#I've been a bit busy with school and my home life 😅

[littledesertfox]

I've been a bit absent here because real life's been busy, however some important deadlines are done with now and I feel like posting again! Starting with a smaller post (well, at least I thought so) as I'm still taking my time to rest a bit, but today I want to share a couple interesting things about Fritz' father Donat Bayerlein that I've recently come across:

First up we have his birth/baptism entry in the baptismal register of his home village Bütthard. A while ago I've found out about this super interesting site called Matricula Online, that has digital scans of a whole bunch of church documents (mainly baptism, marriage and death registers) from a few different countries. Super useful for family research, but I thought it would also be fun to look up historical figures and find out more about them from primary sources.

According to this entry, his full name was Donat Joseph Franz Bayerlein and he was the second-born child of his parents (their first, a son named Joseph, died only 3 weeks after his birth though). His father was Michael Joseph Bayerlein, a merchant, and his mother's name was Barbara (I had trouble deciphering her maiden name but according to the parents' marriage entry it's Meckel). They were both Catholic (the most common Christian confession in Bavaria) and lived in house number 77 - the village was so small that it didn't have any street names. Donat was born on the 28th of March 1861 at 3 in the morning, and baptised about 12 hours later in the afternoon on the same day. I admit I was too lazy to decipher the names of the pastor and the godparent though😅 Reading this old style of cursive handwriting can be challenging, although I feel it does get easier with practice.

Of course I also tried finding Fritz' own entry, but it showed to be much harder, for once because he was born in Würzburg which is a bigger town and I had to look through the records of a whole bunch of different churches (whereas in villages and small towns usually everything is in one place), but also because Würzburg was subjected to heavy bombing during WW2, and some of the books may have gotten lost or destroyed. So far, I could find neither the parents' marriage entry nor any of the children's baptism notes. However, I'm also not sure if they could even be found in the Catholic records in the first place. First of all, since Donat was Catholic and Louise Protestant I'm not sure if they were even able to have a regular church wedding in either confession. I'm not that well-read on the topic but according to a quick Google search, marriage between partners of different confessions in Germany was really difficult (and heavily frowned upon) until way into the 20th century. Maybe they only had a civil marriage after all, Fritz' biography unfortunately doesn't give any detail on that. It only mentions that the children were baptised (I'm assuming Catholic, as it was the primary confession in the region and also since back in the day the father's affiliation probably held more weight). Based on the book, it doesn't seem like religion held a particularly important weight in the Bayerlein family in general though (later in life, Fritz would switch multiple times between listing his mother's or father's religion as his own on official documents, simply depending on whichever he assumed to be favoured by authorities in the situation), so maybe they just did it as it was customary and to avoid questions, and otherwise didn't really care.

The second interesting thing I found was Donat's name showing up in an annual report of the University of Music in Würzburg. It's from the school year of 1877/78, meaning he was 16/17 years old at the time. He's listed as a "Hospitant", from my understanding this means he wasn't a regular but kind of a "guest student", and took classes for violin and choir singing.

Lastly, I found a digital version of an entire book which Donat wrote! It's about the Peasant's Revolt that took place in Würzburg in 1525 and was published in 1925 for the 400th anniversary of the event. This is the only one of Donat's works that I could actually find, but according to Fritz' biography, he also enjoyed writing poetry and plays in his free time besides his job as a civil servant, and was even decently successful with it at least in a regional context. His passion and affinity for music and literature was something he also shared with his wife Louise, who worked as a music teacher and reportedly was known as a talented pianist. In her free time she also enjoyed writing articles as a music and theatre critic for local performances. I don't know for certain if their shared interests were the reason for them falling in love and getting married, but it's a sweet thought, and overall from all I've read about their relationship it seems to have been harmonic and mutually respectful, almost progressive considering how strict gender roles still were back then compared to now.

[daringyounggrayson]

2024 Writing Review

tagged by: @vechter (thank you!) tagging: @dustorange @librarylexicon @jjohnnyutah @bluegarners and anyone else who wants to do it!

number of stories posted to ao3: two (and i actually forgot i posted both of these this year😅)

word counted posted for last year: 1,366 (this is one of if not the smallest word count i've had since i started posting fic, hopefully i can write more this year!)

