#I've never been actually hungover but I'm assuming this is kinda what it feels like

[varpusvaras]

Migraine really has been made to sound like it is just a more intense headache and you'll be fine once it's over, my guy I've had postdrome for over three days now

[punkscowardschampions]

Janis & Jimmy

Janis: Don't get excited or anything Janis: only talking to you to look busy Jimmy: steal my job an' all or just my lines? Jimmy: so proud me Janis: technically I got you fired from that one Janis: and not to get ahead in the java game myself so Jimmy: fucked my future as a recruiter that Jimmy: tah very much Janis: 💔 Janis: what can I say? Janis: your chat has left a lot to be desired from the start Janis: though I'd happily pick up a CG shift now, nothing to do with your skillz or lack thereof Jimmy: You could've started this one with 'oi Jim don't put persuasive on the CV' and have done, mate but here we still are pissing about Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: use your head and pick up a shift where Pete works now not where he burned his bridges if you want the good chat, girl Janis: Yeah 'cos you want me interrupting your bromance time more than I already do Janis: reverse psychology won't work on me either, boy Jimmy: Tell it to the lad who's rewriting a birthday classic in your honor 'cause that ain't me, babe Jimmy: Still got it bad after all this time he has 💘 Jimmy: #thejulieteffect Janis: God, Gracie didn't slip him an invite as a tip, did she Janis: will have to maim my face to avoid any further association with her, like Jimmy: Might've Jimmy: Much as we throw Shona on that Gracie sized bullet she's nowt but persistent Janis: Desperate is the word Janis: invite half the town, why not Janis: no girl needs that many 'idk you really so I got you a bath set' gifts Jimmy: Alright, alright I'll take yours back to the shop Jimmy: Calm down Janis: bung it her way Janis: still might get some 'gratitude' 🤞 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: cool so it's a plan Janis: you distract, I'll make myself scarce Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: it's not known to be challenging Janis: but we have just discussed your shortcomings too so yeah Janis: maybe baby Jimmy: having her about when I ain't being paid is proper challenging Jimmy: you wanna sweeten the deal, rich girl Janis: Hmm, what you got in mind? Jimmy: we both make ourselves scarce Jimmy: I reckon that's a better plan Janis: maybe ain't earned persuasive still but Janis: you can tick off problem solver Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: ain't gonna be a problem if have the dickheads in town have an invite to your gaff Jimmy: slip away easy through that #opendoor Jimmy: half* Janis: you forget I'm 1 outta 2 guests of honour Janis: sadly, you are the only one on that score Jimmy: Nah Jimmy: nobody but Pete's coming for you, babe and we can slip him a note ahead of time Janis: You really know how to make a girl feel special, huh 😏 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: is it worth me coming to you Janis: how long you got left on Jimmy: both feeling special now Jimmy: how #goals Janis: well you know Janis: hit up the CG already and the replacements aren't much Jimmy: 💔 for 'em and you Janis: don't look too 😢 for me when I show Janis: not #goals Jimmy: Drying my eyes on my apron as we speak, like Janis: need your 😎 Jimmy: that's alright til the fans wanna see my 😍 Janis: who are you kidding, Doris can't see in front of her face Janis: it's the accent Jimmy: she can see my 🍆 Jimmy: keeps her coming back Janis: please don't make me laugh Jimmy: sexual harassment is no laughing matter, dickhead Jimmy: she's a menace 👵🚫 Janis: you know you're asking for it, babe Janis: made your granny love no secret Jimmy: when I'm not 😢 over you I'm 🤤 over her Jimmy: busted Janis: can't fool me Janis: know what you're like far too well tbh Jimmy: see right through me you Jimmy: only gonna get more of a bighead the older you get, aren't you? Janis: don't plan on changing Janis: not that kind of birthday girl Jimmy: 👍 Janis: dunno why she's bothering Janis: 'less she can get Pete