#I've never actually done a full-month art challenge like this

[arachnestwilight]

Cringetober - Day 1: Screenshot Redraw!

[dbh-bb]

Q&A

The mod team have been getting a lot of question, and we thought we'd use this opportunity to share the answers, and allay some fears. Whatever you're concerned about, you are not alone!

1. What if (as an artist) our story idea is terrible and nobody wants it?

A. The mods have a collection of ways to ensure everybody gets a good match. Unless your idea is (a) actually offensive, (b) a bad faith take for a public event (say, a meme done poorly, a crack prompt that's too specific, or a private joke taken too far), or (c) something so extremely detailed and specific that you should consider commissioning rather than participating in a public event, at least one person is going to be interested in creating for you.

Even for ideas that aren't popular / main pairings / concepts, even for ideas that are a bit off the wall -- there are always going to be creators who like a bit of a challenge. Who look at things and go, HUH. NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT ONE. and proceed to YOINK it up.

2. If I have an idea that I've written in part and shared in other discord servers, or have published incomplete somewhere, and find an artwork that fits with that, can I use that pre-existing idea to write for that artwork?

A. We have a rule about anonymity in order to make it as fair as possible when we open claims, so for the writers, it's less important that their ideas be brand new. However, in the spirit of the Bang, we do consider it important that the artist you're working with feels they are getting a fresh piece of work from you, and you do need to produce 10,000 words of new, previously unshared fic. If that happens to fit in with an idea you've already been writing, that's fine, so long as your artist is happy with that.

3. Is it okay if I sign up and then have to drop if, for example, none of the prompts interest me, or as an artist I realise I can't commit the time?

A. We would ask that people signing up do so with full intent to commit and not abandon their entry, whether they are entering as an artist or a writer. We do understand that commitments can be made and then circumstances prevent someone coming through as they intended, but if you're aware now that there is a serious possibility you won't be able to provide what you're signing up for, you may be better positioned to be a back up, a beta, or a cheerleader.

In the case of a Reverse Big Bang, with the art coming first, and the ideas coming from the artists, it is extra important that participants offering art not overcommit themselves, as the artists are the first link in the chain. This said, there is also no rush to sign up right now, as sign ups for artists don't close until the 30th of this month, so you have time to try and review your workload and schedule.

For writers, if the scope of what you are prepared to write is so narrow that you think there is a real risk that you won't find anything you will be able to write for, we would ask you to consider if a public event such as this is for you.

4. How many pieces of art can I do for the idea that I submit? Can I submit more ideas?

A. You can do as many pieces of art for any one idea as you like. Presently, we are keeping the number of ideas we will allow artists to submit to two until we know how the ratios are going to stack up. The mod team will be making regular updates both on the discord and here on tumblr to let participants know how that is faring at the time of posting. If the ratios are in favour, we may allow artists to submit third ideas.

5. Can I sign up as a pinch hitter?

A. At this time, we do not have a sign up process for pinch hitters, whether they be artists or writers. However, you do not need to be a Bang participant in order to pinch hit. Right now, people who join the discord are able to assign themselves roles such as pinch hitter, beta, and cheerleader, and will receive discord pings to that role as and if those become required. This is why we encourage people to join the discord even if they're not participating in the Bang directly, as there are still ways to support and help your fellows in the fandom.

Should the need arise for pinch hitters, the mod team will also be putting the message out on this tumblr, and reaching out to anyone that signed up and said they may be prepared to pinch hit. If you are contacted there is no requirement that you agree, we would just ask you to review the ideas on offer.

6. Do I need to join the discord in order to participate?

A. No. All the information and updates that are on the discord are also shared on tumblr, it's just that on tumblr we schedule posts to hit major time zones, and on discord they're put up immediately.

7. Will you be sharing the information artists put in their applications about what they're thinking of working on, and writers put in about what they would like to see somewhere that we can see it?

A. Yes! There will be weekly updates with this in an anonymous format shared on this tumblr. We also intend to share how many writers and artists have signed up so far so that you can have an idea of how ratios are currently stacking up. Please bear in mind, however, when we share this, that none of those numbers are final, and that we are only displaying the number of confirmed works on offer, and that a number of people are provisionally offering more.

8. Where do I find all the information about the Bang, such as rules and schedules, and an up to date discord link?

A. The pinned post on this tumblr contains all of that information. We also update the discord link on there any time we are made aware that it has expired, again. The mod team have been setting this to never expire, but discord is apparently not our friend, so if you find the link has expired, notify us either via asks, a message on the bottom of the post, or a tumblr IM, and we will update it (again).

[stickynotelovers-art]

Here's me showing up the day after the party, but I still wanted to do an art summary for 2023. I've never done one before simply because I hadn't drawn consistently throughout the year to fill at least most of it. I was pleasantly surprised to find that, besides when I was on hiatus, I actually managed to draw something every month! I tried to pick things that I knew I posted to both here and twitter, but I was also trying to pick things I was especially proud of or that everyone would recognize easily. May is only posted on twitter and November is only posted here though. I also tried to keep variety and not have everything be like crossover stuff or color palette challenge pieces.

I'm hoping that 2024 is a year full of fun art and experiences!

[sarandipitywrites]

saran's year of writing (2023)

hey y'all! saw a couple posts like this floating around and thought i'd hop on the train, because this year has been WILD for my writing (in a really good way). let's start with the bullet points version and i'll put the details under the cut. here we go:

I JOINED WRITEBLR

shared snippets of my work with other, actual humans!

made friends?!

started (and finished!) draft 2 of Dead Roots, Dark Water

wrote 1 short story for every week in october (that's 5 stories in a month! that's great for me!)

first NaNoWriMo in 10 years (and i finished it!)

drafted and re-drafted The Art of Empty Space

started draft 3 of Dead Roots, Dark Water

details, links to projects, me getting maybe a tad too personal, and those all-important wordcounts under the cut:

I JOINED WRITEBLR

i just realized i only started participating at the beginning of october, but it feels like i've been hanging out with you all the whole year 😅 maybe that means i should cut back a bit? nah...

really though, this year was the year i started taking my writing more seriously (not in a 'gotta get published' kind of way, but in a 'writing makes me happier than anything else and that's enough reason to set aside time and energy for it without feeling hella guilty' kind of way) and seeing you all posting your work and being so positive and encouraging to each other was what helped me get up the nerve to join in. and i can say without a doubt that it's the best choice i've made all year. y'all are such a supportive community and i've never once felt like i was encroaching or didn't belong here (and for me, that's really saying something)

so i guess what i'm getting at is: THANK YOU! i've loved reading your snippets and projects this year, and i'm way more confident in my own than i've ever been 💜 y'all are good peeps

Dead Roots, Dark Water

word count (edited and written): 187,789

that's a lotta words! DRDW is both my longest work wordcount-wise, and the work i've dedicated the most time to... probably ever. and i'm SO happy with it, it's a little concerning (/positive)

DRDW is now on its THIRD draft, and (assuming i don't do a massive re-edit) should be ready to start posting in 2024! *excited screaming* i've never released anything i've written in its entirety (the snippets i've been posting are actually a lot more than i've ever shared before), so this is MASSIVE for me and i'm both excited and terrified! overall, though, it's a very, very good thing

Short Stories

this october, i decided to challenge myself to do several things i don't ever do: write short stories; write them on a timeline; and share them. and i did! i wrote one short story for each week in october, and posted them here. they're far from my best work, and due to the timeline, they never could have been my best, which oddly i think helped make it easier to post them? they were also the first pieces i shared here (or anywhere)! they're not awesome, but i'm proud of them and i'm proud of myself for sharing them

NaNoWriMo and The Art of Empty Space

i've done nano once before, ten years ago. i was in college and had a lot more time then (and a job where i could spend the entire day just writing - i didn't know how good i had it), and even so i remember struggling to reach my word goal. but by the power of writing everything in wingdings so i can't second-guess my word choices, i made it this year! and even though i decided to challenge myself by writing a romance-heavy project (something i've historically avoided because IT'S HARD FOR ME, DAMNIT), i love AES and its characters and that feels fucking awesome.

even though my brain decided to spring a surprise plot restructure on me and now i have to rewrite like half of it. it'll be better for it, though, so it's all good 🥲

What's Next?

my plan for early 2024 is, of course, going to be to work on draft 3 of DRDW with the hope of getting some chapters posted (they are LONG, so i'll probably post to tumblr in chunks and the full, unbroken chapters on Ao3 due to formatting). once that's ready, i'll be able to return my attention to AES and getting draft 1.5 all written up. i've mostly figured out where the plot's going there, so it'll just be writing it up to figure out the gaps. if i'm able to write something for november again next year (which i really hope i will; nano did some great things for AES), it'll probably be one of the other Jak & Daxter fics i have kicking around in my head, because i am Obsessed (and switching it up between working on fanfic and original fic seems to work well for my brain).

i've been not super active here for the last month or so because Real Life Work is kicking my ass, but hopefully that will calm down and i'll be able to do more of what i want: writing wild shit, reading your wild shit, and screaming about it together 💜

good vibes and best wishes to everybody in the new year 🥂

[galacticlamps]

i was gonna say big finish email me about the things i actually care about challenge but this one's on me for being hella busy/distracted lately & not always reading them in full or even just scrolling all the way to the bottom sometimes.

anyway I apologize in advance for the person audios are going to turn me into in June-July bc if nothing gets postponed/moved again we'll be getting:

Torchwood Soho boxset I've been waiting like a year for My (Already) Beloved

Lost Story based on the original concept for the 10th anniversary before it became The Three Doctors My I Never Bothered To Even Hope For You

Second Doctor Adventures Boxset #3 which still has suspiciously zero story details attached to it & I'm not 100% convinced won't get pushed back but hey I'm still excited for it

A second Second Doctor Lost Story, this time with both Jamie & Zoe in it which is currently also cover art-less but that's less strange since it was only just announced

Honestly even the July Torchwood Monthly Range release which I know pretty much nothing about has me excited, whether it eventually becomes the jumping off point for another branch of Torchwood like Ghost Mission was for Soho or is just a one-off like The Dollhouse (which I also enjoyed & would've taken more of, had that ever evolved into something larger)

On top of all of which there's also the June Norton/Andy release, making that THREE 2nd Dr audios and THREE Torchwood audios in the space of two months or less, two of which are boxsets, and considering those are the main things I care about from Big Finish these days, I'm probably going to be pretty insufferable. I might also have to take up knitting or something to occupy my hands while listening to all this. At the very least I imagine I'll be getting a lot of cleaning done.