fandoms i wrote for: dc comics

pairings: i didn't write any romantic pairings

stories with the most kudos, bookmarks and comment threads: things better left unsaid has the most kudos (118) and bookmarks (24), but it tied with interlude between shoe one and two for number of comment threads (3)

work i’m most proud of (and why): hmm maybe things better left unsaid. it's super short, but in it i touch on some of Dick's feelings about how the Titans (in this case Roy) talk about Bruce. i have a lot of thoughts about Dick's relationship with Bruce, how his friends perceive and comment on it, and how Dick then feels about or reacts to those comments, and i really want to get into more in a larger fic some day. but for now i have this, and i think it's a decent start

work i’m least proud of (and why): i suppose that leaves interlude between shoe one and two. i really love reading and writing in-between or post issue fics, and this is one of those. however, admittedly, not much happens and i can see why it wasn't very popular (bc it doesn't say much of anything other than, wow, that event sure was rough huh?). but it's a quiet moment i thought about a lot, so i was glad to write it down for myself at the very least

share or describe a favorite review you received: i receive so many kind, thoughtful, and undeserving comments, and they all mean so much to me <3 this is one that i received a few months ago that i thought was very sweet, especially since it was left on another one of my short, quiet moment-type post issue fics (and the world spins madly on)

a time when writing was really, really hard: echoing vech here and saying the whole year. i've been super busy with school and research, and then when i'm not working, i'm often traveling home to visit family, so that's not the best time for writing either. and then now that it's been so long since i've written fiction, it's kind of hard to turn off the academic language haha

a scene or character you wrote that surprised you: nothing? i didn't really write much, and what i did write was pretty typical for what i write/think about writing

a favourite excerpt of your writing: maybe this bit from things better left unsaid. i just love when they two of them fight <3

Dick stalks forward and jabs his finger at Roy’s chest. “I’m so sick of all of you assuming that every little thing about me is because of Bruce.” Dick raises his hands, spreading his fingers wide. “Surprise! I’m not Bruce’s little science experiment, and you can’t blame him for everything you hate about me.” “That’s not what I’m saying, I just—” “Yes! It is!” Dick shouts and shoves Roy backward, hard enough that the man slams into the wall. “Have you even considered that I was like this before Bruce took me in? I mean—hell—I was a child performer. Have you ever thought that maybe my so-called detrimental case of perfectionism came from that?”

how did you grow as a writer last year: i didn't really get to work on my writing, so i don't think much growth really happened :/

how do you hope to grow this year: i want to improve my characterization, and also write emotionally-charged scenes that come across less cheesy and more realistic

who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer, beta, cheerleader, etc.): can i just say all of my mutuals! you guys are all so amazing <3 your fics and posts continually inspire me to open my neglected word docs and start writing again

anything from your real life show up in your writing last year: no not really (again, probably bc i barely wrote anything last year)

any new wisdom you can share with other writers: if you enjoy writing, i'd really encourage you to make time for it if you can. writing is such a great creative outlet for me, and writing so little last year was not a great experience

any projects you’re looking to starting (or finishing) this year: maybe this is the year i post something for my Bruce and Dick as brothers au, i would also like to write more of my monster hunter au!

[marinerainbow]

Hey! So while I was reading your Popshine/JessicaxRoger Switcheroo AU I was listening to that Steven Universe Song- Its Over Isn't It (And just a precurser- i havent seen this show i just like the song and am just taking context clues from it). And I've been stewing on it since, and can't stop thinking about a Shiny x Poppy x Psycho love triangle with this plot! Lots of angst ahead, I warn you 😅

Like, imagine both Psycho and Shiny are in love with Poppy and she cares deeply for the both of them too. Shiny can make a joke of this, playfully argue with Psycho any time he's around and bother him as much as she can- because she doesnt think she'll actually lose Pops to him but his presence does annoy her. Her heart is, inevitably, broken when in the end Poppy chooses him.

I was fine with the men-

Who come into her life now and again.

I was fine, cuz I knew,

That they didn't really matter until you.

I was fine when you came, and we fought like it was all some silly game.

Over her- who she's choose-

After all those years, I never thought I'd lose.

Poppy and Psycho then have the twins, and Shiny fades into the background (as much as she can, I mean. Poppy still loves her and wants to be friends of course)- until Poppy dies. I'm not sure how, considering she is a toon of course, but it was definitely tragic.

Now Shiny has to help Psycho take care of the twins because he can't do it alone (She certainly knows it), and she needs to keep the last bit of Poppy left over, safe.

