#I've reread some of my own stuff and I'm hype about being back in the world

[parkitaco]

Hiiiii, question, how do you convince yourself your writing doesn't suck and to just finish what you wrote so you can upload it (your stories are amazing they don't suck this is a self-help ask not a roast) when you don't have friends to send to to get hype messages to keep you motivated? I am. Struggling to complete anything because I have anxiety, low self esteem and no friends l o l uuughfh I just want to share what I write but I can't get to the "complete stage" because to my eyeballs everything I write just looks like trash :( and like if I write and immediately submit before I can ruminate on it that'd be great but I can't write that fast so when I have to sit for a few days I realize everything I wrote was awful and I can't get back to finishing it ummm I am in a spiral plz send help Idk sorry maybe you don't have this issueee aaahhhh sorry

hi anon!! sorry for being the Worst and not answering this for many days whoops <33 i don't have a lot of Specific or Helpful advice for this unfortunately although i totally get where you're coming from!!! it can be so so hard to get stuff done when you're just not liking the way it sounds or are feeling stuck in some way.

i thinkk the best advice i can really offer is that you have to try to be as objective as possible when looking over what you've written and kind of be like. ok what is the Reason why i don't like this. bc sometimes when i'm reading back stuff i've written i'm like ew i don't like this but that's just because i'm looking at it through the lens of Me being the one who wrote it if that makes sense!! while other times i'm reading it back and there's something that i don't like that actually is a valid concern and is fixable. so if you can kind of separate the two in your mind under categories of Insecurity versus Plot/Flow/Pacing Issues it can help!! if it's something to do with the actual overall content, go back to the last place where you feel like the writing is solid and read from there to try to figure out where the issue starts and what you could change about it. if it's something that you think is just caused by your own self-critical lens, try rereading again and pretending that you're not the one who wrote it and see if you feel differently <33

beyond that, it's important to remember that your writing never has to be perfect, especially if it's only a first draft!!! if there's something in the tone or dialogue or Whatever of the story that you don't like, sometimes it's better to power through and try to get all the major scenes at least half-written, so that you have a solid piece that you can then go back and tweak until you feel good about it!! if you're stuck on a particular part, you can make a note to yourself to return to it later, then hit enter a few times and start with the next scene/paragraph that you can clearly envision.

and ofc always remember that it's literally just fanfiction and it's supposed to be fun, so you don't need to stress yourself out too hard about delivering The Most Quality Content Possible (this is one i struggle with too so i feel u). if something isn't fun, there's nothing wrong with scrapping it and starting something new, or starting over, or simply taking a break and coming back to it when you feel ready!! and i promise promise promise that if you Can get yourself to work through the anxiety, your writing will improve with practice and time <33

[gregorygerwitz]

what're the top mouse fics you'd recommend? i really like mouse but havent read a whole lotta mouse fics. ive read a few moustead ones. angst is welcome cuz i like reading characters i like get hurt

I'm gonna be so honest with you... half of this is going to be me hyping my own writing up, because not a lot of people write Mouse-centric stuff. There's like 5 of us, tops. Also... I'm really proud of some of my stuff but Mouse is such a minor character that I really don't think it gets the love it deserves?

So I'll start with my 3 favorite Mouse fics that I've written:

I can't see past the mirror - I truly think this is the best thing I've ever written. it's entirely character study and introspection about his (lack of) relationship with his parents and the traits of theirs he sees in himself

a soft place to land - 5+1, more of a character study into his mommy issues because they fascinate me, but explored through the lens of his relationship with Platt? kind of. it's not canon compliant because they took Mouse away from me and I'm still sad about it

recipe - technically the 6th fic in a series but can be read alone, for the most part (all you need to know is that Mouse was staying with Jay to save money after coming back from his last tour in Afghanistan), but it really dives into my headcanons about his past, especially November 2011 which I will never shut up about

(honorable mention: a study in legacy - spoiled rich boy!Mouse AU, part murder mystery part character study, Gregory Sebastian Gerwitz IV is accused of murdering his boyfriend and Intelligencce has to solve the case to catch who actually did it)

I must also hype up my partner in life and chaos, @kitweewoos, who is fantastic at everything she does:

all things grow - aka the community garden AU. Plouch as Mouse's parents AU, kinda, teacher!Mouse, reuniting with Jay for the first time since they got home, it's a lot of fun. I think about it regularly. I reread it once a month.

this infinitely ordinary life - bodyguard!Jay AU, one I also think about all the time. I'm a little biased because it was my 2022 birthday gift from Kit, but it's also genuinely so good, it's a lot of fun

come morning light - hurt!Jay set early s3, Mouse being there to take care of him after he was abducted and tortured, just soft and gentle hurt/comfort that canon refused to give us

That's just off the top of my head because it's late here and my brain is just rotating bodyguard!Jay around like a rotisserie chicken now, but those are good jumping off points, I think!