[seafoamchild]

the months are flying by. it's still grey and windy here. snow the other day, five inches! rain, slush, damp. i can't wait for everything to bloom.

i went to florida with T. it was wonderful. we went snorkeling, kayaking, ate a lot of seafood, drove around the keys, went on a sunset cruise, went to the aquarium and the turtle hospital and the bird sanctuary. we played cribbage. i went skydiving. then in miami we ate more delicious food, went to museums, and then to an exclusive rooftop DJ event. went to the beach at night when the moon was half full and the soft ocean waves were gentle. the lights of the city glimmering against the night sky behind us.

this was one of my favorite trips. the easiness of it all, the shared wonder at everything we learned. the slightly drunken conversations over a double tequila soda on a dive bar patio at night. the morning espresso fix from the coffee shop with two cats. making up stories about the fish at the aquarium. tripping at the art museum. making fun of each other for being directionally challenged. spotting birds and trying to identify them.

i think i've been trying to find reasons why it won't work out with T because i'm just afraid. relationships have never worked out for me, and they've always been really intense and really codependent and ultimately really painful and damaging and leaving me full of regret. i'm scared at the thought of hanging on for too long again, breaking up when it becomes completely unbearable, and then losing all hope of maintaining a friendship. i've done that dance five times now and it's so horrible.

with T something feels different though. i don't feel anxious when we're not in continuous contact. i don't count the minutes it takes him to text back. i feel calm. i know he wants to see me as much as i want to see him. i'm not constantly questioning how much he actually likes me, i just know that he does. and he shows up for me in so many ways - he helped me tape plastic over my stupid car window in the pouring rain, he let me borrow his car when it was snowing, he buys me vegan snacks when i tell him i'm giving up animal products. he tells me not to apologize for my feelings and validates me when i'm upset. he assures me he thinks i look amazing the way i am, but if i really want to lose weight he'll support me as long as i'm doing it in a healthy way. he holds my hand and tells me it's going to be okay when i'm freaking out. he owns up to all of his mistakes. he cares about my friends and asks how they're doing.

of course i'm still planning on leaving wisconsin this summer and i'm dead set on that. he says he just wants me to be happy and he doesn't want me to get anxious over what's going to happen with our relationship, that he's enjoying the time we have right now. i never imagined that love could feel this sweet, this easy. i'm realizing that i may not know what i truly need - i had a tendency to think it was someone who had also traveled the world, who had a bunch of cool hobbies, who had some kind of cool job. but i think it's making sense to me now. that what i really need is someone who's loving, patient, gentle, kind, and willing to try it all with me. i don't need someone who already has the same hobbies and interests and experiences as me - i need someone who wants to do things together in the future. the most important thing is that we're on the same team and that we have each other's happiness in mind.

i don't know what will happen over the next several months, but for some reason i feel at peace with that.

[thunderwetter]

Current status of my "projects" on this blog!

Asks:

Headcanons for First Aid: I got some ideas, I just have to sit down and actually make it a post (Finished!)

Headcanons for Tracks: Again, I have a thing or two, but I'll reread some stuff to get a better idea

Headcanons for Rumble and Frenzy: Hell yeah, brain full of ideas, I love these two but I wanna do the earlier asks first!

For the headcanon asks I usually take 1-2 hours to write a full reply bc I always double-check with the wiki and the source material to make sure I didn't get too carried away :'D

Fanfiction:

Warden's Pet: Chapter 2 first third done, starting with the spicy stuff now. it's probably gonna have three chapters when I'm done bc I keep having new ideas Ch3 is in the works!

Fanart:

(NSFW) Prowl is like, 75% done in terms of the sketch, he's not gonna be a full render though bc I don't have the energy for that atm

Did an AU Frenzy Sketch to learn how to draw Transformers bc it requires a very different thinking compared to my usual art He's far from finished though xD

There's also a half-finished Winter Jazz

And a sketch for the Color Wheel Challenge with G1 Autobots (and I have the Decepticon Wheel planned out aswell)

"But Thunderwave, why do you have so many projects running when you are busy with your university assignment?"

Bc jumping between all these projects is my version of a break. I cannot relax. Never. I'm Ultra Magnussing this, taking a break from work by working on something else xD

I've been working on this stupid assignment for months now, I'm tired of it, but I'm almost done!

[fantasticcloudcreation]

September 16

111.3 - I guess we're getting there, it's just going so slow...

Still trying to get my shit together, organizing the stuff I'm keeping in storage vs donating, I feel like I do this at least once a year and somehow it never seems to get better. I'm a collector and I get attached to things... Dreaming of having my own house one day with an art studio and a library and a thousand shelves for all my knick knacks. One step at a time, the step right now is just getting the stuff sorted out and at least marginally better than when I started; so far I've got 3 bags of donations, 1 bag of trash, many bins for storage... Haven't even started on the van yet but I guess that might have to wait until tomorrow.

Wanted to go to the dispensary today bc they have 20% off edibles but I'm just so mushy and brain dead from this organization process, the thought of driving down the street is just exhausting lol guess I'm paying full price for them tomorrow 🤡

Feeling very low energy. Didn't even feel excited about the number on the scale even though it's the lowest I've seen all year. Drinking tea right now trying to get some energy back up so I can finish this cursed task and move on...

Bigger picture : everything is working out. In a week I'll be halfway across the country starting work again; haven't done a full festival build like this since, April??? Yikes I'm gonna be so sore. But my body is gonna love the exercise, and with no one paying attention to what I'm eating I'm sure I'll lose a lot more over the next couple months. This place always hits me with unnecessary stress and depression but as soon as I get back on the road everything will be fine. Relax and trust the process.

Good things : my XS hiking pants that have been in storage finally fit! Even if this organization process feels like Sisyphus and his giant rock, it's still like 1/3 improvement over how it started, next time will be easier. I have a whole collection of cool items and useful art supplies and I'm finding all these great things I forgot I had, I feel like I'm going shopping without spending any money, one day I'll get to have them all in my house and for now, it's fine! I'm almost done, one more day, then I'm headed to Texas where I get to work with all my friends/hang out at the hotel/see cool bands (and I'm not at LL which I'm very grateful for...) and I'm gonna make money and learn new things and challenge my body and create stronger friendships with coworkers. Even if I don't leave til Wednesday I'll still have 6 days to drive there which will be fun and relaxing and not a crazy mad dash across the country like I usually do. Even if I don't buy edibles on the discount day I still get to buy them from a reputable source and I won't have to be paranoid about bud in TX.

Did I mention that my XS hiking pants actually fit?? I don't think they fit even when I got them, they still had the tags on them and one pair is still in the packaging. It feels nice to actually be getting skinny again; thinking about how big I felt leaving TX in May, 4 months later I'm heading back to TX, 10 pounds down and it feels like I'm on a roll with it. Not as much as I wanted considering it's been 4 months but at least it's been consistent and I haven't really been trying that hard, intermittent dieting vs enjoying my life with food and alcohol, it's felt like a good balance and it's nice to see I can still make progress without being insane about it. Feels more sustainable this time too. I'll probably be under 110 by the time I get to TX bc I'm lazy about food while road tripping lol. Unfortunately I just checked the weather and it's gonna be in the 90s, oof, glad I got a lil taste of fall before I head over there but yikes it's gonna be hard to readjust to the heat...

I'm so sleepy bc I accidentally stayed up til 3am knitting a hat lmfao, had a moderately productive morning and now I'm dilly dallying so hard but I'm almost done, will be done by tonight... Ultimately I just need to relax because everything is fine and I'm blessed in so many ways and I'm grateful for this weird silly journey that I'm on, life is weird and fun and full of ups and downs, I'm about to travel through a portal and end up in a new environment and a new phase of life! Grateful to spend so much time with my family this summer, grateful for all the opportunities popping up in my life. Surrendering and relaxing and getting through the sticky parts one step at a time.

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (717): Sun 3rd Mar 2024

I checked out David Cross's latest special The Worst Daddy In The World and enjoyed it a lot. You wouldn't think from Cross's early work and how surreal it is that he would have transitioned into politically fuelled comedy but he really does have his finger on the pulse of the hotbed issues facing the american politcal landscape and skewers them brilliantly. I especially loved his routine about having his daughter making friends with a child who has been homeschooled by a right wing family. I can still remember in the days of Limewire downloading Cross's albums from the nineties and would listen to them frequently but I still haven't seen this stand up legend live. Since by the end of the year I will have pretty much seen all the bands I want to see I may start focusing exclusively on comedy gigs.

I'm delighted to report that this diet / exercise programme I took a holiday in order to devote my full attention to seems to be going well as I've almost lost a stone and feel a lot lighter and healthier too. Last year I tried a liquid diet but from what I've read these can be counter intuitive because although the stomach shrinks due to only consuming liquids once you start eating again you start to put on weight at an accelerated rate. So what I've done is began each day with a modest sixed meal first thing (a couple of veggie burgers or sausages) and THEN only stuck to water for the remainder of the day. So it's an almost all liquid diet so that my stomach is still used to getting solid food but more accustomed to liquids. I doubt that I will hit twelve stone before I go back to work but it doesn't really matter at this stage because now I've been doing it for long enough that I've started to see the results and this is providing an incentive to carry on. In the same way that I listen to songs about booze and sex to fill the gap in my life I have due to not having booze or sex today I decided to watch a bunch of videos about a guy who does epic food challenges. This one video I watched featured a guy with an enormous beard trying to eat a pizza the size of my bedroom rug in under forty five minutes and he actually completes it with plenty of time to spare. I watched a bunch of these videos and from what I can tell he has never failed one of these challenges so he's like the Goldberg of competitive eating and he still hasn't bumped into the food equivalent of Kevin Nash yet. I imagine the only way this guy will ever lose one of these challenges is if it's something really spicy. What's crazy is how skinny this guy is despite his job so I imagine he must do some sort of martial arts in order to maintain his relatively small frame. If this is true then I'd be terrified to roll on the mat with him a) in case the contents of his bowels just vacated out of him and all over me and b) in case he started feeling peckish during our sparing session and fancied a little nibble of my biceps.

Later on I checked out tonight's Hollyoaks and I have to admit I'm really pissed off that the show didn't have all the characters wear facepaint to pay tribute to Sting. I know they tape these months in advance but Sting announced his retirement six months ago so they cant use ignorance as an excuse. Even if they'd have just had Darren come down the stairs in the paint and yell "IT'S SHOWTIME FOLKS!" just as a bare minimum tribute to a legend who has literally zero association with this British soap opera. Anywho the main storyline was the fallout from Theresa sleeping with Abe. When Sally found out about this she told Theresa off and asked how she was going to fix it. I put the following hypothetical scenario on Twitter: Sally: You slept with Abe?! How are you going to make this right? Theresa: Well I was thinking maybe if I slept with him again, then… Sally: Think harder Theresa! Or at least I eventually did after I dug out my replacement laptop after covering my main one in tears after another Sting cry.

[fixyourwritinghabits]

hey, i have an issue when it comes to physically writing things down. i've basically memorised all my worldbuilding, and if people call on me to explain a part that i already know, i can explain it. but the problem here comes with writing these thoughts down. every time i go to type up dossiers of my cultures, i draw up blanks, despite not lacking anything to write about. all my ideas take the form of feelings and vibes that i dont know how to capture. anything i can do to fix this? thank you

The blank page writing dilemma is extremely common and regularly trips up many authors, no matter how many ideas they have. I'm not able to write directly on a Word doc. I'm not able to put my ideas in an Excel sheet, even though I can do that for work, and I'm not able to use Scrivener, as helpful as it is. I can use the computer for everything but novel writing.

And yet, despite in my mid-30s with probable ADHD, I've been able to write a number of novels and short stories. I've got a literary agent, and maybe someday will actually sell a book, who knows? But the point is if I can do this, so can you. In order to get anything done, I turn it into an art project.

Now, I'm not an artist. I can't draw, and I don't have much patience for learning beyond the basics of other art forms. But I can take a bunch of differently colored sticky notes, assign each color meaning, and slap them to a huge project board laid out with an outlined plot structure (I personally use Save The Cat as a starting baseline). I can use some macaroni to make a fantasy map. I can create character flash cards and add vital information to each.