Of course you're welcome to ignore this if you want! Just thought I should tell you since it's about your OC's 😅

AWSTTHJOLNJTESDU7JHTEDF ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY!?!? WELL YOU SUCCEEDED-

Ok ok ok. Before I get into my response to this, I've got some headcannons for this little AU. So. Poppy is dead. Psycho is not only mourning the sudden loss of his wife, but he's also a father now. He's got two kids he has to figure out how to raise through the depression. This would be hard on anybody. But on someone as mentally unstable as Psycho?? Holy. Shit. He's gonna need a lot of help. Shiny knows this, and although she and Psycho aren't friends thanks to their little love rivalry (I like to imagine she and Psycho could get along on their own. Maybe not be best friends, but it's Shiny's whole damn job description to get along with everyone she meets. If they didn't love the same woman, she could have made an acquaintance with Psycho work), she steps in whenever she can. Being more than just the Godmother Poppy asked her to be for the kids; at this point, the twins are practically her own, too. And she's the closest they have to a mother figure in their lives.

In fact, I think in this storyline, Shiny would have offered to take Psycho's position in the Toon Patrol. Those kids need a parent who won't get pulled away because of a new job. Or could easily be killed on said job either. And Psycho needs to be able to focus on his children full time now that it's just the three of them. Sure, if he does die too, the twins will be under her care, but Shiny isn't going to deprive them of the father they need now. Not to mention that this is around the 60's-70's; burlesque clubs aren't very popular now. Not as much as they were in her time anyway. Shiny needs a new job. And hey, she already had one foot in the criminal life with her moonshine business. Why not kill two birds with one stone? (Sometimes Psycho does have to get called for a job that only he can do, though he is still mostly a stay at home dad.)

So to the twins in this storyline, Shiny is not just their cool aunt. She's involved in so much of their lives. Going to school functions with Psycho to support all three of them, celebrating holidays all the time with them, and just generally making sure he doesn't screw up as a dad. She and Psycho here don't necassarily like each other, but she's short of moving in with them from becoming a complete member of their household. It's partially due to her legal status as a godmother, and she herself has grown an attachment to Poppy's children. And it hurts her so much more because this is the family of the woman she loved, and the other man.

Because she's trying her best to be the stability this family needs, Shiny never got to really mourn Poppy's death and, as such, hasn't been able to truly move on. She feels like she can't truly talk about her position about this to anyone since she has to be strong for the kids. But eventually, bottled emotions have to come out one way or another. Why not let them come out in song?

Also, after our convo, I'm making widower gardener Psycho canon in this AU :)

Warnings for: past character death, angst, plenty of cursing, a lot of crying. Also emotional singing (I don't care if it may come out as cringy- if I can't animatic Shiny singing this song, then I'm gonna write it!)

~

January 2, 1973

"Goodnight, Shiny."

"G'night, you little rascals. Don't forget to bite the bed bugs back for me!"

The two children giggled, Percival letting out a "That's gross!" around his laughter, before their father gently nose nudged them both towards the hallway. The twins gave him and their godmother one final hug before making their way to the back of the house to do as they were silently told how they could behave so well despite being raised by two hooligans, Shiny had no clue. It must be Poppy's influence. Usually Psycho didn't pay much mind to bedtimes, though it was late on an already long day. They all needed rest...

The grin on Shiny's face finally fell, only after Psycho glanced briefly towards her- telling the old dancer in his own way to go home now, before following his children. Now it was just her alone standing in the seemingly empty living room. It had been a long day for them all. Especially for the kids...

'Another birthday come and gone...'

visiting the grave of a woman that they didn't even know, but were supposed to. That would be scary and thought-provoking for anybody. No matter how old or young they were. Who knew what kind of shit was going through Penny and Percy's heads whenever they saw their mothers name on a tombstone?

But at least, they had as good of a support system they could get. All Penny and Percy needed to worry about now was what story their father would tell them tonight, and how many sheep they'd have to count to fall asleep. But they were getting older, too. And someday, they would lose the innocence that came with childhood...

Shiny's fists clenched, and an ugly frown tugged at her lips, choosing to glare at the floorboards as if they somehow spoke ill about her. Every year, this day was so damn hard for her. At least on the twins' birthday, she could distract herself with Penny and Percy's happy demeanor and what the day is supposed to be about. But on Poppy's birthday, all anybody could think of was how their friend was no longer with them to celebrate with.

The weasel woman growled a little before silently storming towards the front door, trying so hard to ignore the pain in her heart. She had to leave and go home anyway, but she also needed some fresh air. It was the only thing that could help her now- or at least that was what she could hope.

