be a lie if you didn't feel like killing him. You wanted to kill him so bad, but that just made you as disgusting as he is.

Your eyes were locked at his back, but slowly disturbed by a black-ink stroke that was almost all covered with his white tee. It looked like a tattoo for you and it seemed familiar. Curious, you pulled the hem of his tee slowly, to make a full look at that tattoo.

And it was indeed a tattoo.

Your eyes widened and you gasped in shock that that tattoo was exactly the same with the one your late boyfriend had.

It was a circular symbol depicting a snake, swallowing its tail and three Latin words filling the empty spot under it; Occidere, Amo, Vivere. The one you thought was weird and ugly.

"Why... Did he have this?" You mouthed as your finger tracing the tattoo.

Soon enough the boy shifted himself, facing the ceiling before slowly woke up.

"Morning." He smiled with his eyes still half closed. "Feeling better?"

You sat up right away, ignoring his question. "Explain to me why you have that tattoo!" You demanded.

"What are you talking about, (y/n)?" He rubbed his eyes as he helped himself to sit beside you.

"That ugly-ass looking tattoo, the one on your back. Why do you have it?"

"Ah... That," he paused. "I was... Young and stupid. I went to a tattoo parlor after i saw this symbol on a magazine."

"You're lying."

"What?"

"You're lying! I saw the symbol on the Internet but never saw the one with those three words underneath it." You snapped. "Tell me the truth. What was that mean? Does that have a thing to do with all of these?" You almost screamed in frustration.

"It's... True. I– i saw this on a magazine and i–"

"Stop lying, Hoseok! Do you think i'm stupid? Do you think i don't know what those three words mean?"

"Okay! Okay! Yes, i lied!" Hoseok rolled his eyes.

"What does that mean? Tell me to the tiniest bit about that!"

"Why would you know that?" He locked his eyes.

"My boyfriend. He had that, too. Everytime i asked him what that tattoo means, he said it was nothing and quickly changed the topic." The boy looked away for seconds before locking his eyes again with yours. His stare was deep and you could feel regret and sadness in it.

"He was like me." He started off. You looked confused. "He used to do killing and did other dangerous-life-risking things." Your eyes blinked rapidly, wanting to fire him with questions but letting him pour all the stories first. "All the scars he got, it was a lie if he told you he got that from fighting with his brother." And yes, he did tell you that he got that from fighting with his brother.

"What did he involve with?"

"We killed both bad and good guys. Pretty much anyone our boss told us to get rid of. We risked our lives everyday just to pleased him." He continued. "But one day, your boyfriend disappear. He left without a trace. Until one day i accidentally met him on the street. He avoided me at first, but finally we managed to had some talk and he said that he wanted to start his life again, from zero." He smiled vaguely.

"Then why did you come to our apartment and kill him?"

"Boss found out that he was alive. As simple as that." He tapped his fingers.

"Why didn't you kill me too? Why did you bring me here?"

"You are not to be killed. He wanted me to bring you to him and use you as his prostitute."

"Pardon?"

"I'm sorry, but that is the truth." He added. "And those pills…”He looked down, looking at your pale hands. “I’m sorry for giving them to you. It was boss, who told me to give them to you so you could laid unconscious until he came and took you.”

“Then why are we here?” You asked.

“We’re running away. We have to run away as far as we could, (y/n).”

to be continued…

[theygotmewhipped]

Skin - 5. Hospital

Word Count: 3 876

The day off. I finally have a day off and the exact same day he has to start his day early with loud ass music.

I barged into his room. “Are you for re…?!” I stopped in my tracks. I stared at him with mouth a gap, holding onto the doorknob completely frozen. Chanyeol was sitting on his bed with a guitar, entirely naked, reciprocating the same wide eyed gaze. We stared at each other for a while before I spoke up. “So you are a musician, huh?” I pushed out of my mouth awkwardly.

“You sleep without pants.” He answered in a daze, gazing below my face. I looked down and hurriedly pulled my T-shirt as low as possible over my laced underwear. I was so pissed off he woke me up that I haven’t even realized I’m almost naked.

“Fuck you, Chanyeol!” I yelled and ran out of his room.

