#I've been burnt out for 3+ years tbh and the fact that I'm so self aware is even shittier
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I really really really feel like shit and idk what to do.
#idk if this is a rant? but don't go ahead coz it might be kinda depressing to read#i need to write something somewhere#shout in the void you know...#yeah so i feel like shit. i always feel like shit. sometimes that feeling gets overwhelming and then I hate myself even more#and everything else who am i kidding#i wish i had the courage to do things. but i don't#i have NO IDEA what can make me feel better. everything is superficial. but the hollowness i feel inside I don't think i can fill it#even if i can fill it I don't know how? i know i require proper therapy but I don't have the money or the courage#and I'm so scared. I'm losing myself#I've been burnt out for 3+ years tbh and the fact that I'm so self aware is even shittier#i really do not like this whirlpool inside my mind that's just not slowing down. such a constant you wouldn't know another way of living#and it sucks. it sucks so bad. each and every aspect of my life is riddled with mistakes knowingly or unknowingly.#i know its never too late to get back up and claw your way out of this pit but what if I'm making another mistake??#not by clawing out but by how i choose to do that? what if I actually fall back in deeper instead???#the fear stops me from even trying. and it's been years and I'm just losing time. but I'm frozen. I can't move i can't stuck#but my brain hasn't. the circumstances haven't. TIME HASN'T??#i come here coz i have been for the past 5 years. it's my space. my little corner where no one can see what's actually happening to me#I'm awkward I'm shy I'm afraid of disappointing people 24*7 and I don't want to but i know i still end up doing that somehow#physically and mentally UNWELL#sorry guys. i just don't know how to cope at the moment. i will be okay but I've resigned myself to feeling like shit at all times#I'm so used to feeling numb and clueless and my one constant is fear.#i keep telling myself there's a light at the end of this dark tunnel even though i can't see it right now. so keep walking bestie.#your life is not normal and there is nothing you can do about it.
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