The former dancer's paw hovered over the doorknob in hesitation when she heard the familiar pitter patter of rain drops hitting the roof. Before she even stepped outside, 'Of course. Of course, it's going to be raining tonight.' If she were religious, she would have taken this as a sign that even the universe was sorrowful on this day. didn't bother with thoughts like that. They brought no reassurance or comfort to her despite so many people telling her it would.

Shiny just barely managed to not slam the door behind her before sinking down onto the porch steps. The night air was chilly, causing the rain to feel ice cold on her skin, not that Shiny cared at the moment. And the lamp across the street had gone out again. Shiny hadn't bothered turning on the porch light; it would just draw more attention towards her. More so than a wrech sitting on someone else's porch in the rain in the middle of the neighborhood would. At least the people around here knew to mind their own business.

That was one of the things Poppy liked about this place when they went house hunting; it was a valuable perk for anybody married to unlawful citizens. The perk for Shiny was that her house was just a few blocks away, and she could have visited Poppy and the kids more often...

"Fuck!" She roughly rubbed her eyes, trying desperately to get rid of the now familiar stinging before the floodgates started. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Why? Why? Why did it have to be so damn hard just to think of that woman's name? To think about a future that would never be reality now? She knew why, but why!?

Shiny sucked in a long, overdue breath and heaved it out before slumping over in defeat. Her elbows were resting on her knees, but they hardly supported her it felt like, as she hung her head. If she closed her eyes, she knew that Poppy's grave would be all that she'd see, so Shiny settled for just staring into the wet, muddy ground. Her voice was so soft, so fragile, she would have wondered if she actually said anything if she wasn't focusing on other things, "Why did it have to be you?"

God. So much had changed over the years. It was hard to believe they all had come this far. How much they all had changed. Sure, Smartass still had his gang, and the rest of the boys were still in it. But everything was different. And it wasn't just Psycho becoming a father and widower. She was different...

So much had changed. Nothing was the same. Or ever will be again... She couldn't even remember the last time she sang. Singing and dancing used to be one of Shiny's favorite forms of expression; it had been more than just a way to make money to her. But there wasn't a need for it now. She worked in the night under a very different career now. What point was there in singing anymore?

Shiny ran a paw through her hair it had grown longer over the years. She simply hadn't bothered to cut it anymore. She couldn't see the point in it nowadays before tilting her head to the left to look at the poppies lining the house. She was careful, despite her broiling emotions and shaky paw, when she reached towards the one closest to her and grazed her fingers over the petals. It was actually Percy's idea to plant the poppy flowers, 'so mom can be home' he had said. Just more proof that the little kit thought about things a lot more than kids his age should. Of course, planting your mothers namesake to try to keep her close wasn't how it worked, but who would care? Certainly not his father. Or her.

'You always loved my singing.' The thought wormed its way into Shiny's head before she could stop it. But now that it was there, she just... Couldn't fathom the energy to force it away. Not while she was out here alone, on her sweethearts birthday, with the cold rain and breeze as her band for the night, 'And I loved to sing for you... I'd give anything to sing for you again...'

But Poppy wasn't there to hear her sing anymore. It was no longer the same. Shiny had always thought that she sang for herself, which was partially true. But she found out the hard way too that she also needed someone to offer her voice to- something to sing about. But what?

...

"I was fine... With the men... Who would come into her life now and again..." It had been years since she had found it in herself to sing anything. Let alone whatever was on her mind. She somehow already knew what she was going to sing about before the words even left her lips, but right now, she couldn't care less, "I was fine... Cause I knew, that they didn't really matter... Until you." Her eyes narrowed into a spiteful glare, as she thought about that damn weasel inside the house now. She wanted to think of him as a homewrecker in all honesty. Though how could she when Poppy had never loved her the she had hoped she would?

A shaky breath, to try to calm her raging nerves. It was futile, but it was either try or just go all out and bat shit crazy in the rain. Shiny focused back on the flower, thinking back to all the stupid things Psycho and Shiny used to do to compete, "I was fine. When you came, and we fought like it was all some silly game... Over her."

Another crack in her voice. Another breath, "Who'd she choose..."

Shutting her eyes tightly, Shiny managed to tear her gaze away from the flower bed and lift her chin towards the cloudy night sky. Though it wasn't in pride, "After all those years, I never thought I'd lose..."

"It's over, isn't it?" It was, wasn't it? "Isn't it?" Now that she was never coming back, "Isn't it over?" After leaving behind so much, "You won. And she chose you. And she loved you. And she's gone..."

Only one thought crossed her mind as a droplet that wasn't from the current weather slipped down her cheek; if their silly little game was over now... "It's over, isn't it? Why can't I move on?"

