#I've been playing all day and only stopping because I'm literally too sleepy to concentrate

[tianlavellan]

AAAAAAA VEILGUARD IS SO FUN

[junko-and-riri-domain]

exam season ˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ ni-ki

“you aren't wasting my time, and you need rest. please, ___ this isn’t healthy.” riki pleaded, and he seemed so genuinely concerned for you.  “I know we’re labelled as rivals all the time but I want to get to know you better. as someone who ranked 1 consistently, I wanted to meet the one person who managed to achieve the same thing."

or 

you and nishimura riki are rivals under the same company. after all, being the same age and pretty much the same level of talent made you and him quite unstoppable. the company thought it’d be a good idea to let you two meet and get along, but it turned out to be quite the opposite ordeal. though, this always remained to be a respectful rivalry. nothing petty.

warnings : overworked reader, insecurities, fainting from exhaustion, hints at negative body image ( good ending ) 

note : this is also off the top of my head, please ignore any mistakes !

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ rest under the cut

what were you supposed to think?

you had to admit it to yourself though, similar age and practically same amount of skill in dance would mean that this unit would be pretty much unstoppable. it’s just ;; the unspoken consequences of young teamwork at play. 

training for about half a year at belift, you’ve become quite popular among the trainees. they describe you as a dance prodigy. if you were going to be honest, it was kind of embarrassing. the spotlight was okay depending on the circumstances but, to be described as something so honorable made you feel like you weren’t worthy of it. on top of that, your vocals were always stable while practicing, making you stand out and always place #1 on exams. 

and so you started to practice harder, with the same thought of

‘i have to prove that i’m worthy to be labeled as a prodigy, otherwise why else am i here?’ 

to ni-ki, you were always so hardworking. sometimes, he thought it was too much. he’d pass by the room you were practicing in during lunch breaks and he would see you dancing your heart out, sweat threatening to fall from your face. he could tell you were tired, but due to the rules, he wasn’t allowed to talk to you. he considered you his opponent in a way, but it wasn’t to the extent of ruining your workflow. 

and to you, ni-ki seemed like a charming rival. the way he danced had always mesmerized you, his snaps and swift moves are always close to perfect. this motivated you to practice even harder, despite already achieving extreme skill. you often nitpicked on yourself and keep saying that you’re not doing something well enough, and that you’re not good enough and you have to try harder. you honestly thought he was kind of annoying. not only is he literally so tall, he's a dancing machine. everything that you wanted to be. ni-ki may have been your unspoken rival, 

but overcoming your extreme feeling to be better than the previous day is your true rival. 

coming home after training, you were always exhausted. as much water you drank, it never felt as if it quenched the thirst you brought upon yourself from working so hard. while doing homework you always zoned out, your concentration nowhere to be found. at some point, you even stopped messaging your friends as much as before, ignoring any notification that popped up and practicing till the sun peeked above the horizon.

this feeling of wanting to slip away into well-deserved rest never sat right with you.

'if I have time to do something, then I'll do it now. rest can wait.'

---

the week before, an exam was assigned to all the trainees. the exam was to be separated by gender, but you thought this was kind of dumb. and so what did you do? you asked the choreographer if you could take both of the choreographies instead of being categorized into one section.

"that's a great idea, ___! I'll allow it this once, since you always rank 1 anyways. in fact, why don't I ask riki if he wants to do an co-op exam with you? you guys are the same age right?"

all you could do was let out a hum and nod.

'nishimura riki... I hope I don't mess anything up.'

"he always ranks 1 in exams as well so I think it'd be perfect!" he continued, a bright smile flashed across his face at the realization of a great performance in development.

he walks off, and briskly walks to where riki usually practiced.

phew

you let out a breath you didn't even know you were holding. you've done many exams before but it had never been with another person. trying to convince yourself everything would be okay, your intrusive thoughts came in again.

'what if i embarass myself? what if I can't learn the choreo and mess everything up? what if he doesn't like m- wait. that doesn't even matter- ugh.'

you stood there for so long thinking to yourself about the future that one of the trainees had to tap you on the shoulder to make sure you didn't see medusa or something. repeating your little sorries and thank yous, you left the practice room and went on your way home.

you'd think that after weeks of non-stop overworking you'd hit your limit by now. the thing is, you never learn your lesson until you have to learn it the hard way. and that's exactly what's gonna happen.