As expected, breakfast was awkward. Both of us avoided making an eye contact and neither of us said anything. We sat across each other in silence. Not that we usually talk but Chanyeol always tries to make a conversation while I let out annoyed sounds like an aggravated walrus in the morning. However, this silence was making me more uncomfortable than his friendly attempts.

“So what are you up to today?” I looked at him. It sounded more forceful than I thought it would. I really suck at small talk. Chanyeol looked up from his plate still looking like an animal about to be slaughtered and gulped down the food.

“I’m going to hospital.” He somewhat carefully answered like he was scared of me or something.

“Are you sick or hurt somewhere?” I knitted my brows. He looks perfectly fine to me.

“Are you worried about me?” His face lit up. My job here is done, he’s back to being his babyself.

“As if. I just want to be sure that I won’t catch something from you.” I rolled my eyes.

“No need to worry, only thing you can catch from me is a smile.” He smiled so hard that his cheeks popped out like small pillows. “I’m going to children’s hospital to cheer them up a little. You know like a charity work or community service. I’m gonna play them some songs. That’s why I was practicing this morning. Bring them toys. Play with them for a while. Poor kids have to spend their childhood in the hospital without knowing if they’re ever gonna leave that awful place so why not make them a few pleasant memories and bring smiles to their faces at least for a brief moment.” He talked on and on. I just stared at him with a blank expression. He really is strange. He doesn’t even know any of those kids. Why would he waste his own time on someone who has no future and few months to live at best just to make them smile? What kind of thinking is this? What does he gain from it? Nobody is selfless enough to do something without expecting something in return.

“Why would you do that?” The question slipped out of my mouth without me even realizing it until Chanyeol stopped talking and his smile fell off his face.

“Do what?”

“Waste your time on something so useless.” No sooner have I said it his face clouded with anger for the first time since we met.

“Says the one who spends hours a day watching Netflix.” He criticized me.

“At least it gives me something in return. What do you get for faking a smile in front of dying children giving them false hope for better tomorrow?” I attacked him.

“I’m not faking anything! I-” he took a deep breath. “You know what, why don’t you come with me and experience it for yourself?” he offered me kindly, his anger forgotten. “Maybe you’ll finally at least peek out of that shell you live in so comfortably.” He stood up and cleaned after himself.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?!” I snapped at him. He gave me a brief annoyed glance and went to his room. Why is he so angry just because I asked him a normal question? And what was the shell thing supposed to mean? I don’t live in any goddamn shell. What an asshole.

I finished my breakfast and sat down to play some video games. I was about to complete another mission when Chanyeol stepped in front of the screen.

“Shit, move away, fuckface!” I tried to see around him.

“We’re leaving.” He pushed the shutdown button on the TV.

“Hey!” I exclaimed. “What are you even talking about?” I put away the controller.

“The hospital. We’re leaving.” He simply answered. Usually he is more talkative.

“I never said I was coming with you.” I frowned.

“I don’t care.” He stepped closer and grabbed my hand. “You are going with me.” My hand started itching from his touch. He pulled me up and dragged me into the hallway. Whoa, who is this guy and what did he do to the bubbly Chanyeol I’ve lived with so far.

“Wait, wait, wait.” I rammed my feet to the ground, trying to pull away from him. It didn’t do much to slow him down or to free myself, but he eventually stopped. I stared at my hand that was by now completely engulfed in flames that were slowly spreading further. I have to make him let me go or else this will get ugly. “Okay, fine, I’ll go with. Let me brush my teeth and change out of my pajama at least.” I gave in. He finally let go off my hand, stopping the flames but leaving it throbbing with the lingering feeling of his touch and walked into the living room.

“Make it quick.” He said sternly and plopped down on the couch. Well, angsty Chanyeol sure is a new. Why did I even give in for fucks sake? I really don’t wanna go to a place where people die and everything smells like bleach. But if I opposed he would probably just grab me and carry me there like a sack of potatoes since he’s so adamant about it and I really ain’t risking that. Him grabbing my hand out of nowhere was enough.

“I’m ready.” I stood in front of him all dressed up.

“Took you long enough.” He muttered. Geez, where is the I wanna shine brighter than the sun Chanyeol? Who is this gloom?

Chanyeol drove us to the hospital and then led me inside. The second we entered the ward, few kids spotted us and ran up to us.

“Yeolie! Yeolie!” “Did you come to play with us again?” “Will you play us that song you played last time?�� They talked over each other. How often does he come here? I stood behind Chanyeol peeking from behind his back to not get too close to the kids.