~

Penelope felt restless, sitting upright in her bed and watching the rain pattering against her window intently, rather than laying down and trying to sleep. She always loved the rain. As long as she could remember. She especially loved it when it was a heavy downpour.

Though she was scared that mom's poppies would get ruined. Thankfully, dad was already on it, and had left real quick to make sure the garden had shelter for the night, "Percy?"

She didn't look her brothers way, but she could still hear the sleepy muddle in his voice. She didn't know how he was able to hunker diwn to bed so quickly, "Yeah?"

"Do you think mom liked the rain too?" Dad and unkle Wheezy had mentioned that their mother wasn't too fond of thunder a few times, but thunder and lightning were different... Maybe she had something in common with mom.

Finally tearing her gaze away from the window, Penelope looked over to the other side of the room, where Percival, in his own bed, was. The little weasel rubbed his eyes and blinked them into focus before he shrugged, "Maybe... Dad likes the rain, and they did a lot together. So she probably did."

"Yeah. That's right..."

Penny nodded, though Percival noticed how she looked to be frowning. He sighed, knowing exactly what she was thinking. It was something they both thought about, especially on days like this. How everyone they knew got to know their mother... Except each other.

Wordlessly, the kit crawled out of his bed and walked over to his sisters side of the room. He did hop on the bed with her, but he did reach over to hug her, which she returned silently. Neither of them spoke a word. They were young, but they still knew each other best.

"... I'm gonna get a glass of water." Penny decided after a moment, pulling away from the sibling embrace and sliding off of her bed easily. Percy decided to follow her. It sounded like they could use a drink- as their unkle Smarty would say.

The trip to the kitchen was relatively short. It wasn't even too bad when they had to get creative to reach the glasses in the cupboard; usually, dad got the cups down for them, but he wasn't around. So Penny just climbed onto the counter like she had seen dad do sometimes and passed down her brother the cups. They had done this trick a lot, much to their family's detriment.

Percival could only hear the rain pouring down onto the roof. Though he was reminded that he wasn't the twin that inherited their mothers hearing when Penelopes ears twitched and tilted towards a direction. He followed confusedly after her when she started walking towards the front door, "What is it?"

The rabbit child's ears were pointed toward the door, before her bright blue eyes widened, and she hopped onto the couch closest to the front window. Percy followed suit, searching for whatever it was that she heard. When he saw the familiar figure sitting on the porch, his eyebrows shot up to his forehead, "Shiny?"

"She was supposed to go home, right?"

The two shared a look. Silently asking the other the same question; listen? Or go back to bed?

...

In that secret language only siblings could understand, the two agree to creep back towards the front door and crack it open. Just a tad; not enough for Shiny to hear them, buy enough for them to listen to what she was saying.

Or rather, singing, "Shiny can sing??"

"Shh!"

Lucky for the twins, the rain was loud enough in Shiny's ears to block out any other sound. Honestly it was a wonder she hadn't gone deaf from countless night in the past dancing along loud bands... Her heart ache might have had a hand in her lack of focus now, too.

The weasel gritted her teeth and tugged at some hair strands- which was getting wetter by the minute. Including her clothes and fur. But she just couldn't give a damn now. Besides, it allowed her to pretend that the tears streaming down her cheeks were just raindrops, "Who am I now in this world without her!? Petty and dull with the nerve to doubt her..."

Poppy was always naive; she always wanted and hoped for the best in this wretched world. But that didn't mean she was dumb. Poppy had faced her own suffering in her life, and she always looked out for the people around her, no matter how awful they truly were. The way she treated her criminal friends, how she treated her, was proof of that. Shiny knew that she could always trust the rabbit because of it. And that was what made Poppy stand out to her out of everyone in her life, and what she had loved the most about her.

But nowadays... She still loved Poppy, and she loved the twins. But sometimes, Shiny wondered what would have happened if she had tried to discourage Poppy from more of the choices she had made. Would it have been worth being more controlling if it meant Poppy would be alive now?

The singer shook her head at that, knowing in her heart that that kind of thinking was wrong. Besides, it's not like it would change anything, so what was the point? "What does it matter? It's already done. Now I've got to be there for her kin..."

From the front door, Penny and Perry couldn't believe their ears, and even shared a look. As if they had to verify with the other that what they were hearing was really real. Their aunt had always told them that she and their mother were close, but she never said anything about this. She never looked this sorrowful talking about their mom. She was always so cheery and strong; had she been hiding this from them all along? "Percy...?"