---

back to the present, riki was currently doing a run-over of what he thinks you guys should do to make the choreography better. if there was one thing you and him had in common, it's that you always wanted to be ranked 1 through hard work.

however, you disagreed with some of the steps he created, and respectfully asked if you could show him what you were thinking of. in all honesty, riki was quite impressed. he'd never seen you dance up close since all he was able to do was take quick glances, but seeing you pour your heart into what you love and being absolutely great at it, it kind of gave him the feels.

yes. the feels. the butterflies. 🦋🦋🦋

though, in the next moment, butterflies was far from what he felt. his stomach did a full 180 and his face in such a shocked state as he watched your eyes roll back as your body practically shut down in front of him. he sped down to your side quickly and shouted for help, as he tried to shake you awake.

"please please wake up, I'm not sure if you'd wake up at all if you fell asleep so please..."

was the last faint thing you heard before slipping into unconsciousness.

---

beep , beep , beep

your eyes flutter open to reveal that you were in the nurse's office in the same building. to say you were relieved was an understatement, hospitals scared you a lot more since they'd have to call your parents.

looking around the dim room, it still resembled a hospital room, monitor, needles, riki, IV, wait. riki?

your eyes practically shot back to where he sat, head bowed down in an awkward position, closed eyes with phone in hands.

honestly speaking, it was kind of cute. but you knew it was uncomfortable. and you also felt SUPER guilty making him wait for you and practically ruining practice. he stirred a bit, easy to wake up due to the uncomfy position his neck was in.

in a couple of seconds you hear him ask, "___? you're awake?"

"riki.. what happened?"

"the trainer, our choreographer and the building's medical team were all here. they said that you were overworking yourself. not only that, you didn't eat, drink, or sleep enough. which I can only assume is because you're constantly practicing."

"... I'm guessing that has to be true then, if I'm already here. riki, I'm sorry."

"sorry for what?"

"for wasting your time. you didn't have to be tangled up in my mess if I wasn't an idiot and asked them for a different exam. we could'v-"

he cut you off, “you aren't wasting my time, and you need rest. please, ___ this isn’t healthy.” riki pleaded, and he seemed so genuinely concerned for you.  “I know we’re labelled as rivals all the time but I want to get to know you better. as someone who ranked 1 consistently, I wanted to meet the one person who managed to achieve the same thing. you didn't disappoint me, you didn't waste my time, in fact, it was fun watching you disagree with the things I said. but then you fainted in front of me. I had no idea what to do, but thankfully Jungwon-hyung came in and helped me. but all that aside, your body needs rest. I've talked too much."

"it's okay, your voice seems to be making me sleepy anyways."

he didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.

you handed him a spare pillow from your bed though, so he'll just take it as a compliment for now.

he didn't know what took over him in the next few seconds but he slowly put his phone in his pocket and reached his hand out to you, his hand resting on the bed right next to your waistline. as if it was beckoning you, your hand gravitated towards his, and the warmth of his hand and his comforting presence was enough to lull you back to sleep.

---

all the trainees in the floor were gathered in practice room #1, awaiting the announcement to see who got rank 1.

of course, they were expecting you and riki, but not together at the same time.

"nishimura riki, ___ ___. rank #1"

you and riki looked at each other in excitement, you could do nothing but listen at the moment, but celebration was in order later.

celebration? oh did you mean cuddles, making sure you're rested well and eating okay, hand holding, and a whole lot of light-hearted teasing? yeah.

[end]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ written by junko

|blog masterlist|

[1a-imagines]

Hey! I have no idea if your requests are open, so if they're not, all I'd like to say is that I've been reading your stuff nonstop for like three days and I'm hooked! Your writing is amazing, thank you for sharing your talents! If requests are open, I'd like to make one, if it's not too much trouble? You wrote a request for: /Could we have some soft bakugou please? (Begs s/o to stop he just to give him attention and kisses)/ and I loved it! Could you do a Todoroki version if it's not too much?

A/n: Some soft todoroki for your souls.

Coming right up!!

I wrote this when sleepy so god knows how it turned out, but i hope you enjoy anyway!