to fake marry her she ain't even competing Jimmy: shut up, he'd get a decent amount of song writing material outta that Jimmy: enough to consider it Jimmy: don't be giving ideas like that out for nowt Janis: so you're saying recruiters out for you but pimp/band manager is my calling Janis: cheers, keep it in mind Jimmy: can't be living off mummy and daddy forever, babe Jimmy: time's running out Janis: they're running out of kids who wanna be around them, more like Janis: you know they don't wanna be left just them and Gracie Jimmy: Give 'em the heads up and they'll have time to have a load more Janis: 💀💀💀 Jimmy: 💸💸💸 Janis: if they do, not me Janis: and all the others Janis: splitting it 10 ways makes it less impressive Jimmy: actually 💔 Janis: I know Janis: babysitting is your primary gig Janis: soz, like Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: Poor, poor boy Janis: have to stick with your two Jimmy: You still ain't taken the 🐶 off me yet so it's 3 Janis: if you put 'dog dad' in your bio it's over Jimmy: saved that 💎 for the dating apps Janis: fairplay Janis: go over well with that crowd Jimmy: 🐶💕 Jimmy: gotta earn her keep somehow Janis: subtle Janis: what do you want, like Jimmy: other than 🐶💀 Janis: you love her, shut up Jimmy: bollocks Jimmy: you love her Janis: I know what I've 👀 Janis: and I've got plenty of blackmail evidence for when this all goes tits Jimmy: I know how to fake it Jimmy: tah for all the practise Janis: mhmm, 'cos you did such a top job at that Jimmy: 🥇 me Janis: Sure thing babe Janis: best bae ever Janis: fake enough for you? Jimmy: might be if you didn't mean every word Janis: Idiot Jimmy: you love me Jimmy: and you're on your way here, deny it Janis: I can't deny I'm en-route Janis: but that's like 96% because I need to hide Janis: no funny business Jimmy: I get it Jimmy: only thirsty for a fruit juice Janis: I ain't a toddler Janis: and obviously, I ain't looking for you to serve me either 🤷 Jimmy: you ain't a coffee drinker and we don't serve booze, pisshead Janis: 1. I'm gonna subtly wait for Pete to be free 2. we'll think of something Jimmy: 1. enjoy helping him close 2. he won't be thinking of owt when he's this hungover so enjoy doing that yourself an' all Janis: 🙄🙄 Janis: not entirely sure you barista boys are worth the hassle Jimmy: on you go then Jimmy: find a barman and solve all your problems Janis: no tah Janis: can't be going there Jimmy: 🎻💔🎻 Janis: it'd be like you cracking on with a miner Janis: assume your granddad was a miner Jimmy: be like me having a go on a 👻 Janis: can make that happen Janis: that kinda cool girlfriend, obvs Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: find out the equipment Janis: not talking 🍆🤖s Jimmy: so I'll meet you in the cemetery or what? Jimmy: #datenight Janis: Such an emo Janis: called it and you out from day one Jimmy: Piss off Jimmy: You reckoned I wanted to suck Alex Turner's ballsack Jimmy: Indie and emo are different genres, mate Janis: It's all fringes and marding really, isn't it, mate Janis: point is, ghosts are everywhere Janis: have as much if not more luck in any house in this shithole of a town Jimmy: proper poetic you Jimmy: I smell a lyrical collab with your bf Janis: nah Janis: we both know muse is about as good as I got Jimmy: but there's no need to pass that along to Pete and have him 💔 Janis: Shut up Janis: he loves me just the way I am, and YOU'RE just jealous Jimmy: #duh Janis: if I wanted that kind of guilt-trip, I'd have stayed there Jimmy: The orchestra is raring to go here Jimmy: What more do you want? Janis: you Janis: dickhead Jimmy: I'm yours, dickhead Janis: Good Janis: I need you, like Jimmy: We don't need to be here, either of us Janis: I can't Janis: I can't be anywhere near that fucking party tomorrow Janis: it's not just because it's the usual bullshit family function either, like Janis: just Janis: nah Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: good thing I have a better idea Janis: Yeah? Jimmy: Nowt for you to do but come with me Janis: Alright Janis: obviously Janis: never gonna have better plans or better company 'round here so Jimmy: 🥇 Jimmy: come here and