Gather Your Tools - It takes some trial and error to find the method that works for you. You can try flash cards, you can try sticky notes, you can try colored pencils or fancy pens (I have to use Uni Power Tank pens, nothing else works). If laying out your scenes on flash cards doesn't work because you don't like things out of order, put them on sticky notes. Give yourself enough room to expand out - on a table, on the floor, on your bed. As long as you're creating something, you are making progress.

Start Small - You have a big whole world in your head, of course it's going to be hard to write down. Pick one thing - a character, a setting - and focus on that. Make a character sheet, create a playlist, spend way too much time on Canva creating a moodboard. Whatever gets the idea out of your head and onto something concrete that you can see helps.

Your notes can be as detailed as you want - Know how a scene goes to the very last detail? You don't have to write it down in full. Alternatively, however, I find my scene notes tend to be what amounts to my first draft - I get an outline in there, some dialogue, notes on setting and mood. But it's entirely up to you and what suits your needs!

Look, just make those playlists and moodboards - It feels like it's wasting time, it's not. You're getting those ideas flowing any way you can. Use every tool that helps.

This is all good and well, but how to get from preparing to write? Well, this is where it gets challenging. A detailed book, like Book In A Month, can help, writing advice is not one size fits all, and writing books are not rigid structures to stick to, but guides.

Make a reward system - I use stickers . Seriously. In addition to my notes, I have another sheet pinned above my desk with each chapter listed, the goals for each (draft, edited, etc), and a spot for a shiny sticker (also, I used to be a teacher, and you never get over the joy of using stickers). But any system will do, as long as you keep it to something that's easy to maintain and won't break your bank.

Chuck your goals - Can't get a chapter done? Focus on a scene. Can't get the scene to work? Focus on a chapter. Write your dialogue in script form, sketch out fight scenes with notes on details to add later. Everything is fixable, as long as you have something to fix.

Can't write on a computer? Try something else - Okay, look, I can't draft anything if I don't do it by hand. Is this the greatest idea? Maybe not, but it allows my brain to slow down and get the words to where I want them to be. I don't draft fast, but I do draft well because I'm handwriting, and my first attempt often resembles the final version.

Form habits and rituals - I have to write with a certain type of pen (hello, Uni Power Tank I have to buy online because they only make them in Japan). I have to write on a certain type of paper, with specific margins, because any size deviance between pages will drive me nuts. Is this stupid and arbitrary? Yes. Does it work for me? Also yes, which is why I do it. Find that kooky writing habit that works for you, and keep to it. If it works, it works.

There's nothing wrong with you. Your lizard brain knows writing is hard and it doesn't want to do hard things if it doesn't have to, so you have to find ways to trick your brain into wanting to do the hard thing (by hiding the fact that it's hard). It won't be easy, and you'll still have a lot of moments of frustration, but creating the right writing habits that work is the first step to getting those worlds out of your head and onto the page. Good luck!

[morroodle]

Morrotober Overview

October is over and morrotober is done! I actually made it all the way through without missing a single day (I swapped 2 days because I have a terrible concept of time but that dosent count). I'm so proud of myself. I've tried an October drawing challenge year after year but I always gave up and burned out after the first week so this is a huge accomplishment.

I'm not quite sure what made this year different but there are a few things I think might have helped:

Morro is my blorbo and ninjago is my hyperfixation. I'm already obsessed and thinking about it daily so this wasnt too different

I gave myself flexibility. Even though I ended up doing one for every day I never was going to force myself to do so, I had the freedom to skip a day if I didn't want to do it.

Flexibility pt. 2: I didn't make a full drawing every day. I allowed myself to put in as much or as little effort as I wanted which removed some of the pressure and worked better with my schedule

Now for some fun stuff! A recap of the art I made this month and my thoughts on some of the peices.

My favorite peice: day 29 - au/the movie

This was so much fun and I'm so happy with how it turned out. I couldn't decide on one au to draw since I have so many and keep making them so I just did a bunch! (Copy paste my best friend) I've had a bunch of ideas for designs bounching around for a while and getting to draw a handful of them with less effort than a full drawing which is great for my mental health. Honestly I liked making this and the results so much that I'm probably gonna do more of these with more designs.

Least favorite: day 1 - torment/chains

A dissapointing start to the challenge but luckily things only went uphill from here. The reason i dont like it is because this is one of those instances where the idea I have in my head is above my skill level. Additionally this is one of the ones that took the longest which is extra dissapointing considering I don't even like the result. I am proud of the hands though!

Most effort: day 14 - crew

I am NOT used to doing more than like 2 characters in one drawing and this was a challenge. Figuring out a pose for all of them was hard and I had to get creative with Wrayth cause he came last. I originally wanted to put a ghost dragon behind them too but that was just more effort and time than I had. Funny story about this one actually! I completed the base sketch for 3/5 of the characters but then my computer got fucky and I had to restart it. I saved the drawing but when I tried to open it I got the dreaded clip studio Unsupported File Format and had to restart ;-; I spent like half an hour trying to restore but had to give up in the end and restart.

Least effort: day 23 - memories

Little guy. Tiny dude. Took like 5 minutes and I love it. I didn't realize just how small I made him until I got a reblog saying they couldn't find him.

Most popular: day 5 - rope

Would have liked for some of my other drawings to get some of the attention this one got but honestly I'm not suprised it got so popular. It's a masterpiece.

Least popular: day 12 - underwater/submarine

Guess people don't want morro to be destinkified

Extra: day 6 - skeleton

This dude literally showed up on google?? I made that???? The funny part is the link dosent even lead to my blog or tumblr

Additional notes: wait what am I supposed to do now?? I think I forgot how to have free time?? For an entire month it's just been school eat sleep and morrotober but now it's over I don't know what to do with myself. A

Did I enjoy this? Yes. Will I do it again next year? Who fucking knows. Anyway back to my normal bs

[mirukimary]

My Art Summary for 2022!

(Under the cut I'll go into more details for each month, for memory's sake. Warning: It's LONG.)

Come one, come all for your opportunity to see all of the drawings I should have posted but never did! The ones that make me work harder every december to remember when tf i drew what! The ones that, in missing, make it seem like i only draw once a year--! (going through my twitter media tab is depressing LMAO)

JANUARY

[Pictured: Iola in Prenda clothing. There was a Twitter Post going around asking you to draw your WoL in your country's traditional clothes. Ofc I didn't skip the opportunity to do it! And drew my BF's WoL too for good measure. Still my fav drawing of the year!]

Also worked on a VTuber model for a friend (i drew it as a bust january last year; then this year was asked to expand it to full body). It was very challenging, but also fun!

For the rest, I designed some backstory NPCs for Asera (Daimyorus childhood friend, his goddess and a mage that helped us multiple times); and drew some twitch emotes for a client. Was a fresh, fun start. I remember having a lot of fun and finding that month quite relaxing.

(Goddess Rondra, Mage Rupin & elf-friend Pedro (RIP))

FEBRUARY

[Pictured: My friend's bunny boi~]

Further work was done on the VTuber model, a lot of parts that weren't quite working before were redrawn. He was taking form!! Now that most of the work was done, also did a ref sheet to go with it. I couldn't wait to see him moving!

That's when I started preparing to open commissions for realz, trying to think of prices and set up examples. I drew some BGs and the Complexity Guide, and set most of the boring things up. I plan to open comms either Jan 2023 or February 2023, so let's hope all the work paid off~

MARCH

[Pictured: 'Smile at the Blue Skies', or "Fuq i need a bust sketch ref for my commission examples page". Sounds a bit less dreamy now, huh? LMAO]

But yeah, most of the month was dedicated to the VTuber model, working to fix it as the rigger found issues. Ref Sheet was finished this month. I'll stop mentioning the model, but the back and forth lasted till june or so?? Had to fix all of his toggles; and redraw his entire hair to allow for a better 3D effect when moving (it went from 3~6 layers to over 20). This was my first time working on vtuber models, so there was A LOT to learn. It surprising how many pitfalls there is in vtuber making. I'm very proud of how it turned out, and eternally grateful to the rigger (and to my friend) for being so patient with me. I was sent a small demo of what he looks like, and seeing your drawing move so beautifully like that feels magical!! There's still much to design and draw before he can debut, but hope you can support him then!

Oh yeah, there was this attempt too:

APRIL

[Pictured: 'With Friends' the commission I worked on through March and April. Extra special because that's my friend & his pets there!]

Also sketched some ideas for illustrations of our RP characters (hi Irene), but never really completed them:

It feels so long since I made these... Double checked like 3 times to make sure it wasn't April 2021 LMAO

I REALLY want to revisit some of these now.

MAY

[Pictured: #XIVARTBASH drawing, featuring Nero.]

Also drew the catgirl from Love2DrawManga. Didn't do much this month (...or did but forgot). I believe I worked on some BGs I can't show, but these are still very much stuck at WIP :(

JUNE

[Pictured: Nia's WoL, Mat. Just a smol gift for someone that brings a lot of joy to FFXIV Twitter.]

So... I completelly forgot I was drawing my OCs outfits [facepalm]:

(Don't mind the two in the corner, I don't want my essay to get hit with Tumblr hammer LMAO They're nowhere near done). But yeah, these are my OCs from 'Elder''. I've had them since childhood, and still love them, even if I gave up on the book idea. Will make an actual post once all is done and I can go back to their character illusts uwu

JULY

[Pictured: Cade from 'Still Shining'. Working on this was an amazing experience~ Won't go on detail bc I already did, but still glad for the experience!]

Instead I'll talk about... Art Fight month!!!

SO.MUCH.FUN

I'm 100% going back next year! This event just proved how much I love drawing people's OCs. I really want to be a commission artist so I can do that for a living. Sadly I didn't get to draw everyone I wanted, plus I wasted a lot of time trying to look through OCs while the website was dying LMAO Next year I'll come prepared!

Also I drew that Spring picture to use as a reference in her profile there. I missed drawing her!

AUGUST

[Pictured: Commission for 'Under Maintenance'.]

Mostly worked on commemorative stuff. Anniversary chibi for Brie; that Under Maintenance pic; Thank You for DL message for 'Loving You Fully' and 'Still Shining'. Also designed some outfits (and painted some sprites) for Mythic Meetup: Midnight Mystery (not released yet!).

Started a bday gift for my boyfriend, but something kept looking 'off' about it so I didn't finish in time. Turns out it was overblended... And will require a redraw. Sorry boyfriend TT But my wife (tm) needs to look perfect!!

Also made the design for our new RP characters:

(mine is the not-cat girl, obviously)

...And I belive this is when I made that cursed Yshtola feeding Zero picture? Yeah.

SEPTEMBER

[Pictured: Witch Torunn]

Made the YCH bases, as well as 3 examples. I have no memories of this month, but Windows says this sketch is from september:

OCTOBER

[Pictured: Old OC redraw, for my Commission Guide. Decided to do it after a client asked for clarification if an old drawing was halfbody or fullbody (august last year, Torunn sitting down).]

They're really old OCs of mine. Ever RP-ed in Deviantart groups? I did!!

Cecilia (<-) is pretty much a Iola prototype: salve maker and potion seller who lives with her dad (who taught her the craft). One day he collapses during work, and Cecilia ends up overworking herself to afford his medicine and other living expenses. In desperation, she joins The Guild as a novice magician for money, and gets herself involved on a war she never intended to join.