Their shared thoughts stopped in their tracks when Percy noticed Shiny standing up from the porch, and quickly gestured to his sister. The kits ducked behind the door, just in case she had planned on going back inside, or was about to glance behind her. They stayed there, holding their breaths, until they heard their godmother's voice again. Louder, almost yelling, and more strained this time. Like she was cracking under the weight of what she said next, "It's over, isn't it!? Isn't it!? Isn't it over!?"

They both flinched from their hiding spots, feeling the pain that Shiny carried through her voice. They slowly peeked back outside once they deemed it safe, and could see Shiny now stood up from the porch and off the steps, standing fully in the pouring rain now. It was hard to see with how dark it was, but it looked like she was trembling even. All Penny and Percy could do was continue to listen. It was all they knew what to do now.

The weasel felt like she was going to crack under the weight of all her pent-up emotions. Her breath huffing out all shaky and fists clenched so tight by her sides. She felt so weak right now, on her own, but all she wanted was to scream and shout and punch a pillow. Or better yet, a wall. Her vision felt blurry, and not just because of the tears in her eyes, and she wasn't even thinking about all of the painful memories like before. Right now, even though it felt so hard to do, all she could do was take in one long breath, and scream into the sky with all the heartbreak that she had pushed down all these years, "You won, and she chose you! And she loved you! Now she's gone!"

...

That's it. There was no turning back now. She couldn't take it back now. Or fault the ears of anyone who may have been listening. Blinking away raindrops and tears, as if that final scream had taken her voice, all Shiny could manage now was a soft, pained tune, "It's over, isn't it? Why can't I move on...?"

Quiet sobs escaped her lips as her head fell, now staring at the muddy ground. Her shoulders shook with her crying, but that didn't stop her from wrapping her arms around herself, trying to find some way to find warmth and comfort now, "It's over, isn't it? Why can't I move on?"

Letting out everything she had locked away didn't help in the slightest; all it left was cold emptiness. At least, that's what it felt like now. At least no one was here to see her like this...

"Shiny?"

Her eyes grew wide, and a gasp escaped her before she whipped back around towards the doorway. Seeing the two she had hoped would never see this side of her was bad enough, but seeing the utter confusion and worry on the twins' faces, worry they shouldn't have to feel for her, made her heart sink even further than it had. How much did they hear? "O-Oh! Hey, guys... Shouldn't you be asleep...?"

Usually, the kids would have some witty excuse, or at least what they thought was clever, and act innocent. It would make Shiny laugh every time before she called them out on their mischief and sent them back on the right path- doing whatever it was they were supposed to be doing. But now? Stepping fully outside and onto the porch in their pajamas, Penny and Percy didn't answer her. At least not with words. Though the many questions that they didn't ask- or didn't even know where to start- were clear as day in their wide, sad eyes.

They heard it all. Or at least enough. Enough where she couldn't make up a lie to distract them. Not that that would have stopped them. They were persistent little kits.

And now, because she couldn't keep a damn lid on herself, wasn't strong enough to keep it together, Shiny had no choice but to reveal the complete truth, "... I... Kids, I..."

But where does one even start?

~

I really wanted to add Psycho's reaction as well. But I couldn't figure out how to write it in while making it flow with the story. I'm kinda afraid that adding the twins in this already jumbled the flow of the drabble a bit- but I haven't written them yet, and wanted to try 😅

He is in the backyard, so I don't know if he could even hear her sorrow... Though maybe he came back inside last minute?

But anyways! I hope you like this answer, and I apologize for taking so long XD let me know what you think! ^^

[catis15]

Haha

I've been skipping classes and am currently failing all but 1 of my classes. Am I failing cuz I'm skipping? Nah, I just did 80% of the past 3 weeks of work in an hour. Turned it all in and got As ans Bs on all of it. The shit I got Bs on is because I half assed it cuz I'm impatient 😅

But the Mother who literally said she doesn't give a shit where I go, doesn't give a shit if I move out and never come back, doesn't give a shit about me because I'm an ungrateful brat she'll be happy to get rid of, is having a meeting with the school tomorrow.

' To figure out how to deal with me because I'm a problem'

She has already told me that in the meeting I will be forced to quit my job and all extracurriculars. I am President of FBLA, vice president of DECA, and an active member of HOSA. I also attend D&D club when I have time for it.

My life will be from home to school back to home.

I have diagnosed depression, anxiety, and ADHD. There is a high chance I also have PTSD and autism.