[gefdreamsofthesea]

The Andersons Do Not Get Enough Shit For Their Bullshit: My Thoughts on Feri.

First of all in case this post breaches containment, a little about myself. I'm Gef, I'm a thirty-something white cis disabled Canadian lesbian. I have a BA in Religion and Culture from Wilfrid Laurier University and an MLIS from the University of Western Ontario (I think it changed its name since I graduated). I also have minors in Medieval Studies and Women's Studies but they don't give you pieces of paper for those. My spiritual journey looks something like Catholic - New Ager - eclectic Wiccan-ish - Dianic-ish (the TERFy kind) - Heathen - Vanatru - now I kind of just read about witchy stuff, goddess-y stuff, and I collect divination decks. This isn't the first I've heard of Feri, but this is the first time I've sat down and read up on it.

I would just like to take a moment to recap what I've read so that everyone is on the same page:

Heart of the Initiate: Feri Lessons

Fifty Years in the Feri Tradition

Evolutionary Witchcraft by T. Thorn Coyle

The Wikipedia pages for Feri and Victor Anderson

A couple articles on feritradition.com

I read The Spiral Dance ages ago and am currently rereading it but am not including it here.

I think that's all the basics covered, let's get to the meat of the discussion.

I'll start with what I found appealing about the tradition. Both the founders and initiates stress that Feri is an ecstatic tradition, not a "fertility religion" like Wicca. It is a tradition of the poet, of being in your body, of dancing with the gods. It's also pretty explicitly queer (but see below): God Herself catches Her own reflection in a mirror and makes love to Herself, creating all the other deities in the pantheon. Coyle in particular talks about the Gods and Guardians (think like the Guardians of the Watchtowers in Wicca) as being genderfluid. The tradition practices ritual possession where the genders of the deity and their host don't matter.

Regarding Evolutionary Witchcraft specifically. I found the exercises (which involve a lot of breathing and awareness) to be useful and I think they would be of use to any witch. I also love the way she speaks of the Earth element in particular, as I think a lot of Pagan books are like "Oh Earth is money and other boring mundane stuff" whereas she talks about Earth as money but also as safety, security, the place where you incubate things (like in a cave), and the tomb. Despite my issues, I think I would recommend it.

Having said all that, I feel like the Andersons do not get enough shit for their bullshit.

Based on his students accounts, Victor sounds like a bit of an asshole at best. He's described as "a taskmaster" and that "One could ask for clarification, but to even hint that one disagreed with him, or worse yet, to contradict him, would result in an immediate and permanent order to leave," which is maybe just me but I wouldn't want to study under a teacher who didn't allow for disagreements or questioning, that's a cult leader thing. His wife Cora comes across as a yes (wo)man "my husband is a great shaman and an expert on x, y, and z." Now honestly I feel like people should hype up their spouses, but this is a constant throughout their writings.

Honestly though, I didn't get the chance to know them personally. Maybe they were awesome people irl. I'm just going off what I've read, but even if they were both very nice people, I still have some major issues.

One of these issues are the Andersons' claims about their own religion. Feri dates back to the Stone Age (uh huh), Feri's origins are in Africa (sure). Victor claimed to be a kahuna and an expert on Vodou. Apparently, once Victor read something he thought was true, he decided it had always been true. I should note here that near as I can tell, his source for info on Hawaiian religion is that Huna book by that white guy writing about what he thought Native Hawaiians believed. I've heard people justify this by being like "oh well Victor was being poetic and not literal" but that doesn't change the fact that it's straight up bullshit. Poetic lies are still lies. So yeah you'll often hear "Feri draws from a variety of traditions" but I'd say in some cases it's less "influenced by" and more "appropriated from" (I do feel the need to mention that some initiates have moved away from, say, using Hawaiian terms for their concepts).

