#IM NOT CRYING I KNOW IM A CANCER AND YOU'D EXPECT ME TO CRY BUT IM NOT CRYING IM NOT RIN

[alxndryngs]

Second Opinion

I had this small idea before I went to bed last night, picking hairs I lost off of my pillow and the sheets lol. Basically, this is about hair loss and Alcina worrying that something is wrong.

One particular morning, you woke before Alcina had. Normally she was the first to wake up, but today was different.

You had told her the night before that you were expecting your period soon and that you had to run down to the village today to get some tampons. She approved of it, but she didnt think you'd go this early in the morning.

Sighing deeply, she looked over at your empty side of the bed. Her eyebrows furrowed while she sat up, taking a closer look at your side of the bed. It was basically covered in hairs!

Rubbing her hand over the pillow in circular motions, she soon had a small hairball she could pick up. The alarms inside her head went off.

----

You were shivering when you stepped back into the castle, a small plastic bag in your hand. Peeling the coat off your shoulders, you made your way to Alcina and your bedchambers. Ever since you stepped out into the cold, you had longed to get back into bed with her and warm up beside her.

However, when you stepped in and called out to her that you were back, you weren't looking at one but two women.

"Y/n, dear. Lovely to see you." Miranda said, smiling softly as she stood before Alcina whom was sitting in her chair by the fire.

Looking at her surprised, you nodded your head. "You too, Mother Miranda. I am so sorry, I had no idea the both of you were to meet. I'll leave you both to it."

You said, hurrying to hang up your coat and tossing the bag over to the connected bathroom so you wouldn't interrupt any further.

"Actually, my dear." Miranda said carefully, coming over to you and placing her clawed hand on your shoulder as she looked down on you. "I am here for you."

Eyebrows furrowing, you looked at Alcina before back at the priestess. For you? "For me? Im sorry, Im afraid I dont quite understand."

Miranda turned her head to look at Alcina before turning back to you with a more serious expression.

"Alcina fears that you might be sick, little bird. Let me do a couple examinations to make sure that you are not, alright?"

"What?" You spat with shock, looking past Miranda and at Alcina. "Alcina! Why on earth would you call Miranda?? I am perfectly fine!"

"Are you?" Finally turning her head to you, you saw the tears on her cheeks and redness in her eyes. "You are losing a lot of hairs. Do you know why people lose hairs? Cancer!"

You pout at her while walking past the priestess and over to your girlfriend, taking her hand into yours and offering a smile.

"I am not sick. Nor do I have cancer, Alcina. Everything is okay."

"Then please, allow me to do some tests to make sure of it."

Turning to miranda with a sigh, you hesitantly nodded. "Fine, okay."

"Fabulous!" She beamed, wings fluttering as she stepped over to you and waved her hand at you. "Take off your clothes."

Your face dropped in not even a second as you looked at Alcina once more, the shock not to miss on your face. She just shrugged, nodding.

"If it requires you taking off your clothes..? It's just Miranda, dear."

"Unbelievable." You mumbled, beginning to undress your upper half before standing before her bare chested. "That's all you'll get."

With a small nod, she pulled off her talons off her fingers before reaching for your breast.

"This is so AWKWARD- Jesus!" You yelled, stepping back from the winged woman and rubbing your breasts.

Alcina leaned forward, her eyebrows furrowed with worry. She looked like she might cry again.

"Did that hurt?? She barely touched you-! Oh god, Miranda, she's going to die, isn't she?" She said, looking to her mother and breaking out into another row of sobs.

"Alcina," You said softly, trying to keep composure. "I am fine. She has very cold hands." You said, glaring at the blonde. "You know my breasts are sensitive.." You mumbled, lowering your arms again.

"Oh, apologies." Rubbing her hands together to warm them up, she stepped towards you once more.

------

"Well, good news." Miranda said while walking back into the room, Alcina clutching your hand tightly.

"Y/n is not sick.... as she tried to tell us. She just.. has a lot of hair and seems to lose just as many."