Todoroki:

A larger hand placed itself atop of your own, stopping your pencil from moving against the paper. Your eyes followed the arm until you came face to face with your boyfriend staring down at you.

"Shoto? What's wrong?" You asked. He never interrupted you when you were studying, unless it was something urgent.

You watched his eyes shift away, his lip pursing ever so slightly. The strange and rare expression on his face only made you more curious. "You've been working for hours. You should take a break."

You tilted your head at his strange behaviour. It almost looked like he was pouting, but you figured you were just imagining it. After all, you'd never known Shoto to pout over anything before.

You used your free hand to pull him off of you so you could get back to your work. You made sure to place a kiss on his hand before letting it go. "I'll take a break later, I have a lot that I want to finish right now."

You turned back to your book, the pencil moving against paper again as you went back to your studies.

You were too focused on your notes to notice that Shoto still hadn't moved. He stood besides with an unreadable expression.

He didn't know what was wrong with him, an unfamiliar feeling had started to settle in his stomach about ten minutes ago. It all started when he looked up at you from his book and noticed you were still hard at work. It was like he was suddenly more aware of the fact you had barely paid him any attention all day, having been too busy with studying.

It was currently around 8pm and usually you two would be cuddling on the bed by now. Whether you were watching a movie together or doing your own things, you would always be sat side by side, his arm loosely wrapped around your waist as your head rested on his shoulder. It was how he liked to spend all his evenings, and after months of this ritual he had come to expect your affection.

But this time he wasn’t getting what he wanted.

He was aware it seemed childish, it made him feel like a spoiled brat to be pouting over something so insignificant, but he wasn’t sure how to get the feeling to go away. He was craving your attention and you were too busy studying to notice.

It was all because of that damn book you were studying from.

Now, don't get him wrong. He was more than supportive of your studies. He even went out of his way to test you whenever you needed it, using flashcards to help you retain the knowledge. He would also make food for you and remind you to take breaks as well.

He was always there for you.

Although, for some reason… right now he wanted nothing more than to throw that book across the room and throw you onto the bed.

Of course, he would never actually do that but the thought had crossed his mind a few times.

He huffed through his nose, when he realised he should probably just let it go. He didn't want to upset you, but he wasn't sure how much longer he could wait for you to be finished with work.

His huff had caught your attention and it broke your concentration.

You turned your head and watched as your boyfriend trudged over to the bed. You raised an eyebrow at his odd behaviour, your lip twitching up as you put your elbow over the back of the chair. "Did you seriously just huff?"

"No." He fell onto the bed, keeping his head turned from you. Though that didn't stop you from noticing his left cheek was puffed out a bit.

You couldn't help but giggle when you pieced together why he was being huffy.

You stood up and made your way over to the bed with your hands held behind your back. "Aw~ baby, what's made you so pouty?"

Of course, you already knew why, but you still wanted him to admit to it.

"I'm not pouting.."

"Uh huh." You sang teasingly.

You kneeled onto the bed, reaching over to pet his soft hair. "So you're not pouting because i'm not giving you attention?"

"No."

"So then you don't want to cuddle?"

"...."

You didn't need an answer, his silence said enough. You let out another laugh before laying down on top of him and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

You still had work you wanted to finish tonight but a small break to satisfy your boyfriends need’s wouldn’t kill you. There was no way you could live with yourself if you left your boyfriend alone right now. It was clear he was in some dire need of hugs and kisses.

Luckily for him, you had the cure.

It didn't take a second longer for his arm to encase you in a possessive hug, keeping you warmly pressed against his chest. "Honey, if you want cuddles or kisses you can just ask for them you know? There's no need to pout."

"I told you I wasn't pouting." was he really still denying it?

You giggled again. "Don't be embarrassed, I think it's cute."

His gaze went to the wall, as if to avoid you at all costs. "Are you done trying to tease me?"

"Depends, is it working?" You grinned and tilted your head upwards to be met with his red stained cheeks. You no longer needed him to answer to know that it was.

His expression was so cute, it looked like he was trying to be annoyed but his eyes were giving him away. He was too happy with having you back in his arms to be annoyed.

You leaned up and pressed a kiss to the tip of his nose. "I'd be lying if I said this side of you wasn't sweet though."

"You like seeing me jealous?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Well- when it's over a dumb book? Yes." You snickered.