Celticca (->) is a archer and aspiring musician who wants to make the most beautiful song (tm) for her family. She's very sweet, but naïve and scatterbrained. I didn't have much planned for her, but had a lot of fun seeing her constantly get involved with Evil/Neutral alligned characters w/o noticing LOL

....Now that I think about it, she's literally a FFXIV bard, before I knew anything about XIV.

The rest of October was focused on Magni's Birthday Project and my YCH Halloween Commissions.

...And THIS:

Halloween pictures of our current RP characters \O/ To go with our halloween session~ Also drew these two for our halloween one-shot:

Ellie (<-) and Hadrianus (->). Ellie is a yandere witch I made as a joke and fell in love with. Hadrianus is my BF's wizard. Yes, he looks like Dr. Strange. Yes, that's the joke. The 3rd character was Rosemary, but I didn't ask to draw her so she's missing :( I do want to draw all of them at some point. We accidentally made "Spy x Family, but it's horror and Loid wants to run away" LOOOL I love this trio!!

Made 2 adoptables, but since they went unsold I decided to remove them and redraw for next year:

(The neutral pose doesn't help them stand out ^^;; Sorry bbys)

Also sketched Julio from Atelier Sophie~

(Hoping to finish it early next year. He's not the only idea I had while playing, but other stuff took priority"")

October was so much fun!! Sadly it let me completely drained by the end of it. I got hit with such a HUGE art block it was like my hands just... Forgot how to draw. Everything came out weird. Sadly, that resulted on me having to drop a drawing I was making for Brie :/ Hoping I can pick it back up soon... (better late than never right?)

It's around that time I decided to work on an AI redraw. Used Crayon (old Dall-e Mini) to create some monstrosity for me and tried to turn it into an actual drawing.

The monstrosity:

The Work In Porgress:

This drawing is a bit painful to look at, because of all the self doubt and bad feelings attached to it. But I want to finish it someday. My prompt was something stupid like 'cute anime girl having fun'. I want to remain true to the prompt and make her meeting with lil ladybug feel warm and fun!

...Like of the feelings I was missing back then, and am just now starting to get back.

TL;DR: Take breaks or you'll break.

NOVEMBER

[Pictured: Chibi Adra for Kyou.]

Managing burnout through most of it. Eventually just decided to stop fighting and played games instead. Even with the frame drops, Atelier Ryza is pretty fun~ Hoping to go bk to it soon.

At some point my boyfriend said I should just draw things to have fun for a bit. I followed his advice...

DECEMBER

[Pictured: Art Party (DracoLunari's WoL)]

...By drawing Iola as a sheep herder. It was much more fun than it sounds. I didn't care for polish at all, just seeing Iola in a cute outfit LMAO It's... A mess of a drawing. But it's MY mess of a drawing. I feel this thought calmed my mind a lot.

Also went for my first ever Art Party. It was fun, tho brain did get in the way after a bit, as expected ^^;;; Still want to go to these more often!! It's fun to draw & chat with others.

For random drawings, all I have is a(n embarrassing) fanart of Elf from Isekai Ojisan. I'll post eventually..... (that anime is hilarious)

For now I have a commission and a collab to take care of, and a certain Moon Goddess to draw as soon as possible~ Will be doing my best these next few days, and hope Iola can be my sheperd and guide me to the path of 'having lots of fun drawing again'.

ONWARDS TO 2023...

May my year be filled with bad drawings that I love;

And good drawings I'm proud of.

May your year give you the same

And everything else you wish for!

Thanks @/Taxkha on twitter for the Template!

[saksukei]

wen junhui college au

other college aus; wonu minghao mingyu

you're damn right if you think that wen junhui is a theatre arts major because he iS and that too with humanistic studies as a minor aH and he's also on the rowing team,,, he started rowing as a joke and now he has one of the best times??? like. how.

and everybody knows he has too much energy and he uses it in the best way possible

like the plays? dude has a separate fanclub

you keep on seeing new tweets about “who’s the black haired guy in the play?” like wen junhui’s popularity is straight up no joke,, EVERYBODY KNOWS HIM

you on the other hand are an exercise physiology major with nutrition as a minor and you're also part of the rowing team,, and you have the best time for the women’s team,, which means,, you see junhui every other day,,

the coach pairs you guys often,, but there’s only one small issue,,,

YOU HATE WEN JUNHUI

he's such a pain in the ass,, he teases you every time he sees you,,, he always challenges your skills and makes you doubt yourself,, oh the amount of times you’ve wanted to deck him in the face,,

and today was the same as well

“you're not dead yet?” you hissed, as you saw jun approach you,,

“dont sound so disappointed, I might think you don't like me,” he retorted, a smug expression on his face, as he set his bag right beside yours.

“but I really don't like you,” you roll your eyes,,

jun chuckled, as he clapped his hands together, getting everyone's attention.

you guys were practicing indoors, on the rowing machine because there was some trouble with the equipment and the coach had to go get new stuff

which also meant he left jun in charge,, the teams assembled,, looking at junhui for directions,,

“alright everyone, warm up for ten and then start with a thousand metres,” he instructed. “and y/n, you're my partner.”

you rolled your eyes while everyone was whistling or smirking

it was no secret that you and jun didn't get along and he purposely tried to get on your nerves,,, heck everyone in the club said you two would fall in love at one point or another but you assured them by saying you'd rather choke

“your IQ is lower than room temperature junhui if you think that I want to train with you,” you hissed, as the two of you walked towards the machine.

“oh I'm sorry, I don't compare my intelligence quotient to someone who was deprived of oxygen when they were born,” he snapped, as he started warming up.

“you know what,” you spoke. “i'll just aggressively ignore your existence until you disappear.”

“maybe you should try doing it with that bird hair of yours, looks like worms will crawl out of it soon”

“why don't you look at your face first– ass clown?”

“why don't you look at your face first ass clown” he mimicked in a high pitched tone and all you wanted was to stab him there and then

“CAN YOU TWO SHUT UP WE'RE TRYING TO PRACTICE?” one of the team members yelled, causing you two to fall silent and warm up.

the next day,,, one of your best friends had begged you to go to her department because she had misplaced one of her things,, you only agreed on the basis that you'd be getting pizza

you were passing by the theatre to the class she told you to go to,, and you heard someone rehearsing their lines,, you went ahead to see who it was,,

of course it was jun with a script in his hands,,

and you don't know what it was,, but something just pulled you into the room,, maybe it was the way his words echoed of the walls,, the emotion in those alluring eyes of his,,

you actually sat down and listened to him instead of wanting to kill him,,, understanding what the hype was around him,,

like? you didn't even know this side of junhui existed??? excuse me? he was the biggest dick alive to you so you never really paid attention to anything nice that he did but this,,

you didn't even realize he had stopped until someone snapped you out of it

and you saw jun standing right in front of you

“well well well, it looks like I have a fan,” he smirked, folding his arms as he bent down to your level

“h-heck no,, I was just,,, looking for the um.....” you cursed your memory internally for forgetting.

“umm?” he teased,,

“shut up, I really was looking for something,” you snapped

“alright, alright” he surrenders,, raising his hands in defeat. “how was it though?” he asked.

“what?”

“the lines,, i'm sure you heard some of it.”

“they were um,,, good,” you reply,, shyly,, you've never been used to giving him compliments,,

jun nods as an awkward silence befalls the both of you,, you take it as a que to leave,, but then his voice stops you,,

“hey,, why don't you rehearse with me?” he suggested. “my actual partner is really busy and I need someone to rehearse with.”

“uh,, yeah sure?” you reply,,, as he hands you the script,,

jun started reciting his lines and you responded with the same enthusiasm

but the only thing that worried you was the last,, scene

in the script, it was written that jun's chracter would walk over to where you were, push your character against the wall and would try to initiate a kiss but your character would push him away

and so jun recited his last line, “i don't think I've ever tasted lips so fine, heck i'd taste them over and over again” he walked towards you, eventually pushing you against the wall

and your hEART WAS LIKE BADUMP!!

and his face was an inch from away from yours and you could feel his breath tickling your ear and you realized,,, how pretty wen junhui was,, how perfectly sculptured his face was,, those lips,, those cheekbones?? wait what??

and you were so mesmerized with how he acted on stage you didn't really realize you had to play a part as well

jun broke his stance, “you know you're supposed to push me away right?”

AND YOU BECAME RED

��y-yeah uh–but I–um remembered that I left the stove on!” you lied. “aND I DID SO BYE JUN!” you grabbed your bag and yEETED YOURSELF OUT OF THERE

and jun was confused but he ignored it and started rehearsing again

you on the other hand were trying to calm yourself like ???? It's just wen junhui? what the FUCK? Why is your heart racing so fast?? you were so confused? wHY? why is this happening

and the next time you saw him at training, oh dear god

“well if it isn't miss sunshine,” jun grinned.

“shut up jun, your existence makes me want to die,” you muttered,,, you felt your cheeks getting warm,,

“well, great, I think I'd be doing the world a favor.”

“jun if you're going to bother me one more time during practice I'm going to kick you so hard you will lose the ability to entertain a partner” you hissed, as you started warming up.

“nah,, you don't have the balls to do it,” he grinned, especially proud of the pun he used.

“you know what,,, I don't give a damn, so just leave me alone.”

“you give so many damns, they're visible from space,,,” he says,, his face is close to yours,, and you stop BREATHING

jun grins,, he thinks he has rendered you speechless,, as he goes up ahead to train with the boys,,

aND YOU FELT YOUR HEART WAS GOING TO JUST POP OUT OF YOUR CHEST

and now you were noticing all of these little things about him,, from his silly smile, to how he rolls his eyes, copies every small thing someone else does, to his goofy jokes, how his hair falls on his face, or just,,, him in general

all the while trying to keep your angry/annoyed facade so that he wouldn't pick up on it

but oh boy, it's wen junhui

and he notices every goddamn thing

including how much you've been staring at him especially in today's training session

he knew you were acting really weird since the rehearsal thingy but he was letting it slide because he thought you were upset or something and he didn't want to get on your nerves more

regardless, you decided to ignore jun from today onwards,, to stop feeling whatever you were feeling,,

and every thing was going great

you barely talked to him in rowing practice, you didn't attend the plays or even go anywhere near him

and jun,,,, he stopped annoying you as well

for two months

the whole damn university noticed but nobody dared to say anything ,,,,, in fear that you guys won't talk again

you were casually walking to the cafeteria and you heard something that just ,,,,, made your heart stop

“did you hear that jun got injured really badly? He was practicing in the theatre and this glass fell on his foot,,”

aND YOU DID A FULL 180 AND RAN AS FAST AS YOU COULD TO WHERE HE WAS

you had no idea why you suddenly cared so much like sure yeah, it was bad he got hurt but you were running so fast you felt your heart would pop out of your chest

the nurse eventually led you to where he was

and you saw his leg covered in bandages???

and your heart just broke

“hey what are you doing here?” jun asked. “i haven't seen you in like,,, two months?”

“jun I'm sorry–” you felt tears slide down your face. “i'm sorry I ignored you every time you tried to make a conversation with me or whatever I just,,, I had all these feelings that I couldn't figure out and I got scared–”

“hey hey hey, it's okay,” he cooed, as he opened his arms wide, only for them to wrap around you, as you cried in his chest. “no harm done, I promise.”

“no but jun– I was really inconsiderate and I just kept on feeling like I was missing something but I couldn't figure out what it was,” you cried out. “i felt ignoring you would be a solution but I just, I don't know?”