Turning to your lover, glaring at her, you fake smiled at her.

"I told you so. How about next time you refuse to eat, I will call Mother Miranda and we can wait and see what she shoves down which one of your openings."

Alcina grimaced, mumbling a few apologies. You chuckled while pressing a kiss to the back of her hand.

"It's alright. I know you were just worried. But please, talk to me first before you call Miranda to fondle my breasts."

[mak0to]

Ask train! let's break up friendships (it's just a game, don't take it the wrong way) who is your best friend or favorite person on tumblr? if you don't answer I'll take it as if you're a sucker for not saying anything else hehe

Oh, this is a really hard question actually. I've said already that I appreciate all my meowtuals here, they're great and their thoughts-on-tags or content are unique (except when we get a brain rot and start reblogging the same One post or fanart JAJAJ but I love when that happens anyway).

But if I had to choose, I can't, but definitely can mention @itscatconny @dreamingspark @the-fandom-life-forever @makoandharu @caffernnn @asplashthatmakesusfree @mestizashinrin @cawfka @megussy @shadowi8 @saeruchan @purenguyening @asdfghjklhawaii

This is awkward because maybe we never spoke before or you don't consider me your mutual but hey! Hello

Also maybe I didn't mention everyone? I'm so sorry, people shouldn't ask stuff like this when I'd literally mention everyone who ever interacted with me because every interaction here is precious, I never thought I'd ever have a blog that people could interact with or with its content, so I'm always grateful when people reblog or likes something I posted here. Getting to share interests with people around the world it's been an amazing experience and I appreciate that we get to talk or anything once in a while. You're all cool and I'm so happy we're all here, crying or laughing over the same shows. It's almost a year of this blog and the friends and mutuals it has given me here are priceless!

Sorry, I got carried away but aaa you're great.

[leelee10898]

Chikara: Kanashimi (1/?)

Ellie wheeler's senior year turned out to be one she would never forget. Now in college, leaving behind the life she grew to love, she did anything but thrive.

If you'd like to be added to the taglist, lemme know!!

Raiting: Mature. Series will contain, violence, death, sexual situations, and bad decisions.

Ellie quietly wandered the halls of Langston, head down, never noticed by anyone and she never spoke to anyone either.  It was just her and her thoughts, her roommate flaked out the first two weeks of fall semester. Not like she ever really talked to the girl. Her day consists of getting up, going to school, homework, dinner, shower, bed. Rinse, lather, repeat, Every day for 6 months.

She tried to keep her mind busy,  she never fully tuned it out. Behind all the math problems and research papers, he was always there like a cancerous tumor sucking the life out of her. she didn't hate it, it was quite the opposite really, she loved it, she needed it to get by the long days and lonely nights.

The night they finally took the brotherhood down, was one of the proudest moments she felt. They watched as Jason was hauled off in handcuffs, a tiny sliver of justice for Kaneko. She said goodbye to Toby, Ximena, even Mona, she knew they would move on from the crew. When Logan said goodbye it stung, she cared a great deal for him. He was the first guy she had ever kissed, or even had feelings for but, he wasn't Colt. From the moment they met, he drove her crazy, he annoyed her to no end and he was a complete jerk but she was drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

She had just finished submitting her final paper to her English teacher when she ran to her dorm room, grabbed her bags and headed to the airport. When she left for the summer program at Langston she told her dad she would see him at thanksgiving. She reluctantly left her car behind, a deal her father and her came to for breaks such as Thanksgiving, Christmas and Spring break, In the summer she would drive home. It was finally Thanksgiving and she couldn't wait.  she pressed the imaginary gas pedal on the airplane floor, secretly hoping it would get her there faster.

The sound of a screaming child filled the cabin, Ellie popped her earbuds in, attempting to drown out the noise. Just a little bit longer,  almost there she kept telling herself. Once they landed, she grabbed her luggage and looked for her dad. She seen him standing in the pick up area holding one of those makeshift signs that read Wheeler. "Dad, you're such a dork." She flung her arms around him. "Yeah, the coolest dork you'll ever meet." He retorted.