“I’m gonna play whatever you want me to.” He said cheerfully, bending down a little. “But you have to let me get through first, okay? I have to tell aunt Hana I came to visit.” So I get a cold shoulder ever since the morning and now he’s all honey. I looked at the kids as we walked to the nurses’ office. Some wore bandages, some didn’t have any hair, and few walked around with drips. I really hate hospitals.

“Oh, Chanyeol, you are here again.” A young nurse welcomed him with a huge smile. Then she spotted me and her smile froze. “And you brought a…” she waited for him to finish. I couldn’t help but smirk. She’s head over heels for him. This is hilarious. I bet she thinks I’m his girlfriend. I wonder what would happen if I said I were his girl. Watching the hope for getting him slowly disappear from her face. I’d love to see that… Oh, wow, I’m quite a horrible person when I think about it. I won’t do it though. Chanyeol’s mad enough as it is. I’m not gonna ruin him a potential relationship. Not after I ruined his first kiss. I’m not that evil. Although he seems to be kind of oblivious to the fact that she likes him.

“This is my friend Yumi.” Friend? What are you talking about, boy?

“Just a flat mate actually.” I corrected him. “Nice to meet you.” Her relief was noticeable from miles away.

“Nice to meet you, Yumi. I’m Hana.” She politely smiled at me. “The common room is ready so you can play with the kids there. I’m sure you know the way. I’ll come check up on you when I’m done with some paperwork.” I watched her as she blushed the whole time she talked to Chanyeol. Who gets flustered talking about something so trivial?

“Alright, see you later then.” Chanyeol smiled at her and left the office. Geez, she looks like she’s about to melt in to a puddle.

“Can I cra…?”

“Yumi, let’s go!” I wanted to stay in the office but Chanyeol came back for me and dragged me out. We walked through a hallway into a room that looked like classroom in kindergarten. Bunch of kids were already there. “So what do you want to do first, munchkins? Play some games or create something?” Upon seeing Chanyeol everyone’s face lit up.

“Sing us a song!” A little girl yelled. And here comes my headache. Why are children always so loud?

“Okay, Sally. But first I’ll introduce you someone.” Chanyeol had a permanent smile plastered on his face. “This is my friend Yumi. She’ll have fun with us today as well.” He put his hand on the back of my neck. I stepped away from his touch and forcefully smiled.

“Hi.” I waved at the kids.

“Hello, Yumi.” They said in unison. Um, that’s creepy, I want to go home.

Chanyeol took out his guitar from the sleeve and sat down on the chair in the middle of the room. Kids sat down in a half circle around him watching him intently as he strummed first accords. He covered Day6’s I Wait acoustically singing it in his own way giving it a completely different and unique vibe. I stood leaning against the wall watching over the whole scene. The younglings were mesmerized by him and he looked blissful, smiling the whole time, his eyes sparkling looking from kid to kid. I think, I haven’t seen him like this, yet. He’s always happy and hyped and all but this time he’s completely shining and radiating positive energy around himself. Is it the kids or the music that makes him so joyful?

During the chorus he turned to look at me, and all the gazes from the kids followed. Fuck, don’t stare at me, you dirty little things. It’s making me nervous. I looked at Chanyeol in panic but he was looking like a small innocent baby at me which made a shiver run down my spine. Great way to make me uncomfortable. Thanks, Chanyeol. With faked smile I quietly urged the kids to watch Chanyeol instead. My attempt was successful and I slid down the wall in relief. I wish I was somewhere else. Preferably alone on a deserted island. I closed my eyes and tried to relax a little. As I was taking deep breathes I focused on Chanyeol singing. He’s actually pretty good and his voice is so soothing.

Before I knew it, he was done with the song.

“Now kiddos, choose what you wanna do.”

“Sing us another song!”

“I will after lunch, now we are gonna play some games, okay?” He made the decision for them.

“Yay!” The kids started to banter about what to do. I was still zoned out leaning against the wall.

“You are smiling.” A soft voice came out right next to my ear a breath hitting my skin.

“Huh?” I opened my eyes in shock and moved away from the source. “What are you doing?” I scowled at Chanyeol who was squatting next to me.