“hey, okay listen to me– what happened in these past two months happened–” he wiped the tears from your face. “but I hope you understand that the only reason I used to bother you a lot was because,, well,,, I really geniunely like you.”

“l-like me?” you stuttered.

“why do you think I annoy the crap out of you?”

“because you're an idiot, you like doing stuff like this,” you answered.

“but you're the only one I annoy?”

“okay that part I missed,” you give him a weak smile,, jun chuckles,, ruffling your hair,,

“in all seriousness though, I hated these two months. I felt like you were upset or something and I didn't want to risk hurting you even more so I stopped talking altogether because I thought you'd talk to me if I did,,” he admitted.

“its my fault this happened in the first place,” you responded. “and I now realize how stupid I am.”

“you're not stupid, you're just an ass clown,” he joked, a playful smile on his face.

“but i'm still sorry, junhui,” you sighed. “i really didn't want this to happen.”

“hey, it's okay– we both were right in our own places.”

“so um now what do we do?” you asked.

“well it depends,” he answered. “does someone want a cute, charming, handsome and brilliant boyfriend?” he grinned.

“only if he wants an amazing, beautiful, smart and talented girlfriend,” you answered.

“oh he sure as hell does,” jun grinned.

[jumoonjae]

Feelings

Pairings: Reader x Hyunjae x Q

Genre: Angst x Fluff

Warnings: None

Summary: A story of a love triangle (not really)

Having a guy as your best friend can really be tricky sometimes because when you're both single, you spent almost every time together and you somehow unconsciously developing feeling for him. It get worst when you enrolled to the same college right after high school. It was okay at the first two or three semester, you had each other by your side through thick and thin, knowing more every little thing about each other just like the back of your hand which resulting you to fell harder for him. Your biggest mistake was you were sure he'll never slip off from your finger.

But he did.

And you let him.

You felt the painful prick inside in every flesh of your heart just by the sight of his beautiful glimmering eyes every single time she walks by. You swallowed the pain that is in the form of a thorn and pretend you're not affected by it at all, and you thanked heaven for blessing you with the art of hiding your true feeling for him. You even encourage him to make a move on her just to make you facade more believable.

What a fool.

Because it was the only way for you to keep him as your best friend at least, just to keep him close to you even if he doesn't like you the way you like him. But how wrong you are.

He made a move to talk to her and she seems to be interested too. But then again who doesn't, Changmin is one of the most talented and charming person in the campus, everyone loves him even the lecturer. In no time, they were together, they were lover and you had to watch every single day he hold her like the way you always crave for, the affection, the looks and the kiss. But you smiled anyway, each time you met his eyes, or hers. She became your friend too, you couldn't hate her at all.

“I’m fine.” You lied one day when he hesitated to run straight to her or stay with you by the time she came into the view at the cafeteria.

“Go ahead spend time with your girlfriend.” You said nudging him with a smile.

“I’ll call you tonight.” He ruffles your hair with an apologetic frown which you shake your head to and he run to her while she waved at you so innocently and you waved back with the sincerest smile you could pull even when your heart dropped down to your stomach leaving it's place painfully empty.

He didn't call that night. Or texted. The frequent chatting and long conversation between you two started to die down until he barely contact you anymore. You missed him, but there's nothing you could do to have him back. There is nothing you can do.

Each day he spend his free time with her and barely had any time with you anymore. but you didn't want him to feel bad so you started to hang out with other people even if its never the same like when you're with him, it will never be the same. but you need to accept the fact that you couldn't keep him for yourself anymore, you want him to be happy even if its not with you, even if his happiness breaks your heart.

You need to let go because all those late night conversation that you both been sharing, all his problems that you can't fix for him, all his inner battle that never seems to settled. You think maybe she could help to put it to ease because you know you can't. if you could, you wouldn't have heard the same ranting every night. So you keep your distance with him just so you wont break his relationship, so you wont take away their happiness.

“That’s nice.” You heard someone spoke from your back as you done putting up the pictures you took as told by your mentor at the bulletin board where all the art student displayed their work. You look back and saw a tall guy admiring your work and you step back a little to stand next doing the same thing. It was the picture you took at the Han river during your night walk alone.

“Is this yours?” he asked pointing to the picture glancing at you then back to it.

“yeah.” You answered simply, looking at the still picture of the city lights taken by the bridge with blurry passer by.

“It feels so lonely, but peaceful at the same time.” He spoke and you smiled looking down, it was true what he said, you felt so lonely but is somehow made you feel calm that you thought maybe letting him go was the right thing. He's never been yours from the start.

“I'm Hyunjae by the way.” He held out his hand and you look up to his face which had the sweetest smile on that made you smile back and took his hand.

“I’m Y/N.”

Hyunjae took no time to be your friend, he was easy to talk to and you love his company. Slowly, you manage to bury your feeling for Changmin deeper day by day and Hyunjae did so much to replace him. Somehow he did it, he didn't have anything in common with Changmin but you like the challenge of knowing him anyway, it was always new thing every day, a pleasant surprise.

“Y/N.” Hyunjae chirped startling you in the process and he laugh at the way you flustered making you hit his shoulder lightly.

“What are you doing?” He asked taking a seat next to you at the cafeteria.

“Nothing, just editing these.” You pull the side of your laptop a little to show him your work and he lean over to take a closer look.

“You really are a talented photographer.” He complimented making you pushed his shoulder bashfully.

“hey i was wondering.” He leaned back to his seat pondering with his words, looking down to his hands while you paid full attention to him.

“I've got ticket for next week music festival.”

“Really? I didn't manage to get mine though, they've sold out weeks ago.” You frowned

“I got two ticket you know. So.. maybe.. you want to come with me?” you laughed at the way he adorably dragging his words and he grinned sheepishly.

“I’d love to.” You smiled and he did too staring into your eyes for a while before looking away bashfully. He had completely filled the void and help you put back you heart into its place, ready to love again. But you wait. You wait for it to heal perfectly so you can love Hyunjae with all of it without having Changmin ever crossing your mind anymore.

“You’re going with who?” 

Changmin voice raised a little when you told him you're going to the music festival with Hyunjae. Its been a while since you both get to spend time with each other, you were finally feeling genuinely fine by it now that you have Hyunjae by your side. Its already the music festival week and Changmin probably didn’t want you to feel left out so he ask you to come along with his girlfriend. But when you said you already have a date, he was a little mad making you wondering, giving the sparks of feeling for him that you buried deep down a light. A dim light, but enough for it to slowly crawling back to the surface, but you ignore it.

“Why?” You asked, still walking a step ahead from him to the cafeteria.

“Since when do you became close with him?”

“Just recently, wait. It think its been two months.” You shrugged and he exhaled.

“Do you like him?” He asked suddenly making you stop on your track stepping a little to the side before turning back to look at him questioningly. You were actually asking him mentally ‘Are you jealous?’ but another word came out instead.

“He's a nice guy and what's wrong with that?”

“Be honest, you hang out with him just because i started dating aren't you?” you were taken aback a little by his words. It was true at first, you were hanging out with Hyunjae so you didn't feel empty anymore. But when time passed, he's been growing so much in you and you're started to fall for him. 

“What? No Ji Changmin, as far as I could remember I have the right to date anyone I want my friend.”

“What?” He raised his voice again and you hissed at him playfully rolling your eyes.

“Hey.” You heard Hyunjae from the back snaking his hands around your waist pulling you close to him until your back touches his front and you look up to him instantly with a big smile.

“Hey you.” You coos ignoring Changmin who was crossing his arms on his chest in annoyance by the sight of Hyunjae hands casually touch you.

“I’ll pick you up tonight at eight okay.” He smiled sweetly making the butterflies inside you to rise full with pride.

“Alright I see you tonight.” You touch his shoulder trailing your hand down to his chest as he peck your cheek before letting him run to his friends. You look back to Changmin who was raising his eyebrow.

“What?” you chuckle continue walking to the cafeteria.

“I don't like him.” He stated

“that’s not nice Changmin, you barely know the guy.”

“its just been two month and he already being touchy with you and you let him kiss you.”

“It just a peck Changmin. Stop being over protective.” You shake your head trying to laugh him off.

“And besides, two month is enough even for us to sleep together.” You shrugged making his eyes widen in pure shock at your words.

“You what?!”

“I was just kidding you idiot.”

It has been full three month since Hyunjae first talked to you and you decided to confess to him. Your feeling for him was crystal clear and you had no doubt about his feeling for you. He had untie the tight knot that was constantly pulled every time you saw Changmin with his girlfriend until you felt nothing but happy for them. 

In those three months, Changmin had slowly fades from you even when he was right in front of you or when they were standing in the same room, the first who catches you attention was no longer Changmin, it was Hyunjae. You were lying if the feeling for him had completely gone, but your feeling for Hyunjae were much more prominent and you were happy

“Are you going to the trip to see the cherry blossom?” Hyunjae asked when you both were having lunch at your usual spot at the cafeteria.

“I think so.” You answered still checking the picture you took leaving your food untouched.

“Yah, enough with the camera.” He whined attempting to take the camera away from your hand but you saw what he was going to do and turn your back on him with a giggle.

“Wait, I need to delete some picture first or else I’m going to forget which one to delete.” You reason out stopping him from taking it away.

“let me see then.” He leaned his chin on your shoulder and you showed it to him one by one.

“No don’t delete that, its beautiful.” He pointed out at the picture of the blurry crowd you took while you both was walking down the Itaewon streets and you looked to your side until your lips almost brushed his cheek, but he backed away just enough to give you space to turn your body.

“Its kind a blurry don't you think?” You showed a few picture with the same scenery until your head bumped into each other when you lean in trying to show him and you both laughed. his hand caressed the spot where his head had bumped.

“You always took a blurry picture and its nice, its your style, or signature.” He said while patting your head and you smile at him, thanking him for his sweet words.

“You want to go with me?” He asked again since you didn’t answer him yet, and you chuckle looking up to him, he was smiling like an angel waiting for you to answer.

“Who else am i going with.” You smiled and he smile back giddily crushing you with his bear hug.

“But why did you sounds like i am the only option? What about your friends?” he asked pulling his body away for a little with a frown.

“If you want me to go with them, then i’ll go with them.” You shrugged making him whined.

“no. I was just asking.” He pulled you back to his hug and you giggled ruffling his hair.

“I’m planning to take my mom’s car so we wont have to rush the bus and trains.” He let you go, pulling your food closer to you gesturing you to start eating and you complied by placing your camera on the table.

“What? Its going to more exciting taking trains and bus with other students don’t you think?” you suggested, imagining you taking picture of people having fun in the train.

“Hadong is a huge place, the last bus going to leave at six. You think its enough time? Besides i want to watch the stars from there, they said the sky is the prettiest there during the night.”

“We can spend the night there and catch the bus next morning.” You suggested making him stop mixing his rice looking at you all flustered.

“What?” you teased bumping your shoulder into his.

“If you okay with it then why not.” He scratch the back of his head nervously and a big smile creep on your face just by the sight of his giddiness. You turn back to your food and ate in silence with him doing the same. He really had been growing so much in you.

Far back from the corner of the cafeteria, there stood Changmin witnessing everything that tug something painful inside of him. He shake the feeling away and walked to the opposite side of your spot sitting with his back facing you and Hyunjae trying so hard to ignore the growing pain inside of him.