I mentioned the deities in passing but Feri has its own pantheon. Most of the deity names are Welsh and many deities go by several names or are seen as similar to named deities in many cultures (the Blue God, for instance, being compared to Krishna) and they also have secret names that only initiates know. One important aspect of the Blue God is the Peacock God, at first I was going to include him under the section on appropriation, but Feri practitioners have apparently been in contact with actual Yazidis who have given their blessing re: Feri worship of Melek Taus but I'd prefer to hear it directly from the Yazidi that they are cool with it.

Okay so way back at the beginning I mentioned Feri was very queer but I really should amend that to say "unless you're asexual" because oh boy sex is inescapable in this tradition. It's implied that sexual activity between initiator and initiate is a thing that happens but there's an alternative ritual called the Intentions of the Heart where you do (non-sexual) ritual things and then "your first act of sexual intercourse" post-ritual is your initiation. The foundation of Feri practice is the Iron pentacle, where "sex" is at the top. There is also the Pearl pentacle, seen as the "higher energy" version of Iron, where sex becomes love. In Evolutionary Witchcraft, Coyle makes a few unfortunate statements about the relationship of sex to love that imply you cannot have love without sex. I don't really see a lot of room for asexual practitioners in this system, which is a shame because I know of some wonderful queer initiates of this tradition. I would be interested in an initiate's view on this because I know queer practitioners have talked about using an amethyst pentacle, for instance. I should note however, that Coyle states that not everyone needs or wants initiation as it involves marriage to the deities and responsibilities to the tradition, but as I said the tools and techniques she talks about are fine to use.

I did actually like Evolutionary Witchcraft so even if the tradition is not for me, I do what I usually do: take the bits I find useful and leave the rest.

[wondereads]

Weekly Reading Update (06/05/23)

Reviews and thoughts under the cut

Fourth Wing by Rebecca Yarros (9/10)

This book has been hyped up to the moon and back, so I was a little nervous going in, but I really enjoyed it! This book was packed to the brim with action, and I loved the romance. It is fundamentally a fantasy romance with the romance taking precedence over logic occasionally, but it was just so enjoyable to read. There's always something going on, I absolutely loved the worldbuilding, and the dragons, both their magic and personalities, were engaging and likable. Also, Yarros does a great job foreshadowing twists without over-compensating, which is an issue I run into frequently. I refrained from giving this book a 10/10 for two reasons. First, it is pretty cliche, and second, while I liked Violet and her skills, her personality is kind of cookie-cutter for NA romantasy protagonists.

Blood Bonds by J. Bree (8/10)

I pushed through this one last night so I could include it in the post. I will say that I hit a block with this one. It starts out with a ton of action and then it just kind of stalls in the middle. Oleander expresses frustration about being protected and doing nothing, and I was right there with her. Honestly, a lot of the action is starting to feel recycled in this book; the Resistance has like one plan of attack. The huge upside is Oleander's bonds. We're finally getting to properly know them, and North in particular has a miraculous redemption arc. As of right now, my favorites of them are Gryphon and Atlas. The reason this book is an 8 instead of a 7 is an absolutely crazy, jaw-dropping, insane plot twist at the end.

Into the Wild by Erin Hunter (8/10)

I am rereading the Warriors series with some of my friends, so this is the beginning of a hefty endeavor, especially considering how much more has been published since I last read it. While I remember some crazy stuff from this series, the first book is pretty standard. Honestly, you could probably transplant this plot into a high fantasy and nothing would be amiss. I do appreciate that even with a name like ShadowClan and their constant antagonism towards ThunderClan, the Erins did not decide to just straight make an entire Clan evil and instead create a corrupt ruler instead. As someone who has read the books before and is now like twice the target age, everything's very predictable, but I can definitely see some twists taking a fourth grader by surprise.

Keeper of the Lost Cities by Shannon Messenger (9/10)

Another reread, I'm starting from the beginning of KotLC because I don't remember much. I find the plot to this book super engaging, especially for middle grade, and it does a great job setting up a conflict that will last for over nine installments. The pacing is great, keeping the major reveals for later without stalling in the middle, and there's a ton of fun worldbuilding. Sophie is, obviously, ridiculously overpowered, but that presents a ton of obstacles by itself, and I find it incredibly interesting that she has to deal with her own existence not fully being her own, a complex concept for middle grade. I will say that, while not unexpected, the weird focus on romance was a little grating at times. Connected to that, I'm sorry, but I just don't like Dex. I can tolerate him, but I think the breaking point is when Sophie tells him some really devastating news for her and he just focuses on what it means for him.

Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint Vol. 1 by Sing Shong (CR, 83%)

I've finally started reading ORV again! I hit a wall a couple of months back, but I've got the motivation again. I feel like taking this book at face value kind of leaves a lot of questions; it seems like a ton of plot development and worldbuilding with little if any attention to character. However, Kim Dokja is a very unreliable narrator in my opinion, and what he chooses to focus on is very telling. The conflict between his separation from the other characters, which is one of his main skills, and the natural human connection that blooms from these sorts of situations is so interesting. Also, I think I'm at a place where everything starts to pick up a little.

The Spirit Bares Its Teeth by Andrew Joseph White (CR, 13%)

I just got an ARC of this one, and it's very good so far. Silas is a very interesting main character, and his reactions to be forced to suppress natural parts of himself, specifically his autism and gender, are visceral. While I'm a little squeamish, the medical content is well-written, and so far I'm picking up on some very complex family relationships. I'm looking forward to continuing!

Fire and Ice by Erin Hunter (CR, 2%)

Second book in the Warriors series, and I've barely started. I'll likely end up finishing it later this week!

[guqin-and-flute]

I 😤 am going😤 to write tomorrow 😤

[imbecamiel]

New Tag Game: Rec Your Own Fics

I was tagged by @chimaerakitten for this one - thanks! :D

Rules: If you’re tagged, make a rec list of your own fics that you’re most proud of. The ones you personally want people to read because you know they’re good. The ones you get extra excited when you get comments on them because people are responding to what you know is your best work. As part of the list, say why you’re proud of them! Participant’s choice on how many that is and where you draw the line on pride, but the more the better. Bonus points for fics that you like to reread yourself or fics that have low engagement because they’re in a small fandom or an unpopular ship/trope. Then tag however many people you feel like to continue the game. (If you want a guide number, try for seven or however many fics you listed)

Secondary rule: If you get tagged and you’re not a fic writer, consider doing the same for art you’ve done or meta you’ve written that you’re proud of.

Tertiary rule: This is the time to be the opposite of humble! Hype your own stuff! Share why you’re proud of something. Do some self love! And please give the game a chance even if you haven’t written much or are just starting out etc etc.

Down for the Count (DC, Batfam)

This one was inspired by some great fanart by @terracyte

I've loved Batfam for quite a while now, and I am absolutely delighted this was enough to break my writing brain loose from the stranglehold Life Stuff has had on it the last few years. I can still write! \o/

The Joke (Marvel, MCU)

I.e. "What if Steve Rogers, one, could wield Mjolnir from the start, and two, was under the mistaken impression that everyone else's talk about Thor being the only one capable of that was some kind of running joke."

By far the most popular thing I've ever written, a fic I still get kudos on very regularly 10 years later, and it's incredibly satisfying to see a fic I'm extremely fond of myself enjoyed by others so much.

Birthday (Marvel, MCU)

Tony's just created JARVIS and feels the need to tell Rhodey about it immediately.

This one's basically the polar opposite of "The Joke" in terms of popularity. It's never gotten much attention, but it's funny and I think it's well executed and I like it.

Strike (Marvel, MCU)

Like "The Joke" this kind of hits the sweet spot of one of my favorite things to write - things that could easily be cracky, but are written with a lighthearted but genuine tone. In this case, in the immediate wake of Captain America: The Winter Soldier, when everyone was delving into all the angst potential, my brain went "yeah, but... what if they also went bowling?"

Out Of The Cold (Lord of the Rings)

Pre-series sickfic/hypothermia fic where Aragorn falls into a frozen lake rescuing a child.

Much of my LOTR writing happened in the verrrrrrry earliest days of my discovery of fandom as a teenager. So many good memories. This one's not recent-recent, but much more representative of my current writing abilities and it still makes me very happy when I go back to reread it.

Tagging: @cairistiona7 @hollyhock13 - and anyone else who sees this and feels like participating, please do consider yourself tagged!