He stared down at you, his eyes burning into your own. For a moment, you thought he was going to kiss you, but he ended up abruptly turning his head away. These new feelings he had must have really hurt his pride. "I always want your attention.."

"Hmm? What was that?" You leaned in close, your nose brushing against his when you tilted your head so you were back in his field of vision. You didn't want to miss any of these rare expressions. You had to memorise them all while you had the chance!

He pushed your face away from him. "Stop it, I know you heard me." Your playfulness made him smile and for a second you thought your heart had melted.

He had such a nice smile and it always felt more special when you were the cause of it.

He loved how you were able to effortlessly put a smile on his face, something he usually struggled with. You were like the missing piece in his life he had always been looking for. Even hearing your laugh made his lips curl up. It was such a melodic tune to his ears.

Your playfulness had been one of the first things he found so alluring about you. There was just something so endearing about seeing you making everyone around you smile with your cheesy jokes and goofy behaviour. It made you feel like a bright star on a cold dark night.

"I did hear you, but you can't blame me for wanting to indulge in the moment. You're acting like a big softie right now, not that there's anything wrong with that! But don't judge me for taking advantage." You stuck out your tongue only to have your cheeks squished between his two hands.

"Are you sure you want to play this game, love? You know you'll never win."

He was right, you were already blushing at the thought of him teasing you.

Strangely enough, he was pretty good at it. You had been dating for a while now and it seemed as every day passed by shoto was learning more and more about how relationships worked. He was getting comfortable being around you which meant confidence and teasing were following close behind it.

Maybe that was your fault though, maybe he had picked up that habit from you after almost a year of you doing that same thing to him.

He just couldn't seem to get enough of that cute expression you made when he was teasing you about how adorable you are, or the height difference between you two.

He only would ever tease you when the two of you were alone, so it was never too embarrassing.

However, no matter how many times you tried to tell the others about how teasing he could be, they never believed you. Not like you would believe it either. The first time he had done it you had to do a double take, not sure if you had heard him right, so it was understandable everyone else thought you were just joking.

If you were completely honest, you weren’t even sure he knew he was doing it most of the time. He was blunt and sometimes he would say things without giving them a second thought, despite them leaving you a red, hot, mess.

“I don’t need to win, I just need to see you blush.” you replied as you felt his hands grab your own and intertwine your fingers together.

Making him blush was easier said than done.

He wasn't particularly smooth with his words or feelings, but he was still much better at making you blush than you were at making him blush.

In your defense your flirtations usually went over his head. You’d either be met with a blank stare of confusion or he would be correcting you if he had taken what you had said literally. It was actually really cute. Despite him never understanding you'd be a liar if you said you didn't still enjoy his reactions. They just seemed so innocent!

"I don't understand your fascination with making me blush."

"I just think it's cute is all." You kissed his nose before going back to rest on his chest.

You two managed to stay like that for hours, your studying had been temporarily forgotten as you both lay there in a blissful silence.

It was so comfortable, he was warm and you loved being able to rub your face into his chest. Neither of you talked a whole lot, mainly it was just cuddling and relaxing in each other's arms. Which is, honestly, how you preferred it. You didn’t need to fill every silence with conversation, you were able to just relax without things becoming awkward.

After waiting another 30 minutes you realised you should at least try and finish the chapter you were on before passing out for the night.  

You peaked up to see Shoto’s eyes were closed. His steady breathing indicated he was fast asleep and you grinned.

Finally, you could finish that damn work now! It might be late but it would bug you all night if you didn’t finish what you started.

Plus it meant less work to do tomorrow morning.

You slowly and carefully pushed yourself up onto all fours, trying your best not to disturb him as you pulled his arms from around you and placed them down by his sides.

He looked so peaceful.

You couldn’t help but press one last sweet kiss to his cheek before you pushed yourself up.

Though you didn’t make it far. You felt his hand shoot out and grab you by your waist.

You let out a yelp when he pulled you back down onto his chest and rolled over so you were under him with no means of escape.

“Oh! Haha, you’re hilarious!" You groaned sarcastically. "But I still have work to finish.”

You groaned again at the weight on top of you. Trying your best to wiggle out of his tight grip. When you didn’t hear a response you looked up to see his eyes were still closed.