The long ride to Hadong was fun just like you imagined, all the students starts singing out of no where using anything as an instrument and you had a good laugh when some of then cracking the most stupid joke. You took some picture here and there and the result came out well. You and Hyunjae took extra clothes just as planned to spend the night and you really excited to see the whole thing.

It was beautiful, the place was filled with pink cherry blossom blooming beautifully and the way the flower flew when the wind blow just like a snow. Cherry blossom snow. It really felt like a movie with you standing under a cherry blossom tree with Hyunjae holding your waist while you taking picture. He will rest his chin on your shoulder everytime you show the result to him. If you had to describe how your feeling for Hyunjae, you will call it a blooming cheery blossoms. 

“watch your step, there’s plenty of rocks and pebbles along the way.” He said handing you your twisted potato after helping you settles on the bench not far from where you both were standing.

You both walked until the end of the cherry blossom path where you saw a river and there's a kayak booth which you pull Hyunjae sleeves running a little in excitement, wanting to give it a try with Hyunjae giggling while being dragged by you.

But a voice stopped you from running, it was a familiar voice. You look back to see Changmin and his girlfriend rushing to both of you.

“What in the hell are you doing?” he huffed annoyingly at you not even sparing any look to your boyfriend and you were offended by the way he spoke.

“What does that supposed to mean?”

“you missed the bus.”

“And you're not?” You spat back annoyingly taking a step forward, your eyebrow twitched and he scoffed at your response thickening the tension between both of you.

He was beginning to get into your nerve since you started to date Hyunjae. 

“We were there at the bus but he insisted waiting for both of you.” His girlfriend explained and you couldn't help to feel bad for her.

“We were planning to stay the night.” Hyunjae stepped forward pulling you back closer to him and you noticed the frown on Changmin's face when he did that. Was that jealousy? Had he figured that he had feelings for you too? But Hyunjae's grip on your arm pulled you out from that thoughts and you look back to him pressing your lips into a thin line, forming a smile.

“We will take the first bus tomorrow morning.” You said to Changmin's girlfriend trying to assure her by rubbing her arm and she nod with a smile.

“Okay where are you going to crash for tonight?” changmin spat with his annoying tone that really got into your nerve.

“I’ve booked a place for us, but i'm sure they have more place.”

“We should stick together.”

“Fine.”

For the first time in your life, you feel annoyed by Changmin's presence where he constantly interfere any attempted affection that you and Hyunjae trying to make while he trying to show off his own with his girlfriend which end up annoying her too.

“We should stop by the store first.” Hyunjae suggested and you nod while waiting for the bus to the motel.

“I'm tired, can we just go straight to the motel.” Changmin whined and you rolled your eyes shooting him an annoyed look and he just shrugged.

“you two can check in first, they had some place for barbeque at the garden by the hotel and we were planning to have one while watching the stars.” You told his girlfriend and she looked excited.

“So romantic.” she coos and you lean your shoulder to Hyunjae who was smiling at you.

“They said the night sky are the best here.” He throw his hand on your shoulder pulling you closer to him letting you snuggles to his chest.

“You can join us if you want.” he suggested to Changmin and his girlfriend which you shot him a look with a frown.

“What? Its going to be fun and i can get to know your best friend more.” He whispered and you melted at the way how hard he tried to get close to your best friend.

“Thank you.” You caress his hands with your thumb smiling up to him and he smiles back like he always did. 

The night went well, but the conversation was mainly between you and Hyunjae while Changmin and his girlfriend seems to fall into silence only talk when being asked. You stop Hyunjae from trying to get close to Changmin by snuggling with him under the blanket where you brought just for the occasion while watching the stars.

You admired him while he was admiring the scattered stars up in the sky, looking at it like he was in love with it just like you're in love with him.

“Y/N can you walk me to my room for a while?” Changmin snaps you away from the most beautiful view and you sighed. He was tipsy from drinking a little too much and you could tell.

“Its okay, I'll clean this up and meet you at the room right after.” Hyunjae said helping you getting up and you nod letting him peck your forehead before leading Changmin into the building.

“Are you going to sleep with him?” Changmin asked suddenly after you both were inside the building.

“Yes.” You answered in a heartbeat even if you don't know whether Hyunjae is having the same idea with you, but you admit it anyway just so Changmin will stop bothering you.

“If i told you not to would you listen to me?” he stop walking making you stop turning your body fully to face him.

“Why?”

“Because I love you.” He said, petrifying you with his words, it was the word you had been waiting for years, a words that you always pray for so he will uttered it to you one day. a word that you’ve been dying to hear. 

But that was before, that was you dream before Hyunjae and you were glad that it doesn't affect you like the way you thought it will be.

“I know you love me too. I know you love me since so long and i'm sorry for pretending that i didn't see it.” He took a few step closer to you but you didn't flinch. There were disappointment, but it doesn’t matter to you anymore. you didn’t care why he didn't do anything about it and keep it to himself. but you were curious.

“Why did you date her if you knew?”

“Because i thought i didn't feel the same way.” You exhaled at his answer looking down not knowing what to say or what to do with that information. But then he lift your chin with his index finger and leaned closer to kiss you.

You let him kiss you not knowing there's a pair of eyes that has been witnessing everything. When you kissed Changmin back, he shut his eyes only to see you smile to the kiss the moment he open his eyes. Couldn’t bear the pain in his chest anymore, he walked away from the scene.

“Changmin we had our chance.” You slowly push his body away from you, pulling yourself away from the dizzying kiss. It put your mind into a great mess, that your mind keeps buzzing like a static radio. but when other thing was blurry and hazy, one thing that stood out so clear, just like the picture you always took. it was your feeling for Hyunjae.

“Y/N please.” He took your hand placing it on his chest.

“You had your chance in all those years to confess but you didn't.” You let go of his hands holding your own.

“I'm not blaming you entirely because its my fault too for being a coward. But we had our chance Changmin, and we blew it.”

“and i'm in love with somebody else.”

“i’m in love with Hyunjae.”

“He saw us kissed.”

“No.”

“He just left.”

“You asshole. It was intentional wasn't it?”

“I just had to.”

“Hyunjae.” You called softly after entering the room that you both shared. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking down to his hands. Nervousness starting to creep inside you by the sight and the silence from him. You stood there by the door looking down at your feet, hands fidgeting with the rim of your dress.

“You should sleep, we need to catch the first bus in the morning.” He said standing up with blanket on his hands walking to the couch just right next to the bed without looking at you. But you didn’t budge, still looking down like a kid getting scolded by their parents for causing a big trouble.

You bit your lips hard when tears starts to brimmed in your eyes. You didn’t even dare to blink, not wanting the tears to fall.

“I’m tired, can you turn off the light please.” He said and you look up to where he already lay down, covering his body using the blanket, his back facing you. You hold your sniffles and do as told leaving the room in pitch black.

“Hyunjae.” Your voice cracked and you swallow hard to make it easier your you to speak.

“I-I am so-”

“I’m tired Y/N. Please, let me rest. Its been a long day.” He cut your words, but not sharp enough. But it still hurts you. It hurts you because you hurt him and you didn’t even know how to explain.

With the help of the lights peeking through the window, you slowly walked to your bag and take your clean clothes and toiletries.

You turn on the shower letting the warm water run down your skin while you stood there looking into spaces not long before you break down, covering your mouth not wanting to be heard by him. It was the longest you ever cried, longer than the day Changmin asked his girlfriend out. It was even longer than when you bid your goodbye to your parents at the airport.

God, how much you love him, and now you’re losing him.

Hyunjae haven't spoke a word to you since the bus ride back to the city and you didn't dare to speak to him either. The ride was awfully silent and you could hear Changmin and his girlfriend giggled from the back seat. You couldn't help to think that they were mocking you both but you know they weren't. You suddenly feels empty without Hyunjae's constantly touching you like he always did when he's being excited over something or just feeling like touching you, or teasing you. He didn't even whined when you too immersed into the picture you took with your camera. You felt emptier than the time Changmin left you.

You didn't blame him for cutting every connection between you two after breaking up with you over a text and let you fall back to the loneliness. You didn't blame Changmin for not even consoling you after he heard the news of your break up with Hyunjae. You blame yourself for being you, you blame yourself for existing, for hurting people who had no other intention but to love you and you deserve the resentment that you get from him. You blame yourself for not figuring out your feelings for Hyunjae and didn't try hard enough to make him stay.

You were back to zero, alone at the cafeteria watching people and love birds walking around then get back to your pictures on your laptop ignoring the painful void inside of your heart.

You bumped into him the day after the break up, you didn't look away when you both walk past each other at the hall, neither did him. But he seems to had those indifferent look as soon as his eyes laid on you and you try hard not to show too much emotion when he's around. But it was hard, because you always saw him even when you’re not looking.

“Y/N, the portfolio that you emailed me. It was perfect. The four season portfolio.” Your mentor spoke when he saw you just about started to pack your things while your other class mate had already left. Its your routine since the break up, so you wont bumping into Hyunjae because your afternoon class always ends at the same time as his.

“It wasn't complete yet Mr Yoon. I was waiting for your feedback for anything that i should fix or re-edit.” You look up to him slinging your bag on your shoulder.

“I’ll send you my feedback later.” He said and you give him a bow. 

“Y/N, I was wondering.” Mr. Yoon voice stopped you from turning on your heels and you look at him. waiting for him to finish his sentence.

“have you been fine these day?” He asked leaning his back on the desk, crossing his arm on his chest.

“Yes. Why do you ask Mr.Yoon?”

“I knew you're running a photography blog for a long time, i have to admit it was wonderful and i even think that some of the photo you posted there should have come in with the portfolio. But you recent photo, they seems lonely.” He stop when you looked down. He must have seen your blog update, but you didn't know that it was obvious. He's your mentor and also one of the psychology professor that taught about behavior, of course he could see it.

“I’m fine Mr.Yoon.” you finally look up to him with a forced smile. “Its just life-” your breath hitched and you swallowed hard trying not to choke on your own words.

“Its just life, those ups and down.” You inhaled looking back down avoiding his gaze.

“Don’t let yourself dwell too long in it Y/N. Its okay to look back sometimes, it hard. Even if our shoes don't fit, we had our own obstacle in life, we have our own way to move on. But i hope you'll cope.” You smile to his words before bowing to him as he bid you goodbye.

You went to Itaewon alone that night taking the path that both of you and Hyunjae had been taking, tracing back all the fond memories that you shared. You even went back to Hadong alone on the weekend doing the same thing you did with him, taking picture of empty spot where it used to be filled by him. It was sad. But you need to cope. Once you had your best friend, then you have Hyunjae. But when they both left, you had nothing. Only their memories. But the most prominent one is Hyunjae's. You want to relive them for the last time before moving on.

Its the hardest every time he saw you smiling and laughing at your friend's joke. He missed that and he still want to be the one who make you laugh. He hate you for being happy right after the break up, did you really moved on that fast? Did you really don't have any feeling for him? Or did you really using him to get back to Changmin?

But there were also time when he saw you sitting alone at the cafeteria, watching people walks by with sad eyes before going back to your laptop or your camera leaving your food untouched and it made his stomach sinks in guilt. The sight take him back to the night where he heard your sniffles echoes inside the bathroom that the sound of the shower couldn’t hide.

You loved someone else and its no point to keep you if your heart is unobtainable from the start.

“Hyung, why did you break up with Y/N?” Juyeon asked when he saw you walk into the cafeteria alone with your hands full with books and headphones on. He didn't want to answer that question. He's been dreading to answer when everyone asked, he's tired of hearing people saying that you both look good together and all.

