#I've never battled with an eating disorder so it's not actually triggering for me

[emberwritesinsight]

Was minding my own business searching for posts about Buddy the Elf (not actually an elf, go watch the movie Elf, I'm psychically compelling you) only to get jumpscared by a bunch of pro*na posts and thus got a rude reminder that THAT'S a subculture that exists on this site

(Let me know if I need to trigger tag this)

[scivors]

Andre Nikto head canons

We have little information about Niko but here's what I've gathered..

((Also I'd like to kindly add, hi, hello, my name is Mika and I am a Bosnian. The chances of me adding some accurate slav head canons are always high but never low!!🙏🏻 ALSO IM TERRIBLY OBSESSED WITH NIKTO SO IF ENJOY THIS AND YOU WANT DATING NIKTO HEAD CANONS PLEASE LET ME KNOWWW))

Genuine head canons:

Andre Nikto (Никто) is a (scary) Russian military man, roughly 193/194 centimetres (when you compare him to Simon's height) He suffers with acute dissociative disorder (better said DID) yet is still serving the military cause of how he preforms during battle.., so the military still views him as a ideal soldier for combat despite his disorder..

No hate but from what I've seen in some art works claiming it's his "face reveal" you people have to understand that under his mask, his face is disfigured.. so, no he won't be an attractive super model under that mask of his..

I don't think you people are aware how badass Nikto is as a character, almost SIMILAR as Ghost who's in the military for the same reason as everybody else, to risk their life.

Although judging by Nikto's voice lines, he doesn't care who he's killing..if it were up to him, if his teammates serve him zero purpose he'd care less if they die..(after all, you're just a target..) but being a professional, he can't allow that to happen to his teammates

If you look up closely, Nikto wears a military uniform that is different from everyone else with MP-0 written on it. Now if you don't know, MP stands for Military Police (enforcement agencies connected with, or part of, the military of a state.) and zero next to it meaning "nothing" and this is important which is what Nikto refers himself as..

Yeah so about that..

I have a theory about Nikto's nickname

After being captured and brutally tortured with whatever sick tendency mister Z had in store for him. It was Mister Z that couldn't really get much Information about Andre.

They would start torturing him while repeating to Andre that he's nothing, he's no one, what he is is nothing but what he is is everything. Those words play in the back of his head and they never seen to go away.

(This is extremely relevant cause Mister Z tried to get to know a bit of Andre by looking through some research come to find his citizenship and language are censored making him a nobody. Keep in mind, if he found any information about Andre viewing from personal life etc. it will be used as blackmail..)

After recovering his scars and taken to therapy after 7 years he was diagnosed with DID

NOW moving on to the DID part

(What I said about the fact that people overlook Nikto's disorder, I mean it..

Some don't really write about his disorder which is fine but when someone does it gets messy. )

Alters aren't easy to deal with, it's actually gonna haunt you till the day that you die cause there's no cure for it. And in Nikto's case it's from PTSD and Nikto is very aware of his alters..

Let me tell you how Nikto's disorder affects him. Switching can be consensual, forced or triggered, Nikto values silence as much as the next person cause he's dealing with much inside his head already. The kind of guy that would "watch TV" while dissociating with a 100 yard glare with very slow blinking and a slight headache..

There are times where his personalities would correct him when hes referring to himself (example: I'm up..(his personality correctes him) WE'RE up..)

"He made us do this" (and other voice lines I can't recall..)

Maybe cut bits of an apple with a knife and eat it while watching TV..

He has medication prescribed for him but he didn't wanna depend on medications cause they're just drugs..they're nothing to him but just drugs..

He has dissociative amnesia too, sometimes he would wander around confused maybe even annoyed. The amnesia appears to be caused by traumatic or stressful experiences endured or witnessed..Although the forgotten information may be inaccessible to consciousness, it sometimes continues to influence behavior

Like I said he likes quiet people, someone who doesn't waste their air on small talk..