They got in the car and made the drive to the house, sure she couldn't wait to be home.  She was looking forward to seeing Riya and Darius, having Thanksgiving dinner at her grandparents, but she had more pressing matters to attend to. They pulled into the driveway and Ellie ran into the house,  flinging her luggage on the bed. She had to play it carefully, not to tip her dad off as to her plans. She came down stairs and like clockwork her dad asked if she was hungry. "Sure thing dad." She smirked, knowing after he ate he would want to take a nap.

"So. Any plans with Riya? She's home from Hartfeld this week." Dad asked as he put the dishes in the sink.  "Yeah we actually made some plans to catch up. Speaking of, can I use your car to see if shes home?" Her dad reached in his pocket handing her the keys "Just be careful, I'm going to take a nap."

Ellie ran up to her room, she flung open her suitcase and changed out of her leggings and baggy t shirt into a pair of jeans and a crop top.

She ran to the car, turning the key as the engine roared to life. It wasn't her car, but it would do.

She made the drive into the city, stopping at where the sideshow was, but nothing was there. She pulled down another street and parked in front of the familiar building. Not much had been done with the burned out shell of its former self, it looked as if time stood still. It was boarded up in attempts to keep people out, she walked around the building until she found a loose board and slipped in. The inside was hardly touched, some sorting had been done, she knew Colt had come back the day he gave her the cactus. There wasn't much left of the place, some debris strewn about, some shells of cars that once sat in the bay. It was clear nobody had been here, and the realization that nobody was coming back began to set it.

She thought she needed to come here, that maybe she would find something other then the burnt remains of the place that changed her, or someone.  The tears began to sting her eyes, so many memories in such a short time. Ever since they parted ways, she felt like a part of her was missing. There was a gaping hole in her heart that ached, she grasped her chest as ler legs failed her. For 6 months she kept her phone glued to her, in hopes someone would just reach out, for 6 months she prayed that someone would come for her, that she wasn't alone, and she meant something to them.

She sat alone on the floor of Kaneko's garage in a heap of ash and soot, crying her eyes out.  They were gone, you're just a tourist ringing in her head.  She was in fact alone, they weren't  coming back for her and it was time to try and move on.

She made her way back home, covered head to toe in the black substance that stained the floors of the garage, much like the stains on her heart. After a long cry in the hot shower, Ellie pulled open her closet door and started to hang her clothes inside when she spotted something tucked away behind her prom dress. She couldn't imagine what it might be, it was larger than any of her clothes. Gripping the petal pink fabric she pulled the dress forward,  giving easier access to the mystery item. Her fingers began to tremble, her nerves on edge as she ripped the clothing hanging in front of it off the hangers and tossed them to the floor reaching her goal item.

Ellie staggered backwards, item in hand.  the backs of her knees hitting the mattress causing her to sit. She stared blankly at the jacket in front of her, Colts leather jacket. How did it get there? She didn't think it was there when she packed for Langston, but could she have missed it?

She held the soft leather to her face, the scent of his cologne putting her immediately at ease. This was all she had left of him, that and the few photos and texts she had saved in her phone. Ellie slipped the jacket on, it was over sized but she didn't care. She placed her hands in the pockets pulling it flush to her body as if it were his arms wrapped around her.  Her fingers brushed against something and she pulled it from the pocket.

She stared down at the folded piece of paper, she recognized the stationary, it was one from her desk. Unfolding it slowly, tears began to well on her eyes in anticipation. His penmanship was far better then she anticipated but she knew better then to expect to unexpected when it came to Colt Kaneko.

Ellie,

If you are reading this that means you have found my jacket in your closet. I am risking everything coming here and sneaking in.   I just needed you to have it, to have something of me with you in this cold, unforgiving world.

Im not good with words, and feelings so im going to try my best. I love you Ellie Wheeler, I probably have since the moment I laid eyes on you at the side show, only I couldn't admit it to myself then.

I know you think that I don't care but leaving you, was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I meant what I said, we will see each other again.   

