#I've also been drinking protein shakes almost daily bc I was not getting enough protein

[rulesforthedance]

My body is so good at asking for what it needs and I am so good at listening and understanding and obeying. Was out on my run just now and felt a particular kind of emptiness and need. "SUGAR," my body said, "SUGAR." Fortunately was just a neighborhood run, so I swung by home, ate a rice krispie treat and a packet of fruit snacks, and went back out to finish my run, the rest of which felt much better.

[704goomy]

sunday, 11 june 2023

Hi, it's me again!! i'm the king of consistency...

For real though.... Maybe this is the day i can turn my life around, somewhat. If i could really stick my mind to it.

Today I woke up pretty early, early enough to do a 1 hour walk around the neighborhood (impressive for me who's lived a sedentary lifestyle for almost 5 years now). I just started back on my diet yesterday, so I think if i can keep up this, the exercise and the diet, that's kind of a leg up (real) from my usual state... (I also have ringfit adventure collecting dust because at the time, I had been obsessed with splatoon. currently i'm not anymore so yknow, maybe this is the right time to replace my gaming addiction. i've just forced myself into recovery from corekeeper)

But anyway on to the thing that made me come back here in the first place.

Somehow between the 2(is it 2?) years since I left this blog to mold, 2 miracles happened.

I got a girlfriend, long distance. Haven't met her yet. She's so cute tho. I love her. I was someone who believed myself to be aromantic, and it's the first time love happened to me. It's wonderful. It's great, even tho my life and future is all weird and I fantasize about disappearing from my parents' general conscience so I can have the life I want with her. It's the first time heartbreak happened to me too, because I discovered recently she has some form of depression (an assumption bc she says its not rly, but I kinda feel like it's something similar), and it hurt that much to know that I can't do anything to help someone I love. God. It was terrible. Like, when I was thinking about it, it hurt physically. But that's why I'm here lol, bc I realize I can't count on her to be an outlet for my entire existence while she's in such a fragile state. I really hope she feels better.

Yuutsumu. It's a ship. It's a ship that I ship like never before. What makes it so special is: its an oc ship which is pretty unprecedented in Snuby history. It's me and my girlfriends' and I think the way it happened is as magical as the actual relationship. There's so much I want to say about it, they're always in my head and I'm always thinking of what more to do with them. It might need a separate post. It might need books, novels, doujin, a game...

I think this writing thing must be relaxing because even tho I'm still kinda crying I already forgot what I was doing here lol. But yea, it's therapeutic. Up until my early uni days, I kept a diary and I think I just really liked writing in it.

But anyway, I was thinking maybe this should be a daily log of what I did during the day, what I plan to do, and how I'm feeling.

This morning I found out I was zoning out last night and threw out a caesar salad that I was looking forward to having :( Mom got me sate padang tho. So i ate that with a banana protein shake. I'm still drinking the shake. These things are kinda hefty.

But anyway. Maybe midday or evening ringfit sesh? I'm thinking I should get about 2 hours of exercise every day, so one in the morning one later. I don't know what I'll have for lunch yet, but I really want carbonara ramyun lmao. so it'll be that, and veggies in the evening.

As for my gf, I want to keep talking to her as normal and as unconditionally as I can. I hope that it can be a reminder that I still love her and think about her and I won't stop ,...

To a kinder and better world tomorrow, cheers <3