Example; don't really talk to him about the weather, unless you have something interesting to say but if the conversation is gonna go nowhere , don't talk..he finds that a waste of time

People assume just because he's Russian that he likes vodka, he doesn't like vodka...-He doesn't like any alcoholic beverage cause it makes his problems a lot worse,...maybe If you were lending him some as an offering, he'll take it but he has SOME self control, he's okay with coffee, though..

It's relevant cause he stays awake at late hours since he finds it difficult to sleep, he'll stay up late with no music, nothing, just a silent room. It doesn't matter if he tries the military tactic where you just close your eyes and turn off your thoughts, it's very different when you have voices screaming inside your head...

Despite everything he's still intelligent, so being smart + strength + sharp reflexes and you got yourself a criminal

Death doesn't phase him, but to him death is like sleeping, he's not scared of death considering that he's been through hell those past few months.

He likes the simple things, don't complicate anything..because he's quick with catching an attitude..be blunt and forward and stumble over your words..

Nikto shows confidence in the battlefield,just like König, except he has a high rush of adrenaline and will laugh at the enemies death.

Fun fact: in this one comic Price calls Nikto "psycho"

And it's without a doubt that he is one.., a sadistic, sociopathic, psychopath

After splitting, his alters can and will get more aggressive and do more harm and damage to others cause they're doing the most at protecting the host.. (depending on the alter, some wanna protect him while some wanna hurt him)

Oh by the way about the intelligence part, I mean he has a good good memory with remembering faces..

He doesn't like people looking at him funny, he'll get angry really fast and annoyed at the same time.., he won't show hesitation when it comes to approaching you and asking you what are you looking at (it's like trying to avoid eye contact with a homeless man Infront of a store, that's how scared you would be)

He's slow with jokes or any form of humor that you throw at him??? You'll be excited to tell him a joke, and when you do he just looks at you and tells you never to do that again..,or just straight up tell you he doesn't get it...??? and probably trying to explain it either he gets it or not he'll still tell you that it's not funny

He doesn't argue, or he does? Arguing with him will costs you avoiding getting objects thrown at you so you can get out of his sight..tragic, now you have a teammate that hates your guts and won't apologize for it.

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

Hello. So I'm having a battle inside of my brain. I've been following you for a while now, and I'm also in recovery for anorexia and bulimia. I'm also a newly graduated medical doctor. This means I know a lot about the human body. Which is exactly my point now. I try so, so hard to eat 'intuitively', listen to my body, and be okay with gaining weight, and I try to be in body positive and fat acceptance spaces (1/2, I will continue in next question)

(2/2), but I also know and I have seen with my two eyes, and treated with my own hands, the consequences of not eating healthy or being at an unhealthy body weight. I live in fear that If I eat and eat because I'm trying to recover, I'm gonna have the opposite health problems. I bring it up to my psychiatrist and psychologist, and they tell me there is no unhealthy food. But there is. And I just don't know how I should go with my recovery like this. Any advice for this? thank you for this blog

So I had to take a bit of time to think about the best way to articulate answers for you, because there are some complex and often competing needs addressed on my blog. I think it's important that you get an answer to your question, but I wanted to be careful to go about it in a way that wouldn't cause harm to anyone else. So I'm going to make my best effort, and putting it under a cut because it will be long and some who are triggered by medical views on fatness may prefer not to read on.

First of all, I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling with this. Having a battle in your brain, as you say, sounds like an agonizing way to live. I hope that you are able to work through it.

Now, as you may know if you frequent this blog, eating disorders are complex and varied. Bodies and their workings are complex and varied. Some people do experience a variety of health conditions that are influenced by what they eat, so for these individuals, they may be best served by making choices accordingly. These choices can also be incredibly complex in this world - you may have seen a recent ask I recieved, for example, about somebody whose husband was just diagnosed with diabetes. The asker was stressed about learning to prepare foods for them both in accordance with his strict diabetes-friendly diet would trigger their restrictive tendencies from their eating disorder. So as you can see, the dietary choices that might be in his best interest might not be in the best interest of the asker. But them being married, I'm sure they would like to share meals together, so following a diet that suits them both is complicated. Difficult choices will have to be made at every juncture.