“We’re going to play some games. You should take part as well.” He stood up and went over to the group of kids. Can’t I just lie down somewhere and sleep? I sighed and stood up. Out of nowhere a girl tugged on my sleeve.

“Yumi, Yeolie said you can braid my hair.” I looked over at Chanyeol who was encouraging me with his face to do it. I rolled my eyes and pushed corners of my mouth up.

“Sure, honey. Would you like one or two braids?” I asked the girl.

After a lifetime of games of all kinds, some I’ve never played before, it was finally lunchtime. We moved to a dining room and sat down. There are actually a lot of kids. It didn’t appear that way since they went in and out of the procedures and check-ups while we were here. Do they spend every day like this? Living in a sterile prison with needles and scalpels surrounded by strangers in white coats. That shit must be traumatizing. They don’t even get to play outside like healthy kids or go to school with their peers, trying stupid things like playing pranks or jumping from a tree. And yet these shitheads are smiling. Well, they are probably high on some drugs but still… They live such horrible and painful lives, my problems look trivial compared to theirs and yet…

I see why Chanyeol would want to make their stay here at least a little more pleasant but I don’t get why he would do it for free out of his own generosity and so often that the kids remember him. Maybe he comes here because of that nurse to win her over. Although it seems like he accomplished that a long time ago. Or there is something else I am not seeing. I looked over at Chanyeol. What are you keeping hidden behind that smile?

The lady on a kitchen duty brought out plates with food one by one. When my plate landed on the table I couldn’t hide my disgust. Do they really feed them this vomit? I wouldn’t force this even on my worst enemy. I bet that if I smacked it on the ceiling it would stick to it like a glue. I looked around if anyone was actually eating it. Few kids were forcing it down their throat out of hunger but other than that everyone just stared at it.

Someone from the hospital staff is probably gonna throw me out of the window for this but screw it. I stood up. “Who wants pizza?” I called out to the kids. As expected, I received a jubilation.

“Yumi, what are you…?”

“Shut up, Chanyeol. Does this crap look eatable to you? No wonder those kids aren’t healthy when they feed them this.” I pointed at the weird goo living on my plate.

“And pizza is healthy since when?” He questioned me.

“Geez, Loey. Can’t you appreciate my effort at least? It’s still better than this unidentified laying object. Not to mention that pizza is like having a lobster for dinner to these kids. Don’t you see how excited they are?” In reality I’m doing this more for myself than those brats but this is better justification.

“I guess…you’re right. But who’s gonna pay for it? It’s quite a lot of pizza to feed them all.” He grimaced. I’m an idiot.

“I’m gonna pay it. It was my suggestion after all.” I’m even bigger idiot. I think this will make up for my good deeds for next five years at least. “Alright everyone, write down what kind of pizza you want. Those who can’t write or have never eaten pizza come to Chanyeol and he’ll help you.” I shouted for everyone to hear. Chanyeol just judgmentally stared at me for giving him work I should be doing. Someone has to do it and it’s not gonna be me, I’m the brain so he can be the muscle, which he is. Meanwhile I’m gonna cry in the corner for all the money I’m gonna have to say goodbye to.

After the pizza arrived everyone happily dug in. There was a loud banter as kids exchanged pieces of different pizzas and talked over each other. My stomach was warm with satisfaction as I stuffed my face.

“What is this? Who ordered the pizza?” Hana’s voice filled the room. Oh, shit. I almost choked. Chanyeol looked at me with shaming look. I glared at him and quickly went over to Hana.

“Oh, hey, Hana.” I tried to sound nice. “You see, I bought the pizza for the kids, because I couldn’t look at the shitty stuff you call food here. Is there a problem with that?” I lightly put my hand on her back, carefully not to trigger my defense system and pushed her out of the dining hall.

“There will be a problem if the doctors find out. They should eat only what they are given.” She sounded panicked.

“Well, I gave it to them so no problem, right?” I tried to ease up the situation.

“But some of them have special diets and…” She was out of it.

“Shh, don’t worry, everyone got only what they can eat.” I think. “Nothing’s going to happen to them. Let them have at least a taste of what normal life looks like.” I silenced her. Well, it’s more like I guilt tripped her and used her affection towards the children but the result was the same.

We finished the lunch and returned to the common room to play again.

“Chanyeol, Yumi, come play Twister with us.” One of the older kids called us.