You glared.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t hear me! I know you're awake! I have to finish my work! Get off me you lazy butt!” You began to struggle to push him off of you but he was persistent not to move. His whole weight was leaning down on top of you, keeping you helplessly trapped against the mattress.

After a good few minutes of trying to grab at freedom you eventually sighed and gave up. He was too heavy!

There was just no winning with him today.

“Fine.. I guess I’ll finish my work in the morning.” You muttered, finally giving in.

“Was that so hard?”

“I knew you were awake!! You sneaky little mmph-” You were cut off by the feeling of his lips on yours. “You need sleep anyway, you’ve been working too hard. I promise I’ll help you study in the morning. Just sleep with me right now, I missed you today."

How could you say no to that!? He was just too cute!! Especially when he got sleepy like this. You managed to wiggle out an arm so you could reach up to run your fingers through his locks. You heard him hum in delight, he always did like the feeling of your fingers softly massaging his scalp "Fine. Let's sleep then."

You could see him smile in victory at hearing you had finally given in.

"Goodnight darling, I love you.”

You nuzzled his cheek with your nose and let your eyes flutter shut.

“I love you too.”

[alannahaisling]

The day I slipped into a Panic and anxiety attack.

This, this is going to be long winded.

I'm just going to come out and say it. No, I don't want sympathy. This is just me using this particular blog for what it was meant for. A space for me to vent, to be my authentic self. To reflect, to just let things spill out from my mind through my fingers and onto the screen on which you may be reading this.

First things first. The Icons I'll be using here are not rp muns, they are simply my emotions on display. My IRL self as displayed by characters I adore from the Teen Titans fandom.

Ooookay lets get down it.

I help moderate a stream, have been doing it for a while. I became fast friends with the streamer and pull long hours. Roughly 4-5 hours per stream, unless I have class the next day.

To my knowledge, nobody ever had an issue with me. Save the odd person here or there, that may have disagreed with me, but at least they would tell me to my face, and I would shrug it off and move on. It was as simple as that.

My friend, who I love to death, has on more than one occasion had to reassure me that I was actually doing a good job. I lost count how many times I asked if I needed to improve, or if there were any rough areas that may need to change.

A good chunk of the time, they would just kinda raise their voice, and be like. "Damnit, you're good. You're fine." and then try to cheer me up with silly cat pictures. My ultimate kryptonite.

This friend of mine has worked with me for a few years now, talking about deep heavy personal stuff. They know I am medically diagnosed with ptsd, social anxiety, and have been dealing with depression for years. So they're not a stranger to my triggers and I love them for respecting when I need to just be alone, or only want some quality time one on one for a few hours. You hear that you knucklehead? Yeah you, I know you at least read this shit.

Moving on.

On friday, we had a.. bad night of it. Not even an hour in, after happily gathering folks who wanted to play the chosen game with us that night, someone. Who I will call 2P, dumped a huge paragraph, attacking my character and personality as a mod, in my friends private discord DMS.

2P for months, had been telling me to my face, that they saw me as a best friend, that anything I ever said and or did would be safe to do. You know the whole, you can trust me bit. I blindly trusted, and hind sight maybe I shouldn't have.

Meanwhile the entire time, I apparently had been talked about behind my back, negatively for a while? I don't know.

So we paused the stream, and go into another server that's locked down to a limited set of people and discuss it. Friend is, PISSED, but is trying to not yell, and asks me what we should do about it.

In my head I'm just reeling. I'm asking my friend, if I'm a bad mod, if I've fucked up somewhere, I'm totally confused. I can't concentrate, and there's this choking hurt in my chest. One I know all too well.

The feeling of dread. The feeling that I messed up, that I'm useless, and a fraud.

My friend is trying hard to make sure I'm okay, by this point they know, this has fucked with my head. In a huge way. 17- going on 18 years of therapy suddenly going down the drain, spiralling out of control.

They Cut the stream short.

I'm exhausted, tired, feeling beaten. I just say a few things to 2P and leave their discord server, kick them from my private one, and from the one I made for my streamer friend for the game we play with other people. In addition, also a possible person who may cause me issues, because 2P's probably been shit talking me for a few months now.