Gluten is not inherently bad or evil. Unless you have Celiac disease, in which case gluten is actually going to kill you slowly. You need to monitor your salt if you have high blood pressure, but if you've been diagnosed with POTS, you may actually need more salt, and lots of it. I myself will occasionally snack on chips, but never Funyuns. There's nothing inherently wrong with them, but they were invariably a trigger food for me to binge, so I stopped bringing them into my house. But this doesn't make them an unacceptable snack choice for everybody else.

Do you see where I'm going with this? Different people are experiencing different circumstances, and may need different things. Just because a food is particularly bad for one person doesn't make it a "bad food" unilaterally. Even the kinds of foods we consider "junk foods" can be tolerated by our bodies in moderation - well, most of our bodies, anyway. Now there are some people who have eating disorders like ARFID, where they literally cannot eat most foods and must veeery gradually expand their palate. For these individuals, we say "no food is bad food" because, while you might not like to see a person living on, say, saltine crackers or potato chips alone, they will literally starve without it, and so eating the food they can eat is preferable. For these individuals, that sleeve of saltine crackers can be a lifeline. Or take anyone who has a complex gastrointestinal disorder. Ask anyone with Chrohn's about their gut and its complicated relationship with fruits and veggies, a staple segment of the food pyramid touted by most doctors for its immense health benefits. Eating what you can will keep you alive and as healthy as possible in cases like these.

Now, there are people who are impacted in complex ways by the kinds of foods I'm guessing you're describing - things like chips, candy, fried food, processed/instant food. So in this case, do keep in mind that when an individual has a diet consisting largely of these types of foods, there are often complex genetic, epigenetic, and socioeconomic factors that are influencing the way their bodies naturally work and the way their dietary patterns have been established. I do understand how easy it is, at first glance, to just point at their diet and assume that it's easy and sustainable to change it, or that it would be a fix-all. But those same factors that contribute to the development of those complex health issues are often ongoing into the life of the affected individual, not to mention financial and social complications that may make it difficult to change things. But again, just because you've identified a certain food as detrimental to a patient's specific needs doesn't mean it's the same in regards to your own body's needs. Especially if these foods cause a trigger reaction for you to restrict or become obsessed with food "purity."

Now I know that in your work you say that you've treated with your own two hands the results of eating unhealthy foods. But I want you to get honest with yourself here, because you're not mentioning the experiences of the doctors who have treated and seen the damages of restrictive eating disorders. Both anorexia and bulimia, when sufficiently progressed, can cause lasting damage to the body even years into recovery. And they can also cause death. Surely a bag of chips or a cookie every now and again can't be more unhealthy than that? I'm hoping that you can take the time to periodically remind yourself of this, and to remind yourself that your own bodily needs are your own, and that paying attention to what YOUR body needs is self-care.