My mother is not nice to be, hasnt been since I was about 8 or 9 years old.

I am responsible for paying my school bills including supplies, buying my own food, and for my mice's food, bedding, and vet bills. I cannot just not have a job.

And while I'm sure most people are like 'well you shouldn't have skipped' I have insomnia and struggle waking up sometimes when I'm able to actually sleep without waking up every few hours or not being able to sleep at all. I miss my morning class a lot. I spend time with my girlfriend (someone my mother hates and has literally yelled at over the phone before and has begged me to break up with) during some of my afternoon classes because I could do the entire curriculum in a day without studying and get a B. I've been doing this since 7th Grade.

I take that time for myself because I have been on and off suicidal or bad suicidal thoughts since I was 7 to 9 years old (that timeframe is really blurry for me so I am not 100% sure on my age) this time keeps me from living the life I'm about to get again be forced into, where I have no life outside of studying for school and being belittled by my mother every night when I go home. This means I will be living off of ramen, canned soup, and whatever I'm lucky enough that my parents do not want and leave in the fridge. Sometimes they cook. Usually once or twice a week if I'm lucky.

I'm not a great daughter. I will be the first to admit I'm a little fucking asshole, I'm not nice or thoughtful twords anyone but my little sisters and my grandparents. I fully admit I have said horrible things about my family, but I've only ever heard that from them. When it wasn't that it was about how well I do in school and how I need to keep it up keep it up keep it up. Until I collapsed, until I realized getting straight Cs and jeopardizing my academic future was better than that constant pressure. How much freedom can be found in being the family screw up.

I'm left to my art and my business ideas and my relationship. All things my mother has told me are unproductive, and silly, and useless, and going to bring me down from my potential.

There wasn't really a point to all this, but I am genuinely afraid of what my life is about to go back to. For a while I wished I could remember how to just shut up and do as I'm told again, because I can't seem to remember. But now? I'm glad I can because while I might be miserable I'm sure as hell going to fight in any way I can.

My only fear outside of that is how it will affect my girlfriend. She is more emotional and attached than I am. I'm used to being away from family and having relationships torn apart, being in a military family. And while she is used to it too in some ways, it affects her a lot more. I literally cannot get attached like how most people describe. Every time I get close I get a depressive episode and can't feel much of anything for a bit. But I don't get close often, maybe once or twice a year.

There's no point to this, just a personal rant on an account no ppl ik in real life know of :)

I needed to tell someone but don't have anyone to really go to 😅

[meowzfordayz]

Hey T, sorry it’s been a while since I last dropped by!! School’s still been very busy so I’ve had a bit of burnout lmao 😅 Buttttt ☝🏼☝🏼 I did get to enjoy the weekend when we last talked, so that was nice! 😌😌

I’m rereading what you said and I’m so glad you guys got lucky with your flight! 😭 I bet that was pretty stressful so that’s great it worked out in the end!! And funnily enough, I also once had to make a hard stop to let a snake cross the road while coming home. I live near a nature preserve so I see a lot more wildlife up close and personal than I probably need to lmao 💀 A couple of years ago during COVID, a coyote decided to make my backyard into a playground so sometimes during zoom classes I’d look outside the window and just see it rolling around on the grass not to mention there was someone in my neighborhood whose patio got invaded by a literal mountain lion. Fun times 😅💀

Other than that, hopefully school and life in general has been going well for you since then! Anything exciting or new happen?? I also hope that you’ve been taking care of yourself!! ☺️ -💜

⚠️ road kill ⚠️

Heyo !! 💜 No worries — especially considering I seem to take just as long to answer Asks nowadays. 🥲

I'm sorry to hear you're feeling burnt out, but hope it's improved since? 🥺 I'm beginning to feel burnt out as well (from the academic semester), buuut it could also just be that we've moved on from ~easy units to memorization heavy units in orgo chem lmao. 😝🤓

I'm generally a careful driver, but I've unfortunately smooshed a chipmunk (while driving), and a squirrel — while bicycling. 😬 Long story short, I was biking through Harvard's campus (not even quickly, mind you), and 2 squirrels (1 chasing the other) ran out in front of me. I managed to stop enough for the first guy, but bc of #physics, I wasn't fully stopped in time for the second guy. 😶

Coyotes and mountain lions = incredible... assuming they're not within proximity to murder hunt play-not-so-nicely w/ you !! 🤗😂

I'm climbing once or twice a week atm (which I'm proud of) 🧗🏻‍♀️, writing ~a fanfic per week 😁, working 2-3 nights per week 😮‍💨, and just earned 40/40 on my social psych exam earlier today !! Totally not redirecting the focus away from orgo chem hehehe.