Friend is arguing on my behalf, another mutual and their friend, instantly demands to get in call. We'll call them... Uh.. Fuck, Tataru , and Estinien for sake of ease. Tataru is having none of it, they are witnessing my typed anxieties. They are hearing our mutual friend, trying very hard to not just *yell*.

2P is dropping the nasty paragraph in other dms now, belonging to other regulars. It's escalating pretty fast. I am now a villain, and a victim in one role, and 2P is also playing the role of victim because my dearest friend just told 2P Off.

"2P, isn't getting it!" My friend is saying with a calm anger. "2P is just constantly going on and on about how (my name) is bad for the stream." Or something to that effect. "They don't even fucking realize how fucking hurtful they are being."

"You need to stop responding." Tataru is saying. "Just, tell the mother fucker, NO and block 2P on everything."

I guess 2P is quickly realizing that they are losing the fight, so they come into my dms. Shit forgot to block them there. I think in my head, and I see them trying to bring the argument to me. They tell me, that I'm handling the situation all wrong.

I don't even respond. I'm tired. I'm just done. I'm mentally slipping back to the days I was mentally and emotionally abused, and gaslit.

GASLIT.

GASLIT!

I block 2P. For my mental health.

Estinien with their calming voice, is outlining streamer etiquette rules. 2P is definitely out of line, as a viewer. If we want, Estinien can pretty much hit up a wider streamer network, and have the name of 2P blacklisted from other communities.

By this point, another regular is talking to my friend asking what is going on. Then another. Slowly, I read through logs my friend has dumped into the 4 person private call.

Then I see it.

"I'll just lie through my teeth to her about why I'm leaving or something. Just don't tell (My name) I said any of this. " In regards to the in game guild My friend and I Co Run.

Silently mutter to myself. Not that the others can hear me, my headsets broken. "Ah, the other shoe has dropped. 2P's been lying to me the whole time. I've been gaslit all over again. No wonder I feel like I do."

Estinien and Tataru get sleepy and go to bed. My friend stays up as long as they can as I sort my head out, trying to timeline events. I'm given logs, screen shots. 2P's been blocked. I lock down my twitter for a day. I lose 20 hours sleep.

I spent those 20 hours of no sleep, asking and apologizing to regulars if 2P has ever talked to them about me. Most of them say NO, and reassure me I'm a good mod, that I make the stream warm, fun, welcoming and comfortable for all kinds of people.

A good friend of mine, who I will ironically call Angellica, because we call each other sis, and I view myself as Eliza from Hamilton. Once had told me to be careful with 2P from the start, because they had a bad vibe about them, is PISSED off, and yeets them out of an in game group chat. "Fuck em, 2P's a troll."

I realize, that Angellica literally stood by and chose my happiness. Cause yeah, I thought 2P was someone I could trust. After what happened though, I realized that I had been mistaken and apologized, To Angellica.

Now 2P is going around seeing who still will consider them friends, or are neutral parties. I was made aware of this because one of them, a mature friend actually asked me what 2P was going on about. So I gave them the run down. They were disgusted with 2P's behavior.

Now a days, 2P takes screen shots of anybody on twitter, that has blocked them and smears their names.

2P still doesn't get it.

But I'm moving on from it.

I have screenshots and logs. But I don't ever plan on releasing them publicly.

So yeah, 2P if you ever come across this, and figure out I'm talking about you, I severed ties with you, because friends don't lie to each other, Friends don't talk behind each others backs, they don't force other good close friends to sit on the *truth* of how you feel. Friends can disagree, and can have different opinions.

But You burned your bridges yourself.

I've always had a three strike ruleset.

One: You lied to my face multiple times.

Two: You pretended to be my friend.

Three: You actively gaslit me, and my friend.

Sooo THAT'S why I cut ties with you. Your behavior after that was just you playing the victim, and none of us 30 plus year olds were just going to sit by and let you have your 20 something year old tantrum.

I bare you no ill will, and I doubt any of us are going to even blast you in an open space like twitter releasing the logs or screen shots. I'm just noping out of this parasocial relationship because that's all it was. I refuse to be used, as a way for people to get close to and use my friend as they work on their passions and goals.

Adieu 2P , nothing was lost the day I walked away, except all the work my friend did to get me out of my isolated shell. But you know what? They'll just pull me back out, and support me 100% You'll never break us up.