we'll go from there Janis: I am Janis: I'd almost forgot how long this bus took Janis: been that long, like Jimmy: you should be live tweeting Jimmy: fans love a throwback Janis: well, we both know what I should really be doing Janis: but ain't really feeling it and this bus driver is new Jimmy: 🤞 our top bloke ain't 💀💀💀 Jimmy: weren't meant to be part of the pact, like Janis: if he was on the outs, I'd have 💀 him at the wheel ages ago Janis: just that good Janis: call me the eternal optimist Jimmy: 🌹 by any other name Janis: peak romance always Jimmy: 💪🏆 Jimmy: you ain't seen nowt yet birthday girl Janis: Idiot Jimmy: 💕 Janis: do I need to bring anything Janis: not fishing for clues or nowt but could be relevant Jimmy: bring whatever you would to fuck off for a day Jimmy: we ain't coming back til its over Janis: okay Janis: just us? Jimmy: you can bring the dog if you want Janis: 😏 Jimmy: I draw the line at Pete's puppy dog eyes though Janis: 💔 Jimmy: You'll live and he's half 💀 so there ain't no challenge in smacking him down Janis: Hot Jimmy: 😏 Janis: is that my surprise? Jimmy: Do you want that to be your surprise? Janis: Yeah, I'm gonna be an accessory by admission Janis: think on, babe Jimmy: 👍 Janis: Your man of mystery bit is very unhelpful sometimes Jimmy: poor baby Jimmy: soz you can't handle being kept on your toes Janis: oh please Jimmy: What? Janis: I could run circles around you in my sleep Jimmy: go on then Janis: maybe Janis: if the plans allow time Jimmy: maybe I'll make time if it's that important to you to prove yourself, Juliet Janis: I know I don't need to prove myself to you Jimmy: 👌 Janis: fuck off Janis: you love me Jimmy: You're alright, for a rich girl Janis: I'm the best Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt babe Janis: #duh Jimmy: #youknowthedrill Janis: town is finally in sight Janis: jesus Jimmy: the new driver ain't winning me over 💔 for him Jimmy: sort it out knobhead Jimmy: 🎅 will get there before his bus, like Janis: N'awh Janis: you missed me? Jimmy: for a sec or two Jimmy: not owt to get a big head over Janis: have to work on that then, won't I Jimmy: hate for you to be bored while you're waiting for Pete to make you a drink Jimmy: gotta give you something to do Jimmy: it'll take him ages longer than two secs Janis: weird brag, mate Janis: usually the other way 'round but admire the honesty 😂 Jimmy: been a bit since I've made shit weird Jimmy: nice to know you've missed it Janis: you know Janis: keeps things interesting, you do Jimmy: Yeah Jimmy: part of the deal, like Janis: I'll renew your contract Janis: 👌 job Jimmy: tah Jimmy: might take you off the trial period for a bit Jimmy: see how you go Janis: 😏 Janis: might not hand in my notice Jimmy: won't have to get a replacement in then Janis: 💔 Janis: know how you love that Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Jimmy: keep disappointing me, you Janis: psh Jimmy: It's alright, well used to it, me Jimmy: nowt I can't handle Janis: We'll put that theory to the test when I get there Janis: 5 mins Jimmy: good Janis: thanks Janis: by the way Jimmy: you ain't opened your bath shit yet Jimmy: leave it out Janis: I've got to work on my so real surprise/grattitude some time, babe Janis: want me to fake it when I'm there Janis: alright Jimmy: that top job you reckoned I did faking it goes double for you, girl Jimmy: I ain't helping Pete close so you've got more time to piss about having a go Janis: Not how I remember it, boy Jimmy: scroll back through all your feeds Jimmy: I'll hang on Janis: admitting you're more #basic Janis: cute Jimmy: surprise! 🎉 Jimmy: happy birthday Janis: 😍😋 Jimmy: 💘 Janis: love you Jimmy: I love you Janis: I really do Jimmy: Is it my turn to act surprised or what? Janis: You can Jimmy: #kinkunlocked Jimmy: ages after I thought we'd run out Janis: just that good, baby Jimmy: I'll give you a few minutes Jimmy: deffo worth that Janis: and so generous Janis: 😩 Jimmy: too northern for that shit Janis: Nah Janis: this place has changed you Janis: 🍀💀 Jimmy: If owt's changed take your share of the blame Jimmy: 💕🔪💀 Janis: alright Janis: I ruined your life Janis: do something about it