I watched you give your speech at graduation,  It took everything I had in me not to run out there and kiss you. I am so proud of you valedictorian. And just a little while ago when you drove away for College, I just had to see you if only at a distance. Keeping you safe will always be my priority,  and with the fbi breathing down my back, letting you go was the only way.

Live your life to the fullest Elle, don't cry for me im not worth your tears. Have fun in college, make friends, fall in love. You are amazing and you deserve to be happy. I hope that when our paths do cross again, you accomplished everything you set out to. I think your dad may be home so I have to run. Remember I will always Love you Ellie, even if I can't be with you.

Love, Colt.

She closed the letter, tears streaming down her face as she laid down on her bed. He was at her graduation, and when she left for Langston. She was hurting but she knew she had to move on, and now with his jacket she had a piece of him with her.

Two weeks went by in the blink of an eye, before she knew it she was back at Langston.  She drug her luggage down the long hall to her dorm room, she reached for her key, opening her door she walked into a different room then when she left. The opposite side of the room, once empty was decorated in pink, pink as far as the eye could see. Ellie flung her bags onto the bed, collapsing next to them when the sound of the door opening startled her. She sat up, eyes wide staring at the person in front of her. "Hey roomie!"

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@littlemissimaginativerhi

[sorenissuperior]

I noticed you're not "liking" the posts as often the past few days, and me being paranoid is making me think you might be getting tired of them or something but I'm trying my best to not think that's the case. I know you don't have to like every single one. You'd probably tell me if you were, which would oof that'd hurt but I know you're not. It's just hard for me to not think negatively. I've always expected the worst. If I had to talk to a manager or someone over me I expected to be in trouble or reprimanded. You don't have to "like" them, and I know you do read them, its just something that bothers me. I don't know why I can't just stop thinking bad things. This is off topic but earlier at work I remembered my cousin, Luis. When I first went to mexico 13 years ago I met him for the first time. I think he was maybe 18? And I was 10. He would walk with me to the corner stores to buy snacks. We ran home to my aunts house one night in pouring rain. It looked really cool outside. Rainy, thundering, really dark. I also remember walking around town and visiting his friend, and we watched the first silent hill movie there! That was pretty cool. And they had this incredible ice cream shop as well. It was so, so good. I only had it once while I was there and I still remember what the shop looked like. Two doors on opposite sides of each other to walk in. When I went to mexico again 3 years ago, I sent you tons, and tons of videos of animals. At least I tried to, I had awful service there. I really missed talking to you while I was there. I did a little, but only when I could because of my signal. I sent you videos of the cows, I took a video of the moon, I showed you the cats and dogs around my grandparents farm. I wanted to include you in a lot of what I was doing. My cousin tagged me and uploaded some photos while we were there, and your mom commented on a picture that had Marilyn Monroe in it I believe. My cousin, Luis, had leukemia when I saw him last. A few months later my mom went so she could get a tumor removed, because we thought her breast cancer came back. That was scary. She just randomly started to have pain where she had it last time. Nearly 20 years ago. Thankfully she was okay, but by the time she came back my cousin died. My mom asked me if I could send some money with her so she could give to him to spend while in the hospital. She told me that when she gave it to him and said it was from dani, that he smiled and said he was gonna buy lots of chips with it. I've never had anyone close to me die before. I'm so afraid of losing people to death. That's what I'm afraid of most. When my life ends. I don't know what happens after. It eats away at me at night. When she told me what happened I started to cry silently. I just couldn't believe it. I saw him just a few months prior. How could that have happened so fast? After she told me I was still in her room and she was giving me stuff she brought with her, and I was sobbing and tears were falling down my face. My sister saw me crying. She told my mom, "dani esta llorando". Dani's crying. This picture was when we went to the biggest mall in mexico city. Even now, im crying remembering all of this. Life is cruel. It's too short. Don't let anything happen to you, or your family. Please stay safe, Krys. I don't want anything to happen to you. Have a good night, and sleep well. Ily