Sending you stinky farts /affectionate (my partner's nickname for me is "tootie butt") and s'mores vibes !! 💘

[hyunsuks-beanie]

Hi hi! I've been stanning Stray Kids for a good while now and have switched bias like four times so I would love to see who you would pair me up with as a ship! :)

My pronouns are she/her and I'm 20 years old, a taurus!

Growing up I've always been an ambitious good student, very career-focused (the type to lock myself in my room to study instead of meeting up friends if a test is coming up lol) so I'm often attracted to people who are smart or passionate about what they do - someone with big dreams and works hard to get there. I do have large circle of friends as meeting new people and socializing come easy to me but deep down I enjoy smaller gatherings with super close friends much more (like a chill movie night rather than going to parties). I generally seem extroverted but I do have a social battery with its limit and sometimes I just need to be alone and recharge with a good book or a show.

I'm the person people go to for advice whether it's school work, job applications, or general life advice as I always seem to have everything together. However the truth is I actually get quite stressed and stuck sometimes but in those cases I prefer to just stay home and suffer through it alone until it is over. Someone who can make me laugh and allow myself to be vulnerable to them would be so ideal!

To people who I am less close with I come off as very chill and leaning towards the career-focused ambitious/competitive type but with close friends I am a bit of a crackhead and love to laugh! Most of my friend group consists of males as I have a tougher demeanour and wicked humour that gets along better with them but deep down I'm a big softie: I get easily emotional and will cry during sad movies or even cute videos of small animals oof. I'm also on the shorter side physically and am quite weak so someone who can make me feel safe and protected is really attractive to me.

I love love food and cooking/baking is a regular past time to me. I also love nature and hiking, binging Masterchef, and having deep conversations about the universe at 3AM. My energy levels can vary a LOT so someone who can match that would be great: like they'd be down to just stay home under blankets on some days but also go on all the scary rides with me at the amusement park /kayak until our arms fall off on others. I am quite a cuddle-bug and can be very touchy: my love language is definitely either cooking or gifting something small that the person loves or just sleeping next to them/cuddling. I would 100% support their dreams, listen to all their troubles, and mother them to death - make sure they're eating well, sleeping well, etc.

My dislikes: people who have no ambition, disloyalty, over-judgemental behaviour, people who look down at others or treat certain groups of people with no respect. Humility, kindness, and openness are HUGE musts for me.

So excited to hear your thoughts!! Stay safe and hope you have a wonderful week~~

-Cat

Hey there Cat!! First off, I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting😭😭I've just been mad busy these past 3 days.

But let's try and ship you with someone now, yeah? But first off, I'd LOVE to know who your bias and ex-biases in SKZ are hehe. I myself changed biases from Hyun to Chan, and even now, I have a HUGE soft spot for Felix and often end up being confused over whether or not he's actually my bias😅😅

Okay so, I know this may seem cliché, but I really think Chan would be the best fit for you if we're talking SKZ. Like you, he too seems to have his life together at first glance, but he often is too hard on himself bc he just wants to do what's best for him and for the group as a whole. He's the type to always know what to say to and what advice to give to people who are in need of help, but at the same time, he can be quite clueless when it comes to helping himself out. Not professionally of course, he knows what he's doing and what he wants to do. I'm talking emotionally, bc he often says his emotions are all over the place and he has trouble actually explaining them. So seeing you describe yourself, I think you are wise enough to help him vent out and get his shit together. And trust me when I say this, he'll do the same for you.

He's known as one of the social butterflies of the KPop industry, but at his roots, I see him as a person who'd much rather have a few closer and deeper ties than be known by everyone. And since you're the same, I believe you'll be able to become special enough for each other, and once he gets to level o connect with you, he won't let go. He's also the type to really be into anything when it comes to couple activities. If you wanna go outdoors, he'll be ready before you can say "go," but if you're in the mood to stay home and binge-watch cringy stuff, he'll be down for that too. He loves to eat, and being the helpful soul he is, he will try his best to help you cook if you decide to. Since you say you'll listen to his troubles, I feel that he will be able to let loose in front of you at last, something that he often doesn't do in front of the members bc he just wants to be their support.

Even your dislikes seem to match with his, and if you're looking for someone who's kind and humble, he really is gonna be your person.

Hope you like this, and hope you stay safe and have a great day!!💖💖