“Okay, let’s play.” Chanyeol shrugged and helped to set up the playing field.

“I’m sorry but I won’t play.” I looked with terror at the colorful dots.

“What are you talking about, of course you will.” Chanyeol frowned at me.

“I…I just…can’t.” I shook my head, glanced at Chanyeol.

“What do you mean? Why can’t you?” Chanyeol approached me with a fazed look. I was backing off from him the whole time and when he got too close I ran out of the room in panic. I sat down on the floor in the hallway and started hyperventilating. If I played it would be a disaster. I would traumatize those kids even more than they are.

“Yumi!” Chanyeol stepped into the hallway. “What’s going on? Are you okay?” He crouched down in front of me.

“Yes, I’m fine. It’s just- I just can’t.” I could feel my eyes sting. Fuck, I can’t start crying. Not now, not here.

“Why? What’s wrong?” He gave me a concerned look. Should I tell him? I glanced between his eyes. He would think I’m crazy and drag me into the psych ward. It’s not even that far from here.

“Nothing.” I answered way too quickly. “Nothing is wrong.” I said more calmly. “I just can’t, okay?” I was pressing my back to the wall. He closed his eyes and sighed running his fingers through his hair and tugging on them.

“Alright.” He looked at me. “Sorry I pushed you.” He stood up. “When you feel like it, come back inside.” He went back into the room. I kept staring behind him taken aback by his calm reaction. That was considerate of him. Even though he’s been angry with me most of the day he still acts like this towards me. Why is he so kind all the time? What a fool. I took a few minutes to calm down then stood up and brushed the dust off my butt.

“So who wants to draw some pictures with me?” I entered the common room. Bunch of kids got into the idea and I set up a drawing circle on the floor.

“What should we draw?” A boy asked me.

“Let’s see…How about you draw something nice for your parents? You can give it to them when they come visit you.” I can’t imagine spending childhood without parents away from home. They were always there for me even when everyone else left. These kids have no one to lean on. They can’t just go to their mom when they have a nightmare. These kids were robbed of their childhood and basic pleasures of life and yet they keep on going and making the most of what they have. Whereas I have everything I need and still complain about unimportant things like Chanyeol making noise. Maybe this is what he meant with that shell. I looked over to where Chanyeol was playing with other kids. He was laughing with them on something, tickling them and giggling when they accused him of cheating. I found myself lightly smiling while staring at them. Suddenly Chanyeol looked up at me, sweetly grinned and waved at me. Fuck, I’ve been caught staring at him. I briskly turned my head down to the empty paper and grabbed a pencil, trying to overwrite the embarrassment on my face.

Absentmindedly, I let my hand draw some circles. What should I draw? I observed the circles trying to come up with an idea. After a minute or so I internally screamed and bobbed my head back.

“Huh?” Chanyeol’s guitar came into my sight. Could it be…? I started drawing again.

“That’s pretty good.” Chanyeol looked over my shoulder. I flinched and crawled away. “It’s time to leave, Yumi.” He offered me a hand to help me stand up.

“Um, alright.” I stood up on my own ignoring his hand. We said goodbye to the children, took our things and left. We were almost out of the ward when a girl came running after us.

“Wait, I have something for you.” We looked down at her and waited for what she had. “I draw this for you and Yeolie.” She handed me a picture with a smile.

“Thank you, but don’t you wanna give it to your mom or dad?” I took the paper disintrested.

“I don’t have parents.” She said dejected.

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to…” Way to be an untactful asshole, Yumi.

“It’s okay. I have a lot of friends here and you two as well.” She was happily swinging on her feet. She’s just met me today, how can she call me a friend just like that? So naïve. I blankly stared at her not knowing what to say. Meanwhile Chanyeol took the picture from me and looked at it.

“It’s really pretty. We will put it on the fridge to see it every day.” He grinned at her. “You can draw something again next time, okay?” He petted her head. She nodded and hugged us both around the legs. I froze in the place looking down at her with wide eyes. It took everything in me not to push her away and escape from here. She’s just a child, she can’t harm me, right?

“Bye, Yeolie. Bye, Yumi.” She then waved at us and ran away.

“Are you alright?” Chanyeol asked me since I was still stiff in the same position.

“Yes! Stop asking me that!” I barked at him and walked out.

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See you again soon xx