I know it's hard for an eating-disordered mind to listen to logic, but I'm truly hoping that you can overcome this for your own sake as well as for the sake of your patients. Anon, medical fatphobia has a long history of damaging patients. I know this because I myself have seen it happen. I've told the story before of my friend who was raised by hippies, fed all-organic snacks and kale chips, never allowed a hydrogenated oil, and was still fat growing up. I watched this person reduced to eating saltines and a few bites of apple per day when they were suffering with gallstones. It was all they could eat, but because they were fat, doctors assumed that their gastrointestinal distress must be caused by an excess of fatty foods in their diet. They lived on apple slices and saltines for months, still suffering pain all that time, before they were correctly diagnosed. Can you imagine what it did to their body, to live on such a restricted diet for such an extended period of time? This was not the only time a missed diagnosis threatened their health because all doctors saw was the fat. This person also starved themselves for a few years after being taught to do so at fat camp, and their anorexic behaviors were never called out because even though they did lose weight, they never ended up "skinny" at their lowest weight. But that starving certainly couldn't have been better for them than just living fat - their vision was blacking out every time they stood up! Anon, I hope you don't mind if I speak to you honestly about this. It's hard to gain a full honest medical history from every patient and patient family member you come across, because healthcare is a complicated field. But you cannot let your fear of fatness dictate the way you hear and see your patients. Yes, even if they're not following their prescribed diet. Yes, even if food is a contributing factor in their particular case. (And do keep in mind that a patient's refusal to change diet may come from a place of complicated factors, financial, social, emotional, you name it. Compassion will get you farther with them than judgment, and may even help you get a fuller story.) But do it for yourself, too. And listen to your body. If a food makes your body FEEL well and nourished, then it wasn't a bad food. And you deserve to be well fed and embark on your own healing journey. I hope you find the self-worth to believe that.

Because honestly, food deprivation affects your metabolism. You may experience the notorious anorexia recovery hunger as your appetite reemerges, and you will need to give your body what it needs in order to develop a pattern of being healed in both body and mind. You can keep nutritious options around for that, but I think you may need to keep working on your fear of "snack foods." Your metabolism may be changed as well, and so yes, you may gain back more weight than you had envisioned, or your body shape may be different than you had expected for a little while. Sometimes the weight distribution is a little weird during that regaining phase, and that's okay and does not determine your worth. You are going through a medical event and deserve to be compassionate with your body and soul as that happens. In fact, that is the only way you can heal your mind. Because, even before you look to your patients and the ideal steps for their specific health needs, you need to prioritize yourself and look to your own individual needs. So to recap, periodically use these reminders.

"Just because a food is bad for that other person doesn't make it a bad food. My dietary needs are my own."

"There's no food unhealthier than an eating disorder."

"I will look inward at what my own eating behaviors have done to my health, rather than ruminating on that patient's eating behaviors."

"I'd rather gain weight than hurt my body again."

"My thinness does not reflect my worth."

Feel free to add on as you progress in your recovery journey. Best of luck, in that and in your career. It's certainly not an easy one. Do your best, be open to learning, and remind your eating disorder that your therapists are right even if it doesn't want to listen to logic. I hope that when you are able to bring yourself to eat your next treat, you enjoy it thoroughly.

[uva-academy-vio]

redoing my pinned AGAIN! anyways,

Hello, Rotomblr! My name is Vio Alberich, though you can just call me Vio, and my close friends can call me Vii. I'm 15, my pronouns are he/him, & I'm gay, trans, and demisexual. I'm a student at Uva Academy in Paldea (don't ask me how I got in, I've no clue), but I'm currently at Unova's Blueberry Academy for the student exhange programme. I'm known as the Uva Academy's Ghost Whisperer, due to my ability of communicating with ghost-type pokemon! (However, it's not always a good thing.)

My older cousin is @furiousjasper, she's Galar's one & only electric-type gym leader in the minor division, and he's practically a big girlbrother to me :] My absolute best buddy is @sour-herba-sandwiches, he's the best guy man person ever >:)))

Please, do NOT talk to me about Area Zero. I've never been there. I know nothing about it. TOTALLY!!

my battling team consists of:

Ray the Quaquaval [he/him] !! my first partner pokemon !!! he's mighty strong and confident too! he helps me with my self-esteem AND my acting skills :] aqua step and liquidation are his specialties !!

Ian the Kilowattrel [he/him]! my other bird buddy! he's silly but really tough, acting as a big brother to my team [and to me] !! hurricane and volt switch are what he does best!! :D

Sympthesis the Tsareena [she/they] !! being my only grass-type pokemon, she may have several type disadvantages, but she's very capable of striking your team down with a trop kick!! >:D

Riri the Azumarill [he/it]!!! he may be small, but he packs a punch !! his dragon tera type makes him all spiky and stuff!! he's tired a lot, but he's still happy inside!! hydro pump and play rough'll rattle you to the very core !!