“We're taking a break.”

Its the only thing he could came up with without humiliating you or him. Its sounds like he was expecting you to come back to him, it was an open answer, it was a message for you maybe one day when you heard what he said regarding your relationship, maybe. Just maybe you change your mind and come back to him.

It was pathetic and he know it, but the romance was short, so short that he wanted more. While he was trying to look away from staring at you, he saw Changmin seated a few table away from where he was and he was expecting Changmin to get up and help you with the pile of books on your hand.

But instead, Changmin didn't even look up from his phone and you didn't even spare him a glance, just walking straight to the far corner of the cafeteria settling your stuff on the table, sitting down and played with your phone without looking around.

“Hyung?” Juyeon snaps him away from staring at you and stammered at the younger guy.

“Get back with her if you want to keep looking at her like that.” He stated and Hyunjae just shrugged him off.

‘Weird' he thought, he swears he saw you kissed Changmin back that night. You even smiled to the kiss, but why are you both giving each other a cold shoulder. Why aren't you both together when Changmin said he loves you and he said you love him too. It hurt him when you didn't even denied it, he hate you for kissing him when you were his girlfriend.

He heard your voice in the art studio after helping a random girl who was carrying too much of a canvas for painting she said. He stood there just like the other day when you were talking to your professor.

“Is it true that everybody dies alone?” You asked, you sounded so weak, the light in your eyes faded by each passing day. At first he thought you were still saddened by the way Changmin still with his girlfriend but when he confront Changmin one day.

“We had our chance but I blew it. She's in love with someone else.” -changmin

But that is all what he get from the guy, Changmin still didn't want to talk to him. He started to think that you love him, not Changmin. But he wasn't really sure either, if your relationships mattered to you, you should have talk him out not ignoring him, so he did the same. Ignoring you even how painful it was knowing the truth that you love him.

“Does that scares you?” Kevin asks taking your attention away from the window where you both propped your chin on your palm on one of the table nearest to the window while sitting down watching the sun sets.

“I don't want to be alone.” You whispered under your breath but it was clear, so clear that it hurts Hyunjae at your words.

“You missed him?”

“I do. So much that it hurts.”

“Why didn't you tell him the truth?”

“He saw me kissed Changmin back. If you're at his place would you listen to me when I try to explain?”

“No.”

“I’ve made myself a fool enough by kissing Changmin back.”

“Why did you kiss him back?”

“You know how I feel about him before. It was a dream to kiss him.” you chuckle while Kevin scoffed at your words.

“But the thing is, when i kissed him, i was thinking about Hyunjae as soon as i closed my eyes.” You smiled.

“Its just that, i finally know that love doesn't feel the same way with each person.”

“What do you mean”

“when i was in love with changmin it felt like home every time im with him. Maybe Its because he provides me one when i move back here during high school, he gave me something to rely on when i had no one, or when my brother was too occupied by his baseball. Then Hyunjae came when there’s a hole in my chest, my heart that once there was gone when Changmin left, Hyunjae starts to fill it again, slowly but in a beautiful way. He made me feel alive again. At first i thought it wasn't love because it felt so different from Changmin’s. But i get it now, love doesn't come with one specific shape or sizes.” You sit straight stretching your limbs leaning back to the chair to ease your back.

“Love is an abstract, you can't see it, you can't feel it but you know its there, you know it exist. it changes through times. Its like painting, you put down whenever comes through your mind freely on the canvas, sometimes it look nice and sometimes it doesn't. people might don't understands what we're trying to convey but it doesn't matter, as long as we knew what is it, what it means to us.” You smiled looking down staring at you clasped cold hand before glancing to your friend next to you and he looked disgusted, making you giggled at his expression.

“You are disgustingly in love. Tell him you idiot.” Kevin throw his head back with a grunt and you laugh him off.

“I don't know Kev, I’m just scared. I'm afraid because what I did was wrong. Its wrong kissing someone else just to figure out who do you love. Its pathetic. Stupid.” You exhaled looking back to the dark outside world, wondering what is he doing right now. Who is he with, did he replace you yet, or did he suffers just like how you did. You chuckled to the last thought thinking why would he suffers for the one who treated him just like you did.

“He probably don't like me anymore.” You wanted to say hate, but 'like' probably could hurt less when you said it out loud.

“I never said that.” You and Kevin eyes snaps wide open when you heard another voice instead of both of you echoes from the silence. You know that voice and when you saw Kevin eyes were fixed to someone at your back, you didn't dare to look back.

“Okay imma go.” Kevin took his bag and phone, standing up and was about to leave you, but you manage to get a grip on his wrist.

“Don’t you dare.” You warned but he just smile and wiggled his wrist away from your strong grip and when you let go, he pat your head with an assuring smile.

“This is your chance, don't waste it.” He stroke your hair softly, smiling to Hyunjae with a curt nod before walking to the exit leaving you both in the studio in silence.

“Sorry i didn't mean to eavesdrop.” He said voice coming closer with his footsteps and you still didn't dare to look back. Your body numbed while your heart pounded so hard that you were sure your chest could explode anytime.

“Y/N.” He called softly when he appeared in you peripheral view, kneeling right next to where you were seated, you shut your eyes tight not dare to look at him.

“Sorry I didn't give you any chance to explain.”

“Sorry.” He repeated again but you still too scared to look at him.

“would you please look at me.” You felt his touch on your cold hand and you turn your head slowly, meeting his beautiful gaze. It was different from the past few week where they were cold and uninviting. But right now, his gaze was soft, warm and pleading.

“Hyunjae.” You whispered, holding his hand and he hold yours tighter.

“Can we please start over again?” he said, almost pleading melting you

“Even after what I’ve done?” you tilt your head to the side and he smiles wider bringing his one hand to your cheek, caressing it slowly with his thumb.

“As long as you love me.” He said and if your muscle wasn't strong enough, your heart could probably explode from the happiness.

“I do.” You crashed your body into him so hard that he almost stumbled back but manage to balance his body.

“I love you so much Hyunjae and I'm sorry for being an idiot. You can kiss other girl once and i dont mind.” You pull away, with your hand still rested on his shoulder, kneeling in front of him.

“Why would i want to kiss other girl?” he frowned and you stuttered.

“Just so we can even out or-“ he didn't let you finish by capturing your lips into his own and you kiss him back in a heartbeat feeling his lips moulded perfectly into your own into a long kiss.

“Let me kiss that pretty lips everyday and we're even.” He said after pulling away to catch his breath and rest his forehead on yours and you smiled breathlessly.

"Anything for my amazing boyfriend."

A/N: This was written before ‘Kevin Moon’ and it was meant for Changmin baby but I just cant hurt my Hyunjae, I’m so sorry. Things really had been hard on me lately (mentally) but i’m trying to get back on track (writing). This is not my best work and i am not in the best shape but i hope you enjoyed this one. thank you. 

[emma-what-son]

(Echee post) Emma Watson gets drunk and scales a fence naked

Posted on March 20, 2014

In her new interview for Elle Emma admitted something that correlates a tweet from a witness from in July 2011 on location filming Perks of being a Wallflower From snitchseeker.com May 2014, "Among her exploits: She dated a costar Johnny Simmons, and she broke into a swimming pool at 3 A.M. "It was at a hotel," she reports happily. "It had a gate around it. My friends turned around and basically, I was gone. And the next thing they saw was me seven feet up in the air, scaling this fence." This, apparently, is not as out of character as we might suppose. Watson says coyly: "I shouldn’t be able to get away with what I’m getting away with." Here is the tweet from July 2011 and here is a POST I originally posted it in at the time "@_MarieChristine $*MarieChristine; Saw @EmWatson get so drunk that she got naked n climbed the fence to go into the swimming pool at my friend's hotel......http://twitter.com/#!/_MarieChristine." So it was true. I'm not posting the quotes here (I'll link the posts with them below) but to generalize this is a girl that claims to be shy and doesn’t like to party and doesn’t drink to have a good time because it makes her really sleepy and she’s just so boring she says and blah, blah blah. She sucks people in with these statements are herself that makes people like her. It's not just about drinking and getting drunk but everything. Nothing about her is genuine in any shape or form. She is a fraud.

In a recent interview for Wonderland Magazine Emma admitted like she always has which has been one big lie that she's boring and doesn't like being the center of attention.

So in her Wonderland magazine Emma says she shy, socially awkward and a introverted person. For some reason I don't believe her. There are certain things about her that leads me to believe she is not shy or the least bit introverted. The first part of this question asked her straight out as she ever wanted to go off the rails and get drunk and she talked about getting a tattoo but never fully answered that question. The follow up question which is split below in two parts was, "But you’re not as puritanical as that, Emma" So let's look at some thing 1.) From wonderlandmagazine.com Feb 2014, "The truth is that I’m genuinely a shy, socially awkward, introverted person." Posing half naked

For years Emma has said she was shy. From topcelebrityheadlines.com June 2011, "I’m shy." From zimbio.com May 2011, "It's really hard to have a love story for me. I'm a famous actress. And I'm shy." From digitalspy.com October 2010, "Actually, I'm quite shy. I've never liked attention." From iheartwatson.net June 2011 “I still feel shy, but I feel more like I can accept it.” Her come hither looks which I limited for space reasons. There are many and I left out new ones from the Noah premiere. This is not a trait of shy and introverted people.

I doubt a truly shy and introverted people are going to say they'll strip to gain approval for anything. From mtv.com November 2010 (NYC Deathly Hallows) When we caught up with Watson just before she ducked into the theater, we informed her that 90 percent of our viewers had given her wardrobe choice — a specially made Calvin Klein gown — an enthusiastic thumbs-up in an MTV News online poll "Awww, really? Wow, that's such a high percentage!" she exclaimed. "Wow, I aced it, obviously. That's great." While 90 percent is definitely a high number, what might she do in order to get the full 100 percent of viewers' approval? "I don't know, take it off?" she quipped. Then there is her modeling which doesn't strike me as someone that is shy or introverted.

So shy and introverted she can tell a radio host some guy thinks she looks good naked From nudography.com 2008 'Harry Potter' film actress Emma Watson has said she would do a nude scene in a future film or stage role if the script called for it. Watson got on the topic of getting naked on BBC's Live Five radio "I think it's wonderful that Daniel is willing to be so brave for his craft. It's a big risk doing something like this while being so internationally known, but he's a true professional". When asked if she would ever bare all for her art, Watson replied, "Yes, absolutely. I would do it if the script called for it. I guess I would be a little nervous, but I've been told I look good naked, so I guess I've got little to worry about". When Shaffer asked Watson who thinks she looks good naked, she playfully said, "Now, now! I won't say. But I trust his expert opinion." Then there is her attention seeking along with her sultry poses and outfits she sometimes wears. Below is a series of photos from the Cannes for TBR. Everyone is walking up the steps arm and arm but Emma stops to grab the spotlight. Once she takes the arm of a cast mate she can't stop turning around smiling, giggling and waving. Once she gets to the top she hooting and hollering and then blows a series of kisses as her cast mates walk inside. This is not someone that is shy and introverted.

Claiming she wished she did more naughty things is yet another example of what a shy and introverted person would not say. From harrypotterfan.net Nov 2010, "I wished I’d done more naughty things. Three months ago I cut my hair and at that moment I felt I became a woman. I’m ready to start taking risks. I feel less girlish than ever." ... cough ... cough... From emma-watson.net September 2013 (GQ awards), “Given the perilousness in the journey from child star to adult, any award with ‘Woman’ in the title is frankly a relief!” <---- thought she, "I’ve never been in a terrible rush to be seen as a woman.” Then there is the choices of some of her outfits. If you're shy and introverted you're not going to show some flesh and you're certainly not going to show some flesh on TV or at a strip club. The last thing you want to do is draw attention to yourself. You'd be more than happy to dress modestly. There are just a few and I limited them for space reason as well. I left out her recent plunging neckline outfit from the Noah premiere in Madrid and many others like her famed 2009 HBP premiere wardrobe malfunction outfit.

From Elle magazine April 2011 iheartwatson.net, "Does having short hair make you dress differently? ’I think it’s made me bolder in my fashion choices. It’s allowed me to dress more sexily.’” cough ... cough... From omg.yahoo.com W magazine May 2013, “I’ve never wanted to grow up too fast: I wanted to wear a sports bra until I was 22! The allure of being sexy never really held any excitement for me. I’ve never been in a terrible rush to be seen as a woman.” Never heard of a shy and introverted person want o dress more sexually because of a haircut. Then there is her constant blowing of kisses which she does a lot of which all the classic pin ups like Marilyn Monroe ands other used to do. I guess it has nothing to do with shyness but introverted people are not going to go around blowing kisses at people or into the camera.

Then there are moments like this. Who does this? Shy and introverted? I think not. This is begging for attention and just plain weird.

Blowing kisses, posing, giving that sultry look and just enjoying all the attention is not the trait of a shy and introverted person.

Now the only thing I believe her on is the socially awkward part.

Now to the second part of that quote 2.) "At a big party, I’m like Bambie in the headlights. It’s too much stimulation for me, which is why I end up going to the bathroom! I need time outs! You’ve seen me at parties, Derek. I get anxious. I’m terrible at small talk and I have a ridiculously short attention span." I doubt this is true. She loves to be the center of attention on red carpets. She loves the attention. So why would parties be any different? At Coachella (bottom left photo) she was moshing at some points on stage.

This video shows her dancing on stage but there is another I lost of a video shooting down from the stage over Emma's head and you can see she's in plain view of the thousands in attendance. When I find it I'll post it. Shy and introverted people that can't take all the stimulation like she says would not put themselves out there amongst strangers and onlookers. If so, what kind of shy and introverted person is that? To see her drunk/leaving clubs and to read her contradicting quotes about drinking click these links below Emma doesn't like to party Emma never goes clubbing Emma can drink like sailor Emma lied about not drinking at Brown So basically like so much I covered on this blog by exposing her BS this is yet another example One more thing and it's a quote I've posted many times but she keeps on changing her tune In this new interview I started this post off with she also said From snitchseeker.com May 2014, "I was being offered roles that I didn’t feel were very complicated," she says. "Women that were a bit one-dimensional. Roles that required me to be one thing. Real women never are." So, rather than embrace mediocre work, she hid out in Providence, Rhode Island, emerging only for projects that would both stretch her muscles and challenge her public persona." But yet she said something different during her time at Brown From aceshowbiz.com November 2010 She tells U.S. magazine Parade, "I get some amazing offers to act, and sometimes it's hard to say, 'No, I'm going to stay here and do my homework.' People are like, 'What do you mean she's not available?' This college experience is really important to me, and I won't give it up." And yet it was not about roles at all two years ago. It was about her studying From nytimes.com September 2012, “Why hasn’t she done more films before now? “I think at first I didn’t because I was always either studying or filming, I didn’t have time to go off and do other films or other things to sort of show people that, Oh, she is not just Hermione, she is an actress and she can go and do these other parts and roles." So which is the truth and which is the lie?  So Sam in Perks and Nicki in TBR were complicated roles that she ended up leaving two Universities for? How about her small role in MWWM that took her a little over a week to film?

[shinahbee]

November Favorites 2020!

 Hello!

So as you may have seen I have been uploading a bunch of art all of November, not every week because of my crippling job at the moment taking away my sanity.lol. But i did try my best to update whenever I can. I do have so much more to complete so please look out this December for more digital art being pumped out

How are you all doing?  I'm holding up decently, I'm trying to avoid talking about covid since that's all i've been hearing from work and home and it's really making me anxious since i'm not able to work from home due to the nature of my job. I hope you all are holding up hope and taking care of your selves, let's all remember that there is a time after this and we will get through this.

with that being said I will have a lot more time to spend on my art after January since my work term is going to end and I don't plan to stay for an extension, so maybe then I'll catch up on all of my previous art that I was supposed to upload, a.k.a my hero academia ones.lol

also I'm still chugging along reading more manhwa (web toons ) from korean and chinese artists, i'm so disappointed in myself for not discovering these sooner, these stories are really good and so much effort was put into the art panels, as I have said all I've read was manga so i'm used to just seeing black and white panels, so i never really dove into web toons though I have appreciated the work put into it, now that I'm down the rabbit hole I am discovering really good story lines that are different from the manga I've read thus far and I'm really enjoying it!

so i'm excited to share my thoughts on everything I've been liking

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                           Manhwa/Manga/Webtoon

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so previously in last months recommendations I have talked about a few of the manhwa I've been reading so I'll briefly list those below since they are all still ongoing

1) who's baby is it

2) to be or no to be

3) social temperature

4) salad days

all of them are still ongoing and i'm still in the process of reading them so I can't give a full review till it's completed but so far I am still enjoying them, that's definitely a good sign since i tend to just drop something after I don''t find it interesting anymore at some point in the story. If you have not read my October favorites journal please do so for my initial thoughts on these manhwas. Now i'm actually going to talk about some of the ones that are completed   , so you can definitely read all of them without waiting for the an update from translators, lol

this is in no particular order, just fyi

1) Path to you

"When almost college dropout Jensen attempts to drink away his problems, unemployed Nathaniel( Neil ) suddenly pukes on him and ruins his night. As an apology, Nathaniel offers to help Jensen with his studies. Despite Jensen's difficulties in getting along with people, the two become friends and something deeper begins to grow between them...”

this is the summary from one of the manga websites I was able to find, it does not even describes the emotional plot line that goes along with this later, this is ones of my absolute favorites! I love this manhwa so much, its a great depiction of a coming of age story for collage students going through their life journey and slowly getting though life's difficulties  and challenges, one character is going though emotional trauma and trying to over come it for years and another character is going through anti social disorder and discovering his sexuality, it's a plot line that portrayed human aspects in life quite well. I love the relationship between the two main character and how their relationship developed over time from being friends to being a couple. there is a lot of relationship building and minimal drama, which is really refreshing from mangas that I've read, so if you are just starting to delve into BL webtoons, please read this first! you will not be disappointed

with that being said, I love Neil, so much.... you don't even know. lol. He's so precious, literally like an actual cinnamon roll. LOL. i'm exposing myself ...so i'll leave it at that, i’m also wondering why his name is neil instead of nathan or nate...? lol.

2) Here U Are

"Orientation of  the newcomers is a task for YuYang, and he ends up helping the unsociable and towering LiHuan, the kind of person that does everything to be disliked. But after better knowing each other, he discovers that the giant isn’t that bad of a person at all...”

I really wish I could find better summaries, lol. but it's to the point without giving away too much so i'll take it. This is one of the most popular series and I can totally see why after reading it, this story has every possible human aspect and relationship building  between the two main leads, I actually teared in some parts of this manhwa and I've never done that before! such a good story and plot line, if I were to pick any series in a web toon to be animated then I would choose this series hands down. There's also sub plots between different characters as well and how they deal with their interpersonal relationships and relationships between the two main leads, I love it! This is everything I want in a story, so please check this one out

also yuyang looks a lot like miyuki Kazuya from Daiya no ace and that just made me drawn to him.I really liked his personality and in the manhwa he has girls and guys in love with him and dude...I get it.

3) BJ Alex

"Every night at 10, Dong-gyun locks himself up in his room, grabs a box of tissues, and watches a live cam boy show hosted by Alex, a BJ (broadcast jockey). Timid Dong-gyun admires not only Alex’s ripped body, but his candor in sharing his sexual experiences with viewers. One night, Dong-gyun downs too many drinks at a school networking event and passes out. When he wakes up, he’s in bed staring up at a shirtless hunk. A hunk who looks an awful lot like...Alex.”

so um...this is more yaoi than shounen ai cause of all the graphic scenes in the manhwa, if you are veteran you may have already read this one cause its really popular. It also has a lot of comedic elements to it too so it's not too serious, but the relationship developed between the two characters later on is really sweet despite the infinite amount of sex scenes. Not much else to say about this story, it's easy to follow and the only abuse in here is the emotional kind

I'm not really entirely sure how i felt about it in the beginning but the end is really good

4) No way, vampires don't exist

"Four college housemates — Juwon, Eunho, Seongjae, and Gyumin — are in desperate need of a fifth person to fill a vacant room in their place. But their main concern isn’t about paying rent: they’re ravenous vampires, dying to sink their teeth into a fresh, live human! So they can’t believe their luck when Dongha, who grew up isolated from society, eagerly moves in with no idea of what awaits him. To the vampires’ dismay, however, Dongha doesn’t weigh enough for them to suck his blood! As they shower their unsuspecting new housemate with food and attention to fatten him up, have they gotten too attached to their would-be prey? And is there more to sweet, naive Dongha than meets the hungry vampires’ eyes?”

I have to preface by saying that ever since my twilight phase, I didn't consume anything that had to do with vampires for a very long time, for obvious reasons, but this one I just came across after reading path to you and thought I would at least check it out. It started off really comedic and I was like...what am i reading?  but it gets really light hearted and wholesome later on in the story. What I like about this is the character juwon, If you look at him he's that type of character that would look like the stoic a-hole of the story and those characters never appeal to me. But turns out he's the sweetest person most decent person of this story, it makes you want to route for him  and another thing I like about this story is that it looks like a harem but you can tell that there’s only one person the main character doungha treats differently from the rest and how the two are compatible with one another.  in these kind of stories, it’s always treated as every character is a possible route that leads to their own story but in here....there's only one...let's be real. This is one that is an odd ball cause it's technically completed but the translations are not...so i had to read the rest in korean, which makes it a good practice for me since i'm learning korean at the moment, it’s a good exercise...lol

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                             Anime/ Drama

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Not going to lie this department is lacking...lol. I have only been watching Heavens official blessing as mentioned in the last journal

but I have just found out that there is a remake of Shaman king in the making....and my little girl heart is screaming cause I loved shaman king when i was younger...so I can't wait for that

as for dramas, I've tried watching Start Up but I didn't like it so I dropped it, I might try watching crash landing on you since my best friend was obsessed with it, I watched a little of it but I left it since I was busy so i may get back to watching it from the beginning

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                             Music

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i'll put together a play list for you when you read these manga/manhwa...lol. cause that's what i've been doing

Playlist

Crush- No words

Sam kim - Breathe

Crush - let us go

Kim feel - falling

Paul kim - Dream

Kim feel - Hallelujah

Davichi - please don't cry

Yoo mirae - say

taeyeon - a poem called you

baek yerin- Here I am again

I wish tumblr has a way to play music on your page, without copy right..lol. I would share all of these songs cause they are so good

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so that's it for the month of November, lets' see what i get up to for December, I will be updating as frequently as possible so please look out for more art from me and follow me on my social media , I will see you all next time

bye!

Sheena

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