Rick Blades the Ceruledge! [he/him]!!! my ace pokemon AND my good friend !! i'm able to talk to him since i'm able to talk to ghost-types! he's somewhat serious, but just likes making friends ^_^ bitter blade's his special talent, slashing through opponents and stealing their hp !!!!

i also have my ride pokemon, Maurice the Miraidon Cyclizar! [he/they/it] he's this purple colour due to being attacked by a grafaiai a few months back when i first joined uva. a seperate incident left him unable to battle but he's still a ride mon AND one of my best friends :DDD

MY OTHER POKEMON !!!

Cotton Candy the [shiny!!] Sylveon [he/they]!! a good buddy of mine that i found in a tera-ice raid den!!! his tera type makes his ribbons look like a glaceon's, and his pixilate ability makes moves like hyper voice and tera blast pack an extra punch !! >:]]

Wysteria the [shiny!!!] Alcremie [she/he]!! she was a gift from my cousin's partner for delibird day, and her and i have been friends ever since! her ribbon sweet and achromatic creme colours match my own colour scheme quite perfectly!!! moves like dazzling gleam and alluring voice are what she does best!! ^_^

//ooc info under the cut

//this is an unreality/pokemon irl blog where i pretend that pokemon are real. if you're triggered by any of that, i suggest not interacting.

hi! my name's hugh! i use he/him and i'm the only mod for this blog, and my main is @shingetsu-online ! vio and i are both minors, so please so nsfw asks or interactions. no pro/comshippers either.

all of the art in the pinned is by ME!! i used juxtaposition (miiverse revival) for those specific drawings, but I use ibispaintx and aggieio regularly.

I DO POKEMON IRL BLOG PROMOS!! If you run a smaller blog, feel free to let me know, I'm very willing to help you out!!

homophobes/racists/terfs/transphobes/sexists/mysoginists/other basic dni criteria, please do NOT interact.

also HUGE spoilers for pokemon s/v (but mostly violet) as well as sw/sh (but mostly shield) as well as other pokemon games.

content/trigger warning for self harm/eating disorders/abuse/gender dysphoria and mentions of the like.

thank you for reading!! vio's one of my few characters that i've actually spent a long time [about 2 years as of the 29th of May, 2024. holy shit] developing/writing so i'm glad that i get to post him online and stuff!! again, thanks ^_^

[violetblueskies]

I dont have the courage to post about this on social media sites where people will actually see it. But, I need to get something off of my chest about my mental health and my suicide attempt. I haven't used tumblr in forever- so whoever's reading this hi, I'm still alive.

On Thanksgiving day, 2015 I attempted suicide. My attempt happened just HOURS after I took this photo of myself. Hours after I had spent a wonderful, laughter and smile filled day with my family and people I love.

I spent 5 days after my attempt under supervision in a mental hospital. I had to get 36 staples in my arms. I had to medically withdraw from university for the remainder of the semester because the thought of going back was so triggering I couldn't handle it.

This was my first and only attempt. And for the longest time, I never even understood what brought me to that point. I've dealt with depression, suicidal thoughts, eating disorders, and self harm since I was a teenager. But it was always "under control" until I left home and went to university. Without the support system and safety net of my family and friends back home and the incredible amount of stress that goes along with being in college-- I spiraled into a depression that I never thought I would get out of. I was hopeless to the point of taking my own life.

Fast forward to today, and this memory pops up on Facebook. It brought back a flood of memories from that time in my life when I hid everything I was going through from everyone in my life that could have helped and really cared about me.

I am here, now because I took responsibility for myself and reached out for help. I went to therapy, finished my degree, got a career in my field of study and I can honestly say that I have never been happier and more at peace with myself and my life than I am now.

So, it gets better- it got better for me.

The point is, you never know the battles that people are fighting behind their smiles.